motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising
tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh
at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you
that none of us actually know what we're doing
this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend
group chat but with microphones welcome back
to no manual mom cast Hi everyone, welcome back
to No Manual on MomCast. Today we are chatting
a little bit more about just community and motherhood,
all about our villages. That's kind of like,
I don't know, a term that, like, it takes a village.
That's a cliche at least. Yeah, yeah. So we're
going to be chatting about that today, but before
we hop in, should we share our mom moments of
the week? Sure, I can start. Okay, great. Lloyd
has two books specifically about construction
vehicles. Big vehicle guy. He is, yep. So one
is called Road Builders, and I think it's fairly
accurate. I mean, I've never built a road, so
I don't know. But it goes through the steps of
the dump truck carries dirt away and all these
things. And at the very beginning, it talks about
there's a team. So it's Buddy, John, Ed, Fran,
Joe, Jesse, and Chuck. And Buddy is the boss.
That was a mouthful. I've read this a couple
times. Yeah, I can tell. And Buddy's the boss.
And Lloyd knows this every time. Buddy boss.
And he tells everyone what to do. His other book,
I think, is called, like, The Noisy Construction
Site or something like that. And in this construction
site, it's run by Little B. Okay. Who's a bulldozer,
which obviously makes sense. But it's a kid's
book, whatever. Yeah. The problem is the book
is just a mess. little b just like lets everyone
do what they want and like that's kind of the
point at the end is like oh we should all work
together whatever yeah but stewart and i just
like can't get over what a bad boss he is to
the point where the other night we're in bed
like kids are asleep we have not read a kid's
book in a couple hours and we're both just like
riffing on what a bad boss And like construction
manager little B is like, could you imagine a
construction site where the manager is just like,
what are we going to do today, you guys? I don't
know. Let's see. You're like, thank God my boss
isn't like that. So now when we read that one,
we're like, here's the thing. His other book,
Buddy, he knows what he's doing. Great boss.
He tells everyone what to do. That's his thing.
But yeah, so we just like go off. And every time
now that I read it, I just tell Lloyd that this
is a cautionary tale of bad management. and he
obviously he's like okay mom yeah it has buttons
that makes noise so he's like i just want to
press the buttons i don't care he's like i don't
actually know what this book is really about
i just like the buttons but just like how deeply
this children's book about construction has affected
our lives yeah yeah we're very passionate that
reminds me terrible that reminds me this is not
my mom moment but that reminds me so we've been
watching we found this weird like person on youtube
that has these music videos called move with
Jason kind of weird dude, but he has this song
called my arms are snakes. And for the longest
time, I thought it said moms are snakes. And
I was like, this is not a good song saying moms
are snakes. Cause it's like, I don't know. It
kind of makes sense with the song. But finally
I think it was, Michael was like, You know that
it says my arms are snakes. And it, like, I don't
know why I wouldn't think that. Like, they're
literally, like, moving their arms like snakes.
And I'm like, duh. Like, the internet these days
shows bad influence. Yeah, for real. That's so
funny. Yeah. Okay, my mom moment. So, Cruz just
started, like. kind of standing up on things.
And so, um, he's done it like four times, I think
on the couch. But last night I was like washing
my face, getting ready for bed or to put him
to bed. But I try to like put my pajamas on and
like wash my face so that like I can then just
chill for the rest of the night. Um, so I. Michael
was putting Colt to bed. So I'm just like washing
my face and Cruz is just like sitting in the
bathroom and he'll just like crawl around in
there and like grab things, whatever. And all
of a sudden I look over and he's like, he's climbed
up on the edge of the toilet and he has his mouth
on the edge of the toilet. Perfect. And I like
grab him really quick. And I was like, you know
that, yeah, that was like not my best, uh, parenting
moment. And I'm like, he literally like boys
don't pee the, cleanest all the time and i'm
like legit my child just put his mouth right
on the edge of the toilet where that drippage
would have been so that was you know he'll survive
he was fine he like i pulled him away really
quick and i just was like laughing in my head
and i was like whatever what honestly probably
not the grossest thing he has or will put in
his mouth in his life that's so true that is
so true and if i would not have pulled him away
from it he would have continued to of course
yeah yeah yeah so love that's my mom moment but
um okay should we just hop right in yeah okay
so Do you feel like you have a village? Because
that's kind of our theme, I guess, for this episode.
It's like, it takes a village. And that's what
everyone says when you're pregnant. And it's
super unhelpful when you're pregnant. But would
you say that you have a village or a community
or a group of people that you feel you're supported
by? Yes, I do feel support. I don't feel like
I have... a village on like a daily basis, if
that makes sense. Like, I think I have a lot
of jealousy for people who have family that are
in town that can just like, you know, at the
drop of a hat will come over and help or friends
that are like willing to, I don't know, watch
kids for a date night or like, I don't feel like
I have. that village to that extent i do feel
like i have i have friends that are in the same
season and like that in itself i think is really
hard to like be as supportive as maybe you would
want to be if you're like yeah in the same season
i guess so i feel like i have support i feel
like i could i have a lot of people that i can
reach out to especially to vent and like that
would help if i asked for it absolutely but i
don't think I necessarily have like the on a
daily basis village, if that makes sense. Yeah.
No, I was trying to figure out how I felt. And
I would say like maybe that's a good way to explain
it. Yeah. I mean, so we do have family in town,
which I'm like super, super grateful for. And
I think that's part of it for me is I'm like,
I feel like I can't complain even though I don't
necessarily have all the support I wish I had.
Yeah. If that makes sense. Yeah. And it's definitely
like the daily thing. where just like yeah yeah
going in and out of every day like I wish I had
more people or yeah and I would also say like
the jealousy thing I know social media is like
awful for this and I know that like for sure
I should just delete it or whatever but you you
know you go on Instagram and you're scrolling
and you see The mom who's like, oh, I was having
a bad day. So my friend brought me like coffee
and lunch. And I'm like, cool, cool, cool, cool.
Yeah. I've been in tears all day. Yeah. And so
there's definitely like that jealousy of like
you see other people. But then also, you know,
you don't know their entire life. Like maybe
this is like the one off where it happened and
that's not normal. Yeah. I think you have, I
don't know. I think you have every right to complain.
I don't think necessarily you having like your
family as a support system. gives you or like
makes you have to kind of hold in that sure complaint
but i can see where you're coming from you're
like well i have people you know yeah well i
think it's just like am i just not grateful for
what i have you know um or it's like super grateful
like right now i mean stewart has the kids but
he just went over to his parents house because
it's dark out now at you know 2 p .m. 4 30 p
.m. that's how things are the worst daylight
savings and so he's like we can't go to a park
really so yeah so it's like we have stuff like
that that I am super grateful for but then there's
like this deeper level that partially is there's
just like pieces that like grandparents just
can't fill in yeah and I mean I definitely like
I have you guys and there's like you know other
people who I know who have kids in a similar
age, which is super helpful. Yeah. But then like
you said, it's really hard when you have kids
in the same age. When you're all just kind of
like surviving every day. It's hard to like,
and not saying it's not possible. Like there,
there just has to be more intentionality behind
it. Yeah. And I think that's, at least for me,
that's the hard part of like, yeah. Like I love
hanging out with you guys and like being with
you guys and you guys are such a good support,
but on a, weekly basis it's so hard to like get
out of our rhythm or routine to like I don't
know not not that that's an excuse at all no
but I mean it is hard and it is hard like I think
I brought this up on a different episode too
where with how like our culture is I guess set
up now we're generally like relationally close
with people we're not geographically close with
yeah it's like you and i would have a very different
relationship if we lived next door right then
i'd be like hey i'm losing my mind yeah can we
just come over like we'll all like sit in the
front yard together like i'm running to the grocery
store i'll pick them up but we live 20 minutes
away so you know if it's like i'm running to
the grocery store It doesn't make sense for me
to pick up your groceries. I'm going to pass
three grocery stores before I get to your house.
Yeah, exactly. So I think like that makes a big
challenge for me where it's like, oh, a lot of
the people who I am relationally close with aren't,
are like 10, 15, 20 minutes away, if not further.
So then it kind of takes away like convenience
of like that village stuff, you know, where it's
like, I don't want to put them out. Exactly.
You know, I feel like it's hard to with like
rhythms that we've set. Like I feel like my kids
thrive with routine and rhythm. And like if I'm
like breaking the schedule by like, hey, we're
going to, I don't know, go over here, but it's
going to run into nap time. Like then I know
you're going to skip your nap. Then it's going
to be like terrible rest of the day. Like I know
we're all going to be so tired. And so that's
the hard part for me is I'm like, am I just being
too strict on routine that I just need to have
more flexibility in order to like open up doors
for like more of this village that I'm desiring?
Probably. But like also being a full -time working
mom, that puts some... barriers up too yeah that
was one of the things that i had like kind of
written down is and i'm sure like a stay -at
-home mom's gonna listen to this and be like
you don't know what you're talking about Partially
true. But as a working mom, I think the challenges
of having a village as a working mom and as a
stay -at -home mom are probably different. For
sure. Because I know for me, when I was pregnant
with Lloyd and right after I had him, I had multiple
moms be like, you have to join a moms group.
Yeah. They're life -saving, blah, blah, blah,
which I love that idea. But then whenever I look,
I'm like, they're all like 1030 on a Tuesday.
Yes. And as much as I would love to be like,
hey, boss, I need three hours off every Tuesday
morning or every other Tuesday morning so I can
go to this mom group. yeah that's just not how
jobs work and that's not a reality so then those
kind of resources just don't exist or at least
don't exist as much yeah for if you're a working
mom like we are yeah and so I think that's really
hard yeah and like I know that's one of the things
where again the jealousy comes in frustration
comes in yeah so it's like I would like this
is a resource that exists for a lot of moms but
then also like the other thing with like I think
even if I was a stay -at -home mom, that would
like maybe make me pause is with joining a group
like that is like, am I going to get along with
these moms? Like, what's that going to look like?
Are they going to? Like, you don't want to go
into something and be like fake or. Yeah. So
it's like, am I going to go into this and we're
like not going to. Not going to vibe. At all?
Yeah. Like, how's that going to go? For sure.
And I feel like, like, our time is so precious
now that, like, I don't want to waste my time
on relationships that don't mean anything to
me. Yeah. As, like, cocky as that sounds maybe,
like, I don't know. Like, I just don't have time.
Yeah. And, like, my time is very limited, especially,
like, if it's something outside of my kids or,
you know, I'm not going to necessarily grab coffee
with someone I don't see. like a further friendship
or like yeah you know relationship as a mom or
i don't know yeah i feel it's not worth it and
then i have like this like paradox i guess of
i know that to have deeper relationships i have
to like do those awkward things like the coffee
dates and stuff like that but then i don't want
to waste time if it's like oh we're not gonna
you know so it's like what how do i find this
balance of like trying to figure out are like
if i invest in this relationship it's actually
going to go someplace yeah or am i wasting my
time and like i know sometimes you are just gonna
have to waste your time but yeah unfortunately
again i don't have time or energy no or going
back to like the groups you're talking about
so like the other side of it too is yeah we have
our weekends but i don't know if you feel this
way like When we finally get to the weekend,
and so for us, we have Friday and Saturday off.
Mostly, well, we have Saturday night service.
So we have Friday and half of Saturday off. And
for me, I feel like our weekends consist of like
resetting for the next week. And like, yes, we
do grocery pickup a lot now, which has been like
a game changer and has saved us a lot of time.
But I feel like we're just like trying to catch
up on. laundry trying to like get back into a
better routine like maybe try to do one fun family
thing all together yeah and then there's nap
times on both of those days that cuts out like
two three hours of our time and i just feel like
by the time we like get our day going and like
go anywhere it's like we have time for maybe
like one or two errands and then it's like gotta
get home for nap and lunch and then we've got
like a couple hours maybe one more thing we can
do maybe go to the park and then it's like bed
dinner bedtime yeah i feel i feel the same i
think where and well and for us i feel like stewart
has such limited time and with the kids and then
also like us as a family unit that i want to
prioritize those times together yes especially
right now when they're little and i'm like they're
only gonna be this little once and you know i
want to do these fun things together as a family
So that does make it hard too because our weekend
time and you blink and the weekend's over and
you're like, what happened? And I know we try
to be intentional about not being super busy
and planning stuff every weekend. But I think
because we do that, we end up saying yes way
more because it's just like all of a sudden like,
oh yeah, we don't do stuff. I think I told you
like October we had something every single Friday,
which is not. a normal thing for us yeah and
i'm glad we did all of it but it was just one
of those things where we're like oh and now like
we don't have a single friday for us to just
like be a family yeah watch a movie or go to
a park or whatever yeah do you feel like those
things like when you thought about oh man every
Friday we have something was that an exhausting
thing for you or was that like by the end of
whatever event you were going to and like hanging
out with people whatever it was do you feel like
you left it like oh I feel rejuvenated I'm so
glad we I'm so glad we did this or was it like
oh man I kind of wish we would have just stayed
home it was exhausting but I'm glad we did all
of it yeah especially most of it was stuff that
is like a once a year kind of thing so Okay,
October, I guess we had a party that we were
going to go to, and then Lloyd got hand, foot,
mouth. Fun. Super fun. Yeah, he woke up from
a nap, and we were like, we probably shouldn't
go. So we ended up just doing a family thing
that night. So that was a little bit different,
and that was super nice. That was good. Then
the next weekend, Lloyd had an overnight with
his grandparents, so he was out of the house.
And then we FaceTimed and played Mario Party
with... some good friends who live out of state
and we nice like literally the last time we saw
them and really talked to them was last october
when we visited them and then the next week we
had a halloween party and then the next week
was halloween so we went to retreating yeah so
it was all stuff that like was really good but
then all of a sudden you're like oh we haven't
just like had a family night yeah in a long time
then you crave that yeah yeah yeah yeah so like
i don't know the busyness I don't like that business
all the time. No. But for this time, it was all
stuff where it's like Halloween comes once a
year. It's like, yes, I want to go to this party.
And obviously we're going to go trick -or -treating
on Halloween. Yeah. Which was family time too.
Yeah. Yeah. Going back to like the, I guess the
village side of things, what is, what do you
envision for a village? I mean, I think there's
like a little bit of the. social media aspect
of it right where again I see like these moms
who are going grocery shopping together and they're
always at each other's houses and doing stuff
like that and that's where the jealousy comes
in because I'm like I have never done anything
like that one of the things I did realize recently
maybe like a month, month and a half ago, I got
sick. I ended up calling in sick to work. Um,
and then I called my mom. I was like, Hey, can
you like help at all? Um, and so she brought
us breakfast, which was super helpful because
it was one of those six where I was like, I can't
move my body. Like I'm just so tired. So she
brought breakfast for the kids and then she ended
up like cleaning my kitchen and giving me some
time to shower, which was so nice and so amazing.
And then my mother -in -law brought us dinner
that night. That's nice. And she just like picked
something up from Costco. Yeah. But it meant
I didn't have to go to the store or cook anything.
And the thing that I realized with that is they're
both in the stages of life where they can do
that. Like my mom's retired right now. So like
I'm sure she had plans that day, but she was
able to adjust. You know, if you have a job,
you can't. There's no adjustment. Yeah. And my
mother -in -law, I mean, she retires in a few
weeks. But she had. She doesn't have kids at
home, so it's not like, oh, being an hour late
coming home from work is a huge deal. It is.
I don't want to dismiss it, but it's different
than when you have kids in the house, right?
She doesn't have anyone to pick up or get to
talk or practice, anything like that. And so
with that, the thing that I kind of realized
is when we go back to a traditional village,
like old school, walking distance kind of situation.
you have people of lots of different generations.
And I think that like, that's a God design and
intentional because like, if you called me and
you were sick, I would love to come over and
make breakfast for you and clean your kitchen.
But also my kitchen's not even clean and my kids
need breakfast. So that's just, and I have a
job and you know, all these different aspects.
It's more like, Hey, I'll send you a DoorDash
gift card. Exactly. Like that's okay. You know,
I don't think that makes me like a bad friend.
Like I wouldn't consider you a bad friend for
reverse or anything. It's just the season of
life. And so I think like one of the things that
is kind of important that we miss and that culturally
we kind of don't do is just like having people
around us in all seasons. And like as a mom,
one of the other things I've realized is it's
like. I have a mom friend whose kids are like
two and three years older than my kids. And so
I know, I'm sure anytime she gets a text from
me, she's like, oh, one of Erica's kids are six.
She's like probably 50 % sure. Because I know
she's been in this recently, so I can ask her
questions. And she just went through it recently,
so she knows. So yeah, I think like having...
And then I have mom friends who have kids who
are a lot older and that gives me like hope because
I see you like out doing things like going on
girls nights and stuff like that. That seems
so foreign right now. But also you can give me
advice because you've been there. And so, yeah,
all that kind of like rant to say, like, I think
we miss out a lot because. we try really hard
to have people in the same season as us, which
is good. It's so good. And like, we like, you
and I like to get our kids together and like,
it's so cute and fun. And the amount of texts
between us that are like, oh, this is how my
bedtime went. Oh, my bedtime went worse or whatever.
Like that is super important. But then from like
the actual support aspect, I think there's a
level of like having. an intergenerational community
that's so true that is so true which is also
hard especially if you don't have family nearby
to be like how am I gonna make friends with someone
who's retired yeah right no that is I feel like
that's so true and totally not the side of like
thought of before being the intergenerational
I've always thought like oh it takes a village
well yeah it's the village of the people in the
same like in the thick of it again is also so
important so important and i viewed it as like
okay people who are in the thick of it together
and family not like hey who's outside like who's
maybe moved on from this season who could help
or step in or you could look to for advice and
yeah which like i have i mean i definitely have
people that i ask questions and that give me
advice and are helpful. Like the, uh, woman who
watches the boys for us on Tuesdays and Thursdays,
um, who's Mimi to the boys. She like brings so
much wisdom and I mean, she's raised three kids
and so she, she knows so much more than I do
in so many aspects. And so there's things that
she's taught Colt. especially that like I'm like
oh that is a great way to like teach him how
to sneeze into his elbow like tell him his sneezes
belong in his elbow like yeah like things like
that that I'm like oh I love that you know yeah
we're like I've never taught anyone to sneeze
before so I don't know yeah I don't know so yeah
the intergenerational thing is interesting and
just a new side yeah I literally again I literally
thought about it because I got sick and my mom
was able to come over And I was like, none of
my friends would be able to do this. And even
my friends who don't have jobs, like they're
not going to bring their kids over to someone's
house. Like I wouldn't do that. I don't want
my kids to get sick. I don't know what you have.
Yeah, exactly. And I'm not even like overly paranoid
about my kids getting sick. No, dude, I feel
like my kids have been so like sick literally
every other week right now. I don't know if you
feel that way. It's been pretty bad. Yeah. And
it's like, it's like the same. cough stuffy nose
we got hand front mouth went through our house
and then we've been okay and now zeta's just
dripping snot i don't know i know and then there's
other side of it where i'm like is this teething
or is this are you sick or what's happening here
i don't know yep rant over but i yeah i feel
like i hear that term all the time it takes a
village and i think when i hear that term just
I think with the lack of family nearby, when
I hear that term, I'm like, well, I don't have,
you know, I don't have that. Yeah. And yeah,
I would love that, but I don't have that. And
so I like feel bad for myself. I don't know.
Yeah. But I mean, I have family nearby and I
feel bad for myself too. Yeah. I'm like, are
we just all feeling bad for ourselves? Probably.
Weirdly enough, I had a reel come up on my Instagram.
like two nights ago while we were preparing for
this, which I thought was super interesting.
Maybe I'll find it and see if we can like reshare
it or something. But she was talking about how
to have a village, you need to be a villager,
which I thought was really interesting and like
also super convicting. Just like the intentionality,
I guess. Yeah, where she like kind of to your
point of like, are we too strict with nap times
and stuff like that? Yeah, she was talking about
how like our parents in previous generations.
They weren't as bound by things like nap time
where it's like, oh, there's a birthday party,
so we're going to go to that. Yeah. And they
showed up a lot more where we don't or like generational
millennials are less likely to show up to things,
I guess. And obviously not just like the birthday
parties, but that's kind of where it starts,
right? That's how relationships start is you
don't start in the weeds most of the time. Yeah.
Like, oh, let's do the fun things together. And
then we realize. Yeah. Like, oh, we kind of get
along. Yeah. Now let's go in the weeds together.
Yeah. It's so hard. I feel like I, like the easy
side is to just stay home. For sure. And that's
where I think I struggle because I'm like, it's
like now with two kids, it's even harder to get
out of the house. And if it's like. Getting two
kids in car seats and out of car seats. Yeah.
And if like, if my husband's at work or busy
or, you know, something and it's just me getting
it like. i don't want to do that to be honest
and it depends on where you're going yeah it's
like trying to go to a playground right now with
the two of them by myself it depends on the playground
yeah because there's lots of things lloyd can't
do by himself so he wants help but then zeta
has to either be like in the wrap or the stroller
and so i can't yeah yeah yep exactly yeah i feel
like one thing i always feel bad about right
now because we are we've been doing a bunch of
grocery pickups And usually we do Target, Target
drive up. And every time I'm like, OK, cool,
we're going to go to Target. He always goes,
walk inside, walk inside. And I'm like, no, buddy,
like I already ordered our groceries. We're just
picking them up. And he gets so sad. And I'm
like, it just seems so overwhelming to like go
inside of Target with both kids. Yeah. But I
feel so terrible because I'm like, well, yeah,
we could walk inside, but. We're not going to.
Sorry, baby. I know. I don't know what that had
to do with Diggs Village. Yeah, I think things
are overwhelming. Just getting out of routine
and doing more. But I know this is a place I'm
lacking. And I don't know if any of you guys
listening to this have advice or if you guys
feel like you're lacking in this area too. But
I feel like... Really? This is just a cry for
help for all of our listeners to give us advice.
Help me. Be my friend. No, but I don't really
know what to do other than just like trying to
be okay with breaking the routine a little bit.
Yeah. And that's where I struggle because I'm
like, I'm such a routine person. Yeah. And with
kids, it is hard when you get them out of routine
for sure. Yeah. Yeah. So I did. find some statistics
just in general fun so according to a study of
western countries parents are spending more time
with their kids now than in the 60s for example
mothers averaged 54 minutes a day of child care
in 1965 compared to 104 minutes a day in i guess
this is 2012 okay so we're spending more time
with our kids is part of it than historically
which actually this is a side rant another thing
i saw on the internet was i saw someone saying
that the generation of gentle parents or the
generation of parents who are saying they need
a break which immediately i was like that doesn't
sit right and this isn't like against or like
for or against gentle parenting whatever you
feel about that but then i realized it's like
oh i've heard multiple statistics recently about
how Millennial parents spend more time with their
kids than any other generation. I don't think
this has anything to do with parenting style.
I think it's just how much time we're spending
with our kids. We have a whole generation of
people called latchkey kids because they just
left their house and their parents never knew
where they were. Which obviously is different
for us with little kids. Different worlds. Back
to statistics. A review of parenting literature
speaks of intensification of parenting, meaning
parents today are more involved structuring more
of their child's lives and paying more attention
to children's perspectives than parents historically
did. I thought that was super interesting. That
is interesting. I don't know how you feel. This
isn't really on topic, but do you feel like you
have to have activities? I do feel the pressure
to. but does that happen a lot no i've been trying
to have more activities for lloyd yeah but anytime
he's like losing it i feel like i'm like i'm
feeling his mom because i don't have like a structured
activity for him to yeah and yeah again then
you see and hear the moms who are like oh here
are the 12 things we did today yeah i think we
follow someone on instagram chaos with kara i
think who's like very big into like setting up
an activity like the night before so then the
kids wake up to an activity which i'm like i'm
all for that i started using some of her activities
that's great so far lloyd's been interested for
like 3 .2 seconds see that's my thing is i'm
like working on that i'm like i'm gonna spend
i don't know 15 20 minutes setting this up that
is one thing for her is she doesn't have long
setups for anything oh good that's that that
is nice But I'm like, I'm going to spend this
time setting this up and then you're going to
not give like two about it, you know? And I don't
really want to do that. Whether, you know, like
rather he's just going to spend all this time
playing in his play kitchen that he loves. Yeah.
We built a year ago and he still loves. Or am
I going to set up this activity and he's going
to not care about it at all? Yeah. Yeah. But
I'm all for the activities. It's just like, I
think I need to buy more like art stuff. And
we just don't have a lot of like that stuff,
I guess. We have a lot of toys. I just bought
a bunch of stuff like that. That's smart. Because
we had a day that I was super overwhelmed. And
I was like, I'm just, I'm buying all this so
that we have activities. And we'll see if they
work. Hopefully they do. Yeah, I bought like
a coloring book and crayons not too long ago
for him. He started coloring on the table, which
is... To be expected. Yeah, of course. But then
I'm like, it makes me not want to buy those things
because I'm like, it creates a mess. And I'm
like, I just, you know, I got to be okay with
the mess. I think I need to get out of my OCD
-ness a little bit. Yeah, I know I need to get
out of that for a few things too. Yeah, it's
so tough. But all that to say, I do feel the
pressure a little bit to have the activities.
And I think that's just social media has kind
of put that pressure on me. But I mean, growing
up, we never had anything like that. It was just
like, I mean, you figure out like you, your imagination
is your activity. Yeah. You have to do, you just
figure it out. Yeah. I don't think like my parents
are so great. My parents are so, so great. I
don't think they, I ever woke up to like. hey,
we put this felt activity for you to build this
or to create this with. It was like, well, yeah,
figure it out. You have toys, you have books.
Yeah. Okay, some more statistics. The same Pew
survey noted that many parents feel judged, 44
% saying they feel judged by their own parents,
at least sometimes, 41 % by their spouse's parents,
and 35 % by their... by other parents which i
thought was interesting that actually seems low
to me i thought so too yeah i thought so too
maybe they people felt would feel judged if they
said yes but i thought that was interesting too
and especially the other parents piece where
it's like oh well if you feel judged then you're
not gonna like open up as much and just be as
vulnerable which then It means you don't have
this community in the same way. Yeah. That is
so true. Which I'm like, I'm trying to think
for my own life. I think I agree with that being
the least percentage on there. Yeah. Yeah. I
don't know if I feel judged by other parents
that are maybe in the same stage. Maybe if they
have older kids. Okay. I would maybe feel. But
I can't even think of a situation right now.
Yeah. I think. There's definitely like a level
of worry at this point where there's a lot of
opinions on specific things that are so divided
that I'm like, oh, I'm just not going to talk
about that because I am worried that like not.
that someone's already judging me but if i bring
up like this is a decision we're making on this
or that or that we're not making or whatever
without saying what what you're thinking what
is like an example i guess of okay so i think
like a big one right now is schooling right it's
like that's what i was thinking of public school
private school yeah whatever like that's a big
one like and of course i grew up homeschooled
so i'm not super worried about it um like that's
one or yeah screen time or like oh yeah do you
have screen time do you not have screen time
do you have limited screen time did you throw
away your tv when you got pregnant whatever and
i mean some of it is in my own head right where
i'm like i know that almost no one is judging
me for the fact that i had a really tough day
so we put on cars last night yeah oh we watched
cars last night too it's classic did that actually
happen it actually happened okay well the funny
thing is so This week's been rough and I'm pretty
sure it's because we watched a bunch of movies
last week. So it's like, okay, we're going to
limit it. We're not going to watch a bunch of
movies this week. Yeah. And I was doing really
good. And then yesterday was. A day from hell.
It was pretty rough. Yeah. And of course it was
the day that Stuart was gone and the evening
too. And our big problem is he comes home for
like an hour and then he leaves and that makes
it worse sometimes. I bet. It definitely made
it worse last night. Yeah. And I was like, I'm
going to try to do it. We're going to get to
bedtime without watching a movie. We're going
to do it. And then two minutes into dinner, Lloyd
started crying. Zeta was crying because Lloyd
was crying. And then I started crying. So I was
like, nope. Cars it is. Cars it is. Randy Newman
is going to make us all feel better today. That's
amazing. But yeah, back, I guess, to like divided
things. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's a lot of
opinions that people feel very strongly about.
Yeah. So it makes it really hard to want to be
like open about certain things, you know? Yeah.
It's like just easier to kind of keep quiet about
those things. Yeah. Yeah. And then you like don't
have connection because you're not really. Yeah.
talking yep yep no i feel that 100 i feel like
yeah especially i would say the schooling one
for us is like a conversation we've been talking
about a lot which is crazy to i mean colt is
only two yeah but it's like we actually really
need to start having this conversation right
about what our plan is for schooling and i do
feel like it's not necessarily a conversation
we're bringing other people into because of Opinions.
Opinions. And I think I, I can easily fall into
people's opinions. Like, like I'm one of those
people, like you can convince me to switch to
the other side of things pretty easily if you
have a good argument. Okay. Just, I don't know
what it is. That's just my personality. I don't
know. I'm the youngest of four siblings. And
so I feel like they did that my whole life growing
up. I don't know if that has anything to do with
it. But I'm like, I feel like this is a conversation
for just Michael and I. And I think that's just
maybe the world we live in right now. Yeah. Yeah.
And I think one of the hard things is and why
I think a lot of people feel judgment is that
like that's totally reasonable. That's just like
there are lots of decisions that should just
be. Yeah. As parents. but other people don't
feel that way so they're like well i'm gonna
tell you my opinion yeah and that makes it harder
yeah because you're like oh now you're gonna
judge me if yeah i do put my kids in this school
or that school or neither whatever so then yeah
i guess like that that support system drops yeah
if you're not maybe if you're not getting that
outside opinion in some sense i don't know yeah
or if someone gets mad when you choose the quote
-unquote wrong opinion wrong choice or yeah yeah
but i thought that was all those statistics were
super interesting very interesting and again
the judgment one i felt like was low yeah i thought
i had one on like how supported parents feel
and i felt like that was also it seemed like
it was low really just because of like the conversations
i hear from like other moms and online about
It feels like everyone's struggling and everyone
doesn't have this like community that they want.
Yeah. I don't know what the universal fix is
for that, I guess. Yeah. I mean, I don't think
there's like a universal one. Yeah. I think that
the overall theme for me is like my intentionality
needs to like needs to increase. Yeah. In those
areas because. yes i'm tired yes like i'm desiring
this but i'm not i would say i'm not really doing
anything about it and the reality is is i don't
have my family in town so like that side of it
is just it's not present it's not there and that's
and that's okay but like then my intentionality
to to find this village or to find the support
system needs to increase and that's something
that because we live away from family that like
I've kind of quote unquote signed up for sure
in a sense yeah without yeah actually signing
up for it you know yeah that wasn't your intention
no it's part of what happened yeah yeah yeah
I thought the perspective of like we need to
be better villagers in order to have a village
made a lot of sense to me yeah and it's also
super annoying so it's like well what if I don't
want to I know. That sounds bad because it's
not that I don't want to. It's just that, like,
I want it to exist before I've tried anything,
I think is more what it is. Like, yeah, I'd be
happy to be a support system if you're already
the support system for me instead of, like, taking
that step out and, like, oh, maybe this isn't
going to work out and I'm going to have bought
you coffee for no reason. But, yeah, I thought
that was super interesting and really good. That
is very interesting. Yeah. We do a – tumbling
class with colt on saturday mornings and there's
like a bunch of other parents and moms and it's
all like a like two year olds two to three year
olds in the class and i'm like there's so many
moms you know right here that like i don't know
i could chat with or exchange numbers with and
i just i'm like just staying in my little bubble
Yeah. It's so hard. I've always had a really
hard time in situations like that too. Yes. Yeah.
So if you guys have any advice on any of that,
we'll take it. Let us know. And if you feel the
same way, like, I think that would be interesting
to find out. Like, I don't think we're alone
in this and feeling like we don't have this like
community that we long for. Yeah. I think this
topic is very universal, I guess, to say that
again. we're as moms we all no matter what season
of life you're in like yes it takes a village
is so um like cliche like you said but it is
so true it's like yeah you need that support
system and if you don't have it like you're probably
more exhausted maybe than you than you need to
be yeah yeah but uh yeah give us your advice
we'd love for you guys to to let us know what
you're doing outside of kind of what we mentioned
today yeah yeah maybe we'll post some stuff on
stories and get see how other people are feeling
yeah yeah you guys can see yep you're not alone
you're not alone we're in it together even if
we're not hanging out all the time yeah okay
well should we hop into our wins of the week
sure do you want to go first i would love to
I don't think I've talked about this before.
Maybe I did. I think this is maybe a conversation
we just had outside of this. So we just switched
Colt to a big boy bed. And meaning we just because
Cruz needs the crib now. And so we moved our
guest bed into Colt's room, but just like put
it on the floor. So it's just. Like this massive
bed for this little tiny boy. Perfect. And it's
so cute and he looks so little in it. But yeah,
we just put it on the ground. And it honestly,
like Colt has never been a good sleeper and I've
talked about it. a lot of times on this podcast
but this has like opened up the ability for us
to just go in there and lay with him and he's
kind of in this stage right now where like he
wants us to lay with him until he falls asleep
which i just saw a reel about uh this is a tangent
but i just saw a reel that like around this age
is like the age where they're kind of connecting
sleep with like am i safe Yeah. And so, yeah,
it was like talking about like you shouldn't
necessarily try to resleep train. You shouldn't
like just let them like cry. But like giving
that connection and security is like the most
important thing for them at this stage. And so
I think like we were really hesitant to switch
his crib to the big boy bed. And I'm super grateful
that we did because it gives us that ability
to support him more and to like help him through
that. And yes, it. it is not great to be able
like to have to lay there for like 45 minutes
while he's falling asleep. Cause then you're
like, do I just go to bed now? The amount of
times that Michael has fallen asleep in there
and like woken up at like two in the morning
and tried to sneak out and come to bed has been.
I can't even count. Every night. Yeah. Practically
every night. Like I'll text him and be like,
are you awake? And I don't get a response. And
I'm like, no, he's clearly asleep. And that's
okay. So all that to say, it's been a win for
us to switch him into the big boy bed. He hasn't
really, like he's fallen out a couple of times.
So I bought one of those like bed bumpers. But
yeah, it's been a good thing for us to switch
it. That's so great. Yeah. Yeah. How about you?
So last Saturday, I think it was. Zeta was down
for a nap and then Stuart had some stuff he had
to get done. So I was like, I'm just going to
take, actually it was Stuart's idea, just to
like take Lloyd on a little like mom Lloyd date.
Oh, cute. And so we went to Starbucks. He did
not care about the steamer at all. Could not
care less, but he was all about the cake pop.
Oh, for sure. And then we just, we went to the
children's museum that we have a membership to.
So it was like not a place that was new or exciting,
but we almost never go just him and me. Yeah.
either like the whole family or if it's just
us then Zayda's with us yeah so it was super
fun to just like be able to go just the two of
us and probably did like do all the things with
him and interact yeah yeah like I'm not just
like sitting holding Zayda like good job buddy
like we're actually playing together a little
bit more yeah that's cute and it was just super
fun and I do want to make it more of a regular
thing I said this because I did something similar
like back in the summer and I was like I can
do this once a month yeah all of a sudden it's
october november yeah this is the first time
it's happening again but It was just really sweet
and really fun. That is sweet. I need to do that
with Colt. That would be really sweet. I feel
like it's super valuable, especially for the
older kiddo who like. Who's desiring that. Yeah.
That like full attention. Yeah. Where it's like
Zeta gets that more because I nurse her and that
kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So that was super
fun. That's sweet. Well, yeah. Thanks for tuning
in, guys. Like I said, we'll post some stuff
on social media. We'd love for you to interact
and let us know kind of what your village. looks
like but uh yeah thanks for tuning in follow
us at no manual podcast on instagram and we'll
see you next week we'll see you next week well
that's enough oversharing for today if you enjoyed
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no manual mom cast where motherhood is messy
at least we can laugh about it together