WEBVTT 00:00:02.379 --> 00:00:07.740 Before time had a name there was a garden a place 00:00:07.740 --> 00:00:13.400 where heaven and earth walked as one This is 00:00:13.400 --> 00:00:17.780 the echoes of Eden Where we rediscover ancient 00:00:17.780 --> 00:00:28.800 roots and awaken to our eternal purpose Hey guys 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:32.939 and welcome back to the podcast This will be 00:00:32.939 --> 00:00:38.500 a bit different as I am Solo today, so we're 00:00:38.500 --> 00:00:43.320 going to do a solo podcast like old times But 00:00:43.320 --> 00:00:46.859 today and I Don't think this would go as long 00:00:46.859 --> 00:00:49.140 as other podcasts when actually have someone 00:00:49.140 --> 00:00:52.420 dialoguing with me, but I want to discuss the 00:00:52.420 --> 00:01:00.060 topic Discipline versus punishment For men for 00:01:00.060 --> 00:01:04.340 fathers for sons You name it. And I want to think 00:01:04.340 --> 00:01:12.859 about a couple different ways I want to take 00:01:12.859 --> 00:01:16.040 this. Number one, when I mess up, when you and 00:01:16.040 --> 00:01:20.799 I mess up, do we assume that God is angry or 00:01:20.799 --> 00:01:25.519 do we believe that he's shaping us? And if you're 00:01:25.519 --> 00:01:27.840 a father, and this is primarily where I'm going 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:31.019 to pull this from, is when our kids mess up. 00:01:31.239 --> 00:01:34.560 Do we punish them out of anger or discipline 00:01:34.560 --> 00:01:39.060 them into purpose? So do we punish them out of 00:01:39.060 --> 00:01:43.000 anger or do we discipline them into purpose? 00:01:43.959 --> 00:01:47.159 And what does that reveal about how I think God 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:51.599 treats me? And right off the bat, I want to take 00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:55.379 a minute here and be just transparent and vulnerable 00:01:55.379 --> 00:01:59.019 because that's the only way I know how to do 00:01:59.019 --> 00:02:02.939 this. I had a conversation Wednesday night on 00:02:02.939 --> 00:02:09.919 the way home from from church and I Begin this 00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:12.319 was talking to my wife But I wanted my kids to 00:02:12.319 --> 00:02:14.599 hear what I was saying too because I think it's 00:02:14.599 --> 00:02:17.060 important and we was I forget what the conversation 00:02:17.060 --> 00:02:21.300 had started on But at the end of it, I was having 00:02:21.300 --> 00:02:30.139 a conversation regarding How believe God to be 00:02:30.139 --> 00:02:33.960 and how that whatever I believe about God is 00:02:33.960 --> 00:02:39.080 kind of how I treat my children. Perfect example 00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:42.060 and this sounds really petty really stupid I 00:02:42.060 --> 00:02:48.039 know but it's where I'm at in my journey. I find 00:02:48.039 --> 00:02:51.300 a tendency to get frustrated just when my kids 00:02:51.300 --> 00:02:57.139 ask questions and I want to say and I could be 00:02:57.120 --> 00:02:59.819 Wrong about what the question was at the time, 00:02:59.819 --> 00:03:03.680 but I think My daughter wanted to dress up the 00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:06.259 same this year. She wanted us me and her to match 00:03:06.259 --> 00:03:09.680 we got some kind of glow stick costume That we 00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:13.419 look like a stick figure When it's dark and the 00:03:13.419 --> 00:03:19.000 suits lit up But she had No, I'm sorry That it 00:03:19.000 --> 00:03:21.020 will is pretend the costume, but we also got 00:03:21.020 --> 00:03:25.199 some kind of lit up mask and when I come home 00:03:25.449 --> 00:03:29.150 she had asked the question, is that my mask? 00:03:30.110 --> 00:03:33.789 And I got frustrated just because she asked a 00:03:33.789 --> 00:03:37.370 question. And when I'm interested to believe 00:03:37.370 --> 00:03:39.909 I'm the first one that beats myself up, I am 00:03:39.909 --> 00:03:42.449 harder on myself probably than anyone else is. 00:03:43.189 --> 00:03:45.050 And some of you men may be like that, I don't 00:03:45.050 --> 00:03:50.270 know. But I remember I would have an internal 00:03:50.270 --> 00:03:54.389 dialogue, like why am I so frustrated and aggravated 00:03:54.490 --> 00:03:58.629 just because she asked a question. And I really 00:03:58.629 --> 00:04:01.189 believe one of the things the Holy Spirit began 00:04:01.189 --> 00:04:06.210 to speak to me was the concept that that's how 00:04:06.210 --> 00:04:13.629 I saw Him. I grew up in a culture who, again, 00:04:13.669 --> 00:04:16.649 no one ever said this was a thing, but it was 00:04:16.649 --> 00:04:20.029 just kind of the culture and how I was raised 00:04:20.029 --> 00:04:22.430 up in church. You just didn't ask questions. 00:04:23.129 --> 00:04:26.290 You didn't question the man of God. You didn't... 00:04:26.290 --> 00:04:28.410 I mean, whatever the pastor said, that was the 00:04:28.410 --> 00:04:31.589 Word of God and that's kind of it. Again, I don't 00:04:31.589 --> 00:04:33.670 think nobody ever said that. It was just kind 00:04:33.670 --> 00:04:36.970 of the feeling that I had growing up and in the 00:04:36.970 --> 00:04:40.389 culture that I was in. So I don't remember there 00:04:40.389 --> 00:04:44.209 being a whole lot of room for questioning. Questioning 00:04:44.209 --> 00:04:46.189 things, questioning thoughts, that kind of thing. 00:04:47.649 --> 00:04:50.269 And so if I believe that to be true about him 00:04:50.269 --> 00:04:53.449 and I believe that I can't ask him questions, 00:04:53.589 --> 00:04:57.430 which I know is not correct because a lot of 00:04:57.430 --> 00:04:59.589 the things I'm learning is because I'm having 00:04:59.589 --> 00:05:02.709 conversations and asking either I'm asking Holy 00:05:02.709 --> 00:05:05.050 Spirit questions or she's asking me questions, 00:05:05.250 --> 00:05:10.829 one of the two. So I know that's not true, but 00:05:10.829 --> 00:05:13.009 there's somewhere inside of me there's a belief 00:05:13.009 --> 00:05:19.079 about this, that I'm not safe to ask questions 00:05:19.079 --> 00:05:22.540 in dialogue Which if I believe that to be true 00:05:22.540 --> 00:05:25.740 about God then obviously I'm going to turn around 00:05:25.740 --> 00:05:31.139 and throw that in My relationship with my children 00:05:31.139 --> 00:05:34.839 So again, I know it's stupid. This is me being 00:05:34.839 --> 00:05:37.860 vulnerable and transparent. I'm on a journey 00:05:37.860 --> 00:05:40.300 I've come a long way, but still got a long way 00:05:40.300 --> 00:05:53.620 to go Most men, I believe, learned behavior -centered 00:05:53.620 --> 00:05:56.399 punishment. That's how I want to say it. Not 00:05:56.399 --> 00:05:59.139 identity -centered discipline. And there is a 00:05:59.139 --> 00:06:02.399 difference. So right off the bat, let's define 00:06:02.399 --> 00:06:05.420 the terms of, and this is my opinion, you can 00:06:05.420 --> 00:06:09.680 take what it's worth. Let's define the terms. 00:06:10.540 --> 00:06:13.709 So let's look at punishment first. Punishment 00:06:13.709 --> 00:06:19.430 would be reactionary to wrong. Punishment would 00:06:19.430 --> 00:06:25.089 be motivated by frustration or fear. The focus 00:06:25.089 --> 00:06:27.629 of punishment is probably more for pain for the 00:06:27.629 --> 00:06:31.930 past, that kind of deal. Discipline, though, 00:06:31.970 --> 00:06:36.310 would be a response with purpose. I'll never 00:06:36.310 --> 00:06:41.430 forget. I know this is just a good habit of doing. 00:06:41.800 --> 00:06:43.800 that I was talking to a friend of mine who I've 00:06:43.800 --> 00:06:48.639 had on the podcast before, Ray Lowry, and he 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:50.579 had made, I think it was at our youth conference. 00:06:51.240 --> 00:06:57.579 I put him and his wife up on the, up on our discussion 00:06:57.579 --> 00:07:02.560 panel. And he had made the statement that there's 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:06.420 times when his kids, he's got three teenagers 00:07:06.420 --> 00:07:11.180 and younger daughter, but He made a statement 00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:14.000 that when his kids do something wrong there's 00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:16.779 times he needs to walk away and process and then 00:07:16.779 --> 00:07:20.660 come back in order to handle the situation essentially. 00:07:21.959 --> 00:07:24.579 And so I'll use that as an example if you were 00:07:24.579 --> 00:07:28.980 in that position if you were just to respond 00:07:28.980 --> 00:07:32.519 right off the bat you may be stepping more into 00:07:32.519 --> 00:07:36.019 punishment and being reactionary to something 00:07:36.019 --> 00:07:39.480 that was wrong. Instead of maybe you need to 00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:44.360 walk away and to process What happened? What 00:07:44.360 --> 00:07:48.300 do I need to do? The one realizing this and this 00:07:48.300 --> 00:07:52.319 is what I teach your teenagers is That's not 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:55.699 who they are You know, we've all made mistakes, 00:07:55.699 --> 00:08:00.259 but I don't want to let this mistake identify 00:08:00.259 --> 00:08:05.529 my child So maybe I need to step away And instead 00:08:05.529 --> 00:08:09.129 of reacting to the wrong that was done, maybe 00:08:09.129 --> 00:08:12.410 I need to find a way to respond with purpose. 00:08:12.470 --> 00:08:16.569 How can I use this opportunity and help reinforce 00:08:16.569 --> 00:08:20.389 who they actually are, not focusing so much on 00:08:20.389 --> 00:08:23.069 the issue and the mistake that was made, but 00:08:23.069 --> 00:08:26.629 let me reinforce who your true identity is. Not 00:08:26.629 --> 00:08:30.350 saying there's not discipline involved. Not saying 00:08:30.350 --> 00:08:34.320 there's no consequences. I'll never forget, I 00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:36.100 think it was some sort of leadership thing I 00:08:36.100 --> 00:08:40.179 was looking at, but consequences are not good 00:08:40.179 --> 00:08:46.539 nor bad. They're not one of the other. Consequences 00:08:46.539 --> 00:08:49.600 are just that they are neutral. They're consequences 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.779 to a specific action. So are there consequences 00:08:52.779 --> 00:08:55.820 when our children messed up? I mean, absolutely. 00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:58.440 I don't think I would be convinced otherwise 00:08:58.440 --> 00:09:02.519 of that. But it's what do those consequences 00:09:02.519 --> 00:09:06.039 look like? Discipline is also going to be motivated 00:09:06.039 --> 00:09:08.940 by love or punishments motivated by frustration 00:09:08.940 --> 00:09:11.899 or fear. Discipline is going to be motivated 00:09:11.899 --> 00:09:14.480 by love and the focus is going to be growth for 00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:17.899 the future. So again, what are the consequences 00:09:17.899 --> 00:09:21.700 for the moment? But how do I take this situation? 00:09:22.600 --> 00:09:27.460 And how do I pull out and reinforce their identity 00:09:27.460 --> 00:09:35.519 as beloved as... How do we do that? How do we 00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:39.620 reinforce their identity and who they are as 00:09:39.620 --> 00:09:43.039 my son or daughter, more importantly, as a son 00:09:43.039 --> 00:09:46.580 of the king, a daughter of the king? How do we 00:09:46.580 --> 00:09:52.840 reinforce that identity? So punishment is more 00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:58.389 about control. Discipline is about calling. So 00:09:58.389 --> 00:10:01.490 just a couple of verses here that I'll look at 00:10:01.490 --> 00:10:04.490 let me see if I can just pull them up and We 00:10:04.490 --> 00:10:08.470 can read them together So the first one is going 00:10:08.470 --> 00:10:12.429 to be found in Hebrews chapter 12 and I'm going 00:10:12.429 --> 00:10:17.230 to flip over there real quick I Didn't have my 00:10:17.230 --> 00:10:22.330 stuff marked so bear with me just a moment to 00:10:22.330 --> 00:10:28.620 find it here All right, Hebrews chapter 12 and 00:10:28.620 --> 00:10:31.019 we'll begin in verse 5 and read through verse 00:10:31.019 --> 00:10:35.179 11 And it says this and said have you forgotten 00:10:35.179 --> 00:10:38.240 his encouraging words spoken to you as his children? 00:10:38.740 --> 00:10:41.279 He said my child don't underestimate the value 00:10:41.279 --> 00:10:44.460 of the discipline and training of the Lord God 00:10:44.460 --> 00:10:47.820 or get depressed when he has to correct you for 00:10:47.820 --> 00:10:50.960 the Lord's training training of your life is 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:53.340 the evidence of his faithful love, and when he 00:10:53.340 --> 00:10:56.860 draws you to himself, it proves you are his delighted 00:10:56.860 --> 00:11:00.059 child. Fully embrace God's correction as part 00:11:00.059 --> 00:11:02.279 of your training, for he is doing what any loving 00:11:02.279 --> 00:11:08.840 father does for his children. For who has ever 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:11.460 heard of a child who never had to be corrected? 00:11:12.200 --> 00:11:14.600 We all should welcome God's discipline as the 00:11:14.600 --> 00:11:18.470 validation authentic sonship for if we have never 00:11:18.470 --> 00:11:20.789 once endured his correction it only proves we 00:11:20.789 --> 00:11:24.149 are strangers and not sons and isn't it true 00:11:24.149 --> 00:11:26.409 that we respect our earthly fathers even though 00:11:26.409 --> 00:11:29.649 they corrected and disciplined us then we should 00:11:29.649 --> 00:11:32.669 never demonstrate an even greater than then we 00:11:32.669 --> 00:11:35.169 should demonstrate an even greater respect for 00:11:35.169 --> 00:11:38.450 God our spiritual father as we submit to his 00:11:38.450 --> 00:11:41.809 life -giving discipline Our parents corrected 00:11:41.809 --> 00:11:44.090 us for the short time of our childhood as it 00:11:44.090 --> 00:11:46.490 seemed good to them, but God corrects us throughout 00:11:46.490 --> 00:11:49.610 our lives for our own good, giving us an invitation 00:11:49.610 --> 00:11:53.070 to share his holiness. Now all discipline seems 00:11:53.070 --> 00:11:55.570 to be painful at the time, yet later it will 00:11:55.570 --> 00:11:58.909 produce a transformation of character, bringing 00:11:58.909 --> 00:12:01.889 a harvest of righteousness and peace to those 00:12:01.889 --> 00:12:06.210 who yield to it. So discipline seems to be painful 00:12:06.210 --> 00:12:10.090 at the time. Most of the time when you go to 00:12:10.090 --> 00:12:12.769 discipline your children, it is going to feel 00:12:12.769 --> 00:12:14.330 painful. And I'm going to say this, it's going 00:12:14.330 --> 00:12:18.809 to feel painful for you and for the child. But 00:12:18.809 --> 00:12:23.049 listen to what the verse says, yet later it will 00:12:23.049 --> 00:12:26.629 produce a transformation of character, bringing 00:12:26.629 --> 00:12:30.190 a harvest of righteousness. So again, this goes 00:12:30.190 --> 00:12:33.289 back to what we talked about just a moment ago. 00:12:34.189 --> 00:12:37.389 Discipline is a response with purpose. It's motivated 00:12:37.389 --> 00:12:40.450 by love and its focus is on growth for the future 00:12:40.450 --> 00:12:43.110 When it's handled correctly and listen if you 00:12:43.110 --> 00:12:46.250 get confused, I mean I've had moments in my life 00:12:46.250 --> 00:12:48.830 Here's the fact my wife and I discussed this 00:12:48.830 --> 00:12:51.769 on a previous podcast. Our kids did not come 00:12:51.769 --> 00:12:54.710 with the manual We don't always get it right. 00:12:54.750 --> 00:12:58.870 Sometimes we have to Apologize for how we reacted. 00:12:59.169 --> 00:13:01.529 I have to do that more times than not it seems 00:13:01.529 --> 00:13:06.480 That's okay Take a step back, talk to the Holy 00:13:06.480 --> 00:13:08.940 Spirit, ask, what should I do in this moment? 00:13:09.580 --> 00:13:12.279 What is the right course of discipline? How do 00:13:12.279 --> 00:13:16.100 I grow them and teach them from this mistake, 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:19.340 but at the same time, not allow them to carry 00:13:19.340 --> 00:13:21.120 the guilt and the shame and the mistake that 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:26.519 was made? And that's a big deal. That's a big 00:13:26.519 --> 00:13:30.159 thought. That's something we really got to think 00:13:30.159 --> 00:13:33.990 about. So just thinking from this verse right 00:13:33.990 --> 00:13:36.950 here that again Hebrews 12 5 through 11 is what 00:13:36.950 --> 00:13:40.570 I read God disciplines because we are his sons. 00:13:40.570 --> 00:13:45.730 We are his children and any good father disciplines 00:13:45.730 --> 00:13:50.570 their child That's going to be true with all 00:13:50.570 --> 00:13:53.250 of any good father is going to discipline if 00:13:53.250 --> 00:13:55.269 you didn't love your children you wouldn't care 00:13:55.269 --> 00:13:58.629 to say anything or wouldn't Wouldn't be concerned 00:13:58.629 --> 00:14:01.230 at all would discipline them You just let them 00:14:01.230 --> 00:14:03.990 do whatever they want to do and, you know, hope 00:14:03.990 --> 00:14:05.889 for the best. And then someone else was going 00:14:05.889 --> 00:14:10.230 to come along later in life and probably look 00:14:10.230 --> 00:14:14.190 more like punishment at that time. So another 00:14:14.190 --> 00:14:16.809 verse is Proverbs 3, and it's 11 through 12. 00:14:16.929 --> 00:14:18.769 It says, My child, when the Lord God speaks to 00:14:18.769 --> 00:14:21.490 you, never take His words lightly and never be 00:14:21.490 --> 00:14:24.230 upset when He corrects you. For the Father's 00:14:24.230 --> 00:14:26.750 discipline comes only from His passionate love 00:14:26.750 --> 00:14:29.860 and pleasure for you. Even when it seems like 00:14:29.860 --> 00:14:32.779 his correction is harsh, it's still better than 00:14:32.779 --> 00:14:35.779 any father on earth gives to his child. So again, 00:14:35.820 --> 00:14:38.759 our discipline can sometimes look harsh, but 00:14:38.759 --> 00:14:42.419 that's okay because it's coming, it's being motivated 00:14:42.419 --> 00:14:46.179 from a place of love with a focus on growth for 00:14:46.179 --> 00:14:50.279 that child's future. And again, as men, it's 00:14:50.279 --> 00:14:52.320 the same as true when our father is dealing with 00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:56.059 us. Maybe at times it feels like he's being harsh. 00:14:56.269 --> 00:15:01.210 Maybe at times it feels painful, but don't Let 00:15:01.210 --> 00:15:04.769 me say this get the right perspective on the 00:15:04.769 --> 00:15:07.990 situation of what he's walking you through Because 00:15:07.990 --> 00:15:12.129 he's good and he's loving So just let that sink 00:15:12.129 --> 00:15:17.350 in so Discipline flows from delight. It's because 00:15:17.350 --> 00:15:20.629 I love my child It's because I love my daughters 00:15:20.629 --> 00:15:23.129 and my son that I'm going to discipline them 00:15:23.200 --> 00:15:26.120 I'm not going to let you do just anything that 00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:30.179 you want to do. I'm going to discipline you when 00:15:30.179 --> 00:15:33.639 it's necessary to help reinforce your actual 00:15:33.639 --> 00:15:37.679 identity and break these chains that's that seem 00:15:37.679 --> 00:15:43.299 to be trying to Bind you up if that makes sense 00:15:43.299 --> 00:15:46.320 So last scripture here for a moment. I'm going 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:52.320 to read Ephesians Ephesians chapter 6 verse 4 00:15:52.779 --> 00:16:02.759 Let me pull that up. Ephesians 6 verse 4, it 00:16:02.759 --> 00:16:04.899 says, fathers don't exasperate your children, 00:16:05.419 --> 00:16:07.639 but raise them up with loving discipline and 00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:11.039 counsel that brings the revelation of our Lord. 00:16:11.840 --> 00:16:13.620 So here's another thing to think about when I 00:16:13.620 --> 00:16:18.480 read that. You and I as fathers have a heavy 00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:23.870 position as we represent God. to our kids. And 00:16:23.870 --> 00:16:26.590 what I mean by that is later on when someone 00:16:26.590 --> 00:16:30.049 like myself as a youth pastor begins to speak 00:16:30.049 --> 00:16:34.909 to teenagers and reference the God as Father 00:16:34.909 --> 00:16:40.110 as he is, he is Abba Father, as you reference 00:16:40.110 --> 00:16:44.470 that, the first picture any child's going to 00:16:44.470 --> 00:16:48.070 have is their earthly dad. So when you're talking 00:16:48.070 --> 00:16:52.820 about a heavenly dad, That's what they're going 00:16:52.820 --> 00:16:58.440 to connect dots to and I understand this he's 00:16:58.440 --> 00:17:03.200 not God is not some distant far away up in the 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:07.759 heavens God. He's he's made his home in you He's 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:13.319 come to dwell among us That's a big deal. He's 00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:17.059 come to be in our faces when needed He's come 00:17:17.059 --> 00:17:19.279 to speak to the moments when we feel like we 00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:21.900 fall in not to sit there and wallow in the pity 00:17:21.900 --> 00:17:25.900 with us, but to challenge us to get back up as 00:17:25.900 --> 00:17:31.859 men. That's a big deal. But this is why we have 00:17:31.859 --> 00:17:35.039 to take our roles and responsibilities and quit 00:17:35.039 --> 00:17:37.359 just acting like it's not a big deal if I just 00:17:37.359 --> 00:17:41.619 walk away or whatever. We have a very important 00:17:41.619 --> 00:17:44.500 role. When our kids later in life, and some minister 00:17:44.500 --> 00:17:47.160 stands before and says that God is a father, 00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:50.519 they're going to picture us first and how we 00:17:50.519 --> 00:17:53.400 treated them is how they're going to think He 00:17:53.400 --> 00:17:56.839 treats them. And if you had a distant father 00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:59.660 or an absent father when you hear God as Father, 00:18:00.779 --> 00:18:04.839 you may not have any type of desire to know that 00:18:04.839 --> 00:18:08.599 God for the first little bit. That's just the 00:18:08.599 --> 00:18:13.740 nature of it. But we get to call Him Abba Father. 00:18:14.279 --> 00:18:17.819 To me that could translate to dad or daddy, depending 00:18:17.819 --> 00:18:20.220 on if you have the right perspective of that. 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.380 That's what it could be translated to. He is 00:18:23.380 --> 00:18:26.680 our Heavenly Father, Heavenly Dad. He's Abba 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:33.480 Father. Just let that sink in. Like you have 00:18:33.480 --> 00:18:38.279 a big role to play here. So fathers don't provoke 00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:43.119 your children to anger. Think about this is an 00:18:43.119 --> 00:18:46.420 important truth here. God never corrects to condemn 00:18:46.420 --> 00:18:51.180 only to call us higher So let me give you some 00:18:51.180 --> 00:18:54.420 core differences as has been in fathers here. 00:18:54.420 --> 00:19:02.200 So think about motivation For As far as motivation 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:06.559 goes punishment your motivators are going to 00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:11.509 be anger and embarrassment Discipline the motivation 00:19:11.509 --> 00:19:16.109 is going to be love and investment The right 00:19:16.109 --> 00:19:19.509 for punishment the identity behind that is you 00:19:19.509 --> 00:19:24.930 are bad For discipline it's going to be you're 00:19:24.930 --> 00:19:28.369 better than this Again, we're reinforcing identity. 00:19:28.670 --> 00:19:30.849 So when your child messes up, you know, this 00:19:30.849 --> 00:19:33.069 is not who you are You're better than this moment. 00:19:33.450 --> 00:19:35.609 You're better than this mistake. This mistake 00:19:35.609 --> 00:19:41.359 does not get to define you Punishment for the 00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:44.819 as far as priority goes it's compliance You want 00:19:44.819 --> 00:19:47.900 your kids to comply that's more of punishment 00:19:47.900 --> 00:19:51.339 Whereas discipline the priority is character 00:19:51.339 --> 00:19:57.519 For punishment the result is distance When whereas 00:19:57.519 --> 00:20:01.279 discipline the result is connection Because how 00:20:01.279 --> 00:20:04.779 and think about why that is if you're disciplined 00:20:04.779 --> 00:20:08.680 from a place of love focusing on reinforcing 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:12.220 their true identity, then you're taking the moment 00:20:12.220 --> 00:20:14.779 to actually speak to that child, just as God 00:20:14.779 --> 00:20:18.220 speaks to us. You're taking a moment to speak 00:20:18.220 --> 00:20:21.500 to that child and connect with them and helping 00:20:21.500 --> 00:20:24.319 them understand, number one, the mistake does 00:20:24.319 --> 00:20:27.799 not get to identify you. We're not going to allow 00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:30.900 guilt and shame and condemnation to come in here 00:20:30.900 --> 00:20:33.619 and begin to speak to you and identify you. That's 00:20:33.619 --> 00:20:36.460 not what we're going to do. We're going to savor 00:20:36.460 --> 00:20:38.660 this moment and I'm going to call you up higher. 00:20:38.680 --> 00:20:44.799 It's the same way Papa does for us Calls us higher. 00:20:44.799 --> 00:20:48.680 He does not sit and make you feel horrible in 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:54.279 the moment. He calls you higher For punishment 00:20:54.279 --> 00:20:58.440 who benefits parents emotions for discipline 00:20:58.440 --> 00:21:03.420 who benefits is the child's future so punishment 00:21:03.420 --> 00:21:12.640 produces Fear. Discipline produces sons. That's 00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:21.180 a big deal. So how does this impact our kids? 00:21:22.819 --> 00:21:26.619 So kids will either fear our presence or they 00:21:26.619 --> 00:21:29.819 will feel safe in our presence. They will either 00:21:29.819 --> 00:21:33.660 grow up hiding mistakes Or they will grow up 00:21:33.660 --> 00:21:36.299 learning from them and as a dad, I want my kids 00:21:36.299 --> 00:21:41.900 to come to me when they make mistakes My previous 00:21:41.900 --> 00:21:44.160 character as a dad, I think they would hide them. 00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:49.180 In fact, I've seen them hide them But I'm hoping 00:21:49.180 --> 00:21:51.920 moving forward I can begin to teach my kids that 00:21:51.920 --> 00:21:55.119 number one Holy Spirit is transforming my life 00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:58.460 Okay, Holy Spirit's transforming me so you can 00:21:58.460 --> 00:22:01.720 actually bring Your mistakes to me and we're 00:22:01.720 --> 00:22:04.059 going to learn from them and grow from them and 00:22:04.059 --> 00:22:08.059 understand. This is not who you are So again, 00:22:08.140 --> 00:22:10.079 you're either going to grow up hiding mistakes 00:22:10.079 --> 00:22:15.019 or learning from them And that our posture paints 00:22:15.019 --> 00:22:19.200 a picture of god for them I just went over that 00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:24.099 for you Our posture paints a picture of god for 00:22:24.099 --> 00:22:28.319 them So ask yourself this question as a dad When 00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:32.289 I correct my child Am I guiding their heart or 00:22:32.289 --> 00:22:35.950 just venting my frustration? And that was challenging 00:22:35.950 --> 00:22:41.829 here to read and get ready for this podcast because 00:22:41.829 --> 00:22:44.450 here's the truth is many times I think I'm just 00:22:44.450 --> 00:22:49.369 venting my frustration. And I want to, I personally 00:22:49.369 --> 00:22:51.450 want to change that. Please understand that just 00:22:51.450 --> 00:22:54.369 because I'm doing this podcast and doing this 00:22:54.369 --> 00:22:58.859 type of stuff, I have not arrived yet. I am just 00:22:58.859 --> 00:23:03.299 as much trying to grow and learn from this as 00:23:03.299 --> 00:23:07.960 anything else. So I have not arrived by no means. 00:23:09.440 --> 00:23:13.279 I am growing just as much as you are in this. 00:23:14.680 --> 00:23:18.220 Anyhow, so let's do this. Let's do three keys 00:23:18.220 --> 00:23:20.940 to godly discipline in the home. Number one is 00:23:20.940 --> 00:23:26.480 this connection before correction. Again, this 00:23:26.480 --> 00:23:30.940 stuff is helping me just it's helping you I'm 00:23:30.940 --> 00:23:34.380 thrilled but it's also helping me so I'm just 00:23:34.380 --> 00:23:36.720 willing to put myself out there and help other 00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:41.920 men Walk through some of this I guess so connection 00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:48.859 before correction stay calm get on their level 00:23:48.859 --> 00:23:53.609 Let them know, you know, I love you I'm here 00:23:53.609 --> 00:23:57.029 with not just for you, but I'm here with you 00:23:57.029 --> 00:24:00.650 to walk you To walk with you in this moment. 00:24:00.710 --> 00:24:04.329 That's a big deal Number two is identity based 00:24:04.329 --> 00:24:07.089 language. So things like this is not who you 00:24:07.089 --> 00:24:09.829 are So for example, if you if you catch your 00:24:09.829 --> 00:24:12.490 kid in a lie Make sure you wouldn't help them 00:24:12.490 --> 00:24:15.609 understand. This is not who you are. We are truth 00:24:15.609 --> 00:24:20.309 -tellers in this house Affirm who God made them 00:24:20.309 --> 00:24:24.480 to be And number three is this clear consequences 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:28.980 with clear restoration Let the correction that 00:24:28.980 --> 00:24:34.019 you have teach and not crush Always include a 00:24:34.019 --> 00:24:37.940 path to reconnect hug prayer encouragement something 00:24:37.940 --> 00:24:42.960 of that nature Discipline ends with closeness 00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:49.000 when punishment ends with silence So how God 00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:53.380 treats you shapes how you father. If you think 00:24:53.380 --> 00:24:56.480 God is disappointed in you, you're going to parent 00:24:56.480 --> 00:24:59.900 out of disappointment. If you know God delights 00:24:59.900 --> 00:25:01.940 in you, you're going to parent from delight. 00:25:04.259 --> 00:25:07.140 The truth for us as men is that we will father 00:25:07.140 --> 00:25:12.319 from the identity that we believe we have. I 00:25:12.319 --> 00:25:13.619 want you to think about that. Go back to the 00:25:13.619 --> 00:25:16.200 story I told you earlier when we opened up this 00:25:16.200 --> 00:25:23.410 podcast. That's that's that's a that's just my 00:25:23.410 --> 00:25:30.410 story But I think that speaks to that So today 00:25:30.410 --> 00:25:37.450 Choose to see discipline as love in motion Let 00:25:37.450 --> 00:25:40.809 your kids feel Papa's heart through your correction 00:25:40.809 --> 00:25:45.309 It's going to happen and maybe you don't have 00:25:45.309 --> 00:25:50.839 kids. Maybe you have nephews or nieces or Odds 00:25:50.839 --> 00:25:54.619 are there's some child in your life. And if it's 00:25:54.619 --> 00:25:56.700 not for a child in your life, maybe it's just 00:25:56.700 --> 00:26:00.039 for you to understand how Papa actually treats 00:26:00.039 --> 00:26:03.180 you. He's not some distant, far away God waiting 00:26:03.180 --> 00:26:06.420 to beat you with a stick every time you mess 00:26:06.420 --> 00:26:12.380 up. That's not his personality. But let your 00:26:12.380 --> 00:26:16.099 kids feel the Father's heart through your correction, 00:26:16.359 --> 00:26:21.069 okay? That's the key here. You represent, we 00:26:21.069 --> 00:26:24.089 represent, I represent the father to my children. 00:26:24.549 --> 00:26:27.609 So let them see his heart through, and you know, 00:26:27.609 --> 00:26:30.009 not just the correction, but in everything that 00:26:30.009 --> 00:26:35.230 we do. Have a new declaration that I discipline 00:26:35.230 --> 00:26:42.869 to build, not punish to control. Just remember. 00:26:46.839 --> 00:26:51.039 start closing this out men become who they believe 00:26:51.039 --> 00:26:54.099 the father says they are and kids become who 00:26:54.099 --> 00:26:59.119 we tell them they are i'm going to say that again 00:26:59.119 --> 00:27:02.140 men become who they believe the father says that 00:27:02.140 --> 00:27:05.599 they are and kids will become who we tell them 00:27:05.599 --> 00:27:08.700 that they are so i want you to reflect this coming 00:27:08.700 --> 00:27:12.900 up week is my parenting revealing god's heart 00:27:12.900 --> 00:27:18.890 or is it revealing my frustration And really 00:27:18.890 --> 00:27:23.390 just let that sink in. Think about what we've 00:27:23.390 --> 00:27:26.549 talked about. Am I punishing my child or am I 00:27:26.549 --> 00:27:30.730 disciplining my child? Let me give you just a 00:27:30.730 --> 00:27:34.049 creed that you can pause this, go back to the 00:27:34.049 --> 00:27:36.769 list here, write this down, but speak this over 00:27:36.769 --> 00:27:42.650 your life. See, I am a son of the father. I lead 00:27:42.650 --> 00:27:47.210 with love, not anger. I correct to build, not 00:27:47.210 --> 00:27:51.170 punish to control. My words call out destiny. 00:27:52.430 --> 00:27:57.049 My presence brings safety. Grace shapes me and 00:27:57.049 --> 00:28:02.150 through me shapes my children. I want you to 00:28:02.150 --> 00:28:05.369 declare that over your life. At least commit 00:28:05.369 --> 00:28:10.109 to declare that for the next week. And let it 00:28:10.109 --> 00:28:13.930 sink inside of you. Because I hope this helped. 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:17.400 Let me say just a quick prayer and then I'm gonna 00:28:17.400 --> 00:28:20.940 jump off here and I pray this is blessed someone 00:28:20.940 --> 00:28:24.859 out there The father I just thank you That you 00:28:24.859 --> 00:28:30.460 don't treat us as a failure to punish But as 00:28:30.460 --> 00:28:35.559 a son to strengthen Father shape our hearts to 00:28:35.559 --> 00:28:39.059 reflect yours help us as men to correct with 00:28:39.059 --> 00:28:42.440 purpose to speak life into our children and lead 00:28:42.440 --> 00:28:47.109 from love rather than frustration. Train us to 00:28:47.109 --> 00:28:50.569 see discipline as a gift in our life and in our 00:28:50.569 --> 00:28:54.809 home. Father, I declare that we are sons and 00:28:54.809 --> 00:28:58.849 not slaves. We are fathers and not tyrants. Holy 00:28:58.849 --> 00:29:02.329 Spirit, guide our tones, guide our words and 00:29:02.329 --> 00:29:07.470 our reactions. Build your character in us as 00:29:07.470 --> 00:29:12.170 we build our children's future. In Jesus' name. 00:29:12.829 --> 00:29:17.970 Amen. Guys, be blessed, have a great week, and 00:29:17.970 --> 00:29:19.130 I will see you next time.