motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising
tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh
at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you
that none of us actually know what we're doing
this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend
group chat but with microphones Welcome back
to No Manual Momcast. Hi, everyone. Welcome back
to No Manual, a mom cast where this is a place
for moms to just hear about the realities of
motherhood, the good, the bad, the ugly, and
we're all in it together. So today we have a
very special guest, Lindsay O'Donnell. And before
you do your intro, Lindsay, let's go ahead and
just hop into our mom moments. Erica, do you
want to go first? Sure. So I think I've talked
about it before, but Lloyd's just like in a car
phase right now, which is super fun. So we found
two sweatshirts at Walmart. One has like construction
vehicles on it and one has race cars on it. So
we've been giving him a choice. Like, do you
want your road builder sweatshirt? Do you want
your race car sweatshirt? And the other day,
um, he was like, race cars were like, cool. So
we go to find it. Cannot find it anywhere. Oh
no. And we're like running late. So we're like,
buddy, like you're just gonna have to settle.
And he was so sad. And it was like four days.
We're looking everywhere. I'm looking in kitchen
cabinets. I'm like anywhere it could possibly
be. Like where could he have put it that I wouldn't
think that he put it. and to the point where
i was like i'm just gonna buy a new one like
because every time he'd be like race car switcher
race car switcher and when i would say buddy
i don't know where it is just so sad and like
not tantrum just like legitimately sad yeah like
buddy i'm so sorry like i don't know where it
is and finally we were like about to leave someplace
and i found it like behind the couch, between
the couch, and another piece of furniture. Yes.
And, like, tucked under something that was, like,
the same color. So we finally found it. And then
today, I was like, hey, buddy, race cars are
road builders. Road builders. Oh, of course.
So I spent, like, three days so stressed. Like,
we have to find this stupid sweatshirt. And now
he's like, over it. Yeah. Don't care. Of course.
That's just a good representation of toddlerhood.
Oh, absolutely. It's always a thing you don't
have. It's what they want. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
My mom moment happened like three hours ago.
So Colt has really been liking English muffins
for breakfast. And so we'll do like a half of
an English muffin. I put like a little bit of
butter and a little bit of jelly on it. for him
usually he like doesn't even touch it but he
always wants the English muffin I'm like okay
that's fine I'll eat it later and today he was
like really obsessed with it and just he like
was done with breakfast he he took a couple bites
of it and then brought it over like on the arm
of the couch and like put his water cup there
and then his English muffin on top of it and
it sat there for like two hours probably and
so finally I was like you know what I'm just
gonna toss this thing Of course, throw it in
the trash. And then he goes, Mom, English muffin.
Oh, of course. I'm like, oh, buddy. It was his
emotional support English muffin. Yeah, yeah,
for reals. And I was like, oh, buddy, I'm so
sorry. Mommy threw that away. I thought you were
done. And just full on, just so sad, on the ground,
crying. And I was like. this is gonna sound so
bad but i was like okay let me see if what it's
touching in the trash can done it yeah yeah open
the trash can of course it's touching a dirty
diaper so i'm like sorry buddy like we we can't
have the english muffin it's touching a dirty
diaper and he just goes okay oh poor buddy i'm
sorry buddy i was like you want another snack
yes i was like okay great so i felt terrible
i should probably just keep his you know, uneaten
snacks just on the couch forever. Until bedtime,
at least. Yeah, at least. Stale piece of bread
for you. Sounds delicious to me. It's amazing.
What about you, Lindsay? Mine was actually a
couple days ago, and I'm probably going to catch
some judgment for this, but I'm going to say
it anyway. Please do. No judgment here. Perfect.
There was kind of a viral thing that went around
the internet. I don't even know how long ago,
but my 10 -month -old is very vocal, and he...
Loves to do this like cry wine thing when he
wants something or when he doesn't want something.
Pretty much any time that he's not having fun,
he does this like cry wine. When he's hungry,
when he's done eating, when he's tired, whatever,
you name it. So he's sitting in his high chair.
We're trying to sit down for dinner at the end
of the day. And it's just one of those days where
my sensory limit is maxed out. Like I'm just
done hearing. words yeah yeah and so he's sitting
there whining and whining and whining and I thought
you know today's gonna be the day that I go into
my fridge and I warm up one of those plastic
slices of American cheese and I tell my husband
grab your camera because of course we had to
film it and he's crying and I just underhand
tossed the slice of cheese right on his face
and he thought it was so funny and he was like
trying to grab it. And it just, the look on his
face of stunned of like, what just hit me in
the forehead? It was so amazing. And I realized
that probably wasn't the best parenting moment.
However, it gave us such a big laugh and it cut
the, you know, tension of like, stop crying,
stop whining. And he laughed. He didn't keep
crying. He didn't like get upset by it. No, he
was like, what is this? And then my two year
old, two and a half year old was just dying laughing.
And so we have it all in film. And I was like,
all right, this is a mom win. Figure out how
to make him stop. Yes. Okay. We're going to have
to share that on social media. Love it. Love
it. I will send it to you. Yes. That's your like
worst bad parenting moment you're doing. Yeah.
Okay. My husband did that to our two year old,
like when he was probably 10 months old. Yeah.
But he used like a thick. piece of cheese. It
literally just bounces off his face and he cried.
And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. I got the cold
slice out and my husband's like, no, you have
to warm it up for it to stick. And I was like,
oh, duh. I mean, this is my first time, so I
didn't know that. You're not an expert at throwing
cheese at babies. I'm not an expert at throwing
cheese on babies' faces. He clearly knew what
he was doing. He knew it. He was not surprised.
He was asking for it for quite a while and I
was like, no, not today, whatever. But today,
it was that day. That was the day that broke
you. That was the day that he got the cheese
to the face. I love it. Well, before we just
hop into your story, do you want to intro your
family? Yeah. Yes, definitely. So my husband,
Austin, and I met at Flatirons Church actually
probably, gosh, I don't know, over 10 years ago
at this point. We dated a couple of years after
meeting and got engaged nine months later. Got
married, I think, nine months after that. And
so it was pretty quick for us, but we've been
married just over seven years and we have two
beautiful children. children uh lenora is two
and a half we call her lenny um and then august
was born two days after christmas last year so
he's just about 10 months old but yeah it's great
family of four we have a dog named toby um pretty
much just the light of our world so yeah yeah
tell us a little bit kind of about your story
i guess more specifically yeah like where i'm
from the whole background yeah more of where
you're from tell us about like get into your
career a little bit. Yeah, definitely. So I come
from a very large family, um, originally from
lions and we've had, gosh, um, step -siblings,
you know, step -sisters, step -brothers, remove
step -siblings. We. Grew up. My dad tried to
provide everything he possibly could for us.
But, you know, with a large family and just the
way the world works and all that stuff, I started
working at a very young age. Probably, I think,
14 technically was my first job. I was cleaning
motel rooms. Not the most glorious thing for
a young teenager, but. it brought money in. So
it was great. And I actually was able to kind
of financially support myself through, you know,
sports fees or yearbook fees, like all the stuff
through high school, paid through my college,
part of my college years. And then I literally
worked full time since as long as I can remember.
So I've always, always, always had a job, which
is so crazy. Even jobs, you know, where you put
your two weeks in, you end on a Friday and you
start a new job on Monday. Like I just, I've
never had a period of my life where I didn't
work. So obviously as a current stay -at -home
mom that's a whole new world for me but yeah
so I did a lot of um kind of jumping around jobs
as As a younger adult, I did a lot of administrative
work, executive assistant work, senior admin
roles, kind of was my wheelhouse. But I worked
a little bit in the sports industry, specifically
for the Colorado Avalanche, and then partially
with the Nuggets and all that, and again, the
administrative side. And then I moved over to
what was Ball Aerospace, now BAE Systems. It's
an aerospace and defense company. And I loved
it. realm um I feel like I thrived in and just
kind of you know I had big ambitions for my career
I was like I'm gonna you know get my clearance
I'm gonna work on these projects I'm gonna do
all these super cool things that people can't
talk about like it was I was in it and then yeah
you know life happens you get married and your
priorities change and you have kids and you're
priorities definitely change. Right. So, um,
it was a whole other path for me to kind of go
down being a stay at home mom currently, but
yeah, it was just kind of one of those things
I was brought up to, you have to work to pay
the bills and you got to survive and things cost
money. And so it was just a job. I always, always
had to have a job, um, which was new, but good.
So your job with ball, was this something that
you like, would you say it was your dream job
more or less? Yeah, I think definitely the industry
was my dream job. I started out in an administrative
role. And then about a year later, I moved into
kind of more like an analyst position. And that
position was great to kind of expand my portfolio
a little bit and really just kind of you have
your finger in a lot of different areas. And
so you kind of get to see. all the different
project management positions or all the other
bigger high -end classified type of roles. And
I think ultimately my end goal when I started
at Ball was to be working on projects, managing
a team, doing something on the, I don't know,
military defense side. So I wasn't quite there
yet, but I had that trajectory when I started
out in that. or with a company, which was super
cool. And life happens. So did you always want
to be a mom? I did. So kind of some backstory.
So when Austin and I got engaged, or maybe even
before we got engaged, we did this book called
Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. I don't
know if you ever heard of it. I don't remember
who wrote it, but it was great. You answer all
the questions, you know, the hard questions that
you don't want to find out later. You want to
ask them up front. We kind of established, yes,
we do want to be parents. I came from a big family,
so I'm like, I can have up to four kids. Austin's
like, I'm done at two. So he didn't want kids,
which was awesome because I definitely wanted
children, Lord willing. But we established that
early on. And then we got married. I just kind
of felt like I was still too young. Like, that
sounds so weird because I think I got married
almost 28 years old. And I just felt. I have
more time. I have more time. You know, you want
to kind of have that honeymoon phase those couple
of years, or at least we did. Not everybody does,
but we just kind of thought we had more time.
And then COVID happened in 2020. And a couple
of months into COVID, we were like, I don't know
that I want to bring a kid into the world right
now. Like, it just seems so scary for us. We
were like, this just seems like a crazy time
to be having children that you have to send out
in this world. was so unknown. We didn't know
what was happening or how bad it was going to
get, whatever that was. And then I think it was,
I don't even know, sometime during 2020, end
of 2020. And we were sitting in a church service
and one of the sermons was about like being the
light of the world and having Warriors for God.
And I remember like as audibly as I could have
heard it, hearing, this is why you have kids.
And I was like, oh, okay. So, you know, that's
why we're command to have children but it was
so weird in the time of like okay we're not afraid
of our circumstances like we should have kids
like that should be what we should be doing and
yeah and so I did share that with Austin he was
like okay like now or you know because he's like
he's a couple years younger than me but we were
both we just thought you know we had time and
and we wanted to wait maybe a little longer and
And of course you get the question like a year
or so into marriage, everyone always asks, when
do you have kids? Which PSA, don't ever, ever
ask somebody. I've seen a TikTok that said that
if you're going to ask that, you should have
to ask the literal question that you're asking,
not the... sugar -coated version that you're
asking right just to like really put it in perspective
really right yeah yeah when you can have kids
and I'm like I have so many friends going through
so much stuff right now with infertility or IVF
I'm like don't ever ask anybody that and you
know fortunately for us that that wasn't necessarily
the case but it's crazy how many times you're
asked that so we just kind of decided okay well
we will down the road and then I found out I
was pregnant one day so we weren't necessarily
planning we weren't trying we weren't um i guess
really we were trying to avoid it like the natural
method sorry if that's tmi but and yeah and then
one day i was like i don't know that i feel really
good this is just kind of weird you know so we
uh found out we were pregnant so i was like okay
i guess i'm gonna be a mom so it was pretty wild
but so yes to answer your question it was kind
of touch and go there of like when but um you
know we planned god laughs so yeah when you envisioned
yourself as a mom like did you have a vision
of what kind of what motherhood would look like
or what kind of mom you would be yeah um that
definitely changed pre and post having children
i think before having kids i You know, we talked
about me being a stay -at -home mom from the
beginning, which I was like, yeah, totally. I
could totally do that. And then there was a part
of me that was like, man, I really could thrive
in a career too, you know. And maybe that's why
I personally wanted to wait a little while longer
because I was like, I feel like I'm getting my
stride with my career and I'm really now kind
of landing myself in the industry I want to be
in. And then having kids, I'm pregnant at work.
I was like, man, this is going to be so tough
to leave. I feel like everything I've worked
for, I feel like I'm proving myself. I'm getting
really good performance reviews. I'm getting
raises. I'm doing all the things that I should
be doing to advance my career. And then I had
Lenny and I was like, oh no, there's no way.
I can't even imagine trying to go back. I did
actually go back after Lenny, which was really
tough. I just had this vision of, you know, we'd
be home and we'd be doing all these kind of fun
things on our own timeline. And, you know, for
my first kid, that wasn't the case. I was dropping
her off at daycare. I was trying to figure out,
you know, when she's sick, what do I do? Like
all those fun things. But, you know, I think
broad picture, I always would have intended to
be home. But I did have that kind of fight a
little bit with myself of like, where do I stop?
my own things that I want to do, but also, you
know, you want to be a mom and you want to be
home with your kids. So it was, it was a little
bit of a debate, but yeah. So you felt like you
were wrestling kind of that, like the priorities
have shifted, but you wrestled that decision
for a while. I did definitely prior to having
her. I did because I, I think I understood. the
sacrifices that I was going to make of like literally
putting my life on hold or my, what I thought
my life would have been on hold. But then after
having her, I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah. This
makes sense. Like I'm, I kind of had to tell
myself, you can always go back to this. Like
it's not, it doesn't have to be this way. Um,
this is only for a short period, but it was a
little bit of a, a little bit of a wrestle. But
again, I remember my feelings of going back that
first night and I was. Yeah, not easy. I'm sure
other moms would agree that had to do it too,
but... I know I cried my first day back to work.
Oh, for sure. Oh, I... I ugly cried like ugly
cried yeah um and then even going back to work
it was people were like how are you and I'm like
don't ask me that yeah don't talk to me I haven't
seen you for four months don't talk you're like
yeah I'm four months postpartum how do you think
I am you also haven't kept in touch with me it's
different when it's like your co -worker who
like calls you right yeah yeah yeah so how long
did you work before you then decided like hey
this this needs to be done so i will say at the
tail end or probably middle of my maternity leave
with my daughter my oldest child i think um i
was like i i don't think i can go back to work
i really don't think i don't know how i hand
her off to somebody and just pretend like i care
about my job um and you did put her in daycare
right it wasn't family wasn't taking care of
her no no so i will say the daycare that i put
her into was probably the biggest God said we
could have ever asked for. So one of my best
friends, Carrie, actually her mother -in -law
runs a in -home daycare out of her house. She's
an amazing Christian woman. She's been doing
it for like 30 years, fully certified. The cost,
I can't even tell you how much of a blessing
that was. Kind of just talks about it as her
ministry. So she was like, I have the spot saved
for you. I think if I would have had to brought
her to like a facility, there's no way. I don't
know what I would have done. There's absolutely
no way. But financially, we tried to see if we
could figure it out after her. There was just
no way. Like we just, we could not cut my income
out and still survive. Like we prayed on it.
We tried to figure it out. I tried to see if
I could do like a stay at home mom job, which.
Lord bless the stay -at -home moms. That's a
whole other thing. But we couldn't do it. And
so found daycare and dropped her off full -time
Monday through Friday and went into work until,
yeah, not to get too far down the road, but when
we got pregnant with my son in 2024, I was like,
okay, we have to figure this out. I'm not sending
two to daycare. I refuse. I literally refuse.
So, yeah, I worked a full, I don't know how long
that was, year, year and a half. before being
able to be a stay -at -home mom yeah was there
ever a moment like going to work that you were
able to kind of have that mindset shift of like
this my job does matter and yeah I think um you
know it was it was a lot of I wrestled God a
lot on it of like how could you know not necessarily
angry but I was like I can't understand how this
is my circumstance like I feel like I'm supposed
to be home with her. I don't know why there's
not a path being provided for me to be able to
stay home. I was so frustrated. And then it took
me probably six months, six to eight months of
being like, okay, we've prayed about it. We've
thought about it. We have tried to find a solution.
We have tried to figure something out. Nothing's
happening. There has to be a reason why I'm still
going back to work. We weren't being lazy about
it. We were proactively trying to figure it out.
they're just, we couldn't find a solution. So
I kind of just sat in that like acceptance phase.
I'm also a really good avoider. So like if it's,
if it's emotional and I don't want to handle
it, I'm like, all right, well put it on the back
burner. This is just the way that it is. You
know, this is just how it's going to be. So I,
I, and then I, you know, as a mom guilt, I feel
like you get into your stride and you're like,
okay, I'm making this work. We're going to work.
I'm doing well at work, trying to do home life.
And I'm like, all right, maybe, you know, this
isn't. as bad but then again you have those days
where you're just so torn trying to trying to
be both and there's no way you can be both like
I I don't know maybe maybe I'm not the only one
but um trying to be fully present both areas
is just it was so hard yeah um so I feel like
I had days but then other days I'm like I gotta
get out of this I don't know what I'm doing how
am I gonna do this yeah there's the mom guilt
of like You want to put 100 % into being a mom,
and then work is just taking it out of you. I
know I had someone tell me, going back to work
this time, and it just kind of made me roll my
eyes, that when you're at work, be at work, and
when you're at home, be at home, which I think
is one of those things that's a really good mentality.
But especially when you have little kids, because
also the context is this person who told me this
when she went back to work, all of her kids were
in high school or graduated. So it's like a very
different scenario. When you have a one -year
-old, not even when you have a baby, like you
can't do that. Like you're pumping at work. Like
it's very, your body isn't like literally thinks
you should still be attached kind of thing. So
it's very different and really hard to like.
To actually do that, you know, even if you want
to, just because you have this little one who
fully depends on you. And again, you're pumping,
you're doing things to support your baby, even
while you're at work. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly,
the anxiety around like checking my phone to
see if there was a text or a call or, you know,
her being like, hey, she's sick today. I need
you to come get. And I realized it was the first
time in my adult life. you know someone asked
you to do something you're like can't man I gotta
work I gotta go to work but now you get one text
and you're like gotta go you know I don't care
if I'm presenting I don't care if I have a meeting
I don't care about a deadline like they take
priority right and so and then the pumping thing
you know you're you're trying to stay focused
at work but it's really hard when you're in the
pumping room and you're like trying to you know
um you're like my boobs hurt right now because
I have to pump right sorry I gotta skip this
meeting you gotta go like it's I love the idea
of it and I fully understand if your kids are
older but Or dropping her off at daycare and
she's crying for you and you're like, sorry,
toughen up. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the amount
of times I cried driving away. Yeah. Yeah. Even
the times that, like, Lloyd or Zeta have cried
dropping them off with my parents. Yeah. And
that's my parents. Yeah. Who, like, I know would
take a bullet for either one of them if they
needed to. 100%. Still, like, gets those mom
heartstrings. Yeah. Yeah. So take us back to
the discussion with Austin of, like, hey, this
is. I can't go back to work with two. What did
that look like? Yeah, definitely. I know it hurt
his heart a lot as well, especially seeing me
cry about it. You know, he was felt really guilty.
We had those conversations of like he was trying
to figure out a way that what he could do to
make sure, you know, I could stay home. And I
get it's I wouldn't necessarily say it's a pride
thing, but. if a wife's trying to stay home and
the husband, you know, is trying to make it work
and we can figure it out, I'm sure that that
put a lot of weight on him too, you know? And
so I wasn't trying to, I never wanted to put
him in a position making it seem like it was
his fault that I couldn't stay home. Right. And
so I tried to just, you know, have the strength
to be like, look, this is what it is. Like, this
is clearly where God wants us. Um, you know,
we're going to work until we can figure out.
how to not work for me to stay home. Um, so Austin
works for his family's business. His dad, grandpa,
uncle started a company. I gosh, I know they're
going to correct me, but 30 something years ago.
Um, and it has been, I was not a part of the
family then I was, I was born, I think, but so
their company has been the absolute biggest blessing
for us, for our, you know, small individual family.
of course the broader family too, but, um, Austin
works directly with his dad as a CEO. And then
he, his parents have, you know, done really well
stewarding the company and providing for their
employees, um, as much as they possibly can.
So Austin has worked there again. He'll correct
me since he was, I don't know, probably 15, 16
years old. And then after college, you know,
he's been there full time longer than I've known
him, but, um, they have just been able to provide
bonuses or raises or things. And so this go around,
um, when my son was born prior to him being born,
my mother -in -law, who's also a CPA, very, very
brilliant financially. She was like, okay. Here's
what we're going to do. We're going to bump Boston
up to this amount. We're going to take away your
income. We'll put you in a different tax bracket.
If you guys move and change your interest rate,
like went on this whole thing. And of course,
that's not my wheelhouse. So I'm like, uh -huh.
Uh -huh. Yep. Tell me more. Just tell me what
to do. Whatever you say. Yeah, whatever you say.
So Austin, you know, I feel like God has really
blessed that business to be able to. Allow them
to provide for our family individually. And then
Austin took on a little bit more of a role and
is going to be taking on a few more projects.
And so I'm like, sorry, honey. Thanks for working
really hard for us. But I remember them telling
us, like, we're going to make sure you can stay
home. And I think I cried. Like, it was one of
those things that we didn't even really have
to discuss it. I think it was just a how do we
do this? And then when we finally figured out
that we could do it, it was like. great you know
here's my timeline like right i'm gonna go through
maternity leave and make sure everything is good
through maternity leave um for us financially
and then i was able to basically just put my
notice in and be like sorry you know i'm not
coming back so i mean i could be wrong but i'm
assuming they did not bump him up to the point
where he was covering your salary Um, so what
did that look like financially? Was it like,
Oh, we go on less date nights or we have to like
make some financial adjustments. Was that a part
of this? Yeah. Um, so I will say they did give
him a, a pretty amazing pay raise. Um, I don't,
it wasn't, I don't think dollar for dollar. I
tried to stay out of it cause it makes family
and money. And I'm like, that's your, like you
guys are the ones doing that. Um, so. Not to
get too far in the weeds, but we also moved right
before I had August. And so our interest rate,
long story short, on our last house was so small
because we refied during COVID. And so our tax,
we were just getting raked over the coals on
taxes. And then when we moved. And that changes
everything when you pay more money on your interest
of what needs to be taken out. So essentially,
we just shifted a bunch of stuff to where we
actually bought a new house, which is amazing.
And then we took away my income. And I was like,
are you sure that this is going to – this sounds
really scary. They always tell you don't quit
your job when you're buying a house. Right. And
so fortunately, we bought the house. Actually,
it's been a year ago, I think this week. And
then we had August, end of December. So it was
a couple of months. Um, But yeah, we were just
like, OK, well, we think this is going to work.
You know, God provides. So let's just make sure
this works. And then if something were to happen,
you know, I was like, OK, I could go back to
work if I had to. I could try and find like a
stay at home job or do something. But I think
we were able to just kind of shift enough with
our taxes and his pay raise. And then, you know,
we do a lot less of going out or we try to spending
money and. I'm not eating out like for lunches
at work. I'm, you know, making everything at
home. So every month we just kind of, we tried
to pay off a bunch of stuff that we could, so
we don't have that bill every month. Um, but
it's definitely scary. I'm like, what do you
mean? I don't have a paycheck. Oh, okay. What
is that like emotionally? So you said you've
been working since you were like 14 and now all
of a sudden you're fully dependent. And I mean,
that is marriage is at least my opinion is like
you combine finances. Yeah. But now like you're
not contributing to the finances. You're just
using them more or less. Yeah. What was that
like? So I think I joke about it as a form of
like acceptance of, you know, I'll say like we
were talking about. Christmas money this year
like our budget for Christmas and I'm like well
how much are you going to set aside of your own
money for me to buy you a gift like jokingly
just say like um it's definitely weird because
like I said I haven't been unemployed technically
in a long time but I I'm also like I am I went
from a full -time job to an overtime job you
know of like I am making I'm saving us a lot
of money by not taking the kids daycare and all
that stuff but It's definitely weird of trying
to figure out, like, how much money can I really
spend? And we have conversations about budgets
and things like that. But I don't know. It's
weird. Was it unsettling at first? Yeah, totally.
Totally. Because I've always, you know, if I
have switched jobs, I'll put in my two weeks
somewhere. And then, like I said, I had the next
job lined right up. So when I put in my notice
and I was like, okay. Like it was, you know,
we have this brand new house. We have a brand
new baby. I'm about to quit my job. And I'm like,
all right, well. Let's just hope that. Yeah.
And I, I, again, I know that Austin's family
has been super supportive of us. They have always
been very helpful in the way of like, all right,
what do you need? And they're not going to like
pay every single bill we have. Obviously we need
to work for our money, you know, but being able
to provide him with that raise for us to just
allow me to stay home. It was again, the greatest
blessing that I ever could have. ever could have
asked for yeah so what i'm learning is stewart's
family need to have started a business 30 years
you know yeah right yeah yeah come on yeah i
know i know it's been it's been amazing yeah
it's been such a gift so so what was it like
actually quitting your job like was it exciting
was it scary oh it was it was both i will say
it was both i think I was counting down the days
going into maternity leave, and that might have
also been because I was so ready to be done with
pregnancy. But we just decided that it was time,
and I was going to quit my job and all the things.
And then, like I said, I wrote out my maternity
leave to make sure that we could try and do it,
and we tried to not use my paychecks to see if
we could do it at first. I remember my time was
ending and I had to try and wrap up everything
with maternity leave. And I was like, all right,
well, I'm just going to send this email off or
like the phone call, you know, try and be like,
I guess I'm done. And so I did actually just
do it via email because I had to include HR and
our leave department. It was all this, you know,
legal stuff. And I remember I hit the send button
and I was like. Oh, what did I just do? Like,
it was so scary, but I, I truly felt like with
every fiber of my being that this was supposed
to be what we were supposed to be doing, you
know? And, um, so I knew it was going to be a
rollercoaster. I knew that I was going to have
to figure out my new routine, my new schedule.
I feel like. maternity leave was just such a
blur anyway that I'm like, all right, well, I
don't have an office to go into anymore. I don't
have a technical boss to report to anymore. So
it was definitely scary. But it was such a relief
that I was like, we did it. We finally met that
goal that, you know, we'd been praying for for
so long, you know, almost two years, I feel like
at that point, but it was definitely a mix for
sure. Yeah. What is a stay at home mom life look
like for you now? It's great. And it's also,
I definitely have days where I'm like, Oh my
Atlanta. I feel like, you know, sometimes I think
I have a unique perspective because I was a full
time working mom. And then now I'm also a full
time stay at home mom. So I have days where I'm
like, I am so blessed. I wake up with the kids.
Austin actually goes to work before any of us
really get up. So I just kind of hit the ground
running for the most part. And there's days where
I'll go into my daughter's room and I'm like,
what do you want to do today? She's like, I want
to go to the zoo. And I'm like, all right, let's
get dressed. Let's go to the zoo. Or, you know,
you try and meet up with friends and keep your
sanity with other adults. Fortunately, my sister
actually lives literally next door to me. Like
literally we share a fence. So I think that that
has helped out a lot because she has a almost
two -year -old daughter as well. stay sane and
combine activities and go on walks. We try and
spend a lot of time outside and then we wait
for dad to get home. Like it's one of those,
I'm like, hi, when are you, when are you coming
home? Are you on your way? Yes. Are you driving?
Pulling up to find my friends. Oh my gosh. I
do that all the time. You were seven and a half
minutes from the door. Yeah. Yes. We have also
invested in Instacart to deliver groceries. Game
changer. I am not bringing my kids. I do Target
pickup. Yep. We picked up our groceries, Kroger
pickup today. I'm literally going after this.
So yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. It's great.
We have days where we, you know, plan activities.
We have days where we sit at home. Um, I try
really hard to just get outside and really. I
genuinely don't know what I would do if I didn't
have a mom group around me of, are you keeping
it together? Because I'm not keeping it together.
You're trying to just stay sane. My sister -in
-law, who also lives nearby, she's a stay -at
-home mom with four. So she's definitely busy.
But she gets it too. And then my mother -in -law
works from home. And my mom actually lives...
technically with my sister next door too so that's
kind of fun that's cool when she's in town and
so we all just try and keep each other sane yeah
but that's amazing it's great yeah i feel like
i don't know that's the end goal for a lot of
a lot of moms so you yeah you're living it that's
it's really cool yeah there there are days i
will say that i'm you know, at the office, I'm
like, I can eat a hot lunch and I can go to the
bathroom by myself. And like, that's not a thing
at home. Um, you know, you, I used to listen
to a lot more podcasts and things, my own music
in the car. And you know, that, that definitely
has shifted my whole world, but, uh, living it
in the thick of it. Yeah. So I think. When you
work like a traditional job, you go to the office.
If you have a bad day at work, everyone's like,
that happens. Yeah. You're allowed to hate your
job sometimes. Even if you have your dream job,
you're allowed to hate it sometimes. Yeah. But
when you're a mom, you're not allowed to do that.
Yeah. So even like, I think other moms now, like
we're all getting better at being like, no, like
some days are just terrible. That's a real thing.
But like anyone who hasn't been like actively
parenting for a while or who's not a parent,
there tends to be this attitude of like. well,
you're just staying home, so why is it so terrible?
And they're like, well, because I literally didn't
have two seconds to myself today. Like, from
getting up till bedtime, like, someone was always,
like, either literally attached to me or, like,
it was a rough day. Because rough days happen
no matter what your job situation, anything is.
But for some reason, as a mom, as a stay -at
-home mom specifically, I think it's like...
No, not allowed. You're supposed to enjoy every
second all the time, even when it's terrible.
And that makes it harder to just like, because
there's this like general attitude, it makes
it harder to accept, at least for me, like myself
of like, oh no, I can like not be happy with
the way this day went and still like love my
kids. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah.
I would argue that being a stay at home mom might
quite possibly be the hardest job there is. 100%.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, and like
I said, the unique perspective of doing, I have
done both. And I think I will give it to the
moms that work full time because dropping your
kid off for somebody else to quote unquote, raise
your kids for you is so hard or to try and focus
on a job or a project or doing well when your
kids are. at home or sick or whatever that is
like that is so hard you feel guilty you feel
like you don't have enough time for both you're
failing somewhere something's got to give like
that is it's hard to do both however I feel like
a stay -at -home mom like you said is like get
up you hit the ground running you don't have
time to yourself the amount of self -sacrifice
that you have is unreal right just trying to
like shower or you know, God forbid workout,
like just have your own, you know, you're called
mom a thousand times throughout the day, make
lunches and you might get some bites of it. Like,
you know, it's, it's two totally different things
to stay at home. I have so much respect for stay
at home moms. And I've always told my husband,
I'm like, if I ever get back in the work world
and I manage a team and I see a resume come across
my desk for a job. And someone's like, oh, I
took a five -year gap. I was a stay -at -home
mom. I'm like, hired, done. You've handled every
possible thing you've ever need to handle in
your whole world. You are a master at multitasking.
You can handle the tyrants. You can, yeah, absolutely.
If you can calm down a two -year -old tantrum,
you can work with customers. Yes, 100%. It's
the same thing, the equivalent. Yeah, absolutely.
What would you say the biggest joy is for you
in being a stay -at -home mom? Oh, man, there's
a lot. I think the flexibility and being able
to just go to the park or go to the zoo or, you
know, I don't really feel like doing that. Let's
go do this today. And watching your kids find
joy in the things that you're providing for them
is probably my favorite thing. My daughter, like,
I'm like, all right, you know, you go through
this whole pack the stroller, get the things,
you know, go to the bathroom, like all these
things just to get the door to go to the park.
I'm telling myself like, gosh, this is such a
military operation just to go to the park. But
then you get to the park and she's like, we're
at the park. You know, she loves it. And I'm
like, all right, this is totally worth it. This
is very worth it. Yeah. Yeah. That was this morning
for us as we got to go to the playground. And
Lloyd woke up. He's like, you want to go to the
playground with your cousin? Yeah. Playground
Jessie? Yeah. Oh. Just. Two hours of nonstop
running around. Yeah. This is worth it. Yeah.
Yeah. It's totally worth it. And watching how
much fun, you know, especially my two -year -old
has of just, what are we going to do today? What
do you want to do today? You know, we can have
plans or we can meet up with friends. And that
to me is the best joy. And just being able to
be the one to provide that childhood. I think
that there's so much weight and responsibility
that I do not take lightly for. Her childhood
is in my hands, you know, and I don't want to
mess that up. So I really try and have something
fun or, you know, we'll go through a list of
like things we're grateful for at the end of
the day, every day. And I just love that I get
to provide that for her and be there for all
the moments because there is guilt. Like, I feel
like I missed a lot of that in her first. year
and a half, two years of, you know, her being
in daycare. So I love being able to provide that
now and have that for my son. And you mentioned
too, like when dropping her off at. daycare it's
like someone else is raising your kids now you
get to decide what she's learned you know what
you're teaching your kids what they're experiencing
and seeing and all those things and that in itself
i feel like it's just like or the other kids
yeah to be around yeah like yeah i was just talking
to a different mom this morning who she was like
yeah when you're once your kids in school yeah
you have no control over who they're around yeah
and like you can talk about it blah blah blah
but yeah You're just sending them off at least
at this age when you're home with them. Definitely.
You get a little more control over that. Absolutely.
Control of the situation. I'm like, no, we're
not going to watch this on TV here today. Whatever.
I will say I did learn a lot from the daycare
that we went to. Jeanette was... the best, again,
the most amazing person I could have left her
with that wasn't family and technically family.
And I did learn a lot from her. However, like
you said, being able to control the environment
has been really neat. And there, there are times
where I'm like, no, I don't really want you to
whatever, learn this song or watch the show or,
you know, being able to teach her different things.
I can't even think of an example because, again,
Jeanette was amazing. But just to kind of have
that ability to control that, I guess, is great.
What would you say is the biggest challenge for
you? Oh, gosh, how much time do we have? No,
I'm just kidding. I think the thing that I wasn't
– I understood the amount of self -sacrifice,
but I think just knowing how to pace myself.
My sister always says it's a marathon, not a
sprint. You've got to be able to take the hard
days and process them and take time for yourself
and find your own identity in things. I think
that was probably or is my current struggle of
just the amount of, like I said, self -sacrifice.
Don't have time to yourself. Like you don't,
you can't listen to the music you want to listen
to in the car. Your days are surrounded by what
a toddler, you know, is asking for or your meals.
I've kind of given up on making my own food when
it's ready and it's hot. And the identity piece,
I think with leaving work, I had my name on a
nameplate. I had a title. I had compensation.
I had people that knew me for what I could and
couldn't do or what I've worked hard for. And
at home, it's like. Oh, I'm just mom. You know,
I'm, I probably felt like a step down in a sense,
maybe. Yeah. There are days where I'm like, you
know, changing diapers or in the bathroom. I'm
like, I worked a lot harder for them to be doing
this. Right. But trying to find the ministry
in it for me has been, has been very helpful
of like, this is absolutely the thing that I'm
called to be doing. It's holy work. It is holy
work. Yeah. 100%. And I just, I have to remind
myself of that on days. that I'm really struggling
with. Like, I just want 10 minutes to myself.
I just want to be able to go to the gym. I just
want to be able to, you know, go to movie night.
And my husband does great with, you know, trying
to make sure I can still do things like that.
And my in -laws come over to watch them or my
mom, whatever that is. But those days get long.
They get very long and you're dying to yourself
a lot on hearing repetitive songs or words or
phrases, you know, activities. It's just a lot
of, okay, sure. You know, that's not what I wanted
to do, but, uh, it's good. It's just definitely,
I got to find, I got to pace myself and just
find even strides in it. Cause they're, you know,
only two and a half and 10 months old. So it's
got a long way to go, but I didn't put this question
in, but I just thought of it. What is something
that you've done or maybe you haven't figured
it out yet to like, not lose yourself in being
a stay -at -home mom because I think I mean we've
talked about this we're like we both work but
even so it's super easy to just like let your
identity become mom because it is like you love
it and it is so important but then especially
not having a traditional paying job I would imagine
it's super easy to be like this is my entire
identity and it's all I do and all I think about
so is there anything and if so what have you
done to try to like mitigate that and be Lindsay
outside of mom. Yeah. Gosh, that's such a good
question. I think I'm still kind of trying to
figure that out on a consistent basis for me.
Um, you know, I try and find hobbies of my own
on like a volunteer basis only. love to sing
worship music and I've been fortunate enough
to be on a couple different worship teams but
the worship team at our church and I think that
the weekends that I'm able to do that I'm like
oh wow I you know you're by yourself you have
your own things that you're working toward and
you're working on and um you have those whatever
how many however many hours to yourself to do
those things and that is strictly mine like that's
not my husband that's not my kids that's something
that is me and my identity and I actually just
recently as of I don't know last week took a
step back from that because I felt like my heart
again kind of like working was so torn between
the Sundays that I was doing that and being home
because my son is still very in mom mode he's
just he really struggles when I'm not there and
he's like needing something he just he'll cry
for hours I'm like oh great so again it was kind
of one of those like self -sacrificing things
up all right well this is kind of just the season
I'm in and I really try and just still try and
find stuff for myself in the sense of, you know,
having conversations with adults about things
that I like and things that, you know, I look
forward to or conversations with my sister or,
you know, other moms and not living in that toddler
baby world all the time. So great question. I
think I'm still figuring it out, but I think
I will. miss this when i have a lot of extra
time on my hands to do my own things right so
i've kind of just accepted it's the season i'm
in and there's days where it's hard but i i'm
at peace with it and i think that's also such
a good point is it day to day it's so easy to
be like this is like not even this is the worst
but it's just so overwhelming but then reminding
yourself like oh this is only for a certain period
of time and there is going to be a day when it's
like i miss the that stage yeah that stage and
you know the mispronunciation of words and yeah
you know even though i can understand you all
of a sudden like it's so sad that yeah you know
you can say that word right or that you don't
need me yeah 24 7 yeah you know which of course
is easier when you're out of that season to say
that right right yeah when you're in the thick
of it when you're up at 3 a .m you're like god
i can't wait to sleep at night Yeah, and I've
definitely just accepted sleep's not really a
thing. I actually slept in my son's nursery chair
for like four hours last night. It was rough.
But yeah, so there are seasons. And what's funny,
not really funny, but I actually took a picture
of my face right during the thick of me bawling
my eyes out the night before I had to. go back
to work with Lenny and I saved it for the days.
It sounds so corny, but for the days that I'm
like, what is happening? Like I'm losing my mind.
And I will look at that picture and be like,
okay, all right. This is why. Like I remember
this. So I don't think that's corny. I think
that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Bring it back.
Yeah. Bring it back down. What is something you
wish you knew before you made this change of
going from working an office mom to stay at home
mom? That's a great question. Oh gosh. Something
I wish I knew. I knew it was going to be hard
and I knew it was going to be a lot of self -sacrifice.
I think what's interesting is how much my heart
has changed with being stay at home full time.
I think I would have just told myself like, keep
going. You know, you're going to have days that
are hard. This is still going to be worth it.
You know, because there's days where. I look
back and I'm like, it would have been so much
easier to just to like, not care, you know, like
harden your heart and go back to work, drop the
kids off and be like, I'll be back. You know?
Um, I think if I, I would have just kept reminding
my old self would have kept reminding myself
now of it's great. You're going to, it's going
to be worth it. This is ministry work. This is,
this is where you're supposed to be. Um, but
yeah, it, I was trying to think through that
question of, What I'd tell myself, and again,
I knew it was going to be hard, but there are
definitely days where I'm like, okay, is this
my reality every single day? Because the end
seems so far in sight. There's not an end, but
end of just having my own self back feels like
a long way out. But they are flying by. And with
littles, it can feel a little bit like Groundhog's
Day. Yes. Yes, for sure. Got up, nursed, changed
a diaper. Yeah. Had breakfast. Totally. Started.
Yeah. I feel like too, if you're anything like
me, like my role is administrative. So if you're,
you have the same mindset of me of like checking
boxes, like with kids on my stay at home days,
it's like, if I don't have things to actually
tangibly check off the list, it's like, I feel
like I didn't accomplish anything today, but
that's not. necessarily true. It just feels that
way with kids. Yeah. And I've heard my sister
say that too. And I felt the same way of like,
I just want to complete a task. Like I just want
to get something started and complete it. That
is not a thing. And my husband's so gracious.
He's like, if the kids are alive and fed and
the house isn't burned down, you're doing great.
And I'm like, just make a checklist. That's those
things. Yeah. Kids alive. Make a list. Yeah.
Yeah, for sure. So yeah, it does feel like Groundhog's
day and it is repetitive. Like it's repetitive
and it feels like I didn't do anything that day,
but I did it, but you never sit down. You, you
don't really feel like you have a moment of.
anything else but yeah yeah for sure yeah I get
that all right what is something if there was
a mom out there who was like or I'm thinking
about staying at home yeah what would you tell
her oh man I pray pray a lot on it for sure I
think that it has been the absolute hardest most
challenging job that I could have ever and I've
worked a lot of jobs and I worked for a lot of
years it is without a doubt the hardest job But
it is 100 % worth it. It is so worth it. I think
that, you know, the weight, not even the weight,
the responsibility of what you're doing every
day is so great. And the impact that you're making
on your kids, you know. not, not every mom's
going to feel this way of wanting to stay home.
I have friends, you know, for a period of time,
I thought I was that person of like, no, there's
no way I can be a stay at home mom. I need my
own thing. I need my separation. I would say
it is a short season, but it is so worth it.
And being able to create that childhood for your
kids, you know, my mom was a stay at home mom.
And I remember just being able to have her around
for all the things was so, so awesome. I never
felt like. She was distracted really with like,
you know, a job. I never felt like what we were
competing for anything. I never wanted my kids
to feel like they were competing for my attention
or, you know, my career or my whatever that is.
So I would say if you're on the fence about it
and you're trying to decide, you know. Obviously,
talk with your spouse and see if that's something
that he supports because a husband's support
in that is vital, 100 % vital, because you can't
do it by yourself. You know, being a stay -at
-home mom for eight -plus hours, whatever that
is, it's so much that the mornings, the evenings,
the background support, just the closet phone
calls of, like, what is happening, right? Like,
your husband has to be on board, too, or whatever
that is, significant other. So, I mean, I would
say go for it if they can. Because you can always
go back to work, right? I personally think that
jobs, you know, you are replaceable in the end
of the day. Like, if that's what you need for
your own self, great, all the power to you. And
I, you know, support that 100 % if that's what
you moms feel like they need in their life. But
I also think that, you know, they replaced my
role in a matter of a couple months. I'm like,
great, next person. And what was I sacrificing?
all of my stay at home time for if they're just
going to be like great next person right so I
would just consider that too because you don't
get these years back right well thank you so
much is there anything else that you wanted that
you just you know want to add or say if not that's
fine yeah not that I can think of being mom's
hard but it's great yeah yeah best thing say
that Like all the time. Oh yeah. We text each
other weekly. Like today sucked. Yeah. We'll
try again tomorrow. Yeah. Mom support moms. I'm
all for that. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. Well, thank
you for sharing your story and just really appreciate
you and coming on and sharing. Thank you for
having me. Yeah. Okay. Should we hop into our
wins of the week? You want to go first? Sure.
Um, so. we're trying to teach sharing right now,
which I have like a little bit of a hot take
where I feel like we force kids to share like
an unnecessary amount. Like a lot of times it's
like, you just have to share everything all the
time. It's like, I don't do that as an adult.
So like, I want to teach our kids like appropriate
sharing and also how to kindly not share. Cause
that I think is a big piece is like, you can
say no, but you have to be nice about it. Yeah.
So with Lloyd, kind of our general household
rule right now is like, they're household toys
so he can't just take those away from zeta if
she's playing with them he can't take it away
um but then also he has his toys so like that's
mostly trucks and cars and stuff like that and
those he doesn't have to share but he can't be
mean about it so he can't just like rip it out
of her hands he has to ask as much as you ask
an eight month old um ask for it back and then
i'm also trying to encourage him to like get
her a toy so a lot of times he'll be like He's
upset because she has Lightning McQueen. I'll
be like, Zeta, Lloyd would like Lightning McQueen
back. And then I, like, try to take it out of
her hands and give it back. Thanks, Zeta. And
then I'll ask him, like, hey, Lloyd, can you
find something Zeta can't play with? Like, what
is something you will share with her? Or is there
one of her toys you can find? And he's pretty
good about that. And so my win is that the other
day she had one of his toys. That scenario happened.
But I hadn't even asked him to get a toy for
her yet. And he just like went and he brought
her like seven toys. Just like so many options.
Teething toy. Yes. Stuffed animal. And it was
just really sweet that like. this like he's starting
to learn this and I didn't prompt him at all
yeah you can't have Lightning McQueen but you
can have these 17 other toys yes I love it okay
okay with that that's really good yeah I'm gonna
take that advice yeah it's sort of working yeah
great we'll see what long term does yeah right
um okay my win of the week so it's kind of funny
and I don't know if I don't know if it's like
right parenting or not but um every time Colt
like hits Cruz which is like where he's going
through like a hitting phase especially when
like Cruz grabs like one of his toys I will have
Colt go up he goes up to his room and I'm like
Colt you need to go sit on your bed and he goes
and he sits on his bed and I'll like watch him
on the monitor he sits there for like 10 seconds
and I'm like okay when you're ready to come apologize
you can come out and he goes and he sits for
maybe 10 seconds comes running out and goes,
sorry, Cruz, sorry, Cruz, sorry, Cruz. And I'm
like, I don't know if I'm, like, doing right
in this, like, timeout thing that I've taught
him. Well, I'll say sorry no matter how much
I try. I know Lloyd knows how to say the words
I'm sorry, but any time I'm like, can you say
I'm sorry to Zeta? just silence yeah so he i
don't know like if he means sorry or if i've
like conditioned him like that's just what he
says when he comes out of the room but i'm like
it also it helps me reset because i feel like
when When Colt, especially when Colt hits Cruz
and Cruz like starts crying and it hurts him.
I like, there's something in me that's like so
protective over Cruz and that situation that
I just like, it makes me so frustrated that I'm
like, Colt, you need to like, you gotta go take
a second. And it's like a breather for him and
a breather for me. And so I think like, yes,
I'm not a huge fan of like. timeouts in general
especially at this age but it's like actually
just a good like reset for us and so yeah just
a win like I don't know it's kind of working
right now I don't think he really means he's
sorry but you know how can a two -year -old really
go through the motion yeah yeah yeah what about
you Lindsay gosh our Two and a half year old.
We have been potty training. I feel like in the
thick for, it feels like ever, I think in the
grand scheme of things, it hasn't been forever,
but it's a small win, but we're on like day five
of no accidents. Wow. That is huge. Because I
feel like we kind of backslid there for a little
bit. Yeah. And she is, it's like a, I don't know,
70, 30. 30 chance that she'll actually sleep
or nap during the day and so we've been putting
a pull -up on her during nap time just in case
um because the one time my husband didn't it
was a whole disaster Um, I still give him crap
about it. Yeah. So it's, I feel like we kind
of backslid and then she like thinks she has
a pull -up on, but she doesn't. And the amount
of times I've said, just so you know, you don't
have a pull -up. It's like, I should have a recording
of it at this point, but we are on day five and
now we're making longer trips out of the house.
And, you know, Costco, we actually did the zoo
this morning and she's getting better about being
like, I have to go to the bathroom. I'm like,
great, good job. You know, I'm trying to be positive
and because. I don't, you know, try and tell
two and a half year old, like you have to tell
me when you need to go to the back. It just seems
silly, but we're doing great. We're doing it.
We're getting there. Um, there's not a ton of
bribing going on anymore. So I feel like she's
just kind of getting in the rhythm, which I will
be very glad when we're fully potty trained.
Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Two in diapers is not fun.
No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like every second
of my day, I'm changing a diaper. It's something.
Yeah. And it's been great. Well, not, I use a
great jokingly, but my son, 10 month old is in,
he loves his little walker and he like cruises
around. The problem is he gets everywhere very
quickly. And so I'll be in the bathroom with
her and then he comes like barging in. I'm like,
ah, you know, so I'm like, Oh, be happy the day
that she can just do it by herself. Like trying
to hold him back. She's screaming. He's crying.
I'm like, Oh gosh. the overstimulation. Yeah.
And you're in the bathroom like 12 times a day.
So it's so fun. Yeah. It's good though. Yeah.
Well, thank you, Lindsay, for hopping on today.
We appreciate you. Appreciate your story. And
hopefully you guys liked today's episode. Let
us know what you think on Instagram at nomanualpodcast.
And we will see you next week. See you next week.
Well, that's enough oversharing for today. If
you enjoyed hanging out with us, hit subscribe
so you don't miss the next round of chaos. And
if you're listening while hiding in the bathroom
from your kids, no judgment, we see you. Thanks
for joining us on No Manual Momcast, where motherhood
is messy. At least we can laugh about it together.