This is an announcement to all of my students who maybe took one or two classes with me,
got an A in the class, and think that I like you.
Don't just come to me and ask for a letter of recommendation.
That is not how you do it.
I don't know you like that, okay?
We're popping out, we're popping out, oh wait, whoops, the music stopped.
Okay, hello everyone.
That's right, this is The Pop Out, and today we need to talk a little bit about
letters of recommendation, who to ask, how to ask for it, okay?
There are certain things from my experience that have caused me a great deal of frustration,
and I want to make sure that at least my students know what to do before they ask me
for a letter of recommendation, okay?
So here's the advice that I tend to give students, whether you take it, it's up to you.
Other people could chime in, comment on, you know, if you've given out letters of recommendations,
what you prefer to see.
Every person has their own, you know, nuances and preferences.
What I'm going to say here I think should probably track for most people, I think,
who write letters of recommendation, okay?
All right, first things first, who should you be asking to write your letters of recommendation?
And this is probably the biggest factor you should be thinking about when you mull over
where to get your letters of rec, okay?
And it actually starts long before you ask a person for the letter of recommendation, okay?
Here's the deal, okay?
The best letter of recommendations are written by people who know you best, okay?
And what I mean by know you best, I mean like really know you deeply, intimately, right?
Well, intimately might not be the best word here, okay?
Pause, all right?
What I mean here is that you, right, are seeking a recommendation from someone,
but if that person doesn't really know you very well, then there's not much that they could put
in the letter of recommendation, okay?
So when you think about who you're going to ask for the letter of recommendation,
I highly suggest you really think through the people that have been an integral part of your life, all right?
Now, it depends on the purpose, right?
So like let's, let me give you an example, right?
If you're applying for colleges, okay, they might ask specifically for somebody who could speak
about your scholarly or research skills, okay?
In that case, you should be talking to somebody who could speak to that specifically,
but most of the time, they'll just say a letter of recommendation from a teacher, right?
And then you're like, okay, so then I just need to find a teacher who can say good things about me, all right?
That might be your strategy, but that's not necessarily the best strategy, okay?
My recommendation would actually be to find the teacher that you've worked most with
and most closely with and in as many capacities as possible, okay?
But this means that you needed to have developed that relationship
with the person who could write that letter of recommendation for you, all right?
So let me give you an example, right?
I remember that my Spanish teacher was also the Spanish club, you know, faculty advisor in high school, okay?
Her letter of recommendation would have been super helpful, not that I needed it
because I didn't have in my application, they didn't require it, so I didn't put any letters of recommendation, right?
But if I had needed a letter of recommendation, I probably would have asked her, right?
And the reason for it is this, right?
She knows that I'm a good student because of what she saw in the classroom,
but more importantly, right, she could speak to multiple aspects of who I am
because she's had a lot of different interactions with me, right?
She, you know, was there with me as I was one of the, you know, government officers for Spanish club.
I've worked closely with her in event planning and in, you know, those meetings with other officers, right?
She's seen me in those different capacities, right?
And then on top of that, she's known me for, you know, I think it was a total of three, four years, right?
So she's known me for an extended period where we had numerous, you know, chances to interact in this way, right?
We've gotten close enough that she could actually say something about me beyond just, I'm a good student, okay?
That's kind of what you're looking for here.
That's kind of what you're looking for, but you don't have that if you don't have relationships with people, right?
So it's odd, but the way to start figuring out who to ask for letters of recommendation is to start asking yourself,
like, who have I developed really good relationships with, right?
It could be the coach of a, you know, a sport, or it could be, you know, a teacher.
It could be an administrator, right?
It could be somebody else in a different capacity.
Now, some schools are going to require in your letter of recommendation that it comes from a specific type of person,
a specific person within a particular position, right, like a teacher.
But if there isn't such requirements, you want to cast a net pretty widely, right?
You want to see, like, look, who knows me in the best capacity.
It could be through some program outside of school.
It could be in your own, you know, a church or community or somebody in your neighborhood
that is a person of authority in some way that you work with closely.
They know you. They know you deeply.
They could speak to your experiences, but also the things that you've demonstrated in a lot of different ways, okay?
So these are all things that you want to consider, okay?
It's not as straightforward as here's the teacher with the best name
or the ones that have a reputation for writing the best letters and the one I got an A in, right?
Like, that's not how this works, right?
You're not going to get a good letter of recommendation if that's the case.
You want to have a person that you could talk to that, you know,
have that sort of more personal conversation with that you have had those conversations with
so that, you know, when they write the letter of recommendation,
it doesn't sound like a stranger that's writing on your behalf, okay?
And for my students specifically, right, just because, you know, we had good vibes or something in class,
that's not a good enough reason.
If you ask me, I'm not going to be able to write the best letter of recommendation for you,
even if I wanted to, because I don't know you like that.
And here's the thing, all people who write these letters, their name is on the line, right?
So nobody is going to go out there and lie for you, right?
That looks poorly on them.
So they're going to want to speak truthfully, and I can't speak truthfully, positively about you if I don't actually know you, okay?
Which means that if you want a letter of recommendation from me,
the best thing to do is to develop a relationship with me.
I've done this with many of students, right?
You know, best place to do this is during office hours, through email correspondence, through a lot of means.
There's a lot of different ways, talking after class, right?
It could be whatever, right?
Now, I don't want you to pander to me.
That's not, that shouldn't be your goal, right?
But rather just to have honest conversations so that they know, they know what's happening in your life.
They know what you're about.
They know you're serious about the passions that you have, the interests that you have, right?
The things that really make you tick.
You want to give them as much material so that they could write meaningfully on your behalf.
They're not going to be able to do that if they don't know you, okay?
The who of it also includes, right, keeping in mind, right, what it makes sense to select as a person of, in a position to speak authoritatively, right?
In other words, you know, if there's somebody who speaks on your behalf, but there's reason to think that they have certain biases,
then it's not going to be taken with a lot of weight.
Why? Because the biases are pretty obvious, right?
So let me give you an example of this, right?
You know, if you ask like your godparent or, you know, your, you know, your uncle or aunt or something to write you a letter of recommendation, right?
That's going to look suspicious, right?
Why? Because they're a relative of yours or they're connected to you in a certain way, right?
That looks mighty, it looks like, okay, how much of this can I actually trust?
I mean, they might be truthful, but clearly there's probably some biases involved here, right, that we just can't simply ignore, okay?
So you want people who know you well, but ones that, you know, aren't going to present themselves as a potential questionable witness on your behalf, all right?
Which is often why people will turn to teachers, supervisors, people that they've worked with and know them in a particular capacity, okay?
But that don't have the much deeper personal relation, right?
Like it's not like exes or people you've dated.
It's not people that you, you know, family members, things like that.
You know, you want to be very careful not to select anyone along those lines, okay?
Beyond that, though, it doesn't necessarily have to, except for where there's a strict requirement, you want to try to think kind of broadly about the people who have something next to their name.
So that they can be taken seriously in terms of their letter of recommendation, okay?
It'll make more of a difference in, I think, applying to graduate and professional schools, in part because there will be a focus in, focusing in on ability to do research, ability for scholarly activities, in which case you want the letter of recommendations from coming from reputable researchers and professors, right?
That's what you're strictly, like that's what's kind of like the focus, so that's what they'll be looking for.
In the case of high school, yes, there'll be some that you should probably, most of them probably should come from teachers to speak to your ability to do academic work.
But feel free to throw in one that has some weight in the community.
Like I said, it's important that they have weight in the community.
It's not just a, you know, a Joe Schmoe.
It's like, it's not just some random person, but rather somebody who has some, you know, authority in the community, like a community leader.
Or somebody who is a leading organizer of a particular group.
Or, you know, somebody in the highest position that you could think of that you actually have a deep relationship with.
Okay?
That's the person you should be seeking, right?
I sometimes tell this to my students.
It sounds a little weird to them when I say it, but sometimes I'll tell them, like, hey, you know, given what you're applying for, I'm probably the wrong person to ask.
Okay?
I have this issue sometimes when students have gone on to transfer it over to four-year colleges and that they've done deep research with faculty member over there.
And then they're now applying to, like, graduate or professional schools.
And I'll tell them, right?
They're like, oh, I had a good relationship with you.
I know that, you know, we've still maintained communication all these years.
I'll tell them, like, I could write a letter of recommendation on your behalf, but I would probably recommend that you find somebody more recent that you've worked more closely with.
Right?
And preferably somebody from this research institution, because I'll be honest with them, right?
Like, I'm a faculty member, but there's a difference between me at a community college teaching primarily and not doing any research versus a world-renowned researcher at a four-year college.
Right?
There's a big gap there.
There's a big gap.
And my word is not going to be taken as seriously as somebody with those credentials that the other person has.
Right?
So you want to be selective about who you ask.
Okay?
And along all these factors.
Okay?
I would recommend that you at least ask, you know, four, five, six sometimes people to have in your back pocket.
Because the truth is, depending on what you're applying to, you might want to get letters from different people.
Okay?
Let me give you an example of this.
Right?
So I actually did a master's program at Boston University in theology.
That was actually not an academic journey for me.
It was more like a personal journey to deal with my own personal demons and, you know, you know, in struggling with my own spirituality.
Long story.
Right?
I was applying to Boston University and, you know, from everything I've read about the school and what they're looking for and who they're kind of who their student body, what the student body looks like.
Right?
It's an academic program.
But at the same time, right, they're also raising, right, as part of the training program.
A lot of the people that go there are not academics.
They're actually people that are planning to be ministers, pastors, people serving in religious communities.
Right?
So they're not somebody who cares for larger communities.
Right?
So character becomes an important part of the application process in ways that it might not for just the standard academics program.
Okay?
Knowing this, one of the people I asked for a letter of recommendation was a supervisor that I worked with for, man, was four years as an orientation counselor while I was at UCLA.
Okay?
She was somebody who did not know anything about my academics.
She did not, she could not speak to my academics at all.
She could only speak strictly to my character and what she's seen from me over the over the four years I was there.
Right?
She could only speak to what she saw in the way that I worked in the way that I connected with other coworkers.
Right?
With other students.
You know, and she wrote this.
I mean, I don't know what was written on there.
But what I do know is this, right?
Whatever she wrote about my character was so good that Boston University actually specifically said, this is the specific letter that made us want to give you the scholarship we gave you so that you could attend the university.
And I was flabbergasted.
I couldn't believe it.
I was like, oh my goodness, it was based off of one letter of recommendation.
And it was not about my academic ability.
It was about my character.
Right?
But see, here's the thing.
That letter would not have been, I don't know what was written in it, but I also know that it would not have been such a good quality letter that it would make them want to give me a scholarship.
Right?
Unless I had spent extensive time with her.
All right.
I've had conversations with her.
I've worked with her for an extensive period.
She's seen me in states where I've been extremely vulnerable.
She knows that I am not perfect.
I had a lot of made a lot of mistakes and had a lot of weaknesses.
I mean, I got in trouble a lot, too.
I did a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have done.
Right.
So, you know, they don't necessarily have to, you know, only see the best of you.
Right.
But she knew me at least well enough to be able to speak intelligibly about who I am.
Right.
So I want you to not kind of restrict yourself and think like because you're applying for school that it has to be strictly this.
Right.
And I point that out for a good reason.
Right. I point this out for a good reason.
Colleges, I haven't mentioned it already.
Right.
Colleges are looking for students along a lot of different metrics.
Right.
Academics is one of them.
But like I said before, academics is just to make sure that you can handle the work and then you'll be successful in the academic side of things.
OK.
And there are some selected students where the expectation is honestly that they're going to end up being researcher or innovators of some sort because their academics are completely off the charts.
Right.
But for the most most students, they'll fall within a range of academic ability.
And the rest of the consideration has to do with what else they bring to the table.
And here's one thing that a university definitely does not want.
One thing that they definitely do not want is somebody who's a complete jackass.
OK.
Think about it like this.
Right.
How does it reflect on the university if a graduate of that university goes out there and then gets arrested for fraud?
Right.
That doesn't look good.
Or goes out there and then commits like mass murder.
That does not look good on the university at all.
That puts brings shame and dirt on the university.
They don't want that.
What they want are people who go out there and do wonderful things.
And then people go, wow, what a wonderful person.
And what they came out of this university, this university must have done something well to make sure that the kind of students that they produce are like this.
Right.
That's what they're looking for.
They're looking for people who are changed, you know, people who change the world for the better.
That's essentially what, you know, one of the things that they will be looking for.
And so character does matter.
Right.
So even though you might have an academic quote unquote academic letter of recommendation from a teacher who could speak to your academic ability, it would be even better if they could speak to other aspects of you.
You as a leader or you as a team worker or you as, you know, somebody who serves really well and the supports other people or somebody who brings a community together.
Right.
Something about you other than just your academic ability.
Right.
So as you keep that in mind, you'll see that you could, you know, you could spread your spread the net kind of I don't even know if that's the right phrase.
Right.
You could cast your net really far.
Right.
And then try to consider a range of different people and keep them in your back pocket.
Right.
Ask them for letters of rec.
Have the letters of rec ready to go.
And then you could kind of pick and choose.
Right.
It might depend on the scholarship.
Some scholarships want somebody from the community.
Right.
Not a teacher.
Right.
Sometimes they want a specific type of letter of recommendation and that might come from, you know, a very specific person in your community.
Right.
I don't know.
But it's better to go ahead and ask for letters of recommendations from a lot of people and then afterwards pick and choose which ones would be right for applying for whatever it is that you're applying for.
Okay.
All right.
The second thing I want to know.
Okay.
When you do figure out who you want to ask, there's a proper way to ask them.
Okay.
And I don't mean go in there and be like, oh, I'm so sorry.
Like, please go ahead and can you write a letter of recommendation?
That's not what I mean.
What I mean is when you ask them for a letter of recommendation, you want to ask them specifically, will you be able to write a strong letter of recommendation that can speak to details about who I am and my abilities in the letter of recommendation?
Right.
You want to qualify your request in these ways for a couple of reasons.
Right. One, when you ask them for if they could write you a good letter of recommendation, that's important because sometimes people you think would write a good letter of recommendation for you.
When they're being honest on that letter that you don't get to see, when they're being honest on there, they might not write a good letter.
But this allows them to have an out.
If you ask them, can you write me a good letter, they can make an excuse or a way to kind of wiggle out of it and say, no, I don't think I could write you a good letter of recommendation.
Maybe they'll frame it as, I can't write you a letter of recommendation.
I unfortunately have too much other stuff to do.
I don't know.
I don't know what kind of explanation they'll give.
Right.
But asking them specifically whether or not they'll write a good letter of recommendation, at least narrows it down so that you know that if they do write a letter of recommendation, that you could trust that it's going to be good because you're not going to be able to see it.
Most likely.
You're not going to be able to see it.
It's going to be sealed.
You're not going to be able to see it.
They know that.
And so if you don't know if they're going to write a good letter of recommendation, well, good luck to you.
Who knows?
Right.
Now, most cases, if you have a good feel, if you have a good enough relationship with them, then it should be pretty obvious.
But sometimes it's not.
So make sure you ask, right.
Can you write a good letter of recommendation?
OK.
And then on top of that, you definitely want to ask, like, you know, can you write a letter of recommendation that will actually be detailed and can actually paint a picture of who I am as you see it.
Right.
And that part is important, too, because, look, there's a lot of recommendations where it could be a good recommendation, but it's a very shallow one.
Right.
I have written letters along these lines before.
I've actually warned the students.
I told them I'm not.
I don't have much to speak on because I don't know you very well.
Right.
But you know what those letters look like?
This student came to my class regularly, you know, participated and got an A in the class.
They wrote excellent papers.
The end.
That is technically a good it's a positive letter of recommendation, but it is I would not say it's a good letter of recommendation in part because it lacks details, nuances, examples and depth.
Really, that's really what it is.
It's lacking depth.
It feels exactly like what the relationship actually was.
They knew me.
They took a class.
They got a grade.
And then.
That's it.
That's all I could speak to.
Okay.
Not the kind of letter recommendation you're looking for.
Okay.
What you want is something that, you know, can provide examples.
Right.
Like, I think those are the best ones that I've written or ones where I've had experiences with them in multiple capacities where I could point to specific examples.
And say, like, Hey, you know, I know the work they did in this particular club.
Right.
And they did some organizing in these areas and they brought that same energy into the classroom.
So, like, showing some consistency across different, you know, situations and how they have this amazing ability to bring students together as examples by the, you know, this group project that I assigned.
And then they ended up leading the group in these these such and such a way.
Right.
Like, when I could talk about those specifics, man, the recommendations just pop.
And it pops because it's like, it feels like you're talking about a real person.
And I am at that point personally invested.
Okay.
So it's important to ask in the right way so that you make sure that, you know, when you do get that letter of recommendation, it's the kind of letter of recommendation you really wanted rather than just a blase recommendation that is not going to help you and might in fact hurt you.
Okay.
All right.
Here's the other thing that here's the third thing that you kind of need to make a note of.
Okay.
When you do find that person and ask them for the letter of recommendation and they say yes.
Okay.
Make sure to offer to them additional information about yourself that might help them with their letter of recommendation.
Okay.
Now, I sometimes ask.
Okay.
But I know that sometimes the person writing the letter does not necessarily ask.
It might be because they don't want it, but it doesn't hurt for you to offer.
Right.
So here's what I mean.
Okay.
You want to ask them if they say yes.
Okay.
I'll write a letter of recommendation for you and say, great.
Awesome.
I love that you were going to be able to write a letter of recommendation.
Is there any additional information that would help you write this letter of recommendation?
And you can even rattle off some examples, right?
I could provide you with a personal statement that I plan to submit for the college.
I could also give you an unofficial copy of my transcript so you could see the quality of my work in other subjects.
I could also, if you want to, I could follow up with you with a phone conversation or a meeting in your office hours so that you can get to know me better.
Right.
Or whatever.
Right.
But here's the thing.
The more informed that person is, the more they could write about, the better the recommendation is going to be.
Okay.
They'll pick and choose.
I mean, they're not going to write more than they have to.
But at least if they have all the information on the table, then they could incorporate any of that that they see fit to paint the full picture in that recommendation.
Okay.
So if they don't ask you, I usually ask, but that's because I know that a lot of students don't, you know, have somebody to kind of guide them for how to ask for a letter of recommendation.
So I'll usually be the one to ask them, like, hey, just make sure that, you know, before I start writing this letter, make sure to send me X, Y, and Z.
Right.
And I want all the information I can get.
And sometimes if that's insufficient, I'll follow up with them and say, hey, you know, can we meet up?
There's some things that I just don't understand.
I want to get to know you better in these areas.
Let's have a conversation.
Right.
Okay.
But you should at least try to offer up that as a possibility in case they would greatly appreciate that additional information, because one of the hard parts of writing a letter of recommendation is, you know, when you're writing it, at some point you might just run out of anything meaningful to stay.
And if it ends up being a very short, concise, and not very detailed letter of recommendation, that's going to be a fairly weak letter.
Right.
So offer to go ahead and supplement, right, with whatever additional information you think will be useful for writing this letter of recommendation.
Okay.
All right.
Lastly, I'm sorry, I guess this will be second to last, right, but one thing you always want to keep in mind is the timing of that request.
Okay.
So you want to, you want to, you need to understand that writing a letter of recommendation takes time and energy.
Okay.
It takes time and energy.
So, you need to be mindful that you are taking up somebody's time.
How long does it take to write a letter of recommendation?
It depends on the student.
Right.
But I tend to go through multiple edits to make sure that, especially if I'm trying to write a good letter of recommendation, I'm going to go through multiple edits to make sure that it looks good.
Right.
That it makes sense, it's clean, it portrays the students the way that I think they should be portrayed.
Right.
I take some time in my letters of recommendation.
I don't just write it willy-nilly.
Okay.
Hence, you need to give the writer sufficient time to think about what they want to write, let it marinate for a bit, let them go through any additional information you give them, and then write that letter and then submit it.
Okay.
The minimum should be two weeks.
Two weeks notice.
Okay.
My recommendation would be closer to one plus month.
Okay.
Not necessarily, but one month is pretty good.
Okay.
One month is pretty good.
You could go maybe up to like six weeks.
Right.
That could be good too.
Okay.
As a first time you ask them, that is.
Right.
After that, you should follow up with them, you know, if you ask them first time in six months, sorry, six weeks, and ask them again in four weeks.
And as you get closer to the deadline, you want to ask more frequently what the status of that letter is.
Okay.
Now, you don't have to be kind of pushy about it.
You could just ask like, oh, I just wanted to see whether or not the letters were ready to go.
And if there's anything else I can do to help you write those letters.
Right.
Or if there's anything I can do to make that this process smoother.
Okay.
Nowadays, a lot of these applications are going to go through some online portal.
And so you'll send a link.
Right.
But if you send it, let's say like four weeks before it's due, and I haven't gotten around to writing that letter, I might need a reminder and another link.
Like you might have to resend that link.
So you could say like, oh, I just want to make sure that you got the link from, you know, common app to submit your letter of recommendation.
If not, I could send you another right email with the link on it.
Another request for the letter.
Okay.
And then as it gets much closer, like the week of you'll want to definitely be on top of them.
A lot of times the people who are writing these letters, this life happens.
Right.
Sometimes it's like second priority, and so they won't get to it because they're getting to other things first.
Okay.
So you might need to give them a little nudge.
And that's perfectly fine.
We're understanding of that.
Okay.
Now, here's the thing.
Once they write a letter of recommendation for you, it becomes much easier to write the second letter of recommendation on your behalf.
What I mean by that is if you come to me for a letter of recommendation and I wrote one for you with a deadline, you know, last week, I have that copy saved.
And it becomes much easier for me to write another letter of recommendation for something else.
Okay.
Which goes to my last point.
All right.
Do not be shy to ask the same person for letters of recommendation to be sent out to multiple places.
Okay.
It's actually fairly easy.
I might need to just change up a few words, change up some dates, change up the tone, but they're going to be minor edits.
And I would be able to get that letter ready fairly quickly.
Right.
So once you have asked me, pushed me, nudged me to get it within the deadline, if there are other things that come up and you need letters of recommendation from me, I will have that on record.
I usually keep it on record for a good five to six years.
Okay.
So that all I have to do is update it and send it out if I need to send out letters of recommendation on your behalf.
Okay.
What that means is, you know, after you apply to like one school and then there's another school with a different deadline and you need a letter of recommendation there.
Right.
Don't feel like it's a big burden to ask me for another letter of recommendation because I already have one.
I'm not going to write a whole new one on your behalf.
I'm just not.
Don't expect that.
That's ridiculous.
Okay.
I'm going to have one written that's going to serve as a template.
Okay.
If years pass, then I might update it as I get to know you more in those several years if we're still in contact with each other.
Right.
But, you know, once I have a letter, right, it becomes fairly easy to send out three, four, five to different things.
So scholarships to internships to volunteer programs, et cetera.
I'll just have it on file.
Okay.
I'm not going to be deleting it.
Okay.
So do not be afraid to ask for, you know, that letter to go out to more places.
Okay.
That said, and this is the final thing, because letters of recommendation is twofold, right, it takes up time from the person who writes it, but it's also that person's reputation that they're putting on the line when they're writing on your behalf.
Okay.
It's not expected, but I believe it is good practice to express gratitude.
It doesn't have to be like monetary.
In fact, sometimes I think there might be rules against that, right.
You shouldn't be paying for a good letter of recommendation, right.
But a small token of gratitude is always appreciated.
But I think more importantly, it's for the students to get into that practice of understanding when you put people in a position where they are putting their neck out for you, you want to express gratitude for what they've done for you.
Okay.
Now, I'll be honest with you, I have not personally been the best about this.
Okay.
Sometimes I'm terrible about it.
Sometimes I forget.
Right.
It's a daily practice for me to try to learn to identify things to be grateful for and to express it, right.
It's not doesn't come naturally doesn't come naturally for I think a lot of people.
Okay.
So I think it'll be a helpful place right asking for the letter of recommendation could be a nice place to start to really think about you know when you ask somebody for a recommendation when you ask somebody for a character reference when you ask somebody to, you know, put their neck out on the line on your behalf.
Right.
To show some gratitude for the fact that they're opening up opportunities for you, because I think that practice for me and exercising it has been extremely helpful in my realizing that the reason I got as far in life as I have.
It's not necessarily because of me.
I've already mentioned one person who have who's written a letter of recommendation that essentially save me 10s of thousands of dollars right like Boston University is not cheap, and there's not a lot of scholarships available for a master's graduate program.
It's just not right.
So, that saved me a whole lot of money right and it's definitely something that would have impacted whether or not I chose to go right I mean I rejected, you know, a mission to.
There's a Harvard Divinity School in Yale like I decided not to go because their financial aid package would have left me in significant debt and I was like I'm not going to do that.
Right. So, I know that the opportunities that I've had are in part, not completely because I've put in the work myself but at least it's a huge part because other people have opened up doors for me.
And learning how to express that gratitude allows me to see the world more accurately, and to realize that when I celebrate my successes that I'm not celebrating it alone I'm celebrating with it with other people.
And I think that you will see the impact of that because when you have this culture of people learning to rely on one another and acknowledging the help that they receive from, from others.
We start to act and move together as a community rather than, you know, trying to make yourself the center of the universe right. That's what narcissists do. Don't be a narcissist. That's terrible. Okay.
So I hope that this gives you at least some help in figuring out how to and who to ask for letters of recommendations how to go about it.
Ask that have that conversation that might feel very uncomfortable the first time around, but also frees you up to feel okay. Once you develop the good relationships that you have to be able to ask freely to be able to ask openly, and to, you know, show gratitude for that help that you're receiving.
Okay. So good luck to you. I'm hoping that you've picked the right people and get great letters.