WEBVTT 00:00:13.419 --> 00:00:15.539 motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry 00:00:15.539 --> 00:00:18.280 is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising 00:00:18.280 --> 00:00:20.920 tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh 00:00:20.920 --> 00:00:23.859 at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you 00:00:23.859 --> 00:00:25.940 that none of us actually know what we're doing 00:00:25.940 --> 00:00:29.100 this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend 00:00:29.100 --> 00:00:31.710 group chat but with microphones Welcome back 00:00:31.710 --> 00:00:36.009 to No Manual Momcast. Hey guys, we are talking 00:00:36.009 --> 00:00:40.429 about loneliness and motherhood today. And I 00:00:40.429 --> 00:00:43.310 think we'll, yeah, we'll chat about some statistics. 00:00:43.429 --> 00:00:47.250 We'll chat about just like the commonality of 00:00:47.250 --> 00:00:51.450 this. But before we hop right in, let's go into 00:00:51.450 --> 00:00:54.789 our mom moments of the week. Yeah, I can start 00:00:54.789 --> 00:00:58.909 with mine. So we're in a full -blown car phase. 00:00:59.210 --> 00:01:01.909 Lloyd loves cars. Love it. Everything, movie, 00:01:02.130 --> 00:01:05.409 all three movies, cars down the street, his toy 00:01:05.409 --> 00:01:10.010 cars, all that. And my mom actually got him a 00:01:10.010 --> 00:01:13.650 little toy car. It's like, I'm trying to describe 00:01:13.650 --> 00:01:15.629 how big it is. So it's definitely bigger than 00:01:15.629 --> 00:01:17.969 like a Hot Wheels or something. But like maybe 00:01:17.969 --> 00:01:20.450 like four inches, four or five inches long and 00:01:20.450 --> 00:01:22.480 like. two inches tall, something like that. And 00:01:22.480 --> 00:01:25.459 it's a classic truck that I gave my parents a 00:01:25.459 --> 00:01:27.000 hard time because that's a classic truck that 00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:29.780 I've always wanted. And my dad said that Lloyd 00:01:29.780 --> 00:01:31.780 didn't ask for a real one, so that's why he got 00:01:31.780 --> 00:01:35.980 it. Just like, okay, that's fair. But Lloyd has 00:01:35.980 --> 00:01:38.959 never had a toy have such a hold on him. Really? 00:01:39.239 --> 00:01:43.340 Like, he loves this car more than... Really? 00:01:43.579 --> 00:01:46.599 So first, my parents got it for him, and he went 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:48.140 to their house, and they showed it to him, and 00:01:48.140 --> 00:01:51.219 he was playing with it. And when we picked him 00:01:51.219 --> 00:01:53.980 up to go home, we were like, okay, buddy, say 00:01:53.980 --> 00:01:55.760 bye to your truck. You've got to put it down. 00:01:56.780 --> 00:01:59.980 Tears. Absolute, complete meltdown. And we're 00:01:59.980 --> 00:02:02.579 like, you know what? It's late. It's dinner time. 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:05.900 He's tired, hungry, all the things. It's probably 00:02:05.900 --> 00:02:09.620 just everything. Then a couple days later, when 00:02:09.620 --> 00:02:12.560 my parents took him for the day, They come back 00:02:12.560 --> 00:02:15.400 and there's the truck and they're like, he took 00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:18.780 a nap with it. He took a nap. He would not set 00:02:18.780 --> 00:02:20.599 it down when we were leaving. My mom was like, 00:02:20.680 --> 00:02:22.580 I made like a little garage for the truck so 00:02:22.580 --> 00:02:24.219 he could be like, this is where the truck lives. 00:02:24.379 --> 00:02:29.419 Yeah. Nope. Wow. So now every day, like thankfully 00:02:29.419 --> 00:02:31.879 I can get him to put it down for like nap time 00:02:31.879 --> 00:02:34.539 or bedtime. But the second he wakes up, Lloyd's 00:02:34.539 --> 00:02:38.219 blue truck. Lloyd's blue truck. Truck, truck, 00:02:38.300 --> 00:02:41.870 truck. So the good news though is that. It does 00:02:41.870 --> 00:02:45.250 help me get him to do things. So if I'm trying 00:02:45.250 --> 00:02:46.849 to get him to go downstairs, I'm like, Lloyd, 00:02:46.949 --> 00:02:48.729 do you want to go see your truck? And he's like, 00:02:48.830 --> 00:02:51.889 yes. And yes, he wants to go see his truck. That's 00:02:51.889 --> 00:02:54.610 so cute. But I've never seen a toy have such 00:02:54.610 --> 00:02:59.129 a hold on him like this. Wow. He's obsessed with 00:02:59.129 --> 00:03:01.169 it. He carries it everywhere with him. That's 00:03:01.169 --> 00:03:03.740 so cute. You better buy it. 20 of them we have 00:03:03.740 --> 00:03:06.759 to yeah yeah we yeah i try not to let him actually 00:03:06.759 --> 00:03:08.520 take it places like we have to leave in the car 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:12.620 i don't want to risk losing it no that yeah that 00:03:12.620 --> 00:03:16.780 is a tragedy for sure yeah okay my mom moment 00:03:16.780 --> 00:03:21.159 um so we have been um going to chick -fil -a 00:03:21.159 --> 00:03:25.020 often which like honestly is not new news for 00:03:25.020 --> 00:03:26.860 us like our family we're a chick -fil -a family 00:03:27.719 --> 00:03:30.139 And I know we've talked about it in past episodes 00:03:30.139 --> 00:03:32.080 that we couldn't find a play place anywhere, 00:03:32.180 --> 00:03:35.159 but this Chick -fil -A has a play place. So we 00:03:35.159 --> 00:03:37.280 went to Chick -fil -A last night with the intention 00:03:37.280 --> 00:03:39.539 of like this is our outing for the night because 00:03:39.539 --> 00:03:41.319 we're going to like Colt's going to play on the 00:03:41.319 --> 00:03:44.199 play place. We're going to have dinner. And so 00:03:44.199 --> 00:03:46.800 we eat dinner first, which is great because this 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:49.599 Chick -fil -A has booths. And so we like sit 00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:52.099 in the booth and kind of like lock Colt in on 00:03:52.099 --> 00:03:55.639 one side, which is like. I love that. And then 00:03:55.639 --> 00:03:57.900 he knows he gets to play in the play place after. 00:03:58.479 --> 00:04:01.099 And so we go in the play place and then Colt 00:04:01.099 --> 00:04:03.740 all of a sudden is like squatting underneath 00:04:03.740 --> 00:04:07.219 like the stairs of this play place. I'm like, 00:04:07.240 --> 00:04:09.860 Colty, what are you doing? And he goes, I'm pooping. 00:04:10.199 --> 00:04:13.060 I'm like, oh no. And I look at my clothes like, 00:04:13.139 --> 00:04:16.100 I don't, I don't think I have a diaper. I don't 00:04:16.100 --> 00:04:21.560 have in the car. And then I remembered that I 00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:24.000 did have one diaper, but it was Cruz's diaper, 00:04:24.199 --> 00:04:28.139 which was a little bit smaller. Like, we've just 00:04:28.139 --> 00:04:31.139 switched him to the same size as Colt, which 00:04:31.139 --> 00:04:34.160 is crazy. Because, I mean, Cruz is a big boy. 00:04:34.379 --> 00:04:37.019 And so Colt and him are now in the same size 00:04:37.019 --> 00:04:39.860 diapers. But I had one of Cruz's old diapers 00:04:39.860 --> 00:04:43.819 in the car, which is a size 3, which isn't terrible. 00:04:44.649 --> 00:04:46.449 But I was like, okay, we're going to have to 00:04:46.449 --> 00:04:48.310 make this work. This is the option we have right 00:04:48.310 --> 00:04:52.829 now. Yeah. And so let Colt finish up. I go out 00:04:52.829 --> 00:04:55.589 to the car, grab the diaper, and thankfully I 00:04:55.589 --> 00:04:59.250 had wipes in the car too. I come back in, get 00:04:59.250 --> 00:05:01.589 Colt changed in the bathroom, which, like, this 00:05:01.589 --> 00:05:05.509 diaper is, like, I mean, it's pretty tight. Yeah. 00:05:05.629 --> 00:05:10.000 And so, yeah, that's really my mom moment. So 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:13.360 today I'm like, I restocked the car with diapers. 00:05:14.060 --> 00:05:19.660 And so I learned my lesson. But all around, highly 00:05:19.660 --> 00:05:22.459 recommend Chick -fil -A as an outing. Yeah, so 00:05:22.459 --> 00:05:25.740 we've gone there a couple times for just dinner 00:05:25.740 --> 00:05:29.000 or lunch and playing in the play place. Honestly, 00:05:29.139 --> 00:05:31.519 I'm like, I could do, like there's not a lot 00:05:31.519 --> 00:05:34.079 of things I feel like I can do with both kids 00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:38.129 on my own. necessarily like outing wise like 00:05:38.129 --> 00:05:41.430 i'm still i still get pretty nervous having both 00:05:41.430 --> 00:05:43.790 kids like out in public on my own because cole 00:05:43.790 --> 00:05:46.230 is like at that phase where he runs away from 00:05:46.230 --> 00:05:49.490 me yeah and so i feel like chick -fil -a is actually 00:05:49.490 --> 00:05:51.410 one that i'm like oh i think i could probably 00:05:51.410 --> 00:05:55.250 do this yeah on my own yeah the play place isn't 00:05:55.250 --> 00:05:59.129 close also it's a little bit of people understand 00:05:59.129 --> 00:06:01.209 more you know there's some places where you're 00:06:01.209 --> 00:06:02.889 like oh people are gonna judge me whether they 00:06:02.889 --> 00:06:06.509 are or not are judging you or not But Chick -fil 00:06:06.509 --> 00:06:09.009 -A is kind of understood. If you're here with 00:06:09.009 --> 00:06:11.170 little kids, it's going to be a little crazy. 00:06:11.350 --> 00:06:14.569 Yeah, so I feel like I could do that. Okay, well, 00:06:14.689 --> 00:06:17.949 today we've had a couple of episodes talking 00:06:17.949 --> 00:06:20.529 about mental health, all the things, but I thought 00:06:20.529 --> 00:06:24.209 it would be good to specifically talk about motherhood 00:06:24.209 --> 00:06:28.329 and loneliness and the correlation of that. Really, 00:06:28.470 --> 00:06:31.149 I feel like it might be good to start with this 00:06:31.149 --> 00:06:36.600 statistic that I read. It's the fact that a recent 00:06:36.600 --> 00:06:41.100 poll found 82 % of mothers report feeling lonely. 00:06:41.720 --> 00:06:44.660 That's a crazy high number. Yeah. But I feel 00:06:44.660 --> 00:06:47.819 like it makes sense to me. Yeah. Like when you 00:06:47.819 --> 00:06:51.160 told me that I was 0 % surprised. Yeah. Yep. 00:06:51.220 --> 00:06:54.839 Same. And it also, so it goes into a little bit 00:06:54.839 --> 00:06:57.500 more detail and it says many rely on digital 00:06:57.500 --> 00:07:01.920 connections rather than in -person support. And 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:07.019 I feel like. Yes, we live in a very technological 00:07:07.019 --> 00:07:14.180 age. So that makes sense to me. Yeah. I think 00:07:14.180 --> 00:07:16.720 the side of it too is like the digital connections. 00:07:17.300 --> 00:07:21.459 It's not really a fix necessarily for... Yeah, 00:07:21.459 --> 00:07:25.009 well, I think it's hard because... like there's 00:07:25.009 --> 00:07:27.189 a few pieces to it right where with a digital 00:07:27.189 --> 00:07:30.410 connection one you might be like two ships passing 00:07:30.410 --> 00:07:32.050 in the night kind of thing where i know even 00:07:32.050 --> 00:07:34.410 like for us if we're planning an episode a lot 00:07:34.410 --> 00:07:36.230 of times it's like i'll text you in the morning 00:07:36.230 --> 00:07:38.930 and then you respond in the afternoon when you're 00:07:38.930 --> 00:07:41.310 able to in the morning and then yeah and then 00:07:41.310 --> 00:07:43.129 i respond at dinner time and you respond at two 00:07:43.129 --> 00:07:45.230 in the morning and like that's just kind of how 00:07:45.230 --> 00:07:48.490 it works yeah which is one of the like nice things 00:07:48.490 --> 00:07:50.970 right is i don't feel like i need to be immediately 00:07:50.970 --> 00:07:53.709 available for people but then it does make it 00:07:53.769 --> 00:07:55.769 hard when you're the one in need right where 00:07:55.769 --> 00:07:57.790 you're like I you know if you're having a rough 00:07:57.790 --> 00:08:00.410 day and you like text someone and then they don't 00:08:00.410 --> 00:08:04.149 text back for six hours you're like you could 00:08:04.149 --> 00:08:07.029 be over it or whatever or maybe you're not in 00:08:07.029 --> 00:08:09.149 it but you're just like it doesn't feel like 00:08:09.149 --> 00:08:12.029 you're important yeah so that can be really hard 00:08:12.029 --> 00:08:16.250 and then there's also this level of because of 00:08:16.250 --> 00:08:18.449 technology I think and I feel like maybe I've 00:08:18.449 --> 00:08:20.569 mentioned this before We're close with people 00:08:20.569 --> 00:08:22.990 who aren't like physically and geographically 00:08:22.990 --> 00:08:26.389 close to us. Yeah. Right. Where, and that makes 00:08:26.389 --> 00:08:29.250 it harder for a lot of our physical needs to 00:08:29.250 --> 00:08:33.230 be met in the community and the perks, I guess, 00:08:33.230 --> 00:08:37.529 of friendship that meet physical needs aren't 00:08:37.529 --> 00:08:39.970 met as quickly. Yeah. Right. Where it's like 00:08:39.970 --> 00:08:42.830 for you and I, if you text me, you're like, I 00:08:42.830 --> 00:08:46.269 forgot milk. Like. If we lived next door, I'd 00:08:46.269 --> 00:08:47.870 be like, oh, well, I'm going to go to the grocery 00:08:47.870 --> 00:08:50.169 store today anyways. I'll pick up milk for you 00:08:50.169 --> 00:08:52.629 and it's not a big deal. But we live 20 minutes 00:08:52.629 --> 00:08:55.149 apart. So it's like I'm probably, you know. It's 00:08:55.149 --> 00:08:57.450 probably easier if you just make a trip. Yeah. 00:08:57.809 --> 00:09:00.769 Instacarted or something. Exactly. Yeah. So like 00:09:00.769 --> 00:09:03.789 technology is beautiful in so many ways. But 00:09:03.789 --> 00:09:07.450 then I think. there is this level of like making 00:09:07.450 --> 00:09:09.549 you close to people who are far away from you 00:09:09.549 --> 00:09:12.970 that just, it makes the community part hard because 00:09:12.970 --> 00:09:15.590 you do have community, but you don't have a lot 00:09:15.590 --> 00:09:18.509 of the necessary benefits of community, if that 00:09:18.509 --> 00:09:21.870 makes sense. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I thought 00:09:21.870 --> 00:09:24.370 some of these other statistics were interesting 00:09:24.370 --> 00:09:28.309 too. So this one specifically, it says that one 00:09:28.309 --> 00:09:31.029 of the key statistics is like feeling a loss 00:09:31.029 --> 00:09:34.350 of the village, the village meaning like the 00:09:34.350 --> 00:09:37.029 people around you. And it says a 2025 report 00:09:37.029 --> 00:09:40.190 suggests that mothers feel they have less of 00:09:40.190 --> 00:09:43.149 a support system or a village than their own 00:09:43.149 --> 00:09:46.230 mothers or grandmothers did. And I just thought, 00:09:46.250 --> 00:09:47.789 I thought that was really interesting because 00:09:47.789 --> 00:09:52.629 I'm like, we live, like we have access to everything, 00:09:52.870 --> 00:09:56.690 anyone at the touch of a button, but yet we're 00:09:56.690 --> 00:09:59.710 feeling more and more lonely. more and more lonely 00:09:59.710 --> 00:10:03.190 than our grandmothers did when they couldn't 00:10:03.190 --> 00:10:05.110 you know they're just kind of like in the thick 00:10:05.110 --> 00:10:08.610 of motherhood maybe on their own with less of 00:10:08.610 --> 00:10:11.350 the technology piece yeah I thought that was 00:10:11.350 --> 00:10:14.009 super interesting do you feel like you connect 00:10:14.009 --> 00:10:19.029 to any of that yeah I mean I would say like I 00:10:19.029 --> 00:10:20.549 feel like I would have a hard time being like 00:10:20.549 --> 00:10:24.370 oh we have a village yeah talking to other people 00:10:24.370 --> 00:10:27.490 and especially moms who have been moms or who 00:10:27.490 --> 00:10:31.210 like When they were raising kids, their kids 00:10:31.210 --> 00:10:36.009 were our age or older, you hear a lot more of 00:10:36.009 --> 00:10:39.529 that. Again, just like, oh, I'll pick up milk 00:10:39.529 --> 00:10:43.870 for you or those kind of things. And I know I'm 00:10:43.870 --> 00:10:46.610 super envious when I hear those stories of how 00:10:46.610 --> 00:10:51.110 people rally around each other. There's also 00:10:51.110 --> 00:10:54.049 this level of being in the same room with someone 00:10:54.049 --> 00:10:57.659 is so connecting in a way that... texting and 00:10:57.659 --> 00:11:00.980 phone calls and facetime just never are right 00:11:00.980 --> 00:11:03.320 and i think that makes it hard and then from 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:06.419 a like practical standpoint kids behave differently 00:11:06.419 --> 00:11:08.539 when they're just with their mom i don't care 00:11:08.539 --> 00:11:12.059 what anyone says that is a fact yeah yeah so 00:11:12.059 --> 00:11:15.740 then when you're like in the thick of it i can 00:11:15.740 --> 00:11:18.000 text you and you can be like yeah i know that 00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:19.679 sucks but it's different than when we're in the 00:11:19.679 --> 00:11:22.539 same room together right because my kids are 00:11:22.539 --> 00:11:24.120 gonna act different and your kids are gonna act 00:11:24.120 --> 00:11:28.940 different And even if they're still crazy, they're 00:11:28.940 --> 00:11:31.399 maybe like 2 % better behaved sometimes. Oh, 00:11:31.419 --> 00:11:33.659 for sure. Or at least we're like literally in 00:11:33.659 --> 00:11:36.019 it together. Yeah. Right. There's something so 00:11:36.019 --> 00:11:38.779 different about the same reaction from your child 00:11:38.779 --> 00:11:42.500 when you're alone with them versus when you have 00:11:42.500 --> 00:11:45.340 a support. Yeah. When you have someone else to 00:11:45.340 --> 00:11:47.259 tell them to get off the table for the 10th time. 00:11:47.419 --> 00:11:50.320 Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. This quote 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:54.230 that I found, I just resonated with. so much 00:11:54.230 --> 00:11:57.309 it says motherhood can feel like a lonely journey 00:11:57.309 --> 00:12:01.169 for someone who is rarely ever alone yes I'm 00:12:01.169 --> 00:12:05.309 like that is so true like there are days where 00:12:05.309 --> 00:12:08.870 I get maybe 10 minutes to myself it feels like 00:12:08.870 --> 00:12:11.590 to literally just like go to the bathroom and 00:12:11.590 --> 00:12:14.730 brush my teeth and those sometimes are the loneliest 00:12:14.730 --> 00:12:18.629 days yeah whenever I don't have a moment alone 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:22.299 yeah you know and and part of me feels guilty 00:12:22.299 --> 00:12:25.679 in that sense of like oh why do I feel so lonely 00:12:25.679 --> 00:12:28.620 in this whenever I'm literally living my dream 00:12:28.620 --> 00:12:32.580 that I've prayed for and longed for for my entire 00:12:32.580 --> 00:12:35.840 life and then there's days where I'm like I think 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:38.879 I might be the loneliest I've ever been yeah 00:12:38.879 --> 00:12:41.399 so yeah I just feel like I resonated with that 00:12:41.399 --> 00:12:44.230 oh for sure and I think probably the majority 00:12:44.230 --> 00:12:47.549 of moms can. Well, it's hard because your connection 00:12:47.549 --> 00:12:50.649 with your kids isn't the same as like an adult 00:12:50.649 --> 00:12:53.289 connection or friendship, right? Because we're 00:12:53.289 --> 00:12:56.149 not venting to it, or at least if we're a healthy 00:12:56.149 --> 00:12:58.110 relationship, it should be that you're not venting 00:12:58.110 --> 00:13:01.490 to your kids, especially about them. Yeah, yes. 00:13:01.830 --> 00:13:04.429 But yeah, the kind of interaction you have with 00:13:04.429 --> 00:13:07.230 your kids is and should be different than it 00:13:07.230 --> 00:13:08.950 would be with a friendship and then with another 00:13:08.950 --> 00:13:12.539 adult. And so I think like that is what... As 00:13:12.539 --> 00:13:14.759 moms, we crave so much and get so little of. 00:13:14.940 --> 00:13:17.799 Yeah. Do you feel like, like, at least for me, 00:13:17.879 --> 00:13:20.720 I feel like, okay, I work from home part time. 00:13:21.360 --> 00:13:23.539 And then I work from the office other times. 00:13:23.940 --> 00:13:27.399 But I feel like what would be helpful, like, 00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:30.120 in those times of loneliness is, like, okay, 00:13:30.139 --> 00:13:32.799 let me call you up. And, like, let's just, like, 00:13:32.840 --> 00:13:35.419 do this parenting thing together. Yeah. But I 00:13:35.419 --> 00:13:38.580 feel like I'm someone who's, like, my kids need 00:13:38.580 --> 00:13:43.059 to stick to routine. It just is hard to do that. 00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:45.620 And it's like, well, I think it's actually more 00:13:45.620 --> 00:13:48.799 convenient if I just like stay in this loneliness. 00:13:49.419 --> 00:13:52.059 Yeah. Rather than like get out of my shell a 00:13:52.059 --> 00:13:54.399 little bit. I don't know. Yeah. I definitely 00:13:54.399 --> 00:13:57.679 feel the same way. And like there's this level 00:13:57.679 --> 00:13:59.740 of like, I know she's going through stuff too, 00:13:59.799 --> 00:14:01.700 so I don't want to bother her. Yeah. Whether 00:14:01.700 --> 00:14:03.379 that's true, you know, whether it be a bother 00:14:03.379 --> 00:14:05.419 or not, or whether it be a bother that it's like, 00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:07.940 oh. We're in this together kind of thing, you 00:14:07.940 --> 00:14:10.500 know? Yeah, there's, like, that kind of head 00:14:10.500 --> 00:14:12.460 trash that's, like, oh, not even necessarily, 00:14:12.460 --> 00:14:15.059 like, someone doesn't care, but, like, I don't 00:14:15.059 --> 00:14:17.340 want to, like, put more on them. I definitely 00:14:17.340 --> 00:14:20.620 have that a lot. Yeah, I feel like, I don't know, 00:14:20.620 --> 00:14:23.120 I feel like this is something, and I know we've 00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:25.759 talked about, like, postpartum depression, mental 00:14:25.759 --> 00:14:28.139 health, this is, like, more of a long -term, 00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:33.179 like, I think moms can feel the loneliness in 00:14:33.179 --> 00:14:36.139 any stage. Yeah. Obviously, we haven't experienced 00:14:36.139 --> 00:14:40.740 past two years old with our kids, but I think 00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:44.139 that this is something that we'll probably experience. 00:14:44.679 --> 00:14:48.519 Yeah. I think one thing, do you feel like being 00:14:48.519 --> 00:14:51.059 this like, especially in our situation where 00:14:51.059 --> 00:14:55.139 we're working stay -at -home moms, that that 00:14:55.139 --> 00:14:58.100 makes it harder? Because I know for me... when 00:14:58.100 --> 00:15:00.980 I was on maternity leave with Lloyd I had so 00:15:00.980 --> 00:15:03.120 many moms be like oh you have to join a mops 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:05.399 group and I know that they meant it from like 00:15:05.399 --> 00:15:07.740 the kindest part you know they were so kind and 00:15:07.740 --> 00:15:11.049 came from a good place But it made me so mad 00:15:11.049 --> 00:15:12.769 because I was like, the thing is, mops groups 00:15:12.769 --> 00:15:15.970 happen at like 10 a .m. on a Tuesday. And I have 00:15:15.970 --> 00:15:18.649 to go back to work. Yeah. So, you know, I can't 00:15:18.649 --> 00:15:20.389 go back to work and tell my boss, be like, hey, 00:15:20.409 --> 00:15:24.009 by the way, every Tuesday I need two hours, two, 00:15:24.129 --> 00:15:27.009 four hours off, however long off to go do this 00:15:27.009 --> 00:15:28.909 thing because I have a job that I have to go 00:15:28.909 --> 00:15:32.029 back to. Yeah. And so, like, I think those resources 00:15:32.029 --> 00:15:34.830 are amazing. And I'm so. you know happy for the 00:15:34.830 --> 00:15:36.769 moms who get to take advantage of them but then 00:15:36.769 --> 00:15:38.389 there's some of us who just we don't have that 00:15:38.389 --> 00:15:40.809 option yeah so then it like kind of makes it 00:15:40.809 --> 00:15:45.409 worse yeah i feel that 100 i feel like yeah work 00:15:45.409 --> 00:15:49.309 from home moms for me i'm like i i need to be 00:15:49.309 --> 00:15:54.009 available and ready for emails phone calls all 00:15:54.009 --> 00:15:57.110 the things from nine to five yeah so i don't 00:15:57.110 --> 00:15:59.889 have time to take my kids to farm school right 00:15:59.889 --> 00:16:02.649 now even though i would absolutely love to i 00:16:02.649 --> 00:16:05.490 would love to But I can take my kids to activities 00:16:05.490 --> 00:16:09.210 on Fridays and Saturdays on my days off. And 00:16:09.210 --> 00:16:11.970 unfortunately, that's just part of our routine 00:16:11.970 --> 00:16:15.169 that we're having to stick to right now. Yeah. 00:16:15.450 --> 00:16:19.450 And I don't know. It can feel like you're kind 00:16:19.450 --> 00:16:22.830 of stuck in this bubble. Yeah. And not really 00:16:22.830 --> 00:16:27.110 sure how to get out of it, I guess. And I know, 00:16:27.230 --> 00:16:30.490 so we, I don't know if we actually talked about 00:16:30.490 --> 00:16:34.279 this. On these episodes, when we reviewed the 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:37.220 remaining you while raising them, one of the 00:16:37.220 --> 00:16:40.139 things she talked about in that book is you have 00:16:40.139 --> 00:16:42.919 to like kind of date friends. Like, you know, 00:16:42.919 --> 00:16:45.279 the way you would like find a romantic partner 00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:46.899 is like you go on a date or two and find out 00:16:46.899 --> 00:16:48.840 if you're compatible. And you have to do that 00:16:48.840 --> 00:16:52.759 with friends to figure that out. And I feel like, 00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:54.899 I mean, I guess I didn't do a ton of dating. 00:16:54.919 --> 00:16:58.460 I got married fairly young. But I feel like it's 00:16:58.460 --> 00:17:01.590 so much harder with friends. Because, like, with 00:17:01.590 --> 00:17:03.029 a romantic partner, there are certain things 00:17:03.029 --> 00:17:04.809 where, like, that's a deal breaker. Like, I'm 00:17:04.809 --> 00:17:06.250 not spending my life with someone who, like, 00:17:06.329 --> 00:17:08.349 that's their belief or this is whatever. Where 00:17:08.349 --> 00:17:09.869 with friends, that's a little bit different, 00:17:09.990 --> 00:17:13.630 right? Yeah. Oh, for sure. I feel that it's so 00:17:13.630 --> 00:17:15.829 hard when, too, when, like, your friends are 00:17:15.829 --> 00:17:19.670 in different phases of life, too. Like, I think 00:17:19.670 --> 00:17:23.109 for us, it's so easy to connect because we have 00:17:23.109 --> 00:17:25.410 so many similarities. Our kids are the same age. 00:17:26.200 --> 00:17:28.480 We both work from home. We're going to have similar 00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:31.400 nap schedules. Yeah. Like activities we can go 00:17:31.400 --> 00:17:34.160 to are similar. Yeah. That kind of thing. Exactly. 00:17:34.500 --> 00:17:38.180 And so I don't think I've necessarily done the 00:17:38.180 --> 00:17:40.279 whole like dating friends thing. I definitely 00:17:40.279 --> 00:17:42.539 haven't. Yeah. And it sounds terrible to me. 00:17:42.619 --> 00:17:45.839 Yeah. And I think I'm starting to try to branch 00:17:45.839 --> 00:17:47.539 out a little bit. Like we were going to do an 00:17:47.539 --> 00:17:50.039 episode about trying to find like mom friends. 00:17:50.380 --> 00:17:53.380 But I don't think I like. But we have zero advice. 00:17:53.380 --> 00:17:57.380 Yeah. I don't think I have. any idea yet other 00:17:57.380 --> 00:18:00.319 than just like trying to put myself out there 00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:04.920 and like it requires intentionality that I think 00:18:04.920 --> 00:18:08.519 like even just the whole like topic of loneliness 00:18:08.519 --> 00:18:11.579 like it requires intentionality yeah to try to 00:18:11.579 --> 00:18:15.819 to try to get out of and in the thick of it it's 00:18:15.819 --> 00:18:18.599 like do I have the energy that's one of the things 00:18:18.599 --> 00:18:20.819 that I know I've had a really tough time with 00:18:20.819 --> 00:18:23.690 is just To be honest, I'm not super good at, 00:18:23.730 --> 00:18:25.410 like, making friends and putting myself out there 00:18:25.410 --> 00:18:27.450 to begin with. That's not, like, some people 00:18:27.450 --> 00:18:29.950 naturally have that skill set and personality, 00:18:30.109 --> 00:18:33.069 and that's not me. But then, like, I know I have 00:18:33.069 --> 00:18:34.509 to get out of my comfort zone, blah, blah, blah. 00:18:35.250 --> 00:18:38.269 Stuart has given me this lecture a thousand times. 00:18:38.769 --> 00:18:41.609 But, yeah, just like you said, we're, like, when 00:18:41.609 --> 00:18:44.789 I'm not sleeping through the nights, my child 00:18:44.789 --> 00:18:47.829 is waking up still, and I'm up early, and I'm, 00:18:47.829 --> 00:18:50.650 you know. all the things are happening you're 00:18:50.650 --> 00:18:53.150 just like when you're in survival mode the thought 00:18:53.150 --> 00:18:56.630 of like one more thing is just overwhelming and 00:18:56.630 --> 00:18:59.369 then especially for like one more thing that 00:18:59.369 --> 00:19:02.029 you're like oh is this like am I gonna like hang 00:19:02.029 --> 00:19:04.569 out with this mom friend once and it's gonna 00:19:04.569 --> 00:19:06.769 be super awkward and we're never gonna talk again 00:19:07.660 --> 00:19:09.720 then like that's even more discouraging, right? 00:19:09.799 --> 00:19:11.240 You're like, is it worth it if it doesn't work 00:19:11.240 --> 00:19:13.200 out? Yeah. Which of course I know is probably 00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:16.440 a really terrible attitude to have. But reality. 00:19:16.740 --> 00:19:18.859 Yeah. And I think about like, okay, I think about 00:19:18.859 --> 00:19:22.039 moms that are like raising middle school, high 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:25.059 schoolers right now. I'm like, okay, there's 00:19:25.059 --> 00:19:27.900 afterschool activities. There's... There's natural 00:19:27.900 --> 00:19:30.319 ways to meet each other. Yeah. There's natural 00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:33.500 ways to meet each other. But also it's like the 00:19:33.500 --> 00:19:35.789 side of it of like... there's all these things 00:19:35.789 --> 00:19:38.890 that you're racing to. It's like, I can see the 00:19:38.890 --> 00:19:41.789 difficulty in that too. Of like, no, I'm just 00:19:41.789 --> 00:19:43.569 going to kind of stick in my loneliness because 00:19:43.569 --> 00:19:46.109 it's like, no, I've got, I got to take the kids 00:19:46.109 --> 00:19:49.109 to school. I got to maybe go to work, maybe not. 00:19:49.430 --> 00:19:53.049 We got to get, you know, grocery shop, clean, 00:19:53.170 --> 00:19:56.329 laundry, all the things. It's like by the time 00:19:56.329 --> 00:19:58.730 you're, I don't know, even opening up the idea 00:19:58.730 --> 00:20:01.420 of, okay, I'm going to. be intentional about 00:20:01.420 --> 00:20:04.500 finding my way out of this loneliness. It's like, 00:20:04.579 --> 00:20:08.519 no, I don't, I win, you know? Yeah. Just, yeah. 00:20:08.579 --> 00:20:11.759 Finding time, finding energy. Yeah. Not that 00:20:11.759 --> 00:20:14.079 this is an excuse for any of it. I think it's 00:20:14.079 --> 00:20:16.880 just like a, it's just a reality. Yeah. The reality. 00:20:16.960 --> 00:20:21.200 It's like the relatability of it that 82 % of 00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:24.980 moms are feeling lonely. What are the 18 % doing 00:20:24.980 --> 00:20:27.500 that? Please tell us if you're part of the 18%. 00:20:27.500 --> 00:20:31.359 Yeah. Right. I'm like, I don't know what that 00:20:31.359 --> 00:20:33.940 what that looks like, because I mean, I think 00:20:33.940 --> 00:20:37.660 I think for me it comes in waves for sure of 00:20:37.660 --> 00:20:40.980 like feeling lonely, maybe feeling feeling sorry 00:20:40.980 --> 00:20:44.299 for myself, even though it's like, no, this is 00:20:44.299 --> 00:20:47.799 I'm living my best life right now. Yeah. Like 00:20:47.799 --> 00:20:51.480 two beautiful boys. It can just be lonely when 00:20:51.480 --> 00:20:54.390 you're talking to a toddler all day. Yeah, when 00:20:54.390 --> 00:20:56.589 you're trying to decipher what they're saying 00:20:56.589 --> 00:20:59.150 versus actually having a conversation with someone. 00:20:59.390 --> 00:21:02.529 Yeah, exactly. I know for me, like, it definitely 00:21:02.529 --> 00:21:05.150 started really early on. Would you say that too? 00:21:05.730 --> 00:21:12.150 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would say probably right when 00:21:12.150 --> 00:21:15.509 Michael went back to work right after Colt had 00:21:15.509 --> 00:21:18.230 been born. We don't have family that lives in 00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:23.220 the area. And so I think I felt it pretty. quickly 00:21:23.220 --> 00:21:26.279 postpartum like first time around yeah I've just 00:21:26.279 --> 00:21:29.880 like I don't know what I'm doing I don't necessarily 00:21:29.880 --> 00:21:33.339 feel like I have anyone around me who's gonna 00:21:33.339 --> 00:21:37.819 jump in jump in or like yes we had lots of people 00:21:37.819 --> 00:21:41.000 who wanted to help did help but there's just 00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:45.460 something about you just I just felt alone yeah 00:21:45.460 --> 00:21:47.799 I know for me and I think I've shared this before 00:21:47.799 --> 00:21:52.069 where with lloyd there's the first like six weeks 00:21:52.069 --> 00:21:55.450 where people people are bringing you meals people 00:21:55.450 --> 00:21:57.210 are asking how you're doing all this and then 00:21:57.210 --> 00:22:00.829 it's like the flip of a switch and it's like 00:22:00.829 --> 00:22:04.569 turning on a light and the rats run like that's 00:22:04.569 --> 00:22:06.650 how it felt where it's like everyone disappeared 00:22:06.650 --> 00:22:09.910 whoa um which like maybe it's a little dramatic 00:22:09.910 --> 00:22:11.769 i'm sure it is like i'm sure there are still 00:22:11.769 --> 00:22:14.609 people there who are like what the heck but like 00:22:14.609 --> 00:22:17.180 that is how it felt it's just like everything 00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:20.900 and everyone was gone yeah um is that kind of 00:22:20.900 --> 00:22:24.319 when it you felt it yeah first time well so i 00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:27.339 think like there was a little bit then and like 00:22:27.339 --> 00:22:28.980 i think one of the things i've noticed just like 00:22:28.980 --> 00:22:31.720 overall is like you don't necessarily notice 00:22:31.720 --> 00:22:33.980 it like every day right so you're just like getting 00:22:33.980 --> 00:22:36.299 through the day and you don't and like most of 00:22:36.299 --> 00:22:38.519 us aren't like seeing friends every single day 00:22:38.519 --> 00:22:42.059 unless you're like working with them um so it's 00:22:42.059 --> 00:22:43.240 like you get through the day and then all of 00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:45.819 a sudden it like hits and we're like oh when 00:22:45.819 --> 00:22:47.539 was the last time I talked to someone who wasn't 00:22:47.539 --> 00:22:50.180 my husband yeah I really don't know yeah and 00:22:50.180 --> 00:22:53.819 then there was a point in time it's like I have 00:22:53.819 --> 00:22:55.960 I had a fairly long maternity leave which I'm 00:22:55.960 --> 00:22:58.839 super super grateful for but it was like nearing 00:22:58.839 --> 00:23:01.779 the end of my maternity leave and there was a 00:23:01.779 --> 00:23:03.980 day when I was like oh the only time I've seen 00:23:03.980 --> 00:23:07.880 anyone in this time frame I initiated it yeah 00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:10.279 and that was like a super terrible feeling yeah 00:23:10.279 --> 00:23:13.140 I'm totally in the same boat what do you feel 00:23:13.140 --> 00:23:16.099 like I don't know if you felt like this has improved 00:23:16.099 --> 00:23:17.980 at all for you. Do you feel like there's any 00:23:17.980 --> 00:23:23.519 like coping mechanisms or, um, solutions that 00:23:23.519 --> 00:23:26.900 you're like, okay, well if I do this, I know 00:23:26.900 --> 00:23:28.960 that I'm setting myself up for a better week 00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:31.920 and, or maybe you're figuring it out. I'm definitely 00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:34.619 still figuring it out. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely 00:23:34.619 --> 00:23:37.619 don't. Especially going into like two kids now 00:23:37.619 --> 00:23:41.259 back at work. Yeah. All the things. Yeah. I feel 00:23:41.259 --> 00:23:44.799 like one of my coping mechanisms is FaceTiming 00:23:44.799 --> 00:23:48.559 my family. And I don't think it's a great coping 00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:51.059 mechanism. I mean, it's a level of connection. 00:23:51.140 --> 00:23:54.240 Yeah. It's a level of connection. But I also 00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:58.740 am like trying to not just have Colt like watch 00:23:58.740 --> 00:24:01.420 a screen all day. Sure. Yeah. You know. And that 00:24:01.420 --> 00:24:03.920 is one of the hard things too. Yeah. It's hard 00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:05.680 because it's like, oh, he's connecting with his 00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:10.519 family. But also like. we need to not be on screens 00:24:10.519 --> 00:24:14.480 and play and all the things. But I think, I think 00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:16.440 I'm still trying to figure it out too. I guess 00:24:16.440 --> 00:24:19.240 now that you say that, I don't know if I'd call 00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:21.519 this like a coping mechanism, but sort of, I 00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.059 guess. I know this is like super outdated and. 00:24:25.859 --> 00:24:29.099 As a 29, almost 30 year old, I probably shouldn't 00:24:29.099 --> 00:24:32.740 still use Snapchat, but still use Snapchat. Stuart 00:24:32.740 --> 00:24:35.539 and I have, I'll just take a second to brag on 00:24:35.539 --> 00:24:38.359 our streak. Oh my gosh. I don't know why we haven't 00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:41.059 gotten like Guinness Book of World Record. We 00:24:41.059 --> 00:24:45.819 hit 3 ,600 today. Wow. That is our streak. Wait, 00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:47.900 how many years is that? That's like. It's almost 00:24:47.900 --> 00:24:50.220 10 years. That? So it's almost as long as we've 00:24:50.220 --> 00:24:53.459 known each other. Not quite that long, but. wow 00:24:53.459 --> 00:24:56.940 um yes you guys better not lose that yeah has 00:24:56.940 --> 00:24:58.500 it have there been any days where you're like 00:24:58.500 --> 00:25:01.579 oh crap it's like 11 30 at night we got a snapchat 00:25:01.579 --> 00:25:04.259 real quick if you're about to lose a streak this 00:25:04.259 --> 00:25:06.059 is such a side tangent if you're about to lose 00:25:06.059 --> 00:25:08.980 a streak on a snap a snapchat streak they there's 00:25:08.980 --> 00:25:11.420 like a little hourglass to let you know and so 00:25:11.420 --> 00:25:13.960 there have been days when there's an hourglass 00:25:13.960 --> 00:25:16.259 and like you have to snap me right now is it 00:25:16.259 --> 00:25:19.039 like Okay, you have to snap him once and he has 00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:21.299 to snap back? I think that's technically how 00:25:21.299 --> 00:25:23.859 it works. Okay. Well, I think, yeah, it's something 00:25:23.859 --> 00:25:27.480 like that. Okay. But so Stuart and I have Snapchat. 00:25:27.680 --> 00:25:29.220 Like, we have our streak. And that's honestly 00:25:29.220 --> 00:25:31.039 a lot of how we communicate throughout the day. 00:25:31.140 --> 00:25:33.240 And so I'll, like, send him pictures of the kids. 00:25:33.359 --> 00:25:35.400 And also then that's a little bit of how he knows 00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:37.099 how our day is going and what to expect coming 00:25:37.099 --> 00:25:40.799 home. But then there are other people in, like, 00:25:40.900 --> 00:25:43.859 the next circle. That's not just Stuart. That, 00:25:43.900 --> 00:25:46.480 like. That's kind of a fun way to have a connection. 00:25:47.140 --> 00:25:49.279 Because it's not just, like, telling you, like, 00:25:49.319 --> 00:25:51.420 hey, this is what happened today. But so, like, 00:25:51.460 --> 00:25:54.700 my sister and her husband, they don't live in 00:25:54.700 --> 00:25:56.619 states. So that's a lot of how we, like, share 00:25:56.619 --> 00:25:58.059 what's happening with the kids with them. Like, 00:25:58.180 --> 00:26:01.619 here's a video of Lloyd saying a new word or 00:26:01.619 --> 00:26:04.359 Zeta rolling over. But it's, like, a weird thing 00:26:04.359 --> 00:26:06.380 because it's a social media platform that not 00:26:06.380 --> 00:26:09.400 a lot of adults use. Yeah, right. There's not 00:26:09.400 --> 00:26:12.650 a lot of people on it that I, like. Most of my 00:26:12.650 --> 00:26:14.890 friends aren't on it. But, like, it's a fun way 00:26:14.890 --> 00:26:18.250 to connect with the people who are. Yeah. Because, 00:26:18.309 --> 00:26:20.690 again, it's sharing just, like, a quick reality 00:26:20.690 --> 00:26:22.950 of your day, I think. But, again, that's not, 00:26:22.990 --> 00:26:25.690 like, it's, like, a coping mechanism and it's 00:26:25.690 --> 00:26:30.230 not a solution to, like, true loneliness. I think 00:26:30.230 --> 00:26:34.049 one thing that I'm trying to do, and it's not 00:26:34.049 --> 00:26:37.589 necessarily fixing the, like, loneliness, but 00:26:37.589 --> 00:26:41.130 I think it's helping combat. I don't know if 00:26:41.130 --> 00:26:43.349 that's the right verbiage, but it's like we try 00:26:43.349 --> 00:26:46.309 to get out of the house every day, even if it's 00:26:46.309 --> 00:26:49.210 just going to the park. I think that's overall 00:26:49.210 --> 00:26:51.809 good for – it's good for the kids. It's also 00:26:51.809 --> 00:26:54.609 good for my mental health. Yeah. You don't feel 00:26:54.609 --> 00:26:57.410 trapped by your house then. Yeah, exactly. And 00:26:57.410 --> 00:26:59.670 I think that's a big thing is like if I feel 00:26:59.670 --> 00:27:02.349 trapped in my house. then that's when like the 00:27:02.349 --> 00:27:05.730 thoughts spiral or like the feeling sorry for 00:27:05.730 --> 00:27:09.609 myself situation comes in. And if we just like, 00:27:09.650 --> 00:27:11.869 even if we, I know we've talked about this before, 00:27:11.890 --> 00:27:14.130 even if I just go and pick up like a target pickup 00:27:14.130 --> 00:27:18.130 order, it's like, no, I am capable. Like we can 00:27:18.130 --> 00:27:20.710 do this and we got out of the house and it's 00:27:20.710 --> 00:27:23.490 good for all of us. We got some fresh air. Yeah. 00:27:23.609 --> 00:27:26.710 Yeah. And I think that like helps almost like. 00:27:27.069 --> 00:27:30.670 reset my brain yeah um if I just like change 00:27:30.670 --> 00:27:33.329 my scenario or change I don't know change of 00:27:33.329 --> 00:27:37.069 scenery basically then I like it can almost flip 00:27:37.069 --> 00:27:40.569 the switch in my mind so I don't know recommendation 00:27:40.569 --> 00:27:44.930 or or yeah I mean I think like mental health 00:27:44.930 --> 00:27:48.089 wise getting outside is always always a good 00:27:48.089 --> 00:27:51.210 option um I mean I know this was one thing I 00:27:51.210 --> 00:27:53.750 heard for kids early on but I also I think it 00:27:53.750 --> 00:27:57.369 just applies to everyone is if like you can't 00:27:57.369 --> 00:27:59.549 get your kid to calm down to try going outside 00:27:59.549 --> 00:28:01.829 or putting them in water. And I think that works 00:28:01.829 --> 00:28:04.170 for, I think that's just like a nervous system 00:28:04.170 --> 00:28:06.549 reset for all humans. Cause I know for myself, 00:28:06.630 --> 00:28:09.069 like if I'm having a rough day, usually a shower, 00:28:09.109 --> 00:28:11.710 like might not fix it, but at least it gets me 00:28:11.710 --> 00:28:15.390 to like neutral instead of like ramped up and 00:28:15.390 --> 00:28:17.269 going outside, I think goes hand in hand with 00:28:17.269 --> 00:28:19.750 that. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I've done that many 00:28:19.750 --> 00:28:25.339 a times for myself or for. especially cold like 00:28:25.339 --> 00:28:28.779 if I cannot calm him down just if I take him 00:28:28.779 --> 00:28:32.079 outside usually that can like it at least helps 00:28:32.079 --> 00:28:35.359 him yeah come back to reality a little bit might 00:28:35.359 --> 00:28:38.859 not fix everything but at least yeah which is 00:28:38.859 --> 00:28:40.579 unfortunate that we're going to be going into 00:28:40.579 --> 00:28:42.920 winter and it's about to be negative degrees 00:28:42.920 --> 00:28:46.180 here in Colorado but yeah at least we don't it's 00:28:46.180 --> 00:28:48.299 not that cold the whole winter no we'll have 00:28:48.299 --> 00:28:50.700 some nice 60 degree days throughout yeah right 00:28:50.700 --> 00:28:53.680 it's one of the nice things yeah Yeah, I feel 00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:57.720 like that 82 % statistic is just sticking with 00:28:57.720 --> 00:29:02.539 me of like that's so wild. Well, and it's crazy 00:29:02.539 --> 00:29:05.759 because I feel like I'm the only one who feels 00:29:05.759 --> 00:29:08.619 alone. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So it's like all of us 00:29:08.619 --> 00:29:10.700 feel this way or like the majority of us feel 00:29:10.700 --> 00:29:13.259 this way. But my guess is all of us feel the 00:29:13.259 --> 00:29:15.519 same way I do where it's like, oh, everyone else 00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:18.240 has friend groups and it's just me. And I'm just 00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:22.609 over here alone. Yeah. No, that is. I think that's 00:29:22.609 --> 00:29:25.230 so true because I feel that too. And I think 00:29:25.230 --> 00:29:29.230 I can get trapped in my routine. And I think 00:29:29.230 --> 00:29:31.950 that I need to come out of my routine a little 00:29:31.950 --> 00:29:36.329 bit in order to maybe try to work on that side 00:29:36.329 --> 00:29:39.630 of it. But I think like the reality of this episode 00:29:39.630 --> 00:29:44.210 is like at least 82 % of us feel this way. So 00:29:44.210 --> 00:29:46.519 I think it's just. I don't know, it's normal. 00:29:46.740 --> 00:29:50.359 Yeah. Or common, sorry. Yes, we talked about 00:29:50.359 --> 00:29:53.299 this on a past episode. It's common. It should 00:29:53.299 --> 00:29:57.039 not be normal. Yeah. I mean, I think hopefully 00:29:57.039 --> 00:30:00.480 as talking about it helps other people not feel 00:30:00.480 --> 00:30:03.599 alone in their loneliness. Yeah, because it is 00:30:03.599 --> 00:30:06.019 really hard and it's hard to make new friends. 00:30:06.200 --> 00:30:08.859 Another thing I was realizing. as I was like 00:30:08.859 --> 00:30:11.180 kind of mentally preparing for this, is again, 00:30:11.220 --> 00:30:13.059 so if we like go back to the friend dating thing, 00:30:13.220 --> 00:30:16.900 if you're dating someone, like legitimately dating 00:30:16.900 --> 00:30:19.779 like romantic partners, you have like deal breakers, 00:30:19.779 --> 00:30:21.720 right? You're like, okay, if this person does 00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:23.259 believe this or doesn't believe this, like I'm 00:30:23.259 --> 00:30:25.859 looking for someone to share my life with. Whereas 00:30:25.859 --> 00:30:28.339 with friends, like... I'm not going to have the 00:30:28.339 --> 00:30:30.240 – there's probably still deal breakers, but it's 00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:31.559 going to look very different. But not as strict 00:30:31.559 --> 00:30:33.859 of boundaries maybe. Yeah, where it's like I 00:30:33.859 --> 00:30:36.700 don't need them to believe all the same things 00:30:36.700 --> 00:30:39.079 I do or, you know, have the exact same worldview 00:30:39.079 --> 00:30:42.539 I do. I don't want all of my friends' lives to 00:30:42.539 --> 00:30:44.859 look exactly like mine because, like, that's 00:30:44.859 --> 00:30:46.960 – That's kind of boring, monotone maybe. That's 00:30:46.960 --> 00:30:48.950 a weird echo chamber that, like – Personally, 00:30:48.970 --> 00:30:50.849 I don't want to be in. You're, like, obviously 00:30:50.849 --> 00:30:52.089 there are going to be certain friends that's, 00:30:52.109 --> 00:30:54.289 like, oh, you know, we do have a lot of very 00:30:54.289 --> 00:30:56.230 similar beliefs, so we've become closer or whatever. 00:30:56.690 --> 00:30:59.890 But so it's harder to, like, kind of differentiate 00:30:59.890 --> 00:31:03.609 of, like, who is worth continuing a friendship 00:31:03.609 --> 00:31:06.569 with, like, if that makes sense. Like, I guess 00:31:06.569 --> 00:31:08.789 maybe it takes longer to figure out, like, is 00:31:08.789 --> 00:31:10.410 this someone who I want to have a friendship 00:31:10.410 --> 00:31:13.170 with? Yeah. I think there's influence behind 00:31:13.170 --> 00:31:16.289 it, too. with kids it's like okay if they're 00:31:16.289 --> 00:31:17.809 going to be around your kids there's who do i 00:31:17.809 --> 00:31:21.430 want around my kids what are their kids like 00:31:21.430 --> 00:31:24.349 how are they raising their kids yeah what kind 00:31:24.349 --> 00:31:26.069 of influence are their kids gonna have on my 00:31:26.069 --> 00:31:28.329 kids like there's so much more depth to it i 00:31:28.329 --> 00:31:31.250 think than just like hey you're a cool person 00:31:31.250 --> 00:31:34.430 like we kind of get along We have some similarities. 00:31:34.809 --> 00:31:38.230 And then we also just live in a time that's so 00:31:38.230 --> 00:31:41.329 divisive right now, which is super unfortunate, 00:31:41.509 --> 00:31:43.769 where there is this level of like, well, if you 00:31:43.769 --> 00:31:47.349 disagree with me on one thing, we can't be friends. 00:31:48.769 --> 00:31:50.869 And again, there are going to be certain things 00:31:50.869 --> 00:31:52.789 where it's like, oh, maybe you're never allowed 00:31:52.789 --> 00:31:54.789 to be alone with my kids because you believe 00:31:54.789 --> 00:31:58.410 that. But I think it makes it really hard to 00:31:58.410 --> 00:32:00.650 be like, oh, well, we can be friends and just 00:32:00.650 --> 00:32:03.109 like. our friendship might just look a certain 00:32:03.109 --> 00:32:05.950 way because we have different beliefs um but 00:32:05.950 --> 00:32:07.690 because things are so divisive that makes it 00:32:07.690 --> 00:32:09.990 harder to just like become friends and you like 00:32:09.990 --> 00:32:12.670 kind of have to test the waters like are do you 00:32:12.670 --> 00:32:15.170 believe nope you don't okay like that's fine 00:32:15.170 --> 00:32:17.670 and so that just makes it harder to make friends 00:32:17.670 --> 00:32:20.009 in general yeah oh yeah but then again especially 00:32:20.009 --> 00:32:21.910 when you're like this person could potentially 00:32:21.910 --> 00:32:25.369 have influence on my kids and I do want to be 00:32:25.369 --> 00:32:28.819 picky about how my kids are influenced. Yeah. 00:32:28.880 --> 00:32:30.920 I'm like the standard that's going through my 00:32:30.920 --> 00:32:33.140 head is like, would I trust them to watch my 00:32:33.140 --> 00:32:36.000 kids while like I go on a date? Yeah. I'm like, 00:32:36.039 --> 00:32:38.200 is that the standard I'm going to set? Maybe. 00:32:38.619 --> 00:32:41.200 Probably a little bit more like complicated than 00:32:41.200 --> 00:32:42.720 that. But yeah. So again, there are going to 00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:44.819 be certain friends that you do trust that level 00:32:44.819 --> 00:32:46.480 and then certain friends are like, oh, you're 00:32:46.480 --> 00:32:48.160 just a play date friend. We're like, we'll go 00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:49.940 to the park together and our kids will play and 00:32:49.940 --> 00:32:53.000 we'll just kind of hang out too. Yeah. Yeah. 00:32:53.079 --> 00:32:57.349 I mean, loneliness is, I think, maybe the majority 00:32:57.349 --> 00:33:00.109 of the world. I think this is not even necessarily 00:33:00.109 --> 00:33:03.690 just motherhood too. It's like, I think our world 00:33:03.690 --> 00:33:06.630 is becoming more and more lonely, even though 00:33:06.630 --> 00:33:09.869 there's literally everything is that. Yeah. Well, 00:33:09.930 --> 00:33:12.309 I think it's like, we're constantly getting fake 00:33:12.309 --> 00:33:15.609 connection. Right. So then there's this, you 00:33:15.609 --> 00:33:19.130 feel like you're getting connection. Yeah. But 00:33:19.130 --> 00:33:22.730 you're not getting the like. genuine, deep connection, 00:33:22.910 --> 00:33:25.029 like fulfilling connection is maybe the better 00:33:25.029 --> 00:33:28.609 way to put it, that you need. So it's like I 00:33:28.609 --> 00:33:31.529 send you a meme, which I think is a great way 00:33:31.529 --> 00:33:34.650 to have a friendship, to start it. And it's like, 00:33:34.789 --> 00:33:37.049 oh, I get this, maybe like we both get this little 00:33:37.049 --> 00:33:39.710 dopamine hit, so we're like, oh, yay. But then 00:33:39.710 --> 00:33:42.529 this like knowing each other on a deep level 00:33:42.529 --> 00:33:44.849 doesn't exist. And so I think that's probably 00:33:44.849 --> 00:33:47.589 why. just like the world as a whole is missing, 00:33:47.789 --> 00:33:51.309 is like feeling so lonely is because with technology, 00:33:51.410 --> 00:33:54.589 so much is so much more superficial. Yeah. And 00:33:54.589 --> 00:33:56.470 you feel like you're getting this connection, 00:33:56.509 --> 00:34:00.690 but it's not like the connection we need to survive. 00:34:00.950 --> 00:34:04.089 Yeah. We're not living in community with each 00:34:04.089 --> 00:34:07.069 other. We're actually disconnecting. Yeah. Even 00:34:07.069 --> 00:34:09.409 though it might feel like the opposite. Yeah. 00:34:09.489 --> 00:34:11.510 It's like you said, like little dopamine hits 00:34:11.510 --> 00:34:14.239 or like bursts of. And also, I think that's a 00:34:14.239 --> 00:34:16.599 great way to start a friendship. Yeah, for sure. 00:34:16.860 --> 00:34:19.780 I mean... I don't think there's anything wrong 00:34:19.780 --> 00:34:21.639 with those kind of... I think that's a really 00:34:21.639 --> 00:34:25.420 good way to enter that connection, but it doesn't 00:34:25.420 --> 00:34:28.219 fulfill needs that I think we just inherently 00:34:28.219 --> 00:34:31.920 have as humans. Yes, yeah. We are designed to 00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:34.320 live in community with each other and not just 00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:38.360 online or through social media, but actually 00:34:38.360 --> 00:34:41.159 living in community with each other, hanging 00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:44.750 out and having... connection that way. So yeah, 00:34:44.750 --> 00:34:47.949 I don't know if you guys have any advice of like, 00:34:48.070 --> 00:34:51.389 how have you like combated this loneliness? How 00:34:51.389 --> 00:34:54.969 have you not necessarily solved it in your life, 00:34:55.030 --> 00:34:57.670 but like, what are some things or tools that 00:34:57.670 --> 00:35:01.849 you've put in place to avoid this or to help 00:35:01.849 --> 00:35:04.289 you get through a day that you might feel extra 00:35:04.289 --> 00:35:07.650 lonely? Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you're raising 00:35:07.650 --> 00:35:10.570 kids, when you're, you're not alone, but like 00:35:10.570 --> 00:35:14.329 it's loneliness is a feeling. So yeah, we'd love 00:35:14.329 --> 00:35:16.630 to hear what you guys have to say. Yeah. Maybe 00:35:16.630 --> 00:35:19.110 we'll have some like community stuff on Instagram 00:35:19.110 --> 00:35:22.530 to ask some questions and some polls to kind 00:35:22.530 --> 00:35:24.829 of show we're all in this together, even though 00:35:24.829 --> 00:35:27.409 it doesn't feel like we are sometimes. Yes. Oh, 00:35:27.489 --> 00:35:30.570 absolutely. Well, I don't know if there's a pretty 00:35:30.570 --> 00:35:32.690 bow to tie on that one. No, we've had a couple 00:35:32.690 --> 00:35:36.170 of those lately. Yeah. But do you want to share 00:35:36.170 --> 00:35:39.409 your win of the week? This could be our pretty 00:35:39.409 --> 00:35:43.429 bow. Yes. Okay. Yeah. So Lloyd is right. He's 00:35:43.429 --> 00:35:45.489 learning like new words every single day, right? 00:35:45.590 --> 00:35:47.349 So fun. But then, of course, a lot of them he 00:35:47.349 --> 00:35:49.610 doesn't really know how to say, right? That's 00:35:49.610 --> 00:35:52.289 the best. It's so cute. But since I'm the one 00:35:52.289 --> 00:35:56.570 who's with him like 150 % of the time, I'm just 00:35:56.570 --> 00:35:59.110 a Lloyd translator now. Yes. Which honestly is 00:35:59.110 --> 00:36:01.150 so sweet. Like sometimes it's a little bit annoying, 00:36:01.230 --> 00:36:04.210 but I think overall it's really sweet where he'll 00:36:04.210 --> 00:36:06.269 say something and like my parents will like, 00:36:06.269 --> 00:36:08.610 like, what is he saying? Or even Stuart. Stuart's. 00:36:08.989 --> 00:36:11.409 the second best, obviously, because he's around 00:36:11.409 --> 00:36:13.369 him the second most. But Stuart would be like, 00:36:13.409 --> 00:36:17.389 what does the, the, the, the mean? And when Stuart 00:36:17.389 --> 00:36:18.809 says that, I never know what he's talking about. 00:36:18.949 --> 00:36:20.989 I'm like, what? Lloyd doesn't say that. And then 00:36:20.989 --> 00:36:22.809 I'll go for me like, buddy, what did you say? 00:36:22.889 --> 00:36:25.230 And he'll say it like, oh, he means Yoshi. Or, 00:36:25.230 --> 00:36:28.070 oh, he means, and it's honest, like, it's hard 00:36:28.070 --> 00:36:29.849 when I don't know what he's trying to say and 00:36:29.849 --> 00:36:31.929 I feel bad because I know he gets frustrated 00:36:31.929 --> 00:36:33.849 and then I'm like, I'm trying to help you, but 00:36:33.849 --> 00:36:35.750 I don't know what you're trying to say. But it 00:36:35.750 --> 00:36:38.440 is really fun and like kind of special. to be 00:36:38.440 --> 00:36:40.179 like, oh, I'm the one who understands you better 00:36:40.179 --> 00:36:43.619 than anyone. And to learn, like, I know there's 00:36:43.619 --> 00:36:45.880 going to be a day when he's going to start pronouncing 00:36:45.880 --> 00:36:49.059 words right. Like, he's going to say truck instead 00:36:49.059 --> 00:36:52.980 of guck, and I'm going to cry. That's why I'm 00:36:52.980 --> 00:36:55.300 trying. I'm trying to take videos of, like, most 00:36:55.300 --> 00:36:56.760 of these things because I'm like, I just want 00:36:56.760 --> 00:37:00.070 to bottle up. colt's little voice forever i got 00:37:00.070 --> 00:37:02.630 all the pronunciation of things i literally took 00:37:02.630 --> 00:37:06.150 a voice memo today because he asks for snuggles 00:37:06.150 --> 00:37:07.829 right now and it's the cutest thing so he goes 00:37:07.829 --> 00:37:11.989 mama snuggle so i was like i have to get a voice 00:37:11.989 --> 00:37:14.349 memo of this because one day this is gonna be 00:37:14.349 --> 00:37:16.710 and you're gonna listen to that and cry session 00:37:16.710 --> 00:37:23.070 yeah yep 100 um okay my win of the week so cute 00:37:23.749 --> 00:37:26.190 that colt is like i've talked about it he's starting 00:37:26.190 --> 00:37:28.130 to take on the big brother role a little bit 00:37:28.130 --> 00:37:31.190 more so in our house we have a tri -level and 00:37:31.190 --> 00:37:34.489 anytime we go anywhere colt sits on the bottom 00:37:34.489 --> 00:37:37.969 step so i then i can help him put his shoes on 00:37:37.969 --> 00:37:41.329 um and yesterday he sat on the bottom step and 00:37:41.329 --> 00:37:44.130 then he goes hold cruise hold cruise and i was 00:37:44.130 --> 00:37:45.849 like oh you want to hold cruise on the stairs 00:37:45.849 --> 00:37:50.329 buddy i was like okay We can, yeah, sure. Anytime 00:37:50.329 --> 00:37:52.630 he asks to hold Cruz, I'm like, yeah, we will 00:37:52.630 --> 00:37:56.130 make this work, of course. Which is funny since 00:37:56.130 --> 00:37:58.469 you just mentioned earlier, I don't know if you 00:37:58.469 --> 00:38:00.530 mentioned in this episode, that they're in the 00:38:00.530 --> 00:38:02.750 same size diaper. Yes. So they're the same size. 00:38:02.829 --> 00:38:06.670 Yeah, pretty much. And so Cruz can't sit on his 00:38:06.670 --> 00:38:09.889 own, but instead I just like sat Cruz next to 00:38:09.889 --> 00:38:12.639 Colt and like held. cruise in like a sitting 00:38:12.639 --> 00:38:15.219 position and I wish I would have had a third 00:38:15.219 --> 00:38:18.480 hand because it was so cute and I wanted to take 00:38:18.480 --> 00:38:20.679 a picture but I was holding cruise and making 00:38:20.679 --> 00:38:22.519 sure Colt wasn't gonna just like slap him across 00:38:22.519 --> 00:38:25.159 the face but I like that's exactly how that moment 00:38:25.159 --> 00:38:28.699 oh for sure and then I like I was like Colt smile 00:38:28.699 --> 00:38:31.380 and then I was like cruisy smile and they both 00:38:31.380 --> 00:38:34.739 were like grinning ear to ear and I was like 00:38:34.739 --> 00:38:36.880 I just need someone else here so they can take 00:38:36.880 --> 00:38:40.500 picture and I just have it locked in my memory 00:38:40.500 --> 00:38:44.659 but it was just the sweetest thing and and i 00:38:44.659 --> 00:38:46.260 was like you know what this is just a glimpse 00:38:46.260 --> 00:38:48.659 of like them growing up together and it just 00:38:48.659 --> 00:38:51.860 makes me so happy so yeah that's so sweet that 00:38:51.860 --> 00:38:55.059 was my win yeah well that's enough oversharing 00:38:55.059 --> 00:38:57.699 for today if you enjoyed hanging out with us 00:38:57.699 --> 00:38:59.820 hit subscribe so you don't miss the next round 00:38:59.820 --> 00:39:02.500 of chaos and if you're listening while hiding 00:39:02.500 --> 00:39:04.719 in the bathroom from your kids no judgment we 00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:07.590 see you Thanks for joining us on No Manual Momcast, 00:39:07.849 --> 00:39:11.550 where motherhood is messy. At least we can laugh 00:39:11.550 --> 00:39:12.190 about it together.