Hello everybody and welcome back to Real Talk
with Rayne. I'm here today with Gabe. Hello, I'm
Gabe. Gabe is an amazing person and I'm very
excited that he is joining me on the podcast.
Oh my God. Today is the topic of real life versus
a virtual life and that could mean anything in
regards to friendships, relationships. Anything
of the sort, really. So, Gabe, do you have any
topics you would like to cover first that are
on your mind? I guess, like, from my personal
experience with that is, like, the idea of online
persona versus, like, how you are in the real
world. I'm someone who has a lot... of social
anxiety to the point where it's I can't even
go to conventions in person because I have a
really bad time and really big crowds. So when
other people are like, oh, I feel so much better
talking in groups and discords online. I'm like,
I wish that was me. I can't I don't understand
personally the how people can feel. Less feel
less pressure and. with online personas. Because
if anything, I feel better in the real world
talking to people face to face because I can
see their expressions. I know that when I text
something, they'll probably misconstrue it. But
if I say it to their face, it's like they're
not going to do that. I don't know. No, I get
what you mean. I think it's easier to talk to
people in person because you're One, you might
know that person better. Like I always am kind
of the thought that you never really know somebody
until you've spent time with them in person.
Like you can have internet friends and virtual
friends that you've talked to for like ages.
And of course there's a strong connection there,
but it's different when it's in person because
you really see the person's habits and how they
actually act, not behind a screen. And so in
a way, I feel like people feel more comfortable
behind the screen, too, because they can be their
authentic self, whether that's good or bad. That's
very true, because as you know this, but whoever
is listening definitely doesn't. I am a trans
man. I've been identifying as a trans man since
I was 17, but I didn't start transitioning until
I was around 20, 21. But online, I was using
he, him pronouns. I was... being addressed as
boy, guy, man. And that really, it helped me
a lot in figuring out if I was a trans man because
it was just reassuring me that, yeah, I do feel
gender euphoria when I am being seen as a man
or being addressed as he and him. So I think
there is there is an upside to having the anatomy
and not a non I'm not gonna say the word having
that kind of I love words like a shield almost
yeah having that kind of shield of no one knows
what who you are actually because if you were
to see me at 17 like on the streets you would
have been like oh that's a teenage girl She got
tits. She got curves. I did have them. They're
gone now, which is great for me. But it's like,
if anything, it made me feel like solidified
in my identity, which I feel like is the upside
to having an online persona where you can actually
be more yourself when you're not even sure of
who you are yet. It's almost like you're able
to try out things without feeling... any kind
of permanent -ness to it. Like, I tried out a
whole bunch of different, like, preferred names
as online names as well, whereas, like, Lynn
was one of them. And I was like, no, not that
one. I don't feel... I don't vibe with that name.
No, no, no. She's like, not for me. Yeah. That
makes a lot of sense. And I feel like it's good
and for those reasons, right? For people trying
to... Figure out who they are, what feels right
to them. Safety reasons is definitely a good
thing as well, not divulging your personal information
on the internet and things like that. But I also
feel like the internet in itself has become so
dangerous that even when people try to hide who
they are, other people will then make it their
life's mission to figure it out. And it's not
your business. It's not. It's not your business.
If somebody wants to be behind an avatar, that's
fine. But unless... I just don't understand.
I think my biggest thing with real life and virtual
life is that I've had friends for 14 years now.
I'm 33. My oldest friend is a friend of almost...
God, math. Yeah, about 14, 15 years. And we met
on the internet. We met doing, we were both really
into anime because we're nerds. And I met them
through a website that did like role playing
and like making stories and stuff like that with
OCs. And I didn't really know what that was until
my friend in high school introduced me to it.
And then I started chatting with people and I
met this... You've you've heard on the podcast
before and we've got super close like we talked
every single day And I definitely think that
there was a real friendship there when he came
to visit though in person it was solidified like
it was definitely that moment where you're like
you're gonna meet this person in person and It
can all change in the blink of an eye like this
person could not be who they say they are Yeah,
I always say video chat with people that you're
friends with so that you know that you're talking
to the actual person. Oh yeah, absolutely. But
I think it's, I don't want to discount friendships
that can only be over the internet because obviously
sometimes that's the only way that people have
means to connect to other people, which is how
I was for the longest time. I didn't have a lot
of friends in real life. I was actually bullied
in school quite a lot. So I just didn't really
vibe with a lot of people. And it's just being
a people pleaser in high school. Oh, I was stepped
all over. It's hard to know who you are when
the people that are around you don't match the
energy that you give out. And yeah, they don't
have the same kind of morals or growth or ideas
that you share. And so that was a nice way for
me to connect with other people that love to
write and that loved anime and just combining
the two. And then that's how I actually met my
other friend, that both Stewart and Draco were
bridesmen in my wedding. Draco was my man of
honor. And I met them both through storytelling
and creating stories through OCs, but they were
both on the internet. And those relationships
went from the internet to the phone, and they
went to voice calls and video calls. And it still,
I would say, was just as personal as an in -person
relationship. but it's missing that aspect of
almost the little things of seeing this person's
like quirks when you're around them in person
and seeing if they really act the same way in
person that they do online. Because online you
can put your best face forward in front of anybody
and then in person people meet you and they're
like that's I expected you to be completely different.
Yeah, absolutely. So it's a double edged sword.
I feel like with people, the internet being so
big now and it's scary because it's almost like
raising the next generation. So we aren't going
outside and playing anymore with an imagination.
Like people aren't, they're so glued to their
phones and they're so glued to technology and
TV. And starting in the nineties was when I was
born, TV was like the big thing, right? We're
glued to that TV. And that was bad, too, for
us. But now it's just like everything is online.
And it's you can't escape it. Social media is
so scary. And you have kids who are younger and
younger joining, even lying about their ages
to join social media and then being exposed to
these things that are really toxic. Yeah, absolutely.
And I don't think that's helpful for their development
as people. I agree with that. I think it's because
as you mentioned earlier, there is positive aspects
to like meeting people online, especially if
you're from like a smaller town and maybe you're
the only gay kid being having a community through
the Internet and online friends through that
is very important. But I definitely agree that
sometimes you do need to go out there. and either
meet these people, like, in person or just experience
the world socially with other people. Like, even
if it's just through a video call on Discord,
I feel like that's very important because you
can still see other people's mannerisms. You
can still actually have a conversation with them
in real time and get to know them outside of
just words on a screen. But I totally get the
concern about younger people on social media,
because I'm sure you were raised on this, and
I definitely was. I was born in 98, so I was
like one of the first children to be young on
the Internet. But it was like we would be in
classes in our computer labs and be taught like,
don't say your full name, don't say your address,
don't, you know. Meanwhile, these kids nowadays,
it's like we're glossing over those important
rules of the Internet again, because now everyone
has the Internet in their hand or on an iPad.
And they're just giving them to these kids. And
now any any person can just ask a kid, hey, what's
your address? And they'll tell them because they
don't know the safeties about. People online
because just because they sound nice to you right
now does not mean that they have the best intentions
for you Even with your name they can still just
the way that the internet has progressed Well
can still find things about you and it's just
it's terrifying like I had a friend in high school
and this was my first real experience of Having
a friend that went through something really scary,
but I had a friend who had a pen pal And she
wrote to him all the time and they exchanged
letters to each other. It wasn't even on the
internet, it was letters. And she got a letter
from him one day saying, I'm not gonna go into
massive detail, but saying who he was and he
was in prison. Oh my God. Mind you, my friend
and I were 14 at this time. And he said that
when he was getting out, he was gonna come see
her because she had been sending him mail. Yeah.
And now he knew where she lived. That's insane.
And my friend was like freaking out. She called
me and her parents were freaking out and they
had to move because it was this guy was like,
Oh, I'm going to come meet you. Like I'm your
boyfriend now. And it was just, it was crazy.
It was creepy. It was scary. And I was like,
God, that that's for letters. And now the internet
is it's like letters, but Worse so it's just
the way that people are connecting to each other
It's not as safe No Not to say that it was safe
when letters were a thing because obviously based
on the story that I just told that's not necessarily
the case But it's and I had a friend online once
that Same when I was in high school because this
is like when stuff really started happening on
the internet in high school for me, middle school,
high school age. Before that, it was like we
went outside and we played and I thought I was
so cool. Like I still have the scar to prove
this, but I wanted like our children and our
next generations to get back to this because
this was so much fun. Like I went to, there was
a sewer drain, right? And I was like, I'm gonna
make a bridge. And so I put, sticks over the
sewer drain outside of my parents cabin. And
I was like, okay, I'm going to put all these
sticks together and make a little bridge for
myself and then walk over the sewer drain because
I'm so cool. And I did that. I fell. I cut my
leg open and a rock fell on my leg. Oh my god.
I wish I was kidding. It was the craziest experience.
I just walked in the house. I was wearing white
socks and as I looked down, they were just red
with blood. And I walked inside the cabin and
I just casually lay on the couch and I was like,
Ma. Like what? I'm like, I think I need a band
-aid. So my mom comes over thinking I just scraped
my knee and she's like, oh my God, get off the
couch you wear. But then literally it was the
crazy experience because the rock kind of got
stuck in my leg and almost my skin like formed
a, almost like a circle around it. Oh my God.
So it was weird. I still have the scar. It's
very small. It wasn't huge by any means, but
it's like right on the top of my leg. And like
Amanda, my wife, has felt it before and she can
feel like it's a hole it's still a hole in my
leg yeah so it's weird but i was just playing
outside and having a good time and now it's a
story that i can have forever like a scar and
a story that i can have forever but the weirdest
thing that happened with it is when it was healing
because my dad had put some oh god what is it
called oh he's gonna kick my booty for not remembering
what this is called because he's what the heck
hydrogen peroxide yes Okay. Putting that like
on the actual wound and then it fizzles up and
stuff. And as it healed, I was playing with my
friend at her house and we were like, I don't
know what we were doing, but we were, I was like
walking around like on my hands and knees on
the carpet for something. And I think I was looking
for something. And I just, all of a sudden, like
when I sat back up, I looked down and the rock
was gone. And I was like. Like, what happened?
And it wasn't bleeding. It was just a perfect
hole in my skin. Oh my God. It was so weird.
There was no blood. There was nothing. I just
stared at it for five minutes. Like not sure
how this is a thing when it healed with that
thin layer of skin over it. Yeah. So I think
there's still like almost like a hole underneath
that, but still it's, it's fully healed. But
in terms of things like that, I feel like those
memories are obviously me getting hurt is like
not a great memory to have, but it's still when
I think about compared to what the younger generation
is dealing with today, being on the internet
and being judged by other people or having like
mob mindsets for things. And it's just it makes
me sad for the little like my inner child to
see that they're not experiencing those things
because they're so sucked into virtual life.
Yeah. And I think it's one of those things where
it's it's not necessarily the children's fault
for being stuck on the Internet, especially with
part like the whole disappearing of. spaces where
children can just go and be kids, like can't
stay in the park without an adult. But if your
parents are at work, you're like you're stuck
at home or you're stuck wherever because apparently
kids can't hang out anywhere anymore without
being terrible. But but no, I agree the whole
because of the lack of the spaces for children
to go to, they are then stuck on the Internet.
And as a result, they are being as you said,
conditioned to these mob mindsets where the smallest
infraction or faux pas that a person can do will
then be blown up out of proportion. Like, no
one cares if you ship two characters together.
Okay? No one cares. A lot of people care, Gabe.
Okay? They said that. They get it. It's just
I got bills to worry about. I'm not going to
care if they ship Izuku Midoriya and Uraoka Ochako
or whatever. I don't care at all what people
do in their free time. I have to work for a living.
I'm not going to care. Yeah, I was watching an
episode of Dr. Phil with Amanda because she loves
Dr. Phil, but it was about Gen Z. And obviously,
I don't think all Gen Z is like this, but people
generalize it. Very much. Millennials are all
like this. Gen Z is all like this. And I'm like,
no, that's a part of the internet thing is we're
all stereotyping and generalizing a group of
people. However, in this case, it was about how
a lot of younger generations don't want to work
and they don't want to put in the effort. And
there was a girl, Dr. Phil, I wish I remember
what it was called, what the episode was called,
but she had said. I don't need to work a nine
to five. I'm just going to manifest that I'll
be wealthy. I was like, I love the energy. Don't
get me wrong. I love the energy. That's not how
life works. Not in this economy. No, I wish with
all of my heart that you were right. I 100 %
wish that I could run for president and be like,
you know what? We're going to have. a nice stimulus
check. So if you're nice to somebody, you get
$5 ,000 a month. That's not going to happen.
That's not going to work either, but one can
dream. Run the world on kindness. That's what
I would love to do, but that's not how it works.
And also it doesn't help you build character.
It doesn't help you go through life's struggles
and have failures and have moments where you
don't do something right, and you need to be
told that you didn't do something right, especially
at a job. That's how you grow, and that's how
you take those lessons and better yourself as
a person. It can be in any situation, doesn't
have to be with a job only, but saying I'm just
gonna manifest that I'm gonna make millions of
dollars by being an influencer, I'm like, the
people that happens to is very rare. It's not
just something that they may have had different
connections. They may have had family that were
in the business. We don't know. We only know
what we see on the internet. We don't know what
goes on behind the scenes. They're not going
to, usually people don't open up about how they
got to where they are usually, or they do, but
they omit quite a bit of stuff. Like who helped
them, things like that. But hearing them say,
I don't want to work. Nobody wants to work. No
one does. Very rarely. Like, I have been blessed
to be in a working position where I get to work
in an art gallery all day. So, as an artist,
I'm like, this is the best job in the world.
I'm very lucky. Does not pay a lot, but I love
my job. So, not everyone can say that. Not everyone
is in the position of, like, loving their job.
But no, no one wants to work. There are days
where I... You have to go to work. And I'm like,
I would rather be at home because I don't want
to leave the house today. Yeah, it's I have my
job where I have to drive two hours to go to
a staff meeting once a month and then drive two
hours home, which is not as bad as some other
people have it. But for me and like it's difficult
because of like my medical stuff that I deal
with a lot of times that's hard for me to. if
I'm not feeling well, to then drive two hours
to go somewhere instead of just being home where
I have access to what I need if I'm feeling sick.
And so that's really difficult. Even though it's
once a month, like it's still difficult, but
it doesn't mean I'm not going to do it. It means
that I'm going to do it. It's part of my job.
And the only reason I wouldn't do it is if I
was too sick that day. And then if that were
the case, I have accommodations through work
that work with me on that. So sometimes you have
to go through a lot of really crappy jobs. Like
I definitely did in human services. There are
so many jobs that do not care about you as a
person. They only want you to make money for
them. Yeah, I could. That could be a whole podcast
episode of shitty jobs that I work. Oh, my God.
I have. Yes. This podcast. Next podcast, Gabe
talks about the terrible service jobs that he
worked talking about you. Alamo Draft House.
I could rant about some of the jobs that I've
had, but I had a hard time finding jobs where
they would actually work with a medical disability.
A lot of jobs just want you to be a robot and
like say you can't do something or, oh, I got
sick or blah, blah, blah. It's something that
I've been dealing with since I was 14. It's not
just going to suddenly go away because you hired
me. It's not my fault. And so this job that I
currently have is the first job. that has ever
even attempted to understand my situation and
to work with me. So they were like, oh, we're
going to do this and this and you just let us
know what's going on and we'll work with you.
And I was like, oh my God, I'll stay here forever.
No, for real. That's literally how you build,
what is it, loyalty in your company that people
love to preach about. Yeah, there's aspects of
it that I'm. I'm not happy about, but every single
job that you ever have is going to be something
you don't like. The pay isn't enough. The commute
sucks. Somebody at work you don't like. You have
a manager you don't like. There's always something
that people will find. And when I was younger,
I was so bad about this, fully just exposing
my younger self. But if I had an inconvenience
at a job that I worked out of high school, I'd
just be like, okay, I'm leaving. Like, just didn't
stay because I was like, I don't like this or
I don't like this. And that's not, it really
caught up to me pretty quickly because I realized
that then the money stopped. Paying for things
you want stops and it's, oh, maybe I need to
deal with it and grow up a little bit. Like the
job I have right now, it's human services. So
they don't pay a lot because it's like a nonprofit,
a lot of human services profit because they work
with like health insurances through the state
to help people get access to resources. So you
would think that the job that I have now would
pay more. They want to pay us more. Don't get
me wrong. Like my supervisor has gone to bat
for us over and over again to try to get us a
better salary. But because we're working through
the state insurance, it's not always that easy
because they're not willing to pay us unless
they see certain numbers and certain statistics.
And I'm like, we're showing you that like, for
an example, one of the duties of my job is to
meet with people in person to do intake paperwork.
So they come in, they say, my child needs help
with this. Like an example, they need help with
an afterschool program or a mentorship program.
They sign the intake paperwork that allows us
to be authorized to talk to their primary care
doctor, their school, and an emergency contact.
And outside of that, if they have anybody else
like a therapist or something for the kiddo,
then they can authorize us to talk to them as
well. And then what I do is I put everybody together
in the little care team and talk to each of them
to make sure that the child's needs are being
met and that they're getting supported and getting
services. to help them grow. So if parents are
having trouble with housing or food, we help
them apply for benefits that'll help them be
more secure. And that's a really rewarding job,
especially when it works out for you. When it
doesn't work out for you and you can only help
so much, it's heartbreaking. Like it's so hard
to not be able to wave the magic wand and solve
all of their problems for that family, especially
when We need it. It's gut wrenching sometimes.
And that's why the work is so difficult. It's
a lot of stress. It's a lot on people who have
empathy and it doesn't pay a lot. But the work
that we do is so important that you would think
we would get paid a lot more money, but that's
not how it works. But I still love my job with
all of the good and the frustrating parts of
it because it allows me to. Pay for my bills
and I sometimes don't have gas money for the
week, but it's okay. I'll figure it out But yeah,
it's when I see people say things like that or
Younger generations saying they don't want to
work or they just want to be an influencer. It's
not that easy It's not and you have to be incredibly
lucky to be an influencer Yeah, because all they're
seeing is the success and they're not seeing
the luck or the millions of people who have failed
Not every YouTuber that you watch that has like
hundreds of thousands of subscribers is going
to be a success story. You can't just put all
your eggs in a basket and then hope that it doesn't
have holes. And it's one of those things where
I think there's so much. It's like romanticizing
the idea of being an influencer where it is.
It's like you said, it's very rare. You have
to be very lucky. You have to fit a certain like
niche that needs to be filled. And even then,
I remember like when YouTube was a thing, when
it started, the influencers were just like people
that came on to show how they did their eye shadow
and talking about little things that they bought
at Sephora or something. No, no, no ad. Not sponsored.
But it's and then it turns into. One person does
really well, it becomes a job. And then people
are like, oh, this is possible. Yes, it's possible.
And you should believe in yourself and you should
follow your dreams. Be realistic about it though.
If I could just wave the magic wand and manifest,
I would be on Broadway right now with no medical
issues. Like a lot of my stuff holds me back
from even pursuing those things because I'm worried
that it's... going to cause issues for whoever
I work for, like, especially an in -person job.
So something like Broadway, while it would be
a dream, it would be difficult just being realistic.
So I try to find ways around that. I try to find
other methods of acting, singing, putting out
stories, things like that. And you have to learn
to adapt and pivot and not everything is going
to work out the way that you want it to work
out. Yeah, definitely not like It's you have
to be passionate. I feel like you have if you're
going to go after if you want to be youtuber
right if you want to be youtuber or an influencer
or Whatever on the internet you got to be Super
passionate about what you're doing because for
a long time if at all you're not gonna nothing's
gonna happen. Yeah, like No online artist is
going to start posting and get immediately like
100 followers on Twitter or anything like that.
You just have to you're going to be shouting
to avoid for probably a very long time, if not
five people, which is still a lot. Some people
are like, oh, I only got 30 views on my YouTube
or whatever. And it's that's 30 whole people.
That's a classroom. thighs, like that's still
a lot of people. Can you imagine 30 people right
now in front of you? That's a lot of people that
is talking to a crowd. And even if it's just
14 or 15 people, that's still a crowd. You are
now on a soapbox being like people are seeing
you. So those numbers, though they're small in
comparison to others, are still very important.
But yeah, you should if you want to do anything
creative, you have to have the passion and the
drive. to just put yourself out there and fully
commit, which a lot of people don't realize that
they have to do. You have to expose yourself
in so many different ways to just be an artist.
Even then, there's like a lot of things that
you also have to sacrifice in order to get to
where you want to be. Like, it's not going to
be easy. It's never going to be something where
you're like, oh, I just did this and it was fine.
I didn't have to risk anything or that's not
how it works. Even the people that are really
big music people right now or actors talk a lot
about what they've had to sacrifice or what they've
had to do in order to get to where they are.
And it's sometimes something very uncomfortable.
Is that worth it? Is that something that morally
you can do? It's you might get these offers or
these moments that are presented to you, but
it's always going to come with something else.
Yeah. So you have to, and I think people learn
that over time as well. I don't think they always
necessarily just learn it right away. Like you
have to go through. trials and you have to go
through failures and hard times for you to like
really understand. Yeah, absolutely. I entirely
agree with that. Yeah. It's rough. It's hard.
And I've had my own share of issues and trying
to go into the world of being successful. And
I hope it still works out one day, but it may
not work out the way I originally thought that
it would. It might be different. It might be
completely. something else that you never expected,
but it's still successful. Yeah. So, yeah. And
I feel like there's a lot of pressure, especially
online, to have success be a number, be like
a certain amount of followers or a certain amount
of views. But a lot of the time, success can
just be the fact that you made something. You
made a post or you made a. a video or something
that you're proud of that people get to see,
get to experience and get to connect with. And
I feel like that gets lost sometimes through
the online space because everyone is just consuming
so much. We don't take the time to really look
at what's being produced. Like all the work that
goes into a YouTube video that's six seconds
long. That could have taken that creator a week
or a month to do and Yeah, I feel like that's
like another thing is there's a lot of work that
goes into stuff that We online just take for
granted because we're like, oh that was cool
next thing, you know, and even for me like there's
I've reached out because I'm a singer and I've
tried to get like a talent agent for the longest
time and that's very That's extremely hard, especially
since most talent agents don't want just like
cold pitches, but like how well how other How
what other way? Yes, am I gonna connect with
you? Like obviously you talk and stuff, but then
at some point that's gonna come up Sometimes
people will say that they do one thing and then
they get back to you and say oh, this is great
Not the right time. Yeah, and that's really a
huge bummer but it's happened so often to me
like especially recently with me trying to branch
out and Find an agent. It's difficult because
there are so many people who want to be in that
space and want to be represented and The person
that is taking those people in and representing
them, they have to be very selective. It's nothing
against you as a person. It doesn't mean that
your talent isn't good enough. It just might
not be the right moment or it may not be the
right person. And it's all a lesson in hearing
no and being okay with that or seeing something
not work out the way you want it to and being
okay with that. Whereas Looping back to people
being on the internet. We don't really see that
Yeah, we don't see people getting a thousand
nos Versus the one. Yes that they got yeah, absolutely.
We just see we always just see the success and
never the rejection that people go through I
can guarantee you people who are huge now have
also dealt with a lot of rejection They don't
just they're not just born a star and then everything
goes their way from day one. That's not how it
works So I try to humble myself by thinking that
way too because sometimes when I get really bummed
out or I see Like successful people online. I'm
like, oh, I'm not trying hard enough, but that's
it's not necessarily true that just means that
it's not the right place or it's not the right
time and Everybody's life journey is different.
Yeah, absolutely. I think the biggest thing that
we've talked about obviously in this episode
is surrounding a lot about identity online and
Because I feel like that's the one of the biggest
things that happens on the internet is your identity
how you Present yourself to the world what you
want who you idolize Jobs, I remember back in
the old day when we had to go to the store and
paper application Back in the old days when you
had to go and ask if they were hiring Yeah, I
will say I do have something to say that's interesting
because you bring up jobs. I do find it interesting
that Especially because I don't have a Twitter
just because I don't really like it, never liked
it. But I find it really interesting that certain
people, certain jobs that are hiring people will
look at your Twitter or your Facebook to see
what you post. If it's like raunchy language
or even just like what you did today. Like if
you were to, if you were texting or tweeting
or something on while you were on shift. And
I'm like, that's insane to me that we live in
a society where you can't be yourself online
without it. Hurting your job, because I'm Tumblr
born and bred, my only social media choice is
Tumblr, and obviously it has a way stronger.
anonymity than Facebook and Instagram and Twitter.
It's not attached to your name or your phone
number or anything like that. You just need an
email for a Tumblr. So no one from my job can
see me on Tumblr cursing or calling for representation
in the government and be like, oh, he's fired.
So it's just, it's just so interesting how social
media has this huge impact on Who you are as
a person when before that it was like No one
knew you had an opinion. Does that make sense?
Yeah and now it's like we're In the age now where
it's like you can have opinion, but your opinion
is wrong And so I'm gonna be upset with you about
it. Exactly. Yeah, it could be an opinion over
mint chocolate chip ice cream and Now you're
getting doxed or swatted or something like that.
And it's and it's insane that people find these
hills to die on when they're just they're like
molehills. And it's not that deep. It's a crater,
my dog. It's not even. And it's like you're arguing
with people that you don't know who you've never
met, who have no idea what this person has been
through. You have no idea. Anything, really?
And yeah. It's just one of those things where,
you know, I don't know if I'm aging myself by
being like, I almost missed the days when it
was like, mind your business. Yeah. Obviously,
if someone's doing something really bad, then
having them held accountable for it, that makes
sense. But that, though, it's like, really, the
people in their lives are like their core people
that are around them every day. Shouldn't they
be responsible for doing that? Yeah, exactly.
Or the actual people like in law enforcement
or something like that where, you know, somebody
that's doing something wrong needs to be handled
by the people who are who are actively there.
And we did a whole thing on cancel culture, which
I still have. I have thoughts about, but it worries
me for the state of our community and our society
that everybody is so willing to. villainize and
gang up on other people without knowing both
sides, without having the full story, without
really knowing what goes on in somebody's life.
And it's not necessarily an excuse, like they
do something bad, they do something bad. Then
when it comes to cancel culture on the internet,
especially, that can affect a job, that can affect
that person's life, that can really harm them.
And people doing it, Don't care and it's sad
and it shows a lack of empathy. It shows a lack
of respect for yourself Honestly, yeah. No, absolutely
if you're so miserable in your own life that
you have to Try to tear somebody else down Just
make yourself feel better You need to do something
about that. There needs to be some soul searching
there needs to be some therapy there needs to
be something going on yeah, and Then the internet
though is a bunch of like this I've seen so many
youtubers, especially like really big youtubers
when you get that big it's hard to Deal with
because you have so many eyes on you already.
Yes, and I can only imagine how celebrities feel
like I've said a million times before People
worship celebrities. I'm like, these are just
people Yeah They're literally, I bet you anything
Ariana Grande goes home, takes a mad shit, and
then goes to sleep. No, for real. And she probably
sings while she does it, but it's okay. They're
not these gods and goddesses and deities walking
among us. These are people who have a different
job than we do, that they just happen to get
paid a lot for that job. Yeah. they still have
a right to privacy they still have a right to
basic human rights where they don't need to worry
about constantly being scrutinized for their
books or their way or how much how much somebody's
making on a movie too is like crazy to me because
that should be between like the person and the
person paying them yeah i feel and maybe i'm
wrong with that i don't know if that's necessarily
supposed to be public knowledge but i feel like
everything now is so publicized and there's less
privacy just for people. So they feel exposed
and they feel like the world is watching them.
They can't just do their jobs and do what they
love anymore without worrying about group A over
here, hating them, wanting to dox them or wanting
to hurt them or doing whatever. And it's not
just necessarily celebrities. It's in every facet
of life. Yeah. The internet gives that pathway
to just. Say whatever you want behind the screen,
no matter how mean or nasty it is. But if you
were faced with that person in person. Nine times
out of 10, you're not going to say those things
to them. Yeah. And it just also breeds like this
sense of like false righteousness almost. Or
it's like purity culture where I'm right. You're
wrong. You're always going to be wrong. I don't
care about your intentions. I don't care if it
was an honest mistake. You did something wrong
and it can be as small as someone tripping over
a dog. Be like, oh, you kicked that dog, dude.
You totally kicked that guy. No, I tripped up
now and they won't listen to you no matter what
you say, because they have already decided that
you kicked that dog. And it's and because of
the way the Internet is so rapid, now everyone
will think. or know that you are a dog kicker
and and now you can't and now you can't suddenly
you can't work at a McDonald's because it's like
oh you're a dog kicker dude you can't be in here
and it's I didn't kick the dog I made us and
also just like the virality of the internet is
also incredibly interesting in a bad way because
it's like the post that calls you a dog kicker
will always be more engaged than the post you
make saying, I tripped over a dog. So now, because
even if you say even if you clear everything
up, if your post doesn't get as much engagement
as the original, you're now a dog kicker. Sorry,
in the form of public opinion, you have kicked
the dog. So it's it's almost like at this point,
why even be on the Internet saying an opinion
doing anything if you're especially with someone
like me who has like massive anxiety, I am almost
afraid to, I was afraid, I'm not as afraid right
now to share my public opinion on things because
it can be twisted around or I could lose my job
or I could lose opportunities just because I'm
saying anything. It could literally just be like,
you know what? I think that character is actually
straight. Be like, no time up to the branch post.
Yeah. like has set him on fire and it's the fact
that people have that fear at all to say anything
on the internet is insane and very frightening
because it's okay so now i can't say anything
ever i can never have an opinion i can never
be public with who i am because of how people
may react to me that because that's how anxiety
works although this could happen so you shouldn't
do it And it's even when people apologize for
things that they've been doing. You're apologizing
to a bunch of people that probably won't even
accept your apology anyway. And they've already
decided that you're a horrible human being. So
one of the biggest things that I've learned in
my failures and my attempts when my business
went down, one of my things is that I was working
so much. that I barely had time and not even
that I barely had time. I was like on my phone
and on my computer constantly because I was always
worried that something was going to go tits up.
And at one point my wife was like, you, are you
going to be not working tonight so we can spend
time together? Yeah. And I was like, oh, it was
in that moment where I really realized that how
easily, not even necessarily if you have a business
or not, but how easily you can be sucked into
the internet with people that don't even know
you. Like my wife is somebody I married who's
like I've been with for onward six years. This
is my ride or die. Her opinion of me matters
to me more than random people on the internet
who are gonna say whatever they're gonna say.
It just, it doesn't make sense to me. how toxic
and nasty people can be over the internet because
they can hide and they can pretend to be like
the savior or the white knight on the horse.
Just go outside. Go outside. Go have actual conversations
with people. And if you, if some, if you don't
like somebody, ignore them. Maybe just it's not
your problem. It's the person's problem that's
around that person every day. And like that person
has to deal with them. That's, and I've seen
this with tons of people, not just my own experience,
but tons of people. And people don't even want
to be on the internet anymore. There's no enjoyment
on the internet anymore because they're afraid
that people are going to take something that
was done or said in a way that makes them look
like a monster when it's actually there's like
these this huge other half of the story that
you're omitting and that you have no clue what
you're talking about. Or you're just testing
your narrative, which is ridiculous. Let them
live their life. If they do something they don't
agree with, don't engage with them. It's that
simple. It's like somebody in real life, too.
If you have a coworker you don't like, you're
not going to go out of your way to, I would hope
not, spread rumors about that person at work.
You might have literally no life. What do you
get out of tearing people down? Because at the
end of the day, that's going to weigh on your
soul and your energy. Even if you don't realize
it now, that's going to hurt you in the long
run. It's going to really turn you into a person
that you never thought you could end up being.
I would hope that you wouldn't want to be. And
empathy is lost on the Internet, which is so
sad because we need that, especially in our society
right now. Yeah. I feel like a lot of people
on the Internet, as soon as they encounter anything
that is. Like. mildly wrong, not even just like
it's not black and white. It's not even like
a dark gray. It's like a medium gray. It's like
a slightly a bad thing, not the best thing. And
they're like, OK, person spike now. And they
just they feel like the need to expose people
for. Mistakes or shortcomings that they either
eventually rectify or aren't even major sins
Not even major taboos like there are really big
social taboos should that should absolutely be
called out on And I'm not even gonna mention
it because everyone knows what they are Yeah,
but very clear one that we the very clear ones
that we can all agree on yes Like pouring the
milk before your cereal But even if it's a mild
stuff, like, God, I don't know. Damn, I totally
forgot to do this thing for you that you were
relying me on. That's my bad. And then that person
will go around and be like, oh, this person's
an ableist cuck. Sorry, I probably can't say
that. This person is an ableist. Okay, this person
is an ableist dumb. But I'm trying not to curse.
I feel so awkward. I'm going to curse. You'll
believe it anyway. This is a ableist who just
doesn't cater to me and my whims. And they totally
forgot about me. So therefore, they don't care
about me, the disabled person. And it's no, I
just genuinely forgot. Yeah. Or even if it was
if there's no malicious intent. You gotta just
let it go my guy. Let people learn from their
mistakes Exactly. You can't just assume that
everyone is a bad person Just because you're
not getting your way or it looks bad on paper
If I were to say to someone straight up, oh my
friend Didn't follow my boundaries. It would
be like, oh, that's a terrible person but if
I were to add on the fact that oh Yeah, my friend
forgot my boundaries because they have problem
remembering things and it needs to be repeated
multiple times before it gets into their head.
In that case, they're still like they're not
the best person. They're forgetting boundaries,
but they you have to you have to give them a
little leeway because it's they're still learning.
They're growing from their mistakes and they
have apologized or they are working on it because
they're like, oh, they've forgotten multiple
times and it's OK. But are they learning? Yeah,
but are they growing and. A lot of people are
just like, no, everyone is stagnant. Stop. Now
we are human beings. We have fleshy little brains
that love to grow and develop because that's
what they do. So if we're decent people, we're
going to continue to grow. We're going to continue
to learn. No one is perfect straight out of the
womb. So just give people some grace. I think
it's like that thing where it's that moment where
people feel. I don't know if this is the right
word, but they feel validated if they have an
opinion that other people follow even if it's
opinion that is on it even if it's an opinion
that they're just following because they want
something to do and they're bored and people
want to bond over either loving somebody or hating
somebody or there's a sense of community even
when it's toxic and it's something that I realized
too, and I go through, and I do a lot of self
-reflection daily. I always look back on things
that I've done and try to think, what could I
have done better? How do I see myself now versus
how I was acting then? There are so many things
that I did wrong in my life. Oh my God. The way
that I can look at that and take accountability
for it. That's what helps me grow and help me
learn how to approach the situations later on
in life. Yeah. Not continuously make those mistakes.
But a lot of people feel that on both, on both
ends, a lot of people feel like they make one
mistake. They're damned. Like they're a bad person
forever. They shouldn't even try anymore. Like
we, we had a friend that was like that who they
were. very pessimistic about life. And because
things had happened to them, it was, the world
owes me something. The world doesn't owe you
anything. The world doesn't owe anybody anything.
Like you were dealt a hand of cards in your life
and you deal with it. And if people don't like
you, Go about your day. You don't need to express
that you don't like somebody. There's no point
in doing that. You're wasting your time and making
yourself look hateful. And there's so much hate
in the world already that it makes no sense to
put more hateful energy into the world. Like
it makes more sense to be like, oh, I don't like
you. I'm not going to give you my attention.
I'm not going to give you my energy. There you
go. That's the best thing you can do. family,
friends, whatever, if there's somebody that you
genuinely don't get along with and don't like,
walk away. Yeah. It's like typical, it's what
we learn in grade school. Don't like somebody,
you're not going to walk up and punch them in
the face. No. You're going to walk away and say,
I don't want to be friends with you. Okay. Kids
can do that, yet us as adults, we still struggle
doing that because we feel like we're not being
We're if we're not in the right then it then
something is missing within us that we need to
fill Yeah, and that's a sad life to live that
I've noticed not even just in in the internet
and human services, too You see this constantly
People that they're going through some horrible
things and then they take it out on you and You're
like, I'm sorry that there's been so many times
or I've had a mother who has gone through so
much and she's about to lose everything and she's
just screaming at me over the phone. And I'm
trying to be as calm as possible, but I'm also
sad because I can hear how upset she is. It's
not at me, though. I didn't do anything. And
so I'm like, I'm really sorry that you're going
through this. I'm going to do the best that I
can to help. And then when you speak kindly to
others, especially when they're heightened, Most
people will come down from that and be like,
no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out on
you. It's not your fault. Take a beat. Take a
breath. Let's figure it out. Let's work together
on this. Let's game plan. What can we do to move
forward? But because of the internet and because
of the access to so many things that are negative,
that are broadcast on the internet, We're losing
that ability to communicate with one another.
And have that empathy, like communication and
empathy are so important for society, but we're
losing it. Yeah. And a lot of it's because of
the Internet, unfortunately. Yeah, I agree with
that. And I also want to say it's just like you're
if you don't like somebody, you have every right.
to never talk to them again. The internet is
a big place. You're not going to lose out on
anything if you block a person or or just decide
to avoid a section of the internet entirely.
Like I am a huge advocate for. blocking people
without really needing a reason to like they
can just be. I can just not like their content.
I can just be like, you know what? You have really
cold takes on this thing I like. So I'm just
going to. Block you like it's nothing against
the person personally. I just don't want to see
it and I should be allowed to be like, I don't
want to see this. And I feel like a lot of people
want to have. an excuse to hate somebody or to
not like somebody. So they will twist any truth
or take any molehill they find to make it this
huge mountain. So that way they are allowed to
not like a person. And if you're allowed to just
say, I don't like this person, I don't want to
work with them. I don't want to talk to them.
And I feel like that just makes you the bigger
person. If you're just like, hey, we don't get
along. It was nice talking to you. If I did talk
to you like it's not that hard to just remove
yourself from the equation entirely if you feel
like you don't like a person like you don't have
to come up with a reason. You don't have to talk
shit to your friends in order to convince yourself
there's a reason. to not like somebody, you can
just not like somebody. Like you feel validated
within yourself, knowing that you will have friends
and you will have a community around you that
love you and care about you for you and your
own values of what you offer the world. Yep.
Not because of you creating a negative space.
I don't think that those friendships will last.
I don't think that those relationships are healthy.
And it's just it's something that People may
need to go through life and learn things. Life
may have to smack them upside the head a couple
of times. That's happened to me. Karma has hit
me a couple of times. I know she don't she don't
play favorites. I already know that I've learned.
But it's sometimes people act out of character
because they think it's going to get them attention.
They think it's going to get them some kind of
it's going to fill a void in them that they don't
necessarily know that they have. Yeah. And that
is where I always suggest for people to meditate.
I love meditation. It helps so much. People who
are religious turning to their religion, people
that are spiritual turning inward to your spirituality,
finding something that you can do within yourself,
that spending time with yourself and reflecting
and saying, does this really serve me? in a positive
way am I putting out more good into the world
than bad and if what I'm doing is it benefit
me or is it just because I want something to
do or I'm upset about a situation it's the people
that I feel like scream on the internet yep it's
you need to work on Being happier with yourself
and not needing validation from other people
and that I say that because I have a really hard
time with that I I have struggled for years needing
validation from other people just because of
my mental health journey my weight loss journey
I'm still struggling with it. I still feel like
if I If somebody says something nice to me, I
still don't believe it sometimes. And I'm like,
oh yeah, okay. You're funny. And then my wife
will look at me and be like, stop it. And I'm
like, okay, I'm sorry. Or people that comments
on my videos, like you're singing his ass. And
I'm like, thank you for the view. Thank you for
the view. I appreciate your opinion. And I send
you love and light because. I'm not going to
fight with you over my voice. If you don't like
my voice, don't watch my videos. It's really
not that hard. It's really not that hard. You
have to comment something to try to get a rise
out of me. You're not going to get a rise out
of me. I'm just going to say, I appreciate your
opinion because I do appreciate your opinion,
especially if it's constructive. If people say
anything like, oh, I didn't like this part of
the song. Sometimes I'm like, okay, that's good
for me to note in the future if it's constructive.
Like my vocal coach rips me apart when I send
them takes of music. Like my old vocal coach
would have me do a song like 19 times over and
over again if I got one note wrong. And I was
like, girl, just let me post the song. And she
was like, no. So I'm used to receiving that.
But if it's just being hateful and mean for no
reason, what did you get out of this? Honestly,
I'm not going to give you what you want, which
is a reaction. I'm not going to do it because
it's not worth my time. It's not. I've done too
much work on myself to feed into this energy.
I would rather send you good vibes when you've
sent me bad vibes. Because I'm going to cancel
out what you're doing by sending you positive
vibes, because whatever I put out into the world
is going to come back to me at some point. Yep.
So say whatever you want. I'm not going to sit
here and argue with you over the internet. I'm
just not. So I think people really need to work
on self -reflection. They need to work on being
with yourself. I know sometimes that's really
uncomfortable, but I'm very spiritual. I try
really hard to either meditate every day or just
spend like a mindful moment with myself and just.
Think about what's currently going on. Like tomorrow
I have to drive two hours and I'm like, inner
part of me is, I don't want to go. It's just
like catastrophizing and spiraling. But then
you have to take those moments and stop yourself
and think, do I have a reason not to go? Am I
just saying this because the easier option would
be easier and I'd be happier. But what am I going
to miss out on? What is me not doing this? What
is what's going to happen? Like, I'm going to
need to make it up sometime. What if that what
if me making up the time that I lost not going
is worse than if I had just gone? Yeah, like
you don't know. And so it really comes down to
like me saying if I'm sick, that's different.
But if I'm not, you just need to go get it. You
did it. You know, give yourself some ice cream
when you get home something. Be kinder to yourself
and be kinder to others. A lot of celebrities
say that. And I feel like we don't take that
seriously. We don't know. That's what's going
to make the world a better place eventually,
is if people learn. You don't have to like each
other, you don't have to agree with each other.
Yep. But it doesn't need to be broadcasted on
the Internet either. No. Just be with the people
that you're around every day that care about
you as a person who know you inside and out,
your family, your friends, your partners. Those
are the people that you really need to prove
who you are to because those are the people that
are your support group. And those are the people
that are always going to be there for you. So
the internet is a place where people can share
interests and have fun, but it's also a place
where It's caused a lot of harm, probably more
harm than good in a lot of aspects. Yeah. Yeah,
I agree. And I feel like people should also just
learn to stay in their lane and to just stop
being assholes. Stop being jerks, stop being
little shits. Do something productive with your
life. Do something productive. Do something that
you Really love doing it. Doesn't matter if it's
cringe. Doesn't matter if no one gets to see
it. Just create something that you're so proud
of that you can look back on years later and
be like, yeah, yeah, no, I really went off on
this one. I really like this one. Absolutely.
As we wrap up, as we have a few minutes left,
what are your final thoughts? Gabe on today's
podcast session. I would say my final thoughts
are be nice to people on the internet. You don't
know what people are going through. Always be
yourself on the internet in a personality way,
not in a share me your address kind of way. Don't
be creepy. Don't share photos of yourself online.
That is literally how you get found out and tracked.
But anyway, and also just do stuff passionately.
do things that you like because you like it.
And don't worry about the numbers. Don't worry
about the traction. Don't worry about the eyes
that get to see your work because someone will
see your work because it's the Internet and people
will see it in a both positive and negative way.
People will see it. So just, yeah, do what you
want. Be great and don't be little shits. In
the words of Bambi, if you can't say something
nice, don't say anything at all. Correct. Golden
rule. Unless you're with your partner and you're
joking around and bantering, that's fine. Don't
go out of your way to hurt people. Go out of
your way to help people. Go out of your way to
uplift others. And if you don't like that person,
just don't engage. It's that simple. Just don't
engage. Yeah. Just otherwise. Eventually, you're
going to look back on it and be like, oh, man,
like, why did I do that? Let people learn their
own life lessons. Karma is she's a beast and
she will get them like she don't skip anybody.
And that's what karma is for to teach you life
lessons. I just my last thoughts are there's
no reason to put in more negativity in the world
than there already is when we should. come together
as people, different opinions and all, and just
try to be there for one another because we're
so distanced and we're so divided that it's just
creating discourse and chaos and deteriorating
our society one day at a time. In order to make
the world an actual better place, People need
to go back to a place of communication and empathy
and kindness. And that's just how it needs to
be. Like there's no other way. You can have different
opinions, but that doesn't mean you have to be
cruel to one another. With those thoughts being
said, thank you guys for listening. And I know
I don't post too often, but that's because I
prioritize my real life. I do try to put out
covers as often as I can make them. and podcasts
as often as we can do them. They may not be regular,
but they'll come out when they come out. And
I suggest that you guys also find something lovely
to do in your real life that you are passionate
about. And we'll see you next time. All righty.
Say bye, Gabe. Bye, Gabe. Bye, guys.