WEBVTT 00:00:15.699 --> 00:00:18.780 Hey everyone, my name is Austin and welcome back 00:00:18.780 --> 00:00:21.160 to another episode of the Unfiltered Faith Podcast. 00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:23.579 If you're just tuning in for the first time, 00:00:23.719 --> 00:00:25.960 I'm so glad you're here. And if you've been here 00:00:25.960 --> 00:00:28.920 before, welcome back. If you'd like to take notes, 00:00:29.160 --> 00:00:31.379 I encourage it because today we'll be discussing 00:00:31.379 --> 00:00:34.380 some phrases people say that may come across 00:00:34.380 --> 00:00:37.939 as dismissive. Although a lot of people may see 00:00:37.939 --> 00:00:40.359 these phrases as comforting suggestions, some 00:00:40.359 --> 00:00:43.719 may view these phrases as stereotypical Christian 00:00:43.719 --> 00:00:46.159 cop -out answers that may inadvertently come 00:00:46.159 --> 00:00:49.000 across as dismissive and discouraged genuine 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:54.679 conversations. But first, let's define what spiritual 00:00:54.679 --> 00:00:57.600 bypassing is. Spiritual bypassing is a term that 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:00.920 has gained traction in recent years and it refers 00:01:00.920 --> 00:01:03.539 to the tendency to use spiritual beliefs and 00:01:03.539 --> 00:01:05.859 practices as a way to avoid dealing with our 00:01:05.859 --> 00:01:09.140 emotional issues, painful experiences, or psychological 00:01:09.140 --> 00:01:12.109 wounds. Instead of confronting confronting our 00:01:12.109 --> 00:01:14.909 problems, we might leap to affirmations, positive 00:01:14.909 --> 00:01:17.650 thinking, or other spiritual cliches that keep 00:01:17.650 --> 00:01:20.709 us from fully experiencing our feelings. Let's 00:01:20.709 --> 00:01:23.569 start by breaking down the concept further. Spiritual 00:01:23.569 --> 00:01:26.829 bypassing can manifest in many forms. For instance, 00:01:27.250 --> 00:01:30.209 when someone faces a tragic event, instead of 00:01:30.209 --> 00:01:33.069 mourning that grief, they might say, everything 00:01:33.069 --> 00:01:36.849 happens for a reason, to sidestep the pain. While 00:01:37.180 --> 00:01:40.140 The statement may hold some truth, it can also 00:01:40.140 --> 00:01:43.340 hinder genuine emotional expression. I cannot 00:01:43.340 --> 00:01:46.599 stress enough how important our faith in having 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:50.980 faith is, and how it can provide immense comfort 00:01:50.980 --> 00:01:53.739 and guidance during tough times. But when we 00:01:53.739 --> 00:01:56.239 use these tools to avoid our feelings rather 00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:59.980 than to process them, it becomes a problem. It's 00:01:59.980 --> 00:02:02.959 like putting on a band -aid on a wound when we 00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:06.030 hit out. cleaning it first. Let's take a moment 00:02:06.030 --> 00:02:08.590 to explore some common examples of spiritual 00:02:08.590 --> 00:02:12.449 bypassing. One prevalent scenario occurs in the 00:02:12.449 --> 00:02:15.789 context of emotional pain. Imagine someone who 00:02:15.789 --> 00:02:18.449 has experienced a significant loss, such as the 00:02:18.449 --> 00:02:21.389 death of a loved one. Instead of allowing themselves 00:02:21.389 --> 00:02:24.090 to grieve, they might occupy their minds to keep 00:02:24.090 --> 00:02:27.050 them busy, pushing down their sorrow. They may 00:02:27.050 --> 00:02:30.550 believe that focusing on the positive aspects 00:02:30.550 --> 00:02:34.599 of life are or visualizing love and light can 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:37.479 protect them from the depths of their sadness. 00:02:38.099 --> 00:02:40.939 This only delays the grieving period and doesn't 00:02:40.939 --> 00:02:43.740 skip it because once you've run out of things 00:02:43.740 --> 00:02:46.879 to do to keep yourself a bit busy, your mind 00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:51.560 will have nothing else. It's vital to remember 00:02:51.560 --> 00:02:54.120 that experiencing our feelings, both joyful and 00:02:54.120 --> 00:02:56.879 painful, is a fundamental part of being human. 00:02:57.460 --> 00:03:00.750 Emotions should not be avoided they are to be 00:03:00.750 --> 00:03:04.009 felt understood and integrated into our lives 00:03:04.009 --> 00:03:06.669 another form of spiritual bypassing is the use 00:03:06.669 --> 00:03:10.229 of toxic positive this occurs when someone insists 00:03:10.229 --> 00:03:13.789 on maintaining a positive mindset at all costs 00:03:13.789 --> 00:03:16.889 often invalidating the healings of others in 00:03:16.889 --> 00:03:19.150 the process you might hear phrases like just 00:03:19.150 --> 00:03:21.669 think of positive thoughts or you'll be fine 00:03:21.669 --> 00:03:25.009 if you just believe while encouraging positivity 00:03:25.009 --> 00:03:28.680 can be uplifting It can also dismiss people's 00:03:28.680 --> 00:03:32.419 struggles. Now let's consider the impact of bypassing 00:03:32.419 --> 00:03:35.439 on our relationships. When we engage in spiritual 00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:39.039 bypassing, we may inadvertently create distance 00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:41.900 between ourselves and those we care about. Imagine 00:03:41.900 --> 00:03:44.740 a friend confiding in you about a difficult situation. 00:03:45.180 --> 00:03:48.819 If you respond with this spiritual cliché instead 00:03:48.819 --> 00:03:52.500 of listening and validating their feelings, it 00:03:52.500 --> 00:03:55.800 can feel dismissive. Just let it go. or trust 00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:59.379 in God may not provide the comfort or support 00:03:59.379 --> 00:04:02.199 they need. Everything happens for a reason or 00:04:02.199 --> 00:04:05.419 just have faith can inadvertently leave us feeling 00:04:05.419 --> 00:04:10.000 unheard or invalidated. So how do we recognize 00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:13.639 when we're engaging in spiritual bypassing? Here 00:04:13.639 --> 00:04:16.639 are a few signs to look out for. Number one, 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.259 avoidance of difficult emotions. If you constantly 00:04:20.259 --> 00:04:23.019 steer clear of your emotions or dismiss others' 00:04:23.279 --> 00:04:26.500 emotions, it might be time to reflect on how 00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:28.779 you're using spirituality in your life. Number 00:04:28.779 --> 00:04:31.939 two, overemphasis on positivity. If you feel 00:04:31.939 --> 00:04:34.899 compelled to maintain a positive outlook at all 00:04:34.899 --> 00:04:38.300 costs, even when faced with adversity, consider 00:04:38.300 --> 00:04:42.000 whether you're using positivity to mask deeper 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:44.500 issues. Number three, difficulty connecting with 00:04:44.500 --> 00:04:46.860 others. If your conversations often lead towards 00:04:46.860 --> 00:04:49.720 spiritual cliches without delving into personal 00:04:49.720 --> 00:04:53.079 experiences, it may be a sign that you're bypassing 00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:56.750 deeper connections. Number four, shaming others 00:04:56.750 --> 00:04:59.269 for their feelings. If you judge or criticize 00:04:59.269 --> 00:05:02.310 others for expressing negative emotions, you 00:05:02.310 --> 00:05:05.610 may be projecting your discomfort with those 00:05:05.610 --> 00:05:07.949 feelings. As we navigate our relationship with 00:05:07.949 --> 00:05:10.410 God, we must find a balance between embracing 00:05:10.410 --> 00:05:14.769 positivity and acknowledging our pain. Spirituality 00:05:14.769 --> 00:05:17.750 should serve as a tool for growth, healing, and 00:05:17.750 --> 00:05:21.509 connection, not as a means of avoidance. So how 00:05:21.509 --> 00:05:23.970 can we move away from spiritual bypassing and 00:05:23.970 --> 00:05:26.370 cultivate a more authentic spiritual practice? 00:05:26.949 --> 00:05:30.110 Here are some suggestions Number one acknowledge 00:05:30.110 --> 00:05:32.990 your emotions allow yourself to feel your emotions 00:05:32.990 --> 00:05:36.930 fully Whether it's sadness anger or fear recognize 00:05:36.930 --> 00:05:39.610 that these emotions are valid and essential to 00:05:39.610 --> 00:05:42.470 your growth Journaling or talking with a trusted 00:05:42.470 --> 00:05:46.370 friend can help you process these feelings number 00:05:46.370 --> 00:05:50.089 two practice mindful listening When someone shares 00:05:50.089 --> 00:05:52.730 their struggles with you, resist the urge to 00:05:52.730 --> 00:05:55.829 offer quick solutions or cliches. Instead, listen 00:05:55.829 --> 00:05:59.129 deeply and validate their experience. Sometimes 00:05:59.129 --> 00:06:02.490 simply being present for someone is more valuable 00:06:02.490 --> 00:06:06.069 than any spiritual advice you could offer. Embrace 00:06:06.069 --> 00:06:08.870 the fullness of the human experience. Understand 00:06:08.870 --> 00:06:11.829 that spirituality encompasses the entire spectrum 00:06:11.829 --> 00:06:15.589 of human experience. Joy, pain, love. and loss, 00:06:15.769 --> 00:06:19.009 allow yourself to embrace the messiness of life 00:06:19.009 --> 00:06:23.069 rather than seeking to escape it. 4. Seek professional 00:06:23.069 --> 00:06:25.850 support when needed. If you find that emotional 00:06:25.850 --> 00:06:29.230 challenges persist or become overwhelming, consider 00:06:29.230 --> 00:06:31.529 contacting a mental health professional. therapy 00:06:31.529 --> 00:06:34.329 can provide a safe space to explore your feelings 00:06:34.329 --> 00:06:39.110 and resolve unresolved issues. 5. Cultivate compassion 00:06:39.110 --> 00:06:41.990 for yourself and others. Recognize that everyone 00:06:41.990 --> 00:06:45.009 is on the drink. Just as you may struggle with 00:06:45.009 --> 00:06:47.730 difficult emotions, so do others. Approach yourself 00:06:47.730 --> 00:06:51.149 and those around you with compassion and understanding. 00:06:51.329 --> 00:06:54.490 In a world where opinions can clash and hearts 00:06:54.490 --> 00:06:57.350 can harden, it's essential to understand how 00:06:57.350 --> 00:06:59.709 our world and actions can impact those around 00:06:59.709 --> 00:07:04.029 us. We'll also explore how communicating our 00:07:04.029 --> 00:07:06.709 faith can foster community or create barriers. 00:07:07.500 --> 00:07:10.319 Let's first define what we mean by genuine concern. 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:12.519 It's the kind of care that comes from a place 00:07:12.519 --> 00:07:15.660 of love, empathy, and understanding. It's when 00:07:15.660 --> 00:07:19.759 we genuinely want to see others strive, spiritually 00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:23.300 and emotionally. It's not about being right or 00:07:23.300 --> 00:07:26.100 proving a point. It's about connection. On the 00:07:26.100 --> 00:07:28.699 other hand, condescension can often creep in 00:07:28.699 --> 00:07:31.920 without us even realizing it. That tone of voice, 00:07:32.180 --> 00:07:34.620 the choice of words, or even body language can 00:07:34.620 --> 00:07:38.160 convey superiority. It's when we unintentionally 00:07:38.160 --> 00:07:41.079 imply that we know better than someone else or 00:07:41.079 --> 00:07:43.680 that they are somehow less worthy of understanding. 00:07:44.660 --> 00:07:47.300 The challenge lies within our delivery. We may 00:07:47.300 --> 00:07:50.779 have the best intentions, but we can easily alienate 00:07:50.779 --> 00:07:53.759 those we're trying to help if we're not careful. 00:07:54.540 --> 00:07:57.740 So how can we ensure that our concern is perceived 00:07:57.740 --> 00:08:01.519 as genuine rather than condescending? Let's break 00:08:01.519 --> 00:08:04.079 this down into a few key areas. First, we need 00:08:04.079 --> 00:08:07.410 to focus on active listening. When someone shares 00:08:07.410 --> 00:08:10.750 their struggles or doubts, we must listen more 00:08:10.750 --> 00:08:14.250 than speak. This means putting aside our agenda 00:08:14.250 --> 00:08:17.629 and hearing what others have to say. Active listening. 00:08:18.189 --> 00:08:21.509 Involving active listening involves asking open 00:08:21.509 --> 00:08:24.430 -ended questions and reflecting on what we hear. 00:08:25.009 --> 00:08:28.250 For instance, instead of saying, you shouldn't 00:08:28.250 --> 00:08:31.470 feel that way, we can respond with, it sounds 00:08:31.470 --> 00:08:34.379 like you're feeling overwhelmed. Can you share 00:08:34.379 --> 00:08:38.279 more about what's been on your mind? This approach 00:08:38.279 --> 00:08:40.860 values the other person's feelings and opens 00:08:40.860 --> 00:08:44.440 the door for deeper conversations. Secondly, 00:08:44.799 --> 00:08:49.120 let's talk about empathy. Empathy is about putting 00:08:49.120 --> 00:08:52.080 ourselves in someone else's shoes. It's recognizing 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:54.820 that everyone's journey is different. When we 00:08:54.820 --> 00:08:57.620 approach conversations with humility and compassion, 00:08:58.200 --> 00:09:00.940 we create a safe space for others to share. their 00:09:00.940 --> 00:09:04.379 experiences without fear of judgment. For instance, 00:09:04.379 --> 00:09:06.940 if a friend is struggling with their faith, instead 00:09:06.940 --> 00:09:10.179 of bombarding them with scripture or welcoming 00:09:10.179 --> 00:09:14.080 advice, we could say, I remember a time when 00:09:14.080 --> 00:09:17.360 I struggled too. It's a tough place to be. Let's 00:09:17.360 --> 00:09:21.399 talk about it. This way, we're building a poor 00:09:21.399 --> 00:09:26.080 route. This way, another important aspect is 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:29.559 consider our language. The words we choose can 00:09:29.559 --> 00:09:31.860 either invite connection or create distance. 00:09:32.360 --> 00:09:35.919 For phrases like you should or you need to can 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:40.159 come off as patronizing, while what if and have 00:09:40.159 --> 00:09:43.179 you considered can open up healthy dialogue. 00:09:43.340 --> 00:09:45.659 Let's take a moment to think about how we frame 00:09:45.659 --> 00:09:49.679 our advice. Instead of presenting our insights 00:09:49.679 --> 00:09:53.039 as the only solution, we can offer them as one 00:09:53.039 --> 00:09:56.169 of many possibilities. This approach respects 00:09:56.169 --> 00:09:58.710 the other person's autonomy and acknowledges 00:09:58.710 --> 00:10:00.870 that they are ultimately responsible for their 00:10:00.870 --> 00:10:03.830 own decisions. Now let's shift gears and talk 00:10:03.830 --> 00:10:05.990 about vulnerability's role in our conversations. 00:10:06.690 --> 00:10:09.909 Sharing our struggles and doubts can be a powerful 00:10:09.909 --> 00:10:12.909 way to connect with others. It humanizes our 00:10:12.909 --> 00:10:15.970 experiences and shows that faith is not a linear 00:10:15.970 --> 00:10:19.850 journey. It's full of ups and downs, twists and 00:10:19.850 --> 00:10:21.690 turns. When we're open about our challenges, 00:10:21.980 --> 00:10:24.539 it can encourage others to be honest about theirs. 00:10:25.179 --> 00:10:27.720 This creates a culture of authenticity where 00:10:27.720 --> 00:10:30.460 people feel free to express their feelings without 00:10:30.460 --> 00:10:34.480 fear of judgment. Now let's look at the societal 00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:37.820 context of our conversations. We live in a world 00:10:37.820 --> 00:10:41.960 that often feels divided, and this can seep into 00:10:41.960 --> 00:10:45.480 our faith communities. Different beliefs, backgrounds, 00:10:45.720 --> 00:10:48.220 and experiences can lead to misunderstandings. 00:10:48.519 --> 00:10:50.820 and it's crucial to approach these differences 00:10:50.820 --> 00:10:54.899 with sense. When discussing differing opinions, 00:10:55.179 --> 00:10:57.259 it's essential to acknowledge the other person's 00:10:57.259 --> 00:11:00.759 perspective. Even if we disagree, we can express 00:11:00.759 --> 00:11:04.539 our views without belittling theirs. We can say, 00:11:04.700 --> 00:11:06.960 I see where you're coming from, but I have the 00:11:06.960 --> 00:11:09.519 different viewpoint. Can we explore this together? 00:11:09.879 --> 00:11:13.399 This approach fosters a respectful dialogue instead 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:15.620 of a combative exchange. Now I'd like to share 00:11:15.620 --> 00:11:19.399 a few practical tips for navigating these conversations. 00:11:19.980 --> 00:11:23.720 Number one, reflect before responding. Take a 00:11:23.720 --> 00:11:25.940 moment to consider how your words might be received. 00:11:26.519 --> 00:11:28.620 Are you coming from a place of love or judgment? 00:11:29.379 --> 00:11:32.139 Number two, be mindful of your tone. Sometimes 00:11:32.139 --> 00:11:34.840 it's not just what we say, but how we say it. 00:11:34.980 --> 00:11:37.279 Tone can convey more than words alone. Number 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:40.879 three, seek common ground. Find shared experiences 00:11:40.879 --> 00:11:44.960 or beliefs that serve as a foundation for your 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:49.700 conversation. Practice patience. Behaling trust 00:11:49.700 --> 00:11:52.080 and understanding takes time. Don't rush the 00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:56.080 process. Be open to feedback. If someone expresses 00:11:56.080 --> 00:11:58.159 that they felt you were being condescending, 00:11:58.620 --> 00:12:00.620 be willing to listen and adjust your approach. 00:12:00.860 --> 00:12:02.779 So why does this matter? Why should we unpack 00:12:02.779 --> 00:12:06.669 what seems like a benign inquiry. How we discuss 00:12:06.669 --> 00:12:09.850 prayer and its role in decision -making can significantly 00:12:09.850 --> 00:12:12.590 impact our faith and how we interact with others. 00:12:12.690 --> 00:12:15.409 Let's start with some context. The phrase, have 00:12:15.409 --> 00:12:17.789 you prayed about it, is often directed at someone 00:12:17.789 --> 00:12:20.690 facing a difficult choice, a life -changing decision, 00:12:20.909 --> 00:12:24.789 or a moment of uncertainty. It's almost a reflexive 00:12:24.789 --> 00:12:27.750 or responsible friend's family or church leaders. 00:12:28.230 --> 00:12:31.399 But what does this question imply? First, let's 00:12:31.399 --> 00:12:33.600 acknowledge that the intent behind the phrase 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:37.620 is typically positive. It encourages individuals 00:12:37.620 --> 00:12:41.480 to seek divine guidance and to rely on their 00:12:41.480 --> 00:12:44.080 faith navigating life's challenges. But what 00:12:44.080 --> 00:12:46.960 happens when this encouragement turns into an 00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:51.620 expectation? When is it that we might be unintentionally 00:12:51.620 --> 00:12:54.200 placing a burden on someone who is already struggling? 00:12:54.659 --> 00:12:57.059 One of the first implications we need to consider 00:12:57.059 --> 00:13:00.909 is prayer as a checklist. When someone faces 00:13:00.909 --> 00:13:03.570 a significant decision, they might feel compelled 00:13:03.570 --> 00:13:07.190 to pray about it simply to satisfy the expectations 00:13:07.190 --> 00:13:10.029 of those around them. This can lead to superficial 00:13:10.029 --> 00:13:13.389 prayer, ritualistic even, rather than a genuine 00:13:13.389 --> 00:13:16.169 conversation with God. Imagine someone reaching 00:13:16.169 --> 00:13:18.929 out for emotional support. They are navigating 00:13:18.929 --> 00:13:21.649 feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, or despair. 00:13:22.169 --> 00:13:24.450 When we respond with, have you prayed about it? 00:13:24.610 --> 00:13:27.269 We might unintentionally dismiss their emotional 00:13:27.269 --> 00:13:30.080 struggle. Instead of validating their feelings, 00:13:30.419 --> 00:13:33.519 we may re -direct them to a more spiritual approach, 00:13:33.779 --> 00:13:35.899 which could be feel isolating. In essence, we 00:13:35.899 --> 00:13:39.039 need to be careful not to weaponize prayer. It's 00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:43.000 crucial to create a space where individuals feel 00:13:43.000 --> 00:13:45.799 comfortable expressing their doubts, fears, and 00:13:45.799 --> 00:13:50.139 questions without feeling that they might immediately 00:13:50.139 --> 00:13:53.240 turn to prayer, that they must immediately turn 00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:56.409 to prayer as the solution. Additionally, let's 00:13:56.409 --> 00:13:58.789 talk about the implications of prayer as a means 00:13:58.789 --> 00:14:02.289 of judgment. When we ask someone if they've prayed 00:14:02.289 --> 00:14:05.309 about a decision, we might unintentionally imply 00:14:05.309 --> 00:14:07.970 that a lack of worship equates to a lack of faith 00:14:07.970 --> 00:14:11.289 or commitment. This can create shame or guilt, 00:14:11.450 --> 00:14:13.769 particularly for those who may be struggling 00:14:13.769 --> 00:14:17.750 with their spiritual walk. Now let's shift gears 00:14:17.750 --> 00:14:19.950 and consider the flipside of this discussion. 00:14:20.529 --> 00:14:22.850 What about those who genuinely rely on prayer 00:14:22.850 --> 00:14:27.379 as their guiding light? For many, prayer is vital 00:14:27.379 --> 00:14:29.840 to decision making, offering comfort, clarity, 00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:33.039 and peace. But even within this context, it's 00:14:33.039 --> 00:14:35.340 essential to approach the subject with sensitivity. 00:14:36.159 --> 00:14:38.879 We need to recognize that prayer is not a one 00:14:38.879 --> 00:14:42.139 -size -fits -all solution. Some individuals may 00:14:42.139 --> 00:14:45.200 not have the same experience with prayer. Maybe 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:48.019 there's a season of doubt or feeling distant 00:14:48.019 --> 00:14:51.100 from God. In these moments, suggesting prayer 00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:54.289 without understanding their context may come 00:14:54.289 --> 00:14:57.029 off as dismissive. As we explore these implications, 00:14:57.370 --> 00:15:00.090 let's also consider the role of community in 00:15:00.090 --> 00:15:03.350 our faith journeys. In a healthy faith community, 00:15:03.509 --> 00:15:05.750 we should create an environment where people 00:15:05.750 --> 00:15:08.669 can share their struggles openly without fear 00:15:08.669 --> 00:15:12.070 of judgment or pressure. Instead of asking, have 00:15:12.070 --> 00:15:15.090 you prayed about it? We might ask, how can I 00:15:15.090 --> 00:15:18.929 support you in this decision? Or what are you 00:15:18.929 --> 00:15:21.669 feeling right now? This opens the door for deeper 00:15:21.669 --> 00:15:24.460 conversations and connection. It acknowledges 00:15:24.460 --> 00:15:27.100 that prayer is part of the process but is not 00:15:27.100 --> 00:15:30.139 the only avenue for seeking support and guidance. 00:15:30.279 --> 00:15:33.600 So how do we shift our language and approach 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:38.039 to honor both prayer and the emotional realities 00:15:38.039 --> 00:15:41.100 of our friends and family? Here are a few practical 00:15:41.100 --> 00:15:44.720 tips to consider. Number one, ask open -ended 00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:47.419 questions. Instead of jumping straight to prayer, 00:15:47.700 --> 00:15:50.600 ask how the person is feeling or what they are 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:54.379 thinking about this situation. This allows them 00:15:54.379 --> 00:15:57.659 to express themselves more freely. Number two, 00:15:57.919 --> 00:16:00.899 share your own struggles. Vulnerability is powerful. 00:16:01.659 --> 00:16:05.080 If appropriate, share your own experiences with 00:16:05.080 --> 00:16:08.799 decision -making and prayer. This can help normalize 00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:11.639 the struggle and show that wrestling with these 00:16:11.639 --> 00:16:15.799 decisions is okay. Number three, offer presence, 00:16:16.379 --> 00:16:19.279 not solutions. Sometimes simply being there for 00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:21.960 someone is more valuable than offering advice. 00:16:22.279 --> 00:16:25.379 Stay with them. Listen and validate their feelings. 00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:29.639 4. Encourage prayer, but don't demand it. Let 00:16:29.639 --> 00:16:32.580 them know that prayer is a valuable tool, but 00:16:32.580 --> 00:16:35.620 not the only one. Maybe she suggests they take 00:16:35.620 --> 00:16:38.379 time to reflect, journal, or meditate if they're 00:16:38.379 --> 00:16:41.360 not comfortable with prayer right now. 5. Respect 00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:44.019 individual journeys. Understand that everyone's 00:16:44.019 --> 00:16:46.360 relationship with faith and prayer differs. Be 00:16:46.360 --> 00:16:49.360 respectful of where they are on their journey. 00:16:49.500 --> 00:16:52.740 So what is it about these phrases that can feel 00:16:52.740 --> 00:16:55.500 so dismissive? To understand this, we need to 00:16:55.500 --> 00:16:59.200 break down the psychology behind them. Dismissive 00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:02.120 phrases often stem from a desire to alleviate 00:17:02.120 --> 00:17:05.099 discomfort, both our own and that of the person 00:17:05.099 --> 00:17:08.980 we speak with. When we encounter someone in pain 00:17:08.980 --> 00:17:12.240 or struggling, it's an instinct to want to improve 00:17:12.240 --> 00:17:14.940 it and provide answers or solutions. However, 00:17:15.039 --> 00:17:18.180 in our haste to soothe, we often overlook the 00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:22.210 nuances. of their experience. Let's take a closer 00:17:22.210 --> 00:17:25.869 look at a few common phrases. The phrase, have 00:17:25.869 --> 00:17:28.190 you prayed about it, may seem simple and well 00:17:28.190 --> 00:17:30.789 -intentioned. Still, we'll uncover the implicit 00:17:30.789 --> 00:17:33.150 implications associated with this phrase along 00:17:33.150 --> 00:17:35.769 with other phenomenon of dismissive phrases. 00:17:36.170 --> 00:17:38.769 Expressions that, despite good intentions, can 00:17:38.769 --> 00:17:41.470 sometimes fall short and undermine the sentiments 00:17:41.470 --> 00:17:43.789 we're trying to convey. Everything happens for 00:17:43.789 --> 00:17:48.049 a reason. This phrase suggests a predetermined 00:17:48.049 --> 00:17:51.250 purpose behind every event, implying a divine 00:17:51.250 --> 00:17:54.750 plan at play. While this can be a comfort to 00:17:54.750 --> 00:17:57.630 some, for others it can feel like a mechanization 00:17:57.630 --> 00:18:02.349 of their pain. It can imply that their struggles 00:18:02.349 --> 00:18:04.869 are merely stepping stones to a greater good, 00:18:05.390 --> 00:18:09.170 which can be frustrating for someone simply seeking 00:18:09.170 --> 00:18:11.829 acknowledgement of their suffering. Instead of 00:18:11.829 --> 00:18:15.529 offering this phrase, we might consider validating 00:18:15.529 --> 00:18:18.000 the other person's feelings. I'm sorry you're 00:18:18.000 --> 00:18:20.180 going through this. Acknowledging their pain 00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:23.920 without trying to fix it allows space for genuine 00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:26.180 connection and understanding. Just have faith. 00:18:26.759 --> 00:18:29.920 Faith is undoubtedly a powerful concept in many 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:34.039 religious and spiritual traditions, but someone 00:18:34.039 --> 00:18:36.880 who is struggling without grief or uncertainty, 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:40.079 this phrase can come across as dismissive. It 00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:42.680 can create a divide between those who seem to 00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:45.160 have unwavering faith and those who struggle 00:18:45.160 --> 00:18:48.049 to hold onto it. Instead of offering a blanket 00:18:48.049 --> 00:18:51.309 statement like, just have faith, we could say 00:18:51.309 --> 00:18:55.089 something more empathetic. I can see you're struggling 00:18:55.089 --> 00:18:57.170 right now. It's okay to question and to feel 00:18:57.170 --> 00:19:00.549 uncertain. This encourages open dialogue and 00:19:00.549 --> 00:19:04.369 fosters an environment where exploration and 00:19:04.369 --> 00:19:07.430 vulnerability are welcomed. It could be worse. 00:19:08.170 --> 00:19:10.910 While it's often intended to provide perspective, 00:19:11.309 --> 00:19:14.109 It can inadvertently diminish someone's feelings 00:19:14.109 --> 00:19:17.490 by suggesting their suffering is not valid compared 00:19:17.490 --> 00:19:19.789 to someone else's situation. It can create a 00:19:19.789 --> 00:19:23.190 hierarchy of pain where some experiences are 00:19:23.190 --> 00:19:26.910 seen as more legitimate than others. A more supportive 00:19:26.910 --> 00:19:29.509 approach might be to say, I'm here for you and 00:19:29.509 --> 00:19:32.490 your feelings matter. This response affirms the 00:19:32.490 --> 00:19:35.230 person's experience without comparison, allowing 00:19:35.230 --> 00:19:38.109 them to feel seen and heard. At least you have 00:19:38.109 --> 00:19:41.480 blank. This can be a tricky one. While it's often 00:19:41.480 --> 00:19:44.279 intended to highlight gratitude, it can come 00:19:44.279 --> 00:19:47.220 across as patronizing when someone expresses 00:19:47.220 --> 00:19:50.440 grief or frustration. It can suggest that they 00:19:50.440 --> 00:19:53.119 should be thankful for what they have instead 00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:56.200 of acknowledging their current struggle. Instead, 00:19:56.299 --> 00:19:58.640 we might offer something like, it's okay to feel 00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:01.559 overwhelmed right now. You don't have to feel 00:20:01.559 --> 00:20:04.920 to put on a brave face. This allows the person 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:07.410 to express their feelings without the pressure 00:20:07.410 --> 00:20:10.930 of gratitude weighing them down. Now let's reflect 00:20:10.930 --> 00:20:14.289 for a moment on why dissecting these phrases 00:20:14.289 --> 00:20:16.970 are crucial. Language shapes our experiences, 00:20:17.329 --> 00:20:19.710 our interactions, and ultimately our faith journeys. 00:20:20.430 --> 00:20:22.569 But when we fail to communicate effectively, 00:20:23.069 --> 00:20:25.730 we risk alienating those seeking connection. 00:20:26.230 --> 00:20:29.549 We can inadvertently create barriers that prevent 00:20:29.549 --> 00:20:32.670 honest dialogue about faith, doubt, and the human 00:20:32.670 --> 00:20:36.099 experience. So what can we do about it? How can 00:20:36.099 --> 00:20:39.640 we communicate with intention and empathy? First, 00:20:39.819 --> 00:20:42.339 let's practice active listening. When someone 00:20:42.339 --> 00:20:45.059 shares their struggles, let's focus on understanding 00:20:45.059 --> 00:20:47.759 their feelings rather than preparing a response. 00:20:48.579 --> 00:20:51.539 This can make all the difference. Second, let's 00:20:51.539 --> 00:20:54.400 lean into vulnerability. It's okay to admit when 00:20:54.400 --> 00:20:56.960 we don't have the answers. Instead of trying 00:20:56.960 --> 00:21:00.099 to offer solutions, we can simply be present 00:21:00.099 --> 00:21:04.869 with someone and their pain. Lastly, Let's be 00:21:04.869 --> 00:21:07.849 mindful of our language. We can choose phrases 00:21:07.849 --> 00:21:11.170 that validate rather than dismiss that invite 00:21:11.170 --> 00:21:14.349 dialogue rather than shut it down. To start, 00:21:14.690 --> 00:21:17.589 let's define what we mean by empathy and understanding. 00:21:18.130 --> 00:21:20.690 Empathy is the ability to put ourselves in someone 00:21:20.690 --> 00:21:24.490 else's shoes, to feel what they're feeling, and 00:21:24.490 --> 00:21:27.150 to understand their perspective. On the other 00:21:27.150 --> 00:21:31.589 hand, understanding is about grasping the context. 00:21:31.869 --> 00:21:35.869 beliefs and values that shape someone's worldview. 00:21:36.150 --> 00:21:38.369 In spiritual conversations, these two qualities 00:21:38.369 --> 00:21:41.490 are crucial. They allow us to engage with others 00:21:41.490 --> 00:21:44.069 in a way that is respectful and enlightening. 00:21:44.349 --> 00:21:48.190 Instead of viewing differing beliefs as obstacles, 00:21:48.430 --> 00:21:50.730 we can see them as opportunities for growth, 00:21:50.910 --> 00:21:53.170 learning, and connection. But why is this important? 00:21:53.730 --> 00:21:56.849 Well, the spiritual landscape is incredibly diverse. 00:21:56.970 --> 00:21:59.349 People come from various backgrounds, cultures, 00:21:59.509 --> 00:22:02.809 and belief systems. each with unique perspectives 00:22:02.809 --> 00:22:06.130 on life's purpose in the universe. Engaging in 00:22:06.130 --> 00:22:08.609 conversations about spirituality without empathy 00:22:08.609 --> 00:22:11.250 and understanding, we risk misunderstanding, 00:22:11.769 --> 00:22:16.829 conflict, and alienation. Now let's explore practical 00:22:16.829 --> 00:22:19.849 strategies for cultivating empathy and understanding 00:22:19.849 --> 00:22:22.910 in our spiritual conversations. The first strategy 00:22:22.910 --> 00:22:26.309 is active listening. Active listening means truly 00:22:26.309 --> 00:22:29.069 hearing what the other person is saying without. 00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:31.839 formulating your response while they're speaking. 00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:34.579 It's about being present and showing genuine 00:22:34.579 --> 00:22:38.220 interest in their perspective. To practice active 00:22:38.220 --> 00:22:42.099 listening, focus on these three components. Number 00:22:42.099 --> 00:22:44.960 one, pay attention. Put away distractions like 00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:47.559 your phone or your thoughts about what you will 00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:51.279 say next. Maintain eye contact and use body language 00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:54.839 that conveys openness. Number two, reflect. After 00:22:54.839 --> 00:22:57.480 the other person has spoken, reflect on what 00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:01.339 you have heard and what you want to say. This 00:23:01.339 --> 00:23:06.160 shows that you're engaged and helps clarify any 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.559 misunderstandings. For example, you might say, 00:23:08.940 --> 00:23:11.920 what I hear you saying is, and then number three, 00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:15.819 ask open -ended questions. Encourage deeper exploration 00:23:15.819 --> 00:23:18.880 of their thoughts and feelings by asking open 00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:21.819 -ended questions. Instead of asking, did you 00:23:21.819 --> 00:23:24.339 like that book? You might ask, what did you find 00:23:24.339 --> 00:23:28.619 most impactful about that book? By employing 00:23:28.619 --> 00:23:32.000 active listening, we create a safe space for 00:23:32.000 --> 00:23:35.240 dialogue, allowing both parties to express themselves 00:23:35.240 --> 00:23:39.039 fully. This leads to a richer understanding of 00:23:39.039 --> 00:23:42.200 one another and can often reveal common ground. 00:23:43.180 --> 00:23:45.660 The second strategy is to approach conversation 00:23:45.660 --> 00:23:48.900 with curiosity rather than judgment. Curiosity 00:23:48.900 --> 00:23:51.940 opens the door to understanding. When we approach 00:23:51.940 --> 00:23:55.200 someone's beliefs with genuine curiosity, we 00:23:55.200 --> 00:23:57.750 signal We signal to them that we're interested 00:23:57.750 --> 00:24:00.910 in their perspective even if it differs from 00:24:00.910 --> 00:24:03.470 our own. Instead of thinking, I can't believe 00:24:03.470 --> 00:24:06.390 they think that. Try to shift your mindset to, 00:24:06.509 --> 00:24:09.269 I wonder what experiences led them to this belief. 00:24:10.809 --> 00:24:14.009 This simple shift can transform the tone of the 00:24:14.009 --> 00:24:17.710 conversation from adversarial to explorative. 00:24:18.029 --> 00:24:20.309 Remember, it's okay to ask questions and it's 00:24:20.309 --> 00:24:24.289 okay to not. not to understand everything. Acknowledging 00:24:24.289 --> 00:24:27.970 our limitations can foster humility and encourage 00:24:27.970 --> 00:24:30.609 others to share more openly. Now let's talk about 00:24:30.609 --> 00:24:33.470 the importance of sharing experiences. Sharing 00:24:33.470 --> 00:24:35.829 our stories can be a powerful way to connect 00:24:35.829 --> 00:24:39.309 with others and cultivate empathy. When we reveal 00:24:39.309 --> 00:24:41.930 our personal experiences, we allow others to 00:24:41.930 --> 00:24:44.470 see the human side of our beliefs, which can 00:24:44.470 --> 00:24:47.029 create a deeper connection. However, it's vital 00:24:47.029 --> 00:24:50.910 to strike a balance. While sharing personal stories 00:24:50.910 --> 00:24:54.339 can be enriching, it's important not to dominate 00:24:54.339 --> 00:24:57.200 the conversation. Aim for a dialogue where both 00:24:57.200 --> 00:25:00.539 parties share and listen. This exchange of stories 00:25:00.539 --> 00:25:04.880 can foster empathy as we realize that. At our 00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:08.059 core, we share similar struggles, hopes, and 00:25:08.059 --> 00:25:12.319 desires. Empathy is often born from shared experiences, 00:25:12.640 --> 00:25:15.599 so don't hesitate to share your journey, but 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:18.619 always do so to connect rather than persuade. 00:25:19.079 --> 00:25:22.019 Another crucial element is cultivating empathy 00:25:22.019 --> 00:25:24.920 and understanding is recognizing our biases. 00:25:25.660 --> 00:25:28.200 We all have biases, conscious and unconscious, 00:25:28.900 --> 00:25:32.819 that shape how we perceive others. When entering 00:25:32.819 --> 00:25:35.140 a spiritual conversation, we must acknowledge 00:25:35.140 --> 00:25:38.579 these biases and their potential impact on our 00:25:38.579 --> 00:25:41.579 interactions. Take a moment to reflect on your 00:25:41.579 --> 00:25:44.619 beliefs and how they might influence your perspective. 00:25:44.779 --> 00:25:47.119 Are there certain topics or beliefs that trigger 00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:51.059 a strong reaction in you? By identifying these 00:25:51.059 --> 00:25:54.900 biases, you can work to set them aside, allowing 00:25:54.900 --> 00:25:59.079 for a more open and honest dialogue. Additionally, 00:25:59.099 --> 00:26:02.680 be aware of the language you use. Language can 00:26:02.680 --> 00:26:06.680 be compelling, and certain phrases can evoke 00:26:06.680 --> 00:26:10.059 defensiveness or misunderstanding. Strive to 00:26:10.059 --> 00:26:12.900 use inclusive language that invites dialogue 00:26:12.900 --> 00:26:15.500 rather than shutting it down. Next, let's discuss 00:26:15.500 --> 00:26:18.299 the role of compassion in spiritual conversations. 00:26:19.220 --> 00:26:22.140 Compassion is empathy in action. It involves 00:26:22.140 --> 00:26:27.000 understanding another's feelings and also responding 00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:30.339 with kindness and support. In moments of disagreement 00:26:30.339 --> 00:26:34.420 or tension, compassion can help diffuse hostility. 00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:38.200 When we approach conversation with compassion, 00:26:38.519 --> 00:26:41.400 we're more likely to respond with patience and 00:26:41.400 --> 00:26:43.920 understanding, even when we don't see eye to 00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:47.799 eye. Consider this. When someone shares a belief 00:26:47.799 --> 00:26:51.319 that challenges your own, instead of reacting 00:26:51.319 --> 00:26:54.559 defensively, ask yourself how you would want 00:26:54.559 --> 00:26:57.750 to be. treated if the roles were reversed. This 00:26:57.750 --> 00:27:02.029 mindset can transform a potentially confrontational 00:27:02.029 --> 00:27:04.769 conversation into one of mutual respect and growth. 00:27:05.109 --> 00:27:07.150 Now let's touch on the importance of creating 00:27:07.150 --> 00:27:10.450 a safe space for dialogue. A safe space is where 00:27:10.450 --> 00:27:13.230 everyone feels comfortable in expressing their 00:27:13.230 --> 00:27:15.349 thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment 00:27:15.349 --> 00:27:19.730 or ridicule. Here are a few tips to foster that 00:27:19.730 --> 00:27:23.049 safe environment. Number one, set ground rules. 00:27:23.309 --> 00:27:25.549 At the beginning of the conversation, consider 00:27:25.549 --> 00:27:28.849 establishing some ground rules, such as no interrupting 00:27:28.849 --> 00:27:32.930 and respecting differing opinions. Number two, 00:27:33.730 --> 00:27:36.509 encourage vulnerability. Let others know it's 00:27:36.509 --> 00:27:38.609 okay to be vulnerable and share the struggles. 00:27:39.109 --> 00:27:42.589 Vulnerability can lead to deeper connections 00:27:42.589 --> 00:27:45.930 and understanding. Number three, Practice non 00:27:45.930 --> 00:27:47.990 -defensive communication. If someone challenges 00:27:47.990 --> 00:27:51.029 your beliefs, respond without becoming defensive. 00:27:51.269 --> 00:27:53.730 Instead, consider their perspective and express 00:27:53.730 --> 00:27:56.289 your thoughts calmly and respectfully. Creating 00:27:56.289 --> 00:28:00.849 a safe space empowers everyone to engage authentically, 00:28:01.269 --> 00:28:03.970 resulting in richer and more meaningful conversations. 00:28:04.710 --> 00:28:07.569 As we continue to explore this topic, let's not 00:28:07.569 --> 00:28:10.509 forget the power of silence. Silence can be a 00:28:10.509 --> 00:28:14.490 potent tool in conversations. It gives both parties 00:28:14.490 --> 00:28:17.710 time to reflect, process, and gather their thoughts. 00:28:18.470 --> 00:28:22.150 Don't fear pauses. They can create a space for 00:28:22.150 --> 00:28:25.450 deeper reflection and understanding. When someone 00:28:25.450 --> 00:28:28.230 shares something profound, allow for silence. 00:28:28.990 --> 00:28:32.329 This shows respect for the words and allows everyone 00:28:32.329 --> 00:28:35.670 to absorb the message. Silence can often speak 00:28:35.670 --> 00:28:38.309 louder than words, forming a deeper connection. 00:28:38.329 --> 00:28:41.769 Now let's address the idea of agreeing to disagree. 00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:45.059 Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may not 00:28:45.059 --> 00:28:48.420 reach a consensus. That's perfectly okay. In 00:28:48.420 --> 00:28:50.660 these moments, it's essential to acknowledge 00:28:50.660 --> 00:28:53.799 the validity of each other's perspectives, even 00:28:53.799 --> 00:28:56.619 if we don't share them. Remember last week when 00:28:56.619 --> 00:28:59.160 we discussed the different types of spiritual 00:28:59.160 --> 00:29:01.920 blindness? Well, one of those types is called 00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:05.420 cognitive blindness or confirmation bias. Agreeing 00:29:05.420 --> 00:29:08.440 to disagree doesn't mean dismissing someone's 00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:12.400 beliefs. It's about recognizing that differing 00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:15.000 opinions are part of the human experience. By 00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:17.240 honoring each other's truths, we create space 00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:20.819 for coexistence and understanding. It's important 00:29:20.819 --> 00:29:23.519 to stress that nurturing empathy and understanding 00:29:23.519 --> 00:29:26.859 in spiritual conversations is ongoing. Developing 00:29:26.859 --> 00:29:29.900 these qualities requires practice, patience, 00:29:30.660 --> 00:29:33.740 and a willingness to learn and evolve. Recognizing 00:29:33.740 --> 00:29:37.500 that every conversation presents an opportunity 00:29:37.500 --> 00:29:40.480 for connection, learning, and broadening our 00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:44.779 perspectives. Approaching discussions about spirituality 00:29:44.779 --> 00:29:47.339 with empathy and understanding can help bridge 00:29:47.339 --> 00:29:50.680 gaps, promote meaningful connections, and contribute 00:29:50.680 --> 00:29:52.819 to a more compassionate world. As we wrap up 00:29:52.819 --> 00:29:55.000 today's episode, I would encourage you to consider 00:29:55.000 --> 00:29:57.900 moments when you may have inadvertently come 00:29:57.900 --> 00:30:00.359 across as dismissive or set one of these phrases. 00:30:01.339 --> 00:30:04.920 We aim to cultivate an environment where everyone 00:30:04.920 --> 00:30:09.579 feels respected and listened to. We can foster 00:30:09.579 --> 00:30:12.940 a more inclusive and supportive community by 00:30:12.940 --> 00:30:16.339 practicing active listening, empathy, and vulnerability. 00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:19.740 I trust this discussion has equipped you with 00:30:19.740 --> 00:30:23.299 valuable insights and strategies to navigate 00:30:23.299 --> 00:30:26.720 sensitive conversations. But remember, the focus 00:30:26.720 --> 00:30:29.880 should be on building connections, not barriers. 00:30:30.460 --> 00:30:33.539 If you found today's episode beneficial, I urge 00:30:33.539 --> 00:30:36.460 you to share it with someone who could benefit 00:30:36.460 --> 00:30:40.420 from this dialogue. I encourage each of you to 00:30:40.420 --> 00:30:42.799 consider the language you use when discussing 00:30:42.799 --> 00:30:45.539 faith and challenges. And think about how you 00:30:45.539 --> 00:30:48.599 can be more deliberate in your conversations 00:30:48.599 --> 00:30:52.039 with friends, family, and even strangers. Let's 00:30:52.039 --> 00:30:54.920 remember that the objective is to establish genuine 00:30:54.920 --> 00:30:57.980 empathetic connections that allow us to journey 00:30:57.980 --> 00:31:00.559 alongside each other in our faith experiences. 00:31:01.480 --> 00:31:04.700 I hope this conversation has prompted contemplation 00:31:04.700 --> 00:31:07.430 and inflection in your own life. If you liked 00:31:07.430 --> 00:31:09.589 today's episode, please share it with a friend. 00:31:10.250 --> 00:31:13.009 I leave you with this thought. Spirituality can 00:31:13.009 --> 00:31:15.710 serve as a beautiful guiding force in our lives, 00:31:15.990 --> 00:31:18.910 but it should not shield us from the realities 00:31:18.910 --> 00:31:23.509 of our emotions. Embracing our positive and negative 00:31:23.509 --> 00:31:27.690 feelings enables us to develop, connect, and 00:31:27.690 --> 00:31:31.710 fully experience life. I hope this discussion 00:31:31.710 --> 00:31:35.069 on spiritual bypassing has resonated with you 00:31:35.069 --> 00:31:38.240 and inspires you. to contemplate your spiritual 00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:41.519 journeys. Remember, it is okay to feel. It is 00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:44.700 okay to struggle. It is okay to seek. Until next 00:31:44.700 --> 00:31:47.720 time, keep seeking those perspectives and unfiltered 00:31:47.720 --> 00:31:49.660 conversations to better understand the world 00:31:49.660 --> 00:31:50.220 around us.