WEBVTT 00:00:15.779 --> 00:00:18.679 Hey everyone, my name is Austin and welcome back 00:00:18.679 --> 00:00:20.920 to another episode of the Unfiltered Faith Podcast. 00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:23.600 If this is your first time tuning in, I'm so 00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:25.559 glad you're here. And if you've been here before, 00:00:25.739 --> 00:00:27.820 welcome back. Today I have two very special guests 00:00:27.820 --> 00:00:29.899 sitting with me today to answer the question, 00:00:29.980 --> 00:00:33.560 why is marriage so romanticized? As well as diving 00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:35.520 into topics surrounding marriage that aren't 00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:38.340 quite talked about enough. Both of them have 00:00:38.340 --> 00:00:40.460 experienced divorce, learned from it, and eventually 00:00:40.460 --> 00:00:43.390 found love again with each other. So whether 00:00:43.390 --> 00:00:45.649 you're single married divorced or somewhere in 00:00:45.649 --> 00:00:48.409 between there's something here for all of us 00:00:48.409 --> 00:00:53.810 To start things off, why don't you introduce 00:00:53.810 --> 00:00:56.929 yourselves and tell us how you met my name is 00:00:56.929 --> 00:01:01.509 Jesse and I met Scott through an online dating 00:01:01.509 --> 00:01:06.849 website and I had been divorced for 15 years 00:01:06.849 --> 00:01:10.599 and really wanted to take the time to learn about 00:01:10.599 --> 00:01:15.040 myself and to, I guess, have a better perspective 00:01:15.040 --> 00:01:19.400 on a Christian marriage versus a secular marriage. 00:01:19.620 --> 00:01:23.340 So I waited a while and then I met him online. 00:01:23.579 --> 00:01:26.579 I'm Scott and met Jesse online, as she said. 00:01:26.819 --> 00:01:30.079 I had been separated from my ex for probably 00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:32.700 close, right out of a year. So not as long as, 00:01:32.700 --> 00:01:35.640 as Jesse, but my divorce had just, just finalized. 00:01:35.700 --> 00:01:38.340 I'd been basically by myself for a year. And 00:01:38.340 --> 00:01:40.840 kind of like Jesse, I really wanted to find somebody 00:01:40.840 --> 00:01:46.900 who shared my same values, um, my faith, uh, 00:01:47.079 --> 00:01:51.739 and who was just much more mature, uh, much more 00:01:51.739 --> 00:01:55.420 level headed, less, maybe less emotional, emotionally 00:01:55.420 --> 00:01:57.340 driven. I think it's probably the best way to 00:01:57.340 --> 00:02:00.000 say it. and somebody that I shared a lot more 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:01.500 with. I think one of the mistakes I made with 00:02:01.500 --> 00:02:04.099 my first marriage is I didn't have a lot in common 00:02:04.099 --> 00:02:07.260 with my ex. And I wanted somebody that really 00:02:07.260 --> 00:02:09.900 had a lot of the same things like day in and 00:02:09.900 --> 00:02:12.000 day out. I wanted to be able to share each and 00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:14.460 every day with that person enjoying life, but 00:02:14.460 --> 00:02:17.000 also life with that person, like kind of coming 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:20.080 together, if that makes sense. Wow. I love that. 00:02:20.280 --> 00:02:22.229 Thank you for sharing your story. That kind of 00:02:22.229 --> 00:02:24.849 leads us into our next topic. Let's talk about 00:02:24.849 --> 00:02:27.629 the stories we grew up with. Movies, books, and 00:02:27.629 --> 00:02:29.949 even social media. They all paint pictures of 00:02:29.949 --> 00:02:33.469 romance and marriage that's well, often, idolized. 00:02:34.069 --> 00:02:36.330 How have these things influenced the way you 00:02:36.330 --> 00:02:39.129 saw love and marriage before? And that you lived 00:02:39.129 --> 00:02:41.590 it. What do you think is the biggest difference 00:02:41.590 --> 00:02:44.550 between fantasy and reality? I think it's pretty 00:02:44.550 --> 00:02:48.409 clear, the movies in general. But also... songs 00:02:48.409 --> 00:02:51.330 and plays and other forms of entertainment. And 00:02:51.330 --> 00:02:53.509 like you mentioned, social media, although I 00:02:53.509 --> 00:02:56.270 think to a lesser degree, social media really 00:02:56.270 --> 00:03:00.050 play up marriage as this almost a fantasy, right? 00:03:00.229 --> 00:03:04.569 I think of the Richard Gere, Julia Roberts movies. 00:03:04.830 --> 00:03:06.629 Thank you. They were just, everything was always 00:03:06.629 --> 00:03:08.930 so wonderful and you know, there's always a happy 00:03:08.930 --> 00:03:11.430 ending and you know, they were just so madly 00:03:11.430 --> 00:03:14.379 in love. And that's true when you're dating, 00:03:14.659 --> 00:03:16.419 you kind of have those same emotions and you 00:03:16.419 --> 00:03:18.439 feel that way. But when you spend day in and 00:03:18.439 --> 00:03:21.379 day out with somebody and you go through struggles 00:03:21.379 --> 00:03:24.419 in life with that person, you know, those struggles, 00:03:24.500 --> 00:03:25.919 they never talk about those struggles in life 00:03:25.919 --> 00:03:28.020 and the hoofies right. Or at least rarely, rarely 00:03:28.020 --> 00:03:30.340 you go through that. That's really, I think what 00:03:30.340 --> 00:03:33.639 a marriage is when things go wrong and you have 00:03:33.639 --> 00:03:35.879 somebody there be by your side to support you, 00:03:35.879 --> 00:03:39.000 to help you that you can lean on or that needs 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:41.479 to lean on you and you can be there to support 00:03:41.479 --> 00:03:44.569 them. That's part of the marriage that I think 00:03:44.569 --> 00:03:48.490 is completely lost in the movies. Social media, 00:03:48.729 --> 00:03:51.650 I think, what I've seen in social media, the 00:03:51.650 --> 00:03:54.669 portrayal of marriage is similar, but it's more 00:03:54.669 --> 00:03:58.530 of like a bragging thing. Look at the car my 00:03:58.530 --> 00:04:01.409 husband bought me or the trip that I got to go 00:04:01.409 --> 00:04:05.430 on or whatever. And that's great and good, but 00:04:05.430 --> 00:04:08.469 again, it's not necessarily reality. There are 00:04:08.469 --> 00:04:12.050 some good things in marriage, but... There's 00:04:12.050 --> 00:04:14.830 also, like I said, a lot of struggles and things 00:04:14.830 --> 00:04:16.069 that you have to go through on a day -to -day 00:04:16.069 --> 00:04:20.649 basis as well. I think that you go through trials 00:04:20.649 --> 00:04:23.829 and tribulations together, and you learn how 00:04:23.829 --> 00:04:27.449 to work with one another. And I think that that's 00:04:27.449 --> 00:04:30.610 just movie love. So how do you define love now, 00:04:30.850 --> 00:04:32.470 compared to when you first got married to each 00:04:32.470 --> 00:04:34.889 other? Like, how have you grown? I think that 00:04:34.889 --> 00:04:37.189 when you truly love somebody, you sacrifice for 00:04:37.189 --> 00:04:39.660 one another. Even though you may get mad at one 00:04:39.660 --> 00:04:42.660 another, you still will sacrifice for that person. 00:04:42.899 --> 00:04:45.379 I'm going to use the word use sacrifice. I'm 00:04:45.379 --> 00:04:47.319 going to use the word patience. And then this 00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:50.079 doesn't completely wrap things up, but I think 00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:51.980 you have to learn to have a lot more patience. 00:04:52.100 --> 00:04:53.819 I think in the beginning, either when you're 00:04:53.819 --> 00:04:56.860 dating or newly married, everything is kind of 00:04:56.860 --> 00:05:00.259 a whirlwind and it's just happening. But as things 00:05:00.259 --> 00:05:04.579 settle down, you, you start to run into various 00:05:04.579 --> 00:05:07.339 troubles or struggles or whether you're about 00:05:07.339 --> 00:05:10.939 moving in and just figuring out how to cook together. 00:05:11.100 --> 00:05:13.660 I mean, there's challenges, little things. And 00:05:13.660 --> 00:05:17.720 I think what I've learned is you have to maintain 00:05:17.720 --> 00:05:20.259 your level of patience with that other person. 00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:23.300 And that's actually hard for me, which is why 00:05:23.300 --> 00:05:26.319 I'm focusing on it, which you would acknowledge. 00:05:27.660 --> 00:05:30.019 But yeah, I think continually being patient, 00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:33.019 realizing it's not just you. And although you 00:05:33.019 --> 00:05:36.470 are one in the eyes of God, You are still separate 00:05:36.470 --> 00:05:39.129 people with different opinions, different preferences 00:05:39.129 --> 00:05:41.670 and things. And you have to be, again, patience 00:05:41.670 --> 00:05:44.529 isn't the best word, but understanding. And there's 00:05:44.529 --> 00:05:47.509 another word. We'll be able to know one another 00:05:47.509 --> 00:05:50.509 in order to give each other what each other need. 00:05:50.769 --> 00:05:53.389 Yeah. You really have to, I think it takes time 00:05:53.389 --> 00:05:55.569 to really learn and understand that person, which 00:05:55.569 --> 00:05:58.149 is really required in order for you to have the 00:05:58.149 --> 00:06:00.029 type of patience or the type of understanding 00:06:00.029 --> 00:06:03.110 that they need. And you get that wrong. You have 00:06:03.110 --> 00:06:05.240 to just. you have to adjust and you have to continue 00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:07.800 to learn. And I think the only way to get through 00:06:07.800 --> 00:06:10.779 that is to communicate. Um, I think communication 00:06:10.779 --> 00:06:14.300 is really important as the marriage goes on because 00:06:14.300 --> 00:06:15.899 you can make some assumptions thinking, I know 00:06:15.899 --> 00:06:17.620 that person or I understand what's there, what's 00:06:17.620 --> 00:06:19.620 going on. I just don't agree with them or whatever, 00:06:20.199 --> 00:06:22.279 but sometimes they change. And so you have to 00:06:22.279 --> 00:06:23.759 keep the line of communication open and make 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:27.160 sure that you stay connected. And you, uh, you 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:28.639 have that level of understanding that you need 00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:31.860 to make them the. relationship continue to mature. 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:33.959 I think it also helps leaning on God through 00:06:33.959 --> 00:06:38.360 a lot because he teaches us so much. And if you 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:40.939 don't have God to lean on throughout your marriage, 00:06:41.639 --> 00:06:44.259 that's when you run into problems. So I know 00:06:44.259 --> 00:06:45.959 that for our marriage, that was something that 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:50.720 was important before we got married was to just 00:06:50.720 --> 00:06:54.839 make sure that we were aligned with our religion, 00:06:55.540 --> 00:06:57.620 our faith. Oh, and I'll add to that too, I think. 00:06:57.709 --> 00:06:59.930 Um, I'm just being very personal here. It's just 00:06:59.930 --> 00:07:02.870 my experience. But when my first marriage, I 00:07:02.870 --> 00:07:05.350 was married for 22 years. And while I was a Christian 00:07:05.350 --> 00:07:08.730 the entire time, I didn't really study God's 00:07:08.730 --> 00:07:12.930 word on a regular basis. And I knew coming into 00:07:12.930 --> 00:07:14.910 this marriage, I knew that that was something 00:07:14.910 --> 00:07:17.089 that I needed to change. I wanted God to really 00:07:17.089 --> 00:07:20.689 lead me in my life. Um, and not perfect. I don't 00:07:20.689 --> 00:07:23.810 study scripture every day, but probably five 00:07:23.810 --> 00:07:26.910 days a week on average. And I try to make it 00:07:26.910 --> 00:07:30.180 something that. not only just spending time with 00:07:30.180 --> 00:07:33.360 God, but really listening to what the scripture 00:07:33.360 --> 00:07:35.339 is telling me and how the Holy Spirit is moving 00:07:35.339 --> 00:07:37.980 me and how that could actually affect challenges 00:07:37.980 --> 00:07:41.180 or play into the challenges that I have in life. 00:07:41.660 --> 00:07:44.759 Some of my challenges are in my marriage and 00:07:44.759 --> 00:07:47.220 the Holy Spirit speaks loud and clear if you'll 00:07:47.220 --> 00:07:49.399 just study His word and listen. Do you think 00:07:49.399 --> 00:07:51.720 sometimes people rush into marriage because of 00:07:51.720 --> 00:07:53.600 how it's portrayed in the media and society? 00:07:54.199 --> 00:07:56.939 A hundred percent, I think so. I think I think 00:07:56.939 --> 00:07:59.600 the first couple of months you go through this 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:03.879 high emotions, honeymoon phase and this love 00:08:03.879 --> 00:08:06.639 and you're infatuated with one another and you 00:08:06.639 --> 00:08:08.560 just want to spend all the time in the world 00:08:08.560 --> 00:08:12.220 and people play on their emotions during those 00:08:12.220 --> 00:08:15.339 first couple of months, but it's the months and 00:08:15.339 --> 00:08:18.000 years of being with one another. People need 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:20.240 to really understand one another before they 00:08:20.240 --> 00:08:22.980 jump into marriage and understand what each other 00:08:22.980 --> 00:08:25.949 wants because if y 'all don't align, You're going 00:08:25.949 --> 00:08:30.050 to have problems. I think the movies and the 00:08:30.050 --> 00:08:35.309 media in general romanticize, well, I was going 00:08:35.309 --> 00:08:37.110 to say, I think they romanticize marriage, but 00:08:37.110 --> 00:08:39.710 then at the same time, I think we've seen a decline 00:08:39.710 --> 00:08:42.330 in that over the last couple of decades where 00:08:42.330 --> 00:08:45.610 marriage isn't really the focus so much in the 00:08:45.610 --> 00:08:48.039 media, right? people living together all the 00:08:48.039 --> 00:08:49.759 time and they're not married. They don't even 00:08:49.759 --> 00:08:52.919 talk about marriage, but the idea of two people 00:08:52.919 --> 00:08:55.539 being together is definitely romanticized. I 00:08:55.539 --> 00:08:58.700 think that can cause some people to want that 00:08:58.700 --> 00:09:01.639 in their life. Um, I have a lot of theories about 00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:05.299 why people do some of the things that they do. 00:09:05.500 --> 00:09:07.600 And I think it's because they're longing for 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:10.220 some sort of completeness in life. And when they 00:09:10.220 --> 00:09:14.440 haven't found that partner, they may They may 00:09:14.440 --> 00:09:18.159 do drugs or they may try gender transformations 00:09:18.159 --> 00:09:20.779 or all these other things to try to find that 00:09:20.779 --> 00:09:24.879 thing that they're longing for. So I think everybody 00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:27.039 instinctively, maybe not everybody, that's not 00:09:27.039 --> 00:09:30.120 fair, but most people I think instinctively want 00:09:30.120 --> 00:09:34.860 to be with someone else. And when they see that 00:09:34.860 --> 00:09:36.879 being portrayed in the movies, it makes them 00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:40.220 want that even more and wish that they had it 00:09:40.220 --> 00:09:43.669 for themselves. So I think it affects. It can 00:09:43.669 --> 00:09:47.009 affect them. I think that the movies often portray 00:09:47.009 --> 00:09:50.289 marriage or couples being together in a very 00:09:50.289 --> 00:09:53.970 sinful way. And I think that is probably, it's 00:09:53.970 --> 00:09:57.149 not bad to be with someone else, but you know, 00:09:57.330 --> 00:10:00.090 living together outside of marriage, uh, doing 00:10:00.090 --> 00:10:02.210 things together as though you were married, but 00:10:02.210 --> 00:10:06.649 not focused on, uh, the marriage itself, the 00:10:06.649 --> 00:10:09.029 unity, you know, in God's eyes. I think that, 00:10:09.490 --> 00:10:13.049 yes, I think that is where Uh, the movies, because 00:10:13.049 --> 00:10:15.149 they leave all of that out, that tends to be 00:10:15.149 --> 00:10:17.889 left out of people's relationships, uh, when 00:10:17.889 --> 00:10:20.049 they find them as well. And that brings me to 00:10:20.049 --> 00:10:22.110 a question. I think a lot of people, especially 00:10:22.110 --> 00:10:24.629 with those considering marriage, we really need 00:10:24.629 --> 00:10:26.850 to hear, what are some things you wish you knew 00:10:26.850 --> 00:10:29.129 before you got married? I'm gonna, I'm gonna 00:10:29.129 --> 00:10:31.210 answer that question slightly differently than 00:10:31.210 --> 00:10:35.110 you may have intended it. Um, because we've each 00:10:35.110 --> 00:10:36.789 been divorced, but I'll talk about me because 00:10:36.789 --> 00:10:39.070 I've been married before divorced and now remarried. 00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:41.600 I'll talk about my first marriage. There's a 00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:45.519 lot that I did not think about, did not consider 00:10:45.519 --> 00:10:48.039 before getting married the first time. And I 00:10:48.039 --> 00:10:50.799 was in my early twenties, so very kind of immature, 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:54.659 simple, simple things. Like some people love 00:10:54.659 --> 00:10:56.980 to live on the beach. Some people would rather 00:10:56.980 --> 00:10:58.600 live in the desert. Some want to live in the 00:10:58.600 --> 00:11:00.919 mountains or the plains or whatever. I never 00:11:00.919 --> 00:11:04.940 had that conversation with my wife before I married 00:11:04.940 --> 00:11:07.000 her. So I didn't, and that's just one example, 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:10.460 but I didn't. think through and talk through 00:11:10.460 --> 00:11:13.600 the compatibility that I had with that woman. 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:17.100 I was just head over heels in love. It was that, 00:11:17.100 --> 00:11:19.039 you know, the puppy love or whatever you want 00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:22.440 to call it. I was infatuated. Um, and I loved 00:11:22.440 --> 00:11:24.860 how I felt when I was with her. That was really 00:11:24.860 --> 00:11:28.039 all that mattered in my second marriage that 00:11:28.039 --> 00:11:30.820 we talked about all of those things. Like I made 00:11:30.820 --> 00:11:33.980 a very much a point to talk about things that 00:11:33.980 --> 00:11:37.580 I liked, things that I aspired for. uh, or aspired 00:11:37.580 --> 00:11:39.539 to do in life. And I wanted to make sure that 00:11:39.539 --> 00:11:42.179 that, that Jesse was going to be compatible with 00:11:42.179 --> 00:11:44.500 me and that I would be compatible with her. I 00:11:44.500 --> 00:11:47.960 didn't want so many areas of friction happening 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:51.539 on a day -to -day basis in, in my relationship 00:11:51.539 --> 00:11:54.100 with my wife. So I tried to make sure those things 00:11:54.100 --> 00:11:56.659 were kind of known beforehand. That's definitely 00:11:56.659 --> 00:11:59.320 one thing that I learned, I guess. Things were 00:11:59.320 --> 00:12:03.309 just very easy for us, um, before. we got married 00:12:03.309 --> 00:12:06.190 and that was something that I was praying for 00:12:06.190 --> 00:12:09.950 and that I wanted. I wanted God to be the direction 00:12:09.950 --> 00:12:14.409 for my life and so I leaned on him through all 00:12:14.409 --> 00:12:17.850 the decisions that I was making and our dating 00:12:17.850 --> 00:12:22.049 life was very easy and I just knew, I knew it 00:12:22.049 --> 00:12:24.470 was from God. How we met was from God. There's 00:12:24.470 --> 00:12:29.370 no way me living in Rowlett, Texas and meeting 00:12:29.370 --> 00:12:33.440 my future husband who's living in New Jersey 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:37.120 would we have ever met. And that's all direction 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:40.919 from God. And our life was just easy. We loved 00:12:40.919 --> 00:12:43.679 being around one another. We loved the same things. 00:12:43.899 --> 00:12:46.740 We loved talking to one another. We could go 00:12:46.740 --> 00:12:50.000 out. We talked for hours at night and would wake 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:52.919 up and we had so much energy and, but we wanted 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:55.559 to make sure that we were aligned. I want to 00:12:55.559 --> 00:12:58.519 double down. So I was thinking very sort of what 00:12:58.519 --> 00:13:03.299 did I do differently? Not. how did things happen 00:13:03.299 --> 00:13:06.179 differently? So I want to echo what Jesse said. 00:13:06.440 --> 00:13:11.120 It was really clear God put us in this relationship 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:14.340 for a reason. And we had some challenges, COVID 00:13:14.340 --> 00:13:17.340 hit while we were dating before we got married. 00:13:17.840 --> 00:13:20.779 And there were some challenges, but everything 00:13:20.779 --> 00:13:25.039 that happened, it was just clear God was in it. 00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:28.279 He was a part of it. Um, it was, we didn't have 00:13:28.279 --> 00:13:31.539 to try really hard. We didn't, we didn't have 00:13:31.539 --> 00:13:33.580 fights and then have to figure out how to get 00:13:33.580 --> 00:13:36.700 past it. It's, I don't know. It was, it was diff, 00:13:36.759 --> 00:13:39.779 it was really different because I think we both 00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:43.240 went into this relationship or looking for a 00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.720 relationship wanting to put God first and follow 00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:48.860 God's lead in it. And that made everything just 00:13:48.860 --> 00:13:51.870 like Jesse said, just really easy. If you could 00:13:51.870 --> 00:13:54.009 rewrite the way society talks about marriage, 00:13:54.269 --> 00:13:56.250 what would you want to change? And what messages 00:13:56.250 --> 00:13:59.190 do you think need to be louder? God's the creator 00:13:59.190 --> 00:14:01.830 and he put man and woman together. A perfect 00:14:01.830 --> 00:14:04.330 marriage is between a man and a woman. I would 00:14:04.330 --> 00:14:07.230 say the thing that needs to be said louder is 00:14:07.230 --> 00:14:11.309 marriage was designed by God and its purpose 00:14:11.309 --> 00:14:16.110 is to impart worship God and please God. And 00:14:16.110 --> 00:14:19.389 I think if that is said louder. I think it will 00:14:19.389 --> 00:14:21.529 have one of two effects. Either people will start 00:14:21.529 --> 00:14:23.149 really looking at marriage and think of marriage 00:14:23.149 --> 00:14:25.629 differently in a positive way, or they'll say, 00:14:25.629 --> 00:14:27.330 well, I don't believe in God. And so therefore 00:14:27.330 --> 00:14:29.450 it's fine. I don't need to be married, whatever. 00:14:29.690 --> 00:14:31.370 And therefore we don't really need marriage and 00:14:31.370 --> 00:14:33.490 we shouldn't government shouldn't respect marriage. 00:14:33.690 --> 00:14:36.330 And it could end up turning negative. I'd say 00:14:36.330 --> 00:14:38.509 leave that in God's hands. Let, let him worry 00:14:38.509 --> 00:14:42.149 about the effects. I think marriage needs to 00:14:42.149 --> 00:14:45.669 be about like, like you said, one man, one woman 00:14:45.669 --> 00:14:51.120 put together. um, by God and the marriage needs 00:14:51.120 --> 00:14:55.440 to be a reflection of God's design for that man 00:14:55.440 --> 00:14:58.039 and that woman. That needs to be said a lot louder. 00:14:59.019 --> 00:15:00.759 So for the couples who are listening, whether 00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:03.039 you're dating engaged or newly married, what 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:05.480 advice would you give them? Love your spouse 00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:09.279 through everything. Be patient, show God's love. 00:15:09.480 --> 00:15:11.899 I know it's been hard for me. I'm very, I'm a 00:15:11.899 --> 00:15:15.879 very independent woman. Um, I like my space. 00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:21.320 I I'm not very needy at times and it's different 00:15:21.320 --> 00:15:23.340 than what my husband needs. My husband needs 00:15:23.340 --> 00:15:27.080 more things and I have to check myself to make 00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:29.759 sure that I'm taking care of my husband. Whether 00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:32.279 that's he wants to have a phone call or he wants 00:15:32.279 --> 00:15:36.480 to share something that he learned in his Bible 00:15:36.480 --> 00:15:41.539 study or he just wants to talk. Sometimes I can 00:15:41.539 --> 00:15:45.179 allow myself to disassociate and I can't do that. 00:15:45.659 --> 00:15:48.039 So... just understanding what the other person 00:15:48.039 --> 00:15:50.100 needs and allowing God to guide you through all 00:15:50.100 --> 00:15:53.299 of that. And having faith that if you work together 00:15:53.299 --> 00:15:56.340 and you do things the way that God intends, you'll 00:15:56.340 --> 00:15:58.460 have a beautiful relationship. I'm going to hijack 00:15:58.460 --> 00:16:02.820 your question just a little bit. Again, to really 00:16:02.820 --> 00:16:04.679 answer the question, what's the biggest piece 00:16:04.679 --> 00:16:07.539 of advice I could give to anybody, period. Not 00:16:07.539 --> 00:16:09.340 just people that are looking to get married, 00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:12.039 but it does apply to those that are. And that 00:16:12.039 --> 00:16:15.820 is the most important decision other than whether 00:16:15.820 --> 00:16:18.820 you accept Christ as your savior or not, that 00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:20.659 you'll ever make in life is who you choose to 00:16:20.659 --> 00:16:23.519 have children with. And you shouldn't get married 00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:25.379 to anybody that you wouldn't choose to have children 00:16:25.379 --> 00:16:27.679 with. The reason I say that is because I have 00:16:27.679 --> 00:16:30.960 children with my first wife and it's been incredibly 00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:35.240 traumatic for all of them to have, have their 00:16:35.240 --> 00:16:37.399 parents go through a divorce. And I think a lot 00:16:37.399 --> 00:16:39.659 of people think because the divorce rate is so 00:16:39.659 --> 00:16:42.649 high these days, That's just kind of normal and 00:16:42.649 --> 00:16:45.710 whatever but it's not and it's it's a horrible 00:16:45.710 --> 00:16:47.730 thing and it's something that we as a society 00:16:47.730 --> 00:16:50.769 should be working really hard to reverse course 00:16:50.769 --> 00:16:54.789 on and So my my piece of advice is think really 00:16:54.789 --> 00:16:57.990 really hard about frankly as we've been saying 00:16:57.990 --> 00:17:01.450 Let God lead you to whether this is the person 00:17:01.450 --> 00:17:03.730 you really want to have children with therefore 00:17:03.730 --> 00:17:07.250 are Bound whether you stay married or not, you're 00:17:07.250 --> 00:17:10.890 bound together by the children that you have, 00:17:11.710 --> 00:17:14.549 it's an incredibly important decision to make. 00:17:15.069 --> 00:17:18.849 And so pray about it and really seek God's guidance 00:17:18.849 --> 00:17:21.750 to make sure that that's what His will is for 00:17:21.750 --> 00:17:23.829 you in your life. I also think that divorce is 00:17:23.829 --> 00:17:26.470 not something that's in our vocabulary. That's 00:17:26.470 --> 00:17:30.049 not an option. When we chose to get married and 00:17:30.049 --> 00:17:32.750 become one, divorce isn't something that will 00:17:32.750 --> 00:17:35.690 be an option for us. You work through it. You 00:17:35.690 --> 00:17:37.980 become stronger. It's not an option. I think, 00:17:37.980 --> 00:17:42.160 I think we have the benefit of having been married 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:44.880 and divorced and gone through that though, to 00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:48.359 say this. Um, and so maybe the other way to answer 00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:50.359 your question of what advice would we give to 00:17:50.359 --> 00:17:52.279 people that are looking to get married is you 00:17:52.279 --> 00:17:54.859 should have the same perspective as Jesse just 00:17:54.859 --> 00:17:58.440 articulated, that divorce isn't an option. If 00:17:58.440 --> 00:18:02.180 you anywhere in your being think, well, if I'm 00:18:02.180 --> 00:18:04.319 making a mistake, I could just get divorced. 00:18:04.859 --> 00:18:08.240 Then don't get married. It shouldn't, it shouldn't 00:18:08.240 --> 00:18:10.599 be something that you're willing to consider. 00:18:11.420 --> 00:18:13.740 Uh, so if there's any doubt whatsoever, just, 00:18:13.799 --> 00:18:15.359 just don't get married or just don't get married 00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:18.140 yet until that doubt has been removed. I also 00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:21.839 think surrounding yourself with like -minded 00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:25.200 people that can support you through the trials 00:18:25.200 --> 00:18:27.940 and tribulations, whether you're in a dating 00:18:27.940 --> 00:18:30.559 relationship engaged or married, surround yourself 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:33.509 with like -minded people. godly Christian people 00:18:33.509 --> 00:18:38.369 that you can rebound and go to for advice. Something 00:18:38.369 --> 00:18:41.849 that my husband has said that I think about all 00:18:41.849 --> 00:18:44.690 the time is you should have advisors, trusted 00:18:44.690 --> 00:18:48.029 advisors that you can go to. And not just people 00:18:48.029 --> 00:18:49.930 that are the same age, maybe people that are 00:18:49.930 --> 00:18:53.890 older that have been through life together that 00:18:53.890 --> 00:18:58.259 can really sit you down and have that. advice 00:18:58.259 --> 00:19:00.319 for you. Something that Scott and I did is we 00:19:00.319 --> 00:19:02.539 went through pretty in -depth marriage counseling 00:19:02.539 --> 00:19:07.759 that really went over a lot of stuff together. 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:12.319 Something that Scott and I do is we have an older 00:19:12.319 --> 00:19:17.559 couple that they are our advisors and they are 00:19:17.559 --> 00:19:20.559 a Christian couple that have been married for 00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:23.460 a very long time and that's who we go to if we 00:19:23.460 --> 00:19:26.410 have questions or concerns. on top of reading 00:19:26.410 --> 00:19:30.130 our Bible, and we have friends and family to 00:19:30.130 --> 00:19:32.829 bounce ideas off of. So before we wrap up, I 00:19:32.829 --> 00:19:34.910 want to touch on something that adds a whole 00:19:34.910 --> 00:19:37.549 other layer to a relationship, blended families. 00:19:38.089 --> 00:19:40.650 What kind of conversations did you have before 00:19:40.650 --> 00:19:44.109 you brought your family together? I have a large 00:19:44.109 --> 00:19:46.230 family. I have eight kids from my first marriage, 00:19:46.410 --> 00:19:49.170 and Jesse has three. There's some overlap in 00:19:49.170 --> 00:19:52.589 age, but I have some younger ones that don't 00:19:52.589 --> 00:19:55.089 overlap with hers. So there's a little bit of 00:19:55.089 --> 00:19:58.130 challenge just trying to get the, we wanting 00:19:58.130 --> 00:19:59.710 the kids. We have, we have older kids. I have 00:19:59.710 --> 00:20:02.690 kids that were near married or out on their own, 00:20:02.730 --> 00:20:06.049 at least when we got married and have since gotten 00:20:06.049 --> 00:20:08.150 married and have had children, et cetera. So 00:20:08.150 --> 00:20:09.950 we didn't get to spend a lot of time with them. 00:20:10.130 --> 00:20:13.369 But then we have some kids that were in high 00:20:13.369 --> 00:20:17.009 school and younger who obviously we both got 00:20:17.009 --> 00:20:19.609 to spend a lot of time with. So some of the things 00:20:19.609 --> 00:20:22.670 that we talked about was reprimanding the children, 00:20:22.789 --> 00:20:26.130 parenting. All right. I sort of have my children 00:20:26.130 --> 00:20:29.150 and she has hers. And so we kind of felt a little 00:20:29.150 --> 00:20:32.509 awkward parenting the other person's children, 00:20:32.569 --> 00:20:35.730 but we talked about it. And I wanted to, I wanted 00:20:35.730 --> 00:20:38.930 Jesse to know that I believe God's design is 00:20:38.930 --> 00:20:42.009 for a mother and a father. If I'm the only one 00:20:42.009 --> 00:20:44.369 parenting my children, because they're my children 00:20:44.369 --> 00:20:47.289 and my children are missing out on what Jesse 00:20:47.289 --> 00:20:49.970 can offer as that mother figure as a stepmother 00:20:49.970 --> 00:20:54.180 in this case. And I hope that my ex's new husband, 00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:57.980 you know, parents and provides that father fatherly 00:20:57.980 --> 00:21:00.599 advice or fatherly love and fatherly guidance. 00:21:01.299 --> 00:21:03.220 So I think we talked about that and trying to 00:21:03.220 --> 00:21:05.279 make sure we didn't overstep the bounds and so 00:21:05.279 --> 00:21:06.759 forth. And we were respectful of these aren't 00:21:06.759 --> 00:21:10.059 like my biological children, but that we both 00:21:10.059 --> 00:21:14.319 had a parental duty to, um, to parent those children. 00:21:14.380 --> 00:21:16.839 I don't think of anything else that we talked 00:21:16.839 --> 00:21:18.720 about it in blending the families under. That 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:21.019 was one of the biggest ones. Any other thoughts? 00:21:21.180 --> 00:21:24.539 I talked to my kids before. I really wanted them 00:21:24.539 --> 00:21:29.779 to be comfortable with the decision of me getting 00:21:29.779 --> 00:21:33.599 married again. And is this somebody that you, 00:21:33.960 --> 00:21:37.480 do you like the kids? Do you not like the kids? 00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:42.500 Like, what are your feedback? My son was so excited. 00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:45.420 when he found out that he would have quote -unquote 00:21:45.420 --> 00:21:48.380 younger siblings. He said, I always wanted another 00:21:48.380 --> 00:21:50.619 little brother or another little sister. And 00:21:50.619 --> 00:21:54.940 so he was excited about the opportunity of having 00:21:54.940 --> 00:21:57.859 siblings. So it was something that we were excited 00:21:57.859 --> 00:22:00.519 to blend our family together. Wow, that's so 00:22:00.519 --> 00:22:02.420 good. Thank you so much, Scott and Jesse, for 00:22:02.420 --> 00:22:04.799 being here today. What you shared is more than 00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:07.299 just personal experience. It's a reminder that 00:22:07.299 --> 00:22:09.950 love isn't about perfection or timelines. or 00:22:09.950 --> 00:22:12.329 always getting it right. It's about learning, 00:22:12.549 --> 00:22:15.089 growing, healing, and choosing each other even 00:22:15.089 --> 00:22:17.950 after the hard parts. For anyone listening who 00:22:17.950 --> 00:22:20.170 might be navigating love, heartbreak, or the 00:22:20.170 --> 00:22:22.410 unknown in between, I hope this episode brought 00:22:22.410 --> 00:22:24.869 some comfort, some clarity, or at the very least 00:22:24.869 --> 00:22:27.009 that the reminder that you are not alone. If 00:22:27.009 --> 00:22:29.230 today's conversation spoke to you, please consider 00:22:29.230 --> 00:22:31.869 sharing it with someone whom I needed to. I'd 00:22:31.869 --> 00:22:34.009 love to connect with you. Please follow my Instagram 00:22:34.009 --> 00:22:36.730 at the Unfiltered Faith Podcast. If you haven't 00:22:36.730 --> 00:22:38.789 already, be sure to follow the Unfiltered Faith 00:22:38.789 --> 00:22:41.490 Podcast podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever 00:22:41.490 --> 00:22:44.410 else you might find a podcast for more real heart 00:22:44.410 --> 00:22:46.950 -centered conversations like this. Until next 00:22:46.950 --> 00:22:49.349 time, keep seeking those fresh perspectives and 00:22:49.349 --> 00:22:51.470 keep having those unfiltered conversations to 00:22:51.470 --> 00:22:53.190 better understand the world around you.