Welcome back to another episode of Terra Deusa, episode 4, A Grand Escape.
Trigger warning for this episode, harmful falsehood about children and body horror.
So currently, in the way things are going, we'll start... you guys just got out of the cave.
Jacques is there, he has pleaded his case, and you see someone coming in over the edge
of the little hill area, and it is Gustave. He is fully in his armor, he has his great sword.
It's got a leather sheath around the entire thing, but that does not seem to matter to him,
as he is still moving and wielding it, carrying it over his shoulder.
Beautiful. He approaches sort of quickly, he's not moving too fast, more with the purpose and strength you are used to seeing from him.
You are all still there, I'll give that a second. And what do you do?
Um... what he thought was probably just gonna stick around Jacques, unless the other guys decide to go with Gustave.
Then, she's gonna go with Gustave.
Awesome. You're just going home. You're like, fuck you guys, I'm going home.
I'm gonna stick around for the confrontation, but...
Awesome, yeah.
And at this point we are 6-7.
Uh, like 7-8.
7-8, okay.
My grandfather's dead.
Oh, I...
What's a grandfather?
So you... you see Jacques be like, children, I'll be back in a moment, just wait here.
I will go handle this. Don't move. Got it? You can do that. Move, not your feet.
Good dog, what?
The love of God.
What? You can't fly!
Amada can't fly either!
They only get to fly speedy-poo to their walking speed at level 17!
There's a nazi, so I mean...
Level 17. Jesus.
You can't love a bee that has an air-generation.
Yeah, but that's not flying, that's just...
It's not moving your bee!
Shut up.
Pedantic assholes.
Jacques is like, oh god damn it, I'm really risking my life for these fucking children.
Okay then.
And you see as he walks up to Gustave and immediately starts having like whispered discussion, Gustave is talking at full volume, Jacques is the only one whispering.
Jacques is like...
Over-perception?
Go for it. And Gustave is like, no, that's a bad idea. We can't do that. You will die. Don't do that.
Perception, that's 15, plus 2.
17? Do you want to make a perception check?
I'll make a perception check, yes.
Awesome, yeah. An investigation check will also work if that's higher?
It'd still take the 15 though.
It's a plus 1.
I'll do investigation.
That is a...
3.
Also 17.
With two 17s, you guys mostly hear what they're talking about, Jacques is like, okay, I've got a safe house far away, it's past the continent, the Watchers should not be able to follow us, and Gustave at his full volume is like, we can't do that.
They can see us, they're tracking us.
Yeah, they're tracking us.
But, I put words on the house, I've sorted it out with Clara, she should be coming too, we just need you on board, and then everything can go as planned, the children can be safe and happy and strong. Isn't that much better than deeply dramatized?
And Gustave, still talking at full volume, is like, objectively, yes, however, we will die. They will find us, and they will kill us. They have the spell in order to do so.
They can usurp our will. You know this, right? We will kill each other and these children if we try to run.
Jacques is like, yes, but, I put words on the house. Got it? There are words on the house. Does that make sense to you? Gustave is like, god damn it.
Listen to me. This won't work. And Jacques, no longer whispering, realizing you guys are clearly able to hear, staring at him. Do you guys try to hide that you're listening in, by the way?
And Rooks' land ear, I'm like, I'm just, we're done. You have both of your hands like this, cupping over your ears, because they're droopy long. The one glass against the door.
And Jacques, looking over, realizing you're both here, is like, Jesus Christ. But isn't it better to die trying than to live in fear? And Gustave just sort of stares at the floor for like five entire minutes.
What do you guys do in that five entire minutes? Because that's a decently long amount of time.
Decal? Yep. Whoa.
Um, yeah, roll to hit. An arm strike, baby. That's a nine. That's a nine. Awesome. See you go, but Gustave is pretty tall. See you whiff completely. Like, you're like, yay high.
Gustave's waist is like, yay high. And you're punching here, and just clips the edge just slightly. And you see Gustave just sort of wince silently. Like, it's not a very like audible sound. You just see like the smallest twitch in his eye, as purely instinctually.
I'm going to roll that actually. Ooh, that's a nut. Does a 19 hit? Oh, sorry. Does a 23 hit?
Fuck you. Awesome. Yeah, it does. You want me to not do that?
You want him to not do that? I'm kind of actually very curious. I'm very curious as to what it's going to be though. I'm okay with this. I'm really curious.
So Gustave, purely out of just reaction, sweeps his leg very quickly, and you clatter to the floor. You take no damage. And he like catches you by like the cuff of your shirt. And you are fully parallel. He's just holding you. Sort of like, you know, like a Herculean deadlift where they hold the bottom of a log and lift the entire thing like this.
No, but I do know of people holding their children like that. So yeah, I know what you're talking about. Like this, right? Yeah. He's essentially doing that. Just sort of pushing in below your neck as you are perfectly leveled. And he just drops you.
Give me a luck check real quick. Oh lord. Why would you do that? What's that number? 11. And went on the floor rolling again. That's a seven. Awesome. You fall on a particularly pointy rock, take four points of piercing damage.
Gustave is just, Gustave and Jacques are both staring at you like, like each individually with that disappointed single father look, despite both being in that sort of role.
She's going to look up at them, expectingly, waiting for the signal to be able to cry. As children do.
You're not going to like get a signal. They just sort of keep staring at you and then return to their conversation.
She's going to start crying. Awesome. As soon as you start crying, Jacques picks you up like an infant.
And he's just like, they're there.
She's good now. Awesome. She's shut. Pats her head. She's like, go elsewhere.
She's going to walk over to her friends.
Awesome. You see, actually I'll have both of you make this. So you guys are making this role on behalf of Jacques. It is a flat persuasion check.
Both of you are going to roll. We'll take the higher number.
Wait. Okay. Yes. Does Felix get one? Should we roll for him? I'll roll for Felix. Okay. I'll roll a seven.
That was also a seven, but my hand didn't stop it. And that's a 15. That is also a 15. Awesome.
So his Charisma modifier is a plus five. So that is a unnatural 20. He's a very charismatic fighter.
And he's looking at some incredible... God, I hate you. And you see Gustav.
Honor it for a second. Think a little more. You see him stare directly at Felix as he's as he speaking to Jacques goes, fine.
I'll go with the two of you. At least if I'm there, they won't immediately get killed.
So much faith in himself.
So you see Jacques and Gustav start walking away. Can I get an insight check from you and a perception check from you?
Awesome. They're headed in a direction. They're headed in a direction. Wait. Perception or insight? Perception.
Okay. Damn. I wanted insight. That's a 13 plus 15. Awesome. You see a bird that you recognize, but you don't know from where.
Fly overhead and drop a rock down. Awesome. Is this a chrysalis? No. Not that bird. Different bird.
That bird is like a bad pigeon or a crud. Like a small sort of pet bird. This is like a hunting bird.
And it falls down and you see a rock with a stick with a note attached to it. And it just says, come home now.
How much of that are you taking? Are you taking the rock, the stick and the note and the bird?
Or like, you're taking the bird. Just the bird. Awesome. The bird is like very keen, almost sort of like using its wings like hands.
It's like flapping in which direction being like, turn that way, turn that way, turn that way. And is very clearly leading you home.
Awesome. Now we played out what happens next. It's also in your backstory. You now have the item I gave you.
And in the meantime, what are you doing? Jacques and Gustave are just wandering away in definitely a direction for sure.
But you're going with them? Following along. Awesome. That's not Betty. Nope. Give me a perception check.
Not bitch. Okay, that's a 14. And that's a 9. Awesome. You see six pairs of eyes following you without bodies.
It just sort of cascade from white to black, sort of like a gradient split between them of eyes. No, shut the fuck up.
Just sort of following you in sets of two, floating and moving around, following you.
They are getting more and more eye shaped as you get to where you're going. She's going to run up to Jacques and pull on his shirt.
Yes, Chad. What do you want? Nope. Wrong accent. Yes, Chad. What do you want? What do you want?
There's eyes and they follow me. Are you asking for a psychological evaluation or is something magical going?
What's a psychonautical situation? We'll teach you English after we teach you. No, we'll teach you English.
Okay. What's going on? Can you see the eyes? Are they following you? They follow me.
That's beautiful. I'm going to need just a little bit more information. They're white and they're black and they're gray and they're following me a lot.
You see his face go white as you say that. As you're like they're white, they're black and they're gray. He's like, do they fit?
Do they match in like three pairs of eyes going from white to black or is there a set of white, a set of black and a set of gray?
They're white, they're gray and they're black and they move around.
Alright. Gustav. You see Gustav, it already has covering his face clearly tired out of his mind. He's just like, black arrows.
Alright. Okay. When you work out, you always knock out a kid.
And Jock is like, I think we're fucked. I will say, Eros isn't going home. They're just sort of there to just like.
Oh, you're following these guys? For now, yeah.
I would say this is, this was, I was going to say that this is what's happening while you were at home.
At this point, you're already like heading back to meet them. Where are you meeting them? I don't know.
I don't think it's your mom's house. Shut up. Actually, can I get an arcana check from both of you?
Si senor.
What is it? 14.
It's a, shit, I can't math. Seven plus one, or not seven, 17. My brain can't.
What's the modifier?
It's 17 plus one.
18.
Can I have a city zip? Yep.
You see that several create and destroy water spells are being cast and that is causing it to start raining.
This rain is not coming down light. It is coming down very heavy. It is obscuring everything.
Perception checks will now be made with disadvantage. I know, I know you have dark vision.
No, I have an extra thing as well.
God fucking damn it. Let me create atmosphere.
No, I have Mask of the Wild. Okay. I am obscured by foliage, heavy rain, falling snow, mist, and other natural phenomena.
Awesome, yeah, you are fully obscured. You are like near invisible at this point.
You see another pinprick set of eyes much further off in the distance. They seem a little less haunted and ghostly, a little more like bovine, yes?
Yes.
Awesome. That's like cow eyes.
Got it, thank you.
The ones that are like circular rectangles in the middle.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Awesome. You see like big eyes glowing but they are pinpricks in the distance, sort of slid in half, right?
However, you see the eyes that have been following you start passing between each other and the gradient becomes incredibly pronounced.
And then they split into three, corner one behind you, one on either side, and the rain starts bouncing off of them like there are figures there, one short, medium, one tall.
We're with the oracles. Hell no, run.
Jacques!
Yes, child?
There are eyes!
I've gotten that. Are they real eyes? Have you realized they're real eyes yet? Or are they, is this a magical phenomenon? Or do you need a psychological evaluation?
I don't know what I'm thinking, I don't know what I'm thinking!
Or a shut the fuck up.
Through the rain, just soft like-
Points at them.
Points at the eyes.
She points in front of her, she points behind her, she points beside her.
You pointed the other set of eyes as well.
And she points far, far, far, far in the distance.
Gorgeous.
Quiet infernal passing just like-
What the fuck was that?
Awesome, that's a fish.
You do realize you have a dice tower right there.
What's that number? 14.
17.
He's a flip three perception. I am making up Jacques' character sheet as we go.
Do you want me to start putting it in the notes?
No.
Because he's got a plus five to charisma.
Yeah, oh he has a 20 and- I know all his stats.
Okay.
He has a 20 and charisma, 17 and-
Hang on, I'm gonna break this.
We'll do this later, we will do this later.
And you see as from the ground, from the middle and from the top, the three oracles sort of spawn in.
They begin to exist.
She's gonna start screaming at the top of her lungs.
Awesome.
Banshee moment.
I want you to tell me what you think you should roll for this. What do you think this roll is?
Like, is this a strength check, intimidation, performance? Is this a constitution or wisdom saving throw?
For them?
No, no, for you, because you're scared shitless and screaming at the top of your lungs.
Well, my intimidation and performance are the same.
That's so cool, that does not answer my question.
So, I'm going to go with either of those ones.
Awesome, let's go with performance, give me a performance check with advantage.
Yes! What advantage?
19.
That's a 19 plus-
Okay.
19 plus three is a 22.
That is a 22, you're right.
Woo, even better. So you scream.
Now, this isn't a spell. However, if you knew the spell that this would be, it would be casting that spell. Does that make sense?
Yeah.
Like, you've got the verbal and somatic components on point. You are just not at a level where you can cast that spell yet.
So just a weird sense of like magical bursting scream.
What spell would this be?
Either like dissonant whispers probably, or thunder wave.
I was going to go for thunder wave.
And you see as-
I have thunder wave actually.
Cool, that doesn't matter.
What spell can cast?
Ah, fuck it, roll damage.
Yes!
That's a four.
That's a six.
Six, beautiful.
Six plus four, that's ten.
Ten.
One of them.
I'm going to eat this real quick.
I'm going to just throw this up real quick because I just want to make sure that it-
Because I feel like this is the- yeah, in a 15 cube. So anyone who's like close to you-
Close to you.
How much damage is that again?
Ten.
Awesome.
Oh, if we're going to actually do it by the book, they do have to make saves.
But if you don't have to do it, then yeah.
Awesome.
So you see Jacques is floored by this.
Jacques, you let out this screech and it like catches Jacques in the back of the head.
Faceplants, immediately.
I will make a quick save for him.
That's not a good thing.
He falls flat on his face and like cuts his nose.
No Jacques.
He's like now bleeding from just below his eyes straight across.
That's a very edgy scar.
It is an incredibly edgy.
He's going to have the edgiest scar imaginable from the lamest possible injury.
A child screamed and he fell over.
Yeah, my child started screaming so loud I fell and hit my face.
You see Gustav braces himself as he sees you begin like take in that breath to screech.
And you see him brace himself and it hits him fully and knocks the sheath off of his greatsword.
And you see a massive purple greatsword that has been sharpened day after day.
It seemed to be made of some sort of special stone and it has a closed eye just above the hilt.
Spooky.
That's my sword.
And so you are now essentially in combat with these creatures, with the oracles.
However, this is not a fight you can win.
Not even close.
It's not a fight I meant to start either.
It's not a fight you meant to start either.
So we will play this a little more like a social encounter.
Okay.
Awesome.
So you have hurt these things.
I have a damaged threshold in my head.
If you get them to that number, they will leave.
You can also just talk to them.
You're up first.
What do you do?
After screaming?
Yes, after screaming.
Everyone's sort of stunned.
In that moment, you essentially have a surprise round.
Remember you have movement action, bonus action, and free action.
Can she kick one in the leg?
You would have to run.
They are each individually about 40 feet away.
You would have to you.
You wouldn't be able to get out of range of one of them.
Okay, so they're a lot farther than I thought they were.
Yeah, they're sort of like still in the distance.
Still partially obscured by this range.
So you would be attacking with disadvantage.
She's going to go and she's...
Is Gustav standing still?
Yes, Gustav is standing.
She's going to hide between Gustav's legs.
Okay.
That's going to give him like disadvantage on everything.
Do you want to hide just behind him instead?
In between his legs.
Gorgeous.
Are you hiding like this, like this in between his legs?
Can you count as small creatures right now?
Yes, yes.
You absolutely count as small creatures right now.
You're like seven.
You can, yeah, basically just hide.
Between the legs, hugging one of his massive thighs, sobbing.
Awesome.
So I'm going to take that as taking the hide action.
Every attack against you or everything against you is going to have disadvantage.
Let's go, Vicky.
Awesome.
It is now Jacques' turn.
You see him like scramble to his feet, like panting heavily, blood running down.
He's like, God fucking damn it.
God fucking damn it.
Give me one moment.
And you see him sort of take a piece of paper out of his pocket and light it on fire.
And a pink smoke full of like hearts and kisses sort of sputters off into the distance past.
That's gay.
Shut up.
I'm casting my love spell.
And you hear a sort of magical crackling as things get a little darker.
And you see off in the distance, Clara sort of just flying down, like swooping between the trees.
Is he still breathing?
Yes.
She is barely keeping a foot.
But Jacques sent her like a, hey, get to me now message.
He sent her a love letter.
Yes, a magical little love letter that she gave him.
Oh, that's cute.
And she is running as fast as she possibly can.
That would also be her trick.
Can you not?
I'm going to get my foot inside your sock.
That's so weird and very painful actually.
Sorry.
So Gustav is going to make a perception check.
He does not see you coming.
And what's up, bitch?
That was my cat.
And he's walking towards one of them, the smaller one with the black slitted eyes.
Ow.
Fuck off.
And you see he picks up his sword, the eye opens as he swings it down at one of them, and they vanish before the blade can make contact.
Appearing on the other side as the three of them start to move their hands together in a triangle.
And you are all inside of this triangle.
You are outside of the triangle.
It is now your turn.
Yippee.
Okay, so I get to use my new bow, right?
Yes.
This is going to be so much fun because I'm obscured, so I have advantage on hitting.
Yep.
And I'm assuming they're actually there, like I can hit them, which means because of the rain they're wet, so they'll take double electricity or club damage.
And they'll be stunned.
So I'm going to target one of them, obviously.
Which one?
This genuinely matters a lot.
I don't know.
Okay, so there's...
Give me an insight check.
Okay.
Insight.
Okay.
I want in the bag.
I'm going to redo that one.
Yep.
That's a two.
Awesome.
They have different hit points.
They got different hit points.
White, gray, or black?
Yes.
I'm going for white, I guess.
You know what?
No.
Change me to gray.
Last minute.
Because, you know what?
That just feels like the middle.
Yep.
Okay.
Cool.
So I'm going to have to do...
Okay, long bow.
So that's a 11 and then some advantage.
12, 12 plus five.
That's a 17.
Just.
Okay.
Sweet.
And then...
This is going to be interesting.
So it's going to deal them electricity damage.
So I need to...
Longbow damage, yes.
Sorry, yeah.
So where's my DA?
You would also need to roll the regular longbow damage as well.
Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.
You know what?
I'm just going to look up one DA.
I can...
Okay.
That's a...
Is this a six or a nine?
That's a six.
Six.
Okay.
You can't get a nine on a D8.
No, I'm just very bad at remembering.
Nope, that's so okay.
Okay, so that's going to be six plus three and then I need to roll the extra...
Nine.
Which one is it?
I think it's 1D6.
1D4 of damage.
That's a three, so that's...
Six.
Another one.
Six because it's doubled because it's in the rain.
Yeah.
So nine plus six is 15.
Okay.
Jeez.
And they're stunned?
Oh yeah, and then it's stunned four...
Where's my 18?
Fuck.
I keep forgetting which ones are the D10s.
Just roll the D100s.
Okay.
That's ten.
Okay, so they're stunned for...
That one specifically is stunned for ten minutes.
Oh, God.
And are they actually touching anyone?
No.
Okay.
However, they are connected, so this will deal the six damage to all of them.
Okay, good.
I heard a scream and I came running.
God damn.
And stunned for ten.
So you get this bow, it's just a twig in your hand at this point, a little bracelet around
your wrist.
And as you throw it up, this thing grows into a massive long bow.
And as you pull back this magical quiver, you let loose a crackling arrow.
And as it hits one of them, the lightning spreads to the other and they all collapse.
One of them, that's below...
Does great water end?
It's still raining, but yes, they are no longer casting a spell.
They caused it to rain, it'll rain for the next like six hours.
Okay.
One of them is immediately below that damage.
There's a hole dimension and fate pushes.
Oh.
Yeah, because we're on the...
We're moving from car to house.
Yep.
And with one of them gone, the other two are looking back and forth like, fuck, fuck, our
whole balance bit is completely thrown off.
And they can't cast that spell they were doing anymore.
They're technically balanced, there's just not a middle...
Yeah.
No, you took out the white one, the only ones left is gray and black.
The middle is still there.
They're kind of fucked.
So they are looking back and forth.
They cannot see you because you are fully obscured.
Actually, I won't make that...
One of them is completely fucking blind.
The other one also can't see you.
That was a three, a one, a two, and a seven.
I will say, you guys still hear like infernal cussing.
This is eight year old cussing.
Vonna, you see this now as your chance...
Vonna?
Sorry.
I've been messing up the names all day today.
Tikal, you see this now as your chance to act.
You are close enough to the gray one, the black one is 60 feet away.
The gray one is about 20 feet away.
Okay.
What would you like to do?
Give me a second, I'm seeing sparkles.
I should probably update Aerith's thing then.
Okay, sparkles are gone.
Let's do this.
20 feet, you said?
Mm-hmm.
The good old trusty...
Awesome.
...knife.
Still between his legs?
Still from between his legs.
Off of disadvantage.
What, I get disadvantage?
Aw.
Okay, so it's a 11.
Take that one.
With advantage, baby!
You are hidden...
With 23.
You are like a little scared as well.
That is, yeah.
No, I was going to do what is there under half-curve, but you're under half-curve, so you would do normally.
So we'll cancel out the disadvantage, give you that number anyways.
Yay!
Beautiful.
Yeah, roll damage.
I made my D4, I think I left it in there.
Mm, clean all of them.
Yay.
That's a four.
Roll another one.
Yeah, baby!
Okay, that's seven plus two, nine points of damage.
Beautiful.
Which one?
The gray one, right?
The close one, yeah.
Yep, that one.
That's...
At first I was going to do fire damage, but it's raining, so I was like, wait, they're
wet!
Oh no.
At first I was afraid.
I was prepared to fight.
Shut up.
Oh my god, they're wet!
And they still will be for the next six hours.
Some could say they're soaking.
Shut up.
It's only funny if you know Mormon lore.
Anyways.
I saw a video, I feel like I shouldn't be talking though while it's recording.
Yeah, let's not.
I'll save it for later.
Jesus Christ.
Anyways, so now you pitch this knife around Gustav's leg.
It narrowly does not slit his thigh.
He's not so good at aiming.
But it flies sideways in the air, it sort of tilts straight upright, and right into one
of their feet, it pins them to the ground.
Puppies.
Did you say puggies?
Puggies?
Puggies.
Like, puggies.
Oh, okay, you got it.
Jesus Christ.
So this thing is stuck, and it is now Jacques' turn.
He, like the madman he is, runs straight forwards.
You see him throw his sword, however it looks like only the blade moves.
He puts something in his pocket, picks up something else, slams it back into it, and
then slashes them across the chest.
Does he see me yet?
Yes.
No.
No he does not.
That's so cool.
Hello.
Just in time for Jacques' turn.
Nine.
He deals nine points of damage to the gray one.
It is gone.
You here?
We'll let Gustav go first.
And anyways, so Gustav then is going to kick you into the air.
Are you going to try and hold on?
Obviously.
Awesome.
Give me a strength check.
This will be contested.
It's a six.
Sorry guys.
That's a three.
So I rolled a five and a three.
That was with advantage.
So that's a ten to a six.
So you are tossed into the air.
You like grab on for dear life, but Gustav sort of just kicks you up.
You sort of do a little somersault land on the ground.
Just sort of...
You want to take one point of bludgeoning damage?
I got seven points of points.
L.
Can I kill the oracles?
Just sort of take them to a damage flesh hole where they have to retreat.
Okay.
And Gustav takes his sword.
You see the eye open once again.
But this time it opens fully, glowing, like with resplendent and beautiful colors.
He hits.
He has plus ten to hit because fuck you, that's why.
That's crazy.
Five.
And the other oracle is completely vanished.
Yay.
Felix, you are now, I guess, conscious again.
Okay.
And you get there, Eros, you get there seeing Felix sort of just like staring at everything,
comprehending what's going on for probably the first time today.
Vana, pretty fucked up, not Vana, god damn it, to call pretty fucked up.
And Jacques, like...
He's downstairs.
Jacques, like a crazed madman, as he always is.
You guys now have a few moments.
Clara is there and everybody is here.
You can freely talk and this is where you guys are going to start heading out towards wherever Jacques' safe house is.
I heard a scream.
I'm here now.
Oh, not like, not real scream.
Okay, got it, got it.
In game heard a scream.
You screamed.
It was a very good scream.
It was a good scream, yeah.
I will let you do that from now on.
Not for free anymore, I will make you expend the spell slot now.
Just scream.
But yeah, you just get the scream.
I was really scared.
It was really scary.
Gustav kicked me again.
You see Clara pats you on the head.
I'm picking out a dagger.
Six, nine, heal.
Fourteen points of damage.
Let's go!
She pats you on the head, gives you a cure of wounds.
It's 3d8 plus her level, which is not the actual stats for cure of wounds, but I don't care.
I know it's hard to tell when I'm not speaking character because I don't have a voice for it.
And...
Nice save.
So, what are you guys doing now?
You're all just sort of standing in a field pretty bloody.
You just got the shit kicked out of you.
You see, Eros has got this sort of chunky wooden bracelet that's constantly moving like growing roots.
Can I have your bracelet?
No.
But why?
My grandmother died.
Fine.
Can you please tell the oracles that he never liked the porridge that they made?
The oracles are gone.
But you can announce it to the world.
Gustav sort of brings you into a small little hug and is like, don't worry, child.
No more shitty shitty porridge.
Thank god.
Do we know Jacques now?
Like, not in character, but like everybody, like it's sort of like a secret that's not a secret because you haven't been told the information.
It's a secret because you just don't know.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
What don't we know?
Jacques' name is Jacques.
And not Jean.
We know in this song.
So what are you guys doing now?
Well, Eros not gave Teeqo the bracelet.
Jacques, to placate you, gives you like a letter opener, but like a really, really sharp letter opener.
She's got a dagger now.
She's stabbing the ground.
Awesome.
Digging a hole.
You dig a hole.
Give me a luck check.
It's a hole.
It's like two inches deep.
You find like a worm or a bug in the ground.
I have a wiggle.
You see Jacques holds it and then just like his hand shaking.
He passes it to Gustave.
He's like, deal with this please.
Gustave picks it up and throws it.
So I'm just going to reach into his back pocket for like some Hello Kitty band-aids and put them on whoever's bleeding.
Well, Hello Kitty band-aid.
Do you have bandages?
Now I do.
Yeah, okay.
Who are you putting bandages on?
Who's bleeding?
Everyone.
Except for me.
Who's getting the worst?
Tick off.
Okay, he's going to put like a Hello Kitty band-aid on like the biggest stab wound.
Awesome.
Go ahead.
Give me 1d6.
Is this Hello Kitty band-aid going to heal 1d6 of this stab?
Yes, that's a 4.
That's a 4?
Awesome.
So it's going to help this little Hello Kitty band-aid.
If he puts another one on, what if he puts the whole 30-pack in?
I'm not going to let you do that.
That would take so long and you would get found by the oracles again.
Crazy.
1d6 per bandage.
Don't underestimate him.
He's probably made it 1d4.
He's been doing it his whole life.
Awesome.
Feel free to add Hello Kitty band-aids to your inventory now.
Tick off.
He's going to look at the Hello Kitty band-aid and she's going to look at Felix.
He's going to sniffle.
And then she's going to give Felix a hug.
Excuse me.
He just hugs him back and he's like, Hello Kitty made everything better.
You heard it here first, folks.
Hello Kitty makes everything better.
And then she's going to kick him.
Why?
Because you can't know that T. Call likes people.
Oh, of course.
God.
Such a closed bug.
Yeah.
Roll the hit.
Actually, no.
She's going to step on his foot.
Okay.
Still roll the hit.
That's a 13.
Plus.
That's a 16.
Felix, does a 16 hit?
Um, means it makes it.
Awesome.
Roll damage.
Why are you stepping on him?
Because you can't.
Oh, it's just two.
Awesome.
Take two points of bludgeoning damage.
Why?
Um, because no one can know that T. Call actually likes people.
So she gave you a hug and now she's stepping on your foot to cancel it out.
That's crazy.
Very sound logic.
Awesome.
So the adults look between each other and also Eros, who's been like brought into this
conversation as the only rational member of the prophecy heroes.
I'm trying to not smile, but again, I can't.
Yeah, no, no.
You're all good.
You're like complete deadpan face.
Just like we got this guys.
Sean like looks at his very stupid children.
The only rational eight year old.
Yeah.
I was like, all right, let's go.
But you can't have a tea party with my grandma.
That's I.
Oh, okay.
I'm fuck.
Good God.
Okay.
Well, I'm very sorry that happened.
You are my guardian now.
Legally speaking or just like generally like, yeah, that's fair.
There are a lot of laws around.
Yeah.
Consentually speaking.
Happening.
Points to Vana was that consensual?
I'm not a hundred percent sure.
I don't think they're old enough to fathom that yet, but that doesn't matter.
We are going to my house.
If you all would just follow me.
We have a rune at the compound.
We may run into the oracles again, but we can deal with that when it happens.
I'm not sure if Jacques is trying to hastily answer all of your questions.
Go ahead.
Like throw a few questions out so we can role play this a bit.
Why does my mom not like me?
She's a bitch.
You think your family is proud of you?
Not at all.
Most of them are dead.
And well, I told my children I won their brother's me, but like, I'm not sure if they count as my children yet.
Yes.
Why did Gustav throw away my wiggle?
They scared me like a lot.
I'm not a fan of wiggles.
You know, fruit salad never really liked it all that much.
Why are you afraid of wiggles?
Big salad. Yummy yummy.
No, I got worms.
Well, they have no legs and no eyes and no face and they're sort of just like unappealing in all regards.
What about snakes then?
Snakes are creepy.
I don't like snakes either.
Next question.
Felix, do you have any questions?
He still wants to know John's name.
I mean, not John's age.
He's like, that is a very personal question.
Uh, 37.
37?
He looks like he has no idea like what that's in relation to.
He's like, okay.
He's like, well, you're young.
Hang on.
He said 37.
He's an old man.
It's also different from like elves and stuff.
He is a human.
So he's decently middle-aged.
Are you afraid of that?
What the fuck?
That's a very deep... Clara?
And Clara is like, if he was, he probably wouldn't be here.
Is Clara your wife?
Not yet.
I'm working on it.
You see Clara just sigh heavily.
Why isn't she your wife?
This is like a new thing.
We're more in the like exploring stages.
These are not questions I thought I would answer to a seven-year-old today.
We're just going to fill the last sentence with asking questions.
Is Gustav your brother?
No, but like...
Why is he not your brother?
Because we come from different families.
Why?
Why don't you know that?
He can be your brother if we're your friends.
Fair enough. Gustav!
Gustav is also sick of this shit.
But you guys arrive at the last one.
Wait, how old is Gustav?
23.
Do you believe you'll go to the afterlife?
I don't believe in an afterlife.
When I die, I will go to the dirt and I'll stay there and be dead.
What about Helen?
We're going to be in the dirt when we die?
Well, I mean if you're buried, yes.
You might be in a jar.
Why? I'm going to be in a jar?
Moving on!
Brangordance.
Please!
You see them...
No, never mind moving on.
And you guys arrive to the doors of the compound and you see...
The last night.
Gustav was coming.
Gustav was 23.
Oh, I thought it was...
Oh, 23?
Yeah, you see knights and soldiers and a bunch of militia.
Essentially a townsfolk trying to stop you guys from leaving.
That's crazy.
Jacques approaches them to be like,
What are you doing? They're still going to save the world.
And is immediately shot in the leg and on the ground.
Can Tikal hit that, Jon?
Felix just raises his sword at the person who shot Jon.
Yep. Both Tikal and Felix give me intimidation checks.
Intimidate with his...
Immediately like bow.
Just 18.
18?
This person is pretty spooked. He doesn't know what you're capable of.
And he's never seen a sea elf before.
So he's like, this is a fucking weird-ass creature child just gazing at me.
You see something a little shaky.
What did you get?
I got 19 plus one.
Beautiful. Dirty 20.
It's a 20, but she's a whore.
It's really funny because Felix is not supposed to be good at intimidation.
And you just point this sword staring dead into the eyes like you hurt them.
I'm going to hurt you.
And this guy fucking runs.
This singular guy is like, no, I'm not doing this.
I don't know what these kids are capable of.
I've seen them commit murder.
You see them start spouting honestly terrible rumors about you guys.
That you are like powered by fiends and demons.
And you are like unholy creations.
They're fake friends. That's actually crazy.
Like something you hear from them genuinely is like, we don't even know if they were born.
Were you born?
What?
And about five of them split.
Dropping their weapons, dropping their bows, they run.
If they're so scared of us, like why do they want us to stay?
Because you're in their eyes, the only thing between them and the end of the world.
I see.
And you see one of the oracles.
The gray one.
A small stout man.
With sort of short black hair.
Oh my god, a man.
No, because you said they were all women.
And then seven men.
It's very unclear.
Seven men, three women, one non-binary.
That was a joke.
I know, but I won't get caught.
And you see him sort of throw his hand up.
And a black dust falls over the townsfolk.
And they bear their weapons to attack.
Oh wait, what's the dust?
It's just sort of like a... it's a spell.
No, it's a spell.
Can I arcana it?
Yeah, give me an arcana check.
Sweet.
I think it's still just a plus one, so...
Yep.
That's a 16 then.
It is a... it's a dominate person spell.
So, dominating them so they attack us?
Yes.
They are essentially imposing their will over the friend.
It doesn't work like the normal dominate person spell,
that you can see this spell has been heavily modified.
I accidentally closed my dock.
But, yes.
You need to touch?
Yes.
Can we possibly do a friendship diddy and override their will with their own will to leave?
Um, yeah.
Friendship diddys.
That is a charisma check from all of you.
Okay.
Yes.
Uh, 20.
Natural?
Yeah.
Oh wait, and then plus my thought... or wait...
Plus 20.
No, it's a plus four, so 24.
24... what was your?
Eight.
Felix?
I also got an eight.
Eight?
Yeah.
They really carried us.
So that is 16...
Right through?
It's 50.
It should be 50.
Or 40.
That's one, two, three, four.
40.
Yeah.
Should we roll for Ivana too?
Um...
There's a dice tower right here, and then...
Uh-huh.
We'll take the eight.
Um, we'll generously say they have a plus two.
So that's a ten.
So make it a 50.
Or four of you, 50.
Shut up!
We all know I draw my fives backwards.
I didn't know that until just now.
How?
I've never seen you draw a five before.
Wild.
Is the backwards five a two?
Shut up.
So, you all sort of bear yourself trying to like push back against this spell, and you
all begin to hear something different.
Um, just going over quickly, what are the colors of the rocks you have?
Ah, fuck, hang on.
I think I have...
Yours was blue.
I think mine's red.
Yours was red.
I think mine was green, and then Ivana had yellow, and then the white one got taken by
the bird.
Taken.
So you...
You start hearing like falling, crashing waves, and it fills you with a sense of determination.
You hear a sort of continuous crash, like, you know, good surfing weather, and you get
it in your mind that as long as you keep moving and sort of dancing between these enemies,
that you will go untouched.
Oh my god, am I dance fighting?
That is what a blade bard does, yes?
I mean, you are a bard, so...
Um, Felix, you hear a sort of burning hearth, like a crackling, raging bonfire, and it fills...
It makes your blood boil, and you know, sort of in yourself, that if you hit first and
hit hard, they won't even have the chance to think about fighting back.
They will be dead on the ground before they can try.
Like the people, or the oracle?
Um, yes.
Dude, he's lunging, and he's lunging at the oracle.
He's like, you want to hurt my friend?
You want to hurt my friend?
Take a piece of this.
The sort of grass around you, Eros, begins to grow around and like constrict the people
to their place, so they are now less of a charging mob, and more just like a pointy wall
of blades.
If we push one over, do we get dominoes?
Um, not quite.
They're not really movable.
They can just pick themselves up and like fight through these tangling roots around
them.
None of you know what the fuck is going on.
However, you're pretty sure this has something to do with the gems.
Ooh.
Thank you.
What would you guys like to do now?
Okay, well first, I was going to take a quick moment to name her Joan Jeffrey.
Awesome.
Can I try to fix John's leg?
Uh, do you have proficiency in medicine?
No.
Awesome.
I have a healing spell.
Uh, give me a medicine check then?
Oh, that's a nat 20.
Gorgeous.
And then my medicine is plus two, so that's 22.
So you were, this one, we'll bring that up by one.
I know how to get arrows out of skin because I've tried to get on it.
You sort of just like put your hand on it and completely against the book, 100% not
what you're supposed to do, you snap one hand and pull the other out and you see as it just
sort of heals over immediately.
A little gem in your arm glows.
You see it twist a bit and it hurts like a bitch, but you, you don't heal any of the
damage, but Jacques leg no longer looks like it was hurt at all.
Word.
And you're going to cast the healing spell?
Does he need to be healed still?
He took a fair bit of damage.
Hello Kitty Bandana.
All right.
You stick a Hello Kitty Bandana on it.
He's fine.
Um, so what would you guys like to do?
You can fight, you can talk.
Why are we here in the first place?
You see, as you say that there's a bunch of screaming and a bunch of noise, but as soon
as we say why are we here, it all drops dead quiet.
And the Oracle goes for heroes, for heroes chosen by three fates against five great evils,
whether they fall or stand by their hand, it will be undone.
Yes.
I'll write it down later.
Yes.
And as he says that everyone seems to fall asleep.
Like this dominate person spell has ended and everybody in there is just asleep.
You like took a lot out of them to constantly try and move out of the vines and stuff that
were growing around their feet.
They don't wake up, but you can hear them snoring.
You can walk over them.
The Oracle's on like a high tower.
You can just walk straight past.
She's going to jump from body to body.
Awesome.
You deal a significant amount of damage to all of these sleeping people and one of them
dies.
I killed someone by jumping.
You jump left, jump right.
You jump on one of them.
And you hear quickly intent not to kill.
Sure.
And as you crack one of them, you see you jump on their arm.
It breaks and they start choking.
It feels like they're supposed to do that to call on.
Clearly they are choking on water.
However, you broke their arm.
I'm not going to ask the gem, but I think it would be cool if the gem could just grow
like over them.
Have grass like cover them up.
Yeah.
You can try.
I'm not going to do it, but I think it would be cool.
Yeah.
What are the rest of you going to do?
You see it to call walking through and weird shit starts happening.
Can you feel this before my CPR and the person is choking on water?
Yeah.
You start from CPR and they cough up water and you see is it very quickly begins to dry
and brown almost like blood.
Oh, but they are coughing up water.
So some very bizarre magical shit is going on right now.
Oh, this is normal.
No, this is normal.
Normal for you guys, honestly.
And now you are in the compound.
God damn it.
You're in the compound.
I give up.
And the three oracles.
Because this is where the runes are to move you to the house because you can't go there
directly or else the oracles would be able to track you.
Jacques looks at you to call and goes, OK, I need you to grab something for me very quickly.
It's in your room underneath your bed.
There should be a wooden board underneath.
There should be a hole in the ground and in there.
There should be a box.
Grab the box.
Don't open it.
Open the box.
Take a little peek.
Awesome.
There's nothing in the box.
It's like a sword sized box.
There's nothing in this box.
She's going to bring the box.
There's nothing in it.
He's like, yes, that's the point.
He puts it down and you see him take apart his blade and putting three different handles
sort of on one end and the rapier blade on the other.
He closes it, latches it shut and swings it over him.
Like a briefcase?
More like a...
Like a violin case.
Yes, yes.
More like a guitar case.
And you see as Clara dons her honestly quite beautiful runic coat that she used for training
that one time.
And it seems like everyone is ready to go.
Any last goodbyes or fuck yous, I guess, that you'd like to deliver to this place.
I'm going to write a note that I'll send you the note later.
Feel absolutely free to do so.
Now is your chance.
Gustav sort of looks to you and is like, if there's anything you have left undone in this place,
finish that business now.
You will likely not return here.
He called us in to go back to the room.
He's going to grab a couple of the sticks that she hides under her pillow.
And she's going to bring them back.
Awesome.
Feel free to add those to your inventory.
These are my sticks?
Yeah.
They're just like sticks, right?
Yeah, they're just sticks.
Awesome.
They each deal 1d4 minus 1 with a minimum of 1.
I'm just going to go hide the note somewhere.
Yep.
Because the oracles will find it.
The oracles will find it.
It's a very personal fuck you.
The only stick I can add is a stick of dynamite.
Yeah, go for it.
We'll just like substitute it.
Four sticks of dynamite.
Sure.
Yes, that's perfect.
So, um.
He looks like he's going to write a note to his mom and leave it on like the front door of where they stayed.
Just saying, if you find me, I'm just having an adventure right now.
So don't look too hard.
I'm going to cry.
Anyways.
So you are all brought into this room and you see another one of the oracles sort of standing there clearly tired.
Like that fight you guys had.
It's the white one.
A tall skinny woman about 6'2", like a hundred pounds at the most.
That's a lot of shot.
Curly, yes, long, curly, sort of frizzy blonde hair, eyes, big mouth, like a slit.
And she is standing there barely breathing and it's like.
She was.
The stun wore off and she like hobbled here.
She's pretty fucked up.
You want some water?
Are you just trying to fire one off?
Yeah, go ahead.
She will immediately meet this threat.
Would you want me to roll?
Does a 20 hit?
Sorry.
What are we rolling?
She's just rolling to attack you.
OK.
So I'm giving myself a bandage.
I was just going to use intimidation.
Awesome.
So that's a 16.
OK.
Is it 16?
Oh, my AC?
Yes.
Awesome.
You see she throws out this sort of.
It looks like glass for a moment, but then something jolts between it as a quick lightning spell.
As just like a personal fuck you.
Shoots across and jolting me ahead.
Take 11 points of lightning damage.
One second.
I don't know if I actually.
Because when you said for us at the end, I was going to like reset all my spell stuff.
I might have taken off my cast mage armor.
Well, what's your AC?
It currently says 16, but I don't know if that's with or without.
That would be without mage armor.
It would go to an 18.
So that would not hit.
OK.
So you see it jump between the glass and just whiz past your ear.
Like singeing the tips of your hair as she stares violently at you.
Roll initiative.
You heard me.
Roll initiative.
OK.
Well, I'm going to read my mage armor.
OK.
14.
13.
I got a N and I'll be right back.
Very still, but it goes from seven o'clock.
Yeah, well, we're going to go a little bit over just because we haven't played in like
a month.
True.
We'll do this combat and then we'll leave.
OK.
Natural 20?
No, not 20.
Go.
She goes there.
Oh, wait.
I probably couldn't have done it because I gave myself advantage, but I didn't roll.
So should I take the advantage or just hold on?
Take the advantage on the attack.
OK.
Sorry, on my attack?
On this turn.
We're having right now.
Yes.
OK.
So let's see.
Is she still wet or did she dry off?
She dried off.
Jacques, Gustav and Clara are not here right now.
Is it a small room?
A large room.
Very large room.
Good, because I want to make sure that I'm not going to.
Hit anyone?
Yeah.
She is standing about 40 feet away.
I'm just trying to decide which one because I want to try all of these.
Give me an insight check to see if she's resistant or vulnerable to types of damage.
That's a 2.
She's vulnerable to a type of damage.
OK.
It's definitely one of the ones your bow can use.
Well, I'm stuck here.
You can help me decide.
I kind of want to do slashing because it hurts more.
Jesus.
That's cruel.
But I can also do psychic to make her leave the room.
Oh, true.
Oh, the fear.
Yeah.
And if she would run towards the back of all you guys are at the entrance of the room,
you would have to continuously do it and sort of position her and she might just be dead by that point.
I'm coming.
I do slashing.
OK.
Roll to hit with advantage.
Oh, I also get a plus.
Oh, that's 10.
So that's going to be that's the AC 17.
No.
16?
No.
Oh, because I remember I just hit it last time.
Yes.
You just hit it last time.
However, this is a solo fight.
She's had time to prepare for this.
Her AC is higher.
OK.
So then it's not going to hit.
Would you roll?
Oh, so it was going to be a 15.
No, 15 does not hit.
You would.
Yeah.
Well, then it would have been a 16.
16 silver.
So it you see that arrow whiz past as the arrow head starts spinning and it thunks into the wall.
You still have your movement bonus action reaction.
Yeah, I'm just going to see what I actually have as a bonus action because I can take it for a better.
Awesome.
Beautiful.
Got it?
I'm back.
Beautiful.
Awesome.
Quick thing.
This is what the room looks like.
You are all here.
You are trying to get to here.
That is about 40 feet.
If you get to this sigil, you immediately go to Jacques' house.
Would not recommend leaving your friends at eye, but it's always an option.
What's in front of the star?
That is the Oracle.
You are in combat with one of the Oracle's.
Night.
Let's see.
Yes.
My turn.
No, not yet.
It is arrows his turn.
I'm turning invisible and getting his back like as far as I can.
Can you as a bonus action because of my race, I can turn invisible and I'll turn visible at the start of my next turn.
Then I suppose you are readying a dash action.
Yes.
Awesome.
Next is to call.
Yay.
I'm trying to see what my bonus actions are.
If you need this handy-dandy.
I was going to move all of my.
Bonus action, movement and then ready dash.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you are like.
Pick one.
I don't know.
I guess I'll take.
Awesome.
So that's arrows.
That's Felix and that's to call.
So you're about.
Here.
Do you want to know my.
Here.
It's 30.
Yeah.
I'm going to first expand a bardic inspiration.
Awesome.
To use my defense blade flourish.
Beautiful.
That's a D8 I think.
Is it a D8?
No, it's one D6.
Okay.
So first.
Roll this.
Yes.
That's a five.
Gorgeous.
So now.
I'm going to.
I've.
Moved 30 feet up.
At her.
We have our ways to sit.
Sigil is.
90 feet.
What?
Okay.
How?
It was.
I moved 30 feet.
I'm already halfway across.
Yes.
So we'll say here to here is like 40 feet.
And then the rest of the room is like a normal.
So we just need to get.
Past.
Essentially you just need to get past her.
And then take it.
It's essentially one full turn of movement.
Past her.
Yeah.
Okay.
So.
Between me and her.
How much is that?
That's.
This to this.
Yeah.
That's about 10 feet.
10 feet.
Okay.
Where did the other people go?
Did they just not.
They already got there.
Oh.
They just left us to fend for ourselves.
They went past, thought you were there.
And then the oracle sort of came down.
It was like.
Wait, Gustav and John.
And Clara.
Gustav, Jacques and Clara are all gone.
That's crazy.
At Jacques' house.
The portal is sort of recharging.
Okay.
Well then.
If you survive long enough, they will come back.
And then.
Okay.
So for my action action.
Yes, yes, yes.
She's going to just throw her dagger.
Beautiful.
Roll the hit.
Do I get bonus or advantage on that?
I can't remember.
Not with defense, I don't think.
Let me check.
Of course.
What were you rolling with the five by the way?
This is my bardic inspiration.
So this.
Did we get all of our spell slots back at the end?
Or.
Because I remember you said something about we were going to take a rest of some sort.
If you get them back on a short rest, then yes.
Long rest now.
Okay.
Oh, Felix, that's important for you.
Fighters get their ship back on a short rest.
Their what?
Their stuff.
They get all their stuff back on a short rest.
That's amazing.
Not like they don't heal.
They just get like their second wind, their extra attacks on that.
Okay.
Oh, the action.
Yes.
Yeah.
So I was just a roll to hit.
Eight does not hit.
Does a twelve hit?
Twelve does not hit.
Fuck.
Okay.
So you throw your knife.
They just, they don't move.
But like as you're aiming, the second you've got that aim, as you're here, they sidestepped already.
And it thunks into the wall.
Do you have any bonus actions?
I use my bonus action.
Awesome.
It is now their turn.
They're staring ice cold daggers into you so they will attack you.
They can see me if I'm invisible?
Wait, who are they attacking?
Did you get some disadvantage on it or just?
No, they cannot.
Okay.
So they'll attack Felix instead.
Felix is the farthest.
They're a mage.
That doesn't matter to them.
Yeah, fair enough.
Who are they attacking?
You.
I wouldn't have blended in if you gave them true sight, but.
Oh no, this one doesn't have true sight.
The other one doesn't.
This one has dark vision.
The other one has tremor sense.
And the other other one has true sight.
The gray one had tremor sense.
Anyways, does a 14 hit?
No.
Awesome.
You see them sort of snap, pitching a sort of spike of light and it zooms right past you.
They are going to actually approach Tikal, getting right up in your face.
Bitch.
Not really like walking, just sort of like moving.
And they are right there.
The Russian dancers.
And they are going to do one of their lovely little bonus action stuff.
And you see them get right up in your face, smile like they're egging you on.
Like, go ahead, hit me.
And you see a slight blue shimmer in front of them.
Felix, it is now your turn.
Okay, so Felix is going to use his bonus action to cast his Misty Step.
It's a little bit different for his type of elf.
So what he gets to do is he touches one willing creature within five feet of him.
And that creature teleport instead of him into 30 feet in front of you.
There are no creatures within five feet of you.
Oh, did Eris already leave?
Yes.
Everyone is already across the room.
Everyone is already mostly across the room.
Then he'll just use the Misty Step on himself to go 30 feet forward?
You do a little boogie woogie, you clap your hands and move 30 feet.
Exactly like Toto from Jujutsu Kaisen.
That is what the reference was, yes.
And then how far away is he from the oracles from 30 feet?
About 30 feet, yeah.
No, if he moves 30 feet, how far away is he from the oracle?
Straight forward, five feet.
You are in melee range.
So they're within range?
Yes, also you will be flanking so you get advantage.
Are you going to move?
Okay, awesome. So he's going to stab them?
Of course, roll a hit.
Does a 17 hit?
No.
No?
No, it does not.
Okay, and then I still have movement left, right?
Yeah.
How far away is everyone else from where we are?
You're 10 feet away from Takal, about 20 feet away from Aros.
The math will not make sense. This is just for me.
No, it doesn't make sense at all.
Since Takal is wounded, he's going to use movement speed to stand in front of them to protect them from the oracle?
Absolutely. Gorgeous.
Beautiful.
And Aros, it is now your turn.
Okay, real quick. Is it devil's sleigh or just normal darkvision?
Why?
Well, there is a difference because normal darkvision is just if it's dark, but magical darkvision is if I cast darkness.
Oh, no, just normal darkvision.
Okay, cool. So I can actually do something with that.
Oh, no. God damn it.
So I'm going to walk right up to them.
You are invisible, so that's cool.
No, I'm invisible now. I am going to try and go just behind them, sort of.
They probably will still hear me, but I'm still going to be.
Yep.
Okay, cool. I'm going to try to stab them, if any.
Roll to hit.
Okay.
Because all three of you are there, do so with advantage.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Oh, Koda, did you roll to hit with advantage?
No.
Okay, give me another roll, see if you get a higher.
There's a 25 hit.
Oh, gee, I fucking wonder. Yes, a 25 hits.
Roll damage.
Okay, the damage is 13.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Oh, that's 19.
So, wait, do I. One second.
Or no, is that just for fighters?
Just for fighters.
Okay, so that's going to be a.
13, right, Felix?
Yep.
19 plus five is 24, so I got a 24 on that attack.
And 24 hits.
Okay.
So, one, two, three, four.
That's one, two, three, so that's going to be four damage, four piercing damage.
Four piercing damage.
And then I'm going to.
Kill them now.
Can Felix aim for their legs to try to mobilize them?
Which one I want to do, because I do have two options for darkness.
Awesome.
Real quickly, they are going to use their reaction.
You see as Felix goes in and hits, he dies in and hits, but he pops this bubble almost around them and little magical shards shoot off.
Can everybody please take four points of piercing damage?
How are you holding up? That's not very nice.
You keep getting hit.
I really do.
I've learned my lesson with Zuma.
You need to be taken out immediately.
Yes, there it is.
Just need to.
And of course I didn't leave a description for it.
Just what I want to do is cast darkness over our area.
And I don't know if normal darkness will allow me to choose creatures who can see.
No, it does not.
Okay.
Does dark vision allow us to see in the dark?
If it's magical dark vision.
Like.
Well, okay, in that case, it doesn't really matter.
If it's the racial trait dark vision, yes.
If it's the spell or ability, no.
Sorry. So just so.
Like every race has it though.
It's me and the oracle in it.
And then I want to use my movement to grab the other two.
And can I act like it's carrying where I take half of the movement?
It would be quartered because you're carrying two people.
I'm okay with that.
Awesome.
I mean, it doesn't, because I can carry double my weight.
Oh yeah, then yes, it would just be halfed.
Okay, so then I'm going to use the 15 to get them through the cloud.
Where?
Like on the other side of the cloud.
Of course.
Because if the oracle is in it and I was right behind the oracle, but they were left out,
I'm going to try and pull them and use my movement to move them through the cloud.
Awesome.
Wait, would it feel excuse Misty's step while Arabs is holding them?
Can you move all three of them?
You guys are already moved.
You would probably have to cast it at a higher level to get more creatures.
Awesome. To call that two.
Okay. How far away am I from the oracle?
30 feet.
Just try to get to the end of the room.
Oh, true.
Yeah, because the oracle's not going to be able to hit anyone unless...
No, not really.
Which, I was wrong.
So I can only go... sorry, I only went 15 feet and it's a 60 feet range.
Oh, of course.
So everyone's holding hands. We just have to keep moving.
Okay.
Holding hands.
If you take a dash action, you can probably...
Yeah, if you take a dash action, I'll let you do this with an acrobatics...
Sorry, an athletics check where you can like halt people and it'll give you your full movement.
Okay. Yeah, I'll do that.
That's a 20.
Yep, 20 works.
Okay.
It's a filthy little 20. Sorry.
Okay, so that's 30 feet.
Are you taking a dash action?
Yes.
Awesome. So that would be your action and your movement.
Do you have anything you can do with your bonus actions?
With my bonus action... who needs healing?
Just you, I think.
Damn.
I mean, everyone, but we only have like four points off of them.
Yeah, I'm only six points down.
Fair enough. Okay, yeah, then I will canceling word on myself.
Awesome, yeah.
It is now the Oracle's turn.
And we're all still in the cloud?
Just out of it.
Okay, well, there's still the cloud, so they're gonna have to move to see us.
Yes.
Not again.
Aw.
Wait, we were here, and that was supposed to be 40.
You were there, then you moved there, now you're there.
Yeah.
Now you have, like, essentially you need to take an extra turn to move.
Okay.
Throw it out.
Felix would probably do that.
This is going to come running at you.
Okay.
So they have 60 feet to get through the cloud, so are they gonna take...
Or are they gonna go around it, because that's gonna cost more?
They are going to move through it 30 feet.
Everybody make wisdom saves, please.
That's a 19.
19 saves.
Hang on, plus...
I have 14.
15.
15 does not save.
14 does not save either.
Help.
Nice.
That's 8.
16.
18.
19.
20.
Let's say 20.
26.
26 halved is 13.
Those who saved may take 13 points of damage.
Fuck!
Those who did not take 26.
So...
I have one hit point.
Don't worry, I have three.
And you see as this oracle drops all pretenses of holiness, all pretenses of being a good and moral person, as they send out a wicked wave of psychic energy that is meant with one sole purpose and it is to kill you.
They do not succeed, and they are very upset about it.
They're so fucking close to it, though.
I guess no, because they don't have to target us specifically.
It's just an area attack.
Yeah, it's a range.
And it is getting significantly sloppier with their defenses and their attacks because of it.
And Felix, that's your turn.
How much closer are we to the end?
You need to take a dash action, but if you took a dash action and carried everyone, you can get there.
Yeah, we're all holding hands.
Yep.
Okay, I'll carry everyone in my dash.
Awesome.
Give me a athletics or a strength check.
Strength, please.
Wait, what's my athletics?
Hold on.
Okay, actually, it's either or.
I don't even care.
Strength, please, please, please.
You got this.
How about a 12?
12 does not work.
No.
You guys.
Can I use my action to drag them?
It's your action to carry and your movement to...
Yeah.
Dash?
No.
That's actually...
So I still have movement?
No, you don't.
You don't have anything.
That would be your turn.
Girl, am I in my bonus action?
No.
That's actually my stuff.
We're about 10 feet away.
Okay, so you can get us there on the last one.
We're real close.
Okay.
Run.
Is this my movement have to be put...
Yeah.
Okay, and then so I don't have to...
I don't really refuse to stop holding hands.
Yes, but real quick, the Oracle's going to do some fucking bullshit just as they're running out the door.
I wasn't done yet.
Oh, you're done.
I was going to turn around and throw one last arrow.
Go for it.
You are rolling to hit with essentially double advantage here because everyone's with you.
I will roll three or four times if it's double advantage.
I will just give you a flat plus five to hit on top of everything and we'll just say you roll once because I'm not doing all that fucking math.
I could.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't care.
Okay, where is my thing?
So that's going to be 19 plus five plus five.
So I get plus five to all attacks with my bow because I have both dexterity and advantage with the long bow.
So that's going to be a 29.
Do I?
You get the plus one too.
You will say on a fucking 30.
That's a crit.
That's like bizarre, unnatural crit.
The world bends to your whim as you critically.
Okay.
You know what?
I want to use the slashing damage just to make it hurt.
So that's going to be to the eight.
That's an eight.
So 16 damage.
16 slash damage hurts like a bitch.
I'm not going to use the magical slashing.
Yes, it is.
So this does not only a little extra damage and you can see she's very close to dead.
Anybody who wants to give me a quick insight check.
Yes.
That's ten.
My insight is actually so good.
Ten.
I love you getting a ten.
She has 20 hit points left.
Okay.
You could kill her.
Okay.
Killer, killer.
It will mean you never have to deal with her again.
And we'll throw off the balance of the oracles.
Yes.
So their predictions will be worse.
They will be weaker.
However, if she survives to her next turn, you guys aren't going to be living a lot longer anyways.
I was just going to move us through the portal, but if no one wants to.
She's pretty close to dead.
Let me see what I can do.
Also, you do.
Hold on.
She is also going to reaction Misty step closer.
Okay.
How far away is she?
I can just move us through to the portal.
Ten feet.
Yeah.
You have to use my second five feet and then do some melee bullshit.
You will die.
Actually, all her shit is ranged.
She's a spell.
So if you're too close, she will have disadvantage.
Okay.
And she's sloppy.
So she's not going to be.
No, because I have close range shooter.
Fuck.
Which means I don't have disadvantage.
Fuck.
I also don't care about any sort of coverage at all.
Yep.
Okay.
Let me, let me, let me, oh yeah.
Did she get out of it yet?
Out of what?
It was a 60 feet.
She moved 30 feet.
Yes.
And then Misty stepped another 30.
She is out of it just.
How many spell slots does she have?
Way too many.
Okay.
She is nothing but spell slots.
Not just the normal amount of spells?
No, far from the normal amount.
She in fact has negative bonuses to any melee attack she makes.
For this slashing flourish, can I choose her as the extra creature?
Yeah.
Which equal to the number of what?
You do.
I hit the target and any other creature of my choice that I can see within five feet.
Yeah.
Go for it.
Okay.
So I'm.
It's like a, it's like an over the shoulder kind of hit.
Like you are slashing them once and then slashing them again.
Okay.
So Bardic and Sprink.
Bardic is a six.
Yeah.
That's another five.
Let's go.
She's going to walk literally just five feet right in front.
She's going to take her spear that she has.
She's a spear?
Yes, sir.
And because it's a ranged attack, it actually does 1d8 damage.
Lovely.
I really hope I get this man.
Yeah, you better.
Come on, baby.
If we ever needed a crit, it'd be now.
Come on, baby.
Roll on the floor.
Roll again.
A nine?
What do you have to add to that?
It might actually get it.
No, it's a 12.
12 does hit.
Oh, no.
12 plus.
Okay, no.
It's only just plus one.
A 13?
13.
Yeah, it means it makes it.
I mean, how does it mean to make it?
Is her AC going down?
Yes, her AC is actively going down.
She had spells active.
They are falling off.
Oh, my God.
Let's go.
Okay.
Naturally, her AC is.
Oh, yeah.
I can't wait for the next turn because.
There might not be one.
Jesus.
I know.
But.
Okay, so that is five plus five.
That's 10.
Plus one.
That's 11 times two.
That's 22.
22 points of damage.
She's dead.
She's gone.
Let's go.
First real boss done.
Got it.
Unless she's going to fucking pass out.
Yeah.
One hit was a baby.
You see.
To call strut up to this Oracle.
And with all of that like Harvard anger.
Because you killed it.
You killed it.
And if you die, it's your anger.
Cause you killed them and now you get the.
I don't want your garbage.
Spoils of war.
Okay.
Thank you.
And you see Ticall like slash below the knee.
Collapsing them to the floor.
Is she right in front of us?
Like now?
Or.
No.
How far is she?
Not too far.
Okay.
You see as Ticall slashes below the knee with a spear.
Which isn't a slashing weapon.
However, Ticall does not fucking care.
And as they fall forwards onto their knees, you see Tikal using the spear as God intended,
plunge it into their neck, through to the ground, and they are completely slain and
dead.
Yes.
Why is I so aggressive?
I figured on one hit point you'd sort of do whatever it takes.
Okay, are we still in combat?
Nope.
Okay.
To the portal!
Actually, I was wondering if we could go make sure that she's dead and then loot the body.
God fucking damn it.
Loot the body?
Loot the body.
Oh, loot!
Everybody who wants to loot the body make a sleight of hand check.
It's just me.
No, fuck it, I'm gonna do it.
That's a 15 plus 3, so that's going to be a 18.
God damn it.
I'm just looking for anything magical that they can't track.
That's a nat 20.
Yes!
I got a 4.
Felix, you find one gold piece.
Felix is like, get your clothes on.
You see they got clothes on, you said they got a coin purse, but money's not really useful
to them, so they have a singular gold piece in there.
You can loot to a single dollar.
I was supposed to pressure that?
Nope.
That's his first gold.
Yeah.
Because your otherness was trolls.
Yes, and you see that as she's there, she's fully dead, she's choking.
Still.
On water.
Yippee.
And all the cuts you made look like they were rough and dug in with like tidal waves and
sand.
Can I put the note on her body?
What?
Absolutely.
So fucking lootly you can.
Okay, so what do I get to loot?
Can I just take everything?
You find- Can I take everything?
Can I have 20?
No, no, you find a pair of daggers that she has imbued with a ton of magical energy.
These daggers are a plus one magical item that deal an extra 1d8 radiant damage on a
successful hit.
They are a thrown weapon only.
Okay.
But they do count as a spell for the purposes of ruling.
You got the kill with Salfair, Nancy, or Van.
And now I'm gonna go into the portal.
Yup.
Did I find anything?
Do I get killed or anything?
Yeah, 15.
Yeah.
You guys, I'll go into the portal.
You see Jacques standing there.
Clara has freshly made honey rolls.
It's a very like domestic, lovely little household.
Did not realize we weren't there, but did.
Did not realize you weren't there.
You guys come out barely alive, Clara drops the tray of honey rolls.
For a moment Jacques looks a little more- How many hit points do you have?
Go for it.
Wait, how much damage does it do?
It's just like an upgrade to your throwing daggers.
It's a 19 plus 3, so that's 22.
You reach forward, catch the honey buns.
Fuck!
Yes.
But what's the bonus?
That was a aura right there.
A plus one.
It's- Like to hit and to damage.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Hot, hot, hot, hot.
They're not hot, they're like cooled down.
You see everyone drops what they're doing and immediately starts helping you and trying
to heal you.
None of them have medical proficiencies in the slightest.
However, Clara is casting healing wounds.
Everybody level up now, take your long rests, do everything.
Let me know if you need me to- I'm good, we got a long rest.
Are you taking alert?
Let me know if you need me to pirate any feats for you.
Yes.
I will see- Because we did talk about it, but if you're
not going to take alert, then I will, but I also had another thing I wanted to take,
so I don't know yet.
Awesome.
I will see you all tomorrow.
Thank you for joining us for another episode of Terra Deusa.
Now that I have that pronunciation correct, I'll be using this pronunciation for all future
episodes.