Hello everybody, welcome back to another episode of the podcast.
Today is a good day, we have good audio for the first time since the first episode.
Sorry about that by the way, I sort of get stuck in conversation with myself in the car
and I think about stuff I want to talk about in here a lot so I sort of just put my AirPods
in and just record while I'm there.
But today I wanted to talk about sort of how negative coping strategies can affect your
progress with your emetophobia.
So for me personally, I've had a lot of pretty negative ones or I've had a few really negative
ones, I can list them off now.
So I had, one was I like to smoke a lot of weed or I liked to and it was very negative
for me during most of it.
The first month was pretty cool and I would just get high and chill but it started to
get to the point where I relied on it to calm me down and then it stopped calming me down
so much and started making me the opposite, it made me more anxious and it eventually
started making me have major panic attacks every night.
And it got to the point where I did that like every night for like months and I found out
in therapy that it was sort of like a self-soothing thing to like intentionally give myself a
panic attack.
So the next day I would be calm and I'd had no more anxiety in me to give so I wouldn't
be anxious, I'd be able to function until the end of the night where I had all the stress
again and then I needed to do it again, whatever.
That was a hard one to sort of stop because I did find a lot of enjoyment in it at the
same time as feeling like feeling a lot of fear and a lot of anxiety when I did it.
Basically as soon as I did it I'd almost automatically go into like fight or flight.
I did that with alcohol too, not as intense but same sort of deal.
Also had a problem with motion sickness tablets, I used to basically abuse those all the time
and I sort of realized recently that I was in a cycle with those three main ones for
a few years.
I would have this thing where it would get bad, my emetophobia would get bad and I would
go directly back to these things.
It would mask my anxiety and make me feel better for a little bit and then I'd eventually
forget about the emetophobia being so intense and I would just be able to move on and live
my life for another six months and then it would happen again.
But this time, once this one started I sort of realized like I don't want to do those
things.
I don't want to default back to that and do the same thing and then have this happen again.
I want to make new coping strategies for myself, healthier ones that make me a better me and
give me the opportunity to actually heal and live a fulfilling life.
But the way these things affected me was that they would basically just mask what I felt.
So they would give me another problem to worry about.
So when I would smoke weed and have a panic attack, that panic attack wasn't about emetophobia,
it was about being too high and I would fucking freak out for a few hours every night and
be like, shit, I just don't want to be high anymore.
I just want to be fine.
Have a panic attack, chill out and I'd be good.
But it also got me so used to having a panic attack that I can't enjoy that anymore.
I know a lot of people like to smoke weed.
I don't so much, not anymore.
It's not something I'll go back to but I'm not going to judge anyone for that.
Moderation, if you can do it like that, then that's fucking awesome.
Go you.
But I can't.
I'm fine with alcohol too.
I just can't do that anymore.
Which is fine.
I don't care.
I'm not a big drinker.
I never was.
So like not unless it was like a coping strategy thing, a bad coping strategy mind you.
And not only did it make my anxiety worst, just throughout anything.
If I didn't have these things, I'd feel worse.
If I did have them, I'd feel worse.
It made me really hard to be around.
It made me really irritable, really goofy, really just boring.
I didn't want to do anything after that because I was so exhausted.
I'd have my panic attack, my weed injuries panic attack and then I'd want to go out and
do things but then I'm like, I'm so tired now.
I can't.
And my friends would be like, what the hell?
You know, it's like five o'clock in the afternoon.
What the hell are you doing?
So there was a lot of problems that sort of came from doing that.
And it just made it really hard to live my life in general.
Even if I wasn't suffering with the metaphobia problems, I realized I didn't stop.
So it became sort of an addiction after that, which is a whole nother thing.
But we're just going to focus on the coping strategy part.
So yeah, basically just had to stop that.
Had to cut that out.
I can't go back to doing that because I don't want to repeat this cycle anymore.
And the motion sickness tablets, same thing.
I relied on those really heavily because they made me feel, they basically made me just
really tired, really drowsy.
I couldn't drive properly.
You're not supposed to drive when you take things like that.
So it made it hard to just go anywhere.
I didn't want to walk anywhere or do anything.
I didn't want to go to the gym.
I didn't want to do anything.
So like it basically made me into a zombie and it almost at the start, it felt better
than the anxiety I felt.
I was like, I would rather feel like this than that anxiety.
But now I'm like, I would much rather feel that anxiety.
You know, it's as bad as like the anxiety can be.
I would much rather feel that than being like brainless and like just out of it completely.
And not only did it cause like emotional problems, there was physical problems.
Like I lost a like a fair amount of weight smoking weed.
Like the anti-nausea tablets had this thing where they'd like dry your mouth and my tongue
would like get all split up and it'd be really gross.
And I'm sure it's not good for you to take that many tablets and smoke weed and fucking
do all this shit all at the same time.
So yeah, basically had to stop all of that.
Made a decision for myself that I needed to be better.
I need to not do these things.
I need to find better strategies.
So some of the better things that I found for me and I know these things work for a
lot of people.
It's basic shit.
The gym or if not the gym exercise in general.
The gym helped me a lot.
Even though it's really hard to go to a gym, especially if you have anxiety and like, especially
if you have a metaphobia too.
But I found that the biggest thing for me to get to the gym wasn't actually getting
there.
It was being patient and being kind to myself when I couldn't do it.
So if I only made it to the car park, I wouldn't immediately just shit all over myself and
be like, oh, fuck you, dude.
You suck.
You're a loser.
You can't even go to the gym and like look at all these people going in and you can't
even do it.
Like I did that a few times and I sort of realized like, how is this helping me?
You know, like what part of this negativity is actually benefiting me in any way?
And it's obviously easier said than done to just be like, oh, be nice to yourself.
But like it is really something I would suggest anyone, like anyone on this planet to try
to just be kinder to yourself when you can't do something that you wanted to do or you
can't do something you didn't want to do, you know, and being patient, being like, you
know, every time you do something and you come out of your comfort zone and you don't
just immediately go, this sucks.
This is shit.
I don't want to do it.
And you go like, oh, this is shit.
Like that's not a good mindset to have doing something.
You're not going to progress anywhere.
If you're just thinking every single thing that you do is shit, even if you can do it
at like, I know shit sucks.
I know working sucks.
I know doing stuff sucks sometimes, but you need to be a little more positive about it.
As hard as it can be.
I know it can be so hard.
Like I cannot stress how hard it can be.
I'm so guilty of saying you need to be positive because I'm like the most negative person
on this planet, but it really does make a difference.
It adds to your progression.
It's like a counter.
Every time you do something, you progress a small amount.
It's so small, but it is a little bit.
It's there, you know, you can feel it very slightly, but it's there.
I promise.
Okay.
I promise it's there.
Now positivity comes into that and the patience too is like, it's very important to be patient
with anything, with anyone trying to do anything to try to learn a new skill.
You have to be patient, like you wouldn't immediately just yell at someone else for
being in the same position as you and feeling the same things as you.
So what's the purpose and what is the benefit of doing it to yourself?
Obviously everyone can understand that, but putting that into action and being like, okay,
I'm going to try and attempt to not talk to myself like this today.
I'm going to be patient with myself and let myself do things at the pace that it needs
to be, you know, slow and steady.
Can't just rush into shit, you know?
And going for walks was a big one for me.
I'm more of a bike rider now, but it's sort of the same thing.
Just being outside in general is really good for you.
Feeling the wind, like looking at the trees, getting sunlight, it's very important.
And I'm going for a walk or a ride was just like, it gave me a goal, you know, like I'd
get to this destination, come back home sort of thing.
But even just sitting outside is like really good for you.
It's like a really mindful thing to do, to like connect with the outside.
Sort of sounds like a little like hippie, I guess.
But it works wonders for me.
And I'm sure like a lot of other people would probably appreciate doing that as well.
It's really good for your body.
Your body will thank you if you go outside and breathe fresh air.
Another thing I like to do is keep a journal.
I've been writing in a journal for about two years now.
And looking back on it, I notice the better I'm feeling, the less I will write, but it's
something I've tried to sort of stop.
I initially started writing in a journal not for my own benefit and mental health, because
my handwriting sucks.
And like I wanted to not write like a fucking grade two student, because my handwriting
has been the same since then.
And I realized over time that it was a really helpful thing, maybe not for the present.
It helps me get my feelings out, definitely.
Especially if I'm having a really bad day, a really hard day, I like to write down what
I feel.
It might not always be positive.
Not everything can always be positive.
It definitely helps in the long run to look back and see your progression.
Even if you feel like you're in a state worse than you were when you wrote that initially,
it's good to look back and be like, I can feel good.
Why can't I feel good again?
You can.
You know, you have proof of that because you wrote that in your fucking journal.
You definitely can feel, you can feel better than that.
You know, that's something I really like to keep.
Like I have a drawer full of books that I've written in.
I tend to do it every day now.
I just like to write what I've done.
I have a page, like a section of the book I write in where my wins are.
So I will write, for instance, I went to work today and it was a good day.
It sounds a bit childish, whatever.
I don't know.
That's what I write because I just, it's fucking easy.
And I can look back on that and I write the date and I write any other wins I have for
that day as well.
I went to the supermarket, we went on a date together, me and my partner, whatever.
Like I took my dog for a walk.
It's another thing to look back on.
You know, like in a couple of months you will see a day where like it was a really hard
day.
The only win for you was I got out of bed.
That's a massive fucking win if you did that and you didn't feel like you could, dude.
Go you.
You should be proud of yourself.
Another thing I like to do to cope, it's more of a productive thing, but it definitely is
like a coping strategy for me is being, well, productive.
As soon as I get out of my bed, I like to make my bed.
That feels like a good strategy because even if I have the worst fucking day possible,
even if everything feels like it goes wrong, I have a made bed to come back to.
It's a bit hard when you have a partner, especially if you have different work schedules because
she will mess the bed up, but it is what it is.
You know, like either way, I still have a bed to come back to and it's partially made
or it's fully made and like that's my spot.
That's my spot.
I like to go.
It's my chill spot where I can release all my feelings.
I can cry if I want to.
I can laugh.
I can tell someone about my day.
I can call somebody.
I can talk to my family, my girlfriend, friends, whatever.
I tell my dog about it.
It doesn't matter.
You know, like making your bed, making your space where you live a clean, tidy-ish space.
If you like having a clean space, it'll definitely help.
It definitely make you feel better having like a more clean area, like a more clean
house, more clean bedroom, whatever, you know, doing your dishes as soon as you're done with
them is another thing I like to do.
It just helps me get them out of the way because it's a pain in the ass and also it makes me
feel productive on days where I don't have anything else to do or the day was a hard
day, you know, it makes me feel like I've done something, like I've achieved something,
you know, so it might sound a bit stupid to do your household chores as a coping strategy,
but for me it's something that took me a long time to sort of do because I would ignore
them and I would avoid them and I would just stay in my bed.
So for me, that's like an interesting like achievement, something I like to do, something
I do every day now as a way to cope and a way to deal with my mental health in a more
positive way because it makes me feel good about myself.
It allows me to be proud and to feel a sense of achievement, which I think is a good thing.
Another big one for me is I like to play a lot of video games and I find myself often
getting very stuck into them and if I start playing a game in the daytime, I will not
stop playing that game.
Like it'll be very hard for me to get off until I get bored, which doesn't happen very
often.
So if you like to play games and even if you don't have a job or you don't go to school,
you do whatever, like I would suggest try to not play games until it's like later on
in the day.
Like if you can hold off doing it as soon as you wake up or like halfway through the
day, if you can wait till like nighttime, you know, a couple of hours before you need
to go to bed or like six o'clock or whenever the fuck, I would suggest that.
I know it works a lot better for me.
I don't always stick to it.
You don't always have to stick to that if you like games.
I know it's a pretty big thing.
So you know, like I get it, but like I know for me personally, it helps if I push that
aside and I make it something I do later on so I can do my other shit in the day, like
my household chores or I can take my dog for a walk or get myself some exercise, cook some
food, you know, do some meal prepping, anything, you know, and it's sort of like a reward even
and it makes you feel a lot better.
At least it makes me feel better about doing it.
It doesn't make me feel like I'm wasting time.
So but that'll probably do it for today.
I don't really have anything else to say.
I think my main point was just try to recognize your poor coping strategies and replace them
with better ones and it'll take a while.
It'll be a long road.
It was for me at least.
So I know it takes a lot of time, takes a lot of energy and you may end up feeling a
little worse.
But as you progress through your journey using these newfound coping mechanisms that are
healthier, you will find they are a lot more like they're a lot more stable and you will
have a better foundation to sort of sit on.
So yeah, basically, sorry for swearing so much.
I was feeling a little passionate about this one.
So I'll try to not do that next time.
But until then, thanks guys.
See you.