Motherhood, where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal. And somehow, we're supposed to be
raising tiny humans through it all. We're here
to laugh at the chaos, cry when necessary, and
remind you that none of us actually know what
we're doing. This is No Manual, a momcast. Your
mom friend group chat, but with microphones.
Well, welcome back to No Manual, a momcast. We're
just kind of getting back in the swing of things
for the new year. And our super fun episode today
is about sleep regression. Yes. And if you are
looking for an episode that has any information.
This is not the one. This is not the place for
you. If you are looking for two moms who are
very frustrated with sleep regression and exhausted
and need someone to complain with. This is our
vent sesh. You are in the right place for sure.
So true. Because that's just where we're at.
We have no information, but we're both very tired.
With that, do you want to start with your mom
moment? I would love to. So like you said, we're
just kind of getting back in the swing of things
with the new year, traveled over the holidays.
So this last week was. Our first week, like trying
to hop back into work, like get our routine back
to normal and our kind of routine. So I work
from home two days a week and then I go into
the office two days a week and we have child
care for those two days that comes to our house.
And so all that to say, like Colt, honestly,
we don't really get out of the house very much
during the week other than like. quick walks
or like target pickup orders, things like that.
We're not really going to a lot of places except
on the weekends. And so this last week I felt
really bad because on Thursday I realized that
Colt had not left the house since Sunday. And
I was like, oh my gosh, like I just, I don't
know. I felt bad because I'm like, he's probably
feeling really, like, just antsy. Yeah, stir
crazy. Stir crazy, like I would, for sure. Like,
we literally, like, we didn't go anywhere. Like,
yeah, he'd played outside, like, things like
that, but we didn't drive anywhere. And so on
Thursday, once I got home from work, I was like,
oh, we need like we got to go somewhere tonight.
I was like, whether we go to like Chick -fil
-A or something, we can go play on the play place.
We did that last night. Nice. Like that is a
frequent place for us. It's a good one. Costco.
I was like, we need to do a Costco run anyways.
So we ended up going to Costco. But before that,
I was like, hey, Colt, like. We haven't been
out of the house all week. Do you want to go
somewhere? Do you want to go somewhere or do
you want to stay home? And he goes, stay home.
I'm like, oh, you. You actually don't care. You're
just happy. Yeah. I mean, for a little kid, if
you're getting outside. Yeah, that's kind of
like an outing, I guess. And he was like, it
was a pretty nice week for the most part. Yeah,
it's been a really nice few weeks. And so we
played outside every single day. And he like,
I mean, he has all his new toys from Christmas.
And so he's just like been building with his
magnet tiles a ton. Living his best life. Yeah.
But then I was like, no, we like. We've got to
get out of the house. And so we did go to Costco
and then we had dinner at Costco. As you should.
As you, obviously. But I don't think we'd ever,
like sometimes we'll like grab it and take it
home. But we like sat there for dinner and it
just. Colt was like thriving. He had the best
time, like ate his pizza, ate some of Michael's
hot dog, just was so happy to be there. And then
we get back in the car and I'm like, buddy, did
you have the best time? He's like, yes. Like
he just had the, like the best day of his life.
I mean, Costco's the best. Yeah. Lloyd also asks
to go to Costco. Nice. So I'm like, we're doing
something right. Yeah. And now that they've switched
from Pepsi products to Coke products, I'm actually
very happy about that too. Yeah. So it was super
fun. That's great. Just a trip to Costco. Sometimes
that's all you need. Honestly. What about you?
So this will go well with our theme today. But
yeah, same thing. We, I had like. almost a full
two weeks off from the week of christmas until
you know the week of new year's and then didn't
go back to work till the monday after new year's
okay and so and that was this past monday from
when we're recording so go back to work and we've
had some like rough sleep situations for the
past couple months the weekend before zaya slept
11 hours straight two nights in a row oh never
have made it we've made it i mean i wasn't holding
my breath yeah so i was like okay i'm not like
first of all not telling a single person i told
stewart which doesn't count um but i was like
not telling if my mom asks she doesn't she doesn't
need to know this no no one needs to know this
because no way am i jinxing this second i tell
someone it jinxes it yeah um but i was also like
listen i'm not holding out hope that like this
is our new normal but this means we're in the
right direction right like maybe you know 11
hours isn't gonna be the new normal but maybe
we're gonna get some like good eight hour stretches
or something yes then go back to work monday
that was fine and then monday night slash tuesday
morning she wakes up at the middle of the night
fine she's not going back down finally like i
go back to bed and stewart takes over and i'm
just like so cold like bundled up in blankets
and so cold and i'm like i'm getting sick like
you just you know that sick cold you know it's
like oh it's not that the room is cold i could
have a fire under me and be bundled in 27 blankets
and i'd still be freezing right now so i was
like I'm getting sick. I just need to get some
sleep. Like if only the 11 hours straight could
have happened. Happened tonight. Yeah. So I'm
like, okay, I'll be fine. Tuesday, I could like
kind of feel it coming on. But I was like, I'm
just going to drink some extra tea, extra, you
know, liquid IV, whatever. Try to kick this.
And then go to bed. Like I'll try to go to bed
kind of early. Yeah. And make this happen. You
know, like just get some sleep and then I'll
be fine. And then Tuesday night, same thing happens.
She was up for so many hours. Like maybe it wasn't
that many. It felt like a long time. She only
woke up once, but she just like would not go
back down. Was just so awake. And. Was she upset
or was she just like, she's just wide awake?
She, if you're holding her, she's just wide awake.
Yeah. Second, you put her in her crib, not having
it. And of course, since her and Lloyd share
a room right now, I'm like not going to risk
waking Lloyd up because that's going to ruin
everyone's day. So I was like, okay. It's Wednesday.
I've been back to work for a whole two days now.
I'm just going to call in sick because I feel
like absolute garbage. But also like if I could
just get through today, get a good nap when the
kids are napping, I should be good. So I call
in sick, do that whole thing. Actually, both
kids ended up going back to sleep till like maybe
730. So I got like a couple hours of sleep, phoned
it in, got McDonald's breakfast. I think lunch
was like just snacks kind of thing. And I was
like, okay, I just need them to nap. Yeah. And
Zeta slept for maybe an hour, not consecutively,
not with. At the same time. Yeah, not at the
same time. Lloyd didn't nap at all. Dang it.
And I was just getting so frustrated. I swear
there's some curse of being a mom that like the
second you're sick, no one else sleeps. Because
Lloyd, or no. Because Stuart gets sick and everyone
sleeps just fine. But anytime I'm sick. It's
like they know. It's like they know. So thankfully.
Oh, yeah. That was the other piece of this. So
typically we have my parents watch the kids one
day a week. Starting next week, we're going to
have my parents one day a week and then Stuart's
mom one day a week. So we'll have two days of
child care. Nice. But this week, the first week
of the year. My parents were out of town on their
35th wedding anniversary. So they were like,
hey, we can't watch the kids, which is like.
Totally fine. That's fine. Happy for them. Not
a big deal. And then my mother -in -law was like,
because she went from retiring at the end of
the year to helping us with the kids once a week.
She's like, I just want to take a week. We're
like, don't have any commitments. We're like,
sure. Again, not a big deal. Like, it's just
one week. But of course, it's the week that I
got sick that no one was around. yeah that no
one's sleeping so i just need some help thankfully
stewart did end up coming home early from work
when the kids weren't sleeping and he's like
you just go take a nap and i think i napped for
two hours still continue to get sick as you can
hear me like not being able to breathe um but
yeah like what is this curse of being a mom it's
second like you're sick everyone's like no no
sleep no naps no nothing Being sick, like I thought
being sick was terrible before kids. With kids,
it is just the absolute worst. The absolute worst.
And I never want my kids to be sick, but being
sick when they're healthy. I would rather them
be sick. Like that sounds bad. Not that I want
my kids to be sick, but it's so much easier to
take care of a sick kid than it is to be sick
and take care of a healthy kid. Yes. Or a sick
kid. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, speaking of torture,
let's talk about sleep in general and just what
does sleep look like, I guess, for... for you
guys. It sounds like, I mean, you've had some
good stretches. Yeah. What was it? I guess let's
go back to Lloyd. Like when Lloyd was a baby.
So Lloyd, he like, now I need to think back.
I feel like he wasn't like a terrible sleeper.
He wasn't like a good sleeper. And part of it
was first kid. We were like, we are not co -sleeping.
absolutely not yeah and then we ended up co -sleeping
so but we tried for a long time not to because
we had been like we're not gonna do this we're
not gonna do this but then That just made everyone's
sleep worse because Lloyd wouldn't sleep and
that meant I wouldn't sleep. And then Stuart
went back to work and he also works a physical
job with lots of power tools. So I'm like, I
want you to sleep. He needs to sleep. I do not
want you to lose an arm or your life. Thank you.
So it was really rough. And then we ended up
co -sleeping and that helped. When we ended up
getting him in his crib, we did. I nursed to
sleep for a long time. And then it got to the
point where I was the only one who could get
him to sleep. It's really like, we got to stop
that. And we did do the taking care of babies.
Yeah. And that helped for a while. Actually,
I think. It worked for Lloyd, to be honest. And
I actually started with naps, which is not what's
recommended. But that's where we were like struggling
is he would just thirst for like an hour to nap.
Oh, gosh. And at that point, I had gone back
to work. And I was like, I can't do it. I can't
nurse you for an hour and try to work. And yeah,
so that didn't work. But he still woke up probably
twice a night till he was like maybe nine months
old. And then he still woke up. once a night
i don't remember the exact timeline because i
know at one point he started sleeping through
the night and then he stopped and we couldn't
figure out why and then we found out i was pregnant
and my milk supply had dropped so we were like
oh he's not getting full he's hungry yeah yeah
um and at that point we introduced whole milk
for him like the at night And I know he hadn't
hit one yet because then I like told our pediatrician
all of that. He was like, yeah, that's what I
would have recommended anyways. And it fixed
his like not sleeping through the night. So he
must have started sleeping through the night
like 10 -ish months, something like that. But
for the most part, with like some exceptions,
he would like wake up, eat, go back to sleep,
which honestly for me, like I'm fine with that.
Yeah. I don't want to be woken up multiple times
a night or at all at night if I can help it.
But if it's like a quick like feed you, you go
back to sleep. Yeah. I can hang with that. Yep.
Zeta started sleeping through the night very
quickly. But because she was so little, they
wanted me to wake her up. Yeah. And I like that.
That might be worse. Yeah. I mean, and to be
fair, it worked out fairly well in that like
I could wake her up just enough to feed her and
then put her back down. And like, obviously,
I don't know. But part of me is like, do we have
sleep issues now because of that? Like if we
had just like wrote out her sleeping through
the night, would she still be sleeping through
that night now? Or would we still be running
into that? Like what kind of habit, I guess,
was kind of naturally formed? not that it was
on yeah it was kind of what you had to do i guess
so obviously i have no idea um you know i don't
have like a parallel timeline that i can look
at but yeah yeah so now she is 11 months old
and still wakes up at least once a night to feed
and she just like fights going back down is like
the biggest issue is and we still nurse to sleep
so i'm like oh I want to try to like start weeding
her at a year old. And I don't know how we're
going to do that. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I am entirely
in the same boat as you are. Our sleep looks
a little different. So with Colt. both of my
kids are terrible sleepers let me just start
with that at least in my head they are i'm sure
there's moms out there that have worse sleepers
i don't know the stories you tell me i feel like
are yeah pretty rough so colt was never really
has never really been a great sleeper i think
as like an infant i think we would get like three
hour stretches, like right at the beginning,
maybe the longest stretch I had gotten was like
five hours. And I think I felt like glorious
after a five hour stretch. And then we hit, I
think it was like the four month sleep regression.
I think it hit him a little bit late, like around
five or six months. And he was up like, I'm not
even kidding, every single hour of the night.
And that's when we started co -sleeping. And
I was the same way where I was like, we're not
going to co -sleep. There was like a few times
where I like accidentally fell asleep while feeding
him. And so then originally like when we had
Colt, we lived with one of our coworkers. And
so I would like. I sometimes nurse him in the
room, but I would actually like physically go
out to the living room and like change Colt out
there and feed him in the recliner out there.
Because the recliner, it wouldn't fit in our
room. And like feed him out there and like purposefully
stay awake as much as possible. Right. And then
that kind of dropped off as like that regression
hit. And we were like, I just need, we need sleep
so badly. I need the 20 minute increments I can
get. Yeah. And so we started co -sleeping with
Colt. And then we like co -slept mostly full
time with him until I found out I was pregnant
with Cruz and my supply dipped a ton, like almost
to nothing. And Cole actually like. started to
not like it like he would like oh interesting
he would like try it and then he would like be
like repulsed by it I think the taste of it changed
or something that's super which can happen yeah
I didn't I don't think we had that experience
yeah I don't remember Lloyd like being repulsed
or anything but I know my supply definitely dropped
and it was like oh this explains a lot yes and
so I like tried to keep up with pumping but I
just was like not not making as much and so we
really um started tapping into using formula
which I think helped helped a bit with sleep
like those stretches I remember but I was at
the point like the first trimester where I'm
so exhausted all the time no matter how much
sleep I got I just felt like I'd been hit by
a truck and that is when we decided I think it
was like two days it was on my birthday which
is two days before colt's birthday so i remember
on my birthday we did the first night of sleep
training we did taking care of babies and that
first night was torture for me of like letting
him cry like it's the 5 10 15 yeah but i think
colt cried for 50 minutes before he finally fell
asleep and i legit told michael i was like i
have to go outside and let I let him do it. Yeah.
But I went outside and I like played with the
dog for 50 minutes. And then I would have Michael
like text me updates like, oh, he's asleep or
nope, still crying. And so I just like couldn't
hear it. I think I put my AirPods in or something.
But then like Colt's sleep significantly got
better. Like he started that first night of sleep
training. Yes, he cried for 50 minutes, but then
he slept for 10 hours. And that was the first
time he'd ever done that. in his entire life
and so i was like oh my gosh we just we made
it yeah and going from split up sleep to like
yeah even an eight hour stretch oh my gosh 10
hours you're like oh my gosh it was so glorious
and then yeah we it significantly got better
and he was doing like pretty much sleeping through
the night from, I think it was like 8 p .m. to
6 .30 was kind of our like. That's great. Yeah.
And yeah, he had a couple like bad nights here
and there where we'd like go in and comfort him.
And we kind of like weaned away from like the
letting him cry, you know, figure it out in the
night, like starting the 5, 10, 15 in the night
too. But we would like in certain cases, yeah,
we'd pick him up out of the crib and we'd like.
Well, I mean, there's also this level of me for
me where I think about it. Like I have nights
where I just like don't sleep well too. Yeah.
Like no really explanation to it. Yeah. Like
I'm sure if someone like did diagnostics on my
body, they would be able to tell me why. But
in my head, I just had a bad night of sleep.
Yeah, absolutely. So we ended up moving out of
our co -worker's house. I think Colt was like
13 months and moved into our own place. And his
sleep kind of like dipped a little bit then.
We would have to. rock him to sleep or, and we
just like made it work. We kind of made it up
as we went, which maybe isn't great. Like the
consistency wasn't there, but we were just trying
to survive. And yeah, I'm like super exhausted,
pregnant. Yeah. There were nights where we would
literally sleep in the recliner pretty much all
night long. Like my sciatica would be just feeling
really great after that. But once Cruz was born,
Colt's sleep got absolutely terrible after that.
And I think that's a common thing when like another,
like they regress or can regress. And now with
a newborn baby and a two -year -old, or he wasn't
two yet, a 19 -month -old where both of them
are waking up multiple times a night, it just.
Like zero hours of sleep for me. Yes. And so
it became like a divide and conquer situation
for Michael and I. And honestly, it's still a
divide and conquer situation for us right now.
And Cruz is nine months old now. And he's in
a terrible sleep progression right now that I
cannot figure out. We do co -sleep with him.
I pretty much co -sleep with him full time. And
that has helped us a ton in the beginning. I
think it's starting to hurt us. I think both
of us are waking each other up. Yeah, I know
with both of our kids that like came a point
with co -sleeping where it was just like me being
there made it harder for them to just like sleep
for a longer period. And so I'm at like the point
where I think that we need to do something. We
need to change something with his sleep. I don't
know entirely if I want to sleep train again.
Because I mean, I am still nursing to sleep,
but something has to change because I'm so at
my wits end of I need sleep so terribly. Like
right now, Cruz is waking up every one or two
hours in the night. And he just, like, some nights
he just wants to eat a little bit and then he
goes right back to sleep. And he legit will,
like, he'll eat and then he, like, pulls away
from me and wants to, like, then he rolls over
and wants to. It's like, thank you, mom. Yeah,
I don't need you anymore. And, but then. There's
been multiple nights in the past month where
he's up from 2 to 5 and just like chatting, sitting
there, practicing his waving, practicing his
clapping, literally just rolling everywhere around.
And because I'm in the bed with him, I'm like,
I have to stay awake because he could crawl out
of the bed right now if he wants. Yeah, I think
I'm just at my wit's end. harder part of it too
is colt is still waking up every single night
right now and anywhere from like midnight to
3 a .m is kind of when he wakes up and we are
just so exhausted that we ended up moving colt
to a floor bed and now michael just will go in
there and just sleep the rest of the night in
there with colt you have to sleep like that's
part of the hard thing is yeah you're like i'm
exhausted i have to function during the day yeah
and i don't know if like Maybe a stay at home
mom can correct me on this, but I feel like,
so again, we just celebrated Christmas and had
two weeks off and the like really rough nights
we had in that time that I was off were super
frustrating. They were less stressful though,
because I was like, oh, during the day I can
like baby make up for this at some point. I can
get a nap in, whether that's while the kids are
napping or like Stuart and I can tag team where.
I take a nap and he takes care of the kids and
then vice versa, whatever. But then going back
to work, it's like, well, I don't have time for
a nap. So it's not that like the sleep regression
and not sleeping isn't frustrating when you don't
work. But I think there's less, at least for
me, there's less stress with it. Yes. Because
I don't have to like. Not that you don't have
to function, but like there's maybe a little
more room for like, oh, today we're just going
to watch a movie. Or like, no, actually we're
the kind of tired where we need to get out of
the house and go play to like get our blood pumping,
whatever. And with working, I'm like, I don't
have those options. Yeah. I completely agree
with you a hundred percent on that. And like,
we're just, I feel like we're just in survival
mode. But we've been in survival mode for the
past year, it feels like. And I'm like, where
do we draw the line here? Where do we... And
what do we do? What do we do? And I know a lot
of people... And I don't even know if I'm looking
for advice or anything like that. It's just kind
of the season that we're in. That's the other
annoying thing is when people give you unsolicited
advice. Yeah. People could tell me like, oh,
I got to re -sleep train my two -year -old. I
got to sleep train my... nine month old and yeah
i get it i see the benefits in that but i'm also
i'm seeing the negatives of it too of like do
i want to do that again i don't know yeah and
i'm like this decision is something where i'm
kind of like i'm at like a crossroads of and
there's so much information that yeah makes it
so much harder because you're like okay here
are the benefits i also like Here are the scientific
benefits and here are the scientific negatives.
Yes. And which one do I want to deal with? Yeah.
Yeah. It's like right now we're not sleep training
or anything, but there are definitely times I
let Zeta cry. And like the two main times, one
is like there are times when I set her down and
she's clearly like just mad that I set her down
and she'll cry for like less than five minutes
and then go to sleep. I'm like, okay, that happens.
And so I've kind of just like tried to come to
terms with that. I was like, sometimes she's
just going to cry for a minute cause she's mad
that. And you can tell the difference as a mom.
Yeah. Typically. Yes. Sometimes it's like there's,
you know, she throws us for a loop. And then
of course the other time it's like, I'm getting
really frustrated. So I need to walk away and
like take a breather. And it's funny cause in
moments like right now when I'm just like logically
talking about it, I'm like, I know that's. the
right thing to do yeah that like her crying sometimes
isn't gonna form like this like deep trauma you
know me walking away when i'm frustrated is better
for her than me not walking away when i'm frustrated
letting her cry for two minutes while she's just
like oh yeah i'm in my crib i'm fine yeah is
it gonna cause like this lifelong trauma but
then you'll see like this info post on instagram
about how like attachment and blah blah blah
and all of a sudden you're like oh so i am the
worst mom in the entire world and she's never
gonna love me and like there goes the spiral
there goes the spiral yeah Yeah, and, like, you
have those moments where you're like, oh, so,
like, I'm doing all the wrong things. Because
even when I'm doing the thing, then again, like,
I know walking away when I'm frustrated is the
right thing. I'm being told that it's the wrong
thing because I should never let my child cry
without my comfort. Which, like, obviously, like,
I go back and comfort her where it's like, tag
out, Stuart, you're in. You know, we don't just,
like, let our kid cry for hours on end. And,
like, I also have to remind myself that, right,
where it's like. walking away for a few minutes
it's not it's not the same as just like letting
them cry yeah cry cry but yeah you just like
get in your head because again there's all this
information yeah they're like cool you're like
what do i take it like what do i gotta pick and
choose what information right like for me it's
like with cole being such a terrible sleeper
right now i'm also reading all these things about
like oh he's He's got separation anxiety like
that is hitting him at this point. He's also
starting to dream. So is he having bad dreams?
Is he having nightmares? Yeah. And they're also
at a stage where like they're not quite like
they kind of communicate. Yeah. But like Lloyd,
when he wakes up, I usually like I'll try to
ask him. Yeah. Like what? What happened? And
he never answers. Yeah. Colt now, I think I've
conditioned him to say he's had a bad dream because
I'll be like, oh, did you have a bad dream? And
he goes, yeah. And then I'll ask him what it
was about and he can't tell me. And then I'm
reading like, oh, he could be afraid of the dark.
So do I need to put a nightlight on? Like all
these factors are starting to come into play
where I'm like, I don't. necessarily want to
re sleep train him right knowing that these factors
could be a piece that is holding him back from
just getting good sleep and that we're just in
this window of time where it's like we just have
to get over it and then he's gonna sleep good
again right but then i'm also like am i creating
all these bad habits where now it's gonna make
it worse he's relying upon michael or i to comfort
him and it's just here comes the spiral of like
Am I just making my child a bad sleeper? Right.
Maybe. And I just don't know how to get past
it without there being some pain along the way
from both parties. Yeah. And then again, you're
like, I just need some sleep. Yeah. Like, because
you can't. Also can't like make these good decisions
when you're running on no sleep. And like when
you're in the middle of the night, you will do
anything just to get back to sleep. And so like
the easy choice is for Michael just to go in
with him and just to have him go right. Because
usually when Michael goes back in, Colt just
cuddles up and they go right back to sleep. And
there's the occasional night where it's like
I think he's having a night terror where we cannot
get him out of this state of like. just a tizzy
but then yeah it's the the sucky side of like
then I'm on my own with Cruz and if Cruz is sleeping
so terribly I don't have anyone to tap out with
like right it's just we're in this terrible like
just funnel of just exhaustion and I don't I
feel so trapped in it and I don't know where
I don't know where to go because we're just exhausted.
And I'm like, you know, everything is a season.
Like we're not, it's not going to be like this
forever. I'm not going to have a 12 year old
that hopefully is waking up every hour of the
night. You know, like there's going to be something
that's going to shift at some point, but I just
don't know if it's a shift that I need to make
right now. white knuckle it and know that we're
going to get through this? Or is there something
that I need to change? Exactly. And that like,
and I think there's little pieces. Like I think
that a lot of the nights where like, we're going
to bed a little bit too late. Like both kids
are overtired. Like if, if we're not in bed by
seven 30, usually we've kind of crossed that
threshold of like, shoot, we missed our window
of like. not hitting the overtired and everyone's
pissed off yeah and then as a mom it's tough
because you're like I want an hour to myself
yeah Or like an hour for like me and my husband
to like remember that we like each other. Yeah.
Because also that will, sleep regression is not
good for. Not good for a relationship. You being
nice to each other. I've definitely said multiple
things on multiple occasions where I'm like,
let's scratch that from the record. Yeah. I know.
Like, please don't. Yeah. Don't remember that.
Anything I say in the middle of the night can
be just thrown out the window. Yeah. That was
someone else. Yeah. That's my alter ego. Yeah,
but then, you know, you get the kids to sleep
finally. Yes. And you're like, okay, do I also
go to sleep right now? Yeah. Or do I take a minute
to unwind? Yeah. Which, like, for me, especially
if it's been a bad day, I'm like, I need that
unwind time. Same. Just to be like, okay, I didn't
end on a bad note. We, you know, watched an episode
of The Office or, you know, something dumb or
whatever. Yep. To kind of, like. almost recalibrate
which is probably like a different coping mechanism
that you know i should be in therapy for but
we don't need to that's that's okay this is our
therapy right here different subject yeah but
then that means you're going to bed later yep
which means any and all wakings yeah are worse
and it's just like it's so terrible yeah and
that's the other thing too is like two things
um right when we get the kids to bed we try to
clean and reset the house, which like helps me
to feel better if I'm then waking up in the morning
to a clean house or clean -ish. Then the other
piece of it is, is Cruz is every single night,
he probably 95 % of nights has a false start.
Where 30 minutes on the dot, 30 minutes he wakes
up and then I have to re... get him to sleep
yeah and so i feel like that first 30 minutes
that i have is to clean and get the house back
in order yep then i re -put him to bed and then
then i try to have a little bit of downtime but
at this point it's like 9 30 right and i'm like
well you're like i have to work tomorrow yeah
like i would like to watch a show or spend time
with michael and Then it's like, okay, we're
up till 1030, 11 o 'clock at night. And then
by the time I go to bed, Cruz is up again. And
then it's like, okay, midnight by the time I
actually am closing my eyes. Yeah. It's just
a vicious cycle that we're in right now. And
I don't know where the breaking point is going
to be. Like, I feel like I've reached my breaking
point, but. Yeah. I don't know. So for us with
Zeta, like I said, we were recommended to wake
her up at night to feed her. So that's what I
was doing. Then at her nine month appointment,
the doctor's like, she's gaining great weight.
I think you can just let her sleep through the
night. And finally I was like, hallelujah. I
can get some sleep. And that's when the regression
started. So I'm like, I don't know what this
is. I hate this. But then it's like, okay, it's
a regression. It's going to go away. And so there
was one night that I know I've told you about
that we were up from 2 to 4 a .m. I know we both
had to work the next day. Zeta woke up Lloyd
to like turn to this thing where it's like, we're
like switching kids. Like you take care of her,
I'll take care of him. Let's switch back. Like
we'll put one down and nope, he's crying because
we left the room. Yeah, so we had like a couple
nights that were like very much like that. And
then Stuart had taken almost a whole month of
December off because he still had some of his
parental leave. Leading up to that, I was like,
if something doesn't change soon, like, I'm going
to have a mental breakdown. Yeah. Like, I'm so
tired. This is so frustrating. I don't know what
to do. Yeah. This is overwhelming. And then he
was like, well, okay. With him taking some time
off, that did help. Yeah. And I don't know if
it was just, like, again, there's less stress
because now. Yeah, more support during the day
or what. And for us, the sleep regression hit
every single thing. Like. multiple wakings at
night not going back to sleep during those multiple
wakings waking up early not napping having a
hard time going back down to sleep or like going
down to sleep for bedtime so like literally every
single things yeah and slowly like throughout
december they had like started to get a little
bit better yeah where it's like okay she would
wake up at night but like i could get her back
down cool cool cool you know naps are still like
hit or miss but we're like getting some good
naps blah blah blah and yes we finally started
to get better and then we had christmas just
throws everything and it threw everything off
yeah it was just awful it was like terrible we're
never celebrating christmas again because that
was so bad um stick to the routine yeah and it
just like it threw everything off yeah And it's
just so rough. And that just like makes it even
more frustrating. So you're like, oh, we were
like kind of getting better. And again, is this
what disrupted it? Yeah. Probably to an extent.
Would this have happened either way? I don't
know. Yeah. I think it's, yeah, it's almost worse.
Like you said, like when it feels like you're
getting better and then it gets worse again.
Like for me, I'm like, I think it's been worse.
Like we've just been bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
Whereas like if it's. okay really good than bad
it's like oh my god the bad feels so much worse
than it you're like i had that inkling of a hope
yeah that maybe maybe something would happen
yeah yep yeah it's it was rough and then oh yeah
the week of christmas i didn't mention this on
our christmas episode but i think it was actually
christmas eve night for some reason almost everyone
slept well except for me like we did go to bed
a little late which is to be expected i think
we like by the time stewart and i were finally
in bed it was about midnight and i didn't even
fall asleep till after two oh my just like on
my own yeah and that pisses you off even more
i'm like okay neither of the kids are waking
up they will i think they will sleep for like
eight hours or something like that which is like
that's great except for the night they sleep
eight hours i don't sleep that sucks yes that
was Oh, gosh. Just everything makes you so mad
when you're tired. Okay, I have like a fact to
share. This is the extent of the statistics that
you guys get for this episode. So poor sleep
impacts cognitive function. This is short -term
versus long -term. So how it impacts cognitive
function over a short term is difficulty concentrating.
Feel that. Decline in mood. Feel that. Impaired
memory. Yes. Visible signs of fatigue. Absolutely.
Versus long -term, which I don't know what like
long -term is, like if one year is long -term
or if like multiple years is long -term in this
case. But so over a long -term poor work performance,
which I feel like I can relate to that in some
sense of like the concentration, I guess. Yeah.
Cognitive decline. Okay. Maybe. I don't know.
This one though. Heightened risk of dementia.
Oh. Hate that. Love to hear that. Yeah. Yeah.
So do all moms just like have a heightened risk
of dementia? Probably. Probably. Yeah. Unless
your kid is a really good sleeper. But I just
thought that was interesting. Yeah. At least
the short term. Like I'm like. Very relatable.
Oh, absolutely. And I feel like so many things
go along with that. Like appetite. self -care
like all these things mental health yeah even
like basic stuff then too right where it's like
okay i usually shower after the kids go to bed
but then it's like do i take like a long nice
like relaxing shower or do i just like not in
and out yeah like you know not stink and then
go to bed exactly no for me it's like if cruise
is in our room sleeping, like depending on if
I can get him in the crib or not, then I'm like
kind of locked out of doing a shower just because
like the shower is just slightly too loud. Of
course. Where it wakes him up and he's like in
that regression where it seems like he's just
like not in a deep, deep sleep. He's like in
a super just. light sleep where every little
noise is waking him up right now yep and so if
he's if I can't get him to sleep in the crib
and he's in our bed then I'm just like I'm out
of a shower and that kind of sucks really cool
yeah so stinky stinky over here yeah it happens
yeah sleep is such a terrible thing in our house
like a sore subject and it's tough to like I
honestly think it's easier with the babies because
they're not as grumpy when they don't get sleep.
Like obviously it's super important, but like
you see it with the toddler. Yeah. Oh yeah. And
yeah, when they're not getting enough sleep,
like all of those things you listed. Just impacts
a toddler who has no logic and no reason and
has not figured out how to handle their emotions
yet. And it just it makes it so rough because
you're not just dealing with like you being overtired.
You're dealing with them being overtired. Yeah.
And yeah. Yeah. No, I feel that 100 percent with
Colt right now. Like the first verbalization
him and I have in the morning, I can tell. How
the day is going to go. Yeah, how the day is
going to go. If he is, hi, mama. And I go, did
you sleep good? Yes. Or is it, you know, a different
attitude? Yeah. Then I can know if he got a good
night's sleep or he didn't and how the day is
going to go. Yep. Yeah. So I don't know what
we want to get out of this episode other than
just like. hopefully encouragement yeah we we
both need to vent about this but also encouragement
to you guys that are listening of like sleep
is not not a good thing for us right now so if
you're in that too like you're not alone not
at all no and it like hopefully all of us will
sleep again one day soon but yeah and i think
like it's tough because a lot of times when you
try to vent and like try to relate if someone
isn't experiencing it no matter how kind they
try to be, my mom listens, so I'm sorry, Mom.
But, like, I mean, my parents don't have little
kids in the house. So when I tell them, they're
like, oh, I'm so sorry. Like, that sucks, which
is nice to hear. But I'm like, but you also got,
like, a full eight hours of sleep last night.
You can take a nap today if you want to. Like,
how you relate is different. You know, and even
when other moms are, like, not experiencing the
same thing they're like oh that sucks you're
like yeah but but you you don't know yeah but
your kid is sleeping I honestly even feel that
way towards my husband sometimes yeah of just
like if he says he's tired well he's definitely
not as tired as I am because of this but and
also shout out to all of the solo parents out
there because I cannot even imagine going through
the regressions that we're going through on my
own like no not at all I cannot even imagine
so Shout out to you guys for just surviving and
doing what you have to do to survive. But, yeah,
I feel like really just hopefully you got some
encouragement from this. Just a me too. Yeah.
We're in this together. Yeah. We're all not sleeping
together. Oh, my gosh. Hopefully in, like, six
months from now we can have an episode of, like,
we're sleeping. We survived. We survived. Yeah.
And then we'll probably just both have it. more
babies and then yeah and then go back to not
sleeping yep well do we want to hop into our
wins of the week sure probably not talking about
sleep but no i don't have anything sleep related
yeah same okay do you want to go first sure so
zeta's like starting to babble and say certain
words so she can like say mama and dad she has
kind of a noise for lloyd but today she said
yes Oh, my gosh. Like, that's what she meant
for sure. Yeah. Because she was, like, being
real fussy. And she was, like, trying to crawl
up all up on me. And it was about time for her
to nurse. So I was like, do you want milk? Yes.
And then stopped fussing until I, like, had to
walk away to do something before I could nurse
her. But then she started fussing again. And
I was like, oh. Oh, you, like, communicated to
me. I was like, that might be the first time
that, like. we've like actually communicated
that's not just like crying and you know baby
communication yes toddler communication like
she said yes like that's what it sounded like
and that was clearly what she meant to so that
was just like i don't remember having a moment
with lloyd where it was like oh you're communicating
now where it's like this is a moment with santa
where i'm like Oh, you know how you're starting
to communicate now, which is also so helpful.
Yes. Like that's one nice thing about two -year
-olds is. You can pretty much figure out what
they need. They tell you what they want. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. That's so great. My when kind of like
similar boat, but Cruz just started saying mama.
And he's gotten, it's really only in the context
of like Michael's holding him or someone else
is holding him and he's like wants me back. Or
in the middle of the night when I'm like not
feeding him quick enough or whatever. And I'm
like, I love it. And I love that he's using it
in that context. Like that he needs me and that
just. yeah originally he was just saying dad
ass but now he's like pretty much stopped saying
dad and it's only mama yeah i also just remembered
i have another sleep regression story oh yes
please do tell that this is really a marriage
story but so for context we have two cats and
we kind of blame the cats for everything so like
the dishes don't get done obviously that's not
their fault but like It's a really good way to
express frustration. Where you're not putting
it on your spouse. Your spouse or yourself. So
we'll be like, cats, do you ever do anything
around here? So we do stuff like that all the
time. And probably a month ago, maybe two months
ago now, we were having a rough night getting
specifically Zeta down. Stuart had gone in and
finally got her down for the night. And he came
out and we're both just exhausted. Like, I think
it took us like an hour to get her down, something
like that. And I just go, cats, why don't you?
ever help with bedtime and i say it like super
sassy and super mean and stewart did not hear
me say the word cats so he just knows he like
came out of the nursery having put our sweet
baby girl down and he hears me say why don't
you ever help with bedtime and he like he paused
for a second and he was like wait did you say
cats i was like yeah he's like okay i was about
to just like be so sad he's like what do you
mean how do i never help he's like i was literally
just just helping so that was just i actually
had that written down as a mom moment oh my gosh
that's so great i need to i don't know who to
blame it on but i need to start yeah i've also
heard couples coming up with like imaginary friends
yeah you know it's like oh kevin never helps
never pulls his weight i gotta we gotta do that
but maybe it'll help with my passive aggressiveness
it was just so funny because even if i felt that
way that's like not how i would say it i'm not
confrontational so that's not how i'd say it
but he was just like so dismayed for just like
two seconds and then he was like oh wait the
cats like yeah the cats don't do anything That's
so funny. I love it. That's my last sleep regression
story. Yeah. Well, let us know where you guys
are at with sleep. I hope that you're getting
sleep. Yes. Hopefully this is an unrelatable
episode for you. Yeah. But hopefully you still
enjoyed it. And follow us on Instagram at nomanualpodcast.
Tell your friends about us. Yeah. We'd love to
hear what you guys want to hear from us in this
next year. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, have
a great week. See you next week. Well, that's
enough oversharing for today. If you enjoyed
hanging out with us, hit subscribe so you don't
miss the next round of chaos. And if you're listening
while hiding in the bathroom from your kids,
no judgment, we see you. Thanks for joining us
on No Manual MomCast, where motherhood is messy.
At least we can laugh about it together.