1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,000 Hey guys, it's me. 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:11,000 I would like to tell you a story about the last relationship that really helped me grow as a person. 3 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:20,000 I haven't been in many relationships because the relationships I have been in have been long term. 4 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:33,000 This last one really finished me off. At first, I was so angry, resentful. I was just full of hate of how it ended. Not realizing the Universe was saving me from something bad. 5 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:41,000 My reaction was full on emotional. Try not to react emotionally. Choose logic. 6 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:51,000 We can lose our shit quite quickly if we get our emotions involved. Hence why now I think logically. 7 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:59,000 I don't really think from my heart, but my heart is big and it's always open. 8 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:13,000 Okay, so back to this guy. So when it all happened, it was three years of my life. Very toxic life. He is a lost person. 9 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:25,000 Narcissistic, abusive in every way. Talking physically, mentally verbally and emotionally. 10 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:34,000 I got to the point in this relationship where I didn't know myself worth anymore. I really disliked myself. 11 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:46,000 I mean I really didn't like who I was. I started to self-negative talk. 12 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:53,000 Example, I'm so fat, I hate myself. Or, oh my god, I there's a pimple on my face. Fuck, I hate myself. 13 00:01:53,000 --> 00:02:06,000 I love my fucking self now. Thank you for the lesson. I appreciate it, universe. 14 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:16,000 Wasn't easy. We'll get to that in a moment. So back to this guy. He demeaned me every chance he could. 15 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:24,000 I didn't see or notice it. It was like an invisible manipulator. It was really something. 16 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:31,000 I look back now and think why? 17 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:45,000 How he was just cutting me down in any way he could. You know when your boss can give you shit but you don't know if you're actually getting in shit? 18 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:51,000 Because they phrase it in such a beautiful manner and what have you. I don't know if anybody's ever experienced that. 19 00:02:51,000 --> 00:03:03,000 I have. And it's quite a skill. So he knocked me down a few thousand notches to the point where I disliked myself immensely. 20 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:17,000 I wasn't happy about anything. I couldn't like myself if my life depended on it. It was just unbelievable. 21 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:26,000 There was so much abuse in this relationship and I fucking allowed it. I allowed it over and over and over again. 22 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:34,000 In one instance, I'll just give you one. I'm not going to go through the entire thing because you guys will get the gist of what I'm saying. 23 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:48,000 It was a cool, Fall, Sunday evening and was around 11 p.m. 24 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:59,000 I'm wearing a pair of men's boxing shorts and a workout bra and that's it. 25 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:06,000 I was relaxing in the house, relaxed, and comfortable. 26 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:12,000 He returns from wherever he was in a rant. I had no idea what crawled up his ass. 27 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:24,000 And nor did I ask. He had lost it. So, I walked out to the backyard to give him a few minutes to calm down. 28 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:31,000 Hoping this wouldn't take long as I was feeling a little chilled. 29 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:43,000 I looked over at him standing at the balcony doors glaring at me, with a grin on his face. I watched his hand as he lowered it to lock the door. He locked me out of the house. 30 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:59,000 There was a set of stairs at the back of the house where I could run up and get access through the bedroom. 31 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:09,000 He watched me make a run for it and in turn he ran from the inside and locked the door. 32 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:19,000 I am locked out of this fucking house wearing a pair of men's boxers and a workout bra. It's a Sunday night at 11 p.m. in fall. 33 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:25,000 The temperature is dropping outside and I have no idea what the hell just transpired. 34 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:34,000 So I just sat there. I'm not going to play his game. I'm not going to yell or anything. 35 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:39,000 I'm not taking it on. 36 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:48,000 I sat outside looking up at the stars and began praying for my safety. 37 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:58,000 I could see him from my mind's eye. It was unbelievable. My initial thought? He's fucking crazy. 38 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:06,000 After an hour, he finally, opens the door. 39 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:12,000 I don't have nothing on me to call a friend. 40 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:19,000 I sat there in shock as he unlocked the door and waited patiently for me to enter the house. 41 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:26,000 It was unbelievable. 42 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:34,000 This is the kind of guy(s) I dated. They were all similar. They all had the same look. 43 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:43,000 They all loved to drink. They all loved to party. They all love the attention from others. Had to be in the limelight. 44 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:51,000 Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 45 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:56,000 I see that now. 46 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:01,000 That relationship fucking broke me. 47 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:08,000 It broke me. I had signs. So many signs from the Universe. I was seeing synchronicities everywhere. 48 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:17,000 I was getting messages. I was hearing the messages. But ignored what the universe was trying to tell me. 49 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:25,000 I didn't pay attention. That is on me. I have no one to blame but myself. 50 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:33,000 Finally, the Universe came in and ended the relationship abruptly. We both didn't see it coming. 51 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:42,000 He gave me 6 hours to move out. Six! 52 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:54,000 I felt like I was hexed. Like I was under some kind of black magic or something. I don't know. I lost myself. 53 00:07:54,000 --> 00:08:07,000 Toxic AF! 54 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:15,000 Now, I'm feeling lost, alone, abandoned, and scared. A whole plethora of emotions were roaring through my body and mind. 55 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:26,000 My thought? How dare he treat me like this? I did it all. 56 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:32,000 Always putting myself last. I was an over giver. 57 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:41,000 I cut the grass, shovelled the driveway, shovelled the sidewalks, paid the bills, paid the mortgage. I didn't have a car. 58 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:49,000 I gave my car to my son because why? Well, he had a car. We're living together. We don't need two vehicles. Common sense. 59 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:55,000 That's pretty logical, right? Everybody has so much of everything now-a-days. We don't need that much. 60 00:08:55,000 --> 00:09:02,000 We just need the right shit to make us happy and content. Things we need not want. 61 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:09,000 I grocery shopped, cooked, cleaned...did it all. I did it all! 62 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:13,000 You name it, I did it. Everything beneath the sun, I fucking did it. Only to get shit on. 63 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:26,000 Every time I used his car to grab groceries to make dinner for him I was told to replenish the fuel tank. LOL! 64 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:33,000 I became angry but ensured that was short lived. 65 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:40,000 The Universe does not work from anger. It works from love. 66 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:46,000 So, I changed my mindset, lifted myself up, dusted him off of me and claimed my power back. 67 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:53,000 I needed to gain my power back. Right? I need to get myself back. 68 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:58,000 It wasn't easy claiming my power back as I now needed to heal from years of shit that I accepted in my life from everyone. 69 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:05,000 Found out years later he was involved with a coven. A fucking coven! WTF! I felt like I was living in the twilight zone. I'll chat about this another day. 70 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:11,000 Not only did I change my mindset, I began praying like crazy! My prayers started with something like this. 71 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:19,000 I accept what is and I let go of what was. I embrace the endings and welcome new beginnings. 72 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:24,000 Changed my negative thoughts back to positive. 73 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:32,000 I always believed in God only because my mom believed. After experiencing all of the toxic shit in my life for so many years, I now believe with my entire being. 74 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:42,000 My life has changed dramatically. By just surrendering. I accept all that I cannot change. 75 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:51,000 I release the outcome and I joyfully trust the process. Right? 76 00:10:51,000 --> 00:11:00,000 I am now the creator of my life. I AM THE CREATOR! I AM going to create something fucking amazing. 77 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:06,000 So see how I changed my mindset? At first I was angry, but that's not going to get me anywhere. 78 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,000 That's just going to raise my blood pressure and piss me off even more. 79 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:16,000 When you think negative, you will attract negative. 80 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:21,000 It's been a challenging road, but has led me to absolute bliss. 81 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:26,000 I can't believe how much healing I've done. I feel so much lighter, healthier, happier. 82 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:39,000 I'm thankful for all of it. The highs, the lows, the blessings, the lessons, the setbacks, the comebacks, everything. 83 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:51,000 I wouldn't live in peace without the life experiences that I've endured. 84 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:57,000 I'll be right back. 85 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:10,000 I love you.