WEBVTT 00:00:13.349 --> 00:00:15.529 motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry 00:00:15.529 --> 00:00:18.269 is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising 00:00:18.269 --> 00:00:20.910 tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh 00:00:20.910 --> 00:00:23.870 at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you 00:00:23.870 --> 00:00:25.949 that none of us actually know what we're doing 00:00:25.949 --> 00:00:29.109 this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend 00:00:29.109 --> 00:00:31.690 group chat but with microphones welcome back 00:00:31.690 --> 00:00:34.460 to no manual mom cast Hi everyone. Welcome back 00:00:34.460 --> 00:00:37.420 to No Manual on MomCast. We are excited you are 00:00:37.420 --> 00:00:41.000 joining us today. And today is kind of more like 00:00:41.000 --> 00:00:44.520 a vulnerable podcast. Maybe like a check -in. 00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:48.000 Yeah, a check -in. Hopefully, yeah, you guys 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:50.479 can kind of check in with yourselves as you're 00:00:50.479 --> 00:00:53.899 like listening to this episode. But before we 00:00:53.899 --> 00:00:58.240 hop into our question for today's episode, let's 00:00:58.240 --> 00:01:00.119 talk about our mom moments of the week. Yeah, 00:01:00.140 --> 00:01:03.299 I can go first. So if you're listening, you know 00:01:03.299 --> 00:01:06.260 that my kids share a room. And so we have like 00:01:06.260 --> 00:01:08.560 kind of a whole routine, bedtime routine around 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:11.140 trying to get them both to sleep. So typically 00:01:11.140 --> 00:01:13.640 it's like, you know, we do the like normal routine, 00:01:13.719 --> 00:01:15.299 brush teeth, pajamas, book, blah, blah, blah. 00:01:15.500 --> 00:01:19.239 And then I nurse Zeta and Lloyd gets dad snuggles 00:01:19.239 --> 00:01:22.000 with Stuart in our room while I nurse Zeta in 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:24.099 their room. So when Zeta's done nursing, usually 00:01:24.099 --> 00:01:26.040 she's asleep by then. I put her in her crib. 00:01:26.359 --> 00:01:29.359 We go get Lloyd and then Stuart puts Lloyd down 00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:32.620 in his crib. Cute. And right now, Lloyd is very 00:01:32.620 --> 00:01:36.519 talkative all the time and so before they go 00:01:36.519 --> 00:01:39.379 into the nursery Stuart's always like okay Lloyd 00:01:39.379 --> 00:01:41.379 we gotta be quiet and of course Lloyd is too 00:01:41.379 --> 00:01:45.540 so he says no and then you're like no but really 00:01:45.540 --> 00:01:48.019 but like actually you have to be quiet and then 00:01:48.019 --> 00:01:52.420 he started saying wake up Zeta and I'm like no 00:01:52.420 --> 00:01:56.439 definitely not so now every night before they 00:01:56.439 --> 00:02:00.739 go into the into the nursery Stuart says don't 00:02:00.739 --> 00:02:03.939 wake up zeta okay don't wake up zeta and so now 00:02:03.939 --> 00:02:07.219 when lloyd wakes up he tells me this and so he'll 00:02:07.219 --> 00:02:11.400 say dad says lloyd don't wake up zeta dad says 00:02:11.400 --> 00:02:14.199 don't wake up zeta and he also uses her full 00:02:14.199 --> 00:02:17.319 name i don't know why he does this steward doesn't 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:20.479 lloyd does so every time he says like don't wake 00:02:20.479 --> 00:02:24.460 up zeta full name that's every time and you're 00:02:24.460 --> 00:02:27.370 like Okay. I mean, yeah, great. Please don't 00:02:27.370 --> 00:02:29.210 wake her up. Please let her sleep. Oh, my gosh. 00:02:29.889 --> 00:02:32.750 It's so funny. What a cute guy. He always goes 00:02:32.750 --> 00:02:34.789 through that every single morning. Because every 00:02:34.789 --> 00:02:36.389 night Stuart says it. And then every morning 00:02:36.389 --> 00:02:38.629 when I get them up, don't wake up Zeta. Yeah. 00:02:38.789 --> 00:02:42.490 That's good advice. That is the theme of the 00:02:42.490 --> 00:02:46.650 room here. Nice. Okay. So my mom moment also 00:02:46.650 --> 00:02:49.469 revolves around sleep. I feel like a lot of our... 00:02:49.469 --> 00:02:51.830 It's kind of the area and season we're in right 00:02:51.830 --> 00:02:55.050 now. So I've talked about before, Colt. is not 00:02:55.050 --> 00:02:57.770 a sleeper through the night still, which is a 00:02:57.770 --> 00:03:01.030 struggle for us. And now, so he sleeps in a big 00:03:01.030 --> 00:03:03.469 boy bed. It's a floor bed. And so he can climb 00:03:03.469 --> 00:03:06.550 in and out of it and his like his thing. So when 00:03:06.550 --> 00:03:09.330 he, when he wakes up in the night, he like climbs 00:03:09.330 --> 00:03:13.129 out of bed and he opens his door and he sits 00:03:13.129 --> 00:03:15.810 in his doorway and then like yells for us. He 00:03:15.810 --> 00:03:20.129 goes, daddy, mommy, mommy, daddy. And he'll be 00:03:20.129 --> 00:03:23.080 like, I awake. And sometimes he'll be crying. 00:03:23.219 --> 00:03:25.819 Sometimes he'll just be calling for us. So the 00:03:25.819 --> 00:03:28.879 other night, I remember hearing him get out of 00:03:28.879 --> 00:03:31.759 bed. And so I kind of recall that happening. 00:03:31.900 --> 00:03:34.039 I looked at the monitor and I'm like, oh, Colt's 00:03:34.039 --> 00:03:37.620 awake. And I must have fallen asleep instantly 00:03:37.620 --> 00:03:40.639 again, as an exhausted parent does. Of course, 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:45.000 yeah. And next thing I know, I hear a bang on 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:48.490 our bedroom door. Our bedroom is right next to 00:03:48.490 --> 00:03:51.270 Colt's bedroom. It's kind of like angled. And 00:03:51.270 --> 00:03:54.030 so it's really like not that far for Colt to 00:03:54.030 --> 00:03:56.289 go to get to our bedroom door. He literally would 00:03:56.289 --> 00:03:59.550 have to step like three steps. And so I like 00:03:59.550 --> 00:04:03.250 hear a bang on our door. And then I like was 00:04:03.250 --> 00:04:05.389 startled awake. And I like woke Michael up really 00:04:05.389 --> 00:04:06.969 quick because he's the one who takes care of 00:04:06.969 --> 00:04:09.169 Colt in the night when Colt wakes up. And so 00:04:09.169 --> 00:04:12.289 I woke Michael up in like a panic because I was 00:04:12.289 --> 00:04:15.060 like. how long has colt been out there i have 00:04:15.060 --> 00:04:19.160 no idea is he like making eggs yeah right seriously 00:04:19.160 --> 00:04:22.759 i'm like he knows i'm very grateful he's kind 00:04:22.759 --> 00:04:26.259 of like taught himself to not like go out like 00:04:26.259 --> 00:04:29.800 go downstairs at this point and so i like wake 00:04:29.800 --> 00:04:32.300 michael up in a tizzy like colt is at our bedroom 00:04:32.300 --> 00:04:35.620 door and he's like what and i was like yeah you 00:04:35.620 --> 00:04:37.279 need to go out there he's at our bedroom door 00:04:37.279 --> 00:04:38.980 and i'm trying not to wait cruise up because 00:04:38.980 --> 00:04:41.759 cruise is in our room and so michael like opens 00:04:42.279 --> 00:04:44.899 our bedroom door, which opens like into our bedroom. 00:04:45.019 --> 00:04:48.060 And Colt like kind of like falls into our bedroom. 00:04:48.279 --> 00:04:50.819 And Michael's like, oh my God, I think that was 00:04:50.819 --> 00:04:54.319 his head that hit our door. Like Colt had fallen 00:04:54.319 --> 00:04:58.620 asleep on our door. And that just broke my heart 00:04:58.620 --> 00:05:02.100 because I was like, how long was he there? Just 00:05:02.100 --> 00:05:05.500 waiting for us. Just waiting and just falls asleep 00:05:05.500 --> 00:05:10.420 on the door. It broke my heart so much. And so. 00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:14.959 unfortunate mom moment but also like kind of 00:05:14.959 --> 00:05:17.879 funny but it's funny and it's cute yeah not also 00:05:17.879 --> 00:05:20.779 no but also i felt terrible because i'm like 00:05:20.779 --> 00:05:23.079 you know i hope in 10 years when he's turned 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:24.980 out okay and you know he doesn't have too much 00:05:24.980 --> 00:05:27.160 trauma from this event then you can laugh at 00:05:27.160 --> 00:05:30.610 it but from all the sleep sleep deprivation oh 00:05:30.610 --> 00:05:33.589 my gosh okay yeah yeah it's like when you wake 00:05:33.589 --> 00:05:36.089 up and have like all the notifications from the 00:05:36.089 --> 00:05:38.709 camera of like crying crying crying you're like 00:05:38.709 --> 00:05:41.810 how long were they crying that i was you feel 00:05:41.810 --> 00:05:46.069 so bad yeah it's bad i like it as i get more 00:05:46.069 --> 00:05:48.850 and more sleep deprived the the things that i 00:05:48.850 --> 00:05:53.569 hear or don't hear are yeah a lot so um okay 00:05:53.569 --> 00:05:56.990 well Let's just hop right in to today's episode. 00:05:57.149 --> 00:05:59.170 So we kind of like came up with this episode 00:05:59.170 --> 00:06:02.889 last minute of just feeling like we needed to 00:06:02.889 --> 00:06:05.050 do like something a little more vulnerable. And 00:06:05.050 --> 00:06:08.850 so as like a check -in episode, the general question 00:06:08.850 --> 00:06:11.509 that we're each going to answer is what feels 00:06:11.509 --> 00:06:15.029 hardest right now? And I figured we could do 00:06:15.029 --> 00:06:17.870 mentally what feels hardest, physically what 00:06:17.870 --> 00:06:20.810 feels hardest, emotionally, and then relationally. 00:06:20.889 --> 00:06:24.589 And kind of hit all of those areas. I'm sure 00:06:24.589 --> 00:06:26.670 there'll be some similarities and hopefully like 00:06:26.670 --> 00:06:30.189 you guys, as you're listening, you can relate 00:06:30.189 --> 00:06:33.290 to this or even think about like what feels hardest 00:06:33.290 --> 00:06:35.290 for you right now in this season of motherhood 00:06:35.290 --> 00:06:38.170 and do kind of like a general check -in for yourself. 00:06:38.670 --> 00:06:40.829 Yeah. And hopefully this is relatable. Yeah. 00:06:40.910 --> 00:06:42.290 Either that or people are just like, they're 00:06:42.290 --> 00:06:45.350 crazy. Yeah. Like, wow, they need help. Why are 00:06:45.350 --> 00:06:50.949 they mothers? Oh God. Okay. So do we want to 00:06:50.949 --> 00:06:55.160 do. physically first what feels physically hardest 00:06:55.160 --> 00:06:57.600 right now for you i mean definitely the sleep 00:06:57.600 --> 00:07:00.579 deprivation we've talked about that a lot and 00:07:00.579 --> 00:07:02.839 i feel like we have it so good every time you 00:07:02.839 --> 00:07:04.579 tell me a story i'm like oh we're doing great 00:07:04.579 --> 00:07:08.980 but but it can be so like so different i don't 00:07:08.980 --> 00:07:12.939 know yeah i also so i start my job i work from 00:07:12.939 --> 00:07:15.079 home but i start at 7 a .m every day yeah that's 00:07:15.079 --> 00:07:17.639 crazy but just super early and in some ways that's 00:07:17.639 --> 00:07:20.160 super nice with a lot of the other just like 00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:23.480 logistics of our life But I have noticed that 00:07:23.480 --> 00:07:26.620 it's like 4 a .m. to 7 a .m. that I feel like 00:07:26.620 --> 00:07:28.379 I sleep the deepest. So then when I'm waking 00:07:28.379 --> 00:07:33.180 up at 6 or 6 .30, it's like I'm missing a pivotal 00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:36.300 hour of sleep. And are you trying, like when 00:07:36.300 --> 00:07:39.220 you wake up, are you trying to like have a moment 00:07:39.220 --> 00:07:40.920 to yourself? Are you just like, I'm going to 00:07:40.920 --> 00:07:43.040 sleep until the last minute until I have to log 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:48.899 in? So it's kind of right in between. So like 00:07:48.899 --> 00:07:51.430 a typical morning for me. My first alarm goes 00:07:51.430 --> 00:07:53.850 off at 6. And then I usually sleep till about 00:07:53.850 --> 00:07:57.149 6 .20. Get up, like, get dressed, brush teeth. 00:07:57.449 --> 00:08:00.269 I don't do my makeup or anything. And then I 00:08:00.269 --> 00:08:02.230 shower at night so I don't have to worry about 00:08:02.230 --> 00:08:05.569 that in the morning. And then if, like... kids 00:08:05.569 --> 00:08:08.170 are asleep and everything i usually try to read 00:08:08.170 --> 00:08:10.069 my bible and then take a few minutes to do like 00:08:10.069 --> 00:08:12.870 the new york times puzzles on my phone or like 00:08:12.870 --> 00:08:14.930 some stuff like that so i do try to take a minute 00:08:14.930 --> 00:08:17.550 but then you know obviously you know with little 00:08:17.550 --> 00:08:19.930 kids some days that just doesn't happen yep and 00:08:19.930 --> 00:08:22.290 then part of that is just to like actually wake 00:08:22.290 --> 00:08:27.129 up before my job um yeah so i have like I guess 00:08:27.129 --> 00:08:30.110 maybe like 10 minutes to myself before work, 00:08:30.410 --> 00:08:32.750 which also makes it way more frustrating when 00:08:32.750 --> 00:08:35.710 the kids don't sleep or like, yeah, wake up early. 00:08:35.909 --> 00:08:39.070 They don't get that time. So yeah, I would say 00:08:39.070 --> 00:08:41.809 like sleep deprivation is a big one right now 00:08:41.809 --> 00:08:46.110 for me. I also feel like I just like don't have 00:08:46.110 --> 00:08:48.230 energy, which I know is partially, you know, 00:08:48.230 --> 00:08:51.360 the sleep thing, but just. It feels like I don't 00:08:51.360 --> 00:08:54.860 have any mental energy left or we do have time 00:08:54.860 --> 00:08:57.080 set aside once a week to go to the gym. And most 00:08:57.080 --> 00:08:59.179 of the time when I get there, I'm like, I don't 00:08:59.179 --> 00:09:00.720 want to work out. Like I want to sit in the sauna 00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:03.340 and read my book. Yeah. And that's all I want 00:09:03.340 --> 00:09:05.899 to do for this hour that we're at the gym. And 00:09:05.899 --> 00:09:08.279 to be fair, there are weeks I definitely, that 00:09:08.279 --> 00:09:10.340 is what I do. Yeah. I mean, actually the past 00:09:10.340 --> 00:09:13.480 like month, we've just had like sickness going 00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:15.889 in and out of our house. So I'm like. taking 00:09:15.889 --> 00:09:17.590 care of my body in that way and getting healthy 00:09:17.590 --> 00:09:20.129 yeah is more important than working out right 00:09:20.129 --> 00:09:22.029 now so sitting in the steam room in the sauna 00:09:22.029 --> 00:09:26.090 is like way more important but uh yeah where 00:09:26.090 --> 00:09:29.289 it's like i know that the thing that would be 00:09:29.289 --> 00:09:31.529 helpful for my body and like getting energy and 00:09:31.529 --> 00:09:35.190 getting you know feeling better is to work out 00:09:35.190 --> 00:09:36.470 but then i'm like by the time i get there i'm 00:09:36.470 --> 00:09:39.669 so tired yeah i'm like i i've got nothing left 00:09:39.669 --> 00:09:44.059 and then i think Again, physically, like right 00:09:44.059 --> 00:09:46.139 now it's winter. And as we were speaking, it 00:09:46.139 --> 00:09:52.320 is 14 degrees outside. Yes. So like in the summer, 00:09:52.360 --> 00:09:54.419 we'll go on like little walks and stuff like 00:09:54.419 --> 00:09:56.919 that that are really good ways to just like get 00:09:56.919 --> 00:10:00.440 the blood pumping that's not fully working out. 00:10:00.679 --> 00:10:02.980 Right. And it's like it's family bonding and 00:10:02.980 --> 00:10:04.600 you're getting fresh air and you're getting sunshine 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:06.440 and all this, all these things that like naturally 00:10:06.440 --> 00:10:09.340 make you feel better no matter what. And so in 00:10:09.340 --> 00:10:11.340 the middle of winter when it's 14 degrees out, 00:10:12.120 --> 00:10:16.519 That's just like not an option. Which is so unfortunate. 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:18.500 We were outside last night. We went to a movie 00:10:18.500 --> 00:10:20.259 and Stuart and I were literally walking from 00:10:20.259 --> 00:10:21.960 our car to the movie theater. And I was like, 00:10:21.980 --> 00:10:24.200 I can't breathe or talk right now until we get 00:10:24.200 --> 00:10:26.639 inside because it's so cold. Yeah. Literally 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:30.620 takes your breath away. Yeah. So I think like, 00:10:30.659 --> 00:10:33.259 again, when it comes back to physically, the 00:10:33.259 --> 00:10:36.639 winter makes it especially hard because there's 00:10:36.639 --> 00:10:39.720 like, we can't go outside and do the like just 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:42.190 natural. Things that are physically good for 00:10:42.190 --> 00:10:45.710 your body or at least make me feel better. I'm 00:10:45.710 --> 00:10:48.269 not getting sunshine, which even though it is 00:10:48.269 --> 00:10:51.889 sunny while it's 14 degrees out, I'm not sunbathing. 00:10:53.090 --> 00:10:56.230 So I think if I'm boiling it down, the things 00:10:56.230 --> 00:10:59.629 that are hardest physically are sleep deprivation 00:10:59.629 --> 00:11:03.049 and then just wanting to be able to move my body 00:11:03.049 --> 00:11:05.190 because I know that's going to make me feel less 00:11:05.190 --> 00:11:09.370 sluggish. But feeling like I don't have the energy 00:11:09.370 --> 00:11:12.950 to or the things that I do have the energy for 00:11:12.950 --> 00:11:15.269 just are kind of out of reach right now. Yep. 00:11:15.330 --> 00:11:18.850 I completely understand that. Mine is similar. 00:11:18.889 --> 00:11:21.590 Mine, I just put like a general, I said self 00:11:21.590 --> 00:11:26.330 -care. And so kind of hitting all of those aspects. 00:11:26.350 --> 00:11:29.889 But like mostly just like, yeah, taking care 00:11:29.889 --> 00:11:34.240 of my body. Even as simple as like. getting up 00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:36.299 in the morning and washing my face in the morning. 00:11:36.779 --> 00:11:38.940 Like that is something like if I can get up and 00:11:38.940 --> 00:11:41.120 wash my face and brush my teeth in the morning, 00:11:41.179 --> 00:11:44.159 I feel a hundred times better and like a hundred 00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:48.409 times better prepared for my day. Yeah. compared 00:11:48.409 --> 00:11:50.590 to days where I'm like I'm still in my pajamas 00:11:50.590 --> 00:11:53.649 at 2 p .m I'm like I haven't brushed my teeth 00:11:53.649 --> 00:11:55.690 you gotta have your daytime pajamas in your nighttime 00:11:55.690 --> 00:11:59.690 yeah right switch my loungewear it's called loungewear 00:11:59.690 --> 00:12:06.029 yeah for reals so that's like a huge game changer 00:12:06.029 --> 00:12:09.570 for me and then like I have not this vulnerable 00:12:09.570 --> 00:12:13.210 moment I have not worked out like an intentional 00:12:13.210 --> 00:12:17.120 workout probably since before i got pregnant 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:21.100 with cruz okay yeah i i think i've had a couple 00:12:21.100 --> 00:12:23.059 actually i was really good at working out when 00:12:23.059 --> 00:12:25.559 i was pregnant with zeta surprisingly good for 00:12:25.559 --> 00:12:28.460 you since she's been born it's been like hit 00:12:28.460 --> 00:12:31.700 or miss yeah and i know like that is something 00:12:31.700 --> 00:12:34.379 that's just like in me that i'm like i know i 00:12:34.379 --> 00:12:37.220 need to do this and i my body is like craving 00:12:37.220 --> 00:12:41.299 it But I just cannot like find the motivation 00:12:41.299 --> 00:12:44.879 or find the time and energy like within myself 00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:47.419 to do it. And I know that's like not an excuse 00:12:47.419 --> 00:12:51.399 at all. And I know like I know the feeling of 00:12:51.399 --> 00:12:53.279 like the adrenaline after a workout where you 00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:55.460 feel like you can like you can take on the world 00:12:55.460 --> 00:12:59.000 and you feel so good and like so much more energized 00:12:59.000 --> 00:13:02.480 for your day. And I know that feeling and I want 00:13:02.480 --> 00:13:04.779 that feeling. But I just don't know how to like 00:13:04.779 --> 00:13:07.860 get past the like. not doing it and actually 00:13:07.860 --> 00:13:11.559 doing it. Yeah. And it's tough now to like with 00:13:11.559 --> 00:13:14.500 kids, because I know before we had kids, Stuart 00:13:14.500 --> 00:13:16.500 and I would go to the gym like three days a week. 00:13:16.580 --> 00:13:20.779 Yeah. And now it's like, oh, well. first of all 00:13:20.779 --> 00:13:23.220 that takes up an entire evening anyways even 00:13:23.220 --> 00:13:25.220 when you don't have kids but when you don't have 00:13:25.220 --> 00:13:27.080 kids and it's like oh we get home we're fine 00:13:27.080 --> 00:13:30.220 having dinner at like 7 or 8 p .m yeah and you 00:13:30.220 --> 00:13:32.019 know having like you know we can stay up a little 00:13:32.019 --> 00:13:33.919 bit later because if we don't you know if we 00:13:33.919 --> 00:13:35.179 are a little bit tired tomorrow it's not a big 00:13:35.179 --> 00:13:37.259 deal whatever but when you have kids you're like 00:13:37.259 --> 00:13:40.059 we have to have dinner done by 7 if possible 00:13:40.059 --> 00:13:44.000 yes exactly and yeah just like all of these logistical 00:13:44.000 --> 00:13:47.200 things uh one thing that did help me just like 00:13:47.720 --> 00:13:50.539 mentally i guess there's a mom i follow on instagram 00:13:50.539 --> 00:13:53.759 who i think she had three kids in four years 00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:55.940 okay um so they're all really close together 00:13:55.940 --> 00:13:59.899 and i don't know her whole story but i if i remember 00:13:59.899 --> 00:14:01.840 right it's a little bit of like not feeling great 00:14:01.840 --> 00:14:04.259 in her body and now she's kind of gone on this 00:14:04.259 --> 00:14:06.840 workout journey not necessarily to like look 00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:09.039 a certain way but more to like feel the way she 00:14:09.039 --> 00:14:13.110 wants to feel and she said she's like i couldn't 00:14:13.110 --> 00:14:14.889 consistently do this until my kids were sleeping 00:14:14.889 --> 00:14:16.850 through the night and that gave me just like 00:14:16.850 --> 00:14:21.269 such a oh yeah i'm usually up at least once a 00:14:21.269 --> 00:14:23.970 night yeah if not multiple times i know you guys 00:14:23.970 --> 00:14:26.490 are up on you just don't sleep yeah pretty much 00:14:26.490 --> 00:14:29.210 so like that gave me just like almost permission 00:14:29.210 --> 00:14:31.049 like not that i should need permission from a 00:14:31.049 --> 00:14:33.669 stranger on it on the internet but just like 00:14:33.669 --> 00:14:37.330 that yeah a reminder i guess of like oh yeah 00:14:37.330 --> 00:14:40.399 like This is part of my life right now is I'm 00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:42.279 not sleeping through the night. And so my body 00:14:42.279 --> 00:14:45.720 also just needs energy to survive the day. And 00:14:45.720 --> 00:14:49.120 so putting that energy someplace else. And I 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:51.200 think that's a big part of why I'm like walks 00:14:51.200 --> 00:14:52.559 are so nice because that's something we do as 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:57.210 a family and it's pretty low. You're still moving 00:14:57.210 --> 00:15:01.990 your body. We love walks. I love taking the boys 00:15:01.990 --> 00:15:04.870 on walks. That's a big thing that we do. I think 00:15:04.870 --> 00:15:07.990 in my head I'm not categorizing that as working 00:15:07.990 --> 00:15:11.289 out. I think of something that's really getting 00:15:11.289 --> 00:15:16.899 my heart rate going, cardio. But I really do 00:15:16.899 --> 00:15:20.080 like that because that gives me permission. Yeah, 00:15:20.139 --> 00:15:22.039 it just changes your perspective, I feel like. 00:15:22.059 --> 00:15:24.659 Yeah, and I don't know. There is so much online 00:15:24.659 --> 00:15:26.779 where it's like, oh, no, you've got to bounce 00:15:26.779 --> 00:15:29.419 back. If you wait, then you're going to lose 00:15:29.419 --> 00:15:32.360 moments. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you do just need 00:15:32.360 --> 00:15:35.879 to rest your body. Yeah, and I think that we 00:15:35.879 --> 00:15:38.889 don't have gym memberships. I would really like 00:15:38.889 --> 00:15:41.909 to get like some stuff for our house just because 00:15:41.909 --> 00:15:44.169 I feel like there's not a great time for like 00:15:44.169 --> 00:15:46.909 either of us to like go to the gym. Like we really 00:15:46.909 --> 00:15:49.769 honestly can't afford like gym memberships right 00:15:49.769 --> 00:15:53.970 now. And we're trying to like save money. Especially 00:15:53.970 --> 00:15:56.029 if you're like, when are we going to go? Yeah. 00:15:56.090 --> 00:15:58.850 I'm like, is it even worth it if we're not like 00:15:58.850 --> 00:16:02.029 going at consistent times each week? Yeah. I 00:16:02.029 --> 00:16:04.779 think we're. I'm like, in my head, I know I want 00:16:04.779 --> 00:16:07.279 to make that change slightly, not to like the 00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:09.940 extreme at this point, but I think I need to 00:16:09.940 --> 00:16:12.460 take care of my body a little better. We have 00:16:12.460 --> 00:16:16.700 been eating a lot better, which I'm super grateful 00:16:16.700 --> 00:16:19.340 for. And I already feel like I'm feeling a little 00:16:19.340 --> 00:16:23.360 better because of that. Like when the, I don't 00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:25.879 know, when the second week of January hit, we 00:16:25.879 --> 00:16:29.480 were like, oh my gosh, we need to save some money. 00:16:32.500 --> 00:16:35.779 savings is not going up. It's going down. And 00:16:35.779 --> 00:16:38.980 so the week after that, we legit spent, other 00:16:38.980 --> 00:16:42.519 than like groceries, we spent $0 and we were 00:16:42.519 --> 00:16:45.440 so, so like proud of ourselves for that. Yeah, 00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:48.000 that's awesome. Like no unnecessary spending 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:51.220 except for essentials, like no eating out, no 00:16:51.220 --> 00:16:55.100 like random Amazon purchases. And so that is 00:16:55.100 --> 00:16:56.960 the hard one for me because it's so easy for 00:16:56.960 --> 00:17:01.740 me to just buy anything. And so that I think, 00:17:02.090 --> 00:17:04.750 helped us start on this track of like, yeah, 00:17:04.849 --> 00:17:06.730 this is like the third week or something that 00:17:06.730 --> 00:17:08.930 we've been, yeah, we've spent a little bit of 00:17:08.930 --> 00:17:11.450 money, but just eating at home way more, like 00:17:11.450 --> 00:17:13.470 really thinking through our meals a lot better. 00:17:13.869 --> 00:17:18.230 And so I think that has helped a little bit with 00:17:18.230 --> 00:17:21.130 the self -care side of it. But yeah, I think 00:17:21.130 --> 00:17:23.950 overall physically, yeah, the hardest thing for 00:17:23.950 --> 00:17:25.809 me right now is focusing on my self -care because 00:17:25.809 --> 00:17:27.869 I don't feel like I have a lot of time for myself. 00:17:31.819 --> 00:17:34.000 like face mask like a clay mask or whatever yeah 00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:36.660 like at least once a week if not like two or 00:17:36.660 --> 00:17:39.539 three times and now i mean i probably could find 00:17:39.539 --> 00:17:42.000 a time to do it yeah it's again it's just the 00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:44.839 energy thing where it's like yeah yeah i put 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:46.920 it on and then watch a movie or watch you know 00:17:46.920 --> 00:17:51.069 the office or whatever but Somehow that extra 00:17:51.069 --> 00:17:55.029 step, it just feels like the impossible task 00:17:55.029 --> 00:17:58.109 for all these little things. Sure, that would 00:17:58.109 --> 00:17:59.970 probably make me feel better on a daily basis, 00:18:00.170 --> 00:18:02.970 but I don't know how I'm going to do that. Yesterday, 00:18:03.309 --> 00:18:06.650 both kids were napping at the same time. I took 00:18:06.650 --> 00:18:10.990 a shower for the first time in a week. Put teeth 00:18:10.990 --> 00:18:15.549 whiteners on. After my shower, I put the little 00:18:15.549 --> 00:18:20.759 gel eye mask things. got all that off and then 00:18:20.759 --> 00:18:23.599 literally both kids woke up screaming bloody 00:18:23.599 --> 00:18:27.180 murder and i was like awesome there you go but 00:18:27.180 --> 00:18:28.900 you you got a little bit yeah i was like that 00:18:28.900 --> 00:18:31.019 prepared me i think a little bit more than i 00:18:31.019 --> 00:18:33.720 have been trying to drink a glass of water before 00:18:33.720 --> 00:18:37.480 i have anything else to drink that's smart and 00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:39.640 i think that has made me feel a little bit better 00:18:39.640 --> 00:18:43.079 and like at least helped like some of the like 00:18:43.079 --> 00:18:45.440 mom rage and stuff like that yeah that's good 00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:47.759 because i was real there was days when i was 00:18:47.759 --> 00:18:51.210 like i don't know if i drank water today oh i've 00:18:51.210 --> 00:18:54.589 have many of those days yeah it's like i know 00:18:54.589 --> 00:18:58.430 i've had two dr peppers which must have a little 00:18:58.430 --> 00:19:00.369 bit of water there's something in there i think 00:19:00.369 --> 00:19:03.009 it's on the ingredients list somewhere um but 00:19:03.009 --> 00:19:05.289 no water so i've been trying to even if i just 00:19:05.289 --> 00:19:08.440 like chug a glass of water before I get to whatever 00:19:08.440 --> 00:19:10.380 caffeinated beverage I need for the day. That's 00:19:10.380 --> 00:19:12.660 smart. I've been trying to do that. I think that's 00:19:12.660 --> 00:19:14.680 helped me feel a little better. Yeah, that is 00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:16.720 really smart. I found that I'm getting super 00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:19.079 thirsty in the night. Oh, all the time. Like 00:19:19.079 --> 00:19:21.740 chugging water. And I'm like, is this because 00:19:21.740 --> 00:19:23.640 I have it? I have a 40 -ounce water bottle next 00:19:23.640 --> 00:19:25.759 to my bed that I try to make sure is full every 00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:28.819 night. Yes. I'm like, if I don't have my water 00:19:28.819 --> 00:19:34.059 next to me at night, I will probably die of dehydration. 00:19:34.259 --> 00:19:37.819 But I'm like, is my body just like, so thirsty 00:19:37.819 --> 00:19:40.420 because i forgot to drink water all day or is 00:19:40.420 --> 00:19:42.900 this like hormonal and because i'm breastfeeding 00:19:42.900 --> 00:19:46.160 it's probably a little bit of both but i'm like 00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:48.700 oh this is my time that i drink all my water 00:19:48.700 --> 00:19:51.019 is at two in the morning and then you have to 00:19:51.019 --> 00:19:53.400 pee because you just drink yeah 20 ounces of 00:19:53.400 --> 00:19:57.480 water at 2 a .m yep exactly okay let's move on 00:19:57.480 --> 00:20:01.839 to what feels hardest for you mentally okay mentally 00:20:01.839 --> 00:20:06.519 i think there's like a couple of things. One 00:20:06.519 --> 00:20:11.200 is just the like constant everything all the 00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:14.400 time. Right. Especially like, you know, being 00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:17.720 a, like essentially a working stay at home mom. 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:20.779 It's like, okay, kids are down for a nap. Now 00:20:20.779 --> 00:20:22.720 I have to try to get as much work done as possible 00:20:22.720 --> 00:20:25.339 in that timeframe. You know, I'm working in other 00:20:25.339 --> 00:20:28.119 times too, but it feels like there's not a second 00:20:28.119 --> 00:20:33.099 to just like, let my mind be blank. And. Yeah, 00:20:33.140 --> 00:20:35.099 so that and then there's just like this constant 00:20:35.099 --> 00:20:39.940 decision making. Stuart was giving me like kind 00:20:39.940 --> 00:20:42.039 of a hard time because I've never been like a 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:45.460 great decision maker. Oh, same. He's teased me 00:20:45.460 --> 00:20:47.720 since like the beginning of our relationship 00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:50.319 about that. And sometimes it's because I'm like, 00:20:50.380 --> 00:20:52.900 I legitimately do not care. So why would I make 00:20:52.900 --> 00:20:54.460 a decision on something I legitimately don't 00:20:54.460 --> 00:20:57.000 care about? Like if you care, please, you make 00:20:57.000 --> 00:20:59.079 the decision and I will be fine with whatever 00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:01.380 decision you make. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And not 00:21:01.380 --> 00:21:03.430 in the like fake. you decide on the restaurant 00:21:03.430 --> 00:21:04.829 and I tell you that's not what I want. It's like, 00:21:04.869 --> 00:21:06.630 no, I just actually want you to decide on the 00:21:06.630 --> 00:21:11.549 restaurant. But, oh, when he was a kid, his mom 00:21:11.549 --> 00:21:14.170 would always get cashew chicken for them if they 00:21:14.170 --> 00:21:16.150 went to Chinese, if they got Chinese food. Like, 00:21:16.150 --> 00:21:19.990 that was the order forever. Wow. As far as I 00:21:19.990 --> 00:21:22.309 know, like, even past the point where they were 00:21:22.309 --> 00:21:23.829 old enough to, like, make their own decisions, 00:21:23.950 --> 00:21:25.829 she would still just get cashew chicken. That's 00:21:25.829 --> 00:21:27.730 so funny. And I was like, I mean, I kind of get 00:21:27.730 --> 00:21:31.069 it from, like, when you have little kids where 00:21:31.069 --> 00:21:32.599 it's like, We're just going to do this every 00:21:32.599 --> 00:21:34.019 time because then I don't have to think about 00:21:34.019 --> 00:21:36.759 it every time. And Stuart made a comment about 00:21:36.759 --> 00:21:38.819 how he's like, well, I don't think everyone has 00:21:38.819 --> 00:21:40.980 as hard time making decisions as you do. I was 00:21:40.980 --> 00:21:43.240 like, that might be true, but that also tells 00:21:43.240 --> 00:21:44.839 me you don't understand how many decisions I 00:21:44.839 --> 00:21:47.480 make every single day because now it's different. 00:21:47.599 --> 00:21:49.960 You know, five years ago when we first got married, 00:21:50.140 --> 00:21:52.119 it's like I just didn't want to make decisions. 00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:55.539 And that's different where now I'm like, I decide 00:21:55.539 --> 00:21:59.269 three people's outfits. Every single day. I mean, 00:21:59.289 --> 00:22:01.190 Lloyd's starting to have opinions about what 00:22:01.190 --> 00:22:03.269 he wears. That's funny, yes. But I have three 00:22:03.269 --> 00:22:06.230 people that I have to decide what we wear every 00:22:06.230 --> 00:22:10.130 single day. I have, I decide breakfast. I mean, 00:22:10.150 --> 00:22:12.690 I have made a like decide once for breakfast 00:22:12.690 --> 00:22:16.109 for the most part. But I decide meals for every 00:22:16.109 --> 00:22:18.390 single meal of the week with a couple of exceptions. 00:22:18.529 --> 00:22:20.710 Like church, we always just go get bagels at 00:22:20.710 --> 00:22:23.009 church. Yeah. You know, so that's Sunday. So 00:22:23.009 --> 00:22:25.200 yeah, just like. It feels like there's always 00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:27.200 a decision that has to be made. Decision fatigue. 00:22:27.819 --> 00:22:30.099 Yeah. And then, you know, even stuff where it's 00:22:30.099 --> 00:22:32.599 like Lloyd asks, can we watch Cars right now? 00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:35.119 It's like, well, like, is that a good choice 00:22:35.119 --> 00:22:38.380 right now? Yeah. You're thinking way down the 00:22:38.380 --> 00:22:40.500 line of like, if he watches this right now, what 00:22:40.500 --> 00:22:42.559 will the rest of our day look like? What is the 00:22:42.559 --> 00:22:44.299 rest? Is there a different day this week that 00:22:44.299 --> 00:22:46.359 that would be easier for us to watch Cars? Like 00:22:46.359 --> 00:22:49.339 that would be more beneficial for me. Yes. Yeah. 00:22:49.400 --> 00:22:51.799 There's just like a million little decisions. 00:22:52.329 --> 00:22:54.650 It feels like every single second, you know, 00:22:54.650 --> 00:22:56.890 like, okay, what kid do I put down for a nap 00:22:56.890 --> 00:22:59.509 first? You know, which one, you know, I kind 00:22:59.509 --> 00:23:01.869 of know like this typically works best, blah, 00:23:01.890 --> 00:23:05.650 blah, blah. But it's just constant decisions. 00:23:06.369 --> 00:23:10.509 And it's a lot. Yeah. There's no time for your 00:23:10.509 --> 00:23:15.190 brain to just stop. Unless, I mean, even I'm 00:23:15.190 --> 00:23:17.309 sure when we're sleeping too, it's still just 00:23:17.309 --> 00:23:19.930 like. processing and yeah because then you have 00:23:19.930 --> 00:23:21.950 like i don't know if you get it but i'll have 00:23:21.950 --> 00:23:25.170 weird dreams like about something oh yeah yeah 00:23:25.170 --> 00:23:27.049 it's like well i don't even want to be thinking 00:23:27.049 --> 00:23:29.069 about that when i'm awake why am i thinking about 00:23:29.069 --> 00:23:31.549 it when i'm asleep i know i know a lot of my 00:23:31.549 --> 00:23:35.289 like recurring dreams are me just like working 00:23:35.289 --> 00:23:37.890 at my computer oh perfect yeah and i'm like cool 00:23:37.890 --> 00:23:40.910 my brain can't even stop working when i'm sleeping 00:23:40.910 --> 00:23:43.150 one of the this is a little bit of a tangent 00:23:43.150 --> 00:23:45.940 but Back in the day, I interned at our church 00:23:45.940 --> 00:23:49.559 when one of our campuses was load in, load out. 00:23:49.900 --> 00:23:53.319 And I would have to be there at 6. I would have 00:23:53.319 --> 00:23:57.180 to be an hour away at 6 a .m. And the night before, 00:23:57.240 --> 00:24:00.740 I would regularly dream about loading in. So 00:24:00.740 --> 00:24:03.619 I would dream that I got to work, got to church, 00:24:03.819 --> 00:24:07.259 helped set up church. And then I would wake up 00:24:07.259 --> 00:24:11.150 and have to. And actually do it. You're like, 00:24:11.250 --> 00:24:14.369 I've practically done this twice. But yeah, the 00:24:14.369 --> 00:24:17.750 dream's about work and just decisions. So rough. 00:24:18.349 --> 00:24:20.190 What's mentally hardest for you right now? For 00:24:20.190 --> 00:24:23.289 me, I would say at least in my head, this is 00:24:23.289 --> 00:24:26.069 an expectation that I feel like I've put on myself. 00:24:26.309 --> 00:24:28.630 Not that my husband has put this on me or anything 00:24:28.630 --> 00:24:31.230 like that. But really just trying to keep everything 00:24:31.230 --> 00:24:34.630 in order and then feeling like I'm failing at 00:24:34.630 --> 00:24:37.930 everything because it's not in the order that 00:24:37.930 --> 00:24:41.450 I am wanting. So like, I don't know, just feeling 00:24:41.450 --> 00:24:44.529 like I'm not good enough in any area. So I'm 00:24:44.529 --> 00:24:47.130 not good enough with like keeping the house together. 00:24:47.289 --> 00:24:50.410 I'm not good enough as a mom. I'm not good enough 00:24:50.410 --> 00:24:54.029 as a wife. I'm not good enough as an employee. 00:24:54.309 --> 00:24:56.670 Like all those things that I feel like I'm just 00:24:56.670 --> 00:24:59.440 like. Dropping the ball in and not keeping everything 00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:02.660 together. Yeah. And just feeling like I'm failing, 00:25:02.900 --> 00:25:06.740 which is like nobody's telling me that I'm failing 00:25:06.740 --> 00:25:10.359 in any way. Right. It's just totally in my mind. 00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:13.420 And you see all the things that you dropped throughout 00:25:13.420 --> 00:25:17.460 the day. Yeah. Like the laundry that's continues 00:25:17.460 --> 00:25:19.740 to pile up at home is telling me that I'm not 00:25:19.740 --> 00:25:23.359 keeping my house in order. Like little. Things 00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:25.839 like that where I'm like, okay, someone's emailed 00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:28.079 me a second time because I forgot to email them 00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:31.200 back the first time. That's telling me that I'm 00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:34.240 dropping the ball in that area. Or when Cole 00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:36.660 is like, watch me, mom. And I'm like, hold on, 00:25:36.660 --> 00:25:39.640 buddy. I'm doing this email. And then he gets 00:25:39.640 --> 00:25:43.400 sad because I don't stop to watch it. Those are 00:25:43.400 --> 00:25:45.799 things that I'm like, nobody's telling me I'm 00:25:45.799 --> 00:25:50.460 failing, but I feel like I am in some aspects. 00:25:51.180 --> 00:25:53.160 And some days are better than others for sure. 00:25:53.240 --> 00:25:56.460 Or some days are more than others. Yeah. I just 00:25:56.460 --> 00:26:00.980 think that it goes back to like energy and like 00:26:00.980 --> 00:26:03.500 all those things. Like if I had more energy, 00:26:03.579 --> 00:26:06.980 maybe I could have more energy to actually. To 00:26:06.980 --> 00:26:09.259 distribute. To distribute to all of those areas. 00:26:09.339 --> 00:26:12.279 Do you feel like you have days where you do feel 00:26:12.279 --> 00:26:14.599 like you're doing a good job at anything or everything 00:26:14.599 --> 00:26:20.470 or any of that? Very rarely, to be honest. I 00:26:20.470 --> 00:26:22.890 would say the days that I feel that the most 00:26:22.890 --> 00:26:25.289 are the days that my husband are home. Okay. 00:26:25.730 --> 00:26:29.869 So yeah, weekends, Fridays and Saturdays, I feel 00:26:29.869 --> 00:26:33.369 the most like on top of it because I feel like, 00:26:33.410 --> 00:26:36.130 okay, I can like, the kids can play with Michael 00:26:36.130 --> 00:26:38.509 for a bit so I can like go and focus on this 00:26:38.509 --> 00:26:41.839 laundry. Right. Or yeah, I'll even. I will even 00:26:41.839 --> 00:26:44.299 try to like get some extra work emails done on 00:26:44.299 --> 00:26:46.619 the weekend just because I'm like, okay. Get 00:26:46.619 --> 00:26:48.619 caught up. Yeah, I need to get caught up. Or 00:26:48.619 --> 00:26:51.799 like last weekend I made sourdough. Like random 00:26:51.799 --> 00:26:54.700 things out of nowhere where I'm like, I don't 00:26:54.700 --> 00:26:56.400 know. I feel like I have a little bit more time 00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:59.160 because I have an extra set of hands. For sure. 00:26:59.279 --> 00:27:01.400 And my husband is, I mean, he's extremely involved. 00:27:01.579 --> 00:27:04.220 When he's home, he is with the kids. He's making 00:27:04.220 --> 00:27:06.319 dinner. He's helping in every single area that 00:27:06.319 --> 00:27:09.460 he can be. But there is something about like 00:27:09.460 --> 00:27:12.839 those solo parenting days that are just wearing 00:27:12.839 --> 00:27:15.859 me thin. It's rough for sure. It's so rough. 00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:19.380 And I would not trade it for the world. I think 00:27:19.380 --> 00:27:22.660 ideally if my husband could be home with me every 00:27:22.660 --> 00:27:25.660 single day, I would take that. Absolutely. For 00:27:25.660 --> 00:27:27.880 sure. Like I am not someone who's like needs 00:27:27.880 --> 00:27:32.440 to be independent. Yeah. I am entirely codependent. 00:27:32.519 --> 00:27:35.900 It's terrible. But like I totally am. My husband 00:27:35.900 --> 00:27:40.299 would say I am. But if I could do every single 00:27:40.299 --> 00:27:44.220 day like with all four of us, 100%. Yeah, Stuart 00:27:44.220 --> 00:27:47.460 took some time off in December. And even though 00:27:47.460 --> 00:27:49.539 I was working, I was like, this is amazing. Yeah. 00:27:49.680 --> 00:27:53.140 We could like – I could survive. Yes. Like I 00:27:53.140 --> 00:27:55.859 feel like I could take on the world. Yeah. I 00:27:55.859 --> 00:27:58.640 think – I feel a lot of the same way. I mean 00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:00.180 I think that's super normal to just like feel 00:28:00.180 --> 00:28:02.619 like you're failing and everything. For me, I 00:28:02.619 --> 00:28:04.960 think I have like one day a month where somehow 00:28:04.960 --> 00:28:09.559 I just have like this burst of energy. And it's, 00:28:09.559 --> 00:28:11.339 you know, it's like the kitchen is clean and 00:28:11.339 --> 00:28:14.119 I baked cookies and, you know, all the things. 00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:16.839 But the hard part about that is then it makes 00:28:16.839 --> 00:28:20.140 the rest of the month that, you know, I'm not 00:28:20.140 --> 00:28:23.559 that way. who is she? Like, why could I do it 00:28:23.559 --> 00:28:27.000 on, you know, January 7th, but not the rest of 00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:30.220 the month. And why, you know, or however, you 00:28:30.220 --> 00:28:32.420 know, however long is between these like little 00:28:32.420 --> 00:28:34.940 bursts. I wonder if it has to do with like our 00:28:34.940 --> 00:28:36.900 cycles. Cause I totally relate to you. I just 00:28:36.900 --> 00:28:38.500 got my cycle back. So I don't know what it is. 00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:41.720 Oh, really? Okay. But I told like sourdough day 00:28:41.720 --> 00:28:44.359 last weekend, I felt like I could take on the 00:28:44.359 --> 00:28:46.579 world. I made sourdough. I cleaned the kitchen. 00:28:46.700 --> 00:28:49.500 Like, yeah. And legit. I think I was solo parenting 00:28:49.500 --> 00:28:52.980 that day. Yeah, I mean, that happens to me, again, 00:28:53.039 --> 00:28:55.779 not all the time, but I, like, do get these. 00:28:55.819 --> 00:28:57.500 And I can, like, kind of recognize it. Like, 00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:00.140 yeah, it's, oh, my gosh, the kitchen is, like, 00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:02.819 fully cleaned. All the dishes are put away. The 00:29:02.819 --> 00:29:05.099 sink was wiped down. When was the last time I 00:29:05.099 --> 00:29:08.220 wiped the sink? For reals. All the laundry is 00:29:08.220 --> 00:29:11.660 put away. You know, we have, like, a side table 00:29:11.660 --> 00:29:14.740 in our, like, living -ish area that just, like, 00:29:14.819 --> 00:29:17.759 is the catch -all. Like, I cleaned that up. All 00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:21.799 this. And then. The next week when dishes are 00:29:21.799 --> 00:29:26.519 sky high and nothing is done and, you know, there's 00:29:26.519 --> 00:29:28.259 food on the floor from three days ago that I'm 00:29:28.259 --> 00:29:29.799 like, oh, I should clean that up so Zeta doesn't 00:29:29.799 --> 00:29:31.440 try to eat it because she's for sure going to. 00:29:31.779 --> 00:29:34.299 Then like it's almost more discouraging. Yeah. 00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:37.240 Because I'm like, what am I doing wrong now? 00:29:37.480 --> 00:29:40.839 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That last week when I had my 00:29:40.839 --> 00:29:43.559 sourdough day, I remember Michael got home and 00:29:43.559 --> 00:29:45.519 he was like, oh, my gosh, like the house looks 00:29:45.519 --> 00:29:48.450 so clean right now. And I'm like, yeah, and I 00:29:48.450 --> 00:29:51.250 made sourdough. And he's like, what? I was like, 00:29:51.349 --> 00:29:52.890 I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what 00:29:52.890 --> 00:29:55.390 got into me. Yeah. And I was like in a good mood. 00:29:56.309 --> 00:29:59.650 I was like, I totally related it to where am 00:29:59.650 --> 00:30:01.890 I in my cycle? I don't know. Which also, which 00:30:01.890 --> 00:30:04.509 does make sense. There is a lot around that. 00:30:04.690 --> 00:30:09.190 Yeah. But yeah. So yeah, overall mentally, like 00:30:09.190 --> 00:30:11.549 I don't feel like I'm like in a terrible place 00:30:11.549 --> 00:30:14.029 or anything like that. I just feel like I'm like 00:30:14.029 --> 00:30:17.089 just dropping the ball. Yeah. And no one's telling 00:30:17.089 --> 00:30:20.390 me that. It's just kind of like a mental battle 00:30:20.390 --> 00:30:24.430 happening. So, okay. Do we want to do, I guess 00:30:24.430 --> 00:30:26.430 maybe emotionally. Okay. Let's do emotionally. 00:30:27.029 --> 00:30:29.269 It's definitely like a day -to -day thing. And 00:30:29.269 --> 00:30:32.809 100 % related to how much sleep I got the night 00:30:32.809 --> 00:30:36.069 before. Yes. Just like the patience I have for 00:30:36.069 --> 00:30:39.150 my kids. And, you know, again, some days are 00:30:39.150 --> 00:30:40.990 days when I'm like, I am the world's best mom. 00:30:41.109 --> 00:30:42.849 I was so patient with every single thing. And 00:30:42.849 --> 00:30:46.150 then the next day it's like. you didn't do something 00:30:46.150 --> 00:30:48.490 fast enough and now i'm getting frustrated even 00:30:48.490 --> 00:30:50.250 though this is on me for expecting a two -year 00:30:50.250 --> 00:30:53.170 -old to put down his toys fast enough or whatever 00:30:53.170 --> 00:30:56.130 that is i think one thing that's been really 00:30:56.130 --> 00:31:00.970 hard for me lately is concern i is almost the 00:31:00.970 --> 00:31:05.789 right word i think for how my different kids 00:31:05.789 --> 00:31:10.059 are feeling where it's like oh so I read a lot 00:31:10.059 --> 00:31:12.079 more books with Lloyd than I do with Zeta. Not 00:31:12.079 --> 00:31:13.599 because I don't want to read books with Zeta, 00:31:13.619 --> 00:31:16.859 but because Lloyd, first he asks me, but also 00:31:16.859 --> 00:31:18.759 when I try to read with Zeta, usually she's just 00:31:18.759 --> 00:31:20.519 like wiggling and wants to get down and crawl 00:31:20.519 --> 00:31:22.420 around. Like she doesn't want to sit still, which 00:31:22.420 --> 00:31:25.490 is fine. But then in my head, I'm like, oh, does 00:31:25.490 --> 00:31:27.210 she see me sitting here on the couch reading 00:31:27.210 --> 00:31:29.289 with Lloyd? Not reading with her. Again, not 00:31:29.289 --> 00:31:31.210 because I'm intentionally excluding her. But 00:31:31.210 --> 00:31:33.369 in her mind, is she like, oh, she likes Lloyd 00:31:33.369 --> 00:31:35.430 more than me. Dude, I feel that all the time. 00:31:35.509 --> 00:31:38.289 And then also vice versa, where it's like there 00:31:38.289 --> 00:31:40.849 are different things. You know, I still nurse 00:31:40.849 --> 00:31:44.930 data to sleep. So does Lloyd think like, oh. 00:31:45.690 --> 00:31:48.369 mom likes zeta more because she's getting snuggles 00:31:48.369 --> 00:31:50.609 to sleep and i just have to like lay in my crib 00:31:50.609 --> 00:31:53.250 until i fall asleep by myself like and there's 00:31:53.250 --> 00:31:54.930 a million different things throughout the day 00:31:54.930 --> 00:31:58.390 for you know each one of them both of them where 00:31:58.390 --> 00:32:00.509 i'm like do they think i like their other sibling 00:32:00.509 --> 00:32:03.750 better because of this attention that i'm giving 00:32:03.750 --> 00:32:08.470 is different Of course, that's not true. You 00:32:08.470 --> 00:32:10.269 know, and I don't know what's going through their 00:32:10.269 --> 00:32:12.490 heads, but there's just like that battle in my 00:32:12.490 --> 00:32:15.549 head of like, am I doing this wrong? Like, should 00:32:15.549 --> 00:32:17.430 I include Zeta with every single book, even though 00:32:17.430 --> 00:32:20.269 she doesn't seem to want to? Or like, should 00:32:20.269 --> 00:32:22.750 I hold Lloyd till he falls asleep too? You know, 00:32:22.750 --> 00:32:25.710 like, I don't know. No, I feel like, I feel that 00:32:25.710 --> 00:32:28.109 a hundred percent too, where I'm like, I feel 00:32:28.109 --> 00:32:30.849 like Cruz is kind of in that age where he like. 00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:33.420 We'll sit there and he'll like kind of play with 00:32:33.420 --> 00:32:36.539 toys and, you know, but he doesn't want to sit 00:32:36.539 --> 00:32:38.880 and read a book with me. Right. Whereas like 00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:42.480 Colt, we have like a full nap time, bedtime routine 00:32:42.480 --> 00:32:46.119 with him. Cruz, it's like, all right, time to 00:32:46.119 --> 00:32:48.400 go to sleep, buddy. Good night. Yeah. Yeah. Like 00:32:48.400 --> 00:32:50.440 feed you to sleep and that's it. But I'm not 00:32:50.440 --> 00:32:53.099 like reading books with you, telling you your 00:32:53.099 --> 00:32:56.220 affirmations and praying with you. Like, and 00:32:56.220 --> 00:32:59.099 I feel that. For sure. Where I'm like, I wonder 00:32:59.099 --> 00:33:02.160 if this is like instilling something in his brain 00:33:02.160 --> 00:33:06.160 or even vice versa. Right. Of like, yeah, mommy 00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:08.920 doesn't love me as much as she loves my brother. 00:33:09.640 --> 00:33:12.180 Yeah. Gosh, yeah. I totally relate to that. And 00:33:12.180 --> 00:33:15.099 then we would like more kids. So part of me is 00:33:15.099 --> 00:33:17.079 like, is this just going to get worse? Yeah. 00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:20.180 Like, you know, how is this going to work? So, 00:33:20.279 --> 00:33:23.490 yeah, it's just, it's really hard to. try to 00:33:23.490 --> 00:33:26.450 find that balance and not know. Like that, I 00:33:26.450 --> 00:33:28.430 think that's the hardest part. Like if I could 00:33:28.430 --> 00:33:31.190 have, you know, Lloyd tell me like, oh no mom, 00:33:31.269 --> 00:33:33.970 I get it. Or like, no mom, like I do feel that 00:33:33.970 --> 00:33:36.789 way. Then I could address it somehow, you know, 00:33:36.809 --> 00:33:39.009 whether that's like trying to explain it to him 00:33:39.009 --> 00:33:42.289 or adjusting something, you know, or whatever 00:33:42.289 --> 00:33:44.410 that would look like. But I don't know. And I 00:33:44.410 --> 00:33:46.009 think that's one of the hardest things is like, 00:33:46.069 --> 00:33:49.680 oh, I don't know. is that maybe it's not affecting 00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:51.799 them maybe zeta's like i'm happy to be playing 00:33:51.799 --> 00:33:54.500 on my own right now yeah um and lloyd is leaving 00:33:54.500 --> 00:33:57.279 me alone i don't know but yeah it's just like 00:33:57.279 --> 00:34:00.460 that battle in my head i feel yeah and like am 00:34:00.460 --> 00:34:03.279 i responding to things the right way like is 00:34:03.279 --> 00:34:06.380 my response to this gonna be like their villain 00:34:06.380 --> 00:34:10.480 origin story you know yeah because you know i 00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:14.539 overreacted or i underreacted or the other day 00:34:14.539 --> 00:34:18.260 so we have a three -story house in our kitchen 00:34:18.260 --> 00:34:22.000 is on our second floor so bringing groceries 00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:25.260 in is a little bit annoying so i'm like carrying 00:34:25.260 --> 00:34:28.940 the like crate of groceries it's all of our almost 00:34:28.940 --> 00:34:31.980 all of our groceries and lloyd is climbing up 00:34:31.980 --> 00:34:35.519 the stairs and he like slipped or something he 00:34:35.519 --> 00:34:38.559 was okay he didn't like get hurt but just enough 00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:41.000 that he wanted a kiss on his hand oh and so i 00:34:41.000 --> 00:34:42.719 was like okay buddy i'll give you a kiss when 00:34:42.719 --> 00:34:46.789 we get upstairs and he just like broke down crying 00:34:46.789 --> 00:34:49.489 and then i feel terrible because i'm like i mean 00:34:49.489 --> 00:34:51.449 i can't i can't set the groceries down right 00:34:51.449 --> 00:34:53.489 now like they're gonna fall down the stairs we're 00:34:53.489 --> 00:34:55.809 halfway up the stairs and so there's just like 00:34:55.809 --> 00:34:58.090 things like that and you're like should i have 00:34:58.090 --> 00:35:01.650 set the groceries down to yeah stop and yeah 00:35:01.650 --> 00:35:05.980 there's just so many like what am i doing wrong 00:35:05.980 --> 00:35:08.099 am i doing everything wrong am i doing anything 00:35:08.099 --> 00:35:12.500 right and just yeah feeling the guilt when like 00:35:12.500 --> 00:35:14.599 there are times when it's like i know i responded 00:35:14.599 --> 00:35:17.719 to that wrong yeah and there's so much guilt 00:35:17.719 --> 00:35:20.619 that comes with that every single time um and 00:35:20.619 --> 00:35:22.699 like i'm gonna be better next time and then and 00:35:22.699 --> 00:35:25.639 then it happens again yeah yeah no i feel that 00:35:25.639 --> 00:35:27.739 for sure the amount of times i've apologized 00:35:27.739 --> 00:35:32.539 to colt especially i'm like I think it's so, 00:35:32.559 --> 00:35:34.599 it is so healthy. We've talked about this before. 00:35:34.659 --> 00:35:37.000 So healthy to apologize to your children, to 00:35:37.000 --> 00:35:39.940 be an example of that. But I'm like, I just, 00:35:40.179 --> 00:35:42.699 there's times where I'm like, okay, I'm going 00:35:42.699 --> 00:35:46.239 to do better in that area. And then it happens 00:35:46.239 --> 00:35:49.500 again or whatever. And yeah. Okay. Mine totally 00:35:49.500 --> 00:35:52.099 relates to that. And my, what feels hardest for 00:35:52.099 --> 00:35:54.400 me emotionally is just being like emotionally 00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:57.639 available for everybody in my life. And I think 00:35:57.639 --> 00:36:01.460 of like, an example of like Colt is having a 00:36:01.460 --> 00:36:03.420 hard time. So he's crying and he says, mama, 00:36:03.519 --> 00:36:06.380 pick me up. And I'm like, so I pick him up and 00:36:06.380 --> 00:36:09.239 then Cruz is crawling and crying and coming over 00:36:09.239 --> 00:36:11.719 to me and wants me to pick him up. And so I'm 00:36:11.719 --> 00:36:14.320 just like trying to hold two crying babies. And 00:36:14.320 --> 00:36:19.260 it's just, it's hard. And it feels like the weight 00:36:19.260 --> 00:36:23.880 is just too much sometimes. And then almost the 00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:26.219 side of it is like trying to be so emotionally 00:36:26.219 --> 00:36:29.579 available for everyone. That I feel just like 00:36:29.579 --> 00:36:33.860 dry or like emotionally detached from things 00:36:33.860 --> 00:36:39.559 and almost emotionless in my own life, I guess, 00:36:39.619 --> 00:36:42.340 if that makes sense. Yeah. Where I'm like, oh, 00:36:42.440 --> 00:36:46.159 I almost feel like monotone to everything and 00:36:46.159 --> 00:36:50.159 like that I'm trying to be so emotionally available 00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:54.079 for my kids and like support them and help them 00:36:54.079 --> 00:36:57.570 and be there for them that I don't know. When 00:36:57.570 --> 00:37:01.809 the last time I have had an emotional, I don't 00:37:01.809 --> 00:37:05.989 know, reaction or like I just feel monotone. 00:37:06.010 --> 00:37:07.789 I don't know. That's the only way I can think 00:37:07.789 --> 00:37:11.250 of. Yeah. Where it's like every day is just kind 00:37:11.250 --> 00:37:14.550 of same thing. Yeah. It almost feels like you 00:37:14.550 --> 00:37:17.349 don't have time to deal with your own emotions, 00:37:17.429 --> 00:37:19.449 which is probably part of the problem half the 00:37:19.449 --> 00:37:22.210 time for like with like mom rage and stuff. Right. 00:37:22.230 --> 00:37:26.210 Well, I haven't. let myself feel anything so 00:37:26.210 --> 00:37:30.289 here's this big outburst because yep because 00:37:30.289 --> 00:37:33.610 because of that yeah and at the same time i'm 00:37:33.610 --> 00:37:37.289 like i don't know what i what i necessarily need 00:37:37.289 --> 00:37:41.679 or like do i need a good like vent sesh do i 00:37:41.679 --> 00:37:44.739 need to like just cry for like an hour i don't 00:37:44.739 --> 00:37:46.880 know do i need to watch a movie intentionally 00:37:46.880 --> 00:37:50.539 to make myself cry yeah yeah and so i don't really 00:37:50.539 --> 00:37:53.659 like know what i need but it's like it's hard 00:37:53.659 --> 00:37:58.539 to be emotionally connected i guess to my husband 00:37:58.539 --> 00:38:04.539 to uh our kids if i i don't know i feel i think 00:38:04.539 --> 00:38:07.809 it's sleep deprivation for sure yeah too But 00:38:07.809 --> 00:38:11.269 like feeling just attached in that area. I don't 00:38:11.269 --> 00:38:14.650 know what the solution is there, but it's hard 00:38:14.650 --> 00:38:18.809 to just like be there, be the person for so many 00:38:18.809 --> 00:38:23.070 people. Yeah. It's a blessing. For sure. Yeah. 00:38:23.110 --> 00:38:25.590 I want to be that person for so many people, 00:38:25.670 --> 00:38:28.949 but it can be super hard too. Yeah. Super hard 00:38:28.949 --> 00:38:30.550 emotionally. And then you're like, what do I 00:38:30.550 --> 00:38:33.920 need to do? so that I can be there for everyone 00:38:33.920 --> 00:38:36.920 in like a healthy and productive way versus just, 00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:40.000 yeah, just there. Just like there. Yeah. Yep. 00:38:40.119 --> 00:38:44.559 So who knows? Okay. Last one. What feels hardest 00:38:44.559 --> 00:38:48.179 for you relationally right now? So, I mean, I 00:38:48.179 --> 00:38:50.980 think there's like a couple of, you know, I guess 00:38:50.980 --> 00:38:53.760 it depends on like relationship, right? I'm like, 00:38:53.840 --> 00:38:56.860 I know, like I'm not a really good friend right 00:38:56.860 --> 00:39:00.659 now. Just like, I forget to respond to people 00:39:00.659 --> 00:39:03.300 and like I want to set up time to like hang out 00:39:03.300 --> 00:39:05.659 with friends but then the thought of even like 00:39:05.659 --> 00:39:08.960 starting that process I'm like I don't have the 00:39:08.960 --> 00:39:11.340 energy to even think about like what days I'm 00:39:11.340 --> 00:39:14.500 available and then I have to you know again pre 00:39:14.500 --> 00:39:17.599 -kids it would be like I'm gonna get brunch on 00:39:17.599 --> 00:39:19.619 Saturday with my friends and like hey Stuart 00:39:19.619 --> 00:39:21.699 is this like do we have anything Saturday I'm 00:39:21.699 --> 00:39:23.539 thinking like Carly and I are gonna get brunch 00:39:23.539 --> 00:39:27.369 on Saturday yep sounds great cool And that's 00:39:27.369 --> 00:39:30.750 the extent. Where now it's like, okay, we want 00:39:30.750 --> 00:39:32.949 to get brunch on Saturday. Okay, well, what are 00:39:32.949 --> 00:39:36.190 the kids doing? Do we have plans with them? That 00:39:36.190 --> 00:39:37.750 means you're going to be alone with them. Is 00:39:37.750 --> 00:39:41.510 that okay? You're their dad, so it's not like 00:39:41.510 --> 00:39:43.730 I'm asking you to babysit, but also it's different 00:39:43.730 --> 00:39:45.769 than before when it was like, now you just have 00:39:45.769 --> 00:39:48.230 time to yourself because now you have this time 00:39:48.230 --> 00:39:49.889 being respectful. It's actually harder. Yeah. 00:39:50.190 --> 00:39:53.409 And then you're trying to time it. if we go at 00:39:53.409 --> 00:39:56.269 10 can i try to be back for nap time right at 00:39:56.269 --> 00:40:00.070 noon or whatever exactly and then even like within 00:40:00.070 --> 00:40:03.829 that if you have plans you know again there was 00:40:03.829 --> 00:40:06.650 a time when it's like oh i was planning for two 00:40:06.650 --> 00:40:08.230 hours but we were having really good conversations 00:40:08.230 --> 00:40:10.650 so we just hung out for four hours instead yeah 00:40:10.650 --> 00:40:13.130 and now that's just kind of out of the question 00:40:13.130 --> 00:40:16.630 yeah so yeah i think like friend wise it's like 00:40:16.630 --> 00:40:18.670 i'm just like not a good friend and i also don't 00:40:18.670 --> 00:40:21.389 even like know where to start And, you know, 00:40:21.389 --> 00:40:25.449 at this point in time. And then, like, relationally 00:40:25.449 --> 00:40:30.070 with Stuart, we're, so we're really good, a really 00:40:30.070 --> 00:40:32.710 good parenting team. Like, we know that. But 00:40:32.710 --> 00:40:34.949 it's also really hard being married. You know, 00:40:35.010 --> 00:40:39.349 like, when we have time alone together, we always 00:40:39.349 --> 00:40:41.929 have something to do. You know, it's like, I 00:40:41.929 --> 00:40:44.030 have a podcast recording. He edits our podcast. 00:40:44.309 --> 00:40:47.269 You know, there are dishes to be done and trash 00:40:47.269 --> 00:40:50.380 to be taken out. Or sometimes it's like, I just 00:40:50.380 --> 00:40:53.599 want to brain rot because I just need to. And 00:40:53.599 --> 00:40:55.039 then that just makes it really hard because you're 00:40:55.039 --> 00:41:00.320 like, oh, we don't hang out. I like you, but 00:41:00.320 --> 00:41:04.519 we don't hang out. Yeah. We're around each other 00:41:04.519 --> 00:41:07.280 a lot. We do a lot of things together, but it's 00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:10.440 going to Costco. Oh, don't forget, we do need 00:41:10.440 --> 00:41:15.019 eggs. We used more this week. Are we out of milk? 00:41:15.099 --> 00:41:18.400 I don't know. Let me check. You know, a lot of 00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:21.139 what we do. Or we're going to go to a park and 00:41:21.139 --> 00:41:23.199 play with our kids, which is great. And we love 00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:27.000 that. But it makes it hard to like keep the marriage 00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:29.619 part going, I guess. Yeah. No, I feel that for 00:41:29.619 --> 00:41:33.719 sure. I always have like had a hard time understanding 00:41:33.719 --> 00:41:37.179 like when empty nesters say it's like hard to. 00:41:37.929 --> 00:41:40.030 I don't know. They're like relearning their relationship. 00:41:40.650 --> 00:41:43.750 And like I think as we've had kids, I can totally 00:41:43.750 --> 00:41:46.429 see that side of it where it's like you get so 00:41:46.429 --> 00:41:50.690 like deep into parenting and like that side of 00:41:50.690 --> 00:41:53.750 it that it's hard. It's not that you don't love 00:41:53.750 --> 00:41:56.269 each other and you don't like each other anymore. 00:41:56.329 --> 00:41:59.269 It's just relearning how to like to just be the 00:41:59.269 --> 00:42:03.590 two of you again. Like, oh, we like we've prioritized 00:42:03.590 --> 00:42:06.929 something else for so long than now. Like it's 00:42:06.929 --> 00:42:11.070 time to prioritize each other again, which is 00:42:11.070 --> 00:42:14.289 so hard because your marriage should be the priority. 00:42:14.510 --> 00:42:17.789 What I've been taught is it's like your marriage 00:42:17.789 --> 00:42:21.550 comes first, then your kids. And it's so, when 00:42:21.550 --> 00:42:25.469 kids are such a, there's so much to it. Yeah. 00:42:25.489 --> 00:42:28.809 Well, I think the hard thing with that is the 00:42:28.809 --> 00:42:30.989 immediate needs of your kids obviously have to 00:42:30.989 --> 00:42:33.329 come first. Yeah. You know, it's like, you know, 00:42:33.329 --> 00:42:35.210 if I have three people in my house who are hungry, 00:42:35.849 --> 00:42:38.429 stewart can get his own dang snack right whereas 00:42:38.429 --> 00:42:41.269 like zeta and lloyd can't and i have to take 00:42:41.269 --> 00:42:43.769 care of them and obviously like you know in that 00:42:43.769 --> 00:42:45.369 scenario it's like we're gonna tag team we're 00:42:45.369 --> 00:42:46.969 like i'll probably nurse zeta and stewart will 00:42:46.969 --> 00:42:48.369 get lloyd a snack and then he'll get his own 00:42:48.369 --> 00:42:50.969 snack you know so it's like the immediate needs 00:42:50.969 --> 00:42:52.989 of your kids come first and i think that makes 00:42:52.989 --> 00:42:56.289 it really easy to slip into the oh relationally 00:42:56.289 --> 00:42:59.610 yeah that you know your spouse then ends up coming 00:42:59.610 --> 00:43:02.619 second because these immediate needs need to 00:43:02.619 --> 00:43:04.880 be met all the time. Yeah. That's so true. I 00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:07.460 think that's really hard. And then again, you're 00:43:07.460 --> 00:43:10.559 exhausted. It's like, what do we even want to 00:43:10.559 --> 00:43:12.820 do for date night? Just like take a nap. I don't 00:43:12.820 --> 00:43:17.420 know. Like literally. Yeah. Like I want to do 00:43:17.420 --> 00:43:18.960 stuff with you, but also I'm tired and want to 00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:21.199 go to sleep. And yeah. So that makes it really 00:43:21.199 --> 00:43:25.019 hard. Yeah. Okay. Relationally for me, I kind 00:43:25.019 --> 00:43:26.960 of just thought of like the spouse side of it. 00:43:27.019 --> 00:43:31.039 So I think like, Being intentional with Michael 00:43:31.039 --> 00:43:34.820 is really hard for me right now because I'm so 00:43:34.820 --> 00:43:37.579 tired. And yeah, when we get to the end of the 00:43:37.579 --> 00:43:40.239 day, I mean, our kids are having a hard time 00:43:40.239 --> 00:43:43.199 going to sleep right now. As you know, like the 00:43:43.199 --> 00:43:45.300 other night, we didn't walk out of Colt's room 00:43:45.300 --> 00:43:49.739 until 10 p .m. And at that time, it's like, okay, 00:43:49.760 --> 00:43:52.159 the house still needs to be reset. So we're like, 00:43:52.199 --> 00:43:55.179 we're trying to clean, trying to like not have 00:43:55.179 --> 00:43:58.690 dishes. piled up at you know and make our house 00:43:58.690 --> 00:44:02.010 stink and by that time we're sitting on the couch 00:44:02.010 --> 00:44:05.809 at 10 30 10 45 and literally that night yeah 00:44:05.809 --> 00:44:08.449 10 p .m walk out of colt's room and we like did 00:44:08.449 --> 00:44:10.769 like the like back and forth back and forth and 00:44:10.769 --> 00:44:12.949 in this time cruise had woken up like three times 00:44:12.949 --> 00:44:16.670 already and so we were just spent and i think 00:44:16.670 --> 00:44:19.309 finally yeah like 10 30 hit we'd clean the house 00:44:19.309 --> 00:44:21.650 and i was like i don't have anything left in 00:44:21.650 --> 00:44:23.900 me i'm going to bed Yeah. I got to go to bed. 00:44:24.019 --> 00:44:27.239 And so not saying that that's a good example 00:44:27.239 --> 00:44:29.980 of a night because it's not like every night 00:44:29.980 --> 00:44:33.739 for us. Sure. Thank God. But I think like that's 00:44:33.739 --> 00:44:37.000 just an example of like the intentionality that 00:44:37.000 --> 00:44:41.239 I need to have towards my spouse and wanting 00:44:41.239 --> 00:44:44.380 to spend time with him and talk with him. And 00:44:44.380 --> 00:44:48.300 it's just I don't have any energy left at the 00:44:48.300 --> 00:44:51.280 end of the day. I also, I don't know if this 00:44:51.280 --> 00:44:52.880 happens to you guys, but I feel like there are 00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:55.139 lots of nights for me where I'm, like, the day 00:44:55.139 --> 00:44:58.159 goes fairly well. And, or, like, I'm in a good 00:44:58.159 --> 00:44:59.980 mood. Even if it doesn't go well, but, you know, 00:44:59.980 --> 00:45:02.079 somehow there's that, like, random good mood, 00:45:02.119 --> 00:45:05.179 even though it was chaotic that day. You're, 00:45:05.219 --> 00:45:06.719 like, you know, tonight's going to be the night 00:45:06.719 --> 00:45:09.099 we're going to, like, do something together. 00:45:09.320 --> 00:45:11.280 Whether it's, like, intentionally watch a movie 00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:13.480 instead of just, like, put something on or, like, 00:45:13.539 --> 00:45:15.980 play a game together. Like, you know, just, like, 00:45:16.000 --> 00:45:18.900 be, like. close to each other whatever and then 00:45:18.900 --> 00:45:21.019 that's always the night that it's like oh and 00:45:21.019 --> 00:45:25.239 bedtime was a war and so then you're like well 00:45:25.239 --> 00:45:28.380 i had these plans but now like all of the energy 00:45:28.380 --> 00:45:32.380 i had for that gone yeah like i think that happens 00:45:32.380 --> 00:45:35.739 to me frequently yes it's like okay i had every 00:45:35.739 --> 00:45:38.619 intention of like making something good happen 00:45:38.619 --> 00:45:41.940 tonight yeah and and now and now there's like 00:45:41.940 --> 00:45:45.420 no chance of it because yeah Yep. And it's obviously 00:45:45.420 --> 00:45:48.519 just the season that we're in, but it's also 00:45:48.519 --> 00:45:52.400 not fair to my husband. Like I know I need to 00:45:52.400 --> 00:45:55.659 be more intentional and just emotionally available 00:45:55.659 --> 00:45:59.260 for him and like check it in. And it's so hard 00:45:59.260 --> 00:46:02.639 whenever you're just, you're so tired. And so 00:46:02.639 --> 00:46:05.599 we also need to prioritize date nights, which 00:46:05.599 --> 00:46:07.960 is so hard without family around. Like we're 00:46:07.960 --> 00:46:10.039 having to plan for a babysitter. We're super 00:46:10.039 --> 00:46:14.280 blessed in that because like we have a set, day 00:46:14.280 --> 00:46:16.960 every month that nice my mother -in -law takes 00:46:16.960 --> 00:46:20.039 lloyd overnight and then once zeta's sleeping 00:46:20.039 --> 00:46:23.539 through the night someday um she'll take zeta 00:46:23.539 --> 00:46:26.659 too so like yeah we're super blessed in that 00:46:26.659 --> 00:46:29.179 but yeah if you have to plan for a babysitter 00:46:29.179 --> 00:46:31.820 and yeah and then also everything's so expensive 00:46:31.820 --> 00:46:34.849 it is anytime you're like let's just Like somehow 00:46:34.849 --> 00:46:38.829 we spent $17 ,000 on dinner and a movie. How 00:46:38.829 --> 00:46:40.789 did we do that? Well, yeah, there's the side 00:46:40.789 --> 00:46:42.650 of it too where I'm like, I'm paying for the 00:46:42.650 --> 00:46:45.369 babysitter. That in itself, I'm like, okay, let 00:46:45.369 --> 00:46:47.829 me pay like 60 bucks or whatever for a couple 00:46:47.829 --> 00:46:49.989 hours. We're going to dinner. That's another 00:46:49.989 --> 00:46:53.710 50 bucks. Then, yeah, maybe a movie. What? Another 00:46:53.710 --> 00:46:57.670 30, 40 bucks. I'm like, this date night's $175. 00:46:58.409 --> 00:47:01.449 Yeah. I'm like, yeah, you're worth it. Absolutely. 00:47:01.670 --> 00:47:03.960 But do we have the budget for it? it right now. 00:47:04.599 --> 00:47:08.719 Probably not. Yeah. Yeah. And so we need to be 00:47:08.719 --> 00:47:10.679 more creative about like date nights at home 00:47:10.679 --> 00:47:13.619 and just like doing something other than like 00:47:13.619 --> 00:47:16.579 rotting on the couch, you know, like play a card 00:47:16.579 --> 00:47:20.599 game and just something out of the norm. And 00:47:20.599 --> 00:47:23.039 so I think there needs in my head, I need to 00:47:23.039 --> 00:47:24.920 be more intentional about thinking things through 00:47:24.920 --> 00:47:26.880 like that. But then again, you go back to the 00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:29.019 like decision fatigue or like, I don't want to 00:47:29.019 --> 00:47:32.150 make another decision. Exactly. Yeah. You do 00:47:32.150 --> 00:47:34.170 this. Yeah. Right. And then when he doesn't, 00:47:34.170 --> 00:47:35.710 you're like, I'm mad at you because you didn't 00:47:35.710 --> 00:47:38.630 do this. Yes. My expectations were higher than 00:47:38.630 --> 00:47:42.469 this and now I'm disappointed. Exactly. Gosh. 00:47:43.050 --> 00:47:46.170 Well, I feel like I'm doing okay in most of these 00:47:46.170 --> 00:47:50.230 areas, but this was a good like mindset check 00:47:50.230 --> 00:47:53.010 in. And hopefully like as you guys are listening. 00:47:53.530 --> 00:47:56.349 to this that you are able to check in with yourself 00:47:56.349 --> 00:47:59.010 and see how you're doing in these areas and maybe 00:47:59.010 --> 00:48:01.750 even check in with your partner and yeah just 00:48:01.750 --> 00:48:05.769 it it's okay like hopefully this shows you that 00:48:05.769 --> 00:48:09.170 you're not alone in these areas yeah again either 00:48:09.170 --> 00:48:11.650 you're gonna relate hardcore or we're gonna find 00:48:11.650 --> 00:48:15.309 out we were struggling way harder than we thought 00:48:15.309 --> 00:48:18.269 we were Hey, at least we're together. That's 00:48:18.269 --> 00:48:21.030 true. At least it's the two of us. Yeah. So at 00:48:21.030 --> 00:48:23.150 least we have each other. Hopefully you're doing 00:48:23.150 --> 00:48:25.570 great and not struggling. So you're doing better 00:48:25.570 --> 00:48:28.389 than we are. Yeah. Yeah. Well, do we want to 00:48:28.389 --> 00:48:32.190 end with our wins of the week? Sure. Okay. So 00:48:32.190 --> 00:48:33.909 I already talked about like our bedtime routine. 00:48:33.989 --> 00:48:36.210 And one of the things that Stuart's been doing, 00:48:36.309 --> 00:48:37.989 this is maybe it's more of like his win than 00:48:37.989 --> 00:48:40.030 mine, but I'm going to share it anyways. When 00:48:40.030 --> 00:48:42.880 he... does like dad snuggles with lloyd he's 00:48:42.880 --> 00:48:45.300 been practicing bible verses and so the one he's 00:48:45.300 --> 00:48:47.980 practicing right now is trust in the lord your 00:48:47.980 --> 00:48:50.199 god with all your heart lean not on your own 00:48:50.199 --> 00:48:52.260 understanding and in all your ways submit to 00:48:52.260 --> 00:48:54.239 him and he will make your path straight so lloyd 00:48:54.239 --> 00:48:56.260 knows the whole verse we have to like kind of 00:48:56.260 --> 00:48:58.360 prompt him in sections but he knows the whole 00:48:58.360 --> 00:49:01.159 verse so the other day you know bedtime's done 00:49:01.159 --> 00:49:04.539 blah blah blah and i like go into you know let 00:49:04.539 --> 00:49:08.639 stewart and lloyd know that zeta's done and Stuart 00:49:08.639 --> 00:49:11.440 goes, Lloyd, what do we say to Zeta when she's 00:49:11.440 --> 00:49:17.079 crying? And he goes, trust in the Lord. And Stuart 00:49:17.079 --> 00:49:19.000 was like, that wasn't what I taught him to say. 00:49:19.019 --> 00:49:21.219 So he just said that completely unprompted. Trust 00:49:21.219 --> 00:49:23.980 in the Lord. Zeta, trust in the Lord. That's 00:49:23.980 --> 00:49:26.559 just the cutest thing. That's so cute. And like 00:49:26.559 --> 00:49:28.000 the most wholesome thing I've ever heard in my 00:49:28.000 --> 00:49:29.480 whole life. Oh my gosh. Like that's not what 00:49:29.480 --> 00:49:31.659 my instinct to tell my child would be when they're 00:49:31.659 --> 00:49:35.519 crying. Trust in the Lord. But now like. Oh my 00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:38.079 gosh. If you're crying, trust in the Lord, you 00:49:38.079 --> 00:49:40.860 know. That's amazing. So cute. That's so cute. 00:49:41.539 --> 00:49:44.659 Okay. Your win made me think of one. So I'm changing 00:49:44.659 --> 00:49:48.619 mine on the spot. So every night we've been reading 00:49:48.619 --> 00:49:51.199 like there's, we have like a children's Bible. 00:49:51.539 --> 00:49:53.179 We probably have the same one. Yeah, probably. 00:49:53.300 --> 00:49:55.380 I think it's from church that gave it to us, 00:49:55.400 --> 00:49:57.440 but it has all like the Bible stories in like 00:49:57.440 --> 00:50:00.400 kid version. The very last page. Well, we always 00:50:00.400 --> 00:50:03.380 read, there's a page that has planets on it. 00:50:03.630 --> 00:50:06.130 And it's talking about like the creation of earth. 00:50:06.349 --> 00:50:09.329 And so we always read that page. And then we 00:50:09.329 --> 00:50:11.969 always read the David and Goliath story. And 00:50:11.969 --> 00:50:14.650 then last night he was, he's like a couple more 00:50:14.650 --> 00:50:18.110 pages. And we're like, it was already 830 at 00:50:18.110 --> 00:50:20.150 this point. I was like, we're already way past 00:50:20.150 --> 00:50:22.989 bedtime. And so I was like, Michael, just read 00:50:22.989 --> 00:50:25.409 like on the last page, there's like an accept 00:50:25.409 --> 00:50:28.769 Jesus into your heart page. Like, and so Michael's 00:50:28.769 --> 00:50:31.230 like, okay, we'll do this one. And not that we're 00:50:31.230 --> 00:50:33.909 like. Okay, it's time to accept Jesus into your 00:50:33.909 --> 00:50:36.389 heart. Colt, you're two years old. Come on. Get 00:50:36.389 --> 00:50:38.329 it together, buddy. No, but Michael's like, okay, 00:50:38.389 --> 00:50:41.449 buddy, repeat after me. And Michael just like 00:50:41.449 --> 00:50:43.829 starts saying it. And then Michael's like, oh, 00:50:43.869 --> 00:50:45.489 buddy, you don't have to repeat after me. But 00:50:45.489 --> 00:50:47.849 Colt like repeated the whole thing after him. 00:50:47.929 --> 00:50:51.429 And it was so cute. Yeah, it was like, and when 00:50:51.429 --> 00:50:54.210 you want Jesus to forgive you of your sins. And 00:50:54.210 --> 00:50:59.210 Colt's like, Jesus, forgive me of our sins. That's 00:50:59.210 --> 00:51:01.610 so cute. I'm just sitting there like, oh my God, 00:51:01.630 --> 00:51:04.969 this is the cutest thing ever. And I can't wait 00:51:04.969 --> 00:51:07.250 for the day that this is like actually happening. 00:51:07.590 --> 00:51:10.170 And I'm glad I said yes to the couple more pages. 00:51:10.409 --> 00:51:12.530 Yes. Yeah. So I'm like, I think this is going 00:51:12.530 --> 00:51:16.750 to be like every night now is reading this prayer 00:51:16.750 --> 00:51:18.809 of acceptance. That's actually another hard thing 00:51:18.809 --> 00:51:21.730 is all the little things that like another book, 00:51:21.809 --> 00:51:24.170 another like mom just like sit with me on the 00:51:24.170 --> 00:51:26.469 couch, all those things that it's like, I know 00:51:26.469 --> 00:51:28.579 someday I'm going to. be mad that i didn't say 00:51:28.579 --> 00:51:31.199 yes more but right now i'm so tired yes like 00:51:31.199 --> 00:51:33.360 and we've got to have some boundaries there's 00:51:33.360 --> 00:51:35.639 got to be like the healthy sometimes the answer 00:51:35.639 --> 00:51:38.679 is no yeah which is so hard when it's like yeah 00:51:38.679 --> 00:51:43.039 one more book okay yeah so hopefully you guys 00:51:43.039 --> 00:51:46.099 uh relate to this in some way yeah let us know 00:51:46.099 --> 00:51:48.159 what you think follow us on instagram at no manual 00:51:48.159 --> 00:51:52.039 podcast and tell your friends about us i don't 00:51:52.039 --> 00:51:55.019 know yeah we'll see you guys next week see you 00:51:55.019 --> 00:51:57.869 next week Well, that's enough oversharing for 00:51:57.869 --> 00:52:00.510 today. If you enjoyed hanging out with us, hit 00:52:00.510 --> 00:52:02.769 subscribe so you don't miss the next round of 00:52:02.769 --> 00:52:05.269 chaos. And if you're listening while hiding in 00:52:05.269 --> 00:52:07.329 the bathroom from your kids, no judgment, we 00:52:07.329 --> 00:52:10.210 see you. Thanks for joining us on No Manual Momcast, 00:52:10.469 --> 00:52:14.170 where motherhood is messy. At least we can laugh 00:52:14.170 --> 00:52:32.679 about it together. That's so cute.