Motherhood, where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal. And somehow, we're supposed to be
raising tiny humans through it all. We're here
to laugh at the chaos, cry when necessary, and
remind you that none of us actually know what
we're doing. This is No Manual, a momcast. Your
mom friend group chat, but with microphones.
Welcome back to No Manual, a momcast. Hi everyone,
welcome back to No Manual, a momcast. We're excited
you're listening today. Today, we're just chatting
about... Kind of the overarching question of
do we have too much information as moms? And
so before we hop into that, let's share our mom
moments of the week. Do you want to go first?
Yeah, I can go first. So Zeta's kind of at this
point with sleep where we've gotten a couple
like full nights. She's fully slept through the
night. That's not like a regular thing yet, but
it's happening often enough that we're like,
okay, we're working our way there. But the biggest
issue is, and this also means that sometimes
like if she wakes up, like obviously if she's
crying I go get her. But if she's just kind of
like fussing a little bit, I try to give her
a few minutes to be like maybe, you know, learning
to like get yourself back down. Yeah. But the
thing that has started to happen is she'll wake
up enough that like I obviously need to go get
her or she'll even just start fussing right when
I'm in that space between being awake and asleep.
So it's like I'm almost asleep. And that's the
worst. I do think I would rather be fully woken
up. Oh, yeah. Like to be actually asleep. Like,
yes, I'm going to be groggier. Especially, you
know, like REM cycles or whatever. It might take
you a minute to be like, what's happening? Yeah,
so I come to. And this happened the other night.
I think I talked about it a little bit on our
last episode where. She woke up at three and
didn't go back down until five. And that is what
kept happening is so she like woke up and she
wasn't really crying. So I was like, okay, I'm
going to give her a few minutes. And I like checked
the camera and it looks like she was going to
get herself back down. So like, okay, cool. I'm
going to like roll over, get comfy, like right
into the like almost asleep. She starts fussing,
like get myself up. She stops fussing again.
I'm like, do I just, like, go nurse her? Do I,
like, wait? I did eventually nurse her. I don't
remember what time that was. I did eventually
nurse her. And then I was like, okay, like, she
should be good. Because usually, like, the nights
that she does wake up, that's all it is. It's
like, I nurse her once. She's good. She goes
back to sleep. And this time, it was like, I
nursed her. And then, again, I thought she was
fine. go back get like comfy in bed right between
like right about to like be conked and she started
crying again and it's just the worst like it's
awful this is why i co -sleep more than i would
would like to because of moments like yeah where
i'm like i just can't i can't sit in a recliner
any longer and feed this baby i'm just gonna
lay down Which makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And I
mean, she does. She generally does pretty good
in her crib. And I feel like it's just been the
last couple of weeks. It's like she has a radar
and she knows that I'm not asleep yet, but I'm
almost there. And that's when she needs to cry.
That's when I'm going to wake up. That's what
it feels like. Yes. Because it's so consistent.
Even we had one night last week. So our family
has been just like trading off being sick. And
so we were going to bed. I think we had lights
out like. almost before 10. Wow. Because both
Stuart and I were sick and we're like, we just
need to go to sleep. Need to go to sleep. And
of course that's the night she wakes up at like
1030. Oh, brutal. Just so frequent. It's so brutal.
So annoying. I feel like Cruz does almost the
exact same thing. It's like, he knows when my
head hits the pillow. Yeah. And like last night
he was still asleep when I'm like laying in bed.
And part of me was like, I should just stay awake
until he decides to wake up because I know it's
going to be soon, which it did end up being soon.
But, like, it's, like, this part of me just fears
the, like, when I close my eyes and settle because
I know. That's when it happens. I know it's coming.
So I might as well just stay awake. And then
maybe my kids will continue to sleep. Yeah. But,
man, brutal. It's so brutal. All right. What's
your mom moment? Okay. So mine. Oh, my gosh.
I felt like the worst mom in the world. I was
right before this podcast. I was telling you
about me crashing out this last week. This isn't
even this case. Different crash out. Different.
I wouldn't even say it was like a crash out,
but it was like a moment of like frustration
with Cole. I think it was like a solo parenting
night. And I'm like, bedtime is always the hardest
whenever you're solo parenting, or at least in
my house it is. For sure. I think Colt was like
just he would not settle and was like not he
just kept talking. So I'm like telling him like,
hey, buddy, you got to you got to try to calm.
Like, yeah, it's time to time to be quiet. And
I'm usually like trying to nurse Cruz. And so
he's trying to fall asleep, but it's keeping
Cruz awake. I've had many of those nights. Yes.
Yeah. And I I got frustrated at Colt. And I don't
remember what I said, but it was something that
Cole, he then, he, he stopped talking. He cried.
He was crying a little bit. And then I finally
was like, Cole, I'm like, I'm so sorry, buddy.
Like, what were you, what were you trying to
tell me? What were you trying to tell mommy?
And he just shook his head and turned the other
way. And I was like, oh my God, I am the world's
worst mother. I literally, my child will not
tell me what he was saying because he's so frustrated
at me right now. And I just cried because I felt
so terrible. That's what we should have named
our podcast is I feel like the World Tourist
Mom. I feel like, yes. So many of the moments.
I've never had that exact moment. But yeah, the
solo bedtimes, same thing. Like just chatty,
chatty, chatty. There was one time I told Lloyd
that he wouldn't get mom snuggles after I finished
nursing Zeta if he didn't stop talking. And after
that, I was like, I probably shouldn't like.
have my affection be something that he like has
to earn has to earn or like i take away to take
away his elephant if he doesn't stop talking
yeah it's so hard because i'm like i know a lot
of it is like at nighttime he's trying to like
digest the day yes he's like recalling everything
that happened he wants to talk about different
things which i love and there's a time and a
place for it and the hard part is when i'm like
trying to get my other child to sleep yeah And
that's when he wants to do that. So it's like
it's such a hard balance because I want like
I want to have those conversations. And yeah,
we can stay up a little bit later to talk about
your day. Yeah, I love that. But if it's faulting
your sibling from sleeping, that's the hard part.
None of us are getting sleep. No, no. And that
is such a hard balance whenever it's solo parenting
night. So shout out to all the single parents
out there that are just doing this every single
night. I don't know how you do it. I don't. And,
you know, you deserve the world. But I felt so
terrible when Colt just he looks at me and he
just shakes his head and turns the other way.
And I'm like, oh, my God. I will never know what
you wanted to say to me in that moment. I will
regret that for the rest of my life. I'll feel
terrible. I also wish in those moments, what
are they thinking? Are they just sad? Are they
angry? Do they feel hurt? I don't know. I think
that Colt actually felt hurt by me. He didn't
know how to express that other than just being
like, nope, I'm done. I'm like, oh, my God. It's
the worst. Yeah. It makes me want to cry right
now because I'm just like, I know we're going
to have a bajillion more moments of that in some
type of experience. But to have that first moment
where I'm like, oh, my God, you just like what
you're saying right now. I just shut you down.
Yeah, I just shut you down because you frustrated
me or hurt me. And so, oof, man, heartbroken
that night. Yeah, that's rough. Okay, so what
we're chatting about today is do we as moms have
too much information? What would you – your first
answer to that question? So the first thing I
thought of when I was like – so we talked about
this. Neither of us like really like in -depth
prepped for this. No. Like if you're looking
for an informational episode – There's no statistics.
No. But the first thing I thought about – today
as i was thinking about this is there have been
two reality tv scandals in the past week yes
and i have way too much information about both
of them oh yeah because we have the taylor frankie
paul bachelorette being canceled which also rumors
are it's not canceled i have no idea oh really
i don't know apparently opinions towards that
we don't talk about it that could be another
episode um yes so taylor frankie paul if you're
not interested you didn't listen come to this
for reality tv stuff but i have like way too
much information on like what happened if they
cancel did they not cancel like what's happening
with her other show what actually happened in
the video what blah blah like i don't need to
know this much about this person i don't know
um and then the other one i don't know this one's
much sad well they're both terrible is one of
the dugger from the 19 kids and counting family
one of the so one of the sons is already in prison
and then another one just got arrested and his
wife also got arrested oh gosh and i didn't see
that i like went down a rabbit hole with that
today of like what happened why was he arrested
why was she arrested like all of this and so
yeah my first thought as i was preparing like
Yes. We just have too much information in general
because I don't need to know about any of like,
neither of those situations affect my kids, my
family, me, you know, like, okay, so maybe I'm
not going to watch a TV show I was planning on
watching because it was canceled. Like that's
the most that affects me. And so if like. With
this situation of just like TV shows, if I have
way too much information there, where else do
I have way too much information? Yeah. If that
makes sense. Yes. Yeah. That is, I think, the
perfect example of just we have so much exposure
to anything that we could want to get our hands
on. Yeah. On all sides of the spectrum. Yeah.
The thing that I thought of when we first talked
about doing this episode is sleep training as
a whole. Like whatever side you are on, you can
get information to back that side up. Oh, 100%.
And it's really up to you to kind of filter out
that information on what you want to believe
or think to be true. But for someone like me,
I'm such a like – I can be convinced very easily
to like – switch sides of an argument or and
this is probably like at a fault for me but like
if someone has a very convincing argument you
can pretty much convince good i'm like oh yeah
that sounds great i get it so like when it comes
to sleep training i've gone so back and forth
on what my opinion is yeah because i can see
the convincing argument on both sides rather
than trying myself to form my own opinion. And
then again, especially with sleep training, I
feel like there are people on both sides who,
again, have like actual data behind them. So
then that makes it even harder, right? Because
if you have one person who's like, you should
do this, but they have nothing to back them up,
then you're like, oh, they're like. not as trustworthy
as the person who's like hey i've done all this
research and here's all the information and all
the studies and blah blah but when you have like
studies on both sides like hey here are the kids
who were sleep trained and benefited and here
are the kids who were sleep trained and it ruined
their lives or whatever yeah yeah you can just
like literally get any sort of information that
you need which we all know but like as a mom
I think your feed is the same as mine pretty
much because a lot of the times like you'll send
me a reel and I'm like, oh, I've already seen
this on my feed. But I just think that like our
feeds, like social media feeds are curated for
what we're looking for and what stage of life
we're in. I don't know. It just, it knows us,
which is crazy. But I think it's like social
media. is so great but it can be at such a harm
for us too of like everything is just right it's
just right there yeah and at least for me like
i can go down the like rabbit hole of like so
fast i can turn off my phone and think i'm the
world's worst mom Because I don't do this A,
B, and C. Yeah. Well, again, like it happened
so quick. Like with the reality TV things, it's
like it took me less than five minutes to look
at probably 10 different articles on like one
situation. And this is a situation that doesn't
directly affect my kids. And I'm not making decisions
on. So then you have this, you know, these things
where you are making decisions. everyone wants
what's best for their kids so it's so like it
gets paralyzing yeah because again you spend
five minutes just scrolling and you have 15 different
opinions that somehow are all different you're
like i don't even know there could be 15 different
opinions on this subject but somehow there are
and they all have like somewhat valid points
yeah and like what do i believe yeah yeah so
then yeah that's the like whole like filtering
like figuring out what works best for your family
or what yeah what information you actually need
to take or is affecting you at all but yeah i
don't know well it's tough because like i'm also
so thankful like we had my mom on i think it's
almost a she experienced an ectopic pregnancy
in 1997 and she didn't know what that was yeah
and google didn't exist or it was young and i
don't remember what your google was created but
it's definitely at least young enough that it
wasn't just something you did. Like it wasn't
a verb yet like it is now. So even if she had
gotten, you know, if her doctor was like, hey,
this is what's happening. Like she told us you
couldn't just like look up what does this mean.
Exactly. Where now you have, you know, we have
that at our disposal, which is really nice in
some situations because you can look at some,
you know, Google what something means or, and
of course not to use that as like the be all
end all, but then that can give you like. face
this information and you know what questions
to ask better yeah so I think so frequently you
just don't even know where to start exactly and
so it's nice to have this like okay now this
helps me know where to start what you know again
what questions to ask or should I panic should
I not panic yeah and that is so nice and so helpful
like I can't imagine being a mom at a time when
you didn't have access to information but then
like where's the balance of like no information
or like you're only trusting your doctor yeah
which isn't always bad but then what if you have
a doctor who has who's outdated or is a bad doctor
like that happens yeah then you know to swing
to this other side of everyone is giving you
information all the time yep it is like i think
of chat GPT has been such a beneficial thing
for me especially with Colt as we're trying to
figure out his asthma or whatever he's dealing
with and he's got really bad eczema so chat GPT
has like helped us kind of figure out if those
things are correlated which we think are and
like just I don't know it's just been so beneficial
and not being like yes I can get down the avenue
of like being information overload. Yeah. But
at least for us, it's like personalized in a
way that we can figure out the information that
we want, like we want to figure out if that makes
sense. And I'm appreciative of it. And I cannot
imagine being a mom of going back to like being
a first time mom. Yeah. And I definitely was
someone who took my first born to the pediatrician
probably a little bit too much. I can't imagine
how many times I may have taken him if I didn't
have the internet to calm me down or just to
help me like figure out like, oh, maybe, you
know, wait a little bit and see if the figure
drops or observe. Yeah, you don't need to freak
out. And so I've talked to my mom about this
multiple times about them just kind of like figuring
out parenting in a sense because they didn't
have. chat gpt or social media or the yeah the
internet like yeah google was around but it wasn't
really like just type in your question get the
answer you need and so it was very much like
i don't know you just figure it out figure out
what works for you which i think is like a beneficial
thing and yeah in a sense then there's also this
piece of it where with like the whole internet
you have everyone's opinion so then even if you
like sit down you're like hey i looked at all
the options we you know we talked about it maybe
we even prayed about it like this is a decision
that we feel is right for our family then you
are for sure going to see someone online who
is saying that like well everyone who does this
hates their kids or you know maybe not in those
words but is extremely you know you're going
to find someone who disagrees with your decision
is very vocal about it all this and you have
to ignore that you know or i don't know like
it used to be like when we were kids and when
our parents were kids the only people like giving
opinions on how you were parenting were people
who either you knew personally or at least had
to interact with personally yeah right so it's
like maybe you would run into like someone at
the grocery store who was like kind of rude because
they didn't like you know the color of your kids
shoes or how your kids were behaving yeah But
now that is open to the world and that makes
it way harder because you, then you doubt every
single decision or it's easier to doubt every
single decision. And yeah. And then I think now
another thing is with therapy culture, which
like I am pro therapy, but it's also turned into
this thing where we know so much about how actions
of parents can affect kids in positive and negative
ways. And so then you're like, well. I don't
want my kids to feel like they have to go to
therapy or, you know, when they do, I don't want
it to be like, oh, wow, I was the world's worst
mom because of X, Y, and Z. And so you just like
overthink every little decision, which of course
is probably going to cause other issues. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh my gosh. I completely agree with you.
Like it makes me think of just, I wonder what
type of mom I would be if I was a mom in the.
80s or 90s just like a no internet mom yeah yeah
would i be more confident i would probably say
yes just because like yeah i think the people
you're relying on are your close -knit circle
of friends and family that are hopefully they're
supporting you and teaching you and helping you
Whereas now, like, we can so easily just rely
on the internet or rely on social media to be
like, okay, how do I do X, Y, and Z the correct
way according to these other moms? Yeah. Versus,
like, trusting my instinct or trusting the people
around me. Yeah. Well, and that does make me
wonder, too, because we've talked about, like,
the whole concept of a village and, like, what
does that look like now? If that is part of,
like, more or less the downfall of the traditional
village is, When you have a question, you know,
moms have always had these questions, right?
It's not like overnight moms just like all of
a sudden we don't know what we're doing. Like
moms have always been, you know, worried about
fevers and stuff like that. And yes, there's
more information now for us to maybe panic more,
but. moms have always had to have questions but
before it was like oh you go to your mom or your
grandma your neighbor your friend who also has
a baby and now it's so much easier to bypass
all of those resources yep whether it's because
you want an answer right now instead of waiting
for someone to call you or text you back yeah
or what but yeah so i wonder like how different
our lives would be if we relied on the people
we knew more than the internet for every question
we had yeah if that would i mean I would imagine
it has to be better. Right. Cause you have human
connection and then they already know your opinions
on certain things a little bit more like, Oh,
you try to avoid these things. So this is what
I'm going to recommend for you. Um, and again,
you're not getting opinions from every person
you've ever, or you've never met. Yeah. I think
it's a lot of like, I keep going back to the
world word filter, but like, I think that with
family and friends, I think I just would be so
much better at filtering like all of that content
or all of the, maybe the opinions or like advice
that they have. It's also like with real people,
you know, not the internet's not real people,
but they're not real people in your life. There's
this level of, this might sound bad, but I think
this is the only way I can phrase it. You already
have opinions of them, right? In the part of,
in the aspect. of like you know how they live
their life so you kind of know who you're going
to take and leave advice from you know there's
certain people i know in our lives i'm like if
they gave me parenting advice i would say thank
you and i would never listen i would maybe do
the exact opposite yeah because of what i know
from who they are how they raise their kids like
how their kids turned out whatever that might
look like and then there are other people who
if they give me advice i'm like oh no like i
trust you You know, absolutely. If you say this
is the world's best cough medicine, I'm going
to trust that you're telling me the truth or
at least that that's your experience. Your kids
are, you know, I like you. I see how you live
your life, that kind of thing. And again, it
might not even be that you don't like the other
person. You know, you're just like, hey, we have
different opinions on how we want to do things
and that's okay. But I already know how you live
your life. I live my life different. And with
the internet, with all this information, you
know, you don't know that. You don't know how
their kids actually behave in real life. You
don't know. We're just seeing snippets. Yeah.
What their true beliefs are, you know, are they
advertising this product because they are like,
Hey, I use it. And then the company said they'd
pay me to advertise it. Or is it just because
they were given a offer? You know? Yes. Oh my
gosh. I am such a, fall into the influencer.
I've had a few really good things. Click on the
links that they are advertising and purchase.
What's the best and worst thing that you've gotten?
I mean, I oftentimes buy clothes that people
are advertising. Worst thing that I've purchased?
Probably some type of like skincare product.
Yeah. Yeah. And like everyone's skin is so different.
And so something that's going to clear up someone
else's face is going to break out my face. Yeah.
Yeah. So probably some type of skincare product.
Yeah. Which I am like such a, yeah, such a purchaser
of my Amazon saved for later cart is like. Thousands
of dollars. Oh, thousands of dollars. Absolutely.
It's almost satisfactory to me to just put it
in my cart. It's like that dopamine hit is just
from putting it in your cart. Yes. And then going
back a couple days later and being like, oh,
I actually don't need that. But I'm going to
save it for later in case I change my mind. But
I, like, I have a few, like, influencers that
I follow on Instagram that, like, if they advertise
anything, well, they could easily. They could
sell you anything. Yeah, they could sell you
anything. Although I also feel like this is,
we're in just, like, a very chatty mood today,
I feel like. I feel like I have found a few specific
influencers that I'm like, oh, no, I do trust
your opinion. Yes, yep. Because there are a few
people that I've, like. bought something after
they've advertised and it's been good so i'm
like okay like you've convinced yeah you've convinced
me that like you actually believe in the products
that you're advertising versus just taking whatever
yeah whatever money comes your way exactly i
mean there's been multiple times there's a specific
influencer that i follow she must have a brand
deal with this poop pill like tmi everybody but
like these poop pills for adults basically to
like help you regulate yeah and i have been multiple
times almost convinced that i need to buy this
whereas tmi i'm sorry i don't have any problem
with this currently and so i don't know why i've
been like well i mean she's selling it to me
so i need it i need it and i'm like this is why
you have millions of followers on instagram it's
because you're so good at this it's because you
are so convincing and like you can get someone
like me to buy poop pills. And so social media
really just, you know, background to our real
topic, our real top topic. Social media is very
convincing to me. And if it's word, something
is worded in a certain fashion. I can be convinced
of anything basically, which I think is not out
of the norm. Maybe, maybe it is. Yeah. I mean,
I think part of it is like the, they, you know,
have figured out like how to word things right.
That like it hits you in the right spots in the
brain to, to convince you of things. And like,
we know that there are like certain words and
certain triggers and certain. you know, where
like when you pull an emotion, it is more convincing
than logic most of the time. Not for everyone,
but yeah, I don't think it's just you in just
that like, yeah, when you get someone's emotions
involved or again, just phrasing something just
the right way, it makes it easier to convince
someone to do anything. Oh yeah. I swear my feed,
like my Instagram feed specifically, is like
tailored to me even by time of day. This just
kind of went through my brain right now. But
like anytime I'm sending you a reel that's like
emotional, like the one I sent you last night
where I was like, this made me cry. It just was
like one of those ones where like 70 years from
now when you drive by your old house. Why are
you doing this to me? Yeah, and I'm like, this
legit made me cry. And you were probably nursing
Chris to sleep. Oh, actually, yes. I'm like,
these are the types of. And I only know that
because I had just gotten my kids down. Which
is usually how our – Erica gets her kids down
first because their schedule is much better than
ours and usually we're rolling far behind that.
Yeah, I feel like those are the types of posts
that like pop up on my feed at like 8, 9 o 'clock
at night where it's like the emotional like –
Looking back years from now, you're living in
the good old days. Cherish every moment. Capture
every experience and study their hands and all
those things. And then during the day, it's all
the chaotic mom, balancing stay -at -home mom
stuff. Here's activities for your kids. Here's
quick recipes, blah, blah, blah. Instagram, the
algorithm, it knows what it's doing. It knows
when and what emotions it needs to put out for
me to connect with it the most and continue to
scroll and convince me of things or just get
me in the headspace of I'm going to continue
just to be on this app. Yeah. So, I mean, good
for them. They figured it out. They figured it
out. And I feel like it's just tailored so perfectly
for me to what stage of life I'm in, which can
some days be at fault, like make me feel like
the world's worst mom, like we talked about.
Some days it makes me feel like I'm like, okay,
I've got this. I'm doing okay. Other moms are
like feeling the chaos that I'm feeling. Like
we're all in this together. Yeah. And so I think
that's a big part of it too is like with all
of the information that is being given to us,
it makes me almost feel like I'm not the only
one. Yeah. And that moms are like. uh wrestling
the same emotions that i'm wrestling with yeah
that is one of the like huge benefits i think
is seeing like oh this is universal yeah um and
it's you know it's not just me and it's not just
you know and it's not just me and you like this
is something all over i saw a reel today of actually
a grandma saying she was watching her toddler
grandchild like for a weekend or something like
that so that her kid and their spouse could go
away for a weekend something like that and she
was saying you know it's been a long time since
i've had a toddler 24 7 and i forgot how hard
it was and that was like so nice to hear yeah
because so often it just feels like oh, I'm just
failing. Like this isn't supposed to be hard
and I'm just like not doing a good job. But so
then, you know, I mean, this is kind of turning
more into like just internet thing. But yeah,
so then it was nice to hear like this older mom
who now has grandkids saying, no, it is hard.
And being out of it and going back into it, I
can say for a fact, like this just is a difficult
thing to deal with. Yeah, because then it's like,
oh, okay, I'm doing a hard thing and that's why
it's hard. I'm not just bad at it. Exactly. Because
so frequently, and then again, the bad part of,
you know, scrolling through Instagram, then you
see the mom who, like, her hair is perfectly
coiffed. You're like, how did you, like, I didn't
have time to even, like, brush my hair today.
I still have no bra on and it's 4 p .m. And,
you know, she's... Got the, you know, the little
heart shaped salad or sandwiches and all of the
things. And like my kids were lucky that they
ate today because. Yeah. Because it's just so
chaotic. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So like there's
kind of this, again, double edged sword of seeing
like people who honestly that's probably not
their reality. Or if it is, they just have a
different like set of resources than most of
us. Like most of us are not paying for house
cleaners and. all of the benefits like that.
Um, but then, yeah, to see the videos, to see,
you know, a grandma like that or other moms saying
like, Oh, this is really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
They forgot. That was like, so my dad and stepmom
are in town right now. Um, and my, I was doing
the dishes last night and this was after a rough
bedtime and my dad like came up to me and he
was like, I'm proud of you. Like you're balancing
a lot right now. And like, I, I, cannot imagine
you're handling it so well. And I just was like,
that's exactly what I needed to hear in that
moment because I feel like I'm supposed to carry
it all and carry it all well and gracefully.
And most of the time I feel like I'm one of those
waiters who's holding a really large amount of
dishes and just drops them all and they shatter.
And that's more times than not, I feel like that
type of like waitress and rather than someone
who can balance it all. And so just to hear that,
like that's oftentimes like all I need to hear.
Yeah. Is like, no, you're balancing a lot right
now and you're doing a good job. Yeah. Even just
the acknowledgement of like. no you're doing
a lot it's nice because you're like oh no oh
yeah I am yeah because I do this every day so
I forget this is not just like yeah everyone's
life or the norm yeah I think it goes both ways
just to bring it kind of back around like I think
the information that we that is accessible to
us can be both good and bad depending on the
way that we like consume it consume it yeah yeah
i think so i don't know if i said this on mic
i don't know if i said this to you actually uh
i heard someone online uh say how the world was
better when the internet stayed in one room and
i thought that was really interesting and like
it's like yeah that's how it was when we were
kids it's like you had a desktop computer My
family was crazy because my dad had a laptop
because he is a computer, he's a software engineer.
We definitely did not have a laptop. So we had
two whole computers in my house because my dad
had his and then we had the family computer,
but it stayed on a desk in the, desktop stayed
on a desk in the kitchen. Was it one like you
couldn't be on the phone and the internet at
the same time? So I do remember that, but again,
with my dad's job and he, he didn't fully work
from home, but he would do work from home. We
had to like get, separate yeah pretty quick yeah
so like i do remember dial -up yeah but i feel
like we got rid of it sooner than a lot of people
because of just like dad working from home and
yeah yeah i love that so yeah for me i'm like
how how do i make that like a reality because
that's true where it's like if i could go google
something but it wasn't in my pocket like i had
to go do something so actually one of the things
i've done because i felt super convicted of how
much time i spend on my phone yeah around the
kids have you gotten the targeted ads for brick
oh i know what it is but i haven't gotten ads
for it i'm sure i will now yeah it heard me and
so you'll see it yes um so if you don't know
what it is it connects to the screen time on
your phone and you can select up to 50 apps but
basically more or less as many apps within 50
as you want to brick them so it makes it so you
can't access them but the way to turn it off
is you have to go physically tap something um
instead of like the built -in screen time for
your phone you can just like tap a button and
it might require a pass i want more time yeah
so you have to like go physically tap something
and that has helped me just like not doom scroll.
Yeah, that's good. Because I have to – I need
to get that. I have it set up on a schedule so
it like automatically shuts down certain apps
for certain times of the day. And then if I want
to change that, I have to like go do something.
And most of the time when I do open Instagram,
like this is such an embarrassing thing. I don't
even think about it. It's just like all of a
sudden it's open. Yeah, like you open your phone
and then it's like – And then five minutes later
you're like, what? What am I doing? Why am I
not paying attention to my kids right now? Why
am I scrolling on Instagram and letting them
do whatever? So I feel like stuff like that is
kind of a nice like step in the direction of
keeping the internet in one place because you
can't shut things down to an extent. And then
it's like, do I want to get up? yeah to do this
and most of the time the answer is no or at least
makes you second guess i'm like okay i can do
this yeah i don't need to be doing this right
now right i can look this up later um and then
for that it's nice because since you can pick
the apps there are certain things like like the
king supers app where it's like i order our groceries
on the king supers app so like i'm not gonna
like access yeah i'm not gonna keep that shut
down i also don't just like scroll the kings
like that is a purely functional that's like
a whole new level of like oh my god i need to
figure this out if i'm just scrolling through
groceries yeah i haven't gotten there yet so
if i do uh then i think i need someone come get
me yeah that's when i just go to a flip phone
and yeah for real throw away the smartphone oh
my gosh yeah to like have access to the internet
but have it be limited so it's not with you all
the time and you can enjoy time in places with
people and if you want to look something up you
kind of have to like take a beat before you do
just by nature so i yeah i think that's one of
the things that i've been trying to figure out
with both like my own brain and access to information
but then also then for my kids and like showing
them an example like how do we keep things in
one place yeah or like certain times yeah that's
so true it's like going back to like wanting
your kids to experience a 90s childhood like
i so badly like My childhood was like we spent
so much time outside. Oh, yeah. You're outside
all the time. Yeah. So many of my childhood memories
are just me and my siblings literally like playing
in the dirt or making miniature golf courses
out of nothing, like the most random things.
And I'm like, that's what I want for my kids.
Yeah. Yesterday at your house, our boys were
throwing dirt at each other. I was kind of like.
All right. I'm fine with it. Yeah. I don't really
care. Like this is wholesome. Is it going to
be kind of annoying to clean you up? Yeah. Probably.
But like that's also the cost of just letting
you be little boys. Yes. Yep. Yeah. That's like
that's one thing that is so hard for me. Is the
cleaning up. Is the mess. Yeah. Like Cole is
really into painting right now and. At least
it's nice out so you can start sending him outside
for that. That's so true. And Cruz is really
into digging in the dirt. And I love that for
them. I hate the cleanup. And I'm so like trying
so hard to just let it go and realize like bath
night is going to be pretty much every night
now, especially in the summer. Yes. And that's
okay. But I would much rather that than have
kids that are like addicted to screens or gaining
too much information from watching TV or. scrolling
on my phone there's also just like an innocence
that you want to protect i do and again back
to like too much infinite information for moms
there's a level of innocence i wish i had yeah
you know yes there are things that i'm so grateful
that i know and know like how to protect my kids
from certain things but then there are days when
i you know i read something i hear something
like that's it you are never leaving our house
ever No one is ever allowed to babysit you. I'm
not leaving you alone with anyone. I don't care
who they are, how long I've known them. You're
never, ever going to public school. You're never
having a sleepover. Absolutely not. You're never
leaving my line of vision in your life. And obviously
I know that's not realistic, but you get a certain
amount of information and it feels like that's
your only option. So there's a level of wanting
to protect myself and go, okay, I want, pieces
of this and also not to know details and not
to know so much that it like paralyzes me and
i can't just let my kids be kids yeah and again
with the balance of knowing enough that i can
protect them yeah you know and especially in
today's world like it is it really is such a
different world than when we were kids and that
is so frightening to me because a lot of it is
like yeah you have to kind of let go and trust
that the Lord is going to protect your kids or
you become, you're not leaving my line of vision.
Yeah. Which then causes all sorts of other issues
that we all know. Cause we all know that kid.
We all know the person. Like I always think of
other kids I knew growing up and the ones with
the strictest parents, like they were the ones
doing the worst things. Like the parents who,
I mean, there is the other extreme too but yeah
the parents who were like had rules but weren't
so strict like their kids were doing like normal
kid things like maybe testing boundaries they're
like no i know the ones and i know how they were
getting away with things too because they told
me yeah yes yeah i know that's such a fine balance
of like as we're thinking about how are we going
to discipline or raise like what information
do we allow our kids to know? What kind of exposure,
like they're going to be exposed to things we
don't want them to be exposed to probably younger
than we want them to be. Like going to try real
hard to not make that happen. But like, I can't
keep you locked in your room for forever. And
so that is, it's such a hard balance of like,
no, we have to let them. learn and be exposed
to things we don't want them to be exposed to
potentially and trust that like our parenting
and stuff can help bring them back and yeah yeah
gosh I'm grateful that I was a kid in the 90s
and yes yeah prayers up for parents all these
kids now parents today and kids now and I truly
and wholeheartedly believe like a lot of people
are saying like oh they don't want to have kids
in today's day and age but I truly and wholeheartedly
believe like our kids are built for like today's
world and yeah when I think one of the things
Stuart and I talked about recently is this is
how you change the world like yes there are things
that we can do while we're here but then we die
yeah and that's and then we're dead that's it
yeah you know it doesn't matter how much people
liked us like yes there are things like you can
leave a legacy and you know whatever but the
real impact is raising other humans and how they're
gonna then affect the world. Yeah. Yeah. It's
kind of a lot of weight to carry in a sense.
It's just like a nice light. Yeah. There's like
a lot of pressure towards it, especially like
with the chaos of this world. Like I want my
kids to be kind. I want my kids to be generous
and giving. And I also want them to be strong
and brave and be able to navigate the world with
confidence. Those are all qualities that we have
to teach them and instill in them. Some of it,
yeah, maybe they're born more confident than.
Sure, yeah, there's personalities. I feel like
sometimes I can really feel the weight of that
and knowing we're responsible to help them grow
to be those types of people. Yeah, it's this
weird balance of being very exciting and being
very scary because you're like, I don't want
to mess this up. And also like, It's really cool
that this is that, you know, me going down slides
at a playground and pushing swings is eventually
going to affect the world in a sense, you know.
And, you know, I don't expect either of my kids
or any kids that we have to necessarily be like
these huge influential, everyone knows their
names. If that happens, like. That's great. I
hope it's for a positive thing. Yeah, I hope
it's positive. You know, I hope they have a really
good influence in a major way if that's what
happens. But then also just like looking at the
small things that, you know, a lot of times that
is a much bigger impact than we give it credit
for. Yep, 100%. Okay. I don't know we're going
to title this episode because we started in one
place. I know. We probably have too much information
as moms. But I think we can make the best of
it. It just depends on how we choose to accept
it and consume it. Maybe not taking everything
as fact. Forming your own opinion. Looking to
those around you to help you form your own opinion.
of our like takeaway at least for me now that
we're talking about this i'm like i think maybe
i want to ask people around me first before i
like google something which is easier said than
done yeah and then also it's just so quick and
it is yeah yeah my first instinct is to go like
oh well why is my kid doing blah blah blah versus
let me call my mom really quick why is he doing
this And it's just so much easier and at the
push of a button. But I completely agree with
you. Yeah. And then trying to find the internet,
a way to make the internet live in one place
instead of being with me all the time. I love
that. I need to look into getting a brick. I
think I can send you a link now. Oh, cool. Give
you like 10 % off or something like that. Oh,
love it. Influencer status. Okay. Well, do you
want to share your win of the week? Yeah. So
it's really just that we've had such nice weather
lately. Oh my God. That's my win. We don't talk
about these things before we hit record. Yeah,
we've had such nice weather. I think the only
day this week we did not go to a playground was
because we went to Costco. Yes, which is also
a playground in itself. In its own way, yeah.
And I think we've gone to a different playground
every day, which has been fun. Our neighborhood
itself doesn't have great options. Yeah, so you
guys usually drive to. We usually drive to one.
Yeah, so we have like a couple go -to and then
we tried a new one that was not good. It was
all sand. Like there was a play structure on
it, but instead of like wood chips or that like
weird rubbery stuff, it was all sand. And both
Stuart and I were like, we don't want to do this
again because it just turned into a mess. Speaking
of the mess. Yeah, but it's just been, it's so
nice. We like open the windows up every day and
go on little walks. That's what Lloyd likes to
go on, a little walk. Will you say that, mom,
little walk? That's cute. That's how he says
it. And so even for my lunch break, it's kind
of, usually it's just like getting lunch on the
table and then try to get them down for a nap
before my lunch break is over. But I've kind
of shifted this. So it's like, hey. I'm probably
going to get them down for a nap after my lunch
breaks over. But we're going to go on a walk
and get outside and get some fresh air. Yeah,
that's great. And I feel like it's helped everyone's
mood. And yeah, it's just so nice. That's so
great. Yeah, that's literally my win. We've pretty
much gone to the park every single day. Like
if you don't know, we're in Colorado, which like
usually this time of year, it's still quite snowy
and cold. I mean, usually we don't, at least
don't have this much. Like we would have like
one day that's really nice and you can go to
the park, but not. Like it's legit been like
in the 70s and 80s for the past like week and
a half. And it has like been so good for, I just
can see it in every, like all of our mental health.
When I can just open up the windows or, like,
just have the front door open, like, and let
some light in, some fresh air in, and we can
just play in the backyard, like, that helps all
of our moods. Yeah. And, yeah, we've been going
to the park pretty much every day. Like, Colt
will – I'll, like, put Cruz in the stroller,
and Colt will ride his – we have, like, an ATV
for him. Oh, yeah. And he will ride his ATV to
the park and then play, and it just has created
– such a different energy in our house i think
yeah i think like we're all designed to get outside
more um i saw something that when i saw it just
it makes me feel like so guilty as mom but also
this is just like our reality is that like for
development kids should be spending two hours
a day outside and of course just with working
yeah that's not realistic for me at all and you
guys don't really have a backyard like you yeah
yeah that's one thing Stuart and I have decided
for our next house for like outdoor space is
like one of our top priorities yeah because it's
so nice just like go outside and run around like
all of us just sit outside I don't know something
yeah but yeah so of course like reading that
I'm like oh I'm a terrible mom because I can't
do that but that of course Again, this is just
our reality is I work, so we can't go outside
every day or at least definitely not for two
hours. Have you seen that challenge where it's
like in a year spending a thousand hours outside?
No. Yeah. It's like something I've seen a couple
of times that families have like taken on like
as a New Year's resolution, basically like, okay,
we're going to spend a thousand hours outside
this year, which I think is so great, which comes
down to it's like. two and a half ish hours oh
actually no like three like three hours a day
okay and that's not bad especially because you're
gonna have like saturdays where you can spend
all day outside and then you have you know winter
days where maybe not at all yeah but i think
that's such a cool challenge i don't think i
would really track it but it's also just like
a good goal to have is like spending as much
time outside focusing on that yeah um yeah because
it definitely helps everyone and oh my gosh yes
lloyd loves just like just running in grass that's
it we don't have to even i mean he loves going
to playgrounds but again our neighborhood doesn't
have a lot so if we're just like trying to do
something quick there's like a grassy area near
our house and just run around yeah like do you
want to go run in the grass run in the grass
okay and then we just let's go yeah walk over
and he just runs around and runs up the hill
and laughs and yeah see let's bring those childhoods
back yes let's do it okay well thanks for um
tuning in to today's podcast hopefully we can
all kind of filter out that information that
we get um the internet's not all true no yeah
wherever you get your information just hopefully
you can Use your discretion. Use at your discretion.
Follow us on social media at nomanualpodcast.
Speaking of too much information, follow us on
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We don't post a ton. Just reels and, yeah, give
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moms. But thanks for tuning in. We love you guys,
and we'll see you next week. See you next week.
Well, that's enough oversharing for today. If
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if you're listening while hiding in the bathroom
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for joining us on No Manual Momcast, where motherhood
is messy. At least we can laugh about it together.
Chocolate chip cookie. That's so cute. Sorry.