WEBVTT 00:00:05.829 --> 00:00:08.349 My name's Helen Tuffy. I'm co -host of the Family 00:00:08.349 --> 00:00:11.609 Tree Talk podcast with Nathan Ward. Hello there. 00:00:11.769 --> 00:00:14.810 And with us today, we have a very special guest 00:00:14.810 --> 00:00:17.570 who has joined us before and this is Jana Hauschstein. 00:00:17.690 --> 00:00:20.809 So welcome back, Jana. Hello. And thank you for 00:00:20.809 --> 00:00:23.089 having me. I'm having so much fun with both of 00:00:23.089 --> 00:00:24.969 you. That's our pleasure. Last time, honestly, 00:00:25.089 --> 00:00:26.870 guys, when we pressed stop record at the end 00:00:26.870 --> 00:00:28.570 of the interview, then we were kind of chatting, 00:00:28.670 --> 00:00:29.949 chatting, chatting, because there were so many 00:00:29.949 --> 00:00:31.989 cool things that we just loved talking about. 00:00:32.609 --> 00:00:35.350 Kind of family history in our very kind of real 00:00:35.350 --> 00:00:40.229 sense, the way Hyana brings it to life and makes 00:00:40.229 --> 00:00:42.469 us realize that we are part of this family history. 00:00:42.590 --> 00:00:44.189 We might not like to think we're old, but we 00:00:44.189 --> 00:00:46.369 are part of it, even as we live our lives, aren't 00:00:46.369 --> 00:00:51.219 we? Definitely. Every single day. We are. So 00:00:51.219 --> 00:00:53.200 we thought we'd have you back just so we could 00:00:53.200 --> 00:00:54.979 carry on chatting. So should we pick up with 00:00:54.979 --> 00:00:57.619 grandma's pickles? Like, I have to say, I've 00:00:57.619 --> 00:00:59.640 got the words grandma pickles in my head, but 00:00:59.640 --> 00:01:02.439 I have no idea what you were talking about or 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:04.620 what our train of thought was or anything. So 00:01:04.620 --> 00:01:07.340 what on earth is so special about your grandma's 00:01:07.340 --> 00:01:11.299 pickles? Well, let's start with the fact that 00:01:11.299 --> 00:01:15.120 they are the tastiest pickles you have ever tasted 00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:21.609 in your life. Well, for me, her pickles were 00:01:21.609 --> 00:01:25.209 the only pickles I was willing to have. Because 00:01:25.209 --> 00:01:27.709 there was, really, honestly, it was just, that 00:01:27.709 --> 00:01:32.269 was so good. And my grandma died over 22 years, 00:01:32.370 --> 00:01:36.310 I think 22, 23 years ago. So that was the last 00:01:36.310 --> 00:01:41.030 time I actually tasted her pickles. Because nobody 00:01:41.030 --> 00:01:47.719 knew how she made them. And then... what, 2026. 00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:53.319 So three years ago, we had our 50th anniversary 00:01:53.319 --> 00:01:57.599 of coming to Israel. So we celebrated 50 years. 00:01:57.739 --> 00:02:03.420 And we had a huge celebration, documented everything. 00:02:03.719 --> 00:02:07.500 All the food was everything that my grandmother 00:02:07.500 --> 00:02:11.599 used to make. That's the only food that was allowed 00:02:11.599 --> 00:02:14.729 on the table. And everything was photographed 00:02:14.729 --> 00:02:20.389 and I had recipes for everything. Two weeks before 00:02:20.389 --> 00:02:25.289 the celebration, my aunt finds my grandmother, 00:02:25.430 --> 00:02:29.669 my grandmother's original handwritten recipe 00:02:29.669 --> 00:02:34.610 notebook that disappeared. Nobody knew where 00:02:34.610 --> 00:02:37.830 it was. And two weeks before the celebration, 00:02:38.150 --> 00:02:46.169 it just appeared like. Out of nowhere. So going 00:02:46.169 --> 00:02:51.370 through her notebook, I find the recipe for the 00:02:51.370 --> 00:02:57.909 pickles. And I was ecstatic. I mean, for me, 00:02:57.930 --> 00:03:02.229 that was better than lottery. That was like finding 00:03:02.229 --> 00:03:06.659 a treasure. So I went to my mom because it was 00:03:06.659 --> 00:03:09.539 written in Russian and I don't read or write 00:03:09.539 --> 00:03:13.039 Russian. So she translated everything for me. 00:03:14.060 --> 00:03:21.060 And then I said, OK, I'm going to do that. I'm 00:03:21.060 --> 00:03:24.280 going to follow her instruction and I'm going 00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:28.379 to have my pickles. But I wanted to do more than 00:03:28.379 --> 00:03:31.960 that. I wanted to do two things. One, document 00:03:31.960 --> 00:03:35.629 it. Because it wasn't enough. Her recipes went 00:03:35.629 --> 00:03:39.490 into a family book that turned into a family 00:03:39.490 --> 00:03:43.650 recipe book. But I wanted to do more than that. 00:03:43.870 --> 00:03:48.469 I wanted to include the younger generation. Now, 00:03:48.490 --> 00:03:51.509 my youngest son never met my grandmother because 00:03:51.509 --> 00:03:55.370 he was about a year old when she died. So she 00:03:55.370 --> 00:03:59.650 actually got to hold him. But of course, he doesn't 00:03:59.650 --> 00:04:02.729 remember. You know, he hears stories all the 00:04:02.729 --> 00:04:04.710 time because I always talk about my grandparents. 00:04:05.330 --> 00:04:10.030 So I got my son, Jonathan, and he's a really 00:04:10.030 --> 00:04:13.530 good photographer. And what I decided we're going 00:04:13.530 --> 00:04:20.689 to do is take photos of each and every step of 00:04:20.689 --> 00:04:26.050 the process of making those pickles. basically 00:04:26.050 --> 00:04:29.389 taking the whole you know the whole recipe and 00:04:29.389 --> 00:04:34.550 cutting it down into very small bits even the 00:04:34.550 --> 00:04:37.910 ingredients when my grandmother writes the ingredients 00:04:37.910 --> 00:04:41.069 so you know it's carrots it's of course cucumbers 00:04:41.069 --> 00:04:46.269 and so we photographed each of them separately 00:04:46.269 --> 00:04:50.550 and then put it into like a video like it every 00:04:50.550 --> 00:04:55.170 every ingredient is adding up to the previous 00:04:55.170 --> 00:05:01.569 ones and of course we made the pickles and I 00:05:01.569 --> 00:05:04.389 could remember my grandmother because I always 00:05:04.389 --> 00:05:07.290 used to sneak into the kitchen and try and get 00:05:07.290 --> 00:05:10.490 my hand into the jar before it was ready so I 00:05:10.490 --> 00:05:15.589 could hear my grandmother don't don't give it 00:05:15.589 --> 00:05:19.910 the two weeks that you know that I needed and 00:05:19.910 --> 00:05:25.160 once once they were ready Um, you know, I have 00:05:25.160 --> 00:05:27.300 tears in my eyes just thinking about it because 00:05:27.300 --> 00:05:31.819 when I, you know, took a bite of that pickle, 00:05:32.100 --> 00:05:36.100 I was right back in my grandmother's kitchen 00:05:36.100 --> 00:05:42.500 and it was, it was so emotional. I guess that 00:05:42.500 --> 00:05:45.480 if somebody looking from the outside would look 00:05:45.480 --> 00:05:48.600 at me and would think I was ridiculous, all you're 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:52.800 doing is just eating a pickle, you know. Get 00:05:52.800 --> 00:05:58.300 a grip, girl. But for me, I was instantly in 00:05:58.300 --> 00:06:01.660 my grandmother's kitchen. So I took it a step 00:06:01.660 --> 00:06:08.980 further. And at the time, there weren't too many 00:06:08.980 --> 00:06:13.660 options working with animation. And it was easy 00:06:13.660 --> 00:06:16.100 with MyHeritage at the time because they had 00:06:16.100 --> 00:06:22.439 deep story. So I had a video made. of my grandmother 00:06:22.439 --> 00:06:26.540 giving the instructions. Of course, I animated 00:06:26.540 --> 00:06:31.300 her, giving the instructions of how to make the 00:06:31.300 --> 00:06:36.300 pickles step by step. I made it in Russian because 00:06:36.300 --> 00:06:40.660 you have the option of choosing any language. 00:06:40.939 --> 00:06:45.899 And I had one in English, but it's a language 00:06:45.899 --> 00:06:48.939 my grandmother never spoke. So that was kind 00:06:48.939 --> 00:06:52.720 of awkward. So I made it and Yiddish was just 00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:55.600 too much of a hassle for me because that was 00:06:55.600 --> 00:06:59.139 the main language she spoke. So I made one in 00:06:59.139 --> 00:07:03.019 Russian with, I had two, I've got two videos, 00:07:03.100 --> 00:07:05.839 one with English subtitles, one with Russian, 00:07:05.959 --> 00:07:10.860 with Hebrew subtitles. And once I made that video 00:07:10.860 --> 00:07:15.740 and I sent it to all my, you know, all the members 00:07:15.740 --> 00:07:19.949 of the family that were very, very excited. And 00:07:19.949 --> 00:07:25.069 actually two weeks ago, my aunt wrote me a message 00:07:25.069 --> 00:07:29.470 on WhatsApp saying, I'm using the video to make, 00:07:29.470 --> 00:07:31.970 you know, to my mother, you know, her mother's 00:07:31.970 --> 00:07:35.930 pickles. So it's something that I have it now 00:07:35.930 --> 00:07:38.750 on YouTube and I can send it to anyone who wants. 00:07:38.889 --> 00:07:44.269 I promise you, best pickles ever. But also people 00:07:44.269 --> 00:07:49.620 in the family have it. I was overjoyed when she 00:07:49.620 --> 00:07:52.120 told me that she's making the pickles using the 00:07:52.120 --> 00:07:56.720 video because for me that meant that it wasn't 00:07:56.720 --> 00:07:59.399 just something on the computer. It was something 00:07:59.399 --> 00:08:03.339 that was used and talked about and that was the 00:08:03.339 --> 00:08:07.420 whole purpose. So that's the story of my grandmother's 00:08:07.420 --> 00:08:10.100 pickles. I love it. I love it for two really 00:08:10.100 --> 00:08:12.500 special reasons. One... that you often say about 00:08:12.500 --> 00:08:14.879 it doesn't have to be like a big momentous thing 00:08:14.879 --> 00:08:17.079 like often a little ordinary thing which is really 00:08:17.079 --> 00:08:20.360 special and unique to us which means a lot and 00:08:20.360 --> 00:08:22.819 then two as you say that you aren't picking up 00:08:22.819 --> 00:08:25.560 the recipe and then when she makes it presumably 00:08:25.560 --> 00:08:28.180 sure if she has any children or relatives living 00:08:28.180 --> 00:08:30.500 nearby she'll say come and taste the pickles 00:08:30.500 --> 00:08:34.679 and the story will continue and it will inevitably 00:08:34.679 --> 00:08:36.279 kind of spark a conversation about loads of other 00:08:36.279 --> 00:08:39.230 things. Nathan what do you think? Yeah, no, that's 00:08:39.230 --> 00:08:41.149 lovely. That's a really nice way to remember 00:08:41.149 --> 00:08:44.110 someone, isn't it? And yeah, I've had a similar 00:08:44.110 --> 00:08:47.190 thing with my Nana where she was like my person 00:08:47.190 --> 00:08:50.169 and she used to make a blackcurrant jam. And 00:08:50.169 --> 00:08:51.809 I think I've mentioned this on the podcast before, 00:08:51.870 --> 00:08:53.990 but she always made this big batch of blackcurrant 00:08:53.990 --> 00:08:57.330 jam. And we had like a few in the in the larder. 00:08:57.690 --> 00:09:00.529 And then when she died, I remember one day opening 00:09:00.529 --> 00:09:04.139 the final jar of her jam. And it was a really 00:09:04.139 --> 00:09:06.120 emotional thing. I thought this is the last time 00:09:06.120 --> 00:09:08.399 I'm going to get to taste this jam of hers. And 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:10.279 unfortunately, she didn't leave a recipe. But 00:09:10.279 --> 00:09:13.820 now I've had an allotment and I've got blackcurrant 00:09:13.820 --> 00:09:16.960 bushes in my garden. I always make a point of 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:19.320 making jam and remembering her on that day. It's 00:09:19.320 --> 00:09:22.240 not her recipe, but it ties me to her. And I 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.659 like that sort of thing. And that's exactly the 00:09:24.659 --> 00:09:26.740 thing. Like you said, Helen, it doesn't have 00:09:26.740 --> 00:09:32.240 to be big things. It's the idea of taking... 00:09:33.289 --> 00:09:39.269 daily stuff. And whether it's, you know, in my 00:09:39.269 --> 00:09:42.370 case, those are the pickles, but it can be any 00:09:42.370 --> 00:09:47.149 hair, it can be a brooch, it can be, you know, 00:09:47.149 --> 00:09:51.870 a pin, anything. Once you put a story behind 00:09:51.870 --> 00:09:58.830 it or with it, and in 50 years, in 100 years, 00:09:58.889 --> 00:10:05.759 in 500 years, That will be present and you will 00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:09.000 be present with it because it comes with a story. 00:10:09.200 --> 00:10:11.980 Nobody cares about a pen that they find, but 00:10:11.980 --> 00:10:15.419 put a story behind it or with it, like I said, 00:10:15.480 --> 00:10:22.639 and it gets a completely different feel to it 00:10:22.639 --> 00:10:28.460 because now it actually feels heavier because 00:10:28.460 --> 00:10:32.370 it has its story. And it's special. It's special 00:10:32.370 --> 00:10:36.990 because somebody in your family held that pen 00:10:36.990 --> 00:10:40.730 and, I don't know, wrote a letter or it was dear 00:10:40.730 --> 00:10:45.049 to him. Or maybe that pen was received from somebody, 00:10:45.169 --> 00:10:49.029 you know, even earlier. So as soon as something 00:10:49.029 --> 00:10:52.830 has a story with it, that goes with it, it changes 00:10:52.830 --> 00:11:02.639 everything. I had a really lovely experience 00:11:02.639 --> 00:11:05.539 recently. Again, it's a really small thing. So 00:11:05.539 --> 00:11:08.820 my dad had his 80th birthday recently. And at 00:11:08.820 --> 00:11:10.799 the party were some people who I've known since 00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:14.080 I was a tiny kid, like toddler. And I have a 00:11:14.080 --> 00:11:16.940 really fond memory of them. When I was four... 00:11:17.409 --> 00:11:20.350 And they took me, my mum and my brother sailing. 00:11:20.490 --> 00:11:22.629 And this was really exciting for us. They had 00:11:22.629 --> 00:11:25.230 a little yacht so we could sleep on it. And I 00:11:25.230 --> 00:11:26.669 remember my mum was really neurotic. We were 00:11:26.669 --> 00:11:28.330 going to fall overboard and drown. So we even 00:11:28.330 --> 00:11:30.350 had to sleep wearing our life jackets. And that 00:11:30.350 --> 00:11:31.570 was the biggest thing that stuck with me. And 00:11:31.570 --> 00:11:33.889 I was quite a willful child, but she was like, 00:11:33.970 --> 00:11:36.309 you mustn't take off the life jacket. And so 00:11:36.309 --> 00:11:37.870 I was like, okay, this is one of those things 00:11:37.870 --> 00:11:40.330 where I just do actually have to obey it. I have 00:11:40.330 --> 00:11:41.830 a really fond memory, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, 00:11:41.950 --> 00:11:43.529 scroll forward all these many, many decades. 00:11:43.730 --> 00:11:46.740 I'm at my dad's 80th and I... see the husband 00:11:46.740 --> 00:11:49.440 and mike and i go hey mike um because i have 00:11:49.440 --> 00:11:51.039 my little grandson with me who's the same age 00:11:51.039 --> 00:11:53.139 as me and my brother who was three at a time 00:11:53.139 --> 00:11:55.240 when we went on this yacht trip so i was saying 00:11:55.240 --> 00:11:59.220 hey to my grandson this man took me on a yacht 00:11:59.220 --> 00:12:01.120 trip when i was your age and i was relating and 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:02.580 he's like i don't remember this and i was like 00:12:02.580 --> 00:12:05.720 i can't believe he doesn't remember the yacht 00:12:05.720 --> 00:12:07.799 trip this was like one of the most exciting things 00:12:07.799 --> 00:12:11.220 of my childhood okay so then i went over i was 00:12:11.220 --> 00:12:12.769 like where they even found his wife. And I was 00:12:12.769 --> 00:12:14.789 like, Janet, Janet, I can't believe Mike doesn't 00:12:14.789 --> 00:12:17.009 remember the yacht trip. It was so exciting to 00:12:17.009 --> 00:12:18.669 remember you took me on the yacht with my little 00:12:18.669 --> 00:12:20.649 brother and my mum. And she was like, oh, Mike 00:12:20.649 --> 00:12:23.549 wasn't there. And it turned out it was Janet 00:12:23.549 --> 00:12:25.830 and my mum who had taken these two little toddlers 00:12:25.830 --> 00:12:28.049 on the yacht trip. So I was like, wow, go girls. 00:12:28.070 --> 00:12:30.210 Like in the 70s, this is quite good, isn't it? 00:12:30.269 --> 00:12:33.080 Like to have the confidence to... bat off and 00:12:33.080 --> 00:12:35.519 the skills with two little kids on a yacht blah 00:12:35.519 --> 00:12:37.500 blah blah because i'm always like i love retelling 00:12:37.500 --> 00:12:39.399 the same so then i on the phone to my mom mom 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:41.279 can you remember like the yacht trip and she 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:43.820 was like oh no the reason we had to go on the 00:12:43.820 --> 00:12:46.559 yacht trip was because janet's husband was away 00:12:46.559 --> 00:12:48.740 and she had a really handsome friend who was 00:12:48.740 --> 00:12:50.779 a man and she needed a chaperone so the neighbors 00:12:50.779 --> 00:12:54.559 didn't neighbors tongues didn't lag So me and 00:12:54.559 --> 00:12:56.600 my mum and my little brother went to the yacht 00:12:56.600 --> 00:12:59.320 trip so that her reputation stayed clean, like 00:12:59.320 --> 00:13:01.519 in the 1970s, so that nobody thought she was 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:03.860 having a dirty weekend on the yacht with her 00:13:03.860 --> 00:13:06.779 friend who was just her friend. So then my mum 00:13:06.779 --> 00:13:08.639 said, so what happened was my mum was giving 00:13:08.639 --> 00:13:11.000 me and my little brother a bath. She hears thundering 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:13.399 up the stairs. And it's her friend Janet coming 00:13:13.399 --> 00:13:14.820 to the bathroom going, we're going on the yacht 00:13:14.820 --> 00:13:16.559 trip in the morning. You have to be ready to 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:19.539 leave. This is two little kids. Anyone who's 00:13:19.539 --> 00:13:21.100 got little kids, you're like, whoa, we're going 00:13:21.100 --> 00:13:22.620 sailing in the morning. We've never been sailing 00:13:22.620 --> 00:13:24.980 in our lives. So it was quite a big thing. So 00:13:24.980 --> 00:13:28.059 then why I love this is because I've had my mum's, 00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:30.940 Janet, Janet's perspective being like, no, we're 00:13:30.940 --> 00:13:33.139 just two women. Our husbands are away. We're 00:13:33.139 --> 00:13:35.700 going off and having fun. I love that. And then 00:13:35.700 --> 00:13:38.879 my mum's perspective. So it's really busy being 00:13:38.879 --> 00:13:41.419 a mum and it was quite hard. Both their husbands 00:13:41.419 --> 00:13:43.919 were in the army. So they're away a lot. So that's 00:13:43.919 --> 00:13:46.220 quite a lot. you're effectively a single parent 00:13:46.220 --> 00:13:48.460 a lot of the time we didn't have loads of money 00:13:48.460 --> 00:13:52.200 um my mum worked really hard growing vegetables 00:13:52.200 --> 00:13:54.980 and you know quite wasn't loads of money around 00:13:54.980 --> 00:13:58.200 or anything um i have this perspective of my 00:13:58.200 --> 00:14:01.720 mum at home looking after us she's got a friend 00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:03.580 who doesn't knock on the door who just thunders 00:14:03.580 --> 00:14:05.279 into the house not just into the house but up 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:08.179 the stairs we're full of enthusiasm we're like 00:14:08.179 --> 00:14:11.440 we're having fun so i just have that lovely memory 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:13.899 of my imagining my mum in a whole different way 00:14:13.899 --> 00:14:16.919 how I normally saw her waffle over but what I 00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:18.379 love about these memories is the more you talk 00:14:18.379 --> 00:14:20.200 about them you these are things which have been 00:14:20.200 --> 00:14:23.500 stored in each person's head but it's when we 00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:25.860 talk about them and pass them on that we they 00:14:25.860 --> 00:14:29.340 become so much richer and more fun and and you 00:14:29.340 --> 00:14:31.340 learn that little bit more about other people 00:14:31.340 --> 00:14:33.700 who were part of that memory I just love it all 00:14:33.700 --> 00:14:35.879 it's made me so happy for days and days ago I'm 00:14:35.879 --> 00:14:40.220 still happy about it I think that Well, the two 00:14:40.220 --> 00:14:44.879 things there. One is that, like you showed, you 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:48.759 know, like you told us, you had one vision or 00:14:48.759 --> 00:14:52.980 one memory, but it's not necessarily the reality 00:14:52.980 --> 00:14:57.799 of that moment. And that happens a lot that we 00:14:57.799 --> 00:15:04.200 stay in our mature version with the memories, 00:15:04.320 --> 00:15:08.379 the thoughts. the judgment that we had as children 00:15:08.379 --> 00:15:12.159 judging other people. And we are left with that. 00:15:12.259 --> 00:15:15.679 And unless we have the opportunity like you had, 00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:18.399 you had Janet's perspective, you had your mom's 00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:23.059 perspective, and you had sort of like, in a way, 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:27.820 reality put in front of you, that is what happened. 00:15:27.899 --> 00:15:30.500 But that was not your experience. And what you 00:15:30.500 --> 00:15:35.399 remember is your experience. In your case, that 00:15:35.399 --> 00:15:38.200 was, you know, that was an amazing one. But I 00:15:38.200 --> 00:15:41.759 had people, I've met people where the experience 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:45.799 was not that something that is fun to remember 00:15:45.799 --> 00:15:50.500 because the mother was away or the father wasn't 00:15:50.500 --> 00:15:53.820 paying attention and that's what they remember. 00:15:54.259 --> 00:15:59.940 And I found out that once you bring it up, you 00:15:59.940 --> 00:16:04.809 talk about it, and then you... in a way, show 00:16:04.809 --> 00:16:07.789 them what really happened. It's not that the 00:16:07.789 --> 00:16:12.049 mother was away. It just, she worked three, two 00:16:12.049 --> 00:16:15.389 or three jobs and she had to, you know, she had 00:16:15.389 --> 00:16:17.870 to keep the family. She had to get them, bring 00:16:17.870 --> 00:16:21.490 the money home. So that is why she wasn't home 00:16:21.490 --> 00:16:24.570 much, not because she didn't love you, but just, 00:16:24.629 --> 00:16:27.429 you know, she was a working mother or somebody 00:16:27.429 --> 00:16:30.690 who said, my father was never there. And he was 00:16:30.690 --> 00:16:37.120 always angry because 50 years ago, PTSD was not 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:42.200 something that you actually talked about or even 00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:45.580 realized that that's what he was. But he wasn't 00:16:45.580 --> 00:16:50.019 just angry all the time. He was just post -traumatic. 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:53.039 And that was one of the things. He was angry. 00:16:53.139 --> 00:16:56.919 He was isolated. But the experience of the child, 00:16:57.059 --> 00:16:59.600 unless we get the opportunity to actually see 00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:02.960 what was going on and understand it from a grown 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:07.279 -up point of view, we are left with that very 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:11.539 bitter taste and we take it on into our lives. 00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:20.960 And it hurts. It manages us without us even realizing 00:17:20.960 --> 00:17:26.390 that that... bit in our mind manages the way 00:17:26.390 --> 00:17:29.509 we choose the way we look at the world the way 00:17:29.509 --> 00:17:33.049 we make our you know make decisions and it makes 00:17:33.049 --> 00:17:34.849 a big difference when you have this opportunity 00:17:34.849 --> 00:17:39.990 to understand as a grown -up and in a way you 00:17:39.990 --> 00:17:43.269 know I hope you're not thinking that I'm taking 00:17:43.269 --> 00:17:46.230 it too far in a way you have this inner conversation 00:17:46.230 --> 00:17:52.890 with your inner child explaining hugging, holding, 00:17:53.250 --> 00:17:58.029 whatever. And that helps you sort of like let 00:17:58.029 --> 00:18:02.970 go of that bitter feeling and judgment and resentment 00:18:02.970 --> 00:18:07.390 even to your parents and understanding what was 00:18:07.390 --> 00:18:11.509 going on. And from the grown -up point of view, 00:18:11.569 --> 00:18:15.650 and then letting all these bad feelings go. And 00:18:15.650 --> 00:18:20.960 that's amazing. It is amazing when you see it 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:23.980 happen because then all of a sudden they realize, 00:18:24.279 --> 00:18:28.039 oh, wow, it's not that she didn't love me. She 00:18:28.039 --> 00:18:34.750 just had to work. So in September, just to fill 00:18:34.750 --> 00:18:36.690 anyone in if they don't know, she's doing a wonderful 00:18:36.690 --> 00:18:38.869 course with us called The Story of You. It's 00:18:38.869 --> 00:18:40.789 a four -week online course. When you sign up 00:18:40.789 --> 00:18:42.849 for it, you get posted a time capsule, an actual 00:18:42.849 --> 00:18:44.789 box with actual things in for you to actually 00:18:44.789 --> 00:18:47.750 fill with memories and knickknacks and reflections 00:18:47.750 --> 00:18:50.390 on your life so that you can pass it on to the 00:18:50.390 --> 00:18:52.630 future. And you can include pickle recipes. You 00:18:52.630 --> 00:18:55.390 can include fountain pens. You can include photographs, 00:18:55.589 --> 00:18:57.730 whatever you like. Yeah, just as you choose. 00:18:57.990 --> 00:19:01.019 So in there, so I've been... Yana and I would 00:19:01.019 --> 00:19:02.299 be working really hard in the background preparing 00:19:02.299 --> 00:19:03.859 all these course materials and I was reading 00:19:03.859 --> 00:19:05.440 them the other day and I was really struck by 00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:06.819 this because one of the things you wrote was 00:19:06.819 --> 00:19:10.920 it is not therapy. And I was like, ooh, because 00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:13.420 when Yana and I have been talking over past months 00:19:13.420 --> 00:19:16.400 planning this course, I've definitely found reflecting 00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:18.900 on the past really therapeutic. I'm not saying 00:19:18.900 --> 00:19:21.339 it's official therapy, but I find it really beneficial. 00:19:22.599 --> 00:19:24.279 And as you say, sometimes you have memories from 00:19:24.279 --> 00:19:25.420 the past that show you're positive, sometimes 00:19:25.420 --> 00:19:28.000 you have stressful or confusing or bitter or 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:31.069 all sorts of negative memories. And reflecting 00:19:31.069 --> 00:19:34.690 on them and having that other perspective is 00:19:34.690 --> 00:19:39.109 really helpful to stop having that. If you have 00:19:39.109 --> 00:19:41.069 like cyclic thoughts, I'm a great one for cyclic 00:19:41.069 --> 00:19:43.089 thoughts, which can be great if it's a point 00:19:43.089 --> 00:19:45.690 of enthusiasm or my latest obsession with feeding 00:19:45.690 --> 00:19:47.549 the hedgehogs. And it's really bad if it's something 00:19:47.549 --> 00:19:49.910 negative. So I don't know, Nathan, do you want 00:19:49.910 --> 00:19:51.369 to chip in? What do you reckon about all of this? 00:19:51.630 --> 00:19:55.309 Yeah, I totally agree. I've definitely got loads 00:19:55.309 --> 00:19:57.859 of like. preconceptions of the world that have 00:19:57.859 --> 00:20:02.059 come from my parents and being able to like address 00:20:02.059 --> 00:20:04.880 them in in adult life and just let go of it is 00:20:04.880 --> 00:20:09.420 um it's fantastic isn't it um for me like my 00:20:09.420 --> 00:20:11.779 parents always used to comment on other people's 00:20:11.779 --> 00:20:14.839 children been really messy and I was very conscious 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.259 not to them be messy and I would keep everything 00:20:18.259 --> 00:20:20.940 pristine and look after stuff I would never bend 00:20:20.940 --> 00:20:23.319 the spine of a book because you know I wanted 00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:27.390 to keep it as neat and tidy as ever And a few 00:20:27.390 --> 00:20:31.109 weeks ago, my run group had a thing where we 00:20:31.109 --> 00:20:34.150 entered a scarecrow building competition. And 00:20:34.150 --> 00:20:38.529 the first thing we had to do was make a paper 00:20:38.529 --> 00:20:42.630 mache head around a balloon. And it was so triggering, 00:20:42.670 --> 00:20:45.970 this moment, because I don't get messy. I don't 00:20:45.970 --> 00:20:48.349 touch slimy things. I don't do dirty things. 00:20:48.930 --> 00:20:52.430 And I was so resistant to help. But then once 00:20:52.430 --> 00:20:55.369 I started helping with it... it felt really cathartic 00:20:55.369 --> 00:20:57.109 and I'd like I'd released something in myself 00:20:57.109 --> 00:20:59.390 and it's like this is just pure and simple and 00:20:59.390 --> 00:21:01.630 fun and something that has kind of been taken 00:21:01.630 --> 00:21:03.670 away from me because I always had to be the neat 00:21:03.670 --> 00:21:08.730 tidy one and it's it's crazy to see reflect on 00:21:08.730 --> 00:21:10.430 these things as an adult like you're saying and 00:21:10.430 --> 00:21:12.609 just actually be right okay I can address this 00:21:12.609 --> 00:21:15.210 have these memories but they're not me they're 00:21:15.210 --> 00:21:19.049 not actually who I am yeah so right so right 00:21:19.710 --> 00:21:23.289 I think that the reason I wrote that, I honestly, 00:21:23.509 --> 00:21:26.690 with all my heart, do believe that it's therapeutic. 00:21:28.029 --> 00:21:34.450 I think that in a way what I try to do is, you 00:21:34.450 --> 00:21:38.890 know, basically two things. One, when you put 00:21:38.890 --> 00:21:43.589 the word therapy, it might create two things. 00:21:44.210 --> 00:21:50.890 One, expectation. And two, resentment or something 00:21:50.890 --> 00:21:53.609 that you push away because you don't want to 00:21:53.609 --> 00:21:57.809 deal with it. So I wanted to take that kind of 00:21:57.809 --> 00:22:02.009 out of the equation. We're doing what we're doing. 00:22:02.289 --> 00:22:09.049 And I'm not going to have any spoilers on this 00:22:09.049 --> 00:22:13.730 program because each and every step is a surprise. 00:22:15.019 --> 00:22:17.619 touching something from a different perspective, 00:22:17.880 --> 00:22:22.000 different point of view. And I 100 % believe, 00:22:22.160 --> 00:22:26.200 and I think that our sessions actually proved 00:22:26.200 --> 00:22:28.819 that, the ones that we did, Helen, I think that 00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:32.380 proved it, that it is therapeutic, but I didn't 00:22:32.380 --> 00:22:36.200 want it to be there as something that people 00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:40.529 will either resent or expect too much. really 00:22:40.529 --> 00:22:42.990 fair because it's a group setting isn't it so 00:22:42.990 --> 00:22:45.589 um obviously people can be as private or as open 00:22:45.589 --> 00:22:47.569 as they wish and they'll be like what goes on 00:22:47.569 --> 00:22:49.250 in the group stays in the group but it can just 00:22:49.250 --> 00:22:51.470 be family history because imagine if it's your 00:22:51.470 --> 00:22:54.430 granny um if she is leaving you her pen and her 00:22:54.430 --> 00:22:57.569 pickle recipe that's not deep psychological insights 00:22:57.569 --> 00:23:00.069 but nevertheless is really strong bonding things 00:23:00.069 --> 00:23:03.730 so people can just take it as you know that level 00:23:03.730 --> 00:23:05.950 of interaction and that's completely fine and 00:23:05.950 --> 00:23:08.910 then if in the process they find that they are 00:23:10.009 --> 00:23:13.470 having moments which are, I guess, for me, when 00:23:13.470 --> 00:23:16.130 I found it with Yen, I found it very enlightening, 00:23:16.289 --> 00:23:20.130 calming, healing. I did. But maybe that was just 00:23:20.130 --> 00:23:21.829 me. Maybe that was just a fluke. Maybe if I did 00:23:21.829 --> 00:23:23.869 it again, I wouldn't do. Who knows? But I definitely 00:23:23.869 --> 00:23:25.890 did find it a really rewarding experience on 00:23:25.890 --> 00:23:28.509 a family history front and personal. Like, you 00:23:28.509 --> 00:23:30.390 moved me on a bit in my life. Like, I just have 00:23:30.390 --> 00:23:33.089 a new perspective. I find that really nice. Yeah? 00:23:33.309 --> 00:23:35.990 So I think you're right not to... If anybody 00:23:35.990 --> 00:23:38.049 wants to do the course, come along. You will 00:23:38.049 --> 00:23:40.430 definitely have a great time and you'll definitely 00:23:40.430 --> 00:23:43.130 thank your family history self for it. And any 00:23:43.130 --> 00:23:45.970 future family will thank you for it, for having 00:23:45.970 --> 00:23:48.210 taken that time to create your little time capsule. 00:23:48.569 --> 00:23:50.990 And if you have any other bonuses along the side, 00:23:51.130 --> 00:23:56.230 that's great. Exactly. I think that what I wanted 00:23:56.230 --> 00:24:01.589 is to let people have their choices. How deep? 00:24:01.869 --> 00:24:05.130 Because you can go with... You can take this 00:24:05.130 --> 00:24:07.750 whole program. And like I said, I've done it 00:24:07.750 --> 00:24:10.890 before. I've done it five times already. And 00:24:10.890 --> 00:24:16.410 it was the things that people shared with me 00:24:16.410 --> 00:24:20.390 as far as transformation were just, I mean, they 00:24:20.390 --> 00:24:25.269 left me speechless. Having said that, I don't 00:24:25.269 --> 00:24:28.410 want people to feel pressured because you can 00:24:28.410 --> 00:24:32.380 take it as deep as you want. Just leave it, you 00:24:32.380 --> 00:24:36.759 know, on the surface and just do the exercise. 00:24:38.339 --> 00:24:43.420 Do any, you know, stuff that only talk about 00:24:43.420 --> 00:24:48.180 family history. I got to say that the way it 00:24:48.180 --> 00:24:52.400 evolves from the first session, even within the 00:24:52.400 --> 00:24:56.920 first session, I, you know, something will happen 00:24:56.920 --> 00:25:01.539 for sure. But I want people. to have the choice 00:25:01.539 --> 00:25:05.799 of how far they go with it. And like you said, 00:25:05.880 --> 00:25:10.079 we're going to be a group. So I don't, I don't, 00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:12.819 you know, take it personally. If people don't 00:25:12.819 --> 00:25:16.180 feel like going on camera, that's fine with me. 00:25:16.299 --> 00:25:19.299 I know that some people or some lecturers feel 00:25:19.299 --> 00:25:21.799 very intimidated when people are not on camera. 00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:26.599 I really don't mind. And I want people to feel 00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:30.500 free because once you don't feel pressured you 00:25:30.500 --> 00:25:35.500 don't feel pressure to perform or to share then 00:25:35.500 --> 00:25:38.420 you can be the real you and that's the purpose 00:25:38.420 --> 00:25:41.740 of the whole thing it's the story of you and 00:25:41.740 --> 00:25:45.920 people can take it as deep as they want and they 00:25:45.920 --> 00:25:51.779 I want them to do whatever it takes to feel free 00:25:51.779 --> 00:25:55.650 enough to be truthful to themselves They don't 00:25:55.650 --> 00:25:57.910 need to tell anybody. They don't need to share 00:25:57.910 --> 00:26:00.849 what they, you know, intimate moments of their 00:26:00.849 --> 00:26:04.730 lives. The only thing I ask them is to be true 00:26:04.730 --> 00:26:08.829 to themselves. And that is the starting point. 00:26:09.109 --> 00:26:13.490 And from that point, they are free to take it 00:26:13.490 --> 00:26:18.859 how low and how deep they want. When Yana and 00:26:18.859 --> 00:26:20.440 I were doing it, it was just both of us two on 00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:22.859 Zoom. And so Yana would give me like the writing 00:26:22.859 --> 00:26:24.740 exercise. She'd go, write this, that and the 00:26:24.740 --> 00:26:28.019 other. And so I'd be sitting there and Yana would 00:26:28.019 --> 00:26:31.000 be in silence. And I'd be like, scratching away. 00:26:31.180 --> 00:26:32.579 And then I'd be like, yeah, I finished. And then 00:26:32.579 --> 00:26:34.000 sometimes I'd share with you things. And then 00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:35.240 sometimes I wouldn't. I'd be like, no, I've just 00:26:35.240 --> 00:26:37.500 finished writing. And it's just staying with 00:26:37.500 --> 00:26:39.859 me. And so it's kind of, you can just play it 00:26:39.859 --> 00:26:43.349 how you like. Yeah. Nathan you're a really um 00:26:43.349 --> 00:26:45.730 self -reflective person aren't you like me and 00:26:45.730 --> 00:26:48.589 Nathan both are we both try I think we both maybe 00:26:48.589 --> 00:26:50.509 I'm saying this wrong so forgive me if I am Nathan 00:26:50.509 --> 00:26:52.490 but I think we both view ourselves as a bit of 00:26:52.490 --> 00:26:55.029 a project like our life's mission is to work 00:26:55.029 --> 00:26:56.650 ourselves out and try and get better at being 00:26:56.650 --> 00:26:59.809 us and have more fun is that right? I love learning 00:26:59.809 --> 00:27:02.190 about myself um the last few years I've really 00:27:02.190 --> 00:27:04.829 been exploring like what makes me me and yeah 00:27:04.829 --> 00:27:07.430 not in like an egomaniac sort of way but just 00:27:08.040 --> 00:27:10.759 knowing my triggers and what changes me and how 00:27:10.759 --> 00:27:13.000 I am a better how to be a better person in life 00:27:13.000 --> 00:27:16.059 by learning who I am and stuff so yeah I'm very 00:27:16.059 --> 00:27:18.680 reflective I like to quote unquote do the work 00:27:18.680 --> 00:27:25.980 yeah I don't think you can move anywhere or be 00:27:25.980 --> 00:27:31.539 anything or anyone if you don't reflect and you 00:27:31.539 --> 00:27:35.299 because sometimes or so many times especially 00:27:35.299 --> 00:27:39.700 when I was very much involved with a group of 00:27:39.700 --> 00:27:45.839 adoptees, if you don't understand what is going 00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:49.539 on, what was behind or what was going on in your 00:27:49.539 --> 00:27:55.420 mind when you were an infant and how your surroundings 00:27:55.420 --> 00:27:58.980 and the people that you grew up with influenced 00:27:58.980 --> 00:28:03.119 what you think and what you feel and the way 00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:07.859 you grow up, the way you... structure relationships, 00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:12.240 then people don't realize that the blueprint 00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:17.619 that we experience up to the age of 18 months, 00:28:17.960 --> 00:28:23.700 that would be the blueprint that will go with 00:28:23.700 --> 00:28:29.420 us for the rest of our lives. Unless we understand 00:28:29.420 --> 00:28:32.819 it, realize that, you know, that's what we're 00:28:32.819 --> 00:28:38.119 doing. and make a conscious change. But I think 00:28:38.119 --> 00:28:42.059 that I learned it over 10 years ago, but I remember 00:28:42.059 --> 00:28:46.480 the first time that I had that realization or 00:28:46.480 --> 00:28:51.259 I learned that bit. What we experience up to 00:28:51.259 --> 00:28:54.680 the age of 18 months is the blueprint for the 00:28:54.680 --> 00:29:00.299 rest of our lives. That's scary. I mean, I freaked 00:29:00.299 --> 00:29:04.460 out. I'm like, wow. So now I have to go back 00:29:04.460 --> 00:29:08.400 and understand what was the surroundings I lived 00:29:08.400 --> 00:29:13.180 in up to the age of 18 months. Because it's so 00:29:13.180 --> 00:29:18.140 crucial. Like Nathan said, you can't make a change 00:29:18.140 --> 00:29:21.619 unless you, first of all, realize that something 00:29:21.619 --> 00:29:26.440 else is managing you. And then make a conscious 00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:34.690 choice to change. what do you think Nathan that 00:29:34.690 --> 00:29:37.890 was that what happened to you yeah pretty much 00:29:37.890 --> 00:29:41.410 yeah I've just been like basically my dad's got 00:29:41.410 --> 00:29:44.789 Alzheimer's and when he hit with that that caused 00:29:44.789 --> 00:29:48.369 me to have massive amount of depression and coming 00:29:48.369 --> 00:29:49.990 out of the other side of it I was like right 00:29:49.990 --> 00:29:52.089 I need to turn this into a positive because it's 00:29:52.089 --> 00:29:53.910 such a dark thing and it just caused me to be 00:29:53.910 --> 00:29:56.549 massively reflective on my entire life and then 00:29:56.549 --> 00:29:59.069 also trying like work out who I am and who I 00:29:59.069 --> 00:30:01.170 want to be going forward and what I want to get 00:30:01.170 --> 00:30:02.990 out of the time that I've got whilst I'm here. 00:30:04.289 --> 00:30:09.990 So, yeah, definitely. That's exciting. Understanding 00:30:09.990 --> 00:30:14.650 things about yourself, I find it invigorating. 00:30:15.609 --> 00:30:19.329 I had a really interesting experience when, you 00:30:19.329 --> 00:30:21.250 know, I've been talking about the story of you 00:30:21.250 --> 00:30:25.380 for a few years now and... I think that with 00:30:25.380 --> 00:30:28.920 each workshop and with each masterclass, I go 00:30:28.920 --> 00:30:33.019 through sort of like a process myself. And I 00:30:33.019 --> 00:30:37.000 was looking at myself as a child coming to Israel. 00:30:37.019 --> 00:30:42.279 I was six years old. And coming from the Soviet 00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:47.140 Union at the time, my name was Zhanna. And I 00:30:47.140 --> 00:30:51.400 think a week later, I was already enrolled in 00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:56.730 school. And my first grade teacher, what she 00:30:56.730 --> 00:31:02.029 said to me was, Jana is no good. We're going 00:31:02.029 --> 00:31:08.069 to call you Rina. No explanation. God forbid, 00:31:08.170 --> 00:31:11.410 never talk to my parents. She made her decision, 00:31:11.670 --> 00:31:20.630 which I believe was, you know. Rina is a very, 00:31:20.690 --> 00:31:25.930 very, very Israeli name. So I think that she 00:31:25.930 --> 00:31:30.769 thought she was doing me a favor and giving me 00:31:30.769 --> 00:31:33.730 a name that would not stand out because Zhanna 00:31:33.730 --> 00:31:38.710 was very Russian at the time. I mean, today you 00:31:38.710 --> 00:31:42.589 find Zhanna's left and right. But at the time, 00:31:42.589 --> 00:31:46.680 that was so... such an outsider name and she 00:31:46.680 --> 00:31:50.920 decided to name me differently so at six years 00:31:50.920 --> 00:31:57.440 old I was a child living split lives or living 00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:02.859 I had two entities I had to sort of like internalize 00:32:02.859 --> 00:32:06.319 two entities because I was Reena at school and 00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:08.660 with the school kids and I was still Jana at 00:32:08.660 --> 00:32:14.880 home because that's who I was and Only so many 00:32:14.880 --> 00:32:20.180 years later, I realized what that did to me throughout 00:32:20.180 --> 00:32:24.559 my life and where this feeling of not good enough 00:32:24.559 --> 00:32:30.180 came. Because at home, at home, I was the firstborn 00:32:30.180 --> 00:32:34.740 for my parents. I was the first female grandchild. 00:32:35.180 --> 00:32:40.420 So at home, I had the Midas touch. Everything 00:32:40.420 --> 00:32:44.759 I said. was the most clever thing. I was the 00:32:44.759 --> 00:32:49.500 most beautiful. I was the most funny. I was like 00:32:49.500 --> 00:32:52.799 everything. The whole world evolved around me. 00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:57.980 And a couple of steps to the side, going to school, 00:32:58.079 --> 00:33:03.059 I was this newcomer with not that much of a language. 00:33:03.319 --> 00:33:06.539 You know, I didn't speak Hebrew and I was an 00:33:06.539 --> 00:33:11.690 outsider. And I had to... internalize those two 00:33:11.690 --> 00:33:15.890 entities and I guess one child might say might 00:33:15.890 --> 00:33:19.450 take the strength from home and come to class 00:33:19.450 --> 00:33:23.170 and say well this is who I am and I'm the best 00:33:23.170 --> 00:33:26.369 and blah blah blah and some children I guess 00:33:26.369 --> 00:33:29.829 I was one of them at a certain point I went to 00:33:29.829 --> 00:33:33.450 my parents and I said you are lying to me because 00:33:33.450 --> 00:33:35.930 you have to love me because you have to think 00:33:35.930 --> 00:33:39.759 I'm the best because I'm your daughter And I 00:33:39.759 --> 00:33:44.119 think about it today and it, you know, it's just 00:33:44.119 --> 00:33:47.839 sad. It's really sad. And she did something. 00:33:47.960 --> 00:33:51.759 She never understood what was behind, what was 00:33:51.759 --> 00:33:54.799 going on in the mind of a six -year -old and 00:33:54.799 --> 00:33:59.660 how it all, you know, and the fact that at a 00:33:59.660 --> 00:34:03.619 six -year -old, she told me Jada was no good. 00:34:05.220 --> 00:34:10.960 And the effect that that had. So I went because 00:34:10.960 --> 00:34:15.019 I wanted to belong. I went because, you know, 00:34:15.099 --> 00:34:18.940 I am a genealogist, so I save everything. And 00:34:18.940 --> 00:34:25.059 I have my end of the year scores from first grade. 00:34:25.260 --> 00:34:29.679 When I came to Israel, the year has already started. 00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:35.320 And the year at the time was divided into three. 00:34:35.639 --> 00:34:39.750 So I actually... So there was three semesters 00:34:39.750 --> 00:34:43.670 and I actually arrived at the close, towards 00:34:43.670 --> 00:34:47.030 the end of the second semester. And I looked 00:34:47.030 --> 00:34:51.010 at my, you know, at my score report and in language, 00:34:51.090 --> 00:34:54.670 I had in, you know, in your terms, that would 00:34:54.670 --> 00:35:01.409 be an F, a fail. At the end of the third semester, 00:35:01.789 --> 00:35:09.099 I had an A plus in language. And all of a sudden 00:35:09.099 --> 00:35:13.739 I realized that my need to belong, not to be 00:35:13.739 --> 00:35:18.559 different, how strong that was that within a 00:35:18.559 --> 00:35:24.739 few months I mastered the language. And I had 00:35:24.739 --> 00:35:28.679 a higher score than other Israeli kids in my 00:35:28.679 --> 00:35:33.320 class as far as written form and language and 00:35:33.320 --> 00:35:36.349 explanation. I mean, everything that... Language, 00:35:36.389 --> 00:35:40.710 you know, encompasses in it. And I had a higher 00:35:40.710 --> 00:35:44.409 score than other Israeli kids in my class. That's 00:35:44.409 --> 00:35:50.550 how desperate I was to be just as good as anybody 00:35:50.550 --> 00:35:55.929 else. And that is something that you take with 00:35:55.929 --> 00:36:00.030 you. You don't realize where it comes from. And 00:36:00.030 --> 00:36:02.929 it took me a very long time to understand that. 00:36:03.500 --> 00:36:09.179 not only I am enough, but I'm real good. I mean, 00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:14.380 I'm good. I'm okay. And that was a realization 00:36:14.380 --> 00:36:19.559 for me that was very emotional because the way 00:36:19.559 --> 00:36:23.960 I saw myself was not how people saw me even as 00:36:23.960 --> 00:36:28.659 a grown -up. I didn't see what they saw. And 00:36:28.659 --> 00:36:33.719 once I started looking through their lens, It 00:36:33.719 --> 00:36:36.679 was very emotional for me because it was looking 00:36:36.679 --> 00:36:40.940 at somebody that I wanted to be but did not realise 00:36:40.940 --> 00:36:45.380 that I'm already there. If you get what I mean. 00:36:45.699 --> 00:36:48.039 Yeah, definitely relate to that quite a lot. 00:36:48.639 --> 00:36:53.559 Obviously not via the history side of it. I'm 00:36:53.559 --> 00:36:57.280 an extrovert, but I was brought up by two introverts. 00:36:57.719 --> 00:37:00.420 And I, as a child, only child, I didn't want 00:37:00.420 --> 00:37:03.679 to cause any trouble. So I was very quiet. Probably 00:37:03.679 --> 00:37:07.619 until I was about 18, 19. And even then I wasn't 00:37:07.619 --> 00:37:11.739 very loud. And now, through doing all my quote 00:37:11.739 --> 00:37:14.480 -unquote self -reflection, unfortunately my friends 00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:17.079 are getting unfiltered Nathan now. And I just 00:37:17.079 --> 00:37:19.300 don't care, but I've never been more me than 00:37:19.300 --> 00:37:22.659 now. It's quite an interesting process. That's 00:37:22.659 --> 00:37:25.579 invigorating, I think. I mean, when you realise 00:37:25.579 --> 00:37:28.920 that you're in the right spot, that whatever 00:37:28.920 --> 00:37:33.250 you're doing... fills you with so much joy and 00:37:33.250 --> 00:37:38.070 you feel so much freedom and when you say well 00:37:38.070 --> 00:37:43.170 yeah this is not the Nathan that you've known 00:37:43.170 --> 00:37:48.309 so far but you know newsflash this is who I am 00:37:48.309 --> 00:37:52.750 exactly exactly that yeah my poor friends not 00:37:52.750 --> 00:37:54.130 your poor friends I think your lucky friends 00:37:54.130 --> 00:37:56.730 because then you do sometimes you when you meet 00:37:56.730 --> 00:37:59.099 people who are just totally happy in their own 00:37:59.099 --> 00:38:02.360 skin being them and then you do give other people 00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:04.539 permission just to let their own hair down and 00:38:04.539 --> 00:38:06.639 be like hang it i'm gonna just be myself as well 00:38:06.639 --> 00:38:10.159 and you just like be a good good crazy ripple 00:38:10.159 --> 00:38:12.239 in the pond and then everyone else can just stop 00:38:12.239 --> 00:38:13.920 getting in a stew about things they don't care 00:38:13.920 --> 00:38:16.320 about like it's fine to get in a stew about things 00:38:16.320 --> 00:38:18.420 that you're passionate about and mean a lot to 00:38:18.420 --> 00:38:20.659 you but if it's someone else's values that just 00:38:20.659 --> 00:38:23.000 making you stressed just like date shit this 00:38:23.000 --> 00:38:25.179 is this has tended to therapy session now but 00:38:25.179 --> 00:38:28.920 um but i It's all linked, isn't it? Because I 00:38:28.920 --> 00:38:32.699 think I got a letter recently and somebody actually 00:38:32.699 --> 00:38:34.860 said family history isn't therapy. And I was 00:38:34.860 --> 00:38:37.500 just like, wait a minute. I do family believe 00:38:37.500 --> 00:38:39.400 that family history is whatever you want to make 00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:41.539 it, which might sound a bit flim flam or whatever. 00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:43.239 But some people are going to want to make it 00:38:43.239 --> 00:38:46.300 into a massive research project about the village 00:38:46.300 --> 00:38:48.199 your ancestors lived in. Other people are going 00:38:48.199 --> 00:38:51.059 to want to. We get all the family recipes. Other 00:38:51.059 --> 00:38:53.320 people just want to grow the massive tree or 00:38:53.320 --> 00:38:56.719 find a long -lost parent. We all have our different 00:38:56.719 --> 00:38:58.500 reasons. We might have a bunch of those reasons. 00:38:58.980 --> 00:39:01.679 The thing I feel uncompromising about is we shouldn't 00:39:01.679 --> 00:39:03.179 be telling other people what family history is. 00:39:03.260 --> 00:39:06.519 We each can deal with it as we wish and get what 00:39:06.519 --> 00:39:10.599 we want out of it. And I think that's okay, isn't 00:39:10.599 --> 00:39:12.139 it? That we each have our own version of it. 00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:14.059 Otherwise, it's trying to say the only kind of 00:39:14.059 --> 00:39:15.760 novel you can read is this kind of novel. It's 00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:17.219 like, no, no, there's loads of different kinds. 00:39:18.030 --> 00:39:24.409 Oh, 100%. 100%. And also to say to someone, well, 00:39:24.469 --> 00:39:27.710 first of all, you cannot tell anyone how to feel 00:39:27.710 --> 00:39:32.070 about anything. You know, whatever we're feeling, 00:39:32.190 --> 00:39:34.610 that's what we're feeling and that's okay. And 00:39:34.610 --> 00:39:37.690 we might feel something else tomorrow and something 00:39:37.690 --> 00:39:42.949 completely different the day after. But what 00:39:42.949 --> 00:39:45.690 we feel... At that moment, it's like, you know, 00:39:45.710 --> 00:39:50.670 when we talk to kids and a kid is upset because 00:39:50.670 --> 00:39:54.050 somebody said something to him. You can't say, 00:39:54.110 --> 00:39:58.170 oh, you know, rubbish or don't pay attention 00:39:58.170 --> 00:40:01.429 or whatever because then you're not addressing 00:40:01.429 --> 00:40:06.449 the fact that that child is upset and you sort 00:40:06.449 --> 00:40:10.750 of like disregard his feelings. And that's... 00:40:11.690 --> 00:40:14.590 We don't like when people do that to us, not 00:40:14.590 --> 00:40:18.150 when we're kids and definitely not when we're 00:40:18.150 --> 00:40:22.690 adults. So nobody can tell you what to feel about 00:40:22.690 --> 00:40:29.829 anything. But also, I truly believe that to say 00:40:29.829 --> 00:40:33.469 history repeats itself, it might sound, you know, 00:40:33.469 --> 00:40:37.230 a little bit too big. But I do believe that if 00:40:37.230 --> 00:40:40.929 we go back and we'll learn the stories. of our 00:40:40.929 --> 00:40:45.269 ancestors and their lives not just the data when 00:40:45.269 --> 00:40:47.630 they lived when they died where they're buried 00:40:47.630 --> 00:40:50.590 you know where they moved to but actually learn 00:40:50.590 --> 00:40:54.389 about what kind of people they were we'll find 00:40:54.389 --> 00:40:59.190 the commonalities we'll find the threads that 00:40:59.190 --> 00:41:02.210 follow through from generation to generation 00:41:02.210 --> 00:41:08.630 and um and i think that if you if you you know 00:41:08.630 --> 00:41:13.880 sort of like disregard that you are actually 00:41:13.880 --> 00:41:19.400 uh turning away or turning your back to a very 00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:22.659 important part within you because I I you know 00:41:22.659 --> 00:41:29.460 it's DNA okay we get our DNA from I um well we're 00:41:29.460 --> 00:41:32.260 talking about you know DNA so we're talking about 00:41:32.260 --> 00:41:36.400 five or four or five maybe six generations back 00:41:36.400 --> 00:41:41.500 but we can't You know, we can't say otherwise 00:41:41.500 --> 00:41:44.519 because that's the way DNA works. So at least 00:41:44.519 --> 00:41:48.039 five generations back, I've got my ancestors' 00:41:48.380 --> 00:41:53.639 DNA inside me. And with that DNA comes other 00:41:53.639 --> 00:41:58.199 stuff. And today we've got epigenetics and, you 00:41:58.199 --> 00:42:03.300 know, and so many things that we know today as 00:42:03.300 --> 00:42:08.230 science that are passed on. that are not just 00:42:08.230 --> 00:42:14.670 the DNA, but other stuff. And just, you know, 00:42:14.670 --> 00:42:17.670 disregarding that is, like I said, I believe 00:42:17.670 --> 00:42:22.329 that it's actually not be willing to look at 00:42:22.329 --> 00:42:26.269 a part of who you are. So you have to go back, 00:42:26.329 --> 00:42:28.809 you have to look back in order to understand 00:42:28.809 --> 00:42:33.550 why you choose what you choose, why your patterns 00:42:33.550 --> 00:42:36.329 are the way they are. And then you can choose. 00:42:36.989 --> 00:42:41.750 to, you know, give a gift for future generations. 00:42:41.750 --> 00:42:45.809 And that's one of the main goals of the time 00:42:45.809 --> 00:42:49.170 capsule is to understand who you are, what makes 00:42:49.170 --> 00:42:55.530 you tick, decide what's important. And then those 00:42:55.530 --> 00:43:00.389 important bits, those stories, those mantras, 00:43:00.389 --> 00:43:05.190 though, you know, whatever is you feel that is 00:43:05.190 --> 00:43:10.500 valued. in your life make sure that the next 00:43:10.500 --> 00:43:14.059 generation and the generation after that is aware 00:43:14.059 --> 00:43:20.039 of it appreciates it and can um you know embrace 00:43:20.039 --> 00:43:23.400 it as their own and then it just goes forward 00:43:23.400 --> 00:43:27.400 it's good looking forward to it we're doing some 00:43:27.400 --> 00:43:31.900 of it aren't we already Yana, thank you so much 00:43:31.900 --> 00:43:34.119 for your time today chatting with us. It's just 00:43:34.119 --> 00:43:37.079 fun. I mean, Nathan, we're at work. I mean, you 00:43:37.079 --> 00:43:39.199 couldn't get a much better time at work than 00:43:39.199 --> 00:43:41.539 this morning, could you? Yeah, this is great 00:43:41.539 --> 00:43:43.940 to get paid for. Yes, sometimes we do work really 00:43:43.940 --> 00:43:45.440 hard at really, really boring things. So this 00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:47.460 is a treat to be able to do fun stuff like this 00:43:47.460 --> 00:43:49.800 and still call it work. So thank you so much, 00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:51.219 Yana. And we're looking forward to your course 00:43:51.219 --> 00:43:53.500 in September. And I know Nathan and I are going 00:43:53.500 --> 00:43:55.559 to absolutely love it. And anyone else who comes 00:43:55.559 --> 00:43:58.739 along as well will do. And so if anybody would 00:43:58.739 --> 00:44:00.119 like to find out more, just... head over to our 00:44:00.119 --> 00:44:02.239 website, which you know what it is. It's family 00:44:02.239 --> 00:44:04.800 -tree .co .uk and hop in the shop and you'll 00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:06.820 find the course there. It's called The Story 00:44:06.820 --> 00:44:09.360 of You. So that's nice and easy to remember. 00:44:09.760 --> 00:44:11.559 And thank you, Ed. And we'll see you all next 00:44:11.559 --> 00:44:14.340 week then. Happy researching, guys. Thank you. 00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:16.659 Looking forward to seeing everyone.