Sorry, everyone. I've been lying to you this whole time. Actually getting into Ivy Leagues
is super easy. I have the secret formula and it's not really a secret and I've just been
withholding it from you. But here we go. The 10 steps to getting into every competitive
college.
Okay, so here we go. So in just to start off, I think I need to put a little disclaimer
here. I'm going to be telling you all of these secrets to getting into the most competitive
schools. These are, in my opinion, actually true, but it's just my opinion. And also,
there's going to be a lot of, how do I say this, attitude coming from my end. This is
all meant to be in good fun, but it might be a depressing kind of fun given that these
probably are very much true, at least based on the data that I have access to.
Okay, so here we go. How to get into the most competitive schools. Step one, before you're
even born, make sure that your parents are somebody extremely influential, iconic figures
in the community, in the world, ideally Supreme Court justice or the president. And also make
sure that they are super rich and are one of the most influential people having vast
social networks with the most wealthy and powerful people in the world. If your parents
aren't that, your parents are already failing you and putting you behind all the other people
who are trying to get into these elite colleges.
Number two, ideally your parents, you have both parents around and invested into your
education. They're ideally in a healthy, emotionally healthy relationship with both themselves
and with their partner, and they love you very, very much. They're also not violent
and they're also not engaging in abusive behavior of any kind towards you or towards anyone
else around them. They just are straight up good people who have a great moral compass.
Ideally this will be to your benefit. Okay, number three, let's see, make sure that you
don't have any major medical issues, at least not anything that will hinder your learning
or your ability to contribute to society. Ideally you're not a premature baby and you
were born sometime between September 2nd to December 2nd, at least in California, because
that way you'll be one of the oldest students in the class. That gives you a huge advantage
from the very beginning. Most likely you'll be further along in your development than
the other kids and you'll get into these pre-K or TK programs and just completely dominate
the other students just because the few months make a big difference in your ability to just
have learned more.
All right, number four, let's see, you got to experience the world and starting from
very early age, your parents exposed you to a whole lot of stuff. You took trips abroad,
right? You got to experience Spain in the summer. You went to Aspen in the winter. You
just got to experience a lot of different things. Maybe you went and did some internship
with Gordon Ramsay. Your parents somehow are able to hook that up and these are wonderful
experiences so that you could really discover yourself, learn about yourself. Okay? All
right, number five, attend a feeder school. Ideally, it'll be Phillips Andover, Harvard
Wesley, one of these feeder schools to the Ivy Leagues. There might be a huge cost, but
who cares? Because you already got the advantage that you needed so your parents are rich and
they have the money to afford the tuition. If you're one of the few lucky people to get
a scholarship at one of these places, well, you just won the lottery, one in a million.
Make sure you don't screw it up. Try to be in the top 5% of your class, okay?
All right, number six, make sure to take up an obscure sport, an obscure sport that really
only wealthy white people play. So this will be things like squash, polo, golf, fencing,
rowing. A lot of wealthy Asians have started taking up on these sports as well because
they realized this is the place to make a lot of good business deals and this is the
way to actually give yourself an advantage going into an Ivy League. Because Ivy League
is not going to really be big on the football program. No, they're going to be big on their
polo program. They're going to be big on their fencing program, right? That's who they're
going to recruit in their sports that they actually participate in. Okay, number seven,
make sure to get tutors and coaches for everything imaginable and make sure it's from a true
professional, right? So that means that you're getting actual PhDs, professors teaching and
helping you with your math. You know, it overlaps a lot with going to a feeder school. Most
likely at one of these feeder schools, you probably have PhDs teaching you already anyways.
So you know, it's like you're getting a college education pretty early, which is really nice.
Definitely prepares you for the college life, right? Okay, number eight. Ooh, yes, make
sure you work hard, but make sure you work hard with the guidance of counselors, advisors,
and administrators helping you every single step of the way, making sure you're doing
the right thing in the right way to the right degree and making sure that they're looking
out for your future, right? So make sure you work hard, but do so with this guidance, right?
Don't just try to do it on your own, right? Don't just try to figure it out on your own,
okay? Number nine, make sure your parents donate millions of dollars to your dream school
or schools if they have, you know, ideally they have the wealth for it, right? So, you
know, make sure they donate millions of dollars, you know, like even if they say there's no
donor preference, the name could go a long way. So make sure your parents do that. If
they skip out on this, you could throw a tantrum and make sure that they understand the importance
of the donation part here to help you get into one of these dream schools, okay? And
number 10, hire professionals to craft your college application and make sure you get
the good ones, right? The ones that will cost you upwards of, you know, 10 to $20,000 for
that assistance. In fact, ideally you would hire several of them, right? And you know
that they're professionals because they were the ones selecting for the Ivy Leagues at
some point. They were probably a dean at one of these schools at some point. And then so
that's part of the reason that they're probably so expensive. They only take on like, you
know, 10 to 20 students a year, okay? So just make sure to do all of these things, you know,
not too difficult. I only give you a list of 10 things to do, okay? Do those 10 things
and that'll be a surefire way to make sure that you have the best possible chance of
getting into the most elite of colleges. So good luck to you. Easy as pie, right?