WEBVTT 00:00:02.850 --> 00:00:06.110 Okay, so we're going to have to talk a little 00:00:06.110 --> 00:00:08.789 bit about dominoes and raising canes. I'm going 00:00:08.789 --> 00:00:11.929 to take each in turn. I have a serious problem 00:00:11.929 --> 00:00:15.470 with both institutions, both organizations, both 00:00:15.470 --> 00:00:17.870 companies. I don't know what word to label to 00:00:17.870 --> 00:00:21.410 use. They both suck. They both suck terribly. 00:00:21.789 --> 00:00:23.510 They're the most disgusting things in the world, 00:00:23.550 --> 00:00:25.850 and I have no idea how they remain in business. 00:00:25.929 --> 00:00:27.550 Well, I kind of do, but I'm going to explain 00:00:27.550 --> 00:00:30.929 why that is a terrible thing. that they actually 00:00:30.929 --> 00:00:32.469 remain in business. Okay, so let me start with 00:00:32.469 --> 00:00:36.649 one. Let me start with Domino's. All right. The 00:00:36.649 --> 00:00:38.649 reason I'm ranting against Domino's specifically 00:00:38.649 --> 00:00:43.189 is the following. This is true. Now that I'm 00:00:43.189 --> 00:00:44.750 a parent, I'm going to all these kids' birthday 00:00:44.750 --> 00:00:47.929 parties. If any time at a birthday party there's 00:00:47.929 --> 00:00:50.909 pizza ordered, it's from Domino's. I have a suspicion 00:00:50.909 --> 00:00:53.990 as to why, which is mainly that it's the cheapest 00:00:53.990 --> 00:00:57.909 to order in mass compared to places like Papa 00:00:57.909 --> 00:01:01.990 John's or other places. Um, I guess you could 00:01:01.990 --> 00:01:04.170 also go with Little Caesars, but Little Caesars 00:01:04.170 --> 00:01:06.790 feels cheap maybe. And then, so maybe there's 00:01:06.790 --> 00:01:08.750 some stigma about that. Little Caesars, by the 00:01:08.750 --> 00:01:10.730 way, also is disgusting. I think it's, I mean, 00:01:10.750 --> 00:01:12.689 it's better than it used to be. I remember when 00:01:12.689 --> 00:01:15.049 I was a lot younger, like a decade ago, the pizza 00:01:15.049 --> 00:01:17.670 was a lot worse than it is now. So I've tried 00:01:17.670 --> 00:01:19.469 it. Don't, don't, don't knock on me and tell 00:01:19.469 --> 00:01:20.930 me like, I'm just like hating on things that 00:01:20.930 --> 00:01:23.450 I haven't tried. I've tried this shit and it's, 00:01:23.450 --> 00:01:26.030 it's terrible. Okay. But I can acknowledge that 00:01:26.030 --> 00:01:27.730 Little Caesar has gotten better, still terrible, 00:01:27.829 --> 00:01:31.230 but better than it used to be. Domino's actually 00:01:31.230 --> 00:01:33.170 as well have gotten a little bit better once 00:01:33.170 --> 00:01:35.170 they started putting in that like garlicky butter 00:01:35.170 --> 00:01:37.230 thing on their crust to make it a little bit 00:01:37.230 --> 00:01:39.590 more tasty, but it's still disgusting, okay? 00:01:40.010 --> 00:01:43.069 But it's ordered en masse anytime there's a kid's 00:01:43.069 --> 00:01:45.049 birthday party, and I'm pretty sure it's because 00:01:45.049 --> 00:01:47.489 it's one of the cheaper options. I know because 00:01:47.489 --> 00:01:49.109 I'm a parent myself, and when we're throwing 00:01:49.109 --> 00:01:51.269 birthday parties, I can see the price tags and 00:01:51.269 --> 00:01:54.930 the options available, all right? Domino's is 00:01:54.930 --> 00:01:58.290 disgusting. And there's two primary, actually 00:01:58.290 --> 00:02:00.870 three primary reasons why, okay? Dough sucks, 00:02:01.109 --> 00:02:04.109 cheese is plastic, and the toppings are awful, 00:02:04.250 --> 00:02:07.150 okay? On top of that, I haven't been to a Domino's 00:02:07.150 --> 00:02:10.650 where the workers are actually enthused at all 00:02:10.650 --> 00:02:12.629 about their work. You know, I've actually seen 00:02:12.629 --> 00:02:14.750 people at Papa John's that are like excited to 00:02:14.750 --> 00:02:16.250 be working at Papa John's or happy to do it. 00:02:16.409 --> 00:02:18.270 Although it's like, you know, your franchise. 00:02:18.669 --> 00:02:20.110 Depends on the franchise, right? Depends on the 00:02:20.110 --> 00:02:23.500 location. Your miles may vary, okay? But Domino's, 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:25.039 nobody's happy to be at Domino's. They all just 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:27.219 feel like the worst people in life. I don't know 00:02:27.219 --> 00:02:28.960 if it's Domino's that's doing that to them. I 00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:30.319 want to give them the benefit of the doubt and 00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:32.139 say they were probably lovely people until they 00:02:32.139 --> 00:02:33.860 started working at Domino's and then Domino's 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:35.879 crushed their soul and then turned them into 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:38.780 little monsters. So they're always like angry 00:02:38.780 --> 00:02:41.259 and mean about everything. At least all the ones 00:02:41.259 --> 00:02:44.840 in my region are this way. But more importantly, 00:02:45.099 --> 00:02:48.740 Domino's as a pizza just sucks balls, okay? Look, 00:02:48.860 --> 00:02:52.599 the dough tastes like crap. It is not crispy. 00:02:52.780 --> 00:02:55.280 It's not crunchy. It's doughy in all the wrong 00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:58.960 ways, okay? In all the wrong ways. Soggy, right? 00:02:59.340 --> 00:03:01.719 And if you ever had, like, you know, this is 00:03:01.719 --> 00:03:04.479 one of the ways I grade pizza is if you could 00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:06.439 leave it overnight and you get cold pizza and 00:03:06.439 --> 00:03:09.520 then you eat it and it still tastes, like, good 00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:11.460 as a cold pizza, that's usually a sign that, 00:03:11.580 --> 00:03:14.430 you know, hey. This pizza might actually have 00:03:14.430 --> 00:03:16.610 some potential. But no, Domino's is not like 00:03:16.610 --> 00:03:18.530 that. Once it becomes cold, it becomes completely 00:03:18.530 --> 00:03:20.509 inedible. It actually tastes like cardboard. 00:03:20.689 --> 00:03:22.509 It tastes like not real food. That's what it 00:03:22.509 --> 00:03:25.449 tastes like once it becomes cold. And part of 00:03:25.449 --> 00:03:27.169 the reason is that the dough is just absolutely 00:03:27.169 --> 00:03:28.590 nasty. It doesn't have flavor. If they didn't 00:03:28.590 --> 00:03:31.650 put that stuff on the crust, that garlic or whatever 00:03:31.650 --> 00:03:33.789 spread they put on there, it would just have 00:03:33.789 --> 00:03:37.270 no taste. The texture sucks. It becomes absolutely 00:03:37.270 --> 00:03:39.729 rock hard. It's just disgusting in every possible 00:03:39.729 --> 00:03:42.939 way. Absolutely every single way. The cheese 00:03:42.939 --> 00:03:45.759 is even worse. The cheese tastes plastic. You 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:47.639 know what the cheese tastes like? You know, like 00:03:47.639 --> 00:03:49.879 when you have a McDonald fry and then McDonald 00:03:49.879 --> 00:03:52.979 fries get cold? For some reason, McDonald fries, 00:03:53.060 --> 00:03:56.139 like when they're piping hot, fresh out, right, 00:03:56.219 --> 00:03:59.120 the fryer, it's not so bad. But then right when 00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:01.520 it turns cold, it tastes like it's not even made 00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:03.599 for human consumption. That's what it tastes 00:04:03.599 --> 00:04:05.800 like. It's like immediately once it turns cold, 00:04:05.860 --> 00:04:07.669 it becomes disgusting in this way. All right. 00:04:07.770 --> 00:04:10.689 So what Domino's cheese tastes like is it tastes 00:04:10.689 --> 00:04:12.550 kind of like that, right? It's like if it's warm, 00:04:12.750 --> 00:04:14.930 it's for some reason it masks the reality that 00:04:14.930 --> 00:04:17.230 this is not real food. And then once it cools 00:04:17.230 --> 00:04:19.629 down even just a little bit, you realize this 00:04:19.629 --> 00:04:21.870 is not real cheese. That's what it tastes like. 00:04:22.370 --> 00:04:23.970 I don't know if they're doing this on purpose 00:04:23.970 --> 00:04:26.910 or what. Maybe they're secretly like there's 00:04:26.910 --> 00:04:29.529 a conspiracy theory for you, right? They're secretly 00:04:29.529 --> 00:04:31.689 replacing cheese with like vegan cheese, right? 00:04:31.790 --> 00:04:33.850 This is not real cheese. It's like soy cheese 00:04:33.850 --> 00:04:35.670 or something, right? Something about it doesn't 00:04:35.670 --> 00:04:38.660 taste like real cheese. Okay? But lastly, the 00:04:38.660 --> 00:04:40.899 toppings all suck. It's one of the worst type 00:04:40.899 --> 00:04:43.139 of pepperonis. Like, I judge a pizza place by 00:04:43.139 --> 00:04:45.800 the quality of the pepperoni. Right? This is 00:04:45.800 --> 00:04:47.339 part of the reason that I never eat at Blaze 00:04:47.339 --> 00:04:51.779 Pizza. Their pepperoni sucks. Major. Okay? Pizza 00:04:51.779 --> 00:04:53.959 Guys, I don't know what this chain is, but it's 00:04:53.959 --> 00:04:56.980 been popping up in my area recently. Pizza Guys 00:04:56.980 --> 00:05:00.800 actually has really great pepperoni. But Domino's 00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:04.079 has, I feel like that's fake meat. I am suspicious. 00:05:04.139 --> 00:05:05.920 Somebody needs to do research to see what kind 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:07.860 of meat it really is because it's definitely 00:05:07.860 --> 00:05:11.259 not pork. It feels like it's an amalgamate of 00:05:11.259 --> 00:05:15.180 different kinds of fat mixed with shredded, I 00:05:15.180 --> 00:05:17.800 don't know, shredded paper. That is my guess. 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:20.899 And some salt for flavoring. That is my guess. 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:23.160 Something about it, it doesn't crisp up properly. 00:05:24.920 --> 00:05:28.579 It just doesn't taste right at all, right? Their 00:05:28.579 --> 00:05:32.629 sausage, oh, even worse, right? On a pizza, the 00:05:32.629 --> 00:05:35.410 thing that you like most are the veggies. That's 00:05:35.410 --> 00:05:37.029 a problem for the other toppings. That's a real 00:05:37.029 --> 00:05:40.509 problem for the other toppings. Because fat is 00:05:40.509 --> 00:05:44.529 flavor, which means that everything on the pizza, 00:05:44.629 --> 00:05:47.430 except for the vegetables, should be the thing 00:05:47.430 --> 00:05:51.089 that tastes the best about the pizza. But if 00:05:51.089 --> 00:05:53.889 you're actually preferring the mushroom version 00:05:53.889 --> 00:05:56.089 of the pizza or the jalapeno version of pizza 00:05:56.089 --> 00:05:59.589 without anything else on it, that's a problem. 00:05:59.709 --> 00:06:00.829 That means there's something wrong with your 00:06:00.829 --> 00:06:02.540 pizza. There's something wrong with your other 00:06:02.540 --> 00:06:04.740 toppings. There's something wrong with your fatty 00:06:04.740 --> 00:06:08.519 toppings, especially. It also doesn't help that 00:06:08.519 --> 00:06:10.139 at any of these kids' parties, there's always 00:06:10.139 --> 00:06:12.740 somebody who requests Hawaiian pizza, and that's 00:06:12.740 --> 00:06:14.439 the most disgusting thing in the world. Anybody 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:16.740 who orders Hawaiian pizza from anywhere, not 00:06:16.740 --> 00:06:19.279 just Domino's, but anywhere in life, you are 00:06:19.279 --> 00:06:22.100 a horrible person, and I hope you burn, because 00:06:22.100 --> 00:06:25.060 you are making the world a worse place for allowing 00:06:25.060 --> 00:06:29.870 this monstrosity to exist ever. There is a way 00:06:29.870 --> 00:06:31.889 to include sweetness into the pizza, but it's 00:06:31.889 --> 00:06:33.610 not through the pineapple and especially not 00:06:33.610 --> 00:06:35.389 with Canadian bacon, which is not real bacon. 00:06:35.550 --> 00:06:38.610 Canadian bacon is an affront to God. That's what 00:06:38.610 --> 00:06:41.750 I feel like, okay? No Canadian bacon on any pizzas 00:06:41.750 --> 00:06:44.509 ever. Even on my meat lover pizzas, I would never 00:06:44.509 --> 00:06:46.610 put Canadian bacon on there. That just takes 00:06:46.610 --> 00:06:49.430 away from meat flavor. That is a disgusting thing 00:06:49.430 --> 00:06:52.259 to put on any pizza. All right. Let's get to 00:06:52.259 --> 00:06:54.000 Raising Cane's, okay? I've had this argument 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:57.500 before with friends. Okay, Raising Cane is disgusting. 00:06:57.699 --> 00:07:01.540 I do not know why it actually exists. You know 00:07:01.540 --> 00:07:03.279 what? Actually, no. Correct. I'm going to correct 00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:06.639 myself. It's not necessarily disgusting. It's 00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:11.060 just not good. It's just not good, okay? For 00:07:11.060 --> 00:07:15.019 the life of me, I do not understand why I see 00:07:15.019 --> 00:07:17.720 lines on the drive -thru at Raising Cane's that 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:20.819 resemble the lines at In -N -Out Burger. That 00:07:20.819 --> 00:07:24.699 makes no sense to me. Why? Because I've had raisin 00:07:24.699 --> 00:07:28.339 canes before. Their chicken is flavorless. It's 00:07:28.339 --> 00:07:31.819 disgusting. I get it. You like the crispy chicken 00:07:31.819 --> 00:07:35.319 tenders, but here's the fact for you, okay? Your 00:07:35.319 --> 00:07:38.279 mileage may vary. A lot of those places, they 00:07:38.279 --> 00:07:40.779 sometimes have crispy tenders and sometimes they 00:07:40.779 --> 00:07:43.639 don't. What is consistent throughout is that 00:07:43.639 --> 00:07:46.319 their chickens lack any sort of flavor. Zero 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:50.389 spice. Disgusting, okay? I would rather have 00:07:50.389 --> 00:07:52.829 the Popeye's chicken tenders. And I am not a 00:07:52.829 --> 00:07:55.230 fan of chicken tenders, period. I am not a fan 00:07:55.230 --> 00:07:59.769 of chicken tenders, okay? Fries, mediocre. Chicken, 00:07:59.930 --> 00:08:04.110 not always crispy, always flavorless, okay? It 00:08:04.110 --> 00:08:07.529 is not a good sign for your damn restaurant if 00:08:07.529 --> 00:08:10.029 people are raving about the sauce. We're going 00:08:10.029 --> 00:08:12.350 to come back to that, right? But it's a problem 00:08:12.350 --> 00:08:15.350 if... They're excited about the sauce more than 00:08:15.350 --> 00:08:17.449 the flavor of the chicken. What that tells me 00:08:17.449 --> 00:08:19.949 is that your chicken is under seasoned. Your 00:08:19.949 --> 00:08:22.589 chicken tastes like shit. So you need to cover 00:08:22.589 --> 00:08:24.970 it up with sauce. That's what that tells me. 00:08:25.149 --> 00:08:28.350 Okay. So why do people like raisin canes? Based 00:08:28.350 --> 00:08:31.389 on what my conversations with other people, it's, 00:08:31.389 --> 00:08:35.269 oh, I really like their sauce. Okay. That's all 00:08:35.269 --> 00:08:38.009 well and good. But what about the chicken? Because 00:08:38.009 --> 00:08:39.929 isn't that supposed to be the main thing that 00:08:39.929 --> 00:08:43.090 you're going there for? No. The chicken itself 00:08:43.090 --> 00:08:46.649 is trash. You're using the sauce to mask the 00:08:46.649 --> 00:08:49.750 real taste of the chicken, which is ass. Chicken 00:08:49.750 --> 00:08:52.990 is horrible, okay? All right, let me get to the 00:08:52.990 --> 00:08:56.029 sauce, okay? The sauce is actually disgusting. 00:08:56.110 --> 00:08:58.330 I don't know what the fuck people are eating 00:08:58.330 --> 00:09:01.289 and letting their taste buds tell them, but the 00:09:01.289 --> 00:09:03.950 sauce at Raising Cane's is actually not good. 00:09:04.490 --> 00:09:07.110 If I had to do a scale of like one to 10 for 00:09:07.110 --> 00:09:10.429 sauces, it would be like slightly above ketchup. 00:09:11.159 --> 00:09:13.259 That's where the raisin cane sauce lands for 00:09:13.259 --> 00:09:15.779 me. I have no idea why people are so obsessed 00:09:15.779 --> 00:09:18.980 with this damn sauce. It tastes like some weird 00:09:18.980 --> 00:09:23.440 mix of, I don't know what, ranch, mayo, ketchup, 00:09:23.580 --> 00:09:25.840 and mustard. I'm not sure what it is. They put 00:09:25.840 --> 00:09:27.460 it in pickle juice maybe? I don't know what the 00:09:27.460 --> 00:09:30.460 combination is, right? Okay? It's like trying 00:09:30.460 --> 00:09:32.740 to be kind of like the Big Mac sauce, but it's 00:09:32.740 --> 00:09:35.279 not quite as good. It's kind of trying to be 00:09:35.279 --> 00:09:37.460 kind of like... I don't know if you've ever had 00:09:37.460 --> 00:09:39.440 like Clyde's hot chicken, but Clyde's hot chicken 00:09:39.440 --> 00:09:41.840 has pretty decent sauce to have with their hot 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:45.460 wings, right? No, this is just disgusting sauce. 00:09:45.639 --> 00:09:48.860 I do not understand. It is overly tangy. It's 00:09:48.860 --> 00:09:51.539 overly sweet, but not in a pleasant way, right? 00:09:52.500 --> 00:09:54.700 It's like, it's not sweet, but it's like, it's 00:09:54.700 --> 00:09:56.679 like too sweet for the balance of the flavor 00:09:56.679 --> 00:09:59.379 on this thing. Raising cane sauce is fucking 00:09:59.379 --> 00:10:02.360 disgusting. And the next person who tells me 00:10:02.360 --> 00:10:04.559 that raising cane sauce is like elite level sauce. 00:10:05.179 --> 00:10:08.480 I will just discredit, I will just discount any 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:11.080 opinion you have on food, period. Because what 00:10:11.080 --> 00:10:13.379 you're telling me is that your taste buds don't 00:10:13.379 --> 00:10:15.759 actually work and that you'd be perfectly happy 00:10:15.759 --> 00:10:18.139 eating ass. That's what you'd be happy doing, 00:10:18.299 --> 00:10:21.960 okay? Dog poo, that's what you eat because that 00:10:21.960 --> 00:10:25.720 is disgusting, okay? I can't stress this enough, 00:10:25.860 --> 00:10:28.019 okay? Look, I'm not looking for raising canes 00:10:28.019 --> 00:10:30.679 to go out of business. I think that it's perfectly 00:10:30.679 --> 00:10:33.159 fine for people with bad taste to go ahead and 00:10:33.159 --> 00:10:36.419 invest and pay money to eat bad food. Perfectly 00:10:36.419 --> 00:10:39.100 fine. What I'm upset about is the fact that there 00:10:39.100 --> 00:10:41.919 are so many people that seem to be raving and 00:10:41.919 --> 00:10:44.539 lining up for Raising Cane's. I hope this goes 00:10:44.539 --> 00:10:48.700 away at some point. I care about my community. 00:10:48.779 --> 00:10:51.580 I hope my community raises its eyes, opens it 00:10:51.580 --> 00:10:55.139 up. Opens up your, you know, taste buds to reality. 00:10:55.539 --> 00:10:58.940 And then realize that Raising Cane's actually 00:10:58.940 --> 00:11:02.240 is shit. That if there's any location, there 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:04.539 should be like one location every like 300 miles. 00:11:04.860 --> 00:11:07.919 For the very few people who have terrible taste 00:11:07.919 --> 00:11:11.120 buds, it should not be some hot thing, exciting 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:13.940 thing when a Raising Cane's opens up in your 00:11:13.940 --> 00:11:17.720 neighborhood. It's not. A Popeye's opening up 00:11:17.720 --> 00:11:19.700 in your neighborhood should be exciting. I was 00:11:19.700 --> 00:11:22.220 excited about that. If any of you had Church's 00:11:22.220 --> 00:11:25.700 chicken, that should be praised. Okay? That's 00:11:25.700 --> 00:11:27.299 an exciting thing. I love Church's chicken. A 00:11:27.299 --> 00:11:29.840 little too greasy. I prefer, like, Popeye's over 00:11:29.840 --> 00:11:34.120 it. But, you know, for fast food chicken, pretty 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:37.740 decent. But no one should be excited about Raising 00:11:37.740 --> 00:11:39.740 Cane coming to their neighborhood. I don't know 00:11:39.740 --> 00:11:41.320 why so many people actually go to Raising Cane's. 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:44.679 It makes absolutely no sense to me. I will never 00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:48.299 again in my life step foot into a Raising Cane's. 00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:51.200 I will never support it. If a friend ever wants 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:53.620 to go there, I am going to steer them in a different 00:11:53.620 --> 00:11:56.100 direction because I care. Because I love my friends, 00:11:56.220 --> 00:11:59.139 and I do not want them to suffer through what 00:11:59.139 --> 00:12:04.500 is just shitty food. Okay? Please, come at me. 00:12:04.600 --> 00:12:08.120 I don't care. The sauce tastes like ass. Nothing 00:12:08.120 --> 00:12:11.179 redeeming about Raisin Cane. Popeyes over Raisin 00:12:11.179 --> 00:12:14.700 Cane. Any day. Every day. Ugh.