Hey, everyone. Welcome to the show. I don't know
about you, but have you ever felt that like really
just chilling grip of fear? You know, that feeling
where your blood runs cold. You know what I mean?
Yeah. That's the feeling that I think I killed
her by Kenneth Preston hits you with right away.
Oh, wow. It just throws you right into this world
of like shattered trust, broken memories and
just a past that won't stay buried. It's so true.
And what's really fascinating right from the
start is just how the author creates this suffocating
sense of dread. You're immediately in Rachel's
shoes. Like you can feel that sense of being
trapped in this terrifying cycle. Yeah. And just
to be clear, we are diving deep into a thriller
today. Absolutely. A real page turner. So if
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dives like this one delivered right to you. Yeah.
We'd love to go deep. We are going to be dissecting
the first few chapters of I Think I Killed Her
by Kenneth Preston. And of course, you can find
a link to buy the book down in the description
below. Definitely check it out. But you know
what? It's not just about like solving a crime.
Yeah. You know? Right. Preston does something
really clever. He weaves in these really complex
themes right from the beginning. I agree. We're
going to be looking at toxic relationships, the
tricks our minds can play on us with memory and
perception, the constant threat of violence and
that struggle for inner strength. Absolutely.
So we've got excerpts from the early parts of
the book, and they really give us this fascinating,
often unsettling look through the eyes of both
Rachel and Billy. It's a dual perspective, which
always adds intrigue. Right. What unfolds is
this story of escalating fear, memories that
feel like shifting sands, and this really looming
possibility. of a truly terrible act. And it
grabs you from the first page. It does. So our
goal with this deep dive is to kind of get under
the skin of these initial mysteries and that
intense emotional landscape. Yes. We want to
help you understand the core conflicts that are
driving both Rachel and Billy and explore the
psychological states they're in during these
early chapters. Yes, exactly. Okay, so let's
unpack this, starting with Rachel's experience
in chapter one. Okay, sounds good. So right away
on the first page, you are... plunged into her
fear, this really, really real fear that she's
being stalked by her ex -boyfriend Billy. And
this isn't new to her. Right. She even thinks
to herself, this is not your first rodeo. And
I think that line really speaks volumes about
her past. It really does. It instantly suggests
this history, this pattern of unhealthy and potentially
dangerous relationships. Yes. It hints at a grim
familiarity with this kind of fear. For sure.
So how about the setting where she's at at Suffolk
County Community College? How did that strike
you? Well, I think the setting adds a layer of
tension to this whole situation. Right. It's
nighttime. She's alone after teaching this literature
class, which she obviously doesn't like. Right.
And that walk to her car, it becomes this journey
into the unknown, you know? Yeah. Every shadow
is a potential threat. Every shadow is a potential
threat. Even though she's on a college campus,
you get this real sense of isolation and vulnerability.
Right. And then she has this confrontation with
Billy. What were your initial thoughts on that
encounter? Well, it's immediately uncomfortable,
isn't it? The smell of alcohol on him, even though
he's supposedly recovering. Yeah. That's jarring.
And then him grabbing her arm and causing her
pain. Yes. That's a physical threat right there.
It's not just words. Exactly. You see those manipulative
tactics coming out, too. You do, don't you? Please
the emotional blackmail with the threats of suicide.
It's all about control. Absolutely. So how does
Rachel respond internally to this? Well, she
freezes, doesn't she? She does. She's torn between
wanting to run and being frozen by fear. And
we get this really vivid flashback to her abusive
ex -husband, David. Yeah. And it really highlights
how past trauma can dictate your reactions in
the present. Absolutely. And then there's that
chilling moment where she forces herself to say,
Billy, I love you. Wow. And it's just for survival.
It's purely a survival tactic. Right. Think about
how heavy those words are. They're not out of
love, but out of sheer terror. Really powerful
stuff. And from there, the situation just escalates
rapidly. He gets so angry. He calls her, you
cold bitch, grabs her face, and then the unthinkable
happens. Oh, yeah. The blow to the temple and
her last thoughts are. Then I see red. Then I
see nothing. It's a brutal blackout. And as a
reader, you are just left reeling. Totally. It's
like, what happened next? Is she okay? Exactly.
Yes. And this is where Preston takes us into
chapter two, right into Billy's perspective.
Right. And it's a stark contrast to Rachel's
clear, terrifying experience. Yes. His mind is
clouded with darkness. It is. His memories of
the night before are fragmented, unreliable,
you know, because of all the alcohol. He even
mentions this persistent pain in his chest. He
does. It's fascinating, isn't it? Yeah. And he
says it's always been there, but his feelings
for Rachel make it so much worse. And then you've
got the fact that he's a blackout drinker. Right.
Which makes him an unreliable narrator. It does.
He's not just dealing with a hangover. He's genuinely
terrified of what he might have done while he
was blacked out. So what does he remember about
that night? Well, he remembers bits and pieces,
right? Right. Leaving the bar and being fixated
on seeing Rachel outside. the humanities building
yeah he's surprised he even managed to drive
there in his state right and he remembers some
of the confrontation with rachel he felt pathetic
and desperate yeah but the details of what happened
after that are just gone right it's like trying
to grab smoke it is and that fear is so palpable
in his narrative he knows something bad happened
but the specifics are just out of reach so what
about his physical state when he wakes up how
is he feeling well you know classic hangover
throbbing headache nausea he wakes up on the
couch and immediately thinks about his wife rose
and how she's going to react right it's obvious
his sobriety was so fragile and this slip up
has huge implications for him and that interaction
with rose is pretty revealing it is isn't it
she knows he struggles she looks worried she
does and he avoids telling her the truth she's
just he blacked out what did you think about
their dynamic in that conversation well there's
this unspoken tension between them I agree. He's
definitely hiding something more serious than
just a relapse. Right. Rose is concerned. She
asks specific questions. And he's just deflecting.
Yeah. Creating this atmosphere of suspicion and
mistrust. It's interesting because even with
this fog in his mind, Billy keeps experiencing
these disturbing memories. He does, doesn't he?
But he just pushes them away. And then he has
this really strange dreamlike image. What was
that about? So in this fragmented memory. He
sees someone attacking Rachel. Oh, wow. With
a rock. With a rock. Yeah, he tries to intervene,
falls down, and the rock hits Rachel. Oh, my
gosh. But he's completely unsure if it actually
happened or if it was just a nightmare fueled
by guilt and the alcohol. That unreliability
is so key to this thriller. It is. It really
keeps you on the edge of your seat, not knowing
what's real and what's not. So what does he do
to try and figure things out? Well, he does what
anyone would do in a panic. He frantically checks
the news online. Of course. Looking for any reports
of an incident near the college, he needs some
kind of confirmation. Right. And then he decides
he has to go to the college himself. Okay. He
needs to see for himself if anything happened.
So let's jump ahead a bit to chapters 8 through
10. This is where things get really intense for
Billy, and some pretty damning evidence starts
to appear. Absolutely, there's this real shift
in the narrative. Billy is overcome by this urge
to wash his hands. Yeah, he can't stop. He keeps
seeing and feeling blood, even though Rose tries
to rationalize it away. Right, like his body
is betraying him. Exactly, and then comes the
discovery that really sends chills down your
spine. Some blood under his fingernails. Oh,
no. It's a tiny detail, but it just triggers
this huge wave of panic and disbelief in him.
Right. He tries to scrub it away, but that image
is seared in his mind. Exactly. And this is where
things change for Billy. His fear of Rose grows,
and he's terrified of facing what he might have
done. His internal struggle is so intense. It
is. So then what happens? What does he do next?
Well, he needs to find Rose. He becomes consumed
by this need to find her. And he's scared to
drive, which isn't like him. No, it's not. And
then he has this incredibly disturbing image
of Rachel in his trunk. Oh, God. Like a hallucination
almost blurring the lines between reality and
his worst fears. This image is so powerful. It
really drives his actions. What does he do? He
has to know. He has to check the trunk. Oh, my
God. And when he opens it, he doesn't find Rachel.
Right. But he finds his gray hoodie, the one
he was wearing that night, and it's covered in
blood. This is like a huge turning point. This
isn't a nightmare anymore. It's real tangible
evidence. So now we are getting into chapters
11 through 16. Okay. This is where the suspicion
against Billy really starts to ramp up and the
interrogation begins. The walls are closing in.
They are. When he sees that blood on his hoodie,
it seems to break through his denial. Yeah. He
remembers killing his father and it creates this
terrifying parallel. That past trauma is resurfacing
and it's haunting him. And then the outside world
starts to reflect his internal fears. Absolutely.
The news reports Rachel's disappearance. They
find blood at the scene near the college. Oh,
no. And it's just. intensifies his guilt and
fear. Right. It's all coming together and it
doesn't look good for him. So what happens when
Rose confronts him about Rachel? Well, it's super
tense. She doesn't believe his lies anymore.
She's a smart woman. She is. And Billy's torn
between confessing to the affair and the possibility
of something much worse. He's in a terrible position.
He is. And then Detective Ryan arrives, which
changes everything. Oh, yeah. Now it's official.
Right. Billy knows he's a person of interest
now. Not just a worried boyfriend. Nope. And
the questioning begins, and you can feel his
internal struggle. He wants to tell the truth,
but he's so scared of the consequences. It's
a classic battle between guilt and self -preservation.
So how does he describe the attack during the
interrogation? Well, his memory is still distorted.
He talks about this dark hooded figure with piercing
eyes. OK. Which conveniently shifts the blame
away from him, even though it sounds really far
fetched at this point. Right. But despite all
the evidence against him, he doesn't confess.
It's a desperate attempt to save himself. Yeah.
A gamble born out of fear. Exactly. So what happens
at the end of the interrogation? Does he crack?
He agrees to take a polygraph test. Wow. A high
-stakes move? It is. It shows that there's a
tiny bit of hope left in him that he can prove
his innocence. Okay. So let's shift back to Rachel's
perspective. Okay. We need to go back to Chapter
7. Okay. This chapter is so important for understanding
her character. I agree. Before we see what happens
to her after the attack, we need to understand
her past. Right. We learn about her traumatic
childhood with an abusive father. Yeah. And these
violent fantasies she had as a coping mechanism.
Like the gasoline and matches. Exactly. It shows
just how much fear and powerlessness she felt
as a child. She creates this tough exterior to
protect herself. Right. Mirroring her mother's
behavior. It's like a shield against the constant
threat. It's interesting, though, because despite
this strength, she makes a decision that seems
to contradict it. What do you mean? Well, she
decides to go to a bar looking for casual sex.
Oh, yeah. It really highlights her deep fear
of intimacy, which stems from her past trauma.
Right. And then she meets David. And her reaction
is so visceral, it suggests a really significant
and possibly negative history there. Okay, so
now let's go to chapter 17. This is right after
the attack. Okay. Rachel wakes up. Injured and
confused in this creepy basement. It's a terrifying
situation. She's weak. She has a concussion.
She's lost a lot of blood. She's completely at
the mercy of whoever took her. It's every victim's
worst nightmare. What are her instincts in this
moment? Survival. Right. She has to escape. Even
though she's so weak, she's desperately trying
to find a way out of that basement. That inner
strength is still there. It is. And it leads
to a confrontation with her captor. Right. It's
heavily implied that this is David, someone from
her past who has abused her before. Oh, wow.
And there's this really powerful moment where
Rachel grabs a shard of glass. Okay. It's a small
act of resistance. Right. But she ends up submitting,
again, it's a heartbreaking reminder of the lasting
impact of abuse. So that moment with the glass
is so important. Even though it's brief, it shows
that she still has that fight in her. So what
happens? Does she manage to escape? She does.
Eventually she gets out of the basement in the
woods, although we don't get all the details
in these early chapters. Okay, so fast forward
to chapter 37. Okay. How does she react to the
news about Billy? It's complicated. She's obviously
terrified of him and what he did to her. Right.
But when she learns about his suicide, she feels
genuine sadness. Wow, that's surprising. Yeah,
she acknowledges that he hurt her, but she also
recognizes that he tried to help her later on.
So it's a mixed bag of emotions. It is. It shows
how complex their relationship was. And how about
her confrontation with David, her ex -husband,
in Chapter 27? That scene is really powerful.
It's like a moment of transformation. Well, she
stands up to him in the pouring rain and it's
like she finally becomes that fierce warrior
that her mom talked about. Right. She's breaking
free from her past. She's reclaiming her power.
Exactly. And what about Rose, Billy's wife? What
do you think about her role in all of this? Well,
it's interesting, isn't it? It is. She seems
to be much more perceptive than she lets on.
Right. Billy is paranoid. He's scared of her.
She seems to know things. It feels like she's
putting the pieces together. And do you think
she's actively involved in what happens? I think
it's very likely. Remember the bloodstained hoodie
in the trunk? Oh, yeah. And later on, we hear
about an anonymous tip. Right. It all points
to Rose taking action, maybe out of jealousy,
maybe anger. Maybe she's protecting herself.
It definitely adds another layer of suspense
to the story. It does. So what stands out to
you about how the author is crafting this thriller?
Well, the constant shifting between Rachel's
fear and Billy's confusion is really effective.
It is. You're constantly questioning what's real,
what actually happened that night. And both narrators
are unreliable. Absolutely. Rachel's past trauma
influences how she sees things. And Billy's blackouts
create these huge gaps in his memory. So as a
listener, you're constantly trying to fill in
those blanks. You're part of the mystery. Exactly.
So what are some of the questions you're left
with at this point? So many questions. Did Billy
really kill Rachel? Was the hooded figure real
or just a figment of his imagination? And who
is this other David? What's his connection to
Rachel? And what about Rose? What is she really
capable of? There's a feeling that we've only
scratched the surface of this story. And what
about the character's motivations? What drives
them? Right. What makes Billy so destructive?
What's at the root of Rachel's fear? It feels
like there's so much more to uncover. So after
this deep dive into I think I killed her, what
do you think really happened that night? What
do you think happened? And think about the darkness
that each character faces. Is it something external
or is it internal? And what does that say about
the nature of violence? It's a question that
I think will stay with you long after you finish
the book. Absolutely. Thank you so much for joining
us for this intense deep dive. It was a pleasure.
We really hope you enjoyed it. If you did, let
us know your favorite moment or your biggest
surprise in the comments below. Yeah, we love
hearing from you. And please share this deep
dive with anyone you know who loves a good thriller
and enjoys unpacking a good mystery. Absolutely.
Spread the word. Thanks again for listening.