WEBVTT 00:00:10.540 --> 00:00:13.019 Peace, peace, peace. I am Dr. Phillip Roundtree 00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:16.260 and this is Hashtag You Good Man, a men's wellness 00:00:16.260 --> 00:00:19.260 conversation. This is where we tap into the realities 00:00:19.260 --> 00:00:22.219 of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual 00:00:22.219 --> 00:00:25.120 health for men, especially black men, in ways 00:00:25.120 --> 00:00:28.100 that are honest, vulnerable, and rooted in community. 00:00:28.739 --> 00:00:31.109 Today, I'm joined by a brother who has been doing 00:00:31.109 --> 00:00:33.590 powerful grassroots work with young people and 00:00:33.590 --> 00:00:36.170 men across the city of Philadelphia. We have 00:00:36.170 --> 00:00:40.350 educator, mentor, poet, and founder of MBK Cares, 00:00:40.570 --> 00:00:42.890 Esan Hines. Peace, brother. Thank you for joining 00:00:42.890 --> 00:00:47.689 me. Peace, Phil. Oh, I'm sorry, Doc. Peace, brother. 00:00:47.689 --> 00:00:50.670 It's really good to talk to you today. I'm encouraged 00:00:50.670 --> 00:00:53.490 to be able to connect with you once again. And 00:00:53.490 --> 00:00:55.170 I'm believing we're going to have a good conversation 00:00:55.170 --> 00:00:57.719 to connect with other people through it. Word 00:00:57.719 --> 00:01:01.000 I appreciate that Well before we begin I got 00:01:01.000 --> 00:01:03.140 to ask you the most important question. I'll 00:01:03.140 --> 00:01:05.659 probably ask you today How are you feeling right 00:01:05.659 --> 00:01:10.719 now or more specifically you good man? I'm good 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:14.219 right now. I woke up not so good But I'm pressing 00:01:14.219 --> 00:01:17.480 through some stuff and this conversation is is 00:01:17.480 --> 00:01:22.140 crucial for me being able to connect so I'm processing 00:01:22.140 --> 00:01:25.420 some stuff to be fully transparent with the unprocessed 00:01:25.420 --> 00:01:28.579 system stuff, but It is what it is and I'm grateful 00:01:28.579 --> 00:01:30.760 to be able to talk to you. I want to I want to 00:01:30.760 --> 00:01:35.819 honor you and affirm the Just your willingness 00:01:35.819 --> 00:01:39.079 to be vulnerable on this on this platform, right? 00:01:39.099 --> 00:01:42.219 It's something that we Continuously ask of men, 00:01:42.540 --> 00:01:45.000 but we never know if the if the space is safe 00:01:45.000 --> 00:01:48.700 enough for us to really Express how we're feeling 00:01:48.700 --> 00:01:51.120 right and so for you to come on here and just 00:01:51.120 --> 00:01:53.659 be open and honest and hey I'm navigating some 00:01:53.659 --> 00:01:56.180 things that's important. And so I know there's 00:01:56.180 --> 00:01:58.340 going to be somebody who listens to this, who 00:01:58.340 --> 00:02:01.140 is a firm to say, Hey, it's, it's sorry for me 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:03.239 to be honest about about what I'm experienced. 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:05.640 So with that being said, we're going to start 00:02:05.640 --> 00:02:08.360 at the beginning. What's inspired the creation 00:02:08.360 --> 00:02:12.099 of MBK cares? And how has that work evolved since 00:02:12.099 --> 00:02:17.659 you started? So the organization, MBK cares is 00:02:17.659 --> 00:02:21.219 short for my brother's keeper cares. And the 00:02:21.219 --> 00:02:24.139 tragedy of losing my own brother Atif to suicide 00:02:24.139 --> 00:02:26.659 is what started the organization or what started 00:02:26.659 --> 00:02:29.539 the desire in me to start connecting with the 00:02:29.539 --> 00:02:33.780 community. And when my brother first died, I 00:02:33.780 --> 00:02:36.639 was being invited out to a lot of suicide conferences 00:02:36.639 --> 00:02:39.560 in different spaces to talk about suicide or 00:02:39.560 --> 00:02:42.719 the loss of someone to suicide. And I was leaving 00:02:42.719 --> 00:02:44.840 these conferences in these spaces feeling worse 00:02:44.840 --> 00:02:46.780 than I walked in because it was just a whole 00:02:46.780 --> 00:02:49.569 lot of statistics. It was a whole lot of people 00:02:49.569 --> 00:02:51.590 sharing their grief, but it wasn't really a lot 00:02:51.590 --> 00:02:55.449 of messages to encourage hope. So I was determined 00:02:55.449 --> 00:02:58.610 to create those spaces if I ever had an opportunity. 00:02:58.949 --> 00:03:01.830 I also didn't give the date, but my brother died 00:03:01.830 --> 00:03:06.949 August 31st, 2007. So years later, I was determined 00:03:06.949 --> 00:03:08.770 when I got opportunities to create space where 00:03:08.770 --> 00:03:10.430 people could feel better when they come into 00:03:10.430 --> 00:03:13.629 those spaces. So my friends, my family, we got 00:03:13.629 --> 00:03:15.909 together and started hosting concerts at Love 00:03:15.909 --> 00:03:18.870 Park in Philadelphia. just to try and encourage 00:03:18.870 --> 00:03:21.509 our neighbors. And through that, we realized 00:03:21.509 --> 00:03:24.210 the homeless people were in need of encouragement 00:03:24.210 --> 00:03:26.949 because they were our biggest audience. People 00:03:26.949 --> 00:03:29.050 just passing by, the homeless and the hungry 00:03:29.050 --> 00:03:31.770 became the people we decided we needed to serve 00:03:31.770 --> 00:03:34.430 and encourage. And then it's evolved because 00:03:34.430 --> 00:03:38.490 my own struggle. In 2018, I had a plan to take 00:03:38.490 --> 00:03:41.490 my own life, which caused me to really focus 00:03:41.490 --> 00:03:43.449 on my own mental health in ways that I wasn't 00:03:43.449 --> 00:03:46.740 before. So I went from a lost survivor to somebody 00:03:46.740 --> 00:03:50.240 who struggled with their own plans to take I've 00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:52.759 had plans to take my life. Ultimately, I got 00:03:52.759 --> 00:03:55.180 the help that I needed. And I realized like a 00:03:55.180 --> 00:03:56.900 lot of people in my neighborhood didn't know 00:03:56.900 --> 00:03:59.840 how to access or didn't have the access to the 00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:03.419 support that I got. So we decided to create community 00:04:03.419 --> 00:04:06.639 conversations at the local libraries, and just 00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:09.759 the community grew from there. So the organization 00:04:09.759 --> 00:04:12.060 has evolved from something that was just about 00:04:12.060 --> 00:04:14.689 remembering my brother. to something that was 00:04:14.689 --> 00:04:17.750 honoring our neighbors. And it's evolved so much 00:04:17.750 --> 00:04:20.569 since then to be able to create programs where 00:04:20.569 --> 00:04:23.430 young people can get the tools they need in order 00:04:23.430 --> 00:04:26.589 to self -regulate, resolve conflict, be the peer 00:04:26.589 --> 00:04:29.449 supports that they need for one another. So it's 00:04:29.449 --> 00:04:32.189 evolved into a mentorship program. My own journey, 00:04:32.350 --> 00:04:36.110 first off, I didn't really prioritize therapy. 00:04:36.609 --> 00:04:40.629 Until like 2018 after my brother died I did tap 00:04:40.629 --> 00:04:42.829 into therapy a little bit and I had a great therapist 00:04:42.829 --> 00:04:44.529 who was teaching me some things and just trying 00:04:44.529 --> 00:04:47.389 to help me deal with the initial Loss of my brother, 00:04:47.430 --> 00:04:50.470 but also while I was navigating other life changes 00:04:50.470 --> 00:04:54.490 that were happening at the same time My my daughter's 00:04:54.490 --> 00:04:56.990 life started that week that my brother died my 00:04:56.990 --> 00:04:59.589 ex got pregnant with my daughter the same week 00:04:59.589 --> 00:05:01.949 that my brother died and Then I went through 00:05:01.949 --> 00:05:04.069 a big breakup that year. So there were three 00:05:04.189 --> 00:05:08.810 significant life changing situations that happened 00:05:08.810 --> 00:05:11.930 within a matter of a couple of months. And each 00:05:11.930 --> 00:05:15.769 of them individually could have been enough for 00:05:15.769 --> 00:05:18.509 a whole lifetime, but I got all three at once. 00:05:20.550 --> 00:05:23.509 And navigating that made me really have to tap 00:05:23.509 --> 00:05:26.470 into therapy and prioritize staying in therapy. 00:05:26.910 --> 00:05:29.850 So I was able to tap into this program called 00:05:29.850 --> 00:05:32.970 the EAP program through my former employer, which 00:05:32.970 --> 00:05:35.290 introduced me to a therapist that I could connect 00:05:35.290 --> 00:05:38.490 with and sustain that relationship beyond the 00:05:38.490 --> 00:05:41.629 initial EAP visit. And then I also got introduced 00:05:41.629 --> 00:05:44.889 to therapy. I'm sorry, not therapy, journaling. 00:05:45.050 --> 00:05:48.009 I got introduced to just being in the environment 00:05:48.009 --> 00:05:50.310 more like peaceful environments, going for walks. 00:05:50.550 --> 00:05:53.490 And I also have family, my uncle in particular, 00:05:53.550 --> 00:05:56.930 who started encouraging me to prioritize my time 00:05:56.930 --> 00:06:00.329 and schedule my time. So he told me to buy a 00:06:00.329 --> 00:06:02.670 planner and to start writing in there things 00:06:02.670 --> 00:06:04.730 that I wanted to do during the day. I'm going 00:06:04.730 --> 00:06:06.550 to do some push -ups at this time. I'm going 00:06:06.550 --> 00:06:08.389 to go for a walk at this time. I'm going to do 00:06:08.389 --> 00:06:11.050 X, Y, and Z and schedule it. And through that, 00:06:11.089 --> 00:06:14.889 he was teaching me how to love myself with prioritizing 00:06:14.889 --> 00:06:19.069 my time and scheduling myself into my time. So 00:06:19.069 --> 00:06:22.759 over the years, the process of Journaling has 00:06:22.759 --> 00:06:24.519 really helped me because I've been able to be 00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:27.740 really angry and be okay with expressing that. 00:06:27.860 --> 00:06:30.379 I've been able to be hurt and express that and 00:06:30.379 --> 00:06:33.180 get it out on a page full of tears, get it out 00:06:33.180 --> 00:06:35.579 on a page and it made it easier for me to communicate 00:06:35.579 --> 00:06:38.079 that with other people. I just now recognize 00:06:38.079 --> 00:06:40.120 some of the tools that helped me so that I'm 00:06:40.120 --> 00:06:47.000 not overwhelmed by the process. That resonates. 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:50.279 That resonates so much. I want to circle back. 00:06:50.350 --> 00:06:53.209 to you mentioned the EAP program, which for those 00:06:53.209 --> 00:06:55.589 who aren't familiar, that stands for employee 00:06:55.589 --> 00:06:59.370 assistance programs. And a lot of times, if you 00:06:59.370 --> 00:07:02.069 get your insurance through your employer, you 00:07:02.069 --> 00:07:06.550 may be entitled to five, six, eight free therapy 00:07:06.550 --> 00:07:11.569 sessions. And that sometimes is your introduction. 00:07:11.839 --> 00:07:14.220 to therapy. I know it was for me, too, using 00:07:14.220 --> 00:07:17.079 those free therapy sessions. And then it's incumbent 00:07:17.079 --> 00:07:20.040 upon you if you want to continue on. So if you 00:07:20.040 --> 00:07:22.759 are out there listening, inquire with your employer, 00:07:22.839 --> 00:07:25.339 with your insurance company, to see if you have 00:07:25.339 --> 00:07:30.100 those benefits that allow you to seek out therapy 00:07:30.100 --> 00:07:35.100 at no cost initially and then co -pay and so 00:07:35.100 --> 00:07:38.420 forth. Now, you talked about a lot of the methods 00:07:38.420 --> 00:07:44.040 that that you utilize personally, right? And 00:07:44.040 --> 00:07:46.339 that's one of the things that I can appreciate 00:07:46.339 --> 00:07:50.560 about you is just like, hey, I'm learning something. 00:07:50.699 --> 00:07:52.819 I learned something new. I'm going to share it 00:07:52.819 --> 00:07:56.000 with the people. That's what community is. And 00:07:56.000 --> 00:07:59.180 so I know you do that with MBK Cares as well, 00:07:59.300 --> 00:08:02.110 right? You use tools that aren't always thought 00:08:02.110 --> 00:08:04.870 of as traditional therapy where you're laying 00:08:04.870 --> 00:08:07.930 on somebody's couch. You utilize things, as you 00:08:07.930 --> 00:08:11.290 mentioned earlier, like art, like chess, like 00:08:11.290 --> 00:08:15.250 golf, like poetry. Why specifically those methods? 00:08:15.569 --> 00:08:17.829 And what impact have you seen them have on young 00:08:17.829 --> 00:08:22.089 people and men that you serve? Well, the poetry 00:08:22.089 --> 00:08:26.860 part, one, I'm a poet. I am a rapper slash poet 00:08:26.860 --> 00:08:29.199 by the name or purpose. So that was something 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:31.579 that was just special for me to be able to express 00:08:31.579 --> 00:08:34.899 myself and being in spaces where you hear poets 00:08:34.899 --> 00:08:37.440 perform or share their thoughts, it tends to 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:40.399 be a very transparent environment. So I found 00:08:40.399 --> 00:08:42.980 that creating those kinds of spaces where we 00:08:42.980 --> 00:08:45.179 have programs and events that involve poetry, 00:08:45.419 --> 00:08:48.120 you let people share their truth, but also allow 00:08:48.120 --> 00:08:51.019 people who are in the audience hear it and be 00:08:51.019 --> 00:08:53.580 inspired by what they're hearing, but also potentially 00:08:53.580 --> 00:08:56.440 tap into writing and creating her own poetry. 00:08:57.139 --> 00:09:00.000 And when it comes to the arts, my brother was 00:09:00.000 --> 00:09:02.279 an artist. So that connection, some of it is 00:09:02.279 --> 00:09:06.440 because of the legacy my brother had, but also 00:09:06.440 --> 00:09:10.100 in learning from different art therapists, art 00:09:10.100 --> 00:09:13.240 therapy is important in allowing people to be 00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:16.639 able to tap into photography, painting, poetry. 00:09:17.100 --> 00:09:19.600 It gives people an opportunity to be able to 00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:22.379 like process some stuff. and just also experience 00:09:22.379 --> 00:09:25.960 some stuff in new environments as well. And as 00:09:25.960 --> 00:09:29.759 far as chess and golf, I was introduced to chess 00:09:29.759 --> 00:09:33.019 and golf at a young age. I had a mentor who I 00:09:33.019 --> 00:09:35.100 wasn't even in his class, but he was a teacher 00:09:35.100 --> 00:09:37.759 at my school. And he just saw me in the hallways 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:40.220 at a very troubled high school with the West 00:09:40.220 --> 00:09:42.720 Philly high. And I had somebody just invest in 00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:45.259 me and try to teach me how to play chess. He 00:09:45.259 --> 00:09:48.799 also taught me the art of debating and also mock 00:09:48.799 --> 00:09:51.269 trial. He introduced me to things that helped 00:09:51.269 --> 00:09:53.909 me navigate a very dangerous environment in my 00:09:53.909 --> 00:09:57.009 high school so that I could focus and just get 00:09:57.009 --> 00:10:02.309 some guidance. And chess, I was reintroduced 00:10:02.309 --> 00:10:04.809 to it during the pandemic. So during the pandemic, 00:10:04.909 --> 00:10:06.809 a friend of mine told me about this app called 00:10:06.809 --> 00:10:09.870 chess .com and I started playing it all the time 00:10:09.870 --> 00:10:11.929 and it helped me self -regulate, but it also 00:10:11.929 --> 00:10:15.009 helped me to measure where am I if I'm not winning 00:10:15.009 --> 00:10:17.230 or if I'm not even playing competitive chess. 00:10:17.440 --> 00:10:19.840 I knew that I wasn't thinking or processing thoughts 00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:21.659 right. And I still have that. I play probably 00:10:21.659 --> 00:10:24.720 10 to 15 times a day on my phone. And if I'm 00:10:24.720 --> 00:10:26.860 getting trashed in a chess game, then I know 00:10:26.860 --> 00:10:29.340 that I'm not making good decisions on a small 00:10:29.340 --> 00:10:31.799 level. So it was about exposure. And when it 00:10:31.799 --> 00:10:35.039 came to golf, I was fortunate to have a mentor 00:10:35.039 --> 00:10:38.100 who had access to going to play golf. He was 00:10:38.100 --> 00:10:42.419 a doctor and he was a general in the Air Force. 00:10:42.740 --> 00:10:44.879 And he took me under his wing and taught me how 00:10:44.879 --> 00:10:47.740 to play golf. and took me on golf courses in 00:10:47.740 --> 00:10:50.840 spaces that weren't full of Black people and 00:10:50.840 --> 00:10:52.879 especially Black teens. And it was happening 00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:55.740 at a time when Tiger Woods was a young golfer 00:10:55.740 --> 00:10:58.259 in his prime. So I was introduced to something 00:10:58.259 --> 00:11:00.679 and I realized like young people in my neighborhood 00:11:00.679 --> 00:11:03.419 are not introduced to it. They're not taught 00:11:03.419 --> 00:11:05.460 that chess can be fun. They're not taught that 00:11:05.460 --> 00:11:08.379 golf can be not only fun, but it can open up 00:11:08.379 --> 00:11:10.919 so many opportunities and put you in space to 00:11:10.919 --> 00:11:13.279 have a lot of conversations. that can enhance 00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:15.360 your life and just introduce you to some wonderful 00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:19.000 people. So we were intentional about trying something 00:11:19.000 --> 00:11:21.759 new and getting young people from environments 00:11:21.759 --> 00:11:24.179 off their block. A lot of these kids in the city 00:11:24.179 --> 00:11:26.980 of Philadelphia haven't been out of their own 00:11:26.980 --> 00:11:29.179 neighborhood or they haven't been exposed to 00:11:29.179 --> 00:11:31.220 some things in their own neighborhood. We've 00:11:31.220 --> 00:11:33.360 been fortunate to be able to have our programs 00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:36.159 in Strawberry Mansion and some of the kids in 00:11:36.159 --> 00:11:38.779 Strawberry Mansion don't even know that there's 00:11:38.779 --> 00:11:41.309 a space like the Discovery Center or there's 00:11:41.309 --> 00:11:43.970 a space like Strawberry Green Driving Range right 00:11:43.970 --> 00:11:45.850 in their neighborhood because they're just diamonds 00:11:45.850 --> 00:11:48.750 in the rough. And forgive me if saying those 00:11:48.750 --> 00:11:52.029 spaces is not allowed, but just introducing people 00:11:52.029 --> 00:11:55.389 to spaces and different environments is why we 00:11:55.389 --> 00:12:00.090 chose these activities and chose these art forms. 00:12:02.580 --> 00:12:05.440 Yeah, you you touched on a few things there you 00:12:05.440 --> 00:12:08.620 touched on the the importance of Mentorship and 00:12:08.620 --> 00:12:11.360 what that's meant for you not only in your mental 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:14.779 health journey But your journey as a as a black 00:12:14.779 --> 00:12:18.440 boy who? Transitions into a black man and how 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:21.399 the things that we learn in our youth Which we 00:12:21.399 --> 00:12:24.580 we may or may not have interest in right because 00:12:24.580 --> 00:12:26.639 a lot of times like come on overhead I ain't 00:12:26.639 --> 00:12:29.360 trying to hear that right even if we are engaged 00:12:29.360 --> 00:12:33.909 in the next thing we know as an adult we're utilizing 00:12:33.909 --> 00:12:37.009 those same methods, whether in a healthy way 00:12:37.009 --> 00:12:41.230 or an unhealthy way. We all have some sort of 00:12:41.230 --> 00:12:44.929 skill, some sort of skill that can be beneficial 00:12:44.929 --> 00:12:48.669 to community as a whole. And so when we take 00:12:48.669 --> 00:12:52.009 those skills and we bring those to community 00:12:52.009 --> 00:12:54.789 and say, hey, this is what I have to offer, you 00:12:54.789 --> 00:12:58.629 never know who it may impact. And so when we 00:12:58.629 --> 00:13:01.440 talk about these Even though things like art 00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:03.639 therapy, right? It's extremely popular when we 00:13:03.639 --> 00:13:06.799 talk about things like chess like golf poetry 00:13:06.799 --> 00:13:11.679 that's definitely a part of the a part, you know 00:13:11.679 --> 00:13:15.679 a modality where within the therapeutic space, 00:13:15.960 --> 00:13:20.139 but these these quote -unquote a typical these 00:13:20.139 --> 00:13:22.899 a type a typical type of modalities as again 00:13:22.899 --> 00:13:30.759 chess as golf how as basketball as as apps, right? 00:13:30.940 --> 00:13:33.120 So many different things that we can utilize 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:36.740 to help with things like behavioral self -regulation, 00:13:37.059 --> 00:13:40.139 if we take the time to sit and learn and process 00:13:40.139 --> 00:13:43.279 and understand how we can use these mechanisms 00:13:43.279 --> 00:13:46.820 to the benefit of self and the benefit of others. 00:13:46.840 --> 00:13:49.059 So I definitely appreciate that. And yeah, my 00:13:49.059 --> 00:13:53.279 first time playing golf, was at Strawberry Green. 00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:56.539 Went to the driving range. Again, the importance 00:13:56.539 --> 00:14:00.139 of old heads, the importance of mentors. I went 00:14:00.139 --> 00:14:02.559 there, had no idea what I was doing. This was 00:14:02.559 --> 00:14:05.580 probably about 10 years ago. The old head came 00:14:05.580 --> 00:14:08.139 out, and he was just like, oh, hey, go ahead. 00:14:08.159 --> 00:14:09.960 You take them balls. I mean, I had just bought 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:13.399 some golf clubs off the marketplace. And I'm 00:14:13.399 --> 00:14:15.120 sitting there swinging. He just gave me the free 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:18.100 balls. Then another old head came. He was like, 00:14:18.100 --> 00:14:20.440 hey, let me show you something. Right and I'm 00:14:20.440 --> 00:14:23.000 sitting here. You know what I mean? Like he's 00:14:23.000 --> 00:14:26.059 teaching me and that was uncomfortable and it 00:14:26.059 --> 00:14:28.860 wasn't uncomfortable because of what I was learning 00:14:28.860 --> 00:14:32.899 I was uncomfortable because My interactions with 00:14:32.899 --> 00:14:37.019 elder black men was far and few between Right. 00:14:37.100 --> 00:14:40.019 And so I didn't really know I was that discomfort 00:14:40.019 --> 00:14:42.620 that I was feeling in my belly was because I 00:14:42.620 --> 00:14:45.919 didn't really have a mentor growing up that I 00:14:45.919 --> 00:14:48.779 can count on consistently or that I took advantage 00:14:48.779 --> 00:14:54.279 of because they were there. And so I felt compelled 00:14:54.279 --> 00:14:58.240 to share that because again, what I hear you 00:14:58.240 --> 00:15:01.919 explaining and discussing are the same types 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:05.299 of gems and wisdom and effort and energy and 00:15:05.299 --> 00:15:09.100 communal love that was poured into you from elders. 00:15:09.779 --> 00:15:11.759 So with that being said, we know part of the 00:15:11.759 --> 00:15:15.419 battle. is the stigma of mental health. So what 00:15:15.419 --> 00:15:18.759 challenges do you face breaking that stigma in 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:21.279 our communities? And what's been effective in 00:15:21.279 --> 00:15:25.879 pushing back against that? Some of the challenges 00:15:25.879 --> 00:15:30.299 are like one, even like inspiring, like letting 00:15:30.299 --> 00:15:35.799 people know that they have, I'm trying to think 00:15:35.799 --> 00:15:37.840 this through a little bit. The stigma is that 00:15:37.840 --> 00:15:40.379 one, I haven't experienced a lot of stigma. And 00:15:40.379 --> 00:15:43.240 I think that It's because a lot of the things 00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:46.100 I've had opportunity to talk about put me in 00:15:46.100 --> 00:15:48.000 spaces where I've been able to be Transparent 00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:50.659 and it allows other people to do the same thing 00:15:50.659 --> 00:15:53.639 even with you like you had you hold spaces or 00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:56.840 held spaces Where people the walls come down 00:15:56.840 --> 00:15:59.240 because people hear what you have to say So I 00:15:59.240 --> 00:16:00.919 haven't experienced some of those same challenges. 00:16:00.940 --> 00:16:02.799 I've been fortunate I do know that they exist 00:16:02.799 --> 00:16:05.679 for a lot of people but because I've been able 00:16:05.679 --> 00:16:08.379 to share my story and share about the loss of 00:16:08.379 --> 00:16:10.830 my brother a lot of people feel more comfortable 00:16:10.830 --> 00:16:13.649 just talking about things. One of the challenges 00:16:13.649 --> 00:16:15.970 that I have experienced over the last few years 00:16:15.970 --> 00:16:18.250 is getting young people to talk about their mental 00:16:18.250 --> 00:16:20.049 health. Getting adults to talk about it has been 00:16:20.049 --> 00:16:22.350 more normal, but getting young people to talk 00:16:22.350 --> 00:16:24.590 about it is a little different because they're 00:16:24.590 --> 00:16:26.509 dealing with a lot of gun violence and a lot 00:16:26.509 --> 00:16:29.669 of just regular, not regular, but a lot of other 00:16:29.669 --> 00:16:32.570 types of loss of life, not just suicide, which 00:16:32.570 --> 00:16:34.950 is causing a lot of hopelessness amongst them 00:16:34.950 --> 00:16:37.539 where they're not even thinking about. the future 00:16:37.539 --> 00:16:39.860 because they think it's not coming anyway, or 00:16:39.860 --> 00:16:41.720 they're afraid all the time. I can't imagine 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:43.779 what it's like right now to be a teenager in 00:16:43.779 --> 00:16:46.799 the city of Philadelphia. I am connecting with 00:16:46.799 --> 00:16:48.460 some and learning their stories and learning 00:16:48.460 --> 00:16:50.960 their journeys and their hopes and all of that. 00:16:51.539 --> 00:16:54.659 But to combat things, I think that was the question 00:16:54.659 --> 00:16:57.379 you asked, I'm listening more and giving people 00:16:57.379 --> 00:16:59.919 a chance to express themselves even when I don't 00:16:59.919 --> 00:17:02.940 agree with it. I heard someone recently, I'm 00:17:02.940 --> 00:17:04.660 not going to say his name or anything, but I 00:17:04.660 --> 00:17:07.259 heard a young person say, if somebody around 00:17:07.259 --> 00:17:10.519 him was expressing thoughts of suicide, he would, 00:17:10.519 --> 00:17:13.440 like, smack them. And I'm thinking, like, dang, 00:17:13.460 --> 00:17:15.839 that can't be the answer because somebody's hurting 00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:17.460 and you're going to hurt them on top of that. 00:17:17.680 --> 00:17:20.480 But I also just have to listen because that's 00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:25.039 that person's thought process of how to how to 00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:28.140 how to address somebody feeling broken in front 00:17:28.140 --> 00:17:31.480 of them and then allow them to say that and listen 00:17:31.480 --> 00:17:35.690 to it. And from there, try to build a relationship 00:17:35.690 --> 00:17:38.930 so that I can impart wisdom or somebody else 00:17:38.930 --> 00:17:42.509 can address it, whoever is responsible for addressing 00:17:42.509 --> 00:17:44.670 that with that young person. But listen in more 00:17:44.670 --> 00:17:46.829 because when you don't know people and you try 00:17:46.829 --> 00:17:49.410 to speak to them, sometimes people just dismiss 00:17:49.410 --> 00:17:51.789 what you have to say. But when it's young people 00:17:51.789 --> 00:17:53.750 or when it's most people, but it's particularly 00:17:53.750 --> 00:17:56.309 young people, they have to trust you and they 00:17:56.309 --> 00:17:58.769 have to know that you care because a lot of them 00:17:58.769 --> 00:18:02.269 are dealing with Either one parent gone or both 00:18:02.269 --> 00:18:04.569 parents gone and if they're dealing with that 00:18:04.569 --> 00:18:07.170 their trust or their ability to trust is already 00:18:07.170 --> 00:18:09.730 broken It's fractured in a way where they can't 00:18:09.730 --> 00:18:12.950 just trust teachers. They can't trust Police 00:18:12.950 --> 00:18:15.549 they can't trust just people who are caregivers. 00:18:15.549 --> 00:18:19.210 So listening has helped to break down those walls 00:18:19.210 --> 00:18:27.710 That's a word that's a word listening in trust 00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:33.019 And trust is built and can be built through listening, 00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:37.519 especially when you're dealing with young people, 00:18:37.960 --> 00:18:42.119 right? Because as we grow up in this society, 00:18:42.339 --> 00:18:46.660 especially as a black boy, we start to lose trust 00:18:46.660 --> 00:18:52.700 early on, right? We lose trust within our household, 00:18:53.099 --> 00:18:55.960 those around us. A lot of our friendships, a 00:18:55.960 --> 00:19:00.480 lot of our relationships, are frivolous. I'll 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:04.579 use I statements. A lot of my relationships when 00:19:04.579 --> 00:19:08.059 I was younger was about, hey, let's go talk to 00:19:08.059 --> 00:19:11.059 some girls, right? Not really necessarily us 00:19:11.059 --> 00:19:13.720 discussing what was happening in our lives, whether 00:19:13.720 --> 00:19:16.599 in school, whether at home and so forth. As I 00:19:16.599 --> 00:19:20.960 got older, hey, let's go get a drink. And not 00:19:20.960 --> 00:19:22.759 to say that there's anything wrong with that, 00:19:22.940 --> 00:19:26.490 right? But a lot of this is like surfacy. It 00:19:26.490 --> 00:19:32.029 never gets into the true level of friendships 00:19:32.029 --> 00:19:34.730 like I have now with some of these same people 00:19:34.730 --> 00:19:36.549 where it's just like, yo bro, this is what I'm 00:19:36.549 --> 00:19:38.950 going through with my wife. Yo fam, this is what 00:19:38.950 --> 00:19:41.390 I'm going through with my mental health. You 00:19:41.390 --> 00:19:43.950 think I should go talk to a therapist and so 00:19:43.950 --> 00:19:45.730 forth. Things that I know these people wouldn't 00:19:45.730 --> 00:19:50.490 have done over the last 10 years or so. And the 00:19:50.490 --> 00:19:53.170 reason why I think they feel comfortable in coming 00:19:53.170 --> 00:19:56.440 to me specifically It's because I'm not going 00:19:56.440 --> 00:20:01.299 to laugh them out the building. I'm going to 00:20:01.299 --> 00:20:04.059 take time and listen. I'm going to take it serious. 00:20:04.380 --> 00:20:07.420 So you highlighting just that importance of trust. 00:20:07.519 --> 00:20:11.660 And once trust is lost, it's so hard to get back. 00:20:12.180 --> 00:20:15.400 It's so hard to get back. So I appreciate you 00:20:15.400 --> 00:20:19.700 bringing that up. So I want to transition to 00:20:19.700 --> 00:20:23.599 what it looks like. for MBK Cares going forward. 00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:28.039 What vision do you have for your nonprofit organization 00:20:28.039 --> 00:20:30.720 over the next few years? Where do you want to 00:20:30.720 --> 00:20:35.339 take this movement? I would like to see more 00:20:35.339 --> 00:20:38.839 chapters of the organization of the cities and 00:20:38.839 --> 00:20:42.880 creating a model that people can put into their 00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:45.579 urban environment. It may not necessarily have 00:20:45.579 --> 00:20:48.619 to be chess or golf, but some of the foundational 00:20:48.619 --> 00:20:51.500 pieces where it comes to introducing art and 00:20:51.500 --> 00:20:53.740 just an activity that can be different. People 00:20:53.740 --> 00:20:56.200 might not have golf, but they might have like 00:20:56.200 --> 00:20:58.359 maybe some skate parks or maybe just some other 00:20:58.359 --> 00:21:01.779 like pickleball or whatever activity, but incorporating 00:21:01.779 --> 00:21:04.980 a physical activity that also stimulates the 00:21:04.980 --> 00:21:06.660 mind. I would hope that it could be chess and 00:21:06.660 --> 00:21:10.039 golf wherever because the mental component that 00:21:10.039 --> 00:21:12.880 they both involve and the etiquette that they 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:16.740 allow you to practice. But just expanding, but 00:21:16.740 --> 00:21:19.660 also opening up some of our other programs. We 00:21:19.660 --> 00:21:23.819 have about 16 program ideas that we haven't executed 00:21:23.819 --> 00:21:26.819 yet. I want to do more work when it comes to 00:21:26.819 --> 00:21:30.279 foster care and like the adoption agencies because 00:21:30.279 --> 00:21:32.680 a lot of those people in those spaces, whether 00:21:32.680 --> 00:21:35.839 the caretakers or the people who are being adopted 00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:37.700 or just being brought up through those systems, 00:21:38.220 --> 00:21:40.259 they need mental health support. I would like 00:21:40.259 --> 00:21:43.480 to do more for the veterans. There's more work 00:21:43.480 --> 00:21:45.519 that we want to do with return citizens or people 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:48.299 who are in prison, incarcerated people, just 00:21:48.299 --> 00:21:49.839 to make sure that they get the care that they 00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:51.740 need so that people can just be treated like 00:21:51.740 --> 00:21:54.940 decent citizens. There's a whole lot more on 00:21:54.940 --> 00:21:58.200 the horizon, but my goal is also ultimately to 00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:01.180 allow the story to get off of me. A lot of the 00:22:01.180 --> 00:22:04.759 story has been on my struggle and on my own loss 00:22:04.759 --> 00:22:07.519 of my brother. I would like this story and also 00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:10.170 the service we provide to be more about. who 00:22:10.170 --> 00:22:12.910 we serve in the community. So right now there's 00:22:12.910 --> 00:22:15.750 a strategy and a plan to be able to bring more 00:22:15.750 --> 00:22:18.970 people into the organization who will have expertise 00:22:18.970 --> 00:22:22.130 in areas that I do not have so that the organization 00:22:22.130 --> 00:22:25.289 can just flow better and have a broader reach. 00:22:25.609 --> 00:22:28.349 So I'm just hoping that things can become more 00:22:28.349 --> 00:22:31.509 about the community that we serve and less about 00:22:31.509 --> 00:22:35.009 people just being compelled. to gravitate towards 00:22:35.009 --> 00:22:37.769 my story and my relationships with the community, 00:22:38.109 --> 00:22:41.309 but about people meeting needs and other people 00:22:41.309 --> 00:22:43.430 seeing a way that they fit into the organization. 00:22:43.809 --> 00:22:46.509 I want strangers to say, hey, I want to volunteer. 00:22:46.849 --> 00:22:49.349 I want to fit in. Or I see a place that I can 00:22:49.349 --> 00:22:51.789 fit in. Hey, I have expertise with accounting. 00:22:51.869 --> 00:22:53.730 I can help you with that. I'm a lawyer. I can 00:22:53.730 --> 00:22:56.130 help you with this and that. I'm looking for 00:22:56.130 --> 00:22:58.730 people to see the fit that they have in the organization 00:22:58.730 --> 00:23:03.400 and feel comfortable walking into it. And knowing 00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:06.140 you, I'm certain it's going to get done. Knowing 00:23:06.140 --> 00:23:09.299 you, I know it's going to get done. Before we 00:23:09.299 --> 00:23:11.359 get out of here, I always like to bring it back 00:23:11.359 --> 00:23:14.839 to the people. So if there's a brother out here 00:23:14.839 --> 00:23:17.539 struggling, maybe feeling like he can't say I'm 00:23:17.539 --> 00:23:20.039 not OK, what's one thing you want to leave him 00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:26.559 with? It's OK to cry. Cry it out. Have a good 00:23:26.559 --> 00:23:32.019 cry. Hug yourself. Love yourself. I encourage 00:23:32.019 --> 00:23:34.880 you to tell yourself Something good that you 00:23:34.880 --> 00:23:37.440 did this year is it's actually good that I'm 00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:40.019 saying it because this morning I had to practice 00:23:40.019 --> 00:23:42.799 this I was really thinking about Things that 00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:45.700 I've lost and I was struggling to process so 00:23:45.700 --> 00:23:47.700 many good things that have happened. So I encourage 00:23:47.700 --> 00:23:50.779 somebody out there to remind yourself of something 00:23:50.779 --> 00:23:53.640 good that you've accomplished or something good 00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:56.000 that you've encountered, a person that you encountered, 00:23:56.059 --> 00:23:59.119 especially with men. We deal with a lot of loss 00:23:59.119 --> 00:24:02.859 sometimes and we deal with a lot of just disappointments 00:24:02.859 --> 00:24:04.940 and we deal with it in bad ways. So I encourage 00:24:04.940 --> 00:24:07.859 whoever's out there to tell yourself something 00:24:07.859 --> 00:24:11.059 good and also just give yourself grace. You may 00:24:11.059 --> 00:24:14.079 have messed up. You may be the perpetrator of 00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:16.119 the own experience you're living out. You may 00:24:16.119 --> 00:24:19.400 be living out consequences that you've you've 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:21.980 contributed to, but that doesn't make you exempt 00:24:21.980 --> 00:24:24.880 from love, that doesn't make you exempt from 00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:27.000 the grace of God, that doesn't make you exempt 00:24:27.000 --> 00:24:31.140 from people's respect and also just another chance. 00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:33.859 So I encourage you to just give yourself some 00:24:33.859 --> 00:24:37.460 grace, cry it out if you must, and please open 00:24:37.460 --> 00:24:39.920 your mouth and tell somebody if you're struggling 00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:42.599 and give somebody an opportunity to love on you 00:24:42.599 --> 00:24:45.940 and support you and walk along with it. And Phil, 00:24:45.940 --> 00:24:47.920 I'm gonna put this back on you. You've done that 00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:50.819 for me. When I was in crisis, I walked into a 00:24:50.819 --> 00:24:54.019 space that you hosted and you curated. And you 00:24:54.019 --> 00:24:56.960 and the other brothers in that space helped me 00:24:56.960 --> 00:24:59.319 down. And I think a lot of the things that it'll 00:24:59.319 --> 00:25:02.259 be kid cares right now would not exist had I 00:25:02.259 --> 00:25:04.140 not been supported by other brothers who took 00:25:04.140 --> 00:25:07.240 time to create those kinds of spaces and conversations. 00:25:14.119 --> 00:25:18.029 Thank you, brother. I received that. I received 00:25:18.029 --> 00:25:22.150 it. See, now you got me, you know, it's a good 00:25:22.150 --> 00:25:24.630 thing, right? It's a good thing. I appreciate 00:25:24.630 --> 00:25:26.309 it. You know what I mean? I was just going to 00:25:26.309 --> 00:25:27.849 try to say something else, but it's just like, 00:25:27.950 --> 00:25:32.029 no, I receive it and I appreciate it. I'm glad 00:25:32.029 --> 00:25:35.569 you've seen value in the work that I do and the 00:25:35.569 --> 00:25:38.509 work that other brothers put in for those who 00:25:38.509 --> 00:25:41.250 attend any space that I may curate. I'm just 00:25:41.250 --> 00:25:46.000 a vessel for it all. So yeah, so with that being 00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:49.019 said, listen, Usana, I thank you for coming and 00:25:49.019 --> 00:25:51.900 sharing space and sharing your truth with us. 00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:55.319 I want to salute you for the work that you and 00:25:55.319 --> 00:25:59.160 MBK Cares is doing for men and boys, and just 00:25:59.160 --> 00:26:03.279 for our communities at large. If you want to 00:26:03.279 --> 00:26:07.700 be in contact with Usana and MBK Cares, you can 00:26:07.700 --> 00:26:12.140 hit them up at MBKCares .com. And because the 00:26:12.140 --> 00:26:16.309 work that he's doing It's so important. It reminds 00:26:16.309 --> 00:26:19.910 us that healing is possible, community is necessary, 00:26:20.369 --> 00:26:23.130 and our lives are worth fighting for. And remember, 00:26:23.309 --> 00:26:25.410 when it comes to men's mental health and wellness, 00:26:26.009 --> 00:26:29.509 the road isn't easy, but it's worth it. Peace.