Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Jewish Tripper,
Raw and Real with Ala Kaplan. I'm Ala Kaplan
in case you can't tell. In any case, today, thank
you for all the subscribers, followers, listeners.
I love you all so much. I'm actually a little...
Excited because I had an analytics this morning.
I looked at I had 55 downloads in 24 hours That
was that what's a little bit crazy and shocking
and surprising. So thank you everybody so happy
Passover Happy Easter happy everything whatever
you celebrate and have a very special guest today
Her name is Darcy Birch and she is a podcaster.
She's a mom. She's a best -selling author and
giving you a little bio. She is the owner of
the podcast, The School of Hard Knocks with Darcy.
Is that correct? That's correct. Perfect. So
Darcy is the host of the School of the Hard Knocks
podcast, NLP practitioner. I'm not sure I know
what NLP stands for. What are all linguistic
programming? Okay, cool. We'll talk about that
and what that entails. She's a clinical hypnosis
practitioner, transformational coach. dedicated
to helping people get unstuck from trauma and
grounded in healing. After navigating her own
journey through loss, caregiving, and personal
transformation, Darcy now uses her voice, story,
and tools to guide others toward emotional freedom,
self -leadership, and lasting change. Through
her work, She creates safe, empowering spaces
where real conversations happen, helping people
move from survival mode into a life of clarity,
confidence, and purpose. She also has two books
out, Empower Her Volume 1 and Empower Her Powerhouse
Edition. Darcy, welcome. Thank you so much for
having me here. Thank you for your patience with
me with the tech. No worries. I'm very excited
to have you because you have done so much. So
talk about your journey from survival mode to
now the healing mode you're in. Yeah, I mean,
it's been quite the journey. So my trauma stems
all the way back to my very first memory at four
years old. So I grew up in a abusive household
with a father that abused drugs and alcohol,
my mother and all of my siblings, which there
are eight. Um, and then myself, so I'm the oldest
of eight siblings. So that carried all the way
through my childhood until the age of 16 when
my parents finally got divorced. It was the best
thing that could have happened for either one
of them because it was very unhealthy. However,
my mom ended up meeting another man who was not
all that great of a man. And she ended up separating
all of my siblings between my dad's family, which
was always kind of interesting to me because
my dad had his own trauma from the way he was
raised, which a lot of us do, right? A lot of
us don't break generational curses. We kind of
go through life by what our formative years taught
us. And so I emancipated myself. I actually initially
put myself into the foster care system. But then
I emancipated myself at 17 years old and started
paying bills before I was even old enough to
vote. What a story. Yeah, it was pretty rocky
for, you know, those years of growing up before
you even started. From a lot of tumultuous circumstances.
Yes. And I mean, if you'd rather be in the foster
system than at home with your family, that says
a lot. Yeah, that's actually what my caseworker,
when I had went to her and said, you know, this
is what I... I'm thinking I want to do, she said,
I have never had any child ever asked to go into
foster care. And I said, well, I want a chance.
I want a chance. I haven't been taught how I'm
supposed to enter this world here in less than
a year that I don't know. I don't know if you've
seen the movie Stepbrothers or not, but there's
a part. Yeah, it's a real funny movie, but there's
a part in it where Will Ferrell is an adult,
but he's never been forced to be one. And he's
asking his therapist, like, what do I do? Do
I carry my diploma around with me everywhere?
How do you adult? You know, I didn't know how
to adult. So that was the chance I took. I understand.
I mean, I didn't grow up in an abusive household,
but I was molested as a child also. by two different
people. It wasn't an ongoing thing, but in any
case, one of my first memories was of being molested.
That's one of my memories as a child. So I can
understand, I can completely relate. And so I
never thought about emancipation because that
wasn't, I just kind of like, you know, it was
running away from home. Yeah. Oh, I had done
that. I had done that several times too, but
then after my parents divorced, you know, my
mom separated our whole family up and ended up
living with the man that she would eventually
marry. And I just did not want to be in that
situation. You know, I was able to stay with
my mom because I was 16. I was working, I was
old enough to do the things, but it just, I didn't,
you know, like I said, I didn't know what the
heck I was supposed to be doing. So I thought,
well, emancipation. After two foster homes, I
mean, I put myself in the first foster home and
that foster home was not good. it's really unfortunate
that some people are able to foster children
and slip through those cracks of not being good
quality foster parents. And then I put myself
into a second foster home and they were really
like a leave it to beaver family. And I was more
used to like the lifetime movie kind of family.
So it was really uncomfortable for me. And that's
why I chose to emancipate myself. I can, I mean,
I understand. It's really, I think, My I had
a guest recently. She emancipate. She was she
didn't emancipate. She was also like a runaway.
She ran away. There's an episode was episode
a couple of episodes ago. And she actually is
also a former stripper. And she's a messianic
Jew. So that was very interesting. But she was
a runaway. She started running away from home
at like 11. years old or 10 or 11 years old.
And then I think she ended up eventually in Dallas.
And apparently so in Texas and I guess in Texas,
the emancipation age was like 15. So so she was
like, oh, you can't make me come home. She was
from Florida. And she's like, and then it wasn't
an abusive family or anything like that. She
just, you know, She had a younger sister and
she was kind of paved the way for her sister.
All the things that she went through as a child,
she just wasn't happy in her family. And so then
the parents were saying, why can't she be like
your sister? She was like, I broke all the ground
for my sister. I broke the ground for her to
so nobody messed with her because of me. So anyway,
she emancipate. She just said, you know, I'm
going to do what I want to do and I'm not coming
home and you can't make me because I'm emancipated.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's I mean, it's sad that, you
know, people go through that and have to do that.
But. You know, it is what it is. Absolutely.
So after you, um, you graduated from high school.
And so, um, your journey after, um, the foster
care, um, what, how did you survive and you,
you were living on your own then and paying bills.
And is that, is that what you were doing? Yeah,
I was actually delayed in graduating from high
school because after my parents had divorced,
before my mom separated my siblings up between
my dad's family, she unfortunately reverted back
to being like a 16 year old and was just leaving
and not coming home. And I, like I said, am the
oldest of eight siblings, so I had to stay home
from school. to get some of my siblings off on
the bus and then stay with the ones that weren't
old enough to go to school yet. So I ended up
being delayed in graduating, but I actually met
my husband at the ripe age of 19 years old. So
I wasn't even graduated yet when I had met my
husband and I had already been evicted from the
first apartment that I had been in. I mean, I
dealt with a lot of alcohol abuse from the age
of probably 16 to I mean, 30 is even before I
started to get a grasp of not numbing myself
in an unhealthy way. So my husband and I, we
were engaged for six years before we actually
got married. I wanted to make sure I could put
up with all of his stuff and he can put up with
mine. Be smart. That's very smart. It was a long
engagement, but this August we will be together
for 27 years and we've been married for 21. So,
you know, after meeting my husband. For a long
time before you. Yes. To make sure that that's,
you know, you can put up with each other's BS
forever. Yeah. I want it to be a one and done.
Like my grandparents, like literally till death
do us part, we're gonna, we're gonna make it
through everything together. And we have, we
have, I mean, there's been a lot of chapters
that have happened obviously in 27 years. Um,
but I didn't really start to authentically become
who I am now until I was 40. And it took having
to go through, you know, more trauma as an adult.
At 39 years old, my dad became a survivor of
a workplace shooting. So that really changed
like the game with everything, you know, like
I, my dad and I have worked really hard at that
point. Probably from the age of about 20 until
he was shot. So almost 20 years that he worked
really hard to make up for the bad dad that he
was when I was a kid. So we, you know, showed
up, he was there, he was supportive and he was
shot and he ended up with a brain injury from
the way he felt after he was shot. So that brain
injury took him into rehab for just about two
years. We tried to get as much of him back as
we could. And he was there mentally, but severely
physically disabled. So he came back home and
lived with my husband and I for almost four years.
And we were 24 hour caregivers. So we would get
them up in the morning, take them to the bathroom,
shower them, dress them, feed them. We did all
the P -T -O -T, speech therapy, allowed my dad
to live. You know, his best life. We took him
to concerts, outdoor venues. I mean, we, we literally
did everything we could and then unexpectedly.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then, um, Kyle. Yeah. Yeah.
Um, unexpectedly five and a half months ago,
I found him deceased in his bed and it was. Thank
you. Yeah, it was, you know, it was unexpected.
Everything was really great. It just, God's timing,
and that's just what it is. So that's my newest,
what I'm making it through currently. You got
to heal that relationship. Very much. That's,
you know, a big deal. Very much. Yeah, because
I didn't grow up with my dad. My parents divorced
when I was like two years old. something like
that in Russia. I'm from Russia. So they, you
know, he was abusive to my mom while she was
pregnant. My mom was like, I'm out of here. And
he was abusive just mentally afterward. And so
I didn't have a male presence in my household.
I was raised by my mom and my grandmother. And
so I didn't have any male influence, any positive
and many male influence at all. So the fact that
you had your father and had, you know, that healing
is a blessing, such a blessing that you had that.
Yeah, it really was. Yeah. So talk about you
said. Okay, so you have an NLP. I'm not familiar
with what NLP is. And you said neurological.
Neuro -linguistic programming. So it's basically
working with our brain to connect our subconscious
to our conscious mind. So I'm able to work with
people that are wanting to feel more motivated,
more determined. stop an addiction, maybe sugar
cravings, help with anger, emotional issues,
you know, releasing sadness, fear, grief, pain,
a lot of different things that we're able to
do. I love it. I can all work that. Yeah. I may
take you up on your services. Yeah. Yeah, it's
really great. I mean, you know, it's, it's a
great, cause we all have it in us to do. You
know, I'm not doing anything. I'm simply the
guide. I'm just, I'm simply guiding people to
the resolution that they're looking to achieve.
Well, it's like, like, you know, I have, I'm
on Monjaro. So I'm trying to lose weight. I'm
trying to, you know, get those cravings under
control. I'm a smoker and on and off. I try quit
and try and quit. And, you know, it's hard. It's
hard when you've had that emotional crutch for
your whole life, basically. Oh, so, yeah, that's
all. And is that your profession or are you now
just podcasting and writing or do you have a
day job? I'm doing all of it. So I've actually
worked as an entrepreneur for a decade already.
I haven't worked in corporate America for 10
years. Cool. So I did a lot of network marketing
in my time and then I started to want to heal
from my trauma. So initially when I started the
school of hard knocks, it was supposed to be
a way for me to come out and stop living in a
victim mentality from the things that had happened
in my past and to start talking about it. You
know, I held a lot of that stuff in because first
of all, I didn't want to hurt my parents. You
know, when we talk about these things, even though
my childhood was not amazing and my parents could
have been better parents, they're still my parents.
And I love them dearly. And I never wanted them
to, you know, like I said, my first childhood
memories from the age of four and it is not good.
And I didn't want my parents to feel this weight
of, geez, I can't believe she still remembers
that kind of stuff or to feel guilt. I also didn't
want my eight siblings that may have been fed
different stories and the separation of our family
to hear the things that had happened and have
that drive wedges in different places of my family.
However... This is my journey and this is my
life. And I was just a child when a lot of this
was happening. So I'm not going to hold myself
in this victim mentality and not talk about stories
or things that happened in my life because I'm
trying to protect people that in those moments
didn't protect myself. So that's why the podcast
initially had started. And then I started talking,
people were resonating and oh my gosh, I can
understand. I've been through things and now
it's turned into this full blown safe place for
anybody to come and share their story, you know,
to get out of that victim container and move
themself into now they are a survivor in their
present time. We like to call it being grounded
in our healing. Yeah. I was on a podcast. as
a guest called The Lady in the UK to a podcast
called Victim to Victor. The great podcast. It's
a lot about healing trauma, about your nervous
system. She's Anu. Her name is Anu Verma. And
she's, you know, into the the right key. and
healing energy and all of that. And she's also
an author and a best -selling author. And so
that was one of my, I think one of the reasons
I started writing, I started writing a book.
I haven't finished it in 2020, still. And it's
called The Life of a George Stripper. And that's
kind of how the podcast got named The George
Stripper. Ron Real, because Ron Real was taken
by 50 million other people. So in any case, she
she was I was telling about my how I wanted to
become a stripper because of my ex husband, because
that's what he liked. And that's what I wanted.
I wanted to be whatever he wanted me to be, whatever
I thought is going to. that was going to make
him love me. And that was, you know, was it pathetic?
Yeah. But that would that was, you know, I ended
up, even though I wasn't raised with my father,
ended up marrying a man like my father, a narcissist
and abusive man. All of that kind of stuff. And
so I in the book, I didn't, you know, I say,
you know, I don't want to throw my mom. under
the bus because I was raised with my mom as a
single parent and You know, I don't want to throw
her under the bus, but I I talked about in the
book I was started writing everything that's
happened everything that affected me as a child
as a teenager as an adult and You know it was
Someone was reading it saying this is raw That's
where the raw and real part came from. When I
started the podcast, I didn't know if it was
going to be successful or just for me to heal,
to help me heal, but then it started to resonate.
my writing, I put some chapters on the website
called medium .com from my book. And people reached
out to me and people have reached out to me from
the podcast. And so I'm still in that healing.
I think I've healed a lot, but I think the healing
journey never ends. No, it does not. It does
not, you know, that's why I say once we get unstuck
from the trauma, we're grounded in the healing.
And being grounded in your healing is a really
great place to be, right? Because life is going
to continue to life. It's not like I think my
worst situation, I hope that what I've gone through
with my dad recently is the worst thing he'll
ever experience, but you know, God does what
God does. However, I know with me being stuck
where I am, you know, grounded in this healing,
I can handle anything that comes my way. You
know, that's why it's so important to get grounded
in that healing because if you don't, you picture
yourself getting knocked down and before you
could even get halfway up, life knocks you down
again and you're never getting up. You're never
fully standing. So it's so important to work
on that self -love and that mindset reshift and
showing yourself grace and just being So grounded
that when something comes at you, you know, you
got it. You're not going to get sucked down into
this negative rabbit hole where you have to stay
stuck down. I mean, try like a corkscrew, you
know, if you allow it. Yeah. I'm not a victim
of lies. I, you know, like, I had a guest. Um,
I was a guest on his show, John Curran podcast
called a swift kick in the ass. And, um, what's
the swift kick in the ass, you know, maybe sometimes
you need it. And, um, his, uh, his little logo
has a donkey. Donkey never stops going. Yeah.
And so that's why he, but we were, we were talking
about, you know, he talked about how, you know,
once you, every time that You think you've gotten
over a problem. Guess what? Something new comes
up. And I said, yeah, life keeps throwing curveballs
at you. It's just just when you think that, you
know, that you have, you know, enjoy the peaceful
moments in between, because some life is going
to life you like you just said. The life is going
to life you. And it's going to, you know, every
time you fall down, you just got to get up, get
up, fall down 10 times, get up 11. That's it.
Yeah. I mean, that's the truth too. And, you
know, I never would encourage anybody to, you
know, sleep with one eye open because life creeps
in and does things, you know, like that's not
going to help us enjoy our life. But you're so
right. The day before my dad passed away, I was
driving in my vehicle and I listened to the Christian
station in my vehicle. And music, I have a trauma
toolbox. It's what I help coach people with is
different tools that they can utilize to help
with healing. But one of the tools was music.
And for me, it's worship music, anything that
puts my praise hands up that centers me and reminds
me that God's in control. That's it's a big thing
for me. And there's a song that's called Desperate
by Jamie McDonald. And I came on and I was singing
it so loud and I just vividly remember thinking.
Man, this song doesn't even pertain to anything
that's happening in my life right now. Cause
everything's going so good. Yeah. She sings about
being desperate and needing God. And, you know,
and I'm like, Oh, I'm not even desperate for
saving right now because things are so good.
And then right away the next morning I find my
job. Hey, I'm not familiar because I'm, I'm Jewish.
So I'm not familiar with Christian rock or Christian
music. I mean, a little bit, a little bit. I'm
familiar. Actually, my ex -husband was black.
And so I did attend with him church. And so I
do remember some of the hymns and the song. And,
you know, like one of my, I think I can't remember
the name of it. One of my... Actually, yeah,
I remember it. One of my favorite songs was actually,
I'm coming up over the mountain or something
like that. It influenced me. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
that's why music is in my trauma toolbox because
it can help you shift in a moment, listening
to something that... just like I said, makes
you put your praise hands up. You can't listen
to hard rock, heavy metal, you know, dance music
and expect to feel healed in the moment. It's
going to jazz you up. It's going to make you
feel like you, you know, you can go and do something,
but these quick shifts like that is really what
I would encourage people to do when they're healing.
We have to be able to feel the moment in order
for the next time it comes around for it to not
be as tender, right? Like, if we just keep stuffing
all of this stuff down, it's gonna just stay
down there. That's just what it is. We have to
be able to process through these emotions, regardless
how hard it is, because going forward, it's not
going to be as hard. So, you know, that's why
it's important to make sure that you're just
taking care of the emotional self. You're worried
when you get to that point where, um, in life...
When it's not like you have to sleep with one
eye open, but like you said, you have that toolbox
already that when something else comes up, cause
it will, you're not losing your mind saying,
I don't know what to do. You're in a place where
you have tools and rather than looking at a problem
from an emotional point of view. You're already
at that point where you're a problem solver.
Something comes at you instead of looking at
it as a negative from negative emotions. And
then you're just you're in my experience personally,
where I've come to the point where it's like,
OK, what I'm not going to freak out. I'm not
going to freak out. I'm not going to lose my
mind because, oh, you know, the car broke down
or whatever it is, especially with my mom, I
had breast cancer last year. Of course, that
was scary. And of course, that was like, you
know, I had to be strong. I couldn't walk around,
cry all the time. You know, we had our own tumultuous
relationship. when I was a teenager and later
when I married my ex -husband and we were just
not in a good place. We've healed a lot of our
relationship, but things have happened. I've
had to say to myself, I'm going to be the strong
one and I'm not going to sit around and be like,
oh my God, what if this and what if that? It
just was like, okay, what do we need to do to
deal with this? That's it. I'm just going to
deal with it. I'm at the point in life where
I have that toolbox. I'm just dealing with whatever
it is. I can deal with it. I'm not going to fall
apart at the seams every time that something
comes up because it always will. Yeah, absolutely.
Well, and I mean worrying is kind of like sitting
in a rocking chair You know you you you're doing
a movement you're moving but you're stagnant.
You're not going anywhere So it doesn't matter
how long that you rock in a rocking chair. You're
you're in the same spot You know, and that's
the thing with when you stay stuck in trauma
or pain grief I mean moving through these things,
you know with me where I'm at five and a half
months since my dad went to heaven. This is the
first time I've lost my dad like this, right?
This is the worst loss of my entire life. I've
never experienced this kind of grief and this
kind of pain, but I've been walking through it
in such a way of knowing, I mean, first of all,
I can't control it. I can beg God, I can plead,
I can cry, and he's never going to say, gee,
I didn't realize this was going to hurt Darcy
this way. I'm going to put Bill back on earth.
That's not going to happen. So it's a lot of
coming to the realization of what I can control
in this situation, which is how I'm reacting
to it, how I'm responding to it. You gotta show
yourself grace in these times and allow yourself
to heal properly But at the same token, you know,
I like to say there's no time limit on grief
and healing But there is a time limit on our
life There is a time limit on our life. And when
we choose to stay stuck without even making a
little bit of progress, you know, some people
are in the same position five years down the
road that they were the day that they lost their
spouse, their child, their parent, their friend,
whatever it may be. And it's hard. This is the
hardest walk of my life. However, there are tools
to help you not stay stuck there. Even if it's
just a small step forward. every now and then,
we're still going forward. And that's the direction
we want to be moving. Yeah, two steps forward.
I mean, so one step back, but two steps forward.
I mean, sometimes, you know, we have patterns
that we learned that we ingrained in ourselves.
And it's hard to, it's difficult to unlearn.
those patterns, but once you start to recognize
them, you're in, you're in a healing mode when
you're starting to recognize your patterns and
not repeating them. And so that, I think that
helps. Oh, I think what you're doing helps a
lot of people helps people to deal. So it's,
it's how a lot of it, how you talk to yourself
when you said, um, to have grace for yourself.
And, you know, there's, there's a lot, this habit
of, um, you know, saying, oh, I'm, I'm an idiot
or I'm stupid. Why did I do this? I'm stupid.
Why I do that? That was dumb. And, and, um, getting
out of that negative language and, um, speaking
to yourself kindly is, um, a big step in the
right direction. That it's, um, that's part,
that's part of healing and that's it's unlearning,
unlearning those behaviors that you may have
learned in your family. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean,
maybe you're not somebody who self. Talk to yourself
like that because I it's been a very long time.
I mean I'd have to think of when I've ever told
myself I'm Stupid or not good enough, and I know
people do that mine was you can make it do anything.
You're fine everything's fine like put that superwoman
cape on you can make it and That is such an unhealthy
thing to do You know, that's so unhealthy because
I, for the longest time, had forced myself to
just accept, this is what it is, just move on.
And there was no time of, hey, listen, this is
kind of a big deal right now. And you need to
allow whatever you're feeling to happen. I mean,
three days after my dad died was one of my first...
big breakdowns that I had. My husband was playing
music. Music was huge for my dad. And I came
walking down the stairs, Led Zeppelin was playing
and I knew don't even look towards the recliner
where your dad sits because he's not even going
to be there. And I walked out into the garage
and I started going, you're fine. You are totally
fine. And immediately my healed self said, what
are you talking about? No, you're not. Your dad
just died three days ago. You would never look
at somebody else and say, why are you getting
emotional? It's been three days, like reel it
in. And I allowed myself to cry. Like I was,
I was scream crying almost. My husband came running
out like what, what, what, what? And I said,
it's the music. And he said, oh, I'm so sorry.
And I said, no, babe, it's not music. That's,
you know, you're doing, it's just, that's what
it was, but I allowed myself that moment. I didn't
push it down and put that superwoman cape on
and do what Darcy's always done. No, we're done
with that. There's no need. This is no competition.
who heals the fastest, who gets back to the race
the quickest. I mean, when I'm back, I want to
make sure that I'm back and I'm grounded and
I'm good to, you know, go for the duration until
life comes back again and says, guess what? Another
thing you get to heal from, because it will happen,
because that's what life does. Yeah. When we
lost my grandmother, I was... You know self -medicating
I was with my ex -husband He was at the time
we weren't even married yet. He was abusive physically
mentally and I was that was before I was even
stripping and he was He was abusive physically,
but the mental part was and I was self -medicating
with drugs and alcohol and I I don't think I
even allowed myself to feel the loss at the time.
I think I felt it even more when once I separated
from him because then at that time, I was mourning
everything. I was mourning the end of my marriage.
I was mourning. that I wasn't really there for
my mom at the time when she was losing her mother.
I was in my own off in my own world. So I wasn't
I wasn't feeling anything and I wasn't I wasn't
screaming and I wasn't crying. And it all happened
like years later when it actually ended. So everyone
has their own timeline for grieving. But and
so I, you know, I just kind of said it was like
she's gone and there was nothing I could do because
I didn't get to say goodbye. And there's there
was always guilt behind that. And so the guilt,
the guilt just made me self -medicate even more.
And so it took a long time and it took a long
time to forgive myself. for not being there,
for not being for me or for my mom. So, you know,
everybody's timeline is, it's different. Absolutely.
Well, I wanted to ask you, so about your self
you talk about. your story and how do you create
spaces for self -leadership for people when people
are healing and they are going into a better
situation where they're finally maybe moving
on. and healing from their trauma. And what does
self -leadership mean? Self -leadership is your
ability to be able to guide yourself through
any situation that may happen because you know
your ability to be able to do what needs to be
done to keep yourself safe in all situations
with the tools that you've learned. I talk a
lot about this trauma toolbox. You know, my trauma
toolbox is full. It probably doesn't look like
everybody else's. You know, mine's pink and kind
of shimmery, right? But when I open it, there's
all kinds of different tools in there that I
can utilize in those moments. So, self leadership
is not allowing the outside perspectives, opinions,
things that are happening to take you on a detour
from your healing. So talk about the trauma toolbox.
What, like, what's in your, you said, you said
your trauma toolbox is pink and shimmery and
glittery. Yep. Yep. Cause that's me. Um, but
I have different tools in there that I can reach
for in moments of. scared, grief, pain, sadness.
So, you know, like music, I said, is a really
big one. Anything that can make my soul feel
grounded. Sometimes I have to listen to two,
three songs before I start to feel that change.
After my dad passed away, music wasn't cutting
it. So now we're back into the travel toolbox
and... We're taking, you know, a warm shower
and visualizing all the emotions rinsing down
the drain. That's not working. I'm reaching out
to who I know my safe person is that's never
going to judge me. And I can scream, cry, I can
swear, I can say whatever it is that I want to
do. Um, I had to actually create a whole new
tool after my dad passed away because I actually
found my dad and gave him CPR until the paramedics
arrived. So it was a really graphic, horrible
moment for me. And I couldn't get that visual
out of my mind. So when I realized I needed to
create a new tool, I started thinking about some
of my favorite movies. I really like Beverly
Hills cop with Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy is
hilarious, right? But there's that one part where
he's standing at the fence and the two cops come
up and Eddie says to the cops, or are you, you're
the new ones following me? And the black cop
says, yeah, we're not going to fall for the banana
in the tailpipe trick. And Eddie mocks them back.
We're not going to fall for the banana in the
tailpipe trick. And the next thing you know,
I wasn't thinking about my dad anymore. I was
visualizing Eddie Murphy in that moment and then
I thought, I think I just created a new tool.
So when you can stop that scary movie that's
playing in your mind and replace it with something
that's no longer that scary movie, right? So
I write about that in the book. I actually give,
you know, different tools. I reach for my Bible.
I mean, reading the Bible to me is huge. God
is center of my life and has been for a very
long time. Or journaling. I mean, journaling
for me wasn't... super huge during the time with
my dad because I didn't want to remember all
of it. I knew that that wasn't going to be healthy
for me. But you can also take and just write
something down just to get it out and take it
and burn it. Right. And watch those, you know,
watch it go up and let those emotions just go
up in flames. So get yourself an emotional mental
toolbox and start packing it with things that
you've tried or you've read about or you've learned
and start utilizing those tools on the journey.
For me, it's going for a walk or it might be
listening to music, but not necessarily hymns.
Honestly, I was a big Prince fan. I'm a big,
big Prince fan. Sometimes if I'm feeling overwhelmed
and I'll turn on Let's Go Crazy. Yeah. Because
it's like, you know what? That let's just, you
know what? We're here, like you said, like in
the beginning. It's a, you know, that don't let
the elevator take, hit the higher floor. When
the elevator tries to bring you down, do you
know that song? go crazy. You know, in the beginning,
it's like, you know, there's, um, how does it
go? I'm not going to sing it. I'll save everyone.
I'll save everyone from singing it. But it's
a, you know, um, I think it's like, ladies and
gentlemen, we are here, you know, and there's
another place. And, and, um, it goes, but when,
whenever the elevator tries to bring you down,
hit the higher floor and let's go crazy. To me,
it doesn't mean, you know, crazy like you're,
you know, psychopathic. It means crazy like,
you know, punch the higher floor, punch that
higher floor, go higher. That means the elevation,
you know, take yourself out of that low feeling.
And punch that higher floor. Yeah. Raise your
vibration. I mean, whatever your song is, you
know, like I, I can honestly tell you that I'm
not listening to hymns and things like that.
I grew up with a dad who listened to like, you
know, Ozzy Osbourne and Quiet Riot and Crocus
and Judas Priest. And, you know, so I'm not over
here like, no, I don't. But there are some songs
that do hit me differently, but, you know, I've
really come to love like. Kind of like Christian
rock. I mean, it still has that movement to it,
but it touches my soul. And that's, that's all
it matters. All that matters is you find what
works for you to ground your soul where you are.
That's all that matters. Exactly. Well, thank
you so much today for being you and your positive
vibe. And, um, so you have kids and you're a
mom. Yep. We have an adult daughter and we have
two grandchildren, one that's five and one that
just turned one. Whoa. How old is your daughter?
She just turned 31. Oh my God. You don't look
like all my dad. I'm like, they have these, my
guess. They, everybody looks so young. Like I,
you know, when people say they have these grown
children and I'm like floored because I'm like,
you don't even look, you know, like in your thirties
or forties or something. Thank you. So it was
such a joy to have you and thank you. And so
again, again, I went for my guests does name
of your podcast. is the School of Hard Knocks
with Darcy, because there's other School of Hard
Knocks. Other School of Hard Knocks. So that
was one of the reasons. Like I said, I became
the George Stripper in Rio because Ron Rio was
taken by everybody. And so your books are Empower
Her Volume One and Empower Her Powerhouse Edition.
Yes. Right. So thank you so much. Um, and I appreciate
you and we'll keep in touch, of course. And,
uh, happy Easter. Yes, happy Easter. Thank you
so much for having me. Um, thank you for coming
on. I really appreciated your time and especially
putting up with my technical difficulties. No
worries. Okay. It was wonderful to see you. And
hopefully, um, are you writing anything else?
Are you working? Oh, I have all kinds of things
that are in the works. Absolutely. Great. Well,
you can actually come back when you have more
so we can do this again or actually. Yeah. And,
um, you know, I can come on your podcast too.
I would love that. I will. Yeah. Okay. So we'll
end it at that. And again, you know, thank you
for everyone tuning in. everyone for again subscribing,
Facebook follows, and the amazing that I can't
even put into words like how I woke up this morning
and saw 58 downloads in 24 hours around the world.
It's been in Singapore and China and Japan and
Vietnam and Nairobi and all kinds of countries.
So thank you everyone who has listened around
the world. That touches my soul. That touches
my soul a lot. So thank you Darcy again and hopefully
we'll... See you again soon. Thank you so much.
Bye. Take care.