1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,000 This is an announcement to all of my students who maybe took one or two classes with me, 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:10,000 got an A in the class, and think that I like you. 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Don't just come to me and ask for a letter of recommendation. 4 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,000 That is not how you do it. 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:33,000 I don't know you like that, okay? 6 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:38,000 We're popping out, we're popping out, oh wait, whoops, the music stopped. 7 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,000 Okay, hello everyone. 8 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,000 That's right, this is The Pop Out, and today we need to talk a little bit about 9 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:48,000 letters of recommendation, who to ask, how to ask for it, okay? 10 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:53,000 There are certain things from my experience that have caused me a great deal of frustration, 11 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:57,000 and I want to make sure that at least my students know what to do before they ask me 12 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,000 for a letter of recommendation, okay? 13 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:05,000 So here's the advice that I tend to give students, whether you take it, it's up to you. 14 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:10,000 Other people could chime in, comment on, you know, if you've given out letters of recommendations, 15 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,000 what you prefer to see. 16 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:15,000 Every person has their own, you know, nuances and preferences. 17 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:21,000 What I'm going to say here I think should probably track for most people, I think, 18 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,000 who write letters of recommendation, okay? 19 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:27,000 All right, first things first, who should you be asking to write your letters of recommendation? 20 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:32,000 And this is probably the biggest factor you should be thinking about when you mull over 21 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,000 where to get your letters of rec, okay? 22 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:40,000 And it actually starts long before you ask a person for the letter of recommendation, okay? 23 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,000 Here's the deal, okay? 24 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:48,000 The best letter of recommendations are written by people who know you best, okay? 25 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:54,000 And what I mean by know you best, I mean like really know you deeply, intimately, right? 26 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,000 Well, intimately might not be the best word here, okay? 27 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,000 Pause, all right? 28 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:05,000 What I mean here is that you, right, are seeking a recommendation from someone, 29 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:10,000 but if that person doesn't really know you very well, then there's not much that they could put 30 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,000 in the letter of recommendation, okay? 31 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,000 So when you think about who you're going to ask for the letter of recommendation, 32 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:21,000 I highly suggest you really think through the people that have been an integral part of your life, all right? 33 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,000 Now, it depends on the purpose, right? 34 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,000 So like let's, let me give you an example, right? 35 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:30,000 If you're applying for colleges, okay, they might ask specifically for somebody who could speak 36 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:34,000 about your scholarly or research skills, okay? 37 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:39,000 In that case, you should be talking to somebody who could speak to that specifically, 38 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:44,000 but most of the time, they'll just say a letter of recommendation from a teacher, right? 39 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:49,000 And then you're like, okay, so then I just need to find a teacher who can say good things about me, all right? 40 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:53,000 That might be your strategy, but that's not necessarily the best strategy, okay? 41 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:59,000 My recommendation would actually be to find the teacher that you've worked most with 42 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:04,000 and most closely with and in as many capacities as possible, okay? 43 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,000 But this means that you needed to have developed that relationship 44 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,000 with the person who could write that letter of recommendation for you, all right? 45 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,000 So let me give you an example, right? 46 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:22,000 I remember that my Spanish teacher was also the Spanish club, you know, faculty advisor in high school, okay? 47 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:26,000 Her letter of recommendation would have been super helpful, not that I needed it 48 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:31,000 because I didn't have in my application, they didn't require it, so I didn't put any letters of recommendation, right? 49 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:35,000 But if I had needed a letter of recommendation, I probably would have asked her, right? 50 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,000 And the reason for it is this, right? 51 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,000 She knows that I'm a good student because of what she saw in the classroom, 52 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:46,000 but more importantly, right, she could speak to multiple aspects of who I am 53 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,000 because she's had a lot of different interactions with me, right? 54 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:55,000 She, you know, was there with me as I was one of the, you know, government officers for Spanish club. 55 00:03:55,000 --> 00:04:03,000 I've worked closely with her in event planning and in, you know, those meetings with other officers, right? 56 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,000 She's seen me in those different capacities, right? 57 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:10,000 And then on top of that, she's known me for, you know, I think it was a total of three, four years, right? 58 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:16,000 So she's known me for an extended period where we had numerous, you know, chances to interact in this way, right? 59 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:23,000 We've gotten close enough that she could actually say something about me beyond just, I'm a good student, okay? 60 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,000 That's kind of what you're looking for here. 61 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:31,000 That's kind of what you're looking for, but you don't have that if you don't have relationships with people, right? 62 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:37,000 So it's odd, but the way to start figuring out who to ask for letters of recommendation is to start asking yourself, 63 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,000 like, who have I developed really good relationships with, right? 64 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:47,000 It could be the coach of a, you know, a sport, or it could be, you know, a teacher. 65 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:49,000 It could be an administrator, right? 66 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,000 It could be somebody else in a different capacity. 67 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:57,000 Now, some schools are going to require in your letter of recommendation that it comes from a specific type of person, 68 00:04:57,000 --> 00:05:01,000 a specific person within a particular position, right, like a teacher. 69 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:06,000 But if there isn't such requirements, you want to cast a net pretty widely, right? 70 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,000 You want to see, like, look, who knows me in the best capacity. 71 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:11,000 It could be through some program outside of school. 72 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:19,000 It could be in your own, you know, a church or community or somebody in your neighborhood 73 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:23,000 that is a person of authority in some way that you work with closely. 74 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,000 They know you. They know you deeply. 75 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:32,000 They could speak to your experiences, but also the things that you've demonstrated in a lot of different ways, okay? 76 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:36,000 So these are all things that you want to consider, okay? 77 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:40,000 It's not as straightforward as here's the teacher with the best name 78 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:44,000 or the ones that have a reputation for writing the best letters and the one I got an A in, right? 79 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 Like, that's not how this works, right? 80 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:49,000 You're not going to get a good letter of recommendation if that's the case. 81 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:54,000 You want to have a person that you could talk to that, you know, 82 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:59,000 have that sort of more personal conversation with that you have had those conversations with 83 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:02,000 so that, you know, when they write the letter of recommendation, 84 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,000 it doesn't sound like a stranger that's writing on your behalf, okay? 85 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:12,000 And for my students specifically, right, just because, you know, we had good vibes or something in class, 86 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,000 that's not a good enough reason. 87 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:18,000 If you ask me, I'm not going to be able to write the best letter of recommendation for you, 88 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,000 even if I wanted to, because I don't know you like that. 89 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,000 And here's the thing, all people who write these letters, their name is on the line, right? 90 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,000 So nobody is going to go out there and lie for you, right? 91 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,000 That looks poorly on them. 92 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:34,000 So they're going to want to speak truthfully, and I can't speak truthfully, positively about you if I don't actually know you, okay? 93 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,000 Which means that if you want a letter of recommendation from me, 94 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:41,000 the best thing to do is to develop a relationship with me. 95 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,000 I've done this with many of students, right? 96 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:48,000 You know, best place to do this is during office hours, through email correspondence, through a lot of means. 97 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,000 There's a lot of different ways, talking after class, right? 98 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,000 It could be whatever, right? 99 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,000 Now, I don't want you to pander to me. 100 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,000 That's not, that shouldn't be your goal, right? 101 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:02,000 But rather just to have honest conversations so that they know, they know what's happening in your life. 102 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,000 They know what you're about. 103 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:07,000 They know you're serious about the passions that you have, the interests that you have, right? 104 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,000 The things that really make you tick. 105 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:14,000 You want to give them as much material so that they could write meaningfully on your behalf. 106 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,000 They're not going to be able to do that if they don't know you, okay? 107 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:29,000 The who of it also includes, right, keeping in mind, right, what it makes sense to select as a person of, in a position to speak authoritatively, right? 108 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:37,000 In other words, you know, if there's somebody who speaks on your behalf, but there's reason to think that they have certain biases, 109 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:41,000 then it's not going to be taken with a lot of weight. 110 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,000 Why? Because the biases are pretty obvious, right? 111 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,000 So let me give you an example of this, right? 112 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:57,000 You know, if you ask like your godparent or, you know, your, you know, your uncle or aunt or something to write you a letter of recommendation, right? 113 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,000 That's going to look suspicious, right? 114 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,000 Why? Because they're a relative of yours or they're connected to you in a certain way, right? 115 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,000 That looks mighty, it looks like, okay, how much of this can I actually trust? 116 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:15,000 I mean, they might be truthful, but clearly there's probably some biases involved here, right, that we just can't simply ignore, okay? 117 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:26,000 So you want people who know you well, but ones that, you know, aren't going to present themselves as a potential questionable witness on your behalf, all right? 118 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:35,000 Which is often why people will turn to teachers, supervisors, people that they've worked with and know them in a particular capacity, okay? 119 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,000 But that don't have the much deeper personal relation, right? 120 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,000 Like it's not like exes or people you've dated. 121 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:45,000 It's not people that you, you know, family members, things like that. 122 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:49,000 You know, you want to be very careful not to select anyone along those lines, okay? 123 00:08:49,000 --> 00:09:02,000 Beyond that, though, it doesn't necessarily have to, except for where there's a strict requirement, you want to try to think kind of broadly about the people who have something next to their name. 124 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:07,000 So that they can be taken seriously in terms of their letter of recommendation, okay? 125 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:27,000 It'll make more of a difference in, I think, applying to graduate and professional schools, in part because there will be a focus in, focusing in on ability to do research, ability for scholarly activities, in which case you want the letter of recommendations from coming from reputable researchers and professors, right? 126 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:33,000 That's what you're strictly, like that's what's kind of like the focus, so that's what they'll be looking for. 127 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:41,000 In the case of high school, yes, there'll be some that you should probably, most of them probably should come from teachers to speak to your ability to do academic work. 128 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:46,000 But feel free to throw in one that has some weight in the community. 129 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,000 Like I said, it's important that they have weight in the community. 130 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,000 It's not just a, you know, a Joe Schmoe. 131 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:56,000 It's like, it's not just some random person, but rather somebody who has some, you know, authority in the community, like a community leader. 132 00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:02,000 Or somebody who is a leading organizer of a particular group. 133 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:08,000 Or, you know, somebody in the highest position that you could think of that you actually have a deep relationship with. 134 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:09,000 Okay? 135 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,000 That's the person you should be seeking, right? 136 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,000 I sometimes tell this to my students. 137 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:20,000 It sounds a little weird to them when I say it, but sometimes I'll tell them, like, hey, you know, given what you're applying for, I'm probably the wrong person to ask. 138 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,000 Okay? 139 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:31,000 I have this issue sometimes when students have gone on to transfer it over to four-year colleges and that they've done deep research with faculty member over there. 140 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,000 And then they're now applying to, like, graduate or professional schools. 141 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,000 And I'll tell them, right? 142 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,000 They're like, oh, I had a good relationship with you. 143 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,000 I know that, you know, we've still maintained communication all these years. 144 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:52,000 I'll tell them, like, I could write a letter of recommendation on your behalf, but I would probably recommend that you find somebody more recent that you've worked more closely with. 145 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,000 Right? 146 00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:57,000 And preferably somebody from this research institution, because I'll be honest with them, right? 147 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:08,000 Like, I'm a faculty member, but there's a difference between me at a community college teaching primarily and not doing any research versus a world-renowned researcher at a four-year college. 148 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,000 Right? 149 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,000 There's a big gap there. 150 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,000 There's a big gap. 151 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:19,000 And my word is not going to be taken as seriously as somebody with those credentials that the other person has. 152 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,000 Right? 153 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:23,000 So you want to be selective about who you ask. 154 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,000 Okay? 155 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,000 And along all these factors. 156 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,000 Okay? 157 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:35,000 I would recommend that you at least ask, you know, four, five, six sometimes people to have in your back pocket. 158 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:40,000 Because the truth is, depending on what you're applying to, you might want to get letters from different people. 159 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,000 Okay? 160 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000 Let me give you an example of this. 161 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,000 Right? 162 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,000 So I actually did a master's program at Boston University in theology. 163 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,000 That was actually not an academic journey for me. 164 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:57,000 It was more like a personal journey to deal with my own personal demons and, you know, you know, in struggling with my own spirituality. 165 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,000 Long story. 166 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,000 Right? 167 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:09,000 I was applying to Boston University and, you know, from everything I've read about the school and what they're looking for and who they're kind of who their student body, what the student body looks like. 168 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,000 Right? 169 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,000 It's an academic program. 170 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,000 But at the same time, right, they're also raising, right, as part of the training program. 171 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,000 A lot of the people that go there are not academics. 172 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:27,000 They're actually people that are planning to be ministers, pastors, people serving in religious communities. 173 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,000 Right? 174 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,000 So they're not somebody who cares for larger communities. 175 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,000 Right? 176 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:38,000 So character becomes an important part of the application process in ways that it might not for just the standard academics program. 177 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,000 Okay? 178 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:52,000 Knowing this, one of the people I asked for a letter of recommendation was a supervisor that I worked with for, man, was four years as an orientation counselor while I was at UCLA. 179 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,000 Okay? 180 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,000 She was somebody who did not know anything about my academics. 181 00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,000 She did not, she could not speak to my academics at all. 182 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:06,000 She could only speak strictly to my character and what she's seen from me over the over the four years I was there. 183 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,000 Right? 184 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:14,000 She could only speak to what she saw in the way that I worked in the way that I connected with other coworkers. 185 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,000 Right? 186 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,000 With other students. 187 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,000 You know, and she wrote this. 188 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,000 I mean, I don't know what was written on there. 189 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,000 But what I do know is this, right? 190 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:39,000 Whatever she wrote about my character was so good that Boston University actually specifically said, this is the specific letter that made us want to give you the scholarship we gave you so that you could attend the university. 191 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,000 And I was flabbergasted. 192 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,000 I couldn't believe it. 193 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,000 I was like, oh my goodness, it was based off of one letter of recommendation. 194 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,000 And it was not about my academic ability. 195 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,000 It was about my character. 196 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,000 Right? 197 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,000 But see, here's the thing. 198 00:13:52,000 --> 00:14:01,000 That letter would not have been, I don't know what was written in it, but I also know that it would not have been such a good quality letter that it would make them want to give me a scholarship. 199 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,000 Right? 200 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Unless I had spent extensive time with her. 201 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,000 All right. 202 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:07,000 I've had conversations with her. 203 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:10,000 I've worked with her for an extensive period. 204 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:14,000 She's seen me in states where I've been extremely vulnerable. 205 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,000 She knows that I am not perfect. 206 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,000 I had a lot of made a lot of mistakes and had a lot of weaknesses. 207 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,000 I mean, I got in trouble a lot, too. 208 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,000 I did a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have done. 209 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:25,000 Right. 210 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,000 So, you know, they don't necessarily have to, you know, only see the best of you. 211 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,000 Right. 212 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:35,000 But she knew me at least well enough to be able to speak intelligibly about who I am. 213 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,000 Right. 214 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:45,000 So I want you to not kind of restrict yourself and think like because you're applying for school that it has to be strictly this. 215 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,000 Right. 216 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,000 And I point that out for a good reason. 217 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,000 Right. I point this out for a good reason. 218 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,000 Colleges, I haven't mentioned it already. 219 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,000 Right. 220 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,000 Colleges are looking for students along a lot of different metrics. 221 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,000 Right. 222 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,000 Academics is one of them. 223 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:02,000 But like I said before, academics is just to make sure that you can handle the work and then you'll be successful in the academic side of things. 224 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,000 OK. 225 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:12,000 And there are some selected students where the expectation is honestly that they're going to end up being researcher or innovators of some sort because their academics are completely off the charts. 226 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,000 Right. 227 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:18,000 But for the most most students, they'll fall within a range of academic ability. 228 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,000 And the rest of the consideration has to do with what else they bring to the table. 229 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,000 And here's one thing that a university definitely does not want. 230 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:30,000 One thing that they definitely do not want is somebody who's a complete jackass. 231 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,000 OK. 232 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,000 Think about it like this. 233 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 Think about it like this. 234 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000 Right. 235 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:41,000 How does it reflect on the university if a graduate of that university goes out there and then gets arrested for fraud? 236 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,000 Right. 237 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000 That doesn't look good. 238 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,000 Or goes out there and then commits like mass murder. 239 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,000 That does not look good on the university at all. 240 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:53,000 That puts brings shame and dirt on the university. 241 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,000 They don't want that. 242 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:57,000 What they want are people who go out there and do wonderful things. 243 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,000 And then people go, wow, what a wonderful person. 244 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:08,000 And what they came out of this university, this university must have done something well to make sure that the kind of students that they produce are like this. 245 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000 Right. 246 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,000 That's what they're looking for. 247 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:15,000 They're looking for people who are changed, you know, people who change the world for the better. 248 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,000 That's essentially what, you know, one of the things that they will be looking for. 249 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,000 And so character does matter. 250 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,000 Right. 251 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:31,000 So even though you might have an academic quote unquote academic letter of recommendation from a teacher who could speak to your academic ability, it would be even better if they could speak to other aspects of you. 252 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:41,000 You as a leader or you as a team worker or you as, you know, somebody who serves really well and the supports other people or somebody who brings a community together. 253 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,000 Right. 254 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,000 Something about you other than just your academic ability. 255 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,000 Right. 256 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:53,000 So as you keep that in mind, you'll see that you could, you know, you could spread your spread the net kind of I don't even know if that's the right phrase. 257 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,000 Right. 258 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000 You could cast your net really far. 259 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,000 Right. 260 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:01,000 And then try to consider a range of different people and keep them in your back pocket. 261 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,000 Right. 262 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,000 Ask them for letters of rec. 263 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,000 Have the letters of rec ready to go. 264 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,000 And then you could kind of pick and choose. 265 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,000 Right. 266 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:08,000 It might depend on the scholarship. 267 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:10,000 Some scholarships want somebody from the community. 268 00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,000 Right. 269 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,000 Not a teacher. 270 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,000 Right. 271 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:20,000 Sometimes they want a specific type of letter of recommendation and that might come from, you know, a very specific person in your community. 272 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,000 Right. 273 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,000 I don't know. 274 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:33,000 But it's better to go ahead and ask for letters of recommendations from a lot of people and then afterwards pick and choose which ones would be right for applying for whatever it is that you're applying for. 275 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,000 Okay. 276 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,000 All right. 277 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,000 The second thing I want to know. 278 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,000 Okay. 279 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:42,000 When you do figure out who you want to ask, there's a proper way to ask them. 280 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,000 Okay. 281 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:47,000 And I don't mean go in there and be like, oh, I'm so sorry. 282 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,000 Like, please go ahead and can you write a letter of recommendation? 283 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,000 That's not what I mean. 284 00:17:51,000 --> 00:18:10,000 What I mean is when you ask them for a letter of recommendation, you want to ask them specifically, will you be able to write a strong letter of recommendation that can speak to details about who I am and my abilities in the letter of recommendation? 285 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,000 Right. 286 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:16,000 You want to qualify your request in these ways for a couple of reasons. 287 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:29,000 Right. One, when you ask them for if they could write you a good letter of recommendation, that's important because sometimes people you think would write a good letter of recommendation for you. 288 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:37,000 When they're being honest on that letter that you don't get to see, when they're being honest on there, they might not write a good letter. 289 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,000 But this allows them to have an out. 290 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:48,000 If you ask them, can you write me a good letter, they can make an excuse or a way to kind of wiggle out of it and say, no, I don't think I could write you a good letter of recommendation. 291 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,000 Maybe they'll frame it as, I can't write you a letter of recommendation. 292 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000 I unfortunately have too much other stuff to do. 293 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,000 I don't know. 294 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,000 I don't know what kind of explanation they'll give. 295 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,000 Right. 296 00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:08,000 But asking them specifically whether or not they'll write a good letter of recommendation, at least narrows it down so that you know that if they do write a letter of recommendation, that you could trust that it's going to be good because you're not going to be able to see it. 297 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,000 Most likely. 298 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,000 You're not going to be able to see it. 299 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,000 It's going to be sealed. 300 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,000 You're not going to be able to see it. 301 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,000 They know that. 302 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:19,000 And so if you don't know if they're going to write a good letter of recommendation, well, good luck to you. 303 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,000 Who knows? 304 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,000 Right. 305 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:26,000 Now, most cases, if you have a good feel, if you have a good enough relationship with them, then it should be pretty obvious. 306 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,000 But sometimes it's not. 307 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000 So make sure you ask, right. 308 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,000 Can you write a good letter of recommendation? 309 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,000 OK. 310 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:44,000 And then on top of that, you definitely want to ask, like, you know, can you write a letter of recommendation that will actually be detailed and can actually paint a picture of who I am as you see it. 311 00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,000 Right. 312 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:51,000 And that part is important, too, because, look, there's a lot of recommendations where it could be a good recommendation, but it's a very shallow one. 313 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000 Right. 314 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,000 I have written letters along these lines before. 315 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,000 I've actually warned the students. 316 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,000 I told them I'm not. 317 00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,000 I don't have much to speak on because I don't know you very well. 318 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,000 Right. 319 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,000 But you know what those letters look like? 320 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:09,000 This student came to my class regularly, you know, participated and got an A in the class. 321 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,000 They wrote excellent papers. 322 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,000 The end. 323 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:26,000 That is technically a good it's a positive letter of recommendation, but it is I would not say it's a good letter of recommendation in part because it lacks details, nuances, examples and depth. 324 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,000 Really, that's really what it is. 325 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000 It's lacking depth. 326 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,000 It feels exactly like what the relationship actually was. 327 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,000 They knew me. 328 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,000 They took a class. 329 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,000 They got a grade. 330 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,000 And then. 331 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:39,000 That's it. 332 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,000 That's all I could speak to. 333 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 Okay. 334 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,000 Not the kind of letter recommendation you're looking for. 335 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,000 Okay. 336 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:50,000 What you want is something that, you know, can provide examples. 337 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,000 Right. 338 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:57,000 Like, I think those are the best ones that I've written or ones where I've had experiences with them in multiple capacities where I could point to specific examples. 339 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:01,000 And say, like, Hey, you know, I know the work they did in this particular club. 340 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,000 Right. 341 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:06,000 And they did some organizing in these areas and they brought that same energy into the classroom. 342 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:19,000 So, like, showing some consistency across different, you know, situations and how they have this amazing ability to bring students together as examples by the, you know, this group project that I assigned. 343 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,000 And then they ended up leading the group in these these such and such a way. 344 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,000 Right. 345 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000 Like, when I could talk about those specifics, man, the recommendations just pop. 346 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,000 And it pops because it's like, it feels like you're talking about a real person. 347 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,000 And I am at that point personally invested. 348 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,000 Okay. 349 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:51,000 So it's important to ask in the right way so that you make sure that, you know, when you do get that letter of recommendation, it's the kind of letter of recommendation you really wanted rather than just a blase recommendation that is not going to help you and might in fact hurt you. 350 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000 Okay. 351 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,000 All right. 352 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,000 Here's the other thing that here's the third thing that you kind of need to make a note of. 353 00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,000 Okay. 354 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:02,000 When you do find that person and ask them for the letter of recommendation and they say yes. 355 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,000 Okay. 356 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:11,000 Make sure to offer to them additional information about yourself that might help them with their letter of recommendation. 357 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,000 Okay. 358 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:13,000 Now, I sometimes ask. 359 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,000 Okay. 360 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:18,000 But I know that sometimes the person writing the letter does not necessarily ask. 361 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:22,000 It might be because they don't want it, but it doesn't hurt for you to offer. 362 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:23,000 Right. 363 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,000 So here's what I mean. 364 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,000 Okay. 365 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,000 You want to ask them if they say yes. 366 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,000 Okay. 367 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,000 I'll write a letter of recommendation for you and say, great. 368 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,000 Awesome. 369 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,000 I love that you were going to be able to write a letter of recommendation. 370 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:38,000 Is there any additional information that would help you write this letter of recommendation? 371 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,000 And you can even rattle off some examples, right? 372 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:45,000 I could provide you with a personal statement that I plan to submit for the college. 373 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:53,000 I could also give you an unofficial copy of my transcript so you could see the quality of my work in other subjects. 374 00:22:53,000 --> 00:23:03,000 I could also, if you want to, I could follow up with you with a phone conversation or a meeting in your office hours so that you can get to know me better. 375 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,000 Right. 376 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,000 Or whatever. 377 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,000 Right. 378 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,000 But here's the thing. 379 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:14,000 The more informed that person is, the more they could write about, the better the recommendation is going to be. 380 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000 Okay. 381 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000 They'll pick and choose. 382 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,000 I mean, they're not going to write more than they have to. 383 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:28,000 But at least if they have all the information on the table, then they could incorporate any of that that they see fit to paint the full picture in that recommendation. 384 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,000 Okay. 385 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:39,000 So if they don't ask you, I usually ask, but that's because I know that a lot of students don't, you know, have somebody to kind of guide them for how to ask for a letter of recommendation. 386 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:47,000 So I'll usually be the one to ask them, like, hey, just make sure that, you know, before I start writing this letter, make sure to send me X, Y, and Z. 387 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,000 Right. 388 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,000 And I want all the information I can get. 389 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:54,000 And sometimes if that's insufficient, I'll follow up with them and say, hey, you know, can we meet up? 390 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,000 There's some things that I just don't understand. 391 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,000 I want to get to know you better in these areas. 392 00:23:58,000 --> 00:23:59,000 Let's have a conversation. 393 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,000 Right. 394 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,000 Okay. 395 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:17,000 But you should at least try to offer up that as a possibility in case they would greatly appreciate that additional information, because one of the hard parts of writing a letter of recommendation is, you know, when you're writing it, at some point you might just run out of anything meaningful to stay. 396 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:24,000 And if it ends up being a very short, concise, and not very detailed letter of recommendation, that's going to be a fairly weak letter. 397 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,000 Right. 398 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:33,000 So offer to go ahead and supplement, right, with whatever additional information you think will be useful for writing this letter of recommendation. 399 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,000 Okay. 400 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,000 All right. 401 00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:45,000 Lastly, I'm sorry, I guess this will be second to last, right, but one thing you always want to keep in mind is the timing of that request. 402 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,000 Okay. 403 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:52,000 So you want to, you want to, you need to understand that writing a letter of recommendation takes time and energy. 404 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,000 Okay. 405 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,000 It takes time and energy. 406 00:24:55,000 --> 00:25:01,000 So, you need to be mindful that you are taking up somebody's time. 407 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,000 How long does it take to write a letter of recommendation? 408 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,000 It depends on the student. 409 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,000 Right. 410 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:13,000 But I tend to go through multiple edits to make sure that, especially if I'm trying to write a good letter of recommendation, I'm going to go through multiple edits to make sure that it looks good. 411 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:14,000 Right. 412 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:18,000 That it makes sense, it's clean, it portrays the students the way that I think they should be portrayed. 413 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,000 Right. 414 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,000 I take some time in my letters of recommendation. 415 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,000 I don't just write it willy-nilly. 416 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,000 Okay. 417 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:39,000 Hence, you need to give the writer sufficient time to think about what they want to write, let it marinate for a bit, let them go through any additional information you give them, and then write that letter and then submit it. 418 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,000 Okay. 419 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,000 The minimum should be two weeks. 420 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,000 Two weeks notice. 421 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:45,000 Okay. 422 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:50,000 My recommendation would be closer to one plus month. 423 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,000 Okay. 424 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,000 Not necessarily, but one month is pretty good. 425 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:54,000 Okay. 426 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,000 One month is pretty good. 427 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,000 You could go maybe up to like six weeks. 428 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,000 Right. 429 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,000 That could be good too. 430 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,000 Okay. 431 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,000 As a first time you ask them, that is. 432 00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,000 Right. 433 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:09,000 After that, you should follow up with them, you know, if you ask them first time in six months, sorry, six weeks, and ask them again in four weeks. 434 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:14,000 And as you get closer to the deadline, you want to ask more frequently what the status of that letter is. 435 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,000 Okay. 436 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,000 Now, you don't have to be kind of pushy about it. 437 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:22,000 You could just ask like, oh, I just wanted to see whether or not the letters were ready to go. 438 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:26,000 And if there's anything else I can do to help you write those letters. 439 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:27,000 Right. 440 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:31,000 Or if there's anything I can do to make that this process smoother. 441 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,000 Okay. 442 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:36,000 Nowadays, a lot of these applications are going to go through some online portal. 443 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,000 And so you'll send a link. 444 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,000 Right. 445 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:46,000 But if you send it, let's say like four weeks before it's due, and I haven't gotten around to writing that letter, I might need a reminder and another link. 446 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,000 Like you might have to resend that link. 447 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:55,000 So you could say like, oh, I just want to make sure that you got the link from, you know, common app to submit your letter of recommendation. 448 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:59,000 If not, I could send you another right email with the link on it. 449 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,000 Another request for the letter. 450 00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,000 Okay. 451 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:06,000 And then as it gets much closer, like the week of you'll want to definitely be on top of them. 452 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,000 A lot of times the people who are writing these letters, this life happens. 453 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000 Right. 454 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:16,000 Sometimes it's like second priority, and so they won't get to it because they're getting to other things first. 455 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,000 Okay. 456 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,000 So you might need to give them a little nudge. 457 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:20,000 And that's perfectly fine. 458 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,000 We're understanding of that. 459 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,000 Okay. 460 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,000 Now, here's the thing. 461 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:32,000 Once they write a letter of recommendation for you, it becomes much easier to write the second letter of recommendation on your behalf. 462 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:40,000 What I mean by that is if you come to me for a letter of recommendation and I wrote one for you with a deadline, you know, last week, I have that copy saved. 463 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:45,000 And it becomes much easier for me to write another letter of recommendation for something else. 464 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,000 Okay. 465 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,000 Which goes to my last point. 466 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:48,000 All right. 467 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:55,000 Do not be shy to ask the same person for letters of recommendation to be sent out to multiple places. 468 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:56,000 Okay. 469 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,000 It's actually fairly easy. 470 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:06,000 I might need to just change up a few words, change up some dates, change up the tone, but they're going to be minor edits. 471 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:08,000 And I would be able to get that letter ready fairly quickly. 472 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,000 Right. 473 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:20,000 So once you have asked me, pushed me, nudged me to get it within the deadline, if there are other things that come up and you need letters of recommendation from me, I will have that on record. 474 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,000 I usually keep it on record for a good five to six years. 475 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:24,000 Okay. 476 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:31,000 So that all I have to do is update it and send it out if I need to send out letters of recommendation on your behalf. 477 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,000 Okay. 478 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:39,000 What that means is, you know, after you apply to like one school and then there's another school with a different deadline and you need a letter of recommendation there. 479 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:40,000 Right. 480 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:46,000 Don't feel like it's a big burden to ask me for another letter of recommendation because I already have one. 481 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,000 I'm not going to write a whole new one on your behalf. 482 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,000 I'm just not. 483 00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,000 Don't expect that. 484 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,000 That's ridiculous. 485 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,000 Okay. 486 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,000 I'm going to have one written that's going to serve as a template. 487 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,000 Okay. 488 00:28:55,000 --> 00:29:02,000 If years pass, then I might update it as I get to know you more in those several years if we're still in contact with each other. 489 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:03,000 Right. 490 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:10,000 But, you know, once I have a letter, right, it becomes fairly easy to send out three, four, five to different things. 491 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:14,000 So scholarships to internships to volunteer programs, et cetera. 492 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,000 I'll just have it on file. 493 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:17,000 Okay. 494 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,000 I'm not going to be deleting it. 495 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,000 Okay. 496 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:25,000 So do not be afraid to ask for, you know, that letter to go out to more places. 497 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:26,000 Okay. 498 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:39,000 That said, and this is the final thing, because letters of recommendation is twofold, right, it takes up time from the person who writes it, but it's also that person's reputation that they're putting on the line when they're writing on your behalf. 499 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,000 Okay. 500 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:47,000 It's not expected, but I believe it is good practice to express gratitude. 501 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,000 It doesn't have to be like monetary. 502 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,000 In fact, sometimes I think there might be rules against that, right. 503 00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:55,000 You shouldn't be paying for a good letter of recommendation, right. 504 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,000 But a small token of gratitude is always appreciated. 505 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:11,000 But I think more importantly, it's for the students to get into that practice of understanding when you put people in a position where they are putting their neck out for you, you want to express gratitude for what they've done for you. 506 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:12,000 Okay. 507 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:17,000 Now, I'll be honest with you, I have not personally been the best about this. 508 00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:18,000 Okay. 509 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,000 Sometimes I'm terrible about it. 510 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,000 Sometimes I forget. 511 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,000 Right. 512 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:28,000 It's a daily practice for me to try to learn to identify things to be grateful for and to express it, right. 513 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:32,000 It's not doesn't come naturally doesn't come naturally for I think a lot of people. 514 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:33,000 Okay. 515 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:52,000 So I think it'll be a helpful place right asking for the letter of recommendation could be a nice place to start to really think about you know when you ask somebody for a recommendation when you ask somebody for a character reference when you ask somebody to, you know, put their neck out on the line on your behalf. 516 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,000 Right. 517 00:30:53,000 --> 00:31:07,000 To show some gratitude for the fact that they're opening up opportunities for you, because I think that practice for me and exercising it has been extremely helpful in my realizing that the reason I got as far in life as I have. 518 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,000 It's not necessarily because of me. 519 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:22,000 I've already mentioned one person who have who's written a letter of recommendation that essentially save me 10s of thousands of dollars right like Boston University is not cheap, and there's not a lot of scholarships available for a master's graduate program. 520 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,000 It's just not right. 521 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:33,000 So, that saved me a whole lot of money right and it's definitely something that would have impacted whether or not I chose to go right I mean I rejected, you know, a mission to. 522 00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:42,000 There's a Harvard Divinity School in Yale like I decided not to go because their financial aid package would have left me in significant debt and I was like I'm not going to do that. 523 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:56,000 Right. So, I know that the opportunities that I've had are in part, not completely because I've put in the work myself but at least it's a huge part because other people have opened up doors for me. 524 00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:12,000 And learning how to express that gratitude allows me to see the world more accurately, and to realize that when I celebrate my successes that I'm not celebrating it alone I'm celebrating with it with other people. 525 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:30,000 And I think that you will see the impact of that because when you have this culture of people learning to rely on one another and acknowledging the help that they receive from, from others. 526 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:42,000 We start to act and move together as a community rather than, you know, trying to make yourself the center of the universe right. That's what narcissists do. Don't be a narcissist. That's terrible. Okay. 527 00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:50,000 So I hope that this gives you at least some help in figuring out how to and who to ask for letters of recommendations how to go about it. 528 00:32:50,000 --> 00:33:10,000 Ask that have that conversation that might feel very uncomfortable the first time around, but also frees you up to feel okay. Once you develop the good relationships that you have to be able to ask freely to be able to ask openly, and to, you know, show gratitude for that help that you're receiving. 529 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:24,000 Okay. So good luck to you. I'm hoping that you've picked the right people and get great letters.