WEBVTT

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So this is the start of a new series. I titled

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it The Art of Vulnerability. And it's going to

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get real surgical, specifically surgical on myself.

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This series is really a product of over 10 years

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of going to therapy and slowly dissecting myself

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apart. It's a result of years of struggling to

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acknowledge certain realities about my past,

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but mostly realities about myself, about who

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I am, who I really am. at the core about what

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drives me, about why I am the way that I am.

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So I figured an introduction was necessary because

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what am I about to do and why am I actually doing

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this? What's the purpose behind it? Well, let

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me just tell you a few things about what I'm

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planning on doing. Now, I'm going to walk you

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through. various aspects of my life and how certain

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experiences shaped me. I'm going to expose not

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only what I experienced, but also my own thoughts

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and reflections, both as I experienced it and

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how I view things now, reflecting on the past.

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I'm still growing and learning. But I'd like

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to at least be honest about what lies I have

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told myself, at least the ones I do now recognize,

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and what I believe, at least at the moment of

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this podcast, what I believe to be true. And

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of course, things might change sometime in the

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future. Who knows? I'm still in the process of

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discovery. So the bigger question, I think, for

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now is, why am I doing this? Why am I exposing

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myself in this way? I want to be clear about

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something. I'm not trying to explain myself to

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anybody or to draw and, you know, make deep connections

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with anybody. This is not an opportunity for

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me to connect with an audience or anything like

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that. I am not looking for people to be moved

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in any way or touched or, you know, I mean, you

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could respond however you want or you could be

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angry or dismissive. I just don't. care about

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how you respond to my experience. You know, most

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of the people who know me best or think they

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know me best, people who are closest to me, might

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listen to some of these episodes and might be

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shocked at what I say. They might not actually

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have known me very well for a long period of

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time, or they might maybe get a deeper understanding

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of who I am. But that's honestly not my goal

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at all. And maybe it's just me. I do sometimes

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feel like an anomaly because I don't know very

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many people who are like me and my attitudes

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on this. But I actually could care less what

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you think of me unless it actually impacts me

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in some, you know, tangible way. Right. Like

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if it prevents us from doing business where business

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will be mutually beneficial, it would bother

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me then, I guess. But it's not because you didn't

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really. see me or understand me. So where's this

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all coming from? It's coming from, part of it,

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at least, is coming from my teaching. And specifically,

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at the college level, I teach ethics. And one

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of my favorite topics to teach is virtue ethics.

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What exactly is virtue ethics? You know, I'm

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probably, I'm not being careful about the nuances,

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academic nuances here of virtue ethics, but it's

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a... In my view, it's a holistic approach to

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ethics, which does not concern itself so much

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with doing the right thing in a given situation,

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right? We could argue about, is this the right

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thing to do here in this moral dilemma or not?

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But virtue ethics is not as concerned with that.

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Not that it doesn't matter, but it's not as concerned.

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Rather, virtue ethics is concerned with just

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holistically understanding how you carry yourself

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in your day -to -day life, right? It's about

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becoming and living out a good life the best

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you can. And to live that good life, you need

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to identify and address parts of yourself that

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are keeping you from living that good life. You

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need to address the emotions that drive you away

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from making good decisions. You need to reflect

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on how you care for your physical well -being

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and how that impacts your cognitive and emotional

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self and whether or not that keeps you from living

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out a good life. It's basically a way to dissect

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yourself in every aspect of who you are and trying

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to figure out what it is that's drawing you closer

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to living a good life and what it is that you're

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doing or feeling or thinking that is taking you

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away from living a good life. In teaching virtue

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ethics, I saw... need to provide examples of

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what virtue ethics actually looks like when you

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apply it to your own life. This sounds easy conceptually,

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but one of the things I found is that just kind

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of thinking academically, you know, thinking

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in this cognitive way through the application

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felt a little bit, how do you say, lacking. It

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was missing something. It was missing depth.

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And I think the reason it was missing depth is

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that virtue ethics never, I think, in theory

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anyways, it's not something that you get to by

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thinking your way to it. You can't. We're talking

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about all of who you are as a human being. And

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all of you, who you are as a human being, is

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not dictated by just the thoughts that you have.

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It's one part of it, but it's not the whole picture.

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So the aim in this project, in part anyways,

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is to model this process of reflecting on yourself,

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on identifying how our past has shaped the way

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that we view the world, the way that we view

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ourselves, the way that we navigate the world,

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the way that we make decisions. it's a chance

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for us to explore how these views that we have

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are distorted by those past experiences and how

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then we can attain clarity so that we could reason

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well, we could think and deliberate well about

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what to do and make good decisions, whether it's

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about your fashion choice or whether it's about

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your relationships or finances or whatever else

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decision that you have to make in your everyday

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life. Okay, the process for me involved years

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of therapy. It wasn't simply an academic reflection.

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And I think this is my personal experience with

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this, I think, helped shape why I felt a need

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for there to be something in the academic sphere

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in teaching of virtue ethics that went beyond

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just the head -heavy way and approach that you

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normally see in textbooks. You cannot think your

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way into a good life. It's just... that's just

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the reality you can't and in fact this is actually

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built into the theory itself right virtual ethics

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talks a lot of aristotle anyways um where a lot

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of this is coming from for me anyways is you

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know he spoke a lot about how you know comparing

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ethics to um a craft that you're you know cultivating

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some sort of skill in right like you need to

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do the thing that you're trying to aim for in

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order to get good at it, right? So living a good

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life, right? Practicing living a good life requires

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you actually practicing it to get better at it,

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right? It's not the kind of learning you get

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by reading a book. It's not the kind of learning

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you get just by thinking about it. You need to

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actually go out into the world and do. the virtuous

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thing, or at least mimic it and try to get better

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at it. Just the same way that you kind of have

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to get, you have to actually physically, you

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know, fix cars and you have to physically, what

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is it, sharpen knives, or you have to physically

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fix whatever is broken in your home to really

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get a better sense of what works and what doesn't

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and what to look out for and how to just make

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better decisions about these things. You can't

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do it just by reading some books. That might

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be a good starting place, but at some point you

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need to get your hands dirty. And in the case

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of applying this to your own life, the way to

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get your hands dirty is by exploring your brokenness.

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It's by exploring the ways in which you are falling

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short of living the good life, as well as identifying

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some ways in which you are doing some things

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that are drawing you closer to living the good

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life. It's not... a chance for you to like, you

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know, criticize yourself necessarily. Rather,

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I think I take the kind of approach that has

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been taught to me from studying mindfulness,

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which is learning to be curious rather than judgmental,

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right? Learning to be curious about yourself,

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being curious about who you are, about what you're

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about, where this is all coming from. rather

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than judging yourself, okay? So I don't want

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to really promote any kind of self -deprecation

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here. It's more a curiosity about your own self.

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Now, it could be challenging because you will

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hear judgments float into your head along the

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way. That's pretty normal. But I think it takes

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a little practice, but I think it's possible

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to at least withhold those judgments, even if

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it's just for a short period, to at least be

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curious about yourself. And, you know, I want

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to be clear about this. I'm not trying to claim

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that I myself am a virtuous person and that I'm

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supposed to be some sort of role model for how

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to live your life. By no means. I am not a finished

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product. I am horribly broken in so many ways,

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and I learn more and more about just the different

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ways I'm broken every day, just in noticing the

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things that I do and how I respond to my daughter,

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to my students, to myself. And what I really

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want, rather, is instead a space for not only

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myself to be vulnerable about my own brokenness,

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but I'm trying to give you the space if you're

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listening, one of my students, right? If any

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one of you are curious and want to try exploring

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yourself in this way, I want to at least open

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up that space by being vulnerable myself so that

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you can try to enter into this space as well.

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For yourself. You don't have to share it with

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me. You can do it for yourself. But in the hopes

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that you can feel more comfortable doing this

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sort of exploration of yourself. Because I think

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it's going to be necessary to find genuine, true,

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complete, full healing and growth. Okay? There's

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also a secondary goal. And this actually comes

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from a different set of experiences, specifically

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with helping students with their personal statements

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for college applications. You know, there's something

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I noticed when I'm helping students out with

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their college applications. I would have these

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conversations initially about what they thought

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about what they thought were thinking about writing.

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And then they would write up a draft and I would

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read it. And, you know, I would have this more

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often than not, actually, I would have this sort

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of response to their writing, which is it. I

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get that you're sharing some things about you,

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but it feels kind of... It feels a bit dry. It

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feels robotic. It feels like... It feels generic.

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It feels like just AI could have written it.

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It feels like... There's no genuineness. There's

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no authenticity. There's not a real person behind

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these words. And for a while, I was trying to

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figure out exactly why it felt this way, because

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I knew that this was the key to differentiating

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between an impactful personal statement and one

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that's not. It's this feeling of connecting to

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the writer. If you're reading a work, that's

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super important because that's what's going to

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dictate whether or not the reader is engaged.

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And the reader is not going to be engaged if

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they feel like they're reading something that

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was written by AI. They're going to feel engaged

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when it feels like there's a real human on the

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other side and they could feel that in the writing.

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And I had a hard time trying to put into words

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exactly what this was. And I think I have a better

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sense of what is really happening right now.

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I want to be fair to high school students here

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because this has to do with just normal human

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development, okay, coupled with the educational

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system. Your high school years as a high school

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student, you probably, even before high school,

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right, probably spend most of your time trying

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to reach certain goals. And that's kind of the

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way the educational system is built nowadays.

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It's geared towards pumping out students who

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have achieved a bunch of goals, right? Whether

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it's titles in a club or grades in a class, right?

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We start to define ourselves by these accomplishments.

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And so you spend so much time doing, doing, doing,

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constantly foot on the gas trying to figure out

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exactly how to achieve that next goal that...

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You know, many high school students don't spend

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time slowing down and reflecting on why they're

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doing what it is that they're doing, right? What

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is it that you're trying to accomplish? But more

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importantly, why are you going for these things,

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right? And the answers are usually, when I talk

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to students, answers are usually fairly shallow,

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right? I want to get into a good college because

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I want to get this job and I want to do this

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work. They can name me the titles that they want

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in the future, right? I want a job in this sector.

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I want to do this kind of work. And I ask them

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why, and then they say, well, because I want

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to help the world. It's starting to sound very

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generic already, right? None of it connects to

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something deeply personal, right? And when you're

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too busy just doing without reflecting on why

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you're doing it, you end up becoming nothing

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more than a shell of yourself. You end up becoming

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nothing more than just a collection of accomplishments.

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And that's why the resume ends up, you know,

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feeling so dry. And I'm trying to get students

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to kind of connect the dots so that at least

00:14:45.419 --> 00:14:48.000
in the personal statement, it doesn't, you know,

00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:50.320
feel dry in the same way that the resume might.

00:14:50.940 --> 00:14:56.070
And so I. realize I need to actually prompt students

00:14:56.070 --> 00:15:00.710
to start reflecting and revealing their truest

00:15:00.710 --> 00:15:03.990
self. And unless you've actually practiced doing

00:15:03.990 --> 00:15:06.970
this, unless you practice reflecting on your

00:15:06.970 --> 00:15:10.149
life, slowing down, figuring out your purpose

00:15:10.149 --> 00:15:13.549
in life, where you fit into the world, why you

00:15:13.549 --> 00:15:15.470
feel like that's your place in the world, unless

00:15:15.470 --> 00:15:19.889
you ask some of these deeper questions, not just

00:15:19.889 --> 00:15:22.169
like, I like to do this, but actually... Why

00:15:22.169 --> 00:15:24.149
do you like to do it, right? Do you like to do

00:15:24.149 --> 00:15:26.289
it because you were pushed in that direction

00:15:26.289 --> 00:15:28.169
or is there something about the thing itself

00:15:28.169 --> 00:15:30.330
that you really like, right? Like if you enjoy

00:15:30.330 --> 00:15:32.809
playing a musical instrument, right? Do you actually

00:15:32.809 --> 00:15:35.110
enjoy it or do you like it because you're good

00:15:35.110 --> 00:15:37.509
at it or do you like it because you think it'll

00:15:37.509 --> 00:15:39.809
help you get into college, right? The why here

00:15:39.809 --> 00:15:43.070
is what gives us that, you know, the readers

00:15:43.070 --> 00:15:45.269
anyways, a sense of, oh, we're dealing with a

00:15:45.269 --> 00:15:47.529
human here with real feelings that are stemming

00:15:47.529 --> 00:15:50.639
from a real life. that has connected to some

00:15:50.639 --> 00:15:53.240
deeper, meaningful experiences that they had,

00:15:53.340 --> 00:15:57.340
right? So unless you actually ask yourself these

00:15:57.340 --> 00:16:00.259
questions or maybe had these sorts of Q &As with

00:16:00.259 --> 00:16:02.940
your, you know, friends at some point with your

00:16:02.940 --> 00:16:05.580
peers and had these deep conversations late at

00:16:05.580 --> 00:16:08.519
night, if you didn't have that, then this will

00:16:08.519 --> 00:16:12.500
be a new way of not only writing, but also thinking

00:16:12.500 --> 00:16:15.860
and feeling like this is just, this will all

00:16:15.860 --> 00:16:18.440
feel very new. Which is no wonder that when it

00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:20.940
comes to the personal statement, it's their first

00:16:20.940 --> 00:16:23.259
time writing a personal statement in the way

00:16:23.259 --> 00:16:28.240
that I ask them to write it, right? Okay. So

00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:30.179
what I'm saying is this, right? Like, look, it's

00:16:30.179 --> 00:16:32.700
not necessarily that something's wrong with you

00:16:32.700 --> 00:16:35.980
or that you suck at it. I don't like to promote

00:16:35.980 --> 00:16:38.399
that way of thinking just because I don't think

00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:41.240
it's true. I think it's a skill set like any

00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:42.799
other. Writing a personal statement is different

00:16:42.799 --> 00:16:46.039
than writing, let's say, a business correspondence,

00:16:46.279 --> 00:16:50.080
right? And it requires the writer to be a little

00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:51.940
bit more in tune with themselves. It requires

00:16:51.940 --> 00:16:56.559
students who have learned anyways. And again,

00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:59.940
it's a skill that you can learn. You learn how

00:16:59.940 --> 00:17:02.539
to be open and curious about yourself so that

00:17:02.539 --> 00:17:04.920
when you're prompted by someone else to talk

00:17:04.920 --> 00:17:08.319
about yourself, you can do so in a way that feels

00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:12.059
very much like your truest self. You're revealing

00:17:12.059 --> 00:17:16.740
something about what makes you tick. Not just

00:17:16.740 --> 00:17:20.519
the list of things that you've accomplished or

00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:23.539
your specific goals, tangible goals for the future.

00:17:24.299 --> 00:17:26.859
Those are all well and good, but where's that

00:17:26.859 --> 00:17:29.400
deeper humanity underneath? You're able to reveal

00:17:29.400 --> 00:17:31.920
it if you have a better sense, a better understanding

00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:34.759
of who you are. And that requires you to just

00:17:34.759 --> 00:17:38.519
simply take the time to be open and curious about

00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:43.359
who you are, to do that kind of reflection. So,

00:17:43.359 --> 00:17:47.579
this series is meant to guide specifically my

00:17:47.579 --> 00:17:51.460
students, past, present, and future. This is

00:17:51.460 --> 00:17:54.599
for my ethics students who want to see what virtue

00:17:54.599 --> 00:17:56.720
ethics looks like when you actually live it out

00:17:56.720 --> 00:18:00.160
in real life, or at least you try to, what that

00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:02.440
practice would look like on a day -to -day, week

00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:06.460
-to -week basis. And to the high school students

00:18:06.460 --> 00:18:10.980
that I've worked with and will work with in the

00:18:10.980 --> 00:18:14.759
future, who are wanting to write a personal statement

00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:17.460
that is actually engaging. And the way to be

00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:20.039
engaging is to be authentic. And to be authentic,

00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:23.019
you need to first know yourself. You need to

00:18:23.019 --> 00:18:27.279
know who you are. So I'm providing these examples

00:18:27.279 --> 00:18:32.400
as a way for you to, as a way to kind of prompt

00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:36.680
you to reflect on your own life in your own way.

00:18:37.309 --> 00:18:40.130
It's not about me here, even though I'm sharing

00:18:40.130 --> 00:18:43.849
my experience, but I would want for my students

00:18:43.849 --> 00:18:48.549
to hear the way in which my thoughts and feelings,

00:18:48.890 --> 00:18:51.950
my experiences, how they all kind of come together

00:18:51.950 --> 00:18:57.130
into a more or less cohesive story, and whether

00:18:57.130 --> 00:18:59.990
they can practice doing that for themselves so

00:18:59.990 --> 00:19:03.069
that they get a, you know, deeper understanding

00:19:03.069 --> 00:19:06.319
of themselves about what they come from about

00:19:06.319 --> 00:19:10.180
where they're going and why they're moving in

00:19:10.180 --> 00:19:13.220
that direction. My guess is that they're all

00:19:13.220 --> 00:19:16.940
connected, right? Our present self is at least

00:19:16.940 --> 00:19:20.119
in part a product of our past self and our future

00:19:20.119 --> 00:19:25.339
self is shaped by what we do today. So I hope

00:19:25.339 --> 00:19:30.480
that you can take this series of stories as a

00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:33.200
way to kind of prompt your own reflections. And

00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:35.549
I hope that you find them to be fruitful. And

00:19:35.549 --> 00:19:37.829
at the end of the day, more than anything, if

00:19:37.829 --> 00:19:39.910
there's anything I could wish for you, it would

00:19:39.910 --> 00:19:42.990
be that you start to fall in love with yourself.

00:19:44.390 --> 00:19:49.890
Not judge yourself, not be contentful of yourself,

00:19:50.069 --> 00:19:53.710
or not be smug about yourself, but just simply

00:19:53.710 --> 00:19:57.710
love yourself as you are. And from there, hopefully

00:19:57.710 --> 00:20:03.390
you could find freedom to do, move, and to guide

00:20:03.390 --> 00:20:06.900
yourself. uh going forward in the way that you

00:20:06.900 --> 00:20:08.559
genuinely would like to go