Hello and welcome back to Real Talk with Rayne.
I am joined once again with the best boy, Gabe.
Oh, that's me, I'm best boy. Today we are going
to cover jobs that we've worked that have changed
us as people. And nice way to say jobs that we've
worked that may or may not be terrible. Not name
dropping any jobs, but I'm sure that we can for
those jobs that are. a little more common hint
at what kind of jobs they are. Oh, I'm going
to be name dropping for sure. You're like, no,
I'm going to spill out the tea. Because I have
like positive and negative work experiences,
so I feel like I should name drop them and just.
Very true. Would you like to start us off? Sure.
I'll probably tell my stories like chronologically,
but do it. I'm here to listen. OK, you can we
can switch between. Stories if you want, but
so The worst place we're gonna start off great
with the worst place that I've ever worked Do
you okay? Have you heard of the place called
the Alamo draft house? No, I have not okay. So
the Alamo draft house is a concept of a movie
theater and a restaurant so You would be able
to watch any kind of movie that is available
in any movie theater, as well as be able to order
like a burger or nachos or like anything outside
of just popcorn that you would usually get at
a like an AMC or something like that. So it was
a full on restaurant service, restaurant service
on top of being at a movie theater, which is
a great concept, very interesting, probably great.
for the customer but as working for it was not
that great because basically not only would we
be paid as waiters so we would be paid under
minimum wage but we would also be responsible
for cleaning up the theaters which is not what
a server does so that's fun but outside of like
payment because I was like in community college
at the time. So I had classes like two days a
week and like little blocks. And those were the
only days that I would get off of work was to
just to attend class. And then they would be
like, OK, so you can do all the other days. Right.
And I'm like, OK, sure. But the Alamo Draft House
in Woodbridge, Virginia, because we're going
to expose those, was severely understaffed and
completely overworked to the point where not
only were these servers assigned theaters, so
I would be assigned theater four for the entire
night, I would also have to be a food runner
for other theaters at the same time. So bigger
theaters, I would have to work on top of and
keep in charge of my own tables in my own theater
as well. And it got so bad that I literally broke
down crying in the middle of the shift. Like
I had, this was like the second job I've ever
worked and I had to go into the family bathroom
and cry because I was so stressed out. I was
so tired. I only had two days off and that was
just to go to class and do classwork. I would
get home at 2 a .m. because the theater would
close at 11. And it got so bad. Like I'd like
literally left for a break or a lunch to go outside
and like to cool off. Like literally one of the
managers was like who saw me crying was like,
do you need to go outside? You can go outside.
He was nice. He was a nice man. He was the only
good manager there. And he wasn't even he was
like on loan or something. But anyway, I literally
went outside. one of my shifts and I called my
mom crying and I was like, I don't know if I
can work this. I don't know if I can do this.
This is really stressful. And my mom was just
like, leave. You don't have to work. You don't
have to work right now. You should focus on school
anyway. You should just quit. And I was like,
OK, I'll think on it. And then literally that
morning, the next morning where I had like. Another
shift. I was like, I called them and I was like,
I'm not coming in today. I can't do this anymore.
This is stressful. I'm sorry. But I quit. And
the server manager was like, are you sure? Are
you really sure? And I'm like, yeah, a little.
And he says, can you just take the day off today
and think on it and call me tomorrow? Because
I had another shift after that, because, of course,
I did. And I was like, OK. So I thought on it
for about two seconds. And then the next day
I called him again. It was like, yeah, I'm not
coming in. And he's OK. And that was it. That
was the entire conversation. The next time, like
I had to go in to get my check, my final check.
And it was a little embarrassing, but I was I
was in and out in under two minutes. It wasn't
even that bad. But they were like, oh, what are
you doing now? And I'm like, nothing. Not working
here. Not working here. Bye. See you. Thanks
for paying me. Yeah. And like, obviously, so
many server jobs are exactly like that, but that
was like the worst server job that I've had.
And I've had other server jobs since then. So
I can say this for a fact, but that Alamo draft
house specifically in Woodbridge, Virginia was
the worst place I've ever done a serving job
at. just because everything was like everyone
was understaffed. Everyone was running around
literally in my first day, like on my first two
training days. I was sweating so bad. I was chugging
water like I drank maybe five cups of water during
my entire four hour shift because they just had
me running around so much and I was just sweating
and hot and disgusting. And then I still came
back to work the next day. So I wasn't even like
desperate for money or anything. I was just like,
I don't know what I was thinking. I was just
like, I guess I should have a job. And that's
what he did. You're being reliable. Yeah. That
was yeah, we're starting with a great bar. Worst
job I've ever had that one. Let's say for me,
the worst job I've ever had was I don't want
to name drop. just because they're not the company
itself. I have mixed feelings about because it
was one of the first ABA jobs I had as an ABA
therapist. So if you don't know what ABA is it's
applied behavioral analysis and it's for majority
of the time it's for kiddos on the ASD spectrum.
So autism spectrum disorder spectrum. And it's
where like a lot of times I worked in early intervention
where the kiddos are anywhere from I want to
say it just like zero to three where early intervention
is the thing. And then they get regular ABA behavior
technician stuff at like age four and up. Every
company was different, but this company was,
I believe the early intervention was zero to
five years old. And I just started working there
and a lot of Admittedly, a lot of my ABA experience
is very similar to a lot of other behavior technicians'
experience in ABA because it has a very high
turnover rate. Staff are not, they're not really
taken care of in a lot of the companies that
have ABA services, but they expect you to obviously
be on your best A game for the clients. However,
clients can cancel on you. Last minute and you
don't get paid at all for that session So if
you had one session that day that was two hours
or you go to the house and you hang out and you
do programs so programs could be anything that
are like match the colors or Working on speech.
Can you say dog? And then you go dog and like
try to help them depending on what they needed
Depending on their skill level and the program
requirements of what we were implementing I had
this one family that I just got so angry at.
I was livid because I don't have kids myself,
but I have a very maternal, almost a primal maternal
instinct. I don't have kids for multitudes of
reasons, but we won't get into that right now.
But I... My dad's a pediatrician. So I grew up
watching him take care of little kiddos as well.
And I just, I love them. They're the cutest and
they're so much fun. And so I loved working with
the little kiddos, but there was this, these
parents are always the ones that were the problem
when it came. It was never the kids. It's always
the parents. And the parents always needed way
more training than the kids did. And a lot of
old ABA companies that had old values would say
that they didn't. But then as soon as you got
hired, of course they would hire you right away
because they were desperate for help because
people were seeing behind the smoke and mirrors
all the time. And so they would hire you and
then you would really see like you'd go into
a session with the BCBA, which is the board certified
behavioral analysis or behavioral analyst, sorry.
Those are the ones that get the master's degree
and then they oversee the behavior technicians.
And then you can do a test to get like a registered
behavior technician license, but they're separate.
So the behavior technicians are ones that don't
have the license and the registered behavior
technicians are the ones that do. They're the
same thing except registered behavior technicians
are paid, I think slightly more and they get
different cases. All of that aside, I did ABA
for five years off and on because I tried to
find different jobs in different companies. This
is why a lot of my jobs were like hop one, two,
three, four into like different companies because
I didn't feel comfortable staying in these ABA
companies that had values that really just felt
wrong to me. So what was really the straw that
broke the camel's back was I was working with
this kiddo. And I believe she was between four
and five. And she was, she was so smart. She
was amazing. She was so much fun to hang out
with. She was just very silly, just full of life.
And dad was, it just, it makes me so upset thinking
about it. So he was like, yeah, I just, I need
you to cure my daughter. And I was like, that's
not how that works. That's for one, what? And
for two, huh? Yeah. Like, I haven't been diagnosed
as on the spectrum, but I'm pretty sure I am
just somewhere on the spectrum, just undiagnosed.
And I'm pretty sure, my therapist is pretty sure
as well, but she's not authorized to diagnose
me. But no, I just, it made me so mad because
she tried so hard and. He would treat it as if
the autism was like a disease that could be lured.
And he's, I want to be, I want her to be, he
literally said, I want her to be normal and be
in the normal classes. And I was like, I literally,
can you excuse me for a minute? And walked out
of the room and you can hear how heightened I'm
getting right now because it makes me so mad
when I think about this man. I don't. No, I try
not to think people are malicious on purpose.
I don't think he meant it that way. I'm sure
he loves his child. I just, okay. So I texted
the BCBA, my supervisor, and I was like letting
them know what he was saying. And I was like,
I'm getting really uncomfortable. And they were
like, just try to push through the rest of the
session. I was like, okay. So I try to push through
the rest of the session and We're sitting down
for it was either it was like lunch or snack
time. It was a while ago so I don't remember
exactly what time it was, but she was sitting
down to eat and Dad had a cup of juice and he
was holding it out in front of her and he was
saying tell me juice and She was saying juju
juju, but she wasn't getting the this part so
He kept holding it in front of her until she
said, juice. And then as soon as she got it,
he was like, okay, say it again. Oh my God. And
he made her say it like six times and she started
like getting really frustrated and crying. And
I was like, she already said it. Yeah. And like,
Party Me was also like, what are you doing? In
your role as a BT, you cannot overstep and tell
the parent what to do. You can model it for them
by saying or like showing them, but it's very
specific in ABA. Like you can't be like, oh,
you can't do that or oh, that's not how you do
it. That's for the BCBA to do because they train
the parents. Yeah. And so it's so frustrating
just sitting there. I'm like stewing and like
just watching this. And it's making me so upset
that at one point I was like, you could just
give it to her. Like, it just like the nicest
voice I could. But she's close enough, like she
didn't say juice like multiple times, but she
got so close. And at one point he's, but I want
her to be able to say it right. I want her to
be able to say the word so that she could be
in normal classes. And like, can you stop saying
that for the - Right. My God. Like, and so she
finally - Gets the drink that she's asking for
and she's just not interested anymore is oh now
you don't want it. I'm like I'm like if you drilled
me to say juice eight times before I could drink
because I'm thirsty I Wouldn't want it either
just to spite you like yeah, I I'm with you girl
like I was pissed so I just felt really uncomfortable
and really upset. And unfortunately it's like,
you get a degree in human services. Like these
are the kinds of jobs that you work. And I have
way more, I have so many ABA stories I could
tell, but it's just going to put me in a bad
mood. So I'll just, I'll start with this one
and probably end with this one with ABA unless
something else comes to my mind later. But this
ABA one was like, it, it. grind in my gears for
the rest of my professional career. I was sitting
there. I'm, I don't want to go as far as to call
this abuse, but. Definitely not good. Right.
And then at the same time I'm getting ready and
this is, I'm getting heated. Like shaking. I'm
so mad thinking about this. And also not, it
wasn't just dad, but it was mom too. Like when
she would sit down to do an activity with mom
and again I only worked with her like a couple
times and I saw this behavior from the parents
I wasn't even really I hadn't built rapport with
her yet. It was like the first week of working
with this kiddo and mom like when she was trying
to play a game with the little girl the little
girl got upset and mom would smack her hand and
She would start crying And I was like, I have
a family emergency. I need to go. I mean, go.
And so I left very shaken, just like I am now.
And of course it's, it's not as violent as it
could be, but I'm like, you're doing that in
front of me though. What are you doing when I'm
not here? Yeah. I don't want to think that way.
I don't want to spiral and catastrophize it because
I don't know. I don't see them when I'm not there,
but it just, as somebody who had similar treatment
growing up as well, it hit a nerve with me as
well. And so when I told my supervisor, they
were like, unfortunately we can't report that
because that's not really considered like. abuse
that's not really considered X, Y, Z. And I was
like, I do not feel comfortable going in this
home anymore. No, I wouldn't either. Yeah, I'm
like, I cannot do this. I don't feel right. And
I think somebody, namely you, supervisor, you
need to go in there and work with parents more
because they clearly don't understand. how autism
works. They don't understand their child and
they have very unrealistic expectations of thinking
that a behavior therapist is gonna come in and
beat it out of your child. Like, it's not gonna
happen. And they even, I swear to God, were like,
our program doesn't do that, but there are some
programs. And I was like, what? Excuse me, I'm
sorry. This is my one day notice. I gotta go.
I quit and I was out. I was outy. I was like,
no, because ABA can do such wonderful things
for people, but it also can really hurt if it's
wrong, if it's done the wrong way. I've had a
lot of people tell me that they had ABA as a
kid or they have siblings that had ABA as a kid.
And when I had mentioned, like I had a college
class, I had mentioned that I had been an ABA
therapist and they They like hated me just because
I was an ABA therapist for a while and saying
ABA is dog training for kids. And I'm like, I
can't believe people that it's so bad. That it's
gotten that reputation because essentially a
lot of places will like, Oh, if you get five,
you get like a cookie or something, or we're
going to work for. this. So sometimes it comes
across that way to people, for sure. I do think
that sometimes the way that programs are implemented
can really help. Potty training, if they go to
the bathroom, all by themselves, you're like,
Oh my god, yes, we're gonna party. We're gonna
cook it. We're gonna have a pizza party. We're
gonna do whatever you want. We watch Spongebob.
Like, we can, there was one kid that loved gummy
bear and he, he played it on repeat, but like
500 different versions of it overlapping at the
same time. Just non -stop and I was like I need
to go home This is like a kind of torture I feel
like But it I after that I was just like I don't
have a heart for this anymore not it's not consistent
work one and two You deal with these parents
that are like fix it. I'm like, there's nothing
to be fixed Okay, that's not why we're here.
It's not a fixable thing It's a different way
of thinking. The brain is wired differently.
That's not something that's bad. It's not curable.
You just need to learn how to be less of an insufferable
asshole about it. Yeah. And learn how to communicate
with your child who just thinks differently than
you do. God forbid people grow up having different
thoughts and opinions and have different processing
times or different skill levels than others.
Like we're all unique and different. Because
that's the beauty of being unique and different.
If we were all meant to just be the same, we
would all be the same. We'd be robots. Exactly.
But no, and it's so that that frustrated me so
much and really upset me to the point where it
was that plus not caring about the staff, not
having good enough support in terms of like you
couldn't make a full time job out of that. Because
if somebody canceled, screw you, you just lost.
They'd be like $28 an hour, but you'd only get
six hours a day because it'd be like two hours
with each client and then driving. And if somebody
canceled, that sucks. Not everywhere paid 28,
but a lot of places did because they thought
that it would bring more people in. And it did
until people were like, okay, but this is literally
like a bait and switch. Yep. So quench my thirst
because I was getting heated. I have my tea and
I'm sipping it. It's cold tea, but it's still
good. But yeah, that for me was like, I just
can't with. Yeah. I love that ABA is trying to
be better and that the community itself, they're
trying to be, there are good ABA companies out
there. There was one that I worked for absolutely
loved them. They were the best. They had all
of the right ethics in place, but they didn't
have security for the staff. So that is why it
grew. So not to say there aren't good companies.
There's not good people that are in ABA, but
it's heavily outweighed and outnumbered by places
that are just like It's become such a common
Diagnose II in the world that it's oh, we're
just gonna make a company and Just figure it
out as we go and it's like Some people really
shouldn't even if they have the qualifications
they should do more research yeah, no, so it's
I The only other one I can think of is it was
very brief. I worked there for a couple days
because the BCBA that it was also the owner of
the company. It was a very new company. And she
didn't tell me anything about the client that
we were going to go see. The client was 16. She
was nonverbal. And she had a lot of behaviors
that were violent. And this girl is like tall.
She's like tall as hell. She's strong. She's
a strong girl. I basically literally got my hair
like she out of nowhere just was overstimulated.
I think she was just having a moment and She,
like, put her hands through my hair and grabbed
them, like, at the root. Oh my God. By the fistful
and just would not let go. This is the first
time I'm meeting this client within the hour
I'm there. Holy shit. And I just had to sit there
calmly while my boss was, like, trying to pry
her off of me. It's not her fault. She didn't
understand that she was doing anything bad. But
it's like, you... need to warn somebody. Oh yeah,
that's happened with a few people. I'm like,
what do you mean? She gets overstimulated with
new people. I'm like, wouldn't that be something
you would tell somebody before they go into the
home? And then this lady had the nerve to ask
me, so do you feel comfortable going by yourself
tomorrow? No, no, I do not. No, I do not. If
I'm going to get attacked by a giant 16 year
old who's going to pull my hair out of my head.
No. No, I'm not comfortable going by myself.
What the hell? That's insane. Yeah. So left that
job, another ABA job that didn't last long. But
again, it's things like that where ABA has such
potential to be a great career for people, but
All of these experiences that people have are
like, it's not sustainable and people are not
taking the right, they're not taking the right
steps to actually make an ABA company that's
worth anything. And the ones that are have wait
lists that are like two years long for kiddos
to even get services. So it's just really frustrating.
That's end rant. But that's my main frustration
with the jobs that I've worked and why it was
so difficult. Like when I was doing RSP, I was
doing a lot of ABA and that inconsistency was
just not helpful. So all in all, it was all a
learning experience, but it just was too much
and don't think I'd ever go back to that ever,
honestly. I wouldn't blame you. And that's like
another thing is that I've learned is like, because
I've had so many different jobs in so many different
sectors to figure out what you are OK with doing.
Like, I can't do food service unless the management
team is literally really nice to me and very
caring. But I feel like I'm OK with stocking
and retail and all that kind of stuff. Yeah,
it's not bad. No, it's not that bad. But it is
bad transition. If if it's an overnight shift,
I found out because I used to work as a overnight
stalker at Wal -Mart local to me. So I won't
say where it is, obviously. But it was the first
it was the job that basically allowed me to move
to the state that I'm in now, which is a red
state. For those of obviously no one else will
know but you but so the state I live in is very
red and as I mentioned in the last episode I
am trans I am queer and At first I was very concerned
about other people knowing that I was trans Because
you've heard all this stuff about red states
red states are usually the loudest when it comes
to being against LGBT plus people and queer people.
But because I am passing as a man in my. But
because a lot of my documents are still female
sex, when I applied to the Walmart position and
it asked me what gender I was on the application,
I put prefer not to say. because it's none of
their business. I don't think they should know
anyway. But apparently that is, for everyone
else out there, this is important to know, especially
if you're queer. That is apparently a, almost
a, it's not a red flag, but it's almost like
a dog whistle. It's a dog whistle for management
to be like, oh, this person is queer. And the
reason why I know that is because while I was
doing orientation, the HR person of Wal -Mart.
I think they have a different name, but basically
HR pulled me aside and was just like, by the
way, what are your pronouns? And I'm like, oh,
it's he, him. And he's okay. I wasn't sure because
you said prefer not to say on the application.
And I'm like, okay, that's fine. Whatever. I
don't care if HR knows. Make your applications
better. No, that's the thing with like job applications
is they have a lot of little dog whistles like
that. But apparently that was one of them. So
Always go for the one with that you're passing
as. But anyway, yeah, so I think it just it ends
at HR. Only HR knows they're the only one who
should know. And I didn't find out until I was
maybe. Three months, almost two, no, yeah, two
months into this job. That. Multiple people knew
that I was transgender and I did not come out
to them. I did not tell anyone else. And the
reason, so it was, there was a manager there,
her name was Candice, and she is lesbian. She's
a lesbian and she has a wife. And the HR manager
went to her and told her, hey, this guy is trans.
I want you to look out for him in case something
happens, that kind of stuff. Because I guess
that's what HR does, is tell the other queer
people that there's queer people around. Since
you relate, can you be the bodyguard? Are you
serious right now? For real. And the thing is,
she didn't even tell me that that happened. The
way I found out was through a friend, a coworker
of mine that I got in close with. His name was
Brian. He's a great man as a wife and two kids.
He's a great guy. He, like, pulled me aside while
we were in the back, putting all the leftover
stock away. And he was like, Hey, I just want
you to know that I know that you're trans and
that I don't think that you're weird or anything
and that I got your back. I think you're actually
a really cool dude. I think you're probably the
coolest guy here. You got my support. I think
you're awesome. And I'm like, Like a first I'm
like touched because I'm just like, wow, I'm
a cool guy. That's so awesome. And then I and
then the first thing I asked him is who told
you? And he was like, Candice told me we were
believing in you, Candice. No, for real. And
isn't just Candice who knew apparently all the
other managers that work overnight knew as well.
I don't know through her or through HR or whatever,
but all of upper management knew. who then told
Brian and Brian, Brian apologized for this because
he didn't he didn't think about it until he saw
my reaction to basically everyone knowing that
I was trans. But he told another coworker, Isaac,
who I'm still friends with. He's probably the
only friend that I kept after I left that job.
And he was like he was telling Isaac that I was
trans and Isaac was the one who encouraged Brian
to let me know that other people knew. And it's
like, it's none of their business. No, it's not.
It's none of their goddamn business. And I felt
so violated. But at the same time, I had to give
them the grace of remember, this is a red state.
I am probably one of the few trans people that
they know that is completely transitioned and
completely masculine. because but it still felt
so concerning because now I would look at all
my coworkers and I would be like, I don't know
who knows. I don't know who knows this big secret
about me or this big X, like this huge part of
my identity. And it's a secret like it should
just be who you are. And it shouldn't have to
be like a topic of conversation. Like, really,
it really like it was. Yeah, it was. And. It
was that was like probably like the biggest thing
that happened to me while working there. But
upside down, there was a trans man who worked
on the shift before my shift. So like on shift
two, we were shift three. And he and his coworker
friend, they saw me like pulling down boxes from
from a pallet to put up in. Bath and body and
he was like, hey, sorry. This is a weird question.
Where'd you get your top surgery? And we like
it was like, okay I'm just the trans guy everyone
comes to now So Like I told him obviously I like
oh my god I got it at a hospital in DC and it
was a blah blah blah and we talked hormones and
all that stuff and But it was still like so daunting
because. It was like. Because that wasn't even
the only question I was asked from it wasn't
even from the trans man, it was from his sis.
I'm assuming says she did. He was presenting
feminine and but basically his coworker friend
was like, by the way, how do you feel about bottom
surgery? And I'm like, you don't ask that. And
I was like, I don't want it personally. Yeah.
Like even so, it's no, it's just I don't know.
Those kinds of questions, I feel like you don't
ask people unless you're like really close with
them. Yeah, it was. Crazy to be so exposed, especially
because it was like, again, the job that got
me to move to this red state. I didn't know what
the culture was. I didn't know anything like
that. But it was, again, both very daunting,
but also a little reassuring because it was just
like, oh, OK, so they're not going to pull me
up by my toes because I'm trans. They're just
going to be like, OK, I'm going to ask you questions
that are a little uncomfortable, but you're the
only person I can ask. It's just like one of
those things where I'm giving you grace, but
at the same time it's oh my god Why would you
do that? Yeah, it's yeah, I just it's I understand
obviously it's like giving them grace and like
I can understand that people might be coming
from a place of genuine curiosity and not meaning
any harm by it, but I Wouldn't ask any questions
like that like One of my, one of my, two of my
besties are actually trans. One I've been friends
with for over five years in person. We hang out
almost every single day and I still don't ask
those kinds of questions. Like I had once when
we were like on the topic of conversation and
we were like, it was in the topic of we had little
cars that were pulling out to get to know each
other. And it was me, my wife and her. And it
was all questions about like. insecurities and
goals and things like that. Cause it's just a
nice group activity to do at night when you're
hanging out after a long work week. And I think
the topic came up and we discussed it, but it
wasn't like a, I had to know it, but it's for
me, like it was coming from a place of I don't
have this experience. So I'm not going to pretend
like I know. And I'm not going to pretend like.
anything makes sense to me because it's not my
lived experience so I'm asking you because you
have the lived experience and I want to respect
you and see where you come from and what makes
you feel more comfortable and in the best way
that I can understand not being in your situation
and in your lived experience asking these questions
and because it's a curiosity but That doesn't
come up until it's like, you've known this person
for a long time, you've had deep conversations.
Like these are deep questions to ask somebody
that you really need to have rapport and like
huge, a hugely deep trust of each other to have
those kinds of conversations. And like my other
friend who we've been friends for over a decade,
we only talked about that. probably recently,
again, and during very intimate and deep conversations
when I would talk about things that I'm secure
about or things that we've gone through and those
kinds of conversations that you have organically
with friends to help you grow closer. I don't
understand that, but just like casually. No.
Yeah. No, thank you. Yeah, not a topic for you.
Sorry. You're at this package. You need to be
like this premium package before you can ask
me those questions. Yeah, I will say it's been
a good experience for me finding work here in
this red state as a trans person whose preferred
name does not look anything like what's on my
government papers, because in the job that I
currently have for about I want to say like a
good month or two, I was going by my government
name, which isn't what I consider my dead name
to be. So I wasn't like that upset about it.
But then I realized, hey, I'm probably going
to be at this job for a long time and I don't
want to be called by government name all the
time. So I gathered the current because this
was again months in and I was getting to know
my manager and I really trusted her. And so I
pulled her aside and I was like, hey, I am trans.
I go by a different name. Is there any way that
I can get even just like my name changed on my
name tag or on my business cards? And she was
like, yeah, sure, for sure. And he was like,
I'm going to go talk to H .R. I'm going to go
tell our executive director and we're going to
get this figured out and. No one has ever batted
an eye at the fact that three months in my name
is now Gabe. No one asked me questions about
it. No one assumed anything. If anything, they
were just like, oh, my God, this is so easier
than your government name. We'll call you Gabe
forever because my government name is like super
Irish and Gaelic. So it's like vowels and consonants
and no one can pronounce it right. But. That
was the most heartwarming experience I've ever
had as a trans person in the work environment.
And I am very grateful that I have a great manager
and great management and like a great person
in H .R. that and I .T. as well because they
had to change my name in like the system. But
the way that they were just like, oh, yeah, for
sure. is a little mind -boggling to me because
I've been, I don't want to say conditioned, but
I've been under the assumption, because I was
raised in a very blue state, that red states
are not necessarily full of bigots, but very
bigotry leaning, or very easy to assume the worst
of somebody. that really opened my eyes to the
fact of no sometimes there's just people and
those people can be kind no matter where you
are in the red state or a blue state and yeah
that was just like that's it's been very i've
been very fortunate that i've been working for
companies here and they have never Made me feel
bad or scared for being queer. Yeah. I'm glad
that they've been supportive and obviously not
everybody is the same, but it's still there's
a lot of fear. I feel like that, especially right
now, not getting into details of that, but especially
right now in the queer community, like who's
on our side and who's not and who can we trust
and who we feel safe with and It's nice to hear
that like even in a stereotypically not progressive
political party that some people are trying or
either still allies or trying to become allies.
There are some people like my family. Oh my God,
red, very, it's bad to the point where we just
don't talk about politics at all. because it's
just, it's too much. And we can sometimes have
talks about certain topics, but not necessarily
like the overarching view of the party. So it's
like, they used to be much more opinionated and
harsh on things, like when they were still learning
to be more accepting of me and... learning that
it's not like a death sentence to be queer and
Lebanese. I could still believe in God. I can
still do anything that I want to do. And it's
just, but for them, a lot of the stress comes
from arguing over the state of the country and
who's running it and how that affects people
and their family that they love. They may not
agree with it. They may not fully understand
it, but they want a relationship with me and
they want that relationship not to be tarnished.
In the past, there's been a lot of really bad
like arguments and just tension, things like
that and butting heads. So I think over the years,
the conversations have become more organic and
they've become more mature on both ends. Like
I definitely have. not have mature conversations
with them as well. It's not all on their side,
but it's really, it depends on the people who
and how much they value you, how much they're
willing to compromise and work on it. And you
don't have to agree on everything to be friends.
Like you, I know that some people go to extremes
of if I have somebody who is voting red, like
I'm never going to talk to them again. I'm like,
I can't really do that with my family. I could.
but they haven't in a way I can understand. So
I really, it's hard for me to have conversations
about this too, because it's, I understand both
sides. I understand the idea of I'm never going
to talk to you again because your decision is
impacting my life in a way. At the same time,
it is and it isn't like what one person does.
is not the choice of another person. So we're
all separate individuals with our own choices
and people who, for example, my family who voted
red don't agree with everything that is happening
and originally voted red because they didn't
think things like that would happen. And now
they are. And so when I've brought it up to My
dad, he's mainly just been like, I just want
to make sure you're okay. I just want to make
sure you're safe, that you and Amanda are safe
and doesn't need to be a screaming match. It
doesn't need to be a fight. Like it doesn't need
to be full of negativity. It could just be like,
I'm upset that you made this choice. And I hope
that By seeing the results of your actions you
can understand and grow from that decision. Thankfully
there will be no Third chance but to me it's
just as I get older and I get I think more about
Life experiences. I try to not think of things
as such like such black and white as you're evil.
You're good people are all inherently flawed
and all have good and bad in them. So there's
not one person that's like perfectly good or
perfectly evil. And I think it all comes down
to experience and life lessons that we learn
that the universe sends to us. And maybe they'll
still vote red, but maybe the next person that
is red won't have those same ideals and won't
have such aggressive and like, concerning thoughts
of things. Like, it really, it depends on the
person. And I think that we as a society have
been through so much that we automatically catastrophize
everything that happens. But at the same time,
on the authenticity side of the coin, we do need
to be concerned about the things that are actively
being put into place that affect us and The people
that helped put those things into place by voting
for how they did Need to recognize that and they
need to recognize that the thoughts and feelings
of the people that are affected are just as valid
Doesn't mean anybody needs to be like attacked
or Swarmed with hate, but it just that people
need to look at the reality of the situation
and compassionate towards one another, but society
is a long ways from that, I think on every front,
not just one party or whatever. It's as a whole,
I think society has a lot of growing to do and
compassion and empathy to relearn for us to ever
get to a point of peace at all, ever. But yeah,
I'm concerned. Obviously I did not vote red neither
did my wife and I I typically don't get involved
in politics because I also don't understand them.
So I try not to get involved in things that I
don't understand on an educational level. I Myself
grew up with a learning disability. So sometimes
it takes me a while to really learn what something
means and like really understand the concept.
In most of my twenties, I don't think I, I don't
know if I didn't vote every year. I think I voted
occasionally, but I really was like, I don't
understand this. So I don't want to make the
wrong move. Yeah. But now as an, as I'm older,
I'm like, okay, I understand. Like I look into
it a little bit more and see what people are
talking about. But then it goes back into this
is a job too. And this is probably a job that
the people in the past have had that has been
very stressful for them too. running an entire
country. But I guess people need to be at a place
in their lives where they're willing to listen
without judgment and willing to hear everybody,
have those conversations, even if you don't agree
on something, that it doesn't need to come down
to hate. It doesn't need to come down to malice.
And that happens a lot in work too, I think,
disagreements with your boss or coworker. can
easily be resolved just by talking to them if
they're receptive. But if they're not receptive
and you are, that's a moot point. How much are
you gonna try to have a conversation with somebody
who is convinced to be against you and only has
one thought in their mind that they're right
and there's nothing else in the world but them
being right? Yeah. I don't know. It's a lot of
jobs can teach you. quite a bit about yourself
and about your environment and the world as it
is and The world as it is a pretty scary place,
which is one of the reasons I'm unsure about
having children just to be completely honest
Yeah, and I don't really know I don't know at
what point Things will get better. I don't really
know But I know that in order to at least make
the right steps. There has to be more compassion.
There has to be more empathy for each other No
matter what we think, there shouldn't be hate
based on religion. There shouldn't be hate based
on race. There shouldn't be hate based on how
you identify. It just should be, I don't understand
it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to hate on
you for it. Cause that just creates more problems
and more negative energy in the world that we
don't need. We don't need any more. We have plenty
right now. Like the world is imploding as we
know it. And people are just taking that as an
excuse to just go hard and on, on hatred. And
it's sad to see, but I can also understand how
people are very hurt. And I try to see, I don't
know if it's devil's advocate, but it's more
like I'm trying in my life to see things as more
of like from a compassionate Side of things and
I don't like that. I don't agree with that. I
don't agree that my family voted red I really
don't like that. I'm scared for what that means
for myself and my wife and my family I'm not
gonna then be like I hate you like you're dead
to me because in a way like It's just They didn't
do the actions that are being performed right
now. It's a result of their choice, but it wasn't
only them. It's a big group effort. So you can't
penalize people that just by, just because they
were a part of that. I think it's difficult and
it goes into like those ethics a little bit.
what's the right step to take when you have conversations
like this and what's the appropriate outlook
on something where does this deserve the negative
energy that I'm going to give it? Does this deserve
me breaking the ties? Obviously the people that
you're talking to were being really terrible
towards you and nasty and that's a good reason
to break ties regardless. I can understand where
each side comes from. I can understand on my
side, like how I feel. And then I can also understand
that I don't fully know what other people are
thinking and I can't claim to. Yep. And at the
end of the day, this is like the philosophical
part of me, but like at the end of the day, when
we all leave the earth, like none of it's going
to matter. Yeah, exactly. I believe that we become
energy and we just, we're like, we're chilling.
It's not gonna, these little arguments over things
are not, they may not matter. I don't know, I
went on a little bit of a rant. No, I think that
was a good rant to have. Are you just saying
that? No, because the thing is, I don't want
to get too off topic. Oh my God, we're always
going to get off topic. Real talk with Rain,
always off topic. We'll put a pin in it and we'll
revisit on a future episode. Because I also have
a very similar opinion of just because I did
make the tough choice of distancing myself from
certain family members because of how they voted.
And also just because of the attitude they have.
But again, that's it. If you want to hear that
fun story, you should subscribe to. Subscribe
to my channel for a future episode and support
our patriotic. Yeah, I'll link in the bio. Probably
not good to have that part way through the episode,
but OK. We'll know who has actually stayed here
long enough. If you have, comment down below
what you do with your family that vote red. Yeah.
How you handle that because it would be interesting
to see other opinions and having an actual constructive
conversation is also, I love having constructive
conversations about hard topics because when
you can have adult conversations that are constructive
and it's not like one side's getting upset or
taking it personally, you really can have these
long. Good conversations with people. It doesn't
mean that you agree. It just means you're having
a conversation. Yeah, exactly. We lost that ability.
This is like a little bit back to the internet
podcast, but when the internet kind of starts
taking over the world, people lose almost like
that ability to have constructive conversation
without putting all of your emotions in it. And
just looking at it for what it is rather than
taking it as. Just because somebody has this
thought that means they also think this no because
they didn't say that they thought that they just
like we're focusing at the task at hand and the
topic at hand and Going back to the jobs having
crappy jobs Again, it's that happens at work
all the time where you don't want to be job because
you can't communicate with people Who aren't
willing to have a constructive conversation with
you? It's just oh you didn't do this, right?
I don't care what your excuse is whatever, especially
with bosses. If you can't have a constructive
conversation with your boss, you're not going
to be happy in your workplace. You're not going
to feel like you're being guided or you're being
led in the right direction. And that's not a
good workplace to be in. If you're not actively
learning and checking in with the people that
are supposed to be supervising and guiding you,
then that alone is a sign that something needs
to change or that's not the right role for you.
Yeah. And I will add on to that just a little
bit. Please do. Give me a break for talking.
That's fine. Because I was going to bring up,
I was trying to think of like art jobs that I've
had that were like, oh, terrible. But the thing
is, none of the art jobs that I've had were necessarily
bad because the management was good. Like we
had good directors, we had good people checking
in on other people to make sure that work is
getting done or for updates and stuff. It was
just the other people on the project that would
sometimes not pull their weight. And I understand
that in a lot of because a lot of the art jobs
that I worked on were either just for the experience,
honestly, just to build my portfolio. So it was
like technically free, free labor. That was my
choice that I decided to do or or. severely.
Not severely, but definitely like under what
would be affordable to live off of, because that's
just how art is. A lot of people can't afford
500 drawings and also expect it to be done at
a timely fashion. But yeah, sometimes on those
projects, there will be people who. Don't understand.
and the nuances of the job a little bit. And
I'm not trying to blame them because a lot of
them were either. This was back when I was a
minor. It would be like other minors or it would
be like in the like adult spaces. It would just
be like younger adults who didn't really understand
that. Hey, you asked to be a part of this project.
You don't have to do that. You don't have to.
work for peanuts as they say like you And I'm
not again, and I'm not saying that artists shouldn't
be paid what they're worth. They absolutely should
I definitely do want to be paid what I'm worth
but in some cases, especially when you are doing
indie related projects You're going to be doing
a lot of work for sometimes nothing and That's
the choice you make is because no one held a
gun to my head and said, hey, do an animatic
of the scene completely for free. And but in
that same kind of vein, you can't expect people.
To do that work for free. Yeah. But also, if
you're not going to do it, say something, because
you're being an asshole. By being like, oh, yeah,
no, I'll do it and then. ghost the project for
six or seven months. And everyone's, OK, I guess
the project's dead now. And then that's why we
have so many dead indie projects that don't even
get an episode or don't even get a concept. Because
it's like being a creative is hard, like. It's
not it's this is we've talked about this a little
bit, but you have to be so. passionate about
what you're doing as a creative that you have
to work on top of working. You have to have a
job that pays the bills and then you got to work
on top of that in order to get to the place where
you can be creative all the time. And I think
that's a job that a lot of people either don't
realize or they don't think about is the fact
that like You have to put in so much more work
to get an audience to Draw to write to direct
to voice act you got to put in a lot of extra
work on top of a nine to five or a 40 hour work
week whatever the instance is and A lot of people
can't do that at the same time, which is frustrating,
which is very upsetting for a lot of people.
Like myself included, I do struggle sometimes
balancing my regular day job and my job as an
artist because sometimes I get home and all I
want to do is just sit down. and watch YouTube
for the three, four hours that I have before
I have to go to bed. And I've been policing myself
a little bit to work during those hours that
I have for free, that I have free before I have
to go to bed, not just to satisfy a client, but
to satisfy myself and build up that work ethic
because it will pay off in the end. Because if
I do creative projects, That could become my
job if I continue to push through it, if I continue
to put eggs in that basket. So, yeah. Absolutely.
And yeah, I think at least my closing thoughts
would be it's all about communication. It all
comes down to communication, which is like the
center. of everything is community. If you don't
want to work for the rate that's offered, say
that. And then obviously it's in the other person's
court. If they want to be a jerk about it, then
that's their decision. And then you just know
not to work for that person. If there's a way
to negotiate it, you can negotiate it. If there's
people in the world that obviously there are
some shady people, there are people who are pulling
like really nasty tricks on other people just
because they I don't know why they do it, but
They do they don't communicate because they're
like I don't want to communicate because this
is just what I'm doing to like entertain myself
or to Do something just for me and that selfishness
is gonna come back and bite them Eventually,
but the people that do at least the ones that
I've worked for like I worked for a company for
three years as a voice actress and I was I'm
still upset with the way that things Ended because
I feel like they didn't do it in a very proper
way It's been a way that I could talk about later
on but I I still wouldn't say like they're a
bad company. I wouldn't be like Bad mouthing
them or anything like that. I would just be like
it didn't work out and I Definitely got paid
like a decent amount. It wasn't as much as I
would have liked to have gotten paid Especially
with how big my role was. Yep But when having
those conversations, it was always very constructive.
It was always like, this is, you know, what I'm
proposing. What do you think? Give me feedback.
And it's a back and forth. It's not one sided.
When it's one sided, that's when issues come
in. When people can't have actual mature conversations
about what they need versus what that project
or that job needs. If it's not a match, it's
not a match and it doesn't make anybody a bad
person. It just means it's not a match. Somebody
else might be perfect for that role and you just
need to talk to them. If you're not perfect for
that role, that doesn't mean that it's never
going to happen for you. It just means it's not
the right role for you. It's really that simple.
So a lot of indie projects that are so good end
up stopping because of lack of communication,
a lack of awareness. Not being able to have constructive
and also empathetic conversations with each other.
So that's my takeaways is obviously that communication
is the hub for everything when it comes to job
related, job related work, whether it's creative
outlets or nine to fives or full time, part time,
per DM, whatever it is. There has to be some
level of communication there or things are always
going to get lost in translation. And then it
just gets muddled from there. It just, it creates
more problems that clear communication at the
start would have avoided. Exactly. So yeah, people
make mistakes and. If they learn from them, then
that's great. If they don't, then that's on them.
Things will happen for them how they happen for
them. We never really know what anybody else
is going through. And we can only try to be kind
and give people grace because you don't know
what they're going through. You don't know what
they have been through and you don't know what's
going on that day for them. Trying to approach
every situation with grace and an open mind would
really... Benefit our society if we started practicing
that more. Yep, I agree 100%. Perfect, so. I
think do you have any closing thoughts before
we wrap up? I guess my closing thoughts are just
echoing what you said. Communication is important,
especially in the job environment between coworkers
between management. If you don't have an open
line of communication and you can't. make it
yourself. That job is probably not for you. You
can hopefully find somewhere better to work.
Just know that like everyone goes through shitty
jobs just because you're in a shitty job right
now does not mean that you're going to be stuck
there forever. And you're great. You're wonderful.
You're doing the best you can. And I hope someone
gives you some grace today. If you're having
a bad day or you're overworked and you're really
tired. Yeah, you're doing your best. You're doing
great. And we're going to survive the world that
is today together. Yes, absolutely. I'd like
to thank all of our listeners for joining us
today. And like I said, actually, like Gabe said
prior, you have I have a Patreon. So I will link
that in the bio. And then you can also there
should be links. I don't know how podcast works.
They're still new to me, but there should be
links to other places that you can listen to
this podcast and other places where you can find
me in my work. And then, Gabe, would you like
to shout yourself out at all if you're comfortable?
Oh, yeah, absolutely. I have a YouTube channel.
There's nothing on it right now. I'm working
on a video, but it's Astra underscore nights
with a K. If you want to just check it out to
see if anything, if you like. watching artwork,
if you like to hear my voice, you like hearing
me talk, go ahead and subscribe because you're
probably going to get an odd video every blue
moon. But you know what? It's cool. It's fun.
And I draw sometimes. Don't post a lot. I should
probably do that, too. It's already over quantity.
It's fine. It is. But yeah, my handle Astra underscore
nights pretty much on everything. You could probably
find me there. I may have posted something I
may have not, but you can look anyway. All right,
we will be back in a little bit probably in a
couple weeks or so with another podcast So thank
you guys for listening and make sure that you're
kind to yourself and others Do something good
for yourself today and drink water. It's very
important. Okay. Bye Bye