1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,640 Tare Tuesday. 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,760 French fries are one of the greatest gifts to humankind. 3 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:07,760 Okay? 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:11,440 I don't know if there's anything better than French fries. 5 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,160 Done well. 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:18,000 French fries, something about frying starch, I think just any fried starch, absolutely 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 amazing. 8 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Okay? 9 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,960 But there are three cardinal sins in my book of things you can do to French fries to completely 10 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,600 ruin it and make me think very, very lowly of you. 11 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:29,600 Okay? 12 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,720 First thing, and this one's an easy one, I think most people agree to this one, okay? 13 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:38,560 First thing is if you do not season the fries, if it doesn't have enough salt on it, right? 14 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,040 You know, there's some places where they'll give you the French fries and they will not 15 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,440 salt them, right? 16 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:43,880 And then you have to salt it yourself. 17 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,840 If you choose not to salt it, I don't care if it's for health reasons or whatever else, 18 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:48,840 right? 19 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,280 If it's for health reasons, just don't eat French fries. 20 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:51,280 All right? 21 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:52,880 If you can't add salt to it, don't eat French fries. 22 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:53,880 All right? 23 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,120 You need to season it in some form or fashion. 24 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:57,240 It needs to have some seasoning on it. 25 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,240 Okay? 26 00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,320 All right. 27 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,160 I think we could all agree to that. 28 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,360 French fries without seasoning, absolutely disgusting. 29 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,720 There's no point in eating it. 30 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,880 Just go ahead and, you know, just throw it in the trash if you're going to do that. 31 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:09,880 Okay? 32 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,320 Here's the second thing. 33 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:14,760 Do not ever dip it in straight ketchup. 34 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:20,360 If you dip it in straight ketchup and eat it, I hate you and I'll hate you for life. 35 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:21,360 Okay? 36 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,840 French fries should never be dipped in straight ketchup. 37 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,480 I don't care if it's the, you know, quality Heinz ketchup. 38 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,960 Okay? 39 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,520 French fries in straight ketchup, absolutely disgusting. 40 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,520 What the hell is wrong with you? 41 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:35,520 Okay? 42 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,520 Now I want to be clear about this. 43 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,400 I have no problem with tomato based sauces. 44 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,400 All right? 45 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:45,080 And I'm in fact completely fine with ketchup that has been flavored in a lot of unique 46 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,080 ways. 47 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,080 All right? 48 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,380 There's places where they just specialize in French fries and they have a bunch of interesting 49 00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:50,380 flavored dips. 50 00:01:50,380 --> 00:01:51,380 All right? 51 00:01:51,380 --> 00:01:53,880 And then they'll make the dip like some of them, the base will be ketchup, right? 52 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:57,280 It'll be ketchup mixed with a bunch of other stuff like sriracha or something to spice 53 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:00,960 it up and make it, you know, have some sort of flavor profile. 54 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:01,960 Okay? 55 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:02,960 That's fine. 56 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:03,960 Okay? 57 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,880 If you want to get all experimental, you want to try new things, I'm okay with it. 58 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:06,880 Okay? 59 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,720 I probably will still not like it, but you know, taste your own. 60 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:10,720 I'm okay with that. 61 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:11,720 Okay? 62 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,800 But if it's just straight ketchup, what the hell is wrong with you? 63 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,800 Okay? 64 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:16,360 You're ruining the whole point of a French fry. 65 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:20,880 The salty, starchy deliciousness that is French fry, you just ruined it by covering it with 66 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:25,480 a shit sauce that is going to add way too much sweetness and vinegaredness and everything 67 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,520 else that's going to make it just awful. 68 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,520 Okay? 69 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:30,080 That's disgusting. 70 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:31,240 You should just burn for that. 71 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,680 That is a terrible thing to do to a French fry. 72 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,560 I'm offended on behalf of French fries everywhere for what you did to that French fry. 73 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:38,560 Okay? 74 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,600 Do not dip it in straight ketchup. 75 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,600 Okay? 76 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,600 I do not know why this is still a thing. 77 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:45,600 Okay? 78 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:50,840 Every time I go to a restaurant, drive through wherever and I order French fries and they 79 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:54,200 give me, they ask me about ketchup on the side, I want to just like punch them in the 80 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,200 face. 81 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:58,800 The only question they should be giving me is anything but the ketchup. 82 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,720 It should be things like barbecue sauce. 83 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,680 I'll even take ranch sauce. 84 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:08,480 I'll take whatever shitty other sauce you have or just have it plain with salt. 85 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,480 Right? 86 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,000 That's just like the fries by itself with no seasoning other than the salt, if that's 87 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,920 the case, rather than have it with ketchup. 88 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:17,920 Okay? 89 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:18,920 Do not offer me ketchup. 90 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:19,920 Okay? 91 00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:20,920 Do not even make it a thing. 92 00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:21,920 Okay? 93 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,200 Stop, start, just start getting rid of the ketchup packets. 94 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,200 That's what I would suggest. 95 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,200 Okay? 96 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,480 All the fast food joints, start getting just rid of ketchup packets. 97 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:29,480 Okay? 98 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:30,480 Do not offer them to people at all. 99 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:31,480 Okay? 100 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,080 If they ask for ketchup so that they can have it with their fries, you tell them to just 101 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,080 go to hell. 102 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,080 All right? 103 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,080 That's completely unacceptable. 104 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,080 Okay? 105 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,080 Here's a third cardinal sin. 106 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,080 All right? 107 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,640 And this is similar to the ketchup thing. 108 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,720 You might already know where I'm going with this. 109 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,720 Okay? 110 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:52,400 If you dip your ketchup in straight mayo, you are 99% sure, I'm pretty sure, you are a serial 111 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,400 killer. 112 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,400 Like that's the only explanation. 113 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,400 Something wrong with you. 114 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,400 Okay? 115 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:01,400 I would call the police on you because I'm afraid of what you're going to do to other 116 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:02,400 people. 117 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,400 Okay? 118 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:04,880 You do not dip ketchup in straight mayo. 119 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:05,880 And here's the reason for it. 120 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:06,880 Okay? 121 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:07,880 It's a little different than ketchup. 122 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:12,640 Ketchup has some sort of flavor palette and the flavor palette is just disgusting. 123 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,680 It doesn't go well with ketchup at all. 124 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,680 Okay? 125 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:17,400 In fact, ketchup doesn't go well with most things. 126 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,400 Right? 127 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:19,880 Ketchup, I usually, if I have ketchup, right? 128 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:20,880 I do have ketchup at home. 129 00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:24,720 If I have ketchup, it's going to be mixed with a bunch of other stuff, but I can acknowledge 130 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,200 that ketchup has a certain flavor. 131 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,200 Okay? 132 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,200 Mayo is a little different. 133 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,840 Mayo doesn't taste like shit, at least straight mayo by itself. 134 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:37,000 Again, like ketchup, if you add stuff to the mayo, that's perfectly fine. 135 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,560 You can add stuff to the mayo and make it delicious. 136 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,280 You know, in fact, you know what aioli is? 137 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,080 Aioli is just a fancy word for mayo. 138 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,080 Okay? 139 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:48,900 So when you go to a restaurant and they go, Oh, would you like garlic aioli on that? 140 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,000 That's just garlic mayo. 141 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,000 That's what that is. 142 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,000 Okay? 143 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,000 It's not anything else. 144 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,000 It's mayo. 145 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,000 All right. 146 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,000 So I have no problem with mayo. 147 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,000 In fact, I love mayo. 148 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,000 I love mayo on a lot of things. 149 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Right? 150 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,480 If I have a sandwich, I'm 99% sure I'm going to want a lot of mayo on there. 151 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,480 Okay? 152 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,680 Mayo could add flavor when it's combined with a bunch of other stuff. 153 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,040 That's when mayo has flavor. 154 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,040 Okay? 155 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,440 That's when we have has flavor. 156 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,720 Mayo ever, mayo adds that fatty flavorness. 157 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:13,760 Right? 158 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:14,760 That umami. 159 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,760 Okay? 160 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:16,760 But you know what? 161 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,260 French fries already have that. 162 00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:21,280 You're not adding anything to it by dipping it into goddamn mayo. 163 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,280 It just looks nasty. 164 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,280 It's disgusting. 165 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,280 All right? 166 00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:26,520 If you're going to, if you really, really want to have mayo, if you want to have that 167 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,240 mayo flavor, add some flavor to your goddamn mayo. 168 00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:30,240 All right? 169 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,320 You can add whatever the hell you want to. 170 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,680 Just don't have it be straight mayo. 171 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,280 You don't have some suggestions for you. 172 00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:37,280 Right? 173 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:39,240 Garlic is always a good combination with mayo. 174 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,240 Okay? 175 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,360 You could add like veggie type stuff like sun dried tomatoes. 176 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,120 You can add capers to it. 177 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:46,120 Right? 178 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,400 You can add it into like a tartar sauce. 179 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,400 Okay? 180 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,720 Tartar sauce in fact is actually very good with French fries. 181 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,200 Okay? 182 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,640 Just do not have the straight mayo. 183 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,200 Like what the hell are you thinking? 184 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,480 Like why would you think that that's good? 185 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,480 Okay? 186 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:05,440 If you think that's good, I am like, look, like, you know when you go to the Yelp reviews, 187 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,440 right? 188 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,680 And you see that there's a bunch of reviews and then there's always that one or two reviews 189 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:13,520 where they, the reviewer says something that makes you suspicious of their review. 190 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:18,720 Like you can't trust their opinion on anything about the food that they ate. 191 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:19,720 Right? 192 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,720 Mayo is one of them. 193 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:21,720 Right? 194 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:25,600 If in the Yelp review, somebody goes to a restaurant and says, yeah, I ordered the fries 195 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,080 and then I had it and dipped it in just straight mayo and ate it. 196 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,880 And then they give me, you know, they're not even talking about the French fries. 197 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,800 They're talking about some other dish that they had. 198 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:35,800 Okay? 199 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:39,560 Whatever their opinion is on that other dish, I am not going to take their word for any 200 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:40,560 of that shit. 201 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,440 I am going to go the complete opposite direction and think that because you dip your French 202 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,880 fries in mayo, I cannot trust your taste buds on anything at all. 203 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:51,760 And so in fact, whatever you claim is disgusting is probably good and whatever is good is probably 204 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:52,760 disgusting. 205 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,760 Okay? 206 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:57,560 Your taste buds is all out of whack if you are dipping your goddamn French fries into 207 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,560 mayo. 208 00:06:58,560 --> 00:06:59,840 Okay? 209 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,160 Go ahead and fix your tongue. 210 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:02,160 Okay? 211 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,360 Figure out what the hell is going on. 212 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,960 What's wrong with your tongue that you're actually wanting this? 213 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:06,960 Okay? 214 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:12,080 If you're dipping your French fries in mayo, I also imagine you taking those squeeze bottles 215 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:18,000 of mayo and then just chugging dollops of mayo straight from that squeeze bottle straight 216 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,240 into your mouth. 217 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,840 And that is absolutely gross. 218 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:21,840 That's disgusting. 219 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:22,840 Okay? 220 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:26,880 Do not, do not for the love of God ever do this. 221 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:27,960 All right? 222 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,520 And if you're one of the people who do it, please get some help. 223 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,760 Maybe I should put some resources up on here so that you could go ahead and get that help. 224 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,240 Oh my goodness. 225 00:07:37,240 --> 00:08:05,800 What are people doing with their food?