Wait, is that what I think it is?
No!
Last time I talked about toxic masculinity and, you know, feminism is also another term
that seems to elicit similar types of emotions.
But what was interesting about feminism, the word, at least in my conversations with others,
is that this term seems to also elicit a lot of negative feelings among the women in my
life.
And it seems that they have a lot of notions or feelings about feminism, or that word,
anyways, feminist, that is associated with things like anti-femininity or, you know,
being anti-men or what is it, like raging, angry woman, like that sort of image is what
they have, right?
And this idea that somehow it's against traditional family structures along those lines.
So look, I want to clear the air about what feminism actually is.
It's a much more nuanced, complicated discussion if you get into nitty-gritty of the different
feminist movements throughout the United States and other countries at different periods,
right?
So the notion of feminism has varied from decade to decade, and there's a lot of things
that have kind of been associated with feminism.
But I want to get to the actual core of what feminism is, apart from all the associations
that people seem to have with it.
Okay?
At its core, feminism is nothing more than a desire for equality, regardless of your
gender.
Right?
That's all it's asking for.
Fairness, equality, justice.
So it's a demand to be treated like a fellow human being, nothing more.
Right?
That's all it's asking for.
It's like saying you're anti-like, well, I mean, look, it's like saying you're anti-discriminatory
like practices.
Like that's kind of like the way to think of it.
Right?
And feminism has, as a movement, has been demanding different things at different times.
But at the core, it's always demanding more or less the same thing, which is equal opportunity.
Right?
Fairness in terms of the workplace and at home, in terms of duties and responsibilities,
a sense of decent, basic level of respect as a fellow human being, basically asking
for the things that you would give to anybody else, regardless of their gender.
Right?
That's what feminism is demanding.
So if you think that women should get fair pay for their work, equitable pay, pay that
is more or less along the lines of anybody else and how much you would pay them for doing
the exact same job.
OK?
You're a feminist.
If you are somebody who demands that women have equal rights in the political sphere,
they can run for office, they could go ahead and have, you know, what is it?
They could hold positions and be influential in a similar way that any other man could.
Right?
You're a feminist.
OK?
If you think that, you know, in the household, right, women and men should somehow find a
way exactly how that looks in terms of divvying up resources, right, and divvying up responsibilities
to be done in some fair and just manner where the women's wishes are at least to some degree
heard and there's a compromise between the two.
And then you come to an agreement on what both of you are willing to do and for how,
you know, like what sort of duties to take on.
Right?
If you think there's fairness in that exchange, you're a feminist.
OK?
In other words, feminism does not mean that we give up the notion of a traditional household.
It's saying that if you have a traditional household, like I'm thinking traditional
household as in, you know, a man, let's say goes to work, makes money, woman stays at
home, takes care of kids, you know, doesn't have a job, but instead does like I think
what is it now?
There's a trend of stuff on social media about trad wise.
Right?
Look, it's not saying you can't have that.
Right?
What it's saying is if you do have it, it's not because you didn't have other opportunities
that you wanted to take on.
Right?
Or that, you know, you were forced into those positions.
Right?
The idea is supposed to be this.
It was your choice.
You wanted to go ahead and enter into that sort of relationship.
Right?
It's not saying that you have to.
It's not saying that you don't have to.
It's saying that it is your choice.
Right?
You can have that kind of a household if you want.
But guess what?
Some women don't want that.
Just like some men don't want that as well.
And if that's the case, you have opportunities to set up a life that's different than that.
And again, it'll be your choice.
In other words, there's nothing in society that is putting these hindrances on you, right?
Putting these barriers on you to prevent you from living out a life that any other
person would be able to have for themselves.
Right?
In other words, this is nothing more than equal rights.
That's really all it is.
Okay?
If you commit a crime, two people committed the same crime, right?
The same degree, have the same impact, have the same sort of like devious intent or whatever.
You might think like, look, it's fair that they get similar punishments, right?
Doesn't make sense?
I mean, I hope it does.
I mean, it seems like the most basic notion of fairness, right?
So it's the same idea.
If a man is allowed to do it and a woman wants to do it, she could have the opportunity to
do it.
It doesn't necessarily mean that it'll turn out, you know, everything will turn out exactly
the same.
But it's saying, look, hey, don't treat me differently because I'm a woman.
Don't pay me less.
Don't expect more from me.
Right?
Don't expect me to carry on, you know, a larger portion of the burden when I did not agree
to it.
Right?
Treat me fairly.
Right?
In other words, the way that you would treat another person of the same gender, like the
same way, right?
Just treat women in the same fashion.
Like there should be no difference.
Right?
If you think it's inappropriate to go ahead and harass, you know, a man, the same thing.
Don't harass women.
Right?
Treat everybody fairly.
Okay?
So look, the notion behind feminism is I think maybe the way to think of it is this.
I think too many people have certain connotations about what it is to be a feminist.
And that's why I personally try to use this word pretty openly to kind of diminish and
have conversations about it because I want to diminish the kind of connotations that
have been now attached to this notion of being a feminist.
But my understanding anyways is that feminism is nothing more than just fighting for equal
rights for women.
Okay?
Now I know that in social media it becomes a whole big thing about, oh, then what happens
when you go on a date?
And when you go on a date, you still expect the man to pay.
Right?
Like, you know, what about chivalry?
Chivalry is dead because of feminism.
Right?
Okay.
Look, when we're talking about these personal relationships, again, it is up to you, the
couple, whoever, if you're trying to figure things out, if you're trying to figure out
who takes on what role.
Right?
Okay.
Every relationship is going to be different.
The whole point here is this.
That it doesn't have to be one way.
A woman is not obligated to do anything because you do anything for them.
Okay?
Just as you as a man would not be obligated to do something for them just because they
did something for you.
Okay?
In the context of a relationship, I would say.
Right?
It's a relationship.
You're figuring out what the other person likes.
You're trying to accommodate.
You're compromising.
This is normal relationship stuff.
Okay?
Look, some men like to cook.
Let them cook.
Okay?
If that's what works for you in your relationship, that works.
If in your relationship, at least in the dating relationship, you say splitting the paycheck
is what works, fine.
As long as both of you are on board with it.
Okay?
That's fine.
If you want a different arrangement, if you want a different arrangement where you say,
hey, in this relationship, the expectation is that, let's say, the man pays.
Okay?
And you want to say, look, there's got to be a compromise.
If I'm going to pay, then there's got to be something else I get in return.
You figure that out with the person that you're dating.
Okay?
Nobody's stopping you.
Nobody's saying it's bad or wrong.
Right?
What we're saying is this.
It's a conversation for you to have.
But here's one thing that is not the case.
The woman is not obligated to go along with whatever you want the relationship to look
like.
Why?
Because you wouldn't accept it the other way around if a woman demanded that the relationship
be a certain way and that you didn't like.
This is how relationships work.
It's a compromise.
What it looks like in the relationship, it depends on the two of you.
What the two of you figure to be, you know, ones that you're willing to accept, the terms
of the agreement, if you want to put it that way.
Right?
And every couple that I've talked to has something different in terms of the arrangement.
When you become parents, there's different arrangements.
And it depends on a lot of things.
A lot of times it depends on the nature of the work that they do.
It has to do with finances.
It has to do with where they're getting help from in raising children.
It might have to do with a range of different considerations.
But I know men that take up the bulk of the child caring.
But there is a kind of compromise and there is an exchange and there's an agreement on
both sides.
And if there's an agreement on both sides, that's all that's being asked for.
OK?
So this system is not demanding that you take on, you know, a bulk load of the child rearing.
It's not demanding that you be some stay at home dad.
It's not trying to emasculate you in any way.
It's not trying to bring down men, in other words.
Calm down.
That's not what this is.
It's just simply asking women to be on equal playing field.
That's it.
OK?
So whether we're talking about this in like things like sports or in personal life or
in the workplace, that's the only standard that feminism is pushing for.
OK?
So when you read stories like, oh, like why are women asking for, you know, such and such
a pay in sports when they're not bringing in as much in ticket sales?
Well, that's a discussion to be had.
Is it actually fair?
How do we determine what's fair?
Is it something about the splits between the owners and the players that seems to be offline,
you know, that seems to differ significantly from the way that men get paid?
If so, that's a serious point of concern that should be raised and discussed.
But we end up making a mockery of this, making it seem as if feminism is demanding more than
their fair share.
That's not what feminism is.
Feminism is just simply saying, hey, women are human beings like everyone else and should
be treated fairly.
And sometimes you might not have noticed that there's an unfairness.
But just because you didn't notice that there was an unfairness does not mean that there
is no unfairness.
That's part of what feminists try to do.
They try to bring to light where the unfairness is.
I'll give you one example, right?
When it comes to child rearing, there's been a lot of studies on the cognitive load that
women take in child rearing, where they might not be physically there with the child, you
know, significantly more than a male partner, but they might take on a significantly more
of the cognitive load of figuring out what does the kid need next?
What do they have to do?
What do they have to schedule?
What do they have to plan?
How do we enroll them in schools, right?
These kinds of things, the cognitive load, they might take, they tend to take a far greater
burden.
Right?
So that might be something that might go unnoticed.
That might be something that goes unnoticed.
But the discussion is being had because, hey, just because you didn't notice it doesn't
mean it wasn't there.
And so the discussion is a helpful way to kind of bring to light the ways in which this
unfairness takes root and then shows up in the context of a real relationship.
So look, what I'm asking is for people to not react to the word feminist and don't be
ashamed of using the word feminist.
I think of it like if you are a feminist, you are just somebody who is for equal rights.
You're somebody who is looking for justice.
You're looking for fairness.
You're looking for equity, equality.
You're looking for people to all be treated for and respected as a fellow human being
and not to be dismissed, diminished or treated as a second class citizen.
Now exactly what that looks like.
Right?
It depends on the context of where that society is.
And there might be some issues that are more pressing for women than others.
And so what is discussed in the public sphere might look different from period to period.
But at the core, feminism is nothing more than fairness.
And I think that that's not something terrible.
That's not something that we should look down on.
In fact, it's something that I feel like all of us should be on board with.
That we want to make sure that the women in our lives are treated fairly.
That women in our lives are given the same opportunities as men.
And that they are able to thrive in their own way, regardless of their gender.
So please, don't make this out to be more than what it is.