WEBVTT

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motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry

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is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising

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tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh

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at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you

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that none of us actually know what we're doing

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this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend

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group chat but with microphones welcome back

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to no manual mom cast Hi everyone, welcome back

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to No Manual on MomCast. We're excited you're

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listening today. Today we're, this is kind of

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a cool like statistics episode, I would say.

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I think this is probably the most research we've

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ever done for an episode. Oh, for sure, for sure.

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So we're just talking about like parenting around

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the world. And all like the differences, all

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the similarities. Different traditions. Different

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traditions, everything like that. So that's kind

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of cool. But before we hop into that, do you

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want to start with your mom moment? Sure. So

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we went to the park the other day. And I'm trying

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to give Lloyd a little more independence. You

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know, not just like following him around on the

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playground the entire time. So, which is kind

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of a cool stage to be at a little bit where you're

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like, you can step back and let them like do

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their thing. Yeah. Um, so we were at the playground

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and he went all the way up to like. biggest tallest

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slide right away and we've been to this playground

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before he's like gone down the slide before it's

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not a big deal but it was also one of the like

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spinning ones so he like got to the top and then

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a bigger kid was climbing up and like he what

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lloyd wasn't expecting this kid to just like

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pop up right as he was about to go down the slide

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and so it spooked him and then he like turned

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around to look for me and I wasn't there because

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I wasn't following him and I just like I could

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see him the whole time but he couldn't see me

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so I just like see him turn around and like get

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his big big sad frown and just mom hug and then

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since he couldn't find me he just like burst

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into tears So, obviously, I, like, scrambled

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up on the playground and, like, picked him up.

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Like, I'm so sorry, buddy. Like, I'm right here.

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Yeah. And, I mean, we ended up having a great

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time in the park. That's so sad. It's funny because

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he's, like, crying. And I'm like, do you want

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to go down a different slide? Do you want to

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go down this? Like, no one's coming up this slide

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now. Do you want to go down this slide? Go down

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big yellow slide. I'm like, okay, you can go

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down this slide, buddy. So, we recovered, but

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it was one of those things where you're like.

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Am I the world's worst mom? Because like this

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is his village. This is his villain origin story.

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Yeah. That like he got scared at the playground

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and mom wasn't like right there to. So he feels

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abandoned. And yeah. But it was just so sad.

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Oh, isn't that the worst when you're like, you

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can see your child searching for you and you're

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like, I'm right here, honey. Yeah. I'm right

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here. They're not registering. Yeah. Yeah. Oh

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gosh. I just feel awful. Oh, poor little buddy.

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Okay. My mom moment. We were just chatting about

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this off, off camera. So we, Cruz is like learning

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all the things right now. So crawling, standing

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up on things. He's like doing some weird clicky

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thing with his mouth. He's also cutting. He,

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his top two just like just broke through within

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the last two nights. He now has four on the bottom,

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which all like he had two before, but the other

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two just cut through like a week ago. And so

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I, I feel like it's just all the things which

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like, in that case relates to like just terrible

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sleep yep and i've talked about it before we

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fully co -sleep with cruise and i'm getting to

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that point where i just i don't think i can do

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it anymore And like last night was I woke up

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this morning and I like told Michael, I was like,

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I think that might have been the worst night's

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sleep I've gotten in my entire lifetime, which

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is not true. But like it sure felt like it this

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morning. There's like a difference between I've

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had a few nights in my life where I've gotten

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like two and a half hours of sleep because of

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whatever is going down. But it's like solid.

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yeah dead to the world sleep so then when i wake

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up i'm like listen i'm tired but i'm so but i

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got a survivable amount of sleep but when it's

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like uninterrupted and you like never get like

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a solid No, I don't think I ever, I think I had

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one. I remember waking up this morning after

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my alarm went off because of course it was the

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one, one of the mornings Cole had to go to tumbling

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class. So it was like, we had to get up by a

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certain time. I couldn't just lay there. But

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I remember in between like snoozing my alarm

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for the 15th time, I like had some, a dream of

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some sort. I don't remember it now, but pretty

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much all night. So like Cruz last night, he was

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it was super difficult to get him down. And he

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just like every time I sat him down, he literally

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would just like sit back up. And it's not like

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he was upset or anything. He was just like wide

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awake. Who needs sleep? And then he'd like start

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crawling around. And that's the other thing,

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too, is like if we leave, like we'll we'll put

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Cruz down. And then I kind of just like like

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I'll put him in the bed. We have the camera on

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him so we can see him. But I kind of just like

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place the pillows like far enough around him

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where I'm like. oh, if he rolls, he's not going

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to fall off the bed, all the things. Now it's

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to the point where he's crawling so quickly that

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if you see him wake up and sit up, you've got

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to book it to the room or else he's going to

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just do -do -do -do -do and then fall off the

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bed. Yep. He hasn't yet, thank the Lord. But,

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man, so it was, like, so hard to get him down.

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And then, like, of course, when I went to go

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to bed, that woke him up, like, me just, like,

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climbing into bed. And then he was up, like,

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an hour and a half later. And he was up for,

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like, an extended period of time, too. It was,

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like, he woke up at, like, 2 .45, and then he

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was up until, like, probably 4. And then was

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up again at like, I think it was like 5 .30.

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And then was up until my alarm went off at 7.

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And then he finally fell asleep at like 7 .15,

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only until 7 .30. And I was like. Dear God. But

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he woke up happy as a clam. Yeah. I'm like, at

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least you're happy, but I'm not. At least you're

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not calming down a crying baby, because that's

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worse at 3 a .m. Yes. Sort of. They're worse

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in different ways. Yes. Right? So at least a

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crying baby, you're like, oh, you need something,

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and maybe I can figure out what that is. But

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then also crying at 3 a .m. is not fun. No. Gosh.

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So I think tonight we're going to – this is at

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least what I've said. I'm going to try the crib

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tonight. And just see if that's like he just

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needs a little bit of space from us. I'm not

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necessarily like wanting that, but like something's

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got to give here. I also am thinking as I'm drinking

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a Diet Coke that maybe I'm consuming a little

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bit too much caffeine. And I was reading, I was

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chat GPT -ing about caffeine consumption and

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how it affects like how much gets into your breast

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milk. It definitely gets into your breast milk

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and it can affect the baby depending on how much

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you consume. I don't think I'm consuming that

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that much, but maybe he's just a little more

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sensitive. I don't know. I'm trying to find answers,

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but super fun. All the things that you think

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about when you're like, I just need some sleep.

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You'll come up with anything. Yeah, for reals.

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If I clap three times, spin around. Then something.

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Yeah, I don't know. Um, okay. So, uh, where do

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you want to start with this? Do you want to like,

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we could start kind of like birth and yeah. So

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I looked up birth traditions around the world.

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Also, I apologize in advance. My notes are not

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nearly as organized as I normally am. No. Oh

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gosh. Mine are literally screenshots of things.

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So, okay, cool. Stuart, I'm sorry. You're probably

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going to have to clean more up. Um, okay. So

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I just looked up. birth traditions around the

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world that i found interesting so in turkey to

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celebrate the new baby and get milk flowing mothers

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drink a traditional beverage called i don't think

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i should say this because i i'll say it wrong

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lojasa serbeti oh sounds right postpartum sherbet

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It's made with water, sugar, cloves, cinnamon,

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and red food coloring. Red food coloring? That's

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kind of weird. Interesting. Everything else,

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I'm like, that sounds delicious. I would just

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think that just... Sounds like kind of Christmassy.

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Yeah. But the red food coloring is weird. It's

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served in the hospital, and there are no baby

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showers in Turkey, but celebrations are postponed

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to after the baby's born. Mom and baby stay home

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for 20 days after delivery. And then after that,

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friends stop by for this sorbetti. Once the 20

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days have passed and people bring gifts and,

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like, share this drink. I thought that was. That

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is very interesting. Yeah. I understand, like,

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the tradition of the drink. I feel like 20 days

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at home just alone would be really hard for me.

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Like, I understand, like, the healing process,

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like, all that. I think I would go stir crazy.

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Yeah, that was one thing I've thought about with,

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so we've had a summer baby and a winter baby.

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I don't think Lloyd was born on the hottest day

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of the year, but pretty close. Zeta was in fact

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born on one of the coldest days of the year.

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And honestly, I would take a summer pregnancy

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to have a summer postpartum. yeah every day because

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like when lloyd was born we got outside every

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day we weren't like doing crazy things but we're

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just sitting in the sun sit in the sun like maybe

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take like just a little walk you know in the

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area nearby yeah so then when zeta was born we

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literally went to church when she was like six

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days old i remember that yeah i was like because

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i'm going crazy because it's two degrees out

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and we can't go outside and i need to leave the

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house so yeah no i same for us our kids are literally

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like just a few weeks apart on each end. But

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I, yeah, I remember with, with Cruz, Michael

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would like take Colt places like, or he would

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literally go outside and like, they would go

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puddle jumping because it was like, that was

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kind of. And then I would just stay inside because

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it was too cold for me and baby. So yeah, I don't

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know how, I think that sounds like a great idea.

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I think it would be really hard. Yeah. I think

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it would be really hard for me. Yeah. I think

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it also depends on like, it feels like it depends

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on a lot of things for me. All right. In Germany,

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they're very strict about names. So you have

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to have like an approved name. Oh, wait, I've

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heard this before. So there's some like obvious

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options, obvious things that are not allowed,

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but you're not allowed to like last names. So

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like a Smith, you can name your kid to Smith.

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I don't know if that's an actual example, but

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like a surname can't be a first name. It can't

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be like an object. And it looks like you can

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make a case with the state, but they would have

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to approve it. Whoa. Which is crazy to me that

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you'd have to get like state approval to name

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your kid. Whoa. Okay. I've also seen something

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similar. I might totally butcher this. I can't

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remember what country it was. I want to say it

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was like Denmark or something like that. But

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they have to go to like a council. I don't think

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it was Denmark. I think I made that up. But they

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had to go to like a council to... Then ask permission

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for them to, like the baby's already born. The

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baby is unnamed at this point. And then they

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have to get approval to then name the baby. That's

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crazy. I'm like, whoa. I don't want that many

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people's opinions on what I'm naming my kid.

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People already have opinions. And what if they

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say no? You're like, okay, let me go back home

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and think about this again. I guess. I'll make

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another appointment in three weeks from now.

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Something like that. Yeah, that's interesting.

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Okay, next we have in Ecuador. In rural areas,

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a father gives his wife a shirt that's damp from

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his sweat after a hard day's work while she's

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in labor. Gross. That's the last thing I want.

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Which folklore says will give her strength. It's

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also common for parents to talk to baby inside

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mom's belly and ask her for an easy delivery.

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After the birth, mom and baby are carefully shielded

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from sunlight, which like we were just talking

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about, that seems weird to me. Like I want to

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like go see the sun. I want the sunlight. But

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carefully shielded from sunlight. And if like

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the baby's jaundice is not like a really healthy

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thing. Even inside the house where a canopy is

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hung over the bed. Moms are given a bath with

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herbs, perfume, and a cup of milk or rose petals

00:13:01.700 --> 00:13:04.600
to mark their re -entry into everyday world.

00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:08.259
Interesting. I think it's really interesting

00:13:08.259 --> 00:13:13.179
to hear these cultural norms or traditions. Hearing

00:13:13.179 --> 00:13:17.279
the bath thing, is it right postpartum? Because

00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:19.720
at least in the U .S., you're not allowed to

00:13:19.720 --> 00:13:23.059
take a bath or go in a hot tub for six weeks

00:13:23.059 --> 00:13:26.409
postpartum. Does it not say? It sounds like it's

00:13:26.409 --> 00:13:29.269
like after a period of time. Okay. Okay. That's

00:13:29.269 --> 00:13:32.490
interesting. Oh, yeah. It's after a 40 -day period.

00:13:32.789 --> 00:13:36.070
Oh, okay. Okay. Never mind. Yeah. Got it. Okay.

00:13:36.210 --> 00:13:39.620
This was one of the ones that... I thought is

00:13:39.620 --> 00:13:42.720
craziest, mostly because I would hate it. So

00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:45.580
in Japan, well, there's a bunch of information

00:13:45.580 --> 00:13:48.220
here, but so in Japan, most moms aim to deliver

00:13:48.220 --> 00:13:52.179
their babies natural sans painkillers as an ancient

00:13:52.179 --> 00:13:54.799
belief that stems from the Buddhist belief that

00:13:54.799 --> 00:13:57.679
labor pains must be endured as a test to prepare

00:13:57.679 --> 00:13:59.899
for difficulties of motherhood, which I thought

00:13:59.899 --> 00:14:02.639
that was super interesting. That is an interesting

00:14:02.639 --> 00:14:05.580
perspective. Yeah, and even as a mom, like, I

00:14:05.580 --> 00:14:08.360
gave... birth naturally both times and I never

00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.000
even thought about it that way yeah I kind of

00:14:11.000 --> 00:14:13.559
like that perspective yeah that is cool um so

00:14:13.559 --> 00:14:15.960
I thought that was super interesting fathers

00:14:15.960 --> 00:14:18.039
aren't allowed in the delivery room unless they've

00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:21.299
taken a prenatal class with the mom okay which

00:14:21.299 --> 00:14:24.080
like I don't like that being a like a rule but

00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:27.509
that's smart yeah that is smart But, yeah, how

00:14:27.509 --> 00:14:29.529
sad would it be, though, if he's just like, I

00:14:29.529 --> 00:14:32.330
missed my prenatal class and now I can't be there

00:14:32.330 --> 00:14:35.250
for your natural birth. Yeah, I would be pissed.

00:14:35.529 --> 00:14:37.950
But, like, it makes sense. I mean, that's one

00:14:37.950 --> 00:14:41.110
of the number one recommendations I give first

00:14:41.110 --> 00:14:43.470
time pregnant moms. Like, take a prenatal class

00:14:43.470 --> 00:14:46.549
with your husband. Yeah. Okay, this is the part

00:14:46.549 --> 00:14:50.240
that I'm like, nope, absolutely not. After baby

00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:52.779
arrives, the new mom traditionally stays at her

00:14:52.779 --> 00:14:55.639
parents' home for at least a month and rests

00:14:55.639 --> 00:14:58.179
in bed for 21 days to recuperate and bond with

00:14:58.179 --> 00:15:00.879
baby. I can get done with this part while family

00:15:00.879 --> 00:15:03.799
members pitch in with chores. During this period,

00:15:03.879 --> 00:15:06.980
friends visit and eat the celebratory red rice

00:15:06.980 --> 00:15:10.220
and red bean dish. Yeah. I was like, I don't

00:15:10.220 --> 00:15:12.220
want to move back in. I like my parents. Don't

00:15:12.220 --> 00:15:13.879
want to move back in with them. Yeah. Especially

00:15:13.879 --> 00:15:17.019
postpartum. Appreciate the help. Also would like

00:15:17.019 --> 00:15:20.259
to sleep in my own bed. yes yeah use my own bathroom

00:15:20.259 --> 00:15:24.019
yep especially postpartum like yeah that can

00:15:24.019 --> 00:15:27.159
be rough and but if people want to come over

00:15:27.159 --> 00:15:30.620
and do chores i'll accept that open to it yeah

00:15:30.620 --> 00:15:34.840
and then again the 21 day bed rest i'm sure that's

00:15:34.840 --> 00:15:37.379
great like that has to be so good for your body

00:15:37.379 --> 00:15:40.700
and everything but i feel like i would go crazy

00:15:40.700 --> 00:15:44.700
i think like the reality of it is like i think

00:15:44.700 --> 00:15:48.620
the u .s We're just more like go, go, go. And

00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:51.759
that's like the expectation. I cannot imagine,

00:15:51.879 --> 00:15:55.259
especially now having two kids, like first postpartum.

00:15:55.340 --> 00:15:58.580
Yeah, that would be awesome. I think it would

00:15:58.580 --> 00:16:00.840
still be hard for me. I'd get stir crazy. That's

00:16:00.840 --> 00:16:05.840
just my personality. But with two kids, I think

00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.379
I was like down on the ground, like playing with

00:16:08.379 --> 00:16:11.820
Colt. The day after I got home from the hospital

00:16:11.820 --> 00:16:14.659
or something like that. Like just because it's

00:16:14.659 --> 00:16:17.659
so different. Like I just, I don't know. Yeah.

00:16:17.740 --> 00:16:19.919
And I feel like second time there was a lot of

00:16:19.919 --> 00:16:22.100
things I was like sad about. I was like, I want

00:16:22.100 --> 00:16:23.980
to go do that with Lloyd. Like I simultaneously

00:16:23.980 --> 00:16:27.159
want to like stay home and take a nap and just

00:16:27.159 --> 00:16:30.740
like snuggle. And Stuart would be like, okay,

00:16:30.759 --> 00:16:33.159
I'll go take Lloyd to like the children's museum.

00:16:33.259 --> 00:16:37.789
But I want to go do that too. Yeah. So. Yeah,

00:16:37.830 --> 00:16:40.950
that would be really hard. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Okay.

00:16:41.289 --> 00:16:44.870
The Netherlands. So, though home births have

00:16:44.870 --> 00:16:47.750
been trending in the U .S., Holland takes the

00:16:47.750 --> 00:16:49.570
cake for the highest number of home births in

00:16:49.570 --> 00:16:52.230
the Western world. Whoa. The Dutch embrace natural

00:16:52.230 --> 00:16:54.289
childbirth, and their medical system reflects

00:16:54.289 --> 00:16:57.090
that. Most expectant moms see a midwife and only

00:16:57.090 --> 00:17:00.389
go to OBGYNs for high -risk pregnancies and complications.

00:17:00.929 --> 00:17:03.230
Whoa. All pregnant women are required to pick

00:17:03.230 --> 00:17:08.829
up a crumb pocket. Don't know what that is. I'm

00:17:08.829 --> 00:17:11.630
sure I butchered that. We'll have to ask our

00:17:11.630 --> 00:17:13.589
friends who live in the Netherlands. I'll call

00:17:13.589 --> 00:17:15.569
them and have them tell me how to pronounce that.

00:17:15.829 --> 00:17:18.589
That includes all the medical supplies needed

00:17:18.589 --> 00:17:21.349
for a home birth. Wow. To announce a baby's birth,

00:17:21.410 --> 00:17:24.170
parents place a stuffed stork in the window facing

00:17:24.170 --> 00:17:26.210
the street so it looks like the stork just flew

00:17:26.210 --> 00:17:29.029
in to make the delivery. That's cute. When guests

00:17:29.029 --> 00:17:31.369
visit, the couple serves a traditional snack

00:17:31.369 --> 00:17:34.569
called... I'm not going to try to pronounce it,

00:17:34.609 --> 00:17:36.269
but it's called... Basically called biscuits

00:17:36.269 --> 00:17:38.910
with mice. The mice are mini licorice pieces

00:17:38.910 --> 00:17:41.910
covered in pink for girls or blue for boys. Okay.

00:17:42.109 --> 00:17:45.369
That scared me at first. Yeah. Also, are they

00:17:45.369 --> 00:17:47.470
making these themselves or is this like a store

00:17:47.470 --> 00:17:49.509
-bought thing? Yeah. Because there are a couple

00:17:49.509 --> 00:17:52.240
of these I don't... uh seems like a lot of work

00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:54.039
for after just yeah there are a couple of these

00:17:54.039 --> 00:17:56.240
where it's like and then family comes over and

00:17:56.240 --> 00:17:59.099
has like this treat and i'm like i don't want

00:17:59.099 --> 00:18:01.140
to be making things for other people when i just

00:18:01.140 --> 00:18:03.640
had a baby at home really quick and then let

00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:08.799
me whip up some biscuits yeah but i the stork

00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:11.000
thing's cute but that is cute it feels weird

00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:13.859
to me but i think mostly because like again with

00:18:13.859 --> 00:18:17.390
american culture So we know some of our neighbors.

00:18:17.470 --> 00:18:19.690
We don't know any of them super well, but they're

00:18:19.690 --> 00:18:21.230
definitely not the first people I'm announcing

00:18:21.230 --> 00:18:25.609
my pregnancy or my birth to. Yeah. Yes. So like

00:18:25.609 --> 00:18:27.730
that's the thing that makes it weird, which I'm

00:18:27.730 --> 00:18:29.809
sure if we were like in a different situation

00:18:29.809 --> 00:18:31.509
where it's like our neighbors were our closest

00:18:31.509 --> 00:18:33.849
friends. Yeah. Then that's like kind of a fun

00:18:33.849 --> 00:18:35.650
way. I'm assuming that's kind of like the culture

00:18:35.650 --> 00:18:37.549
there. It's a little bit different. Yeah. Yeah.

00:18:37.569 --> 00:18:39.750
You live close to like your community and your

00:18:39.750 --> 00:18:44.380
family potentially. So it seems it. Yeah, it's

00:18:44.380 --> 00:18:47.599
interesting to hear, like, the, because I don't

00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:49.880
know even what the U .S. traditions are. There's

00:18:49.880 --> 00:18:53.279
not. Yeah, I mean, we have baby showers. Yes,

00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:54.960
okay, that is, yeah. So it sounds like a couple

00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:58.099
places, like, this next one, Brazil doesn't have

00:18:58.099 --> 00:19:01.180
baby showers. I love a baby shower. Yeah, so

00:19:01.180 --> 00:19:03.539
it's like we have baby showers. I feel like food

00:19:03.539 --> 00:19:06.579
trains are kind of. Yes, that's a. Tradition,

00:19:06.660 --> 00:19:09.849
but also not even, like. It's just more like

00:19:09.849 --> 00:19:12.630
helpful. Yeah. Because we've even had a couple

00:19:12.630 --> 00:19:14.710
of friends who've had kids and were like, oh,

00:19:14.730 --> 00:19:16.589
is there going to be a meal train? Like, we'll

00:19:16.589 --> 00:19:18.329
set it up for you. We'll sign up for it. Yeah.

00:19:18.410 --> 00:19:20.609
They're like, what do you mean? Yeah. People

00:19:20.609 --> 00:19:22.329
bring you food. They're like, we don't need that.

00:19:22.329 --> 00:19:24.490
We're like, yes, you do. You'd be surprised.

00:19:24.769 --> 00:19:26.829
You're going to want that. So, yeah, I guess

00:19:26.829 --> 00:19:29.250
that's kind of an American tradition. Yeah. Other

00:19:29.250 --> 00:19:32.289
than that, I mean, maybe like most families usually

00:19:32.289 --> 00:19:35.829
come around to help. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't,

00:19:35.829 --> 00:19:37.410
yeah, I would agree that we don't have like.

00:19:38.109 --> 00:19:40.529
said i mean and i guess part of it is because

00:19:40.529 --> 00:19:43.589
america is like a melting pot of people who've

00:19:43.589 --> 00:19:45.609
come from so many different places yeah that's

00:19:45.609 --> 00:19:49.609
fair that it's a little more like you maybe stick

00:19:49.609 --> 00:19:51.549
with like your culture's traditions but then

00:19:51.549 --> 00:19:54.910
when you're like me i'm like i'm just like a

00:19:54.910 --> 00:19:57.049
mutt of all sorts of different yeah you know

00:19:57.049 --> 00:20:00.690
at this point i'm just white yeah yes so i'm

00:20:00.690 --> 00:20:03.299
like so am i supposed to Do Canadian, Scottish,

00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:07.900
German, and Italian, and Polish, and use all

00:20:07.900 --> 00:20:10.420
of those traditions? That's not how that's going

00:20:10.420 --> 00:20:13.180
to go. Yes, you are. Okay. We'll figure out what

00:20:13.180 --> 00:20:17.559
all of those are next, baby. Just the crumb packet

00:20:17.559 --> 00:20:21.700
or whatever it was. Yeah. And the stork and all

00:20:21.700 --> 00:20:23.460
the things. There we go. Okay. So the next one

00:20:23.460 --> 00:20:27.279
is Brazil. and it's, they said, new moms miss

00:20:27.279 --> 00:20:29.920
out on a lot of fun. Instead of being showered

00:20:29.920 --> 00:20:32.319
with gifts when the baby is born, it's the opposite.

00:20:32.660 --> 00:20:35.059
In Brazil, guests come to see the mother and

00:20:35.059 --> 00:20:37.339
child, and she gives them a basket of presents

00:20:37.339 --> 00:20:40.400
instead. No! They're small items like candy and

00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:42.740
souvenirs, and she includes a note from the baby

00:20:42.740 --> 00:20:46.180
thanking friends and family for visiting. So

00:20:46.180 --> 00:20:49.240
it's like a goodie bag. Yeah. Goodie bag to take

00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:52.559
home. Oh, gosh. Again, this just feels like so

00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:55.359
much work. It does. I would hope those were prepared

00:20:55.359 --> 00:20:58.079
before. Yeah, but even so, like the end of pregnancy,

00:20:58.240 --> 00:21:00.220
that's not what I want to be doing. No, not at

00:21:00.220 --> 00:21:04.500
all. Okay, that was the last four. Okay. birthing

00:21:04.500 --> 00:21:07.259
traditions what do you perfect okay so i kind

00:21:07.259 --> 00:21:10.480
of um i looked up a lot of info on maternity

00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:13.640
leave um which i thought was interesting because

00:21:13.640 --> 00:21:17.319
i feel like it showed that the u .s has zero

00:21:17.319 --> 00:21:20.680
weeks paid federally there's no guaranteed maternity

00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:24.319
leave at the federal level and other than the

00:21:24.319 --> 00:21:27.200
u .s because i was like okay what other countries

00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:31.720
also have zero weight zero weeks paid maternity

00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:35.119
leave federally and some of these countries i

00:21:35.119 --> 00:21:37.119
don't know if i can pronounce correctly okay

00:21:37.119 --> 00:21:40.640
but like the only other countries were the marshall

00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:46.400
islands micronesia palau papua new guinea naoru

00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:53.339
naiu suriname and tonga and that's it okay my

00:21:53.339 --> 00:21:56.039
thing at least multiple those are african countries

00:21:56.039 --> 00:22:00.369
yes and and this is it also said According to

00:22:00.369 --> 00:22:03.769
the World Policy Center report, most of these

00:22:03.769 --> 00:22:08.769
are only small countries or mostly less developed

00:22:08.769 --> 00:22:12.490
nations. So it's just like they don't maybe they

00:22:12.490 --> 00:22:15.609
don't have like a federal level of deciding that.

00:22:16.009 --> 00:22:20.150
Yeah. But other than that, like so like the UK

00:22:20.150 --> 00:22:24.490
is up to 52 weeks leave is allowed, 39 being

00:22:24.490 --> 00:22:28.630
paid. Germany, actually cut off my screenshot

00:22:28.630 --> 00:22:32.349
on Germany, but also higher. France was around

00:22:32.349 --> 00:22:37.390
16 weeks. Sweden was like 480 days, so over a

00:22:37.390 --> 00:22:41.410
year. That's crazy. Norway is 49 weeks at 100

00:22:41.410 --> 00:22:47.250
% pay. Bulgaria is 58 .6 weeks. not with full

00:22:47.250 --> 00:22:52.490
pay Canada was up to 15 weeks, India 26 and Spain

00:22:52.490 --> 00:22:55.210
was 16 weeks. And that's kind of like the list

00:22:55.210 --> 00:22:58.950
that it gave me. But I just like it, I've always

00:22:58.950 --> 00:23:01.569
been mind blown by the fact that maternity leave

00:23:01.569 --> 00:23:05.009
is such a difficult thing for like the U S like,

00:23:05.049 --> 00:23:08.710
thankfully. So this time around, actually for

00:23:08.710 --> 00:23:11.990
both of my pregnancies, it was 12 weeks fully

00:23:11.990 --> 00:23:14.730
paid maternity leave, but that was decided by.

00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:18.480
the nonprofit, the church that I work for. And

00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:21.539
they like had decided that it was like, I think

00:23:21.539 --> 00:23:23.940
it was like four weeks was paid fully by the

00:23:23.940 --> 00:23:26.539
church of maternity leave. And then the remainder

00:23:26.539 --> 00:23:31.740
I had to apply for, um, FMLA. Yep. And then like

00:23:31.740 --> 00:23:35.019
60 % of my pay came from that. And then 40 %

00:23:35.019 --> 00:23:37.440
came from the church. They were like, they decided

00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:41.319
to compensate. Yeah, they can. Yep. And then

00:23:41.319 --> 00:23:43.960
for, for Michael to go on the other side of paternity

00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:48.180
leave, He only got two weeks of paid paternity

00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:52.579
leave. But with Cruz, he could take up to 12

00:23:52.579 --> 00:23:56.279
weeks, but not at full pay. It ended up being

00:23:56.279 --> 00:24:00.980
like 60 % of his pay. But I think it's mind -blowing

00:24:00.980 --> 00:24:05.579
to me that there's states where fathers get nothing

00:24:05.579 --> 00:24:09.440
or mothers, it's like you just have to use your

00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:15.559
PTO. For us, I'm super lucky. Just I work for

00:24:15.559 --> 00:24:17.579
a company that's like honestly a huge corporation.

00:24:17.859 --> 00:24:20.200
And as much as I don't like working for a huge

00:24:20.200 --> 00:24:22.240
corporation, there's definitely some benefits.

00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:26.220
Yeah. Like the literal benefits. So, yes, like

00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:29.799
we have really good health care options where

00:24:29.799 --> 00:24:31.599
we could pick pretty much any insurance company

00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:34.039
we want and pay as much or as little as we want.

00:24:34.319 --> 00:24:37.019
And then maternity leave has been one of them

00:24:37.019 --> 00:24:41.200
because they let me for both pregnancies. They

00:24:41.200 --> 00:24:45.210
let me stack short term disability. and what

00:24:45.210 --> 00:24:47.609
they call it like parent parental bonding leave

00:24:47.609 --> 00:24:50.049
or family bonding leave or whatever um so they

00:24:50.049 --> 00:24:53.730
let me stack those so there's 12 weeks of bonding

00:24:53.730 --> 00:24:56.849
leave and then five weeks of short -term disability

00:24:56.849 --> 00:24:59.910
got it that's like that's technically for like

00:24:59.910 --> 00:25:02.410
physical recovery and then the bonding leave

00:25:02.410 --> 00:25:06.049
on top of that um so like i'm super super grateful

00:25:06.049 --> 00:25:09.670
for that and but again that's like That's a decision

00:25:09.670 --> 00:25:10.970
my company's made. Yeah, that's something your

00:25:10.970 --> 00:25:13.329
company's opted into. It's not federally. It's

00:25:13.329 --> 00:25:14.809
funny because it's a worldwide company. So when

00:25:14.809 --> 00:25:16.349
I got pregnant with Lloyd, I was like, do we

00:25:16.349 --> 00:25:19.750
move to the UK so that I can get the year of

00:25:19.750 --> 00:25:22.970
maternity leave? For reals. Yeah. But then Stuart,

00:25:23.089 --> 00:25:28.009
his company offers no paid maternity leave. Wow.

00:25:28.329 --> 00:25:34.170
So for Lloyd, he saved up his PTO and took two

00:25:34.170 --> 00:25:38.339
weeks off using PTO. And then with Zeta. He used

00:25:38.339 --> 00:25:42.019
the same state -funded leave that Michael used,

00:25:42.119 --> 00:25:46.140
right? So it was like, again, it's partially

00:25:46.140 --> 00:25:50.000
paid. It's not his full paycheck. And it's 12

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:52.640
weeks over the year, which that part is super

00:25:52.640 --> 00:25:56.039
nice because I think he only took three weeks

00:25:56.039 --> 00:25:58.960
off when Zeta was born. And at that point, he

00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:00.400
was going stir -crazy and wanted to go back to

00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:03.500
work anyways. But then like he took a couple

00:26:03.500 --> 00:26:06.099
weeks off in the summer. He's going to take almost

00:26:06.099 --> 00:26:10.240
the whole month of December off. Nice. So that

00:26:10.240 --> 00:26:12.660
he still had some left. So it's like 12 weeks

00:26:12.660 --> 00:26:15.079
over the first year of birth. And there have

00:26:15.079 --> 00:26:16.680
been a couple of times when it's like, oh, he's

00:26:16.680 --> 00:26:18.839
sick. So he's been able to like use that instead

00:26:18.839 --> 00:26:22.319
of sick leave or something. Yeah. So, yeah. But

00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:25.380
his company doesn't do anything. It's all been

00:26:25.380 --> 00:26:28.740
the like state thing that Colorado offers. But

00:26:28.740 --> 00:26:30.720
yeah, I know a lot of states don't offer that.

00:26:31.019 --> 00:26:33.539
And this is new because it wasn't around when

00:26:33.539 --> 00:26:36.579
Lloyd and Cole were born. 2025 is when it started.

00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:41.220
yeah i don't know i just like was when i was

00:26:41.220 --> 00:26:44.240
reading those like those numbers i was like just

00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:47.700
mind blown about the fact that like i don't know

00:26:47.700 --> 00:26:50.859
that the u .s was really the only country like

00:26:50.859 --> 00:26:52.660
i've heard of some of these other countries like

00:26:52.660 --> 00:26:56.400
papua new guinea but other than that like pretty

00:26:56.400 --> 00:26:59.140
much every other country is some federal federal

00:26:59.140 --> 00:27:02.599
mandated not mandated federal yeah paid leave

00:27:02.599 --> 00:27:05.380
yeah um yeah there was one country when i was

00:27:05.380 --> 00:27:08.190
looking No, I don't remember. And I don't have,

00:27:08.190 --> 00:27:11.130
like, the screenshot. But there was one country

00:27:11.130 --> 00:27:14.009
when I was looking that I saw that they had,

00:27:14.150 --> 00:27:16.349
it was, like, 400 and something. Maybe it was,

00:27:16.369 --> 00:27:19.190
like, 410. It was kind of a random number. But

00:27:19.190 --> 00:27:23.470
let's just say it was 410 days allocated for,

00:27:23.509 --> 00:27:27.630
like, the parents combined. And then 90 days,

00:27:27.670 --> 00:27:31.029
like, specifically for each. So it's, like, Stuart

00:27:31.029 --> 00:27:34.630
and I would both have a set aside 90 days. And

00:27:34.630 --> 00:27:38.319
then there's, like. like 400 days total yeah

00:27:38.319 --> 00:27:40.660
that so it's like he could take a week off and

00:27:40.660 --> 00:27:42.940
i could take a week that's cool um which i thought

00:27:42.940 --> 00:27:45.160
was a really interesting way to do it yeah i

00:27:45.160 --> 00:27:47.759
was like for us i would probably take most of

00:27:47.759 --> 00:27:49.900
it for sure but then like we could save some

00:27:49.900 --> 00:27:52.500
so yeah you know stewart could take some extra

00:27:52.500 --> 00:27:54.480
days off or whatever it would yeah but i thought

00:27:54.480 --> 00:27:56.000
that was a really interesting way to do it like

00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:59.079
hey this is for the family and like yes you both

00:27:59.079 --> 00:28:01.880
have set like allocated this is for each of you

00:28:01.880 --> 00:28:05.309
but So whatever makes most sense for the family,

00:28:05.470 --> 00:28:07.410
which obviously usually is going to be mom staying

00:28:07.410 --> 00:28:09.529
home. Yeah. If you're, especially if you're breastfeeding

00:28:09.529 --> 00:28:11.630
or whatever. It's almost like a year of just

00:28:11.630 --> 00:28:15.250
like solely the mom staying home, which I think

00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:19.069
is so cool because I don't know. I like for me,

00:28:19.190 --> 00:28:23.630
I understand like, so yeah, I took 12 weeks off.

00:28:23.869 --> 00:28:27.349
I swear though, like going back to work was right

00:28:27.349 --> 00:28:29.750
when that like four month, almost the four month

00:28:29.750 --> 00:28:33.460
sleep regression hit. And it's like, I'm like,

00:28:33.480 --> 00:28:35.019
of course it's right when I go back to work.

00:28:35.019 --> 00:28:37.019
Yeah. And there's also just like adjustments

00:28:37.019 --> 00:28:38.799
that happen, right? Because anytime there's a

00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:42.319
change in routine for kids, even for as an adult,

00:28:42.380 --> 00:28:45.819
when I have a change in routine, I'm like a little

00:28:45.819 --> 00:28:49.980
bit thrown off and don't sleep as well or whatever.

00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:53.700
Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah. So I thought that was really

00:28:53.700 --> 00:28:57.410
interesting. Okay. I looked up just. I think

00:28:57.410 --> 00:28:59.950
I just looked up like parenting styles or traditions

00:28:59.950 --> 00:29:04.089
around the world. So in France, they have what

00:29:04.089 --> 00:29:07.150
they call the authoritative approach. So French

00:29:07.150 --> 00:29:11.009
parenting is often characterized by the authoritative

00:29:11.009 --> 00:29:14.230
style, which strikes a balance between discipline

00:29:14.230 --> 00:29:16.619
and freedom. French parents are known for their

00:29:16.619 --> 00:29:18.759
firm boundaries, particularly when it comes to

00:29:18.759 --> 00:29:21.400
mealtime and manners. Children are expected to

00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:23.759
join adult meals, eat what's given, and engage

00:29:23.759 --> 00:29:26.380
in conversations. This approach teaches children

00:29:26.380 --> 00:29:29.180
patience, appreciation for food, and social skills.

00:29:29.339 --> 00:29:31.519
Yet within these boundaries, French children

00:29:31.519 --> 00:29:34.700
are given considerable autonomy to explore, play,

00:29:34.980 --> 00:29:37.519
fostering independence and confidence. Which

00:29:37.519 --> 00:29:40.880
I actually really like just that elevator pitch

00:29:40.880 --> 00:29:44.490
of a synopsis. Yeah, I mean, we feed our kids

00:29:44.490 --> 00:29:46.829
whatever we eat. I'm not making two meals. I

00:29:46.829 --> 00:29:49.329
know there are a lot of moms who do, and if that

00:29:49.329 --> 00:29:51.769
works for you, that's fine, I guess, but I'm

00:29:51.769 --> 00:29:53.970
not making two meals. I do not make two meals.

00:29:54.230 --> 00:29:56.150
It does mean we adjust a lot of what we eat,

00:29:56.150 --> 00:29:58.509
or I'll make, like, if I know something's going

00:29:58.509 --> 00:30:01.789
to be spicy, I'll, like, take it out and then

00:30:01.789 --> 00:30:05.910
add, you know, extra whatever. I would say we

00:30:05.910 --> 00:30:09.289
try to err on, like, that. that side almost and

00:30:09.289 --> 00:30:11.829
like that's the goal that is the goal successful

00:30:11.829 --> 00:30:15.049
all the time is another story yeah yeah like

00:30:15.049 --> 00:30:17.430
the the part that stuck out to me was like the

00:30:17.430 --> 00:30:21.349
engaging in conversations which like i can i

00:30:21.349 --> 00:30:25.140
think that is so so smart to try to to try to

00:30:25.140 --> 00:30:27.400
teach your kids to engage in conversation obviously

00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:29.839
depending on their age right and depending on

00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:32.559
like what's appropriate what's appropriate yeah

00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:35.319
i think there's times where it's like it's absolutely

00:30:35.319 --> 00:30:38.059
okay for you to let your child down from the

00:30:38.059 --> 00:30:40.259
table to go play while you have an adult conversation

00:30:40.259 --> 00:30:42.920
with right whoever else is there like and they

00:30:42.920 --> 00:30:46.400
can be independently playing and yeah stuff like

00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:49.730
that but i do think it is smart like The hope

00:30:49.730 --> 00:30:52.430
is I want to teach my kids when we go out to

00:30:52.430 --> 00:30:56.089
eat, they can order their own food. I want to

00:30:56.089 --> 00:31:00.289
teach them that type of communication with strangers

00:31:00.289 --> 00:31:03.569
per se, but yeah, that was interesting. Yeah,

00:31:03.589 --> 00:31:05.329
I know. Actually, the funny thing is the only

00:31:05.329 --> 00:31:08.470
parenting book I read before Lloyd was born was

00:31:08.470 --> 00:31:12.990
it's called Bringing Up Bebe, and it's an American

00:31:12.990 --> 00:31:16.049
mom. Her husband, I don't remember if he's American

00:31:16.049 --> 00:31:22.440
or he might be. um but they lived and raised

00:31:22.440 --> 00:31:26.519
kids in france and so she just like what is french

00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:28.500
parenting and comparing things and so obviously

00:31:28.500 --> 00:31:32.519
she talks a lot about this um but there was a

00:31:32.519 --> 00:31:35.319
lot of things like of course food is really important

00:31:35.319 --> 00:31:38.519
so like how do you prevent picky eating like

00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:41.339
one of the things is you have to try everything

00:31:41.339 --> 00:31:44.279
yeah and i know for us one of the things i've

00:31:44.279 --> 00:31:46.940
thought about is i'm like The thing people don't

00:31:46.940 --> 00:31:49.839
like about picky eaters is they're not willing

00:31:49.839 --> 00:31:51.920
to try things and they're rude. That's usually,

00:31:51.980 --> 00:31:54.539
like, no one's really mad if someone has a preference.

00:31:55.220 --> 00:31:57.920
But it's when someone's a brat about it, just

00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:00.220
in general, whether they're an adult or a child.

00:32:01.000 --> 00:32:03.220
So, like, that was one of the things I took from

00:32:03.220 --> 00:32:05.259
that book is I'm like, oh, I just want my kids

00:32:05.259 --> 00:32:07.980
to be able to try things and to be polite if

00:32:07.980 --> 00:32:09.339
they don't like it. Like, you don't have to,

00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:11.160
like, I don't like everything. So I'm not going

00:32:11.160 --> 00:32:14.730
to expect you to. Yep. And what was one of the

00:32:14.730 --> 00:32:16.549
other things that I thought of from that book?

00:32:16.809 --> 00:32:19.289
One of the things they were talking about sweets

00:32:19.289 --> 00:32:21.490
and just like how they handle sweets in general.

00:32:21.890 --> 00:32:25.549
And so she said that it's pretty common for like

00:32:25.549 --> 00:32:28.869
the family to like bake a cake or something all

00:32:28.869 --> 00:32:31.630
together like once a week. And then they just

00:32:31.630 --> 00:32:33.109
kind of eat it throughout the week and it's not

00:32:33.109 --> 00:32:35.690
a big deal. But it's also like. it's a whole

00:32:35.690 --> 00:32:37.650
thing right where it's like you're baking it

00:32:37.650 --> 00:32:39.589
together and like that's part of the process

00:32:39.589 --> 00:32:41.250
it's not just like oh you have a cake in the

00:32:41.250 --> 00:32:43.950
house yeah but candy is pretty rare and when

00:32:43.950 --> 00:32:46.049
they let their kids have candy at like a birthday

00:32:46.049 --> 00:32:48.430
party or halloween they just kind of let their

00:32:48.430 --> 00:32:51.470
kids eat as much as they want but it was really

00:32:51.470 --> 00:32:53.990
interesting she was like because then kids learn

00:32:53.990 --> 00:32:56.269
to control themselves instead of having someone

00:32:56.269 --> 00:32:58.970
else tell them when they're done because eating

00:32:58.970 --> 00:33:00.970
a ton of candy doesn't make you feel good like

00:33:00.970 --> 00:33:04.509
no for anyone so then you start to like learn

00:33:04.509 --> 00:33:07.809
as a young kid to be like oh actually eating

00:33:07.809 --> 00:33:10.730
an entire bucket of candy makes me feel sick

00:33:10.730 --> 00:33:13.309
so they don't do that as much which i thought

00:33:13.309 --> 00:33:15.430
was super interesting because there's like i

00:33:15.430 --> 00:33:17.490
think in america we feel like we have to control

00:33:17.490 --> 00:33:20.759
it like yeah only have this much candy or sweets.

00:33:21.099 --> 00:33:23.519
And then it turns into this like forbidden fruit

00:33:23.519 --> 00:33:25.779
aspect. Yeah. So I thought that was super interesting.

00:33:25.880 --> 00:33:28.140
That is very interesting. I would recommend that

00:33:28.140 --> 00:33:32.420
book to anyone. It's just interesting and a very

00:33:32.420 --> 00:33:35.000
different perspective. Yeah. That's cool. Um,

00:33:35.059 --> 00:33:38.279
okay. What else do I have? So the collective

00:33:38.279 --> 00:33:41.019
wisdom of African communities and many African

00:33:41.019 --> 00:33:43.200
cultures, the proverb, it takes a village to

00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:45.980
raise a child is taken to heart. Child rearing

00:33:45.980 --> 00:33:48.039
is a communal effort with extended family and

00:33:48.039 --> 00:33:49.720
neighbors all playing a role in the upbringing

00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:51.980
of the children. The collective parenting style

00:33:51.980 --> 00:33:54.099
emphasizes the importance of community, respect

00:33:54.099 --> 00:33:56.200
for elders, and a strong sense of belonging.

00:33:56.460 --> 00:34:00.180
Children learn from a wide array of adults, adult

00:34:00.180 --> 00:34:03.359
figures, and peers, gaining a rich tapestry of

00:34:03.359 --> 00:34:06.160
knowledge and experience. Which I do like that.

00:34:06.240 --> 00:34:08.599
I do like that a lot. Yeah. Yeah, one of the

00:34:08.599 --> 00:34:10.519
things Stuart and I have talked about with our

00:34:10.519 --> 00:34:12.699
family is we're like, it's super cool that we

00:34:12.699 --> 00:34:14.960
have like... with our parents and aunts and uncles,

00:34:15.099 --> 00:34:17.719
everyone has like different sets of knowledge.

00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:21.320
So like we can send our kids off, like we've

00:34:21.320 --> 00:34:22.519
talked about homeschooling and we're like, we

00:34:22.519 --> 00:34:24.139
could send our kids off with any of our parents

00:34:24.139 --> 00:34:28.320
and they would learn a different skill set. Grandma's

00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:30.239
going to teach you gardening and cooking and

00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:31.980
Gina's going to teach you sewing and crocheting.

00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:34.719
It's like your elective classes. Yeah. Maybe

00:34:34.719 --> 00:34:36.579
Uncle Justin will teach you to fly a plane. We'll

00:34:36.579 --> 00:34:42.019
see. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, that's really cool.

00:34:42.519 --> 00:34:44.639
I mean, we just chatted about It Takes a Village

00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:47.599
in a couple episodes ago. So, yeah, that's cool

00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:50.920
to hear the origin of it. Yeah. All right. The

00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:54.980
academic rigor of South Korea. South Korean parents

00:34:54.980 --> 00:34:57.440
place a high value on education and academic

00:34:57.440 --> 00:35:00.159
success. The parenting style here leans towards

00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:02.760
being more authoritarian with a strong emphasis

00:35:02.760 --> 00:35:06.269
on structured learning and achievement. After

00:35:06.269 --> 00:35:08.869
-school tutoring and study sessions are common,

00:35:08.929 --> 00:35:11.550
reflecting the societal expectation for children

00:35:11.550 --> 00:35:14.650
to excel academically. While this approach has

00:35:14.650 --> 00:35:17.989
led to high educational attainment rates, it

00:35:17.989 --> 00:35:20.329
also brings challenges such as stress and reduced

00:35:20.329 --> 00:35:23.469
playtime in children. That's not, like, I don't

00:35:23.469 --> 00:35:25.110
know. Part of it is the studies I'm seeing is,

00:35:25.170 --> 00:35:28.769
like, kids need play for their brain to develop.

00:35:28.889 --> 00:35:31.250
So I have a hard time with that one. Yes. Oh,

00:35:31.250 --> 00:35:33.630
for sure. But I know it's, like, super traditional.

00:35:33.889 --> 00:35:38.019
Yep. australia aussie parents tend to embody

00:35:38.019 --> 00:35:40.800
more of a laid -back parenting style with a focus

00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:43.199
on outdoor activities and allowing children to

00:35:43.199 --> 00:35:45.679
take risks and be independent there's a strong

00:35:45.679 --> 00:35:48.159
belief in the benefit of outdoor play for children's

00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:50.519
physical and mental development australian parenting

00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:53.380
encourages problem solving and resilience as

00:35:53.380 --> 00:35:56.199
children navigate both social interactions and

00:35:56.199 --> 00:35:58.780
the natural world around them i actually like

00:35:58.780 --> 00:36:02.579
that a lot yeah we like if we won the lottery

00:36:02.579 --> 00:36:05.619
and could just like do anything we would definitely

00:36:05.619 --> 00:36:08.239
buy like a good chunk of property yes and have

00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:11.300
like a smaller you know not like a tiny house

00:36:11.300 --> 00:36:13.420
but we wouldn't build like a mansion or anything

00:36:13.420 --> 00:36:15.099
but like reasonable sized house and then just

00:36:15.099 --> 00:36:17.599
have like a bunch of land yeah just go play and

00:36:17.599 --> 00:36:20.239
be yes yeah i think that's something that's like

00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:23.539
so missing from oh for sure just like current

00:36:23.539 --> 00:36:27.440
parenting and like yeah the amount of reels that

00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:29.940
michael sends me like on a weekly basis that

00:36:29.940 --> 00:36:32.599
it's like a reel of like a family that lives

00:36:32.599 --> 00:36:35.349
in like you know in the middle of nowhere and

00:36:35.349 --> 00:36:38.070
they just like live off the land and and it says

00:36:38.070 --> 00:36:42.969
like is this too much to ask for well how how

00:36:42.969 --> 00:36:46.769
do we make money but yeah so yeah maybe but i'm

00:36:46.769 --> 00:36:50.329
like that is that is the ultimate dream for us

00:36:50.329 --> 00:36:54.269
is to just like be able to live kind of like

00:36:54.269 --> 00:36:56.670
off the land and live nowhere in the middle of

00:36:56.670 --> 00:36:59.650
nowhere and let the kids just We'll go in on

00:36:59.650 --> 00:37:03.070
it together. We'll start a cult. Yes. I love

00:37:03.070 --> 00:37:06.289
it. Have our own. We'll just have like a hundred

00:37:06.289 --> 00:37:09.750
acres and we'll split it and then we can meet

00:37:09.750 --> 00:37:13.250
up for our homeschooling adventures. Perfect.

00:37:14.809 --> 00:37:17.789
We might be super poor after that, but that's

00:37:17.789 --> 00:37:19.829
okay. Hopefully this podcast will take off. Yeah.

00:37:19.909 --> 00:37:22.030
But then we'll have a garden so we'll be able

00:37:22.030 --> 00:37:24.309
to make our own food. Yes. We'll call it good.

00:37:24.429 --> 00:37:26.769
That sounds like the dream, honestly. It'd be

00:37:26.769 --> 00:37:30.239
so nice. I know. We had someone we knew growing,

00:37:30.320 --> 00:37:34.039
I knew growing up, they had, like, not a full

00:37:34.039 --> 00:37:35.960
-blown farm, but they had, like, goats and chickens

00:37:35.960 --> 00:37:38.539
and, you know, kind of little homestead and just

00:37:38.539 --> 00:37:41.260
so much property to run around. So nice. And

00:37:41.260 --> 00:37:44.380
I was always so jealous. Yeah. The only thing

00:37:44.380 --> 00:37:46.039
I can really think of, though, with that is,

00:37:46.099 --> 00:37:48.820
like, how many ticks there are and how many bugs.

00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:52.639
I'm, like, not a bug person. Not a bug person.

00:37:52.820 --> 00:37:55.380
But then you have, like, chickens who eat bugs,

00:37:55.519 --> 00:37:58.010
right? Yeah, that's true. A lot of bath times.

00:37:58.210 --> 00:38:01.730
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Know how to treat for tics

00:38:01.730 --> 00:38:05.750
and stuff like that. It's fine. All right. The

00:38:05.750 --> 00:38:08.010
respectful upbringing of Japan. Japanese parenting

00:38:08.010 --> 00:38:11.409
is deeply rooted in the concept of respect, self

00:38:11.409 --> 00:38:14.159
-discipline, and community harmony. From a young

00:38:14.159 --> 00:38:16.159
age, Japanese children are taught to be mindful

00:38:16.159 --> 00:38:19.340
of others, leading to a society that values order

00:38:19.340 --> 00:38:22.079
and cooperation. Parents use positive reinforcement

00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:25.079
rather than punishment to guide behavior. And

00:38:25.079 --> 00:38:27.099
there is less direct supervision, encouraging

00:38:27.099 --> 00:38:30.699
children to become self -reliant and responsible

00:38:30.699 --> 00:38:34.519
members of society. That I think is super interesting,

00:38:34.579 --> 00:38:36.360
too, because I was just thinking the other day

00:38:36.360 --> 00:38:39.619
about, like, kind of how selfish we all are,

00:38:39.659 --> 00:38:42.760
like, societally right now. So, like, having

00:38:42.760 --> 00:38:45.039
the mindset of, like, hey, we're all supposed

00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:47.780
to be, like, taking care of each other and, like,

00:38:47.780 --> 00:38:50.039
working together. Like, we're all just, like,

00:38:50.059 --> 00:38:52.480
living in our own little worlds. Is that what

00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:55.329
you're? Kind of, yeah. Yeah. So I think that

00:38:55.329 --> 00:38:58.309
was cool. That is interesting. Scandinavian countries,

00:38:58.670 --> 00:39:02.570
such as Sweden and Norway, are renowned for their

00:39:02.570 --> 00:39:05.250
permissive parenting style, which is characterized

00:39:05.250 --> 00:39:07.369
by an emphasis on children's rights and equality.

00:39:07.869 --> 00:39:10.010
Parents encourage their children to express their

00:39:10.010 --> 00:39:12.389
opinions and make decisions fostering an environment

00:39:12.389 --> 00:39:15.230
of mutual respect and understanding. This approach

00:39:15.230 --> 00:39:19.989
also extends to... generous parental leave policies,

00:39:20.010 --> 00:39:22.789
and state -supported child care systems, which

00:39:22.789 --> 00:39:26.090
reflect the societal support of healthy work

00:39:26.090 --> 00:39:28.650
-life balance and family life. Permissive. Interesting.

00:39:28.909 --> 00:39:35.309
Yeah. I do think it's good to let kids ask questions.

00:39:35.570 --> 00:39:38.869
Oh, for sure. I think we're kind of working away

00:39:38.869 --> 00:39:42.010
from it now, but traditional American parenting

00:39:42.010 --> 00:39:46.150
is kind of very authoritarian. authoritarian

00:39:46.150 --> 00:39:49.610
authoritative something like that yeah uh where

00:39:49.610 --> 00:39:52.570
like it's like well i'm the parent and i said

00:39:52.570 --> 00:39:54.389
so so you're not allowed to ask questions yeah

00:39:54.389 --> 00:39:57.070
which i know one of the things for me that i've

00:39:57.070 --> 00:40:00.090
thought about is like well someday my kid is

00:40:00.090 --> 00:40:01.809
going to be told to do something by someone who

00:40:01.809 --> 00:40:04.269
doesn't care about them and i want them to be

00:40:04.269 --> 00:40:08.159
able to ask questions respectfully and that starts

00:40:08.159 --> 00:40:10.579
with them asking me questions and not being triggered

00:40:10.579 --> 00:40:14.079
by it yeah no i feel like i totally was raised

00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:16.940
with like the if i was like why why do i have

00:40:16.940 --> 00:40:19.880
to do that it was the because i said so uh -huh

00:40:19.880 --> 00:40:22.360
and that was just like the norm i don't know

00:40:22.360 --> 00:40:25.860
and i'm i try i don't know i feel like colt's

00:40:25.860 --> 00:40:28.119
not quite old enough to ask those questions yeah

00:40:28.119 --> 00:40:29.639
we're definitely not quite there where i'm like

00:40:29.639 --> 00:40:32.559
answering with a because i said so it's more

00:40:32.559 --> 00:40:35.800
of just like I want to give him reasons of why

00:40:35.800 --> 00:40:40.519
I'm expecting this of him. Yeah, we try to do

00:40:40.519 --> 00:40:43.880
that as much as possible. We're not just telling

00:40:43.880 --> 00:40:45.559
you not to touch the toaster oven because we're

00:40:45.559 --> 00:40:47.659
not fun. It's because it's going to hurt you.

00:40:47.719 --> 00:40:50.340
See, you touched it and you cried. Please don't

00:40:50.340 --> 00:40:52.880
put that knife in the toaster oven. Exactly.

00:40:54.639 --> 00:40:56.920
Okay, that was the last one I have for those.

00:40:57.159 --> 00:41:00.860
Okay, the next thing I looked up was... So I

00:41:00.860 --> 00:41:03.079
was curious about like the norm, the cultural

00:41:03.079 --> 00:41:06.719
norm for families living in proximity to each

00:41:06.719 --> 00:41:09.360
other. Just because like that's one thing that

00:41:09.360 --> 00:41:12.079
I found has been difficult in this season for

00:41:12.079 --> 00:41:14.119
us is not living close to family. So I was like,

00:41:14.280 --> 00:41:17.119
you know, I'm curious like what what other countries

00:41:17.119 --> 00:41:21.380
are like. So in East Asia, East Asia. Like China,

00:41:21.440 --> 00:41:24.400
Korea, Japan, there's a strong cultural norm

00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:27.500
toward proximity or even co -residents. So living

00:41:27.500 --> 00:41:31.280
with multi -generational homes is what it says.

00:41:31.519 --> 00:41:34.440
And the modern trend is that young adults move

00:41:34.440 --> 00:41:37.260
to cities for work, but still prioritize living

00:41:37.260 --> 00:41:40.260
near parents when possible. So I actually thought

00:41:40.260 --> 00:41:43.480
that was really interesting. I was surprised

00:41:43.480 --> 00:41:47.179
by that for East Asia, but it kind of, when you

00:41:47.179 --> 00:41:50.559
talked about like the... birth traditions, like

00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:52.880
when you talked about Japan and it was like 21

00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:55.320
days living with your parents or whatever. I

00:41:55.320 --> 00:41:59.280
was like, oh, that correlates with this. Okay,

00:41:59.920 --> 00:42:04.300
South Asia. So India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri

00:42:04.300 --> 00:42:07.159
Lanka. I think I said that right. Sri Lanka.

00:42:07.320 --> 00:42:11.719
Sri Lanka. Is joint or extended family remains

00:42:11.719 --> 00:42:15.500
like living with them remains common. And even

00:42:15.500 --> 00:42:18.579
when nuclear families form. Living in the same

00:42:18.579 --> 00:42:20.639
building or neighborhood as parents is typical.

00:42:20.900 --> 00:42:23.099
So I thought that was interesting. Southeast

00:42:23.099 --> 00:42:26.460
Asia's multi -generational households are common.

00:42:26.820 --> 00:42:29.420
Adult children often stay close or live with

00:42:29.420 --> 00:42:33.739
parents until marriage and sometimes after. Middle

00:42:33.739 --> 00:42:36.880
East and North Africa, cultural norms emphasize

00:42:36.880 --> 00:42:40.639
family closeness and obligation. Elder care is

00:42:40.639 --> 00:42:43.280
the family's responsibility, not institutions.

00:42:43.619 --> 00:42:46.619
And then women often move near the husband's

00:42:46.619 --> 00:42:49.599
family after marriage. So that was interesting.

00:42:49.800 --> 00:42:53.659
Sub -Saharan Africa, extended family proximity

00:42:53.659 --> 00:42:56.260
is the norm. Obviously, you guys are picking

00:42:56.260 --> 00:43:00.539
up on like... normal like what the norm is here

00:43:00.539 --> 00:43:05.280
across these countries is that family proximity

00:43:05.280 --> 00:43:09.440
is the norm Latin America same thing multi -generational

00:43:09.440 --> 00:43:12.199
support adult children often live at home into

00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:17.780
their late 20s or 30s Southern Europe very strong

00:43:17.780 --> 00:43:22.199
norm for family proximity Eastern Europe extended

00:43:22.199 --> 00:43:24.780
family support is the norm Okay, here's where

00:43:24.780 --> 00:43:27.239
it gets interesting. Western Europe. So the UK,

00:43:27.420 --> 00:43:29.699
France, Germany, Netherlands, and Scandinavia

00:43:29.699 --> 00:43:33.219
is more individualistic. So living far from family

00:43:33.219 --> 00:43:38.019
is the normal. Does it say what far means? It

00:43:38.019 --> 00:43:41.900
does not. No. Because I also know, like... I

00:43:41.900 --> 00:43:43.679
always think it's funny. There's like a funny

00:43:43.679 --> 00:43:46.280
cultural difference in the UK. You'll hear people

00:43:46.280 --> 00:43:47.960
be like, oh, I never see my parents. They live

00:43:47.960 --> 00:43:49.840
really far away. And it's like, oh, it's a 45

00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:52.360
minute drive. Yeah, that is interesting. I'll

00:43:52.360 --> 00:43:54.599
go. I'll drive 45 minutes to go to a restaurant.

00:43:54.679 --> 00:43:57.679
Yeah. Yeah. Like easily. Yeah. Yeah. When we

00:43:57.679 --> 00:44:00.619
lived in California, the majority of our friends

00:44:00.619 --> 00:44:03.900
lived like 45 minutes to an hour away. And this

00:44:03.900 --> 00:44:05.840
was before we had kids. So it was like more normal.

00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:09.579
But we would drive down to see them like three

00:44:09.579 --> 00:44:12.699
times a week, probably. And it was just like

00:44:12.699 --> 00:44:15.579
that was normal. So this is interesting about

00:44:15.579 --> 00:44:18.659
Western Europe too, though, is that young adults

00:44:18.659 --> 00:44:21.639
commonly move out early. in their late teens

00:44:21.639 --> 00:44:25.019
or early 20s, and elderly parents often rely

00:44:25.019 --> 00:44:27.780
on state systems rather than living with children.

00:44:28.219 --> 00:44:31.619
And then North America, so U .S. and Canada,

00:44:31.760 --> 00:44:35.840
strong emphasis on individual independence. Adult

00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:38.400
children often move out for college or jobs,

00:44:38.519 --> 00:44:41.420
sometimes across the country, and living near

00:44:41.420 --> 00:44:44.199
parents is not an expectation. And I thought

00:44:44.199 --> 00:44:46.019
that was just so interesting because I'm like,

00:44:46.460 --> 00:44:49.099
I knew, I kind of knew that this was going to

00:44:49.099 --> 00:44:51.719
be the answer going into it. That just living

00:44:51.719 --> 00:44:55.519
in close proximity to family is not, it's, I

00:44:55.519 --> 00:44:57.940
mean, it's common, but it's not super common.

00:44:58.039 --> 00:45:01.239
Right. It's like when you hear that someone lives

00:45:01.239 --> 00:45:04.119
in like, you guys don't live in the same state

00:45:04.119 --> 00:45:07.639
as family. And that's not like. I mean, obviously

00:45:07.639 --> 00:45:09.820
I knew that you moved here, but if you just like

00:45:09.820 --> 00:45:12.179
told me that it wouldn't shock me because we

00:45:12.179 --> 00:45:13.780
also have lots of other friends who it's like,

00:45:13.860 --> 00:45:16.199
oh, we don't have family close by or like we

00:45:16.199 --> 00:45:18.619
moved away from family for like these reasons,

00:45:18.739 --> 00:45:21.820
you know, and it can be as simple as like a job

00:45:21.820 --> 00:45:24.739
or cost of living or something like that. Yeah.

00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:28.639
Yeah. So, yeah, it's definitely like it's not

00:45:28.639 --> 00:45:31.340
uncommon to live near family, but it's also just

00:45:31.340 --> 00:45:35.530
as not. Yeah, just as common to live away from

00:45:35.530 --> 00:45:39.010
family. Yeah, yeah. So then I did further research

00:45:39.010 --> 00:45:42.349
because I was like, hmm, I'm interested now for,

00:45:42.449 --> 00:45:46.090
like, okay, for countries and stuff that live

00:45:46.090 --> 00:45:50.650
in close proximity to family, does that increase

00:45:50.650 --> 00:45:53.730
the stay -at -home mom rate? Because there's,

00:45:53.730 --> 00:45:57.550
like, of the support. And it's interesting because

00:45:57.550 --> 00:46:00.849
I feel like the research that I did, it kind

00:46:00.849 --> 00:46:04.380
of, like, chose both so like it said yes but

00:46:04.380 --> 00:46:07.340
also no so uh the question was is the stay -at

00:46:07.340 --> 00:46:10.179
-home mom rate higher among families living close

00:46:10.179 --> 00:46:13.699
to extended family is what i asked um chat gpt

00:46:13.699 --> 00:46:16.699
and it says generally yes but the relationship

00:46:16.699 --> 00:46:20.019
differs by region child care availability and

00:46:20.019 --> 00:46:24.019
cultural expectations and so and then i was like

00:46:24.019 --> 00:46:26.619
okay that's interesting like child care wise

00:46:26.619 --> 00:46:28.880
because i was like well yeah if i live close

00:46:28.880 --> 00:46:32.500
to family the child care availability for me

00:46:32.500 --> 00:46:36.019
would be much higher yeah so would in my case

00:46:36.019 --> 00:46:38.599
i feel like i would have a higher likelihood

00:46:38.599 --> 00:46:43.300
to then work outside of the home like i i would

00:46:43.300 --> 00:46:46.800
feel more okay with it knowing that like sure

00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:48.840
well and then there's not paying for child care

00:46:48.840 --> 00:46:51.519
maybe as much yeah then there's also the financial

00:46:51.519 --> 00:46:54.460
piece because i know multiple families who they're

00:46:54.460 --> 00:46:56.599
like well we would both be working except for

00:46:56.599 --> 00:46:59.440
one of our entire paychecks was going to go to

00:46:59.440 --> 00:47:02.880
child care so it wasn't worth it so i stayed

00:47:02.880 --> 00:47:08.000
home yeah whereas if you again have free or lower

00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:10.840
child care you know you're not paying your parents

00:47:10.840 --> 00:47:14.739
or aunt or uncle or whoever as much yeah It's

00:47:14.739 --> 00:47:16.960
interesting, though, because like for the U .S.,

00:47:16.960 --> 00:47:19.679
it says mothers who live near their own parents

00:47:19.679 --> 00:47:23.699
or in -laws are more likely to leave the workforce

00:47:23.699 --> 00:47:27.460
after childbirth if the family culture is traditional.

00:47:28.280 --> 00:47:30.579
And that was interesting, too, because it was

00:47:30.579 --> 00:47:34.840
like talking about traditional versus. Yeah.

00:47:35.119 --> 00:47:38.280
Yeah. It's interesting, but it kind of makes

00:47:38.280 --> 00:47:41.420
sense to me because I was thinking I don't even

00:47:41.420 --> 00:47:44.320
know how I got on this like. Oh, I was thinking

00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:47.500
about how there are the whole attitude of like,

00:47:47.559 --> 00:47:49.820
I need a break from my kids and how some people

00:47:49.820 --> 00:47:51.679
are super negative about that. Like, who needs

00:47:51.679 --> 00:47:52.900
a break from their kids? I don't need a break

00:47:52.900 --> 00:47:55.099
from my kids. And I think what it boils down

00:47:55.099 --> 00:48:00.119
to is honestly two things. And one is remembering

00:48:00.119 --> 00:48:02.940
that you're someone outside of being a mom. And

00:48:02.940 --> 00:48:06.199
then, yeah, I think the whole concept of wanting

00:48:06.199 --> 00:48:08.039
a break from your kids kind of boils down to

00:48:08.039 --> 00:48:11.889
two things. wanting to remember you're someone

00:48:11.889 --> 00:48:14.670
outside of being a mom and wanting a break from

00:48:14.670 --> 00:48:17.190
not your kids but the responsibility whereas

00:48:17.190 --> 00:48:19.030
like yeah especially when you're a stay -at -home

00:48:19.030 --> 00:48:23.630
mom a lot of times it's like oh I'm constantly

00:48:23.630 --> 00:48:25.550
doing laundry and changing diapers and cleaning

00:48:25.550 --> 00:48:29.190
up accidents and making meals and the fun stuff

00:48:29.190 --> 00:48:32.429
gets kind of like it disappears in the midst

00:48:32.429 --> 00:48:34.730
of that whereas like if you get to take a break

00:48:34.730 --> 00:48:38.010
from the responsibility to just have fun yeah

00:48:38.510 --> 00:48:40.250
You're like, oh yeah, being a mom's fun. I forgot.

00:48:40.489 --> 00:48:43.110
And so I think like if you're close to family

00:48:43.110 --> 00:48:47.050
as a stay -at -home mom, then that makes it easier.

00:48:47.269 --> 00:48:50.550
Yeah. Right. Where you can be like, oh, I'm going

00:48:50.550 --> 00:48:53.889
to call grandma so I can go just get my nails

00:48:53.889 --> 00:48:57.909
done or, you know, go to a mom group or I don't

00:48:57.909 --> 00:49:00.610
know, do something to remind myself that I'm

00:49:00.610 --> 00:49:02.789
someone who's not just a mom, but like I'm a

00:49:02.789 --> 00:49:06.369
human being outside of just being a mobile life

00:49:06.369 --> 00:49:11.260
support. unit and also sometimes that means that

00:49:11.260 --> 00:49:13.559
like i can just have fun and there might be someone

00:49:13.559 --> 00:49:16.659
else who's at least like helping carry the burden

00:49:16.659 --> 00:49:18.900
a little bit more that's not just my spouse because

00:49:18.900 --> 00:49:21.480
sometimes like you need some i mean i think more

00:49:21.480 --> 00:49:24.360
often than we admit we need support outside of

00:49:24.360 --> 00:49:29.800
just our spouse and second parent to yeah to

00:49:29.800 --> 00:49:31.980
just survive and get things done yeah that's

00:49:31.980 --> 00:49:34.400
so true i think of like i don't know whenever

00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:39.269
like we have a fairly normal we do the same routine

00:49:39.269 --> 00:49:42.090
every week kind of but when when we get to have

00:49:42.090 --> 00:49:43.989
like glimpses of like like i'm thinking of like

00:49:43.989 --> 00:49:46.389
now we're getting into the christmas season like

00:49:46.389 --> 00:49:49.170
oh like we're gonna go do a fun like i don't

00:49:49.170 --> 00:49:52.469
know go to look at christmas lights like that

00:49:52.469 --> 00:49:55.489
is a fun parenting moment where it's not like

00:49:55.489 --> 00:49:58.150
yeah there's i don't know the responsibility's

00:49:58.150 --> 00:50:00.590
still there obviously to take care of your children

00:50:00.590 --> 00:50:04.329
right but when it's like a different experience

00:50:04.329 --> 00:50:08.190
i guess it's yeah When you get to like play and

00:50:08.190 --> 00:50:11.909
do the things that aren't just mundane and aren't

00:50:11.909 --> 00:50:14.110
solely responsibility. I think that's like the

00:50:14.110 --> 00:50:17.929
big thing is like making meals and I enjoy cooking,

00:50:18.070 --> 00:50:19.829
but like at this point it's like I'm getting

00:50:19.829 --> 00:50:22.869
dinner on the table before everyone has a tantrum

00:50:22.869 --> 00:50:26.690
and starts crying, including myself. And like,

00:50:26.690 --> 00:50:29.510
so that makes cooking not fun anymore because

00:50:29.510 --> 00:50:31.329
it's like, this is just getting something done.

00:50:31.469 --> 00:50:36.849
So I think when activities become just. responsibility

00:50:36.849 --> 00:50:40.670
and the fun gets removed then it like you end

00:50:40.670 --> 00:50:42.750
up getting resentful and frustrated and that's

00:50:42.750 --> 00:50:44.469
when you're like i need a break from this yes

00:50:44.469 --> 00:50:47.090
um but when you have the chance to like kind

00:50:47.090 --> 00:50:49.530
of balance it out yeah then it's like you get

00:50:49.530 --> 00:50:53.550
to have fun and yeah if i can even say like because

00:50:53.550 --> 00:50:55.409
we do have family close by like y 'all know that

00:50:55.409 --> 00:50:58.289
and that does make it a lot easier yeah i feel

00:50:58.289 --> 00:51:01.420
like oh i I don't know. Like we just need help

00:51:01.420 --> 00:51:03.579
with this one thing. Yeah. You just need to do

00:51:03.579 --> 00:51:06.659
one thing. Can you watch? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

00:51:06.659 --> 00:51:09.300
thought, um, so I looked up, I was like, I need

00:51:09.300 --> 00:51:13.019
some actual like data here. And this is it. It

00:51:13.019 --> 00:51:14.780
kind of goes in a different direction here, but

00:51:14.780 --> 00:51:18.099
it says a national Bureau of economic research

00:51:18.099 --> 00:51:22.940
found that around 25 % of women who live within

00:51:22.940 --> 00:51:26.500
25 miles of their mothers get work related childcare

00:51:26.500 --> 00:51:31.369
from them versus only. about 4 .2 % for women

00:51:31.369 --> 00:51:34.110
who live more than 25 miles away. I thought that

00:51:34.110 --> 00:51:37.050
was interesting of like, oh, well, if you live

00:51:37.050 --> 00:51:42.210
close, like within 25 miles of your mom, you're

00:51:42.210 --> 00:51:45.269
more likely to use that as childcare versus,

00:51:45.269 --> 00:51:48.030
which I'm like, oh, that makes sense. The same

00:51:48.030 --> 00:51:50.329
study reports that married women with kids under

00:51:50.329 --> 00:51:55.769
12 are four to 10 % more likely to work if they

00:51:55.769 --> 00:51:58.199
live near their mother or mother -in -law. And

00:51:58.199 --> 00:52:01.000
I'm like, okay, that makes sense because, yeah,

00:52:01.099 --> 00:52:03.679
it's just like the access to childcare situation.

00:52:04.039 --> 00:52:06.639
And it's just, it's really hard to leave your

00:52:06.639 --> 00:52:08.920
kid. Yeah. I think even if you have a job that

00:52:08.920 --> 00:52:10.940
you love and you're passionate about, that little

00:52:10.940 --> 00:52:14.760
of a kid is, they're hard to leave because they

00:52:14.760 --> 00:52:18.820
need you in a way that even someone who's, you

00:52:18.820 --> 00:52:22.099
know, a grandma can't necessarily provide. Yeah.

00:52:22.199 --> 00:52:25.900
And the convenience of like pumping and doing

00:52:25.900 --> 00:52:29.840
all those things is just, yeah it's much harder

00:52:29.840 --> 00:52:33.139
yeah so the interpretation from that study it

00:52:33.139 --> 00:52:35.280
says proximity to a parent strongly supports

00:52:35.280 --> 00:52:38.079
child care and that increased child care support

00:52:38.079 --> 00:52:41.739
correlates with higher maternal labor labor force

00:52:41.739 --> 00:52:45.559
participation not more stay -at -home moms yeah

00:52:46.360 --> 00:52:47.980
Well, that's kind of interesting. So I feel like

00:52:47.980 --> 00:52:51.239
this, the whole like study, it kind of like shows,

00:52:51.280 --> 00:52:53.480
but I don't know. It showed a little bit of both,

00:52:53.559 --> 00:52:56.320
but you really have no answers. So other than

00:52:56.320 --> 00:52:58.519
you want to live near family, I guess. Yeah.

00:52:58.900 --> 00:53:00.900
Yeah. So that was interesting. That's kind of

00:53:00.900 --> 00:53:04.000
all the research I did. So you didn't have anything

00:53:04.000 --> 00:53:06.380
else, right? Nope. Okay. So then the last thing

00:53:06.380 --> 00:53:10.699
that I looked up is kind of going down the line

00:53:10.699 --> 00:53:14.460
a little bit is coming of age traditions. I feel

00:53:14.460 --> 00:53:17.880
like, I mean, We don't not have them in America.

00:53:17.920 --> 00:53:20.099
We have, like, sweet 16 parties and 21st birthdays,

00:53:20.139 --> 00:53:23.019
but we don't have, like, a thing. Yeah. You know,

00:53:23.099 --> 00:53:26.119
which I think was really interesting. So, of

00:53:26.119 --> 00:53:28.380
course, the Jewish coming of age tradition, most

00:53:28.380 --> 00:53:30.480
people probably know, is the bar bat mitzvah

00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:35.420
is at age 12 or 13 in order to demonstrate their

00:53:35.420 --> 00:53:37.599
commitment to their faith and recognize they

00:53:37.599 --> 00:53:39.639
are now responsible for following Jewish law

00:53:39.639 --> 00:53:43.199
after a religious ceremony and a receptionist

00:53:43.199 --> 00:53:46.559
typically ensues. To celebrate the young person's

00:53:46.559 --> 00:53:50.820
hard work and accomplishments. Then the... I

00:53:50.820 --> 00:53:53.139
can't pronounce this. Should have looked this

00:53:53.139 --> 00:53:58.579
up first. Satremaua. Okay. Coming of age tradition

00:53:58.579 --> 00:54:02.659
is the Brazilian Amazon young boys belonging

00:54:02.659 --> 00:54:06.320
to an indigenous tribe. So that's the tribe name

00:54:06.320 --> 00:54:08.239
that I can't pronounce. To mark their coming

00:54:08.239 --> 00:54:13.119
of age when they turn 13. The tradition goes

00:54:13.119 --> 00:54:17.869
as... So they search in the jungle for bullet

00:54:17.869 --> 00:54:22.210
ants, which are sedated by a leader who submerges

00:54:22.210 --> 00:54:26.150
them in an herbal solution. The ants are weaved

00:54:26.150 --> 00:54:29.510
into gloves with the stingers pointed outwards.

00:54:29.989 --> 00:54:32.829
An hour or so later, the ants wake up angrier

00:54:32.829 --> 00:54:36.269
than ever, and the initiation begins. Each boy

00:54:36.269 --> 00:54:38.590
has to wear the gloves for 10 minutes, enduring

00:54:38.590 --> 00:54:42.440
the pain. demonstrates the boy's readiness for

00:54:42.440 --> 00:54:46.099
manhood. So if you cry out as doing so would

00:54:46.099 --> 00:54:48.599
demonstrate weakness. Each boy will eventually

00:54:48.599 --> 00:54:50.760
wear the gloves 20 times over the span of several

00:54:50.760 --> 00:54:53.539
months before the initiation is complete. 20

00:54:53.539 --> 00:54:57.880
times? That's crazy. Dearest. That sounds awful.

00:54:58.539 --> 00:55:03.340
Yeah, that's a less fun tradition. Yeah, that

00:55:03.340 --> 00:55:07.599
does not sound like a party. Amish coming of

00:55:07.599 --> 00:55:11.139
age tradition is... rump spring do you know how

00:55:11.139 --> 00:55:16.139
to pronounce this rump spring uh i nope i know

00:55:16.139 --> 00:55:19.579
i'm pronouncing that wrong but it's it marks

00:55:19.579 --> 00:55:22.559
the time when you when you turn 16 and they're

00:55:22.559 --> 00:55:25.159
able to enjoy unsupervised weekends away from

00:55:25.159 --> 00:55:27.039
this family during this time they are encouraged

00:55:27.039 --> 00:55:29.820
to enjoy whatever pleasure they like Be that

00:55:29.820 --> 00:55:32.760
modern clothing or alcohol, the purpose of this

00:55:32.760 --> 00:55:34.980
period is to allow Amish youth the opportunity

00:55:34.980 --> 00:55:37.000
to see and experience the world beyond their

00:55:37.000 --> 00:55:39.360
culture and upbringing. In this way, returning

00:55:39.360 --> 00:55:42.159
to their community and the way of life thus is

00:55:42.159 --> 00:55:45.199
entirely their choice. Those who return are then

00:55:45.199 --> 00:55:47.059
baptized and become committed members of the

00:55:47.059 --> 00:55:50.440
Amish church and community. And then Hispanic

00:55:50.440 --> 00:55:53.659
tradition is Quintanillas, which is another.

00:55:54.219 --> 00:55:57.840
So it's at 15 and it typically begins with a

00:55:57.840 --> 00:56:02.559
Catholic mass. and then it's a party nice and

00:56:02.559 --> 00:56:04.199
then this says the american tradition is the

00:56:04.199 --> 00:56:06.960
sweet 16 i don't know if i would consider it

00:56:06.960 --> 00:56:10.599
like a coming of age tradition yeah i don't i'm

00:56:10.599 --> 00:56:12.300
i was trying to think while you're talking about

00:56:12.300 --> 00:56:15.139
these i'm like what is the coming of age thing

00:56:15.139 --> 00:56:17.380
yeah and i was like for women is it like when

00:56:17.380 --> 00:56:20.719
you get your period kind of yeah yeah yeah i

00:56:20.719 --> 00:56:25.280
guess it would be 16 maybe that's like the birthday

00:56:25.280 --> 00:56:28.320
that's like celebrated the most kind of like

00:56:28.800 --> 00:56:33.179
teenage years and then we have the inuit coming

00:56:33.179 --> 00:56:37.019
of age tradition in the north baffin island north

00:56:37.019 --> 00:56:39.900
in north baffin island inuit boys have traditionally

00:56:39.900 --> 00:56:42.539
gone out into the wilderness with their fathers

00:56:42.539 --> 00:56:45.019
between the ages of 11 and 12 to test their hunting

00:56:45.019 --> 00:56:49.599
skills and acclimate to the harsh arctic weather

00:56:50.719 --> 00:56:53.380
As part of the tradition, a shaman would be called

00:56:53.380 --> 00:56:55.519
to open the lines of communication between men

00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:57.980
and animals. Nowadays, however, the tradition

00:56:57.980 --> 00:57:01.340
has been extended to young girls as well as out

00:57:01.340 --> 00:57:03.579
camps are established away from the community

00:57:03.579 --> 00:57:06.099
in order for the traditional skills to be passed

00:57:06.099 --> 00:57:14.179
down and practiced by young men and women. Coming

00:57:14.179 --> 00:57:16.260
of age tradition. We should have looked up all

00:57:16.260 --> 00:57:18.760
these pronunciations before I started. I'm so

00:57:18.760 --> 00:57:19.960
sorry. I think this makes it more entertaining.

00:57:20.420 --> 00:57:23.780
Okay, hopefully. Coming of age tradition land

00:57:23.780 --> 00:57:31.619
divers. Bungie enthusiast. That's bungie. Please

00:57:31.619 --> 00:57:36.679
keep that in there, Stuart. Bungie enthusiasts

00:57:36.679 --> 00:57:42.889
will enjoy this. Vanatu, a small island nation

00:57:42.889 --> 00:57:46.590
in the middle of the South Pacific, young boys...

00:57:46.909 --> 00:57:50.630
come of age by jumping off a 98 -foot -tall tower

00:57:50.630 --> 00:57:53.110
with a bungee -like vine tied to their ankles,

00:57:53.349 --> 00:57:55.309
just barely preventing them from hitting the

00:57:55.309 --> 00:57:57.590
ground. I don't like the bungee -like vine. I

00:57:57.590 --> 00:58:00.670
want it to be a bungee. I already don't want

00:58:00.670 --> 00:58:02.550
to go bungee jumping with this to make it worse.

00:58:03.329 --> 00:58:05.849
Just barely preventing them from hitting the

00:58:05.849 --> 00:58:09.030
ground. The catch, unlike a bungee cord, the

00:58:09.030 --> 00:58:12.809
vine lacks elasticity, so it's nothing like a

00:58:12.809 --> 00:58:15.710
bungee cord. So it just, like, you hope that

00:58:15.710 --> 00:58:19.070
it doesn't break at the top? I guess. And a slight

00:58:19.070 --> 00:58:21.550
miscalculation in the vine's length could lead

00:58:21.550 --> 00:58:24.449
to broken bones or death. Or, yeah, absolutely.

00:58:24.829 --> 00:58:27.650
Boys initially begin jumping at around seven

00:58:27.650 --> 00:58:30.030
or eight, although they are permitted to jump

00:58:30.030 --> 00:58:32.170
from a shorter tower. Well, yeah. In their first

00:58:32.170 --> 00:58:34.630
lives, their mothers will hold an item representing

00:58:34.630 --> 00:58:37.530
their childhood, and after the jump, the item

00:58:37.530 --> 00:58:39.909
will be thrown away, symbolizing the end of childhood.

00:58:40.489 --> 00:58:42.610
If I was that mom, I'd be like, I don't know.

00:58:42.619 --> 00:58:44.059
I'm throwing this away. Whatever it is. That

00:58:44.059 --> 00:58:46.739
would be so sad. Yeah. As boys grow older, they

00:58:46.739 --> 00:58:49.980
will jump from taller towers demonstrating their

00:58:49.980 --> 00:58:53.199
manliness to the crowd. I just imagine, because

00:58:53.199 --> 00:58:56.619
it says no elasticity, that this, like, imagine

00:58:56.619 --> 00:59:00.900
when they reach, like, the end. It's like, it's,

00:59:00.900 --> 00:59:03.099
I don't know. That's terrifying. Usually with

00:59:03.099 --> 00:59:05.199
bungeeing, it's like, oh, you're kind of bouncing.

00:59:05.300 --> 00:59:09.409
Yeah. This is just like whiplash. Oh, gosh. I

00:59:09.409 --> 00:59:11.909
don't think I could do that as a mom. No. I'd

00:59:11.909 --> 00:59:14.650
be like, my child will not be partaking in this

00:59:14.650 --> 00:59:17.630
tradition. Yeah. Sounds dangerous. All right.

00:59:17.670 --> 00:59:20.949
In Japan, the second Monday of January marks

00:59:20.949 --> 00:59:23.369
a special day, the day in which 20 -year -olds

00:59:23.369 --> 00:59:26.409
get to dress up in their finest traditional attire,

00:59:26.510 --> 00:59:29.150
attend a ceremony in local city offices, receive

00:59:29.150 --> 00:59:31.650
gifts, and party to their heart's content among

00:59:31.650 --> 00:59:34.929
friends and family. This is their coming -of

00:59:34.929 --> 00:59:37.389
-age festival, otherwise known as... shinjin

00:59:37.389 --> 00:59:41.389
no hai this tradition started nearly 1200 years

00:59:41.389 --> 00:59:44.929
ago and recognizes the age when the japanese

00:59:44.929 --> 00:59:47.469
believe youth become a mature contributing member

00:59:47.469 --> 00:59:50.070
of society it's also when you get to vote and

00:59:50.070 --> 00:59:53.090
drink okay that's the last one that's interesting

00:59:53.090 --> 00:59:55.369
yeah it's interesting to hear all the different

00:59:55.369 --> 00:59:59.469
norms and traditions and i just feel like the

00:59:59.469 --> 01:00:04.980
u .s is so like lacking in those areas and not

01:00:04.980 --> 01:00:07.079
that i don't know not that that's necessarily

01:00:07.079 --> 01:00:10.760
a bad thing i just it's cool to to hear those

01:00:10.760 --> 01:00:14.320
different yeah things and i don't know it seems

01:00:14.320 --> 01:00:17.780
like there's more like investment intentionality

01:00:17.780 --> 01:00:22.340
importance towards like motherhood and like raising

01:00:22.340 --> 01:00:25.099
your kids and for the u .s i feel like it's just

01:00:25.099 --> 01:00:28.760
kind of like a free -for -all yeah in a sense

01:00:28.760 --> 01:00:31.760
again i think like there's it's it's a level

01:00:31.760 --> 01:00:35.059
of like people have come from so many different

01:00:35.059 --> 01:00:38.079
cultures and then we've come from like such a

01:00:38.079 --> 01:00:41.780
mess of mess is the wrong word but just like

01:00:41.780 --> 01:00:44.500
combination of different things that like traditions

01:00:44.500 --> 01:00:47.079
have been lost yeah and so then it's like oh

01:00:47.079 --> 01:00:50.380
what traditions do we even do yeah yeah yeah

01:00:50.380 --> 01:00:54.019
i do i did remember i have the other thing that

01:00:54.019 --> 01:00:56.519
i actually i didn't even really look into this

01:00:56.909 --> 01:00:58.769
Weirdly, this came up on my Instagram before

01:00:58.769 --> 01:01:01.329
we even talked about it. Like the day or two

01:01:01.329 --> 01:01:03.369
before we talked about doing this episode, I

01:01:03.369 --> 01:01:06.510
saw this and liked it. So I was able to go back

01:01:06.510 --> 01:01:08.449
and find it. There's nothing worse than when

01:01:08.449 --> 01:01:10.610
you can't find the post that you're looking for.

01:01:10.849 --> 01:01:14.909
But it has to do with baby sleep. So Japan has

01:01:14.909 --> 01:01:18.289
the lowest SIDS rate in the world. Okay. It's

01:01:18.289 --> 01:01:22.329
0 .2 per 1 ,000 births. I don't know who's the

01:01:22.329 --> 01:01:25.989
highest, but it says that America is 0 .5. per

01:01:25.989 --> 01:01:30.070
1 ,000 births. So when Japanese mothers were

01:01:30.070 --> 01:01:32.349
asked, when did your baby start sleeping through

01:01:32.349 --> 01:01:34.190
the night, they didn't understand the question.

01:01:34.489 --> 01:01:38.050
So some of the things that, let me see if I can

01:01:38.050 --> 01:01:41.150
find her account so I can actually give credit.

01:01:41.530 --> 01:01:45.190
All right, so it's Ilsa Grace Sleep is the handle.

01:01:45.789 --> 01:01:49.389
So some of the things she found is 70 % of Japanese

01:01:49.389 --> 01:01:51.750
infants and toddlers are co -sleeping with their

01:01:51.750 --> 01:01:54.789
parents. Night waking isn't considered a problem.

01:01:55.579 --> 01:01:57.659
whether breastfeeding, formula feeding, or mixed

01:01:57.659 --> 01:02:00.059
feeding. Co -sleeping is considered tradition

01:02:00.059 --> 01:02:04.800
with mother, baby, and father, and it's meant

01:02:04.800 --> 01:02:07.920
to promote feelings of security, and sleep training

01:02:07.920 --> 01:02:11.719
isn't even a concept. And then I think I found

01:02:11.719 --> 01:02:15.820
some more for other cultures. Same account. She

01:02:15.820 --> 01:02:19.219
said she asked mothers in 15 countries how they

01:02:19.219 --> 01:02:23.380
put their babies to sleep. So Ghana. I nurse

01:02:23.380 --> 01:02:25.659
my baby to sleep, always have. Why would I not

01:02:25.659 --> 01:02:28.360
help them fall asleep? So these are all quotes.

01:02:29.059 --> 01:02:31.960
Japan, baby falls asleep, nursing or being held,

01:02:32.059 --> 01:02:36.099
then sleeps next to me. Tanzania, the baby stays

01:02:36.099 --> 01:02:38.179
with me until they fall asleep, usually nursing,

01:02:38.340 --> 01:02:42.760
then we sleep together. Italy, I rock or nurse

01:02:42.760 --> 01:02:45.320
until asleep. Sometimes my husband holds the

01:02:45.320 --> 01:02:48.159
baby. We don't leave them alone to fall asleep.

01:02:48.219 --> 01:02:52.219
That would be strange. and then some more things

01:02:52.219 --> 01:02:55.539
she said she learned finland bed sharing is normal

01:02:55.539 --> 01:02:59.239
till 6 to 12 months night feeds expected until

01:02:59.239 --> 01:03:04.519
9 plus months babies will often nap outside Okay,

01:03:04.599 --> 01:03:05.659
I've seen that before. Have you heard that one?

01:03:05.780 --> 01:03:07.900
Yeah. Yeah, there's like a term for it, like

01:03:07.900 --> 01:03:09.920
napping in the cold. Yeah, and they're like,

01:03:10.019 --> 01:03:11.880
have you seen the videos? And they're like all

01:03:11.880 --> 01:03:14.519
bundled up. Yes, yeah. Germany, sleep training

01:03:14.519 --> 01:03:18.360
is a big no -no. Bed sharing is the norm. And

01:03:18.360 --> 01:03:21.000
they don't follow strict schedules. Tanzania,

01:03:21.179 --> 01:03:23.559
they say we don't have the culture to sleep away

01:03:23.559 --> 01:03:25.659
from our babies. We never worry if they sleep

01:03:25.659 --> 01:03:29.280
that much. Turkey, late bedtimes, no scheduled

01:03:29.280 --> 01:03:32.800
naps. I don't, I need like a little bit of, I

01:03:32.800 --> 01:03:35.860
know when nap time's good. Yeah, yeah. No scheduled

01:03:35.860 --> 01:03:38.880
nap. Ecuador, bed sharing is common. Babies are

01:03:38.880 --> 01:03:41.360
held and rocked to sleep late bedtimes like 9

01:03:41.360 --> 01:03:44.119
or 10 p .m. Again, I need a little bit of like.

01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:47.679
I need a little bit of me time. I also get up

01:03:47.679 --> 01:03:50.599
at 6 a .m. every day. Yeah, there's no me time

01:03:50.599 --> 01:03:54.699
with a 10 p .m. bedtime. India, people judge

01:03:54.699 --> 01:03:58.000
you for putting your newborn in a crib. No concept

01:03:58.000 --> 01:04:01.039
of sleep training. Indonesia, it's normal to

01:04:01.039 --> 01:04:04.360
rock, nurse, and snuggle babies to sleep. Norway,

01:04:04.599 --> 01:04:09.199
babies nap outside wrapped in wool. Italy, there's

01:04:09.199 --> 01:04:11.559
no stigma around bed sharing. Night wakings are

01:04:11.559 --> 01:04:14.920
a part of parental life. Switzerland, I only

01:04:14.920 --> 01:04:17.019
know of one woman who admits to sleep training.

01:04:18.260 --> 01:04:22.519
Spain, late bedtimes, like 10 or 11 p .m. But

01:04:22.519 --> 01:04:24.679
also, that's culture there. They have dinner

01:04:24.679 --> 01:04:27.380
at like 9 or 10 p .m., I think. And bed sharing

01:04:27.380 --> 01:04:30.960
is encouraged. In Zimbabwe, babies always slept

01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:33.880
next to mom. Wow. So I just thought that was

01:04:33.880 --> 01:04:35.539
all super interesting. So pretty much co -sleeping

01:04:35.539 --> 01:04:37.639
in every single one of those countries. Yeah,

01:04:37.639 --> 01:04:40.159
it's just, it's us. It's we're the weird ones,

01:04:40.320 --> 01:04:43.659
I think. Yeah, which honestly, like, I think

01:04:43.659 --> 01:04:45.860
I could co -sleep longer if we had, like, a different

01:04:45.860 --> 01:04:49.940
bed situation. Yeah. And, like, Zeta, I had to,

01:04:49.960 --> 01:04:53.179
like, physically hold her. So that was a little

01:04:53.179 --> 01:04:56.969
bit of an issue. Yep. But. I'm like, I will nurse

01:04:56.969 --> 01:04:59.050
to sleep until it doesn't work for us anymore,

01:04:59.269 --> 01:05:01.670
which I think I've talked about this, where it's

01:05:01.670 --> 01:05:04.309
like, we worked away from nursing to sleep, and

01:05:04.309 --> 01:05:06.369
then she got sick and she was teething, and I

01:05:06.369 --> 01:05:09.090
was like, no. I'm not doing this anymore. Then

01:05:09.090 --> 01:05:13.409
I also think about it in terms of what do I want

01:05:13.409 --> 01:05:16.989
as an adult? I sleep better when Stuart's next

01:05:16.989 --> 01:05:19.949
to me than when he went out of town for a weekend.

01:05:20.110 --> 01:05:22.949
When you're alone. I didn't not sleep, but I

01:05:22.949 --> 01:05:25.280
definitely didn't sleep as well as when... Yep.

01:05:25.380 --> 01:05:28.639
I know he's home and he's next to me. Yeah. Yep.

01:05:28.960 --> 01:05:33.480
We're just like made for, I don't know, biblically,

01:05:33.480 --> 01:05:37.039
we're like made to be with each other. Yeah.

01:05:37.079 --> 01:05:40.320
And so originally when I first had Cole, I was

01:05:40.320 --> 01:05:44.199
like, no co -sleeping, like the risk is too high.

01:05:44.940 --> 01:05:47.940
Which is interesting, again, with Japan having

01:05:47.940 --> 01:05:51.059
the lowest rate of SIDS. Yeah. They're pretty

01:05:51.059 --> 01:05:53.300
much like we wouldn't do anything other than

01:05:53.300 --> 01:05:54.960
like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Of course

01:05:54.960 --> 01:05:59.579
we're co -sleeping. Yes. Yeah. And so that is

01:05:59.579 --> 01:06:01.820
really interesting to me. I always was like super

01:06:01.820 --> 01:06:04.559
against it until it was like the only thing that

01:06:04.559 --> 01:06:08.639
we could do to sleep. Yeah. And so now it's just

01:06:08.639 --> 01:06:11.699
like the norm for us. And moms, you got to find

01:06:11.699 --> 01:06:14.380
out. what the norm is for you yeah what works

01:06:14.380 --> 01:06:18.300
for yeah your babies yeah exactly so very interesting

01:06:18.300 --> 01:06:21.900
yeah yeah i liked this one yeah this is yeah

01:06:21.900 --> 01:06:25.099
yeah if you are like a mom from someplace else

01:06:25.099 --> 01:06:26.760
yeah whether it's like you grew up someplace

01:06:26.760 --> 01:06:29.420
else or and you're now in america or you're listening

01:06:29.420 --> 01:06:32.840
from a different country like i will try to post

01:06:32.840 --> 01:06:35.980
some stuff and yeah comment let us know i'm yeah

01:06:35.980 --> 01:06:39.190
i'm just more interested in what like different

01:06:39.190 --> 01:06:40.989
traditions are and stuff like that it's really

01:06:40.989 --> 01:06:44.789
cool to hear so like I said the book I read on

01:06:44.789 --> 01:06:46.789
French parenting I thought was super interesting

01:06:46.789 --> 01:06:47.789
because there was a bunch of stuff where I'm

01:06:47.789 --> 01:06:50.769
like 100 % do not agree with that like not taking

01:06:50.769 --> 01:06:52.630
this but then there were a bunch of things I

01:06:52.630 --> 01:06:54.329
was like oh I would never have thought about

01:06:54.329 --> 01:06:57.030
this growing up in the American culture that

01:06:57.030 --> 01:06:59.030
I did but I like this so I'm going to take this

01:06:59.030 --> 01:07:02.590
and I don't think any country or culture or anything

01:07:02.590 --> 01:07:05.869
is like we have it 100 % right nailed it great

01:07:06.460 --> 01:07:09.360
But like learning from other cultures is really

01:07:09.360 --> 01:07:11.699
fun to go like, oh, okay, like this makes sense

01:07:11.699 --> 01:07:13.420
to me and I understand this. So I'm going to

01:07:13.420 --> 01:07:16.900
take these pieces and leave those and all that.

01:07:17.059 --> 01:07:19.699
Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, let us know what you

01:07:19.699 --> 01:07:22.699
guys think. We'd love to hear more of any info

01:07:22.699 --> 01:07:24.719
you guys know that maybe we didn't talk about

01:07:24.719 --> 01:07:28.420
today. Okay, should we hop into our wins of the

01:07:28.420 --> 01:07:32.239
week? So my win is the same day as my mom moment

01:07:32.239 --> 01:07:34.139
when Lloyd broke down crying. Oh, yes. Okay.

01:07:34.219 --> 01:07:36.400
And that's not just the duality of motherhood.

01:07:36.440 --> 01:07:37.920
Yeah. Oh, for sure. So it's literally like the

01:07:37.920 --> 01:07:40.380
same trip to the park. Oh. So within an hour.

01:07:40.539 --> 01:07:43.780
Okay. So we obviously calmed down from the slide

01:07:43.780 --> 01:07:45.920
incident. And then he went down all the slides

01:07:45.920 --> 01:07:49.820
like a million times. at this playground there's

01:07:49.820 --> 01:07:51.780
one set of slides that's like three in a row

01:07:51.780 --> 01:07:54.880
so you can go down at the same time and he had

01:07:54.880 --> 01:07:56.820
been running up the playground without me and

01:07:56.820 --> 01:07:59.199
doing great and then at one point he like starts

01:07:59.199 --> 01:08:01.559
to climb up and he goes mom go upstairs i was

01:08:01.559 --> 01:08:03.780
like oh like yeah i'll go up on the playground

01:08:03.780 --> 01:08:05.699
with you buddy and then he like runs over to

01:08:05.699 --> 01:08:07.219
the slides that are three in a row it's like

01:08:07.219 --> 01:08:10.280
mom goes down slide and he just like sat down

01:08:10.280 --> 01:08:12.260
like we sat down on the slides next to each other

01:08:12.260 --> 01:08:14.159
and he just wanted to go down slides together

01:08:14.159 --> 01:08:16.819
cute want to do that like three or four times

01:08:16.819 --> 01:08:19.289
and he like specifically requested it which was

01:08:19.289 --> 01:08:22.470
that's so sweet and i was like okay so i guess

01:08:22.470 --> 01:08:25.390
i'm not failing as a mother no like he got over

01:08:25.390 --> 01:08:28.109
the trauma from the first slide and already forgotten

01:08:28.109 --> 01:08:31.840
yep But it was just so sweet and so fun. So fun.

01:08:32.159 --> 01:08:36.340
Okay, my win. So we were in California last week.

01:08:36.520 --> 01:08:41.979
And so my stepdad, he's a garbage man. And Colt

01:08:41.979 --> 01:08:45.380
is obsessed with garbage trucks right now. He's

01:08:45.380 --> 01:08:48.199
Colt's hero. Yes. Oh, absolutely. And I think,

01:08:48.199 --> 01:08:52.960
like, so originally this love of trash trucks

01:08:52.960 --> 01:08:55.960
came from the fact that his papa is a garbage

01:08:55.960 --> 01:08:58.699
man. And so we've just kind of like emphasized

01:08:58.699 --> 01:09:01.119
it. Like second birthday party was a trash truck

01:09:01.119 --> 01:09:04.479
party. He like, I don't know. He has lots of

01:09:04.479 --> 01:09:06.899
shirts that are trash truck. We always look for

01:09:06.899 --> 01:09:09.079
the trash truck on Fridays when it comes. Like,

01:09:09.079 --> 01:09:11.300
but when we were out in California, it lined

01:09:11.300 --> 01:09:15.020
up with the, so my stepdad picks up his own trash

01:09:15.020 --> 01:09:19.350
on Thursday mornings. And so we like. drove up

01:09:19.350 --> 01:09:22.029
to his house and met him there when he was going

01:09:22.029 --> 01:09:25.470
to pick up his trash so that colt was able to

01:09:25.470 --> 01:09:28.430
go into the trash truck and like help him dump

01:09:28.430 --> 01:09:32.270
the trash and then like honk the horn and stuff

01:09:32.270 --> 01:09:35.869
and it i swear that was like the best moment

01:09:35.869 --> 01:09:37.930
of colt's life i mean i feel like that would

01:09:37.930 --> 01:09:41.880
be fun for me yes like yeah 29 year old woman

01:09:41.880 --> 01:09:44.779
like i would still be like that's fun but for

01:09:44.779 --> 01:09:47.039
a two -year -old boy that's oh my gosh it was

01:09:47.039 --> 01:09:51.579
the best day of his life and now papa he calls

01:09:51.579 --> 01:09:53.359
him trash truck papa because he's got another

01:09:53.359 --> 01:09:56.340
papa too so like we gotta differentiate slightly

01:09:56.340 --> 01:09:58.840
let's get out of papa meatball so papa meatball

01:09:59.900 --> 01:10:01.760
Did he eat a lot of meatballs? He's Italian.

01:10:01.939 --> 01:10:05.039
Okay, okay, okay. But now, like, everything,

01:10:05.260 --> 01:10:08.300
like, he's, he, like, ruminates on stories. And

01:10:08.300 --> 01:10:12.060
so he's, like, talked about that story a bajillion

01:10:12.060 --> 01:10:15.159
times and, like, dumping the trash. And it was

01:10:15.159 --> 01:10:17.260
funny because he, like, he would dump the trash

01:10:17.260 --> 01:10:19.739
and then, like, bring the can back down and then

01:10:19.739 --> 01:10:21.659
just, like, dump it again. So that poor trash

01:10:21.659 --> 01:10:24.729
can was dumped, like, 37 times. Of course. But,

01:10:24.789 --> 01:10:27.489
uh, it just was like, it was the sweetest moment.

01:10:27.710 --> 01:10:30.369
Like I could tell Colt was having the best time.

01:10:30.529 --> 01:10:33.189
My stepdad was having the best time and that

01:10:33.189 --> 01:10:35.750
it just was really sweet. That's so fun. Yeah.

01:10:35.810 --> 01:10:39.270
Yeah. So that was my win. I love it. Well, thanks

01:10:39.270 --> 01:10:42.670
guys for tuning in to, uh, this episode all about

01:10:42.670 --> 01:10:45.449
differences in parenting across the world. So

01:10:45.449 --> 01:10:47.590
we had fun with this one. Yeah, it was really

01:10:47.590 --> 01:10:49.529
fun. Let us know what you think. Follow us on

01:10:49.529 --> 01:10:52.770
Instagram at no manual mom cast, no manual podcast.

01:10:53.210 --> 01:10:55.329
Yeah. No manual podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There

01:10:55.329 --> 01:10:57.710
it is. No manual podcast. And we'll see you guys

01:10:57.710 --> 01:11:00.270
next week. We'll see you next week. Well, that's

01:11:00.270 --> 01:11:02.850
enough oversharing for today. If you enjoyed

01:11:02.850 --> 01:11:04.949
hanging out with us, hit subscribe so you don't

01:11:04.949 --> 01:11:07.930
miss the next round of chaos. And if you're listening

01:11:07.930 --> 01:11:09.630
while hiding in the bathroom from your kids,

01:11:09.810 --> 01:11:12.329
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01:11:12.329 --> 01:11:15.810
on No Manual Momcast, where motherhood is messy.

01:11:16.289 --> 01:11:18.189
At least we can laugh about it together.