Hey there everybody welcome to the mark mo show
podcast. This is season 4 episode 9 Baby, it's
cold outside Actually, no really it is So hey,
welcome welcome to our little podcast dojo as
it as it were or as it is Whatever I don't I
don't conjugate words and and things so you can
find us on all podcast platforms YouTube I would
like to introduce my co -host producer Aidan Maloney
Aiden. How you doing man doing? Okay, the cold
as you mentioned being outside is a lot better
than being inside the AK219 studios Because
working outside in the cold was not fun. No,
I can't imagine it was decidedly un -epic If
you were to ask me which no one did but I answered
nonetheless. So yeah happy to be inside it is
it is quite the privilege to Have a furnace.
Yes, it's like very very taken for granted Just
be able to walk inside be like, oh, it's 68 degrees.
How pleasant Yeah, we are here in the AK219
studios and it is it is very nice. Very balmy
Very temperate. Yes, temperate for sure. I do
kind of dig it. It's not quite hot in here, but
once we get cooking. Oh, we'll be cooking. Yeah,
we're going to be cooking today. Oh, most definitely.
So, Aidan, he's got a gaming channel, and that
gaming channel is... Aidan spelled the right
way. And if I have to tell you what the right
way is, well, just... poo on you. Yeah, maybe
you don't deserve to find it. Maybe not. Unbelievable.
Maybe not. But the PC gaming content does stuff
like Observation Duty on GeoGuessr, PolyBridge,
so much more each and every week. So what you
got coming up? Well, I got two series kind of
running so far. I've got this horror game called
Ludo, which is excellent, looks awesome, plays
awesome. The story's a little convoluted, a little
dense. Hmm, but I kind of like that I like story
driven things and then of course I've got my
other series because observation duty 8 finally
out so of course I've started playing that as
well very fun and of course there's Two dozen
other games. I've just been sitting on so it's
it's good contest good stuff. I'm happy with
it That's awesome. And once again, you can check
that out on YouTube, Aidan spelled the right
way. And yeah, so if you enjoy that content,
if you enjoy this content, also AK -209, I would
be, it would be a tremendous error on my part,
not to mention our collab at AK -209 where...
You know, we do gaming like he does on his channel,
and then just a lot of nonsense like we do here.
And it's been working out. Some stuff's been
popping off. And definitely check that out. We've
been doing quite a bit of observation duty. We've
done a little geoguesser. I imagine we'll...
We'll mix it up from time to time for sure, but
I think it's the most important thing about the
gaming that we do there is we try to do gaming
that we can do while we have conversation because
it really just kind of makes the whole thing
interesting. Right. I think it plays into our
strengths. Especially things that are like audience
interactive as well. We're both geoguessing and
observation duty, like you mentioned, are great
examples of that, of people watching along. Probably
smarter than we. Oh, for sure. For sure. Judging
by the engagement, that is a fact. Right, right.
Bro, they dropped in Alabama. Why are they looking
over there in, like, Arkansas? What's wrong with
them? Did they just say they were in the middle
of Africa? What's wrong with them? I just saw
come and go on the corner. What is going on?
Classic, honestly. Oh yeah, for sure. But yeah,
check us out on all that like and subscribe and
all that good stuff. And also, I guess I should
mention, I'm not sure how much longer, but I
have a radio show after hours on WVLP here in
Valparaiso, Indiana. You can check it out on
WVLP .org. That's where the stream is, or the
TuneIn app on your handheld device. I go live
Tuesday nights at 9 p .m. Central Standard Time
with my Replay Fridays. at 8 p .m. Central Standard
Time. So check that out, especially if you like
alt -rock and you like Kelsey Punk, like Dropkick
and Tossers and Flogging Molly and all that kind
of good stuff. So we definitely play a little
bit of everything, but we have a good time. But
at any rate, you know, it is the holidays. And
holidays are... quite frankly, are filled with
weird things. I do have a favorite grouping of
holidays, and most of them are just very simple
and basic. Right. And this is what we're celebrating
and why, and it usually just involves drinking
and eating and singing and dancing and tomfoolery
and... Shenanigans. Shenanigans, if you will.
Shenanigans will be had, for sure. So, but, you
know, there's a lot of holidays that are just
filled with weird things. Yeah, so like giving
presents to your co -workers who don't like or
You know grandma is making these fruit cakes
out of leftover bits of fruits and candies and
just chuck shit in a bowl and makes a cake but
holiday music at least for me and hopefully you
guys agree is just One of the weirdest things
about Christmas Christmas itself is kind of weird,
because most of the traditions for it were taken
from the pagans. Yeah, it's a pagan holly. Pagan
holly. It just makes me kind of giggle. But that's
alright. That's fine by me. I'm kind of more
aligned that way anyway, but it's just me. But
anyway, you know, classic Christmas music's kind
of bizarre. And when you listen to the lyrics,
like really listen, put these songs in a context,
you realize that most of the music is just really
not f - fit for everyone. Sure. And the weirdest
classic Christmas lyrics come from some of the
most famous Christmas songs. And so I suppose
we should just start with the one that is the
title of this podcast episode. Right. Baby, it's
cold outside. Now, the song's been around forever.
I think Dean Martin might have done the first
one. I'm not sure if other people have done it.
But when I was a kid, I listen to this. And as
a kid, you know, whatever, it's holiday music,
you're getting the vibe, you're getting into
it. But then as you're kind of listening to it,
even when I was young, I couldn't help but think,
like, why does he just let her go home? Right.
Clearly she wants to go. But what are you doing?
You're forcing yourself upon her, my guy. But,
you know, apparently music of a bygone era You
know, it's totally cool a song pressuring your
lady friend into spending the night and the song
is about Netflix and sorry It's snowing out and
you should stay and kind of chill maybe And you
know, I'm gonna point out with some of these
songs like some of the lyrics are weird lyrics,
right? So one of them is when like when she says
say what's in this drink? Right. The implication.
The implication. So nothing says holidays like
a casual reference to being roofied. Right. I
mean, that is just kind of messed up. That's
insane. Yeah. Yeah, that is, uh, that's kind
of crazy. And trust me, when I just kind of threw
that lyric out, there are like a half dozen other
lyrics in there that are very questionable. And
they're all along the same vein, like the whole
story tracks. Uh -huh. It really does. And it's
like, oh no, this is... this is christmas to
you people yeah because let's face it if that
song were to be written today it would be something
like baby it's cold outside i know hey how about
a half a drink more no i'm good no i'm all right
please stay see you tomorrow i mean and then
that would be the song be like a 30 second song
right right there'd be nothing to it uh another
song Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Arguably, well, right up there with Blue Christmas,
you could probably argue, but arguably one of
the most depressing Christmas songs of all time.
Or up there with the one with the son and the
dying mother and then they buy the shoes or something.
Oh, aha, we'll get to that. Okay. We'll get to
that. In the biz, that's what we call foreshadowing.
We'll get to that piece of work for sure. It's
easily one of the most depressing Christmas songs
of all time. So when the song was first written,
it was a thousand times sadder. And originally
lyrics read, have yourself a merry little Christmas.
It may be your last. Next year we may all be
living in the past. Talk about such a downer.
The song was rewritten, but still retains some
of its sad roots. It's weird that in the season
of giving, we listen to such sad music. Right.
So one of the weirdest lyrics is, through the
years we will all be together, if the fates allow.
Only if. Oh please fates, please allow. Please,
please allow us. Mommy, will the fates allow
us? Oh I don't know. Fingers crossed Billy. Glad
some of the gloom and doom. Like, maybe you'll
be dead next Christmas of the original song Still
Remains, you know? But it's just, it's hilarious
because it is this time of, like, joy and ornaments
and lights and cookies and, like, all this stuff,
and then it's like... Meant to give you a warm
feeling in the coldest of days. Right. Well,
well, and for people that are quote -unquote
believers... Like, dude's born. Hey, it's a party.
It's his birthday. Let's party. Let's rage. And
instead it's like, oh, it's his birthday. God,
I hope I see the next one. Right. I mean, that's
just ridiculous. That's wild. It's wild. It's
wild. The lyrics in there are just crazy. Another
one is called Santa Baby. Now, I believe Eartha
Kitt did a version. I think Madonna did a version.
There's been a few. So... Christmas is awesome
because it's sort of like everyone's second birthday,
and is one of those few times a year it's socially
acceptable to list a bunch of materialistic things
that you want. No world peace on this chick's
Christmas list. So one of the weirdest lyrics
of this one is, Think of all the fun I've missed.
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed.
Ho. Next year, I could be just as good. if you
check off my Christmas list. So basically the
moral of the story is, if you are a slutty Santa,
if you are slutty, Santa will not bring you presents.
Wow. What a dastardly implication. Isn't it?
Isn't it? Like, I mean, granted Santa does watch
you while you sleep or while you wake or whatever
the fuck. Right. Which is already strange. Well,
that is also true. If you use your omniscience
to spy on people, Mm -hmm. That's so weird. You
can just not do that Right, you can just decide
not to do that. Yeah, Santa's keeping that eye.
It's like back off. Yeah What do you watch me
have a piss? I haven't declared war on any other
country I've I'm probably pretty much on the
good side. Just you know Throw me a box of cigars
and and some whiskey and we'll call it a year.
We will call it a year my guy Yeah, so it's just
it's kind of crazy and it you know, and it's
it's so Over -the -top materialistic and we've
had discussions on this show recently About capitalism
and how it just seems to be kind of feeding on
itself and it's not something new It's been happening
for a while right now It's just affecting a wider
scope of people than it ever has before and now
it's becoming a real issue Yeah, but like this
is the ultimate song Yeah, like I'd be surprised
like if target didn't have this on loop. Yeah,
right. Oh my god. Yeah What is the one lyric
like I want a ring and I'm not talking about
the phone or something Yeah, she doesn't want
to hear you. It's like hey, you got a diamond.
Yeah, we can talk if you don't Just keep keep
stepping keep on a moving then I'm gonna go kiss
out every boy or whatever Exactly, you know,
she's ready to turn out for somebody dropping
rings. That's Okay, you do you you do you boo
mrs. Claus thinks of that song That's very interesting.
Is she like hey, hey Hey Fuck you Well, here's
the thing. It's like if if Santa wants to be
a cheap bastard like oh, I'm so busy I don't
have time for you, you know, and he doesn't have
any gifts for her. Hey She's got a huge crib
full of elves. She's got her shit taken care
of. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, if Santa wants to
be that way. Yeah. She'll get some elf loving,
I know that. Right, right. I am confident in
that. That's the new headcanon. The North Pole
is full of debauchery. It really is. It's the
North Pole that you don't know about. Right,
right. So Silent Night. The song is essentially
about people being super happy that their baby's
asleep. While it may seem like a Christmas miracle
that a baby fell asleep, it seems like a weird
topic for Christmas. Or maybe that is just my
fear of babies coming out. That's also very possible.
So weird lyric, round yawn virgin, mother, and
child. Now how does that work? I don't even know
what that means. Like I can't even remember.
Round yawn virgin? Round yawn virgin, mother,
and child. Round yawn. That's gotta be some,
like, middle English. Round yon virgin. Mother
and child. So you're trying to say that's a package
deal. That's the mother and the child. But she's
a round yon virgin. Which one? Because Joseph
didn't knock her up. Oh, yeah. But even if the
Lord knocked her up... But if this is... He still
woulda knocked her up. Yeah, right. Am I wrong?
Right, they have, like, IVF or something back
in the day? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Yeah, I don't
know. He comes down all mystic and stuff. Have
a procedure. I mean, I don't I don't I don't
know how that works, right? All right, just kind
of waves his hands like presto Ding oh, what's
that? You'll find out pay no attention to that.
Yeah. Oh Man, if this is the mother and child
they're talking about this child being the one
that's sleeping. Yeah, why are we celebrating?
Baby Jesus going to sleep. Why do I fucking care?
Right. It's like baby Jesus fell asleep Okie
-dokie. Right. That's good. Figure infants do
that. Right. You know what? When they all come
and they bring the frankincense and the myrrh,
I'm gonna be the guy otherwise, man, who brings
that super -ass noisy toy. Wee, wee, wee, wee,
wee. Yo, Joe Mary, what's up? Check this shit
out. Like a little baby drum set. You just woke
up Jesus. God damn it. Nah, Jesus won't play
with this shit. That's what's up with that. He
could have just brought diapers. Exactly. Formula,
anything. So, The Twelve Days of Christmas. Now,
this song is just whack all the way around. It's
just kind of a wacky song. And I redid a version
of this, god, years ago? Four or five years ago?
I don't know if I did a sports version of it
for the sports show I used to run, or if I did
one for this town we used to live in adjacent
to Valparaiso. It's a town called South Haven.
So I did a South Haven version, and I... Pretty
sure I did a sports version. But this original
version, it's a doozy. And it's long overdue
for an update, in my opinion. If my true love
gave me half of these things, I'd probably take
off. Yeah. I'd be like, yeah, you know. That's
what did you give me? Eight of what? The five
gold rings is cool. Five gold rings is fine.
Everything else is kind of partridge in a pair
of what? Why would I want a partridge? Why would
I, yeah, I'm in an apartment. What am I gonna
do with a goddamn pear tree? I don't have room
for that. Do you care? No, you don't. You know
who you're dating. So. Eight maids are milking.
Eight maids, well. What the fuck is that about?
Are they milking rats? I wanna know that. Oh
my goodness. Are they milking rats? Twelve days
of Christmas. predicted the Mark Moe Show rat
milk era. They really did. That's insane. They
really did. Eight maids milking rats. See, they
dropped the rats. Yeah, that's true. So like,
I don't think people feel the rat. It didn't
fit the meter of the song. It really didn't.
You know? Yeah. They're milking. What are they
milking? It's implied, it's rats. It's implied,
clearly. Clearly they're milking rats. Haven't
you seen the music video? Ah, this bit is never
going away, never ever. So, you know, the rest
ain't got time for the poultry and the lords
of leaping and all of that. Yeah, what the hell
is that? This is great. So, on the ninth day
of Christmas, my true love said to me, nine ladies
dancing. Well, okay, now hold up on that one.
That one could work, all right? So it's kind
of like, thank you, sweetheart. I've always wanted
a gaggle of what I'm guessing are hired strippers
to spend the holiday with. So thoughtful of you.
Yeah. It's like, heh, and here come the nine
ladies dancing. First up, Chastity. I mean, is
that, is that where, if so, I have this renewed
love for the Christmas holiday. Right. And I
am, I am down. Anybody want to give me nine ladies
dancing? I'm, I'm down. And the golden rings.
Those two were, you know, the rest, I didn't
get swans in and not, yeah. Swans are assholes,
by the way. Oh, yeah. They're right up there
with geese. Right up there with geese. Ah, they're
the ones. Anyway, Aidan alluded to this little
doozy earlier on. The Christmas shoes. Yeah.
So, this is kinda going deep, maybe even too
deep, but here's the cliff notes. Man goes to
a store, sees a kid attempting and failing to
buy new shoes for his dying mother. The song...
was also turned into a made -for -tv movie starring
Rob Lowe. Rob Lowe. I love Rob Lowe. He never
ages. Oh, yeah. Even Paul Rudd are gonna look
40, like when they're 80. Because some television
exec thought three minutes of this wasn't enough
to make you cry. Here's the lyric. You see, she's
been sick for quite a while. And I know these
shoes would make her smile. And I want her to
look beautiful, if mama meets Jesus tonight.
So what you're saying is, you're getting these
goddamn shoes, mama's gonna croak, and then what
are you gonna take them back, are you gonna refund
them, or...? No, she's wearing them in the coffin!
Which is stupid, because you can't see them anyway,
because the coffin's closed! Mom's got the shoes.
I really I see your hair hair looks lovely. I
the she I don't know about the shoes I'll trust
you that's so strange Nothing says holidays like
footwear and dead parents No, and then away in
a manger and now Jesus man, I'm to remember the
saddest part of the nativity stories where babe
Jesus didn't have proper lodging, right? So he
had to sleep in a rest lodging didn't have proper
lodging, right? They went to the Holiday Inn
and the Holiday Inn's like nah, now we got nothing
got nothing for you. Oh hell. I guess it's in
Motel 6 So they had to sleep in a super eight.
No the super eight. Oh, no Okay So creepy Jim's
gonna be there creepy well Okay, we'll just roll
the dice with that then. You know, so he has
to sleep in this receptacle meant for like animal
feeding, right? So... So, no worries. I offer
baby Jesus to the pigs. To the pigs? Wait, pigs
eat... Oh no. Pigs eat people. Lord, we need
another Jesus! So... Okay, so... No worries because
someone wrote a song to memorialize that moment
This song is kind of like that drunk uncle who
always ruined your birthday party by mentioning
that you had a giant headed bird Here's a lyric
bless all the dear children in thy tender care
and take us to heaven to live with thee there
Wait this so this song has been pro -abortion
this whole time the whole time. We didn't even
know it I'm coming around to it right. You know
bless. I know right now all the Christians are
like wait a minute They're flipping through their
him. Yeah wait. I don't think this is right.
Oh goodness Harold This takes some reading between
the V's, but this song is talking about taking
kids to heaven, where people who are not living
go. Not sure how or why this fits into the song.
But it did. Did Lord Palpatine write this? I
think he did. Do it. I think he did. Kill the
younglings. Yeah, I think so. Do it. Yeah. Didn't,
uh, oh God, what's his name? Didn't, uh... He's
before he was dart Anakin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,
didn't he go in and like yeah my kids do it kill
the younglings really younglings This one Aidan
knows that I've been hot on for a long time Song
called do they know it's Christmas time Such
a bad song and so but here's the thing the song
has every impactful voice of the 80s rock and
pop right there for you in a song in theory you
should be like this should be the greatest song
ever sung I mean that we that we all know that
was Jack Black but in in in this one like you
just look at all this talent right and you're
like oh it's gonna be a banger well you see not
so much so nothing says Merry Christmas like
a bunch of millionaires telling you how to spend
your money This is the lyric. This is the one
that really set me off. Well tonight. Thank God.
It's them instead of you, right? Song about poor
little kids in Africa, right? It seems kind of
harsh Bono. Yeah, that's For for mr. Mr. Unicef
and mr. Right like a charity and everything else.
Did you write this? Right or did like just some
chode write it and is like listen, man You're
gonna actually sung that part. Yeah, he sung
that part like you're gonna make a lot of money
if you just sing this Thank God is there was
scared of you and I'm like, wait a minute. Oh
Hey Marge, at least we're not those poor little
African kids. Pass the eggnog, please. I mean,
what a bunch of rat bastards we have. So shitty.
Yeah, that's kind of a shitty deal. That's very
white America though. Oh, isn't it? Oh God, it's
crazy. Even though I don't think he's American.
No, he's not. And he's Irish, so I'll give him
some credit, but I think, I don't know if he
wrote this. That's what I was in Bob Geldof might
have wrote it Bob Geldof's bitch ass. Yeah. Well
is he who is he? Well, that's and that's a story
for another day But he he wrote a song about
basically about someone going into school and
killing a bunch of people on the song It was
called I hate Mondays and it's like that was
by Bob Geldof. So I'm pretty sure he wrote this
little doozy, too so I imagine like you know
Bono's saying it is like Excuse me. Hey, hang
on everybody. So let me get this right. So I
just sang this part right here and singing about
Thank God. Thank thank God. It's it's them instead
of it. What the hell? Oh No Stinks fire like
hey bloody cares. We're getting paid for it.
Just sing the lyric the lyric sing the lyric
The last one I've got for you is winter wonderland
Now song basically sounds like someone who's
run out of things to talk about on their first
day You know it is literally listing things that
they're seeing talking about weather Did you
notice the the bluebird went away and that that
new birds here a new bird time new bird? How
about that? Yeah, those aren't two pillow. Oh,
that's a boy. It's getting late, huh? So if the
date was with Michael Buble, I would be a hundred
percent okay with all of this Now if it's Tim
from tinder probably yeah, probably less so One
of the weirdest lyrics and pretend that he is
Parson Brown. He'll say are you married? We'll
say nah, man Which is also alarming because they're
talking about a snowman, right? The snowman comes
to life And he's Parson Brown Parson Brown Whoever
that might be and then he wants to officiate
a wedding or something, right? All right, so
so right right then that begs the question What
are they smoking and can I have some right? Is
it legal where we are if they're seeing snowmen
come to life? It's probably not even marijuana.
I mean there there's something else there eat
some bark man. I mean there yeah laced there
I'm thinking so for sure Hey, man. Hey, this
is Snowman. We're not married, Mr. Snowman. He's
a happy, he look a happy guy. That's Parson Brown.
That's Parson Brown. That's Parson Brown right
there. He's a salary man? No. No, man. No, man.
Nah. Yeah, this sounds like Christmas with Stoner
Stanley. Oh yeah, for sure. You know, so apparently
Establishment is A -OK with having Christmas
lyrics that no one understands or appreciates.
And really, I mean, let's be honest, who is Parson
Brown and why is he asking people if they're
married? This is kind of rude. And why is he
a snowman? Right. He's you know, I guarantee
what happened after the song was written Parson
Brown got a job with the professional sports
team and his job was to focus in on people on
the kiss cam Oh, yeah, like I think that was
his shit like that's what he ended up doing.
I guarantee it I guarantee it I buy that but
in this was I mean this was just Enough of the
songs in the lyrics to fit into this 30 minute
segment Could have gone on. Oh, yeah, there are
songs that hit the cutting room for a lot. Oh,
yeah, I mean it's There's a lot there there really
is I encourage you to kind of look through some
of these songs and lyrics and just have a laugh
You know because we're sitting there and kids
are singing along and you're just like Right
that little dude doesn't even know what the hell
he just sang about oh Man, but eight ladies milking.
Oh, you got you got holes decked with balls of
holly Right. Which that I guess is cool. And
why are you decking Holly? That's not very Christmassy.
Yeah. Holly get up on the wall. I'm decking the
halls with you. Hey, you know if that's your
idea of a good time don't don't let me don't
let me slow your roll. So to recap. To recap.
So to recap. We have a pro -abortion baby manger
song. Yep. We have Rat milk confirmed. Confirmed.
Confirmed in. The maids are milking. In Christmas
lore. Maids are milking. Dead mama shoes. That's
just a thing, I guess. My mom's dying, here's
some shoes. And definitely someone was on shrooms
when they were talking to a snowman about not
needing to officiate a wedding. Right, yeah.
That's it. Because what does it mean that he
can do the job while he's in town? Are they specifically
talking about officiating weddings? How do they
know where he's going? Right. Can he do the job
when he's in town? He's like, hey, I live here
and I can't drive. Where am I going? Also, I'm
a snowman. I can't walk. I'm telling you, I don't
know what they're chewing on, but it's good.
Yeah, gotta be the righteous stuff. Oh, it's
gotta be. There's no doubt. All right, well,
hey, if you guys have Christmas songs, lyrics,
Poems, sayings that you think are just silly
and funny. Hit up our DMs, Aidan Maloney, Mark
Maloney, Maloney Media on our Insta. You can
find... Why is Old Lang Sy a Christmas song?
Right? It's a New Year song. That's what I'm
saying. but in one of the greatest Christmas
movies, which is Back to the Future. No, I'm
kidding. You're thinking of Die Hard. I am thinking
of Die Hard. No, it's a wonderful life. At the
very end, they're singing Au Lang Sy. Yeah. And
while it's an impactful ending of a movie. Sure.
Like the ending, I mean, if your eye doesn't
squirt a little bit. From that as a kid it was
like us a fun movie, but then as you get older.
You're just like it hits you Yeah, that dude
was he was going through some shit, right? You
know so you feel for this dude. That's just like
hey, man He had a thousand people that were like
mad dudes a good dude. Yeah, I mean it was there's
pretty impactful But yeah all anxiety. It's like
wait a minute. Have they really been there for
a full week already New Year? How long was he
gone? Yeah, wow, he's been gone quite a while.
I didn't mean to interrupt your promo. That just
hit me as I heard that on a Christmas station.
in a store today. I'm like, that's not fucking
Christmas. No, no, it really isn't. It is not
at all. No, I just wanted to say hit up our socials.
If you have any thoughts on things pertaining
to Christmas and music and whatever, feel free
to do that. And then we're going to take a quick
break here and we're going to take some DMs from
you guys. All right, we're back everybody smart
most show podcast I'm your host mark Maloney
along with Aidan Maloney, and we're now on to
Carpe Diem use beautiful wonderful people send
us your DMS and Then we read them live on the
air and you can send those DMS to any of our
socials Or comments or whatever and we'll read
them their questions. Well, well, well, I mean
We could we could we could we could answer them.
It's possible in theory in theory i mean if it's
a really good question well even if the question
sucks i mean we could we could in practice it
could require it could require some influence
uh yes of a sort i i think that's a fair way
to put that yeah you know for example if someone
said hey can you read my question and that's
all I'd be like, yeah, we'll read it. We'll check
it out. We'll see if it fits in the itinerary.
And then the next guy comes up and says, hey,
I have this question. Oh, well, that's really
great. And I happen to have five gold rings and
nine ladies dancing. Well. Well now. Well, that's,
you know, I just glanced at this question. What
a fantastic question. We're going to read it.
Yeah, the interests have been piqued. We'll read
it and answer it. Yes. That's how chastity gets
over here. So that's basically about it. You
send us the DMs and we read them on air. And
I'll go ahead and get things started. This first
one's interesting. I believe he had a comment
last week. He chimes in again this week at College
Football Bro. What in the world is going on?
Notre Dame tells NCAA and their lame -ass Pop
-Tart Bowl to piss off. Then Michigan head coach
has an inappropriate relationship with an assistant,
loses his shit, and gets arrested. I don't like
this version of college football anymore. No.
I don't either. It sucks. NCAA has always been
a dogshit association. Right. They've let these
conferences just do whatever the fuck they want.
Right. Right. And that's not ideal. It's, in
fact, I would say bad. Terrible. One could argue.
Terrible. Very bad. Don't know. I mean, I guess
it's kind of a good thing that these athletes
can finally get paid for all the billions of
dollars they The universities are making yeah.
Oh for sure but then it's like I Don't it's all
bad. It's all bad because it's like it's not
equitable So for example, if you have some stud
player, well some some chode Uh billionaire chode
that has the degree from that university is going
to throw 10 million dollars at him That makes
him go to that school And then what is that is
that is that billionaire chode going to give
everybody money at that school? Right now because
three quarters that team still aren't getting
anything right. It's just the the Almost like
our economy very strange how that works where
one percent get all the money, you know It's
it's kind of like look if you're a great player
They're gonna throw cash at you if you're mid
or worse. Well, you know You get an education.
Right, right. How about that? Yeah. Aren't you
lucky? Education isn't gonna get you a job. Right.
Woohoo! Sign me up. Fuckass economy. At White
Sox Jerry. Oh man. He's back. OMG we finally
won something. We get the first pick in the draft.
Wow. Wow. Guess the name of the current top prospect.
Rock Chalawowski. Wow socks sounding is that
guy Wow Rock Chalawowski That's the guy that's
insane. That's the guy That's very that's very
southside. Oh, yeah Like if they don't pick him
everyone should be fired. Oh, yeah, it's like
that guy has southside all yeah. Yeah Well, congrats,
Jerry. Yeah, I mean I hope I hope he can rock
your world Yeah, right Well, we'll see I suppose.
Yeah, that's that's uh, is chalawowski the future
is chalawowski Oh, man, that's rough. That's
rough Well, hey, you know baseball doesn't work
out. I'm sure there's a cheesy beef palace somewhere
that it could work Oh, yeah, there's your own
one few million of I'm sure you can It is that
chalawowski's that beef and sausage there over
there on that purging Come and see us. It's a
Rocks Meat and Bread. Got our combo special on
Fridays, my friend. Get to sit there with your
friends in your front room. I'd go. Why not?
Yeah. Yeah, Chalowatsky's Cheesy Beef Palace.
Support the boy. Support the boy Rock. Sign me
up. Make sure you dip that thing, too. The last
one. Oh, no, not the last one. This one is from
At Olive the Other Reindeer. Oh. What is up with
this sexist North Pole? Oh gosh, first of all,
it's debauchery, now it's sexist. Uh -huh. Uh,
Donner, Blitzen, and that freak Rudy, a strong
women deer have... have had enough. We are going
on strike. If they think we're putting out anytime
soon, well they should probably get an only -doze
account and hoof it for a while. Hey. Olive.
That's awesome. That's the only doze. I am proud
of you. That's pretty great. Worker solidarity.
God bless. Yeah. Hey, you got to do what you
got to do. Yeah. Yeah. No doubt. I'm sure it's
rough being a female at the North Pole, no matter
whether you're a deer or human or anything else.
My last one is at stonerstanley420. Our guy.
Hi, Momo and Alan. Did you guys find Kevam? I
hear there was a sighting like Big Hoof. Big
Hoof. Big Hoof. Do you mean Bigfoot? Big Hoof.
He's always this close. He's so close. That close.
Big Hoof. Well, I didn't find Kevam. I want to
watch, like, the B -tier. Hollywood movie Big
Hoof. Like the straight to DVD. Straight to DVD.
Starring Rob Lowe. Of course. Yeah, it would
have to be starring Rob Lowe. Hallmark Holiday
presents Big Hoof. He needs to be doing the character
from Parks and Rec that he does. Yes. That would
be amazing. I might have to write the script
for that one. That's pretty solid. Ann Perkins.
I'm out here looking for Big Hoof. Oh stoner
oh man if there has been a sighting news may
follow It could but I would just say especially
if you're still stuck in that tree keep your
eyes peeled for big hoof Most definitely yeah,
I would agree. Oh that is something. How does
he eat up there? That's a good question. Does
he eat acorns like squirrels and shit? Or is
he eating the squirrels? He's probably eating
the squirrels Squirrels and fish probably. Yeah,
he's parked in a van down by the river. Oh, right
Good for him. Good for him. Fish and squirrels
are still living. Healthy fats. Yep. And that
squirrel. One squirrel still got his glasses.
Yeah. Maybe that's why he can't see. He tried
typing in a question. Thought he said Bigfoot.
And it ended up being Hoof. Oh, Stoner. Oh, God,
what a guy. Bless his soul. What a guy. Alright,
what do you got, Aidan? I got some DMs here.
One from a fellow named WeirdAtParty's38. What
are your guys best cheat codes in navigating
social situations? Oh? That's interesting. It's
a fairly all -encompassing question there I Find
because I'm kind of a quiet guy anyway um I'm
not Unless I'm surrounded by friends and family.
I'm not a super social Individual, but I find
especially in holding a conversation you don't
Really have to talk about yourself very much.
You know, especially if you're a good listener
practice being a good listener And inquire about
the individual you're speaking with and the conversation
is gonna run totally fine Oh sure, you know,
cuz if you get nervous talking about yourself
or you run out of things to to talk about even
yeah Just be a good listener. I think that's
important. I think is key to Handling conversations.
Oh, no question. And if you are weird at parties
Me too. Me too, but you know what? Just sitting
and chilling there is totally fine. Oh, yeah.
I've gotten through plenty of house parties where
I'm like, I'm kind of uncomfortable here, but
like the homies are having fun. So I just chill.
I just sit here. Here's the thing, too. And I've
got I've been rolling like this since college.
And that is once again. And then you alluded
to this fear with family or friends or things
like that. That's that support group. You know
what you're talking about. You know what everybody's
game plan is You know to talk to them about and
what they're probably going to talk to you about
and whatever so Like that's different than going
into a room where there's a shit ton of people
you don't know right And that's okay. Like I
got very used to that situation a long time ago
because they don't know who you are so you can
be whoever the hell you want and That's kind
of fun because if I go into a situation like
that, I mean, I can be myself. Like if I could
pick up a vibe on someone and I'm like, ah, this
person's pretty interesting. We start talking
and then it's like, all right, I'll open up a
little bit. Maybe we become friends, maybe we
don't. But for a lot of times in situations like
that, you may never see them again. You can be
whoever you want. I mean, I think back to spring
break and geez, let me see how many of these
I can remember. Went to a strip club, told them
I was a chiropractor, ended up giving massages
to half of the strippers. True story. Went into
a bar with a Wisconsin hockey jersey on, told
a table of kids from Wisconsin that were on spring
break that I was Chris Cellios's brother and
had beers bought for me all night. There were
a group of very attractive girls that their car
got broken into and the one girl got a small
cut on her finger. And so my one friend was very
awkward. The other one was super quiet. And I
went in and said, oh, hey there, how are you?
Yeah, I'm pre -med, let me take a look at your
hand. So, I mean, that's just kind of how I roll.
And I don't know, for me it's fun. Because, like
I said, if you're in that room and there's people
there and you're never gonna see them again,
you can be whoever you want. You can call yourself
whatever you want. Right. And it's just fun.
Because otherwise, situations like that can be
awkward. You sit there, be like, oh my god, I'm
bored. Unless you decide for yourself, I'm gonna
have some fun. Right. Today I'm Randy, son of
Harley Davidson, who is, yes, a real person.
Yeah. You can do whatever the hell you want,
as long as you're a good storyteller, which I
am, and you have quick wit, which I have. And
so if you have that, you can just, you can roll
with it. You could be Charles Mallort if you
wanted to. You could be Charles Mallort. Son
of Carl Jepson Mallort. A very real person. A
very real person. To give people an idea. of
what he's talking about is only people from Chicago
are like, Malort, wait a minute, was there a
guy in there? Yeah, it's Carl Jepson Malort.
Carl Jepson Malort. And the rest of the country
is going, what are they talking about? What is
its thing? First of all, Malort is this elixir
from the heavens. You should know that first.
And it was made by the Carl Jepson company. They
were trying to make it cleaner, which is now
alcohol. That just kind of cleans out your insides.
That it does. It makes your taste buds happy.
Yeah. Tastes and smells like pine salt. Yeah.
So there you go. But we tried. I used to be in
IT. I used to do some IT stuff. And I know that
a lot of people I knew in IT, coders, things
like that, they do quote unquote, they try to
break things. Right. OK. So you get a new website
up, a new program, something like that. when
they have kind of a beta up they'll go hey check
this out try to break it cool people go in mess
with it be like oh that messed up this messed
up so kind of kind of like that sure kind of
like that we we went to ai went to chat gbt and
we decided to screw with it and let me tell you
and this goes back let me just tell you hit up
ak -219 some gaming content where we chat about
this a little bit. But we went to ChatGBT, and
I'll be damned if we almost broke it. Oh, sure.
And to the point where Aiden was like, this is
my name and this is who I am and I am the heir
to the Carl Jepson Malort franchise. I mean,
we just went on and on. Oh, yeah. And like, number
one, It was giving up. It literally... It's like,
fine, I hear you, Charles Mellort. I get it.
Not only was it giving up, it was getting annoyed.
Yeah. So the fact there is this computer program
that you are just being belligerent and you won't
stop, it literally was like, if I were human,
I'd smack you right now. It kind of had that
feel to it. So can AI be broken? I think we did
it. Yeah, we definitely made a headway at least.
Oh, we did. Yeah, we did it was it was a it was
it was interesting It was a grand old time. It
was it was for sure. I got a DM here from Crippie
grew correct Would you rather he asks? They I
don't even know if Crip is is a man or not. We
don't know they ask would you rather make 75
thou a year passive income or make 250 thou a
year Working nine to five That's a tough one
so 75 and I'm doing jack shit, uh -huh Just collecting
35 just collecting checks or 250 but I got well,
here's the thing What's the job if if the jobs
like oh you're a content creator. You just get
to create content all day I will do that nine
to five sure that sounds like a blast job unspecified,
right? So if it's a job, I'm enjoying I can create
my own hours. Yeah, I still have to work the
40 hours a week. Were you still working two thou
a year? Yeah. And get 250? Boy, that's tough.
Yeah. Right, because if it's just some bitch
ass desk job doing data entry or something. That's
a drive. Irritating. That's eight hours of my
life, I'll never get back. Yeah. Then, if that's
the case, if it's implying a boring desk job,
I'll take the passive income. Yep, I will too.
I'll take the 75k. and just save up and try to
retire early in a country that doesn't want people
to retire at all. Yeah, for sure. That is for
certain. Yeah, so that's 75 Gs. That sounds...
Sounds ideal. Sounds pretty bueno. Like you were
saying, since no job specified, I do content
creation 40 hours a week. Right. That's what
I'm talking about. I already put in a dozen hours
a week. Right. Just for the uploads we do across
the three channels. Yeah, I'm in so why why not?
Yeah, I'm in Yeah, i'd be in for the 250k on
that one, but 75 and I just get to see here's
the thing Like okay, let's be honest here. It's
75k And we don't have to do jack shit in reality.
What are we doing? We're gonna sit at home and
do content creation. So might as well get paid
for it right strike strike my original one I'm
gonna get paid 250. Yeah. Because I'm gonna do
it anyway. That's the job. Yep. Yeah. Final DM
I received here from a fellow named Punky Sweat.
Oh, my guy. What's a kind of useless skill that
you're super proud of having? Uh... A useless
skill. First one that comes to my mind is I tend
to have very good pattern recognition. but only
for like dumb things like in video games specifically
just like catching on super quick to like fighting
mechanics or especially first -person shooter
mechanics where just like I'll figure it out
and I'll be like oh I got it no problem or reversing
a tractor trailer pick that up like it was nothing
I'm like okay so this axle turns this that turns
that and then I end up here. Yeah, I got it.
Yeah. Then it's like, how else would I apply
it? I just applied to stupid things. Yeah, I
didn't get that. And a perfect example is when
I took the girls to Washington State University
and we pulled the trailer and they're like, oh,
you got to go around back. So we had to pull
this little convoluted thing around the back
of this building. And there are already a bunch
of cars back there. And I've got this humongous
Dodge Durango and attached to Dodge Durango is
this this huge trailer that I'm pulling, and
I'm like, God, what kind of an asshole do I look
like? Everybody's got their shit in a station
wagon. But I had two girls, so to be fair, you
know, we had some shit. And then I'm like, oh,
there's only this one spot, and I gotta wiggle
this frickin' truck back into it. It was like...
It was like that Peter Griffin where he takes
he goes down to the boat ramp and it's like Oh
my god, it took so many. I'm just like no I said
in a minute I'm backing up and I'm going full
speed and if I hit something or someone That's
just it's it's just part of what this process.
Yeah, it's got a plan. It really is But yeah,
and then going back to like video games and your
patterns. I took this gig down in Florida for
about a year and so with the kids up here in
Northwest Indiana, and I'm down there, part of
what we would do is just like still having a
connection or whatever, sometimes we'd game.
And so I'm on there with Kira and Sarah, and
we're gaming, and all three of us are about the
same level. Like Call of Duty, you shoot them
up, so yeah. Yeah, exactly. And so we're having
a gay old time and whatever, but we're on a team,
and so we're having fun. All of a sudden... This
other player starts jumping around spinning in
midair Killing everything in sight and I just
and killing everything in sight. That's part
me also and I just sat there and I'd go he's
playing I He gave him the controller those shits
and I'd pick up my pick up my phone and I'd be
like is Aidan playing right now. Oh Yeah for
me, I don't know a useless already telling that
You got the storytelling skill. True, but I consider
that useful. That is true. It's very useful.
Our improv skills are useful as well. They are.
So I suppose maybe being a cesspool of worthless
knowledge. Oh sure, that's a good one. Where...
Real Jeopardy, bar trivia... Just that shit that's
just light, right. You know, like some obscure,
like... Oh, blah, I'm the Magna Carta, blah blah
blah, and I couldn't even remember where I put
my goddamn glasses the night before, I'm like...
Right. It's not working right. Yeah. It's clearly
not working right, because I can pull up all
this obscure facts and history and shit that
I've known over time, and... something more recent,
for example, leaving the stove on. When I went
to see a friend in Crown Point, Indiana, which
is about 40 minutes away from where we live in
Valparaiso, and I go out there to see this friend,
and we're hanging out, and we're talking, and
I go, shit. And she's like, whoa, you look white
as a ghost. What? I'm like, I think I left my
oven on. And she's like, did you? Are you sure?
I'm like, Oh, I just didn't leave my oven on.
There's shit in the oven. Oh, no. So I sat there
for like an extra 10 minutes. And I think I remember
it because I call Aiden, because Aiden was a
lot closer to my house. And he had the ability
to get inside. So I'm like, oh, shit, I'm going
to see it. But it was late. So he said, oh, man,
I had to work early. I had to be up at four.
I'm like, god damn it. Yeah. I'm like, god damn
it. And so then I bounced. I'm like, I got to
go. Lucky for me, the only thing in the oven
at the time was a loaf of bread. So it was just
a crouton. Yeah. So it turned out it was just
a crouton. I'm like, oh my god. Because I swore
I was going to get home, and I was just going
to see this cloud in my front. Yeah. I was like,
oh my god. So yeah, I don't know why the brain
malfunctions that way. Yeah. But I would suppose
cesspool worth of knowledge. Cesspool of knowledge.
That's it. Yeah. I think I guess another useless
skill I have, if there's one last one I'll mention,
is the occasional, inconsistent I will say, but
occasional ability to move with perfect finesse.
Just to make bodily movements happen where I'm
like, oh, I did that perfectly, cool. But then
I'll be walking down the hallway and I'll just
bonk into shit. I'm like well that wasn't very
cool. So it's like very inconsistent but then
like if I'm trying especially with my job it's
you know you're stacking up 400 pounds of beverages
on a hand card going up and down stairs turning
tight corners and merchandising and rotating
and there's just I'll just make shit happen and
I'm like boy that that couldn't have been more
perfect. Right. But then I like I don't know.
I'll hit my hand card on the door getting out.
I'm like, well, I guess I'm one for two. Yep.
So I'll add that one to the list. Any other DMs
there? That was the last one. That was the last
one. All right. Well, if you have DMs, send them
once again to our socials. Maloney Media, Aidan
Maloney, Mark Maloney. Find us all over the place.
And yeah, drop your DM in there. We are now on
to the other foods. It is a segment that we created.
Not to be like, oh yeah, let's talk about burgers
and beef and pasta. No, all that's great. And
I'm hungry. Oh, that is great. That sounds fantastic.
However, we're kind of going the other way. We're
looking at foods that are disgusting. foods that,
like, a billy goat would go up to and be like,
oh, I'm good. Yeah. I am. I think I'll pass.
I think I'll pass on that. So what do you have
for our other food segment this week? I found
a fascinating, traditional Peruvian dish. Ooh,
Peru. Straight out of Peru. It's this little
thing called Cuy al Horno, a centuries old Andean
delicacy featuring The whole seasoned animal,
what is the animal in question? A full roasted
guinea pig. Ooh, yum. Seasoned, of course, with
garlic, cumin, mint, spices, baked whole until
crispy. Oh no, oh no. And often served with potatoes.
Oh God. Yeah, it is, quote, deeply rooted. in
Andean culinary history, particularly in Peru.
They say the meat is savory, slightly gamey,
and tender with crispy skin after roasting. Similar
to rabbit, but quote, distinct. No. Yeah, it...
Yeah, oven -baked guinea pig. Apparently the
hallmark of Tipon, the... city, considered Peru's
koi capital. Typical recipe calls for the guinea
pig seasoned with the aforementioned seasonings.
One season, the guinea pig is typically left
in there to marinate for up to a day before baking
whole, whole guinea pig in. Apparently, traditionally,
they place different... Aromatic branches inside
of its abdominal cavity. Oh what? No Yeah, if
you look up koi del horno or al horno rather
The images that come up of the full roasted guinea
pig are I in my opinion in my humble take Disturbing.
Oh no disturbing. It's like you can still see
the very the very details of the once very alive
guinea pig. Oh Jesus Christ. Oh, you just found
it, did you? Oh, God. Yeah, Marc Moe just did
some live research and found Coyote Horneau.
Oh, that's disgusting. Oh, there's some good
ones on there, too. Oh, yeah, that one's still
got his tail on him. That's, that's. Oh, yeah.
Oh yeah. That's freaking gross. That's where
it's at right there. That's lunch tomorrow for
me. Ooh. Wow. I, I, ooh. Yep. That's nasty. Yeah.
Some would say a bad time. I say, well, you haven't
tried it yet. Let the good times roll. Ooh. Cuy
el horno. Do some, do some research at home,
folks. Or, or don't. Alternatively, you could
not. Oh my god. That's disgusting. To me, I look
at that and I'm like, that's a homeless person's
meal. That is like, I just grabbed this critter
and I'm starving and I'm just going to throw
it over some fire and we'll just see where things
go from there. Desperation meal. That is a desperation
meal. I need calories. This rodent will do. This
rodent will do. Oh god, that's nasty. Yeah. Oof.
Well, I'm not on the things tasty tasty things
I Do the frozen guy review I used to do the fry
guy fry review but I've tried most of them and
so now we're on to the frozen guy review some
singles so I eat a lot of frozen meals and So
I don't get these a lot because they're a little
bit more expensive but the Amy's brand of frozen
meals are very, very good. It's like all natural,
all that kind of stuff. And so, I tried Amy's
pesto tortellini. Now, I'm not a huge pesto guy,
but the pesto in this particular meal, it's very
good. It is, bland is the right word. Mild, maybe?
Sure, yeah, yeah. Mild is probably a better word.
For the pesto because I've had some pesto and
either it's how they season it or whatever and
I just I'm not a huge fan But however, they prep
their old pine nuts are just wonderful And so
I like it tortellini is excellent. It cooks well
in the microwave and And as cheese in it, it's
just it's very I was just about to ask if that's
one of those like stuffed noodles That's got
like the ricotta and mozzarella in there little
the little puffy C shaped. Yeah. Yeah Pasta and
it has and tortellini can have a lot of things
in it. It's like ravioli, but with pizzazz Pretty
much with style. Yeah, right. Here's ravioli.
Hey, I'm sort of leaning. What's up? The cool
kid on the block the cool kid on the block. Hey,
how you doing? So yeah, the Joey Tribbiati and
pasta So yeah, no the pesto tortellini is excellent.
It's very good For what you pay for it Probably
a hair on the expensive side, but once again
you're getting all -natural food and they're
there the brains organic, right organic Yeah,
yeah, that's the that's the thing so I really
I do like that portion of it also portion size
important So like I'm feeling It is like I can
just there's some meals I have to get two of
because like if I do it It's like more of a snack
you get two then it's like a meal. This is a
meal so you can get this and like have yourself
a little bread and butter or something, and it's
perfect. It's fine. So as far as portion size,
very good. As far as taste, very good. And once
again, the pesto is, I think, about as good as
you're going to get, especially on a frozen meal.
That's pretty blatant. So I highly recommend
it, and I'm going to give it an 8 .8. 8 .8? That's
solid. Yeah, it's very good. Just a hair under
the elite tier, the nines. Yes. But impressive
nonetheless. Yeah, very close. And as I said,
the thing keeping it down the most is probably
cost. The price point. And if you go to your
grocery aisle, your Stouffer's will be on sale
from time to time. Your Michelin is like stuff
like that. But once again, you kind of get what
you pay for. They're kind of more mid -tier and
I get it. But with this, it's like you're looking
at six or seven bucks for a frozen meal. And
so that's a little bit on the expensive side,
I think. Sure. I think for a frozen meal, you
probably shouldn't have to pay more than five
bucks. Four or five bones, yeah. In my opinion.
But it's a little bit more expensive. But once
again you get what you pay for it's very good
and and I can enjoy that meal Yeah, still cheaper
than damn near any fast food these days. Well,
right? Yeah You're gonna you're gonna go in even
if you just get a basic a basic bitch meal Say
two cheeseburger meal or just even a cheeseburger
meal. Yeah, you're paying 10 12 14 bucks, right?
Right just for that meal, you know, so So yeah
still cheaper than that and it's it's an 8 .8
Boy, no. Yeah. So it's good stuff. I'll try to
compile these because I've saved them in a document.
And I know I've said this about other things
we do. But once years go by, it's, how am I really
going to do that? But we're still kind of new
on this one. So perhaps I'll try to kind of just
put a running list together. Maybe post that
on socials for you guys to look at. But yeah,
Amy's Pesto Tortellini, thumbs up. Excellent
day. Good stuff. Better or worse than the idea
of a roasted guinea pig? Boy, that is a... It's
the question of the year. It's the question of
the year. It's what everyone's asking. It's really,
it is what everybody's asking. I literally went
to the bank the other day and they're just like,
hey, I got a question for you. Fried guinea pig
or Amy's Pesto Tortellini go? It's like, ah,
now I'm on the spot. Oh, no. Right. And now I'm
like, OK, hang on. I go back to my car and I
come out. I'm like, OK, now I have charts. I
have graphs. Yeah, exactly. I've got a PowerPoint
presentation. You better buckle in. But no. Not
even. Guinea pig, no. Just Google that shit.
Oh, my god. It's, it's. Need a moment. What was
it called? It coy el horno coy el horno. Yeah,
which is Spanish for fuck. No, yeah Don't do
it sure Portuguese. Yes, that's Not to sound
insensitive. They sound like the same language.
I'm sorry. I know Brazilian speak Portuguese
Peruvians Probably I'm guessing speak Peru ish
peruish. Yeah. Yep, and they also eat guinea
pigs, so What the fuck do I know about Peru?
Apparently nothing. They eat guinea pigs. Yeah,
that's not something I knew two days ago. Really
all you need to know. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I need
a minute. We'll be back with you just made the
list. All right, we are back everybody and I
full disclosure the whole idea of Fried guinea
pig just hasn't left my head yet. I thought maybe
a music break would do that Nope, no the power
of koi al horno koi al horno sticks with you
Portuguese for fuck no Don't do it. You know,
you're gonna have dreams tonight about like being
stuck in the oven with the god dude. I'm done
I'm done and the gross thing is okay. So I do
these little promos every week for the show and
I drop little images in for the various things
that we talk about. And so I was looking, based
on Aidan's terrible recommendation, at these
photos of fried guinea pig. disgusting yeah what
is more disgusting is a fact I shoved a McChicken
in my face while looking at these foot what is
wrong with me that is a problem that's that's
what we call a skill in compartmentalize there
you know I see where you like that I'm looking
at koi al horno and I'm eating McChicken and
I'm eating McChicken That's one of those useless
skills. We were just talking that we're just
talking about that's it. That is definitely it
We are now onto you just made the list. It's
our top 10 list that we do weekly 10 through
2 and our big number one reveal these lists are
gosh everything and anything and Only rule that
we have is no rules Good. Isn't that great? It's
the best rule. Yeah, I know. And here's the thing,
too. Are we ousting ourselves as anarchists?
I think we are. Good. I think we are. It's about
time. Someone had to be brave enough to do it.
To do it, yeah. And we are those guys. Yep. And
I've heard so many people, like, we need rules.
We need this. We need that. And we literally
were just downstate in Indiana. And they were
voted on it. Yeah. Or was that something else?
No, they voted on this, I think. They voted to
ensure, they actually wrote it in the state constitution,
why JMTL, no rules. No rules. No rules. It's
right up there. 31 to 19. Yeah. Yeah, it was
pretty great. Those 19 people, by the way, up
for election. Up for election, vote them out.
Keep your eyes peeled. Wanting all kinds of rules
in there. You just made the list, how dare you.
Shit. Anyway. Anyway, here's our top 10 list.
And this week is worst holiday gift ideas. And
there are many. Oh, there's a lot. And I'll be
shocked if Aidan's number one isn't what I'm
already thinking it is. I'm pretty sure it is.
But we're just going to take this journey together,
everybody. Yeah. And Aidan, why don't you kick
us off? And worst holiday gift ideas. All righty.
I have. I have. I got a little creative. I'll
phrase it like that. Okay. Number 10. A box of
chocolates with one missing and several bit into.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Hi Jenny, sorry
I ate a few. Yeah, exactly. You gave a gift that
you already divulged in. Yeah, it's like, dude,
you ate the cream and caramel ones already. You
left me the one filled with toothpaste. Thanks.
Yeah, box of chocolates, several missing. Number
nine, political merchandise. In general, why
would you do that? It's bad enough that people
get drunk and belligerent on Thanksgiving. Sometimes.
I've been lucky enough to not have family do
that in front of me. But yeah, political merch
on... Christmas Day is not something you want
in a box. It's bad. Mm -mm. Yeah, it's bad enough.
Like, remember those stickers you used to see
at the gas station? Oh, yeah. Joe Biden's like,
oh, I did that, and is right next to where the
thing is. And now they've got these kids' lunch
boxes with Trump on there. Oh, that's a bad one.
Oh, no. Anyway, oh, no. Oh, no. Well, you know,
I'm just going to say stay tuned. Number eight.
Cleaning supplies Yeah, because I think the implication
is either a you're not cleaning enough. Yes You
should be the one cleaning more like if you give
it like a house or something like here's a brand
new vacuum It's like wow look at these amazing
organic Products I got you this one's lemon fresh.
Yeah Yeah, look. I got you a swiffer. Yeah, I
know where this lemon fresh thing's going later
intent clean the floor clean the floor Yeah subtle
hints at holiday time number seven breath mints
Yeah, that says something oh that would That
would you know if you give it you to like your
stinky uncle that's always got like cigarette
breath Oh for sure go when it's like 30 altoids
yeah Number six a video game for a console that
they do not own. Oh, that's that sucks Yeah,
that sucks. They got like the ps5 and you're
rolling in be like hey check out this 360 I got
for you Thanks, man. Here's GTA on the 360. It's
like Cool. Awesome, thank you. Number five, store
-bought asparagus. Because why would you do that?
Because I want my pee to smell a certain way.
I want to get at the urinal in the public bathroom
and have people be like, oh. Oh, dude, you just
ate the asparagus. I know. It's a gift. It's
a gift. It's wrapped in bacon, at least. Number
four. a used slash tiny gift card. You give someone
either a used gift card or like, hey, here's
a Walmart gift card. Ooh, how much is on it?
Five dollars. That'd be the worst. It's like,
cool. I can buy almost a box of taquitos. Or
not even not even something even like five dollars.
You go on, but it's like three dollars and sixty
one cents. You're like, bastard. It says like
fifty dollars in the corner. Fifty in the corner.
What the fuck? Number three, an advent calendar.
Yeah. Check this shit out. OK. What's your theory?
Well, my theory, as most of my theories, all
revolve around alcohol. So there apparently is
a Malort advent calendar. And each one has a
little bottle of Malort in it. That's great.
So like the second, a little bottle of Malort.
Third, a little bottle of Malort. Yeah, exactly.
But the point of Advent calendars is you get
them on the 1st of December, and you open the
last one on Christmas Day. Right. So if you get
an Advent calendar on Christmas Day, it's like,
what do I do all 25 now? Right. We'll just flip
through. Oh, look at that picture. Oh, that's
great. Thank you. It's a little late, but thanks.
Number two, a faux fur toilet seat cover. Ooh.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know about that. Yeah, that
seems like one of those tacky rich people things
for sure like that would be something in Trump's
bathroom Oh, yeah, yeah, it's like made out of
like raccoon like It's got like oh this this
one's actually bits of Bits of squirrel damn
Bondi come check this out Look what I got for
my gold toilet mind not the shit stains. This
is genuine pretend mink Oh, yeah. There's nothing
more unpleasant than sitting down to, you know,
have a bowel movement. Right. And you're sitting
on, you know, what they tried to make feel like
a squirrel's coat. No. And to gift that to someone?
No, I'm rocking back and forth. Like, my butt
cheeks don't even like it. I'm not even there.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't like that. That's not good.
All right, and we'll wait for your number one.
Yes, which I hope to God is what it is All right
a couple honorable mentions Religious gifts to
non -religious recipients. Oh, yeah, I only know
this because It's been a thing in our family
for a long time Where you guys would get these
little gifts and I'd be like, wow, I can't Wait
to donate that right, right. That's fantastic.
Yeah, typically from One or two specific individuals
correct that they would die the the gifters gifters
Another one noisy toys For kids that aren't yours
That's a good one. Yeah, that's what that's the
bit we were doing earlier about giving baby Jesus
the drum kit Exactly his gold his frankincense
check this shit out this monkey does flips and
hits the tambourine check ting ting ting And
Joe's like, Mary, get this guy. If you don't
get him, I swear to God, what? Does this one
have a gift receipt? No. No, it does not. Fuck.
And then the last one of my out of inventions
is lingerie. Look. Oh, yeah. Guys, I'm going
to clue you in on this one. I made this mistake
young in my life. Look, getting your woman some
lingerie, that's a gift that keeps on giving,
right? Something that makes her look special
and fancy and pretty. and then you get to take
it off her. So trust me when I say it's a win
-win for everybody. Here's the thing though,
so specific in sizes and how they fit. Just get
the gift certificate. Just get the gift certificate
to a Victoria Seeger, wherever the hell you're
getting it from. Just get the gift certificate,
let her. pick it and choose it that is something
very specific that because you're you're going
to go and you're going to get something and it's
just like she's going to put it on be like oh
this is bullshit yeah you'll never you'll never
see the light of day right so and don't get lingerie
for your weird uncle with the cigarette breath
that the other kid gave altoids to Right, you
know why? That dude's putting that shit on. He's
gonna put that shit on. He's gonna put it on,
and... And that's moral. And ruin Christmas.
For everyone. Or improve for some. Or, well...
All right, number ten. Did you see Uncle Jerry?
Did you see Uncle Jerry? Holy shit. Dude can
rock a thong, can he not? Ass cheeks. Them cheeks.
Them cheeks. Did he have a tat on that right
cheek? Does that say Juicy? Why does the other
one say Mom? Number 10 fruit cake we've had this
discussion. Oh, yeah Usually anything involving
cake great Superfine or so hell -bent on making
an atypical cake for Christmas make a coffee
cake coffee cake velvet You got a lot of options
right if you're going if you're straying away
from the usual don't do fruit cake No coffee
cake you could go into cookie territory Don't
do fruitcake. Because here's what happens, right?
Grandma's been in the kitchen all day. She's
been in the kitchen all day, making little cookies
and brownies and all these little things. And
her kitchen's a mess, and it got shit all over
the counter, and she goes, well, we're just going
to put all this in here. And she takes her arm
and just swipes it all into a bowl. It's like,
that's fruitcake. That's what it is. To be fair,
I have tried a fruitcake made with Guinness,
product of Ireland. imported to the US. Okay.
Very tasty. It sounds tasty. Very tasty. Is there
anything Guinness can't do? That's true. And
also the regulations in Europe for what is and
isn't food are more strict. Right, correct. So
that's actually food, not like the fruitcakes
we have here where it's like ambiguous micro
plastic. Right fruit flavored shit. You're eating
these little fruity like globules nubs of weird
nubs of stuff like that, and then you're just
sitting there and all of a sudden You're like
wait wait. Nope. I got a skittle. Why why? Why
was there a skittle in my cake? Oh, it's a clump
of cat hair. It's a grandma She wrapped up her
damn cat All right, so fruit cakes number ten
number nine a pet oh And it could be like the
worst time, like they could be having family
issues and just like, I'm so busy and this and
that, and it's just a stressful time of year.
And all of a sudden, bam, there's a golden retriever.
Now they're like, oh my God, life is hard already
and now I have to take care of an animal. You're
not giving them a gift, you're giving them a
10 to 20 year obligation. Yeah, depending on
dog or cat, you're right. Right. Yeah. Just don't
do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. It's not fair
to the damn pet, let's be honest. Number eight,
outdated electronics. Oh, yeah. So if you're
not an electronic person, just don't give that
gift because you're not going to get it right.
You know, if you're just like, you're trying
to be thoughtful and you'd be like, oh, look
at this little digital organizer. And what you
don't realize is like, yeah, that was from 2004.
Right. It was made by Blackberry. Yeah. Or little
Jim wanted a cell phone for Christmas and you
type cell phone into Tmoo. Right. Oh, this one's
only $19. Oh, isn't it cute? Well, Auntie, there's
a reason it's that way. Yes, correct. So, outdated
electronics, don't do it. Number seven, cheap
alcohol. Now, alcohol, unless you're an alcoholic,
if you are, don't. Don't don't period that's
most people that have 13 steps Maloney has one
don't End of it there. You just can't you just
that's so simple. Why didn't people think of
that before? Hi, everybody. Welcome to Maloney's
a Don't don't stop that shit. Everybody have
a nice night later. That's it. That's all you
got to do Everyone's walking out of there like
God. Why didn't I think of that? I think I just
don't do it. Yeah Where the hell have I been?
So that's my TED talk. Anyway, yeah, so alcohol's
great. So if I open a gift and it says Maker's
Mark, God has a special place for you. If it's
Jameson. Do you know him personally? I do, yeah,
his name's Frank. Frank Carl Jepson Mallort.
Exactly. The creator of all. The creator of all.
So yeah, if you're doing some top self, You know,
just bourbon. You bring me Weller. Dude, whatever
you want. The world's your oyster. Yeah, I mean
Weller, I hardly know her. Heyo! But cheap alcohol
like you're like, hey Merry Christmas and it's
a six or bush light Right. It's like a shooter
of Svedka Exactly. Oh cool Oh, not even you get
you got me like this cute little basket of shooters
and they're all the ones that say 99 cents on
them This one tastes like banana No, it's like
no go to hell. Thanks. Uncle Jerry the only one
that I will give you a pass on is Malort Which,
by the way, is not... Which isn't technically...
It's not technically cheap. It's not technically
cheap. No. No. And you can get the... Hey, go
to your local liquor store, and I only know this
because I worked for one last year. They have
these Malort... They have boxes of more top shelf
liquor, with like, either they got the cool little
glasses in them, or they have the... There's
a Malort one, has a cool ornament in it. So go
to your liquor store if you see it there grab
it because not only do you now have a bottle
of Malort Got cool little ornament for your tree
right so check that that's a treat and typically
because they a lot of those stores like that
get Semi bulk quantities of gift sets you can
get that gift set for typically the same price
as just getting a bottle Yeah, correct. So get
the free thing that comes with it. Get the free
thing that comes with it, you might as well.
Not that we're sponsored by Mallord, but I am
Charles Mallord, son of Carl Jepson Mallord.
Indeed he is. And I know a thing or two. Yeah,
or three. Because I've seen a thing or two. You
have. Yeah, so good god. So yeah, stay away from
the - Is this what yes -anding is? Yes, that
and. Yes, and. So yeah, stay away from the cheap
alcohol. You bring me Jameson. We've become friends.
You bring me Dimitri vodka. There's the front
door. Here's a turn around. Yep, right there.
Bye. This is a point to pop off. Pop off. Oh
my god, that's a nightmare. I guess they won't
be sponsoring the Mark Motion any time soon.
Darn it. Number six. Clothing that's oversized
that clothes are always a tough thing to do There
are people in your family a lot of times people
have lists kind of have an idea of what someone's
in whatever But like if you don't really know
like if it's a cousin or an uncle, you know that
uncle We've already talked about him. He's already
in the lingerie get him the altoids That's that's
the best move but you know a lot of times you'd
be like I was so -and -so loves Marvel. Look
at this Hoodie man, it's great and you remember
Chad and Chad last year was kind of chunky so
you're like hey Rock out that double X Marvel
thing, but we didn't know is Chad got in the
gym, right? He's pretty svelte now. He's he's
in a large. Yeah, just got him this freaking
wind sail wind sail Yeah, so don't do that if
you're not exactly sure what someone wears bypass
that shit right or just reach out to family member.
Hey, what's bro wearing right you know that's
all you get yeah yeah it's easy pro tip number
five hygiene products so i mean after the altoids
you get them toothpaste now to be fair uh i have
three daughters and in their stockings in the
past have been little hair scrunchies and things
like as they asked for it so you feed it well
that's tiny we'll throw that in their sock beard
oils or sure oh yeah like that's a good one but
like You know if someone's stocking and I own
my stocking and there's a hair brush and a toothbrush
Some floss some deodorant. I'm gonna be like
what did you just think of me when you're at
Walmart the other day? Yeah, a bunch of shit
in your car strolling through the CVS be like
oh, yeah, I guess mark Moe needs this Maybe yeah,
right. Yeah, I need a black body spray sure sure
that'll work number four self -help books That
would be really, you know, imagine sitting there
at Christmas and 20 of your friends and family
are all sitting around the Christmas tree and
you open the self -help book. Don't kill yourself.
It's like, thank you. You're surrounded by all
your cousins and close family and you open up
a book. It's like, how not to depress others?
It's like, oh cool thank you so much if you like
hold it up look at this yeah like you could see
flashes of cameras going off keep sharp objects
away from me lol um i'm just kidding i'm just
kidding just kidding i'm really i'm just kidding
i'm like i'm crying um number three a vacuum
We were just talking about that vacuum. Yeah,
that would just be that and I mean look the little
one That's like a disc that like chases your
pets around like that's that's almost fun. Just
to watch Yeah, but like a regular ass vacuum
number one. It's kind of expensive So like that'd
be kind of cool, but like literally they're saying
yeah your carpet looks like shit, right? I don't
know what your vacuum situation is, but here's
a new one number two weight loss products Oh,
yeah. Yeah, if you go to GNC and you just fill
up a box full of weight loss shit, and you're
telling your 210 -pound ante, you've got to get
on that shit. Look, I bought your first month
of Ozempic. Yeah, so Ozempic. Or better yet.
like getting like a gift for your cousin, like,
oh, here's this new Janix Total T for your low
T levels. He's just like, what the fuck, dude?
Hey, man, Merry Christmas. I mean, you've been
just this mopey bitch for the last few months.
And I don't know, you know, your lady's been
saying, anyway, here you go. Here you go. Here's
low -T and I got a hookup for Cialis. Exactly.
Thanks. Well, that was my number two, so I got
a one. So I'm very interested to see if your
one matches my one. My number one is an automobile.
Yes. For Christmas? For Christmas? First of all,
who has the fucking money for that? I am so blessed
to not have cable. Sure, I miss every sporting
event that ever happens, but you know what I
don't have to fucking see? Is three months of
Christmas car commercials. Oh, for sure, yep.
It's like, oh honey, I got us a new $100 ,000
Lincoln SUV. Oh really? Oh man. Who has? eight
hundred dollars in disposable income every month
for a car for christmas yeah that's so dumb there
is a great snl bit and look it up on uh youtube
or peacock i suppose uh but it's it's basically
you know how they they kind of do their little
commercials and stuff on snl they basically do
a holiday car commercial and like The guy is
trying to do something nice for his family and
all they can do is be like, why did you do? You
lost your job. We don't have money. How much
is this? And then the neighbor comes up, you're
like, dude, I loaned you $4 ,000 to pay your
bills. So yeah, so. You're not getting a gift,
you're getting a 72 month obligation. Yes, exactly.
Well, yeah, that's it. Unless someone is a millionaire
and literally bought you that Range Rover and
paid it in full. Right. Chances are they threw
the down payment and be like, there you go. Yeah.
It's like, what the fuck do you mean there you
go? So wait. What the 432 a month? That's what
I write and with the amount it depreciated the
second you drove it off the lot I'm already in
debt. I mean, I'm in whole you gave me debt for
Christmas. Thanks ass. Oh My god, the debt has
four wheels Well that changes everything yeah,
I know right according to Lincoln according to
Ford Motor Company Ford Motor Company. Yeah And
just the commercials themselves fucking Toyota
thought oh God Happy Honda days? What are we
doing, guys? What are we doing? Who's sitting
at home like, man, I'm at a loss. What do I get
my wife? Oh, I'll get us a car we can't afford.
That sounds great. I want a 2025 CRV. That's
great. What? How much down? Oh, sure. Let me
reach my pocket. I got that there. Cash OK? Yeah,
right. I just got five gold rings. Five gold
rings? Have you seen these nine ladies dancing?
I made all this money from the eight ladies milking.
Eight maids of milking, sorry. Care to invest
in rat milk. Yeah, the car situation's stupid.
That's so dumb. Yeah. We match on that. Yeah.
That is part number one as well. That's like
top two irritants. Top three. I would say top
three irritants in... advertising because i hate
advertising i hate being advertised to car commercials
especially the christmas time ones yeah the stupid
fucking charmin bear so irritating so uncanny
valley and then like insurance commercials because
not only is it all a scam but it's all a scam
that they're placating as something that's like
this will be life -saving this will save you
in your time of need it's like no you won't you're
gonna try and litigate your way out of ever paying
me money that's right fucking troads that's like
top three and i'm glad this is the auto one with
the with eagle man Boing, and he lays the big
egg on top of the car. They go, ooh, look at
those low rates. What are you talking about?
Eagle man. You never heard of that? I've got
something for you. What? You gotta look it up.
That's crazy. There are many Chicagoans who know
exactly what the hell I'm talking about. So it's
like literally this dude in a mascot costume
and it's Eagle. And so the girls go up to this
ratty ass looking car and like. They need insurance
for it. And all of a sudden, this eagle just
kind of like looks in the camera. It's like this
ratty -ass mascot costume. That's awesome. And
he's like, I have something for you. And he's
at the top of the car going, boing. This big
egg just flops up there. And these girls kind
of are like looking up in the camera and go,
ooh, look at those low rates. It's... Amazing.
It is amazing. One of the greatest commercials
of all time. That sounds charming. It's amazing.
You have to check that shit out. Have you ever
seen the Jones Barbecue and Foot Massage commercial?
It sounds like I need to. It's like a locally
produced commercial, I think. But it's on YouTube.
You can find it. But it's just like this really
jolly kind of guy. And he's doing this little
jig in front of the camera with a couple people
next to him. And he's just singing this little
Song it's like Jones barbecue and foot massage
Joe It's like a phone number at the bottom like
you can go and get foot massages any barbecue
Oh my god, like what a genius idea for a business
that is genius. It's relaxation and good meat
Right. I mean the only other thing I can think
of that that surpasses that And we'll move on
to our next segment after this, but the only
thing I can think of that surpasses that is IRL,
as they say in real life, I'm traveling across
country with a friend. We're in Cheyenne, Wyoming,
downtown Cheyenne. We go to stay the night there,
whatever, kind of cute, quaint, like a hint of
old west and whatever, it's cool downtown. So
we go there and I'm like, oh man, I need some
food. And we're like, ah, what do we want? And
so I'm like, I don't know, I'm kind of feeling
Chinese. Yeah, that's fine. So we look it up
and we're like, oh, okay, there's a Chinese place
over here. So I go in there. It is a Chinese
restaurant, inside of a laundromat, inside of
an off -track bedding parlor. All three in one.
How great is it? That's everything you need for
a day. That's it. That's an entire day's errands
run right there hundred percent like if I have
if I go to a laundromat, right? And I got my
basket. I am like, okay, let's see and okay,
Santa Anita boy. That's a great card Yeah, grab
my laundry throw that shit in there get some
fucking sweet and sour chicken and watch the
races 20 bones on number seven Yeah, I'll take
the general sows and if I could switch it to
the dryer, that'd be great That's it man. What
it was one of the coolest things ever seen. That's
so wonderful. Oh, it was amazing It was great.
All right, we're gonna take a quick break and
And oh actually, no, we don't take a break. Hang
on. I'm ahead of the game. What am I taking a
break for? We have the reddit rabbit hole What?
We have the Reddit rabbit hole. Aiden goes down
this hole, and once he's in there, man, I'm not,
you know, that's... It's almost like spelunking,
but I'm not like that. But better. So what's
down... What's better than spelunking? The rabbit
hole or...? Pull this list out. Let me pull something
out for you. Reddit rabbit hole, what do we got?
Sir, this is a Wendy's. This is a Wendy's? I
found some interesting color psychology graphs.
That I found pretty fascinating because we all
know that color affects emotions and mood and
I found some neat graphs Showing what these studies
have found and of course some of this may be
like oh like no no shit Sherlock Yeah, but some
of it may surprise you some people may not be
in tune with color psychology So I wanted to
bring it up where if you look at a color or like
you paint a room a certain color or You're being
advertised to in a certain color. It'll make
you feel different emotions. So the color red
is often associated with excitement, passion,
or energy. Or on the negative side could be associated
with caution or stress or anger. Oh. Whereas
a color like blue could be associated with calm
and trust and stability. Okay. Could also be
associated with sadness or coldness. Yeah. I
think of winter as very blue myself. Yellow associated
with happiness and joy could also be associated
with anxiety or overwhelm. Where green is associated
with nature and tranquility with no noted negative
associations. Which I assume is why most hospital
accents and room colors are green hues. Because
there's no negative connotation to that. Yep.
Yeah, that's true. And then black could be associated
with power, sophistication, and elegance. Ooh.
Could also be associated with mourning or heavy
sensations. And there's this one cool stat, too,
where there have been studies that show that
up to 90%, 9 -0 -90 % of... A lot. Snap judgments
regarding products and projects come down to
the colors associated with said product or project.
Oh, really? 90 % of instant judgments. That's
super interesting. Come down to logo design and
colors or whether or not you used a blue pen
to write it up or whatever. Yep. And of course
we all know how Yellow and red the combinations
of the two are so Heavily associated with food
consumption and impulse. Oh, yeah sure where?
Wendy's McDonald's they've read rallies and checkers
Burger King is writing his red letters. Yeah,
like all of them except for Culver's, but that's
a regional one Yeah, Dairy Queen's got red It's
all because that's like impulse by Yeah. Your
brain says, ooh, hungry, let's go. Right, exactly.
And I found that very fascinating. There are
a lot of excellent studies on it. And I know
there's, I don't know whether or not, it's not
a pseudoscience by any stretch, but it's not
like super heavily associated with like, oh,
you know, you paint the color green and you will
be a healthier person. It's like, no, you paint
like a room green and then. Perhaps it could
lead you to feel more more relaxed. Yep, you
know, so yeah, it's almost like an associative
science of like you could pair this with Healthier
living and it would assist you. It's interesting
thing. Yeah color therapy. Yeah in a way in a
way and there's a lot of Color theory and and
color psychology that goes into logo design or
if you notice a lot of insurance logos that are
trying to build loyalty and trust in the brand,
they're all blue. Blue, yeah. They're all blue.
You're right. Interesting. Yeah, that's really
interesting. And a lot of those, whether it's
like a cash app or a bank or anything like that,
there's a lot of green. Yes. Money, money. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Yep. Exactly. I get that as well.
That was interesting. That's super, super interesting
stuff there. All right, before we take a break,
We did this thing while you were sleeping, so
a lot of times it is a YouTuber or a TV show
or a movie or a book or anything like that that,
you know, maybe we missed along the way, or have
forgotten. So, Aidan, what do you got for us
this week? I have another wonderful YouTuber
for this week, which I am very excited to share,
because this, it's such... Fantastic content
and it's such a crime that this person does not
have a larger following granted. They have a
large following I will say that but it should
be larger with the quality of content that I
feel they make a creator by the name of summoning
salt summoning salt summoning salt with 2 .1
approximately 2 .1 million subscribers on YouTube
The type of content they make is revolving around
speedrun history and retro games and how they
evolve in different communities and some of their
more recent Uploads are how a perfect speedrun
was finally beaten a two hour or one hour 24
minute video on the history of the Mike Tyson
punchout Mike Tyson fight No way and how it got
under two minute times Where the original perfect
fight, perfect in air quotes, was 2 minutes 10
seconds, unbeatable. Like the execution was perfect,
20 some odd frame perfect punches thrown, of
20 some odd that could occur, and yet they still
found a way to bring it down 10 more seconds.
That's super cool. It's like movie theater length
content revolving around these... Historical
like community driven speedrun records like the
history of the cuphead world records Let's see
what else is the history of the Simpsons hit
-and -run world records Oh wow where people try
and run that game as quickly as possible like
completing every mission the history of blindfolded
Super Mario 64 Where people get to know the game
so well yeah that they can play it blindfolded
Holy cow. Quickly enough to become a world record
holder. Fascinating. That is fascinating. Let's
see, the history of Halo 2 world records, Lego
Star Wars, Super Mario Bros. 3, Mega Man 2. My
favorite ones are the ones revolving around Mario
Kart. because I'm a big Mario Kart guy, and looking
at the speedrun history and the shortcuts and
how all the games are kind of broken in their
own unique way. Very fascinating. So, Summoning
Salt, definitely worth a watch. That's awesome.
I'm definitely going to check that out. That
sounds right up my alley. Alright, let's do this.
Let's take a quick break. When we come back,
we're going to finish up. We have a beer review,
and then the world of weird news! all right we're
back everybody we are in the homestretch and
it is time uh oh by the way if you didn't know
already mark moshel podcast this mark meloni
aid meloni and uh we're on to our beer review
and the official beer review the official beer
review By Revolution. Now let Aidan tell you
a little bit about it. Oh my goodness. It's the
X Hero Juicy Rush IPA. It is Revolution Brewing,
a regional brewery out of our very own Chicago,
Illinois. An Imperial slash double IPA. 10 %o.
Oh wow, hello. 10 %o ABV. That's a soupishy one
right there. For sure. As they describe it. revolution,
jump into the extreme fruit -forward flavors
of X -Hero. Juicy Rush IPA showcases an intense
surge of candied orange and juicy peach flavor
that guides the high gravity through the haze
toward a smooth, easy landing. As they put it,
we'll be the judge of that. We will be the judge
of that. We're ranking this on Untapped, the
Untapped app. It's free on your phones. Not sponsored,
but we recommend it because it's free. And if
you're into sampling different brewskis, it's
a good way to catalog that. Hell yeah. On a scale
from zero to five, we'll give our tasting notes.
And of course, in the comments, let us know what
you're enjoying today. Saloncha. Saloncha. Here
we go. Boy, that's smooth. Holy. OK. Now, as
most of you know. That's way smooth. On these
beer reviews that we do. that IPA is one of my
less favorite types of beer. Sure. A lot of times
it's due to an aftertaste, a little bit left
on the palate, and I'm not as much of a fan of
that. However, there's some IPAs, or these quote
unquote juicy IPAs, where that's really toned
down. Very mitigated. Right. And this is one
of those I was fully expecting like there's no
hoppy finish There's there's really like associated
with ipa's and hops is like that citrusy piney
Flavor correct that can tend to stick around
I get zero none of that That's so smooth Slight
sweetness to it almost like but not overly sweet.
No almost like a guava papaya I can get a touch
of orange It's a touch of orange in there. I
get a little bit of the orange But yeah, that's
definitely more tropical fruits than than they
let on for sure in the description. That's so
smooth for something that usually high ABV IPA's
are like They smack in the face a little bit.
Oh, yeah, they smack you and it's like bah pine
tree It's like whoa whoa calm down exactly That
is truly wonderful touch a pineapple maybe Yeah,
possibly. Well, what am I getting there? What
am I getting there? Tip of my tongue. Whatever
is it? It's tropical, whatever it is. Definitely
tropical. Yeah. Boy, I like that a lot. I'm going
high. Oh my god, that's what it is. So they,
on the untapped app, it will give flavor profile
suggestions. that like most other people have
suggested themselves. And one of these suggested
flavor profile notes is apricot. That's it. That's
it. Because I'm not a big apricot guy. So it's
kind of it's a it's a taste or something that
kind of gets on your tongue on your palate that
you don't readily identify because like, wait
a minute, it's not mango. It's not orange. You're
trying to place it a little bit. And it's like
peach adjacent. But I know it's not peach. Correct.
That's apricot. For sure. Wow. Now it makes sense.
Yeah. That is nuts. I enjoy it. I definitely
enjoy it. Boy, oh boy. I'm on the fence. I'm
on the fence. I usually don't go into the elite
status for many beers. That's true. That's very
true. And especially for an IPA that's not in
your wheelhouse. And once again, the ratings
1 to 5. 1 to 5, right. So typically an IPA you
enjoy, because we've had a couple of those. We
had that beer hug, bear hug one. Beer hug, yeah.
That you enjoyed a couple weeks back. I did.
I think that got a three something. What are
you thinking for today? 3 .75. Ooh, that's high.
For an IPA, that is high for me, for sure. It's
usually more anywhere between 2 .75 and 3 .5.
So yeah, I did enjoy this one. Yes for sure.
I I'm in the same boat. I'm going high I this
is right in my wheelhouse usually like I like
the bitters I know I've mentioned that before
yeah black coffee IPA's that's that's all my
wheelhouse This does not have that same pizzazz
to it, but it's really damn good. I'm going 4
.5 I'm going four or five. It's one of the highest
ones you've given. One of the highest. Yeah.
That's awesome. Yeah, my flavor profile is clean,
aromatic, apricot, sweet, fruity, tropical, and
papaya. Yeah, I picked most of those myself.
Yeah. Definitely did. I'd have added smooth,
but I forgot to do that. So that's my bad. No,
it's smooth as well. So very good for an IPA.
IPA lovers are going to love it. If you're not
as big of a fan of an IPA, this is good. Super
approachable. Yes, 100%. I would not. Yeah, I
would not have more than one can if you are planning
on driving home from the bar. It's a good call.
Yeah. You have one can and then it's like, I'll
have club soda, please. Yeah, because it's smooth
enough where you can easily have two or three
of these. Oh, it's pretty easily. Yeah. Where
a lot of IPAs, you can't drink them that way.
No, no, no, no. This one you can. You could easily
be three or four cans in and be like, wait, this
is 10 % ocean. Right, right. This is the danger
levels of like Tiki drinks. Correct. Yeah. Oh
yeah. You have like one hurricane. It's like,
oh, that wasn't so bad. I'll take five more.
Right. It's like, oh no. And it doesn't hit you
right away and you're on your bar stool and all
of a sudden you're like... Yeah, man, I'm really
just saved you. You're right. Hey, buddy. And
you're done. How much is a Uber? How much? Uber?
Who's Uber? That's a funny word, Uber. Yeah,
you don't want to be that guy. Don't do it. But
I will say this, if you are drunk at the bar,
get yourself a damn Uber or a taxi for sure.
All right, well, yeah, definitely check out X
-Hero. And we're now on to the world of weird
news to finish off the show. Let me do it properly.
World of weird news here on the Mark Mo Show
podcast. I will start out with mine. GameStop
says it's trade anything day, led customers to
bring in a goose. A bobcat. A goose. And a Wii
Netflix disc. That's awesome. That's history
right there. That is history. GameStop says it
accepted more than 80 ,000 items during this
weekend's Trade Anything Day event and shared
images with IGN of the weirdest items it accepted,
including a bobcat, a goose. Where the fuck is
DNR? They got a broken bobcat and a goose in
here? and a physical Netflix disc for the Nintendo
Wii. The chain's big trade -in event was the
latest publicity stunt from the company, this
time designed to highlight its trade -in program
that provides customers with store credit or
cash for a range of home entertainment items.
Normally, this range would not extend to taxidermied
animals, road signs, or... People's artwork of
their pets with hair like Snoopy dog, but this
past Saturday December 6th GameStop advertised
it would provide Some credit for almost anything
its customers cared to bring in in a statement
to IG and I hope GameStop's around forever Yo,
how much for this Bobcat, bro? How much does
Bob get? Nice train full. It's all good In a
statement to IGN, GameStop ranked its more memorable
trades from stores across the country as including
items such as a tiny Jesus, a speed limit sign,
Air Jordans, and tapes of friends on VHS. The
Air Jordans is surprising. Why would you trade
AJ's into GameStop? The dude's trying to get
a PS5, I'm guessing, is what he's trying to do.
They bring the AJ's into GameStop. It's like,
yeah, I can give you $4 .50 in in -store credit.
I would tackle that guy. Don't be stupid. Get
out of here. Over on social media, customers
celebrated shifting various unwanted items in
exchange for credit, including McDonald's Grinchmas
socks. And what looked to be a replica of the
United States Declaration of Independence. Holy
fuck, did Nick Cage go to GameStop? I think he
did. I'm gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.
And go to GameStop. Another customer seemingly
joked, claimed they tried to trade in a live
pet dog, which they said had been refused. Oh
really? Wow. Spot yeah, go with them. No, no,
sir. No, this dog is not only priceless. It's
also worthless, right? Yeah, it's like pissing
on the game shelf. We are not taking your dog
for dance dance, right? Get the hell out of here
But my DDR machine Perhaps most bizarre of all
where the taxidermy goose and bobcat that's all
both of which appear to have seen better days
Last week GameStop hit headlines for another
trade -in story as it paid out more than $30
,000 for a rare Pokemon card. According to the
retailer, that transaction was evidence its trade
-in program offered fair value, though it simultaneously
admitted the card had actually been worth at
least three grand more. Well, yeah. Well, they
gotta make their money. Right. That's what I'm
saying. They're not a frickin' charity. Right.
Any trolls who publicly claim that GameStop trading
values are bad are hereby factually and demonstrably
incorrect, the chain stated. So my entire bit.
30 seconds ago, they're like, okay, that's that's
definitely much fuck you Yeah, exactly and just
this morning IGN reported on new GameStop listing
for Resident Evil Requiem that includes mention
of an unannounced character in the game No, not
that one. We've contacted GameStop for comment
on that but are yet to hear back. Interresante.
So there you go. Interresante, that's crazy.
That's amazing. The Bobcat, the Goose, the AJ's.
Imagine rolling in there and be like, hey man,
I got half a box of rubbers. How much can I get
for them? Only three of them are used. I mean,
I'm looking at you and you probably won't use
them, but you know, I got them. They're right
here. Oh my God. Keep them in your cabinet until
they expire, which I think they will in your
house. Yeah, they'll definitely expire. Yeah,
no doubt about it. People are going to be going
through your remains in 30, 40 years. You're
going to find this used box of rubbers. How much
for this pair of pre -shitted pants? Sir, I'll
actually pay you $10 to take those home with
you. To take them. Just please take them. All
right, dude. Finish this up. What do you got?
Oh, yeah. I went to our favorite state. I went
to our favorite state. Florida woman. Allegedly
a tax man tries to bite him, flees, crashes car
into deputy's car. Quote, this is fun. OK. Polk
County, Florida. which seems to be one of the
more popular counties. It is. A Florida woman
is facing a long list of charges after she allegedly
attacked and tried to bite a man, ran away, and
then crashed into a deputy's car. Here's what
we know. Investigators with the PCSO, the local
sheriff's office, said 37 -year -old Samantha
Coulter of Lakeland showed up. What is it with
Lakeland? They got some people in Lakeland, man.
Jesus. Showed up at a man's property, climbed
over his chain -link fence, attacking him, trying
to bite him. She then quickly fled the scene.
Wow. Why would you do that? Why would you do
that? A short time later, deputies said the man
left the property to get food. Like not even
calling 911. He's just like, I'm kind of peckish.
I'm kind of peckish right now. Receiving a phone
call from someone he knew saying Coulter had
returned. The caller also said Coulter had used
her car to crash through the same man's fence.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Before then fleeing again.
Officials found Coulter's white... 2017 Cadillac
and attempted to stop her on Fletcher Avenue
in Lakeland. A relative of Coulter's had also
arrived on the scene and yelled for her, get
out of the car. To which Coulter replied, why?
This is fun. Authorities said Coulter then tried
to drive into a ditch to get past a deputy's
car. Clearly unsuccessful, she intentionally
backed up into a different deputy's car. Oh no.
bed away. Her car was blocked again outside of
a Caribbean restaurant. She refused to get out
after officials, quote, assisted her out of the
car. I'm sure they did. Put her in cuffs, which
she was then able to get out of. So authorities
pulled her out of that car. Yes. Rehandcuffed
her, put her back in the same car. Amazing. The
report says that no deputies were injured during
the incident besides the one patrol car. She's
facing a multitude of charges including burguerly
with assault slash battery, criminal mischief
of more than a thousand dollars, aggravated battery
on an LEO, aggravated fleeing to elude with property
damage, fleeing to elude an LEO. Attempted escape
from custody and disorderly conduct facing also
during the trend like The whole account they
also tacked on every traffic citation along the
way. No Oh, no, that is a laundry list man It's
like not only do we have you on all these like
class a misdemeanors and like low -class felonies
You were also speeding when you drove away from
us so Blew a stop sign or something. Oh, that's
tough. That's tough. God bless ms. Coulter Not
and Coulter fuck no fuck that piece of human
shit, but this one Quote this is fun. This is
fun. That's That's there's something so human
about that. Yeah Like this is fun. Why would
I stop now? I'm in this deep. Oh god, that's
Florida never disappoints. I swear Florida really
doesn't but we are out of time And so I just
want to say thank you for listening Please like
subscribe and share the mark most show podcast
all podcast platforms and of course YouTube and
Definitely check out Aidan's spelled the right
way for some amazing gaming content Check out
AK 219 guys being dudes That's Aidan and I and
a lot of this kind of vibe, but we play games
together. So kind of a cool collab site or gaming
channel that we have. So check that out on YouTube
as well. I have a radio show after hours. Check
that out on WVLP .org or the TuneIn app on your
handheld device. That I think is about everything.
I would agree. Yeah, well... You will get one
more episode from us for this holiday season.
I have a couple of interviews coming up with
a ghost kitchen, another one with a local rapper
who's about to make it big. So that's going to
be fun also. So stay tuned. Got a lot of fun
stuff coming your way. Bye.