Hey everyone, my name is Austin and welcome back
to another episode of the Unfiltered Faith Podcast.
If you're just tuning in for the first time,
I'm so glad you're here and I would encourage
you to check out my previous episodes. If you've
been here, I'm so glad you're tuning in as well.
Today's episode was supposed to be about the
nuanced distinction between loneliness and solitude,
but today I wanted to shift gears for a moment
and talk about something really personal to me,
my stutter. If you've listened to my podcast
before, you probably noticed some stuttering
occasionally, but to tell you the truth, sometimes
it's a lot worse than what you're hearing. A
lot of my listeners already knew that, so...
This is for those that don't. Kind of like an
introduction podcast. Like you're just meeting
me for the first time. I spend a lot of time
editing my videos to give you guys the best quality
content I can give. Even if that means editing
out the awkward pauses, words, or phrases that
I say multiple times. Or even weird sounds that
come out of my mouth that aren't quite words.
One take all the way through. This is my real
and unfiltered self. For the past two episodes,
I've been stepping on a soap box and I've been
talking about the importance of being real, authentic,
and unfiltered selves. But I haven't exactly
been practicing what I preach. It is time I started.
So for this episode, and maybe more episodes
in the future, I'm not going to edit this episode.
But you guys let me know if I should or not.
I'm obviously going to make sure my podcast has
the best quality audio for you guys, but I won't
mess with the audio by trimming or deleting any
clips. Every awkward long pause, every repeated
word or phrase, you guys are going to have front
row VIP seats, the truest, most authentic form
of myself as it gets. So what is stuttering?
Stuttering for me, it's not just about the words
that come out of my mouth. It's a complex mix
of physical, psychological, and emotional factors.
On a physical level, it involves disruption and
a flow of speech. It can feel like my brain is
overhazing head while my mouth is just isn't
cooperating. Frustrating, right? I mean, can
you imagine being a kid and feeling like you
can't talk because you're in a constant battle
with your speech? It made social interactions
almost impossible. But hit me pink. You guys,
a picture of how my experience with stuttering
has influenced me and shaped my relationships.
I was severely bullied for stuttering. I remember
when I was a kid, other kids would often try
to guess what I was going to say. Like it was
some kind of game show, like ham and food and
the price is right. Most of the time, they wouldn't
even guess what I was saying correctly. People
still do that to this day, and I'm 25 years old.
For all of my listeners out there, Does anyone
re -remember Windows 98? What health are the
- the hoes who don't and are too young? What
Windows 98 was a really - was a really slow computer
system. Does anyone who re -remember this spinning
wheel of death? Classmates of mine would often
come up to me and do that same circular motion
with their finger in front of my face and chant
buffering, buffering, buffering over and over.
I w - I wasn't popular at all in school. Sure,
I knew a lot of people's names and people knew
me but just because you know a lot of people
and doesn't mean you're popular It just means
you're extroverted I mean one time as a joke
my so -called best friend dragging me over to
one of the most popular girls in the grade and
Asked her who she had to go on a date with she
picked me because at least there What would it
be my hudge of a conversation after all I'd be
stuttering the whole time or at least that's
what she said I'd often avoid hazing my handy
class, sticking to the sidelines during recess,
and just wishing I could blend in the background.
I felt different, and honestly, it felt pretty
isolating. Each day presents a new challenge,
with moments of confidence and fluent speech,
contrasted by times of struggle and emotional
turmoil. Studying has been a constant presence
in my life since childhood, stemming from a brain
disorder known as epilepsy. I vividly recall
the anxiety and dread I felt in elementary school
when called upon to speak, as my words often
refused to flow as I intended. This experience
goes beyond mere speech difficulties, delving
into deeper emotional and psychological complexities.
My journey with stuttering has significantly
impacted my life, and I believe it's essential
to share it, offering support. to others facing
similar challenges. It's crucial to recognize
that stuttering is just one of the facets of
my identity. It does not define who I am. Embracing
my stutter has taught me valuable lessons in
resilience, patience, and empathy, shaping me
into the person I am today. Understanding the
interplay of genetic and cognitive factors has
been a significant part of my journey in accepting
my stutter as a part of my identity. Stuttering
not only affects my speech, but also influences
my social interactions, creating an invisible
barrier at times. The struggle to articulate
thoughts and express myself coherently can be
draining and emotionally taxing. At times, it
feels like my mind races ahead while my speech
lags, leading to moments of frustration and mental
fatigue. As I got older, I realized that my stutter
was shaping my identity in ways I didn't fully
understand at the time. I became this mix of
wanting to connect with others and being terrified
of judgment. I learned that sometimes people
would look at me with pity or even impatience,
and that stung. It reinforced his idea that I
was somehow less of a person because of my speech.
Now don't get me wrong, it's still a challenge.
There are days when I feel frustrated. There
are days when I want to throw in the towel and
just avoid speaking altogether. For example,
when I was recording episode 2, the art in finding
happiness in the unlikely part 2. I must have
recorded that episode 10 different times, or
somewhere in that realm, and I was still unsatisfied
with what I published. That's just how it is
sometimes. I've learned to take it in stride.
I remember I remind myself that it's okay to
stutter, that it doesn't make me any less capable
of connecting with others or sharing my thoughts.
If anything, it makes me It makes more people
want to listen and pay attention to what I'm
saying. So if you're listening and you're someone
who stutters, know that you're not alone. Your
voice matters even if it doesn't come out the
way you want it to at all. And if you're someone
who doesn't stutter, I encourage you to be patient
and understanding. We're all just trying to communicate
in a world that sometimes feels a bit rushed.
Ultimately, stuttering has taught me that vulnerability
can lead to connection. It's opened doors to
deeper conversations and authentic relationships.
But here's the thing, I've found a way to channel
those feelings into something constructive. Art,
art in its many forms has become not just an
outlet for me, but a lifeline. Whether it's music,
writing, or painting, creativity allows me to
express my feelings that sometimes tangled up
in my throat. For example, with Hannah Wright,
I can take my time. I can edit, revise, and craft
my words until they feel just right. It's as
if I'm giving my stutter a voice through the
writing. Music is such a powerful force for me.
When I listen to songs that resonate with my
experiences, it feels like my struggles are being
validated. The rhythm and melody become my allies.
upping me behind my voice in a way that feels
safe and free. Now, let's chat about the therapeutic
benefits of creativity for mental health. Engaging
in artistic pursuits can serve as a release.
It's like a pressure valve heading out all those
pent -up feelings of frustration, anxiety, and
even joy. I found that when I immerse myself
in creative activities. I'm not just expressing
what I feel about my stutter. I'm also nurturing
my mental well -being. There's something incredibly
healing about putting pen to paper, brush to
canvas, or fingers to piano keys. It's a way
to explore my emotions without the fear of judgment.
It's a space where I can feel completely unfiltered.
just like this podcast. Stuttering affects me
more than just communication. It weaves its way
into my daily life, my interactions, and even
my self -esteem. There's this constant battle
in my head, a tug of war between wanting to express
myself and fear of how my speech will be perceived.
And let me tell you, that fear can be crippling.
My high stutter affects me daily. How I communicate,
how I connect with others, and sometimes even
how i see myself you know it can feel like a
roller coaster ride and not always the fun kind
but beyond that the stuttering has this emotional
weight it can bring on anxiety especially in
social situations and i'll be real with you there
are moments when i feel like i'm hiding a battle
just to say my name i've come across people who
say things to me like did you forget your name
and asked what my name was then just either to
quote unquote get stuck as I'd like to call it.
That's not easy, folks. Anxiety is a big player
here. Imagine standing in front of a group of
people, your heart racing, palms sweating, and
you just wanting to get your words out, but your
brain and your mouth just don't sync up. It's
frustrating. And that anxiety doesn't just stop
when the speech is over. It lingers. creating
this cloud of self -doubt that makes you question
your worth and your ability to communicate effectively.
Now let's talk about the workplace. The workplace
where communication is key and the pressure is
on. I face challenges that sometimes it feels
like my stutter makes me feel less credible or
capable in the eyes of my colleagues. I've had
my homemates where I've hesitated to speak up
in meetings feeling judgment or misunderstanding.
But I've also found allies, people who have supported
me, who've encouraged me to share my thoughts,
and who've helped create an inclusive environment.
And then there's self -esteem. I know I'm not
alone in this, but my stutter can take a hit
on how I see myself. It can make me feel less,
like you're not good enough to share your thoughts.
When I was younger, I often avoided situations
where I might have to speak up. I still do if
I'm being completely honest. Group projects in
school? No thanks. Public speaking? I would rather
watch the history of Super Bowl. Speaking of
public speaking, let's talk about it. For many
people, it's a terrifying experience. But somehow,
for someone who stutters, it can feel like standing
in front of a firing squad. You've got this intense
pressure to perform, to articulate, and to not
let your stutter define you. And when you're
up there, the fear of judgment from others can
feel overwhelming. That being said, I can remember
a time when public speaking wasn't so bad. I
was a senior in high school, and I had to take
a speech class to graduate. At my old school,
speech was a senior level class, hence why I
hadn't taken it yet. I was in a classroom full
of freshmen and sophomores. So not only did I
feel nervous because of my stutter, but I also
felt nervous because I was the oldest one in
the classroom amongst my peers because I felt
like I had to perform better than the rest of
them. I remember after class I stayed behind
to ask my teacher if I could give my presentation.
to him after class or something. Still wailing
to do the work, but eliminating the stress of
having sick xt plus eyes staring at me. After
hearing my proposal, he made me a deal. He said,
I have no problem with you doing your presentations
after class with just me because of your stutter
or whatever, but I want you at least try your
first presentation in front of the class. And
if you hate it, We don't have to do it anymore.
I was hesitant, but I agreed to his counter offer.
I gave my first speech sometime later. I felt
like the silence in the room was so deafening
after my speech. I could hear a pen drop. I look
back at my teacher and he had a big grin on his
face. He said, at the beginning of the semester,
Austin came to me after class, expressing a concern
that he had about speaking in front of you guys.
He said he didn't want to present in front of
you guys because of his stutter. He then asked
the class who thought Austin did a great job
on his speech. That question was followed by
every single student in that classroom clapping.
Needless to say, I presented every one of my
speeches in front of the entire class that semester.
But here's the thing. I've learned that my speech
doesn't define who I am. It's a part of me. Yes,
it doesn't dictate my worth. If you had told
under me I was doing a podcast, I would have
laughed in your face. But at the beginning of
this year, I wanted to challenge myself by stepping
out of my comfort zone and doing something I
never thought I was capable of doing. That was
my first mistake. Never let anyone tell you that
you're not capable of doing something because
if you are determined enough and you'll make
it happen. I've been surprised myself. I've worked
hard to find ways to manage the anxiety and boost
my self -esteem. I've had to remind myself that
everyone has their own struggles and stuttering
is just one of mine. I want you all to remember
that our imperfections make us unique. Whether
it's a stutter, a cork, or something else entirely,
it's okay to embrace it. Some days it's easier
to embrace it than others, but it doesn't define
me. I've come to understand that my stutter is
just one part of who I am. Not only does it take
an insane amount of patience on the receiving
end, but you also have to remember that I also
need to have an incredible amount of patience
with myself. There are occasions that I'll try
to talk and it doesn't go as planned. I get really
angry with myself, which only makes it worse.
But the fact of the matter is, I'm my own biggest
enemy. We all are. What would happen if instead
of being our own worst enemies, we were our own
biggest chilliers? Now let's talk about how society
perceives people we stutter. Now stuttering is
something that affects many people, but it's
often shrouded in misunderstanding. There's a
lot of stigma out there. Many people think that
stuttering is a sign of nervousness or lack of
intelligence. And that's just not true. I've
met some incredibly intelligent and articulate
people who happen to stutter. It's frustrating
to say the least. One common misconception is
that we're not good communicators. But let me
tell you, I've had some amazing conversations
with people, stutter and all. It's about the
message, not just the delivery. And I think that
sometimes we all need to remember that. Another
stereotype is that people who stutter are shy
or introverted. That couldn't be far from the
truth. I'm actually quite extroverted and I love
connecting with people. It's just something,
just sometimes my stutter gets in the way. So
if you're listening and you know someone who
stutters, don't assume they're shy. Just engage
with them like you would with anyone else. You
know, I've also encountered people who feel uncomfortable
when I stutter. They might look away, or even
try to fifth -handish my senses and senses for
me. I get it. It can be awkward. But I wish people
would just relax and let me take my time. We're
all humans, right? We all have our quirks and
challenges. So what can we do about this? Well,
it starts with awareness and education. Talk
to people. Ask questions. Don't shy away from
the topic because it feels uncomfortable. I think
we avoid awkward and uncomfortable conversations
because, well, it makes us feel awkward and uncomfortable.
The more we discuss stuttering openly, the less
stigma there will be. If you're someone who stutters,
know you're not alone. If you know someone who
stutters, be patient and supportive. We'll listen
to them. Let them express themselves in their
own way. At the end of the day, I want to encourage
everyone to embrace their unique challenges.
whatever they may be. Uttering is just part of
my story and it has shaped who I am in profound
ways. I've learned to advocate for myself and
to stand up for what I believe in and to never
let my stutter hold me back from pursuing my
dreams. But here's the thing, despite these challenges,
I've learned to cope. It's taking time and a
lot of practice. I celebrate my victories big
and small. like when I can speak fluently in
a meeting, or when I manage to share my thoughts
without feeling overwhelmed. Those moments remind
me that I'm not defined by my stutter. Instead,
it's just a part of my journey. And let's not
forget, finding supportive spaces is vital. Surrounding
myself with understanding people has made a huge
impact, whether it's friends, family, or even
support groups. Having a community that gets
it that gets it makes the journey so much easier.
So if you're out there and you're dealing with
a stutter or any form of communication challenge,
I urge you to find your creative outlet. It doesn't
even have to be a form of a communication challenge.
It can be anything you're doing with your life.
The bottom line is that feeling that finding
a creative outlet to deal with the illustrations
of everyday challenges has been a lifesaver for
me. Don't be afraid to explore music, writing,
painting, or whatever speaks to you. It's not
just about making art, it's about making sense
of your world, your feelings, and your experiences.
So here's my takeaways for anyone listening.
Whether you stutter or not, we all have our unique
challenges. It's okay to seek help and explore
different avenues. What works for one person
may not work for another. That's completely fine.
It's about finding your own rhythm and being
comfortable with who you are. I want to encourage
everyone to be kind to themselves, to embrace
their journeys, and to never be afraid of sharing
their stories. Stuttering may affect me, but
it doesn't define my words. Remember, communication
is just about the words we say. It's about connection,
expression, and understanding. So thanks for
tuning in today and for letting me share my thoughts
on this topic. I hope it sparks something in
you and maybe even encouraged someone else out
there. If you know someone who stutters, reach
out to them. If you stutter yourself, remember
you're not alone and your voice matters. As we
wrap up today's episode, remember that stuttering
or whatever type of challenge you face doesn't
define you as a person. It's a part of your journey
but it's not your whole story. What does define
you is how you choose to deal with these challenges.
People are always going to look at you and treat
you like you're different and unfortunately that's
just human nature. People are always going to
look at you like you're some kind of animal at
the zoo. Point is, people are always watching,
no matter who you are. So are you going to give
them something to look at, mock, and make fun
of? Or are you going to be the difference in
their lives, speak up, and show them that you're
no different from them? I choose to use my voice
to express who I am and to inspire others along
the way. Thanks for tuning in today. I hope you
found something relatable or inspiring in today's
conversation. I hope by sharing. my experiences,
I can help someone out there feel a little less
alone. So to anyone out there who's struggling
with stuttering or any form of communication
challenges or any other challenges for that matter,
remember you're not alone. Celebrate your victories,
embrace your journey, and keep finding ways to
communicate effectively. If you enjoyed this
episode, please share it with someone who might
benefit from it. Until next time, stay creative
and keep expressing yourself in whatever way
feels right for you.