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Wait, is that what I think it is?

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No!

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Last time I talked about toxic masculinity and, you know, feminism is also another term

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that seems to elicit similar types of emotions.

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But what was interesting about feminism, the word, at least in my conversations with others,

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is that this term seems to also elicit a lot of negative feelings among the women in my

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life.

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And it seems that they have a lot of notions or feelings about feminism, or that word,

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anyways, feminist, that is associated with things like anti-femininity or, you know,

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being anti-men or what is it, like raging, angry woman, like that sort of image is what

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they have, right?

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And this idea that somehow it's against traditional family structures along those lines.

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So look, I want to clear the air about what feminism actually is.

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It's a much more nuanced, complicated discussion if you get into nitty-gritty of the different

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feminist movements throughout the United States and other countries at different periods,

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right?

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So the notion of feminism has varied from decade to decade, and there's a lot of things

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that have kind of been associated with feminism.

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But I want to get to the actual core of what feminism is, apart from all the associations

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that people seem to have with it.

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Okay?

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At its core, feminism is nothing more than a desire for equality, regardless of your

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gender.

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Right?

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That's all it's asking for.

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Fairness, equality, justice.

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So it's a demand to be treated like a fellow human being, nothing more.

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Right?

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That's all it's asking for.

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It's like saying you're anti-like, well, I mean, look, it's like saying you're anti-discriminatory

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like practices.

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Like that's kind of like the way to think of it.

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Right?

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And feminism has, as a movement, has been demanding different things at different times.

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But at the core, it's always demanding more or less the same thing, which is equal opportunity.

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Right?

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Fairness in terms of the workplace and at home, in terms of duties and responsibilities,

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a sense of decent, basic level of respect as a fellow human being, basically asking

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for the things that you would give to anybody else, regardless of their gender.

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Right?

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That's what feminism is demanding.

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So if you think that women should get fair pay for their work, equitable pay, pay that

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is more or less along the lines of anybody else and how much you would pay them for doing

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the exact same job.

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OK?

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You're a feminist.

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If you are somebody who demands that women have equal rights in the political sphere,

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they can run for office, they could go ahead and have, you know, what is it?

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They could hold positions and be influential in a similar way that any other man could.

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Right?

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You're a feminist.

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OK?

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If you think that, you know, in the household, right, women and men should somehow find a

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way exactly how that looks in terms of divvying up resources, right, and divvying up responsibilities

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to be done in some fair and just manner where the women's wishes are at least to some degree

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heard and there's a compromise between the two.

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And then you come to an agreement on what both of you are willing to do and for how,

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you know, like what sort of duties to take on.

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Right?

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If you think there's fairness in that exchange, you're a feminist.

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OK?

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In other words, feminism does not mean that we give up the notion of a traditional household.

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It's saying that if you have a traditional household, like I'm thinking traditional

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household as in, you know, a man, let's say goes to work, makes money, woman stays at

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home, takes care of kids, you know, doesn't have a job, but instead does like I think

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what is it now?

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There's a trend of stuff on social media about trad wise.

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Right?

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Look, it's not saying you can't have that.

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Right?

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What it's saying is if you do have it, it's not because you didn't have other opportunities

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that you wanted to take on.

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Right?

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Or that, you know, you were forced into those positions.

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Right?

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The idea is supposed to be this.

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It was your choice.

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You wanted to go ahead and enter into that sort of relationship.

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Right?

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It's not saying that you have to.

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It's not saying that you don't have to.

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It's saying that it is your choice.

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Right?

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You can have that kind of a household if you want.

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But guess what?

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Some women don't want that.

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Just like some men don't want that as well.

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And if that's the case, you have opportunities to set up a life that's different than that.

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And again, it'll be your choice.

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In other words, there's nothing in society that is putting these hindrances on you, right?

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Putting these barriers on you to prevent you from living out a life that any other

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person would be able to have for themselves.

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Right?

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In other words, this is nothing more than equal rights.

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That's really all it is.

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Okay?

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If you commit a crime, two people committed the same crime, right?

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The same degree, have the same impact, have the same sort of like devious intent or whatever.

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You might think like, look, it's fair that they get similar punishments, right?

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Doesn't make sense?

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I mean, I hope it does.

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I mean, it seems like the most basic notion of fairness, right?

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So it's the same idea.

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If a man is allowed to do it and a woman wants to do it, she could have the opportunity to

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do it.

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It doesn't necessarily mean that it'll turn out, you know, everything will turn out exactly

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the same.

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But it's saying, look, hey, don't treat me differently because I'm a woman.

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Don't pay me less.

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Don't expect more from me.

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Right?

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Don't expect me to carry on, you know, a larger portion of the burden when I did not agree

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to it.

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Right?

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Treat me fairly.

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Right?

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In other words, the way that you would treat another person of the same gender, like the

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same way, right?

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Just treat women in the same fashion.

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Like there should be no difference.

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Right?

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If you think it's inappropriate to go ahead and harass, you know, a man, the same thing.

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Don't harass women.

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Right?

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Treat everybody fairly.

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Okay?

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So look, the notion behind feminism is I think maybe the way to think of it is this.

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I think too many people have certain connotations about what it is to be a feminist.

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And that's why I personally try to use this word pretty openly to kind of diminish and

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have conversations about it because I want to diminish the kind of connotations that

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have been now attached to this notion of being a feminist.

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But my understanding anyways is that feminism is nothing more than just fighting for equal

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rights for women.

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Okay?

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Now I know that in social media it becomes a whole big thing about, oh, then what happens

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when you go on a date?

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And when you go on a date, you still expect the man to pay.

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Right?

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Like, you know, what about chivalry?

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Chivalry is dead because of feminism.

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Right?

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Okay.

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Look, when we're talking about these personal relationships, again, it is up to you, the

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couple, whoever, if you're trying to figure things out, if you're trying to figure out

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who takes on what role.

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Right?

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Okay.

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Every relationship is going to be different.

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The whole point here is this.

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That it doesn't have to be one way.

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A woman is not obligated to do anything because you do anything for them.

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Okay?

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Just as you as a man would not be obligated to do something for them just because they

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did something for you.

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Okay?

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In the context of a relationship, I would say.

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Right?

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It's a relationship.

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You're figuring out what the other person likes.

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You're trying to accommodate.

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You're compromising.

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This is normal relationship stuff.

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Okay?

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Look, some men like to cook.

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Let them cook.

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Okay?

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If that's what works for you in your relationship, that works.

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If in your relationship, at least in the dating relationship, you say splitting the paycheck

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is what works, fine.

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As long as both of you are on board with it.

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Okay?

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That's fine.

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If you want a different arrangement, if you want a different arrangement where you say,

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hey, in this relationship, the expectation is that, let's say, the man pays.

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Okay?

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And you want to say, look, there's got to be a compromise.

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If I'm going to pay, then there's got to be something else I get in return.

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You figure that out with the person that you're dating.

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Okay?

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Nobody's stopping you.

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Nobody's saying it's bad or wrong.

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Right?

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What we're saying is this.

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It's a conversation for you to have.

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But here's one thing that is not the case.

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The woman is not obligated to go along with whatever you want the relationship to look

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like.

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Why?

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Because you wouldn't accept it the other way around if a woman demanded that the relationship

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be a certain way and that you didn't like.

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This is how relationships work.

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It's a compromise.

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What it looks like in the relationship, it depends on the two of you.

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What the two of you figure to be, you know, ones that you're willing to accept, the terms

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of the agreement, if you want to put it that way.

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Right?

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And every couple that I've talked to has something different in terms of the arrangement.

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When you become parents, there's different arrangements.

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And it depends on a lot of things.

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A lot of times it depends on the nature of the work that they do.

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It has to do with finances.

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It has to do with where they're getting help from in raising children.

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It might have to do with a range of different considerations.

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But I know men that take up the bulk of the child caring.

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But there is a kind of compromise and there is an exchange and there's an agreement on

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both sides.

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And if there's an agreement on both sides, that's all that's being asked for.

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OK?

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So this system is not demanding that you take on, you know, a bulk load of the child rearing.

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It's not demanding that you be some stay at home dad.

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It's not trying to emasculate you in any way.

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It's not trying to bring down men, in other words.

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Calm down.

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That's not what this is.

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It's just simply asking women to be on equal playing field.

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That's it.

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OK?

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So whether we're talking about this in like things like sports or in personal life or

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in the workplace, that's the only standard that feminism is pushing for.

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OK?

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So when you read stories like, oh, like why are women asking for, you know, such and such

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a pay in sports when they're not bringing in as much in ticket sales?

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Well, that's a discussion to be had.

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Is it actually fair?

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How do we determine what's fair?

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Is it something about the splits between the owners and the players that seems to be offline,

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you know, that seems to differ significantly from the way that men get paid?

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If so, that's a serious point of concern that should be raised and discussed.

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But we end up making a mockery of this, making it seem as if feminism is demanding more than

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their fair share.

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That's not what feminism is.

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Feminism is just simply saying, hey, women are human beings like everyone else and should

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be treated fairly.

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And sometimes you might not have noticed that there's an unfairness.

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But just because you didn't notice that there was an unfairness does not mean that there

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is no unfairness.

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That's part of what feminists try to do.

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They try to bring to light where the unfairness is.

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I'll give you one example, right?

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When it comes to child rearing, there's been a lot of studies on the cognitive load that

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women take in child rearing, where they might not be physically there with the child, you

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know, significantly more than a male partner, but they might take on a significantly more

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of the cognitive load of figuring out what does the kid need next?

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What do they have to do?

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What do they have to schedule?

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What do they have to plan?

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How do we enroll them in schools, right?

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These kinds of things, the cognitive load, they might take, they tend to take a far greater

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burden.

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Right?

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So that might be something that might go unnoticed.

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That might be something that goes unnoticed.

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But the discussion is being had because, hey, just because you didn't notice it doesn't

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mean it wasn't there.

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And so the discussion is a helpful way to kind of bring to light the ways in which this

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unfairness takes root and then shows up in the context of a real relationship.

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So look, what I'm asking is for people to not react to the word feminist and don't be

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ashamed of using the word feminist.

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I think of it like if you are a feminist, you are just somebody who is for equal rights.

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You're somebody who is looking for justice.

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You're looking for fairness.

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You're looking for equity, equality.

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You're looking for people to all be treated for and respected as a fellow human being

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and not to be dismissed, diminished or treated as a second class citizen.

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Now exactly what that looks like.

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Right?

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It depends on the context of where that society is.

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And there might be some issues that are more pressing for women than others.

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And so what is discussed in the public sphere might look different from period to period.

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But at the core, feminism is nothing more than fairness.

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And I think that that's not something terrible.

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That's not something that we should look down on.

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In fact, it's something that I feel like all of us should be on board with.

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That we want to make sure that the women in our lives are treated fairly.

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That women in our lives are given the same opportunities as men.

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And that they are able to thrive in their own way, regardless of their gender.

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So please, don't make this out to be more than what it is.