WEBVTT 00:00:00.579 --> 00:00:03.279 And welcome back to the unpopular playground. 00:00:03.940 --> 00:00:08.419 This is, and this is Debbie. Ramon couldn't join 00:00:08.419 --> 00:00:11.220 us tonight. He's going to be back with us. He'll 00:00:11.220 --> 00:00:14.699 go over in detail about the four types of people 00:00:14.699 --> 00:00:18.199 that you're going to need to avoid. The reason 00:00:18.199 --> 00:00:21.359 why we need to put up boundaries and Debbie and 00:00:21.359 --> 00:00:23.339 I are going to touch on these four things just 00:00:23.339 --> 00:00:26.579 a little bit, but we definitely don't want to 00:00:26.579 --> 00:00:29.179 miss out on Ramon's insight as well. So we're 00:00:29.179 --> 00:00:32.090 going to do. a separate podcast for each one 00:00:32.090 --> 00:00:35.850 of these. And the first type is narcissists. 00:00:36.390 --> 00:00:38.609 And a little bit of information that I have here 00:00:38.609 --> 00:00:42.530 is that they often seek attention and admiration 00:00:42.530 --> 00:00:46.329 while disregarding others' feelings and boundaries. 00:00:46.689 --> 00:00:50.009 And we want to help you protect your emotional 00:00:50.009 --> 00:00:52.890 wellbeing from their self -centered behavior. 00:00:53.649 --> 00:00:55.049 Debbie, what's the first thing that you come 00:00:55.049 --> 00:00:57.929 up with in your head when you think of narcissists? 00:00:58.250 --> 00:01:01.950 Life sucking entities, me too. And it seems like 00:01:01.950 --> 00:01:03.950 a lot of people are real quick to call people 00:01:03.950 --> 00:01:07.810 narcissists. But I think that within the age 00:01:07.810 --> 00:01:10.450 of social media, they're a lot more prevalent 00:01:10.450 --> 00:01:14.650 because they have a platform to put themselves 00:01:14.650 --> 00:01:17.930 out to and to suck in more victims. No, I agree 00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:21.329 with that. And it's hard today because people 00:01:21.329 --> 00:01:24.510 don't socialize the way it's easy to become a 00:01:24.510 --> 00:01:26.989 narcissist because you're just building yourself 00:01:26.989 --> 00:01:29.420 up. and bragging about yourself, and there's 00:01:29.420 --> 00:01:32.799 nobody there to cut you down and say, hey, not 00:01:32.799 --> 00:01:37.659 as you are speaking. Yeah, that's I think that's 00:01:37.659 --> 00:01:40.939 a lot of the problem today. And I think there's 00:01:40.939 --> 00:01:44.659 such competition in the world amongst everybody, 00:01:45.659 --> 00:01:49.980 age groups, sexes, everything. And everybody's 00:01:49.980 --> 00:01:52.680 trying to be better than the next person. So 00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:57.180 people are one upping. The other, the one uppers. 00:01:57.599 --> 00:02:01.819 Oh my gosh. Great minds think alike. Yeah. And 00:02:01.819 --> 00:02:04.299 I don't know after all the research that I've 00:02:04.299 --> 00:02:07.439 done, because I was in a really crazy situation 00:02:07.439 --> 00:02:10.500 and we'll deep dive into this when we talk with 00:02:10.500 --> 00:02:13.879 Ramon on it. But probably the best thing that 00:02:13.879 --> 00:02:19.080 I can think of from my experience is like a cult. 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:25.259 Like the narcissist leaders are. cult leaders, 00:02:25.460 --> 00:02:28.580 if you think about that, because the Jim Jones 00:02:28.580 --> 00:02:32.139 and all of the cult leaders, they isolate you 00:02:32.139 --> 00:02:34.759 into their own little world and they want to 00:02:34.759 --> 00:02:36.840 alter your reality. Yeah, a lot of people are 00:02:36.840 --> 00:02:39.580 selfish and self -centered, but I think narcissists 00:02:39.580 --> 00:02:43.319 is resources that you can look up. And that's 00:02:43.319 --> 00:02:46.780 how I discovered that I was in that situation 00:02:46.780 --> 00:02:50.960 specifically, but I'm looking forward to talking 00:02:50.960 --> 00:02:53.800 about this and going into a deep dive on it. 00:02:54.030 --> 00:02:58.810 I'm by no means an expert other than having had 00:02:58.810 --> 00:03:02.750 the displeasure of being what's fun and getting 00:03:02.750 --> 00:03:05.990 myself sucked into that. Another type of person 00:03:05.990 --> 00:03:09.349 you want to avoid are energy vampires, the people 00:03:09.349 --> 00:03:13.770 that drain your energy, enthusiasm, being overly 00:03:13.770 --> 00:03:16.949 negative or demanding. And it's real important 00:03:16.949 --> 00:03:18.870 with these types of people to set your limits. 00:03:19.590 --> 00:03:22.629 What are your thoughts on that real quick? Those 00:03:22.629 --> 00:03:26.370 are the people that I've had many that have worked 00:03:26.370 --> 00:03:30.270 for me and Those are the ones you learn after 00:03:30.270 --> 00:03:33.610 about a week You never say because right then 00:03:33.610 --> 00:03:36.569 they're gonna see the life right at it and it's 00:03:36.569 --> 00:03:39.189 okay I hope your day gets better by and move 00:03:39.189 --> 00:03:43.310 on they never have anything positive to say they're 00:03:43.310 --> 00:03:46.530 never in a good mood and It's these are the people 00:03:46.530 --> 00:03:49.229 you need to avoid because they're feeling down 00:03:49.229 --> 00:03:52.300 They want to bring everybody else down And I'll 00:03:52.300 --> 00:03:54.680 tell you, there's times that I've had people 00:03:54.680 --> 00:03:57.800 say to me, wow, you must have a great life because 00:03:57.800 --> 00:04:00.759 you're always happy and cheerful. And they had 00:04:00.759 --> 00:04:04.759 no idea that behind my facade, I had a husband 00:04:04.759 --> 00:04:08.599 who was dying. I had to work, come home, take 00:04:08.599 --> 00:04:12.740 care of him. But I never let it be known to anybody 00:04:12.740 --> 00:04:16.199 that was around me. And I could have walked around 00:04:16.199 --> 00:04:20.259 with all my sorrows, but that's what they do. 00:04:20.439 --> 00:04:23.740 And it's like they mope. They're like, oh, droopy. 00:04:23.980 --> 00:04:26.060 My staff, when they did that, I would walk behind 00:04:26.060 --> 00:04:27.839 them and go, hey, come on. Let's go. Hip, hip, 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:30.720 hip. Come on. Get it. Your name's Debbie, and 00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:33.019 you're the farthest thing from being a... The 00:04:33.019 --> 00:04:36.819 third thing is manipulators. They use guilt, 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:40.579 shame, emotional blackmail to control others, 00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:42.899 make clear boundaries to help you from being 00:04:42.899 --> 00:04:46.180 exploited, and you're not responsible for other 00:04:46.180 --> 00:04:49.600 people's feelings. And it's really weird, because 00:04:49.600 --> 00:04:53.829 these... Manipulator and energy vampire. That's 00:04:53.829 --> 00:04:56.470 all in the category narcissism. That all falls 00:04:56.470 --> 00:05:01.389 into that mini cult or anybody else. They can 00:05:01.389 --> 00:05:04.569 have a mini of one or many and they do all of 00:05:04.569 --> 00:05:07.569 those things. How about you? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, 00:05:07.610 --> 00:05:11.350 for sure. We'll try to manipulate you at some 00:05:11.350 --> 00:05:13.629 time in your life. It's like a kid. They're going 00:05:13.629 --> 00:05:15.889 to push your buttons to see how far they can 00:05:15.889 --> 00:05:19.660 go. That's the way mankind is. What? You have 00:05:19.660 --> 00:05:23.600 to realize that this is what's going on, and 00:05:23.600 --> 00:05:27.079 you set your points and know this is not going 00:05:27.079 --> 00:05:30.319 to work. It happens in business, it happens in 00:05:30.319 --> 00:05:34.399 relationships, and they do it by shaming you, 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:38.079 they do it by guilt especially, is one of the 00:05:38.079 --> 00:05:41.720 big things that they use. You have to know yourself 00:05:41.720 --> 00:05:45.259 and love yourself, and you will be manipulated 00:05:45.259 --> 00:05:47.500 because all of their tricks are not going to 00:05:47.500 --> 00:05:51.360 work. Exactly. And if you're clear who you are 00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:54.160 and overly caring about other people's feelings, 00:05:54.180 --> 00:05:57.319 I think it's the feelings from what I've discovered 00:05:57.319 --> 00:06:00.519 that they try to manipulate the most. If they 00:06:00.519 --> 00:06:03.379 can get a grasp on your feelings and they try 00:06:03.379 --> 00:06:06.980 to tell you how to feel and what you are feeling 00:06:06.980 --> 00:06:09.740 and you're not feeling a certain way, they want 00:06:09.740 --> 00:06:13.420 to try and monopolize and make a claim on how 00:06:13.420 --> 00:06:16.850 you're feeling. That right there is a manipulation. 00:06:17.009 --> 00:06:21.370 That's a huge red flag to know that it's a manipulation 00:06:21.370 --> 00:06:24.149 tactic. And if you don't do what they want, then 00:06:24.149 --> 00:06:27.329 they cast you aside, they accuse you of casting 00:06:27.329 --> 00:06:31.569 them aside. And how that too is to manipulate 00:06:31.569 --> 00:06:34.410 you. They make you think that, oh, here, let's 00:06:34.410 --> 00:06:37.350 go here and we'll do this. And I brought you 00:06:37.350 --> 00:06:40.250 something and a little gift or something. And 00:06:40.250 --> 00:06:43.329 it's to make you feel that. They're doing all 00:06:43.329 --> 00:06:45.750 these nice things for you and they make you feel 00:06:45.750 --> 00:06:50.629 like they're buying you and so that you are indebted 00:06:50.629 --> 00:06:53.290 to them. When you finally decide that at some 00:06:53.290 --> 00:06:55.769 point you don't want to do something that they 00:06:55.769 --> 00:06:58.129 want you to do and you have a mind of your own, 00:06:58.350 --> 00:07:02.089 that's when the explosion goes off because you 00:07:02.089 --> 00:07:06.850 are your own person and you can't be manipulated 00:07:06.850 --> 00:07:10.589 anymore and then all hell breaks loose. Oh yeah, 00:07:10.910 --> 00:07:14.370 I think I've had that experience where it's somebody, 00:07:14.509 --> 00:07:19.769 I'm not going to mention who, but they would 00:07:19.769 --> 00:07:22.930 do these little favors and be like, Oh, do you 00:07:22.930 --> 00:07:26.750 want me to pick your son up? Um, all these little 00:07:26.750 --> 00:07:29.750 things. Oh, let me go get this for you. I'm at 00:07:29.750 --> 00:07:31.550 the store already. Do you need me to get you 00:07:31.550 --> 00:07:35.310 something? And these many little things, it's 00:07:35.310 --> 00:07:38.110 almost like death by a thousand cuts. So it's 00:07:37.850 --> 00:07:42.170 by a thousand favors because these little favors 00:07:42.170 --> 00:07:46.730 are not inconveniencing them. But then, you know, 00:07:46.730 --> 00:07:48.629 they think that by doing this, then they're going 00:07:48.629 --> 00:07:51.730 to ask one thing of you, but you're going to 00:07:51.730 --> 00:07:54.089 have to completely rearrange your whole life. 00:07:54.110 --> 00:07:56.610 And then they're going to bring up all of these 00:07:56.610 --> 00:07:59.430 little things. Oh, I got you things. I picked 00:07:59.430 --> 00:08:01.850 your son up. I did this and whatever. It's like 00:08:01.850 --> 00:08:05.050 them giving you a bunch of pennies and they're 00:08:05.050 --> 00:08:08.110 asking a thousand dollars from you. But then 00:08:08.110 --> 00:08:09.889 want to talk about all the little pennies that 00:08:09.889 --> 00:08:13.410 they gave you, how that's equal. And that right 00:08:13.410 --> 00:08:17.170 there, my friends, is manipulation. Yes, it is. 00:08:17.470 --> 00:08:20.629 And that's why all the different topics that 00:08:20.629 --> 00:08:24.509 we talked about before, all of these, about getting 00:08:24.509 --> 00:08:26.769 to know yourself and setting your boundaries 00:08:26.769 --> 00:08:29.649 and that, all of those tie in. Once you learn 00:08:29.649 --> 00:08:32.789 how to do all of those, when you run across these 00:08:32.789 --> 00:08:35.909 people, you're going to know. how to handle them 00:08:35.909 --> 00:08:39.889 because you already built up your abilities to 00:08:39.889 --> 00:08:42.929 create your boundaries. Yeah. And if you don't 00:08:42.929 --> 00:08:45.789 have those clear boundaries in those four areas 00:08:45.789 --> 00:08:48.690 that we talked about before, and then the only 00:08:48.690 --> 00:08:51.769 other thing that I have, the major one when I 00:08:51.769 --> 00:08:55.529 did my research was critics. They're constantly 00:08:55.529 --> 00:09:00.190 negative or over critical as individuals and 00:09:00.190 --> 00:09:02.370 they undermine your confidence and your self 00:09:02.370 --> 00:09:05.519 -esteem. Having boundaries can shield you from 00:09:05.519 --> 00:09:09.019 unnecessary negativity and encourages a more 00:09:09.019 --> 00:09:11.960 supportive environment. And it kind of goes back 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:14.580 to the Debbie Downer that you talked about. When 00:09:14.580 --> 00:09:16.779 you mentioned your achievements, why you need 00:09:16.779 --> 00:09:18.980 to keep some of your plans to yourself and let 00:09:18.980 --> 00:09:21.799 your success be the publisher. Because if you 00:09:21.799 --> 00:09:23.519 tell people things in advance, they're going 00:09:23.519 --> 00:09:26.139 to say, oh, I don't think you can do that because 00:09:26.139 --> 00:09:28.500 they don't want to do the extra work. So they're 00:09:28.500 --> 00:09:31.480 going to criticize everything that you do. How 00:09:31.480 --> 00:09:34.139 would you say that the critic is different? I 00:09:34.139 --> 00:09:36.980 agree. I think the critics, a lot of times I 00:09:36.980 --> 00:09:39.879 find people that criticize other people. It's 00:09:39.879 --> 00:09:42.840 because they're so unhappy with them and their 00:09:42.840 --> 00:09:45.879 inabilities to do things or accomplish things 00:09:45.879 --> 00:09:48.440 that they put other people down because it makes 00:09:48.440 --> 00:09:52.120 them feel better about themselves. And it's just 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:54.320 telling somebody, oh, you're never going to make 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:56.860 it. You're never going to do that. It's their 00:09:56.860 --> 00:10:00.470 way of making themselves feel good, although 00:10:00.470 --> 00:10:02.970 I don't know why it would make them feel good, 00:10:03.190 --> 00:10:07.690 but they just don't want to see anybody succeed. 00:10:08.029 --> 00:10:11.289 They are jealous of people that succeed, so that's 00:10:11.289 --> 00:10:14.250 where the negativity comes from. If you take 00:10:14.250 --> 00:10:19.330 somebody that they've grown up together and one 00:10:19.330 --> 00:10:22.730 goes off and does something, makes a great career 00:10:22.730 --> 00:10:25.009 for themselves, and the other one has a good 00:10:25.009 --> 00:10:28.250 career in that, but will never say, Wow. That's 00:10:28.250 --> 00:10:31.830 really great. And you did really well. No, they'll 00:10:31.830 --> 00:10:35.090 always find them. I have a perfect example. Married 00:10:35.090 --> 00:10:39.289 in, I bought a car and I went to visit my sister 00:10:39.289 --> 00:10:43.549 and she said to me, I had Jimmy, which is a smaller 00:10:43.549 --> 00:10:48.750 version. And when I got to her house, cause she 00:10:48.750 --> 00:10:52.210 had a bigger family. I only had one kid and she 00:10:52.210 --> 00:10:54.429 had the big board. I don't know what the hell 00:10:54.429 --> 00:10:58.409 they were, but it was the big floor. So she goes, 00:10:59.129 --> 00:11:04.789 Oh, how do you like your little car? And yeah, 00:11:05.490 --> 00:11:07.450 it was just, it was a jealousy. It was like a 00:11:07.450 --> 00:11:10.690 criticize at boasting that it was big. It's because 00:11:10.690 --> 00:11:17.309 I had exceeded everything in my life above her. 00:11:17.669 --> 00:11:19.889 And this was like, Oh, her car was bigger than 00:11:19.889 --> 00:11:22.149 mine. Big deal. But that's what it is. That's 00:11:22.149 --> 00:11:24.669 her only thing she can flex is the bigger car. 00:11:25.399 --> 00:11:27.700 If I had a bigger engagement ring or whatever 00:11:27.700 --> 00:11:30.179 else, there'd be a, oh yeah, that's nice. Can't 00:11:30.179 --> 00:11:33.559 say something positive. Can't be encouraging. 00:11:33.779 --> 00:11:37.299 It's just gotta be loaded with backhanded compliments 00:11:37.299 --> 00:11:39.519 is what it sounds like. They just can't hand 00:11:39.519 --> 00:11:43.500 out a compliment. And that's a shame, but it's 00:11:43.500 --> 00:11:46.279 no reflection on you. They could, but it's much 00:11:46.279 --> 00:11:48.320 easier to bring other people down so that they 00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:51.500 don't have to do the work. Because I think success 00:11:51.500 --> 00:11:55.460 is the success one. but don't want to do. It's 00:11:55.460 --> 00:11:57.500 just easier to bring other people down than to 00:11:57.500 --> 00:11:59.440 actually do the work to get there themselves. 00:12:00.059 --> 00:12:02.840 That I'm still in the middle of researching some 00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:06.879 great tips on how to practically set these boundaries 00:12:06.879 --> 00:12:09.379 that I'm excited to be able to share when we 00:12:09.379 --> 00:12:12.519 go into our deep dives. Our video podcasts are 00:12:12.519 --> 00:12:14.759 only going to be available on YouTube. So if 00:12:14.759 --> 00:12:17.159 you're listening, you definitely want to come 00:12:17.159 --> 00:12:19.720 over to YouTube. That's going to be our new structure. 00:12:20.679 --> 00:12:25.309 And we plan on having a bunch of for season four. 00:12:25.649 --> 00:12:28.210 So it's like a little precursor when we kick 00:12:28.210 --> 00:12:31.009 off our official season four in September when 00:12:31.009 --> 00:12:34.169 we start going live where you can participate 00:12:34.169 --> 00:12:37.009 in the conversation on whatever social media 00:12:37.009 --> 00:12:39.509 platform you're listening to, which I know for 00:12:39.509 --> 00:12:43.250 sure will be Facebook, Instagram, and I think 00:12:43.250 --> 00:12:46.929 X as well, a few others. So that's gonna be really 00:12:46.929 --> 00:12:50.950 exciting. I wanted to share that. And so we thought 00:12:50.950 --> 00:12:53.970 we would share an introduction of these four 00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:56.750 reasons to have boundaries. And you'll definitely 00:12:56.750 --> 00:13:00.490 want to come over for the information on how 00:13:00.490 --> 00:13:03.490 we're going to put out what you can do for some 00:13:03.490 --> 00:13:06.570 practical advice on boundary. That's our theme 00:13:06.570 --> 00:13:09.049 for the month and the types of people that you 00:13:09.049 --> 00:13:11.649 need to avoid what we're going to do. You can 00:13:11.649 --> 00:13:15.029 look forward to content at least weekly or audio 00:13:15.029 --> 00:13:18.570 listeners, and we're going to have tons of extra 00:13:18.570 --> 00:13:22.220 content. both video with our discussions and 00:13:22.220 --> 00:13:24.720 on our social media, we'll try and have a little 00:13:24.720 --> 00:13:28.840 clips of different types of tips, lists, et cetera, 00:13:29.360 --> 00:13:32.419 that can help you with our themes for this season. 00:13:33.019 --> 00:13:36.500 And then I'll let Debbie conclude. And what I 00:13:36.500 --> 00:13:39.059 end with is all the information that we gave 00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:42.039 you today. I want you to use that information 00:13:42.039 --> 00:13:46.919 and think about it. Think about how you're going 00:13:46.919 --> 00:13:50.379 to apply that to your everyday life and experiences 00:13:50.379 --> 00:13:55.059 to make your boundaries to avoid being taken 00:13:55.059 --> 00:13:58.480 by these sorts of people and figure out ways 00:13:58.480 --> 00:14:02.019 that you can avoid situations that will get you 00:14:02.019 --> 00:14:07.019 into problems with narcissists and how you're 00:14:07.019 --> 00:14:10.419 going to make yourself not fall prey to their 00:14:10.419 --> 00:14:15.259 little tactics. I couldn't agree more. We thought 00:14:15.259 --> 00:14:18.659 that this would be a great place to start setting 00:14:18.659 --> 00:14:21.039 boundaries and avoiding these types of people 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:24.179 because if you don't, it's going to take years 00:14:24.179 --> 00:14:27.240 off of your life. You might be in high school 00:14:27.240 --> 00:14:30.019 or young adults. These types of people are going 00:14:30.019 --> 00:14:33.120 to prey on you first. All the best years of your 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:35.179 life are going to be sucked up if you allow these 00:14:35.179 --> 00:14:37.360 people in your life and don't set those boundaries. 00:14:40.080 --> 00:14:43.320 That's the whole in a nutshell. All right, so 00:14:43.320 --> 00:14:46.039 we're going to conclude for now. Make sure to 00:14:46.039 --> 00:14:50.620 tune in next week for our first deep dive on 00:14:50.620 --> 00:14:55.259 the topic of narcissism and our experience with 00:14:55.259 --> 00:14:58.759 that and some practical tips on that. And Ramon 00:14:58.759 --> 00:15:03.779 will be joining us on that next week. Debbie, 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:07.559 anything else? No, just think about all the people 00:15:07.559 --> 00:15:09.799 you know and think about what categories they 00:15:09.799 --> 00:15:13.639 might fall in. Think about if you are going to 00:15:13.639 --> 00:15:17.559 fall. All right. With that, stay curious, everybody. 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:19.299 Bye.