motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising
tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh
at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you
that none of us actually know what we're doing
this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend
group chat but with microphones well welcome
back to no manual a mom cast today so zeta turned
one about six weeks ago and Cruz turns one tomorrow.
Is that his actual first birthday? Yes. Because
his party was yesterday. Yep. And so we thought
it'd be fun to kind of just like talk about what
the first year of our second kid's life has been.
Yeah. Being mom of two. Yeah. What it's like
the second time around. Yeah. So that's just
kind of what we're chatting about today now that
both of our youngest are turning one. Which is
crazy. So crazy. Makes me sad. But... Before
we get started, do you have a mom moment you
would like to share? I do. So it actually is
from, so we did have Cruz's birthday party yesterday.
And you guys were there and then my dad and stepmom
and then some other friends. And I just knew
like, so Cruz is very much a meat and potatoes
type of guy. Loves. Just classic. Just classic.
Just would love a steak. And we thought about
like, should we just. like, when everyone sings
him happy birthday, should we just put, like,
a ribeye in front of him? He would have loved
it. We should have done that because we did.
We put a cupcake in front of him, and he legit
wanted nothing to do with it. Zero interest.
Yeah, zero interest. We, like, I even took some
of the frosting and, like, put it on his mouth,
and he, like, used his hands to try to, like,
get it off his mouth. And I'm like, dang, this
is, like, you are totally your father's son in
that respect, but I have such a sweet tooth,
so. I just I don't understand. So we ended up
like tried a couple of times of like trying to
feed it to him. And he just was like, I don't
want this. Yeah. So I got that off his high chair
and gave him just a piece of sausage from breakfast.
And he just like went for it. He loved it so
much. I was like, man, this kid. It's just so
funny because he's so chunky that you just expect
him to be like, food, give me food. And he's
just so picky. And so I just thought that was
super funny. But at least he has good taste.
He's not picky in that he will only eat the cupcake.
That's true. It's easier to be like, okay, I'll
give you more protein. Sausage and bacon, I guess
that's what it is. Yeah, exactly. So it was a
super fun party and just crazy that we're already
at that. that point yeah i feel like this year
definitely went by so fast it really did it really
did okay what's your mom moment okay mine is
like it's one of these weird i think i already
maybe told you a little bit about this it's one
of those weird things where like it's kind of
funny and kind of sad and i also just like don't
know how to handle it so lloyd has started doing
this thing what he started saying if he gets
in trouble is lloyd be better And I'm like at
some point I must have said that to him. Yeah.
Because there's no way at two and a half he just
like figured out that that's what he should say.
Yes. So and I can't imagine I'm like there's
no way grandparents have said this to him like
Lloyd you need to be better. Even like he spends
a lot of times with grandparents so he does get
disciplined there. Yeah. But like I can't imagine
any of our parents saying that. Like just be
better. Right. Yeah. So I'm sure like. in a moment
of frustration or something like that, I'm sure
I had to have said it, which makes me feel like
the worst mom in the world. Oh, I get it. I get
it. You need to be better. And I can't think
of like when I did this, but yeah, the first
time it happened. was he had gotten in trouble
at dinner because he was like throwing his food
or spitting his milk or something like that.
And then we were having like snuggles at bedtime.
And what happens if there are certain things
like throwing his food and spitting his milk
that the only discipline or punishment that has
helped at all is taking away his lightning McQueen.
So if it happens at dinner, that means he doesn't
get it the next day. Oh. And sometimes if it's
like the morning goes really well, give it to
him in the afternoon, something like that. And
does he seem to remember? He does. Because of
last night, I don't get. lightning today yeah
I mean some I do have to remind him but he definitely
has started to like understand the correlation
yeah otherwise I wouldn't you know keep doing
it because otherwise that's just like kind of
cruel yeah and so then we were like doing bedtime
snuggles and it came up for some you know we
were talking about a stay or something like that
and it came up like yeah Lloyd you threw your
food at dinner so you don't get to play with
lightning tomorrow he just goes like be better
oh and both Stuart and I were just like oh and
then the next have everything you want and the
next time it happened to be fair this was not
my like shining moment but he I was like trying
to get him to go upstairs like our garage is
on our first floor but then our kitchen and everything
is on our second floor and so we were coming
in I think I had groceries in my hand or something
like that and I was trying to get him to go upstairs
and he was like no no no so I took away his cruise
car which is like his other most prized possession
and it definitely was a little bit of like an
impulse just like okay if you're not listening
then I'm taking your car yeah like not my shining
moment but then like we finally got upstairs
and just like in tears like oh buddy like that's
I mean yes you Do you need to be better at like
listening and doing what we're telling you to
do? But also like, I don't want this to be your
mindset of like, you need, I don't know. Yeah.
It's such a hard thing. It is. Yeah. Oh my gosh.
It's like you are not doing the right thing.
Yeah. But also, yeah. It's so tough because like
in those moments when they're just so heartbroken
or they like say phrases like that, it just makes
me want to give in so badly. And I'm like, yes,
I want. I want you to have everything you could
possibly want. And the fact that I'm the one
who took that away from you, even though it was
due to what your behavior was or the consequence
that needs to happen, it's so heartbreaking.
It is. Yeah, it makes me so sad. If anyone else
made my kid cry like that, I would be furious.
Oh, yeah. But I can't just let you get away with
doing whatever you want. Yeah. Yeah, we just
started like timeouts with Colt. And they're
like two minutes long. And like he either has
to sit on the step, like first step on the staircase,
or he has to go to his room. Like it kind of
depends on which one is he going to listen to.
But it's so heartbreaking because I'm like I
put him in timeout and he's usually just like
losing it. Like so sad. And it makes me just
want to be like. It's fine, buddy. Just come
give me a hug. It's okay. You, I know you just
hit your brother in the face, but it's not a
big deal. Yeah. But come here. Yeah. Yeah. I
try to, cause we do timeouts sometimes too. And
sometimes it helps. And sometimes he's just like,
whatever. And so that's not really like, I don't
want you to be upset, but also if you don't care,
it's clearly not working. But I've been trying
to like. when he has timeouts after it's done
having like one telling him why he had timeout
like reiterating and making sure he knows like
hey you hit your sister in the face and that's
not okay so you don't get to play with you didn't
get to play with her and you were in timeout
and then also like having a moment of like i
love you like and like connection so that way
he knows that my love for him is not dependent
on his behavior exactly even though like I'm
sure it feels like that sometimes when you're
two. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yeah. It's, I feel like
this has been such a challenging age for me.
And I know we're just kind of rambling, like
going off on a tangent, but this age has been
so incredibly challenging for me. Yeah. And I'm
like, this has been the hardest age for me, I
think. And also it's been so like the most fun.
It's like. I would agree. The same. Yeah. Yeah.
double -edged sword almost because when i feel
like the things that are hard were not the things
i was necessarily prepared for yeah i think we
talked about this i think we were texting at
probably like 3 a .m or something the other day
um where when people talk about like the terrible
twos it's usually like tantrums and stuff like
that and yes lloyd has tantrums yeah but those
i can kind of hang with like do i love them absolutely
not but I like know how to help him regulate.
And, you know, I can kind of like keep my cool
when he's just throwing a tantrum over something.
It's the like discipline and the not listening.
Like he's just picked up saying no. Oh, that
wasn't an option. Like I told you, you had to
do something or you had two options. You know,
a lot of times it's like with the stairs thing,
like I can carry you or you can walk. We're going
upstairs either way. Yeah. And then he'll just
say no. yeah yeah staying here was not an option
and yeah yeah and then the discipline part i
don't think i wasn't prepared for that oh and
part of it is just he's so young so how to discipline
to feel like older kids start to understand things
like getting grounded or whatever um and he he
just doesn't i know part of me is like is he
still too young to be disciplined in this factor
i don't because he's not like understanding it
but I have to say, I don't know. But then also
I feel like you start to wait too long. Then
he just builds that behavior where he doesn't
listen at all. Exactly. Yeah. One of the things,
our big issues right now, is Lloyd just throwing
his food and spitting his drinks. We have no
idea. The throwing food, I think. Zeta kind of
does it naturally because she is a one -year
-old and he thinks it's funny so I think he's
kind of picked it up from her and then if he
does it she laughs and then it's like this really
annoying cycle so that's where I think that came
from the spitting drinks we don't know yeah I
find that if someone is teaching him this if
he's learning this from someplace probably church
I will kill this person like it is so frustrating
because he also thinks it's so funny yeah and
so we have to like try to tell him, no, it's
not funny. But one of the things I was like,
if I thought his brain could handle it, which
I don't think it can, I would like try to do
a reward instead. Like, Hey, if we go a full
week where you don't throw your food and you
don't spit anything, then you get a new car or
you, you know, we'll go to the store. You can
pick anything, you know, or something like that.
But I don't think like he's two and a half. So
he's like the impulse control still isn't quite
there, which I know is part of the problem. Yeah.
That's so tough. And you're like, do you actually,
like for a whole week, that's like keeping that
on the forefront of his mind. Yeah. Be a lot
of reminding and just, yeah, that's, it's so
tough. The whole listening thing for me is so
tough right now. We have like for Colt, we have
him like turn on his listening ears. So like
anytime he's with somebody else before we leave,
we're like, okay, buddy, turn your listening
ears on. And he literally goes. dude he's usually
a great listener for other people he's like yeah
which is like what we want I want you to be really
really good for other people and then I totally
understand if you like if you need to have a
breakdown or a tantrum or like I would much rather
you have that with me than somebody else right
so yes we haven't turned on his listening ears
and sometimes when he's not listening I'll be
like I guess your listening ears weren't on,
buddy. We got to turn those on. And if he's like
losing it, he'll say, I did have my listening
ears on. I'm like, okay, you got to show me that
you have them on. And then he'll like in his
tears go. turn them on and it's so like i don't
know if it really works but it it works okay
like for now sometimes any little thing that
helps is better than nothing yeah for real so
okay well tangent yeah over maybe i'm sure we'll
go we'll get back there yeah yeah so yeah like
you said like this episode just we've each had
our two kids for one whole year. Obviously our
first kids we've had longer than that, but two
under two for the past year. How are you doing?
I mean, so one of the things I realized is how
quickly you forget things like milestones and
things that are hard and things that get better.
And so I think right now, like Zeta is getting
to an age that I was like, Oh yeah. It gets so
much more fun. Like the baby age kind of sucks.
Yeah. And that's not because I don't like having
a baby, but it is the least exciting time. Yeah.
You know, we're getting to the point where she's
showing interest in things and she's starting
to talk like Lloyd at a year old had like five
words that he said on repeat. It was like mom,
dad, cat. up which was pretty much everything
else and and light right and like yes and zeta
just like every time we turn around it's another
word which is crazy but also so fun to see like
the things she's picking up in her interests
and it's just weird to me to like we experienced
this with lloyd not that long ago yeah that yeah
but I already forgot like how much more fun it
is when you start to get to this age. Like she's
so close to walking and, you know, we go to playgrounds
and she crawls around and goes down the slide
and requests the swings and stuff like that.
So I think overall, like it's really fun right
now because both kids are at really fun ages.
But also like we were just talking about, there's
a lot of really hard things that come with it.
like zeta definitely is learning to throw tantrums
oh man i mean it's usually over like i set her
down in the moment she doesn't want me to set
her down and she just like flails on the floor
um very dramatically girl i gotta wash my hands
yeah your poopy diapers. Oh, that's always. Yep.
That's the other thing is we're getting to the
phase where diaper changes are obviously the
worst thing that's ever happened to her. Yeah.
So there's like, there's good to it and there's
bad to it. But I think like overall it's really
fun. There's just like these pockets of things
that are really hard, like the tantrums and like
she still doesn't sleep through the night. Most
nights, you know, stuff like that, that it's
like this will end eventually. I know. Yeah.
But. Yeah. What about you? Yeah, I feel like
a lot of that is similar. I feel like this last
year has flown by. Oh, yeah. For us. Like, with
two kids, I don't know if you feel this way,
and I oftentimes can feel kind of bad. Cruz is,
like, he's a fairly easy baby during the day.
Okay. Like, night times are still pretty tough
for us, just, like, he's up a lot. It's not like
it's hard in the night. Like, he's not, like.
super hard to settle you're just not sleeping
i'm just yeah he's just up constantly but i feel
like during the day he's pretty like not self
-sufficient but like he'll sit there and if i
he like has interest in a toy he'll sit there
and play with it and be fine while i'm like giving
colt the attention that he needs and yeah so
oftentimes i feel like i like i can feel bad
because i'm like using a lot of my attention
for colt and it's and unless we're all playing
together It's hard for, and Cruz is totally fine.
Like he's just like, he's chilling. You know,
he's been a much more like chill baby than Colt
was. Just like go with the flow. Like he gets
it. Like I can't always give him the attention
that he needs. Sometimes he like, yeah, loses
it when I have to set him down. He's pretty clingy
in that sense of like. He wants me to hold him
a lot of the times. But he's just, he's fairly,
like, go with the flow. And I remember before
Cruz was born, I, like, was telling people and,
like, praying for this. Like, I just need a baby
that's, like, can just go with the flow with
us. Because Colt is very, he's super, like, he
just wants people to be with him, play with him.
Like, I love that about him. And now his imagination
is starting to like grow and we're starting to
see a little bit more of that independence come
out for him. But he still very much wants mommy
and daddy to like to play with him and be a part
of everything he does. And so oftentimes I find
myself like, oh man, I feel like I'm neglecting
Cruz in that sense, which. I don't think I am,
but you know, like. Yeah, you just get in your
head. In the height of emotion, I can feel that
way. But I'm so grateful for Cruz and his personality
being that way because that's what I think I
needed in a second baby. For sure. But like I
said, this last year has just absolutely flown
by. The milestones, I feel like with Cruz, like
they came on a lot quicker. I don't know if realistically,
like they actually happened quicker than they
did with Colt. I think some of them did. It's
funny because, I mean, we've all heard the, like,
boomer parents or grandparents being like, well,
my kids were crawling. You know, and the joke
is, like, my kids were crawling at three weeks
older. Like, that's not how that worked. But
part of me gets that now because with so many
things with Zeta, I had to, like, look at pictures
or something to figure out where Lloyd was at
at that age. Like, is she behind? Is she ahead?
I don't know. I had a baby. less than two years
ago and now and i forgot all of this like when
did he start doing things and is that because
we blocked it out you think or is it like i mean
part of it is just overload which is happening
i yeah i don't know because i've also talked
to other moms yeah and even moms with kids who
are a little bit older i know one of my friends
her kids are just like a couple years older than
mine and when she met lloyd he was like six months
old and she's like honestly i have no idea what
they're doing at six months old i have two kids
totally forgot what six months is um and i totally
feel that now and so it's weird having a kid
this like having the second kid i'm like what
are you supposed to be doing right now yeah well
i listened to you talk about zeta how she's like
saying all these words and i'm like well cruz
is only saying three like three four things sure
yeah and it's like i mean kids just are the span
of like learning and development is so again
lloyd i think he probably had four words till
he was like 18 months i mean i'm sure it like
was gradual yeah but it's probably two years
when he like his vocabulary took off yeah so
this is weird for me where i'm like oh you're
gonna be speaking in sentences by the time you're
two like very soon Lloyd and her will just be
like chatting with each other. Yeah. And that's
so fun. I'll be like, what are you saying? What
are you? What's happening in your language? Yeah.
I have heard that is that like young siblings
will have like kind of their own language. Yeah.
Just because they don't have to pronounce things
as clearly and they understand each other. Yeah.
So it's weird to see the milestones. Yeah. And
just be like, I totally forgot what you're doing
right now. And then like, do I panic? Do I not
panic? Are you super ahead? Are you super? I
don't know. And I don't think I expected that.
No. Which is, I mean, it's fine. I mean, both
my kids have been fine and they're definitely.
But you can get so in your head about it too.
I know that with, with Cole, like there were
things that I felt like he was behind in or ahead
of the game in like, and. Obviously, social media
was like making me feel like, oh, my gosh, do
I need to go get my child tested for this? Like
there was actually what like with Cole. So he
had torticollis when he was born, which is he
could only turn his head to one side. And it
was social media that like kind of helped that
awareness for me. Like, oh, I need to go and
get this checked out for my child. So there's.
I mean, I completely see the benefits of like,
you know, motherhood stuff on social media and
all that. But like the development portion of
it. Yeah. There's like things where I'm like,
oh, my gosh, there was. Yeah. Stuff with Colt
that I'm like, is he behind? Is he good? I think
that's one thing that I feel there are things
that had happened that have happened with Zeta
that they happen with Lloyd or if Zeta was my
first kid. I feel like I would have handled very
differently. Like I know I've talked about before.
She is just a little peanut. She's finally in
the ninth percentile for weight. Nice. But yeah,
so I've talked about that before. And for probably
the first six months, we had weekly to biweekly
weight checks to make sure she was gaining weight
and that she was good. For the last six months
of my pregnancy, I had weekly ultrasounds to
check on this. And after she was born, they were
like, you should try formula, you should try
formula, you should try formula. And not that
I'm like inherently against formula, but I had
no reason to think she wasn't eating enough.
And so it's like, well, why would... It seems
like I'm producing enough milk from all the evidence
we have. She seems to be eating enough from all
the evidence we have. So at this point, it's
literally just a numbers game that she's not
fitting into this perfect category. When we have
a fairly small family, I wouldn't say any of
us are, I would not call myself petite, but as
a little kid, I was small. My mom was small.
My mother -in -law was small. It's just a genetic
thing. Yeah, so with that, I think if she had
been my first, I probably would have given in
to formula immediately. Because you didn't know
any better. Because I didn't know any better.
And doctors are telling you that. Right. And
with Zeta, I could go, okay, let's look at all
the options. Let's make sure she's good. And
then if that's the best option, it's the best
option. And then finally, we were kind of disappointed.
It's like, she's gaining weight. She's just small.
That's it. She's small. And now she's eating.
whole foods and drinking whole milk and guess
what she's still too small yeah and then i think
the other thing with when it comes to like milestones
that i have like kind of figured out the the
key to like at least when i feel like i should
panic is is it stalled or is it slow because
with zeta there have been a couple things one
of the funniest stories was I think it was her
nine -month appointment. They were like, so is
she pulling herself up on furniture? I was like,
no, not yet. And he was like, okay, you know,
I'm not worried yet, but if by, like, 10 or 11
months she's still not, like, give us a call
and we'll see if there's anything we need to
worry about. Like, okay, cool. That afternoon.
She was like, oh, I got it. And she was pulling
herself up. Like, I can do this. I'll prove it
to you. Right. But I think, again, doctors can.
say things in ways that make you feel like something's
wrong whether they intend to or not like yeah
they just want to make sure you have because
they're going off like a general average right
of things and that's the same thing with like
with cruises eating his last appointment i think
was his nine month appointment so he has his
one year appointment this next week and same
thing the doctor was like OK, what is he eating?
And I'm like, you know, he doesn't really like
a whole lot meat. He loves meat, potatoes, like
things like that. And she's like, OK, well, you
know, let me know. But like before 11 months,
if he's like not picking up because he wasn't
even eating very much at the same time. And it's
the same kind of thing where it's like, oh, my
gosh, my mind goes a million different places
whenever they say. say things like this which
i know there's no ill intention of course behind
it they're just doing their job but they're going
off like a general average and we ultimately
we know our kids the best and i feel like mom
instinct is even higher for me this time around
yeah and i can trust it more yeah that's part
of it is you just you learn to trust it right
where first time around you don't really know
like what's anxiety what's my gut what's yeah
what to do um what's right what's wrong here
like yeah is social media telling me the truth
like do I need to think something's wrong with
my child what do I do yeah yeah so I think I
saw something I think maybe even when I was pregnant
with Zeta or when she was really young about
like I wish my oldest had me as a mom the way
my second does, but I wish my second had the
time alone with me that my oldest did. And I
thought that was like super interesting and just
a really good point. Cause it's like, yeah, I
wish I could have like the hours on end with
Zeta that Lloyd got that she never will. Yeah.
Um, in the same way, but also like I'm a more
confident mom. I, you know, I'm not going to
rush her to the doctor as often cause I've already
learned to like, Oh, okay. You know, this fever
is fine. You know, this will break in a day and
she'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah. And learned like,
when to and not to panic quite as much and it's
easier to just like have fun and yeah be just
more i think overall just more confident like
you said yeah they're not rushing to the worst
case scenario yeah with Second, I still even
find myself like with Colt. We went to the doctor
a lot when he was a little baby. Just for many
like random multiple things. Yeah. I still find
myself like panicking more with him than I do
with Cruz. That's really funny. Same situations.
Like if Colt has a cough versus if Cruz has a
cough, I'm like. Colt, we got to take him to
the doctors. He's probably having a, I mean,
he's got some asthma stuff going on, but like,
like he's probably having an asthma flare up,
blah, blah, blah. Like, whereas with Cruz, same
exact cough. And I'm like, he's probably, yeah,
he's probably, he's probably got a little bug
he's dealing with. Like he's probably okay. So
Lloyd had RSV when he was six months old. It
wasn't bad. Like he was never hospitalized or
anything like that. And the only reason we know
is because we took him to urgent care and had
him tested. Yeah. And now if Zeta had the same
type of sick, I don't like, we'd probably like,
yeah. It's probably RSV, but I'm not paying the
$80 to urgent care for them to tell me that.
So we're just going to use a nebulizer, keep
her comfy. Yep. Monitor it. If things get, yeah.
Same thing with Colt. He had RSV. We actually
took him to the emergency room twice. Oh yeah.
I think I remember that. Yeah. He like almost
stopped breathing, didn't he? Yeah. He, so he
did have like the retractions going on. And so.
The first time we took him in, they, like, they
suctioned him, like, which is the saddest thing
ever, seeing them. Because they use, like, full
powerful machine suction. It literally, like,
made him turn purple because they're, like, taking
the breath out of you to get all of this mucus
out. And he's just this small little baby. He
was also six months old. And they're just, like,
holding him down. And Michael and I are just
standing there, like, watching this happen. I
guess I'm supposed to trust you right now. Yeah,
I was literally in tears. And then. Like we ended
up taking him back a second time, like a couple
of days later. And I thought for sure, I was
like, they're going to admit us. They did not
admit us, but like, I mean, same thing. Obviously
if the retractions were happening with Cruz,
I would be, yeah, there's, there's stuff like,
but I just feel more confident in like how to
deal with sickness, how like the nebula, you
know, like. using all the tools that are available
to us rather than just like immediate panic mode
and also kind of knowing like what tools are
worth it and yeah yeah like the nebulizer oh
my gosh yeah yeah and both after you like told
us about that we were like yeah we'll pay 50
bucks for this yeah and both kids like it weird
yeah colt loves it he thinks it's fun yeah uh
our whole family was sick over the last like
couple weeks and so lloyd will still ask for
it now like use that use that all right no harm
yeah i don't think it's gonna hurt you so yeah
yeah yeah i think then another like fun thing
with them is watching And I don't know if anyone
could prepare me for how fun this is. It's just
watching Lloyd and Zeta's relationship. Yeah.
So fun. Yeah. Like I knew, you know, it was going
to be cool to like see Lloyd become a sibling
and all of that. But seeing like one thing that.
lloyd does frequently is zeta will be sitting
on the floor like eating a snack or drinking
her milk and they usually have snacks at the
same time and so he'll just like sit down next
to her and they'll eat their snack and that's
it and they just like are just hanging out together
eating tractor wheels or smoothie balls or whatever
so cute it's the best that is one of one of my
favorite things that like i'm seeing develop
especially with two boys like cole i know has
been in desperate need of some roughhousing.
And Cruz is finally... To the point where he
kind of can. Where he kind of can. He can't really
roughhouse back, but he can hold his own. And
I think that's why God made him so broad, bulky.
He's like, I know the energy I gave Colt. Yes.
So his little brother's gonna... Here's some
extra weight, buddy. And so Colt will... And
I think I've talked about this before. Colt will
literally go up behind him and like... headlock
him and pull him down. And Cruz will usually
laugh. Colt tried to do that to Lloyd the other
day. Did he really? Oh, no. I guess that was
yesterday. And Lloyd's like, what exactly? Yeah,
Lloyd was like, no. And we're like, Lloyd, you
can tell him to stop. No, thank you. If you don't
want someone to do something, tell them not to
do it. So, yeah, Lloyd, we have the opposite
problem. We're like, buddy, you can tell people
to leave you alone. That's so funny. Yeah, he's
just like. I guess I'll just take this. I don't
know. That's so funny. Yeah. So Colt doesn't
quite know, obviously the context of like, yes,
but I love seeing, I'm going to have to like,
let it go a little bit. Like boys are meant for
this rough play. I really think it's ingrained
in them and really good for their development.
But me, I'm like, oh, guys, don't get hurt. You
guys need to play gentle. But Michael's like,
no, they're going to get hurt. Yeah. When I actually
just read something that said the number one
activity, I guess, to help develop self -control
is roughhousing specifically with dad because
they see. dad's self -control and that like obviously
a grown man could hurt a child very easily for
sure but he doesn't and he like does it in a
playful way and so they learn that from him so
and that's like the number one indicator i don't
know it's like yeah the number one thing that
helps develop the self -control part of the brain
which is fascinating. And then little boys just,
they have, is that just for boys or for both?
I think it's for all kids. So for boys and girls,
but then just with how boys, with how men and
women are just inherently boys, just, they need
that a little bit more. And then, yeah, they
have an energy. Yeah. Like. I mean, obviously
Zeta's still little, but Stuart will roughhouse
with her a little bit. Like, you know, he calls
it a baby slammer. He like kind of slams her
on the couch, you know, obviously in a gentle
way. But I thought that was super interesting.
That is very interesting. I could see how that
could be true, like their development. But it
has been so fun to see like the interaction happen
and their love for each other. Like when Colt
goes to hug Cruz and Cruz just like. just try
and hug him back and kiss him. And I'm like,
they're just, I'm starting to see that best friendship
form, like you said, with your kids. And to just
be able to have like a front row seat to that
is the biggest blessing and so fun. And like
every time that I see those little interactions,
it literally makes me tear up. I just am like,
oh, my gosh, like, thank you, Jesus, for my two
little kids that I didn't know that I would be
able to have. And how, like, amazing that I get
to be front row to their relationship. It's also
just super funny that anyone who has siblings,
and I think I've said this before, but anyone
who has siblings knows the sibling dynamic. I
can be mean to you, but no one else can. Exactly.
And like, I will get annoyed with you and push
you around, but also I will still like protect
you. And it's funny how quickly that happened.
Like I knew that was going to happen at some
point, but a lot of times during bedtime when
they're both sitting in my lap for a book. Zeta
will be like grabbing at Lloyd and he'll just
like shove her. Like, don't love that. But also
your sister's annoying you. So like, that's obviously
what you're going to do. But then if she's crying,
he's super upset and he like tries to comfort
her and he'll like give her a kiss on the head
and give her hugs. And one of the things we have
to do every night for bedtime now is. I'll, like,
get comfy with Zeta in the chair so I can nurse
her. And she waits, and they shake hands. And
they shake hands. They, like, grab each other's
hands. I mean, not, like, a formal, like, business
shake. Nice to meet you. But, like, they grab
each other's hands, and they just, like, shake
for a second. And it has to happen every night.
And if it doesn't happen, is Lloyd, like, oh,
no. Devastated. Yeah. Yeah. That's, like, Colt
dropping Cruz off at kids ministry. Be brave.
Be brave. And if we forget. He's losing it in
the hallway of like, no, I need Cruz hug. Need
a hug. So then we have to go back into the room,
have them bring Cruz over. Sorry. Make Cruz's
day harder. Yes. I know. Cause then Cruz is like,
I'm confused. I already got dropped off and now
I'm real confused. But you know, if we break
the routine, like you gotta, you gotta keep it.
But yeah, that relationship is just seeing that
develop. It's the best. Is the most fun. probably
has been the most fun part for me for the last
year yeah and I'm just like even looking forward
yes I'm like heartbroken that my youngest is
will be one tomorrow technically when we're recording
this when it's out he will be one but it's heartbreaking
that oh my gosh I have a two one and a two -year
-old now and where did the time go but now like
to continue to see their relationship just like
develop and how they're going to butt heads and
like, you know, their personalities are going
to clash versus like, what are the things they're
going to like and do together? That is just really
makes me excited for this next year. Yeah. I
think this next year is going to be a lot of
fun to, you know, with them getting older and
actually caring about things. I know. I know.
And I think as they're getting older, they're
less and less like, dependent upon us which is
one thing that i like selfishly kind of looked
forward to not in all senses like i always want
my kids to depend on me oh for sure but like
you totally understand the like touched out yes
sort of feeling and i'm sure the majority of
moms if not all who listen to this have understood
that at some point of just being like if anybody
else touches me at all today, I'm going to lose
it. I need five minutes where nothing touches
me. Yes. And so I think that I'm excited a little
bit for like that mindset to probably happen
less and less. Yeah. And the more of the, like
the independence. Yeah. And I think when the,
some of that is like, as the independence starts
to come. you get to do a lot of the fun things
with it, right? Where it's like, oh, we go to
a playground and I don't have to like hover behind
you the whole time. Like I can still play with
you and, you know, cheer you on going down the
slide, but I'm not constantly worried that you're
about to fall to your death. Yes. Or like, oh,
maybe I'm really excited because Stuart and I
love to play board games. And I know this is
still a little while in the future. But just
like getting to the point where it's like, oh,
our Friday night, we can play a board game together.
That's so fun. Yes. And yeah, that comes with
a little bit of independence because they have
to have to to do that kind of stuff. Yeah, that's
so true. Going back to the playground thing.
I don't know if you're like me. I have like irrational
thoughts of like playgrounds are so dangerous.
And they're safer than when we were kids. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. But like every time Cole is climbing
a ladder or like. Our playground near our house
is like, I, there's no way it's up to code because
I swear every single corner of that thing, you
could fall 10 feet to the ground. And I'm like,
just imagining the worst case scenario. But that
was a little tangent of playgrounds. There's
a couple of playgrounds we go to that definitely
have that. There's one in particular that he
loves and there's probably a like. six seven
foot ladder that's like curved oh yeah and so
it's one of those things where the last rung
if he misses it like going from the rung to the
playground you just like straight falls and yeah
yeah how come that was like i mean never a thought
in my mind as a kid growing up because that part
of your brain isn't developed yeah but oh my
gosh now i'm like everything colt climbs on i'm
like let mommy help you let mommy help you yeah
i try hard not to do that but it also depends
on like what the ladder is and stuff like that
because there's a few that i'm like oh no you
got this because also if you fall you're not
gonna get that badly hurt no actually i heard
someone say the other day to let your kids get
hurt, not injured. And I thought that was a really
good way to like differentiate of like, yeah,
they're going to fall and they're going to scrape
their knees and there are going to be times where
they're shaken up and they're a little bit scared
and then pop back up and go down the slide again.
And that's okay. It's the broken bones and concussions
and the like serious injuries that you want to
avoid. Yeah. It's like the doing dangerous things
safely. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And that's like, like
Cole is such a daredevil in that factor. I think
Cruz is a little more. reserved and cautious
where lloyd is very cautious he like he wants
to stole his hand with a lot of things there
are times when we have to kind of like prompt
him like hey you can do that that's okay zeta
goes down slides face first like on her belly
head first just having the time of her life there's
been a couple slides we've had to like catch
her like That is an eight foot slide and no one
is catching you at the bottom. So you can't just
go for it, girl. You were going to face plant
into some wood chips and it's going to be terrible.
But yeah, she has no fear. I love that. Just
goes for it, which is also super fun. But it's
then interesting as a parent to be like, oh,
I have to like encourage my kids in different
ways in this. Lloyd, like we have to tell him
you are brave and you can be brave and you can
do scary things. Mazeta, we're going to have
to be like, no, you need to be scared. Yeah.
Please use the fear that God gave you because.
Because you cannot jump off of that right now.
Yes. We don't want you to break your whole body.
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's so interesting being
like. Your mind goes to, like, oh, the boy is
going to be the daredevil. The girl is going
to be a little more cautious and reserved. But
it's interesting that your kids are kind of flipped
in that sense. And I think part of it is because
she has a big brother. Oh, yeah. It's not that
he doesn't do things like that. Like, he jumps
off our couch all the time. He likes to climb
up onto the arm of the couch and then just, like.
jump and face plant on the couch so she sees
him do stuff like that and she doesn't see the
like the fear that maybe he's like right or that
he was scared the first time that he did it and
now it's the thousandth time so he's not scared
anymore yeah she just sees oh that big brother
does that i'm gonna do that right yeah yeah and
of course he can because he's two and a half
and then she's Not. Barely won. Yeah. You need
to start walking first. Yeah. This past year
has been probably the hardest year for me. Just
mentally, I mean, two kids is not, no walk in
the park. Yeah. The balance with working and
all the things is like very difficult. And I
think that there's a lot of things that we have
struggled with over the last year. Sleep is like
not a thing in our house, which I've talked about
probably in every single episode. But yeah, it's
also been the best year of our lives. Legitimately,
like if I could go back and live this year over
again, I think I would in a heartbeat because
it just was so special. And I feel like I wish
I would have. taken in some of the moments a
little bit more or like reflected on them a little
bit more. Right before this, I just showed you
like a reel that I made for Cruz's birthday that
I'll probably post tomorrow for his birthday.
And I just like, I'm like, where did the time
go? Yeah. Like it just. I keep getting pictures
from like Zeta's first few months. Yeah. And
Zeta's at this point where I swear every day
we wake up and she looks. six months older well
yeah you guys were just at our house yesterday
and i'm like i had seen her like a week ago or
whatever and i'm like every time i see her i'm
like she just looks like a little girl like more
of a little girl like a baby anymore she just
looks like a toddler yeah it's and it's like
the best thing but it's also so heartbreaking
because i'm like it's literally like in a blink
of an eye yeah and then i see the picture of
her four days old what happened and then do you
feel like You can even remember that because
to me, I'm like. It's such a blur. Yeah. I'm
looking at these videos of Cruz and I'm like,
no way were you that tiny. There's no way. And
it just. I think about it sometimes because Zeta,
when she was a baby, I rarely held her with two
arms. Yeah. Part of that is because I had a two
-year -old. 18 month old, but she was just, she
was so tiny. She was born at five pounds, 12
ounces. Like she was so tiny. And now like when
I baby hold her, obviously she's much bigger.
Yeah. And just thinking of how tiny she was and
how much she's grown. I know. Well, yeah. When
I was doing for Cruz's party, I did the like
paper or whatever. That's like his birth stats
versus like his stats now. And I'm like, okay,
when he was born, he was 20 inches and now he's
30 inches, like 10 inches tall. like in one year
to grow 10 inches that's crazy it is and I mean
it happens in front of you but you don't you
don't realize whenever you're like you're in
it every day I guess but yeah so also it's not
like they grow 10 inches overnight no right it
happens over time and like how did how did this
happen yeah it's just wild and like makes me
want to just do it all over again. So yeah. Any
other thoughts you have towards the last year?
Not specifically. No. Yeah. I mean, like you
said, it's been so fun and it's also been really,
really hard. Yeah. That, that 18, 19 month age
gap is. It's not for the faint of heart. No,
it's rough. Cause your oldest is still a baby.
Yeah. In so many ways. And they don't, at least
for Cole. Like it was like a really hard transition
for him of just like, yeah, you, I can imagine
like you have all of our attention all of the
time. And then you have, and now you have almost
none. Especially at first. Yeah. Yeah. Those
were the things that made me cry so much when,
like right after having Cruz was like. When I
couldn't give Colt the attention that he needed.
Yeah. That was heartbreaking to me. But now we
get to see kind of like the fruit of that as
their relationships develop. And you get to do
things like all together. Yes. And yeah, I think
even now, and this will probably never go away.
And if we have more kids, it'll get harder is.
not wanting either of them or any of our kids
to feel like i'm choosing one over the other
when the fact of the matter is sometimes you're
i'm gonna have to and i'm to the for me there
gets to the point where it's definitely overthinking
like okay you both want to read a book you want
to read different books which one do i choose
first yeah oh my gosh yeah and like that's such
a silly thing that like last time i chose lloyd's
book first so right this time i'm gonna choose
like yeah for bedtime we kind of have every other
day thing like Lloyd gets to pick a book one
day and then Zeta gets to pick a book the other
day. And some days Zeta doesn't care. So then
Lloyd gets to pick it two days in a row. But
yeah, when you both bring me a book on the couch
and both want to read it, like, is this going
to be the reason that you think? I love your
sibling more than you. And I'm sure that's not
true. Um, you know, obviously if it was like
every single time you're choosing one over the
other, that's going to build things. But you
know, these little moments, you know, cause obviously
there are times when I do have to take care of
Zeta first and there are times when I do have
to take care of Floyd first. Yeah. But yeah,
it's just so easy to like get in your head about,
Oh yeah. I feel that. How are they going to perceive
this? Oh, I feel that 100%. Yep. there are those
little thoughts that go through my mind all of
the time. Like for us, it's Michael pretty much
puts Colt to bed every night because I have to,
I nurse Cruz, like kind of same -ish situation
as you guys. Like, and then sometimes Colt's
like, no mama, mommy lay with me. Mommy go sleep
with me. And I'm like, Oh buddy, I'm so sorry.
Daddy's going to lay with you because mommy has
to feed Cruz. Yeah. And like, he gets so sad
with that sometimes. And it's just heartbreaking.
Cause I'm like, It's not that I'm choosing him
over you. It's just like the situation that I
can't. This is his nature. I can't explain it
to you right now, but I hope that you understand.
Understand as much as you can. Yeah. Yeah. I
think, I don't know if this actually helped in
any way, but at one point I told Lloyd that I
nursed him when he was little too. Yeah. And
he's brought that up. Uh -huh. The way he says
it is. Lloyd ate mom's boob when he was a little
baby like Zeta. You're like, well, yeah, I guess.
You're not totally wrong. And I don't know if
that helped him understand. She's not getting
special treatment necessarily. It's just different
because you're older. I tell myself that helps
him. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll have to try
that. Because he's also vocalized it, which is
part of why I'm like, oh, maybe you do actually
understand that she's little. and needs something
different. But you also got that when you were
little. You might not remember it, but I gave
you this treatment when you were little, and
you're just seeing it for your sister now. Yeah,
no, that's really good. I should try that because,
I mean, I know Colt understands. He understands
way more than I think. Oh, for sure. There are
so many things Lloyd has started to say that
we're like, oh, you understand everything right
now. Yeah, or things he'll just pick up on. The
recall he has is so good. He was just telling
us at the party yesterday. He was telling us
about, I think it was Christmas, when, maybe
I have my dates wrong, but because you told this
story, when your stepdad's a garbage man, garbage
papa, trash papa. Trash truck papa. Yeah. he
went in the trash truck and played with it. And
then he said, bye Papa. Yes. Like he told us
that whole story at the party yesterday. I was
like, that happened so long ago. Cause I remember
you telling us about it. That was a long time
ago. It was not, it was before Christmas because
Christmas was, Christmas was Pootmageddon. Yeah.
So it was like last summer or something like
that. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. Yeah. That. Yeah.
And Lloyd is the same thing. We, the other day
he was like, Lloyd went to Spider -Man's house.
We're like, what are you talking about? We're
going to Spider -Man's house. And then we remembered
for Halloween, we went to a friend's house and
one of the kids was dressed like Spider -Man.
Oh, yeah. And we're like, oh, you were talking
about the Halloween party in October. That's
so cool. It talks about Halloween all the time.
There must be something about Halloween. I mean,
I guess it's pretty cool. You're getting candy.
So it's like definitely has some specific memories
to it. But it's so funny. Like the things that.
he brings up, I'm like, how do you remember that?
It's the most random things. There's like the
sadness of he remembers when our dog died and
recalls that story. And you were like, that was
the one I was hoping. Yeah. I'm like, I really
hope that wasn't one of your core memories here,
but I'm like, that's, that happened almost a
year ago too. And I'm like that he wasn't even
two at that point and remembering those things.
But all that to say, I think. our kids are so
much smarter than we even know. Oh, for sure.
And their memory is so much better than we can
even imagine. And so I need to try that because
I don't want him to feel like I'm like pushing
him away in any sense. Yeah. I guess two nights
ago was super rough. And well, Zeta woke up at
three and then did not fall back asleep till
after five. And it wasn't like constant. but
at one point within that lloyd woke up and stewart
was gonna go try to like comfort him and then
both kids started crying so we both went in there
and lloyd asked for me which he never does like
if we give him a choice like do you want mom
or dad to do to put on your shoes to take you
upstairs to do whatever it's always dad um which
on one hand is kind of nice because then it's
like okay when i am choosing zeta because of
situations like breastfeeding then at least he's
with the parent that he already requested but
then there is times where it's like i work so
hard every day like i mean you know where it's
like you feel like the less favorite parent yes
because yeah oh yeah you're like i'm the one
that work i make all the meals i do all the things
i do with all the tantrums so it was like not
the ideal timing yeah To be fair, because it
was 5 a .m. and I had been up for two hours.
Were you like, okay, I can do this? Yeah, finally
I brought him in bed with me. So Stuart took
Zeta. And is she usually fine when you pass her
off to dad? They went and slept on the couch
and that got her back. I think got her back to
sleep for a little bit. Yeah. And then I took
Lloyd in bed with me and he did end up going
back in his crib. But I think like he really
liked just like snuggling close for a few minutes,
which is funny because every night after dad
snuggles, I like offered to snuggle and he's
not like, mom, no, mom, no, I'm ready to go to
bed. No, usually he just wants dad still. Oh,
okay. It's fine. I'm not crying. I'm fine. It
doesn't hurt my feelings at all. I didn't birth
you or anything. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I feel like
we've gone on a huge tangent here. Yeah, this
has been a very tangential episode. Tangential.
Love that word. But, yeah, hopefully you guys
listening have, you know, connected to this in
some sense, whether you still have littles, maybe
your kids are grown up, but hopefully you can,
yeah, reflect a little bit of... their first
years of life and maybe the hardship that you
went through balancing two if you have two or
more kids. But, you know, we take all the advice
that you guys might have towards raising little
ones. Yeah, especially this two year, two to
three is rough for sure. Yeah. Well, do you want
to share your win of the week? Sure. I told you
a little bit about this before we started, but.
So for anyone who doesn't know, Lloyd loves cars,
specifically the movie cars, but cars in general.
And we found, I actually saw this on Instagram
at one point in time. And then my neighbor reminded
me of it. There is a gas station outside of Boulder
that they just have some old cars that they have
two monster trucks. I don't know if they're like,
they have at least the like legit monster truck
tires. And then I don't know if the trucks themselves
are like. technically or if they're just like
truck bodies and then they have a couple cars
that they've painted like lightning mcqueen amazing
and i had again i had seen this online but i
didn't realize it's like 20 minutes away from
us it's super close yeah so we just went and
saw that this morning we drove 20 minutes to
a gas station stewart went in and bought something
to make sure they didn't like get mad that we
were just there for the cars he's like yeah i
can buy a red bull it's fine yeah yeah and lloyd
just loved it And it's one of those things where
we keep reminding ourselves, we're like, there's
going to be a day when he doesn't love Lightning
McQueen anymore. And I'm going to cry. It's going
to be devastating. So right now, like, let's
just have fun with it and buy him all the Lightning
McQueen t -shirts. And go drive just to go to
a gas station so that he can feel like he saw
the real live Lightning McQueen. And it was just
so fun because he got so excited and he gets
this like goofy little face when he's excited
where it's almost like he's bashful. Yeah. And
it was just like a fun thing to do this morning.
Oh, I love that. Yeah. I don't know if he'll
ever remember it, but we definitely will. And
that's so sweet. It is the best when your kids
like gravitate towards something. um okay my
win so we went on a cruise this last week or
like a week or so ago now with my side of the
family that's why I missed last week's episode
of the podcast but so we just had such good like
family memories to and obviously like who knows
if our kids will remember it but one of our port
stops was in Honduras and we went to like a a
monkey like oh yeah you shared some pictures
yes I did on my social media but I imagine it
to be like we were gonna be like in an enclosed
area and like monkeys are gonna be like running
all around we were like no we were like legit
in the in the forest and these monkeys are like
they've kind of trained these monkeys but they
just like let these monkeys like jump all over
us and like we weren't allowed to like pet them
because I guess that like frightens them but
they just like would jump from like head to head
and try to steal your sunglasses, put them, try
to put them on. But Cole Cruz actually hated
it, which is not part of the win. He was like
in the carrier and a monkey like jumped on his
head and he just like lost it. Yeah. That might
be a little bit totally understandable. They're
probably like twice his size. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Yeah. But at one point, so like Colt was loving
it so much. But since like these monkeys are
jumping from head to head, there was one monkey
that like was on my sister's head or something
like that. And then like in order to get to Michael,
like jumped on Colt's head. And then like because
Michael was holding Colt. And Colt just like
started crying. It was so sad because it frightened
him so badly. And then Michael like looked at
him and was like, oh, buddy, wasn't that so fun?
That was so cool. And Colt just turned it around
and started laughing. And it just was like such
a quick like low, low to like a high, like this
is the best thing ever emotion. And it just was
like, that was probably the highlight of the
whole trip for me, you know, dealing with these
crazy monkeys. But it just was like such an out
of the box like experience that any of us had
ever had. And it just, yeah, it was super fun
overall. Like we ate way too much ice cream.
Of course. way too much sugar and there were
definitely like lows to the whole trip like bedtime
was actually a disaster every single night perfect
but like the positives of this whole trip like
outweighed all the the negatives and that's so
great yeah it was a super fun time but i love
that yeah Yeah, well, thanks for listening today,
guys. Hopefully, yeah, it helps you just reflect
on your kiddos' lives. And we, yeah, we hope
that you got something out of it. Follow us on
social media at nomanualpodcast. Let us know
what you want to hear in the future. And we'll
see you next week. We'll see you next week. Well,
that's enough oversharing for today. If you enjoyed
hanging out with us, hit subscribe so you don't
miss the next round of chaos. And if you're listening
while hiding in the bathroom from your kids,
no judgment, we see you. Thanks for joining us
on No Manual Momcast, where motherhood is messy.
At least we can laugh about it together. Chocolate
chip cookie. That's so cute.