Ah, the old camera gong. Yes, how it shines.
And it beckons us monster lovers to emerge from
the shadows and give it a whack. Yes, as I lift
this mallet, I am overcome with memories from
the past. My silent movie reviews from season
four when I overcame a murderous little rat named
Pierre. I wonder where he is these days. Yes,
well, anyways. Season 5 in which I suffered an
existential crisis. Yes, the only answer now
is to beat the gong and press ahead with the
Poverty Row Picture Show. I am your host, Peter
Lorre, and we're talking about all of my favorite
monster movies. The good, the bad, and the downright
campy. And asking if they stand the test of time.
Oh, Mr. Lorre, what are you doing? It's the middle
of the night. Vincent, hello. Will you... I have
a kid sleeping in the next room. Oh, sorry, sorry,
Vincent, hello. I... I do not sleep. I am the
reanimated corpse of Hollywood horror legend
Peter Lorre, after all. And you may remember
me from such films as... No, no, no, no. I know
who you are. It's just... Well, I guess I didn't
expect you to see it back so soon. How was the
honeymoon? Oh, fabulous. Have you ever made love
to a bird lady? God, no. What? Lenore is my soulmate.
This I am certain. And as we slept in and watched
all my old movies... She helped me realize that
I could be doing more on Camp Kaiju. Well, you
host a terrific segment. Everyone loves it. Sean
Pryor told me so, and Kaiju Nick wrote in. Hey,
even Matt appreciates you in his own ways. Do
not mention that rat bastard in my presence again.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Yikes. Old wounds.
Well, Mr. Laurie, I'm happy to help you out.
What do you need? I think I need to get back
to basics. Yes, in my bones, I feel that the
Poverty Row picture show should focus more on
the Poverty Row films themselves. I mean, looking
back on Season 5, I battled a giant murderous
plant and read the entirety of Edgar Allan Poe's
The Raven. I mean, I was not in a good place.
My point is, with Season 6... I'd like to talk
more about the classic horror B -movies themselves.
You know, really, really focus on the production,
the release, and the legacy of these classic
horror films. Yeah, okay, we can do that. Oh,
really? Yes, you think it is possible? I'm the
one who's got to edit this stuff. I love your
idea, Mr. Laurie. Hot! Dog, we're back in business.
I'm glad you're feeling rested and ready to go.
We've still got that Shemp Howard picture called
Crazy Nights to review. It's about three guys
who run afoul of ghosts, a gorilla, and a haunted
house. Oh, it sounds absolutely terrible. I cannot
wait. When do we get started? We'll include it
in the first episode of 2026, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
2. Wonderful. Hey, wait, where are you going?
Well, I need to tell you that I have also moved
in with Lenore. Yes, my bachelor days are over.
Old Peter Lorre here is coming home to roost,
and I'll, uh, well, I'll send you my recordings
via carrier pigeon. All right. I mean, I support
you, Mr. Lorre. I just, I thought maybe, it sounds
silly, but I thought maybe we could hit the gamera
gong together. Just to show you there's no hard
feelings, I'll let you do the intro. I can do
that much. All right. On the count of three.
Ready. One. Two. Three. Welcome to Camp Kite,
your monster movie podcast. I am your host, Peter
Lorre, and we're talking about all of our favorite
monster movies. good, the bad, and the damn right
can't be, and asking if they stand the test of
time. Traditional kaiju creature features space
invaders, the supernatural, and everything in
between. All strange beasts welcome here. Mrs.
Peter Lorre speaking. I couldn't resist the temptation
to call you. I just read of your new picture
that you ought to make. Oh, that's very nice
of you. Thanks for your interest. Oh, I thought
you were magnificent in M. And just the other
night I saw your new picture, The Man Who Knew
Too Much. What character are you going to play
in it? Oh, it's a most unusual story. You know,
it's a great love drama. I am to be a half -mad
scientist. I, a poor peasant. have conquered
science, why can't I conquer love? He shall be
shut up when it's I who am mad. But nobody knows
that. Each man kills the thing he loves. Well,
I got to tell you about Peter Lorre here. He
is reviewing a movie, a Golden Age ape movie
starring Bela Lugosa called The Ape Man from
1943. Mr. Lugosi plays a scientist who, through
some sort of science gone awry, injects himself
with an ape serum and turns into an ape man.
Whoa. That sounds great. It's perfect for Congo.
Lined up perfectly. Thank Mr. Laurie for that
work. I know he is in a bit of a jam dealing
with this lilac. My mental connection, my telepathic
connection is beeping danger signals right now.
Can you do anything to help him? Can you get
into that room? Is it still locked? It is still
locked. Yeah. I mean, I can do something to help
him. Do I want to? That's another question. I
don't know. But I feel I can already see like
the the petals and like the tendrils of the lilac
like creeping onto the door. So I'm a little
freaked out. I don't know if I want to go in
there right now. But, you know, I don't need
a telepathic connection to know that he's in
danger. So I might check on him after this episode
just to make sure. OK. Okay, we'll check back
next time to see how he's doing, how you're doing.
The world might be in danger. You're next, everybody.
You're next. Look out for that lilac, yeah. While
I'm in there, I'll ask Mr. Laurie if he has any
thoughts about why there are so many monkey movies
in the 1990s. He probably has some thoughts on
that. Might have. Yeah, he might have. We'll
see. But he might be also too busy like trying
to escape from the constricting limbs of the
lilac. So we'll see. We'll see how he's doing.
Yeah, just bring your machete in there with you.
Yeah, exactly. Well, awesome. I can't wait to
hear Mr. Laurie's thoughts on that. Hopefully
he's still alive. We'll find out. Welcome to
the Poverty Row Studios on the other side of
Hollywood. Where the stars were dimmer and the
red carpets dripped with blood. Together we will
watch the best of the worst. Movies known for
their limited budgets, outlandish concepts, and
questionable performances. But with enough haunted
houses, zombies, ape men, and devil bats to keep
you up at night. This is the Poverty Row Picture
Show. And I dare you to sleep through these nightmares.
Hello there. I am Peter Lorre and I have but
minutes to live. As you can hear, I am in a little
bit of a pickle. You see, my fiendish friend,
my botanical buddy, my platonic plant, my lilac,
has turned on me. Oh, and it is currently squeezing
me to death. But damn it all to hell if I do
not continue reviewing these poverty row movies.
If I am to go out, I can think of no better way
than discussing The Ape Man whilst being munched
on by a monster flower. Here we go. The Ape Man
stars Bela Lugosi and was shot within a week
at Monogram Studios. The story is rather derivative.
A scientist injects himself with spinal fluid
from a gorilla and what you know he turns into
an ape himself. And of course the cure lies in
the spinal fluid of regular old human beings.
Thus begins the murder spree as Lugosi preys
on the innocent with the help of his sidekick,
an actual gorilla. Now this gorilla was a costume
and portrayed by veteran ape actor Emo Van Horn.
Sunshine Sammy Morris, for what it's worth of
the East End kids, also makes an appearance.
Now, after you've both seen Monogram's previous
film called The Ape with Boris Karloff, you would
be on the money. Look, if you've got the gorilla
costume, you might as well use it. And as Matthew
and Vincent discussed, such pictures were popular
at this time. I do not know anything about the
1990s, however, to venture a guess about that
decade's interest in cinematic simians. Now,
despite the predictable story, The Ape Man is
not a terrible movie, all things considered.
Mr. Legosi, ever the professional, gives it his
all. God bless that man. It is interesting to
note that Legosi's previous gig was playing the
Frankenstein monster in Universal's Frankenstein
Meets the Wolfman. However, Universal did not
call him back for their next project, Son of
Dracula. Ironic, eh? Well, the Universal brass
shared little of the respect Monogram had for
Legosi. However hammy he may be in these movies,
they are made that much more enjoyable with his
presence. So seek out the ape man. And if I survive
my present ordeal, I'd love to hear from you.
Oh, that's the spot. That one didn't feel too
bad. Nope. No. No, that one hurt. Here it is,
listeners. I face the deep, dark depths of the
lilac's maw. And before I get eaten, we'll see
you next week for Sunshine Sammy Morris and those
other East End kids in a 1943 movie called Ghosts
on the Loose. So coming up on the Poverty Row
Picture Show is a 1943 movie called Ghosts on
the Loose starring Bela Lugosi and the Dead End
Kids. Letterboxd likes to... share maybe like
the tagline of the film and i love this tagline
it says you'll yell with glee when these happy
-go -lucky hooligans invade the shivery domain
of the man of a thousand horrors it's hilarious
it's a good word so uh check out ghosts on the
loose and uh join peter lorry How do you, I'm
surprised we haven't really talked too much about
the Abbott and Costello meet blah, blah, blah,
fill in the blanks movies. I'm guessing we'll
maybe bring some of them into the podcast at
some point, but I'm curious about your thoughts.
Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein is one
of the funniest movies ever made. Yeah. Arguably
like that's a common, no contest argument there.
It's hilarious. Yeah. Or chill areas. One might
say. One might say. The other ones I've seen,
Abbott and Costello meet the mummy, is so tired
in its presentation. It's the last film they
made as a duo. And they seem tired. The jokes
are tired. The mummies are tired. Abbott and
Costello meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is fun.
Boris Karloff plays Dr. Jekyll in that. And then
there's Abbott and Costello meet the invisible
man, which is also fun. But but they're just,
you know, they're worthwhile for the gags. But
something about meet Frankenstein is just. It's
just like a complete movie in ways that it's
more than just gags. So that's my two minute
review of those of those movies. Yeah. I think
the Frankenstein one is the only one that I saw
like a long time ago when I was a kid. And maybe
there's one where they meet the Wolfman also,
right? That's in that one. Okay. Yeah. So that
plot is they, they, they run across Larry Talbot
played by Lon Chaney Jr. And of course he's like,
I got to find a cure for my lycanthropy. And
they're like, okay, buddy, every man turns into
a wolf at the full moon. And he's like, no, you
don't understand. I'm really a wolf. I vaguely
remember that, I think, from a long time ago.
Yeah. So then they go find Dr. Frankenstein and
Dracula shows up. And yeah, it's hilarity ensues.
Chilarity ensues. Yeah. Chilarity. I'm sorry
to lead us on that tangent, but I hope we bring
one of those movies to the podcast at some point.
Absolutely. Yeah, they're great. Welcome to the
Poverty Row Studios on the other side of Hollywood.
Where the stars were dimmer and the red carpets
dripped with blood. Together we will watch the
best of the worst. Movies known for their limited
budgets, outlandish concepts, and questionable
performances. But with enough haunted houses,
zombies, ape men, and devil bats to keep you
up at night. This is the Poverty Row Picture
Show. And I dare you to sleep through these nightmares.
Hello there. I am Peter Lorre coming to you from
inside the belly of my beloved yet admittedly
bloodthirsty lilac plant. Yes, I have been swallowed
by the monster, but fret not. As I have been
consumed limb by broken limb, I managed to grab
a hold of a sharp and pointed tooth. It broke
off in my hand and now, deep within the digestive
tract of the lilac, I wield it as a sword and
will soon be free of my captor's stomach. But
I better act quick, lest I be liquefied by these
acidic juices. Yes. I am free. Yes, take that,
you infernal beast. Back to the hell from whence
you came. Now, on with the show. This week's
movie is called Ghosts on the Loose. It is a
tired 1943 outing with the East End kids Running
amok in a haunted house with Bailey Lugosi playing
a gangster and Nazi agent out to get them. And
what the synopsis promises, chilarity. The film
is anything but. Clocking in at 64 minutes, much
of the film is comprised of antics fit for a
first grader, but hardly worthy of any of the
talents involved. Mr. Lugosi doesn't even show
up until halfway through. Now, it is interesting
to see the great Ava Gardner in an early role,
but it is as thankless as anything else. You're
much better off viewing the similar, but actually
hilarious, Spooks Run Wild. Alright, alright,
well, next time we will cover another zombie
picture called Revenge of the Zombies, starring
John Carradine. And until then, I'll need to
clean up this disgusting mess. Yuck! Perhaps
Matthew might be so kind as to lend a hand. But
fat chance, knowing what care he has shown me
until now. Fighting for my life and an area.
How are you, Peter? Do you need a hand, Peter?
Perhaps a spade and shovel, Peter? Curse you,
Matthew. Curse you. Curse you. How is Peter Lorre
doing? He's alive. God, still? Hey, whoa. What's
this beef? Does he have to come live with me
for a little bit? That might be a good idea,
actually, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, before I make
any promises, you know. I'm sorry, Peter. I didn't
mean it. You know, it could be a Patreon perk.
You can sponsor Peter Lorre and let him crash
at your house. But it has to be in a dank cellar,
and you have to lock him up and feed him fish
heads. Those are the requirements. Well, you
know, he escaped the lilac. He was swallowed,
and then he cut himself out. All right, well,
I'm glad he's okay. I'm glad he's still alive.
That's good. I take it back. Yeah, I don't think
he's happy with you, though. no i'm sure he's
not yeah that's fair it's it's only gonna get
worse that's all right so it goes well we'll
see what happens tonight he's talking about another
poverty row picture show movie called revenge
of the zombies dead men can't die but live to
follow a madman's will cool I'm intrigued. Yeah,
John Carradine. He's going to be doing some crazy
mad doctor things, I think. Oh, there are Nazis
involved. Oh, man. And 43? Wow, timely. Not surprising.
When Dr. Von Alterman's wife, Lila, dies mysteriously
at his spooky mansion, her relations suspect
murder. They also suspect the doctor is turning
her into a zombie to join the army of living
dead he hopes to devote to the Nazi cause. However,
Lila, though dead, has developed a will of her
own. Man, I'm pretty intrigued by this movie.
It reminds me of Shockwaves, which is also about
zombie Nazis that played at the trial on a couple
weeks ago, maybe like a month ago at this point.
That's right. Yeah. So zombie Nazis, apparently,
you know, a recurring theme throughout film history.
Yeah. Who knew there is a rich cinematic tradition
of zombie Nazis. Oh, wow. I cannot wait to hear
Peter Lorre hold forth on this topic. Let's give
it to him. Welcome to Poverty Row Studios on
the other side of Hollywood. Where the stars
were dimmer and the red carpets dripped with
blood. Together, we will watch the best of the
worst. Movies known for their limited budgets,
outlandish concepts, and questionable performances.
But with enough haunted houses, zombies, ape
men, and devil bats to keep you up at night this
is the poverty row picture show and i dare you
to sleep through these nightmares greetings ghouls
and gals monsters and madmen my name is peter
lorry and i am back you dirty rotten scoundrels
oh you thought you thought you had heard the
last of me you thought the puny petunia could
finish me you thought i would be the excrement
of a horticultural kaiju well allow me to defy
the odds once more i returned to review monster
movies for camp kaiju and with no help from that
rat bastard maggie cole levine Sure, he goes
to the fisherman's docks each and every morning
to gather the delectable fish heads, but at what
price to my dignity? When I needed him most,
he was not there. This, dear listeners, is unforgivable,
and I will have my day. You hear me, world? I
will have my day. But until that day when Matthew
knows the cost of his negligence, I will continue
to review monster movies of the poverty row studios
of classic Hollywood. This week, we feature a
zombie thriller from Monogram Pictures. 1943's
Revenge of the Zombies, starring John Carradine
as a Nazi scientist hell -bent on creating a
zombie army to crush the Allies. The story bears
a strong resemblance to previous films featured
on the Poverty Row picture show, The Mad Monster,
George Zuko creating a werewolf army, and King
of the Zombies, the latter also featuring African
-American actor Mantan Moreland. In Revenge,
Moreland plays the same comedic relief. albeit
less incorporated into the overall plot, but
no less the saving grace of this film. Overall,
however, Revenge of the Zombies plays like a
reprint of King of the Zombies, but with a sense
of been there, done that. Nevertheless, the picture
has some wicked moments of camp and visual thrills,
rare elements indeed in these movies of the poverty
row for that reason. I would recommend Revenge
of the Zombies. Perhaps a Mantan Moreland double
feature is in store with King of the Zombies
playing first. Yes, yes, this is shaping up to
be quite the movie night. If anyone out there
wishes to have me over, I will bring the popcorn.
I will also never leave, especially if I shuffle
off to the bathroom and happen to open the wrong
door. and discover a guest bedroom with with
a firm mattress and and throw pillows and a and
a sultry silk count and and no potted plants
oh yes well until then we will discuss our next
film on the poverty row picture show a little
film called voodoo man yes it stars the unholy
three keratin zuko and Bela Lugosi. of blood
feels the freezing paralysis of fear almost stopping
your heart as Edgar Allan Poe unfolds his tales
of terror. You will meet the master of the mansion
who loved and protected his wife with the strength
of a supernatural love even beyond life itself.
I am in command here. You will do as I say. I
shall take what I desire, your body and your
soul, if I demand it. I've heard enough. Help!
Help! Help! Then you'll enjoy the black cat's
sardonically humorous tale. It all started at
the Vintner's Convention, where the lover of
wine met the professional wine taster and introduced
him to his wife, a darling who delighted in dalliance.
What kind of a man are you anyway? Make love
to my wife and doesn't even talk to me. You're
insane. That may be, but very clever. Help! Help!
Help! In this monstrous mausoleum of the living,
you will witness fury far worse than a woman
scorned. The fury of a dead woman's jealousy.
Invisible Man. It's amazing. You will be of great
help to us. Who is this terrifying Phantom Commando?
What is his amazing mission? See The Invisible
Agent, suggested by H .G. Wells' Invisible Man,
starring Ilona Massey and John Hall, with Peter
Lorre, Sir Cedric Hardwick, J. Edward Bromberg,
Albert Bosserman, in the most amazing story of
our times. Stop! Who is there? How did you know
I was going to England? I didn't, but... So the
trap was all set, eh? Frank, how can you talk
like that? What's this? It's full of hooks. They're
tearing into me. to tell you, astounding, incredible.
The fabulous tale of Demetrius, an evil genius
whose crimes baffled the continent for 20 years.
The will of the wisp whose face the police had
never even seen. But Demetrius hid behind many
masks, an obscure present one day, a bank of
the next. A man, no, a devil without heart or
soul or conscience. I knew him only too well.
But Demetrius... A little surprised, Peterson?
Demetrius, utterly without scruples, completely
immoral, but fascinating. I feared him, yet I
loved him. As far as I know, no government ever
caught Demetrius. But I knew I hated him enough
to kill him. You have to give me an exchange.
Silence, Demetrius. It's very valuable. Place
your hands behind your head. You too, Bernard.
But, Demetrius. Turn around. You certainly cannot
expect to get away with this. I can do anything.
Actually, yeah. We do have a little note here
from Kaiju Nick. Thank you for writing in, Kaiju
Nick. He says, Thank you, Kaiju Nick. Always
a pleasure to see Mr. Laurie unexpectedly. And
to see him on Camp Kaiju as well, or hear him
anyway. Yeah, honestly, Kaiju Nick, Mr. Laurie's
very happy about that email. I had to show him
what email is, but once he got the hang of it,
he loved it. I'm sure he'll have something to
say about that. Did he even remember acting in
that movie, 20 ,000 Leagues Under the Sea? Like,
oh, this doesn't ring a bell. I say, I don't
remember him being in 20 ,000. He plays Kirk
Douglas's like little buddy. He's like right
hand man. Oh, really? Yeah. Laurie's pretty understated
in the role. I mean, it's a really bombastic
film. And Kirk Douglas just consumes screen presence.
But but Laurie's there solid doing is doing his
job. Yeah. Always likable. I'll pass that on
to Mr. Laurie. And he's going to talk about a
little film from 1944 called Voodoo Man. It stars
John Carradine, Bela Lugosi and George Zuko.
And this movie, I love reading these letterbox
synopses. So apparently the tagline for Voodoo
Man is. His lust for voodooism spells D -O -O
-M. Yeah. The movie is about a mad doctor and
his helpers who lure girls to his lab for brain
work to help his wife. What does brain work mean?
What does any of that mean? Right. I don't know.
To help his wife. Help his wife with what? Good
question. I'm a little scared. And how does voodoo
fit into all that as well? And is it his lust
that spells doom? Like, how does that work? I
guess we'll have to listen and find out. Welcome
to the Poverty Row Studios on the other side
of Hollywood, where the stars were dimmer. and
the red carpets dripped with blood. Together
we will watch the best of the worst. Movies known
for their limited budgets, outlandish concepts,
and questionable performances, but with enough
haunted houses, zombies, ape men, and devil bats
to keep you up at night. This is the Poverty
Row Picture Show, and I dare you to sleep through
these nightmares. I am Peter Lorre, and yes,
I was in 20 ,000 Leagues Under the Sea. And,
and, the Nautilus was not the only dreamboat
in the production. Kirk Douglas, am I right?
I'll swear by his tattoo. Yes, well, that's more
than I can say for Matthew Cole Levine, leaving
me for dead in this rotten apartment. Well, before
I digress... Thank you, Kaiju Nick, for your
electronic correspondence. And thank you, Peter
Laurie, for willingly giving me the microphone
for this segment. Wait, what? Is that you, Bela?
Bela Lugosi? Well, Matthew just let anyone in
these days. I have ways of getting through locked
doors. And considering tonight's review is about
my 1944 film, Voodoo Man, I'm afraid I must do
the honors. Fine by me, pal. I mean, I still
need to pack. I need to comb my hair. Find a
new place to hang my hat. Listeners, I will return
next week for all new thrills when we discuss
a non -Bela Lugosi movie called... The Monster
Maker. And I will hang about and tell you all
what the Voodoo Man's lust is all about. Yeah,
good luck with all that. Children of the podcast,
I bid you welcome. Voodoo Man marks my eighth
and final picture with Monogram Studios. You
have seen me yuck it up with Eastside Kids. You
have seen me play gangsters and mad scientists.
You have seen me wrestle zombies and devil bats
and play the best ape man this side of the jungle.
And now, to end my contract with Monogram, I
don a necromancer's robe as John Carradine and
George Zuko abduct young women from my nefarious
plan to transfer their life forces into the corpse
of my beautiful bride. Now, Voodoo Man has been
called a better film than most I made in the
1940s. Indeed, after my time with Monogram, the
choice roles were hard to come by. Even Universal
stopped calling. Oh, sure, there was Abbott and
Costello meet Frankenstein in 1948, but that
was about it until the Ed Wood pictures and my
old slow descent into the fangs of death in 1956.
So I thank you, and Peter Lorre, for being kind
to me on the Poverty Row Picture Show. Even if
the movies themselves were less than praiseworthy,
I did what I could with what I had. But always
better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.
And so, I bid you adieu, and until we meet again,
remember, I was once in a movie called Bela Lugosi
Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla. So stupid. And Peter
Lorre, Matt, did you even notice he moved out?
You know, it's been so quiet and peaceful here.
That explains it. That must be why. Yeah. Well,
now I can't sleep at night. Because I got some
hoodlum moving in to my basement down here. It's
Peter Lorre. Oh, man. There must be a high -pitched
German muttering down there all the time now.
Ada's asking me what is going on. You know, I
can only keep Lorre from her for so long. That's
terrifying. You gave him my address. I did no
such thing. I might have given him a general
direction, but, you know. Some landmarks, possibly.
I didn't I didn't think he was even going to
survive all the way over there. Well, he did.
And now I have to find accommodations for someone
else in my house. Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry about
that. I I'll offer you some tips to like make
it a little bit easier. Maybe I'll give him like
a parting gift, you know. since he's not in my,
in my place anymore, but yeah, good luck. That's
all. That's all I can say. I brought this on
myself, but we'll see. We'll, we'll make it work.
We'll make it work. All right. He's got to talk
to us about a 1944 movie called the monster maker.
Oh, that's a good title. Welcome to the Poverty
Row Studios, on the other side of Hollywood,
where the stars were dimmer and the red carpets
dripped with blood. Together we will watch the
best of the worst. Movies known for their limited
budgets, outlandish concepts, and questionable
performances, but with enough haunted houses,
zombies, ape men, and devil bats to keep you
up at night. Yes. It's the Poverty Row Picture
Show, and I dare you to sleep through these nightmares.
Greetings ghouls and gals, and happy October.
It is the gravest season of all. And thanks to
Bela Lugosi for covering me last week. That man
can really vamp on the mic. But now I return
to continue the Poverty Row Picture Show. Coming
to you now from all new digs. That's right. I
have left the unfriendly confines of Matthew's
dirty, rotten, stinking, lousy, two -bit, flea
-infested excuse for a home. And now I find myself
in the basement dwellings of Vincent's own abode.
Hmm. What do we have here? Yes, this is good.
A full liquor cabinet and a color television
set. Well, I am sure that Vincent will not mind
if I make myself comfy. We haven't exactly established
the house rules, but... Ah, what the heck. Now,
what movie are we reviewing tonight? Ah, yes.
1944's The Monster Maker. This devilish B -movie
concerns a mad scientist played by J. Carroll
Nash, who injects his would -be adversaries with
the serum of acromagaly. This is the disease
of the Elephant Man, Rondo Hanton, and that scientist
from Universal's Tarantula. In reality, it is
a rare disorder that causes the enlargement of
the face, arms, and legs. Certainly no laughing
matter, and its use as a monstrous plot point
in this film and others is morally dubious, even
for the films of the poverty row. However, how
does the monster maker stack up against others
of its ilk? Well, J. Carol Nash brings a certain
Oscar -padded resume to the film, but he can
only do so much as the one -note doctor. Then...
Would you believe there's even a killer gorilla
in this one? Yes, I did not see that one coming
either. What do you know, the big ape is more
of a curious cameo than even a subplot. The whole
film is meandering, confusing, and paced so slowly
you may find yourself checking the time. Well,
that's it for now. And I thank you for listening
and for all the support. I think next time we
will discuss my fellow horror actor, that man
with the acromagaly, Rondo Hatton, in a little
film called The Brute Man. Yes, well, acromagaly
does factor again as a sinister storyline, but
does the Brute Man out -disfigure the monster
maker? Stay tuned to find out. And raise a glass
until then, to this autumnal season of Monsters
and Mad Men. But another friend of the pod is
Mr. Peter Lorre, and he's going to cover a 1946
poverty row film called The Brute Man. And as
Letterboxd says, it is about a facially disfigured
and mentally unhinged man who wreaks his revenge
on those he blames for his condition. That actually
kind of sounds like the Phantom of the Opera,
but I guess nothing is new. In horror films.
But I'll let Mr. Lurie take that one away. Welcome
to the Poverty Row Studios on the other side
of Hollywood, where the stars were dimmer and
the red carpets dripped with blood. Together
we will watch the best of the worst. All movies
known for their limited budgets, their outlandish
concepts, and questionable performances. But
with enough haunted houses, zombies, ape men,
and devil bats to keep you up at night. This
is the Poverty Row Picture Show. And I dare you
to sleep through these nightmares. Open here
I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt
and flutter, in there stepped a stately raven
of the saintly days of yore. Not the least obeisance
made he, not a minute stopped or stayed he, but
with mean of lord or lady, perched above my chamber
door, perched upon a bust of palace, just above
my chamber door, perched and sat and nothing
more. Oh! Oh, you startled me, listeners. Oh,
well, will you excuse me while I close my Edgar
Allan Poe's copy of The Raven? Yes, it is not
so bizarre a thing for a man to do alone in the
basement of his home. Sorry, Vincent's home.
No, no, no, dear listeners. I swear this is just
a book, a little velvet cover with a little bookmark.
But I digress. I would like to tell you that
I was in the movie called The Raven for Roger
Corman. Yes, dear listeners, so it all makes
sense now. Well, well, okay, here we go. Tonight
on the Poverty Row Picture Show, we will discuss
the 1944 movie The Brute Man starring... Rondo
Hatton as The Creeper. Yes, The Creeper is a
back -breaking psychomaniac from a series of
Universal horror chillers in the 40s. Now, the
actor, Rondo Hatton, was a man who suffered from
acromagaly in real life. This is the glandular
disorder that enlarges the face and the limbs.
And for better or worse... Hatton puts his mean
mug to work for Hollywood. At Universal, his
Creeper character was featured in The Pearl of
Death, House of Horrors, and The Brute Man. This
latter picture would prove Hatton's swan song.
Sadly, the actor died from his acromagaly six
months before the release of the film itself.
Fittingly, the movie, The Brute Man, treats the
Creeper with a newfound sense of sympathy. I
mean, his crimes, as heinous as they are, you
can't help but feel for the guy. He's just a
serial murderer who's just misunderstood. Lastly,
it should be noted that the film was produced
by Universal Studios and sold to the poverty
row company PRC for distribution. At this time
in 1944, Universal was on the verge of a merge.
with international pictures, so they were kind
of dumping all their B -movies off on the smaller
studios in favor of more, quote, prestige productions.
Yes, yes, well, well, well, well, be that as
it may, next time we will get back to scraping
the bottom of the B -barrel with Return of the
Ape Man, starring Bela Lugosi and John Carradine.
Oh, my goodness, listeners. What is this outside
my window? It is a winged creature of the night.
Oh, my goodness. It is a raven. A raven tapping
at my window. Sorry to be so mysterious, but
I have no choice. Look, I don't want you to tell
me anything is none of my business, but anything
you're involved in is my business. Please don't
ask me anymore. I think you're wrong. Wrong why?
My dear Marlow, I agree with you. There's but
one penalty for treachery. Slit her throat and
be done with it. But the young man, after all,
he's the son of the owner of the hitching slum.
A millionaire. He may be worth a lot of money
to us. Alive. You touch me, and I'll cut your
aught out. You killed a man there. I didn't.
And stuffed his brother in a wicker basket, Mr.
Carson. I didn't go to kill him. He was hiding
in back of the stall. as the scientist who discovered
that the human brain can survive bodily destruction,
can continue to function as a dynamo of living
thought, generating a mental power greater than
the science of man. Gene Evans, as his assistant,
sharing the burden of a terrifying knowledge
with ever -increasing fear and hatred. Stop that!
Mr. Donovan intends to dominate the international
financial scene. A fatal accident will occur
to all who happen to stand in his way. Steve
Brody is the reporter who probed too deeply into
the beyond and received the full impact of its
deadliest forces. And the same thing could happen
to us. Donovan could kill us the same way he
killed Yoakum. That's right. And it's too dangerous
to wait any longer. Frank! Surprised? Thanks
to Dr. Patrick Corey, Donovan's brain will live,
thrive, and continue to grow far beyond the body
of Dr. Corey. It is already able to exist in
anybody, anywhere it will. Knowing this, you
now know too much. Nancy Davis as the woman who
was compelled to submit to the brain's satanic
vibrations of evil. How's Peter doing? Sorry
if I beat you to the punch there. No, that's
okay. Peter, you know, he's not here tonight.
He ran out to get something for a Halloween party
coming up. I don't know what he's got cooking.
Maybe it wouldn't agree with me anyways. But
when he comes back, he is going to talk about
1944's Return of the Ape Man, a Poverty Row picture
starring Bela Lugosi and John Carradine. And
our... Letterboxd synopsis for this one reads,
the discovery of a perfectly preserved caveman
prompts a mad scientist to attempt a daring brain
transplant. Right there. Cavemen, mad scientists,
and brain transplants. How can you go wrong?
And an ape man? Who knows? They're throwing it
all in there. And Bela Lugosi? It's everything
you need. That's amazing. It's everything you
need. Sounds good. Yeah. Scientifically valid,
I'm sure. I can only guess. Well, awesome. I
can't wait to hear more about that from Peter.
Thank you, Peter, as always. Hope you're doing
okay. Welcome to the Poverty Row Studios on the
other side of Hollywood. Yes, when the stars
were dimmer and the red carpets dripped with
blood. Together we will watch the best of the
worst, movies known for their limited budgets,
outlandish concepts, and questionable performances.
But with enough haunted houses, zombies, ape
men, and devil bats to keep you up at night,
this is the Poverty Row Picture Show, and I dare
you to sleep through these nightmares. And what
a nightmare my life has become. The fish heads
have disappeared. Vincent does not, does not
keep them in the house. Oh my goodness, I hate
to say this, but I might be missing that rat
bastard known as Matthew Levine. Don't panic,
Peter. Let's see. What does Vincent have in here?
Let me see. Oh yes, what is this? Pizza rolls.
Alrighty, well, well, when in Rome, let me just
pop them into this here microwave oven. Mmm,
six rolls, one minute and 15 seconds. Oh, oh,
oh, my, my heart, it is, it is only you. Friends,
this is, this is my new animal companion, the
raven. Hoo, hoo, hoo. who taps on my window and
demands I recite the words to its favorite poem.
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered
weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious
volume of forgotten worry, while I nodded, nearly
napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of
someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber
door. "'Tis a visitor,' I muttered, tapping at
my chamber door. Only this and nothing more.
There, there it is. Raven friend, you only get
one stanza an episode. Now I scratched your little
flea -bitten back, and now you must help me review
my own bit of art. Return of the Ape Man. Yes,
a 1944 Bela Lugosi film from Monogram Pictures.
Now this movie, believe it or not, is not a sequel
to Lugosi's earlier film, The Ape Man, in which
he plays a wayward scientist who inadvertently
turns himself into a gorilla. No, no, no, this
picture is way more serious. Yes, it is about
a mad scientist who uncovers a caveman and a
block of ice. After the prehistoric man is thawed,
Lugosi takes the brain of his assistant, played
by John Carradine, and places it in the caveman.
Yes, now things really start to rock as Lugosi
bids the caveman do his nefarious bidding. Perhaps
because of the ludicrous concept, Return of the
Ape Man absolutely works as a bit of camp. Thrills.
Yes, the camp is off the charts with this one,
and it moves briskly through its 60 -minute runtime.
Not a comedy, mind you. No, no, just a serious
movie about the caveman with the brain of a scientist.
What could be better? Now, now, it is not often
that I give the old stamp of glory to a picture
on this here show, but old Peter Lorre here,
he's gonna do it. Next time on the show. We will
discuss another 1944 film called The Girl Who
Dared. Do ye press play on this bad mamma jamma?
Oh, yes, well, if you will excuse me, listeners,
pizza rolls are ready. Let's see what this is
all about. Ow, ow, ow, ow, hot, hot, hot. Oh,
Peter Lorre. He was at the Halloween party. He
was busting a move. He got a hold of some sort
of jack -o' -lantern alcohol pumpkin thingamajig
that he was drinking all night. I still haven't
seen him. That was two weeks ago. He had to disappear
for a little bit. But it was great. It was great
fun. Wish he could have been there. Yeah, I wish
I could have too. It's hard to imagine Peter
Lorre cutting a rug, but that must have been
something. He got down with all the mobsters
that night. Man, it was just like a universal
reunion at your house, I bet. I had a little,
I had my VCR TV here. I had it set up in the
kitchen, a little corner, like RIP to VHS corner.
Cool. And people could just, the idea was people
could play whatever tapes were available. nice
at their leisure uh we ended up i put in young
frankenstein to start the night and then it was
really funny because me and gary and some others
you go get a beer in the fridge and then you
you find yourself just watching young frankenstein
for five minutes yeah that's a good choice young
frankenstein's awesome yeah whenever that's on
like tv or whatever like you can't pull yourself
away from it you know yeah That's cool. What
else did other people play on VHS that night?
Actually, a friend of mine wanted to play the
thing, the 1951 thing. Oh, nice. But then it
wasn't working because the tape was locked. If
you recall the tapes, they'd have like a little
lock button mechanism on the side. Yeah, kind
of forgot about that till right now. Yeah, so
we had to fiddle with that and then just pivoted
and put in Bride of Frankenstein. Oh, Bride of
Frankstein, one of my favorites. That's a great
choice. Yeah. Cool. Did you have any games or
activities or anything that night? Yes. Eyes
of the Phantom of the Opera hosted a night of
fate and madness. So I concocted some games,
three rounds of games, like a dance of doom,
I called it, where everyone had to dance. And
I called out people who kept moving after I stopped
the music. I whittled them down to three. And
then the three of them had to complete the lyrics
to the monster mash the best of their ability.
That's amazing. I'd be terrible at that. And
then the final two, it was like a relay race.
I have like a little toy heart that I had placed
in a hidden box and they had to find the phantom's
heart and bring it back to me. Oh, man, that's
awesome. You're really good at party planning.
That's creative. I love that. Thank you. It was
very silly. I led each round with a quote from
the 1925 movie. Cool. Including the one you mentioned
in our episode. Like a toad, I secrete the venom.
Something, something, something. Yeah. I was
trying to remember what it was. Yeah. It rings
a bell. When I said that, there was an audible
visceral reaction from the party goers. I love
it. It's 100 years old and it still holds up.
Yeah. They're like, what? In the what? That's
the correct response, I would say. That probably
sounded way cooler in that character's head before
he said it out loud, you know, in a silent movie
or whatever. But it's such a weird, weird choice
for dialogue. Back on track. The Girl Who Dared
from 1944. Our letterboxd synopsis reads, A group
of people are invited to a party at a creepy
mansion where legend has it a ghost appears once
a year. And the tagline of the film is your blood
will run cold. It's got those chills and thrills,
chills and thrills. Nice. The girl who dared.
Sounds good. Kind of sounds like the house on
Haunted Hill a little bit. Yeah, a little bit.
We'll see. Can't wait to watch that and hear
Peter Lorre's take. Yeah, if he can find him
and like if he's not still on a bender, you know.
Well, that's that's always the catch, isn't it?
I don't know how you lived with the guy for a
year. Oh, man, I'm glad he's not here anymore.
Like I'm, you know, good riddance. I wash my
hands of him. Yeah, man, I didn't know you held
grudges like this, but. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, the
next time I see Peter, it is not going to go
well. I'll just say that. Yikes. Welcome to the
Poverty Row Studios on the other side of Hollywood,
where the stars were dimmer and the red carpets
dripped with blood. Together we will watch the
best of the worst. Movies known for their limited
budgets, outlandish concepts, and questionable
performances, but with enough haunted houses,
zombies, ape men, and devil bats to keep you
up at night. Yes, yes. This is the Poverty Row
Picture Show, and I dare you to sleep through
these nightmares. Oh, my aching pirate's booty.
What a couple of weeks it has been. Friends,
I am sorely, sorely deeply sorry for my behavior
at Vincent's Halloween party. Yes, I do not even
remember leaving, but I do remember waking up
on this beach. Yes, the crashing waves were a
cold and crude wake -up call. And as I sat there,
sat there holding my troublesome temples in my
hands, my costume clinging to my perfectly sculpted
body, a shadow appeared over me. I looked up
into the beaming sun and saw reflected in the
sun the raven circling up above. It called, it
called to me, demanding the continuance of the
poem. Well, well, I have never been one to disappoint
an audience, so, so there, on the pebbles, I
began the words. Ah, distinctly I remember it
was In the bleak December, and each separate
dying amber wrought its ghost upon the floor,
eagerly I wished the morrow, vainly I had sought
to borrow from my book's surcease of sorrow,
sorrow for the lost Lenore, for the rare and
radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore, nameless
here forevermore. and the silken sad uncertain
rustling of each purple curtain thrilled me filled
me with fantastic terrors never felt before so
that now to still the beating of my heart i stood
up i stood repeating tis some visitor entreating
entrance at my chamber door some late visitor
entreating entrance at my chamber door this it
is and nothing more Presently my soul grew stronger,
hesitating then no longer. Sir, I said, or madam,
truly your forgiveness I implore, but the fact
is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my
chamber door that I scarce was sure I heard you.
Here I open wide the door. Darkness there, and
nothing more. Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting,
dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream
before. But the silence was unbroken, and the
stillness gave no token, and the only word there
spoken was the whispered word, Lenore. This I
whispered, and an echo murmured back the word.
Lenore, merely this and nothing more. Back into
the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning.
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder
than before. Surely, I said, surely that this
is something at my window lattice. Let me see
then what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery
explore. Tis the wind and nothing more. And then
I woke up. And my raven companion led me back
to my basement dwelling in Vincent's home. And
there waiting for me was my life's work. A box
of Poverty Row video cassettes. And lying on
top, Republic's 1944 picture, The Girl Who Dared.
This film, This film is a typical old dark house
whodunit, but at the brisk 56 minutes, it is
enjoyable enough. Yes, the action begins with
a party of socialites who have gathered at a
remote seaside home for a ghost hunt. Out on
the beach, amidst the crashing waves, is a pirate
ship haunted by the spirit of a buccaneer. Sadly,
this does not go anywhere, but... There remains
a mystery to be solved worthy of Scooby -Doo
and the gang, so listeners, check out The Girl
Who Dared for an easy, albeit slightly forgettable,
little thriller. But next week, on the Poverty
Row Picture Show, uh -huh, yes, yes, we are talking
killer brains. Yes, killer brains are on the
loose. In 1944's The Lady and the Monster. Now,
the Poverty Row Picture Show, Peter Lorre is
back. He is in the next room. He's passed out.
So, you know, guys, say what you want while he's
asleep. But he will be talking about a 1944 movie
called The Lady and the Monster about a millionaire's
brain that is preserved after his death by a
scientist. And this brain. becomes so powerful
that it it creates a telepathic monster like
the brain transfers its energy into a human being
and runs amok wow that sounds cool that reminds
me of fiend without a face a little bit it does
doesn't it yeah yeah the real quick real quick
this movie is an adaptation of a kurt siad mcnovel
called donovan's brain which was adapted several
times into films But I just read Donovan's Brain
and can't say enough about it as a pulpy horror
piece of fiction. It's really effective. Cool.
Maybe we should do more like very brief book
reviews on the podcast. That'd be kind of fun.
Maybe a Patreon perk. Yeah. Oh, I'm kind of excited
about that now. There's a book that I bought
recently called The Paleontologist that's like,
you know, a paperback, you know, Paige Turner
sort of thriller. Definitely a monster story.
So maybe I'll bring that to the pod next time.
All right. We can do a book club. To the Poverty
Row Studios on the other side of Hollywood. Yes,
when the stars were dimmer and the red carpets
dripped with blood. Together, we will watch the
best of the worst. Movies known for their limited
budgets, outlandish concepts, and questionable
performances. But with enough haunted houses,
zombies, ape men, and devil bats to keep you
up at night. This is the Poverty Row Picture
Show. and I dare you to sleep through these nightmares.
And oh, what a waking nightmare my life has become.
The mysterious and lovely raven that had been
a -tap -tap -tapping on my window has now laid
claim to my bedroom. Like a harpy of the night,
this raven has proven somewhat irresistible to
my heart. It sounds a little strange, I understand,
but listeners, I may be falling for this raven.
Hell, you would do too if you saw the way this
bird shines with a certain primordial effervescence.
But whoo -wee! She is a ravenous raven and demands
that I continue the poetry that calls to her
beating heart. Open here I flung the shutter,
when with many a flirt and flutter, in there
stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of
yore. Not the least obeisance made he, not the
minute stopped or stayed he, but with mean of
lord or lady, perched upon my chamber door, perched
upon a bustle palace just above my chamber door,
perched and sat, and nothing more. Then this
ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling
by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance
I wore. Though thy crest be shorn and shaven
thou, I said, art sure no craven ghastly grim
and ancient raven wandering from the nightly
shore. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the
night's plutonian shore. Woth the raven nevermore.
Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse
so plainly, though its answer little meaning,
little relevancy bore, for we cannot help agreeing
that no living human being ever yet was blessed
with seeing bird above his chamber door, bird
or beast upon the sculptured bust upon his chamber
door with such name as nevermore. But the raven,
sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only
that one word, as if his soul in that one word
he did outpour. Nothing farther than he uttered,
not a feather than he fluttered, till I scarcely
more than muttered, utter friends have flown
before, on the morrow he will leave me as my
hopes have flown before. Then the bird said,
never more. Startled at the stillness broken
by replies so aptly spoken, doubtless I said,
what it utters is its only stock in store caught
from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
followed fast and followed faster till his songs
one burden bore, till the dirges of his hope
that melancholy burden bore of never, nevermore.
but the raven still beguiling all my fancy into
smiling straight i wheeled a cushioned seat in
front of bird and bust and door then then upon
the velvet sinking i betook myself to to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking that this ominous
bird of yore, what this grim, ungainly, ghastly,
gaunt and ominous bird of yore, meant in croaking
nevermore. Now leave me, Raven. Please, please,
you must leave me to my reviews. Poverty Row
Movies must get out there to the listeners. Oh,
how you torture me so, but I have a job to do.
All right. Alright, thank you. Okay, listeners,
I am all yours now. And boy, do we have a brain
teaser of a film this week. 1944's The Lady and
the Monster from Republic Pictures. This movie
is an adaptation of the Curt Siodmak's sci -fi
novel Donovan's Brain, in which the disembodied
cerebellum gallopantically controls an unwitting
scientist to do his nefarious bidding. The Lady
and the Monster largely sticks... to the source
material, but has a few cinematic flourishes.
You know, a dance number here, film noir shadows
there. It's really not a bad little chiller,
with brutal performances from Eric Von Stroheim
and Richard Arlen. As for the brain, you could
say it's got a lot of nerve in this picture.
Oh, well, what do you know about Un, my beautiful
raven? You, you're having a mental block. Peter
Lorre, he's been on a wild ride, guys. He has
been, well, he's in a room next to me. He's been
talking, I think, to a raven. A raven, some kind
of bird is cawing to him. And he is reciting
the poem, The Raven. There's some weird things
happening. I try not to ask. I let him do his
thing. Wait, wait, wait. Is the raven calling
the raven to him? To be determined. I need to
hear this. I'm clear. Maybe it's not Peter who's
going mad, but Vincent. Oh, don't put that on
me. He's going Stark Raven mad. Oh, I like that.
What? What is this? This madness you speak of?
Did Peter Laurie ever exist or was it always
me? I can't tell anymore. So many plot twists
in this episode. Are you the you that's really
you? Well, well. Well, well, well. Peter Lorre
is going to talk about a 1944 picture called
Crazy Nights. And our Letterboxd synopsis reads,
Three crack -brained clowns trapped in a haunted
house with a runaway gorilla. Oh, my God. Also
known as Ghost Crazy, three goofballs run up
against ghosts and a giant gorilla in a haunted
house. With Shemp Howard of the Three Stooges.
Oh, does it only have Shemp or are the other
three stooges in it as well? I think it's just
Shemp. Weird. Okay. That's the weirdest thing,
Matt, you took from that synopsis? Not the crack
brain clowns. Good point. I'm so used to these
like, you know, weird old kaiju movie or not
kaiju, but just monster movie synopses. It's
like, yeah, that sounds about right. That's not
surprising to me. Shemp Howard, what's going
on here? that's where I'm at with monster movies
these days you can only handle so much weird
until it becomes normal yeah exactly that's also
going on a tote bag I love it Welcome to the
Poverty Row Studios on the other side of Hollywood.
Yes, where the stars were dimmer and the red
carpets were dripped with blood. Together we
will watch the best of the worst. Movies known
for their limited budgets, outlandish concepts,
and questionable performances. But with enough
haunted houses, ape men, devil bats, and zombies
to keep you up at night. This is the Poverty
Row Picture Show. And I... Dare you to sleep
through these nightmares. It has been quite a
doozy here, though I am dead. It appears I cannot
entirely shuffle off the mortal coils that remind
me of my humanity. Well, what would I do without
my raven friend? Yes, my lovely lady friend.
Oh, well, let me just apologize that I have not...
I have not watched Ghost Crazy, otherwise known
as Crazy Nights, with Shemp Howard, one of three
of the Three Stooges. Well, looks like I will
be saving this one for the new year. Ring -a
-ding, baby. In my time, I have yet to finish
the Raven. My friends, something might happen
at the end of this. You just wait and see. Ahem.
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable
expressing to the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned
into my bosom's core. This and more I sat divining,
with my head at ease reclining on the cushion's
velvet lining that the lamplight gloated o 'er,
but whose velvet violet lining with the lamplight
gloating o 'er, she shall press, ah, nevermore.
Then methought the air grew dancer, perfumed
from an unseen censer, swung by seraphim, whose
footfalls tinkled on the tufted floor. Wretch,
I cried, thy god hath lent thee, by the angels
he hath sent thee. Respite, respite, respite,
and repent from thy memories of Lenore. Quaff,
oh quaff, this kind, repent, and forget this
lost Lenore. Quote the raven, never more. Prophet
said I, thing of evil. Prophet still, if bird
or devil. Whether tempter set, or whether tempest
tossed thee here ashore. Desolate, yet all undaunted
on this desert land. Enchanted on this home by
horror haunted. Tell me truly, I implore. Is
there, is there balm in Gilead? Tell me, tell
me, I implore, woke the raven, nevermore. Prophet,
said I, thing of evil, prophet still, if bird
or devil, by that heaven that bends above us,
by that god we both adore, tell this soul with
sorrow laden, if within the distant Eden. It
shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels
name Lenore. Clasp a rare and radiant maiden
whom the angels name Lenore. Quote the raven
nevermore. Be that word our sign of parting,
bird or fiend. I shrieked, upstarting. Get thee
back into the tempest and the night's plutonian
shore. Leave no black plume as a token of that
dying. soul hath spoken. Leave my loneliness
unbroken. Quit the bust above my door. Take thy
beak from out my heart, and take thy form from
off my door. Quote the raven, never more. And
the raven never flitting, still is sitting, still
is sitting on the pallid bust of palace just
above my chamber door. And her eyes have all
the seeming of a demon that is dreaming. And
the lamplight door her streaming throws her shadow
on the floor. And my soul from out that shadow
that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted.
Nevermore. Oh my golly gee willikers friends.
Look at this. This blinding light. Oh something's...
Something's happening in the radiance of the
beaming light of the raven she is transforming
into. Into a long -haired beauty. Oh, my goodness.
It is Lenore. Lenore, how long it has been. Oh,
it was you with the raven the whole time. Oh,
my goodness. Come here. Let me embrace you. Oh,
let me kiss your sweet lips. Yes, it is your
Peter Lorre. Yes. Never mind my rotted corpse.
I am still the strong Svelte. My handsome actor
you have always known. Oh, yes, Lenore. Well,
what shall we do now? Yes, I agree. We should
take a vacation from this podcast. We should
go somewhere warm. But listeners, I will return
in the new year, in 2026. The Poverty Road Picture
Show in Shemp Howard. We will return. True terror
is the soft, cold caress of the raven's wing.
Your hands are so cold. A woman whose desires
transcend reality. The mysterious powers of black
magic. These you will explore. Now, what is it
you need? You got some bright blood over the
back in the house? The raven will take you careening
through the darkest of dangers into the ominous
mystery of a master magician's evil castle. Wait,
my dear. I offer you a choice. The secret of
your hand manipulations or this against this.
Well, don't you stand there. Do something. I
bet I never see him again. I bet I never see
his lousy skin again. I bet I never... I bet
I never share a bucket of fish heads with that
guy again. I bet I... I bet I never have to share...
Thank goodness I never have to share my... Thank
goodness I never have to share my fish heads
with that sorry... With that sorry sort again.