WEBVTT

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motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry

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is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising

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tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh

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at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you

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that none of us actually know what we're doing

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this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend

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group chat but with microphones Welcome back

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to No Manual Momcast. Hi, everyone. Welcome back

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to No Manual, a mom cast where this is a place

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for moms to just hear about the realities of

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motherhood, the good, the bad, the ugly, and

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we're all in it together. So today we have a

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very special guest, Lindsay O'Donnell. And before

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you do your intro, Lindsay, let's go ahead and

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just hop into our mom moments. Erica, do you

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want to go first? Sure. So I think I've talked

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about it before, but Lloyd's just like in a car

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phase right now, which is super fun. So we found

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two sweatshirts at Walmart. One has like construction

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vehicles on it and one has race cars on it. So

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we've been giving him a choice. Like, do you

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want your road builder sweatshirt? Do you want

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your race car sweatshirt? And the other day,

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um, he was like, race cars were like, cool. So

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we go to find it. Cannot find it anywhere. Oh

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no. And we're like running late. So we're like,

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buddy, like you're just gonna have to settle.

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And he was so sad. And it was like four days.

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We're looking everywhere. I'm looking in kitchen

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cabinets. I'm like anywhere it could possibly

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be. Like where could he have put it that I wouldn't

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think that he put it. and to the point where

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i was like i'm just gonna buy a new one like

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because every time he'd be like race car switcher

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race car switcher and when i would say buddy

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i don't know where it is just so sad and like

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not tantrum just like legitimately sad yeah like

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buddy i'm so sorry like i don't know where it

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is and finally we were like about to leave someplace

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and i found it like behind the couch, between

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the couch, and another piece of furniture. Yes.

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And, like, tucked under something that was, like,

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the same color. So we finally found it. And then

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today, I was like, hey, buddy, race cars are

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road builders. Road builders. Oh, of course.

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So I spent, like, three days so stressed. Like,

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we have to find this stupid sweatshirt. And now

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he's like, over it. Yeah. Don't care. Of course.

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That's just a good representation of toddlerhood.

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Oh, absolutely. It's always a thing you don't

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have. It's what they want. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

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My mom moment happened like three hours ago.

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So Colt has really been liking English muffins

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for breakfast. And so we'll do like a half of

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an English muffin. I put like a little bit of

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butter and a little bit of jelly on it. for him

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usually he like doesn't even touch it but he

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always wants the English muffin I'm like okay

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that's fine I'll eat it later and today he was

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like really obsessed with it and just he like

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was done with breakfast he he took a couple bites

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of it and then brought it over like on the arm

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of the couch and like put his water cup there

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and then his English muffin on top of it and

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it sat there for like two hours probably and

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so finally I was like you know what I'm just

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gonna toss this thing Of course, throw it in

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the trash. And then he goes, Mom, English muffin.

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Oh, of course. I'm like, oh, buddy. It was his

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emotional support English muffin. Yeah, yeah,

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for reals. And I was like, oh, buddy, I'm so

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sorry. Mommy threw that away. I thought you were

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done. And just full on, just so sad, on the ground,

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crying. And I was like. this is gonna sound so

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bad but i was like okay let me see if what it's

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touching in the trash can done it yeah yeah open

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the trash can of course it's touching a dirty

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diaper so i'm like sorry buddy like we we can't

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have the english muffin it's touching a dirty

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diaper and he just goes okay oh poor buddy i'm

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sorry buddy i was like you want another snack

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yes i was like okay great so i felt terrible

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i should probably just keep his you know, uneaten

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snacks just on the couch forever. Until bedtime,

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at least. Yeah, at least. Stale piece of bread

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for you. Sounds delicious to me. It's amazing.

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What about you, Lindsay? Mine was actually a

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couple days ago, and I'm probably going to catch

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some judgment for this, but I'm going to say

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it anyway. Please do. No judgment here. Perfect.

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There was kind of a viral thing that went around

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the internet. I don't even know how long ago,

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but my 10 -month -old is very vocal, and he...

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Loves to do this like cry wine thing when he

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wants something or when he doesn't want something.

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Pretty much any time that he's not having fun,

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he does this like cry wine. When he's hungry,

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when he's done eating, when he's tired, whatever,

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you name it. So he's sitting in his high chair.

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We're trying to sit down for dinner at the end

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of the day. And it's just one of those days where

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my sensory limit is maxed out. Like I'm just

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done hearing. words yeah yeah and so he's sitting

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there whining and whining and whining and I thought

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you know today's gonna be the day that I go into

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my fridge and I warm up one of those plastic

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slices of American cheese and I tell my husband

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grab your camera because of course we had to

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film it and he's crying and I just underhand

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tossed the slice of cheese right on his face

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and he thought it was so funny and he was like

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trying to grab it. And it just, the look on his

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face of stunned of like, what just hit me in

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the forehead? It was so amazing. And I realized

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that probably wasn't the best parenting moment.

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However, it gave us such a big laugh and it cut

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the, you know, tension of like, stop crying,

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stop whining. And he laughed. He didn't keep

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crying. He didn't like get upset by it. No, he

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was like, what is this? And then my two year

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old, two and a half year old was just dying laughing.

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And so we have it all in film. And I was like,

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all right, this is a mom win. Figure out how

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to make him stop. Yes. Okay. We're going to have

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to share that on social media. Love it. Love

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it. I will send it to you. Yes. That's your like

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worst bad parenting moment you're doing. Yeah.

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Okay. My husband did that to our two year old,

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like when he was probably 10 months old. Yeah.

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But he used like a thick. piece of cheese. It

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literally just bounces off his face and he cried.

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And I was like, oh my God. Yeah. I got the cold

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slice out and my husband's like, no, you have

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to warm it up for it to stick. And I was like,

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oh, duh. I mean, this is my first time, so I

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didn't know that. You're not an expert at throwing

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cheese at babies. I'm not an expert at throwing

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cheese on babies' faces. He clearly knew what

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he was doing. He knew it. He was not surprised.

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He was asking for it for quite a while and I

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was like, no, not today, whatever. But today,

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it was that day. That was the day that broke

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you. That was the day that he got the cheese

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to the face. I love it. Well, before we just

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hop into your story, do you want to intro your

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family? Yeah. Yes, definitely. So my husband,

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Austin, and I met at Flatirons Church actually

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probably, gosh, I don't know, over 10 years ago

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at this point. We dated a couple of years after

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meeting and got engaged nine months later. Got

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married, I think, nine months after that. And

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so it was pretty quick for us, but we've been

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married just over seven years and we have two

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beautiful children. children uh lenora is two

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and a half we call her lenny um and then august

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was born two days after christmas last year so

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he's just about 10 months old but yeah it's great

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family of four we have a dog named toby um pretty

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much just the light of our world so yeah yeah

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tell us a little bit kind of about your story

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i guess more specifically yeah like where i'm

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from the whole background yeah more of where

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you're from tell us about like get into your

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career a little bit. Yeah, definitely. So I come

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from a very large family, um, originally from

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lions and we've had, gosh, um, step -siblings,

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you know, step -sisters, step -brothers, remove

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step -siblings. We. Grew up. My dad tried to

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provide everything he possibly could for us.

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But, you know, with a large family and just the

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way the world works and all that stuff, I started

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working at a very young age. Probably, I think,

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14 technically was my first job. I was cleaning

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motel rooms. Not the most glorious thing for

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a young teenager, but. it brought money in. So

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it was great. And I actually was able to kind

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of financially support myself through, you know,

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sports fees or yearbook fees, like all the stuff

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through high school, paid through my college,

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part of my college years. And then I literally

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worked full time since as long as I can remember.

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So I've always, always, always had a job, which

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is so crazy. Even jobs, you know, where you put

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your two weeks in, you end on a Friday and you

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start a new job on Monday. Like I just, I've

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never had a period of my life where I didn't

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work. So obviously as a current stay -at -home

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mom that's a whole new world for me but yeah

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so I did a lot of um kind of jumping around jobs

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as As a younger adult, I did a lot of administrative

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work, executive assistant work, senior admin

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roles, kind of was my wheelhouse. But I worked

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a little bit in the sports industry, specifically

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for the Colorado Avalanche, and then partially

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with the Nuggets and all that, and again, the

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administrative side. And then I moved over to

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what was Ball Aerospace, now BAE Systems. It's

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an aerospace and defense company. And I loved

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it. realm um I feel like I thrived in and just

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kind of you know I had big ambitions for my career

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I was like I'm gonna you know get my clearance

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I'm gonna work on these projects I'm gonna do

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all these super cool things that people can't

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talk about like it was I was in it and then yeah

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you know life happens you get married and your

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priorities change and you have kids and you're

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priorities definitely change. Right. So, um,

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it was a whole other path for me to kind of go

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down being a stay at home mom currently, but

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yeah, it was just kind of one of those things

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I was brought up to, you have to work to pay

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the bills and you got to survive and things cost

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money. And so it was just a job. I always, always

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had to have a job, um, which was new, but good.

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So your job with ball, was this something that

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you like, would you say it was your dream job

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more or less? Yeah, I think definitely the industry

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was my dream job. I started out in an administrative

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role. And then about a year later, I moved into

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kind of more like an analyst position. And that

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position was great to kind of expand my portfolio

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a little bit and really just kind of you have

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your finger in a lot of different areas. And

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so you kind of get to see. all the different

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project management positions or all the other

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bigger high -end classified type of roles. And

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I think ultimately my end goal when I started

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at Ball was to be working on projects, managing

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a team, doing something on the, I don't know,

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military defense side. So I wasn't quite there

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yet, but I had that trajectory when I started

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out in that. or with a company, which was super

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cool. And life happens. So did you always want

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to be a mom? I did. So kind of some backstory.

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So when Austin and I got engaged, or maybe even

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before we got engaged, we did this book called

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Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. I don't

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know if you ever heard of it. I don't remember

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who wrote it, but it was great. You answer all

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the questions, you know, the hard questions that

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you don't want to find out later. You want to

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ask them up front. We kind of established, yes,

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we do want to be parents. I came from a big family,

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so I'm like, I can have up to four kids. Austin's

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like, I'm done at two. So he didn't want kids,

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which was awesome because I definitely wanted

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children, Lord willing. But we established that

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early on. And then we got married. I just kind

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of felt like I was still too young. Like, that

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sounds so weird because I think I got married

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almost 28 years old. And I just felt. I have

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more time. I have more time. You know, you want

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to kind of have that honeymoon phase those couple

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of years, or at least we did. Not everybody does,

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but we just kind of thought we had more time.

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And then COVID happened in 2020. And a couple

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of months into COVID, we were like, I don't know

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that I want to bring a kid into the world right

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now. Like, it just seems so scary for us. We

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were like, this just seems like a crazy time

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to be having children that you have to send out

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in this world. was so unknown. We didn't know

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what was happening or how bad it was going to

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get, whatever that was. And then I think it was,

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I don't even know, sometime during 2020, end

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of 2020. And we were sitting in a church service

00:12:17.259 --> 00:12:19.539
and one of the sermons was about like being the

00:12:19.539 --> 00:12:22.919
light of the world and having Warriors for God.

00:12:23.000 --> 00:12:26.200
And I remember like as audibly as I could have

00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:28.559
heard it, hearing, this is why you have kids.

00:12:28.820 --> 00:12:33.019
And I was like, oh, okay. So, you know, that's

00:12:33.019 --> 00:12:35.159
why we're command to have children but it was

00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:38.179
so weird in the time of like okay we're not afraid

00:12:38.179 --> 00:12:40.779
of our circumstances like we should have kids

00:12:40.779 --> 00:12:43.179
like that should be what we should be doing and

00:12:43.179 --> 00:12:45.500
yeah and so I did share that with Austin he was

00:12:45.500 --> 00:12:49.480
like okay like now or you know because he's like

00:12:49.480 --> 00:12:51.379
he's a couple years younger than me but we were

00:12:51.379 --> 00:12:54.860
both we just thought you know we had time and

00:12:54.860 --> 00:12:57.360
and we wanted to wait maybe a little longer and

00:12:58.039 --> 00:12:59.759
And of course you get the question like a year

00:12:59.759 --> 00:13:01.299
or so into marriage, everyone always asks, when

00:13:01.299 --> 00:13:03.580
do you have kids? Which PSA, don't ever, ever

00:13:03.580 --> 00:13:07.279
ask somebody. I've seen a TikTok that said that

00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:08.899
if you're going to ask that, you should have

00:13:08.899 --> 00:13:11.379
to ask the literal question that you're asking,

00:13:11.580 --> 00:13:15.320
not the... sugar -coated version that you're

00:13:15.320 --> 00:13:17.860
asking right just to like really put it in perspective

00:13:17.860 --> 00:13:21.039
really right yeah yeah when you can have kids

00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:22.659
and I'm like I have so many friends going through

00:13:22.659 --> 00:13:24.840
so much stuff right now with infertility or IVF

00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:26.860
I'm like don't ever ask anybody that and you

00:13:26.860 --> 00:13:29.279
know fortunately for us that that wasn't necessarily

00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:31.620
the case but it's crazy how many times you're

00:13:31.620 --> 00:13:35.179
asked that so we just kind of decided okay well

00:13:35.179 --> 00:13:38.879
we will down the road and then I found out I

00:13:38.879 --> 00:13:40.200
was pregnant one day so we weren't necessarily

00:13:40.200 --> 00:13:43.519
planning we weren't trying we weren't um i guess

00:13:43.519 --> 00:13:46.159
really we were trying to avoid it like the natural

00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:49.279
method sorry if that's tmi but and yeah and then

00:13:49.279 --> 00:13:52.019
one day i was like i don't know that i feel really

00:13:52.019 --> 00:13:55.539
good this is just kind of weird you know so we

00:13:55.539 --> 00:13:57.500
uh found out we were pregnant so i was like okay

00:13:57.500 --> 00:14:00.000
i guess i'm gonna be a mom so it was pretty wild

00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:03.639
but so yes to answer your question it was kind

00:14:03.639 --> 00:14:07.000
of touch and go there of like when but um you

00:14:07.000 --> 00:14:11.279
know we planned god laughs so yeah when you envisioned

00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:14.779
yourself as a mom like did you have a vision

00:14:14.779 --> 00:14:16.740
of what kind of what motherhood would look like

00:14:16.740 --> 00:14:19.980
or what kind of mom you would be yeah um that

00:14:19.980 --> 00:14:22.440
definitely changed pre and post having children

00:14:22.440 --> 00:14:27.289
i think before having kids i You know, we talked

00:14:27.289 --> 00:14:29.450
about me being a stay -at -home mom from the

00:14:29.450 --> 00:14:31.169
beginning, which I was like, yeah, totally. I

00:14:31.169 --> 00:14:33.230
could totally do that. And then there was a part

00:14:33.230 --> 00:14:35.610
of me that was like, man, I really could thrive

00:14:35.610 --> 00:14:39.389
in a career too, you know. And maybe that's why

00:14:39.389 --> 00:14:42.289
I personally wanted to wait a little while longer

00:14:42.289 --> 00:14:44.629
because I was like, I feel like I'm getting my

00:14:44.629 --> 00:14:46.769
stride with my career and I'm really now kind

00:14:46.769 --> 00:14:48.230
of landing myself in the industry I want to be

00:14:48.230 --> 00:14:52.129
in. And then having kids, I'm pregnant at work.

00:14:52.210 --> 00:14:53.769
I was like, man, this is going to be so tough

00:14:53.769 --> 00:14:55.789
to leave. I feel like everything I've worked

00:14:55.789 --> 00:14:59.610
for, I feel like I'm proving myself. I'm getting

00:14:59.610 --> 00:15:01.950
really good performance reviews. I'm getting

00:15:01.950 --> 00:15:04.429
raises. I'm doing all the things that I should

00:15:04.429 --> 00:15:07.730
be doing to advance my career. And then I had

00:15:07.730 --> 00:15:10.370
Lenny and I was like, oh no, there's no way.

00:15:10.649 --> 00:15:15.409
I can't even imagine trying to go back. I did

00:15:15.409 --> 00:15:17.230
actually go back after Lenny, which was really

00:15:17.230 --> 00:15:22.409
tough. I just had this vision of, you know, we'd

00:15:22.409 --> 00:15:24.389
be home and we'd be doing all these kind of fun

00:15:24.389 --> 00:15:27.850
things on our own timeline. And, you know, for

00:15:27.850 --> 00:15:30.929
my first kid, that wasn't the case. I was dropping

00:15:30.929 --> 00:15:33.490
her off at daycare. I was trying to figure out,

00:15:33.509 --> 00:15:35.370
you know, when she's sick, what do I do? Like

00:15:35.370 --> 00:15:38.289
all those fun things. But, you know, I think

00:15:38.289 --> 00:15:41.350
broad picture, I always would have intended to

00:15:41.350 --> 00:15:43.330
be home. But I did have that kind of fight a

00:15:43.330 --> 00:15:46.429
little bit with myself of like, where do I stop?

00:15:47.080 --> 00:15:50.379
my own things that I want to do, but also, you

00:15:50.379 --> 00:15:51.720
know, you want to be a mom and you want to be

00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:53.240
home with your kids. So it was, it was a little

00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:56.639
bit of a debate, but yeah. So you felt like you

00:15:56.639 --> 00:15:59.799
were wrestling kind of that, like the priorities

00:15:59.799 --> 00:16:02.259
have shifted, but you wrestled that decision

00:16:02.259 --> 00:16:06.080
for a while. I did definitely prior to having

00:16:06.080 --> 00:16:10.440
her. I did because I, I think I understood. the

00:16:10.440 --> 00:16:13.480
sacrifices that I was going to make of like literally

00:16:13.480 --> 00:16:16.059
putting my life on hold or my, what I thought

00:16:16.059 --> 00:16:18.820
my life would have been on hold. But then after

00:16:18.820 --> 00:16:20.899
having her, I was like, Oh, okay. Yeah. This

00:16:20.899 --> 00:16:23.779
makes sense. Like I'm, I kind of had to tell

00:16:23.779 --> 00:16:25.639
myself, you can always go back to this. Like

00:16:25.639 --> 00:16:28.460
it's not, it doesn't have to be this way. Um,

00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:31.259
this is only for a short period, but it was a

00:16:31.259 --> 00:16:33.460
little bit of a, a little bit of a wrestle. But

00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:37.039
again, I remember my feelings of going back that

00:16:37.039 --> 00:16:39.529
first night and I was. Yeah, not easy. I'm sure

00:16:39.529 --> 00:16:41.350
other moms would agree that had to do it too,

00:16:41.450 --> 00:16:43.769
but... I know I cried my first day back to work.

00:16:43.769 --> 00:16:47.700
Oh, for sure. Oh, I... I ugly cried like ugly

00:16:47.700 --> 00:16:51.299
cried yeah um and then even going back to work

00:16:51.299 --> 00:16:53.500
it was people were like how are you and I'm like

00:16:53.500 --> 00:16:55.679
don't ask me that yeah don't talk to me I haven't

00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:57.259
seen you for four months don't talk you're like

00:16:57.259 --> 00:16:59.799
yeah I'm four months postpartum how do you think

00:16:59.799 --> 00:17:02.740
I am you also haven't kept in touch with me it's

00:17:02.740 --> 00:17:04.079
different when it's like your co -worker who

00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:08.299
like calls you right yeah yeah yeah so how long

00:17:08.299 --> 00:17:12.099
did you work before you then decided like hey

00:17:12.099 --> 00:17:16.759
this this needs to be done so i will say at the

00:17:16.759 --> 00:17:19.940
tail end or probably middle of my maternity leave

00:17:19.940 --> 00:17:23.539
with my daughter my oldest child i think um i

00:17:23.539 --> 00:17:25.420
was like i i don't think i can go back to work

00:17:25.420 --> 00:17:27.079
i really don't think i don't know how i hand

00:17:27.079 --> 00:17:29.220
her off to somebody and just pretend like i care

00:17:29.220 --> 00:17:32.180
about my job um and you did put her in daycare

00:17:32.180 --> 00:17:34.039
right it wasn't family wasn't taking care of

00:17:34.039 --> 00:17:37.259
her no no so i will say the daycare that i put

00:17:37.259 --> 00:17:40.410
her into was probably the biggest God said we

00:17:40.410 --> 00:17:43.369
could have ever asked for. So one of my best

00:17:43.369 --> 00:17:45.309
friends, Carrie, actually her mother -in -law

00:17:45.309 --> 00:17:49.029
runs a in -home daycare out of her house. She's

00:17:49.029 --> 00:17:50.730
an amazing Christian woman. She's been doing

00:17:50.730 --> 00:17:54.430
it for like 30 years, fully certified. The cost,

00:17:54.470 --> 00:17:57.069
I can't even tell you how much of a blessing

00:17:57.069 --> 00:17:59.440
that was. Kind of just talks about it as her

00:17:59.440 --> 00:18:01.460
ministry. So she was like, I have the spot saved

00:18:01.460 --> 00:18:03.759
for you. I think if I would have had to brought

00:18:03.759 --> 00:18:06.700
her to like a facility, there's no way. I don't

00:18:06.700 --> 00:18:08.339
know what I would have done. There's absolutely

00:18:08.339 --> 00:18:11.759
no way. But financially, we tried to see if we

00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:13.680
could figure it out after her. There was just

00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:17.359
no way. Like we just, we could not cut my income

00:18:17.359 --> 00:18:20.980
out and still survive. Like we prayed on it.

00:18:21.019 --> 00:18:22.680
We tried to figure it out. I tried to see if

00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:24.839
I could do like a stay at home mom job, which.

00:18:25.549 --> 00:18:27.170
Lord bless the stay -at -home moms. That's a

00:18:27.170 --> 00:18:30.990
whole other thing. But we couldn't do it. And

00:18:30.990 --> 00:18:35.809
so found daycare and dropped her off full -time

00:18:35.809 --> 00:18:38.009
Monday through Friday and went into work until,

00:18:38.289 --> 00:18:41.890
yeah, not to get too far down the road, but when

00:18:41.890 --> 00:18:45.329
we got pregnant with my son in 2024, I was like,

00:18:45.430 --> 00:18:47.369
okay, we have to figure this out. I'm not sending

00:18:47.369 --> 00:18:49.490
two to daycare. I refuse. I literally refuse.

00:18:49.750 --> 00:18:52.529
So, yeah, I worked a full, I don't know how long

00:18:52.529 --> 00:18:55.910
that was, year, year and a half. before being

00:18:55.910 --> 00:18:58.089
able to be a stay -at -home mom yeah was there

00:18:58.089 --> 00:19:00.630
ever a moment like going to work that you were

00:19:00.630 --> 00:19:02.710
able to kind of have that mindset shift of like

00:19:02.710 --> 00:19:07.589
this my job does matter and yeah I think um you

00:19:07.589 --> 00:19:09.950
know it was it was a lot of I wrestled God a

00:19:09.950 --> 00:19:13.430
lot on it of like how could you know not necessarily

00:19:13.430 --> 00:19:15.829
angry but I was like I can't understand how this

00:19:15.829 --> 00:19:19.440
is my circumstance like I feel like I'm supposed

00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:21.839
to be home with her. I don't know why there's

00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:24.019
not a path being provided for me to be able to

00:19:24.019 --> 00:19:27.200
stay home. I was so frustrated. And then it took

00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:31.319
me probably six months, six to eight months of

00:19:31.319 --> 00:19:34.099
being like, okay, we've prayed about it. We've

00:19:34.099 --> 00:19:36.099
thought about it. We have tried to find a solution.

00:19:36.400 --> 00:19:39.039
We have tried to figure something out. Nothing's

00:19:39.039 --> 00:19:41.259
happening. There has to be a reason why I'm still

00:19:41.259 --> 00:19:45.480
going back to work. We weren't being lazy about

00:19:45.480 --> 00:19:47.460
it. We were proactively trying to figure it out.

00:19:48.700 --> 00:19:50.400
they're just, we couldn't find a solution. So

00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:53.299
I kind of just sat in that like acceptance phase.

00:19:54.240 --> 00:19:56.380
I'm also a really good avoider. So like if it's,

00:19:56.380 --> 00:19:58.200
if it's emotional and I don't want to handle

00:19:58.200 --> 00:19:59.700
it, I'm like, all right, well put it on the back

00:19:59.700 --> 00:20:01.839
burner. This is just the way that it is. You

00:20:01.839 --> 00:20:04.200
know, this is just how it's going to be. So I,

00:20:04.220 --> 00:20:06.859
I, and then I, you know, as a mom guilt, I feel

00:20:06.859 --> 00:20:08.799
like you get into your stride and you're like,

00:20:08.880 --> 00:20:11.079
okay, I'm making this work. We're going to work.

00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:13.640
I'm doing well at work, trying to do home life.

00:20:13.660 --> 00:20:15.740
And I'm like, all right, maybe, you know, this

00:20:15.740 --> 00:20:19.099
isn't. as bad but then again you have those days

00:20:19.099 --> 00:20:21.079
where you're just so torn trying to trying to

00:20:21.079 --> 00:20:23.619
be both and there's no way you can be both like

00:20:23.619 --> 00:20:27.440
I I don't know maybe maybe I'm not the only one

00:20:27.440 --> 00:20:30.440
but um trying to be fully present both areas

00:20:30.440 --> 00:20:35.000
is just it was so hard yeah um so I feel like

00:20:35.000 --> 00:20:38.500
I had days but then other days I'm like I gotta

00:20:38.500 --> 00:20:40.380
get out of this I don't know what I'm doing how

00:20:40.380 --> 00:20:42.720
am I gonna do this yeah there's the mom guilt

00:20:42.720 --> 00:20:45.980
of like You want to put 100 % into being a mom,

00:20:46.059 --> 00:20:49.500
and then work is just taking it out of you. I

00:20:49.500 --> 00:20:53.099
know I had someone tell me, going back to work

00:20:53.099 --> 00:20:55.279
this time, and it just kind of made me roll my

00:20:55.279 --> 00:20:58.680
eyes, that when you're at work, be at work, and

00:20:58.680 --> 00:21:00.700
when you're at home, be at home, which I think

00:21:00.700 --> 00:21:03.859
is one of those things that's a really good mentality.

00:21:05.859 --> 00:21:07.700
But especially when you have little kids, because

00:21:07.700 --> 00:21:10.500
also the context is this person who told me this

00:21:10.500 --> 00:21:13.019
when she went back to work, all of her kids were

00:21:13.019 --> 00:21:15.079
in high school or graduated. So it's like a very

00:21:15.079 --> 00:21:17.480
different scenario. When you have a one -year

00:21:17.480 --> 00:21:20.579
-old, not even when you have a baby, like you

00:21:20.579 --> 00:21:23.839
can't do that. Like you're pumping at work. Like

00:21:23.839 --> 00:21:27.059
it's very, your body isn't like literally thinks

00:21:27.059 --> 00:21:29.220
you should still be attached kind of thing. So

00:21:29.220 --> 00:21:31.519
it's very different and really hard to like.

00:21:32.920 --> 00:21:35.220
To actually do that, you know, even if you want

00:21:35.220 --> 00:21:37.579
to, just because you have this little one who

00:21:37.579 --> 00:21:40.859
fully depends on you. And again, you're pumping,

00:21:40.940 --> 00:21:43.119
you're doing things to support your baby, even

00:21:43.119 --> 00:21:45.579
while you're at work. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly,

00:21:45.680 --> 00:21:48.839
the anxiety around like checking my phone to

00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:51.779
see if there was a text or a call or, you know,

00:21:51.799 --> 00:21:54.079
her being like, hey, she's sick today. I need

00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:56.299
you to come get. And I realized it was the first

00:21:56.299 --> 00:21:58.799
time in my adult life. you know someone asked

00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:00.019
you to do something you're like can't man I gotta

00:22:00.019 --> 00:22:02.819
work I gotta go to work but now you get one text

00:22:02.819 --> 00:22:04.359
and you're like gotta go you know I don't care

00:22:04.359 --> 00:22:06.039
if I'm presenting I don't care if I have a meeting

00:22:06.039 --> 00:22:08.160
I don't care about a deadline like they take

00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:10.579
priority right and so and then the pumping thing

00:22:10.579 --> 00:22:12.420
you know you're you're trying to stay focused

00:22:12.420 --> 00:22:13.859
at work but it's really hard when you're in the

00:22:13.859 --> 00:22:16.359
pumping room and you're like trying to you know

00:22:16.359 --> 00:22:19.279
um you're like my boobs hurt right now because

00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:21.380
I have to pump right sorry I gotta skip this

00:22:21.380 --> 00:22:24.119
meeting you gotta go like it's I love the idea

00:22:24.119 --> 00:22:26.079
of it and I fully understand if your kids are

00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:28.609
older but Or dropping her off at daycare and

00:22:28.609 --> 00:22:30.069
she's crying for you and you're like, sorry,

00:22:30.329 --> 00:22:32.789
toughen up. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the amount

00:22:32.789 --> 00:22:35.849
of times I cried driving away. Yeah. Yeah. Even

00:22:35.849 --> 00:22:39.130
the times that, like, Lloyd or Zeta have cried

00:22:39.130 --> 00:22:41.250
dropping them off with my parents. Yeah. And

00:22:41.250 --> 00:22:43.470
that's my parents. Yeah. Who, like, I know would

00:22:43.470 --> 00:22:44.990
take a bullet for either one of them if they

00:22:44.990 --> 00:22:48.049
needed to. 100%. Still, like, gets those mom

00:22:48.049 --> 00:22:51.349
heartstrings. Yeah. Yeah. So take us back to

00:22:51.349 --> 00:22:54.430
the discussion with Austin of, like, hey, this

00:22:54.430 --> 00:22:58.619
is. I can't go back to work with two. What did

00:22:58.619 --> 00:23:01.819
that look like? Yeah, definitely. I know it hurt

00:23:01.819 --> 00:23:04.279
his heart a lot as well, especially seeing me

00:23:04.279 --> 00:23:07.099
cry about it. You know, he was felt really guilty.

00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:09.519
We had those conversations of like he was trying

00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:11.259
to figure out a way that what he could do to

00:23:11.259 --> 00:23:13.700
make sure, you know, I could stay home. And I

00:23:13.700 --> 00:23:16.720
get it's I wouldn't necessarily say it's a pride

00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:19.519
thing, but. if a wife's trying to stay home and

00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.079
the husband, you know, is trying to make it work

00:23:21.079 --> 00:23:22.920
and we can figure it out, I'm sure that that

00:23:22.920 --> 00:23:24.799
put a lot of weight on him too, you know? And

00:23:24.799 --> 00:23:28.740
so I wasn't trying to, I never wanted to put

00:23:28.740 --> 00:23:30.779
him in a position making it seem like it was

00:23:30.779 --> 00:23:32.619
his fault that I couldn't stay home. Right. And

00:23:32.619 --> 00:23:36.579
so I tried to just, you know, have the strength

00:23:36.579 --> 00:23:38.700
to be like, look, this is what it is. Like, this

00:23:38.700 --> 00:23:42.279
is clearly where God wants us. Um, you know,

00:23:42.299 --> 00:23:44.619
we're going to work until we can figure out.

00:23:45.240 --> 00:23:49.180
how to not work for me to stay home. Um, so Austin

00:23:49.180 --> 00:23:53.519
works for his family's business. His dad, grandpa,

00:23:53.660 --> 00:23:57.180
uncle started a company. I gosh, I know they're

00:23:57.180 --> 00:23:59.099
going to correct me, but 30 something years ago.

00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:02.299
Um, and it has been, I was not a part of the

00:24:02.299 --> 00:24:05.359
family then I was, I was born, I think, but so

00:24:05.359 --> 00:24:09.440
their company has been the absolute biggest blessing

00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:12.240
for us, for our, you know, small individual family.

00:24:12.839 --> 00:24:16.079
of course the broader family too, but, um, Austin

00:24:16.079 --> 00:24:19.539
works directly with his dad as a CEO. And then

00:24:19.539 --> 00:24:22.740
he, his parents have, you know, done really well

00:24:22.740 --> 00:24:26.660
stewarding the company and providing for their

00:24:26.660 --> 00:24:28.799
employees, um, as much as they possibly can.

00:24:28.900 --> 00:24:31.680
So Austin has worked there again. He'll correct

00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:35.240
me since he was, I don't know, probably 15, 16

00:24:35.240 --> 00:24:37.160
years old. And then after college, you know,

00:24:37.180 --> 00:24:38.819
he's been there full time longer than I've known

00:24:38.819 --> 00:24:43.019
him, but, um, they have just been able to provide

00:24:43.019 --> 00:24:46.759
bonuses or raises or things. And so this go around,

00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:49.700
um, when my son was born prior to him being born,

00:24:49.779 --> 00:24:53.480
my mother -in -law, who's also a CPA, very, very

00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:56.619
brilliant financially. She was like, okay. Here's

00:24:56.619 --> 00:24:59.059
what we're going to do. We're going to bump Boston

00:24:59.059 --> 00:25:01.400
up to this amount. We're going to take away your

00:25:01.400 --> 00:25:03.359
income. We'll put you in a different tax bracket.

00:25:03.460 --> 00:25:05.420
If you guys move and change your interest rate,

00:25:05.460 --> 00:25:07.339
like went on this whole thing. And of course,

00:25:07.359 --> 00:25:09.220
that's not my wheelhouse. So I'm like, uh -huh.

00:25:09.220 --> 00:25:11.559
Uh -huh. Yep. Tell me more. Just tell me what

00:25:11.559 --> 00:25:13.740
to do. Whatever you say. Yeah, whatever you say.

00:25:13.819 --> 00:25:16.220
So Austin, you know, I feel like God has really

00:25:16.220 --> 00:25:19.640
blessed that business to be able to. Allow them

00:25:19.640 --> 00:25:22.339
to provide for our family individually. And then

00:25:22.339 --> 00:25:24.960
Austin took on a little bit more of a role and

00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:26.920
is going to be taking on a few more projects.

00:25:27.019 --> 00:25:29.960
And so I'm like, sorry, honey. Thanks for working

00:25:29.960 --> 00:25:33.059
really hard for us. But I remember them telling

00:25:33.059 --> 00:25:34.200
us, like, we're going to make sure you can stay

00:25:34.200 --> 00:25:37.099
home. And I think I cried. Like, it was one of

00:25:37.099 --> 00:25:39.140
those things that we didn't even really have

00:25:39.140 --> 00:25:42.700
to discuss it. I think it was just a how do we

00:25:42.700 --> 00:25:44.619
do this? And then when we finally figured out

00:25:44.619 --> 00:25:46.920
that we could do it, it was like. great you know

00:25:46.920 --> 00:25:49.940
here's my timeline like right i'm gonna go through

00:25:49.940 --> 00:25:51.700
maternity leave and make sure everything is good

00:25:51.700 --> 00:25:53.779
through maternity leave um for us financially

00:25:53.779 --> 00:25:57.160
and then i was able to basically just put my

00:25:57.160 --> 00:25:59.920
notice in and be like sorry you know i'm not

00:25:59.920 --> 00:26:02.619
coming back so i mean i could be wrong but i'm

00:26:02.619 --> 00:26:04.519
assuming they did not bump him up to the point

00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:07.779
where he was covering your salary Um, so what

00:26:07.779 --> 00:26:09.599
did that look like financially? Was it like,

00:26:09.700 --> 00:26:12.980
Oh, we go on less date nights or we have to like

00:26:12.980 --> 00:26:15.359
make some financial adjustments. Was that a part

00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:18.420
of this? Yeah. Um, so I will say they did give

00:26:18.420 --> 00:26:22.380
him a, a pretty amazing pay raise. Um, I don't,

00:26:22.380 --> 00:26:24.759
it wasn't, I don't think dollar for dollar. I

00:26:24.759 --> 00:26:26.960
tried to stay out of it cause it makes family

00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:28.980
and money. And I'm like, that's your, like you

00:26:28.980 --> 00:26:32.640
guys are the ones doing that. Um, so. Not to

00:26:32.640 --> 00:26:36.019
get too far in the weeds, but we also moved right

00:26:36.019 --> 00:26:40.920
before I had August. And so our interest rate,

00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:44.799
long story short, on our last house was so small

00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:47.880
because we refied during COVID. And so our tax,

00:26:47.900 --> 00:26:49.759
we were just getting raked over the coals on

00:26:49.759 --> 00:26:53.660
taxes. And then when we moved. And that changes

00:26:53.660 --> 00:26:55.819
everything when you pay more money on your interest

00:26:55.819 --> 00:26:58.619
of what needs to be taken out. So essentially,

00:26:58.740 --> 00:27:02.079
we just shifted a bunch of stuff to where we

00:27:02.079 --> 00:27:03.839
actually bought a new house, which is amazing.

00:27:04.819 --> 00:27:06.740
And then we took away my income. And I was like,

00:27:06.779 --> 00:27:09.039
are you sure that this is going to – this sounds

00:27:09.039 --> 00:27:11.440
really scary. They always tell you don't quit

00:27:11.440 --> 00:27:12.900
your job when you're buying a house. Right. And

00:27:12.900 --> 00:27:14.940
so fortunately, we bought the house. Actually,

00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:17.759
it's been a year ago, I think this week. And

00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:21.140
then we had August, end of December. So it was

00:27:21.140 --> 00:27:23.640
a couple of months. Um, But yeah, we were just

00:27:23.640 --> 00:27:26.119
like, OK, well, we think this is going to work.

00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:30.579
You know, God provides. So let's just make sure

00:27:30.579 --> 00:27:32.720
this works. And then if something were to happen,

00:27:32.880 --> 00:27:34.720
you know, I was like, OK, I could go back to

00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:36.740
work if I had to. I could try and find like a

00:27:36.740 --> 00:27:40.619
stay at home job or do something. But I think

00:27:40.619 --> 00:27:42.339
we were able to just kind of shift enough with

00:27:42.339 --> 00:27:45.680
our taxes and his pay raise. And then, you know,

00:27:45.720 --> 00:27:50.740
we do a lot less of going out or we try to spending

00:27:50.740 --> 00:27:53.809
money and. I'm not eating out like for lunches

00:27:53.809 --> 00:27:55.349
at work. I'm, you know, making everything at

00:27:55.349 --> 00:27:58.549
home. So every month we just kind of, we tried

00:27:58.549 --> 00:28:00.269
to pay off a bunch of stuff that we could, so

00:28:00.269 --> 00:28:03.309
we don't have that bill every month. Um, but

00:28:03.309 --> 00:28:05.069
it's definitely scary. I'm like, what do you

00:28:05.069 --> 00:28:07.529
mean? I don't have a paycheck. Oh, okay. What

00:28:07.529 --> 00:28:09.109
is that like emotionally? So you said you've

00:28:09.109 --> 00:28:12.069
been working since you were like 14 and now all

00:28:12.069 --> 00:28:16.410
of a sudden you're fully dependent. And I mean,

00:28:16.410 --> 00:28:18.890
that is marriage is at least my opinion is like

00:28:18.890 --> 00:28:22.130
you combine finances. Yeah. But now like you're

00:28:22.130 --> 00:28:24.509
not contributing to the finances. You're just

00:28:24.509 --> 00:28:27.390
using them more or less. Yeah. What was that

00:28:27.390 --> 00:28:31.490
like? So I think I joke about it as a form of

00:28:31.490 --> 00:28:34.890
like acceptance of, you know, I'll say like we

00:28:34.890 --> 00:28:37.109
were talking about. Christmas money this year

00:28:37.109 --> 00:28:38.970
like our budget for Christmas and I'm like well

00:28:38.970 --> 00:28:40.609
how much are you going to set aside of your own

00:28:40.609 --> 00:28:43.130
money for me to buy you a gift like jokingly

00:28:43.130 --> 00:28:47.589
just say like um it's definitely weird because

00:28:47.589 --> 00:28:50.390
like I said I haven't been unemployed technically

00:28:50.390 --> 00:28:54.430
in a long time but I I'm also like I am I went

00:28:54.430 --> 00:28:56.609
from a full -time job to an overtime job you

00:28:56.609 --> 00:28:59.049
know of like I am making I'm saving us a lot

00:28:59.049 --> 00:29:01.470
of money by not taking the kids daycare and all

00:29:01.470 --> 00:29:04.920
that stuff but It's definitely weird of trying

00:29:04.920 --> 00:29:06.740
to figure out, like, how much money can I really

00:29:06.740 --> 00:29:08.880
spend? And we have conversations about budgets

00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:12.779
and things like that. But I don't know. It's

00:29:12.779 --> 00:29:15.920
weird. Was it unsettling at first? Yeah, totally.

00:29:16.539 --> 00:29:18.559
Totally. Because I've always, you know, if I

00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:20.220
have switched jobs, I'll put in my two weeks

00:29:20.220 --> 00:29:22.440
somewhere. And then, like I said, I had the next

00:29:22.440 --> 00:29:24.519
job lined right up. So when I put in my notice

00:29:24.519 --> 00:29:27.039
and I was like, okay. Like it was, you know,

00:29:27.079 --> 00:29:28.440
we have this brand new house. We have a brand

00:29:28.440 --> 00:29:30.500
new baby. I'm about to quit my job. And I'm like,

00:29:30.579 --> 00:29:35.180
all right, well. Let's just hope that. Yeah.

00:29:35.279 --> 00:29:38.059
And I, I, again, I know that Austin's family

00:29:38.059 --> 00:29:40.599
has been super supportive of us. They have always

00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:42.660
been very helpful in the way of like, all right,

00:29:42.660 --> 00:29:44.299
what do you need? And they're not going to like

00:29:44.299 --> 00:29:46.200
pay every single bill we have. Obviously we need

00:29:46.200 --> 00:29:47.700
to work for our money, you know, but being able

00:29:47.700 --> 00:29:50.480
to provide him with that raise for us to just

00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:53.000
allow me to stay home. It was again, the greatest

00:29:53.000 --> 00:29:55.119
blessing that I ever could have. ever could have

00:29:55.119 --> 00:29:57.539
asked for yeah so what i'm learning is stewart's

00:29:57.539 --> 00:29:59.440
family need to have started a business 30 years

00:29:59.440 --> 00:30:04.099
you know yeah right yeah yeah come on yeah i

00:30:04.099 --> 00:30:07.460
know i know it's been it's been amazing yeah

00:30:07.460 --> 00:30:09.680
it's been such a gift so so what was it like

00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:13.480
actually quitting your job like was it exciting

00:30:13.480 --> 00:30:18.160
was it scary oh it was it was both i will say

00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:21.819
it was both i think I was counting down the days

00:30:21.819 --> 00:30:23.400
going into maternity leave, and that might have

00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:25.200
also been because I was so ready to be done with

00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:31.440
pregnancy. But we just decided that it was time,

00:30:31.480 --> 00:30:33.640
and I was going to quit my job and all the things.

00:30:33.859 --> 00:30:36.059
And then, like I said, I wrote out my maternity

00:30:36.059 --> 00:30:38.980
leave to make sure that we could try and do it,

00:30:39.000 --> 00:30:41.319
and we tried to not use my paychecks to see if

00:30:41.319 --> 00:30:46.720
we could do it at first. I remember my time was

00:30:46.720 --> 00:30:48.460
ending and I had to try and wrap up everything

00:30:48.460 --> 00:30:50.099
with maternity leave. And I was like, all right,

00:30:50.099 --> 00:30:52.019
well, I'm just going to send this email off or

00:30:52.019 --> 00:30:53.920
like the phone call, you know, try and be like,

00:30:54.019 --> 00:30:56.900
I guess I'm done. And so I did actually just

00:30:56.900 --> 00:30:59.059
do it via email because I had to include HR and

00:30:59.059 --> 00:31:00.960
our leave department. It was all this, you know,

00:31:00.960 --> 00:31:03.400
legal stuff. And I remember I hit the send button

00:31:03.400 --> 00:31:07.460
and I was like. Oh, what did I just do? Like,

00:31:07.539 --> 00:31:11.000
it was so scary, but I, I truly felt like with

00:31:11.000 --> 00:31:13.000
every fiber of my being that this was supposed

00:31:13.000 --> 00:31:15.019
to be what we were supposed to be doing, you

00:31:15.019 --> 00:31:17.859
know? And, um, so I knew it was going to be a

00:31:17.859 --> 00:31:21.420
rollercoaster. I knew that I was going to have

00:31:21.420 --> 00:31:24.960
to figure out my new routine, my new schedule.

00:31:25.079 --> 00:31:27.529
I feel like. maternity leave was just such a

00:31:27.529 --> 00:31:30.490
blur anyway that I'm like, all right, well, I

00:31:30.490 --> 00:31:32.170
don't have an office to go into anymore. I don't

00:31:32.170 --> 00:31:35.069
have a technical boss to report to anymore. So

00:31:35.069 --> 00:31:38.250
it was definitely scary. But it was such a relief

00:31:38.250 --> 00:31:41.589
that I was like, we did it. We finally met that

00:31:41.589 --> 00:31:44.910
goal that, you know, we'd been praying for for

00:31:44.910 --> 00:31:47.269
so long, you know, almost two years, I feel like

00:31:47.269 --> 00:31:50.170
at that point, but it was definitely a mix for

00:31:50.170 --> 00:31:55.119
sure. Yeah. What is a stay at home mom life look

00:31:55.119 --> 00:31:58.140
like for you now? It's great. And it's also,

00:31:58.180 --> 00:32:00.140
I definitely have days where I'm like, Oh my

00:32:00.140 --> 00:32:04.319
Atlanta. I feel like, you know, sometimes I think

00:32:04.319 --> 00:32:07.259
I have a unique perspective because I was a full

00:32:07.259 --> 00:32:09.519
time working mom. And then now I'm also a full

00:32:09.519 --> 00:32:13.819
time stay at home mom. So I have days where I'm

00:32:13.819 --> 00:32:16.319
like, I am so blessed. I wake up with the kids.

00:32:16.420 --> 00:32:18.559
Austin actually goes to work before any of us

00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:20.589
really get up. So I just kind of hit the ground

00:32:20.589 --> 00:32:24.029
running for the most part. And there's days where

00:32:24.029 --> 00:32:25.329
I'll go into my daughter's room and I'm like,

00:32:25.349 --> 00:32:26.670
what do you want to do today? She's like, I want

00:32:26.670 --> 00:32:28.789
to go to the zoo. And I'm like, all right, let's

00:32:28.789 --> 00:32:31.089
get dressed. Let's go to the zoo. Or, you know,

00:32:31.109 --> 00:32:34.069
you try and meet up with friends and keep your

00:32:34.069 --> 00:32:37.130
sanity with other adults. Fortunately, my sister

00:32:37.130 --> 00:32:40.509
actually lives literally next door to me. Like

00:32:40.509 --> 00:32:43.769
literally we share a fence. So I think that that

00:32:43.769 --> 00:32:45.990
has helped out a lot because she has a almost

00:32:45.990 --> 00:32:50.279
two -year -old daughter as well. stay sane and

00:32:50.279 --> 00:32:53.440
combine activities and go on walks. We try and

00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:56.740
spend a lot of time outside and then we wait

00:32:56.740 --> 00:32:58.440
for dad to get home. Like it's one of those,

00:32:58.460 --> 00:32:59.660
I'm like, hi, when are you, when are you coming

00:32:59.660 --> 00:33:03.519
home? Are you on your way? Yes. Are you driving?

00:33:03.759 --> 00:33:06.000
Pulling up to find my friends. Oh my gosh. I

00:33:06.000 --> 00:33:08.880
do that all the time. You were seven and a half

00:33:08.880 --> 00:33:11.480
minutes from the door. Yeah. Yes. We have also

00:33:11.480 --> 00:33:15.240
invested in Instacart to deliver groceries. Game

00:33:15.240 --> 00:33:18.000
changer. I am not bringing my kids. I do Target

00:33:18.000 --> 00:33:21.990
pickup. Yep. We picked up our groceries, Kroger

00:33:21.990 --> 00:33:23.930
pickup today. I'm literally going after this.

00:33:24.029 --> 00:33:26.609
So yeah, that's fantastic. Yeah. Yeah. It's great.

00:33:26.670 --> 00:33:28.970
We have days where we, you know, plan activities.

00:33:29.069 --> 00:33:32.049
We have days where we sit at home. Um, I try

00:33:32.049 --> 00:33:35.960
really hard to just get outside and really. I

00:33:35.960 --> 00:33:38.079
genuinely don't know what I would do if I didn't

00:33:38.079 --> 00:33:42.200
have a mom group around me of, are you keeping

00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:43.599
it together? Because I'm not keeping it together.

00:33:43.779 --> 00:33:47.279
You're trying to just stay sane. My sister -in

00:33:47.279 --> 00:33:50.160
-law, who also lives nearby, she's a stay -at

00:33:50.160 --> 00:33:52.160
-home mom with four. So she's definitely busy.

00:33:53.319 --> 00:33:56.420
But she gets it too. And then my mother -in -law

00:33:56.420 --> 00:33:59.579
works from home. And my mom actually lives...

00:33:59.920 --> 00:34:02.279
technically with my sister next door too so that's

00:34:02.279 --> 00:34:04.500
kind of fun that's cool when she's in town and

00:34:04.500 --> 00:34:08.320
so we all just try and keep each other sane yeah

00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:11.679
but that's amazing it's great yeah i feel like

00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:14.159
i don't know that's the end goal for a lot of

00:34:14.159 --> 00:34:17.460
a lot of moms so you yeah you're living it that's

00:34:17.460 --> 00:34:19.960
it's really cool yeah there there are days i

00:34:19.960 --> 00:34:22.750
will say that i'm you know, at the office, I'm

00:34:22.750 --> 00:34:26.409
like, I can eat a hot lunch and I can go to the

00:34:26.409 --> 00:34:28.949
bathroom by myself. And like, that's not a thing

00:34:28.949 --> 00:34:31.929
at home. Um, you know, you, I used to listen

00:34:31.929 --> 00:34:35.590
to a lot more podcasts and things, my own music

00:34:35.590 --> 00:34:38.530
in the car. And you know, that, that definitely

00:34:38.530 --> 00:34:42.030
has shifted my whole world, but, uh, living it

00:34:42.030 --> 00:34:45.670
in the thick of it. Yeah. So I think. When you

00:34:45.670 --> 00:34:48.329
work like a traditional job, you go to the office.

00:34:48.449 --> 00:34:50.409
If you have a bad day at work, everyone's like,

00:34:50.510 --> 00:34:52.429
that happens. Yeah. You're allowed to hate your

00:34:52.429 --> 00:34:54.030
job sometimes. Even if you have your dream job,

00:34:54.070 --> 00:34:55.389
you're allowed to hate it sometimes. Yeah. But

00:34:55.389 --> 00:34:56.889
when you're a mom, you're not allowed to do that.

00:34:57.030 --> 00:35:00.889
Yeah. So even like, I think other moms now, like

00:35:00.889 --> 00:35:03.349
we're all getting better at being like, no, like

00:35:03.349 --> 00:35:05.630
some days are just terrible. That's a real thing.

00:35:05.730 --> 00:35:08.949
But like anyone who hasn't been like actively

00:35:08.949 --> 00:35:10.909
parenting for a while or who's not a parent,

00:35:11.070 --> 00:35:13.610
there tends to be this attitude of like. well,

00:35:13.610 --> 00:35:15.250
you're just staying home, so why is it so terrible?

00:35:15.309 --> 00:35:18.130
And they're like, well, because I literally didn't

00:35:18.130 --> 00:35:20.690
have two seconds to myself today. Like, from

00:35:20.690 --> 00:35:23.550
getting up till bedtime, like, someone was always,

00:35:23.590 --> 00:35:26.849
like, either literally attached to me or, like,

00:35:26.949 --> 00:35:29.329
it was a rough day. Because rough days happen

00:35:29.329 --> 00:35:32.750
no matter what your job situation, anything is.

00:35:33.090 --> 00:35:35.929
But for some reason, as a mom, as a stay -at

00:35:35.929 --> 00:35:37.590
-home mom specifically, I think it's like...

00:35:38.250 --> 00:35:40.369
No, not allowed. You're supposed to enjoy every

00:35:40.369 --> 00:35:42.269
second all the time, even when it's terrible.

00:35:42.530 --> 00:35:45.710
And that makes it harder to just like, because

00:35:45.710 --> 00:35:47.889
there's this like general attitude, it makes

00:35:47.889 --> 00:35:50.070
it harder to accept, at least for me, like myself

00:35:50.070 --> 00:35:53.150
of like, oh no, I can like not be happy with

00:35:53.150 --> 00:35:55.690
the way this day went and still like love my

00:35:55.690 --> 00:35:58.989
kids. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It's fine. Yeah.

00:35:59.090 --> 00:36:02.250
I would argue that being a stay at home mom might

00:36:02.250 --> 00:36:05.190
quite possibly be the hardest job there is. 100%.

00:36:05.190 --> 00:36:08.239
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, and like

00:36:08.239 --> 00:36:10.219
I said, the unique perspective of doing, I have

00:36:10.219 --> 00:36:13.280
done both. And I think I will give it to the

00:36:13.280 --> 00:36:15.159
moms that work full time because dropping your

00:36:15.159 --> 00:36:17.199
kid off for somebody else to quote unquote, raise

00:36:17.199 --> 00:36:20.659
your kids for you is so hard or to try and focus

00:36:20.659 --> 00:36:24.400
on a job or a project or doing well when your

00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:27.519
kids are. at home or sick or whatever that is

00:36:27.519 --> 00:36:30.280
like that is so hard you feel guilty you feel

00:36:30.280 --> 00:36:32.260
like you don't have enough time for both you're

00:36:32.260 --> 00:36:35.400
failing somewhere something's got to give like

00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:40.119
that is it's hard to do both however I feel like

00:36:40.119 --> 00:36:42.920
a stay -at -home mom like you said is like get

00:36:42.920 --> 00:36:44.599
up you hit the ground running you don't have

00:36:44.599 --> 00:36:46.739
time to yourself the amount of self -sacrifice

00:36:46.739 --> 00:36:51.519
that you have is unreal right just trying to

00:36:51.519 --> 00:36:54.400
like shower or you know, God forbid workout,

00:36:54.619 --> 00:36:57.000
like just have your own, you know, you're called

00:36:57.000 --> 00:36:59.940
mom a thousand times throughout the day, make

00:36:59.940 --> 00:37:02.480
lunches and you might get some bites of it. Like,

00:37:02.500 --> 00:37:04.940
you know, it's, it's two totally different things

00:37:04.940 --> 00:37:07.039
to stay at home. I have so much respect for stay

00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:09.460
at home moms. And I've always told my husband,

00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:10.900
I'm like, if I ever get back in the work world

00:37:10.900 --> 00:37:13.519
and I manage a team and I see a resume come across

00:37:13.519 --> 00:37:15.710
my desk for a job. And someone's like, oh, I

00:37:15.710 --> 00:37:17.130
took a five -year gap. I was a stay -at -home

00:37:17.130 --> 00:37:19.210
mom. I'm like, hired, done. You've handled every

00:37:19.210 --> 00:37:21.949
possible thing you've ever need to handle in

00:37:21.949 --> 00:37:24.329
your whole world. You are a master at multitasking.

00:37:24.550 --> 00:37:27.469
You can handle the tyrants. You can, yeah, absolutely.

00:37:27.849 --> 00:37:30.010
If you can calm down a two -year -old tantrum,

00:37:30.130 --> 00:37:33.650
you can work with customers. Yes, 100%. It's

00:37:33.650 --> 00:37:36.829
the same thing, the equivalent. Yeah, absolutely.

00:37:37.170 --> 00:37:39.730
What would you say the biggest joy is for you

00:37:39.730 --> 00:37:42.769
in being a stay -at -home mom? Oh, man, there's

00:37:42.769 --> 00:37:46.949
a lot. I think the flexibility and being able

00:37:46.949 --> 00:37:51.989
to just go to the park or go to the zoo or, you

00:37:51.989 --> 00:37:53.809
know, I don't really feel like doing that. Let's

00:37:53.809 --> 00:37:57.150
go do this today. And watching your kids find

00:37:57.150 --> 00:37:59.869
joy in the things that you're providing for them

00:37:59.869 --> 00:38:04.130
is probably my favorite thing. My daughter, like,

00:38:04.210 --> 00:38:06.510
I'm like, all right, you know, you go through

00:38:06.510 --> 00:38:09.409
this whole pack the stroller, get the things,

00:38:09.530 --> 00:38:11.389
you know, go to the bathroom, like all these

00:38:11.389 --> 00:38:12.989
things just to get the door to go to the park.

00:38:13.789 --> 00:38:16.150
I'm telling myself like, gosh, this is such a

00:38:16.150 --> 00:38:18.349
military operation just to go to the park. But

00:38:18.349 --> 00:38:20.269
then you get to the park and she's like, we're

00:38:20.269 --> 00:38:22.889
at the park. You know, she loves it. And I'm

00:38:22.889 --> 00:38:24.909
like, all right, this is totally worth it. This

00:38:24.909 --> 00:38:26.849
is very worth it. Yeah. Yeah. That was this morning

00:38:26.849 --> 00:38:28.630
for us as we got to go to the playground. And

00:38:28.630 --> 00:38:31.090
Lloyd woke up. He's like, you want to go to the

00:38:31.090 --> 00:38:33.130
playground with your cousin? Yeah. Playground

00:38:33.130 --> 00:38:37.150
Jessie? Yeah. Oh. Just. Two hours of nonstop

00:38:37.150 --> 00:38:39.510
running around. Yeah. This is worth it. Yeah.

00:38:39.630 --> 00:38:42.429
Yeah. It's totally worth it. And watching how

00:38:42.429 --> 00:38:44.530
much fun, you know, especially my two -year -old

00:38:44.530 --> 00:38:46.889
has of just, what are we going to do today? What

00:38:46.889 --> 00:38:49.250
do you want to do today? You know, we can have

00:38:49.250 --> 00:38:52.369
plans or we can meet up with friends. And that

00:38:52.369 --> 00:38:55.690
to me is the best joy. And just being able to

00:38:55.690 --> 00:38:57.610
be the one to provide that childhood. I think

00:38:57.610 --> 00:39:00.449
that there's so much weight and responsibility

00:39:00.449 --> 00:39:03.619
that I do not take lightly for. Her childhood

00:39:03.619 --> 00:39:06.039
is in my hands, you know, and I don't want to

00:39:06.039 --> 00:39:08.920
mess that up. So I really try and have something

00:39:08.920 --> 00:39:11.420
fun or, you know, we'll go through a list of

00:39:11.420 --> 00:39:12.860
like things we're grateful for at the end of

00:39:12.860 --> 00:39:16.360
the day, every day. And I just love that I get

00:39:16.360 --> 00:39:18.940
to provide that for her and be there for all

00:39:18.940 --> 00:39:21.099
the moments because there is guilt. Like, I feel

00:39:21.099 --> 00:39:23.829
like I missed a lot of that in her first. year

00:39:23.829 --> 00:39:25.829
and a half, two years of, you know, her being

00:39:25.829 --> 00:39:28.269
in daycare. So I love being able to provide that

00:39:28.269 --> 00:39:30.889
now and have that for my son. And you mentioned

00:39:30.889 --> 00:39:35.019
too, like when dropping her off at. daycare it's

00:39:35.019 --> 00:39:37.199
like someone else is raising your kids now you

00:39:37.199 --> 00:39:40.239
get to decide what she's learned you know what

00:39:40.239 --> 00:39:43.039
you're teaching your kids what they're experiencing

00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:45.860
and seeing and all those things and that in itself

00:39:45.860 --> 00:39:48.099
i feel like it's just like or the other kids

00:39:48.099 --> 00:39:51.219
yeah to be around yeah like yeah i was just talking

00:39:51.219 --> 00:39:53.420
to a different mom this morning who she was like

00:39:53.420 --> 00:39:56.000
yeah when you're once your kids in school yeah

00:39:56.000 --> 00:39:59.400
you have no control over who they're around yeah

00:39:59.400 --> 00:40:01.139
and like you can talk about it blah blah blah

00:40:01.139 --> 00:40:03.449
but yeah You're just sending them off at least

00:40:03.449 --> 00:40:05.909
at this age when you're home with them. Definitely.

00:40:05.909 --> 00:40:07.630
You get a little more control over that. Absolutely.

00:40:08.150 --> 00:40:11.570
Control of the situation. I'm like, no, we're

00:40:11.570 --> 00:40:13.550
not going to watch this on TV here today. Whatever.

00:40:13.929 --> 00:40:17.550
I will say I did learn a lot from the daycare

00:40:17.550 --> 00:40:20.630
that we went to. Jeanette was... the best, again,

00:40:20.809 --> 00:40:23.170
the most amazing person I could have left her

00:40:23.170 --> 00:40:25.610
with that wasn't family and technically family.

00:40:25.690 --> 00:40:28.730
And I did learn a lot from her. However, like

00:40:28.730 --> 00:40:30.829
you said, being able to control the environment

00:40:30.829 --> 00:40:34.309
has been really neat. And there, there are times

00:40:34.309 --> 00:40:36.389
where I'm like, no, I don't really want you to

00:40:36.389 --> 00:40:39.610
whatever, learn this song or watch the show or,

00:40:39.670 --> 00:40:42.489
you know, being able to teach her different things.

00:40:43.849 --> 00:40:45.809
I can't even think of an example because, again,

00:40:45.849 --> 00:40:48.550
Jeanette was amazing. But just to kind of have

00:40:48.550 --> 00:40:52.070
that ability to control that, I guess, is great.

00:40:53.070 --> 00:40:55.409
What would you say is the biggest challenge for

00:40:55.409 --> 00:40:58.409
you? Oh, gosh, how much time do we have? No,

00:40:58.510 --> 00:41:03.010
I'm just kidding. I think the thing that I wasn't

00:41:03.010 --> 00:41:06.130
– I understood the amount of self -sacrifice,

00:41:06.130 --> 00:41:10.030
but I think just knowing how to pace myself.

00:41:10.760 --> 00:41:13.519
My sister always says it's a marathon, not a

00:41:13.519 --> 00:41:16.780
sprint. You've got to be able to take the hard

00:41:16.780 --> 00:41:20.039
days and process them and take time for yourself

00:41:20.039 --> 00:41:22.940
and find your own identity in things. I think

00:41:22.940 --> 00:41:25.800
that was probably or is my current struggle of

00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:28.880
just the amount of, like I said, self -sacrifice.

00:41:30.139 --> 00:41:32.360
Don't have time to yourself. Like you don't,

00:41:32.360 --> 00:41:34.360
you can't listen to the music you want to listen

00:41:34.360 --> 00:41:37.780
to in the car. Your days are surrounded by what

00:41:37.780 --> 00:41:41.199
a toddler, you know, is asking for or your meals.

00:41:42.829 --> 00:41:46.130
I've kind of given up on making my own food when

00:41:46.130 --> 00:41:49.449
it's ready and it's hot. And the identity piece,

00:41:49.610 --> 00:41:53.590
I think with leaving work, I had my name on a

00:41:53.590 --> 00:41:57.329
nameplate. I had a title. I had compensation.

00:41:57.530 --> 00:41:59.710
I had people that knew me for what I could and

00:41:59.710 --> 00:42:03.250
couldn't do or what I've worked hard for. And

00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:06.320
at home, it's like. Oh, I'm just mom. You know,

00:42:06.420 --> 00:42:09.300
I'm, I probably felt like a step down in a sense,

00:42:09.340 --> 00:42:11.460
maybe. Yeah. There are days where I'm like, you

00:42:11.460 --> 00:42:13.079
know, changing diapers or in the bathroom. I'm

00:42:13.079 --> 00:42:16.239
like, I worked a lot harder for them to be doing

00:42:16.239 --> 00:42:20.639
this. Right. But trying to find the ministry

00:42:20.639 --> 00:42:23.679
in it for me has been, has been very helpful

00:42:23.679 --> 00:42:26.699
of like, this is absolutely the thing that I'm

00:42:26.699 --> 00:42:29.539
called to be doing. It's holy work. It is holy

00:42:29.539 --> 00:42:32.840
work. Yeah. 100%. And I just, I have to remind

00:42:32.840 --> 00:42:35.570
myself of that on days. that I'm really struggling

00:42:35.570 --> 00:42:37.809
with. Like, I just want 10 minutes to myself.

00:42:37.909 --> 00:42:40.889
I just want to be able to go to the gym. I just

00:42:40.889 --> 00:42:43.909
want to be able to, you know, go to movie night.

00:42:43.969 --> 00:42:46.670
And my husband does great with, you know, trying

00:42:46.670 --> 00:42:48.570
to make sure I can still do things like that.

00:42:48.670 --> 00:42:51.010
And my in -laws come over to watch them or my

00:42:51.010 --> 00:42:53.489
mom, whatever that is. But those days get long.

00:42:53.630 --> 00:42:56.309
They get very long and you're dying to yourself

00:42:56.309 --> 00:43:00.849
a lot on hearing repetitive songs or words or

00:43:00.849 --> 00:43:04.110
phrases, you know, activities. It's just a lot

00:43:04.110 --> 00:43:06.989
of, okay, sure. You know, that's not what I wanted

00:43:06.989 --> 00:43:11.369
to do, but, uh, it's good. It's just definitely,

00:43:11.489 --> 00:43:15.130
I got to find, I got to pace myself and just

00:43:15.130 --> 00:43:18.269
find even strides in it. Cause they're, you know,

00:43:18.269 --> 00:43:21.650
only two and a half and 10 months old. So it's

00:43:21.650 --> 00:43:24.269
got a long way to go, but I didn't put this question

00:43:24.269 --> 00:43:26.670
in, but I just thought of it. What is something

00:43:26.670 --> 00:43:28.989
that you've done or maybe you haven't figured

00:43:28.989 --> 00:43:34.420
it out yet to like, not lose yourself in being

00:43:34.420 --> 00:43:36.000
a stay -at -home mom because I think I mean we've

00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:37.980
talked about this we're like we both work but

00:43:37.980 --> 00:43:40.380
even so it's super easy to just like let your

00:43:40.380 --> 00:43:43.280
identity become mom because it is like you love

00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:45.099
it and it is so important but then especially

00:43:45.099 --> 00:43:48.699
not having a traditional paying job I would imagine

00:43:48.699 --> 00:43:50.719
it's super easy to be like this is my entire

00:43:50.719 --> 00:43:52.760
identity and it's all I do and all I think about

00:43:52.760 --> 00:43:56.219
so is there anything and if so what have you

00:43:56.219 --> 00:44:00.380
done to try to like mitigate that and be Lindsay

00:44:00.380 --> 00:44:04.719
outside of mom. Yeah. Gosh, that's such a good

00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:08.960
question. I think I'm still kind of trying to

00:44:08.960 --> 00:44:12.059
figure that out on a consistent basis for me.

00:44:12.179 --> 00:44:16.659
Um, you know, I try and find hobbies of my own

00:44:16.659 --> 00:44:20.000
on like a volunteer basis only. love to sing

00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:22.719
worship music and I've been fortunate enough

00:44:22.719 --> 00:44:25.320
to be on a couple different worship teams but

00:44:25.320 --> 00:44:27.139
the worship team at our church and I think that

00:44:27.139 --> 00:44:29.559
the weekends that I'm able to do that I'm like

00:44:29.559 --> 00:44:33.309
oh wow I you know you're by yourself you have

00:44:33.309 --> 00:44:35.530
your own things that you're working toward and

00:44:35.530 --> 00:44:38.969
you're working on and um you have those whatever

00:44:38.969 --> 00:44:41.250
how many however many hours to yourself to do

00:44:41.250 --> 00:44:43.750
those things and that is strictly mine like that's

00:44:43.750 --> 00:44:45.849
not my husband that's not my kids that's something

00:44:45.849 --> 00:44:49.869
that is me and my identity and I actually just

00:44:49.869 --> 00:44:54.190
recently as of I don't know last week took a

00:44:54.190 --> 00:44:59.400
step back from that because I felt like my heart

00:44:59.400 --> 00:45:01.980
again kind of like working was so torn between

00:45:01.980 --> 00:45:04.820
the Sundays that I was doing that and being home

00:45:04.820 --> 00:45:08.539
because my son is still very in mom mode he's

00:45:08.539 --> 00:45:11.480
just he really struggles when I'm not there and

00:45:11.480 --> 00:45:14.039
he's like needing something he just he'll cry

00:45:14.039 --> 00:45:16.780
for hours I'm like oh great so again it was kind

00:45:16.780 --> 00:45:18.239
of one of those like self -sacrificing things

00:45:18.239 --> 00:45:20.280
up all right well this is kind of just the season

00:45:20.280 --> 00:45:25.610
I'm in and I really try and just still try and

00:45:25.610 --> 00:45:28.110
find stuff for myself in the sense of, you know,

00:45:28.110 --> 00:45:30.050
having conversations with adults about things

00:45:30.050 --> 00:45:33.550
that I like and things that, you know, I look

00:45:33.550 --> 00:45:36.590
forward to or conversations with my sister or,

00:45:36.610 --> 00:45:40.929
you know, other moms and not living in that toddler

00:45:40.929 --> 00:45:44.289
baby world all the time. So great question. I

00:45:44.289 --> 00:45:48.269
think I'm still figuring it out, but I think

00:45:48.269 --> 00:45:51.139
I will. miss this when i have a lot of extra

00:45:51.139 --> 00:45:53.360
time on my hands to do my own things right so

00:45:53.360 --> 00:45:55.699
i've kind of just accepted it's the season i'm

00:45:55.699 --> 00:45:58.519
in and there's days where it's hard but i i'm

00:45:58.519 --> 00:46:00.880
at peace with it and i think that's also such

00:46:00.880 --> 00:46:04.400
a good point is it day to day it's so easy to

00:46:04.400 --> 00:46:06.739
be like this is like not even this is the worst

00:46:06.739 --> 00:46:08.659
but it's just so overwhelming but then reminding

00:46:08.659 --> 00:46:12.019
yourself like oh this is only for a certain period

00:46:12.019 --> 00:46:15.659
of time and there is going to be a day when it's

00:46:15.659 --> 00:46:18.800
like i miss the that stage yeah that stage and

00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:21.579
you know the mispronunciation of words and yeah

00:46:21.579 --> 00:46:23.440
you know even though i can understand you all

00:46:23.440 --> 00:46:25.480
of a sudden like it's so sad that yeah you know

00:46:25.480 --> 00:46:27.639
you can say that word right or that you don't

00:46:27.639 --> 00:46:30.699
need me yeah 24 7 yeah you know which of course

00:46:30.699 --> 00:46:32.500
is easier when you're out of that season to say

00:46:32.500 --> 00:46:34.320
that right right yeah when you're in the thick

00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:36.000
of it when you're up at 3 a .m you're like god

00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:39.489
i can't wait to sleep at night Yeah, and I've

00:46:39.489 --> 00:46:41.010
definitely just accepted sleep's not really a

00:46:41.010 --> 00:46:43.389
thing. I actually slept in my son's nursery chair

00:46:43.389 --> 00:46:45.869
for like four hours last night. It was rough.

00:46:46.070 --> 00:46:49.889
But yeah, so there are seasons. And what's funny,

00:46:50.050 --> 00:46:52.449
not really funny, but I actually took a picture

00:46:52.449 --> 00:46:57.090
of my face right during the thick of me bawling

00:46:57.090 --> 00:46:58.960
my eyes out the night before I had to. go back

00:46:58.960 --> 00:47:02.800
to work with Lenny and I saved it for the days.

00:47:02.800 --> 00:47:05.079
It sounds so corny, but for the days that I'm

00:47:05.079 --> 00:47:08.420
like, what is happening? Like I'm losing my mind.

00:47:08.460 --> 00:47:09.980
And I will look at that picture and be like,

00:47:10.059 --> 00:47:12.679
okay, all right. This is why. Like I remember

00:47:12.679 --> 00:47:15.119
this. So I don't think that's corny. I think

00:47:15.119 --> 00:47:17.780
that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. Bring it back.

00:47:17.940 --> 00:47:20.300
Yeah. Bring it back down. What is something you

00:47:20.300 --> 00:47:22.940
wish you knew before you made this change of

00:47:22.940 --> 00:47:25.940
going from working an office mom to stay at home

00:47:25.940 --> 00:47:29.659
mom? That's a great question. Oh gosh. Something

00:47:29.659 --> 00:47:31.579
I wish I knew. I knew it was going to be hard

00:47:31.579 --> 00:47:34.159
and I knew it was going to be a lot of self -sacrifice.

00:47:34.599 --> 00:47:37.699
I think what's interesting is how much my heart

00:47:37.699 --> 00:47:41.920
has changed with being stay at home full time.

00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:45.699
I think I would have just told myself like, keep

00:47:45.699 --> 00:47:47.559
going. You know, you're going to have days that

00:47:47.559 --> 00:47:50.119
are hard. This is still going to be worth it.

00:47:50.159 --> 00:47:53.570
You know, because there's days where. I look

00:47:53.570 --> 00:47:55.690
back and I'm like, it would have been so much

00:47:55.690 --> 00:47:58.070
easier to just to like, not care, you know, like

00:47:58.070 --> 00:48:00.489
harden your heart and go back to work, drop the

00:48:00.489 --> 00:48:03.269
kids off and be like, I'll be back. You know?

00:48:03.269 --> 00:48:07.289
Um, I think if I, I would have just kept reminding

00:48:07.289 --> 00:48:08.889
my old self would have kept reminding myself

00:48:08.889 --> 00:48:12.170
now of it's great. You're going to, it's going

00:48:12.170 --> 00:48:14.630
to be worth it. This is ministry work. This is,

00:48:14.630 --> 00:48:18.369
this is where you're supposed to be. Um, but

00:48:18.369 --> 00:48:20.670
yeah, it, I was trying to think through that

00:48:20.670 --> 00:48:23.409
question of, What I'd tell myself, and again,

00:48:23.469 --> 00:48:25.730
I knew it was going to be hard, but there are

00:48:25.730 --> 00:48:27.809
definitely days where I'm like, okay, is this

00:48:27.809 --> 00:48:31.170
my reality every single day? Because the end

00:48:31.170 --> 00:48:33.829
seems so far in sight. There's not an end, but

00:48:33.829 --> 00:48:38.170
end of just having my own self back feels like

00:48:38.170 --> 00:48:40.849
a long way out. But they are flying by. And with

00:48:40.849 --> 00:48:43.449
littles, it can feel a little bit like Groundhog's

00:48:43.449 --> 00:48:47.070
Day. Yes. Yes, for sure. Got up, nursed, changed

00:48:47.070 --> 00:48:49.820
a diaper. Yeah. Had breakfast. Totally. Started.

00:48:49.900 --> 00:48:52.380
Yeah. I feel like too, if you're anything like

00:48:52.380 --> 00:48:55.179
me, like my role is administrative. So if you're,

00:48:55.179 --> 00:48:57.619
you have the same mindset of me of like checking

00:48:57.619 --> 00:49:01.400
boxes, like with kids on my stay at home days,

00:49:01.500 --> 00:49:05.599
it's like, if I don't have things to actually

00:49:05.599 --> 00:49:08.320
tangibly check off the list, it's like, I feel

00:49:08.320 --> 00:49:10.820
like I didn't accomplish anything today, but

00:49:10.820 --> 00:49:14.260
that's not. necessarily true. It just feels that

00:49:14.260 --> 00:49:17.679
way with kids. Yeah. And I've heard my sister

00:49:17.679 --> 00:49:19.579
say that too. And I felt the same way of like,

00:49:19.619 --> 00:49:22.579
I just want to complete a task. Like I just want

00:49:22.579 --> 00:49:25.579
to get something started and complete it. That

00:49:25.579 --> 00:49:28.780
is not a thing. And my husband's so gracious.

00:49:28.780 --> 00:49:31.079
He's like, if the kids are alive and fed and

00:49:31.079 --> 00:49:32.659
the house isn't burned down, you're doing great.

00:49:32.760 --> 00:49:34.400
And I'm like, just make a checklist. That's those

00:49:34.400 --> 00:49:38.960
things. Yeah. Kids alive. Make a list. Yeah.

00:49:39.699 --> 00:49:43.079
Yeah, for sure. So yeah, it does feel like Groundhog's

00:49:43.079 --> 00:49:45.400
day and it is repetitive. Like it's repetitive

00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:48.039
and it feels like I didn't do anything that day,

00:49:48.079 --> 00:49:51.460
but I did it, but you never sit down. You, you

00:49:51.460 --> 00:49:54.500
don't really feel like you have a moment of.

00:49:54.969 --> 00:49:58.650
anything else but yeah yeah for sure yeah I get

00:49:58.650 --> 00:50:01.010
that all right what is something if there was

00:50:01.010 --> 00:50:03.570
a mom out there who was like or I'm thinking

00:50:03.570 --> 00:50:05.809
about staying at home yeah what would you tell

00:50:05.809 --> 00:50:11.170
her oh man I pray pray a lot on it for sure I

00:50:11.170 --> 00:50:15.670
think that it has been the absolute hardest most

00:50:15.670 --> 00:50:19.090
challenging job that I could have ever and I've

00:50:19.090 --> 00:50:20.650
worked a lot of jobs and I worked for a lot of

00:50:20.650 --> 00:50:23.960
years it is without a doubt the hardest job But

00:50:23.960 --> 00:50:28.099
it is 100 % worth it. It is so worth it. I think

00:50:28.099 --> 00:50:31.940
that, you know, the weight, not even the weight,

00:50:31.980 --> 00:50:35.300
the responsibility of what you're doing every

00:50:35.300 --> 00:50:38.659
day is so great. And the impact that you're making

00:50:38.659 --> 00:50:43.599
on your kids, you know. not, not every mom's

00:50:43.599 --> 00:50:45.179
going to feel this way of wanting to stay home.

00:50:45.219 --> 00:50:47.300
I have friends, you know, for a period of time,

00:50:47.320 --> 00:50:49.159
I thought I was that person of like, no, there's

00:50:49.159 --> 00:50:51.179
no way I can be a stay at home mom. I need my

00:50:51.179 --> 00:50:53.820
own thing. I need my separation. I would say

00:50:53.820 --> 00:50:57.699
it is a short season, but it is so worth it.

00:50:57.739 --> 00:50:59.760
And being able to create that childhood for your

00:50:59.760 --> 00:51:02.260
kids, you know, my mom was a stay at home mom.

00:51:02.300 --> 00:51:05.019
And I remember just being able to have her around

00:51:05.019 --> 00:51:09.460
for all the things was so, so awesome. I never

00:51:09.460 --> 00:51:12.719
felt like. She was distracted really with like,

00:51:12.860 --> 00:51:16.219
you know, a job. I never felt like what we were

00:51:16.219 --> 00:51:18.619
competing for anything. I never wanted my kids

00:51:18.619 --> 00:51:20.340
to feel like they were competing for my attention

00:51:20.340 --> 00:51:24.300
or, you know, my career or my whatever that is.

00:51:24.400 --> 00:51:27.500
So I would say if you're on the fence about it

00:51:27.500 --> 00:51:30.440
and you're trying to decide, you know. Obviously,

00:51:30.460 --> 00:51:32.280
talk with your spouse and see if that's something

00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:34.800
that he supports because a husband's support

00:51:34.800 --> 00:51:38.380
in that is vital, 100 % vital, because you can't

00:51:38.380 --> 00:51:41.539
do it by yourself. You know, being a stay -at

00:51:41.539 --> 00:51:42.960
-home mom for eight -plus hours, whatever that

00:51:42.960 --> 00:51:45.460
is, it's so much that the mornings, the evenings,

00:51:45.579 --> 00:51:47.820
the background support, just the closet phone

00:51:47.820 --> 00:51:49.960
calls of, like, what is happening, right? Like,

00:51:50.059 --> 00:51:52.039
your husband has to be on board, too, or whatever

00:51:52.039 --> 00:51:55.420
that is, significant other. So, I mean, I would

00:51:55.420 --> 00:51:59.480
say go for it if they can. Because you can always

00:51:59.480 --> 00:52:02.679
go back to work, right? I personally think that

00:52:02.679 --> 00:52:07.400
jobs, you know, you are replaceable in the end

00:52:07.400 --> 00:52:10.539
of the day. Like, if that's what you need for

00:52:10.539 --> 00:52:13.780
your own self, great, all the power to you. And

00:52:13.780 --> 00:52:16.360
I, you know, support that 100 % if that's what

00:52:16.360 --> 00:52:19.300
you moms feel like they need in their life. But

00:52:19.300 --> 00:52:22.440
I also think that, you know, they replaced my

00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:24.460
role in a matter of a couple months. I'm like,

00:52:24.559 --> 00:52:27.539
great, next person. And what was I sacrificing?

00:52:28.300 --> 00:52:30.539
all of my stay at home time for if they're just

00:52:30.539 --> 00:52:33.900
going to be like great next person right so I

00:52:33.900 --> 00:52:36.559
would just consider that too because you don't

00:52:36.559 --> 00:52:39.480
get these years back right well thank you so

00:52:39.480 --> 00:52:41.579
much is there anything else that you wanted that

00:52:41.579 --> 00:52:44.079
you just you know want to add or say if not that's

00:52:44.079 --> 00:52:46.300
fine yeah not that I can think of being mom's

00:52:46.300 --> 00:52:48.460
hard but it's great yeah yeah best thing say

00:52:48.460 --> 00:52:51.130
that Like all the time. Oh yeah. We text each

00:52:51.130 --> 00:52:55.269
other weekly. Like today sucked. Yeah. We'll

00:52:55.269 --> 00:52:57.769
try again tomorrow. Yeah. Mom support moms. I'm

00:52:57.769 --> 00:53:00.510
all for that. Yeah. It's hard. Yeah. Well, thank

00:53:00.510 --> 00:53:03.469
you for sharing your story and just really appreciate

00:53:03.469 --> 00:53:06.949
you and coming on and sharing. Thank you for

00:53:06.949 --> 00:53:09.389
having me. Yeah. Okay. Should we hop into our

00:53:09.389 --> 00:53:12.230
wins of the week? You want to go first? Sure.

00:53:12.449 --> 00:53:15.719
Um, so. we're trying to teach sharing right now,

00:53:15.820 --> 00:53:18.079
which I have like a little bit of a hot take

00:53:18.079 --> 00:53:21.420
where I feel like we force kids to share like

00:53:21.420 --> 00:53:24.219
an unnecessary amount. Like a lot of times it's

00:53:24.219 --> 00:53:25.440
like, you just have to share everything all the

00:53:25.440 --> 00:53:27.960
time. It's like, I don't do that as an adult.

00:53:28.139 --> 00:53:31.119
So like, I want to teach our kids like appropriate

00:53:31.119 --> 00:53:33.860
sharing and also how to kindly not share. Cause

00:53:33.860 --> 00:53:35.719
that I think is a big piece is like, you can

00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:37.460
say no, but you have to be nice about it. Yeah.

00:53:38.119 --> 00:53:42.340
So with Lloyd, kind of our general household

00:53:42.340 --> 00:53:45.059
rule right now is like, they're household toys

00:53:45.059 --> 00:53:47.579
so he can't just take those away from zeta if

00:53:47.579 --> 00:53:49.559
she's playing with them he can't take it away

00:53:49.559 --> 00:53:52.280
um but then also he has his toys so like that's

00:53:52.280 --> 00:53:55.460
mostly trucks and cars and stuff like that and

00:53:55.460 --> 00:53:57.519
those he doesn't have to share but he can't be

00:53:57.519 --> 00:53:59.099
mean about it so he can't just like rip it out

00:53:59.099 --> 00:54:01.719
of her hands he has to ask as much as you ask

00:54:01.719 --> 00:54:04.860
an eight month old um ask for it back and then

00:54:04.860 --> 00:54:06.960
i'm also trying to encourage him to like get

00:54:06.960 --> 00:54:09.460
her a toy so a lot of times he'll be like He's

00:54:09.460 --> 00:54:11.019
upset because she has Lightning McQueen. I'll

00:54:11.019 --> 00:54:13.219
be like, Zeta, Lloyd would like Lightning McQueen

00:54:13.219 --> 00:54:14.719
back. And then I, like, try to take it out of

00:54:14.719 --> 00:54:17.760
her hands and give it back. Thanks, Zeta. And

00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:20.019
then I'll ask him, like, hey, Lloyd, can you

00:54:20.019 --> 00:54:21.599
find something Zeta can't play with? Like, what

00:54:21.599 --> 00:54:23.699
is something you will share with her? Or is there

00:54:23.699 --> 00:54:26.039
one of her toys you can find? And he's pretty

00:54:26.039 --> 00:54:28.949
good about that. And so my win is that the other

00:54:28.949 --> 00:54:31.949
day she had one of his toys. That scenario happened.

00:54:32.030 --> 00:54:34.369
But I hadn't even asked him to get a toy for

00:54:34.369 --> 00:54:36.630
her yet. And he just like went and he brought

00:54:36.630 --> 00:54:39.690
her like seven toys. Just like so many options.

00:54:39.849 --> 00:54:42.949
Teething toy. Yes. Stuffed animal. And it was

00:54:42.949 --> 00:54:45.739
just really sweet that like. this like he's starting

00:54:45.739 --> 00:54:48.119
to learn this and I didn't prompt him at all

00:54:48.119 --> 00:54:50.760
yeah you can't have Lightning McQueen but you

00:54:50.760 --> 00:54:54.500
can have these 17 other toys yes I love it okay

00:54:54.500 --> 00:54:57.360
okay with that that's really good yeah I'm gonna

00:54:57.360 --> 00:55:00.019
take that advice yeah it's sort of working yeah

00:55:00.019 --> 00:55:02.579
great we'll see what long term does yeah right

00:55:02.579 --> 00:55:05.679
um okay my win of the week so it's kind of funny

00:55:05.679 --> 00:55:08.099
and I don't know if I don't know if it's like

00:55:08.099 --> 00:55:11.820
right parenting or not but um every time Colt

00:55:12.380 --> 00:55:15.000
like hits Cruz which is like where he's going

00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:17.579
through like a hitting phase especially when

00:55:17.579 --> 00:55:21.079
like Cruz grabs like one of his toys I will have

00:55:21.079 --> 00:55:25.019
Colt go up he goes up to his room and I'm like

00:55:25.019 --> 00:55:27.420
Colt you need to go sit on your bed and he goes

00:55:27.420 --> 00:55:29.940
and he sits on his bed and I'll like watch him

00:55:29.940 --> 00:55:32.119
on the monitor he sits there for like 10 seconds

00:55:32.119 --> 00:55:34.659
and I'm like okay when you're ready to come apologize

00:55:34.659 --> 00:55:37.539
you can come out and he goes and he sits for

00:55:37.539 --> 00:55:40.420
maybe 10 seconds comes running out and goes,

00:55:40.519 --> 00:55:44.420
sorry, Cruz, sorry, Cruz, sorry, Cruz. And I'm

00:55:44.420 --> 00:55:47.260
like, I don't know if I'm, like, doing right

00:55:47.260 --> 00:55:50.940
in this, like, timeout thing that I've taught

00:55:50.940 --> 00:55:53.199
him. Well, I'll say sorry no matter how much

00:55:53.199 --> 00:55:56.219
I try. I know Lloyd knows how to say the words

00:55:56.219 --> 00:55:58.420
I'm sorry, but any time I'm like, can you say

00:55:58.420 --> 00:56:04.780
I'm sorry to Zeta? just silence yeah so he i

00:56:04.780 --> 00:56:07.440
don't know like if he means sorry or if i've

00:56:07.440 --> 00:56:09.199
like conditioned him like that's just what he

00:56:09.199 --> 00:56:11.199
says when he comes out of the room but i'm like

00:56:11.199 --> 00:56:14.019
it also it helps me reset because i feel like

00:56:14.019 --> 00:56:17.110
when When Colt, especially when Colt hits Cruz

00:56:17.110 --> 00:56:20.050
and Cruz like starts crying and it hurts him.

00:56:20.230 --> 00:56:22.909
I like, there's something in me that's like so

00:56:22.909 --> 00:56:26.250
protective over Cruz and that situation that

00:56:26.250 --> 00:56:28.730
I just like, it makes me so frustrated that I'm

00:56:28.730 --> 00:56:31.449
like, Colt, you need to like, you gotta go take

00:56:31.449 --> 00:56:33.929
a second. And it's like a breather for him and

00:56:33.929 --> 00:56:38.230
a breather for me. And so I think like, yes,

00:56:38.289 --> 00:56:41.420
I'm not a huge fan of like. timeouts in general

00:56:41.420 --> 00:56:43.559
especially at this age but it's like actually

00:56:43.559 --> 00:56:47.360
just a good like reset for us and so yeah just

00:56:47.360 --> 00:56:49.420
a win like I don't know it's kind of working

00:56:49.420 --> 00:56:52.599
right now I don't think he really means he's

00:56:52.599 --> 00:56:55.760
sorry but you know how can a two -year -old really

00:56:55.760 --> 00:56:59.000
go through the motion yeah yeah yeah what about

00:56:59.000 --> 00:57:03.070
you Lindsay gosh our Two and a half year old.

00:57:03.090 --> 00:57:06.050
We have been potty training. I feel like in the

00:57:06.050 --> 00:57:08.750
thick for, it feels like ever, I think in the

00:57:08.750 --> 00:57:10.429
grand scheme of things, it hasn't been forever,

00:57:10.530 --> 00:57:14.150
but it's a small win, but we're on like day five

00:57:14.150 --> 00:57:17.949
of no accidents. Wow. That is huge. Because I

00:57:17.949 --> 00:57:19.929
feel like we kind of backslid there for a little

00:57:19.929 --> 00:57:24.849
bit. Yeah. And she is, it's like a, I don't know,

00:57:24.849 --> 00:57:28.139
70, 30. 30 chance that she'll actually sleep

00:57:28.139 --> 00:57:30.659
or nap during the day and so we've been putting

00:57:30.659 --> 00:57:33.500
a pull -up on her during nap time just in case

00:57:33.500 --> 00:57:36.039
um because the one time my husband didn't it

00:57:36.039 --> 00:57:39.619
was a whole disaster Um, I still give him crap

00:57:39.619 --> 00:57:42.280
about it. Yeah. So it's, I feel like we kind

00:57:42.280 --> 00:57:44.139
of backslid and then she like thinks she has

00:57:44.139 --> 00:57:45.539
a pull -up on, but she doesn't. And the amount

00:57:45.539 --> 00:57:47.840
of times I've said, just so you know, you don't

00:57:47.840 --> 00:57:49.900
have a pull -up. It's like, I should have a recording

00:57:49.900 --> 00:57:52.539
of it at this point, but we are on day five and

00:57:52.539 --> 00:57:54.719
now we're making longer trips out of the house.

00:57:54.760 --> 00:57:57.219
And, you know, Costco, we actually did the zoo

00:57:57.219 --> 00:58:00.019
this morning and she's getting better about being

00:58:00.019 --> 00:58:01.380
like, I have to go to the bathroom. I'm like,

00:58:01.480 --> 00:58:05.679
great, good job. You know, I'm trying to be positive

00:58:05.679 --> 00:58:08.929
and because. I don't, you know, try and tell

00:58:08.929 --> 00:58:10.710
two and a half year old, like you have to tell

00:58:10.710 --> 00:58:12.969
me when you need to go to the back. It just seems

00:58:12.969 --> 00:58:15.150
silly, but we're doing great. We're doing it.

00:58:15.190 --> 00:58:17.949
We're getting there. Um, there's not a ton of

00:58:17.949 --> 00:58:20.250
bribing going on anymore. So I feel like she's

00:58:20.250 --> 00:58:23.110
just kind of getting in the rhythm, which I will

00:58:23.110 --> 00:58:25.789
be very glad when we're fully potty trained.

00:58:25.929 --> 00:58:29.429
Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Two in diapers is not fun.

00:58:29.550 --> 00:58:33.000
No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like every second

00:58:33.000 --> 00:58:34.579
of my day, I'm changing a diaper. It's something.

00:58:34.960 --> 00:58:37.940
Yeah. And it's been great. Well, not, I use a

00:58:37.940 --> 00:58:41.639
great jokingly, but my son, 10 month old is in,

00:58:41.699 --> 00:58:43.659
he loves his little walker and he like cruises

00:58:43.659 --> 00:58:46.860
around. The problem is he gets everywhere very

00:58:46.860 --> 00:58:48.719
quickly. And so I'll be in the bathroom with

00:58:48.719 --> 00:58:50.820
her and then he comes like barging in. I'm like,

00:58:50.880 --> 00:58:53.440
ah, you know, so I'm like, Oh, be happy the day

00:58:53.440 --> 00:58:55.760
that she can just do it by herself. Like trying

00:58:55.760 --> 00:58:58.420
to hold him back. She's screaming. He's crying.

00:58:58.480 --> 00:59:01.900
I'm like, Oh gosh. the overstimulation. Yeah.

00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:03.960
And you're in the bathroom like 12 times a day.

00:59:03.980 --> 00:59:06.760
So it's so fun. Yeah. It's good though. Yeah.

00:59:06.800 --> 00:59:09.420
Well, thank you, Lindsay, for hopping on today.

00:59:09.579 --> 00:59:12.300
We appreciate you. Appreciate your story. And

00:59:12.300 --> 00:59:14.860
hopefully you guys liked today's episode. Let

00:59:14.860 --> 00:59:18.019
us know what you think on Instagram at nomanualpodcast.

00:59:18.280 --> 00:59:21.179
And we will see you next week. See you next week.

00:59:21.480 --> 00:59:24.880
Well, that's enough oversharing for today. If

00:59:24.880 --> 00:59:26.679
you enjoyed hanging out with us, hit subscribe

00:59:26.679 --> 00:59:29.739
so you don't miss the next round of chaos. And

00:59:29.739 --> 00:59:31.400
if you're listening while hiding in the bathroom

00:59:31.400 --> 00:59:34.099
from your kids, no judgment, we see you. Thanks

00:59:34.099 --> 00:59:36.900
for joining us on No Manual Momcast, where motherhood

00:59:36.900 --> 00:59:40.559
is messy. At least we can laugh about it together.