If You Have to Ask...That's the Problem

Ladies, this is for you, okay? This is a message for my ladies. If you have to ask, that's the problem, all right? Welcome to Words of Wisdom, you guys. Thank you.

Let me paint a picture for you. It's freezing outside, okay? Freezing. And it's been like that for a couple of days, all right? Let's say you hate the cold just as much as I hate the cold, and you won't leave the house come hell or high water.

You are not going outside because you do not like the cold. Fine. And your man that you're living with, he understands that too, because he's known you for a while, so he should know you, right? Right? Okay.

You don't mind if he wants to go out, okay? He can handle the cold and stuff. Great. Let him go out.

You sit at home, enjoy your own energy, your own space, your own time. Do whatever you want, okay? You can sit still and just get connected. You know what I mean? So there's no food in the fridge.

You don't have any food in the fridge because you go out during happy hour, right? I mean, it's sociable, it's affordable. It works for your life, right? Now imagine, okay, so your man wants to go out. Sorry, you guys, I'm trying to not swear.

So I'm going to pause. Your man wants to go out, okay? And gets his fill with some drinks, and hanging out with friends, and laughing, and having a great time, and has a good meal. You want the best for him because you love him, right? If you're in a relationship and you've said, I love you, then you love him.

So you want to make sure he's being taken care of. He has his nourishment. That's how I think, right? But when they leave, when they leave the bar, or the restaurant, or wherever the hell they are, okay? And they come home, you think they would have thought about ordering something for you to eat because you will not go outside.

You don't like the cold. You don't care if you got to starve. You're not going outside.

You think he'd think about you. Right? You think he'd fucking think about you. No.

And if you try to have a conversation, well, you don't want to hear, well, you could have called a, what is it? Skip, or Uber Eats, or whatever. Are you fucking mad? You are with an empress. All right? This isn't about money.

This isn't about control. This isn't about keeping fucking score. This is about consideration.

Because when you say, when you state you love someone, well, you must really love them because you shouldn't be throwing those three words around so freely. But you want them to think about you, even when they're not in front of you, when you're not there. Right? What the? You don't wait to be asked.

You don't need instructions. Fuck. You don't say, well, you know, you got a phone.

You can call. Are you fucking insane, man? Excuse me. Are you insane? I'm an empress.

All right? I know I could have called takeout. I know I have a phone. I have money and I have my independence.

That's not the fucking point. The point is initiative. Okay? If I have to explain basic thoughtfulness to a grown man, man, we already have a problem.

Done. I don't want a boy. I don't want a project.

And I'm not here to babysit. I've already raised my child. My job there is done.

Period. A man doesn't need to be told if you're hungry, if you're cold, if there's no fridge to bring you something to eat. No fridge.

Oh my God. If there's no food in the fridge, sorry about that. To bring you something to eat.

No. A man observes. A man thinks.

A man acts. That's the difference. All right? And let me tell you something.

If the shoe is on the other foot, like if I women out there and myself as well, if I went out and if my man didn't want to go out, that's okay. I'm not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do because that's not love. Right? It's just not.

When you love somebody, you accept them for who they are, their faults, their pros, everything. Okay. That's another subject.

But let me, listen, if I went out there, I would bring food back. I wouldn't even ask. I would just do it.

I would have no idea if he got fed at work or wherever he was. I would just bring it. Right? That's the difference.

All right? When you think about your partner, the one that claims to love you always. Okay. Even if he doesn't eat it, that's fine.

We'll put it in the fridge. Let's say he's not hungry. I'll put it in the fridge.

There we go. We've got leftovers for tomorrow. Great.

Right? Because I care about his wellbeing. I care about his nourishment because love looks like consideration. It's fucking basics, man.

Nothing's wasted. Everything thoughtful. Nothing wasted.

Everything thoughtful. People throw around the words, I love you far too fucking easily. Okay.

Those words should mean something. They should mean something. Everything.

Love isn't just affection. It's responsibility. It's awareness.

It's action. When you say you love somebody, you could say you love someone a thousand fucking times. But if your actions don't reflect your care, respect, and thoughtfulness, then those words are empty.

Empty. Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm getting passionate here. I need water. Hang on.

Empty. Actions speak louder than words. Always.

Everybody knows that. Not everybody follows that. Okay.

Listen, my ladies, if you've been through hardship, if you've survived betrayal, loss, struggle, if you've been tested and tested and tested and passed those tests, congratulations, because that's a hard road. And once you go through that, you grow, you elevate, you become an empress. And you're not here for breadcrumbs anymore.

You're done with that. An empress does not beg for effort. An empress does not explain basic decency.

All right. An empress does not chase what should come naturally. An empress attracts an emperor.

And an emperor does not need reminders. Right. Okay.

And let's say you bring it up to your person. Right. Why didn't you bring me food yesterday? Why didn't you think about me? I don't know.

That's the words that come out of my mouth. That's for sure. Those two things that would come right to my mouth.

Why wouldn't you bring me something if this happened? Why wouldn't you bring me something to eat if I haven't been outside for one, two, three, however many days? Because you know, I don't like the cold. Right. Okay.

Well, you think you'd think about me after you went out and had your fun to bring me something to eat. And if he were to say, well, you've got a phone, call Uber Eats or Skip or whatever, son of a bitch. Well, fuck you.

Okay. That would be my reaction. Nah, sorry.

We're obviously on two different wavelengths here all of a sudden. Right. Like, sorry.

If he expects you to have just picked up the... No, no, no. That's not the way it looks. That's not looks.

Hmm. That's not... Let me be clear. Okay.

You could have fucking called, but you shouldn't have to. Love is not outsourcing care. When your self-worth is intact, you stop tolerating small things that are actually big things.

Thank you, spirit. You stop making excuses. You stop minimizing your needs.

You stop accepting the bare fucking minimum. Okay. You don't need a man to survive.

You want a man to add value. Otherwise what's the fucking point? Ladies, evaluate your situation honestly. Like, hey, who the fuck am I? I'm just a Joe Blow or whatever.

Right. Like, I'm not here to say, break up with your boyfriend or divorce your husband. My God, no.

Okay. But I hear so much from people out there that are just not happy in their relationships. More unhappy than happy.

Okay. And it's like, I keep saying, evaluate your situation honestly, not emotionally, not fearfully, but truthfully. Okay.

If you're doing everything yourself already, my girls, paying your bills, taking care of your home, feeding yourself, protecting your peace. Well, ask yourself, what is he contributing? Okay. Love should feel safe.

It should feel supportive. It should feel thoughtful. All right.

Fuck. Pick up the phone and call yourself. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? In my late fifties? Well, okay.

I would just say, if you're in a relationship or common law or something like that, I would say, yeah, you want sex, get the fuck out and you go have it somewhere else. Okay. Don't touch me.

If you're in a relationship, you're splitting everything 50, 50. Yeah. Listen, men, if you think that dinner and fucking wine, we should sleep with you because you take us out for dinner and wine.

Think again. Okay. We're empresses.

We can take ourself out for fucking dinner and wine. We can buy our own flowers. If we want, we can do whatever the hell we want.

We learned lessons and we are not going to let anyone dim our light anymore. Okay. Never let strength be mistaken for tolerance and never let love be reduced to words alone.

Know your worth. Okay. Hold your boundaries.

And remember, if they wanted to, they would. Okay. All right.

If you're an empress, seriously speaking, uh, yeah, listen, ladies, you know, your worth, you know, you can take yourself out for fucking dinner and wine and some. Okay. And if you really wanted to go somewhere, you would do it.

And if you can't, it's coming. Don't worry. The universe has your back.

Okay. Just because we're empresses, that doesn't mean we're going to just settle for less. No, we've done that before.

We're not doing that again. Period. My throat chakra.

Okay. You guys, I'm going to go stay strong and never settle for less than you deserve. All right.

I love you. God bless. Now remember, this is all about thoughtfulness.

Okay. Actions. All right.

God bless you guys. 
I love you.