Thank you. bit scared for this series. Not going
to lie, but I'm still going to come in hot. Okay.
All right. Focus. For a while now, I've been
wanting to do a series on masculinity. It's something
that I've reflected on quite a bit, both in myself
and in my relationships with other men. But it
wasn't really until I started doing work on myself,
until I started going to therapy for an extended
period, that I think I gained some awareness
of uh men or a lack thereof uh today instead
what i've been seeing a lot of uh is lots and
lots of bitches masquerading as men it's not
a novel idea and probably nothing i say will
be unique in any way so i guess this is just
another voice joining a chorus um hopefully a
growing chorus And for me, I wanted to start
by identifying what I think really makes a man
a man and not, say, a bitch. I personally find
all this talk about specific behavior of men,
like the affinity for UFC and football or all
the catcalling or the not sharing feelings. Talking
about men's behavior, I think in the general
public, has not really gotten much at the heart
of what I think. might be going on with men.
It's not really much of a nuanced discussion,
nor do I find the more abstract intellectualized
discussions of masculinity that you find more
in academia to quite hit home for any of the
regular everyday people. I'll keep it simple.
I think that for some reason, we, including myself
here, collectively as men, are having a hard
time identifying who to look up to because We're
confused. We haven't drawn clear lines about
who the men are and who the bitches are. There
are people today looking up to people like Elon
Musk, Donald Trump, Joe Rogan, and think, yeah,
that's a real man, not realizing that they're
all just bitches in different form. And if you
look up to these bitches, then guess what? You'll
become a bitch. So in this series, it's going
to be my feeble attempt at setting the record
straight on who I think anyways that the real
men are and who the bitches are. And to provide
at least what I use as some surefire ways to
differentiate between them. Because once you
expose these bitches as the bitches that they
are, then the attraction to being anything like
them or imitate them or try to, you know, attain
the kind of lifestyle that they have should,
I think, dissipate. And maybe that'll be the
start of people looking for better role models.
And maybe even hopefully the start of people
trying to be better role models because they're
trying to avoid being like these bitches. Let
me be clear about a few things before I get deeper
into this topic. It'll be important for me to
set some foundations of what I'm attempting to
do, because if you start projecting things onto
me, this discussion is going to go way off the
rails quickly before it even gets started. So
I want to be very explicit on a few points just
so that we're all on the same page. First off,
everything I express in this series is just my
personal views. OK, you don't have to agree with
me. It's fine. I'm not looking for your agreement
or your approval. My views are my own. However,
I don't find it helpful if you just tell me that
you disagree. What matters to me is that we talk
about why we disagree. Look to reasons, evidence,
right? Examples to back up our views. And I want
both of us anyways to be open to changing our
views in light of those discussions in that exchange,
right? I'm not coming in as an expert I'm not
coming here to tell you what's correct or true
I'm just telling you what I think But you might
have different opinions. And if so, I want to
hear why that is. And I genuinely do want to
hear because I'm one of those people who are
constantly changing my views in light of these
types of discussions. So I'm always open to changing
my mind. There'll be spots along the series you'll
see where I'll admit I don't know very much about
it. And I'm sure some of you probably have greater
expertise in certain areas. Share it. Don't stay
silent. Talk about it, at least with people that
are open to hearing what you have to say, and
I'll be one of those people, right? If you yourself
are not open to being wrong, to learning, to
changing, to challenging yourself and others,
then you're a bitch, okay? All right. Two, I
am not here to shame or attack men or manhood
or masculinity. That is not my aim at all. If
anything, I want to have an honest discussion
about what manhood is because I think there's
some benefit to actually having an open conversation
about it. But that also means that we're going
to have to be honest. And that means that sometimes
we're going to point out things that maybe isn't
such a positive thing about being a man. But
ultimately, I want the world to just have better
men. And I truly believe that there are good
men out there who want the same thing. They want
good men to have their moment in the sun, right?
To be the ones that are proper role models for
the youth, who give to their community and make
the world a better place. Here's the thing. Being
a man means owning up to your shit and being
able to handle others pointing out some realities
that aren't easy to hear. So I'm not going to
lie. You might feel shame or feel attacked. And
if so, I hope that you can take a moment to acknowledge
your feelings. I will acknowledge them if we
ever get the chance to meet, right? That you
feel the way that you do. And to work with you,
to talk with you, to find out where it's coming
from. I'll share myself. I've had many experience
of feeling attacked, sometimes by women, sometimes
by other men, only to realize that I just felt
that way because something I heard honestly rang
true. And it was something that I didn't like
about myself. So it was like hitting certain
insecurities that I have. And then so I was reacting
by feeling, I was feeling this way for a reason,
right? I'll acknowledge your feelings. In other
words, I'll acknowledge that you feel the way
that you feel, and that you are allowed to feel
the way that you feel. I'm not going to stop
you from feeling how you feel. But I also want
to be clear that that is not the same as acknowledging
that what... you know you make of that feeling
like placing blame or claiming that there's some
injustice has been done to you or that some moral
judgment is you know being placed upon you or
something like that like that doesn't necessarily
follow from the fact that you feel the way that
you do your feelings are your feelings right
so please realize that your feelings are your
feelings and your feelings are not the same as
reality i've learned that in my own life i have
to you know had to grow into differentiating
between it but your feelings are not the same
as reality okay If you can't see that distinction,
guess what? Then you're a bitch, all right? Okay,
three. I am focusing on men because there's clearly,
undeniably, an epidemic among men. I actually
think it's probably more men of particular economic
situations and depending on the kind of community
that they're in. There's a lot of other factors,
not just men across the board necessarily. Generally,
among men, we have some major, collectively,
some issues that are haunting men, right? I think
this is backed up well by the studies, at least
the ones that I'm aware of, regarding male loneliness,
depression, suicide rate, that shows us that
men on the whole are suffering. Whether we want
to acknowledge it or not, it's there. To be clear,
this isn't necessarily true of all men. However,
the data and my own experience, at least the
people in my community, when I see, you know,
the difference between how girls are doing at
school, how the boys are doing at school, how
they're doing in terms of social, you know, acceptance
and so on, right? Like clearly there's something
off here, right? And it's affecting men specifically,
right? And it's a gender gap. I'm not going to
deny it. There's a gender gap. And that's leading
to men experiencing this sort of harm and suffering.
So collectively, men are not doing so well, even
if there might be exceptions. And if there is
an issue facing men, then anyone who is not a
man will have zero reason to care. I'm sorry,
but no one's coming to save you, man. Except
people who might care, which might probably be
other men. If they see... And they're able to
go ahead and empathize with your suffering, right?
The only ones that can save men are men, right?
I can't stress this enough. We need to do this
for each other. And we won't get started on giving
each other the right kind of support and helping
each other grow if we don't acknowledge that
we men as a group have a serious problem on our
hands. And it's a problem that no one else is
going to take care of other than men, okay? And
I want to, again, stress, I'm stressing this
a lot because I think people often take it, some
of the things I say quite personally, and I'm
like, you know, this is not personal. This is
not directed at you, right? So I repeat, this
is not about any one individual man. This is
about the male community as a whole. And if you
can't differentiate between the tendency within
a collective group versus some small subset of
individuals within that larger group, then you're
a bitch. All right. Finally, number four. If
you were offended at my suggestion that you might
be a bitch, then you're a bitch, okay? Look,
there's a little bit of bitch in all of us. There's
no shame in it. Like I said, I'm not here to
shame you, all right? I have a little bit of
bitch in me. I don't like it, when others point
it out. or maybe point it out to somebody else
and I see the parallels. But I also try to acknowledge
it to be true when it is true, because to be
honest, denial is not going to help me be any
less of a bitch. Only hardcore bitches are too
insecure to acknowledge that they're being a
little bit of a bitch, right? So stop being a
bitch and just accept the reality that you aren't
perfect, just like I'm not, just like no one
else in the world is. I will be wrong sometimes.
You'll be wrong sometimes. I'll make mistakes
sometimes. You make mistakes sometimes. That's
just reality of deal with it, okay? Not dealing
with it is what will make you more of a bitch.
So stop being a bitch. Now, now that I got all
of that out of the way, let's return to the central
question. What makes a man a man and not, say,
a boy? That's the core of what I want to get.
into in this series, right? I want to focus on
what it means to grow into a man. A boy is a
boy, a man is a man. A man that is still mentally
and emotionally a boy, that's a bitch. But how
do we make sure that boys grow into men and not
into bitches? Well, we're going to have to begin
with the basics of properly defining what it
means to be a man. And I think too many people
get confused with images of men versus the heart
of what it actually means to be a man. Then we
could go on to discuss how to nurture boys into
becoming men. But first, we need to get our facts
straight and figure out what a real man is. Why
do we need to have this discussion at all? Don't
we all know what it means to be a man? Oh, hell
no. It's clear that many boys don't know what
it means to be a man and aren't aiming to be
men because of the role models they have in their
lives. Many boys seem to hold up bitches to be
the exemplar of a man. Let me give you a classic
prime example. Drake's bitch ass. If you don't
know Aubrey Drake Graham, that bitch ass motherfucker,
this bitch got all these kids confused about
what a real man is. And we need to fix it. I'm
going to say my piece on the issue. I honestly
don't want the talk to end there. Again, my hope
is that every man gets off their ass and speaks
loud and clear on calling out bitches and bitch
assness in the world so that collectively we
can create a culture against bitch assitry, if
that's even a word. I believe there are good
men in the world that have a clear eye and, you
know, good. way of differentiating between men
and bitches. I just want them to be more vocal
leaders in their community. But you and I might
differ on what we view as good men. So I need
for us to see eye to eye on this issue before
you go off and become another one of these bitches
with a microphone, rather than a real man that
raises up the next generation of real men. Okay?
I want to be clear about something, though. We
are discussing in part how to nurture boys to
become men. But I am honestly primarily in this
series, I'm primarily talking to adults. That's
my target audience. At least that's my aim. And
I'm pleading with y 'all to get your shit together.
Here's the thing. I work primarily with students
in the high school to college range, right? So
mostly in the 15 to 23 -year -old range. I am
not directing my attention at them because the
truth is that, you know, they will only become
what the previous generations guide them to become.
They're still figuring things out for themselves,
trying to figure out who they are, trying to
figure out what their purpose in life is, right?
I mean, just think back for yourself if you're,
you know, past these ages, right? Like where
you were mentally at these ages. You didn't have
a good sense of the rest of the world. You were
still kind of living in a little bit of a bubble.
You were still not unsure of yourself. You're
trying to still figure things out for yourself,
right? It doesn't make sense for us to put the
responsibility, at least completely, on them
to know what it means to be a man when they're
still trying to figure that out. No, I'm talking
to grown -ass men or... suppose it men i'm talking
to the 38 year old father i'm talking to the
50 year old store manager or a leader in their
community i'm talking to those who are in a position
to make a real difference the one thing i hate
is when older generations whine and bitch about
the younger generation talking about how kids
were back in my days right That, oh, yeah, if,
you know, they just grew up in my generation,
right, we wouldn't do this and that. And this
is so appalling. Like, how dare they, you know,
spend so much time worrying about getting their
avocado toast and yada yada. Okay, look, it's
the older generations that gave birth to and
raised the younger generation. If you want to
see what went wrong in the younger generations,
you can't look at the youth. You need to look
in the fucking mirror. You need to look at the
adults in the room that gave rise to that generation.
You, all you 30 plus year olds need to take a
hard look at yourself and acknowledge your part
in how the younger generation is turning out.
Take some ownership of your part in this and
find a way to do better, right? It's your responsibility.
It's yours. It's mine. It's all of us, right?
It's all these adults. that should be taking
responsibility for how the children in our community
turn out. And when the children turn out to be
bitches, look in the mirror. Look inward because
you were the generation that raised these bitches.
Bitches are not born out of a tree. They are
nurtured and raised into being bitches. So I
am imploring all of you adults to get your shit
together, stop complaining, and get off your
ass to do something about it. it doesn't have
to be anything fanciful in fact the best way
to make a positive impact is just not to be a
bitch yourself children learn from what we do
not from what we say the way you move will say
a lot about what our youth pick up about what
it means to be a man so start with yourself then
your home, then your community. It can be as
simple as becoming a part of a chorus of men
who mentor children, especially those without
fathers, or push for school or social policies
that better nurture future men. The reality is
that boys don't become men by watching people
on the internet. They become men when there is
a real man that actually enters into their real
life face -to -face. and invest their time and
energy in walking through life with them, guiding
them, giving them resources and direction, helping
them find their purpose, right? Boys respond
to men who develop a real relationship with them.
You need to be outside, and you need to be outside
doing something, engaging with these boys, no
matter how big or small. Little things done with
great intention can make a real impact, especially
if each of us are doing our part so that collectively
a lot of this work is getting done. But doing
nothing is not an option. If you are not part
of the solution, you're a complicit bitch hindering
progress, and I have no respect for you. Just
as I would want you to call me out for being
a complicit bitch, I hope you can see this is
not a desire to shame you, but to acknowledge
that you are actually capable of more. I'd like
to stand by your side in this fight together
to help young boys. But if you're not fighting
with me, I cannot wait for you to decide whether
or not you're going to participate. There's just
too much at stake to just sit on the sideline.
Sorry, I told you I was going to come in hot.
All right. Now, I need to address the title because
I imagine it might seem a bit intense or maybe
a little clickbaity. I don't know. So I don't
want any confusion about what I'm doing, why
I'm using the words I'm using, and why I'm being
so damn blunt and in your face, so much cursing.
The term bitch here can be used in a pejorative,
gendered way. That's not how I'm using it, as
you can see. I'm using it as a way to describe...
Basically, people who are cowards, people who
are mentally, cognitively still children that
haven't matured, right? So immature might be
a synonym for the way I'm using it. But is there
a better word for it that's not so blunt and
explicit? Yes. Will it be as effective as getting
the message across? Hell no. I don't think it
will anyways. If you're caught up in the language
that I use, then turn to a different podcast
or listen to something else, okay? I'm not going
to say it any other way because this is the way
that at least people in circles that I run with,
and I know that, you know, there's a lot of circles
that are kind of like this. The people that at
least I'm wanting to reach, this is how we speak,
okay? I'm personally not worried and worked up
over the specific words used to express the idea
or thought. I do believe that there's power in
words. But I also believe that what's important
to communicate is the idea, not the word. And
this idea I'm wanting to communicate is honestly
captured best in common vernacular by the word
bitch. The words coward, childish, immature,
or anything of the like, it doesn't really capture
the feeling that I'm going for. The utter disgust
I feel at seeing the kind of bitch -assetry I
see. Now, you can disagree with me, and if you
do and want to have an actual productive conversation
about it, I'm not hiding. You can find me, contact
me, and I'll make time for you as much as I have
time for it. But just don't be a bitch about
it and hide yourself behind anonymous comments.
I don't respect that shit. All right, one last
note. One last note. Though I am addressing manhood
because there's a genuine issue with masculinity,
at least in the United States, but I'm fairly
certain this is kind of more worldwide. That
doesn't mean that what I'm about to say about
manhood only applies to men. In fact, my abstract,
more abstract philosophical belief here is that
the points I'm making in this series are more
generally about humans growing into virtuous
people, into better people. I'm heavily influenced
here by Aristotle, but also a lot of the 17th
and 18th century, you know, enlightenment thinkers.
And I think the central question is more about
how you can grow into the best version of yourself.
And that applies to men, women, non -binary,
whatever else category you want to put in here.
I honestly don't give a shit. Now, again, I think
as a group, there are issues with masculinity
that doesn't seem as prevalent as with other
genders, at least the way that we as society
kind of divide up these genders. But the truth
is that there's a little bitch in every person.
And we all need to work on addressing that bitch
inside us. All this is to say, a bitch is a bitch.
So don't get it twisted. No one is off the hook.
If you're a bitch, I'm coming for you.