Motherhood, where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal. And somehow, we're supposed to be
raising tiny humans through it all. We're here
to laugh at the chaos, cry when necessary, and
remind you that none of us actually know what
we're doing. This is No Manual, a momcast. Your
mom friend group chat, but with microphones.
Well, welcome back to No Manual, a momcast. This
week, I don't know if this is the best or the
worst week for us to record this episode. So
we're talking about... Kind of like what we miss
about pre -kids or I don't know if miss is the
right word. Yeah. Kind of just like that, like
pre -kids versus post -kids, things that are
harder now, which I think is like. a little bit
of a hot topic sometimes. I don't know. This
is a little bit of a tangent, I guess. But I
feel like with other things in life, you're like
allowed to miss, you know, like if you're married,
you're allowed to miss aspects of being single.
And it's kind of understandable or that kind
of stuff. You're allowed to miss your college
age or college years or whatever. But as soon
as you're like, I'm a mom. And sometimes I miss
like not being a mom. It's like, how could you?
Do you hate your children? Which of course is
not it. But before we jump into that, Do you
want to share your mom moment of the week? Yes.
Okay. So I feel like I've been telling a lot
of stories about Colt lately and, but Colt is
just like such, he's just at that age where it's
like super unpredictable and just so, it's so
fun. And also, yeah, it can be extra hard too.
So this last week it was a Wednesday night, which
is the night that Michael's at youth group. So
I'm solo parenting. And when we brush teeth at
night, Like Cruz is in the bathroom. I usually
just hand him a toothbrush and he's just kind
of like chewing on it or whatever. And Cole,
I'm like actually brushing his teeth. And while
I was brushing his teeth, I was like, Cole, like
I saw this like trend on Instagram where it's
like rather than just saying like you're such
a good boy or like I love being a mom. It's like,
no, I love being your mom. And so I told him
that. I was like, Cole, did you know? that I
love being your mom. And being your mom is the
best thing in the world. And he stops, looks
at me, and slaps me across the face. And I said,
all right, cool. I feel like that is just...
A description of this week. Yeah. Like we had
a terrible week. I feel like you also had a not
great week. Yeah. Yeah. Just extra hard. I don't
know. Yes. Things are hard. My boss told us that
Mercury was in retrograde this week, which usually
I don't like super buy into that stuff. But then
stuff like this happens where I'm like, my kids
were absolutely losing it. And so was I. So maybe
there is like. Or like the full moon thing where
it's like, oh, it's a full moon. I swear there's
something with full moons. I've worked with kids
forever. And anytime there's a full moon, kids
are crazy. Yeah. I mean, there's scientific proof
like hospitals, like the ER is like way more
full when it's a full moon. Yeah. So like something
about like the moon and the planets for sure
affect us. I don't know how, but who knows. Yeah.
But yeah, fun times. Okay. My mom moment is,
so we're. We're trying to wean Zeta and get her
on whole milk. Of course, a big part of the problem
is we don't bottle feed her. She's pretty much
exclusively breastfed unless she's not with me.
She's fine taking whole milk from other people
or when I'm not home, when she's at someone else's
house. But it's when I'm here and she's with
me that she's like, absolutely not. But also
my supply has gone down to the point where she's
not getting full. So we're like, no, girl, you
got to start taking the whole milk so you can
sleep through the night and be satiated, all
that. But yesterday for nap time, I was like,
okay, I'm going to try to give her a bottle of
whole milk and see if she'll take it from me.
and so like she's in her sleep sack we're all
snuggling she's on the boppy and i like have
the bottle and i'm trying to feed it to her and
she aggressively swats it away like very clear
she is not taking this bottle and then she points
to my boob and says have have mom get this out
of here yes she so there was no questioning what
she wanted in that moment which like on one hand
is nice she wasn't just crying she made it very
clear yeah that she was not taking that dang
bottle and she was taking the boob and that was
the only option but just like the sass and it's
like mom i don't want this i want this stuff
right off the tap yes i mean i need the good
good like oh my gosh cruise has this is a tangent
but So we've had to supplement for him just because
I ran out of freezer supply. But I've also found
like he'll sleep a little bit longer of a chunk
for me at night if I give him a formula bottle
before bed. And he has started to do the same
thing where I'm like trying to feed him the formula
bottle. And I might even be empty. And he's like,
he swats away the formula bottle and is like
turning his head into my boob. And I'm like,
dude, I've got nothing left for you. And he still
just wants, it's just the comfort. Yeah, that's,
I think how Zeta is a lot of times is the comfort
thing. But then she's not getting full. So I'm
like, girl, you got to start taking this whole
milk. Oh man. And the other night you had to
literally feed her solids at 11 or something.
It was. Yeah. I'm glad we finally figured out
because this week sleep wise was rough. and she
would just like wake up screaming and we couldn't
figure out what it was and we finally were like
oh we've been starving our child like not obviously
obviously not on purpose yeah we just like didn't
know she would just like wake up crying and we'd
try everything i tried nursing her but then and
this is part of how i'm like oh my supply must
be going down she would like lose interest in
nursing but then i'd like put her in her crib
and she would still be upset and yeah yeah so
one night i was just like i'm just gonna try
to give her a snack and i gave her like a yogurt
pouch and then she slept through the night so
she just yeah so we're trying to figure out like
what to give her before bed to keep her full
what did you tell me it was like healthy fats
and healthy fats and protein and protein are
good for before bed yeah because we all have
a blood sugar drop around 4 a .m to like prepare
our body to wake up in the morning but interesting
and protein and fat helps like stabilize blood
sugar so if you have like carb and sugar heavy
snacks, that drop is really drastic and it can
wake you up because essentially your body's like
dying. You know, obviously that's not actually
what it is, but like that's kind of your body
reaction. So if you have a high protein and high
fat snack before bed, then you will still have
a blood sugar drop, but it won't be so, it'll
be more of how it's intended to be to like help
your body start to wake up, but not wake you
up before you. wild so yeah so we tried giving
her butter before bed last night oh yeah uh it
did not work dang it we'll try it again because
yesterday was also like an off day with meals
and just like how the day went so i'll try it
again and see if like on a more normal day where
she's maybe doing better anyways yeah it works
yeah that's good yeah i've seen that butter trend
where it's like two two bites of butter or whatever.
Something like that, yeah. Yeah. We tried to
do that with Colt when he was little and he legitimately
threw up. Oh, so that did not work for you. So
we've not tried that again. Yeah, that makes
sense. Still hoping he'll sleep through the night,
but hoping that butter won't have to be the case.
Okay, so I guess let's hop in and really just
talk about, like you said, it's such a, not cliche
thing, but whenever you're... You know, it's
like the missing something you can't have type
of situation, which I feel like for me, motherhood
is exactly what I have wanted for my entire life.
And then when you're in it, it's extremely hard.
Most days are hard. Most days bring so much joy.
But there is part of me that misses. pre -kids
yeah when i think like so i kind of going back
to what i said earlier about like you're allowed
to feel this way for other things stewart and
i have talked about there are two things that
we both miss about not being married like two
very specific things one is Both of us at one
point lived in a house, like he lived in a house
with a bunch of guys and I lived in a house with
a couple of girls. And just like how much fun
that was. Fun. You know, obviously in very different
ways. Just a fun stage of life. Yeah, it's a
fun stage of life. And if I came home to having
a bad day to a house of girls, very different
than coming home to my husband. Not bad. You
know, not that like, I mean, he's amazing. And
if I have a bad day, I mean, usually he's coming
home to me having a bad day. But, you know, he'll
bring me like a sweet tree or, you know. He'll
try to do something to make it better. But it's
a very different experience than venting to your
girlfriends and them being like, let's order
Chinese food and put on a rom -com or something.
Even if he did that, it's just not the same experience.
That doesn't mean it's bad and that doesn't mean
I don't want to be married. It's just a different
experience. And then the other thing that we
both have talked about missing is the very beginning
of a relationship where it's like you're still
flirty and everything's new and you don't really
know this person. you're getting to know them.
Like that goes away when you're married. And
it's also nice to have like, Stuart's watched
me birth two babies now. So like there's a level
of intimacy that is really nice. That's beautiful
in its own way, but it's just very different.
And neither of those things that we miss. means
that i regret getting married no it's just like
oh that was a fun part of life that sometimes
i'm like i wish i could relive that yeah and
i can and that's okay you know but when you're
in those stages of life you don't you don't know
you don't know that you're gonna miss it yeah
you're gonna look back on that and be like oh
i really really enjoyed that yeah yeah um and
i think like being a mom there are definitely
things once i look back on i'm like oh like i
miss that aspect of not being a mom of you know
being a married couple without kids and i in
no way regret my kids and i love them and i'm
so glad to be their mom yeah but like yeah there
are pieces that i miss and when i was preparing
for this i realized like a lot of the stuff is
honestly like kind of small like yeah the significance
of like the big things i'm like no it's so much
more fun to have christmas with kids you know
so much it's the big things that make it worth
it it's the little things i'm like oh i like
kind of wish i could do that again and i think
like for me it's like My joy is so much greater
now with kids. But there are aspects of like
the little things that, you know, made me happy,
like sleeping in. Yeah. That's definitely one
that I like. Yeah. That I just, I miss. Part
of me wishes I could have maybe like one morning
a week where it's like, oh, I wake up on my own
time. There's no alarm. There's no. child waking
me up and i'm just waking up maybe i'm scrolling
on my phone for a little bit deciding when i
want when i want to get out some of the stuff
too what makes me like miss it and like makes
me mad about it i guess is i'm like i would be
such a better mom if i like got to experience
some of the stuff which i obviously don't yeah
but then when i was looking at this lists of
like what are specific things that I'm like I
maybe miss or wish I could have back sometimes
I think the hardest part is I love being a mom.
I wish I had a break from the responsibilities
of being a mom. Where it's like the baby's screaming
at 3 a .m. I just want to go back to sleep. I
don't want to not have kids. I just don't want
to be the one that has to get up at 3 a .m. to
take care of the screaming baby. Sleeping is
definitely one of the things on the list where
I wish I could wake up on my own terms. sleep
through the night and not have someone or you
know if we want to stay up late not be like weighing
the consequences like okay you know if we stay
up till midnight so that we can watch this movie
together or we can go out to do this thing together
am i going to deeply regret it tomorrow or will
i just kind of regret it so true so true it's
yeah i mean obviously like i think we're gonna
keep saying this like obviously the stage of
life we're in is so much better than going back
yeah but there are little pieces like eating
a warm meal while it's actually warm and i thought
of one how about not losing your train of thought
there's one yeah yeah i feel like my attention
span and i think it's because my mind's like
thinking about a bajillion different things yeah
all at once like i don't know if here's an example
that I swear I go through on the daily. If someone's
like talking about something from the past year
and they're like, oh, that happened back in November,
I legitimately have to sit there, maybe even
close my eyes and think about what month of the
year we are currently in or what day of the week
it is. Most of the time I'm like, I don't even
know. I sometimes even have to look at my phone.
I'm like, oh, while we're recording this, it's
February right now. Oh, it's not actually November
or. Yeah. I never know when it is. Everything
kind of blurs together. Yeah. And I just feel
like my mind is so, maybe spacey is not the word,
but I just feel like I'm focused on so many things
all at once that I don't feel fully present in
one. For sure. Yeah. One area. I feel like I've
always had a hard time with like being able to
turn off my brain. If that makes sense, you know,
where there are times where you're like, hey,
I don't want to be thinking about a thousand
things. I want to be present in this moment,
whatever this moment may be. I feel like I've
always had a hard time with that. But now even
more so because I'm like, I have humans that
I'm keeping alive upstairs. And yeah, there's
just like another level of pressure. Yes. Yeah.
And I don't think I realized that pressure until
like. I don't know if I fully understood that
pressure until actually being in the pressure
of it. It's definitely one of those things where,
you know, before you have kids, people tell you,
like, your whole life is going to change. And
you're probably, where do you see it going to
change? And blah, blah, blah. And you're like,
yeah, yeah, sure. Like, of course they are. And
then you feel it. And you're like, oh, no, but,
like, actually. Yes. The things I care about
are so different than. Oh, absolutely. Like,
what I care about the most is the health and
wellness of my children. And everything else
falls below that. Where, yeah, like, I don't
care if I offend you anymore when I tell you
whatever, because this protects my kids. And
that is much more important than me offending
you. Sorry, not sorry. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Have
you heard the saying, like, I don't know what
the saying is. I feel like I'm so bad at quotes
and sayings, but I know, like, the gist of it.
Yeah. But, like, that you. What the heck did
we do with our time before having kids? I wonder
that all the time. I feel like I was so busy
pre -kids. My house was always a mess pre -kids.
Yes. And now I'm like I had so much time. I know.
How is it a mess? Yeah. Like I just must have
been the laziest person in the world. That's
what it feels like. Yeah. But at the time you
genuinely feel like you didn't have the time
to do it. I do. One thing I miss actually is
so. Michael and I both work at a church. Sunday
afternoons, we would go home and we would both
take a nap on the couch. That post -church nap?
It was glorious. And I remember, so we lived
in an apartment at the time and it was like the
time of day, the sun would be shining in the
windows and we have a sectional. And so like
Michael would be on one section and I'd be on
the other section. We'd have like a show on or
if Sunday football was on or whatever. And both
of us would just be conked out for like. two,
three hours maybe. And it was glorious. And now
it's like, if I even think about shutting my
eyes on a Sunday afternoon, I swear one of my
kids wakes up immediately. It's like they know.
They know when I close my eyes. Yeah. I think
like that's definitely one thing is just like
being more in control of your schedule, you know,
where it's like, oh, I want to take a nap right
now. Or one of the things I realized I missed,
is being able to take quick trips like i forgot
to grab milk yep i'm gonna i'm just gonna run
to the store in the store it'll be uh like with
where our house is right now i could be to and
from the store and back in my house in probably
seven minutes yeah if i like really wanted like
yeah but like you were like walking at a kind
of a yeah you know the light across the street
is on you know green when i pull up and stuff
like that yeah legitimately i could under 10
minutes i know the sonic by our house we can
do like a 10 minute round trip yeah easily but
now it's like okay give me 15 minutes to get
the kids in the car right like first i have to
convince lloyd that like yes we do have to get
in the car right now and so then it's like it
feels like it's not worth it to just like go
to quick trips yeah um so that was one thing
i realized i miss that's just like such a silly
thing to be able to you know run and get yourself
a coffee or you know pick up the groceries that
you forgot and i don't feel the same about like
full grocery trips no i like i can handle a full
grocery trip with the kids not as it doesn't
feel as big of a deal it's the i just need to
run it out for one thing yeah um we're like it's
like you just don't want to you're like it's
not worth it for one little thing or whatever
i'm gonna spend more time getting the kids in
and out of the car than i am yep get going to
spend time getting whatever I need to pick up.
Yeah. It's so true. It's so true. Yeah. I, I
have talked about this many times, but we take
advantage of target pickup order now because
that's the only way that I justify like, Oh,
I just need a couple of things. So I'm going
to, you know, we'll go run an errand or whatever,
pick it up on the way home from church. Like
if we're already out, but getting in and out
of the car for some things. Just one or two items
is like, it's so hard. I'll go, I'll go a couple
of days without milk. It's fine. Yeah. Like make
Stuart pick it up on his way home. Exactly. Exactly.
Yeah. Yeah. I think one thing that I miss is
just the amount of alone time, I guess I could
have taken advantage of. I'm pretty codependent
and I, I admit that like Michael would say, I
feel like we've talked about this before. Yes.
And ever since Michael and I were dating, like
I, and we've been dating, we're still dating
because we're married, but we've known each other
since 2014. Okay. And so, and once we started
dating, like, so we did a ministry program together.
And so we'd see each other every single day.
We'd be together pretty much from sunup till
sundown. I think that like created this codependency
in me. And so when we got married and pre -kids,
it just like, I'm like, no, let's hang out together
all the time. Like when you like your spouse.
Yeah. Like you should want to hang out with your
spouse. I want to. Yeah. But I think I wish I
would have maybe taken advantage of a little
bit more like, oh, well, I'm going to, I don't
know. I'm going to sit in the sun and read this
book. Not talk to anybody. And that's the one
thing else I miss is just like sitting down and
reading a book and like actually getting to read
a book for as long as I want to read a book for.
Yeah. One of the things I put down is being able
to take care of myself and like a lot of that
stuff. So before I got pregnant with Lloyd, actually,
yeah, leading up to when I got pregnant with
Lloyd, I worked at 7 a .m. from home. And I would
get up at 5 .45 every morning and walk a mile.
Oh, wow. And then at the time, that summer, we
lived in an apartment with a pool. So I would
get done with work at 3 and pretty much by like
3 .05, I'd be down by the pool with my book.
Nice. You know, whatever drink I had and then
just like read till Stuart got home. And that
was like every day. So nice. And when I went
back to work after Lloyd was born, I'm like,
I'm not waking my baby up at 545 to go on a walk.
No, absolutely not. So even just like little
stuff like that where it's like, okay, I would
still like to go on walks regularly. Like I know
I'd feel better if I walked a mile every day,
but when am I going to fit that in? And it's
so, yeah, it's one of those things too where
it's like, okay, loading up both kids in the
stroller or whatever. And I don't know if Lloyd
is like this, but Colt wants to walk everywhere
now. And so it depends. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't
know. And I feel like this podcast makes it sound
like we don't like big moms, but we really do.
I promise. I, I'm sure all moms can relate to
this, but yeah, but I think just like being able
to take care of yourself. Right. And like, yes.
How many times, I don't know if this, I'm sure
this happens to you where you're like, okay,
tonight kids are going to go down. I'm going
to like, maybe I'll go crazy. I'll do like a
mask and read a book or something like that.
And of course, of course, that's a night where
no one's going to sleep. And then by the time
everyone's asleep, it's like nine 30 and you're
like, well, I just want to, I just want to go
to sleep or snack, watch a show and go to bed.
Yeah. The energy that I have to do what I wanted
to do doesn't exist anymore. Exactly. That's
my whole thing with like, um, so we're getting
ready to go on a trip this next week and I've
already started packing so we we're recording
today it's saturday right now and we leave this
next friday and i've already started to pack
knowing that i'm like i get the motivation at
night to be like okay i'm gonna get some packing
done but every night's not gonna work out that
way where it's like oh i'm actually gonna have
the time or the energy to actually get stuff
done for sure but going back to the self -care
thing that's my like My thing with showering
is like, so I shower at nighttime, usually after
the kids go to bed. And at multiple nights, it'll
be like, okay, I'm showering tonight. Yeah. Try
to get both kids down. And then it just doesn't
work out the way you want it to work out. For
sure. And it's like, okay, push it to the next
day. And then same thing. Push it to the next
day. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, no wonder
I feel like garbage. Actually disgusting. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I think another thing, speaking of
packing, is rushing. Like I don't like to rush
all the time. Like I don't want to constantly
be in a rush. But there are times when like you
just are, you know, where like getting ready
for church. It used to be I could get up like
20 minutes before I had to leave. And you throw
on some mascara, put on some deodorant. Yep.
And then be out the door. And now, I mean, and
I feel like we do pretty good. i can get up an
hour before we have to leave yep and get all
three of us ready to go in that hour just like
being able to go like i mean it's kind of a lot
of this has to do with getting in car seats car
seats are i understand the importance yes car
seat safety so it's very important i feel that
but they're just the worst yes yeah we're just
like oh we need to leave right now and that just
doesn't exist for a toddler no the right now
is yeah and so like trying to like get things
done in like the time that you want it, whether
it is speedy or not, it's just, it's really hard.
And that gets so frustrating too. I've seen this
thing going around where it's like, I want things
not to be an emergency or like where are the
aspects of my life that I don't have to rush,
but I am rushing. So like they give examples
of like brushing my own teeth. I don't have to
like brush my teeth like crazy. I can actually
maybe take a minute and brush my teeth at a normal
pace and things like that. I mean, when you're
on a time crunch, obviously like getting into
the car seats and stuff, I feel like those are
the things that raise like my blood pressure
or like my anxiety is like, all right, come on,
let's go. We got to go. We got to go. And, and
Colt's like, like, Oh, look at this. this toy
i want to play with this toy and i'm like nobody
come on we gotta go gotta go can i take both
cars into the car with me like no pick one yeah
huh which which toy do i take in the car yeah
yeah colt's whole new thing is like which i really
appreciate is he wants to put his own shoes on
and we haven't gotten there quite yet most of
the time they're on the wrong feet which is fine
and i'll mention to him like hey buddy they're
on the wrong feet do you want to switch them
and sometimes he wants to switch them sometimes
he doesn't but then it becomes the whole thing
and if I try to help him at all then it's like
game over I've lost yeah we're not going anywhere
for 10 -15 minutes because this is a whole big
thing and then my blood pressure rises and then
it's like yeah then it's an emergency and a rush
to get out of the house or wherever we are all
that to say I miss the like yeah the slower pace
of I don't know not rushing like you said yeah
yeah yeah like you can rush when you need to
but like everything isn't a rush yeah where like
I guess yeah that's kind of how it feels with
little kids is you're like everything is a rush
because everything just takes longer yeah and
that's really hard yeah another thing that I
miss is like the spontaneity of things I have
that too do you yeah and just even the simplest
things where it's like should we do this today
or Should we go grocery shopping right now or
should we – Should we do that tomorrow? Do you
want to go to the movies or – Yeah. Yeah. I know
there's one story. Stuart and I had been married
for like probably less than a year. And he was
at work and one of us texted the other and was
like, hey, do you want to go to a ball game tonight?
And I think we called up like another young married
couple we knew. They had only been married a
couple months. And we bought tickets like five
hours before the game. So fun. In Colorado for
the Rockies, that's when you want to buy tickets
because we got like amazing tickets for super,
super cheap. Yep. Now you could probably get
super cheap tickets. No matter what. Yeah, because
they're terrible. But yeah, we bought tickets
like five hours before the game. We took the
bus downtown. So fun. Got hot dogs. We stayed
out till like 1 a .m. And no part of that could
we do now because even if like we're pretty lucky
in that. We probably could get one of our parents
to babysit last minute. But that's still just,
like, an added step of, like, is this worth even
thinking about? Like, it's kind of rude to ask
you last minute. Anyways, like, I don't want
to be that way. The prep, like, going into it
is, like, okay. making sure kids have dinner,
prep, jammies, like what do they need for bedtime?
And then like, I don't want to be staying out
till 1 a .m. So then is this game even worth
it? If we're going to, you know, are we going
to have to leave midway through? Yeah. And like
that moment in that day was so much fun because
it was just like so spontaneous and like, let's
just go. Or yeah, even stuff like, I don't want
to cook tonight. Let's go out to dinner. Okay.
You know, we do that sometimes now, but usually
it's like, let's get McDonald's. Yeah, exactly.
I was going to say ours is Chick -fil -A. So
then they can play. Or we're going to bring it
back home because it's easier to strap you into
your booster seat than to try to do with you
at a restaurant. Absolutely. So yeah, spontaneity
is definitely a big one. Yeah, I feel that for
sure. One of the things that I realized is sick
days, like actually being able to take a sick
day. Yeah, you just had one of those. So this
week I was like, this was God's timing or something
like that. So Zeta got... a stomach bug a week
ago and then i got it two days later and it just
happened to be the day that my parents already
take the kids so i like actually took a sick
day i called into work and then my parents still
took the kids and i just laid on the couch all
day and tried not to throw up yeah it's not like
it was an enjoyable time but the fact that you
didn't have i yeah i wasn't thinking about I've
been trying to make someone else a meal while
I'm trying not to throw up. That's such a random
one that you would never... Pre -having kids,
I don't think I could ever think about the value
of not having to take care of anyone while you're
sick. And not feeling guilty about it, too. That's
the other side of it. Anytime I feel like I'm...
I feel like we've been sick a lot this year,
but I feel like I haven't had too many sick days
where I'm like... oh, I just really need to lay
down. And when I do have that, I feel almost
guilty in the fact that I feel that terrible
that I have to go lay down. Usually I just try
to power through, which makes it worse for everybody.
But there's the guilt aspect. I guess that's
another thing that maybe I miss is not having
that mom guilt. over you, especially with like,
I would say one of the biggest things I feel
right now with working from home is that I'm
like not good enough in any area. Like, yeah,
I might be thriving in motherhood in a week,
but then I feel like a terrible employee and
vice versa. And that was just, I didn't work
from home a ton before kids, like maybe the occasional
day, but there was not really ever a day where
I was like, Man, I just like I feel like a terrible
employee today. Yeah. Because my attention was
not on my work or whatever. Or so I did work
from home beforehand. And I already think there's
like a level of working from home where because
of. people on TikTok who like, whether they're
doing it satirically or not, they're like, oh,
me working from home and it's them getting their
nails done and doing stuff that's not their job.
Like there's this pressure of working from home
where you're like, I swear to God, I'm doing
my job. But then for me, I'm like, I feel like
I have to work 10 times harder because I need
to, I want to make sure that there's never a
doubt that my kids are impeding on my job performance.
And I don't want that to every reason you can
fire me. Yep. So true. Yeah. So I feel like when
you work for, at least for me, when I worked
from home full time, there was already this kind
of like, I swear I'm not like this TikToker who's
just like not working. Like I am actually doing
my job. Like you can see like my performance,
blah, blah, blah. But then now with kids, there's
definitely that like added pressure of, I swear,
like I'm working hard. I'm doing my best. I know.
And it's hard. Cause I'm like, I don't necessarily
know how to prove that other than like, the output
that yeah yeah it's definitely that guilt is
kind of like in all areas yeah absolutely oh
another one is being able to dress myself and
I mean this in like a couple of ways because
like obviously and we've talked about this before
there's like the actual physical changes of your
body where it's like oh clothes don't fit the
way that they used to or you know I've had to
buy all new jeans or there's that part of it
but there's also this aspect of like practicality
that I didn't need to used to have You know,
like I didn't need to use to make sure that my
pants were stretchy enough that I could like
get down on the floor with my toddler. So true.
Or right now we're weaning Zeta off, but for
basically two and a half years straight, I've
been breastfeeding. So I guess, I mean, there's
a little bit of a break when I was pregnant with
Zeta and Lloyd wasn't breastfeeding, but. now
for almost three and a half years, I've either
been pregnant or breastfeeding, which means my
wardrobe has to adjust to that in some capacity.
It's like, you need a shirt that you can like
have easy boob access so you can feed your baby
in public, you know? So I think there's like
this practicality aspect of dressing as a mom
that I was not prepared for, even though like
I babysat and stuff like that and know that.
Yeah. Or when I think of like outfits that I
used to like wear and feel confident in. I'm
like, even if that fit now, I wouldn't be able
to wear it because like I can't be. the mom that
i you know i can't be running after my kid and
you know doing these things but then i also still
want to look cute i know and i can't afford a
stylist to just like come in and revamp my wardrobe
and make sure i have all the you know you always
get the targeted ads that are like well you could
just spend 150 a month and we'll send you clothes
you're like i've been tempted so many times what's
the whole like getting your colors done have
you seen that i have yeah yeah i want to do that
so badly and apparently like chat gpt can help
you do it but anytime i've done an online one
it always tells me to wear pastels and i'm like
nope absolutely not yeah see i'm afraid it'll
tell me to wear like super bright colors yeah
and it always tells me not to wear black and
i'm like nope you're like That's the majority
of my wardrobe. This is something I feel confident
in. So yeah, that's definitely one. But oh, I
feel that for sure. The whole like, what bra
am I wearing today? Oh, I got to make sure it
clicks off, you know? Right. And yeah. Yeah.
Like last night, Stuart and I went on a date
night. So I wore a non -nursing bra. But then
Zeta got home and I was like, oh, I need to nurse
you. And you're like, this is inconvenient. Yeah.
There's a reason nursing bras exist. Yep. No,
I feel that. On Tuesdays and Thursdays when I
do go to work, I'm like, I still wear my nursing
bra so I can pump. It's things like that where
I'm like, it's just I feel not as cute as I maybe
did before. Feeling cute and feeling confident
is the last thing on the priority list, which
then kind of sucks when it comes, again, back
to the self -care thing where you're like, well,
I want to feel like a human and I want to feel
like someone. who's not just a mom and like feel
confident in my own skin in my own body but then
this like one part that I've always been able
to rely on of how I dress myself and dressing
myself to feel good I like can't really do that
yeah at least not in the way I used to yeah and
I also don't have time to figure it out no so
I just kind of wear the same thing every day
exactly I feel like There's probably like 10
shirts that kind of are on rotation for me. Just
because they're like easy choices. I know they
work for like most days. Like work from home
days, I'm like usually in a lounge set of some
sort. And like it's just the same kind of outfits
week to week, which is fine. If you leave the
house, it's a baggy t -shirt and jeans. Yeah,
honestly. It's like it's fine. It works for this
season. I try not to complain. I feel like I'm
putting in as much effort as I can at this stage
of life. And I guess it just, it is what it is
right now. And ultimately like, yeah, the joy,
I talked about this before, like the joy I'm
feeling now is so much more apparent. has increased
tremendously since having kids but it is those
little things that like yeah and maybe I just
miss them a little bit yeah and I think it's
hard because you like kind of have to take those
thoughts so captive sometimes and like just not
let them run away yeah where again we're like
kind of going back to what I was talking about
with you know Stuart and I and things we missed
before marriage where like okay yeah like flirting
with someone in a new relationship super fun
and if you wanted to like as a married person
you could let yourself like go down that path
and then an affair starts yeah right and so you
have to go oh yeah i do miss that okay moving
on yeah i think there's a lot of those things
as a mom too or like obviously you can't really
just like not do things yeah but uh yeah were
you to not like go into this victim spiral i
guess um which is super easy to do yeah we're
like wow i you know wish i was sleeping at night
you're like okay yeah i do but i'm not so i just
have to like go about my day and if i focus on
that then it's gonna make my whole life miserable
yeah and it's gonna make me resent my kids or
whatever which i don't want to do yeah that's
so true yeah i always feel a bit guilty because
I mean, we wanted a family for so long. So when
I do start to spiral or I like start to feel
bad for myself or whatever, I try to like get
back into the mindset of like, no, this is, you're
literally living the life that you prayed for
for so long and that you've desired for your
entire life. And yeah, like. I never thought
it was going to be all rainbows and butterflies
all the time. And I knew there would be aspects
of pre -kids that I would, of course, that I
would miss or whatever. But yeah, that mindset
shift is so important for me on the days that
are extra hard or the days that I start to feel
bad for myself that I can't go hang out with
friends spontaneously or whatever. I have to
just kind of shift my mindset. And that's the
only way that I can remember the joy that I'm
living in. It's especially easy to go down those
kind of rabbit holes on hard days again. We both
had really rough weeks, so it's really easy on
a day when your kids are literally throwing their
food all over the house and everyone's screaming
and crying to just really desperately want things
to be different. And, yeah, to have to remind
yourself, like, no, this is good. Like, even
though today isn't good and this moment isn't
good, overall this is really good. It really
is, yeah. Do you have any more that you want
to add? The only other thing I had is to, like,
this kind of puts a bow on this, I guess. I saw
a clip this week, which was funny that this came
up this week as we were preparing, of a mom saying,
and, like, this is me being kind of judgy, so
sorry. But it was – because I hope her kids never
see this because if I heard my mom say this,
I think I would be devastated. Oh, gosh. She
said, I don't regret having my kids. I love my
kids. I don't regret having my kids. But if I
got to the end of my life and got to start over,
I wouldn't have kids again. Oh, my gosh. And
I just remember sitting there – again, as a child
of a mom, I think if I ever heard my mom say
that, I would spiral and be devastated. Yes.
But as a mom, I'm like, oh, I can't relate at
all. Did you like go and read the – comments
or anything like that oh it was on a tv show
okay yeah so yes i haven't seen like if anyone
has responded to i'm sure there are comments
online about it a reality tv show it was on love
is blind yes okay yeah like hearing her say that
i was like i cannot relate no at all at all like
yes there are days when i miss not being a mom
and there are days when i miss like aspects again
like a lot of things we've talked about and just
like not being responsible for another person
yeah yeah but my kids have brought so much joy
to my life and again this week was really rough
like i think sewer came home to me at least in
tears if not like or at least close to tears
if not in tears more than once this week and
i know i definitely was like not the mom that
i want to be yeah but like even after weeks like
this there's like the the joy that they bring
and the amount of like purpose that having kids
has brought i'm like no like if i get to the
end of my life and i'm starting over like absolutely
having kids again absolutely and Like, do we
have kids sooner? I don't know. I know. No, I
know. Yeah. I 100 % feel that. And I feel so
bad for that woman's kids. Yeah. I mean, they
were little kids. So like right now, I don't
think they would register it. No. But that's
sad. I don't know. That's really sad. And I hope
that those of you that are listening to this,
like, yeah, I feel like you can relate to this,
but also feel like you don't regret having kids
and that they actually bring you the biggest
joy. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. That's our biggest
hope for you. And yeah, I don't know. Let us
know what, what maybe you miss about pre -kids
and yeah, we'll put like a question box up on
Instagram and we'd love to hear what you guys
miss. Maybe some, some different things that
we've maybe didn't hit on. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure
everyone has slightly different things. Oh yeah.
Yes. Okay. Should we hop into our wins of the
week? So this maybe kind of goes with this. Today,
so Zeta got up. Lloyd was gone overnight. He
spent the night with grandparents. And then this
morning, Zeta was up at 6 a .m., of course. Love
that. But Stuart grabbed her and he let me sleep
till almost 8. Oh, nice. And I'm like, I don't
know the last time I did that. That's amazing.
And then we went out for breakfast and he was
like, wow, you're in such a good mood. This is
what happens when I get some sleep. and i get
some good breakfast that's so good it was just
it was like so refreshing and i think especially
after like a really tough week where it's like
i just needed like to recharge a little bit even
if it was just you know an extra couple hours
of sleep and yeah not to have to make and clean
up breakfast and that's so nice i wasn't just
sleeping in and having a good breakfast good
okay my win is like it's super simple but I feel
like there was like just a shift one day. So
Colt has been, I mean, he's been kind of into
art a little bit and painting and coloring and
stuff. And I feel like literally in the last
week or so, it's just like shifted where now
he starts to try to like color in the lines.
Where it's like rather than just like all over
the page he's coloring, he's like seeing the
objects on the page and like trying. Like obviously
it's not. Right. He's still doing that. Yeah.
And it's like full fist around the crayon. Love
it. But he's like trying to color the objects
now. That's so fun. And I just think that's so
cute because he's so focused and is just like.
I love a little kid being focused on something.
It's keeping his attention. Yeah. He's like got
his face super close to the paper. Does he do
the tongue thing? He doesn't. No. Lloyd does
the tongue thing. That's so cute. When he's focused,
he sticks out his tongue. That's so cute. No,
he doesn't do the tongue thing, but it's just
like. the attention span has kind of like grown
a little bit and he's just like focused on one
task and and it's so fun to see the things that
like capture that focus too yeah like lloyd is
not really interested in coloring yeah sometimes
we'll pull it out but there are other things
that i'm like oh you could focus on that for
hours yeah and it's yeah just to see their personalities
and the things that matter and the things that
like do capture their attention is so much fun
i love it because so now i like in our kitchen
I like did a little, it was actually my nursing
cart that I'm like, oh, I don't really need this
anymore. So we turn it into an art cart. That's
fun. So now it's got all his art supplies on
it in the kitchen. So then he can just pull out
whatever he wants whenever. But it's art and
then magnet tiles for him that can like capture
his attention for a little bit. And I love that
he's just so creative and it's just super fun
to watch his little mind grow. And I just, yeah,
I cannot believe that. I mean, we have two and
a half year olds that. I know. Like you're going
to be three this year. It's crazy. I hate it.
It's going by too fast. And it's so fun. Yeah,
it's so fun. Well, thanks for tuning in today,
guys. Yeah, let us know what you miss in your
old life pre -kids. But we'll see you guys next
week. See you next week. Well, that's enough
oversharing for today. If you enjoyed hanging
out with us, hit subscribe so you don't miss
the next round of chaos. And if you're listening
while hiding in the bathroom from your kids,
no judgment, we see you. Thanks for joining us
on No Manual Momcast, where motherhood is messy.
At least we can laugh about it together. Chocolate
chip cookie. That's so cute.