WEBVTT

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Hello, and welcome to the final episode of potentially

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season one of Real Talk with Rayne and Gabe.

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It's me. I'm Gabe. Today, the topic that was

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voted most popular is growth and accountability.

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So very on brand for a podcast. We talk a lot

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about self -help and bettering yourself and our

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experiences about what we have done in the past,

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what we could do better in the future, and all

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of those wonderful things. If I sound like my

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brain is fried, it's because it is 98 degrees

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outside today, folks, and I'm in a booth. So

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I hope you enjoy the audio quality. Anyway, so.

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Meanwhile, I'm over here in my open office with

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an air conditioner right next to me, and I probably

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sound exactly the same. Probably and it's okay

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because if you hear that just means I died It's

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fine. So Gabe, would you like to start us off

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on our no? I'm bad at improv. No, it's not improv.

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I don't know Again, I don't know. I don't know

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how to address it I guess is you don't know how

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to take accountability is what you're saying

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my cat just Claude all over my keyboard. There's

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no accountability in this. This is the perfect

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setup for the top. My issue with it is I don't

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feel like I have a lot of experience with growth

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and accountability because I'm still actively

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going through it, if that makes sense. I am pretty

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young. I am turning 27 this year. So I just recently

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got my frontal lobe started hidden. So I just

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perspective is 2020 or hindsight, whatever it

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is. And I wasn't the best friend. I wasn't the

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best partner. I wasn't the best insert relationship

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to another person here. So I'm still growing.

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I'm still trying to figure out. the best way

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to grow, which I think is like, where I think

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your advice would definitely come in to help

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me and other people like me, because I don't

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know. I don't know how to grow in a way that

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is helpful. Because a lot of the times, at least

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for me, I get so trapped in my own head that

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growth seems impossible, where it's just, oh,

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I'm such a bad person, or... I've done all these

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terrible things or I'll just continue to make

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mistakes anyway, so why bother trying? So I guess

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that's the conversation we can have, like a back

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and forth where you give your advice. I give

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my struggles with it and we can do that if you

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want. I don't know. Ultimately, you're always

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going to make mistakes. Every single person is

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going to make mistakes up until the day that

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they die. As somebody who I'm not sitting here

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like a fucking martyr like I know everything

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I don't I'm in therapy I work in human services

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so I've just I've had a lot of experience with

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people from all walks of life and hearing their

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stories and then living my own story I think

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one of the biggest things that stops people from

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taking accountability and from growing is the

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thought that if they face that reality of what

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they've done wrong, that's gonna identify them

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as a human for the rest of their lives. That

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one moment or multiple moments that they've screwed

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up or they've harmed somebody and even though

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they're guilty and they feel remorse about it

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now, that doesn't erase what they did. So almost

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in a way it's like they're constantly damning

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themselves and punishing themselves for things

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that they did. when unless you really went out

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of your way to hurt somebody and do crime and

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do like really bad things like those people get

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put away in jail and jail is also supposed to

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be rehabilitation. So they're supposed to come

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out of jail if they ever do better people and

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learn from those mistakes and grow and seek accountability.

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Not to say that everybody does, but that's what

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it's supposed to be. And for people who make

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mistakes that are more like minor offenses of

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like, I said something that hurt somebody's feelings.

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I did this action, it hurt somebody's feelings

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or it caused them to lose a job or it's things

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like that. You still did it and you still need

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to recognize that you did it because if you avoid

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it for the rest of your life, eventually it's

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going to start eating away at you, bit by bit.

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And it might seem like it's going to be harder

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to take accountability for something. because

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you don't want to face the reality that you did

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that action and that you upset or caused pain

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to somebody else. The thing is, though, we're

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all humans and we're all inherently flawed. So

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at some point in your life, you're going to do

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or say something that's going to hurt somebody's

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feelings or step on toes or you're going to get

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into an argument or a fight with somebody. And

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we say things in the moment we can't take back.

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we do things in the moment we can't take back.

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And part of growing and having accountability

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for those things, the first step of doing that

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is recognizing that you are human and that you're

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flawed and that if the people that this happened

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to, that you caused pain to, don't forgive you,

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that's okay. You need to learn that It's not

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about getting closure from everybody. It's about

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getting closure from yourself. And it's about

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saying, I fucked up. I did something wrong. What

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can I do to improve on this? What can I do to

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use this as a lesson instead of another reason

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to hate myself? Do you want that person to forgive

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you? Absolutely. Everybody does. That's more

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of that final closure of, okay, maybe I'm not

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such a bad person. That person may never forgive

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you. and that is part of their life journey that

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they need to figure out. And it depends on the

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situation too, of course, like we always say,

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it's very situational. But you will never be

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able to escape the pattern of behavior that you

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do if you don't acknowledge that it's a pattern

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of behavior and you don't acknowledge that you're

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doing something wrong. If you surround yourself

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with people who don't challenge your perspective,

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or people who just are yes men and yes women

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and yes people saying, yeah, whatever, I agree

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with you, whatever. Those relationships are not

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challenging you to think outside the box and

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to think outside of yourself, to think about

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other perspectives and lived experiences of other

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people around you. The people that are constantly

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just hyping you up, like it might seem supportive,

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but are they hyping you up? where you need to

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be hyped up, or are they hyping you up in harmful

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ways as well? Are they hyping you up when they

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see you doing something that, if you did it to

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them, they would be upset? Having that mindset

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of, I see someone doing this behavior, let me

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put myself in this person's shoes. Would I be

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upset or hurt by this? If so, why am I supporting

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this behavior? And everybody has their own thoughts

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and opinions and the way that they were raised,

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the environment that they were raised in. It's

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way more complicated than just advice of do this

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and do that. You have to really sit with each

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situation and think about what the outcome could

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be, what your impact on the situation is, and

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what you feel you bring and or take out of the

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situation, if that makes sense. If you're watching

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somebody actively hurt other people, whether

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it's in person, at a job, on social media, is

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that really a yes -slay moment? Or is that like

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a, that's bullying, dude, moment? Even if you

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don't agree with whoever is being bullied, like

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if they did something that you don't agree with,

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in my brain, that doesn't usually mean that going

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after that person or starting like this huge

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thing is gonna do any good because it's just

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gonna weigh more in your conscience and that's

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gonna bring more negative energy into your life

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and It's not helping you improve who you are

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and the life experiences you're going to have

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so to grow you need to acknowledge When you see

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something or feel something that you're doing

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is wrong admitting to yourself that it's wrong

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and feeling that pain of, I hate that I did this.

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I hate that I upset this person. I hate that

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this didn't work out the way I wanted it to.

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I'm really hurt right now. That's valid. That's

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completely valid and sit with that hurt. Like

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really think about why does this hurt? Does it

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hurt because people see me in a way that I don't

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want them to see me? Does it hurt because I went

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against my morals in some way? Why does this

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hurt? And if you can go to therapy, always something

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that I recommend, of course, is to go to therapy,

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talk to the therapist about it. I'm not a licensed

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therapist or anything like that. I just have

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the advice that I have. Always seek professional

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help. if you feel you really need to discuss

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these topics with somebody like a therapist or

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a counselor. But you're never going to be able

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to have that accountability. You're never going

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to be able to grow if you don't let yourself

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feel that pain first and feel that guilt first.

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If you go through life with blinders on to all

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of your actions, some point it's going to come

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back and bite you in the ass, and it's going

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to bite you in the ass hard. You won't know when

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or where it's gonna happen, but it will happen.

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It's for sure gonna happen. It's much easier

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for you to take these moment by moment, assess

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the situation and say, okay, I did this, this

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was the outcome. What do I do now to move forward?

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Do I wanna make it better? Did I achieve the

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outcome that I wanted? It's a lot of questions

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that you have to ask yourself in those situations

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and be willing to sit and work with yourself.

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That way you have more insight and you have more

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empathy towards the others that are around you

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and not thinking that the world revolves around

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you. Yes, you made a mistake. That doesn't mean

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you're a horrible person. That also doesn't mean

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to throw yourself a pity party either. Pull yourself

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up. Dust yourself off and fix it. And if people

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want to hold it against you for the rest of their

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lives, that's their issue that they need to work

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out. You don't need to prove yourself. You are

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in competition with yourself. I was like, you've

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been talking way too long. You're dying now.

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Yeah. Well, you, you rest your brow. I'll definitely

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make the comment as, as the POV of the kid. part

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of things where it's just like, I'm learning

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it. I'm learning how to take accountability and

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how to grow to be a more mature, better person.

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I will say that the biggest struggle for me at

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first was to stop being defensive over myself

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because it's very easy to get caught up in the

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moment and caught up in your own intentions.

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that you stop listening to the other person and

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you stop listening to the fact of... The fact

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is, if you hurt somebody with your words and

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you never intended for them to take your words

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that way, that doesn't stop the hurt that happens.

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That doesn't... And that fact was very hard for

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me to understand for a long time. because my

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counter -argument was always the same. It was

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like, I didn't intend to. And that doesn't matter.

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I'm telling the other people listening to this

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podcast who maybe also struggle with this, you

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have to eventually get to the point where you

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understand that your intention does not matter

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because you still hurt them. Yeah. And the reason

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why they're bringing that up to you And so that

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way, and you apologize and you never say those

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words to them again. And again, it doesn't matter

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what your intentions were. It doesn't matter

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if, you know, you were doing something for them,

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but they have a very particular way of doing

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things or maybe they were going to do it. And

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now you just ruined their whole process for the

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day. or something like that. Even the most kind

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things can be very detrimental to some people

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because they have a process. They have a way

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that they want to do things. It took a while

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for me to understand that I need to listen more.

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I needed to take accountability how I was being

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perceived. You cannot listen when you're angry.

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You cannot. You cannot listen at all when you're

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angry. No. Or defensive either. You have to be

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so aware of yourself. Yes. A lot of people, especially

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when we're growing up, we're starting to have

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adult relationships, we're starting to have adult

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roommates, we're starting to have partners move

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in with us, that kind of stuff. It's very easy

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to be so used to being by yourself or just listening

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to yourself. that you don't think about how you're

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feeling in the moment. You don't think about,

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oh, I'm actually frustrated because it's been

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a long school day or it's been a long work day.

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And so you take that frustration home and then

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now you're angry. Now you're yelling about intentions.

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You're yelling about miscommunications or small

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little things that just explode. And there is...

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a lot of self -regulation that I feel like we

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don't emotionally teach people, I guess is the

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way to put it. We don't acknowledge it enough.

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We just be like, ah, go figure it out. Yeah,

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we need a MoDrawing Charity 101 in classrooms.

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We really do. Seriously. We really do. I've seen

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this chart in so many therapist's offices. offices

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where it's, are you mad or are you frustrated?

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Are you mad or are you this? Are you mad or that

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kind of stuff? And because a lot of those emotions

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can be subdivided into, are you angry, sad, or

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are you angry, tired? Are you angry, et cetera,

00:16:32.100 --> 00:16:37.759
et cetera? So if you don't have that kind of

00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:40.940
ability to check in with yourself emotionally,

00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:46.240
you will be reacting to things that you have

00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:49.580
no reason to react to. Reacting it out on other

00:16:49.580 --> 00:16:51.860
people too that have nothing to do with it. And

00:16:51.860 --> 00:16:55.419
you can justify it in your brain that, oh, they

00:16:55.419 --> 00:16:57.559
pissed me off anyway. But do they really though?

00:16:57.659 --> 00:17:00.600
Is the justification in your head actual justification

00:17:00.600 --> 00:17:03.019
or is it just you wanting a reason to feel the

00:17:03.019 --> 00:17:05.099
way that you feel and wanting to feel validated?

00:17:06.599 --> 00:17:11.539
Yeah. And that's, it's, you can't be self -centered

00:17:11.539 --> 00:17:15.910
when it comes to when it comes to growth and

00:17:15.910 --> 00:17:17.890
accountability. There were a lot of people that

00:17:17.890 --> 00:17:21.329
I hurt when RSP shut down. There were a lot of

00:17:21.329 --> 00:17:23.869
people that were upset, and they were so valid

00:17:23.869 --> 00:17:27.710
for being upset. And obviously my intentions

00:17:27.710 --> 00:17:29.869
were never to make people upset. They were never

00:17:29.869 --> 00:17:32.009
to do things in the wrong way, but it happened.

00:17:32.269 --> 00:17:35.329
And I have since learned from that. I have since

00:17:35.329 --> 00:17:39.990
stopped, reassessed. and told myself, okay, I

00:17:39.990 --> 00:17:41.630
still want to see my dreams come to fruition.

00:17:41.710 --> 00:17:43.769
I still have these creative endeavors I want

00:17:43.769 --> 00:17:45.990
to do. And I love the stories that I've come

00:17:45.990 --> 00:17:50.609
up with, but I can't rely on other people so

00:17:50.609 --> 00:17:54.190
much anymore. I can't just go into things blind

00:17:54.190 --> 00:17:57.869
and just think that in good faith that it'll

00:17:57.869 --> 00:18:00.950
work out. Like, I need to be smarter. I need

00:18:00.950 --> 00:18:05.339
to be more rooted. I need to understand. my goals

00:18:05.339 --> 00:18:10.299
before I just rush into something. And that for

00:18:10.299 --> 00:18:13.000
me, like my biggest growth was that experience

00:18:13.000 --> 00:18:17.799
because it was just, it was so much. And do I

00:18:17.799 --> 00:18:21.700
think that all of it was on me? No, I think that

00:18:21.700 --> 00:18:23.539
there were some things that could have been handled

00:18:23.539 --> 00:18:28.680
differently on all sides. But at the same time,

00:18:28.900 --> 00:18:32.279
taking accountability that I really didn't know

00:18:32.279 --> 00:18:35.470
how to manage a company. I was really all over

00:18:35.470 --> 00:18:40.269
the place. And I was thinking, I'll figure it

00:18:40.269 --> 00:18:42.069
out, I'll figure it out, I'll figure it out.

00:18:42.809 --> 00:18:46.930
I didn't figure it out. Like, I was just constantly

00:18:46.930 --> 00:18:50.150
adding more confusion and stress onto myself

00:18:50.150 --> 00:18:56.829
to the point where it broke. And when everything

00:18:56.829 --> 00:18:59.910
hit the fan, I was like, this moment is a moment

00:18:59.910 --> 00:19:02.029
that I'm gonna remember. I'm gonna remember this

00:19:02.029 --> 00:19:06.720
moment because It has such an impact. It had

00:19:06.720 --> 00:19:08.980
a very big mental impact on me. I won't go into

00:19:08.980 --> 00:19:11.519
details, but it was a very negative mental impact.

00:19:11.779 --> 00:19:16.140
And then also the outcome of it painted me in

00:19:16.140 --> 00:19:18.319
a very negative light. My intention was never

00:19:18.319 --> 00:19:21.960
for that to happen. My intention was always to

00:19:21.960 --> 00:19:26.720
try my best with what I had. And it was really

00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:32.859
difficult to grow up and realize that I was not

00:19:32.859 --> 00:19:35.990
fit. for running a company like this, especially

00:19:35.990 --> 00:19:39.329
growing as fast as it was with not having any

00:19:39.329 --> 00:19:44.049
funding, I was just not fit. And instead of accepting

00:19:44.049 --> 00:19:47.390
that and facing that, I kept telling myself,

00:19:47.529 --> 00:19:48.890
it's okay, it's fine, it's fine, I'll figure

00:19:48.890 --> 00:19:51.390
it out, I'll figure it out. And I had the best

00:19:51.390 --> 00:19:55.170
intentions at heart. And the thing is, you can

00:19:55.170 --> 00:19:57.529
have the best intentions and things still work

00:19:57.529 --> 00:20:01.930
out in the way you never wanted them to. It can

00:20:01.930 --> 00:20:06.109
still all go to shit. It can still become the

00:20:06.109 --> 00:20:11.329
biggest lesson in your life. I am very happy

00:20:11.329 --> 00:20:14.210
for my experience because I was running the company

00:20:14.210 --> 00:20:16.630
for five years and it did give me a lot of awesome

00:20:16.630 --> 00:20:20.069
qualities and I learned a lot. But then you have

00:20:20.069 --> 00:20:22.410
to think about the fact of what could I have

00:20:22.410 --> 00:20:26.210
done better in that situation? I've sat and I've

00:20:26.210 --> 00:20:32.140
thought a lot about that. A lot of it was just

00:20:32.140 --> 00:20:35.480
because I didn't give myself time or grace or

00:20:35.480 --> 00:20:38.539
like a pause. There was never just like a pause

00:20:38.539 --> 00:20:43.180
for me to just be like, okay, chill. Whoa, you're

00:20:43.180 --> 00:20:46.039
doing too much. Like on one paycheck, girl, you're

00:20:46.039 --> 00:20:48.380
doing way too much. Cause I was so blinded by

00:20:48.380 --> 00:20:50.779
the fact of wanting to see it succeed and wanting

00:20:50.779 --> 00:20:55.140
everyone to feel included. And it just, I can

00:20:55.140 --> 00:20:57.640
sit here all day and talk about what my intentions

00:20:57.640 --> 00:21:01.039
were. That doesn't take away from any. upset

00:21:01.039 --> 00:21:03.099
that I may have caused. It doesn't take away

00:21:03.099 --> 00:21:05.839
from the fact that payments were made late, even

00:21:05.839 --> 00:21:08.039
though they were made late. It doesn't take away

00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:10.279
from those. It doesn't take away from those mistakes

00:21:10.279 --> 00:21:13.319
that I made. And does that make me a horrible

00:21:13.319 --> 00:21:16.539
human being? No, absolutely not. It makes me

00:21:16.539 --> 00:21:21.480
a human being that made mistakes, that taught

00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:25.099
me lessons that I needed to learn in order to

00:21:25.099 --> 00:21:28.109
come into this next chapter of my life. I could

00:21:28.109 --> 00:21:32.369
have seen it as, oh, woe is me, people hate me.

00:21:32.630 --> 00:21:35.450
Like, I could have thrown a pity party for myself.

00:21:36.509 --> 00:21:38.789
And I'm pretty sure I did for a while, actually.

00:21:39.210 --> 00:21:41.609
I'm not even gonna lie. I'm pretty sure for a

00:21:41.609 --> 00:21:43.930
little bit I did. But then it just, it doesn't

00:21:43.930 --> 00:21:47.410
serve me anymore to sit here and villainize myself

00:21:47.410 --> 00:21:49.849
and punish myself for something that has already

00:21:49.849 --> 00:21:54.029
happened that has, the lessons have been learned

00:21:54.029 --> 00:21:58.549
and we have moved on. The reason why I feel I

00:21:58.549 --> 00:22:01.750
get such a good lesson is because sometimes the

00:22:01.750 --> 00:22:05.089
best lessons are either the smallest or the biggest

00:22:05.089 --> 00:22:09.470
impacts in your life, right? So that was a huge

00:22:09.470 --> 00:22:12.930
one for me because I had put so much time and

00:22:12.930 --> 00:22:17.390
energy and money into this project and to close

00:22:17.390 --> 00:22:20.890
it down at first I was like, I failed. I failed.

00:22:21.430 --> 00:22:23.970
There's nothing more to it. I failed. I suck.

00:22:24.150 --> 00:22:29.099
And I just spiraled. But I have an awesome support

00:22:29.099 --> 00:22:31.400
system around me. And if I didn't have them,

00:22:31.400 --> 00:22:34.180
I don't know what would have happened. But I'm

00:22:34.180 --> 00:22:38.059
lucky that I do. And that support system of people

00:22:38.059 --> 00:22:42.940
who rallied around me and told me, like, these

00:22:42.940 --> 00:22:44.680
are some of the people that have worked with

00:22:44.680 --> 00:22:46.940
me forever that have told me, yeah, you made

00:22:46.940 --> 00:22:50.279
some really stupid mistakes because you didn't

00:22:50.279 --> 00:22:52.420
have any experience. You made some bad mistakes.

00:22:52.779 --> 00:22:56.099
That doesn't mean you're a bad person. That just

00:22:56.099 --> 00:22:58.039
means that you made mistakes and now you need

00:22:58.039 --> 00:22:59.859
to learn from them. If you made those mistakes

00:22:59.859 --> 00:23:03.279
and then you never learned from them, then it

00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:04.859
still doesn't make you a bad person. It just

00:23:04.859 --> 00:23:08.240
makes you like you're not actively becoming the

00:23:08.240 --> 00:23:11.640
best version of yourself or trying. And some

00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:13.819
of these people are like ride or die friends.

00:23:14.460 --> 00:23:16.519
So going back to what I said before, when you

00:23:16.519 --> 00:23:18.599
have people around you that are just like, yeah,

00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:22.019
yes, man. Yes, whatever. They're not challenging

00:23:22.019 --> 00:23:24.799
your perspective of saying, hey, no, I see this

00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:27.819
differently. Same thing with a therapist. A therapist

00:23:27.819 --> 00:23:29.359
should challenge the way that you're thinking.

00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:32.240
There should always be somewhere where it's like,

00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:34.660
what if you think about it this way? Let's think

00:23:34.660 --> 00:23:36.859
about it from this person's point of view. Let's

00:23:36.859 --> 00:23:41.099
think about it like this. Because we are all

00:23:41.099 --> 00:23:44.759
multi -dimensional creatures and it's not my

00:23:44.759 --> 00:23:48.299
way or the highway. It's not my story is the

00:23:48.299 --> 00:23:50.460
exact right version of the story because everybody

00:23:50.460 --> 00:23:53.119
else has a different lived experience and they're

00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:57.799
valid so If people want to come to me and say

00:23:57.799 --> 00:23:59.579
I'm horrible or I'm a horrible human being and

00:23:59.579 --> 00:24:01.259
they didn't even hear my side They don't even

00:24:01.259 --> 00:24:05.200
care Okay But I'm not gonna have a conversation

00:24:05.200 --> 00:24:07.500
with you because that doesn't serve me There

00:24:07.500 --> 00:24:09.740
there is no reason to have a conversation with

00:24:09.740 --> 00:24:11.779
somebody who is not willing to have an actual

00:24:11.779 --> 00:24:14.900
conversation like a mature, emotionally mature

00:24:14.900 --> 00:24:17.779
conversation. There's a difference between having

00:24:17.779 --> 00:24:21.420
an emotionally mature conversation and meeting

00:24:21.420 --> 00:24:24.660
a goal, the two of you, or the group of you,

00:24:24.700 --> 00:24:28.299
whatever it is, and having a common goal of,

00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:30.579
hey, let's find a resolution to this. Let's come

00:24:30.579 --> 00:24:35.259
to a peaceful conclusion. There's that way, or

00:24:35.259 --> 00:24:39.799
there's a, it's, I'm right, you're wrong. I'm

00:24:39.799 --> 00:24:41.500
good, you're bad, I'm big, you're small like

00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:44.799
Matilda, right? Yeah. And it doesn't matter who

00:24:44.799 --> 00:24:47.059
you are, you can't think like that. You can't

00:24:47.059 --> 00:24:49.380
treat people like that. You have to understand

00:24:49.380 --> 00:24:54.119
that everybody's side is their side, and they

00:24:54.119 --> 00:24:56.599
should be allowed and valid to feel how they

00:24:56.599 --> 00:25:00.500
feel. They also should be open to hearing that

00:25:00.500 --> 00:25:03.740
other side as well, because... That's how we

00:25:03.740 --> 00:25:07.799
grow as people is by incorporating other mindsets

00:25:07.799 --> 00:25:10.579
and other perspectives into our circle and into

00:25:10.579 --> 00:25:14.200
our mind so that we become more rounded individuals.

00:25:15.579 --> 00:25:18.420
Because if we're so self -centered and we can't

00:25:18.420 --> 00:25:21.920
see past our own noses, those experiences are

00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:23.839
never going to become lessons to us. They're

00:25:23.839 --> 00:25:26.559
going to become reasons why I hate the world

00:25:26.559 --> 00:25:30.480
or reasons why I hate this person, reasons why

00:25:30.650 --> 00:25:36.089
I generalize this group of people. It just, it

00:25:36.089 --> 00:25:39.349
paints more negativity in your life than you

00:25:39.349 --> 00:25:44.089
need. Taking accountability actually feels so

00:25:44.089 --> 00:25:47.009
good in those moments when you're able to really

00:25:47.009 --> 00:25:51.250
compartmentalize the situation and think about

00:25:51.250 --> 00:25:53.589
it for what it is instead of reacting to it on

00:25:53.589 --> 00:25:58.470
an emotional level. So I think that's something

00:25:58.470 --> 00:26:03.450
that I learned. in the past year, at least, was

00:26:03.450 --> 00:26:06.190
one of my biggest lessons, obviously, was that

00:26:06.190 --> 00:26:10.569
too much, too fast, too much, too fast, and too

00:26:10.569 --> 00:26:15.109
ambitious, too ambitious for the skills and the

00:26:15.109 --> 00:26:17.470
resources that I had. Too ambitious for the skills

00:26:17.470 --> 00:26:20.490
and the resources that I had. So, absolutely.

00:26:21.150 --> 00:26:23.130
I would never consider it a failure because I

00:26:23.130 --> 00:26:25.369
feel like it taught me so many great things.

00:26:25.490 --> 00:26:30.039
It introduced me to so many great people. That

00:26:30.039 --> 00:26:32.440
to me is a win. Even if it didn't work out the

00:26:32.440 --> 00:26:34.940
way that I had hoped it would, it still is a

00:26:34.940 --> 00:26:39.660
win to me because regardless how everything happened,

00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:42.420
there were still so many good moments. There

00:26:42.420 --> 00:26:45.819
were so many laughs. There were so many fun memories

00:26:45.819 --> 00:26:48.619
that I had. So instead of focusing solely on

00:26:48.619 --> 00:26:52.559
the negatives, I try to balance them as well

00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:55.559
with the situation of, what about the positive

00:26:55.559 --> 00:26:58.700
side of the situation? Yeah. Think about that

00:26:58.700 --> 00:27:02.440
too. So if you're not focusing only on the negatives

00:27:02.440 --> 00:27:05.440
and you bring in some of those positives, you

00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:11.839
allow yourself to have that balance. It brings

00:27:11.839 --> 00:27:15.880
like a sense of relief and it lightens that load

00:27:15.880 --> 00:27:18.339
a little bit as well because there were obviously

00:27:18.339 --> 00:27:23.259
good times and there are people who are still

00:27:23.259 --> 00:27:26.460
100 % supporters of mine and friends of mine

00:27:26.460 --> 00:27:29.980
who had my back through everything. And I'm so

00:27:29.980 --> 00:27:33.119
grateful for them. And does that mean I didn't

00:27:33.119 --> 00:27:35.839
mess up and make mistakes? No, I did. I will

00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:37.619
say that till the end of the earth. I'm never

00:27:37.619 --> 00:27:40.339
going to be like, it wasn't my fault. Like, I

00:27:40.339 --> 00:27:44.319
literally, there's things where things can be

00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:47.720
taken out of context. And that's a whole different

00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:51.220
conversation that I won't get into. But when

00:27:51.220 --> 00:27:53.539
it comes to owning mistakes, when it comes to

00:27:53.539 --> 00:27:55.700
taking accountability for things like that happened,

00:27:56.769 --> 00:28:01.609
Don't let yourself spiral so much that you lose

00:28:01.609 --> 00:28:04.670
those important parts of yourself that remind

00:28:04.670 --> 00:28:06.970
you that you're still good and you're still learning.

00:28:07.490 --> 00:28:10.369
I'm 33, but that doesn't mean that I'm too old

00:28:10.369 --> 00:28:13.750
to learn new lessons. That doesn't mean that

00:28:13.750 --> 00:28:16.609
I have more life experience than anyone and I'm

00:28:16.609 --> 00:28:20.210
here like telling you to be like me. No, I'm

00:28:20.210 --> 00:28:25.170
like, I have made a shit ton of mistakes and...

00:28:25.019 --> 00:28:27.940
I've learned from all of them and I will continue

00:28:27.940 --> 00:28:30.859
to learn from them and that is what makes my

00:28:30.859 --> 00:28:35.140
growth so great. Because I know it's putting

00:28:35.140 --> 00:28:37.119
me in the right direction and on the right path

00:28:37.119 --> 00:28:40.079
to be the best version of myself. That is what's

00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:45.240
important. And now I need a drink. Which means

00:28:45.240 --> 00:28:53.349
it's Gabe's turn to talk. Listen, this is what

00:28:53.349 --> 00:28:55.529
happens when you got the expert over here and

00:28:55.529 --> 00:28:58.089
I just I'm the intermission in between water

00:28:58.089 --> 00:29:03.589
You're the halftime show I'm doing a little jazz

00:29:03.589 --> 00:29:05.670
number. You can't see it obviously because it's

00:29:05.670 --> 00:29:08.490
audio only but I'm doing I promise I'm like breaking

00:29:08.490 --> 00:29:11.250
it down as I speak right now. It's great You

00:29:11.250 --> 00:29:13.490
better come in on one of those big -ass mechanical

00:29:13.490 --> 00:29:15.769
like lions like Katy Perry did or I'm gonna be

00:29:15.769 --> 00:29:18.369
very upset Yeah, that's exactly what I'm doing

00:29:18.369 --> 00:29:22.269
right now I guess one thing that you mentioned

00:29:22.269 --> 00:29:29.069
was something akin to how you carried a lot of

00:29:29.069 --> 00:29:32.630
guilt at the time when it comes to RSP. Had

00:29:32.630 --> 00:29:35.730
to struggle to get yourself out of it in order

00:29:35.730 --> 00:29:41.609
to allow yourself to re -approach your creative

00:29:41.609 --> 00:29:44.789
endeavors and all that kind of stuff and reformat

00:29:44.789 --> 00:29:48.869
it into a way that's manageable for a one -person

00:29:48.869 --> 00:29:53.240
team. And I want to talk about that whole carrying

00:29:53.240 --> 00:29:55.579
guilt process. If you're comfortable, you don't

00:29:55.579 --> 00:29:58.920
have to divulge into details. But one thing that

00:29:58.920 --> 00:30:07.599
I tend to struggle with is the idea of forgiving

00:30:07.599 --> 00:30:11.640
too soon, forgiving yourself too soon, or forgiving

00:30:11.640 --> 00:30:15.500
yourself too late, where it's like sometimes

00:30:15.500 --> 00:30:19.759
you hold that guilt. uh, for a very long time

00:30:19.759 --> 00:30:23.380
and it like prevents you from even talking to

00:30:23.380 --> 00:30:27.380
the other person or it prevents you from doing

00:30:27.380 --> 00:30:30.480
anything around that person because it's like

00:30:30.480 --> 00:30:34.500
you're walking on eggshells or it can have the

00:30:34.500 --> 00:30:37.980
extreme opposite effect of you don't carry it

00:30:37.980 --> 00:30:41.500
enough to the point where it sticks if that makes

00:30:41.500 --> 00:30:43.579
sense and so you continue to make that mistake.

00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:46.579
Right. You just continue and then it almost never

00:30:46.579 --> 00:30:49.400
sticks. So I guess I'm realizing right now that

00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:51.960
I'm very much the all -or -nothing mentality

00:30:51.960 --> 00:30:55.839
as a mental illness. But anyway, we're going

00:30:55.839 --> 00:31:01.319
to save that for a therapy session. No, I get

00:31:01.319 --> 00:31:03.880
that because I mentally, I deal with like, I

00:31:03.880 --> 00:31:07.200
have BPD, I have therapy and I'm medicated. So

00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:10.180
one of the things about having BPD is for me

00:31:10.180 --> 00:31:13.140
specifically, the emotional. Irregulation has

00:31:13.140 --> 00:31:15.819
always been like a really big issue. So when

00:31:15.819 --> 00:31:18.059
I wasn't medicated, I was all over the place

00:31:18.059 --> 00:31:21.319
in my 20s. Oh my god, girl, calm down. It was

00:31:21.319 --> 00:31:25.180
just, she was a mess. Okay. So we'll just say

00:31:25.180 --> 00:31:27.420
that. Still a mess, but a little bit less. It's

00:31:27.420 --> 00:31:29.880
a little bit less. I need to have that on a shirt

00:31:29.880 --> 00:31:31.819
right now. I'm going to go trademark it, bear

00:31:31.819 --> 00:31:36.319
it back. But literally seeing the gray area with

00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:38.240
things, especially in a situation that you're

00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:41.720
so emotionally invested in. It can be really

00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:45.099
difficult to be like, it wasn't all good or all

00:31:45.099 --> 00:31:48.819
bad. It was just like, it was just what, it was

00:31:48.819 --> 00:31:50.259
just right in the middle. There were some good

00:31:50.259 --> 00:31:53.539
and there were some bad and it was a balanced

00:31:53.539 --> 00:31:58.660
process. But for people like myself who struggle

00:31:58.660 --> 00:32:03.519
with emotional, those instability with emotions

00:32:03.519 --> 00:32:08.039
and being able to compartmentalize, find that

00:32:08.039 --> 00:32:11.509
gray area. have that kind of all or nothing mentality

00:32:11.509 --> 00:32:14.130
usually. Not obviously, I'm not diagnosing, I'm

00:32:14.130 --> 00:32:17.609
not saying any of that. Don't stop it. Anyway,

00:32:17.990 --> 00:32:22.970
but it's when you have that all or nothing mindset,

00:32:23.950 --> 00:32:27.990
that will consume you because it doesn't matter

00:32:27.990 --> 00:32:30.109
if it's all good or all bad in your brain. Like

00:32:30.109 --> 00:32:31.730
it's still going to consume you and it's going

00:32:31.730 --> 00:32:33.349
to stall any progress that you're going to make

00:32:33.349 --> 00:32:36.730
on yourself. If it's about, like you said, the

00:32:36.730 --> 00:32:39.869
guilt. Oh, I did this thing. I upset this person.

00:32:40.430 --> 00:32:42.650
I really wish I could reach out and apologize.

00:32:43.589 --> 00:32:46.430
Unless that person was like, don't talk to me

00:32:46.430 --> 00:32:49.690
again and has set that boundary, obviously respect

00:32:49.690 --> 00:32:52.569
that boundary. If you haven't talked to that

00:32:52.569 --> 00:32:55.589
person and you feel like you could, maybe you've

00:32:55.589 --> 00:32:57.950
taken some time away, there's some space that's

00:32:57.950 --> 00:33:01.390
been given and you decide, let's try again. Let's

00:33:01.390 --> 00:33:03.430
try to have this conversation now that there's

00:33:03.430 --> 00:33:05.990
been space, now that there has been time where

00:33:05.990 --> 00:33:09.039
we have been able to remove ourselves from the

00:33:09.039 --> 00:33:13.200
situation, a lot of times, you come back to that

00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:17.920
person, have a conversation, and either you continue

00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:19.799
with the relationship with them, and it's even

00:33:19.799 --> 00:33:21.759
better than it was before because you have this

00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:25.980
new level and deeper understanding and able to

00:33:25.980 --> 00:33:29.640
communicate with each other, or like recently,

00:33:30.599 --> 00:33:34.500
like I've contacted and had people contact me,

00:33:35.639 --> 00:33:39.740
from various stages of my life and have apologized

00:33:39.740 --> 00:33:41.799
to me and I've apologized to them and we've had

00:33:41.799 --> 00:33:45.559
conversations. Some of them I've become friends

00:33:45.559 --> 00:33:47.660
with again and our friendship is even stronger

00:33:47.660 --> 00:33:50.000
and it's that closure was there and it was done,

00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:51.900
we're good now. Like we're not gonna hold that

00:33:51.900 --> 00:33:55.039
over each other's heads anymore. And some of

00:33:55.039 --> 00:33:57.759
them were just like, either I or that person

00:33:57.759 --> 00:33:59.839
left the boundary of I don't wish you any ill

00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:03.220
will, but I... don't really feel like we vibe

00:34:03.220 --> 00:34:04.900
in each other's lives. And then you're like,

00:34:05.019 --> 00:34:07.700
okay, you apologize for your part that harmed

00:34:07.700 --> 00:34:11.880
them, and you part ways. It's really that simple.

00:34:12.079 --> 00:34:14.820
If somebody wants to be negative and nasty to

00:34:14.820 --> 00:34:18.059
you, that's on them. That's not on you for trying

00:34:18.059 --> 00:34:23.380
to be cordial. That's on them. People can paint

00:34:23.380 --> 00:34:27.559
you as the villain in their story. They can make

00:34:27.559 --> 00:34:31.480
any narrative about you that they want. If they're

00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:34.179
not actively trying to understand your side,

00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:36.000
why are you so worried about what they think?

00:34:36.519 --> 00:34:38.039
If they don't, if they're not willing to have

00:34:38.039 --> 00:34:42.340
that conversation with you or be open to understanding

00:34:42.340 --> 00:34:46.679
that you're both people and you both had an experience,

00:34:48.019 --> 00:34:50.760
why are you allowing this person so much rent

00:34:50.760 --> 00:34:55.440
in your head? You know what I mean? So that energy

00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:58.019
should be matched with an understanding of, I

00:34:58.019 --> 00:35:01.489
want to amend things. I wanna talk to you just

00:35:01.489 --> 00:35:03.510
to give you shit and make you feel horrible about

00:35:03.510 --> 00:35:05.929
yourself. No. I'm not entertaining that. I don't

00:35:05.929 --> 00:35:08.469
need that in my life. I'm working on growing

00:35:08.469 --> 00:35:11.309
and bettering myself. If you're only here to

00:35:11.309 --> 00:35:12.869
serve to make yourself feel better for being

00:35:12.869 --> 00:35:16.610
a bully, nope. I'm good. Have a nice life. I

00:35:16.610 --> 00:35:19.389
wish you love and love. Nope. Not doing that.

00:35:20.090 --> 00:35:22.090
And that is just you setting a boundary. That's

00:35:22.090 --> 00:35:24.070
not you being rude. That's not you being, see,

00:35:24.070 --> 00:35:26.570
this person's off. No. You have a right to say

00:35:26.570 --> 00:35:29.769
to somebody, I'm not engaging in this conversation.

00:35:30.480 --> 00:35:33.639
because you are determined to misunderstand me.

00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:37.760
I will not have a conversation with somebody

00:35:37.760 --> 00:35:41.039
who is determined to misunderstand me. I will

00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:44.579
only have a conversation with somebody who wants

00:35:44.579 --> 00:35:51.159
to have a mutual exchange in that conversation.

00:35:53.000 --> 00:35:56.980
And so I'd say with that, that will help with

00:35:56.980 --> 00:36:00.519
the all or nothing mindset, knowing that Is this

00:36:00.519 --> 00:36:03.739
worth it? Are they coming at me in a way that's

00:36:03.739 --> 00:36:06.699
respectful? Even if they're like, oh, I don't

00:36:06.699 --> 00:36:09.440
need to respect you. Yes, you do. Everybody deserves

00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:13.659
to be respected. And it's just one of those things,

00:36:13.699 --> 00:36:15.599
if you're asking for a conversation with me,

00:36:15.619 --> 00:36:18.420
you're trying to engage with me, I expect the

00:36:18.420 --> 00:36:20.519
same respect I would give you back. I know we

00:36:20.519 --> 00:36:23.179
talked about this a little bit privately. I'm

00:36:23.179 --> 00:36:26.519
not sure, but like... giving accountability to

00:36:26.519 --> 00:36:28.639
other people. I think we addressed that a little

00:36:28.639 --> 00:36:31.599
bit in the let them theory, I think. We talked

00:36:31.599 --> 00:36:35.699
about how, whether or not to get involved with

00:36:35.699 --> 00:36:39.519
other people's wrongdoings directed at us. And

00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:42.000
I guess I want to like talk about that a little

00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:46.139
bit just because I feel like we, I guess we addressed

00:36:46.139 --> 00:36:48.980
this so many times this season on the podcast,

00:36:49.019 --> 00:36:52.420
but like the internet culture, it's a very, I

00:36:52.420 --> 00:36:54.840
don't want to say inherently toxic. but it's

00:36:54.840 --> 00:37:00.119
a very vindicative space where you feel like

00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:05.059
if you have the ammunition to give accountability

00:37:05.059 --> 00:37:11.820
to someone else, you have to use it. I feel like

00:37:11.820 --> 00:37:16.079
a lot of people view that ammunition of accountability

00:37:16.079 --> 00:37:19.659
almost again, like you have to use it. Like a

00:37:19.659 --> 00:37:21.440
weapon? Like a weapon, yeah. You have to use

00:37:21.440 --> 00:37:24.380
it as a weapon. You have to use it. or else this

00:37:24.380 --> 00:37:27.159
person will never grow or else they'll harm someone

00:37:27.159 --> 00:37:29.980
else or else or they'll get away with it or they'll

00:37:29.980 --> 00:37:33.159
get away with it. Exactly. Yeah. And I think

00:37:33.159 --> 00:37:38.500
that. A lot of people, myself included, I have

00:37:38.500 --> 00:37:42.480
had that power of accountability where like I

00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:45.679
could hold someone else accountable for their

00:37:45.679 --> 00:37:48.400
wrong doings based on information that I have.

00:37:49.099 --> 00:37:54.570
But because. the internet is so vast, like it's,

00:37:54.570 --> 00:37:59.110
there's really no point. And I want to, I want

00:37:59.110 --> 00:38:01.110
to emphasize that I'm talking about internet

00:38:01.110 --> 00:38:03.170
accountability. I'm not talking about real life

00:38:03.170 --> 00:38:07.829
accountability. That's very different. Yep. Because

00:38:07.829 --> 00:38:10.590
when real life accountability, like in the workplace,

00:38:11.309 --> 00:38:14.869
among real life friends, basically if you are

00:38:14.869 --> 00:38:18.710
in a relationship with somebody, like friendship,

00:38:19.230 --> 00:38:23.289
partner, romance, whatever. work, like if you

00:38:23.289 --> 00:38:26.150
are in a real person, a real life relationship

00:38:26.150 --> 00:38:29.949
with somebody that can't be severed with just

00:38:29.949 --> 00:38:33.170
a block button, you have to use that accountability

00:38:33.170 --> 00:38:37.309
or any kind of info you have to bring accountability

00:38:37.309 --> 00:38:40.570
to that person. I feel like that's a very hard

00:38:40.570 --> 00:38:43.630
rule, at least in my opinion, that you, that

00:38:43.630 --> 00:38:46.610
people need to do. Online accountability, however,

00:38:46.920 --> 00:38:49.659
It's a little wishy -washy because the internet

00:38:49.659 --> 00:38:55.599
is so fixated on any wrongdoing anyone ever does.

00:38:56.519 --> 00:38:59.460
There's a lot of he -said, she -said, they -said.

00:38:59.739 --> 00:39:03.400
There's a lot of missing information. It's not

00:39:03.400 --> 00:39:06.179
as black and white. It's not as black and white,

00:39:06.340 --> 00:39:08.900
but if a lot of people feel like, oh, I have

00:39:08.900 --> 00:39:10.619
that missing information, I should put it out

00:39:10.619 --> 00:39:14.239
there. A lot of the times I feel like, because

00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:18.679
I've seen a lot of YouTubers that have been around

00:39:18.679 --> 00:39:21.820
controversy or have experienced controversy,

00:39:22.420 --> 00:39:25.159
give this advice many times when it comes to

00:39:25.159 --> 00:39:28.260
analyzing apology videos or whatever, is to just

00:39:28.260 --> 00:39:35.059
not bring it up. Especially when it's something

00:39:35.059 --> 00:39:38.559
minor, like this stealing and editing style.

00:39:39.400 --> 00:39:41.840
Feeling an art style like something minor where

00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:44.820
it's just in the end. It was solved It does not

00:39:44.820 --> 00:39:47.400
need to be addressed or it's so minor that doesn't

00:39:47.400 --> 00:39:50.119
matter and a lot of people will be like, oh I

00:39:50.119 --> 00:39:52.780
have the other side of the story. I'll Put it

00:39:52.780 --> 00:39:57.420
out there. I'll make it better But a lot of these

00:39:57.420 --> 00:39:59.880
youtubers are like no that makes it worse you're

00:39:59.880 --> 00:40:02.079
adding to the conversation you're digging more

00:40:02.079 --> 00:40:07.380
animation and Munition to the opposing side.

00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:11.980
It's very much like a court case almost for his

00:40:11.980 --> 00:40:16.800
two lawyers on opposite sides. No, don't say

00:40:16.800 --> 00:40:18.940
anything because then I have to give it to the

00:40:18.940 --> 00:40:21.760
other guy. Whereas - Just wobble back and forth

00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:25.199
and then it gets so lost in translation after

00:40:25.199 --> 00:40:29.099
a while that it would just be easier to just

00:40:29.099 --> 00:40:32.000
be like, okay, you know what, just going to drop

00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:36.219
it. Life. Things will work out the way that they

00:40:36.219 --> 00:40:38.320
are meant to work out. That's something that

00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:40.900
spiritually I do believe in. I believe that karma

00:40:40.900 --> 00:40:44.579
has kicked my ass a lot and probably still will

00:40:44.579 --> 00:40:46.880
for stupid things I did when I was younger. There's

00:40:46.880 --> 00:40:50.159
no time limit. Karma is not going to play favorites

00:40:50.159 --> 00:40:53.699
and you will be served karma at any point in

00:40:53.699 --> 00:40:55.940
your life that karma feels it's necessary. You

00:40:55.940 --> 00:40:58.559
know what I mean? So it's something that we all

00:40:58.559 --> 00:41:00.800
have to accept and it's something that we all

00:41:00.800 --> 00:41:03.210
have to deal with is that We're all going to

00:41:03.210 --> 00:41:05.250
do things and make mistakes and do things and

00:41:05.250 --> 00:41:07.670
then be like, ah, man, I put a video on the Internet

00:41:07.670 --> 00:41:10.570
and now I maybe it won't ever go away. And now

00:41:10.570 --> 00:41:12.789
I can't take back what I said, even if I resolve

00:41:12.789 --> 00:41:16.630
it with this person. Now there's that. I like

00:41:16.630 --> 00:41:18.349
we're talking about the drama channels that we

00:41:18.349 --> 00:41:22.690
spoke about this season was once you start down

00:41:22.690 --> 00:41:28.050
that road, it's a slippery slope. Yes. And you

00:41:28.050 --> 00:41:31.489
brand yourself as like this person who is just

00:41:32.099 --> 00:41:35.280
talking shit about other people or spreading

00:41:35.280 --> 00:41:39.360
negativity. I can understand why they think that

00:41:39.360 --> 00:41:43.219
they're reporting on the news, but it's, again,

00:41:43.219 --> 00:41:45.400
on the internet, there are so many things that

00:41:45.400 --> 00:41:48.039
we don't know. There are so many things taken

00:41:48.039 --> 00:41:50.320
out of context. There are so many assumptions

00:41:50.320 --> 00:41:55.460
being made. And we are not lawyers. This is not

00:41:55.460 --> 00:41:58.289
a court case. It's one of those things where

00:41:58.289 --> 00:42:00.590
I feel like the internet amplifies things to

00:42:00.590 --> 00:42:03.130
a point where it just, it's not that serious.

00:42:03.349 --> 00:42:06.610
And sometimes it is. And if it is, then that

00:42:06.610 --> 00:42:10.449
usually or should usually go to like real life.

00:42:10.929 --> 00:42:16.570
But yeah, for example, like somebody sending

00:42:16.570 --> 00:42:19.630
hateful things to somebody based on a video they

00:42:19.630 --> 00:42:21.829
saw, but they have no context. Don't do that.

00:42:22.849 --> 00:42:26.590
Don't be the person that sends hate. to people

00:42:26.590 --> 00:42:29.289
just because you saw a video and you're immediately

00:42:29.289 --> 00:42:32.429
jumping on the hate wagon. Think for yourself.

00:42:32.829 --> 00:42:35.409
You need to, as a person, if you feel like you're

00:42:35.409 --> 00:42:37.809
a grown person who can take accountability staying

00:42:37.809 --> 00:42:41.969
on topic, like you should be able to observe

00:42:41.969 --> 00:42:47.550
in situations and figure out for yourself if

00:42:47.550 --> 00:42:50.170
you agree with the situation or not. And if you

00:42:50.170 --> 00:42:51.909
don't and people are like, oh, I'm going to outcast

00:42:51.909 --> 00:42:55.610
you. Okay. Would you rather be outcasted by people

00:42:55.610 --> 00:42:58.710
who are toxic to you or stay in a relationship

00:42:58.710 --> 00:43:02.030
with people who you feel like you're going against

00:43:02.030 --> 00:43:04.409
your own morals or you're giving into something

00:43:04.409 --> 00:43:07.750
that you feel is wrong, just to appease people

00:43:07.750 --> 00:43:11.650
and have friends? Those are not friends. If people

00:43:11.650 --> 00:43:14.789
are not willing to hear your side and communicate

00:43:14.789 --> 00:43:17.230
with you and have open discussions, then you're

00:43:17.230 --> 00:43:20.190
not really in a true friendship. Because true

00:43:20.190 --> 00:43:22.909
friendship and true relationships in general

00:43:22.909 --> 00:43:25.469
are based on communication and understanding

00:43:25.469 --> 00:43:28.630
and meeting each other halfway and having that

00:43:28.630 --> 00:43:32.070
middle ground. There shouldn't be a power dynamic

00:43:32.070 --> 00:43:36.929
in that. So being friends with somebody because

00:43:36.929 --> 00:43:39.150
you're afraid that they're gonna take what you

00:43:39.150 --> 00:43:41.230
say the wrong way or they're gonna cancel you

00:43:41.230 --> 00:43:43.050
or they're gonna do that's a power imbalance.

00:43:44.489 --> 00:43:47.110
That's very clearly not a healthy relationship

00:43:47.110 --> 00:43:51.619
for you to be in. Yeah. So these are all things

00:43:51.619 --> 00:43:54.039
that you need to think about when it comes to

00:43:54.039 --> 00:43:58.519
these relationships. And you should always do

00:43:58.519 --> 00:44:03.980
what is best for you. I, coming from a place

00:44:03.980 --> 00:44:07.239
of being an absolute doormat for most of my life,

00:44:08.199 --> 00:44:11.199
it's not selfish to have boundaries. And it's

00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:15.940
not selfish or mean to say, actually, I don't

00:44:15.940 --> 00:44:17.980
deserve you speaking to me that way. Please don't

00:44:17.980 --> 00:44:20.099
talk to me that way. There's nothing wrong with

00:44:20.099 --> 00:44:25.019
that. And if people take it as you being a jerk

00:44:25.019 --> 00:44:29.679
or whatever, that's a reflection on them. A lot

00:44:29.679 --> 00:44:32.000
of people's reactions and actions towards you

00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:34.900
are a reflection of what they're going through

00:44:34.900 --> 00:44:38.599
and how they feel about themselves inside. You

00:44:38.599 --> 00:44:41.739
hear it a lot, but it's absolutely true. If you

00:44:41.739 --> 00:44:44.039
are comfortable and confident within yourself,

00:44:44.880 --> 00:44:47.079
most of the time you don't feel the need to tear

00:44:47.079 --> 00:44:51.769
other people down. If you're truly comfortable

00:44:51.769 --> 00:44:54.170
with yourself and you know yourself and you have

00:44:54.170 --> 00:44:57.550
done the work on yourself, you don't feel the

00:44:57.550 --> 00:45:00.150
need to tear other people down because they made

00:45:00.150 --> 00:45:03.690
a comment about you or they spread a rumor about

00:45:03.690 --> 00:45:07.869
you or somebody gave you a look. Like, your life

00:45:07.869 --> 00:45:10.289
is so much more than that. We got bills to pay.

00:45:10.730 --> 00:45:14.469
The world is going to shit. It's just... There

00:45:14.469 --> 00:45:18.510
is so much more to worry about and to work on

00:45:18.510 --> 00:45:22.630
and focus on in our lives than somebody posted

00:45:22.630 --> 00:45:25.750
a comment about me on Twitter. Like literally

00:45:25.750 --> 00:45:32.750
no. I feel like when you get out of the house

00:45:32.750 --> 00:45:35.650
and you go to work or you go volunteer or you

00:45:35.650 --> 00:45:39.489
do anything and you detach, that's really important

00:45:39.489 --> 00:45:43.150
too. Like my wife Amanda and I have been It's

00:45:43.150 --> 00:45:44.969
been very difficult financially, which is why

00:45:44.969 --> 00:45:47.170
we haven't gone on a honeymoon yet, but we would

00:45:47.170 --> 00:45:51.369
love to. We have different ideas, but our whole

00:45:51.369 --> 00:45:53.570
thing for our honeymoon is we want to go on our

00:45:53.570 --> 00:45:57.849
honeymoon and leave our phones and everything

00:45:57.849 --> 00:46:02.289
in the hotel room. Yeah. or have them off and

00:46:02.289 --> 00:46:04.670
only have a check -in to make sure, hey, how

00:46:04.670 --> 00:46:06.969
are the dogs doing at home? Like maybe every

00:46:06.969 --> 00:46:10.050
couple hours, how is everything? Detaching from

00:46:10.050 --> 00:46:12.090
the internet and living life the way that we

00:46:12.090 --> 00:46:14.889
did before the internet became such a huge thing,

00:46:15.349 --> 00:46:18.630
where we had to talk to people. And if we had

00:46:18.630 --> 00:46:21.409
a problem with them, we went in person and spoke

00:46:21.409 --> 00:46:24.489
to them face to face. Or we wrote like a letter

00:46:24.489 --> 00:46:27.519
or we called them like... The internet has made

00:46:27.519 --> 00:46:29.860
it so much easier to not take accountability

00:46:29.860 --> 00:46:34.039
and not grow and just be behind a screen because

00:46:34.039 --> 00:46:36.860
you're safe there and nobody can confront you.

00:46:37.360 --> 00:46:39.519
And if they do, it's just behind the screen.

00:46:39.539 --> 00:46:41.559
So you can do whatever you can do or say whatever

00:46:41.559 --> 00:46:47.159
you want. But the world, even online has become

00:46:47.159 --> 00:46:51.559
more, I feel dangerous for everybody involved

00:46:51.559 --> 00:46:54.489
just. because of the sheer toxicity that's around.

00:46:54.630 --> 00:46:58.690
And that makes it harder for people to self -reflect

00:46:58.690 --> 00:47:02.670
and grow and take accountability for things because

00:47:02.670 --> 00:47:05.570
there are so many people who don't do their own

00:47:05.570 --> 00:47:10.070
research or don't think about things through.

00:47:10.190 --> 00:47:12.530
And they only think about, I saw this one thing,

00:47:12.590 --> 00:47:16.110
so therefore I'm on this bandwagon. And that

00:47:16.110 --> 00:47:21.239
is a very troubling mindset to have. and it stalls

00:47:21.239 --> 00:47:24.159
any progression you're gonna do on yourself.

00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:28.019
And the reason I want people to work on themselves,

00:47:28.300 --> 00:47:30.639
like I have worked on myself and I continue to

00:47:30.639 --> 00:47:36.920
do. It's so much more freeing when you know yourself

00:47:36.920 --> 00:47:41.969
better and you're not living to... Put a mask

00:47:41.969 --> 00:47:44.909
on for other people or living to appease other

00:47:44.909 --> 00:47:47.269
people or what they think you are who they think

00:47:47.269 --> 00:47:51.010
you need to be it is more There's more peace

00:47:51.010 --> 00:47:53.449
internally. There's more happiness. There's less

00:47:53.449 --> 00:47:58.489
stress like it just your body chemistry changes

00:47:58.489 --> 00:48:02.710
when you feel like You're more of a rounded person

00:48:02.710 --> 00:48:06.349
who can say and reflect on, oh, yeah, I shouldn't

00:48:06.349 --> 00:48:08.269
have said that. Oh, I shouldn't have done that.

00:48:08.389 --> 00:48:10.409
Or somebody says, hey, you said this instead

00:48:10.409 --> 00:48:12.929
of going, no, I didn't. Or that's not what I

00:48:12.929 --> 00:48:16.409
meant. Yeah. That defense, like that immediate

00:48:16.409 --> 00:48:19.329
defense, which, I mean, I'm still guilty of doing,

00:48:19.449 --> 00:48:22.309
and it takes a long time to unlearn those habits.

00:48:22.909 --> 00:48:26.150
But being cognizant of them is the first step

00:48:26.150 --> 00:48:29.429
of saying, I get defensive when I'm in a mode.

00:48:29.610 --> 00:48:31.989
Knowing that's your first step to working on

00:48:31.989 --> 00:48:36.039
that problem. And I also want to add in there

00:48:36.039 --> 00:48:40.199
is for those who are on the receiving end of

00:48:40.199 --> 00:48:42.320
someone else's growth, you're being apologized

00:48:42.320 --> 00:48:46.320
to or they're realizing what a terrible person

00:48:46.320 --> 00:48:50.099
they are. Don't use that as an opportunity for

00:48:50.099 --> 00:48:53.800
revenge or petty or anything like that. It's

00:48:53.800 --> 00:48:58.960
a strong urge. It's very easy to just be like,

00:48:59.159 --> 00:49:01.699
I told you so, motherfucker. It's not, you know

00:49:01.699 --> 00:49:06.420
what? What comes to mind for me is the growth

00:49:06.420 --> 00:49:10.059
with this current political climate in the US.

00:49:10.260 --> 00:49:12.840
A lot of people who have voted for Trump are

00:49:12.840 --> 00:49:15.780
changing their minds. They are realizing. that

00:49:15.780 --> 00:49:18.800
they made a huge mistake and at the consequences

00:49:18.800 --> 00:49:22.739
the entire nation and the entire world is going

00:49:22.739 --> 00:49:26.659
to shit. And some of these people that go to

00:49:26.659 --> 00:49:28.900
the people who make those mistakes and admit,

00:49:29.199 --> 00:49:32.460
hey, I really fucked that up. And they go, yeah,

00:49:32.699 --> 00:49:35.079
duh. And it's, you're not helpful. You're not

00:49:35.079 --> 00:49:40.619
being helpful. You are punishing them for having

00:49:40.619 --> 00:49:43.949
growth. You are punishing them for. realizing

00:49:43.949 --> 00:49:46.409
their mistakes and owning up to the mistake that

00:49:46.409 --> 00:49:50.469
they made. A lot of people, especially young

00:49:50.469 --> 00:49:54.289
people, grow up in Republican families and they

00:49:54.289 --> 00:49:56.889
don't realize how wrong it is until they go out

00:49:56.889 --> 00:49:58.929
into the world and they go to college or they

00:49:58.929 --> 00:50:02.190
go to trade school or they just go to work for

00:50:02.190 --> 00:50:04.210
the first time and they're not in their parents'

00:50:04.309 --> 00:50:06.610
home and they have roommates that are different

00:50:06.610 --> 00:50:10.610
than them. That's when they realize, oh, the

00:50:10.610 --> 00:50:13.719
world is so much bigger than that. It's so much

00:50:13.719 --> 00:50:16.280
bigger than my traditional family and my traditional

00:50:16.280 --> 00:50:19.320
views and the hate that I was raised in. That's

00:50:19.320 --> 00:50:24.940
so hard. That is so hard. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of

00:50:24.940 --> 00:50:27.199
people, I'm glad they had that growth. I'm glad

00:50:27.199 --> 00:50:29.719
they're able to get out, but sometimes it takes

00:50:29.719 --> 00:50:33.119
that huge realization of, oh, the consequences

00:50:33.119 --> 00:50:36.300
of my actions. What do we do now to fix it? Instead

00:50:36.300 --> 00:50:38.079
of, yeah, I told you so. I'm going to beat you

00:50:38.079 --> 00:50:41.219
down for it. It's too late now. No. What are

00:50:41.219 --> 00:50:43.429
we going to do to fix it? Yeah. That's when you

00:50:43.429 --> 00:50:45.369
offer the hand and you're like, I'm so glad we're

00:50:45.369 --> 00:50:47.630
on the same side right now. Grab a sign. We're

00:50:47.630 --> 00:50:49.889
going to go protest. Like it's not that I would

00:50:49.889 --> 00:50:53.449
be protesting. No. To the cops that are hearing.

00:50:54.349 --> 00:50:56.869
I'm not doing that. FBI Liz is part of the 20

00:50:56.869 --> 00:50:59.170
viewers we have. One of them is FBI. I swear

00:50:59.170 --> 00:51:03.349
to God. I swear to God, I know it's you. To our

00:51:03.349 --> 00:51:05.469
20 viewers, most of them are cops. I'm kidding.

00:51:07.590 --> 00:51:10.579
Not that I'm Lee. Honestly, that would be so

00:51:10.579 --> 00:51:13.039
funny. I'd be like, thank you. Thank you so much.

00:51:15.679 --> 00:51:19.300
No, I'm totally not ACAV. Who said that? What?

00:51:19.380 --> 00:51:22.260
But that's within two is it's like, as soon as

00:51:22.260 --> 00:51:26.019
you started mentioning that, I posted a video

00:51:26.019 --> 00:51:29.059
on TikTok of me the other day because I was just

00:51:29.059 --> 00:51:32.260
broken. I was broken down because my family voted

00:51:32.260 --> 00:51:35.940
red and they're still backing that decision.

00:51:36.820 --> 00:51:42.409
I just... I was so broken because I love my family,

00:51:43.110 --> 00:51:45.110
especially my dad. My dad has always been my

00:51:45.110 --> 00:51:48.190
best friend. He's always been somebody with such

00:51:48.190 --> 00:51:53.409
a big golden heart that now it's like, how can

00:51:53.409 --> 00:51:55.889
you see everything that's happening and still

00:51:55.889 --> 00:51:58.750
back up your decision and say that when I bring

00:51:58.750 --> 00:52:03.360
you facts, it's propaganda? And it just... I

00:52:03.360 --> 00:52:05.099
broke down and it wasn't because I was like,

00:52:05.119 --> 00:52:08.239
okay, mandatory crying TikTok video. It literally

00:52:08.239 --> 00:52:11.559
was just me saying like, how do you love somebody

00:52:11.559 --> 00:52:16.380
who is actively making choices that harm you

00:52:16.380 --> 00:52:19.300
and your community and the people around you?

00:52:19.420 --> 00:52:23.900
How do you still love them? Because people made

00:52:23.900 --> 00:52:26.079
comments about, he's not the same man. He's a

00:52:26.079 --> 00:52:28.159
horrible human being now. He doesn't, he's never

00:52:28.159 --> 00:52:29.980
loved you. He's never supported you. And I'm

00:52:29.980 --> 00:52:34.050
like, okay. Yeah, then that's not how that works.

00:52:34.409 --> 00:52:37.230
That's the thing is I know he loves me. I know

00:52:37.230 --> 00:52:42.309
they love me. Yeah. But it's a huge difference

00:52:42.309 --> 00:52:45.750
in opinion. And there's a lot of people who claim

00:52:45.750 --> 00:52:47.250
it's, I'm not going to go into politics because

00:52:47.250 --> 00:52:49.170
I don't understand politics. I'm not a person

00:52:49.170 --> 00:52:53.250
who can debate on politics. Yeah. I simply see

00:52:53.250 --> 00:52:55.449
what I see and experience what I experience.

00:52:55.969 --> 00:52:59.590
And for that, it was just hard because in my

00:52:59.590 --> 00:53:04.010
brain, I was like, I don't want this to tear

00:53:04.010 --> 00:53:07.510
me away from my dad or my family, but it might.

00:53:08.449 --> 00:53:14.550
And that alone is really upsetting. It's heartbreaking.

00:53:15.309 --> 00:53:17.130
And people who are just like, they never loved

00:53:17.130 --> 00:53:19.849
you. I'm like, don't like that. That doesn't

00:53:19.849 --> 00:53:23.309
help. And they're like, he's no longer the same

00:53:23.309 --> 00:53:26.179
man. These things of making it so extreme where

00:53:26.179 --> 00:53:27.920
it's like, I understand where they're coming

00:53:27.920 --> 00:53:31.300
from. Absolutely. Because I'm pissed the fuck

00:53:31.300 --> 00:53:34.500
off at what has happening right now too. And

00:53:34.500 --> 00:53:37.639
that's why I was in so much emotional pain because

00:53:37.639 --> 00:53:40.239
I was like, how do I navigate this? What do I

00:53:40.239 --> 00:53:44.840
do? Like, I love my family so much and yet this

00:53:44.840 --> 00:53:47.860
is what they're doing? And I know the response

00:53:47.860 --> 00:53:51.699
is cut family off. And it just, that's so heartbreaking

00:53:51.699 --> 00:53:54.360
for me to think about. And then people think

00:53:54.360 --> 00:53:56.500
or like trying to be like, oh, this is whatever.

00:53:56.679 --> 00:53:59.980
I'm like, that's not the, that's not the advice

00:53:59.980 --> 00:54:02.320
I'm looking for. I'm not looking for you to tell

00:54:02.320 --> 00:54:08.099
me and tear my family down. It's more on a moral

00:54:08.099 --> 00:54:11.980
level. Do people also feel this way? Do people

00:54:11.980 --> 00:54:15.760
also feel like they're in the situation where

00:54:15.760 --> 00:54:19.139
you've grown up with this family that loves you

00:54:19.139 --> 00:54:22.960
and supports you and Outside of politics are

00:54:22.960 --> 00:54:28.079
amazing people. Yeah. That one factor, that one

00:54:28.079 --> 00:54:30.300
factor, which is a huge factor, don't get me

00:54:30.300 --> 00:54:34.039
wrong, but that's what makes it so difficult.

00:54:34.619 --> 00:54:37.420
And that's why it was so gut wrenching for me

00:54:37.420 --> 00:54:40.420
to talk about. And I just, most of the time just

00:54:40.420 --> 00:54:43.860
was like staring off into space because... I

00:54:43.860 --> 00:54:47.239
was still traumatized in the video, and I wanted

00:54:47.239 --> 00:54:50.199
it to be very raw and real for the people that

00:54:50.199 --> 00:54:54.360
watched it to be like, if you're feeling as confused

00:54:54.360 --> 00:54:59.179
and as angry and as upset as I am, you can talk

00:54:59.179 --> 00:55:01.239
to me, leave it in the comments. And there was

00:55:01.239 --> 00:55:04.679
so much support. There were some mean comments,

00:55:04.840 --> 00:55:08.940
but I would say 99 .9999 % of the comments on

00:55:08.940 --> 00:55:11.119
that video were so supportive and wonderful.

00:55:12.409 --> 00:55:15.130
We're people in the same boat. Like it is really

00:55:15.130 --> 00:55:18.349
difficult to still have love for somebody whose

00:55:18.349 --> 00:55:23.809
decisions and behaviors and choices are directly

00:55:23.809 --> 00:55:27.570
impacting your life and this in the country that

00:55:27.570 --> 00:55:30.429
you live in. And it's just, it's terrifying.

00:55:31.489 --> 00:55:35.130
So they don't want to do anything. Yeah, they

00:55:35.130 --> 00:55:37.050
don't. And it's one of those things where it's

00:55:37.050 --> 00:55:39.710
like you can't force them to grow. You can't

00:55:39.710 --> 00:55:43.900
force them to change. and you have to, for your

00:55:43.900 --> 00:55:47.760
own mental health, just be like, okay, you can't

00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:51.820
force people to grow like with my mom, her sister,

00:55:51.820 --> 00:55:54.099
and her dad. Because I use her as an example,

00:55:54.219 --> 00:55:55.920
even though they're my aunt and my grandfather,

00:55:56.019 --> 00:55:58.739
she's obviously way closer to them and lives

00:55:58.739 --> 00:56:03.039
near them anyway. But for my mom, she has me,

00:56:03.480 --> 00:56:07.760
a trans man as her kid. And so many times when

00:56:07.760 --> 00:56:10.860
she's had conversations with my aunt, and for

00:56:10.860 --> 00:56:15.059
dad, she uses me as, and I give her permission

00:56:15.059 --> 00:56:19.340
to, uses me as like an emotional reaction almost,

00:56:19.340 --> 00:56:21.760
trying to wake them up where it's like, Gabe

00:56:21.760 --> 00:56:24.579
can't have a driver's license right now. Gabe

00:56:24.579 --> 00:56:28.139
can't go to healthcare. Gabe can be turned away

00:56:28.139 --> 00:56:31.940
at a doctor's office because of who he is. How

00:56:31.940 --> 00:56:34.460
are you not upset about this? How do you not

00:56:34.460 --> 00:56:39.780
understand I, as a mother, have to watch my child

00:56:39.800 --> 00:56:42.519
go through all these struggles and you feel nothing.

00:56:42.599 --> 00:56:45.599
This is your grandchild, too. This is your nephew.

00:56:46.719 --> 00:56:50.599
And you're okay with what's going on. And she

00:56:50.599 --> 00:56:52.800
continues to have this conversation to the point

00:56:52.800 --> 00:56:57.320
where I have recently been like, Mom, you got

00:56:57.320 --> 00:57:00.460
to stop talking to these people because there's

00:57:00.460 --> 00:57:02.920
no way that she's going to get into them. I give

00:57:02.920 --> 00:57:05.480
them so much credit, though. Yeah. Hell yeah,

00:57:05.559 --> 00:57:08.530
all there. I love my mom for that. But yeah,

00:57:08.550 --> 00:57:12.090
she because when they when Donald Trump won,

00:57:12.969 --> 00:57:15.630
I and my mom had a call about it. And now at

00:57:15.630 --> 00:57:18.730
that moment, I was like, I'm cutting off everyone

00:57:18.730 --> 00:57:21.349
in the family that has voted for him. Yeah, that

00:57:21.349 --> 00:57:25.250
was just like my decision. Hey, I told her I

00:57:25.250 --> 00:57:28.190
told my brother, hey, you can have whatever relationship

00:57:28.190 --> 00:57:30.530
you want with those people. But if they're in

00:57:30.530 --> 00:57:32.809
the room, I'm not going to be there. Like I'm

00:57:32.809 --> 00:57:35.159
that's my choice. That's I'm going to avoid them

00:57:35.159 --> 00:57:38.519
as much as I can, that kind of thing. For a while,

00:57:38.639 --> 00:57:42.119
my mom still was pretty neutral with her family,

00:57:42.139 --> 00:57:45.340
but a few months ago, I want to say it is when

00:57:45.340 --> 00:57:47.079
she was just like, yeah, I'm cutting them off

00:57:47.079 --> 00:57:49.780
too. I'm not cutting off, but definitely being

00:57:49.780 --> 00:57:51.800
like, I'm not hanging out with them anymore.

00:57:52.380 --> 00:57:57.480
She hasn't seen her dad since, I think, his birthday

00:57:57.480 --> 00:57:59.860
a few months ago when she forced to be there.

00:58:01.720 --> 00:58:04.840
you can't make people change, you can't make

00:58:04.840 --> 00:58:08.260
them grow, and you have to just be okay with

00:58:08.260 --> 00:58:15.380
it. That's the worst part is you have to be okay

00:58:15.380 --> 00:58:18.199
with it. It's bringing tears to my eyes just

00:58:18.199 --> 00:58:23.260
thinking about it. As you said, I've told you

00:58:23.260 --> 00:58:27.039
this privately, but my grandfather was the first

00:58:27.039 --> 00:58:31.079
person to openly accept me from my extended family.

00:58:31.309 --> 00:58:36.630
as being trans. I was barely out. It was my first

00:58:36.630 --> 00:58:40.150
family gathering since I was been out. He made

00:58:40.150 --> 00:58:43.849
sure I was comfortable. He made sure everyone

00:58:43.849 --> 00:58:49.409
knew my preferred name. In the same heart -wrenching

00:58:49.409 --> 00:58:54.409
way, this is the same man that voted a felon

00:58:54.409 --> 00:58:59.489
into office that now doesn't want me around.

00:59:00.409 --> 00:59:04.190
I totally understand and I'm sure everyone understands

00:59:04.190 --> 00:59:12.170
how gut -wrenching this is. They can't take accountability

00:59:12.170 --> 00:59:15.250
for their actions if they don't want to. They

00:59:15.250 --> 00:59:18.289
can't make growth if they don't want to. The

00:59:18.289 --> 00:59:22.210
most that you can do is make sure you never end

00:59:22.210 --> 00:59:25.849
up like that. I never want to be like my grandfather

00:59:25.849 --> 00:59:30.760
where I would love and accept children in my

00:59:30.760 --> 00:59:33.659
life and then turn around and harm them. That's

00:59:33.659 --> 00:59:36.199
something that I will never do. That is something

00:59:36.199 --> 00:59:39.119
that I have learned. That is something that I

00:59:39.119 --> 00:59:41.619
will never do. And it sucks that I had to learn

00:59:41.619 --> 00:59:47.380
it from him, of all people, but now I'm aware.

00:59:47.599 --> 00:59:51.239
Now I'm like, no, not going to happen on my watch.

00:59:51.480 --> 00:59:56.250
I'm cutting this shit short. It's a lot, but

00:59:56.250 --> 00:59:59.070
I think in closing because we covered quite a

00:59:59.070 --> 01:00:02.210
bit today. No, we did. Yeah, it's a lot It's

01:00:02.210 --> 01:00:06.130
a lot to be human. It's a lot to be human around

01:00:06.130 --> 01:00:09.690
other humans and not share the exact same brain

01:00:09.690 --> 01:00:13.630
cells and thoughts and morals and It's frustrating

01:00:13.630 --> 01:00:17.289
and it's hard the only way that we can come together

01:00:17.289 --> 01:00:23.019
as people and have more peace is having more

01:00:23.019 --> 01:00:26.559
communication and understanding on all sides.

01:00:27.059 --> 01:00:29.480
And I know that's hard. I know that situations

01:00:29.480 --> 01:00:34.739
are different. And I would say try to, my advice

01:00:34.739 --> 01:00:37.300
for our closing of season one, give yourself

01:00:37.300 --> 01:00:42.679
grace. Know that you are human. You're going

01:00:42.679 --> 01:00:45.219
to make mistakes. You have flaws. That doesn't

01:00:45.219 --> 01:00:47.679
make you a bad person. It doesn't make you horrible.

01:00:48.519 --> 01:00:52.099
You need to be able to look within yourself and

01:00:52.099 --> 01:00:56.420
work on the things that could be harmful to yourself

01:00:56.420 --> 01:01:00.480
or others and acknowledge those things, work

01:01:00.480 --> 01:01:04.760
on them, allow yourself to grow and feel those

01:01:04.760 --> 01:01:07.639
moments of, I don't like that I did that, I feel

01:01:07.639 --> 01:01:11.840
bad. You have to feel those emotions, otherwise

01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:16.840
you're not learning from it. there's a difference

01:01:16.840 --> 01:01:20.420
between feeling those emotions and reveling in

01:01:20.420 --> 01:01:22.400
those emotions and just being like, this is my

01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:26.500
new identity. Your mistakes are not your identity.

01:01:27.360 --> 01:01:30.840
You are allowed to grow and evolve as a person.

01:01:30.980 --> 01:01:34.619
You are allowed to make changes to who you are.

01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:37.480
You may have had thoughts 10 years ago that you

01:01:37.480 --> 01:01:41.260
no longer think now. People are always growing

01:01:41.260 --> 01:01:43.699
and changing. So if people want to consistently

01:01:43.699 --> 01:01:49.429
hold things against you, Let them and know that

01:01:49.429 --> 01:01:51.630
it's a reflection on them and not. You are doing

01:01:51.630 --> 01:01:56.050
everything you can with the cards that you were

01:01:56.050 --> 01:01:59.769
dealt by the universe. And that's all you can

01:01:59.769 --> 01:02:05.389
do. So I would say for me, make sure that you

01:02:05.389 --> 01:02:08.110
are talking to your support group. If you can

01:02:08.110 --> 01:02:10.570
go to therapy, I highly recommend it. Even for

01:02:10.570 --> 01:02:14.949
small conversations, it helps. Do something every

01:02:14.949 --> 01:02:18.269
day to try to better yourself or challenge your

01:02:18.269 --> 01:02:21.449
way of thinking every day. That helps a lot.

01:02:22.250 --> 01:02:24.130
What about you Gabe? What are your final thoughts?

01:02:24.909 --> 01:02:28.829
My final thoughts is there's already so much

01:02:28.829 --> 01:02:33.710
negativity and hate and bad things around us

01:02:33.710 --> 01:02:37.449
already that you should give yourself love and

01:02:37.449 --> 01:02:43.420
patience and forgiveness for your mistakes. give

01:02:43.420 --> 01:02:47.820
yourself the room to grow. I know it feels very

01:02:47.820 --> 01:02:51.179
easy to feel nihilistic right now, but you've

01:02:51.179 --> 01:02:54.719
got to stay alive. You got to stay safe. You

01:02:54.719 --> 01:02:58.679
got to stay here because there is going to be

01:02:58.679 --> 01:03:03.460
room for you. This too will pass. Just like it

01:03:03.460 --> 01:03:07.179
has before because God has it have before, but

01:03:07.179 --> 01:03:10.800
this too will pass and we can only hope that

01:03:10.800 --> 01:03:15.329
we We grow and we learn and we hold each other

01:03:15.329 --> 01:03:18.590
and ourselves accountable for what's going on

01:03:18.590 --> 01:03:21.030
around us, for what we're doing to ourselves

01:03:21.030 --> 01:03:23.769
and our community around us, what we're doing

01:03:23.769 --> 01:03:31.210
for our community, and just stay off the internet

01:03:31.210 --> 01:03:34.550
if you can help it. Not going to help you. Not

01:03:34.550 --> 01:03:36.329
going to help you to see all that all the time.

01:03:36.530 --> 01:03:39.969
Take a break from the news. Just sit down. Go

01:03:39.969 --> 01:03:44.409
outside. Touch some grass, go for a walk, breathe.

01:03:44.550 --> 01:03:47.489
I know it's hottest. Better yet, roll in the

01:03:47.489 --> 01:03:50.650
grass. Roll in the grass. Roll in the grass in

01:03:50.650 --> 01:03:53.230
90 degree weather with a water bottle on hand.

01:03:53.750 --> 01:03:57.730
Gabe, I'm sweating so much right now. If you

01:03:57.730 --> 01:04:00.409
do go outside, know the signs of heat stroke,

01:04:00.989 --> 01:04:04.730
carry two water bottles if you can, and carry

01:04:04.730 --> 01:04:09.329
a buddy with you. There's so much more to life

01:04:09.329 --> 01:04:12.210
than what's on the internet to what's on the

01:04:12.210 --> 01:04:15.849
news that obviously you shouldn't ignore everything,

01:04:15.929 --> 01:04:19.949
but you should allow yourself breaks. Just like

01:04:19.949 --> 01:04:22.369
how you take breaks from studying, how you have

01:04:22.369 --> 01:04:26.590
breaks on work. Give yourself a break from all

01:04:26.590 --> 01:04:30.250
that you see and take a breath. You're going

01:04:30.250 --> 01:04:33.710
to be okay. We're going to be okay. I'm going

01:04:33.710 --> 01:04:35.730
to hold your hand right now. We're going to be

01:04:35.730 --> 01:04:38.070
okay. We should all take a deep breath, ready?

01:04:38.230 --> 01:04:45.309
We're gonna deep breath. And exhale. We're all

01:04:45.309 --> 01:04:49.070
gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay. We are all

01:04:49.070 --> 01:04:52.050
here and you are free to reach out in the comments

01:04:52.050 --> 01:04:56.570
and I will respond. Gabe has mentioned your social

01:04:56.570 --> 01:04:59.550
media, your YouTube. You can follow me pretty

01:04:59.550 --> 01:05:02.980
much on all socials except for... I don't think

01:05:02.980 --> 01:05:06.280
I have an ex anymore for reasons, but Song of

01:05:06.280 --> 01:05:09.639
Rain pretty much everywhere. I'm very active

01:05:09.639 --> 01:05:12.880
on my TikTok if you want to chat there. If you

01:05:12.880 --> 01:05:15.139
want to shout out anywhere, they can chat with

01:05:15.139 --> 01:05:19.320
you and then we'll close. I'm on Tumblr, Twitter,

01:05:19.420 --> 01:05:21.760
not so much. I just have the handle to be honest,

01:05:21.920 --> 01:05:23.599
but you can try reaching out anyway. Maybe I'll

01:05:23.599 --> 01:05:26.639
see it. YouTube for the most part. Instagram,

01:05:26.780 --> 01:05:29.409
I'm not. Super active. It still exists, but all

01:05:29.409 --> 01:05:33.010
of the, the ads are Astra underscore nights.

01:05:33.309 --> 01:05:37.269
Okay. And you can just, you want to reach out

01:05:37.269 --> 01:05:40.809
if you just want to see good art, you can see

01:05:40.809 --> 01:05:42.730
that. If you want a distraction from all the

01:05:42.730 --> 01:05:44.969
bad things, I'm a pretty good, I'm pretty distracting.

01:05:45.670 --> 01:05:49.349
I'm more distracted than anything, but. And Gabe

01:05:49.349 --> 01:05:53.329
is part of a cool project coming up. So. We will

01:05:53.329 --> 01:05:56.570
have a story podcast of my stories that I've

01:05:56.570 --> 01:05:59.989
created in podcast form coming, hopefully, by

01:05:59.989 --> 01:06:01.409
the end of the year, if not next year, and Gabe

01:06:01.409 --> 01:06:04.849
will be doing some cool art for that. It'll be

01:06:04.849 --> 01:06:10.630
so fun. Yes. Be excited for that. We probably

01:06:10.630 --> 01:06:12.789
won't see the last of us, to be honest. Even

01:06:12.789 --> 01:06:14.929
if this podcast doesn't come back, we'll do something

01:06:14.929 --> 01:06:17.530
together. We'll figure it out. We'll make videos

01:06:17.530 --> 01:06:21.099
together, obviously. Yes. We're like the dynamic

01:06:21.099 --> 01:06:25.000
duo now, it's a thing. If not on your channel,

01:06:25.019 --> 01:06:28.699
it'll be on my channel. Yes, absolutely. Okay,

01:06:28.699 --> 01:06:33.780
everybody, drink water, get some rest, hug your

01:06:33.780 --> 01:06:36.920
social supports close, and know that everything

01:06:36.920 --> 01:06:39.960
is going to be okay. We're going to get through

01:06:39.960 --> 01:06:44.139
it. With that being said, thank you all for watching

01:06:44.139 --> 01:06:47.349
the first season. of Real Talk with Rayne and

01:06:47.349 --> 01:06:49.849
Gabe. And if you'd like a season two, let me

01:06:49.849 --> 01:06:52.889
know. Until then, I'll be working on the podcast

01:06:52.889 --> 01:06:55.929
story and prioritizing that. So if I don't see

01:06:55.929 --> 01:06:58.449
a lot of season two, please comments. I'll probably

01:06:58.449 --> 01:07:01.369
put it on the back burner and work on the podcast

01:07:01.369 --> 01:07:04.110
stories. So either way, let us know what you

01:07:04.110 --> 01:07:07.230
think and be well. Take care of yourselves, guys.

01:07:07.809 --> 01:07:09.250
Bye. Bye.