WEBVTT

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Motherhood is a journey that changes everything.

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Your heart, your mind, your entire world. It's

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joy and struggle, beauty and chaos all tangled

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together. We're two moms walking this road with

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you, sharing honest conversations so no one feels

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alone in it. This is No Manual Momcast, a space

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for real talk. connection, and encouragement

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for every mom. Welcome back. This week, we have

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our first return guest on. Yes. And actually,

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I think you were also our first guest because

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I knew you wouldn't say no. Yeah. Our first few

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guests, we definitely were just like, who will

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for sure say yes to us? Yeah. And of course,

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who will say no but my own mom? Right. So yeah,

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today we have my mom, Beth, Mama Beth, on again.

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to talk about a little bit of a harder subject

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than last time. Last time we just kind of had

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some fun. But you experienced an ectopic pregnancy,

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obviously, many years ago now. So you'll kind

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of just be sharing that story. But before we

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get started, do we want to share mom moments?

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Yes. Yeah, I can go first. So Colt's favorite

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snack right now is any type of bar. So like a

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Z -Bar, a Fig Bar, one of those like – peanut

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butter and jelly bars, any granola bar, something

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of the sort. And so we usually have like a morning

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snack and an afternoon snack is kind of the rhythm.

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And he always picks like for his first snack,

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it's always a bar. So I tell him every single

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time. hey, if you have your bar now, like we

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only have one bar a day. We cannot have a second

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bar. And so yesterday he chose like those fig

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bars. It comes with like two little bars in it.

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It's like blueberry. So I let him have both of

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those and he wanted them in two separate snack

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containers so he could have two, it seemed like

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two. And then immediately after he ate his bar,

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he said, Mama, I have one more snack. One more

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snack, please. And I said, okay, well, what would

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you like? And he said, one more bar. I said,

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no, buddy, we only have one bar a day. It's too

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many bars. And he goes, Mama, but I love you.

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I love you, Mama. And I said, oh, buddy, I love

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you so much, but we can only have one bar. per

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day i don't love you anymore yeah no he legit

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i feel so bad but then he had like a full -on

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tantrum and but it was so cute mama but i love

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you mama i'm like you are trying to manipulate

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me right now aren't you trying and it's kind

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of working but i'm not falling for it this time

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so it was so cute i'm like where are you learning

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this manipulation it's the best also very cute

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it's so cute anytime he's like i love you mama

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i'm like anything i'm doing like nothing else

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matters i love you yeah that's so cute yeah okay

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what about you so lloyd has been getting a lot

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more time out recently um he's trying to throw

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literally everything and so i try to take toys

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away if he throws them and i also usually try

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to give him warnings so it's like especially

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if you see the wind up then i'll be like hey

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if you throw that That gets taken away. But then

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there's some things you can't take away or he

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doesn't care. It's like, so Lightning McQueen,

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if Lightning gets taken away, it's a big deal.

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But there are other cars, like if a monster truck

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is taken away, he doesn't really care. And then

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there's stuff like, I can't take away Zeta's

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water bottle because that's Zeta's water bottle.

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So he knows. Yeah, so there usually comes a point

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where it's like, after a few things have been

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taken away, he goes on timeout. And then if it's

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like... We kind of like ramp up. So it's like

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two minutes. And then if it happens again, it's

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a few more minutes. But the thing that keeps

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happening is I'll put him in timeout, like set

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him up on a chair. We have a timer that is like

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visual. So I'm like, okay, when the blue is all

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gone, they're like, you have to sit here till

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the blue is all gone. You're in timeout. But

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Zeta likes to go join him. Because she obviously

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does not understand. But then that takes away

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from his like being disciplined and being punished

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for doing something he knows he's not supposed

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to do. And they're just giggling together. So

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then I have to like go get Zeta and remove her

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from the situation because she's just like, oh,

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I'll go hang out with my big brother while he's

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just sitting here. And is she usually upset when

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you're like. You take her away, or is she fine?

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So far, we've been fine. She's kind of, like,

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a little confused why she's not allowed to play

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with Lloyd. And then he's usually more upset.

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But it's just one of those really funny, like,

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sibling things where it's almost like she's trying

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to get him out of jail. Like, oh, I'm coming

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for you, Lloyd. But almost every single time

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he's in timeout, she just, like, crawls on over

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and, like, climbs up on him. Like, oh, we're

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hanging out over here now. Yeah. All right. Yep.

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Every time. That's so cute. All right. What about

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you, Mom? What do you got? So as a mother of

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adults, this is my mom moment, right? Saying

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yes. It's rearranging my schedule so that I'll

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be here when it's convenient for you instead

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of convenient for me because it doesn't matter,

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right? Because that's how you support your...

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Adult children. Well, thanks for rearranging

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your schedule and being here. It was only yoga.

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It was my favorite yoga class. Hey, that's important.

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That's important. Is Laura still the teacher?

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On Saturdays, yeah. Yeah, it's a really good

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workout. Sorry, red hair all over. Cat hair all

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over. Grandparent cat hair all over, yes. A grandparent

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moment would be, actually it's a Bapa moment,

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but this is too funny not to mention. So we watch

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him every Monday. Two Mondays ago, it was like

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5 .15, you were about to come, you know, 45 minutes

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until mom and dad come to pick you up and take

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you home for dinner. And Lloyd goes over to the

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refrigerator and says, cheese. I want a cube

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of cheese. So I said, we can have one cube because

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we don't want to spoil your dinner. Two cubes.

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I'm like, Lloyd, I said one cube. So Papa, Grandpa

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from the background says, Lloyd, that's not how

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you negotiate. You asked for three pieces of

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cheese so that you can settle for two. That's

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so funny. And Lloyd stood there for a second

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and said, three pieces of cheese. You? And then

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when I go to get the cheese, because I cut up

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the cheese myself so they're not uniform cubes.

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It's like, Lloyd, pick out the pieces. He's like,

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I need to see which one's the biggest piece here.

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Yep. So then this following Monday, he goes to

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the refrigerator and he says, Gamma, three pieces

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of cheese. He is learning to negotiate. I just

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turned to your dad and said, this is your fault.

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So now I know where this came from. I think I

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shared this story on here. I don't remember if

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I just told you. It was a couple weeks ago where

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he wanted to take Lightning McQueen to his other

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grandparents' house. I was like, no, we're not

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going to take it. We don't want you to forget

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it. We don't want them to have to remember, whatever.

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He's like, no, we're going to leave Lightning

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at home. And he sits there for a second and goes.

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take Lightning in the cart, leave Lightning in

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the cart, not G -Ma and Op -Op's house. I was

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like, oh, you're learning to negotiate. All right,

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that's fine. That was fair. The progression of

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things, he's getting it. That's so good. Now

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we know Boppa's the one to blame. Boppa's to

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blame 100 % for the negotiation skills. So cute.

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Okay, well, I guess we can kind of just hop in.

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So you have two kids. Caitlin is my older sister

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and then me. So tell us about, like, what those

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pregnancies were like and like kind of your experience,

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like getting into motherhood and having us. So

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Caitlin honestly was a failure of birth control.

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She was a complete and utter surprise. We did

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not expecting it at all, which actually is kind

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of important even to the story of having the

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ectopic pregnancy, because the state of life

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for me at the time, there were people that were

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suggesting that I should have an abortion with

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Caitlin. And dad and I were like, yeah, that's

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not going to happen. As a matter of fact, I remember

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my father's reaction to the fact that I was pregnant

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with her was strong enough that the day that

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we told them, my mom went crying into the bedroom.

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To be fair, she was crying because she thought

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she was too young to be a grandmother. Is that

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correct? She went running into the bedroom crying

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because she said she was too young. How old was

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she when she found out she was going to be a

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grandmother? 66. Older than I was when I became

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a grandparent, right? That's so funny. And 20

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years older than dad's parents. Right? Oh, my

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gosh. Absolutely. Anyway, I just remember the

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one day going to bed, holding my stomach and

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saying, don't worry, baby. I will take care of

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you. It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

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You know, so then we had her. And, of course,

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once the baby's there. Everybody who's angry

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with you or thinks that you shouldn't have done

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what you did, the grandparents are all over it.

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It was fine. Dad's parents were pretty supportive.

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Spaghetti and meatball were pretty supportive.

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They were also just excited, even 20 years younger

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than my mom, but excited about becoming grandparents

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for the first time. And that was back in Illinois.

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So we moved to Colorado and then got pregnant

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with you. So you're five years apart, just a

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little over five years apart. You were more expected.

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The pregnancies, for the most part, Caitlin.

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So I have a retroverted uterus, which means my

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uterus points toward my back instead of my front.

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That's why it's always so easy for me to have

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a flat stomach. That caused some problems in

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the pregnancy just in pain. It was certainly

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twice as... I had an old country doctor. We were

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in DeKalb, Illinois. And I had an old country

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doctor that thought that I should lay on my back

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with my feet in the stirrups to deliver. And

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every time I would get in that position, the

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baby, so Caitlin laying on my spine, made me

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lose complete control of my body, and it would

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shake violently. Oh, my gosh. So the nurses were

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pretty good about that. Like, why don't you turn

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on your side, honey? I'm like, thank you. But

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the doctor was, like, adamant, and I ended up

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delivering without the stirrups, but on my back.

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So then, flash forward to Erica, five years.

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Pretty easy. Uh, the pregnancy was not too hard

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except super sick and morning sickness of the

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first month or two month for sure. And then delivering

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you completely went to a Vista. I don't know

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if that means nothing if you're not in Colorado,

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but for context, the context, Laura and I delivered

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at a Vista. For both? Which is, yeah, it's the

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hospital with the best reputation for its delivery

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unit in the Denver area. Yeah. Really, pretty

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much. Yep. So I was able to deliver on my side,

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which was delightful. And yeah, so both of those

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pregnancies, pretty straightforward for the most

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part. Some emotional things to get over, certainly

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with Caitlin, with the older one, but nothing

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too... Nothing that we all couldn't get past.

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How's that? Pretty standard. Again, morning sickness

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is... Morning sickness, yeah. Morning sickness

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with Caitlin, you could set a watch by it. Three

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o 'clock in the afternoon, the rest of the day

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I'd be sick. That's crazy. Absolutely crazy.

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Yeah. That it was so... That I could tell that

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way. And then, so for this third pregnancy, was

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that expected? Was that planned? Complete surprise.

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It would have been a surprise. I mean, at no

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point in time were your dad and I, like, trying.

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Sure. You know? We weren't not trying, but we

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weren't trying. So, you know, I think if it had

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taken any longer to get pregnant with you, we

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may have taken some steps to try and see if we

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could make it happen, which is part of the reason

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for the five years. And actually, that's part

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of the reason for the ectopic pregnancy, too,

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is that feeds into why it took so long. why you

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guys are five years apart or a longer period

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of time apart. Then how did you find out you

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were pregnant this third time? So the third time,

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because I experienced the most pain I've ever

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experienced in my entire life. And to put some

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context around that, broke off teeth when I was

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a kid. It hurt, but I was able to run home. Broke

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my arm in two places, dislocated my elbow, all

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in one fell swoop. Was able to drive everybody

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home. Wow. Didn't go to the hospital for like

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eight hours that time. It might have been only

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six hours. I waited until dad came up for that

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one. Dislocated my kneecap. That was probably

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the closest in pain, but was still, you know,

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took, still walked there. I did it. We were visiting

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grandparents with Caitlin. Dad flew. off on a

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business trip on a Sunday. I was flying out Monday

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morning to come back to Colorado and on making

00:13:28.769 --> 00:13:31.009
the bed, I leaned against the bed and I dislocated

00:13:31.009 --> 00:13:34.769
my kneecap. Oh, didn't, so stupid. I didn't even

00:13:34.769 --> 00:13:36.870
think about what I did. I just backed it back

00:13:36.870 --> 00:13:39.149
in place, not thinking that it was dislocated

00:13:39.149 --> 00:13:41.230
because I have to go catch a plane with a four

00:13:41.230 --> 00:13:44.750
-year -old. So walked through O 'Hare Airport

00:13:44.750 --> 00:13:48.570
and then walked through DIA. And I remember once

00:13:48.570 --> 00:13:51.950
we got to DIA, and then we were going to the

00:13:51.950 --> 00:13:54.129
shuttle so that we could walk in the parking

00:13:54.129 --> 00:13:55.909
lot. I remember at one point in time, I finally

00:13:55.909 --> 00:13:58.309
gave my four -year -old her suitcase and said,

00:13:58.350 --> 00:13:59.909
honey, you have to carry this. I'm not sure.

00:13:59.970 --> 00:14:01.730
Oh, my gosh. I couldn't take it any further.

00:14:02.509 --> 00:14:07.190
But that's a different thing. So this one, it

00:14:07.190 --> 00:14:10.230
was just a normal morning. I want to say it was

00:14:10.230 --> 00:14:12.620
a Tuesday, and I don't know why. And I had gotten

00:14:12.620 --> 00:14:14.980
up. I was expecting to have my period around

00:14:14.980 --> 00:14:18.240
this time. So to have some discomfort was normal.

00:14:18.820 --> 00:14:21.200
And I felt like I had to go to the bathroom.

00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:24.440
So I went to the washroom and I had the most

00:14:24.440 --> 00:14:28.379
excruciating pain, like pass out pain. I think

00:14:28.379 --> 00:14:30.519
the only reason why I didn't actually fall to

00:14:30.519 --> 00:14:32.220
the floor was because I knew I had two little

00:14:32.220 --> 00:14:36.120
kids. And in bizarre. quirk of how I function.

00:14:36.379 --> 00:14:38.840
Uh, I also knew that 45 minutes I had was supposed

00:14:38.840 --> 00:14:41.120
to take the dog to the vet and I didn't want

00:14:41.120 --> 00:14:44.539
to disappoint the vet, made it to the couch before

00:14:44.539 --> 00:14:48.320
I really passed out. But that's when I just asked

00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:50.519
Caitlin as a five -year -old to go, go get the

00:14:50.519 --> 00:14:52.299
phone so I can cancel the appointment with the

00:14:52.299 --> 00:14:53.720
vet. Cause there was no way that I was going

00:14:53.720 --> 00:14:55.980
to stand up. Right. And I don't know how long

00:14:55.980 --> 00:14:57.860
I had to lay there. I canceled the appointment.

00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:01.080
And, uh, at some point in time I was able to

00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:03.639
get up and I think I called the, that's when

00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:06.470
I. I called the doctor. We had a family doctor

00:15:06.470 --> 00:15:09.950
at the time, Dr. Lewis. She said, well, that

00:15:09.950 --> 00:15:11.950
sounds like you should probably contact your

00:15:11.950 --> 00:15:16.490
gynecologist. So Dr. Miles was the man that had

00:15:16.490 --> 00:15:19.450
delivered you. And how old was I at this point?

00:15:19.710 --> 00:15:23.750
So this is 1999. And I know it's April of 99

00:15:23.750 --> 00:15:29.269
because after the surgery, the only time I took,

00:15:29.450 --> 00:15:32.850
I think it was oxytocin. No, it would have been

00:15:32.850 --> 00:15:35.649
Oxycontin, right? That's the pain reliever. I

00:15:35.649 --> 00:15:40.190
had taken it, and it was the shooting at Columbine

00:15:40.190 --> 00:15:44.149
High School, and the news was on. And to be in

00:15:44.149 --> 00:15:46.669
such a bizarre frame of mind and seeing that,

00:15:46.750 --> 00:15:49.090
I'm like, I am never taking this. I would rather

00:15:49.090 --> 00:15:53.309
feel pain. Yeah, I've had some heavy pain meds

00:15:53.309 --> 00:15:56.570
for things too, and I'm like, I can deal with

00:15:56.570 --> 00:16:00.889
pain. I can deal with the pain for that. So I

00:16:00.889 --> 00:16:06.049
ended up going to the gynecologist. And I don't

00:16:06.049 --> 00:16:08.269
know. I mean, the whole thing. And did you drive

00:16:08.269 --> 00:16:09.090
yourself there? Yeah, I was going to ask that.

00:16:09.110 --> 00:16:11.309
Did dad get home? Did the neighbor drive you?

00:16:11.870 --> 00:16:15.889
I know the neighbor has driven you at least once

00:16:15.889 --> 00:16:19.309
in situations like that. I forgot about the time

00:16:19.309 --> 00:16:22.610
I cut off my finger. While you were pregnant.

00:16:22.730 --> 00:16:25.570
While I was pregnant with you. Oh, gosh. Yeah,

00:16:25.590 --> 00:16:28.090
it makes it sound like I'm accident prone. That's

00:16:28.090 --> 00:16:30.169
like over the course of a lifetime, everybody.

00:16:31.750 --> 00:16:34.789
When you live in the same neighborhood for now

00:16:34.789 --> 00:16:38.129
30 years, you know. Yeah, true. Your neighbor's

00:16:38.129 --> 00:16:39.629
going to help you out with a few things. And

00:16:39.629 --> 00:16:43.149
you help them out. So I want to say that actually

00:16:43.149 --> 00:16:47.009
it was a day or two later I started to spot.

00:16:47.970 --> 00:16:49.710
But it was spotting. It wasn't like I got my

00:16:49.710 --> 00:16:53.799
period. And the pain was better. There was just

00:16:53.799 --> 00:16:57.799
that moment that was like pass out pain. So I

00:16:57.799 --> 00:17:01.240
finally got to the gynecologist and they just

00:17:01.240 --> 00:17:04.059
immediately did a pregnancy test. And they told

00:17:04.059 --> 00:17:06.940
me I was pregnant. I'm like, oh, okay. But the

00:17:06.940 --> 00:17:08.299
numbers are kind of funky, so I want to come

00:17:08.299 --> 00:17:10.960
back in a week. And that was sort of it because

00:17:10.960 --> 00:17:13.299
between the pain that I had had, because the

00:17:13.299 --> 00:17:15.880
pain had subsided by then, we just want to keep

00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:22.279
an eye on this. There's one number that was,

00:17:22.460 --> 00:17:25.960
the numbers weren't increasing the way they were

00:17:25.960 --> 00:17:29.400
supposed to for a pregnancy. So that's when they

00:17:29.400 --> 00:17:31.519
said, so we're concerned that you have an ectopic

00:17:31.519 --> 00:17:34.579
pregnancy and that we're going to need to do

00:17:34.579 --> 00:17:38.039
something about this. And had you ever, was that

00:17:38.039 --> 00:17:39.980
something you had any idea what it was? Nope.

00:17:40.440 --> 00:17:42.500
No idea what it was whatsoever at that point

00:17:42.500 --> 00:17:44.319
in time. Had never heard of anyone that had had

00:17:44.319 --> 00:17:48.960
one. Yeah. Yeah. Not at all. So they briefly

00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:53.839
explained it as, well, it could be that the fetus

00:17:53.839 --> 00:17:56.680
hasn't attached to the uterine wall. But that's

00:17:56.680 --> 00:17:59.900
it. The definition of an ectopic pregnancy is

00:17:59.900 --> 00:18:02.380
actually what that is. So then they set me up

00:18:02.380 --> 00:18:06.299
for one of multiple ultrasounds that I went through

00:18:06.299 --> 00:18:08.420
during, because the whole thing was three or

00:18:08.420 --> 00:18:11.119
four weeks. So they did an ultrasound and they

00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:15.660
couldn't find anything out of place. But they

00:18:15.660 --> 00:18:19.279
also couldn't find anything in place. So they

00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:22.519
said, okay, let's let it develop a little bit

00:18:22.519 --> 00:18:26.640
longer. And were you still in, like, were you

00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:30.160
crampy or were you? It would come and go. So

00:18:30.160 --> 00:18:32.720
there were times where it would definitely send

00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:36.099
me to bed. But then there were times that I could

00:18:36.099 --> 00:18:39.200
function fully and it was okay. So that went

00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:43.539
kind of on and off. So given the reaction to

00:18:43.539 --> 00:18:47.180
me becoming pregnant with Caitlin and how. adamant

00:18:47.180 --> 00:18:49.900
we were that no there was the abortion is just

00:18:49.900 --> 00:18:52.579
not on the table I think that really flavored

00:18:52.579 --> 00:18:55.920
how we viewed an ectopic pregnancy even though

00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:58.180
an ectopic pregnancy isn't a viable pregnancy

00:18:58.180 --> 00:19:01.460
in no world would it be able would that child

00:19:01.460 --> 00:19:04.039
be able to develop and come into the world normally

00:19:04.039 --> 00:19:07.599
but then also from a spiritual standpoint right

00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:12.880
it's still I believe that life starts when the

00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:17.210
when the egg is is fertilized right so there's

00:19:17.210 --> 00:19:21.349
still a form of life there yeah right so dad

00:19:21.349 --> 00:19:23.089
and i wrestled with that there were lots of talk

00:19:23.089 --> 00:19:27.569
about um and so when you like going back a little

00:19:27.569 --> 00:19:29.470
bit you go to the doctor they're like oh by the

00:19:29.470 --> 00:19:33.430
way you're pregnant were you able to like were

00:19:33.430 --> 00:19:35.349
you like starting to get excited it's like usually

00:19:35.349 --> 00:19:37.849
when you have a you know oh for sure there wasn't

00:19:37.849 --> 00:19:41.039
like a any sort of like You're pregnant, but

00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:43.240
it was just like, oh, another baby on the way.

00:19:43.359 --> 00:19:44.839
Pretty much. So, yeah, you were starting to get

00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:47.859
excited. Yeah. I think there was probably a full

00:19:47.859 --> 00:19:49.859
week we were thinking that way. Okay. Wow. So

00:19:49.859 --> 00:19:51.579
we were thinking that. You, as a three -year

00:19:51.579 --> 00:19:54.740
-old, were very excited about the prospect of

00:19:54.740 --> 00:19:58.339
having. I don't remember making phone calls to

00:19:58.339 --> 00:20:02.500
grandparents yet because they did say that the

00:20:02.500 --> 00:20:06.500
numbers were funky or something. But we may have

00:20:06.500 --> 00:20:09.640
talked to my – my parents and of course your

00:20:09.640 --> 00:20:13.579
mom was a nurse for 100 years so yes um that's

00:20:13.579 --> 00:20:16.339
a little bit different too that's true yeah she's

00:20:16.339 --> 00:20:18.339
and she would have been probably some of the

00:20:18.339 --> 00:20:21.180
information that i would gotten for what an ectopic

00:20:21.180 --> 00:20:23.539
pregnancy is and what you do about it of course

00:20:23.539 --> 00:20:27.299
um so so when they couldn't find anything then

00:20:27.299 --> 00:20:29.160
they scheduled me for of course this is back

00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:33.079
so this is 99 now you get a you go in for an

00:20:33.079 --> 00:20:35.099
ultrasound and somebody carries a laptop in and

00:20:35.099 --> 00:20:39.539
right then You scheduled something at the hospital

00:20:39.539 --> 00:20:42.720
and you went into radiology and they had a special

00:20:42.720 --> 00:20:44.680
room with a special ultrasound and blah, blah,

00:20:44.680 --> 00:20:48.079
blah. Yeah. So it was always a bigger deal for

00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:51.480
that. I think I went through. They started doing

00:20:51.480 --> 00:20:54.559
internal ultrasounds to try and find something.

00:20:55.559 --> 00:20:59.440
So I went. I remember like three of those and

00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:03.519
not having any luck. So you can take a drug that

00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:07.369
basically the abortion drug. And it would terminate

00:21:07.369 --> 00:21:09.670
the pregnancy so it won't continue to grow. But

00:21:09.670 --> 00:21:11.789
then your body still has to pass it. And most

00:21:11.789 --> 00:21:13.569
of the time, they said, so it's probably in your

00:21:13.569 --> 00:21:15.309
fallopian tube. We can't find it, but that's

00:21:15.309 --> 00:21:20.089
usually where it is. So we opted not to take

00:21:20.089 --> 00:21:23.309
that drug. And I don't remember exactly. I think

00:21:23.309 --> 00:21:26.529
it was kind of the spiritual aspect and what

00:21:26.529 --> 00:21:30.130
dad had some what -ifs in his mind about it because

00:21:30.130 --> 00:21:33.410
he was just as strong about that, well, if it's

00:21:33.410 --> 00:21:36.349
a baby, it's a baby. And you're not saying, oh,

00:21:36.430 --> 00:21:38.789
it's for sure 100 % in your fallopian tube. We

00:21:38.789 --> 00:21:41.730
think maybe. We think it is. We can't find it.

00:21:41.769 --> 00:21:43.910
We don't know where it is basically at this point

00:21:43.910 --> 00:21:47.049
in time, which is a little unusual. So there

00:21:47.049 --> 00:21:51.490
was, I remember it was a Saturday that one of

00:21:51.490 --> 00:21:54.369
those really strong pains came on. And it was

00:21:54.369 --> 00:21:57.140
a Saturday. Dad was home. And we ended up calling

00:21:57.140 --> 00:21:59.680
because the doctors said, so at this point in

00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:01.500
time, they're like, so you definitely have something

00:22:01.500 --> 00:22:05.519
going on. An ectopic pregnancy is a very, very

00:22:05.519 --> 00:22:09.440
dangerous, is a life -threatening thing. So you

00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:12.599
need to keep an eye on it. And so this one Saturday

00:22:12.599 --> 00:22:15.240
with the strong pain, we ended up, we called

00:22:15.240 --> 00:22:17.559
Dr. Miles. We ended up meeting Dr. Miles. He

00:22:17.559 --> 00:22:21.460
called in an ultrasound specialist, whatever,

00:22:21.539 --> 00:22:24.480
to do another internal in the hospital. So we

00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:27.099
met them at the hospital. They were in their

00:22:27.099 --> 00:22:30.599
street clothes. It was, radiology was close down.

00:22:30.720 --> 00:22:33.619
Wow. But they met us there. It's one of those

00:22:33.619 --> 00:22:36.640
points in time that, so this is when they found

00:22:36.640 --> 00:22:41.240
it. And I keep saying it, which feels wrong somehow.

00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:44.000
But so they're looking and like, this is the

00:22:44.000 --> 00:22:46.400
longest ultrasound. It's an internal ultrasound.

00:22:46.500 --> 00:22:48.539
It's like the longest ultrasound I ever had in

00:22:48.539 --> 00:22:50.920
my life. I'm like half an hour later, they're

00:22:50.920 --> 00:22:56.190
still digging. And it's so comfortable. So the

00:22:56.190 --> 00:22:59.329
ultrasound tech and the doctor keep exchanging

00:22:59.329 --> 00:23:03.089
glantes. And he's given orders. So find her left

00:23:03.089 --> 00:23:05.309
ovary. Where's her left ovary? It's right there.

00:23:05.490 --> 00:23:08.109
Okay. Tricep, fallopian tube. Where's that? Okay.

00:23:08.210 --> 00:23:11.190
That one looks clear. Right? Find her right ovary.

00:23:11.289 --> 00:23:12.890
And they looked and they looked. They could not

00:23:12.890 --> 00:23:16.230
find my right ovary. And then finally, the technician

00:23:16.230 --> 00:23:19.769
is like, and she started whispering to Dr. Miles.

00:23:19.950 --> 00:23:23.210
Wait a minute. I think. And they mapped it out

00:23:23.210 --> 00:23:24.890
on the screen. I remember turning to look and

00:23:24.890 --> 00:23:26.950
they mapped it on the screen. And your ovary,

00:23:26.950 --> 00:23:28.509
which is supposed to be the size of a walnut,

00:23:28.769 --> 00:23:35.170
my ovary was over three inches long and it had

00:23:35.170 --> 00:23:37.250
just exploded. Like three times the size of a

00:23:37.250 --> 00:23:39.369
walnut. So the pregnancy had started in my ovary.

00:23:39.470 --> 00:23:44.950
And that initial pain was the baby exploding

00:23:44.950 --> 00:23:47.490
out of my ovary and trying to get into my fallopian

00:23:47.490 --> 00:23:51.230
tube. So it goes, oh, that's why it hurt that

00:23:51.230 --> 00:23:56.869
much. Got it. So knowing that was when things,

00:23:56.930 --> 00:23:59.710
we could really start making some progress on

00:23:59.710 --> 00:24:04.490
medically on me, right? So it had gotten into

00:24:04.490 --> 00:24:07.609
the, it had moved into the fallopian tube and

00:24:07.609 --> 00:24:11.609
it was a matter of, so do we do surgery right

00:24:11.609 --> 00:24:14.710
away? Do we wait? Do we let it, because I should

00:24:14.710 --> 00:24:17.440
be able to pass it. Your body should be able

00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:20.059
to pass it out and then you're okay. But we decided

00:24:20.059 --> 00:24:22.519
not to go into surgery right away. We said, okay,

00:24:22.619 --> 00:24:25.519
let's let it pass and see what happens. So it

00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:28.339
was probably another week -ish. I don't know

00:24:28.339 --> 00:24:32.720
the timing. But once we got to that point, the

00:24:32.720 --> 00:24:35.200
doctor said, no, you can't be alone. Like, what

00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:37.660
do you mean you can't be alone? And he said,

00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:39.940
you have to have a driver with you at all times.

00:24:40.339 --> 00:24:44.660
I said, well. Couldn't someone call an ambulance?

00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:48.400
No. If you had to call an ambulance, you will

00:24:48.400 --> 00:24:51.579
bleed out. Wow. So dad stayed home from work

00:24:51.579 --> 00:24:54.480
a couple of days. My parents were living in Loveland.

00:24:54.539 --> 00:24:58.680
They came down to be with us a morning or two.

00:24:59.059 --> 00:25:00.660
And then there was just one of those days when

00:25:00.660 --> 00:25:05.359
dad was home that, again, the pain went through

00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:08.970
the roof, literally through the roof. And I actually

00:25:08.970 --> 00:25:12.430
asked him this week, I'm like, so what do you

00:25:12.430 --> 00:25:14.650
remember about this whole thing? And what was

00:25:14.650 --> 00:25:16.529
your point of view? Because we never, honestly,

00:25:16.829 --> 00:25:19.430
I never asked him, what was your point of view

00:25:19.430 --> 00:25:22.269
from this, right? And the things he remembers

00:25:22.269 --> 00:25:24.289
most is probably that last day when I went in

00:25:24.289 --> 00:25:27.579
for surgery and that I was in that pain. laying

00:25:27.579 --> 00:25:30.619
in the bed and he was trying to get a hold of

00:25:30.619 --> 00:25:32.759
Colin and Colin and not getting through to the

00:25:32.759 --> 00:25:34.500
doctor and just getting really frustrated because

00:25:34.500 --> 00:25:36.779
the doctor had said, anything happens, let us

00:25:36.779 --> 00:25:39.859
know. Anything happens, let us know. So finally

00:25:39.859 --> 00:25:42.660
got through and the doctor just said, yeah, you're

00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:44.500
going to have to bring her into the hospital.

00:25:44.660 --> 00:25:47.319
So he brought me in. The only time I've ever

00:25:47.319 --> 00:25:50.160
walked into an emergency room and anybody behaved

00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:54.440
like it was an emergency. Really? Yeah. You know,

00:25:54.460 --> 00:25:56.039
usually you walk into the emergency room and

00:25:56.039 --> 00:25:59.019
there's like, here's the paperwork. Yeah. Just

00:25:59.019 --> 00:26:03.980
finger cut off. Just bleeding. Right? Like, we'll

00:26:03.980 --> 00:26:06.539
get it. Yeah. There's a few before you. Right.

00:26:06.559 --> 00:26:09.259
But that's also like the best and worst thing.

00:26:09.279 --> 00:26:12.299
Both sides of it. Right. Where it's like, okay,

00:26:12.339 --> 00:26:14.480
I know I did the right thing coming to the emergency

00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:16.779
room. Right. Because clearly this is an emergency

00:26:16.779 --> 00:26:20.509
when they don't. care about what my date of birth

00:26:20.509 --> 00:26:22.190
is they're just rolling me back we'll figure

00:26:22.190 --> 00:26:25.549
the rest out later right but then also like this

00:26:25.549 --> 00:26:27.369
i mean i always tell everyone i'm like if you're

00:26:27.369 --> 00:26:29.430
waiting in the emergency room it sucks but it

00:26:29.430 --> 00:26:32.049
means you're not dying right yeah it means that

00:26:32.049 --> 00:26:34.750
you can wait because if you're dying they don't

00:26:34.750 --> 00:26:38.130
care like their job is to save your life so like

00:26:38.130 --> 00:26:41.869
you're like well I'm glad I trusted and came

00:26:41.869 --> 00:26:45.410
in, but also this is terrifying now. Yeah, and

00:26:45.410 --> 00:26:47.490
the doctor probably called ahead because we went

00:26:47.490 --> 00:26:49.410
to a vista, and that's where his office was.

00:26:50.049 --> 00:26:53.670
But they took me right into an examination room,

00:26:53.849 --> 00:26:57.349
laid me down, and the anesthesiologist came in

00:26:57.349 --> 00:27:00.269
first. Maybe Dr. Miles came in first. It doesn't

00:27:00.269 --> 00:27:03.190
really matter. I do remember the anesthesiologist

00:27:03.190 --> 00:27:05.549
because it was kind of a life lesson as well.

00:27:06.839 --> 00:27:09.119
So this is 99. There's not very many people with

00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:12.359
specialized ringtones or cell phones for that

00:27:12.359 --> 00:27:15.680
matter, right? This is pre -iPhone. And he got

00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:17.720
a phone call, and his ringtone was, take me out

00:27:17.720 --> 00:27:20.720
to the ballgame. And it cracked me up, and I'm

00:27:20.720 --> 00:27:24.180
laying there in excruciating pain laughing. And

00:27:24.180 --> 00:27:27.960
I told him, it's not fair to make me laugh when

00:27:27.960 --> 00:27:31.720
it hurts this much. And afterwards, and usually

00:27:31.720 --> 00:27:34.180
you don't see your anesthesiologist after surgery.

00:27:34.940 --> 00:27:37.119
He actually came into the recovery room and he

00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:40.180
said, you know, when you started to laugh at

00:27:40.180 --> 00:27:43.440
my ringtone, I knew you'd be fine because you

00:27:43.440 --> 00:27:45.460
had the right attitude about everything. Wow.

00:27:45.799 --> 00:27:50.420
Wow. Now that's a lesson to kind of put in your

00:27:50.420 --> 00:27:52.700
back pocket, right? Carry with you the rest of

00:27:52.700 --> 00:27:56.599
your life. So, yeah, at that point, Dad had called

00:27:56.599 --> 00:27:59.549
a neighbor, Karen Hurt, and dropped. You and

00:27:59.549 --> 00:28:02.210
Caitlin off with Karen Hurt, and then my parents

00:28:02.210 --> 00:28:04.390
drove down from Loveland, picked you all up there.

00:28:04.569 --> 00:28:07.410
I do remember, let's see, so from Dad's point

00:28:07.410 --> 00:28:12.930
of view, during the surgery, a pastor of the

00:28:12.930 --> 00:28:14.549
church we were going to at the time came and

00:28:14.549 --> 00:28:17.430
sat with him for a little while, and then Dr.

00:28:17.569 --> 00:28:21.039
Miles came out, and he's laparoscopic. surgery

00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:24.880
so three tiny little incisions one that blows

00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:27.380
you up your abdomen full of gas so that they

00:28:27.380 --> 00:28:30.000
can move the instruments and then another one

00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:33.160
where the camera comes in and you know so I don't

00:28:33.160 --> 00:28:36.119
have any big scars but he came and he talked

00:28:36.119 --> 00:28:39.180
to dad to let him know okay she's out of the

00:28:39.180 --> 00:28:42.109
woods she's you know she's not It's not eminent

00:28:42.109 --> 00:28:45.049
that she will die, which is really where Dad's

00:28:45.049 --> 00:28:46.529
head was. That's what he told me this week. He

00:28:46.529 --> 00:28:48.769
didn't let me know. And really, it was kind of

00:28:48.769 --> 00:28:50.910
funny that we had never talked about it. But

00:28:50.910 --> 00:28:53.630
he said, yeah. I was just like, what am I going

00:28:53.630 --> 00:28:57.930
to do if she dies? So Dr. Miles came out, offered

00:28:57.930 --> 00:29:00.529
him pictures. I'm like, if you want pictures.

00:29:02.369 --> 00:29:04.930
And you know Dad. Just what every man wants is

00:29:04.930 --> 00:29:10.569
right. Pictures of his wife's uterus and ovaries.

00:29:11.190 --> 00:29:13.930
Like, what am I looking at here? Right? Yeah.

00:29:14.950 --> 00:29:17.849
And he's especially squeamish. And he's especially...

00:29:17.849 --> 00:29:20.470
Oh, really? That's not one. No, he never handled

00:29:20.470 --> 00:29:22.470
the blood in our... Like, if one of us was bleeding,

00:29:22.710 --> 00:29:25.309
like, you know, got... He's like, Beth! Exactly,

00:29:25.609 --> 00:29:28.609
yeah. Now, if you need a splinter, he's your

00:29:28.609 --> 00:29:32.130
guy. But no blood. But not... Propious amounts

00:29:32.130 --> 00:29:35.569
of blood were not his thing. Still aren't. But

00:29:35.569 --> 00:29:39.210
came in and then told him that, yeah, she's a

00:29:39.210 --> 00:29:42.269
mess in there. And told dad at that point in

00:29:42.269 --> 00:29:44.309
time that I would probably never, I would never

00:29:44.309 --> 00:29:47.630
be able to have another child. No. He was far

00:29:47.630 --> 00:29:52.230
more gentle with me. I really didn't, I really

00:29:52.230 --> 00:29:55.869
didn't grok that until probably the third follow

00:29:55.869 --> 00:30:00.309
-up appointment in his office that, where he

00:30:00.309 --> 00:30:04.740
finally was like, no. It's not going to happen.

00:30:04.799 --> 00:30:07.859
It can't happen. Just with the thought that that

00:30:07.859 --> 00:30:11.200
would happen again? No, that I could get pregnant

00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:13.940
again. Like your body physically could not. Really?

00:30:14.059 --> 00:30:19.619
Okay. Yeah. So what he saw then with the camera

00:30:19.619 --> 00:30:23.079
on the inside was, so I was married before and

00:30:23.079 --> 00:30:25.059
he was not faithful to me and he brought home

00:30:25.059 --> 00:30:29.019
diseases. So I had two fallopian tubes that had

00:30:29.019 --> 00:30:33.690
a lot of scar tissue from. infections that probably

00:30:33.690 --> 00:30:36.349
chlamydia because I was not aware that I had

00:30:36.349 --> 00:30:40.049
it yeah and that's probably why I had an ectopic

00:30:40.049 --> 00:30:44.109
pregnancy wow right was because there was because

00:30:44.109 --> 00:30:45.710
there was so much scar tissue that it was really

00:30:45.710 --> 00:30:48.650
hard for it to even get into the fallopian tube

00:30:48.650 --> 00:30:51.390
he also said between that and the retroverted

00:30:51.390 --> 00:30:53.849
uterus that the fact that I have two kids is

00:30:53.849 --> 00:30:58.839
pretty close to a miracle wow yeah But it really

00:30:58.839 --> 00:31:01.180
took, I mean, he tried to gently tell me, you

00:31:01.180 --> 00:31:03.819
won't have kids again. You can't have more until

00:31:03.819 --> 00:31:07.180
that. And I was like, no, you have to take that

00:31:07.180 --> 00:31:10.200
out of your mind. So Dr. Miles, I mean, this

00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:14.039
is probably TMI, but Stuart can edit it out.

00:31:15.420 --> 00:31:18.700
Dr. Miles was a big guy with hands. I want to

00:31:18.700 --> 00:31:21.539
say his hands were like feet. His fingers were

00:31:21.539 --> 00:31:24.769
almost like a catcher's mitt. Wow. This guy,

00:31:24.869 --> 00:31:28.710
he was wonderful. He wanted to be able to deliver

00:31:28.710 --> 00:31:32.450
a baby a day. Wow. I mean, that's who you want

00:31:32.450 --> 00:31:35.230
as your baby boy, for sure. And he definitely

00:31:35.230 --> 00:31:38.670
had his detriment hands to catch it. So he had

00:31:38.670 --> 00:31:42.190
these massive fingers. And I only say that because

00:31:42.190 --> 00:31:46.289
he said that when he saw the ovary and then he

00:31:46.289 --> 00:31:48.690
saw what had happened to my right fallopian tube

00:31:48.690 --> 00:31:52.630
as the... baby traveled through it that what's

00:31:52.630 --> 00:31:55.490
supposed to be the size of a drinking straw was

00:31:55.490 --> 00:32:00.069
now the size of his thumb which is probably you

00:32:00.069 --> 00:32:02.829
know like the size of a hot dog wow and then

00:32:02.829 --> 00:32:05.309
it had been stretched out he said that yeah did

00:32:05.309 --> 00:32:08.089
that you made it through that much pain was surprising

00:32:08.089 --> 00:32:13.839
so so now i know it's genetic it's genetic The

00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:16.180
pain with, yeah, the ability to withstand pain

00:32:16.180 --> 00:32:19.200
is genetic. Yeah. Caitlin will say she's not

00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:21.160
sure it's a good thing. And she's probably not

00:32:21.160 --> 00:32:23.700
wrong, to be honest. That's fair. It has its

00:32:23.700 --> 00:32:26.000
pros and cons. Right? It's a gift and a curse,

00:32:26.099 --> 00:32:29.460
if you will. Yes. It's a blessing and a curse.

00:32:29.700 --> 00:32:32.299
Yeah. Yes, because without that, I wouldn't have

00:32:32.299 --> 00:32:33.799
been able to drive everybody home when I did

00:32:33.799 --> 00:32:37.059
break my ice. Poor kids. It's just impressive.

00:32:37.279 --> 00:32:40.380
Take my skates off and move on. That's a story

00:32:40.380 --> 00:32:42.970
for another time. It is. Wow. Do you know how

00:32:42.970 --> 00:32:46.930
far along you were with? No, they don't. It had

00:32:46.930 --> 00:32:50.150
to have been fairly early on. Right. Cause you

00:32:50.150 --> 00:32:53.470
said you thought you like, you were expecting

00:32:53.470 --> 00:32:55.609
your period. Right. I was expecting to have my

00:32:55.609 --> 00:32:57.369
period at that point in time. And this was like

00:32:57.369 --> 00:33:00.109
three, four weeks later or something. This wasn't

00:33:00.109 --> 00:33:02.289
even three or four. Like this was like happened

00:33:02.289 --> 00:33:04.529
probably on the day or so that I would expect

00:33:04.529 --> 00:33:08.569
to get my period. Oh, okay. Wow. Wow. What was

00:33:08.569 --> 00:33:14.039
like, um, Your emotional, I don't know. Was there

00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:17.140
a time that you were like, okay, I accept this?

00:33:17.880 --> 00:33:22.539
When did that kind of kick in for you? Or maybe

00:33:22.539 --> 00:33:26.359
it hasn't. There were two points that I had to.

00:33:27.079 --> 00:33:29.839
accept the situation yeah and the first one was

00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:32.700
the ectopic pregnancy i think that was probably

00:33:32.700 --> 00:33:35.079
a week or so in when they when they just said

00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:39.079
so your numbers are off it's got the baby's not

00:33:39.079 --> 00:33:43.319
developing we can't see it in the uterus it must

00:33:43.319 --> 00:33:46.799
be an ectopic pregnancy which means that it's

00:33:46.799 --> 00:33:49.119
not viable of course then maybe you could have

00:33:49.119 --> 00:33:51.599
we might have been able to there was i don't

00:33:51.599 --> 00:33:54.019
even know if there was google in 99 may have

00:33:54.019 --> 00:33:57.359
been i think that's the year it was Or it would

00:33:57.359 --> 00:33:59.660
have been like Yahoo was a search at that time.

00:33:59.880 --> 00:34:01.980
And, you know, we would have found or gone to

00:34:01.980 --> 00:34:04.940
the library. Yeah. And picked up a book. Could

00:34:04.940 --> 00:34:09.860
not get that information that quickly. So probably

00:34:09.860 --> 00:34:12.420
a week or two, a week, week and a half in was

00:34:12.420 --> 00:34:15.320
like, okay, this isn't going to be a pregnancy

00:34:15.320 --> 00:34:18.179
that's going to come to term. So there was that.

00:34:18.260 --> 00:34:20.139
And then there was at the end. And like I say,

00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:22.760
that was probably three weeks. You're never going

00:34:22.760 --> 00:34:25.960
to have another child. Your body cannot. produce

00:34:25.960 --> 00:34:29.340
another child at this point in time and so you

00:34:29.340 --> 00:34:32.360
said that at like you had never heard of this

00:34:32.360 --> 00:34:34.699
which is also like for you it's kind of crazy

00:34:34.699 --> 00:34:38.079
i mean grandma wasn't a labor and delivery nurse

00:34:38.079 --> 00:34:41.599
but she was an emergency room nurse and she was

00:34:41.599 --> 00:34:43.900
not shy about sharing information with you no

00:34:43.900 --> 00:34:47.199
she wasn't so like to say for you to have never

00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:49.380
heard of this being crazy like is actually kind

00:34:49.380 --> 00:34:53.929
of crazy but like after this experience did you

00:34:53.929 --> 00:34:56.570
like know anyone who like then talked about it

00:34:56.570 --> 00:34:59.670
or were you just like alone in this? Like, this

00:34:59.670 --> 00:35:02.610
is my experience and I, you know, I don't know

00:35:02.610 --> 00:35:05.329
anyone who can relate because, or like know anyone.

00:35:05.530 --> 00:35:09.130
Cause I feel like right now there's a lot more,

00:35:09.210 --> 00:35:11.849
you know, things are less taboo. Like not just

00:35:11.849 --> 00:35:13.789
because of you, but I'm like, I know what an

00:35:13.789 --> 00:35:16.949
ectopic pregnancy is. Like I know other people

00:35:16.949 --> 00:35:18.570
who've had them and who've talked about them.

00:35:18.650 --> 00:35:20.570
You know, people talk about their miscarriages,

00:35:20.610 --> 00:35:23.170
but in the nineties that just like kind of wasn't,

00:35:23.420 --> 00:35:25.599
As common to talk about. So after this experience,

00:35:25.780 --> 00:35:28.119
were you able to like talk to anyone who had

00:35:28.119 --> 00:35:30.860
an experience like that? So there was, I think

00:35:30.860 --> 00:35:34.440
Renee had a neck type of pregnancy and which

00:35:34.440 --> 00:35:36.480
was someone that was going to a church that we

00:35:36.480 --> 00:35:40.940
were at. So someone that I did not know very

00:35:40.940 --> 00:35:45.099
well. And I remember them being like adamant

00:35:45.099 --> 00:35:47.500
that, so this isn't going to ever be able to

00:35:47.500 --> 00:35:50.519
be a baby. I feel like that would be just so

00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:54.030
hard to accept that. And I feel like especially

00:35:54.030 --> 00:35:56.730
having two like healthy, normal pregnancies,

00:35:56.789 --> 00:35:58.429
because again, like you said at the beginning,

00:35:58.510 --> 00:36:00.329
it's not like either of our pregnancies were

00:36:00.329 --> 00:36:02.809
high risk or something like that. And, you know,

00:36:02.809 --> 00:36:04.610
if you consistently have high risk pregnancies

00:36:04.610 --> 00:36:06.110
and you're like, you kind of have that in the

00:36:06.110 --> 00:36:08.130
back of your head. But when you have healthy

00:36:08.130 --> 00:36:10.829
pregnancies, you're like, what do you mean? Like,

00:36:10.849 --> 00:36:14.869
yeah, this is how pregnancy works. Yeah. So and

00:36:14.869 --> 00:36:17.329
afterwards, it's not like, yeah, there was no

00:36:17.329 --> 00:36:20.590
ectopic pregnancy support group or anything like

00:36:20.590 --> 00:36:23.570
that. It was just move on. Yeah. Wow. From there.

00:36:24.110 --> 00:36:25.670
Yeah. You're never going to have kids getting

00:36:25.670 --> 00:36:29.969
by. Pretty much. Yeah. What was that process

00:36:29.969 --> 00:36:33.750
like for you? Like, okay, you told us the gynecologist,

00:36:33.750 --> 00:36:36.889
he's telling you like, you are not, you cannot

00:36:36.889 --> 00:36:39.590
have any more kids. When you get home that day,

00:36:39.610 --> 00:36:42.829
what, like, tell us what that was like. And then

00:36:42.829 --> 00:36:45.829
from trying to move forward from there. So it

00:36:45.829 --> 00:36:50.250
was disappointing. Grievously disappointing.

00:36:50.590 --> 00:36:52.349
I mean, it wasn't just disappointing. I was disappointed.

00:36:52.929 --> 00:36:55.050
Yeah, it really hurt emotionally. It hurt a lot.

00:36:55.489 --> 00:36:57.730
Erica didn't help any. I mean, I think one of

00:36:57.730 --> 00:37:00.610
the hardest, seriously, one of the hardest things

00:37:00.610 --> 00:37:04.389
through it was I remember walking up the stairs

00:37:04.389 --> 00:37:07.889
with her sitting on the stairs praying for a

00:37:07.889 --> 00:37:14.110
little brother. And I don't remember if that

00:37:14.110 --> 00:37:17.230
was during the ectopic pregnancy or after the

00:37:17.230 --> 00:37:19.829
ectopic because I was walking up the stairs.

00:37:20.409 --> 00:37:22.590
And in your head, you're like, we're praying

00:37:22.590 --> 00:37:24.429
about this, but I know it's not going to happen.

00:37:24.449 --> 00:37:26.469
How do you tell your three -year -old? Yeah,

00:37:26.510 --> 00:37:28.150
you can't. Yeah, mom can't have babies anymore.

00:37:28.250 --> 00:37:31.409
And we were around a bunch of people that we

00:37:31.409 --> 00:37:33.489
got together with the Ballards on a fairly regular

00:37:33.489 --> 00:37:35.349
basis. And she was always pregnant. And she was

00:37:35.349 --> 00:37:39.550
always pregnant. Yeah. Right? So I know at this

00:37:39.550 --> 00:37:42.280
point in time, I'm 65. No way that I'm going

00:37:42.280 --> 00:37:44.539
to get pregnant. Right. But there's even a part

00:37:44.539 --> 00:37:47.179
of me now that is a little bit like disappointed.

00:37:48.360 --> 00:37:50.860
My husband didn't say anything until I asked

00:37:50.860 --> 00:37:54.139
him this week. So what was your point of view?

00:37:54.199 --> 00:37:56.420
You know, he was like, well, but to see him with

00:37:56.420 --> 00:37:59.489
tears in his eyes and say. Well, first there

00:37:59.489 --> 00:38:00.889
was the chance that I was going to lose you.

00:38:00.929 --> 00:38:03.210
That was the biggest. That was really sad. That

00:38:03.210 --> 00:38:05.829
was really hard for me. I wanted to fix this

00:38:05.829 --> 00:38:08.050
and I couldn't. And I was really disappointed

00:38:08.050 --> 00:38:10.429
that we couldn't have any more kids. But I didn't

00:38:10.429 --> 00:38:12.150
want to say that to you because I knew you would

00:38:12.150 --> 00:38:16.769
take that to heart. So now I know. Wow. Like,

00:38:16.789 --> 00:38:21.510
oh. Knowing when to hold back is probably part

00:38:21.510 --> 00:38:23.889
of 35 years of marriage, to be honest. Yeah.

00:38:24.130 --> 00:38:28.409
Yeah. I feel that probably was. emotional to

00:38:28.409 --> 00:38:33.670
hear now oh gosh yes yeah absolutely and also

00:38:33.670 --> 00:38:36.190
shows like how supportive he is as a husband

00:38:36.190 --> 00:38:38.949
too yeah yeah to be walking through that with

00:38:38.949 --> 00:38:42.329
you and know what he can and cannot say in the

00:38:42.329 --> 00:38:45.210
moment right yeah right and then i think he just

00:38:45.210 --> 00:38:48.170
probably pushed it down yeah over the years and

00:38:48.170 --> 00:38:51.849
then you're asking me to talk about this is what

00:38:51.849 --> 00:38:54.309
brings it up again like i probably have not thought

00:38:54.309 --> 00:38:58.559
about that we walked through this together. I

00:38:58.559 --> 00:39:00.699
mean, every once in a while, like you'll hear

00:39:00.699 --> 00:39:03.300
the term for some reason and they're like, Oh

00:39:03.300 --> 00:39:05.679
yeah, I went through that. Yeah. And then move

00:39:05.679 --> 00:39:08.480
on. Right. Erica, what are you, cause you're

00:39:08.480 --> 00:39:11.099
like a little bit emotional right now. What are

00:39:11.099 --> 00:39:15.780
you feeling? Like, I don't know. This wasn't

00:39:15.780 --> 00:39:19.820
supposed to be my interview. Um, no, I think

00:39:19.820 --> 00:39:24.619
just hearing dad's perspective. Um, yeah. Yeah.

00:39:24.699 --> 00:39:28.590
Like, You've shared, not in this much detail,

00:39:28.789 --> 00:39:31.210
but we've talked about this throughout the years.

00:39:31.409 --> 00:39:34.570
Again, I don't know when I knew about ectopic

00:39:34.570 --> 00:39:39.530
pregnancy, but that's the thing. From a fairly

00:39:39.530 --> 00:39:42.010
young age, I'm sure at age appropriate, you guys

00:39:42.010 --> 00:39:44.210
have always been pretty good at not oversharing

00:39:44.210 --> 00:39:48.150
it too young. Yeah, so I think just hearing Dad's

00:39:48.150 --> 00:39:50.929
perspective of... Like carrying that for all

00:39:50.929 --> 00:39:54.429
these years. Yeah, and then thinking about my

00:39:54.429 --> 00:39:57.820
family. You know, and Stuart, how we would feel

00:39:57.820 --> 00:40:01.500
if we couldn't have more kids. Right. Yeah. What

00:40:01.500 --> 00:40:04.480
do you think in all of this from the start to

00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:08.599
finish, what was the hardest part of this for

00:40:08.599 --> 00:40:11.579
you? Really walking by her on the, walking by

00:40:11.579 --> 00:40:14.400
Erica on the stairs with her praying that because

00:40:14.400 --> 00:40:19.280
she wanted another, a younger sibling. Yeah.

00:40:19.400 --> 00:40:23.940
Because I can, it's my personality. I can deal

00:40:23.940 --> 00:40:26.239
with pretty much anything. That you throw in

00:40:26.239 --> 00:40:29.840
my way. But then when it comes to my kids, it

00:40:29.840 --> 00:40:33.500
takes on a different tone. Right. And so there's

00:40:33.500 --> 00:40:35.780
nothing I can do about this. Well, like you said,

00:40:35.840 --> 00:40:38.059
like, as an adult, you can rationalize things,

00:40:38.179 --> 00:40:40.460
right? Where it's like, yes, this is painful

00:40:40.460 --> 00:40:42.360
and this sucks. And, you know, I'm mad that this

00:40:42.360 --> 00:40:45.019
is happening. But, like, I understand the logic.

00:40:45.239 --> 00:40:48.960
Right. You're like, I can understand how biology

00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:52.460
works. And, you know, I can focus on the logic

00:40:52.460 --> 00:40:55.320
and, like. Remove emotion, more or less. But

00:40:55.320 --> 00:40:57.659
little kids, you can't do that. You can't, right?

00:40:57.960 --> 00:41:01.840
When I think about our faith, I like to think

00:41:01.840 --> 00:41:06.300
that God has a purpose in everything and things

00:41:06.300 --> 00:41:09.800
happen for a reason and that God can turn everything

00:41:09.800 --> 00:41:14.300
to good. He does. Yeah. Absolutely. When you

00:41:14.300 --> 00:41:18.139
think about this experience, what good have you

00:41:18.139 --> 00:41:22.059
seen come from it? It's a hard one to answer

00:41:22.059 --> 00:41:28.199
because I want to say this, that maybe there's

00:41:28.199 --> 00:41:31.000
someone that will hear this, that this will be

00:41:31.000 --> 00:41:35.780
not, it could never be encouraging, but it could

00:41:35.780 --> 00:41:38.940
be, could bring them some peace for something

00:41:38.940 --> 00:41:40.699
that they're going through or that they went

00:41:40.699 --> 00:41:44.039
through, right? Or that they will go through.

00:41:44.139 --> 00:41:48.360
I'm like, I remember I heard that podcast. I

00:41:48.360 --> 00:41:50.460
will, I will listen to the doctor sooner than

00:41:50.460 --> 00:41:54.280
she did or something. Yeah. Because there haven't

00:41:54.280 --> 00:41:56.079
been, like I said, there's, there was, there's

00:41:56.079 --> 00:41:59.119
no ectopic pregnancy support group. So I haven't

00:41:59.119 --> 00:42:01.340
been able to talk, you don't talk to anybody,

00:42:01.420 --> 00:42:03.760
you know, certainly hearing dad's point of view

00:42:03.760 --> 00:42:09.460
has been, was very emotionally. feels very supportive

00:42:09.460 --> 00:42:13.179
right not realizing I mean just to have that

00:42:13.179 --> 00:42:15.500
conversation with him and see a bit of the fear

00:42:15.500 --> 00:42:19.639
in his face that he lived then like I didn't

00:42:19.639 --> 00:42:23.940
know what I would do without you yeah right yeah

00:42:23.940 --> 00:42:27.440
yeah so I guess good yeah as you bring up faith

00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:32.039
though So we both came to Christ at the age,

00:42:32.079 --> 00:42:34.900
I was 36. So it was when the year that Erica

00:42:34.900 --> 00:42:36.840
was born. So this is only three years later than

00:42:36.840 --> 00:42:39.059
that. Wow. And I think it would have been so

00:42:39.059 --> 00:42:41.719
much harder if I did not have the faith that

00:42:41.719 --> 00:42:45.380
I had at the time. And then also the people of

00:42:45.380 --> 00:42:48.599
faith surrounding me. So I know I was being held

00:42:48.599 --> 00:42:52.059
up in prayer. Wow. And I had friends that would

00:42:52.059 --> 00:42:55.679
come by and do things. Jumping back a little

00:42:55.679 --> 00:42:58.480
bit, like what? Did you tell people, I guess?

00:42:58.699 --> 00:43:01.980
Like, how did... Just, yeah, I think... How did

00:43:01.980 --> 00:43:04.179
those conversations... Because it probably wasn't

00:43:04.179 --> 00:43:06.579
the normal, like, we're having a baby pregnancy

00:43:06.579 --> 00:43:09.539
announcement. Yeah. You already knew the numbers

00:43:09.539 --> 00:43:12.079
were off. Right. So, like, and if people were

00:43:12.079 --> 00:43:14.159
praying for you, obviously they had some idea

00:43:14.159 --> 00:43:17.340
something was happening. So, like, what did you

00:43:17.340 --> 00:43:19.300
tell people and, I guess, how, more or less?

00:43:19.619 --> 00:43:22.039
So, yeah, I think it was we had a small group

00:43:22.039 --> 00:43:25.320
of friends. Actually, probably... Part of the

00:43:25.320 --> 00:43:27.619
babysitting co -op, which would have been, right?

00:43:28.179 --> 00:43:32.280
I think we all have kids now. Yeah. Just, we

00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:34.780
did tell them that it was just an ectopic pregnancy

00:43:34.780 --> 00:43:37.340
and that it would, you know, that I was going

00:43:37.340 --> 00:43:40.059
through a medical, it's basically a medical emergency.

00:43:40.940 --> 00:43:44.239
Emergency not as in dire at that point in time,

00:43:44.300 --> 00:43:47.280
but that this would be an ongoing. Wow. Yeah.

00:43:47.440 --> 00:43:50.019
Yeah. Do you feel like it brought you and your

00:43:50.019 --> 00:43:52.880
husband closer together in that time? Or do you

00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:55.639
feel like it? May have pulled you apart for a

00:43:55.639 --> 00:43:58.440
bit. I don't think it pulled us apart at all.

00:43:58.619 --> 00:44:01.039
Yeah. It probably brought us closer together.

00:44:01.159 --> 00:44:04.719
I mean, we just celebrated our 35th anniversary.

00:44:04.760 --> 00:44:06.679
And I think looking back, there's those times

00:44:06.679 --> 00:44:13.820
that it's just one of those touch points of look

00:44:13.820 --> 00:44:15.719
at how much we've been able to get through together.

00:44:16.059 --> 00:44:17.920
Wow, yeah. That we'll be able to get through

00:44:17.920 --> 00:44:21.199
anything. That we can get through whatever happens.

00:44:22.300 --> 00:44:24.179
Yeah. Whether God throws something our way or

00:44:24.179 --> 00:44:27.320
it's just life. Yeah. Do you wish he had brought

00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:30.780
up like his experience or that you had had the

00:44:30.780 --> 00:44:33.320
opportunity to talk about dad's experience sooner?

00:44:33.420 --> 00:44:42.480
Not 20, 27 years later. 27. Doing the math. Talking

00:44:42.480 --> 00:44:46.739
about communication in marriage. See us next

00:44:46.739 --> 00:44:49.420
week. Communication in marriage. Again, like

00:44:49.420 --> 00:44:52.719
it would have been really smart to. Not say anything

00:44:52.719 --> 00:44:56.139
immediately, right? Right. Because, again, I

00:44:56.139 --> 00:44:59.199
would not handle that well. Yeah. But, yeah,

00:44:59.239 --> 00:45:02.039
within, like, maybe the next year or two years.

00:45:02.079 --> 00:45:04.079
The next year or two. Or even, you know, 10 years

00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:09.239
later, again, instead of 27. Maybe. It probably

00:45:09.239 --> 00:45:10.880
wouldn't have made a whole lot of difference,

00:45:11.079 --> 00:45:13.460
I don't think. I mean, part of it is, right,

00:45:13.559 --> 00:45:16.139
you already have two kids. You're trying to live

00:45:16.139 --> 00:45:17.800
life. You've got your mortgage and you've got

00:45:17.800 --> 00:45:19.079
your this and you've got your that and you're

00:45:19.079 --> 00:45:21.639
taking care of, you're just making life work,

00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:26.599
right? And to have had that conversation sooner,

00:45:26.800 --> 00:45:29.539
I don't know if it would have changed a whole

00:45:29.539 --> 00:45:33.079
lot. Yeah. It didn't even occur to me to really

00:45:33.079 --> 00:45:37.199
ask him, to be honest. Because again, at the

00:45:37.199 --> 00:45:42.960
time, so he was consulting. And he would take

00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:48.599
a consulting note. He took a job with Birch Telecom

00:45:48.599 --> 00:45:52.380
in Kansas City for six months. He would fly out

00:45:52.380 --> 00:45:54.820
every Sunday night and he would fly back every

00:45:54.820 --> 00:45:58.440
Friday. Wow. He just happened at this point in

00:45:58.440 --> 00:46:01.800
time to have a contract with Level 3. So it was

00:46:01.800 --> 00:46:05.039
in Broomfield. And so he happened to be in town,

00:46:05.239 --> 00:46:08.059
had a contract in town at the time, which is

00:46:08.059 --> 00:46:10.199
really fortunate. Yeah. Because I don't know.

00:46:10.599 --> 00:46:12.699
It would have been really hard otherwise. Yeah.

00:46:13.079 --> 00:46:17.159
Wow. Okay, thinking about your whole experience,

00:46:17.460 --> 00:46:21.420
what do you wish someone had said to you in this

00:46:21.420 --> 00:46:24.059
time, if anything? You know, they probably all

00:46:24.059 --> 00:46:28.940
said it, and I just was not hearing it. Yeah.

00:46:29.039 --> 00:46:32.280
I mean, so I think the question is, what do I

00:46:32.280 --> 00:46:36.440
wish I would have listened to? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

00:46:38.000 --> 00:46:40.380
What do I wish I actually would have heard? And

00:46:40.380 --> 00:46:42.800
that's that, yeah, this is not a viable pregnancy

00:46:42.800 --> 00:46:46.300
and that there's measures that we could take

00:46:46.300 --> 00:46:48.579
that you wouldn't have to go through as much

00:46:48.579 --> 00:46:51.980
pain as you did. Like you could have had this,

00:46:52.039 --> 00:46:55.760
a shorter period of time through it. And then

00:46:55.760 --> 00:46:58.699
what's something, if someone right now is listening

00:46:58.699 --> 00:47:00.639
to this and like you said, going through this,

00:47:00.699 --> 00:47:03.519
recently gone through something like this, what

00:47:03.519 --> 00:47:06.840
would you say to them? Wow. I'm praying for you.

00:47:08.010 --> 00:47:12.030
I will sit with you. Let me do your dishes, do

00:47:12.030 --> 00:47:16.610
the laundry. You'll get through this. Yeah, I

00:47:16.610 --> 00:47:21.389
think that's... Yeah, I love it. I think it's

00:47:21.389 --> 00:47:25.630
so much more known today. We talk about a lot

00:47:25.630 --> 00:47:28.449
of things a lot more than we did. Yeah, yeah.

00:47:28.849 --> 00:47:32.309
It's just true. Yeah, and again, with the internet...

00:47:32.559 --> 00:47:34.539
for the good and the bad. There's just a lot

00:47:34.539 --> 00:47:36.920
more access to information, right? You know,

00:47:36.920 --> 00:47:40.239
it's like, I know a mom who very different situation,

00:47:40.320 --> 00:47:43.579
but she got like her kids test results for, um,

00:47:43.760 --> 00:47:45.880
you know, some tests that he had. And she's like,

00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:47.320
we're not going to go to the doctor till next

00:47:47.320 --> 00:47:49.599
week. So I just like Googled what all of this

00:47:49.599 --> 00:47:51.400
meant and gotten general idea. You know, obviously

00:47:51.400 --> 00:47:53.280
we're still going to go talk to the doctor, but

00:47:53.280 --> 00:47:55.900
now I know like now I'm not just waiting. Whereas,

00:47:55.940 --> 00:47:58.199
you know, there's just so much more access to

00:47:58.199 --> 00:48:00.559
information. Again, obviously there's some, there's

00:48:00.559 --> 00:48:03.320
definitely negativity to that too. So yeah, like

00:48:03.320 --> 00:48:07.679
now I know like if I had that first pain, I would

00:48:07.679 --> 00:48:10.280
probably Google it. Yeah. Oh, for sure. You know,

00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:12.559
what could this possibly be? I would have, you

00:48:12.559 --> 00:48:14.420
know, so there's just like different access to

00:48:14.420 --> 00:48:17.900
things now. And again, then the like taboo of

00:48:17.900 --> 00:48:19.420
what you talk about, what you don't talk about

00:48:19.420 --> 00:48:21.599
has shifted and has changed where it's like,

00:48:21.679 --> 00:48:24.519
you know, you're allowed to talk about the pain

00:48:24.519 --> 00:48:27.119
and pregnancy. The pain of losing your pregnancy

00:48:27.119 --> 00:48:29.659
and losing your baby in a way that for years

00:48:29.659 --> 00:48:32.320
it was just like, no, you just, you ignore that.

00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:34.659
Well, that was one of the big differences with

00:48:34.659 --> 00:48:38.340
actually being in a community of faith in a church,

00:48:38.599 --> 00:48:41.599
in a Christian church, as opposed to out of it

00:48:41.599 --> 00:48:44.980
was they talked about those things. Since we

00:48:44.980 --> 00:48:47.099
did have a small group of friends, there were

00:48:47.099 --> 00:48:50.670
men there that knew. were supporting dad in the

00:48:50.670 --> 00:48:52.909
way that men support each other, which is very

00:48:52.909 --> 00:48:55.449
different than the ways women support each other.

00:48:56.090 --> 00:48:58.289
But he knew he had people he could talk to and

00:48:58.289 --> 00:49:03.989
that were praying for him as well. So that was

00:49:03.989 --> 00:49:07.050
really, I think those were really good things

00:49:07.050 --> 00:49:09.710
and, and that they would talk about it. And I

00:49:09.710 --> 00:49:12.989
think that's leaked out into the world more than

00:49:12.989 --> 00:49:16.829
it was. Yeah. Right. Definitely. Absolutely.

00:49:17.800 --> 00:49:21.000
Well, thank you for sharing your story and, yeah,

00:49:21.059 --> 00:49:25.579
this small part of your life. And, yeah, I'm

00:49:25.579 --> 00:49:28.480
just super grateful for your vulnerability. And,

00:49:28.559 --> 00:49:32.519
yeah, I pray that this touches somebody and someone

00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:34.400
who's going through it or has gone through this

00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:37.480
or even gone through miscarriage. Or maybe knows

00:49:37.480 --> 00:49:40.719
someone who needs support. Yeah, but, yeah, I

00:49:40.719 --> 00:49:43.360
just appreciate you. Yeah, thank you so much.

00:49:43.719 --> 00:49:45.619
Absolutely. If somebody reaches out to either

00:49:45.619 --> 00:49:48.340
of you through the Internet. I'd be happy to

00:49:48.340 --> 00:49:54.320
chat with them. Well, let's kind of switch gears

00:49:54.320 --> 00:49:56.280
a little bit. And then a little happier note.

00:49:56.500 --> 00:50:00.260
Yeah, let's end with our wins of the week. Erica,

00:50:00.559 --> 00:50:03.059
do you want to go first? Okay, I'll go first.

00:50:03.219 --> 00:50:06.059
Okay, great. This is less about my kids and more

00:50:06.059 --> 00:50:11.739
about just like being a mom. My daily bra was

00:50:11.739 --> 00:50:13.980
just like completely falling apart as it does.

00:50:14.179 --> 00:50:17.940
I get that. Yeah. And also my daily sweats because

00:50:17.940 --> 00:50:20.199
I do have sweats that I wear most days. Also

00:50:20.199 --> 00:50:24.900
like giant hole and I replaced them. Wow. And

00:50:24.900 --> 00:50:26.760
it was one of those things where when I like

00:50:26.760 --> 00:50:29.139
went to like the sweats in particular for some

00:50:29.139 --> 00:50:32.239
reason I was like why am I keeping these? I should

00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:34.420
just throw them away. I have other pants I can

00:50:34.420 --> 00:50:36.139
wear. So did you throw them away? I did just

00:50:36.139 --> 00:50:39.179
throw them away and there was no like. Because

00:50:39.179 --> 00:50:41.400
I was like, why would I give them, give away

00:50:41.400 --> 00:50:43.280
a pair of sweats that I'm not willing to wear?

00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:45.239
Not because I don't, you know, it's like, it's

00:50:45.239 --> 00:50:46.440
different. You're like, not my style anymore,

00:50:46.519 --> 00:50:48.599
whatever. Like, no, this has a giant hole, like,

00:50:48.679 --> 00:50:51.639
in the back, in the butt. That's funny. And then,

00:50:51.639 --> 00:50:53.059
yes, bras, the same thing, where it's like, I

00:50:53.059 --> 00:50:55.420
had one that was just, like, completely falling

00:50:55.420 --> 00:50:58.539
apart. And then I replaced it and I got multiple.

00:50:58.760 --> 00:51:00.940
Wow. So that way I can, you know, switch through.

00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:03.679
Wow. Switch through and not just wear the exact

00:51:03.679 --> 00:51:06.000
same one every day and have it last less time

00:51:06.000 --> 00:51:09.250
because of that. You deserve a bra that more

00:51:09.250 --> 00:51:15.429
than one bra that fits you. Yeah. Yeah. That's

00:51:15.429 --> 00:51:19.699
amazing. Okay, I can go. So my win, as you guys

00:51:19.699 --> 00:51:21.559
know, we've been having some beautiful weather

00:51:21.559 --> 00:51:25.139
in Colorado. Winter has not quite hit us, which

00:51:25.139 --> 00:51:27.719
I am okay with, and I would appreciate if it

00:51:27.719 --> 00:51:31.300
just passed by us. But yesterday was like 65

00:51:31.300 --> 00:51:34.659
degrees, and it's the beginning of February when

00:51:34.659 --> 00:51:37.360
we're recording this. So we spent like the majority

00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:42.119
of the day outside yesterday. We have a strider

00:51:42.119 --> 00:51:44.079
bike for Colt, which is like the one when you

00:51:44.079 --> 00:51:47.360
like push with your feet. And he's only tried

00:51:47.360 --> 00:51:49.139
it one other time, which was like probably like

00:51:49.139 --> 00:51:53.039
three months ago. And he was like not balancing

00:51:53.039 --> 00:51:54.960
at all. And Michael had to hold him the whole

00:51:54.960 --> 00:51:58.219
time. And so we like let him try it again yesterday.

00:51:58.300 --> 00:52:00.260
And he just was like going for it. And I'm like,

00:52:00.280 --> 00:52:02.900
where did you learn this? And it was so fun.

00:52:03.000 --> 00:52:06.219
And he was so into it. And like. Cruz is just,

00:52:06.260 --> 00:52:08.099
like, crawling in our grass everywhere trying

00:52:08.099 --> 00:52:11.400
to eat rocks. As you do. Yeah. And so I'm, like,

00:52:11.440 --> 00:52:14.219
throwing the rocks out of the way. And then we,

00:52:14.260 --> 00:52:16.400
like, played catch with the football. And it

00:52:16.400 --> 00:52:19.559
was just, like, oh, my gosh. It was so great.

00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:22.239
And I was, like, I think this is, like, the highlight

00:52:22.239 --> 00:52:24.840
of my week because everyone's having fun. We're

00:52:24.840 --> 00:52:28.119
just laughing a ton. And, like, we're not sitting

00:52:28.119 --> 00:52:31.460
and watching TV or stuck inside. And it just

00:52:31.460 --> 00:52:34.619
was the day of my dreams. That's so nice. So,

00:52:34.619 --> 00:52:37.579
yeah. It was great. Yep. Nice. Okay, Beth, what

00:52:37.579 --> 00:52:42.260
about you? My win of the week, I have a daughter

00:52:42.260 --> 00:52:45.719
that would ask me to do this, to be here. So

00:52:45.719 --> 00:52:49.139
that's as an adult, that's good. Yeah, otherwise

00:52:49.139 --> 00:52:53.059
it's just that the little kids love to come to

00:52:53.059 --> 00:52:56.320
our house and play with us on Mondays and that

00:52:56.320 --> 00:52:58.400
we get to play together. It's funny you're talking

00:52:58.400 --> 00:53:01.800
about fresh air because I meant to tell you guys

00:53:01.800 --> 00:53:04.840
this and totally forgot. There was one day. He

00:53:04.840 --> 00:53:06.719
said something about getting fresh air. Maybe

00:53:06.719 --> 00:53:08.099
it was like nice. We were going to open the windows

00:53:08.099 --> 00:53:10.400
and I said something about fresh air. And Lloyd

00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:14.099
goes, fresh air and sunshine. Fresh air and sunshine.

00:53:14.139 --> 00:53:15.980
We talk about that. Well, and I was like, I don't

00:53:15.980 --> 00:53:18.320
say that all that often. So I was like, oh, buddy,

00:53:18.400 --> 00:53:19.860
who's talking to you about fresh air and sunshine?

00:53:20.280 --> 00:53:23.719
Papa. I was like, oh, okay. Yep. That makes sense.

00:53:23.880 --> 00:53:25.860
We're going out to get some fresh air and sunshine.

00:53:25.880 --> 00:53:28.059
I love it. We got out twice on Monday for fresh

00:53:28.059 --> 00:53:30.019
air and sunshine. It did feel really good when

00:53:30.019 --> 00:53:34.119
he got frightened at the, some. Idiot. Let their

00:53:34.119 --> 00:53:37.860
dog off leash at the playground. Smack him upside

00:53:37.860 --> 00:53:40.320
the head. Yeah, right. Would you think, please?

00:53:40.780 --> 00:53:43.559
And the dog ran close enough to Lloyd that Lloyd

00:53:43.559 --> 00:53:44.800
was afraid he was going to get knocked over.

00:53:44.840 --> 00:53:47.500
They let their dog go so that they could greet

00:53:47.500 --> 00:53:50.780
a friend dog that it had. And they just started,

00:53:50.940 --> 00:53:53.219
you know, dogs. And they're probably, you know,

00:53:53.239 --> 00:53:55.480
80 -pound dogs. Yeah, that could be frightening

00:53:55.480 --> 00:53:57.239
for a little two -year -old. Yeah, the dog's

00:53:57.239 --> 00:54:00.139
as tall as he was. Absolutely. And that Lloyd

00:54:00.139 --> 00:54:03.269
was like, can I go home? Oh. And just that he

00:54:03.269 --> 00:54:06.469
felt safe and comfortable. I want to go home.

00:54:06.590 --> 00:54:08.829
Yeah. Because we had pretty literally just gotten

00:54:08.829 --> 00:54:11.690
there. Oh. But it was just enough to be overwhelming

00:54:11.690 --> 00:54:14.230
for him. Yeah. So it's always a win -win. I know

00:54:14.230 --> 00:54:17.010
that he feels that either, both of the kids feel

00:54:17.010 --> 00:54:18.630
comfortable enough to ask for whatever they want.

00:54:18.829 --> 00:54:22.010
Yeah. That's sweet. Yeah. Well, thank you for

00:54:22.010 --> 00:54:26.139
being on today. Yeah. Maybe we'll have you on

00:54:26.139 --> 00:54:28.219
again in the future to share more of your story.

00:54:28.300 --> 00:54:31.800
But yeah, follow us on social media at nomanualpodcast.

00:54:32.179 --> 00:54:35.239
We'd love to just hear from you guys if you are

00:54:35.239 --> 00:54:37.880
going through this, have gone through this. We'd

00:54:37.880 --> 00:54:39.880
love to support you however best we can. But

00:54:39.880 --> 00:54:43.000
otherwise, we'll see you next week. See you next

00:54:43.000 --> 00:54:45.500
week. Thanks for spending this time with us today.

00:54:46.000 --> 00:54:48.239
Motherhood can feel overwhelming, but remember,

00:54:48.360 --> 00:54:50.739
you're never walking this road alone. We hope

00:54:50.739 --> 00:54:53.159
our conversation reminded you that your story

00:54:53.159 --> 00:54:55.440
matters, your struggles are valid, and your joy

00:54:55.440 --> 00:54:57.940
is worth celebrating. Join us next time on No

00:54:57.940 --> 00:55:00.420
Manual MomCast, where we keep showing up for

00:55:00.420 --> 00:55:20.230
each other, one conversation at a time. Chocolate

00:55:20.230 --> 00:55:21.789
chip cookie. That's so cute.