Welcome back to another episode of TTerra Deusa.
Episode 5, A New Life.
Quick trigger warning, this episode deals with body horror.
Let's get started.
Woohoo!
You step out of the portal, just sort of surveying the area.
You see everyone looks at you,
bloodied and beaten at this point.
It was a tough fight.
Most people were getting out on like two, three hit points.
So Clara is holding a tray of sweet buns,
which they immediately drop to go start healing people,
to which Eros dives and catches it,
is now on the floor, still looking pretty fucked up.
But everybody is, everybody is there.
And just before you like pack it in for the night,
is there anything that any of you wanted to do
now that you're in a safe space?
Good question.
Is Vanna also playing up
or did they like just skirt by from the actual combat?
I'd say you would have wound up pretty fucked up.
The plan they had was to hold hands and run around.
Check that. It worked.
It worked, yeah.
And the Oracle cast a very damaging area of effect,
fell right at the end before they got murdered.
So I would say you would have gotten caught in that as well.
You'd probably have about four to two hit points
at the moment.
I did like 16 hit points.
So it didn't kill me, I can say that much.
Yeah, but you are decently fucked up.
Yep, that checks out.
As the sky gets a little darker,
it's winding up to be nighttime about like 8.30, 9 o'clock.
You guys have eaten a like proper meal.
Vanna for the first time ever.
Give me a constitution role, please.
Oh no.
Just to check.
So that is a, oh my God.
So that is a 23.
Awesome.
It's nothing super fancy.
It's literally like grilled cheese and vegetable soup
with like handmade noodles.
This is the greatest thing you've ever had.
You are like now in love with bread, cheese, salts,
you know, all the normal foods people like.
It's incredible meal.
Vanna's having a grand old time.
It's probably just scarfing it down.
No thoughts, head up, just eat.
Yeah.
Eventually, however, the food does run thin
and is there anything any of you would like to do
before being put to bed?
Yes.
Can we get Clara to like,
can we get Clara to appraise the daggers
and make sure that like nobody can actually track them
to our location, the ones that, T'Kal.
Yeah, like what spells specifically
are you asking her to use here?
Like detect good and evil, detect magic,
dispel magic, rumor.
I'm not asking for anyone in particular,
just like what are these and can they follow us here
because of them?
Yeah, awesome.
Can you pull up the stats for your regular daggers, please?
My regular daggers?
Yeah.
My regular?
Awesome, yeah.
So you walk up to Clara and she's like,
hey, kiddo, what's up?
Clearly not being too great at this whole
having children thing.
T'Kal found these.
Got it.
Look at them, your magic, you do magic things.
Yeah, got it.
Are these that?
Yes, that.
Just extending hands towards like, please?
She like does that awkward thing
where she's not sure if she should give you like a handshake,
a high five or a hug.
So she does that like weird hands forward dance
sort of thing.
She's like, great,
it results to a thumbs up at the end of it.
It's like, I understand.
I will take these, I can get them back to you tomorrow.
I really do think you guys need
at the very least a good nap.
Jesus Christ.
T'Kal has passed the fuck out.
Awesome.
Bona's like knocking on walls, just walking around.
This place is so tired that actually sleeping
instead of just doing the trance.
Beautiful.
So you guys are all put into your beds.
You've got like one sort of cozy cabin room.
It's clearly the biggest room in this house.
And it has two sort of,
let me give a roll for each of them.
That's not great.
That's better and that's even better.
So you have a very like creative, I'll say,
set of like bunk beds,
one on either side of the room.
One of them was made by Gustav and Clara,
the people who have tool proficiencies.
And with the other one Jacques decided to help.
So the top bunk is a little wary.
Whoever chooses to sleep in there,
I'm gonna have you make your sleep checks with disadvantage
just for the first night.
Cause you know, it's not exactly up to any form
of safety.
And Vonna take the top bunk?
The dangerous top bunk or the safe and comfy top bunk?
The dangerous one.
Beautiful, yeah, absolutely you can.
They're genasi, they wanna be in the air.
100%.
Who, what bunk are you taking?
I'll take the bottom of Venice.
Beautiful.
Um, Eris.
I'm, I guess I'm taking the safe bed
with a scare away in my hands.
Yeah, top or bottom.
Uh, I'll go bottom.
Just pull that as-look.
Beautiful.
You're about someone who has to-
Jacques is not using the galvanized steel.
He's not using galvanized steel pipes now.
Unfortunately, they're a little too broke for that.
Not using the galvanization, how dare you?
It's all good.
Like, copy that down.
But like, anyways, moving on.
I got distracted, I'm sorry.
Nothing in there, don't worry.
Uh, everybody go ahead and give me a sleep check.
Vonna, that's with disadvantage.
Eris-
That was a nat one.
Woo!
Don't think I can get lower than that.
No, you cannot.
That's a five.
Oh, Jesus.
So, Eris, please make that roll with advantage.
Yeah, that's a 15.
Beautiful.
So Eris, you have, honestly, a pretty good night.
While you're dreaming, though,
these sort of creeping vines and wide expanse of forest
keeps like, invading into your dreams, if that makes sense?
Like, as you're sort of walking around,
you're a little bit lucid in your, these dreams.
And there just keeps being forests everywhere.
And in these forests, they are growing so rapidly
that you are immediately swallowed in them.
Go ahead and give me a wisdom saving throw
with advantage, please.
Y'all should be scared.
They rolled a 15.
Rolled a 15?
That's an 18.
Awesome.
You are unharmed and wake up just in time
to see the top bunk, where in which Vanna is sleeping,
sort of thunk down and break.
What could go wrong?
What you wake up to is you wake up, turn to your side,
and immediately see Vanna's bed break
and fall on top of Tikal.
It does not actually land on them.
There's a sort of like little lip space
that it falls down onto.
So you don't take any damage.
I'm just in quiet space.
But like, while you're sleeping,
things get like a little warmer.
Oh yeah!
After a while, hooray!
Nice timing.
Real quick, give me a sleep check.
Okay.
That is normal rule.
So you're safe, but like in the middle of the night,
you have this like rush of wind while you're dreaming
and we will do that dream now.
You, in your dreams, you are standing on a small island
as it slowly gets swallowed by a vast
and immeasurable ocean.
Yeah.
And bit by bit, you are being crashed into
by increasingly big waves.
Give me a strength check.
Fuck you.
Sorry, saving throw.
That is a 10.
Good enough.
You don't get immediately swept under,
but after a while you see this massive tidal wave
and within it, it doesn't look like water.
It looks more like something pretending to be water.
Something malicious.
Love me them.
And something that is very close by.
And then as it hits you, you wake up in a cold sweat
in the early morning and are pretty much trapped.
Can I get that sleep check, please?
17.
17, awesome.
You have, honestly, a pretty great dream.
You're running around in this dream.
You've found your mother again.
You're having a great time.
There are no worries about some looming prophecy or whatnot,
but slowly and surely things start to get warmer.
Not warmer like a summer day,
warmer like putting a match too close to your face.
And all of a sudden, the entire dreamscape you're in
bursts into flames and you are left in a smoldering desert
as you hear crashing thick waves in the background
and you wake up.
I knew there was gonna be some sort of consequences,
crystals.
Don't worry, I rolled a nat one.
Yeah, so immediately, please give me a wisdom saving throw.
Yeah, that checks, that checks.
I deserve that.
Wisdom saving, that's a 12.
12, awesome.
So you don't change-
Did you say disadvantage or?
I said, I don't know.
No, I thought about it, but I didn't.
No, thank you, you're being nice.
Oh, of course.
So you have this dream.
It starts out incredible.
You are flying in an empty place of air.
It's just everywhere.
You are flying the freedom beneath you.
And suddenly, whatever's keeping you in the air cuts out.
That checks.
As you plummet, as you fall.
That checks. Plummet further
and further down through the clouds.
You see yourself begin to land, not on the ground,
but on small shards of sand, rough, hard sand.
And as you fall down on-
Do you know a way of saying you forgot what glass was?
No, it is not glass.
It is sand.
It's just-
Sharp sand.
Bigger sand.
Yes, bigger sand.
And as you fall down and skid along it,
it begins to act more like quicksand than normal sand
as it spools around you
and chokes every inch of your being.
And you wake up on the floor.
Please take two points of falling damage.
I hope you know, Vanna is so gonna wake up screaming.
Yeah.
Cause they are a child.
Sorry.
Yes.
Let me just give a quick roll there.
Oh, lovely.
You scream and the entire house wakes up.
The entire house wakes up in a one foul swoop
at what is essentially like 6.45 in the morning.
The entire house is awake.
So question, is the room dark?
Not particularly.
The morning sun is creeping in through the window.
It looks a little dimmer,
like whatever strings of fate were being pulled
around this area, they're going dark.
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm going to make another roll real quick.
Beautiful.
Gustav comes like charging into this room,
sort of like half awake with a dagger and like a pot lid.
He was very clearly cooking,
but like just in case you were in danger,
he grabbed a kitchen knife.
And a pot lid.
So he was like looking around.
He doesn't see anything.
He just sees Vanna on the floor,
like not having a good time.
And yeah, Tikal is gone.
Tikal's underneath the bed.
You're awake throughout this.
Are you making any sort of commotion?
Are you just sitting there?
This is where I die.
No, she is kicking the bed.
Yep.
Above her.
Give me a strength save.
Come on, why?
There's just like a random.
That's a three.
Awesome.
Take five points of damage as you kick up
and your leg gets stuck in the broken part of the bed.
And as you try and pull it back down,
it's sort of like that a razor trap from Saw.
Jesus.
Why?
And you get a nasty splinter.
Oh, I fucking hate splinters.
Yeah, so does Tikal.
Is anybody else doing anything
as this cacophonistic nightmare starts unfolding around you?
Eris is gonna go.
I was probably just tucking away into a corner.
Not a happy camper.
Of course, Eris?
Leaving the room and going to the supposed kitchen area
to go check on breakfast
since Gustav has just left supposedly.
Yeah, awesome.
You get there and see Jacques and Clara.
Give me a perception check, actually.
I need too much feedback.
Well, that's 19 plus two, so 21.
Beautiful.
You see them, they're like giggling,
holding each other on the waist and shoulder.
They're having a great time.
Little, little.
There's a child.
So it's like six o'clock in the morning.
None of you are supposed to be awake yet.
They're like looking over a recipe book,
trying to figure out how to make sweet buns
because the ones that were made earlier were kind of garbage.
You see a pile of dough for just toast with eggs
in the morning as you guys were waking up.
Gustav is clearly making this by hand,
but it's been dejected for a while.
So.
Now, can I take over?
Absolutely.
I want to cook this now.
Give me a strength check.
A strength check?
Yeah, to knead and work the dough.
That is a 17.
Awesome, yeah.
You are immediately noticed by Jacques and Clara.
Clara leaves the room to go to the bathroom
or check on the kids, something like that.
Nothing's really oddly said, she just leaves.
Jacques comes over and helps you make these little
essentially breakfast rolls.
Think of Popeye's biscuit, but better in every conceivable way.
And after a little while, you put it into this nice
stone oven and everything seems good.
Back in the bedroom, things are going a bit to shit,
but I'm going to give a perception check for Gustav.
He does not know that he's making this.
A perception check for Gustav, he does not notice
to call it all.
Wow.
He goes over to Vanna and is like,
child, are you hurt or just scared?
I'll take that as both.
I will.
Vanna's just a sad little.
I'll be right back.
There are no words, Vanna is just a ball in the corner.
Felix, what are you doing throughout all of this mess?
He just kind of woke up really hot
and went to go grab a glass of ice water.
Awesome, yeah.
Give me a luck check real quick.
You got a four for getting water.
Ooh, that's rough.
So you get the water.
Hello Kitty Band-Aid with a saw trap.
So you go to get water, you walk over to the sink,
turn the water on, it's pretty cold.
You can feel it on your hand that it's cold.
But as you bring it to your lips, it starts steaming.
And as you drink it, it is hot, not boiling, but hot.
Is he like making it hot?
You do not know.
Okay.
Can I roll a perception for that?
Arcana.
Okay.
Okay, that's a three.
It's definitely water.
It's definitely water, yeah.
It's water, something's making the water hot.
Could be.
He could have just turned to the wrong dial.
To ask them to get him a glass of ice water
because he obviously can't do it himself.
Yeah, absolutely.
Gustav comes out almost quickly.
He comes out, gets you a glass of cold water,
wraps it in a small cloth
so it's not too cold on your little child hands.
Aw. No.
And then hands it to you.
It's a bunch of larger cups,
so you'll need to grab it with two hands,
some sort of massive goblet.
Yeah, Felix tries to drink from the goblet again.
Hopefully it doesn't burn him up.
It does not.
It is wonderfully refreshing, nice and ice cold.
Let me, give me a dexterity check with advantage.
Oh no. Okay.
So is this like looking at his other glass of water
with like confusion?
The distain.
Yeah, like, he never pour water again.
That's 11. 11, awesome.
You spill a little bit because the cup is huge,
but that's all.
Back over on the bed, I will roll quick checks.
He does not notice, does not notice, and does notice.
Wonderful. I'm seeing.
So Clara, after like five minutes
of you being trapped in this bed,
like six splinters in your leg,
you're just sitting there in like
just the most mild amount of pain.
Very unimpressed.
Comes over.
You see, you hear the door shut
as she takes off her coat.
You can see this just out of the crack
as she takes off her coat,
folds it up and hides it
underneath the fallen bed spread
of what was once Vanna's bed.
The mattress is currently on top of you,
but like the bedding and all of that,
she puts her cloak underneath there
and you see her start to cast something on it.
Okay.
She does not appear to know you're in the room.
Clara!
Jesus Christ.
Screaming louder.
Don't answer that.
Very quickly, she jumps,
turns around and is like,
oh, fuck, a child.
She quickly mage hands the bed back up
and is like subtly annoyed at Jacques,
but in that sort of like cute married couple way
where they're just like, oh, you.
About something that really doesn't deserve that reaction.
She's gonna very dramatically limp out of bed
to make a show of all the splinters in her legs.
Awesome.
You are, Clara immediately, like while casting mage hand,
just quick snap and you are healed for
18 points of damage.
Yeah, that is way more than I need.
Wonderful.
Awesome.
Are you still living?
Yeah.
Of course you are.
So you come out into the kitchen,
everybody else is there,
Felix is looking very begrudgingly at a glass of water.
Vanna is still, I assume, under a bed in a corner somewhere.
Not under a bed, no, that's too dark.
Of course, just in a corner somewhere.
In a corner, like all curled up, just a hole.
Give me an arcana check real quick
and we'll get to it in a second.
No worries.
You're looking on and you see that like
Jacques is showing arrows how to make bread.
He's sort of mansplaining,
but in that way where he's just like really excited
about what he's talking about.
Shut up.
And he takes out the buns.
He remembers to wear oven mitts
and he puts them on the counter
and you see there's like a nice,
not quite soup, but it's sort of like hot chocolate.
But they don't have any chocolate.
So it's a little hodgepodge and a bit of a mess.
You know, the-
Chocolate tea.
Bubbling up, exactly.
She's just going to leave
very dramatically through the kitchen.
Awesome.
Jacques immediately drops everything he's doing
and it's like, my child, what is wrong?
I'm sorry.
A bed fell on me and I guess what was it was-
Did you, good God, okay.
I'll wait, I guess I'll wait.
Did you ask Clara to help?
Yeah.
Are you healed?
Yeah.
Lovely.
You're going to sit on the couch over there
and later either Mia or Gustav or probably Clara,
but hopefully not, will take care of all these mentors.
What are not now is breakfast.
We made sweet rolls, I think.
Viva la France.
Viva la revolution.
You bitch.
That was all you.
No, that wasn't, I couldn't even touch the table.
Anyways.
So while all that's happening,
is there anything else anybody wants to do?
Oh, that luck, that arcana check, please.
15.
15, awesome.
There's a small amount of sand in your shoe.
That's terrifying.
Almost unnoticeable, like a sandwich on the beach.
Wait, we wear shoes to bed?
Vana goes barefoot, excuse me.
Vana goes barefoot, excuse you.
Okay, in your pocket?
And like your pajama pocket that was clearly hand sewed
by someone who does not do a lot of hand working.
It seems like everything in this house was very lovingly,
but incorrectly crafted by Jacques.
Like at every conceivable moment,
he's like, I just need to make this
a better experience for everybody.
I'm gonna try and do 800 things I've never done before.
When in death, the power of hate will win.
I'm trying to teach Felix how to sew,
but it did not go that well, because he's also bad at it.
Precisely.
So after a while you-
I guarantee Vana is freaking the hell out.
You have breakfast.
Vana, do you like leave your corner anytime soon?
No.
Awesome.
So after like 20 minutes of no one going into the bedroom,
you see a small glowing thing,
like a little circle on the ground,
and a plate of sweet buns buttered with like
some scrambled eggs and two slices of bacon
and a cup of very, very scuffed tea flavored hot chocolate
or hot chocolate flavored tea, whatever you prefer,
just sort of rises out of the floor.
That's terrifying.
Vana's gonna ignore it for a moment
before like slowly crawling forward
and going to like investigate.
It's just a plate of food that was moved around the house.
You can see that there are like lots of little circles
on the ground that essentially work like portals
where you can just-
Can I see those and jump in one?
Plop one in.
They are not people-sized.
Okay.
They are not even children-
You can make them people-sized?
No, you cannot.
Well, not at this level.
They are like about like half a foot in diameter
so they can like just slip things through one at a time
and they'll just go elsewhere in the house.
Yeah, Vana doesn't have that much self-control.
They are eating.
Beautiful.
It's a great meal.
Honestly, it seems like Jacques, Clara and Gustav,
when they put their heads together, are decent cooks.
That's a great-
Three brain cells.
Three brain cells between all of them
and Gustav has most of them.
So while they're not great at cooking,
what they are great at is fighting.
So they are now going to take a moment,
breakfast is finished.
It's like 10 o'clock in the morning.
It's a long ass breakfast.
It's a good breakfast.
Why are we eating for three hours?
Well, you don't just eat for those three hours.
You eat, you talk, you wander about.
Oh, okay.
Finding spaces to hide and throw knives from, I assume.
Yeah.
You want to throw them through the portals?
Yeah.
All our lives.
You hold your hand and a few little mirrors on the wall
and your hand pops out of the bathroom.
Someone not realizing it's you,
probably Clara, like hands you Jacques' toothbrush.
Yeah.
So do you, I assume you just like put it back
or do you just have Jacques' toothbrush now?
She is going to take this toothbrush
and she's going to knock it under her pillow.
Of course she is.
With her sticks.
Beautiful.
So yeah, you guys just like run around the house for a while
but now we will get onto some more direct
one-on-one training.
And first up on that list is.
Ear mom.
Shut up.
Ear mom.
One, two, three, Felix.
Yay.
It's after breakfast.
You're in the backyard.
There's a few training dummies
and Gustav isn't speaking so much as he's just waiting
for you to take action.
Against the dummies?
He has that sort of expected look,
like he knows something's going to happen
and he's just waiting for you to take the first step
so we can actually teach.
Felix is going to ask him if he can use his great sword,
like the one that, like the purple one that he used earlier.
Give me a persuasion check.
Okay.
That one.
Gustav laughs in your face.
He's like.
You're crazy.
All right then, child.
Go ahead.
It's just on the side of the house, around back.
It's in plain view.
Go, pick it up.
Okay, I will.
This is how he's going to get splinters in his arm again.
He's going to walk around the house
and go to the great sword and plain sight.
He's going to grab the handle
and try to pull it out of its teeth.
Yeah, what's your strength stat?
19.
Awesome.
Give me a strength saving throw with disadvantage.
Okay.
I will tell you flat out, I'm so sorry.
The DC for this is 19.
Okay, well the first roll was in that 20.
Well, shit.
And the second roll,
the second roll was an 18 plus six.
Six, god damn.
So fuck you.
All right then.
I don't even know.
Fuck someone else.
You go and you have to like balance it
on your stomach a little bit,
but you get the blade up
and it's not sheathed at the moment.
So immediately the eye opens
and you get flooded with a sort of will
and presence of whoever made
or enchanted this seemingly cursed blade.
Can you give me a charisma saving throw please?
Okay.
It kind of like stirs him a little bit.
He's tempted to like drop it,
but if he's tried his best to hold it up.
You are like fully holding it up.
Ooh, he's a strong old guy.
Yeah.
That is a 17 for the charisma check.
17, awesome.
So you see as the eye widens,
it opens to a red colored eye
because that's a proper sentence.
Definitely 100%.
Massive, there's almost no whites in this eye.
It is a deep red and a pitted black.
As you feel the blade sort of sharpen itself almost,
you feel that this blade is good.
This is a incredibly made and very effective great sword.
Well like staring into like the sword's eye,
feel like the weird sense that it can like understand him
almost like there's some sort of brain hiding
in like the hills.
So he's like alone.
That's terrifying.
There is no answer,
but just a small sadness grows in the eye.
He looks like frowns a little bit
and he's like, do you like your job?
Job?
My God.
You see that the eye sort of seems to like look left
and right, not like shaking its head more in a way
of like, I can't understand you.
Give me an intelligence check.
Okay.
That is a six.
Six, awesome.
You do not know how to communicate with this sword.
You don't even know if the sword can communicate
or if it's just like really cool.
He looks like closes one of his eyes
and starts trying to blink and Morse code to it.
It does not work.
Okay.
After the blade is sharpened,
he's gonna try and carry it back to Gustav.
Yeah, give me a strength check with him.
We're gonna try it.
Give me a strength check with advantage then.
Okay.
Thank God it's with advantage.
Okay, that's only a 10.
Oh, okay.
Do you get it there?
But like as you take one lumbering step after the other,
Gustav is dumbfounded.
He's like barely comprehending
that you even picked up this blade,
let alone that you're like almost properly wielding it.
Almost.
But you take like one step forward, trip,
go into like a running sort of fall
and roll to hit with a plus two please
on top of your strength modifier.
Am I stumbling towards the dummy or Gustav?
Yes.
Give me a luck check.
I'll say above a 10, you're stumbling towards the dummy.
Below a 10, you're stumbling towards Gustav.
Okay.
Below a 10 Gustav?
Yes.
Okay, we are actually stumbling towards Gustav.
Ooh, yeah, roll to hit.
Oh no. Plus two.
Plus two plus whatever other proficiencies you have
with the greatsword.
Okay, that's 24.
Ooh, that hits.
Go ahead, roll damage.
Unfortunately.
Roll damage.
11.
11 damage.
Yep.
Beautiful.
So that's 13 damage.
13 damage.
Gustav just sort of takes it.
He sees you stumbling towards him
and in like a brief moment of shock,
he goes to like grab a shield
or some of his armor to block this hit.
But after a while, he just sort of lets the blade
like fall into his shoulder.
What?
And it just gets past the skin.
It's- Felix is like furiously apologizing.
Like I didn't mean to do that.
I'm so sorry.
This trip is an accident.
Gustav has no words.
His face looks sort of solemn.
Give me an insight check.
Okay.
That is an 18.
Awesome.
He is so proud.
Really?
He is like bewildered and beyond ecstatic.
You see this like after the sort of immediate-
His face just like switches from apologetic to like,
oh my God, I'm so happy right now.
Like that approval moment.
You see him go from essentially like being
in small amounts of pain to just,
almost immediately just the biggest smile,
the sun in his eyes.
He is so proud of his little guy.
They're just like beaming at each other.
He pops the blade out and leaves to go get it wrapped.
You are left with the great sword on the floor,
sort of daring you to try again.
But-
You're just kind of like, this is mine now, I guess.
But- Maybe.
We will now go over to someone else.
Oh, lovely.
That's the same number.
Win.
It's the same number again.
You got three the first time.
Win.
Glit.
I think that just means that Felix needs to try again.
No, you already got it.
No.
Now is tick off.
Ay.
Jacques is just loving this.
He's having a great time.
You have like never seen this man so happy.
He's like, all right, child, poise, stance, ready yourself.
Today, we duel.
She's glaring at him.
He like pauses for a second.
He's like, do not have your blade.
It's something that matter.
Is there a problem?
She's gonna walk up to him.
Okay.
She's gonna walk up to him.
Mm-hmm.
She's gonna step on his foot.
Awesome.
Classic tickle.
You go to step on his foot
and he like raises his foot to step on your foot as well.
Like he thinks this is some weird game you're playing,
but he steps on your foot a little too hard
and it kind of hurts a bit.
Now she means business.
Oh, lovely.
I look up at him and distraught.
He's gonna stare dead down at you
with that dopey ass smile he has.
Just like the world of joy within him.
Just staring at his weird, crazy child.
I feel like he secretly is very much a dad man.
You stepped on my foot.
Yes, we're dueling.
You attacked, I attacked back.
That's how this works.
She's gonna punch his leg.
Awesome, roll to hit.
In the thigh.
Roll to hit.
Right in the thigh.
That is a 15, 18.
18 does hit, yes.
Roll damage.
Hits two.
Awesome.
You punch him in the leg
and he drops his saber immediately
and is then going to try and grab your hands
and like spin you around.
Oh, like a little ballet.
More like wrestling.
Says a natural one.
With advantage to a seven.
So he grabs your hand,
but he just grabs your hand
and then just keeps looking at you.
He's like, all right, your move.
He's gonna try and break free
by just like wiggling her arm.
A grapple check.
That's a contested strength check.
It's a 16 and a nine.
And a 20.
Yeah.
Awesome.
So you try to wriggle out
and he just sort of moves you around
to have like one of your arms crossed over
and he just sort of slides into a seated position
on the floor as he then just like holds his arm
over your torso as you are stuck on the floor.
She's gonna start screaming.
He doesn't really seem to care.
He's more just like having a great time.
This is like me with my brother.
No, literally.
Okay, she's gonna calm down.
He's gonna be like, let go.
He lets go immediately.
He drops your arm, you'll like pat on the head,
stands up.
How is he sitting?
Oh, dang it.
He's standing up, nevermind.
Okay, before he stands up.
Yep.
He's gonna turn around.
Yep.
So he's like this, you're like this.
Yeah, but then she stands up, right?
So now she's just here.
Okay.
She's gonna kick him in the balls.
Of course she is.
Roll to hit.
That is a 12.
You miss horribly and kick the dirt into his eyes.
I mean, that's strategy.
He falls over backwards.
He's got like fucking dirt in his eyes.
He's like, ah, ah, shit.
What the fuck?
Yeah, I'm sorry.
It's dirty, I'm so proud.
She's gonna jump right on top of him.
Jump like feet on top of his stomach.
Rippling.
Take your knife and just hold it at his face.
This will be a contact.
This is a strength check for you.
Sorry, a dex check for you, a dex save for me.
Now you win.
21.
That's a 10.
Yeah, so she just jumps on his stomach.
Awesome.
The wind is immediately knocked out of him.
He like almost throws up a little bit.
He's like.
Hurt.
He win.
Jesus fuck.
Okay.
There's like no air in his lungs.
He does however, as soon as you point the knife towards him,
smack it away.
It was like when, when, when you are dueling with fists.
When.
You duel only with fists.
Blades are in agreement and they challenge.
Do not disgrace the metal with,
Jesus Christ, with that amount of foolishness.
Duh.
Christ.
She just silently walks off, grabs her knife
and goes back to her spot where she started.
Awesome.
He stands up, sort of brushes his wind off.
You see, he takes this like deep breath
and some of his injuries tend to like heal the tiniest bit.
This is like the level zero rendition
of a second wind almost.
Okay.
It's like he takes a breath, heals a whole two hit points
and was like, all right, I'm back at it.
I'm ready to go.
And he does the same thing as he started.
He takes his like floppy little rapier.
He points it up in that overconfident stance he has.
And he's like, all right, are you ready to duel?
Like a probably.
Why is it floppy?
Cause it's a rapier.
It's a fencing sword.
Oh.
Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
She's got like a long ass fencing sword.
True.
Okay.
She has her knives, right?
Yep.
Mm.
She's just going to run at him.
Run at him?
With the knife.
Awesome.
Roll to hit.
That's a not one.
Awesome.
Right there.
You approach him and he goes in from the side,
just hits the hilt of the knife,
knocks it way out of your hands.
It's like, come now.
I know you have more poise and stance than this.
That was like plus a hundred aura for John.
Come now.
You are strong.
I train you.
I know that you are capable of.
This is so much worse.
She like grumbles and like frowns
and crops her arms, stomping.
She stomps away and grabs her knife
and just throws it at him.
Awesome. Roll to hit with advantage.
Please lordy lord.
Please don't be another knife.
Why?
That's a 14 plus.
Roll it again, one on the floor.
Can I keep my 14?
Yeah, you can keep your 14.
Plus what?
Plus five, that's a 19.
Plus six actually.
Are you using the light daggers?
No, just the regular ones.
Awesome, then still plus five.
Got it.
So you go and you pitch this dagger.
What was the 14 plus what now?
Plus five, that's 19.
19, awesome.
You go and he focuses on it more and more
as it gets closer and closer.
You see him take out his other hand,
sort of thinking about catching it
before he takes his blade and sort of spins it around.
Having your dagger spin little circles down his blade.
He switches it to the other hand,
flips the knife around,
hands it back to you, he'll first.
The sword?
No, the, yes, his sword.
His sword.
He has your dagger, he is now offering you his sword.
And he goes, go.
Clearly this isn't working.
Damn, what a bitch.
Okay, grabs the sword.
Awesome.
And.
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle.
Pfft.
Oh.
Just gonna wobble it a little?
Yeah.
Wobble it.
Wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle.
And then she's gonna stab him.
Roll to hit?
I don't know, I don't.
Pfft.
It's a six.
It does not.
You go and as you swing it,
as it would hit, it just sort of wobbles.
Like you swing it too fast
with not enough of that pointed ferocity.
And it just wobbles all around him.
He does not hit him.
She is just going to brumble and whine and be.
A little shit?
Yeah.
Awesome.
A child about it.
Really?
Lovely.
He grabs his blade back and he's like,
perhaps another time.
And he sheathes his blade,
hands you your knife back and goes inside to.
Can she step on his foot before he goes inside?
Roll to hit.
No.
Oh.
And last but not least,
there is two people left.
That's on me.
Evenrod.
Even.
Eros, that's you.
One is not even.
I mean, technically they're both sorcerers.
So yeah.
Even are ones that you can split in half.
Evenly.
Yeah, that's all right.
Odd number.
Eros, that's you.
Who?
Eros.
Whoopie.
You are doing some,
essentially just training by yourself almost.
No one has really come out.
Yeah, that's fair.
Specifically to train you on what you're good at.
Give me a perception check.
Okay.
Oh, that's a 14.
Awesome.
You see Jacques and Gustave in earnest conversation.
And of course Jacques is once again whispering
and Gustave is not.
You don't catch all of what Jacques is saying,
but you get the gist that they are looking for a archer
or a druid to come and help with your teaching.
This is me giving you a thumbs up.
I just realized you can't see that.
Seems like they're talking about two specific people
rather than just like general,
oh, we need an archer to help train this kid
whose thing is bows, right?
Yeah.
Meanwhile, I'm just gonna use Mage Hand
to like hold up targets in the sky
and try and shoot them down.
Awesome.
What weapon are you using to do that with?
My cool bow, obviously.
Awesome.
So are you just like practicing with it
or are you trying out new things?
You know what?
I'll try out new things.
Beautiful.
Let's say you get four shots off
before someone like comes in and says something to you.
So roll the hit for all four of those.
What number should I be hitting?
Well, just tell me what you roll.
Okay, well, the first one was a 19.
That hits.
Second one was a 12.
That does not.
Third one was an eight.
That does not.
And the last one is an 18.
That one also hits.
Oh, and then plus five to all of those.
Oh, shit.
So the 12 hits, eight still doesn't.
Okay.
Pick three of the damage types you wanna do.
This is gonna be fun.
I think I wanna try
cold, then fire, and then piercing.
Awesome.
Give me one quick second.
Cold.
Do I need...
Braces them.
So you fire first off this cold arrow.
As you draw it back, the sort of breath around,
you begin to be able to see your breath.
Your arm gets a little cold.
But as you fire it off,
you weren't too confident in this shot
as it springs into the air.
It whizzes past the first target you held up,
catching the other one,
and it falls to the ground in a spiky block of ice
that shatters and thaws in a matter of seconds.
The fire one.
You then take a second and brace yourself,
and you're like, whoa, this is serious magical shit.
And as you launch the second one,
the arrow streaks, catches a blaze in midair,
almost sets the backyard on fire,
but turns one of the targets you held up to ash
before it falls to the ground.
What was the last one?
Last one was the one that goes through the people.
Piercing.
Awesome.
So you line up two of your targets,
and as you pull back,
the sort of magical energy that makes up these arrows,
thins, almost to the entire thing
functionally being at a point.
It almost looks like a needle.
As you fire it off,
it goes straight through the first one
and just misses the second one.
Cool.
So you-
No, I don't have anything else to say or do.
Beautiful.
So you're standing there, you're like, I did a thing.
And that's-
That's what we're calling it.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So last but not least, for real this time,
you are training with Clara,
who is as always a little hot-headed
and is not wearing their cloak this time.
She's like, all right, kiddo, we're doing this
by the books now.
So what that means is-
What books?
That's a very good question.
So you and me, I think, are sorcerers.
We don't really have books.
It's more about feeling and dancing,
like I tried to explain to you the first time
before you threw fire at me.
But let's-
Stranger.
Start over.
You have known me for four years.
Something so funny about stranger,
you've known me for four years.
So, I don't know.
Okay, let's try this.
How do you make things happen?
When you cast Firebolt and ruin my hair,
what's going through your head?
What are you feeling?
What are you doing?
Danger.
Awesome.
So-
Trapped.
Got it, okay.
So anxiety is not a great sort of center,
but it'll work for now.
What's opposite freedom?
Yeah, that tracks.
So let's try something a little more normal.
I want you to-
You are normal.
That's very fair.
What do you want?
Up.
Beautiful.
Want, I- Let's go up.
I want up.
100%, let's go up.
And you see that-
How?
She sort of smiles, gives you a little like wink as the hair-
Bonus head like fully tilts to the side,
like think a dog that's got the floppy ears.
Beautiful.
So you are slowly and surely lifted into the air.
This is a control winds spell.
So it's taking a lot for Clara to like hoist you up
with magic, but in the sky, you, that's where you are.
You are in the sky.
You're up.
And can I cast levitate and let Vanna like try to walk
around?
Yeah, awesome.
Give me an arcana check for that.
Cause I have the spell, but-
Yeah.
It's meant to be for combat.
I don't want to use it for combat.
That is a four.
A four, awesome.
So normally that would have failed outright,
but you cast this levitation spell and as you're sort of
taking shaky step after shaky step,
you see the gem glow a pale blue, almost an off white
that sort of matches a little bit more to your skin tone.
And as you do, it is like you are floating freely, not through
the magic of a levitate spell, but you are just in the air
completely free.
Flute.
Beautiful.
You're-
Vanna's a happy camper again.
Beautiful, you're still coming back down to the ground,
but it's incredibly slow.
The like four trees and one dummy in this backyard
are fully visible as your crawling descent brings you back
to the ground.
And Clara, Clara's just standing there amazed.
She's like, what the absolute fuck just happened?
Yeah.
That's what I'm talking about.
So I want you to-
Vanna's a happy camper and they're still working on English.
It's easier to see the shortcuts in the language.
They say screw it to proper grammar.
So Clara starts talking to you.
Are you paying attention at all?
Frankly, like every so often they nod
and like they actually try to listen.
But most of the time it's just walking around in circles
and like seeing how high up they can go.
So Clara is saying something about like focusing
on that feeling of freedom and like bending
the natural forces with it.
And you're like, I don't care, bro.
I just want to go up.
I'd fly.
Yeah.
I'd fly.
And are you going to try and cast any more spells?
Good question.
That's why I asked it.
I have earthbind.
Okay.
That seems sort of heinous.
What are you-
That's a pardon?
What do you cast?
What are you doing with earthbind?
So is there like a tree nearby?
Yeah.
There is.
There's like a few trees.
You can see Eros is like walking away from them,
like some smolders,
something disappeared quickly off into the distance.
So I'm going to cast earthbind on Eros.
Oh, lovely.
Okay.
For the record, this is not hostility.
I get it.
This is why I'm seeing Eros and going,
Eros, I'm just casting it.
Sort of like instinctually, right?
Yeah.
Cause the thing I'm just, no friend, get back here.
Awesome. Yeah.
Like you're trying to catch a very weird cat
that's trying to run away.
Roll to hit real quick.
This will not be against Eros' AC.
This will just sort of be like,
if you can target the red spot.
That was a nine 20.
Oh, gorgeous. Yeah.
Eros, you with us?
Yeah.
I responded and I realized I was still muted.
Oh, lovely.
Awesome.
I'm going to need a strength save from you.
Yep.
Strength.
So I don't have anything.
So that's just going to be a 16.
Awesome. 16 does save.
You feel the earth sort of try to grab you.
You can like step out of the way and break free very quickly.
However, as you do,
you realize that there's a lot of sand in your shoes.
Oh no.
And you.
Actually, you know what?
Both Vanna and Eros don't actually wear shoes.
Fuck off.
There's sand.
It's true.
We did make a joke about it earlier.
Yeah, I remember.
As you sort of break free,
the dirt that you think you're breaking out of the earth
is instead just tightly packed sand.
And you sort of pop it, it spills out over the backyard,
making a small sand pit, like a two feet wide.
And you see Vanna sort of floating about
10 feet above the ground.
It's like aggressively waving, I assume.
Yeah.
Beautiful.
I just want to say.
Vanna's just having a grand time.
They are so happy.
How far off of the ground?
10 feet.
Okay, I'm just going to minor illusion a cat
just sort of floating up there.
Awesome.
So the next like two years, pretty much,
go by almost exactly like this.
Like you wake up, you have breakfast,
you do a bit of training,
you have lunch, generally like a good hearty meal.
That's normally the biggest meal of the day is lunch.
Then you go to whatever poor soul,
Jacques, Clara and Gustave have almost surely kidnapped
or extorted into teaching you like basic math and English.
You've got like small understandings of like art history
and muscle groups, because those are the only thing
Gustave and Clara know how to teach.
I feel so bad for the person who is forced
to teach them sex ed.
We'll say Jacques does that, but more in the,
more like a casual fashion where he's just like very okay
answering whatever questions you guys have.
So now you guys are about 10 to 13, yes?
Nine and 10 if it's two years exactly.
Nine and 10, 12 and 13 or 13 to 14.
12 and 13.
You guys are 12 and 13.
You are growing up here.
You're kind of bummed that you can't go too far.
You can go to like neighboring villages.
There's a nearby beach and a cliff side
that I assume Vanna loves.
Absolutely.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I just want to say that I think
that we were like seven or eight before.
So if it was only two years, it'd be nine or 10.
The math doesn't math.
It was more years.
Okay, okay, okay.
It was more years.
Anyways.
Like a leap year.
Yeah, exactly.
You guys are, it gets to that time.
You can sort of explore everywhere within the Hylaga
sort of space on the map,
but everywhere else you have been warned extensively
not to go to.
However you are older now, Eros,
they have gotten you teachers,
but more in the same vein that they get your math teachers
where they just like accost some poor stranger
on the street and they're like,
hey, come teach my kid how to kill things.
Yes.
Makes sense, as one does.
Yes.
Okay, wait, which island are we at?
Like which area?
Hylaga.
Yeah, it's in the right bottom part of the map.
It's the top hill right next to the mountains.
Right bottom.
Ah, I see.
Okay.
Beautiful.
So you're a little older.
It's another day of training.
Has just a quick few questions.
Felix, how determined are you to like use Gustav's blade
as your primary weapon?
It's definitely like interested him
and like for like a curiosity on like how sentient the sword is,
but he's mainly like concerned about like where it came from,
you know, and like how Gustav even got it.
And he's also still like curious about what Gustav said
about his son and stuff.
100%.
Like Gustav has a son?
Yeah.
He like died.
He like died or whatever, something like that.
Yeah.
Okay.
Beautiful.
Vana, give me a luck roll, please.
That is an F20.
Beautiful.
Yes.
You like after a while, the sort of language and ADHD barrier
that's between whatever the hell Clara is trying to teach you
and your desire to simply go up is like broken down over these few years.
She has like found a way to teach you.
Nothing's really changed with you.
She's just wording things and doing things in a way you find a lot more enjoyable.
So you're learning a lot faster.
Oh my God.
It will take some time before Vana properly uses language for the record.
Of course.
He very much enjoys not using it.
How likely is it you think that Jacques has taught you how to use a rapier
or at least a short sword?
Oh, very.
Vana has some means of defending themselves, but it's not just spell.
More than just their daggers.
Pardon?
More than just Tikal's stabby stab with the daggers.
No, yeah, there's a good chance.
Awesome, yeah.
So you have your own rapier.
It's got a little thicker of a blade.
You never were quite able to get that wobble taken care of.
But you are like handily able to match pace with Jacques now.
It's like...
Eros, you are like blowing every teacher you get just completely out of the water.
They're like, here, do this thing with the bow.
And you're like, yeah, no shit.
That's how bows work.
I hope Eros isn't going to turn into like the overachieving burnt-out gifted kid.
So real quick, because I know I talked to you about it at some point.
So during this time skip, I want to work on like three, four-ish things.
Strength and speed specifically, but also learning about the geography of the world.
And then the extra thing was just Eros will fight for the kitchen.
If they're in the house and it's food time,
they're going to jump to make everyone food first because it's like,
no, you don't know how to cook.
I know good recipes.
Let me do it.
Beautiful.
So you've like taught Clara to cook at this point pretty much.
You are like fighting tooth and nail over the kitchen.
Gustav backed off immediately.
After like the third time, you were like, no, y'all don't know what the fuck you're doing.
He was like, we don't know what the fuck we're doing.
Let the kid cook.
Let him cook.
If Eros is like subjects or like geography and like baking,
what are the people else's school subjects?
They've put a lot of like stock into giving you guys just like a general knowledge,
like benchmark.
Like, of course there are individually things you guys are more interested in.
Like, for example, I assume to calls a little more interested in like art
and how that works as a maybe like maybe like they're like a music kid since they're a board.
Exactly.
Like music, math, some of you might like art,
but art is more just like scribbling on paper while Jacques monologues.
Crazy.
You've learned a lot about Jacques past.
He was a sort of brave hero type of person.
And all these considered he had a pretty decent life.
A few heartbreaks, dead relatives, the normal sort of adventuring stuff.
But he's honestly just so happy with how everything is going.
However, I can't wait to ruin that for him.
I would never, I would never.
How dare you?
You would though.
I will.
So as you're all standing there, you guys have grown up in this house.
You've done a bit of heroing, I'll say, which is like you've been told about.
You want to be able to learn how to sew?
Yeah, of course.
Go ahead and take sewing proficiencies.
That's the thing.
You guys can all take like a, yeah, that's the thing.
It's just like a tool proficiency with a sewing kit.
You can all take like a tool proficiency like I, you're taking mathematics proficiencies, I assume.
Yes.
Awesome.
I didn't know I could do that.
Yeah, it means whenever there's like a math related question, you get to add your proficiency bonus instead of your intelligence modifier.
I feel like Felix got more interested in history, he's trying to like learn more about like swords and stuff like that.
Maybe even blacksmithing to try and figure out how to talk to his sword.
100%.
I'm not going to just give you straight up proficiency with history.
I will.
You'll do like two of them ever.
Go ahead.
Yeah, if you don't already, feel free to take proficiency in like history.
Not directly, but I will recognize the sort of training and physical improvement that Eros has been doing and I'll bump things down a little bit, make it a bit easier.
Thank you.
Of course.
So yeah, you all have your like proficiencies.
But on this day, almost midday, it's noon, actually.
12 noon.
Perfectly the middle of the day.
That's not worrying at all.
A small stout man with gray hair and gray eyes shows up at the door.
He does not appear hostile.
He's in a large cloak obscuring his face.
However, his eyes have a slight glow to them.
Which is the Oracle.
We're just staring at him.
He's just there.
He's at the door.
You guys have seen him through the windows.
Jacques and Gustav and Clara are all busy somewhere.
They've, you don't know where they've went.
They don't typically tend to tell you whether they're going out to like run errands in the village or make money.
They do have jobs.
So like, you guys are the only ones home.
Sorry about the audio problem.
The DM will be doing their best to say what's happening.
And hopefully the mics will be fixed soon.
Um.
Like the weapon?
I'm gonna have to call this one.
Yeah.
Sure.
Go ahead.
Take a, take a trident.
Vanna can have a trident.
Everyone gets a trident.
A trident for you.
I made you get bit.
Everyone gets a gun.
See, now it's funny.
Cause if this is the oracle, I wrote the notes, which I haven't sent you, but I will send you the note that I hid in the house.
And then the note that I put on the body, which was just leave us alone in all caps.
Yeah.
He's just sort of standing there every so often.
He'll do a sort of not so soft, not so hard, like middle of the road, knock on the middle of the door.
You know, throw a, like a pan at this guy.
You need to open the door to do that.
Can she call open the door quickly?
Can we do it through a window?
You can be a luck check with this advantage.
You give me a thrown weapon attack.
Crazy.
Vanna, give me a thrown weapon attack for the pan.
Throw weapon attack.
If you have proficiencies with thrown weapons, you get to have those.
19.
I don't have profanity.
I don't have proficiency in weapon attacks.
I don't know what that is.
A what?
I don't know what to roll.
Just a d20.
Roll to hit.
That is an 18.
Awesome.
That does hit.
So you guys share a quick look.
Vanna picks up the pan.
It's like, I got this.
Take all, waiting steady by the door.
The pan is thrown.
The door is immediately opened.
The Oracle honestly sees Vanna throw the pan.
He's not moving out of the way.
It hits him, but he's got like mage armor up.
So it hits him, bounces on the floor.
And you can see that he's levitating slightly off the ground.
Can I get a perception check from everyone, please?
Yes.
David, David.
My perception is plus four.
Yes.
16.
17.
Oh, wait.
22.
Jesus.
Perception.
18.
Beautiful.
All of you hear a deep snoring.
What?
Snoring?
Yes.
The Oracle is asleep.
Kill him now.
What the?
Should we wake him?
Can't you call just close the door back?
As you go to close the door, he sort of moves forwards, honestly rending and breaking the door and the doorway.
It's sort of in a spiral-like moving circle of wind around him as all of this debris starts collecting and collecting.
And it is just flown away.
Do we have a way to contact the adults?
Not really.
Do we tell if he's following?
Winter is coming.
He has not been followed.
He is completely on his own at the moment and fully asleep.
No, no, no.
Is he following us or is he like?
He's not conscious.
You don't know if he's even thinking right now.
Surely we loot his body while he's asleep?
Can't you all take a really long stick and just try and poke him and push him back out the door?
As you move the stick towards him, it is still shredded by that vortex there.
Fuck!
And as he continues into your home, his mouth does not move and yet he speaks.
He says, in a year's time, whether it be by stars falling or the ground itself being raised from hell, the date of prophecy will arrive.
This is not a warning, as it is a promise.
I hope our heroes have not died.
I hope we can win.
The date of prophecy is fast approaching.
Of all things, let this be the day you do well.
And he stops moving entirely.
Do we have another dead body?
He's not dead.
Felix, what did you say?
I couldn't quite hear you.
As he tries to push him out of the door.
Yeah, he's still floating.
You guys can now just like push him.
Whatever vortex was around him very much seemed to be tied to whatever prophecy he just gave you.
They really call in person to deliver.
That's ugly.
Yes, it is done.
He is still asleep and still floating.
Is the house back?
Should we kill him?
I think we should tie him up until the adults get home.
But...
He's just sort of standing there asleep and floating in your house.
The doorway is wrecked.
Oh.
Damn.
Bro, we really can't hear him scratch your home.
That's crazy.
I think we should kill him.
I think we should just like stick him in a closet for now.
Yeah, can we just wait until...
I don't want to put him with our food though.
Why put him in a freezer?
I better just kill him.
Yeah, let me then keep the body cold.
Jesus.
Why would we do that?
It would be easier just to get rid of it.
Let the animals eat him.
Just wait for the adults to get back because...
Stick him in the closet, guys.
Alright.
We're all vote?
Well, it is...
Okay, all votes for tying him up and putting him in the closet say aye.
Aye.
That's three.
Okay.
Awesome.
Zana just kind of grumbles.
On a grassy computer.
It's not like he's alive.
Look at him.
He's not doing anything.
Anyways...
I'm sad like you sleep much.
So, can everybody give me an intelligence check for tying knots?
Oh.
We saw how this ended last time.
It's a 14.
Okay, so a 14 is good enough.
That's funny.
Beautiful.
Good enough.
Does not matter.
Oh, fuck.
Never mind.
What?
Knots are a survival check, not an intelligence check.
But that's...
Okay, well, I didn't...
That's way better than...
My survival is a plus four.
So...
You rolled a 20.
24.
It does not matter.
Yeah.
Whether it's natural or otherwise, you have the wherewithal to tie him up in a broom closet.
Just for specificity, how is he tied up?
Is he cloth around his mouth?
Okay.
No, that's...
What's the plus five?
Let's not.
So, yeah.
His legs are tied tightly together, but his hands are split far apart, so he can't move
his fingers.
And yes, there is a cloth in his mouth because he can cast spells.
You should tie a rock.
Rock?
Or I made it so that he can't use any verbal or the hand ones.
Yeah.
You should tie a rock to his feet so that he can't fly away.
Sure.
Fly away is crazy.
He's floating.
You don't know what you can do.
And then we can lock the closet, maybe?
I don't think he was tied up spread eagle.
So that's not what I would...
Like, the broom closet would be very small.
You'd have to do it where he's standing up.
Oh, yeah.
I assume it would be kind of like...
Let me see.
I assume he would kind of be...
We're trying to diagram this out so I understand what the fuck's going on here.
Do you want me to sum the diagram up what I'm thinking?
That's not what a cloth looks like, babe.
I assume he's kind of like...
Those are his hands behind him.
So they bounce his hands apart.
Think crucifixion, except instead of nails in his hands, there's a stick between them.
So it could be like out here like this.
Okay, okay.
There's a stick between them, though.
I got this. I got this.
Okay. Anyway, we know what it looks like.
Do you guys do anything before the adults get home?
Well, while everyone else is trying to figure out a time-up,
Felix is preparing his torture concoction of porridge that has a bunch of chemicals next in.
Hell yeah.
That's how he's tied up.
Yes.
And then he's gonna be like sitting outside just enjoying themselves as per usual.
Awesome.
All of you as this oracle is trapped in your closet,
the gems on your wrists begin to move very slowly.
And, well, make a con save.
But it does not seem to carry keeps moving.
No, it's an inanimate object.
They are inanimate objects.
That's a 15.
It's a 15.
Oh, plus four. So 19.
Oh, gorgeous.
So all of you are only taking one D4.
Oh, that's rough. I rolled two fours.
So that is eight points of water damage for Tikal.
Hi.
No.
Fire damage for Felix.
Radiant damage for Eros.
Right.
And force damage for Vana.
Damn it. How much was that again?
Eight.
Could you make an eye?
But the worst part isn't the damage you take.
It's the fact that as it moves slowly from the from the from the inner part of your wrist to the back of your hand,
it's like pulling teeth.
It's just a slow grinding persistent pain.
It's rude.
And if you try to carve out of his hand.
It won't work.
But yes.
Tikal is going to go find a room to be alone in and see the pain by herself.
Awesome.
Do you want to like just put the hand in a river?
Yeah, absolutely.
You you go there's like a stream by your house.
River River, it does soothe a bit of the pain, but in the same way that all cold water tends to soothe pain,
you go to the bathroom and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.
In your reflections, in your reflection, you have fins where they're supposed to be.
And your ears are longer.
And just as quickly as it was there, it's gone.
A blink and you miss it moment.
She's going to like check, make sure they're like there.
There's nothing there.
Damn.
And the adults get home.
Goose dog sort of like.
Wait, can Vonna see their reflection?
In the water?
Yeah.
No, no, you cannot.
OK, apparently genasis cannot use reflection.
OK.
No, normally you will would have a reflection.
However, as you're looking in this stream.
You do not.
I'm just going to be poking the water with their good hand.
Lovely.
The adults just come back to see if he looks with a knife to his hand.
That's so awkward.
Yeah, you like, god damn it, these children.
We can't like drops what he's carrying.
He was carrying a.
Entire peg.
Just a whole swine, like a good 400 pound behemoth of a.
Is it alive?
No, it's dead.
We're having a pig roast tonight.
That was the plan.
However, it is immediately dropped to the floor as he bounds in, not even noticing that the entire doorway is fucked.
And.
Just like grabs you less than like a hug, more so in like restraints.
He looks just like crying.
He's like, get it out of me.
Get it out.
Jesus Christ.
OK, then.
Gustav like, like almost like picks at it for a bit.
He tries to fit his hand under it.
It hurts less than it moving.
Barely anything, honestly.
And he cannot.
He brings you in for an embrace because you're sobbing and.
Just like takes you to another room.
The rest of the adults are now frantically looking for their children.
They're like, oh, no, my babies.
That liked Jacques has got that liked like panicked mother look in his eyes.
He runs like kicks down every door he passes.
He's just like, he'll end up guarding the closet door and pulling what they did when they put when they touched the stone before, where they're just biting down on Russian bar like bleary eyed.
But like, yeah, of course.
So Clara comes to.
Find you first, Eros.
Sorry, I keep doing that.
And it's like, what do you are you OK?
What? Hold on. What's in our closet?
There are definitely sounds coming from our closet.
Just go ahead for now.
Not just make sure to get everyone absolutely fine.
You need me. OK, I can.
I have emotions cure wounds.
I got the whole package. Awesome.
Seven and 13.
Everybody healed 13 points of damage as Clara runs around the house, sort of handing you all scrolls with a little like gem on the bottom.
And as you look at this paper, it glows for a second and you are healed of any damage.
You mean cure wounds scrolls with the material components attached.
And as you are in the bathroom looking terrified, he's like,
they got our are we safe?
Yeah.
OK, you're you're doing a great job.
You are big and strong and wonderful.
Sorry, sorry.
This is a test, but we should be laughing this hard.
And it's like, it's turning you into like a quick, a quick hug.
And it's like, it's going to be OK.
You're all right. Not to distract from the task at hand, but what the fuck is in my closet?
Is the Oracle.
Is he breathing?
The Oracle is coming out to us.
Did you let that happen?
Come now. I trust in you to make the things that shouldn't be breathing stop breathing.
You clearly were attacked and it's OK.
Pain happens. Losses happen. We've got him in the closet.
We can kill him later. You know, he might taste good with pig.
Who knows?
And Jacques leaves immediately to go find Vanna.
Quick check to see who ends up finding Vanna in the backyard.
That is Gustav.
Gustav walks out and is like, child, are you OK?
That feels better.
That's good. That's good.
There's one of the Oracles in the closet.
I gathered.
I wanted to kill him.
I wouldn't recommend doing that. They're a little important.
They kind of, um, how do I?
You see him like sit down in an oversized chair that's clearly like his.
And he's like, well, they're, um, they tell the future.
And without all of them.
They're useless.
No one will really know what's going to happen and we'll be completely caught off guard whenever and every time we are attacked.
Well, they haven't been very helpful this far.
Besides, the one's already dead.
The what?
Yeah.
Um, I have more important things to deal with right now.
OK, let's let's get you inside.
I know water feels nice.
Even though this water is weird.
There's still water.
It doesn't have my reflection.
I assure you it does.
No, it doesn't look.
He like in disbelief walks over and it's like your reflection is there.
It's clear and in the water.
But that's OK.
You you had a moment.
It's all right.
We all have them.
It's going to look back just to make sure.
You still can't see it.
No, it isn't.
It's not there.
OK.
Better yet.
Let's get you inside.
We have like ice packs.
I don't have a reflection.
You have a good ice pack.
There are more important things to deal with right now.
Fine.
Thank you.
He like picks you up like a child.
Like once again, it's going to be like hissing as soon as their hand is out of the water and just.
You guys have stopped being in pain.
OK.
Yay.
OK.
We're no longer in pain.
Play it up for the dramatics anyways.
You know, get their sympathy.
Be a child.
Beautiful.
But now it's a few hours later and the Oracle has woken up and is very audibly thrashing around in your closet.
Can we kill him?
Jacques immediately says yes.
Let's do that now.
I have my knife on me.
Little one has theirs.
For good.
Just kill him.
Why don't we just torture them for answers?
Then he holds his bowl of porridge.
OK.
He's also going to say that maybe we should, you know, actually talk to them.
OK.
I don't think we need to talk to them.
We just need them to tell us what we need to know.
Let's get information first and then based off of the usefulness of that information, then we'll probably kill them.
OK.
I can agree to that.
The second they open their closet, he'll sling porridge in their face.
How hot is?
No, you don't get to choose.
This porridge is scolding hot.
It was like he was going to like cheer in the background like, yeah.
And they are immediately screaming.
They're like they've still got the gag.
And so what what do you guys do first?
Your legal guardians have sort of recognized that you're taking this as a moment to be the heroes that you think you are.
They're going to take a step back on this one.
Not a great parenting move, but an OK teacher move.
Yeah.
And so they're just like, all right, anything you need us to do, you need us to beat the shit out of him.
Clara has a lot of useful spells.
I think there was this one she keeps using to get us better prices on meat.
Detect thoughts.
Nothing.
We will.
We will have that set up.
You can ask us whether they're lying or whatnot.
But you are the heroes here.
This is not very heroic.
Well, being a hero and being heroic are not always the line is blurry.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, they did kind of kidnap us.
Exactly.
We're going to kill them anyways.
And Felix asked the Oracle to like to like explain the future again.
But then after they don't answer because they're gay, you have to throw more forward in their face than ask the question again.
God, like a legitimate torture.
You feel touch.
You see a piece of this man's fucking soul leave his body.
Okay, you kids are like just not giving him a second to answer.
Gustav is like face palming.
He's like, you guys need to get the answers before the torture.
He's going to go up to him.
He's going to keep him alive.
Pull off his cloth gag.
Awesome.
And he's going to she's going to be like, all right, you mediocre bitch.
You're going to tell us what the fuck that prophecy meant.
And you're going to tell us right now.
Also, everybody make a dexterity saving throw, please.
Fuck.
God damn it.
See, this is a six.
That was really smart to remove the gag to go.
Thank you.
Yeah.
15.
Sorry.
13.
Oh, so not that 20.
Beautiful.
You see as the second the gag is released, he takes a deep breath in.
You see dark clouded gray mist swirl around him and he's about to like blow and spit some sort of you can assume like an elemental or some sort of conjuration spell.
That's more on Vana's part.
Vana, you get the fact that he's trying to conjure something.
Everybody else just sees that he's clearly going to attack.
Kick him in the face.
Yes.
Vana use chill touch via their foot and break this guy's nose.
Crazy.
Give me a strength check, please.
The strength check?
Roll damage.
Wait, sorry.
You gotta say, did you say strength check?
Yes, give me a strength check and roll damage.
However, Clara immediately counter spells this.
Yeah.
Not the kick to the face, the conjure elemental that he's trying to cast.
Yeah.
I rolled a 19 for strength.
Awesome.
So yeah, you break his fucking jaw.
I didn't want to do chill touch at the same time.
Awesome.
So he can still speak.
However, most of the bones in his face are very broken.
What was the damage on that tilt?
Chill.
Oh, thank you.
That is a five.
Awesome.
So now the gag is off.
He's sufficiently brutalized, I hope.
You have detect thoughts going off in the background and Clara is here with more spell slots than you can possibly imagine.
And Vana's a happy hamper that got to kick somebody in the face.
Of course you are.
Very quickly.
You want some more terrifying part?
I don't know.
The process is that they just come.
We're sort of taking over like a science.
Please don't throw part of my face again.
I don't hear what you're saying.
I don't think you need to learn.
Guys, calm down.
Rainin in.
Felix, Vana, Tikal, you guys got that out of your system because we don't need to brutalize him right off of the bat.
And Eris is like cleaning the porch off of the guy's face.
The guy like winces every time you touch his face and is still taking damage.
Vana is glaring viciously.
Awesome.
He's scared fucking shitless.
These literal children just kicked his ass and he is the strongest magic user he knows.
You're very strong.
You're like in your sleep.
You kidnapped him.
How did you find us?
Well, I was...
We were in the Glades.
We were trying to find you.
And then I woke up in your closet.
It's how the processes work.
You control them, they control us.
We are the sort of conduits of fate.
Does that make sense?
Please don't throw more forays at me.
I want you to know how I'm doing this is I'm biting my tongue and like pushing in on my entire face at the same time.
Crazy.
The ultimate geek.
He's immediately raised and eyes.
So what are you guys doing now?
He's seeming to freely answer your question.
Clara is sitting over there with the tech thoughts going like, yeah, that's true.
Is it a real one?
Once again, is like straight up just staring daggers.
There is mild murder in those eyes.
Beautiful.
He's sort of like staring frantically and is like, can I go?
Can we ask about the fifth child now?
What?
There were five stars.
What?
He's immediately like he's full of shit.
You know, there's a fifth child.
There was five stones.
I remember that there's no thought.
It's not the four of you.
And that all this ever been.
Can I do an intimidation check real quick?
There is no intimidation check you could make that would make him more scared.
Okay.
Well, I still want to do it.
Okay.
A natural one.
I think there's something funny about the same effect.
Okay.
So being the one to make the check.
Yeah, it's just like I'm trying to be nice and let them give you mercy.
But I will allow.
I just realized I have a plus four to intimidate.
But I will allow them to murder you.
If you do not answer my question.
And that was a 12 plus four.
That's 16.
I've already I'm already dead.
Look at me.
I told you too much.
If I go back, I will just kill me anyway.
It's not I'm dead anyway.
Why?
What?
Who would kill you?
But we'll give you a state worse than death if you don't tell us how did that possible?
I'm mindfully more.
Clara, can you kill him?
Clara?
He can talk normally.
I was like, bewildered that you're asking this cast a quick cure.
That's for 12.
Seen 20 plus five.
That's 25.
God damn.
Damn.
Off of 2D8 with a country crit and a plus five.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, my God.
His nose just like violently goes back into his face like.
And like click and thunk back into place.
We use this like awful thudding sound as his jaw clicks back to where it's supposed to be.
And he's like, we can keep you alive for longer and keep on doing this.
There's no fifth child.
So what's the stone then?
I'm stones.
What?
The ones that decided to attack us.
No, that's not an attack.
You know what it is then?
They are.
It's.
It's four against five.
Four heroes.
Five evils.
Are you one of the evils?
That would make sense.
Shut up.
Are we the evils?
Plunged into darkness and saved by four heroes.
It's.
Oh, it's those stone.
We found them and they were strong, but they didn't resonate with our magic.
We just assumed it was for the oncoming prophecy.
If you seriously not discovered what they do yet.
No.
They move to a degree.
There was a bit in the passages about growing pains.
Look.
Yeah, mine's on the back of my hand now.
Yes, they.
They're getting there.
Good.
Fine.
That's not important.
What's important is that things are coming to an end.
The date of prophecy is fast approaching.
You must be stronger.
You.
You are nowhere near strong enough to face what's coming.
Neither are you.
I'm not the one who has to face it.
Okay, but what do these stones do?
They are.
The places they're not objects.
That's as much as I know.
So then you're useless then.
Clara double checks.
He is telling truth about everything but the fifth child.
You're still lying about the fifth.
Yeah.
He saw that stone.
There was a bird that took it.
He stays persistent.
He's he's consigned.
He knows he's dead either way.
He looks for it.
Jesus Christ.
He immediately sits it out and vomits a little bit.
He's like, fuck it.
He does it again and hold his jaw shut.
Oh, God.
Why are we such demented children?
Awesome.
He takes like immense psychic damage from this and he's now sobbing.
We don't need to kill him.
We can just keep him here until he tells us.
You see the other one coming to find him.
We'll just do the same thing.
Black is much stronger.
You said that you're the best mage.
Coward.
Who said black was a mage?
Look, white was penance.
They were the weakest by far.
I'm I'm the best mage out of the three of us, but that means nothing to black.
We'll beat him black and blue.
Yeah, sure.
If you're this confident, I can answer the question.
I can answer the question about the fifth child.
That's all we want to know.
You see him like pass a look and a deep sigh comes over him and he begins to mumble something under his breath repeatedly.
It's very quiet.
I'm sorry.
I can't hear you.
After children.
16 on the intimidation.
I'm going to try and play it up.
Awesome.
So he keeps muttering.
He you see him start to float a little.
Can I?
Can I look at the balls?
It is magic, but it's not a spell.
But is it like easy casting something?
Yes.
I think I'll just shove the gag back in his mouth.
Give me a wisdom saving.
Oh, you bitch.
That's my worst one.
Or maybe Clara can do to spell magic.
She's actively trying.
That's a four.
Awesome.
So can I also go for one second?
Let me know.
You see Clara casting counter spell after counter spell after counter spell.
And there is nothing happening.
He starts floating higher and higher in the ground.
And the restraints you put on him break and twist his bones.
Stretch as he grows much taller.
And you see that he's decently quite muscular.
In fact, it's the fact he's five foot nothing that makes him look stout.
However, a trickle of gray, white and black smoke fall from his lips and scroll words along the floor.
My last.
Creepy.
I read my last and final prophecy.
May it bring both my death and reunite me with those I have lost.
All is lost.
We will fail.
There is no use counting days anymore.
They will end soon enough.
This guy's a hater.
And he falls to the ground dead.
Damn, we didn't even get to do it.
Oh, you did.
You did.
He was all that porridge.
He took enough damage to kill him.
It was the healing that kept him alive.
He was at 14 head points.
It was the psychic damage that got him in.
There's the balls.
There's a dead man in your closet.
Close it awkwardly.
I thought we took him out of the closet.
No.
You were just sort of beating the shit out of this man in a closet.
That's actually so embarrassing for them.
Imagine being that pitiful.
Imagine being beaten by a bunch of level four kids.
Jesus Christ, you are so mean.
The average person isn't even level one.
Level four is so far beyond human.
Oh.
That's unfortunate.
I wanted Vanna to have his first kill.
That's true.
I think you all get that kill.
Nah, Felix gets that kill.
Yeah, Felix got another kill.
Lovely.
Felix still has the highest body count.
And Eros and Vanna have nothing.
What does Tikal have?
Three.
And Felix has six.
Oh, you're actually keeping track.
Thank you.
So now you're there.
A few weeks pass, but the mood is completely different.
The training is less rigorous and more focused on your survival.
They stopped bringing in specific people to train Eros.
And now it is just martial and magical training.
Most of you get both.
Well, half of you get both.
No, Tikal also has magic.
Yes.
You and Eros get both.
Oh, okay.
Felix only gets martial training and Vanna only gets magical training.
Got it.
Vanna's got proficiency with a trident now.
No, you just have a trident.
No, I asked you if I could take proficiency and you said yeah.
Well, you can't take proficiency in one weapon.
It would be martial weapons and that's a class feature.
No, I was able to take proficiency in a single tool or in a single weapon.
As a CL, if I have proficiency in trident specifically.
Fair enough.
All right.
What does that do?
Trident?
No, proficiency with a weapon.
It lets you add your proficiency bonus to attack.
Oh, yeah, that's fine.
Yes.
However, that's more a covering all bases.
That's more of a let's not have this kid be useless when they run out of spell slots.
Really?
Fire bolts.
Goosedog has taught you a few things.
You've got a pretty good strike in you.
The memory of Tikal spearing White's neck in half sort of plays on loop whatever you're training with the trident.
You're like, yeah, this is what this is for.
Oh, could we have looted the body of Gray?
I mean, he was in our house.
So yeah, go ahead.
Everybody give me a sleight of hand check.
17.
All right.
Plus my sleight of hand.
So oh, that's a not net 20.
Beautiful.
He seems to be carrying a lot more money than a white was.
You got a 19.
Yeah.
Awesome. 20 gold pieces.
Eros 22 gold pieces.
What are the rest of your old four?
Four.
You find like a note.
It's a piece.
It's a blank spell scroll, actually.
But it's not like the beginnings of a spell written on it.
A very powerful spell.
However, you don't know the spell and neither does Clara.
And finishing it wrong will likely result in a less preferred outcome.
Oh, I think that'd be quite fun.
And Felix, I got seven lucky number seven.
And for that takes seven silver pieces.
Yes.
That is the equivalent of 70 cents.
Thank you.
Awesome.
So with all of that, it's the end of the night.
And you guys are going to bed just before we wrap everything up.
Can we please get a round of sleep checks?
Oh, do I still have disadvantage?
Nope.
Your bed has been fixed.
That's an eight.
Eight, 15, 15.
I got 11.
11.
Awesome.
So I lied.
Your rules meant nothing.
Anyways.
Thank you so much.
I'm kidding.
That was a joke.
So you all individually wake up in a twisted dreamscape.
You wake up in your dream, of course, completely submerged in water.
Me?
Yes.
Being lifted and crashed with the waves.
You start to feel like this isn't water so much as it is just more of you.
Okay.
And Vanna, you are in your dreams, trekking your way through an endless desert, being
constantly hurled thousands of feet in the air with no flight or anything to protect
you when you fall.
And you get the same feeling that this isn't wind and dirt and sand.
It's just you.
Eros.
You get the same feeling as the forest once again infects and swallows everything in sight.
Felix, however, you get a much different dream.
You are walking around on a sort of shallow pool of blood.
There's a thin film over it of a sort of purple and blues and greens that are muted and gross.
And all of a sudden, a spark alights the entire bed of, well, liquid in flame.
And as you are burning, you once again get that same feeling that this is just you.
This reminds me of like from Undertale.
It's you.
Despite everything, it's still you.
Screw off.
You have a chance to respond and react in these dreams.
You are lucid enough to do so.
Do any of you want to?
Yes.
Awesome.
Give me an arcana check with advantage.
Both of us?
30-20.
Okay.
30-20.
Beautiful.
I'll just go one at a time.
You, as you're falling, you brace your hands, but instead of bracing your hands to defend yourself from falling into the sands,
you sort of just hold them forwards as the sand moves and you start swimming and flying through the air.
Turning a nightmare to a dream.
Awesome.
Of course.
And Eros?
13.
You fight your way on top of the forest.
And as it continues to extend ever upwards, you're left with a sinking feeling that you're not dreaming.
And if you were awake, there's a little thought on the back of your head that says you might still be able to be here.
Anybody else want to try something?
Can Felix also try something?
Yeah, give me a strength check.
Okay.
I kind of?
Am I allowed to choose what I do?
Yeah.
If he wants to, instead of letting the flames consume him and let, well, if it's him now, let him lose control.
You want to try and harness the power that's ruling over his dreams.
Mm-hmm.
100%.
So you sort of try and lose yourself to whatever power this is.
Give me that number, please.
12.
And as you sort of lose it, throwing your arm this way and that, trying to get it to, if it's just you, why can't you control this?
You notice that the fire isn't so much moving as your own blood is tensing, and as you're throwing your arms this way or that, you are noticeably much stronger.
Is it kind of like, like the harder his blood pumps, like the stronger he gets?
No, like it's becoming a solid.
Huh.
Want to give it a shot?
Yeah, sure.
Awesome.
That is a charisma saving throw.
Yeah, I love charisma.
That's a 19 plus 5.
Awesome.
Are you sure your savings are as plus 5?
Yeah.
Wonderful.
So that is 24.
You, as the waves crash, you let it crash, and as you fall onto your back, the water begins to act like a soft solid as you glide across, picking yourself up and going with the waves.
It's surfing, which is exactly what I wanted to do anyways.
Not quite.
And you all wake up.
Please give me- Wait, wait, wait, before we do that, can Vonna like try and clear the quote unquote sand so that way they can see better?
There is only sand as far as you can see.
It is just sand and sky.
Can I do a investigation check?
Arcana, but yes.
Damn it, that's a 5.
Awesome.
This place is definitely really fucking magical.
And you all wake up.
Please give me a D10 luck roll.
Shit.
Yes.
Is this a D10?
Beautiful.
I think that was a D8.
Is this a D10?
I can't.
That's an 8.
7.
Awesome.
One second.
Tikal got a 7.
Eros got a 7.
Vonna got what?
8.
And Felix got?
10.
Beautiful.
Nice.
Not nice.
You wanted to roll low on this one.
Wait, what?
So you wake up.
Vonna, sorry, Tikal.
Hi.
You were the first to wake up.
And for a brief moment, one of your entire legs is gone in a puddle of murky water.
What the fuck?
No way, she got maimed.
Can I say what I think is going on?
One moment.
Sure.
Eros, as you wake up, both of your arms down to the elbow are now tree roots.
Vonna, you are entirely transparent.
Bye.
You know what?
This is actually something Vonna's okay with.
The only thing that's left of where you were is a small chalk outline made of perfectly white sand.
Honestly, this is something Vonna's very okay with.
Felix, you are perfectly fine.
Yes.
You wake up and all the fire that was around you in that dreamscape now feels like it is inside of you.
Not painfully, but like it is physically running your body.
So you did manage to harness the flames?
And as you try to move, you are completely paralyzed as your entire being has soaked your sheets red with blood.
Um.
Guys?
I don't think this is normal.
Thank you for joining us for another episode of Terra Deusa.
See you next time.