WEBVTT

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🎵 🎵 previous episode i talked about how turning

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inward involves accepting and owning ourselves

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right especially our decision making uh there

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are two sides of this coin right we have the

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power to make decisions and we have to accept

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responsibility for the decisions that we make

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right and i tried to stress the importance of

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uh you know being able to be honest with our

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insecurities so that they don't cloud us from

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acknowledging our responsibility. So far, the

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way that I've been talking about our self -worth,

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about what it is to be a man, it sounds very

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individualistic, as if the focus is solely on

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me and my taking responsibility for myself and

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then doing things that I need to do in order

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to make sure that I am in the right space. But

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the reality is that we are not individuals. We

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are individuals living in a community. And there's

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no denying it. Humans are born into a community,

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raised by a community, and sent off into the

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world by a community. There's just no exceptions.

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There are no lone wolves. You are who you are

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because of others who came before you, paved

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the way for you, opened doors for you. And if

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you don't see them, then you're not seeing what's

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been there all along. And I'm stressing the importance

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of acknowledging community because I keep hearing

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men being down on themselves because they feel

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individually like a failure. I've worked a lot

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with students who, you know, I remember there

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were times when in the summers when I would be

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teaching these SAT classes and these, you know,

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these boys would just feel so overwhelmed because

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they're feeling a great deal of pressure from

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their family, you know, doing well and getting

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into a good college and yada yada. And there

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were, it wasn't just once, multiple times I would

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see them completely just break down at some point,

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feel like a complete failure. It's a common experience,

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not something that was. unusual is I actually

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kind of expected it every summer that there at

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least be some boys that was facing this kind

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of pressure and just buckling under it, right?

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And like I said, one of the issues that men have

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these days is loneliness and depression, low

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sense of worth, you know, just laundry list of

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stuff, right? All of this really being a product

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of not being, I think, connected to a larger

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community that really supports them. But their

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disconnect from the larger community isn't really

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an accident. In the U .S. anyways, men perceive

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their own value to be whatever they could do

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for themselves, not what they accomplish alongside

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others. If you ask me whether the male ego is

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fragile on the whole, I'd say, hell yeah. But

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I'd also say it's fragile because it's trying

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to stand alone when humans were never designed

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to stand alone. You are setting yourself up for

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failure. That's essentially what you're doing

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because you just can't make it through life on

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your own. You can't accomplish big things on

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your own. That's just not how life, that's just

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not how humans work. I honestly don't know how

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much of this idea that men should be able to

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do things by themselves is something that is

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taught to them. either explicitly or implicitly,

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or just something that men just perceive as an

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expectation of them when no one actually expects

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that of them. You know, I often find that, and

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this is again, like true for me, that sometimes

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there's a gap between reality and my own perceptions,

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right? So a lot of times I'll feel pressure when

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nobody else is putting that pressure on me, right?

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It's like I'm pushing, putting that pressure

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on myself without realizing it. So I'm not sure

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how much of this is real and perceived. I imagine

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there's probably some blend of the two, and it

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probably varies depending on who we're talking

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about here, right? Maybe it's just based in something

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that we all share, which is a desire to be of

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value in some way. Like I said from the very

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beginning of all this, this is a pretty natural

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thing for people to want, to feel like they are

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a contributor in some way. But it honestly doesn't

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matter. Let the academics fight about why men

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believe this to be true and what the sociological

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reasons for it and all that is. What matters,

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at least for our purposes, is addressing the

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problem, which is that men believe it. That's

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really the problem, is that men believe this.

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They believe that they need to be able to stand

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on their own. They need to be able to believe

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that they need to make something of themselves.

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They believe that they need something that they

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can show to others. that has something that they

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were able to do by themselves. And it's this

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perspective that I think is putting a lot of

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pressure on men to do something, to do so much

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on their own. And again, in a strategy that I

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think will always fail because we're just not

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designed to be that. We're not designed to do

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anything on our own. So for this episode, I want

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to just sit back, reflect, and just think about

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all the many ways that we are dependent on each

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other. And that this dependence isn't a sign

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of your failure, but rather a strength of the

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human spirit. The most obvious place to start

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is family. So when you're born, you are a fragile

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little thing that cannot survive without someone

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taking care of you. Can we all acknowledge that?

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You didn't raise yourself when you were an infant.

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If you've made it far enough to be listening

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to this podcast and understanding any of it,

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you've survived. But I'm sure you weren't milking

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cows to eat or working for a paycheck as a one

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-year -old. So my guess is someone took care

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of you, and whoever took care of you, they weren't

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getting anything from you except maybe your...

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oozing cuteness that's just like just gushing

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out of you right what what the hell do you call

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that like now you might think well it's a given

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that they should take care of me because they're

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responsible for me they're just doing what they

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should be doing right whoever your caregivers

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were i think then you're missing the point regardless

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of why they took care of you even if they're

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doing it so that they could raise you so that

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you could give back to them later in life i don't

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really care right Regardless of why they took

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care of you, someone somewhere in your early

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years gave you food, shelter, health care, so

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on, right? You needed a lot. I know because I've

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raised a kid. Even the getting up every two hours

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to feed your kid as an infant, that's a nightmare.

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Destroying my sleep was detrimental to my health,

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right? I would not have taken any amount of money

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to... If somebody paid me to do that kind of

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work, I would never have done it because I swear

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it's a form of torture to be woken up every couple

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hours, right? Look, you didn't grow up alone.

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You weren't independent on day one. No, if you

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tried making it on your own in those early years,

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you'd be dead. And that's my point. You were

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born into a world where others had to take care

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of you for you to live. So at least in the early

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stages... I don't want to hear any bullshit about

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how you did it on your own. The fact is that

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you're being alive right now is proof that you

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relied on others to get by, okay? Now, once you've

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hit adolescence, at least say like 13 years old,

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maybe around there, you turn more to your peers

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for support, right? So you stop relying so much

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on your caregivers. You tend to lean more towards

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your peers and care more about them. Their opinions

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start to matter more, maybe more than any of

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the adults in your life. Here, you might think,

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is when you start becoming independent and do

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things on your own. Okay, stop talking nonsense.

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First of all, you still need the support of your

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caregivers for basic needs still, okay? You try

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to make it out there on your own without any

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sort of help, you'd get crushed. The only way

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you would have survived is if you had massive

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amounts of resources that were just given to

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you, gifted to you to go out there. But there

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you're not doing it on your own. You're doing

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it. You're living off of whatever your trust

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fund or whatever else it might be. Okay. You're

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also probably getting an education either paid

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for directly or by your caregivers or from the

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larger community through taxes. Your ass costs

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a lot of money, time and energy. Like, let's

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be honest. Okay. Do you think you're earning

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your keep by studying at school or doing some

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apprenticeship or whatever else you could be

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doing at 13 years old? Maybe you work on a farm

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or something. Maybe you think you, even with

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your own experience, you're still doing enough

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to deserve a living wage. Okay, look, stop all

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this bullshit. This is nonsense, okay? You're

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still dependent at this age. You're more capable

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than you were before. You do a lot more independently

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than you did before. Maybe, for instance, you

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can dress yourself and you can bathe yourself

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now that you're not an infant, but you're still

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dependent on others, just in different ways.

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At each stage of your life, you're just dependent

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on others, but in a different way. Okay. So then

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now, let's say you feel like you're ready to

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be an adult. You go out to work, maybe find a

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partner, have your own kid, build a life for

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yourself. All these things happen, and then you

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start thinking, okay, now I could start taking

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credit for my own stuff. I've done some things

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on my own. And here we can see the many, many

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ways, hidden ways, that society... a larger community

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comes to support you, okay? Let's say you're

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trying to find a job. Why are you able to find

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a job and get a salary that you can then use

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to purchase the things you need and do this with

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the confidence that it's not all going to be

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taken away from you the next day? Why are you

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able to save for the future? Why are you able

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to make any plans for your own business, for

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your family? Why are you able to do all these

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things? You can only do this if you live in a

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society that's structured in a way that allows

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for it. If you live in a society that is stable

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enough, that isn't going through some political

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upheaval, where the government is just taking

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the people's stuff every, like, month just by,

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like, going into your house and just grabbing

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all your stuff, you're able to do this because

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you live in a society that is not completely

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breaking down with violence and crime so that

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you can trust that, you know, the things that

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you earn, you're able to hold on to. The fact

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that you can walk down the street and be confident

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you won't be shot is a product of the community

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you live in. These are not givens, by the way.

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These are not things that are, oh, it's this

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way for everybody. No, it's not. I've lived in

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neighborhoods where it wasn't a given, where

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theft was a pretty rampant, regular sort of thing,

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like home invasions was a pretty regular thing.

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You just move differently when you live in those

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kinds of neighborhoods. So, no, it is not a given

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that you have safety, that you have stability.

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Like, these are not givens. Okay? And the resources

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that others have put into it in order to create

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this sort of community, that was them. That wasn't

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you. It was the people before you who set up

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these communities, who structured laws and then

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funded programs and built up programs that provide

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you with this kind of safety. It wasn't you.

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You didn't do any of this. You didn't do shit.

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You just plopped into this community. Okay? It

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was a previous generation, the current generation

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of community leaders that are just helping to

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continue good social and economic policies. It's

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a countless number of people who... get up each

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day and do their jobs, picking up trash, making

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sure the utilities work and so on that allows

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you to live the kind of life that you do. You,

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me, everyone in some way, we're just dependent

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on each other. That's the reality. I'm not saying

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that you're completely dependent on others. What

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I'm saying is that whatever it is you think that

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you are doing, you're doing it as part of a larger

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body. The most you can do is... to carve out

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a little lane for yourself to contribute something

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to the larger community. But so yes, you are

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doing some things independently, I guess, if

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you want to call it that, but you're doing it

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still within a larger, much more connected society.

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It's just that I think a lot of people tend to

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ignore all of these extra little things that

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are happening and we just take it for granted

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as a given. when it's not a given that the community

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operates the way that it does to allow you the

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freedom to do what it is that you want to do

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with your life, okay? So look, as you can see,

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there's no way to escape the reality that you

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are in community with others. You contribute

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to a community, sometimes unwillingly, and the

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community is there to support or maybe harm you,

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right? I mean, it could be good or bad, depending

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on what it is that everyone else is doing. When

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you succeed, however you define it, when you

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succeed, it is never, I cannot stress this enough,

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it is never the product of just you. Others were

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behind your success in some form or fashion.

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Others were always behind your success in some

00:14:01.059 --> 00:14:04.799
form or fashion. Okay? But here's the thing.

00:14:05.980 --> 00:14:09.419
The flip side is also correct. Since you're a

00:14:09.419 --> 00:14:12.879
product of the community, when you fail miserably,

00:14:13.659 --> 00:14:16.279
It's also a sign that something has gone wrong

00:14:16.279 --> 00:14:19.419
in your community. Whether at the local, state,

00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:22.279
national, or global level, something has gone

00:14:22.279 --> 00:14:25.679
wrong. And you have every reason to be angry

00:14:25.679 --> 00:14:29.179
about it, 100%. I'm pissed about it. I'm not

00:14:29.179 --> 00:14:31.799
surprised that there's so many angry and despondent

00:14:31.799 --> 00:14:35.399
men right now. Something's giving them good reason

00:14:35.399 --> 00:14:38.159
to feel that way, right? I'm not saying that

00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:40.419
you can now shift the blame to others. That's

00:14:40.419 --> 00:14:42.809
not what I'm saying. You're still a part of the

00:14:42.809 --> 00:14:45.830
community, so you take some responsibility, right?

00:14:46.289 --> 00:14:49.629
Shared responsibility in this. So, you know,

00:14:49.649 --> 00:14:51.370
I don't want you to try to escape. You need to

00:14:51.370 --> 00:14:53.169
take responsibility for your shit, right? Always.

00:14:53.289 --> 00:14:57.009
No exception. But when we see a breakdown of

00:14:57.009 --> 00:15:00.129
men all over the place, these are not just isolated

00:15:00.129 --> 00:15:04.230
incidents, but these are just an epidemic. We

00:15:04.230 --> 00:15:06.929
should also be looking at what the hell is going

00:15:06.929 --> 00:15:09.549
on in the larger community that's leading to

00:15:09.549 --> 00:15:12.519
this sort of breakdown. Because here's going

00:15:12.519 --> 00:15:16.320
to be my guess. If there's a general problem

00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:21.940
with men across the board, it can't be just one

00:15:21.940 --> 00:15:24.100
-offs happening all over the place. That just

00:15:24.100 --> 00:15:27.779
seems way too coincidental. My guess is that

00:15:27.779 --> 00:15:30.860
there seems to be some sort of breakdown in the

00:15:30.860 --> 00:15:32.840
way that the community is operating that's leading

00:15:32.840 --> 00:15:36.919
to all of these men being in the kind of situations

00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:38.620
that they are and feeling the way that they do.

00:15:41.220 --> 00:15:43.440
However, just because you have good reason to

00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:46.720
be angry doesn't mean that whatever you do in

00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:49.820
response to those feelings is justified, okay?

00:15:50.419 --> 00:15:53.799
No. Some of the ways that these men are responding,

00:15:53.960 --> 00:15:55.820
I don't even want to call them men at this point,

00:15:55.860 --> 00:15:57.899
right? This is just some bitch -ass responses.

00:15:58.059 --> 00:16:00.240
That's what it is, right? Look, one bitch way

00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:02.360
to respond is trying to find someone else to

00:16:02.360 --> 00:16:05.169
blame. That's your trying to absolve yourself

00:16:05.169 --> 00:16:07.809
of any responsibility. Because shifting blame

00:16:07.809 --> 00:16:10.509
onto others is essentially alleviating yourself

00:16:10.509 --> 00:16:12.850
of any of that responsibility, okay? That's what

00:16:12.850 --> 00:16:14.269
bitches do. We've talked about this last time,

00:16:14.289 --> 00:16:15.950
right? That's what bitches do. This is essentially

00:16:15.950 --> 00:16:18.210
what I see when I see people blame other races

00:16:18.210 --> 00:16:23.350
or ethnicities, immigrants, other genders. When

00:16:23.350 --> 00:16:25.850
you're looking for a scapegoat, that's bitch

00:16:25.850 --> 00:16:29.039
shit, okay? If you hear a politician say this

00:16:29.039 --> 00:16:31.259
kind of shit, they're bitches for believing it

00:16:31.259 --> 00:16:34.100
or bitches for using it as some sort of rhetoric

00:16:34.100 --> 00:16:37.480
for their own political gain. So let's go for

00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:40.580
responses that don't reek of bitch assetry, right?

00:16:40.620 --> 00:16:44.039
So again, I want to kind of separate these two

00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.659
things, right? It's perfectly makes sense why.

00:16:47.439 --> 00:16:50.460
Men feel that the way that they do, you might

00:16:50.460 --> 00:16:53.440
feel angry at the community, at the larger community

00:16:53.440 --> 00:16:55.820
for not holding up their own end of the bargain.

00:16:56.360 --> 00:16:58.720
And so you might have good reason to be angry

00:16:58.720 --> 00:17:03.340
with the rest of the world, but your anger doesn't

00:17:03.340 --> 00:17:06.799
justify all of your responses, okay? Your anger

00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:09.839
justifies your anger. That's it. You have reason

00:17:09.839 --> 00:17:12.619
to be angry. I empathize with that. I see you,

00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:16.029
okay? You have reason to be angry. What you do

00:17:16.029 --> 00:17:18.650
with that anger, that's on you. What you do with

00:17:18.650 --> 00:17:21.009
that anger is on you. You still need to take

00:17:21.009 --> 00:17:23.509
responsibility for your own shit, okay? All right.

00:17:24.289 --> 00:17:26.069
You know, the approach of actually identifying

00:17:26.069 --> 00:17:27.750
the real problem is what I really want to do.

00:17:27.809 --> 00:17:29.230
I want to find real solutions, right? That's

00:17:29.230 --> 00:17:32.250
what non -bitches do, okay? Bitches go around

00:17:32.250 --> 00:17:34.730
blaming other people for all of their own problems,

00:17:34.869 --> 00:17:38.250
okay? Yeah, we're not going to do that, okay?

00:17:38.589 --> 00:17:41.509
What we want to do is actually fix the goddamn

00:17:41.509 --> 00:17:43.980
problems, right? What's the problem and what's

00:17:43.980 --> 00:17:47.880
the solution? Okay, here is where I jump off

00:17:47.880 --> 00:17:51.819
and say I have no clue, okay? Because I, like

00:17:51.819 --> 00:17:54.000
I said, I am not an expert in everything. I have

00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:56.839
some thoughts of my own, but they are not the

00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:58.900
thoughts of an expert. They are just my own thoughts

00:17:58.900 --> 00:18:01.599
based off of what I've learned over the years.

00:18:02.599 --> 00:18:05.339
Again, it might vary depending on the specific

00:18:05.339 --> 00:18:07.220
community that you're dealing with because we

00:18:07.220 --> 00:18:09.119
might each be dealing with a different set of

00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:11.880
issues. So I don't want to just like, you know,

00:18:12.140 --> 00:18:15.039
blanket statement think that all problems uh

00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:18.019
with men can be resolved in the same way okay

00:18:18.019 --> 00:18:20.759
i'm actually not sure i'm actually not sure exactly

00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:23.180
what the problems are uh like i said i'm not

00:18:23.180 --> 00:18:26.339
an expert in this my understanding of this stuff

00:18:26.339 --> 00:18:28.940
is i acknowledge i acknowledge is limited but

00:18:28.940 --> 00:18:32.740
i can tell you at least some of what i personally

00:18:32.740 --> 00:18:36.019
see and you might some of this might resonate

00:18:36.019 --> 00:18:39.440
with you and if so then don't take that as a

00:18:40.089 --> 00:18:43.329
you and I see eye to eye, take it as, oh, maybe

00:18:43.329 --> 00:18:46.150
we might be onto something. Maybe we need to

00:18:46.150 --> 00:18:48.029
take a look at it and see if this is really the

00:18:48.029 --> 00:18:50.190
root of the problem and then see if you can figure

00:18:50.190 --> 00:18:52.349
out something to do in your specific community

00:18:52.349 --> 00:18:55.349
to address it, okay? All right, so a couple of

00:18:55.349 --> 00:18:58.509
things that I see. Okay, one, much of the anger

00:18:58.509 --> 00:19:04.069
in men I see comes from people who are or in

00:19:04.069 --> 00:19:06.349
these communities that have been completely devastated

00:19:06.349 --> 00:19:12.160
by changing times, okay? I do not see angry,

00:19:12.299 --> 00:19:15.779
pissed off, despondent, violent men that are

00:19:15.779 --> 00:19:19.920
coming from wealthy homes who, you know, have

00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:23.519
a good education, who have parents, who are in

00:19:23.519 --> 00:19:25.200
a real, real good marriage, right? Like, I'm

00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:27.279
not seeing that. What I see is a lot of angry

00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:30.140
men coming from communities that are broken in

00:19:30.140 --> 00:19:33.839
some form or fashion. Okay, I think people have

00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:36.579
a hard time dealing with someone's anger. It's

00:19:36.579 --> 00:19:39.140
not easy. It's not a good feeling. And I think

00:19:39.140 --> 00:19:41.279
the instinct is to get that person to not be

00:19:41.279 --> 00:19:44.779
so angry. But let me ask you something, right?

00:19:45.220 --> 00:19:48.619
If you've been told that you just, you know,

00:19:48.619 --> 00:19:50.420
if you just work hard and do the right things,

00:19:50.539 --> 00:19:52.259
then you'll be able to build a good life for

00:19:52.259 --> 00:19:55.839
yourself. And so you go on to work hard, do the

00:19:55.839 --> 00:19:58.440
right things, you know, don't do crime, you try

00:19:58.440 --> 00:20:00.579
to do it the right way, build a business for

00:20:00.579 --> 00:20:03.359
yourself. you know, all that stuff, right? Be

00:20:03.359 --> 00:20:06.019
an honest business person, let's say. Only to

00:20:06.019 --> 00:20:09.140
see that your life is still shit, only to see

00:20:09.140 --> 00:20:11.259
that you don't, you know, you can't progress,

00:20:11.500 --> 00:20:13.720
no matter how hard you try, how would you feel?

00:20:14.599 --> 00:20:17.299
You'll probably be depressed and angry, right?

00:20:17.640 --> 00:20:20.259
That makes perfect sense. You might blame yourself,

00:20:20.380 --> 00:20:22.440
so the anger might be directed inward, in which

00:20:22.440 --> 00:20:24.460
case you feel like a failure and then you become

00:20:24.460 --> 00:20:26.119
super depressed and then you end up wanting to

00:20:26.119 --> 00:20:28.680
hurt yourself, which is, again, one of the major

00:20:28.680 --> 00:20:32.420
issues with men. Or you might direct your anger

00:20:32.420 --> 00:20:34.680
outward to the world, wondering why in the world

00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:37.460
you were told this lie, or why is it that this

00:20:37.460 --> 00:20:41.200
isn't working out for you. This is what you're

00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:43.180
seeing in a lot of men. I know because I was

00:20:43.180 --> 00:20:46.619
told these lies. I was told that if you learn

00:20:46.619 --> 00:20:49.579
to behave the right way, study hard, get a job,

00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:51.900
then eventually you can build up a good life

00:20:51.900 --> 00:20:54.460
for yourself. Well, that might be true for some

00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:57.460
people, and I'll acknowledge that it has worked

00:20:57.460 --> 00:21:00.809
out for me. But I'm also under no delusion that

00:21:00.809 --> 00:21:05.109
this is true for everybody. In fact, there are

00:21:05.109 --> 00:21:07.769
a lot of people who grew up in the communities

00:21:07.769 --> 00:21:10.289
similar to the ones that I grew up in, where

00:21:10.289 --> 00:21:12.690
they did try to do things the right way, only

00:21:12.690 --> 00:21:15.210
to find that their wages have fallen, they've

00:21:15.210 --> 00:21:19.029
lost their jobs, they were told that they need

00:21:19.029 --> 00:21:22.309
to get degrees, only to be in massive amounts

00:21:22.309 --> 00:21:26.500
of... college debt, right? And to only find jobs

00:21:26.500 --> 00:21:29.680
that no longer pay significantly better than

00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:31.640
high school degrees, or maybe they have a hard

00:21:31.640 --> 00:21:34.700
time finding a job at all, okay? Whether it's

00:21:34.700 --> 00:21:36.500
the lie that was told to them or the society

00:21:36.500 --> 00:21:38.619
that hasn't done its part to provide opportunities,

00:21:38.900 --> 00:21:42.160
the society or the community around these people

00:21:42.160 --> 00:21:45.119
just completely broke down in a way that is leaving

00:21:45.119 --> 00:21:47.660
specifically men in pretty shitty positions.

00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.900
I don't even know the data on this, right? But

00:21:51.900 --> 00:21:54.819
I have a pretty strong sense that many of the

00:21:54.819 --> 00:21:56.359
men feeling lonely, depressed, and angry are

00:21:56.359 --> 00:21:58.640
probably ones from working class backgrounds,

00:21:58.779 --> 00:22:02.559
probably from poor communities, rural communities

00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:07.500
that were stripped of a way of life, like industries

00:22:07.500 --> 00:22:11.839
that used to be there. Probably didn't have any

00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:13.880
money that their parents could just hand them

00:22:13.880 --> 00:22:15.880
to start a business or put a down payment on

00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:18.559
a home or to pay for their college expenses.

00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:21.980
This is the economic reality we live in today.

00:22:22.500 --> 00:22:24.519
It's not just statistics on a piece of paper.

00:22:24.619 --> 00:22:26.920
These are real lives, real people who are wanting

00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:29.420
to do the right thing. But because we have made

00:22:29.420 --> 00:22:32.640
certain policy decisions as a community, we have

00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:36.259
made the tax code what it is, we have allowed

00:22:36.259 --> 00:22:40.079
industry, larger industries to strip away opportunities

00:22:40.079 --> 00:22:44.839
from entire generations of men. How do you think

00:22:44.839 --> 00:22:51.019
that men would respond? With gratitude? Of course

00:22:51.019 --> 00:22:53.119
they'd be angry. It makes perfect sense that

00:22:53.119 --> 00:22:55.380
they'd be angry. Stop getting upset with them

00:22:55.380 --> 00:22:57.339
or tell them that they shouldn't be angry. They

00:22:57.339 --> 00:23:01.339
have every reason to be angry. Here's something

00:23:01.339 --> 00:23:05.480
else that has happened. Communities have often

00:23:05.480 --> 00:23:09.059
radically been reshaped by changes in technology,

00:23:09.259 --> 00:23:11.680
society, government, and so on. There are entire

00:23:11.680 --> 00:23:14.579
communities in the United States that have been

00:23:14.579 --> 00:23:17.799
completely decimated by these changes. And no

00:23:17.799 --> 00:23:20.519
one is doing anything to help them rebuild these

00:23:20.519 --> 00:23:22.960
communities. I'm thinking particularly of small

00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:25.299
towns that went through major changes in industry.

00:23:26.359 --> 00:23:28.500
Maybe there was an economic boom at some point

00:23:28.500 --> 00:23:30.980
in their town, but then that thing completely

00:23:30.980 --> 00:23:35.299
collapsed, right? It could have been because

00:23:35.299 --> 00:23:38.259
of economic decisions by private companies or

00:23:38.259 --> 00:23:42.259
government policies. Jobs became more concentrated

00:23:42.259 --> 00:23:45.119
in bigger cities. Some of these towns became

00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:47.059
completely abandoned or just completely aged

00:23:47.059 --> 00:23:50.799
out. Investors not looking to kind of put money

00:23:50.799 --> 00:23:52.519
into these communities because they don't see

00:23:52.519 --> 00:23:55.859
a profit in building up those communities. Look,

00:23:55.980 --> 00:23:58.880
change is inevitable, and we all need to learn

00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:02.039
to adapt to changes. But think for a second what

00:24:02.039 --> 00:24:04.880
would happen if a third of the people in your

00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:08.200
community just disappeared overnight and moved

00:24:08.200 --> 00:24:14.740
elsewhere. Or if everything that you used to

00:24:14.740 --> 00:24:17.839
believe, like the community used to have as certain

00:24:17.839 --> 00:24:22.980
norms, changed overnight. If the people in your

00:24:22.980 --> 00:24:26.319
community didn't have time to come over to just

00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:28.099
connect with you because everyone is too busy

00:24:28.099 --> 00:24:30.940
trying to make money or fill in the roles left

00:24:30.940 --> 00:24:34.460
by the dwindling population. Maybe you're seeing

00:24:34.460 --> 00:24:37.200
entire hollowing out of those communities built

00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:39.160
on generations of relationships and families.

00:24:39.940 --> 00:24:42.700
People aren't having as many kids nowadays, so

00:24:42.700 --> 00:24:47.380
now we don't have the youth there to revive some

00:24:47.380 --> 00:24:50.819
of the energy in that community. You don't have

00:24:50.819 --> 00:24:52.980
the same sort of activities, like the annual

00:24:52.980 --> 00:24:57.299
events that the town used to have. If this is

00:24:57.299 --> 00:24:59.839
happening around you, how would you respond?

00:25:00.099 --> 00:25:03.230
I mean, I'm guessing that... you would feel in

00:25:03.230 --> 00:25:07.549
the least some sense of loss. When the relationships

00:25:07.549 --> 00:25:09.890
you had your entire life that your parents and

00:25:09.890 --> 00:25:13.190
grandparents had, when they no longer exist the

00:25:13.190 --> 00:25:16.589
way that it used to, and you're trying to build,

00:25:16.710 --> 00:25:18.650
you now haven't been forced to build new relationships

00:25:18.650 --> 00:25:21.390
elsewhere with people that you don't understand

00:25:21.390 --> 00:25:23.730
because you don't understand generationally,

00:25:23.730 --> 00:25:26.309
you know, like your parents didn't know each

00:25:26.309 --> 00:25:27.910
other, your grandparents didn't know each other,

00:25:27.950 --> 00:25:31.640
right? I doubt it'll be the same. Something is

00:25:31.640 --> 00:25:35.160
lost here. It makes sense why people would be

00:25:35.160 --> 00:25:39.960
mourning, be upset, be sad, be grieving the loss

00:25:39.960 --> 00:25:44.420
of a community that they once knew. And it wasn't

00:25:44.420 --> 00:25:47.799
any individual who did anything, right? A lot

00:25:47.799 --> 00:25:49.619
of these pressures for the changes that came,

00:25:49.740 --> 00:25:53.529
you know, they came from the outside. It's coming

00:25:53.529 --> 00:25:56.970
from the larger society at the state, city, national

00:25:56.970 --> 00:25:59.509
level. It's coming from international corporations,

00:25:59.910 --> 00:26:03.069
advancements in technologies that change the

00:26:03.069 --> 00:26:06.069
direction of entire industries. Again, these

00:26:06.069 --> 00:26:10.170
changes are inevitable. It'll happen. It'll come.

00:26:10.329 --> 00:26:12.869
You can argue all of that, but it doesn't change

00:26:12.869 --> 00:26:17.529
the fact that it at least really hurts some of

00:26:17.529 --> 00:26:21.180
these communities. And it's breaking the individuals

00:26:21.180 --> 00:26:24.599
that are living within them because they have

00:26:24.599 --> 00:26:27.380
lost the community that they once had. And again,

00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:30.259
if you really take this seriously, that you are

00:26:30.259 --> 00:26:33.759
a product of, in part, of your community, that

00:26:33.759 --> 00:26:37.259
your community supports you or can destroy you,

00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:40.220
right? When the community is no longer there,

00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:42.880
when the community that used to be there as a

00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:46.119
source of support and to love and care and helping

00:26:46.119 --> 00:26:49.279
each other out, that disappears. What do you

00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:52.039
expect to happen? People are going to not have

00:26:52.039 --> 00:26:54.279
that social network, isn't going to have that

00:26:54.279 --> 00:26:56.839
support. They're going to have a harder time,

00:26:56.900 --> 00:27:01.259
period. So one of the things that I at least

00:27:01.259 --> 00:27:05.279
see, and again, this is just my own experience,

00:27:05.339 --> 00:27:07.619
is that a lot of the men that you see that are

00:27:07.619 --> 00:27:10.839
angry, it's coming from very specific communities.

00:27:10.980 --> 00:27:13.099
I would look at those specific communities to

00:27:13.099 --> 00:27:15.079
figure out why it is that you're getting so many

00:27:15.079 --> 00:27:20.279
angry men, okay? But my guess is that this stuff

00:27:20.279 --> 00:27:23.819
that I've talked about, right, probably has something

00:27:23.819 --> 00:27:26.000
to do with it. And this is a community issue.

00:27:26.059 --> 00:27:30.700
This is not on any individual. The community

00:27:30.700 --> 00:27:34.839
is falling apart. The community is not doing

00:27:34.839 --> 00:27:38.880
its part. The community is dying. And you would

00:27:38.880 --> 00:27:43.430
expect, given how humans are, that... yeah, it

00:27:43.430 --> 00:27:45.309
would make sense that people would feel lonely,

00:27:45.390 --> 00:27:48.589
disconnected, just have a harder time in life,

00:27:48.750 --> 00:27:52.630
okay? Here's another observation that I personally

00:27:52.630 --> 00:27:56.049
have, right? And this just comes from all kinds

00:27:56.049 --> 00:27:58.210
of ways, not just online, but at least in person,

00:27:58.250 --> 00:28:05.349
talking to students and talking to friends and

00:28:05.349 --> 00:28:09.809
their kids as well, at least the boys in how

00:28:09.809 --> 00:28:14.759
they feel kind of... disempowered. I don't know

00:28:14.759 --> 00:28:17.220
if that's the best word. But here's the other

00:28:17.220 --> 00:28:19.059
thing that is constantly happening, right? Men

00:28:19.059 --> 00:28:22.420
are told, at least in the public space, it's

00:28:22.420 --> 00:28:23.700
a little different in the private space, but

00:28:23.700 --> 00:28:25.079
at least in the public space, men are told to

00:28:25.079 --> 00:28:28.200
change their ways without being given the tools

00:28:28.200 --> 00:28:33.079
to do so. Okay? Look, I'm all for calling out

00:28:33.079 --> 00:28:37.369
bad behavior. But I do often ask the question,

00:28:37.509 --> 00:28:39.630
what is the point of it? What is the point of

00:28:39.630 --> 00:28:42.470
calling out bad behavior? Is it to shame them

00:28:42.470 --> 00:28:45.450
into submission? Or is the point to actually

00:28:45.450 --> 00:28:49.470
make people better? If your goal is to actually

00:28:49.470 --> 00:28:52.829
make people better, for boys to actually become

00:28:52.829 --> 00:28:56.170
men, instead of just trying to act like one,

00:28:56.589 --> 00:29:00.230
then you can't just tell them to stop doing something

00:29:00.230 --> 00:29:02.069
or that they're wrong or that they need to be

00:29:02.069 --> 00:29:05.180
better. you need to also hand them the tools

00:29:05.180 --> 00:29:08.319
to be better, okay? This is, by the way, just

00:29:08.319 --> 00:29:11.519
people in general. Like when I teach, I often

00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:14.279
try my best. I do try my best. I'm not perfect

00:29:14.279 --> 00:29:16.319
at it, but I do try my best to say like, look.

00:29:17.210 --> 00:29:19.630
If I need your writing to be better, if I need

00:29:19.630 --> 00:29:21.250
your reading comprehension skills to be better,

00:29:21.309 --> 00:29:24.730
I try to couple that with at least some tangible

00:29:24.730 --> 00:29:26.950
things that the students can do to be better.

00:29:27.089 --> 00:29:30.170
And the reason it's important to also hand them

00:29:30.170 --> 00:29:32.809
the tools is that, look, if you just tell them

00:29:32.809 --> 00:29:34.809
to stop doing something, they could stop the

00:29:34.809 --> 00:29:38.009
behavior, but they're not going to, A, do it

00:29:38.009 --> 00:29:41.150
well because they don't have the tools to address

00:29:41.150 --> 00:29:42.910
the underlying issues that are leading to that

00:29:42.910 --> 00:29:46.880
behavior, right? But B, you focus so much on

00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:48.920
the behavior that you're actually not really

00:29:48.920 --> 00:29:51.279
addressing. It doesn't seem like you care about

00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:53.460
the root issue. And what ends up happening is

00:29:53.460 --> 00:29:55.960
that they feel like you don't actually care about

00:29:55.960 --> 00:29:58.559
them. You only just want them to stop doing whatever

00:29:58.559 --> 00:30:01.759
it is that they're doing. By the way, I'm having

00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:03.680
flashbacks now that I'm talking about it to the

00:30:03.680 --> 00:30:05.980
way that my dad used to discipline. My dad used

00:30:05.980 --> 00:30:07.839
to discipline me in this way where he would just

00:30:07.839 --> 00:30:11.299
say, do as I tell you to do. Don't ask questions.

00:30:11.420 --> 00:30:15.720
Just obey my authority. And I remember as a kid,

00:30:15.799 --> 00:30:17.980
it never worked, right? Like it never stuck.

00:30:18.180 --> 00:30:21.420
And the reason it didn't stick, I mean, it stuck

00:30:21.420 --> 00:30:23.680
in some ways. I learned to be sneakier, right?

00:30:23.799 --> 00:30:26.039
I learned to lie a lot better and to get away

00:30:26.039 --> 00:30:30.440
with stuff. But, you know, it didn't actually

00:30:30.440 --> 00:30:32.819
address any of the underlying issues because

00:30:32.819 --> 00:30:36.119
I wasn't actually, none of it was being discussed.

00:30:36.140 --> 00:30:39.059
And also I wasn't being given the tools to be

00:30:39.059 --> 00:30:41.519
able to address the root issue that was leading

00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:44.690
to the quote unquote bad behavior. OK, look,

00:30:44.809 --> 00:30:47.349
you need to give people a better understanding

00:30:47.349 --> 00:30:49.210
of what happened, why it happened and provide

00:30:49.210 --> 00:30:52.009
realistic ways to be better. If your goal is

00:30:52.009 --> 00:30:54.210
really to be for them to be better. I remember

00:30:54.210 --> 00:30:56.529
I got in trouble for stealing. This was maybe

00:30:56.529 --> 00:30:59.589
in like eighth or ninth grade. I got yelled at,

00:30:59.690 --> 00:31:02.690
told that it was something I shouldn't do and

00:31:02.690 --> 00:31:05.230
I did something bad and that I'd get in trouble.

00:31:05.470 --> 00:31:07.809
And there was nothing beyond that. Right. I got

00:31:07.809 --> 00:31:10.549
in trouble. I was punished. And then people just

00:31:10.549 --> 00:31:12.390
assume that this is like, okay, now that you've

00:31:12.390 --> 00:31:15.569
experienced the consequences of your actions

00:31:15.569 --> 00:31:17.109
and you were punished, that you somehow learned

00:31:17.109 --> 00:31:19.890
your lesson. That wasn't true at all. I just

00:31:19.890 --> 00:31:21.950
got better at stealing. That's what happened.

00:31:22.150 --> 00:31:24.589
I got better at stealing, right? There was no

00:31:24.589 --> 00:31:29.230
discussion about why I did what I did, was it

00:31:29.230 --> 00:31:33.250
some temptation that I had, or was there something

00:31:33.250 --> 00:31:35.349
else, some other reason I was acting out in this

00:31:35.349 --> 00:31:38.890
way. Maybe it would have helped to find some

00:31:38.890 --> 00:31:41.869
better way of addressing what it is that I was

00:31:41.869 --> 00:31:44.730
feeling. But nothing, I was given nothing. So

00:31:44.730 --> 00:31:46.670
what did I learn? I just learned that I get in

00:31:46.670 --> 00:31:48.529
trouble, so the next time just don't get caught.

00:31:49.309 --> 00:31:52.460
That's what I learned. I want to contrast this

00:31:52.460 --> 00:31:54.680
with, you know, I remember in my first year in

00:31:54.680 --> 00:31:56.880
college, I was living in the residence halls

00:31:56.880 --> 00:31:59.019
and I was talking to a bunch of, like, I mean,

00:31:59.019 --> 00:32:00.460
there's all these students that just like hang

00:32:00.460 --> 00:32:02.319
around all the time, just having conversations.

00:32:02.720 --> 00:32:04.480
And I was joining in on a conversation. And I

00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:06.799
remember at some point, I remember that first

00:32:06.799 --> 00:32:08.799
year I was wilding out, right? I said some wild

00:32:08.799 --> 00:32:12.680
offensive ass shit about women. Like, oh man,

00:32:12.839 --> 00:32:15.339
people were pissed. I got a call from my RA,

00:32:15.579 --> 00:32:18.119
the resident assistant. It was the person that

00:32:18.119 --> 00:32:19.579
was kind of in charge of disciplining on that

00:32:19.579 --> 00:32:24.490
floor. And this was different than my time getting

00:32:24.490 --> 00:32:27.809
caught stealing, right? The RA, bless her heart,

00:32:27.990 --> 00:32:30.910
right, actually sat down and had a real conversation

00:32:30.910 --> 00:32:34.049
with me, right? She actually wanted to get to

00:32:34.049 --> 00:32:36.029
the bottom of, like, why did I say what I did?

00:32:36.450 --> 00:32:39.549
Did I mean what I said? Like, do you see how

00:32:39.549 --> 00:32:41.630
other people might have taken it? We had a whole

00:32:41.630 --> 00:32:43.289
conversation, right? I mean, it wasn't a comfortable

00:32:43.289 --> 00:32:46.900
one, but... it was a real conversation where

00:32:46.900 --> 00:32:49.660
she just wanted to actually get a sense of where

00:32:49.660 --> 00:32:52.140
my head was at, why I was saying what I was doing,

00:32:52.279 --> 00:32:55.740
you know, try to explain to me how other people

00:32:55.740 --> 00:32:58.259
might've taken it, why they felt the way that

00:32:58.259 --> 00:33:01.339
they did. You know, my RA gave me the benefit

00:33:01.339 --> 00:33:03.359
of the doubt and didn't assume anything about

00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:06.079
me that I was just a complete asshole. Right.

00:33:06.140 --> 00:33:08.000
But actually took the time to try to understand.

00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:12.960
you know, where I was coming from and, you know,

00:33:12.980 --> 00:33:15.660
my own experience and why I might have not thought,

00:33:15.700 --> 00:33:18.140
you know, a second thought as to why, like, what

00:33:18.140 --> 00:33:19.519
I said would have hurt other people's feelings,

00:33:19.559 --> 00:33:22.880
right? Did that stop me from saying more dumb

00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:25.680
things later? No. I mean, I still continue to

00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:28.180
wild out that first year. My roommates that year

00:33:28.180 --> 00:33:31.420
knew, right? Like, I was wild that first year

00:33:31.420 --> 00:33:34.819
in college, right? But... It was a move in the

00:33:34.819 --> 00:33:37.380
right direction. It planted the seeds for me

00:33:37.380 --> 00:33:40.079
to reconsider the impact of my words before I

00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:43.180
said them. It wasn't necessarily about fixing

00:33:43.180 --> 00:33:46.680
my behavior to try to control me, but rather

00:33:46.680 --> 00:33:49.160
there was a genuine engagement. That's what I

00:33:49.160 --> 00:33:51.180
had with my RA. It was a genuine engagement to

00:33:51.180 --> 00:33:55.339
help me to see what it is I was doing, why it

00:33:55.339 --> 00:33:58.960
had the impact that it did, that I can be better,

00:33:59.019 --> 00:34:01.460
and there were ways to actually move in that

00:34:01.460 --> 00:34:04.240
direction. I'm not saying... Let bad behavior

00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:09.500
slide. If you do something, right? If you do

00:34:09.500 --> 00:34:11.840
something wrong, you should be called out for

00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:13.900
it. You did something wrong and you need to accept

00:34:13.900 --> 00:34:18.780
responsibility. But if all you're doing is just

00:34:18.780 --> 00:34:21.260
pointing out the bad behavior without actually

00:34:21.260 --> 00:34:22.940
engaging with that person, without genuinely

00:34:22.940 --> 00:34:26.840
wanting better for them, how do you expect them

00:34:26.840 --> 00:34:30.219
to respond, right? There'll be no growth because

00:34:30.219 --> 00:34:32.320
you're not... creating opportunity for growth,

00:34:32.440 --> 00:34:36.639
all you're doing is shaming or condemning the

00:34:36.639 --> 00:34:40.360
behavior. And what they learn is don't get caught

00:34:40.360 --> 00:34:42.179
doing this behavior. So what do they do next

00:34:42.179 --> 00:34:45.199
time? They just become covert bitches and they

00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:48.239
just hide it better. That's what happens. It

00:34:48.239 --> 00:34:52.219
just goes undercover, right? Quick side note,

00:34:52.280 --> 00:34:54.079
look, you might have been able to guess based

00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:56.570
off of what I just said. that I'm fairly against

00:34:56.570 --> 00:34:59.130
canceling people, at least in the way that people

00:34:59.130 --> 00:35:01.710
do it on social media, where they're just whining

00:35:01.710 --> 00:35:04.349
and bitching about somebody's bad behavior, call

00:35:04.349 --> 00:35:07.630
it out, maybe call for boycott or something,

00:35:07.710 --> 00:35:09.710
or call for them to get fired, and it's a big

00:35:09.710 --> 00:35:13.090
ruckus. Look, I genuinely support efforts to

00:35:13.090 --> 00:35:16.690
boycott, you know, to right a wrong, to make

00:35:16.690 --> 00:35:19.329
things better. I have no problem with any of

00:35:19.329 --> 00:35:22.760
that. What I do take issue with is the motive

00:35:22.760 --> 00:35:24.739
for a lot of the people that are calling out

00:35:24.739 --> 00:35:26.820
bad behavior. And especially on social media,

00:35:26.920 --> 00:35:29.440
where honestly, I find that to be most of social

00:35:29.440 --> 00:35:31.539
media is just be a bunch of lazy bullshit. This

00:35:31.539 --> 00:35:34.239
is not real, like a change that you're creating.

00:35:34.300 --> 00:35:36.739
You're just being a bunch of bitches hiding behind,

00:35:36.900 --> 00:35:41.219
you know, on TikTok and on Facebook and YouTube

00:35:41.219 --> 00:35:44.510
or wherever else. Okay. These same people who

00:35:44.510 --> 00:35:46.670
are doing the calling out, I don't see them making

00:35:46.670 --> 00:35:49.449
genuine attempts to actually engage the people

00:35:49.449 --> 00:35:54.409
they're criticizing to help them do better. It's

00:35:54.409 --> 00:35:56.050
honestly like shaming people into submission,

00:35:56.190 --> 00:35:59.429
which doesn't serve the purpose of building people

00:35:59.429 --> 00:36:02.449
up to be better. I think this is probably why

00:36:02.449 --> 00:36:05.510
so many people, not just me, I think this is

00:36:05.510 --> 00:36:07.429
probably the intuition why there's such a negative

00:36:07.429 --> 00:36:10.039
attitude towards cancel culture. It's not so

00:36:10.039 --> 00:36:11.539
much that people have a problem with calling

00:36:11.539 --> 00:36:14.500
out bad behavior. There's something about it

00:36:14.500 --> 00:36:18.179
that just seems disingenuous, which is you're

00:36:18.179 --> 00:36:21.139
trying to get people fired for their bad behavior.

00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:23.639
You're trying to get them to experience consequences,

00:36:23.739 --> 00:36:25.960
but then you're also not giving them a way out

00:36:25.960 --> 00:36:28.719
to be better. So what do they end up doing? They

00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:31.840
feel resentful, they feel wronged, and then it

00:36:31.840 --> 00:36:33.960
just creates a whole cycle where people feel

00:36:33.960 --> 00:36:37.079
that way and then they continue to believe whatever

00:36:37.079 --> 00:36:39.619
they believe. You haven't actually made the world

00:36:39.619 --> 00:36:41.260
a better place. You haven't done anything to

00:36:41.260 --> 00:36:43.940
improve anything, right? People make mistakes.

00:36:44.119 --> 00:36:45.940
They do terrible things sometimes. Yes, they

00:36:45.940 --> 00:36:48.059
should be held accountable. But beyond that,

00:36:48.119 --> 00:36:49.760
the question becomes, what's the purpose of calling

00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:52.500
them out? Is it more for yourself as a way to

00:36:52.500 --> 00:36:55.699
release some pent -up anger or to take the moral

00:36:55.699 --> 00:36:58.420
high ground? Or is it to actually make the world

00:36:58.420 --> 00:37:01.559
a better place for people to actually change

00:37:01.559 --> 00:37:04.679
into a better version of themselves? I prefer

00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:06.980
to call out bad behavior, but then I will also

00:37:06.980 --> 00:37:09.800
kind of work with those same people or that same

00:37:09.800 --> 00:37:12.800
community to try to find a way to help them,

00:37:12.800 --> 00:37:16.980
you know, give them a way forward so that they

00:37:16.980 --> 00:37:20.239
don't repeat, you know, those mistakes. Okay,

00:37:21.019 --> 00:37:23.289
side note over. All right. Back to the point

00:37:23.289 --> 00:37:26.090
I was making. What I was trying to say is pointing

00:37:26.090 --> 00:37:31.050
out that men are often doing these bad behaviors,

00:37:31.210 --> 00:37:34.690
right? Without giving them the tools to be better,

00:37:35.369 --> 00:37:38.190
like, that's a failure of the community. That's

00:37:38.190 --> 00:37:40.190
not a failure of the individual, right? Look,

00:37:40.349 --> 00:37:44.610
I work with students, and when I teach them,

00:37:44.750 --> 00:37:48.150
I realize, like, look, they're only going to

00:37:48.150 --> 00:37:50.610
be, there's some responsibility on their part

00:37:50.610 --> 00:37:53.099
for sure. Things that they need to do on their

00:37:53.099 --> 00:37:58.099
end to learn. But there's a limit to how much

00:37:58.099 --> 00:37:59.699
they can learn if they're not given the right

00:37:59.699 --> 00:38:02.039
sort of guidance from instructors before them.

00:38:02.659 --> 00:38:07.099
And there's a reason. You don't take students

00:38:07.099 --> 00:38:09.880
who don't already have the skills to learn and

00:38:09.880 --> 00:38:12.940
then don't give them the tools to learn and then

00:38:12.940 --> 00:38:14.719
expect them to learn. That makes absolutely no

00:38:14.719 --> 00:38:18.980
sense to me. It makes absolutely no sense. They

00:38:18.980 --> 00:38:21.699
don't have the tools yet. You need someone to

00:38:21.699 --> 00:38:23.579
give them the tools. Who are the ones there to

00:38:23.579 --> 00:38:25.500
give the tools? It should be someone in the community,

00:38:25.599 --> 00:38:29.300
right? There should be some system set up so

00:38:29.300 --> 00:38:32.519
that somebody in the community or a collective

00:38:32.519 --> 00:38:35.260
within the community comes in to give that person

00:38:35.260 --> 00:38:38.860
the tools to do their part, right? If you really

00:38:38.860 --> 00:38:40.980
want them to be better, then you need to give

00:38:40.980 --> 00:38:43.920
them those. tools. Without it, how can they learn?

00:38:44.159 --> 00:38:46.920
You can't teach yourself because they can't.

00:38:46.980 --> 00:38:49.579
You don't expect children to teach themselves.

00:38:49.679 --> 00:38:52.800
That doesn't make any sense. They need to be

00:38:52.800 --> 00:38:56.800
given the tools to learn, to be better. And if

00:38:56.800 --> 00:38:58.579
they're not given those tools, then somebody's

00:38:58.579 --> 00:39:00.840
failed. And it's not them because they don't

00:39:00.840 --> 00:39:04.179
know any better. So what I'm pointing out is

00:39:04.179 --> 00:39:08.760
this. Communities can build people up or it could

00:39:08.760 --> 00:39:11.900
tear them down. If you see people torn down,

00:39:12.039 --> 00:39:15.400
I doubt that they did it to themselves, at least

00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:19.699
intentionally. We can't help men be better without

00:39:19.699 --> 00:39:24.880
also giving them the tools to be better. So men

00:39:24.880 --> 00:39:27.380
need to be better about providing actionable

00:39:27.380 --> 00:39:31.719
ways to other men to be a better version of themselves.

00:39:32.179 --> 00:39:35.340
I'm out here calling bitches bitches, but I'm

00:39:35.340 --> 00:39:38.280
also trying to explain to you why... This is

00:39:38.280 --> 00:39:41.099
some bitch shit. And trying to at least get good

00:39:41.099 --> 00:39:43.139
men to be better role models in their community

00:39:43.139 --> 00:39:47.000
by taking up that mantle and spending time genuinely

00:39:47.000 --> 00:39:50.579
investing in boys and talking them through how

00:39:50.579 --> 00:39:53.300
they're feeling through their struggles and helping

00:39:53.300 --> 00:39:55.599
them, giving them the tools to be a better man.

00:39:55.780 --> 00:39:59.539
You can't expect boys to become men just by going

00:39:59.539 --> 00:40:02.159
through life. You need to give them the tools.

00:40:02.260 --> 00:40:05.789
You need to give them. a guideline of what it

00:40:05.789 --> 00:40:08.590
means to actually be a man and then help them

00:40:08.590 --> 00:40:11.769
train in order to be a man we used to have stuff

00:40:11.769 --> 00:40:14.389
like that i think the draft was a part of it

00:40:14.389 --> 00:40:17.849
to teach some discipline and so on um went to

00:40:17.849 --> 00:40:20.849
create like a built -in community uh i don't

00:40:20.849 --> 00:40:23.030
know how effective that was i just know that

00:40:23.030 --> 00:40:25.510
there were these things kind of in place um it

00:40:25.510 --> 00:40:28.210
seems like we've just like that alleviated a

00:40:28.210 --> 00:40:30.730
lot of that responsibility to colleges and think

00:40:30.730 --> 00:40:33.409
that, oh, you know, we send a bunch of 18 -year

00:40:33.409 --> 00:40:35.849
-old boys to college and, of course, they're

00:40:35.849 --> 00:40:39.349
going to grow into men. It's like, no, that probably

00:40:39.349 --> 00:40:41.329
is just going to surround them with a bunch of

00:40:41.329 --> 00:40:44.090
other bitches and then do more bitch -ass stuff.

00:40:44.289 --> 00:40:46.429
I remember what college was like. I remember

00:40:46.429 --> 00:40:49.849
seeing a bunch of boys, a bunch of bitches acting

00:40:49.849 --> 00:40:52.369
like bitches and then exacerbating their bitch

00:40:52.369 --> 00:40:55.130
-assness by hanging out with more bitches. That's

00:40:55.130 --> 00:40:57.579
just what happened, right? Bitches gathered in

00:40:57.579 --> 00:40:59.960
flocks and then they start, you know, increasing

00:40:59.960 --> 00:41:03.440
the level of bitch assetry in their little group

00:41:03.440 --> 00:41:05.559
of, you know, their little clique, right? So,

00:41:05.559 --> 00:41:12.840
look, we need somebody, we need, I don't know,

00:41:12.900 --> 00:41:14.820
I'm not sure exactly what, right? What I'm pointing

00:41:14.820 --> 00:41:17.320
out is it's a community's responsibility. It's

00:41:17.320 --> 00:41:21.079
not on the boys themselves. Like, if you keep

00:41:21.079 --> 00:41:24.739
on, you know, harping on the bad behavior of

00:41:24.739 --> 00:41:28.769
men, without also giving the flip side of that,

00:41:28.869 --> 00:41:31.610
right, giving them the tools to also be better,

00:41:31.730 --> 00:41:34.329
we're just going around in circles and we're

00:41:34.329 --> 00:41:35.949
not going to make anything better. If anything,

00:41:36.289 --> 00:41:38.650
you're going to make a bunch of men more resentful,

00:41:38.750 --> 00:41:43.789
okay? So what I'm saying is this. Look, I don't

00:41:43.789 --> 00:41:46.570
know exactly what the root issue is. I don't

00:41:46.570 --> 00:41:48.429
know exactly what the exact solution is going

00:41:48.429 --> 00:41:50.949
to be. What I do know is that this is going to

00:41:50.949 --> 00:41:53.389
have to be a community effort. It's going to

00:41:53.389 --> 00:41:56.690
have to be a collective effort. Right? I'm wanting

00:41:56.690 --> 00:41:59.289
to do for myself, right, at least in my local

00:41:59.289 --> 00:42:01.469
community, I'm trying to do the little things

00:42:01.469 --> 00:42:04.809
I can. But for you, I don't know what it's going

00:42:04.809 --> 00:42:06.989
to look like in your community. What I'm saying

00:42:06.989 --> 00:42:09.550
is let's stop pointing so much of the finger

00:42:09.550 --> 00:42:11.909
at individuals if you're not going to also give

00:42:11.909 --> 00:42:14.909
them the tools to be better than what they were

00:42:14.909 --> 00:42:17.769
yesterday. Right? If you're not going to show

00:42:17.769 --> 00:42:20.010
boys how to be men, don't start bitching about

00:42:20.010 --> 00:42:23.250
how, you know, these boys end up growing into

00:42:23.250 --> 00:42:26.969
bitches rather than real men. That's on your

00:42:26.969 --> 00:42:30.030
community. So y 'all need to do some self -reflection

00:42:30.030 --> 00:42:31.570
to figure out exactly where that's coming from.

00:42:32.269 --> 00:42:35.449
So I want to keep driving home this point that

00:42:35.449 --> 00:42:37.869
we are all individuals with individual responsibilities,

00:42:38.030 --> 00:42:41.250
but also members of a larger community, interrelated

00:42:41.250 --> 00:42:43.690
and dependent on one another for better or worse.

00:42:44.070 --> 00:42:46.090
I'm really harping on this for a reason, right?

00:42:46.170 --> 00:42:48.610
Just as you need to take responsibility for yourself,

00:42:48.690 --> 00:42:51.250
the larger community needs to take responsibility

00:42:51.250 --> 00:42:55.440
for its decision. And it goes both ways. You

00:42:55.440 --> 00:42:57.579
cannot take full credit for all your accomplishments,

00:42:57.800 --> 00:43:01.019
but you also can't take full blame either because

00:43:01.019 --> 00:43:04.440
the outcome is always a product of both, both

00:43:04.440 --> 00:43:07.440
the individual or individuals and the larger

00:43:07.440 --> 00:43:10.760
community, okay? So I don't know what's going

00:43:10.760 --> 00:43:14.400
on in your city, in your local area, in your

00:43:14.400 --> 00:43:19.559
state. If you see shit go bad in that community,

00:43:19.940 --> 00:43:23.800
however you define it, Y 'all need to look inwards.

00:43:24.260 --> 00:43:26.599
Just as individuals need to look inwards, your

00:43:26.599 --> 00:43:28.940
community needs to look inwards to figure out

00:43:28.940 --> 00:43:31.519
where the problems are coming from. It is not

00:43:31.519 --> 00:43:33.820
like pointing fingers at specific individuals

00:43:33.820 --> 00:43:39.019
or specific groups within that community. Y 'all

00:43:39.019 --> 00:43:40.619
need to figure out a way to address it, but it's

00:43:40.619 --> 00:43:42.880
a collective problem. It's a collective problem.

00:43:43.769 --> 00:43:45.150
Now, one of the reasons I want to drive home

00:43:45.150 --> 00:43:47.670
this idea that you're always a product of a larger

00:43:47.670 --> 00:43:50.730
community is that the focus of your own contributions

00:43:50.730 --> 00:43:54.190
or what I did for myself, right, is all part

00:43:54.190 --> 00:43:57.349
of this comparison game, to take it back to the

00:43:57.349 --> 00:44:02.170
first episodes, that leads to this unhealthy

00:44:02.170 --> 00:44:05.070
competition among men. You might have already

00:44:05.070 --> 00:44:07.070
sensed it when I talked about how we need to

00:44:07.070 --> 00:44:09.409
tamper down the comparison game, but adjacent

00:44:09.409 --> 00:44:12.349
to this is the issue of competition. When we're

00:44:12.349 --> 00:44:15.150
consumed with what we can do for ourselves without

00:44:15.150 --> 00:44:18.289
the help of others, you're building a case that

00:44:18.289 --> 00:44:20.710
you are worthy of all this praise for all your

00:44:20.710 --> 00:44:23.730
accomplishments. If the other men are doing the

00:44:23.730 --> 00:44:25.590
same thing, what are you really doing? Just be

00:44:25.590 --> 00:44:27.329
honest, right? You end up having a dick measuring

00:44:27.329 --> 00:44:30.389
contest trying to determine who is better. You

00:44:30.389 --> 00:44:32.269
end up sizing each other up and ranking each

00:44:32.269 --> 00:44:34.150
other based on those individual accomplishments,

00:44:34.429 --> 00:44:37.889
okay? Now, in some circles, this kind of competition

00:44:37.889 --> 00:44:40.849
is seen as a good thing. You might argue that

00:44:40.849 --> 00:44:43.550
competition motivates us to do better or that

00:44:43.550 --> 00:44:46.469
in trying to outdo the person next to you, you

00:44:46.469 --> 00:44:48.610
end up creating something better for everyone.

00:44:49.090 --> 00:44:51.590
People who are super into capitalism think this

00:44:51.590 --> 00:44:53.449
is a good thing to have all this clear competition.

00:44:54.969 --> 00:44:57.289
You create better service, a better product,

00:44:57.349 --> 00:45:01.039
a better idea. People do joke about how stupid

00:45:01.039 --> 00:45:03.880
participation trophies are, that we're coddling

00:45:03.880 --> 00:45:05.940
the youth, that we should teach them this isn't

00:45:05.940 --> 00:45:10.280
the way of the real world, that competition is

00:45:10.280 --> 00:45:14.280
part of life and that we ingrain it into their

00:45:14.280 --> 00:45:17.800
mind. Competition is the norm as the obvious

00:45:17.800 --> 00:45:21.320
reality of the world. But I want to stress the

00:45:21.320 --> 00:45:22.619
community thing for a reason because I think

00:45:22.619 --> 00:45:24.719
there's a real danger of this competition as

00:45:24.719 --> 00:45:27.659
a measure of worth. Competition in and of itself

00:45:27.659 --> 00:45:31.699
I don't think is bad. for one. I, for one, tend

00:45:31.699 --> 00:45:34.119
to think competitive, I get very competitive

00:45:34.119 --> 00:45:37.679
when I play games, right? Now, I keep that in

00:45:37.679 --> 00:45:40.139
check when I'm playing with my kid because that's

00:45:40.139 --> 00:45:42.559
just not fair. I would win every time. But with

00:45:42.559 --> 00:45:45.460
friends, I will murder them in a board game or

00:45:45.460 --> 00:45:48.639
a card game, okay? I will not hesitate to engage

00:45:48.639 --> 00:45:52.440
whatever legal, right, tactic I can employ to

00:45:52.440 --> 00:45:55.099
destroy them, right? Sometimes I find joy in

00:45:55.099 --> 00:45:56.900
seeing them suffering, right? But here's the

00:45:56.900 --> 00:45:59.739
thing. That competition is within the context

00:45:59.739 --> 00:46:03.099
of a game. When the competition becomes about

00:46:03.099 --> 00:46:07.699
something else, about winning, you know, in the

00:46:07.699 --> 00:46:11.480
game of life, maybe, that's how people view it,

00:46:11.559 --> 00:46:15.800
okay? That competition is just there to elevate

00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:19.940
yourself and to, you know, relative to other

00:46:19.940 --> 00:46:22.639
people. And you're tying yourself worth to the

00:46:22.639 --> 00:46:25.699
outcomes of the competition. you're essentially

00:46:25.699 --> 00:46:29.519
making yourself a slave to the competition. But

00:46:29.519 --> 00:46:33.079
the bigger danger, I think, is that what we need

00:46:33.079 --> 00:46:36.420
right now is to address the collective issue

00:46:36.420 --> 00:46:39.280
with men. And collective problems are generally

00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:42.960
not solved by competition. Men competing with

00:46:42.960 --> 00:46:45.340
each other is not going to help, I think, at

00:46:45.340 --> 00:46:48.719
all. It's not going to solve any of the issues

00:46:48.719 --> 00:46:51.000
because, and this is why I stress the community

00:46:51.000 --> 00:46:54.489
aspect, right? collective problems are solved

00:46:54.489 --> 00:46:58.489
by cooperation. We need men to work together

00:46:58.489 --> 00:47:01.630
here, right? Pointing fingers at each other,

00:47:01.789 --> 00:47:04.329
saying that one man is a better man than others,

00:47:04.429 --> 00:47:06.869
like this doesn't help. They might think like,

00:47:07.010 --> 00:47:09.230
well, you're going around here calling all these

00:47:09.230 --> 00:47:12.469
guys bitches. It's like, yeah, I'm doing it in

00:47:12.469 --> 00:47:16.050
the hopes that we collectively get together and

00:47:16.050 --> 00:47:19.590
then say, hey, y 'all are some bitches. Let's

00:47:19.590 --> 00:47:24.360
go ahead and turn you into real men. There's

00:47:24.360 --> 00:47:26.519
a difference between providing each other with

00:47:26.519 --> 00:47:28.420
constructive criticism to help each other to

00:47:28.420 --> 00:47:31.199
be better and trying to take some moral high

00:47:31.199 --> 00:47:32.840
ground just to make yourself feel better. I'm

00:47:32.840 --> 00:47:35.780
fine with the former. I despise the latter. I'm

00:47:35.780 --> 00:47:38.719
not here calling out bitches to make myself feel

00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:41.159
better. No, I actually feel terrible that I see

00:47:41.159 --> 00:47:44.559
so many bitches out there. It's really exhausting.

00:47:46.820 --> 00:47:49.539
You don't have to believe me, but my motivation

00:47:49.539 --> 00:47:52.530
is honestly to build a better generation. You

00:47:52.530 --> 00:47:55.530
don't believe me? That's fine. Like, look, people

00:47:55.530 --> 00:47:57.829
around me know what I'm about. I mean, I live

00:47:57.829 --> 00:48:01.190
it every day. When I see my students, my own

00:48:01.190 --> 00:48:03.909
kid, I see the world as it is. I'm honestly worried

00:48:03.909 --> 00:48:07.309
for them. I'm worried for the women who are very

00:48:07.309 --> 00:48:09.949
likely going to face sexual, physical abuse in

00:48:09.949 --> 00:48:11.349
their relationships at some point in their life.

00:48:11.690 --> 00:48:14.250
I'm worried for the men who don't even try because

00:48:14.250 --> 00:48:16.989
they've been told their entire life to do better

00:48:16.989 --> 00:48:19.690
without anyone showing them or giving them opportunities

00:48:19.690 --> 00:48:22.769
to be better. I'm worried about the quality of

00:48:22.769 --> 00:48:24.409
education and whether the younger generation

00:48:24.409 --> 00:48:26.210
will be equipped to handle future challenges.

00:48:26.610 --> 00:48:28.710
And if bitches are making it worse for them,

00:48:28.769 --> 00:48:30.409
I can't help myself. I'm going to call it out.

00:48:30.849 --> 00:48:34.750
But it's not to degrade even the bitches, right?

00:48:34.909 --> 00:48:37.429
I'm not here to degrade them. It's a plea. It's

00:48:37.429 --> 00:48:39.690
a plea for bitches to stop being such bitches

00:48:39.690 --> 00:48:41.809
and to become better members of the community.

00:48:42.469 --> 00:48:45.269
And I'm asking for the community to not just

00:48:45.269 --> 00:48:48.030
sit on their ass, but actually do something about

00:48:48.030 --> 00:48:51.480
it. So, look, I'm looking for people to band

00:48:51.480 --> 00:48:54.940
with me, to cooperate with me in creating a better

00:48:54.940 --> 00:48:57.059
culture here, in creating a better community,

00:48:57.219 --> 00:48:59.940
one that demands more of each other, not less,

00:48:59.940 --> 00:49:02.800
but more, to stop settling for these bitches

00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:05.619
and then to demand better of the men in our lives.

00:49:06.719 --> 00:49:11.860
Because I know that I can't do it alone. I, even

00:49:11.860 --> 00:49:14.840
within my smaller local community, I know that

00:49:14.840 --> 00:49:18.500
I can't do it alone. This is a collective problem

00:49:18.500 --> 00:49:22.539
and is not going to be solved by me doing anything

00:49:22.539 --> 00:49:26.019
on my own. It's only going to be resolved when

00:49:26.019 --> 00:49:29.780
an entire community gets together and works cooperatively

00:49:29.780 --> 00:49:33.300
for a common goal, to get these bitches out of

00:49:33.300 --> 00:49:37.920
here. So I'll stress it again. If you are successful

00:49:37.920 --> 00:49:42.829
in any way, you were lucky or had help, Period.

00:49:42.829 --> 00:49:45.150
You had a community behind you that worked for

00:49:45.150 --> 00:49:47.690
you. I think we need to stop lying to others

00:49:47.690 --> 00:49:50.449
and ourselves that it's even possible for you

00:49:50.449 --> 00:49:53.289
to make something of yourself just by your own

00:49:53.289 --> 00:49:56.789
sheer will or talent. It's an idea that's especially

00:49:56.789 --> 00:50:00.389
pervasive among men. I want to tell you that

00:50:00.389 --> 00:50:03.849
is not, never has been, never will be the case.

00:50:04.250 --> 00:50:06.329
If you think you made something of yourself,

00:50:06.550 --> 00:50:08.530
then I think you need to think more carefully

00:50:08.530 --> 00:50:13.039
about all the ways that luck A great community,

00:50:13.219 --> 00:50:15.500
other people in your life have played a role

00:50:15.500 --> 00:50:19.619
in your success. I am only able to see this very

00:50:19.619 --> 00:50:21.860
clearly because I grew up poor and have been

00:50:21.860 --> 00:50:24.780
able to see the flip side of how other classes

00:50:24.780 --> 00:50:28.559
grew up and built their lives. Here's a basic

00:50:28.559 --> 00:50:30.840
fact about people. We don't see the things we

00:50:30.840 --> 00:50:33.940
take for granted because those things we take

00:50:33.940 --> 00:50:35.579
for granted. We just take it as that's just how

00:50:35.579 --> 00:50:38.269
the world is. If you grew up with support from

00:50:38.269 --> 00:50:40.250
your parents, from your community, from the government,

00:50:40.889 --> 00:50:43.530
these are just norms you take for granted. You

00:50:43.530 --> 00:50:46.949
don't see that as help from other people. You

00:50:46.949 --> 00:50:48.510
see it as this is just the way the world is.

00:50:48.690 --> 00:50:52.170
So there is zero credit that you give to the

00:50:52.170 --> 00:50:55.190
others that have helped build you into who you

00:50:55.190 --> 00:51:00.670
are. If you grew up poor with jack shit, if you

00:51:00.670 --> 00:51:02.960
didn't have any of this shit, then you know that

00:51:02.960 --> 00:51:05.739
that's not a given, that the world isn't necessarily

00:51:05.739 --> 00:51:07.539
going to give these things to you. You don't

00:51:07.539 --> 00:51:10.460
take it for granted. When parents are able to

00:51:10.460 --> 00:51:12.179
put food on the table, you don't take it for

00:51:12.179 --> 00:51:14.920
granted. You find it to be a blessing that you

00:51:14.920 --> 00:51:18.599
have a roof over your head, right? You don't

00:51:18.599 --> 00:51:20.659
take it for granted that you have access to public

00:51:20.659 --> 00:51:24.199
education and a decent one at that. You don't

00:51:24.199 --> 00:51:26.900
take it for granted that you don't have a school

00:51:26.900 --> 00:51:28.760
that's run down and riddled with violence so

00:51:28.760 --> 00:51:31.539
that you can't actually study. You don't take

00:51:31.539 --> 00:51:33.340
it for granted that you're able to go to college.

00:51:33.460 --> 00:51:36.480
None of these are given. None of these are obvious.

00:51:36.780 --> 00:51:39.900
None of these are expected. None of these are

00:51:39.900 --> 00:51:44.659
things that you just assume was going to be there

00:51:44.659 --> 00:51:46.820
for you because you live in a community where

00:51:46.820 --> 00:51:52.550
that wasn't a given. When you have and have always

00:51:52.550 --> 00:51:54.269
had help from your parents, from community members

00:51:54.269 --> 00:51:57.409
who ensure that your life didn't have these barriers,

00:51:57.670 --> 00:52:01.289
then you don't see that it's possible that you

00:52:01.289 --> 00:52:03.909
don't have any of this shit. You don't see that

00:52:03.909 --> 00:52:05.969
you were lucky enough to have this shit. You

00:52:05.969 --> 00:52:09.110
don't see what it is that the community did to

00:52:09.110 --> 00:52:14.650
put you in that position. If you ask me who I

00:52:14.650 --> 00:52:16.309
think the most generous people are, I would tell

00:52:16.309 --> 00:52:19.389
you that it's the poor, it's the people who live

00:52:19.389 --> 00:52:22.610
without, you know, what we might take as the

00:52:22.610 --> 00:52:25.530
basic necessities of life. That's because generosity

00:52:25.530 --> 00:52:28.070
is forged from the awareness that you have received

00:52:28.070 --> 00:52:31.809
much yourself. When you're poor, you don't forget

00:52:31.809 --> 00:52:33.690
someone else's generosity because that meant

00:52:33.690 --> 00:52:35.550
something to you. That meant survival for you.

00:52:35.650 --> 00:52:38.170
It wasn't a given. You didn't take it for granted.

00:52:39.090 --> 00:52:42.690
When you have enough, when you have more than

00:52:42.690 --> 00:52:46.789
enough, it's a lot easier to overlook the fact

00:52:46.789 --> 00:52:49.269
that other people have been there to take care

00:52:49.269 --> 00:52:53.960
of you. You don't see the depths and the many

00:52:53.960 --> 00:52:56.300
ways in which you've been on the receiving end.

00:52:57.000 --> 00:52:59.239
And you'll never experience that level of gratitude.

00:52:59.960 --> 00:53:02.719
It's highly unlikely anyways, no matter how hard

00:53:02.719 --> 00:53:05.940
you try. Look, I grew up poor, but now I'm doing

00:53:05.940 --> 00:53:07.800
well for myself because I went to a competitive

00:53:07.800 --> 00:53:11.039
college and got advanced degrees. I came across

00:53:11.039 --> 00:53:13.559
a lot more people who grew up with far more than

00:53:13.559 --> 00:53:16.280
I could ever dreamed of. Without exception, everyone

00:53:16.280 --> 00:53:20.300
from middle to upper class, They just have a

00:53:20.300 --> 00:53:22.880
major blind spot in this area. They don't realize

00:53:22.880 --> 00:53:24.820
just how lucky they were. They don't realize

00:53:24.820 --> 00:53:27.219
just how much their community played a role in

00:53:27.219 --> 00:53:30.260
their success. Every single one of them, without

00:53:30.260 --> 00:53:33.679
fail, have this blind spot. Some may have gone

00:53:33.679 --> 00:53:35.659
to some mission trips to poor neighborhoods and

00:53:35.659 --> 00:53:38.239
did some outreach, yada, yada, and think that

00:53:38.239 --> 00:53:42.260
they understand gratitude. That's bullshit. You

00:53:42.260 --> 00:53:46.340
realize a bit more of what you have that others

00:53:46.340 --> 00:53:48.400
don't. You become a little bit more aware of

00:53:48.400 --> 00:53:50.539
this kind of stuff. like I had a home, a safe

00:53:50.539 --> 00:53:52.980
neighborhood, food to eat, they don't realize

00:53:52.980 --> 00:53:55.119
that having all these things also made sure that

00:53:55.119 --> 00:53:57.559
they were of sound mind. Like if you actually

00:53:57.559 --> 00:54:01.860
live through poverty, like you're also dealing

00:54:01.860 --> 00:54:04.900
with anxiety, depression, constant levels of

00:54:04.900 --> 00:54:07.340
fear, you know, probably in violent neighborhoods,

00:54:07.400 --> 00:54:11.880
like life isn't a given for you, right? It seems

00:54:11.880 --> 00:54:14.039
harsh, but I tell people like my parents who

00:54:14.039 --> 00:54:18.239
are poor, like no one is... going to save you

00:54:18.239 --> 00:54:21.380
because that was a reality that was a reality

00:54:21.380 --> 00:54:25.519
we just you just knew that you had to kind of

00:54:25.519 --> 00:54:27.659
figure it out a way to just make it through the

00:54:27.659 --> 00:54:31.460
day because you live in a an area where the community

00:54:31.460 --> 00:54:33.579
didn't have the means to really support you they

00:54:33.579 --> 00:54:38.599
did what they could but it's just again none

00:54:38.599 --> 00:54:42.480
of it was given Anyone with the means to save

00:54:42.480 --> 00:54:44.219
you, like millionaires and billionaires, they

00:54:44.219 --> 00:54:46.460
honestly don't give a shit. Not because they're

00:54:46.460 --> 00:54:48.780
like cold -hearted or horrible people, but rather

00:54:48.780 --> 00:54:50.760
because you're not on their radar. They don't

00:54:50.760 --> 00:54:53.000
even see you. That's the reality. That's what

00:54:53.000 --> 00:54:55.199
I experience, right? Everyone else is too busy

00:54:55.199 --> 00:54:56.780
living out their lives the best they can, trying

00:54:56.780 --> 00:54:59.780
to make something of themselves. They're not

00:54:59.780 --> 00:55:02.219
sticking around trying to think about what the

00:55:02.219 --> 00:55:05.519
other people are in need of. That's just not

00:55:05.519 --> 00:55:07.159
the first thing that would come to their mind.

00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:14.420
This is what's happening with men. We have a

00:55:14.420 --> 00:55:16.860
bunch of men who are suffering or having a hard

00:55:16.860 --> 00:55:20.179
time trying to make it through life, trying to

00:55:20.179 --> 00:55:23.300
make it through life alone, feeling alone, feeling

00:55:23.300 --> 00:55:29.320
isolated, and we left the duty to a bunch of

00:55:29.320 --> 00:55:32.900
bitches to guide them. That's what we did. It's

00:55:32.900 --> 00:55:35.719
time for a community to step up and be there

00:55:35.719 --> 00:55:41.539
for the men that are really in need. I need a

00:55:41.539 --> 00:55:45.500
community. I can't do this alone. I know there's

00:55:45.500 --> 00:55:47.900
other men like me out there. They're doing their

00:55:47.900 --> 00:55:52.940
best, probably going at it alone. I already know

00:55:52.940 --> 00:55:55.360
the success rate is going to be zero if you're

00:55:55.360 --> 00:56:00.619
trying to go at it alone. We don't have the bandwidth.

00:56:01.309 --> 00:56:03.949
to handle competing with each other to try to

00:56:03.949 --> 00:56:06.710
see who's the best at, you know, saving bitches

00:56:06.710 --> 00:56:09.650
from bitch assness, right? No, we're not competing.

00:56:09.789 --> 00:56:11.869
We're working together here. We're cooperating.

00:56:13.010 --> 00:56:15.690
Women are not going to save us. They have their

00:56:15.690 --> 00:56:17.650
own shit to deal with. Your kids are not going

00:56:17.650 --> 00:56:20.329
to save you. The government isn't coming to save

00:56:20.329 --> 00:56:24.210
you. The government is full of bitches. Men in

00:56:24.210 --> 00:56:26.329
the community need to band together and help

00:56:26.329 --> 00:56:29.349
themselves to embrace each other, support each

00:56:29.349 --> 00:56:32.949
other. and to allow men to open up about the

00:56:32.949 --> 00:56:36.909
worst parts of themselves and challenge each

00:56:36.909 --> 00:56:41.030
other to be better and also do so giving each

00:56:41.030 --> 00:56:43.309
other the tools and the support they need in

00:56:43.309 --> 00:56:47.369
order to actually be better. I know we're capable

00:56:47.369 --> 00:56:51.170
of more. We just can't do it alone. So to summarize,

00:56:51.610 --> 00:56:55.030
real men don't try to make life about themselves.

00:56:55.889 --> 00:56:59.650
They're just... That's just insecure bitch shit

00:56:59.650 --> 00:57:02.469
if you're trying to make life about your own

00:57:02.469 --> 00:57:05.650
accomplishments and you feeling valuable to the

00:57:05.650 --> 00:57:08.630
community. Real men give credit where it's due

00:57:08.630 --> 00:57:11.489
because they're not threatened by others because

00:57:11.489 --> 00:57:13.969
they're not threatened by others getting their

00:57:13.969 --> 00:57:17.170
shine. They're not in a competition with other

00:57:17.170 --> 00:57:20.929
men. They don't need to beat the man next to

00:57:20.929 --> 00:57:24.829
them. Right now, I want you to see that we need

00:57:24.829 --> 00:57:26.750
to be fighting the same fight for the soul of

00:57:26.750 --> 00:57:29.699
men. You're not alone in this, but you need to

00:57:29.699 --> 00:57:32.179
be a part of it. So I hope you find or create

00:57:32.179 --> 00:57:34.760
that community for yourself and that you can

00:57:34.760 --> 00:57:38.059
find strength in that brotherhood because we're

00:57:38.059 --> 00:57:39.500
not going to be successful without it.