WEBVTT 00:00:02.220 --> 00:00:07.740 Before time had a name there was a garden a place 00:00:07.740 --> 00:00:13.279 where heaven and earth walked as one This is 00:00:13.279 --> 00:00:17.780 the echoes of Eden Where we rediscover ancient 00:00:17.780 --> 00:00:27.960 roots and awaken to our eternal purpose All right 00:00:27.960 --> 00:00:32.030 guys welcome back to the podcast This week, we're 00:00:32.030 --> 00:00:37.329 going to talk about the power of words and speaking 00:00:37.329 --> 00:00:43.929 life into your family. I am joined again by my 00:00:43.929 --> 00:00:47.990 lovely Brad, my wife, my best friend, my ride 00:00:47.990 --> 00:00:52.210 or die, everything over here. She's with me again. 00:00:53.530 --> 00:01:02.070 Say hello, everybody. Hello. So I'll kick it 00:01:02.070 --> 00:01:05.650 off with a scripture probably everybody knows 00:01:05.650 --> 00:01:09.310 but Proverbs 18 21 that says your words are so 00:01:09.310 --> 00:01:12.829 powerful This is the passion translation your 00:01:12.829 --> 00:01:15.329 words are so powerful that they will kill or 00:01:15.329 --> 00:01:18.250 give life and the talkative person will reap 00:01:18.250 --> 00:01:24.049 the consequences Another translation basically 00:01:24.049 --> 00:01:28.280 says You know you had the tongue you have the 00:01:28.280 --> 00:01:33.680 power of life and death and the tongue But you 00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:36.379 know speaks a lot of volumes when you really 00:01:36.379 --> 00:01:43.060 take that to heart and it's I Had this this episode 00:01:43.060 --> 00:01:46.900 planned for this week and what a day for to talk 00:01:46.900 --> 00:01:51.900 about the power of your words Just because today 00:01:51.900 --> 00:02:01.640 has been a struggle day for me I think we're 00:02:01.640 --> 00:02:04.299 just being frustrated and we'll just be transparent 00:02:04.299 --> 00:02:06.799 and vulnerable here. Hopefully it helps somebody 00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:11.199 else because I'm not perfect. I'm still working 00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:15.960 my way and allowing Holy Spirit to do whatever 00:02:15.960 --> 00:02:27.520 he needs to do in me and allow the room for Transformation 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:31.159 to happen within and I know I'm still in a journey 00:02:31.159 --> 00:02:35.939 and still in a process got a long way to go But 00:02:35.939 --> 00:02:38.759 saying all that to basically say basically bait 00:02:38.759 --> 00:02:42.780 made both of my daughters feel like I hated them 00:02:42.780 --> 00:02:52.680 today Just by my words Well, let's say more of 00:02:52.680 --> 00:02:59.979 your home let's say words and home maybe And 00:02:59.979 --> 00:03:05.280 it, you know, as a dad, as their dad, as your 00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:09.639 husband, we had to have that family conversation 00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:13.680 tonight that that's never what I want them to 00:03:13.680 --> 00:03:22.159 feel at all. And it just amazes me the conversation 00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:27.909 and How much Kaylin our ten -year -old can come 00:03:27.909 --> 00:03:31.509 back and come back with so much wisdom and grace 00:03:31.509 --> 00:03:37.129 and grace Like she It's funny when you say that 00:03:37.129 --> 00:03:40.330 it she really lives up to her name pure grace 00:03:40.330 --> 00:03:46.030 And it was just even when she told me she says 00:03:46.030 --> 00:03:50.050 daddy I forgive you She says I forgave you before 00:03:50.050 --> 00:03:54.710 you even said anything And, you know, she recognizes 00:03:54.710 --> 00:04:00.930 we all have those moments. But I just found it 00:04:00.930 --> 00:04:03.090 interesting when I realized what we're doing 00:04:03.090 --> 00:04:05.610 this podcast on that this was the day that I've 00:04:05.610 --> 00:04:14.250 had. I think we just have to be real and talk 00:04:14.250 --> 00:04:18.050 about these moments because we all have them. 00:04:19.230 --> 00:04:24.699 Yeah. But it's what you do. What you do with 00:04:24.699 --> 00:04:27.240 those moments like the conversation at the end 00:04:27.240 --> 00:04:31.699 of the day to apologize and explain to your children 00:04:31.699 --> 00:04:34.879 You know, hey, it's okay to have a bad day. We 00:04:34.879 --> 00:04:39.079 all have bad days and you know, I Probably said 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:42.079 some things that I shouldn't have and I apologize 00:04:42.079 --> 00:04:46.579 and that's not okay. It just Gives them that 00:04:46.579 --> 00:04:50.399 vulnerable side to see hey, it's okay to apologize. 00:04:50.420 --> 00:04:55.500 It's okay to you know, mess up sometimes. Yeah. 00:04:56.839 --> 00:05:03.660 And I don't know that if I'm being, again, if 00:05:03.660 --> 00:05:06.620 I'm just being vulnerable and real, I don't know 00:05:06.620 --> 00:05:14.279 that previous me would have done that. Um, so 00:05:14.279 --> 00:05:18.819 I think it, I think it shows growth on my part 00:05:18.819 --> 00:05:21.990 for that. Yeah. I don't think. I don't remember 00:05:21.990 --> 00:05:27.089 you doing that a long time ago um and not saying 00:05:27.089 --> 00:05:28.790 you know i'm sure somebody well you just did 00:05:28.790 --> 00:05:31.990 that so you could say that but no i think before 00:05:31.990 --> 00:05:37.589 um you just kind of expected everybody to apologize 00:05:37.589 --> 00:05:41.269 or every sorry everybody to forgive you without 00:05:41.269 --> 00:05:44.930 having to you know apologize you just try well 00:05:44.930 --> 00:05:48.149 i had a bad day and just chalk it up to that 00:05:48.149 --> 00:05:50.290 and then You need to figure that out. I don't 00:05:50.290 --> 00:05:55.230 need to address my attitude or my, maybe something 00:05:55.230 --> 00:05:59.430 I said or whatever. Cause I really don't even 00:05:59.430 --> 00:06:01.949 remember what I said to make them feel that way 00:06:01.949 --> 00:06:07.430 or what tone I had, but just knowing that as 00:06:07.430 --> 00:06:11.149 a dad when that's what you, your kids feel like 00:06:11.149 --> 00:06:15.089 in that moment and was your, your tone. or an 00:06:15.089 --> 00:06:17.410 action that you took or a statement that you 00:06:17.410 --> 00:06:21.490 made that made them feel that way. That hurts. 00:06:22.629 --> 00:06:29.629 Yeah. And did I have to? No, I've had plenty 00:06:29.629 --> 00:06:31.689 of times where I've not done that, but I felt 00:06:31.689 --> 00:06:36.370 like that was the right thing to do to be vulnerable 00:06:36.370 --> 00:06:41.329 and transparent for my kids to see. Daddy don't 00:06:41.329 --> 00:06:46.939 always get it right. Yeah. Well, I think it makes 00:06:46.939 --> 00:06:50.339 them realize too, hey, it's okay to have a bad 00:06:50.339 --> 00:06:54.300 day or an off day every once in a while. It's 00:06:54.300 --> 00:07:02.019 a normal thing, you know, but it's not okay to 00:07:02.019 --> 00:07:06.139 make people feel bad just because that you're 00:07:06.139 --> 00:07:10.680 having an off day. And, you know, so many times 00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:14.120 we think and look at our kids, you know, they 00:07:14.120 --> 00:07:19.339 have off days. Yeah. But yet we fuss at them 00:07:19.339 --> 00:07:23.560 for it. Yeah. And it's like, we can get up, we 00:07:23.560 --> 00:07:27.000 can have a bad day, we can go through the motions, 00:07:27.000 --> 00:07:31.379 apologize, and it's okay. But yet the day that 00:07:31.379 --> 00:07:34.519 they have a bad day, we chalk it up to, oh, well, 00:07:34.519 --> 00:07:38.740 they're being disobedient or they're being mad 00:07:38.740 --> 00:07:42.189 or, you know, they're being bad or something 00:07:42.189 --> 00:07:46.290 like that. But it's like, we, we have double 00:07:46.290 --> 00:07:48.730 standards. Like we're allowed to have bad days, 00:07:48.889 --> 00:07:51.149 but they're not, but they're not, and they have 00:07:51.149 --> 00:07:54.069 way bigger emotions at that age than we do at 00:07:54.069 --> 00:07:57.230 ours. So I mean, there's still much, you know, 00:07:57.230 --> 00:08:00.209 I know we're still figuring life out, but they're 00:08:00.209 --> 00:08:07.629 still in a point of at their young ages, they're 00:08:07.629 --> 00:08:09.990 still at a point of trying to figure out life. 00:08:12.879 --> 00:08:18.139 And it's like you said, I feel like, I think 00:08:18.139 --> 00:08:20.139 you pointed this out to me. I would have never, 00:08:20.220 --> 00:08:22.079 I don't think I would have picked up on it without 00:08:22.079 --> 00:08:24.860 you saying it, but it's the fact that we expect 00:08:24.860 --> 00:08:29.480 them not to have those. I mean, you're a kid, 00:08:29.480 --> 00:08:31.519 why do you have a bad day? Well, because they're 00:08:31.519 --> 00:08:36.200 human too. Well, and their bodies, they're trying 00:08:36.200 --> 00:08:39.100 to regulate all of their emotions and they're 00:08:39.100 --> 00:08:43.580 not. physically or mentally mature enough to 00:08:43.580 --> 00:08:47.019 do that yet. Yeah. I mean, they're, they're handling 00:08:47.019 --> 00:08:52.440 some of these emotions and stuff and trying to 00:08:52.440 --> 00:08:57.639 figure out what to do with these emotions. Um, 00:08:57.960 --> 00:09:02.700 and what, you know, how, what is this feeling 00:09:02.700 --> 00:09:05.919 that I'm having and how do I navigate it and 00:09:05.919 --> 00:09:10.480 how do I express When I get upset, how do I express 00:09:10.480 --> 00:09:15.100 myself when I get angry? How do I express myself 00:09:15.100 --> 00:09:20.200 when I'm How do I express myself when my feelings 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:26.740 are hurt? How do I express myself when I'm sad? 00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:31.379 They don't they don't know how to express their 00:09:31.379 --> 00:09:35.110 emotions I don't think we know how to express 00:09:35.110 --> 00:09:38.169 our emotions sometimes. I don't think I know 00:09:38.169 --> 00:09:43.909 how to express my emotions sometimes. Yeah. So 00:09:43.909 --> 00:09:46.629 they're learning, I'm learning, you're learning, 00:09:46.730 --> 00:09:50.409 we're all learning. I think I've said this before, 00:09:50.830 --> 00:09:56.690 our kids didn't come with manuals. You know, 00:09:56.830 --> 00:09:59.950 you take Kaylin and Trinity and Trinity is very 00:09:59.950 --> 00:10:03.539 big in her feelings and her emotions. Kaylyn 00:10:03.539 --> 00:10:07.200 is not so much at the moment Although you can 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:11.200 kind of see that preteen stuff starting. I Don't 00:10:11.200 --> 00:10:16.720 know how that's who? Y 'all pray But you can 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:21.980 see some of those emotions starting and her taking 00:10:21.980 --> 00:10:25.100 Which I guess she's always been that way. She 00:10:25.100 --> 00:10:30.399 takes more stuff to heart. Yeah, she does But 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:35.409 that's just why it's important to As the parent, 00:10:35.730 --> 00:10:38.610 as the dad especially, one of the things I'm 00:10:38.610 --> 00:10:47.330 learning is how powerful your words are. Because, 00:10:48.409 --> 00:10:52.490 especially being the head of the house, the words 00:10:52.490 --> 00:10:55.649 that I speak and the tone that I have, the attitude, 00:10:57.570 --> 00:11:06.429 I shape the atmosphere. I think, in my opinion, 00:11:06.590 --> 00:11:09.669 the father shapes more of the identity for the 00:11:09.669 --> 00:11:18.450 child. But then they also, as parents, we have 00:11:18.450 --> 00:11:22.730 to create the emotional safety and culture in 00:11:22.730 --> 00:11:26.269 our home. Right. Which is, you know, this is 00:11:26.269 --> 00:11:29.409 stuff growing up you didn't hear about, or at 00:11:29.409 --> 00:11:34.120 least I didn't. but when you really start trying 00:11:34.120 --> 00:11:38.620 to be intentional with your parenting and you 00:11:38.620 --> 00:11:41.159 feel like you are on this journey with the Holy 00:11:41.159 --> 00:11:44.519 Spirit allowing her to do whatever she needs 00:11:44.519 --> 00:11:49.080 to do as far as in a sense where I feel like 00:11:49.080 --> 00:11:53.679 I'm at right now the Holy Spirit is kind of mothering 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:59.950 in a way given that I don't know how to explain 00:11:59.950 --> 00:12:06.649 that. Like a nurture, nurturing. Yes. Because 00:12:06.649 --> 00:12:08.809 I mean, we'll talk about this. We've talked about 00:12:08.809 --> 00:12:12.909 this before. As far as just my personal journey, 00:12:13.409 --> 00:12:21.350 I'm on this journey of, I would have said deconstruction 00:12:21.350 --> 00:12:23.889 before because that was the term everybody used, 00:12:24.090 --> 00:12:29.109 although I didn't think that was accurate. Bill 00:12:29.109 --> 00:12:31.549 Vanderbush did a post recent, I think this past 00:12:31.549 --> 00:12:36.269 week that I shared, it's more reconstruction. 00:12:37.429 --> 00:12:39.610 But when you're doing a lot of that, the Holy 00:12:39.610 --> 00:12:43.710 Spirit has to kind of mother you, I feel like 00:12:43.710 --> 00:12:47.669 in a sense. I know that can get me in trouble, 00:12:47.909 --> 00:12:51.830 but Holy Spirit can do either or, depends on 00:12:51.830 --> 00:12:53.870 what you need in that moment. And that's the 00:12:53.870 --> 00:12:59.350 same thing in the house. It's like I told Trinity 00:12:59.350 --> 00:13:02.190 earlier sometimes when she has those big emotions. 00:13:03.129 --> 00:13:06.370 I Don't know how to handle that. So I have to 00:13:06.370 --> 00:13:10.129 like lean on you Because I struggle when she 00:13:10.129 --> 00:13:15.730 just starts crying over silly things But it's 00:13:15.730 --> 00:13:20.870 still I have to take those moments and Maybe 00:13:20.870 --> 00:13:23.509 not in the moment reflect but later through the 00:13:23.509 --> 00:13:27.330 evening reflect What can I do differently? How 00:13:27.330 --> 00:13:31.789 can I set that tone? How can I speak? And one 00:13:31.789 --> 00:13:34.049 of the things like I like to tell them sometimes 00:13:34.049 --> 00:13:36.649 if I'm thinking about it and trying to be intentional 00:13:36.649 --> 00:13:40.570 with it is that's not who you are You're not 00:13:40.570 --> 00:13:50.190 You're not a crybaby essentially Even with And 00:13:50.190 --> 00:13:51.850 I know I think you told me there was more to 00:13:51.850 --> 00:13:54.110 the story what you found out the next day, but 00:13:54.110 --> 00:13:57.820 when We thought she was lying when she came up 00:13:57.820 --> 00:14:00.879 here today, and I told her you're not a liar 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:03.679 One of the things I try to tell my kids is when 00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:06.379 I hear them say I'm sorry. No, you're not That's 00:14:06.379 --> 00:14:11.600 not who you are. You're not sorry. I Don't like 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:15.899 hearing them express that There's a difference 00:14:15.899 --> 00:14:18.059 between apologizing, but I don't want to hear 00:14:18.059 --> 00:14:24.299 them say I'm sorry Because you're not sorry You're 00:14:24.299 --> 00:14:28.519 not a sorry kid. I want to kind of remove that 00:14:28.519 --> 00:14:34.220 language from them. Even today when Kaylin was 00:14:34.220 --> 00:14:37.639 in her room and I was fussing trying to get her 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:41.139 to clean her own room, you know, one of the comments 00:14:41.139 --> 00:14:43.620 I heard her make that I addressed with her personally 00:14:43.620 --> 00:14:47.000 later was she made some kind of comment about 00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:51.960 how I suck at this. And I had to sit down with 00:14:51.960 --> 00:14:55.919 her. I said, That's not true. Like you don't 00:14:55.919 --> 00:15:00.220 suck at stuff. I said, you're a very smart little 00:15:00.220 --> 00:15:04.399 girl. I said, this is your room. I said, you 00:15:04.399 --> 00:15:10.059 can do this. May take more effort sometimes if 00:15:10.059 --> 00:15:12.000 you're not good at something. I said, but you 00:15:12.000 --> 00:15:14.139 don't suck at it. I don't want to hear you say 00:15:14.139 --> 00:15:19.950 stuff like that. Does that make sense? I feel 00:15:19.950 --> 00:15:21.929 like I'm just rambling a little bit, but does 00:15:21.929 --> 00:15:32.029 that make sense? I just think we have to be intentional 00:15:32.029 --> 00:15:35.990 and really think and reflect about how much what 00:15:35.990 --> 00:15:40.110 we say and how we say it shapes the atmosphere 00:15:40.110 --> 00:15:43.730 in our home. It shapes the atmosphere in the 00:15:43.730 --> 00:15:47.309 home that shapes your kid's identity. It shapes 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:51.000 Their inner confidence their inner confidence 00:15:51.000 --> 00:15:54.659 it shapes Which is this is kind of where I feel 00:15:54.659 --> 00:15:58.580 like I'm at personally now is Because Holy Spirit 00:15:58.580 --> 00:16:00.600 is taking me on this journey and I'm leaning 00:16:00.600 --> 00:16:04.200 into it is I'm seeing the things that I missed 00:16:04.200 --> 00:16:07.860 before and how many my kids feel in a previous 00:16:07.860 --> 00:16:11.419 season and they're still in this struggle point 00:16:11.419 --> 00:16:16.970 of Getting used to the new version. I guess that 00:16:16.970 --> 00:16:21.250 you can quote it of dad and Learning that they 00:16:21.250 --> 00:16:25.129 can come to me when before I guess I really made 00:16:25.129 --> 00:16:30.669 them feel like they cannot Yeah And then you 00:16:30.669 --> 00:16:32.889 have days like today where I feel like I've went 00:16:32.889 --> 00:16:37.149 backwards and you have to address it Because 00:16:37.149 --> 00:16:40.169 I don't want them. I don't want them continually 00:16:40.169 --> 00:16:42.269 being afraid to come to me. I want them to come 00:16:42.269 --> 00:16:47.149 to me And then like I said, as a dad, you shape 00:16:47.149 --> 00:16:51.250 the culture of your home. What do you want the 00:16:51.250 --> 00:16:53.850 house to look like? These are questions you really, 00:16:54.850 --> 00:16:59.090 I don't know that, at least not for me, you talk 00:16:59.090 --> 00:17:03.129 about this kind of stuff enough. And I feel like 00:17:03.129 --> 00:17:06.950 we should be talking more about this as families, 00:17:07.170 --> 00:17:12.420 as men, as parents. What do you want your family 00:17:12.420 --> 00:17:15.640 culture to look like? Like a vision. Yeah. Like 00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:18.180 what's your vision for your family? Which, I 00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:20.839 mean, we have a 10 year old right now who's, 00:17:20.839 --> 00:17:24.519 she has this grand plan, uh, that mommy and daddy 00:17:24.519 --> 00:17:28.799 are going to buy acreage somewhere and they can, 00:17:28.819 --> 00:17:32.380 uh, her house will be here. Her sister's house 00:17:32.380 --> 00:17:34.440 is over here. Her brother's house will be over 00:17:34.440 --> 00:17:36.779 here. Mommy and daddy's house. I mean, she's 00:17:36.779 --> 00:17:40.549 got this family compound thing. Planned out planned 00:17:40.549 --> 00:17:45.150 out and you know, I kind of like it. Yeah, like 00:17:45.150 --> 00:17:48.910 I can I can kind of envision that To where they 00:17:48.910 --> 00:17:51.009 can have their own space, but yet we all can 00:17:51.009 --> 00:17:56.390 be together, too I'm kind of here for that if 00:17:56.390 --> 00:17:59.670 that's what they want to do But that goes back 00:17:59.670 --> 00:18:02.849 to what culture do you create in your family? 00:18:03.210 --> 00:18:08.170 Like is this a Excuse me. Is this a safe space 00:18:08.170 --> 00:18:12.180 for them? Am I a safe space? Are you a safe space 00:18:12.180 --> 00:18:16.140 that they can run to? No matter what feelings 00:18:16.140 --> 00:18:19.559 they're juggling, whether it be the anger, the 00:18:19.559 --> 00:18:24.380 sadness, the hurt feelings or excitement and 00:18:24.380 --> 00:18:27.660 being happy, are you a safe place that they can 00:18:27.660 --> 00:18:31.619 run to? And they know that there's no judgment, 00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:34.779 no condemnation, no guilt, no shame, none of 00:18:34.779 --> 00:18:40.549 that coming off of you toward them. But also, 00:18:41.529 --> 00:18:45.269 are you listening? Like really listening when 00:18:45.269 --> 00:18:49.029 they approach you? Because it's one thing to 00:18:49.029 --> 00:18:52.170 be a safe space if they feel comfortable running 00:18:52.170 --> 00:18:56.369 to you. But do they feel heard once they get 00:18:56.369 --> 00:18:59.750 there? Or are you playing on your phone guilty? 00:19:02.109 --> 00:19:07.130 Same. But it's like, and I picked up on earlier. 00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:09.279 When they was going to bed, Kaylin was trying 00:19:09.279 --> 00:19:12.400 to tell me something before he cut my hair. Kaylin 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:14.039 was trying to tell me something and I had my 00:19:14.039 --> 00:19:17.779 phone out just scrolling and she said, no, are 00:19:17.779 --> 00:19:21.359 you listening? And so at that point I realized 00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:23.599 I'm gonna put my phone down because she really 00:19:23.599 --> 00:19:27.759 wants to tell me something. But that's, you know, 00:19:28.019 --> 00:19:30.500 that's a good point is are you, are we listening 00:19:30.500 --> 00:19:35.920 to them? Are we making them feel seen and heard? 00:19:36.299 --> 00:19:43.160 and not just tolerated. I mean, so you think 00:19:43.160 --> 00:19:47.259 about those as, I guess it begs the question, 00:19:47.339 --> 00:19:50.740 how do you intentionally raise kids who feel 00:19:50.740 --> 00:19:59.200 safe to be fully themselves? I think it's, you 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:02.670 know, I think I've told you this before, but 00:20:02.670 --> 00:20:05.490 in one of my quiet times, you know, God has spoke 00:20:05.490 --> 00:20:13.589 to me and we, a lot of times are the limits for 00:20:13.589 --> 00:20:19.069 our kids. Like a lot of times we put limits and 00:20:19.069 --> 00:20:23.589 we speak things over them that we shouldn't. 00:20:24.509 --> 00:20:30.049 And, you know, one prime example was I had ask 00:20:30.049 --> 00:20:35.569 Kaylin to do something and she, you know, which 00:20:35.569 --> 00:20:39.650 is what I would feel she smarted off and was 00:20:39.650 --> 00:20:43.349 in all reality, she was just asking a question. 00:20:43.470 --> 00:20:48.089 Yeah. But I automatically was like, don't be, 00:20:48.210 --> 00:20:52.609 don't be a smart aleck, you know, and it hit 00:20:52.609 --> 00:20:54.289 me because she turned to me and she's like, well, 00:20:54.369 --> 00:20:56.910 what's that? She had no idea what you're talking 00:20:56.910 --> 00:21:02.079 about. she does this, you know, what what we 00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:05.720 put on others because others, you know, treat 00:21:05.720 --> 00:21:08.720 us that way with disrespect and sometimes that 00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:14.240 we automatically put those limits and those names 00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:18.660 on our kids. Yes. And they don't mean it at all 00:21:18.660 --> 00:21:20.539 because they don't even know what it is. Yeah. 00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:24.519 And so then they hear mom and dad say, oh, well, 00:21:24.579 --> 00:21:27.759 they said this. Did this and they said I was 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:30.299 being a smart alec. So then when someone else 00:21:30.299 --> 00:21:33.460 does that to them now, they know Hey, that's 00:21:33.460 --> 00:21:37.460 that's being smart So they really don't understand 00:21:37.460 --> 00:21:40.380 what it means, but they know that we said that 00:21:40.380 --> 00:21:42.940 that's what it was So then they pick up on it 00:21:42.940 --> 00:21:46.559 somewhere else But in all reality a lot of times 00:21:46.559 --> 00:21:50.019 our kids are truly just innocent asking questions 00:21:50.019 --> 00:21:53.440 and we just don't want to take the time to Explain 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:58.069 it Or maybe we are in a hurry or in a mood ourselves 00:21:58.069 --> 00:22:00.069 and we take it the wrong way and so you said 00:22:00.069 --> 00:22:03.190 that and it made me think we we had as parents 00:22:03.190 --> 00:22:07.950 we have to Learn how to and it's hard to do this 00:22:07.950 --> 00:22:12.369 and this I feel like in this day and time But 00:22:12.369 --> 00:22:19.130 to slow down And not be so busy busy busy and 00:22:19.130 --> 00:22:24.660 I don't know I'm totally guilty of this So I 00:22:24.660 --> 00:22:27.019 don't have the answer of what that looks like 00:22:27.019 --> 00:22:34.880 yet, but being able to slow down and Make sure 00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:38.299 they understand that you hear they that you hear 00:22:38.299 --> 00:22:43.960 them creating that space for them and Then slowing 00:22:43.960 --> 00:22:47.240 down to teach them in those critical moments 00:22:47.240 --> 00:22:54.059 So they can understand You know and it goes I 00:22:54.059 --> 00:22:57.200 guess to me it kind of goes back to the When 00:22:57.200 --> 00:23:00.500 they mess up or whatever it's important to I 00:23:00.500 --> 00:23:02.160 feel like it's important to tell them. This is 00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:06.839 not who you are Like we're the ones that label 00:23:06.839 --> 00:23:12.119 them first, but we are and Sometimes I speak 00:23:12.119 --> 00:23:15.259 for myself, but sometimes we label at a frustration 00:23:15.259 --> 00:23:19.720 We label because we've had a bad day we label 00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:23.369 because Our past hurts and experiences. Our past 00:23:23.369 --> 00:23:26.869 hurts and stuff. And so we throw those labels 00:23:26.869 --> 00:23:32.009 at our kids. And then subconsciously, I think 00:23:32.009 --> 00:23:35.750 they start picking up on some of this. And so 00:23:35.750 --> 00:23:38.470 then they start allowing these thoughts that 00:23:38.470 --> 00:23:41.630 we've expressed begin to build their identity. 00:23:42.230 --> 00:23:45.289 And that's what we have to watch. Our words. 00:23:45.670 --> 00:23:48.930 Watch our words. And you know, like I said, with 00:23:48.930 --> 00:23:51.930 Trinity, I struggle more. Trinity is very big 00:23:51.930 --> 00:23:53.950 in her feelings and I don't know what to do with 00:23:53.950 --> 00:23:58.910 that a lot of times. That takes a lot more. Kaylin 00:23:58.910 --> 00:24:02.930 on the other hand acts just like me. Yes. That 00:24:02.930 --> 00:24:04.970 brings a whole nother level of frustration because 00:24:04.970 --> 00:24:07.029 I see a little meaning in me and I'm like, oh 00:24:07.029 --> 00:24:09.690 my Lord, is this is me coming out and how do 00:24:09.690 --> 00:24:14.410 I speak to a younger female version of me in 00:24:14.410 --> 00:24:16.910 this moment? That's not always easy to do. But 00:24:16.910 --> 00:24:18.789 then you have, like I said, Trinity, who was 00:24:18.789 --> 00:24:21.630 very big in her feelings. And I'm like, I don't 00:24:21.630 --> 00:24:29.910 know. How do you do that? She's very big in her 00:24:29.910 --> 00:24:36.509 feelings, but she also correlates, you know, 00:24:36.789 --> 00:24:40.490 punishment with being bad and not love. Yes. 00:24:41.089 --> 00:24:46.690 So you have to punish her. in a way that it's 00:24:46.690 --> 00:24:51.069 explained very well. And you have to also reassure 00:24:51.069 --> 00:24:55.369 her while you're punishing her. That you do love 00:24:55.369 --> 00:24:58.349 her. She is still loved and it has nothing to 00:24:58.349 --> 00:25:02.069 do with how we feel about her. It's just that 00:25:02.069 --> 00:25:04.970 we are trying to teach her. It's a difference 00:25:04.970 --> 00:25:11.269 between calling out identity and calling out 00:25:11.269 --> 00:25:15.960 behavior. Like I see this behavior right now, 00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:19.019 but this behavior does not get to identify you, 00:25:19.279 --> 00:25:22.680 right? So let me continue so I'm going to address 00:25:22.680 --> 00:25:25.079 the behavior, but let me speak to your identity 00:25:25.079 --> 00:25:29.740 That you are still loved but we this behavior 00:25:29.740 --> 00:25:35.359 is not acceptable in this behavior How can I 00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:38.059 say that? the behavior that you're displaying 00:25:38.059 --> 00:25:41.420 right now is out of character from who you are. 00:25:41.779 --> 00:25:45.660 Does that make sense? Yeah. And you know, it 00:25:45.660 --> 00:25:48.660 even, and I know we've talked about this and 00:25:48.660 --> 00:25:51.500 I think you've sent me videos or your Facebook 00:25:51.500 --> 00:25:55.220 reels on some of this stuff, but it even to me, 00:25:55.220 --> 00:25:58.599 I guess, speaks to phrases that we should learn 00:25:58.599 --> 00:26:02.700 to eliminate. Now I'm talking this through out 00:26:02.700 --> 00:26:09.480 loud. But phrases to like you always or you never 00:26:09.480 --> 00:26:13.000 or Why can't you like these are stuff that I 00:26:13.000 --> 00:26:17.059 use? Constantly that I need to correct and comparing 00:26:17.059 --> 00:26:19.819 them to each other comparing them to each other 00:26:19.819 --> 00:26:22.180 but like making this the general phrase of you 00:26:22.180 --> 00:26:28.400 always do this or You never do what I ask I'm 00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:31.940 horrible to use these but I was reading some 00:26:31.940 --> 00:26:35.539 of this stuff for this podcast, but instead of 00:26:35.539 --> 00:26:39.140 saying that, you know, changing it to you're 00:26:39.140 --> 00:26:45.240 growing, or that's not who you are. Instead of 00:26:45.240 --> 00:26:49.039 the, you always do this, you never do this. Because 00:26:49.039 --> 00:26:51.079 then it goes back to a certain while ago, they 00:26:51.079 --> 00:26:54.519 start picking up on some of this stuff subconsciously, 00:26:55.259 --> 00:26:58.740 and it begins to identify them. And they think, 00:26:58.819 --> 00:27:02.180 well, this is how I am. Yep. then you have a 00:27:02.180 --> 00:27:06.200 ten -year -old today saying I suck at this well 00:27:06.200 --> 00:27:08.700 that means somewhere along the line she's picked 00:27:08.700 --> 00:27:13.619 up by words that I've said or whatever that she 00:27:13.619 --> 00:27:16.720 actually sucks at doing whatever it was she said 00:27:16.720 --> 00:27:19.980 she's like that because she can never keep her 00:27:19.980 --> 00:27:25.500 room clean yep which you know I told you this 00:27:25.500 --> 00:27:29.440 recently I said it must just be a kid thing I 00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:31.799 didn't I don't remember having those issues. 00:27:31.799 --> 00:27:36.059 I was very still am very particular about where 00:27:36.059 --> 00:27:40.039 stuff goes and I like a clean a Clean house or 00:27:40.039 --> 00:27:43.500 whatever, but I'm also learning Well, our kids 00:27:43.500 --> 00:27:46.859 are also very very blessed. They are extremely 00:27:46.859 --> 00:27:52.099 blessed. We were overly abundantly blessed But 00:27:52.099 --> 00:27:55.660 I'm you know, I'm 35 we've been married for 13 00:27:55.660 --> 00:28:02.400 years Is that right now? 12, 25, yeah. 13 years, 00:28:02.599 --> 00:28:10.200 we got three kids. I am just now learning that 00:28:10.200 --> 00:28:15.119 it's okay if the house just looks livable. And 00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:18.359 I know that's horrible to say, but it's okay 00:28:18.359 --> 00:28:23.240 if the house looks livable. Like. Someone lives 00:28:23.240 --> 00:28:26.880 here. Like we have three kids. We have a... Shut 00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:33.420 up. You know what I mean. Lived in. This house 00:28:33.420 --> 00:28:36.980 looks lived in. This house looks like we have 00:28:36.980 --> 00:28:40.839 three kids. This house looks like we now have 00:28:40.839 --> 00:28:44.579 a almost a one -year -old who's now crawling 00:28:44.579 --> 00:28:49.059 and going everywhere. This house looks like you 00:28:49.059 --> 00:28:51.589 have a one -year -old who... sits in his little 00:28:51.589 --> 00:28:54.369 playthings and throws toys in the floor and for 00:28:54.369 --> 00:28:57.450 no apparent reason and snacks and then smashes 00:28:57.450 --> 00:29:01.329 the snacks and then that's what you have yeah 00:29:01.329 --> 00:29:03.769 um it looks like you have two little girls who 00:29:03.769 --> 00:29:05.690 when they come in shoes go off and then they 00:29:05.690 --> 00:29:08.990 get left there until i say whose shoes are these 00:29:08.990 --> 00:29:14.329 and is this where they go um whose cup is this 00:29:14.329 --> 00:29:18.569 whose snack wrapper is this but all this is just 00:29:18.569 --> 00:29:24.460 normal stuff And my job as dad is just to simply 00:29:24.460 --> 00:29:27.319 help them learn how to pick up after themselves 00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:29.380 and be responsible. Which is kind of crazy considering 00:29:29.380 --> 00:29:32.000 that you grew up with two siblings and I had 00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:37.920 none. I know. I kind of thought you might would 00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:40.480 have figured that out before now. But I guess 00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:45.799 it's just because my space was always organized. 00:29:48.619 --> 00:29:51.700 But when you have But that was also one room 00:29:51.700 --> 00:29:55.019 I Understand this like we don't have to call 00:29:55.019 --> 00:29:59.400 me out on the podcast They're not listen. I'll 00:29:59.400 --> 00:30:02.400 work hard for my house to look like it's been 00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:09.200 struck by a tornado But you know and I have to 00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:14.700 remember you homeschool you're a caregiver and 00:30:14.700 --> 00:30:17.700 now you homeschool both girls, which Kaylin's 00:30:17.700 --> 00:30:21.180 getting a little bit more independent. But then 00:30:21.180 --> 00:30:23.619 on top of that, you have a one -year -old who 00:30:23.619 --> 00:30:27.980 you're kind of at his beck and call. Like when 00:30:27.980 --> 00:30:32.619 he's upset, guess what? Mommy has to be there. 00:30:32.619 --> 00:30:37.579 Yeah. Cause he doesn't, he doesn't understand. 00:30:37.779 --> 00:30:41.940 He doesn't care. He doesn't care. Like I am priority 00:30:41.940 --> 00:30:45.880 number one right now. Just like we had to pause 00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:48.779 this podcast because he woke up from his sleep 00:30:48.779 --> 00:30:54.299 and was getting fussy all over this. So a lot 00:30:54.299 --> 00:30:58.880 of this is just learning as you go. I do feel 00:30:58.880 --> 00:31:02.220 like, and you can correct me live in person right 00:31:02.220 --> 00:31:04.079 here if you would like, but I do feel like I 00:31:04.079 --> 00:31:07.759 have grown in not getting as frustrated with 00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:14.900 the house. Times, there's days I'm like, let's 00:31:14.900 --> 00:31:18.319 clean the house up a little bit. I don't like 00:31:18.319 --> 00:31:22.279 it looking trashy, so to speak, but it's lived 00:31:22.279 --> 00:31:26.420 in. And if people don't like that, don't come 00:31:26.420 --> 00:31:28.220 visit. I don't know what to tell you. Well, they 00:31:28.220 --> 00:31:30.019 must not like it because we won't get a lot of 00:31:30.019 --> 00:31:39.559 visitors. Eat hell. Scroll through my notes here 00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:46.380 a little bit. That's what, you know, you think 00:31:46.380 --> 00:31:50.900 too, even when we discipline, how do you, you 00:31:50.900 --> 00:31:53.359 have to be conscious and how do you word discipline 00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:59.940 in ways that shapes their identity and re -discipline 00:31:59.940 --> 00:32:04.980 in a way that reinforces who they are, but cancels 00:32:04.980 --> 00:32:07.440 out the behavior that they're, you're disciplining 00:32:07.440 --> 00:32:14.180 for. Does that make sense? Yes. And, you know, 00:32:14.180 --> 00:32:17.240 how do you do that? I'm also understanding that's 00:32:17.240 --> 00:32:20.880 exactly what the Holy Spirit and what Papa does 00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:26.059 for us. I know we grew up with some of this notion, 00:32:26.380 --> 00:32:29.660 at least I did, with there's times that he scolds 00:32:29.660 --> 00:32:35.480 you. Or, you know, that he kind of like, um, 00:32:36.079 --> 00:32:38.480 David Thompson, Jason Clark always use the analogy 00:32:38.480 --> 00:32:42.279 of you have the good cop, bad cop. Jesus is the 00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:44.740 good cop, the father is the bad cop, and he's 00:32:44.740 --> 00:32:46.380 protecting you from the father. This is kind 00:32:46.380 --> 00:32:48.900 of some of the thought processes I grew up with. 00:32:49.799 --> 00:32:52.559 Now I'm learning that not to be true and knowing 00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:56.619 that he does not come and scold you. And just 00:32:56.619 --> 00:32:59.460 as we don't want our kids coming to us and telling 00:32:59.460 --> 00:33:02.319 us how horrible they are, how worthless they 00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:07.180 are, he doesn't want that from us. And he doesn't 00:33:07.180 --> 00:33:10.140 sit there and scold us over it. a decision. It's 00:33:10.140 --> 00:33:14.720 more of like a nudge of, well, it's more of a 00:33:14.720 --> 00:33:19.799 nudge. Like that's not who you are. That's not 00:33:19.799 --> 00:33:23.579 what you do. That's not what you do. Um, it's 00:33:23.579 --> 00:33:26.140 like, I believe I got this from Damon Thompson 00:33:26.140 --> 00:33:28.660 and this is what I believe behavior follows identity. 00:33:29.119 --> 00:33:33.059 So he speaks more to, as far as I'm concerned, 00:33:33.059 --> 00:33:36.319 he speaks more to us about our identity of who 00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:41.609 we are in Christ in Christ in us. And the more 00:33:41.609 --> 00:33:45.470 he reinforces that, the behavior takes care of 00:33:45.470 --> 00:33:50.549 itself. So how do you turn that for your kids? 00:33:52.250 --> 00:33:55.490 I'm very thankful right now that our kids are 00:33:55.490 --> 00:33:58.690 actually really good kids. They're very good 00:33:58.690 --> 00:34:06.710 kids. Other than trying to teach them how to 00:34:06.710 --> 00:34:10.309 get along with each other sometimes. and respect 00:34:10.309 --> 00:34:15.909 boundaries. But, you know, it's just you talk 00:34:15.909 --> 00:34:19.590 them through it because just like a teacher in 00:34:19.590 --> 00:34:22.809 a classroom, you know, you have these kids and 00:34:22.809 --> 00:34:25.849 you think that your kids should automatically 00:34:25.849 --> 00:34:30.150 know these things because, well, they live in 00:34:30.150 --> 00:34:32.269 the same house as you, which is obviously not 00:34:32.269 --> 00:34:35.469 a good reason. But, you know, that's a lot of 00:34:35.469 --> 00:34:38.760 times what we assume is like I know this stuff, 00:34:38.860 --> 00:34:43.260 so you should know this stuff. But we are the 00:34:43.260 --> 00:34:47.039 ones that teach them these things. We can't depend 00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:51.280 on other people to teach them just so we don't 00:34:51.280 --> 00:34:55.139 have to. Just because we don't want to deal with 00:34:55.139 --> 00:34:57.960 it. No, it's our responsibility, it's our job 00:34:57.960 --> 00:35:04.000 to make sure they know how to do things and why 00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:09.460 we do them. in the end it gives them confidence 00:35:09.460 --> 00:35:13.139 to you know because they just want to know why 00:35:13.139 --> 00:35:16.159 a lot of times it's it's not them being disrespectful 00:35:16.159 --> 00:35:20.059 or being um smart they're asking questions they 00:35:20.059 --> 00:35:23.460 really want to know why they just try to understand 00:35:23.460 --> 00:35:31.519 but that's good um another thing too when you 00:35:31.519 --> 00:35:34.539 think about them and here's a statement that 00:35:34.539 --> 00:35:41.019 just full Kids learn their internal voice from 00:35:41.019 --> 00:35:47.500 their parents external voice And if that don't 00:35:47.500 --> 00:35:49.539 make you as a parent stop and think about what 00:35:49.539 --> 00:35:53.599 you're saying out loud yeah, not just and and 00:35:53.599 --> 00:35:58.139 Okay, so not just to them But even how you talk 00:35:58.139 --> 00:36:02.480 to yourself and again guilty as charged how you 00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:07.119 talk to yourself in front of them Well, and it's 00:36:07.119 --> 00:36:10.300 like, and I've made statements before, even a 00:36:10.300 --> 00:36:12.000 friend of Kaylin out, like I'll do something 00:36:12.000 --> 00:36:16.599 and go stupid. And Kaylin has corrected me saying 00:36:16.599 --> 00:36:20.199 you're not stupid daddy. Well, it's like, we 00:36:20.199 --> 00:36:22.800 think a lot of times we, you know, the golden 00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:24.900 rule, treat others the way you want to be treated. 00:36:25.059 --> 00:36:27.480 But for some reason that doesn't apply to our 00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:32.239 kids. Good point. You know, just because what 00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:37.139 they're kids. That's a good point. Like, do I 00:36:37.139 --> 00:36:42.440 want to be, um, yelled at as an adult? Do I want 00:36:42.440 --> 00:36:46.980 to be, um, you know, shifted to the side and 00:36:46.980 --> 00:36:51.239 be shamed because I don't know something? No. 00:36:51.380 --> 00:36:53.239 So then what makes you think that your kids want 00:36:53.239 --> 00:36:55.539 to feel that way? It's, you know, it's one of 00:36:55.539 --> 00:37:00.139 those things too. I think growing up, there was 00:37:00.139 --> 00:37:05.639 this, for me, there was this mentality of. If 00:37:05.639 --> 00:37:11.099 you yell and scream it shows authority and leadership 00:37:11.099 --> 00:37:15.719 I Mean even and I know I can get excited when 00:37:15.719 --> 00:37:18.579 I'm when I'm teaching or ministering. I don't 00:37:18.579 --> 00:37:23.179 think I've ever like hollered I Don't think it 00:37:23.179 --> 00:37:27.360 would been that type To what to like be on you 00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:32.289 know kids like it when I'm ministering I kind 00:37:32.289 --> 00:37:35.630 of just have this sound sometimes but not more 00:37:35.630 --> 00:37:38.329 so kind of out of excitement. Yeah, but not yelling 00:37:38.329 --> 00:37:43.989 but If you if you really think about that and 00:37:43.989 --> 00:37:47.710 think about Jesus I don't think he yelled and 00:37:47.710 --> 00:37:52.869 screamed to assert leadership and authority I 00:37:52.869 --> 00:37:59.590 think You have to learn To talk to your kids 00:37:59.590 --> 00:38:04.570 as Little human beings and goes back to what 00:38:04.570 --> 00:38:09.429 you said would I want to be your dad? like No, 00:38:09.730 --> 00:38:13.349 yeah, I mean if I mean if you just apply the 00:38:13.349 --> 00:38:16.590 golden rule to parenting and within with even 00:38:16.590 --> 00:38:21.929 with Trinity if you raise your voice Yeah Takes 00:38:21.929 --> 00:38:24.230 off running. Yeah, that's not what she wants. 00:38:24.230 --> 00:38:27.150 It's not what she needs nothing. That's a there's 00:38:27.150 --> 00:38:32.199 a lesson in that Mean okay, even with me and 00:38:32.199 --> 00:38:36.199 you we don't really yell at each other We have 00:38:36.199 --> 00:38:40.239 had moments, but we've had some heated discussions 00:38:40.239 --> 00:38:46.119 And I would even say we've had those lately if 00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:51.000 I really had to think about it I'm trying to 00:38:51.000 --> 00:38:55.079 think You're giving me some look so maybe we 00:38:55.079 --> 00:39:03.679 have Yes, but we anyhow Nevermind. Before today, 00:39:03.860 --> 00:39:06.960 it's, I think it's been a while. Yeah. Um, but 00:39:06.960 --> 00:39:10.320 we don't, we don't yell. We talk to each other. 00:39:10.780 --> 00:39:15.579 We talk through it. Like if, if we see a issue 00:39:15.579 --> 00:39:18.199 or something, we wait until it's just us and 00:39:18.199 --> 00:39:20.659 then we talk it out. And I'm like, um, maybe 00:39:20.659 --> 00:39:22.719 you shouldn't, you know, like you should have 00:39:22.719 --> 00:39:25.460 done this or shouldn't have done it this way. 00:39:25.539 --> 00:39:28.690 And you do the same to me. when I get frustrated 00:39:28.690 --> 00:39:30.710 or something, you're like, uh, that was a bit, 00:39:31.070 --> 00:39:34.409 a bit much. Yeah. But, um. But it should be the 00:39:34.409 --> 00:39:36.889 same with the kids. Like if we can talk to each 00:39:36.889 --> 00:39:41.050 other that way as partners. You get a whole lot 00:39:41.050 --> 00:39:43.289 more out of them. You get a whole much. If you 00:39:43.289 --> 00:39:46.449 just, if you yelled at me, like I'm probably 00:39:46.449 --> 00:39:49.369 not going to have a whole lot of respect and 00:39:49.369 --> 00:39:52.829 want to listen to what you have to say. Um, but 00:39:52.829 --> 00:39:56.599 if you treat me like a human being, And I think 00:39:56.599 --> 00:39:58.760 the kids and with respect I think the kids feel 00:39:58.760 --> 00:40:03.380 the same way To me I guess it just goes back 00:40:03.380 --> 00:40:07.599 to what you say and how you say it your delivery 00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:09.880 Because you can say something nice but deliver 00:40:09.880 --> 00:40:14.920 it wrong and they won't receive it. Mm -hmm Yeah 00:40:14.920 --> 00:40:17.940 It's like I've heard people also say, you know, 00:40:17.940 --> 00:40:21.340 I'm not explaining myself to a child the baby 00:40:21.340 --> 00:40:24.480 you need to But you definitely need to. And our 00:40:24.480 --> 00:40:27.699 kids are a perfect example of I think they understand 00:40:27.699 --> 00:40:30.320 more than we give them credit for. Oh yes they 00:40:30.320 --> 00:40:36.719 do. They're way too smart for my own good. I 00:40:36.719 --> 00:40:40.599 mean you definitely need to explain to them things 00:40:40.599 --> 00:40:43.719 because how do you expect them to handle things 00:40:43.719 --> 00:40:46.380 later on in life if they were never taught? Yeah. 00:40:47.280 --> 00:40:51.159 And you have to they have to be able to understand 00:40:51.519 --> 00:40:58.000 Okay, mommy said this why? Because of this Mommy's 00:40:58.000 --> 00:41:02.260 doing this why well, they need to know Like I 00:41:02.260 --> 00:41:05.019 don't mind explaining myself to anybody. Yeah, 00:41:05.380 --> 00:41:10.380 but you know, I There's all different kinds of 00:41:10.380 --> 00:41:13.380 parenting styles and I'm not saying that You 00:41:13.380 --> 00:41:16.559 know either way is wrong. It's however you you 00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:19.579 know, you can reach your kids but Well, I think 00:41:19.579 --> 00:41:22.199 it's important to remember every child's different 00:41:22.199 --> 00:41:26.480 and I my belief is trust Holy Spirit and ask 00:41:26.480 --> 00:41:30.179 Holy Spirit to help you Right parent your child. 00:41:30.500 --> 00:41:33.619 Yeah, I mean they belong to him first exactly 00:41:33.619 --> 00:41:39.139 You know and and that may mean and I think me 00:41:39.139 --> 00:41:41.960 and Ray has talked about this before That may 00:41:41.960 --> 00:41:44.800 sometimes mean I need to walk away from a situation 00:41:46.809 --> 00:41:49.170 I probably had some of those moments today and 00:41:49.170 --> 00:41:51.650 opportunities that I should have walked away, 00:41:52.250 --> 00:41:55.010 breathe and then, you know, talk to you first 00:41:55.010 --> 00:41:58.349 and then come back to the situation. Um, and 00:41:58.349 --> 00:42:04.510 I did not do that. I failed at that today, but 00:42:04.510 --> 00:42:14.269 yeah, but it's, it's okay to walk away in. Take 00:42:14.269 --> 00:42:18.889 a breath take a breath before you respond to 00:42:18.889 --> 00:42:23.550 Whatever you name and it's okay to tap out to 00:42:23.550 --> 00:42:25.550 your spouse every once in a while You know, like 00:42:25.550 --> 00:42:28.170 if you're struggling having a bad day be like 00:42:28.170 --> 00:42:31.369 look, I'm gonna need you to step up today because 00:42:31.369 --> 00:42:40.769 I'm not it. I'm not it today I Think that's good 00:42:40.769 --> 00:42:47.369 right there but Don't know how I mean, of course, 00:42:47.369 --> 00:42:49.170 we're supposed to be talking about our words 00:42:49.170 --> 00:42:51.670 and how they matter I think we took a turn on 00:42:51.670 --> 00:42:57.090 parenting but in but but but It is parenting 00:42:57.090 --> 00:43:00.070 and it can relate to parenting has a lot to do 00:43:00.070 --> 00:43:03.150 with Words. Yeah, I mean it to me. I guess it 00:43:03.150 --> 00:43:06.090 goes to teaching beginning teaching has a lot 00:43:06.090 --> 00:43:11.289 to do with words and tones and how you How you 00:43:11.289 --> 00:43:13.349 build because what do you what are we doing in 00:43:13.349 --> 00:43:17.480 the family? as the parents, as the dad, what 00:43:17.480 --> 00:43:20.719 are you, you're building a culture for your family. 00:43:22.119 --> 00:43:24.280 Well, that culture is going to be framed by what? 00:43:24.820 --> 00:43:29.179 Your words, your attitude, your tone. I mean, 00:43:29.280 --> 00:43:33.659 it's a bigger deal than we realize. It goes back 00:43:33.659 --> 00:43:36.139 to what Proverbs 18 talks about. The power of 00:43:36.139 --> 00:43:39.780 life and death is in the tongue. You're eating 00:43:39.780 --> 00:43:42.579 you're either giving life to your children. You're 00:43:42.579 --> 00:43:45.320 giving life to your spouse or giving life to 00:43:45.320 --> 00:43:50.980 Your home or you're killing it You know and there's 00:43:50.980 --> 00:43:53.860 like today for me. I feel like I killed a lot 00:43:53.860 --> 00:43:57.500 of things But then at the end of the night I 00:43:57.500 --> 00:44:02.300 had to suck it up be a man look at my kids and 00:44:02.300 --> 00:44:07.480 say you know what I'm sorry May both of you feel 00:44:07.480 --> 00:44:13.840 this way That's not okay. And just, we move forward 00:44:13.840 --> 00:44:16.519 from there. And I think that's important as a 00:44:16.519 --> 00:44:19.559 family too, is having that grace to be able to 00:44:19.559 --> 00:44:25.579 say, hey, look, you had a day. I apologize. It's 00:44:25.579 --> 00:44:28.340 okay. You know, even with the kids, when they 00:44:28.340 --> 00:44:31.860 have that day, they have their bad day, is being 00:44:31.860 --> 00:44:34.800 able to look at them like Kailin said, even before 00:44:34.800 --> 00:44:37.699 they, if they don't ever say a thing about it. 00:44:38.190 --> 00:44:42.329 And just helping them understand, we forgive 00:44:42.329 --> 00:44:48.550 you a long time ago. I think, and this goes deep, 00:44:48.949 --> 00:44:51.789 I feel as I say this out loud and think about 00:44:51.789 --> 00:44:56.610 it, my kids don't have to ask me to forgive them. 00:44:58.010 --> 00:45:01.730 I live in a state of forgiveness toward my children. 00:45:02.369 --> 00:45:06.159 And where does that come from? Because I was 00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:08.659 always taught you got to ask God to forgive you 00:45:08.659 --> 00:45:11.820 every day I mean, that's that's good to do I 00:45:11.820 --> 00:45:15.539 guess but Also living from this point. I don't 00:45:15.539 --> 00:45:18.000 know that I want my kid asking me every day to 00:45:18.000 --> 00:45:21.500 forgive them. I Forgive you because you're my 00:45:21.500 --> 00:45:24.960 child All right, how we got on this subject, 00:45:24.980 --> 00:45:28.019 but here we are Well, I think after a while to 00:45:28.019 --> 00:45:30.960 what they originally asked forgiveness for eventually. 00:45:31.500 --> 00:45:35.219 It doesn't become a thing that needs forgiveness 00:45:35.219 --> 00:45:37.639 anymore because it drops off. Yeah. Cause they 00:45:37.639 --> 00:45:42.139 realize, Hey, I have to apologize for this. Maybe 00:45:42.139 --> 00:45:45.139 I'll not do it anymore. You know, and then, you 00:45:45.139 --> 00:45:48.760 know, you move on, you grow from that. Yeah. 00:45:50.059 --> 00:45:56.199 And I think a lot of the goal and a lot of this 00:45:56.199 --> 00:46:00.219 stuff to me, I guess, is you're trying to establish 00:46:00.219 --> 00:46:03.699 this family as a kingdom family. Like I know 00:46:03.699 --> 00:46:06.420 I created the logo that says that, but now we're 00:46:06.420 --> 00:46:09.639 creating a culture where I want this to be a 00:46:09.639 --> 00:46:15.940 kingdom focused family to where at 8 and at one 00:46:15.940 --> 00:46:20.360 year old, he matters just as much as Kaylin at 00:46:20.360 --> 00:46:23.960 10 years old. And Kaylin at 10 years old matters 00:46:23.960 --> 00:46:28.639 just as much as 8 and at one year old. And I 00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:32.659 want them both to believe that. At times, even 00:46:32.659 --> 00:46:36.340 having a baby, your older one, especially the 00:46:36.340 --> 00:46:39.780 middle one too, can feel left out during times. 00:46:41.139 --> 00:46:46.420 But creating though that culture and helping 00:46:46.420 --> 00:46:49.699 them understand, hey, we see you, we hear you, 00:46:50.159 --> 00:46:55.219 we know you. And include them. Yeah. Even on 00:46:55.219 --> 00:47:01.079 the simple things. And just understanding, you 00:47:01.079 --> 00:47:04.079 know, every word you speak as a parent plants 00:47:04.079 --> 00:47:09.000 a seed. You're speaking constantly. If you're 00:47:09.000 --> 00:47:11.900 being intentional about it, you're speaking, 00:47:11.900 --> 00:47:20.760 um, to who your child is becoming. I like this 00:47:20.760 --> 00:47:24.980 one. I have this for down. Yeah. And I wrote 00:47:24.980 --> 00:47:27.440 this down. Why your child, why your home should 00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:30.179 sound like your child's future. and not their 00:47:30.179 --> 00:47:37.460 past. Like when they make mistakes, don't allow 00:47:37.460 --> 00:47:40.260 them to dwell on that mistake. Don't allow them 00:47:40.260 --> 00:47:43.619 to define themselves by that mistake. Help them 00:47:43.619 --> 00:47:46.760 to pick up the pieces and just move forward. 00:47:48.239 --> 00:47:51.099 And you know, and I have to, I have to think 00:47:51.099 --> 00:47:56.440 about Kalin for a lot of this because Kalin What 00:47:56.440 --> 00:48:01.300 I've seen over Kailin the past few weeks is just 00:48:01.300 --> 00:48:07.320 mind blowing. As far as her wisdom that she speaks. 00:48:09.679 --> 00:48:15.579 Her understanding of situations. And her kindness. 00:48:15.840 --> 00:48:25.210 And her kindness. Her. Like she does. She expresses 00:48:25.210 --> 00:48:28.730 her emotions. She's expressing them more so lately 00:48:28.730 --> 00:48:34.829 that I've seen. But there's so much grace in 00:48:34.829 --> 00:48:41.349 everything that she does. And I even, I mean, 00:48:41.409 --> 00:48:46.989 is what it is, you know, even when we left the 00:48:46.989 --> 00:48:51.329 church the past couple of weeks. And we talked 00:48:51.329 --> 00:48:54.679 to the kids about what happened. understanding 00:48:54.679 --> 00:48:57.940 of what was happening, happening in her wisdom 00:48:57.940 --> 00:49:00.780 to speak life back into us without knowing what 00:49:00.780 --> 00:49:03.780 she was doing. I don't know that at 10 years 00:49:03.780 --> 00:49:06.340 old, I would be talking like she talks sometimes. 00:49:07.380 --> 00:49:13.599 I don't think I was. I mean, it's just, she, 00:49:14.119 --> 00:49:16.800 I don't know. Sometimes I'm wondering, sometimes 00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:19.039 I ask myself like, which one of us is the parent? 00:49:19.719 --> 00:49:24.070 Cause I mean, just like tonight. Daddy already 00:49:24.070 --> 00:49:27.670 forgives you before you said anything We all 00:49:27.670 --> 00:49:30.230 have bad days like for her to understand that 00:49:30.230 --> 00:49:33.130 and grapple that at 10 years old And be able 00:49:33.130 --> 00:49:36.889 to turn it and extend grace back to me as her 00:49:36.889 --> 00:49:41.269 dad. You see that's also You know when you teach 00:49:41.269 --> 00:49:44.949 them It's okay to have bad days. This is what 00:49:44.949 --> 00:49:50.289 it is He you know Daddy's just having a bad day 00:49:50.289 --> 00:49:57.519 today Okay And that's okay. We just keep trucking. 00:49:58.239 --> 00:50:00.739 But when you stop and you explain all of these 00:50:00.739 --> 00:50:06.699 scenarios as life comes in to your home, they 00:50:06.699 --> 00:50:09.320 understand and they react a whole lot better 00:50:09.320 --> 00:50:13.960 to it. And I think that's what we see out of 00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:18.980 Kalen. Because I try to take the time and trust 00:50:18.980 --> 00:50:24.460 me, she has so many questions. But I try to take 00:50:24.460 --> 00:50:28.659 my time and explain, you know, and I know there's 00:50:28.659 --> 00:50:32.340 some days that, you know, I'm at my last question 00:50:32.340 --> 00:50:35.920 for the day, and I probably don't explain things 00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:40.719 as good, but I try my best every day to respond 00:50:40.719 --> 00:50:44.139 and answer her questions so that she understands, 00:50:44.139 --> 00:50:50.110 you know, what and why and, you know, the reason 00:50:50.110 --> 00:50:56.769 behind it and what we do with it. You know, I 00:50:56.769 --> 00:51:04.030 think we'll start wrapping up, but I think the 00:51:04.030 --> 00:51:06.230 last part, you know, I know I mentioned a while 00:51:06.230 --> 00:51:08.190 ago about the whole forgiveness thing. I don't 00:51:08.190 --> 00:51:10.309 want my kids running around constantly. Forgive 00:51:10.309 --> 00:51:12.789 me, forgive me, forgive me. Not what I'm looking 00:51:12.789 --> 00:51:17.809 for, but I want to also help them understand 00:51:17.809 --> 00:51:27.300 that they're Repentance there is a There's time 00:51:27.300 --> 00:51:30.440 like tonight where I had to sit down and apologize 00:51:30.440 --> 00:51:34.760 but that that's also needed in relationships 00:51:34.760 --> 00:51:40.380 and in family to where And one of the things 00:51:40.380 --> 00:51:43.699 I read today for this was about just modeling 00:51:43.699 --> 00:51:48.349 humility, you know, it's a It should be normal 00:51:48.349 --> 00:51:53.130 to be able to come up and say, I was wrong. Because 00:51:53.130 --> 00:51:54.690 what are you trying to do in that moment? You're 00:51:54.690 --> 00:52:00.150 trying to reconcile what was there. Um, because 00:52:00.150 --> 00:52:02.389 if I just, okay, let's just be honest. If I just 00:52:02.389 --> 00:52:04.809 never did that and continued on the path that 00:52:04.809 --> 00:52:08.469 I was on before, what would our family look like? 00:52:10.010 --> 00:52:13.980 She just rolled her eyes for everybody who. You 00:52:13.980 --> 00:52:16.719 can't see what I see. That look right there is 00:52:16.719 --> 00:52:21.420 head at all. But how the biblical repentance 00:52:21.420 --> 00:52:25.679 and I don't like that word, but it reestablishes 00:52:25.679 --> 00:52:30.519 connection. You know, I was not connected to 00:52:30.519 --> 00:52:33.679 my kids at all. I felt like today until that 00:52:33.679 --> 00:52:36.639 moment when I sat down with them. Well, I can't 00:52:36.639 --> 00:52:39.619 say that because I, me and Kevin had a conversation 00:52:39.619 --> 00:52:44.619 earlier where I corrected that. Um, but to sit 00:52:44.619 --> 00:52:48.800 down before you cut my hair and everything and 00:52:48.800 --> 00:52:50.840 have that conversation. I made them come sit 00:52:50.840 --> 00:52:53.659 in the living room and us sit down so I could 00:52:53.659 --> 00:52:57.260 explain to them. I didn't really explain, just 00:52:57.260 --> 00:53:05.360 apologize for how I made them feel today. And 00:53:05.360 --> 00:53:09.579 to show them and display this is how you reconcile. 00:53:09.719 --> 00:53:14.610 This is how you reestablish connection. Don't 00:53:14.610 --> 00:53:19.409 ever feel like I don't love you. Right. I messed 00:53:19.409 --> 00:53:25.710 up today. Had a rough day mentally. You got to 00:53:25.710 --> 00:53:29.010 bring into that. That's not okay. I'm not excusing 00:53:29.010 --> 00:53:35.489 what I did, but this is where we're at. And then 00:53:35.489 --> 00:53:39.639 you build it from there. It's not the same, I 00:53:39.639 --> 00:53:41.179 guess is what I'm trying to say. It's not the 00:53:41.179 --> 00:53:43.320 same as constantly running around going, forgive 00:53:43.320 --> 00:53:46.219 me, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me. But there 00:53:46.219 --> 00:53:49.179 are moments to where when you know you missed 00:53:49.179 --> 00:53:55.800 it, hey, I got this wrong. And I feel like me 00:53:55.800 --> 00:53:58.539 and you do that sometimes a lot more now than 00:53:58.539 --> 00:54:02.159 we used to. And sometimes, you know, in the moment, 00:54:04.690 --> 00:54:08.030 You apologize and it's more healing for you than 00:54:08.030 --> 00:54:11.369 it was for the ones that deserved it Yeah, because 00:54:11.369 --> 00:54:15.809 a lot of times At least for me a lot of times 00:54:15.809 --> 00:54:18.630 when you when someone apologizes to me, I'm like, 00:54:18.670 --> 00:54:21.170 I'm already over that anyhow, I didn't really 00:54:21.170 --> 00:54:24.969 But you're right it does it does more for you 00:54:24.969 --> 00:54:29.489 sometimes it's like your connection You know, 00:54:29.570 --> 00:54:32.489 it heals that connection where you feel disconnected 00:54:34.900 --> 00:54:39.179 Yeah, and Then what I want the our kids understand 00:54:39.179 --> 00:54:41.599 and why I don't like to hear I'm say I'm sorry 00:54:41.599 --> 00:54:46.860 Is go sorry doesn't really cut it It's what you 00:54:46.860 --> 00:54:51.699 do you've apologized Now what? That means we 00:54:51.699 --> 00:54:55.199 don't continue in the behavior that caused the 00:54:55.199 --> 00:54:59.960 pain That caused the hurt Does that mean you're 00:54:59.960 --> 00:55:04.090 gonna be perfect? No Does that mean if that's 00:55:04.090 --> 00:55:08.610 where your struggle is, you might fail again? 00:55:09.269 --> 00:55:14.489 No. But learning how to deal with that in the 00:55:14.489 --> 00:55:21.309 moment and teaching them, hey, okay, let's use 00:55:21.309 --> 00:55:26.369 the kids as an example. You know, I didn't keep 00:55:26.369 --> 00:55:30.750 my room clean. Well, yeah, it's okay. We forgive 00:55:30.750 --> 00:55:35.789 you. Maybe they keep it clean for three days. 00:55:36.829 --> 00:55:39.730 I'm giving them a lot of grace there. They kept 00:55:39.730 --> 00:55:41.989 it clean for three days and then mess up again. 00:55:43.630 --> 00:55:48.610 Okay, let's just keep, let's just move on. Next 00:55:48.610 --> 00:55:51.389 time they make it four days. Exactly. Right. 00:55:52.469 --> 00:55:54.949 That's the kind of grace we have to have, especially 00:55:54.949 --> 00:55:58.550 with our kids, is understanding they're little 00:55:58.550 --> 00:56:01.710 human beings. who's trying to figure out this 00:56:01.710 --> 00:56:06.889 thing called life in a chaotic world that it's 00:56:06.889 --> 00:56:10.530 more chaotic now than it was when we were younger. 00:56:14.949 --> 00:56:19.829 That just kind of is what it is. But to see, 00:56:21.150 --> 00:56:24.650 I guess as a parent, the bragging that we have, 00:56:24.789 --> 00:56:26.610 bragging right, that I must say we have, quote 00:56:26.610 --> 00:56:30.050 unquote. Is to see their response and some of 00:56:30.050 --> 00:56:34.289 these things I Mean even trying to even if you 00:56:34.289 --> 00:56:35.989 pay attention to Trinity, there's things that 00:56:35.989 --> 00:56:44.730 she does and says sometimes it's like Wow She 00:56:44.730 --> 00:56:49.190 she's one of those that shows you they understand 00:56:49.190 --> 00:56:53.989 a lot more Than what you give credit for and 00:56:53.989 --> 00:56:58.190 if you separate Kalen and Trinity. Trinity becomes 00:56:58.190 --> 00:57:05.010 much more older, I guess you could say, in moments. 00:57:06.510 --> 00:57:10.050 Mature. Mature, that's a good word. Yeah, much 00:57:10.050 --> 00:57:17.429 more mature. I'm trying to think if there's anything 00:57:17.429 --> 00:57:26.409 else I want to hit on. Okay, let's let's do this 00:57:26.409 --> 00:57:30.469 one because I think even marriage our marriage 00:57:30.469 --> 00:57:37.449 in front of them Helps speak life to them. I 00:57:37.449 --> 00:57:39.269 Think yes showing affection each other in front 00:57:39.269 --> 00:57:42.130 of them mean stuff to them that kind of thing 00:57:42.130 --> 00:57:48.210 How has our language changed our marriage over 00:57:48.210 --> 00:57:56.320 the years I Mean you speak English now Excuse 00:57:56.320 --> 00:58:00.539 me Used to mumble a lot you still do sometimes 00:58:00.539 --> 00:58:08.039 I'm just kidding. I Have no words for it now, 00:58:08.039 --> 00:58:13.039 I Feel like you communicate a little better whereas 00:58:13.039 --> 00:58:18.199 before you just didn't You kept it was a struggle 00:58:18.199 --> 00:58:21.900 for me you kept everything inside and it was 00:58:21.900 --> 00:58:26.590 like pulling nails out of Actually, what is rebar? 00:58:26.809 --> 00:58:29.090 It was like pulling rebar out of the ground, 00:58:29.969 --> 00:58:32.610 trying to get something out of you. I've had 00:58:32.610 --> 00:58:35.070 to do that a couple of times. That gets fun. 00:58:35.869 --> 00:58:37.429 Sometimes it's just easier to cut the rebar and 00:58:37.429 --> 00:58:42.750 move on. But that's how it felt like trying to 00:58:42.750 --> 00:58:50.469 get emotion or feelings and things out of you 00:58:50.469 --> 00:58:58.389 before. Now you actually come to me and you know, 00:58:58.710 --> 00:59:02.630 you'll Tell me things that bother you or if I 00:59:02.630 --> 00:59:07.809 do something That upsets you or that you don't 00:59:07.809 --> 00:59:11.050 like or that I said something and I didn't realize 00:59:11.050 --> 00:59:15.289 That what I said bothered you because it may 00:59:15.289 --> 00:59:19.309 not be what I meant, you know You will tell me 00:59:19.309 --> 00:59:24.510 whereas before You didn't really say A whole 00:59:24.510 --> 00:59:31.309 lot that I recall. Okay. Well, what about me? 00:59:33.469 --> 00:59:35.849 The question was how has her language changed 00:59:35.849 --> 00:59:37.789 our marriage over the years? I know. I would 00:59:37.789 --> 00:59:40.650 agree with what you just said. Well, that was 00:59:40.650 --> 00:59:44.969 mostly about you. Yeah, but you've always communicated 00:59:44.969 --> 00:59:49.369 to me typically. Oh, so mine's the same? We communicate 00:59:49.369 --> 01:00:00.380 better. Okay. Not to sexist anything, but you 01:00:00.380 --> 01:00:03.239 are, you're a female. You communicate better 01:00:03.239 --> 01:00:08.820 anyhow. Well, I mean, okay. I didn't never have 01:00:08.820 --> 01:00:10.900 to worry about where I stood with you. You would 01:00:10.900 --> 01:00:15.059 always make sure you told me. I on the other 01:00:15.059 --> 01:00:18.119 hand. And if not my facial expressions. Exactly. 01:00:18.159 --> 01:00:20.179 If you don't speak, your face still shows it. 01:00:20.300 --> 01:00:26.619 I have said that. You do. Yeah, anyhow. And that 01:00:26.619 --> 01:00:29.139 closed caption. Yes, it is. I didn't finish it, 01:00:29.139 --> 01:00:35.480 but thanks. But I guess to end, I would, I'm 01:00:35.480 --> 01:00:37.480 going to use a personal story for you that you 01:00:37.480 --> 01:00:43.019 told me. Oh, no. Just to prove that I don't know 01:00:43.019 --> 01:00:48.320 that this ever, I don't know that the power of 01:00:48.320 --> 01:00:55.840 words ever Does not mean anything So like the 01:00:55.840 --> 01:00:58.780 day that you went to your dad's and you come 01:00:58.780 --> 01:01:04.659 home and Told me that your dad said that he's 01:01:04.659 --> 01:01:09.179 proud of you And you you told me and I never 01:01:09.179 --> 01:01:11.320 forget the words that you said to me you said 01:01:11.320 --> 01:01:15.219 don't ever Ever doubt the words that you speak 01:01:15.219 --> 01:01:19.780 over your daughters Don't have value because 01:01:19.780 --> 01:01:24.070 at 35 years I think you were 34 then. Don't underestimate 01:01:24.070 --> 01:01:27.030 it. Yeah and at 34 years old hearing your dad 01:01:27.030 --> 01:01:33.889 say I'm proud of you still spoke volume to you. 01:01:34.070 --> 01:01:38.409 Something about when a dad speaks that it does 01:01:38.409 --> 01:01:42.070 something to you. Yeah. I think something that 01:01:42.070 --> 01:01:45.610 maybe not just as a dad but as a parent when 01:01:45.610 --> 01:01:49.889 they speak that kind of word over you it does 01:01:49.889 --> 01:01:52.659 something. Especially when you know, it's coming 01:01:52.659 --> 01:01:57.739 from a sincere place. Yeah Don't get it, you 01:01:57.739 --> 01:02:01.199 know To where you don't want them going out looking 01:02:01.199 --> 01:02:04.239 for it other places to make them think that exactly 01:02:04.239 --> 01:02:07.460 other people they need to seek Approval and stuff 01:02:07.460 --> 01:02:10.360 from other people but there's something about 01:02:10.360 --> 01:02:16.539 when your parent You know or your dad says I'm 01:02:16.539 --> 01:02:19.730 proud of you when you think about me thinking 01:02:19.730 --> 01:02:23.590 about two little girls. I want them to know that 01:02:23.590 --> 01:02:27.610 their dad affirms them already so that the older 01:02:27.610 --> 01:02:30.909 they get, some boy come along and try to affirm 01:02:30.909 --> 01:02:33.889 them. That does not grab their attention because 01:02:33.889 --> 01:02:39.369 they already know. My dad tells me I'm beautiful. 01:02:40.210 --> 01:02:42.610 My dad tells me I'm a princess. My dad tells 01:02:42.610 --> 01:02:45.630 me that I'm smart. My dad tells me that I'm valuable. 01:02:46.349 --> 01:02:48.630 So there's nothing you can tell me that's going 01:02:48.630 --> 01:02:53.829 to get my attention. Right. Just my thoughts 01:02:53.829 --> 01:02:58.809 there. But I think it's just a good note to end 01:02:58.809 --> 01:03:02.929 on because talking about the power of words, 01:03:03.869 --> 01:03:06.550 that never goes away from the importance of that 01:03:06.550 --> 01:03:10.809 as a parent, being able to speak life back to 01:03:10.809 --> 01:03:13.909 your kids. No matter how old they are. No matter 01:03:13.909 --> 01:03:18.389 how old they are. Yeah. because regardless you're 01:03:18.389 --> 01:03:21.550 always that parent you're always that mom or 01:03:21.550 --> 01:03:30.150 that dad and you in some ways I guess you as 01:03:30.150 --> 01:03:32.550 the parent sets the tone for the relationship 01:03:32.550 --> 01:03:40.110 what do you want that culture to look like what 01:03:40.110 --> 01:03:43.480 do you want the future because you know We got 01:03:43.480 --> 01:03:45.679 plenty of time for it, but there's back in my 01:03:45.679 --> 01:03:47.840 mind. I'm thinking at some point there are grandkids 01:03:47.840 --> 01:03:50.639 in the future What does that future look like? 01:03:51.300 --> 01:03:54.900 What culture do I create now? To help affirm 01:03:54.900 --> 01:03:59.340 not just my kids, but my grandkids It's just 01:03:59.340 --> 01:04:02.760 a big deal when you think about it And my we 01:04:02.760 --> 01:04:05.659 have to be more intentional. Well, I have to 01:04:05.659 --> 01:04:09.139 be more intentional With things that I say and 01:04:09.139 --> 01:04:15.099 things that I do We could go on hold for another 01:04:15.099 --> 01:04:18.400 hour probably talking about some of this but 01:04:18.400 --> 01:04:26.539 I'll let that just kind of sit there and I Think 01:04:26.539 --> 01:04:30.340 that's just a good note to end on it never gets 01:04:30.340 --> 01:04:34.900 Don't ever feel like you're I guess for the listener 01:04:34.900 --> 01:04:37.000 whoever's listening to this don't ever feel like 01:04:37.000 --> 01:04:42.119 your kids are too old for you to Speak life into 01:04:42.119 --> 01:04:47.039 them You're still their parent and there's power 01:04:47.039 --> 01:04:52.039 in your tongue to speak life or death blessing 01:04:52.039 --> 01:04:59.559 or cursing You get to choose You know sometimes 01:04:59.559 --> 01:05:08.500 it just takes That apology to reconcile the relationship 01:05:08.500 --> 01:05:12.760 I Can't just be an apology is gonna be action 01:05:12.760 --> 01:05:15.429 behind it, too If I just set up here tonight 01:05:15.429 --> 01:05:20.110 and sit on, you know I'm sorry for what I've 01:05:20.110 --> 01:05:23.849 said or whatever but then never back to being 01:05:23.849 --> 01:05:28.030 And just continue doing doing this every day 01:05:28.030 --> 01:05:30.150 and I just apologized every day eventually the 01:05:30.150 --> 01:05:34.230 apology becomes Obsolete. Yeah They don't even 01:05:34.230 --> 01:05:35.869 bother because you're just gonna keep doing the 01:05:35.869 --> 01:05:39.130 same thing Versus I had today today. Maybe I 01:05:39.130 --> 01:05:43.099 go two weeks and don't have a day like this And 01:05:43.099 --> 01:05:44.900 then have to apologize again. Well, then I go 01:05:44.900 --> 01:05:49.340 a month And don't have a day like this Makes 01:05:49.340 --> 01:05:52.280 them more of a difference Do you want to pray? 01:05:53.599 --> 01:05:57.340 No, you won't let me do it. Okay Father I just 01:05:57.340 --> 01:05:59.420 thank you. I thank you for anyone who's listening 01:05:59.420 --> 01:06:02.199 to this if they've made it this far I just I 01:06:02.199 --> 01:06:06.199 speak to their hearts and their minds. I Guess 01:06:06.199 --> 01:06:08.880 Holy Spirit my first prayer for the listener 01:06:08.880 --> 01:06:10.800 would be that they would hear what you would 01:06:10.800 --> 01:06:15.489 say over them That you that they would hear that 01:06:15.489 --> 01:06:19.590 you are proud of them That they would hear that 01:06:19.590 --> 01:06:25.110 you love them more than anything That they would 01:06:25.110 --> 01:06:28.869 hear and Holy Spirit just reveal to them how 01:06:28.869 --> 01:06:33.489 valuable that they are to you as an individual 01:06:33.489 --> 01:06:39.809 as a son or daughter of you But they would feel 01:06:39.809 --> 01:06:43.000 their importance they would hear their importance 01:06:43.000 --> 01:06:45.679 out of your voice that they would feel your embrace 01:06:45.679 --> 01:06:50.179 and then they would be able to demonstrate that 01:06:50.179 --> 01:06:54.320 back to their children back to their homes that 01:06:54.320 --> 01:06:56.699 they've created back into their families their 01:06:56.699 --> 01:07:00.500 spouse and we just thank you and praise you in 01:07:00.500 --> 01:07:06.079 Jesus name we pray amen thank you again for doing 01:07:06.079 --> 01:07:11.659 this with me i love you You're welcome, I love 01:07:11.659 --> 01:07:12.420 you too. Okay.