motherhood where sleep is a rumor and laundry
is eternal and somehow we're supposed to be raising
tiny humans through it all we're here to laugh
at the chaos cry when necessary and remind you
that none of us actually know what we're doing
this is no manual a mom cast your mom friend
group chat but with microphones Welcome back
to No Manual Momcast. Hey guys, we are talking
about loneliness and motherhood today. And I
think we'll, yeah, we'll chat about some statistics.
We'll chat about just like the commonality of
this. But before we hop right in, let's go into
our mom moments of the week. Yeah, I can start
with mine. So we're in a full -blown car phase.
Lloyd loves cars. Love it. Everything, movie,
all three movies, cars down the street, his toy
cars, all that. And my mom actually got him a
little toy car. It's like, I'm trying to describe
how big it is. So it's definitely bigger than
like a Hot Wheels or something. But like maybe
like four inches, four or five inches long and
like. two inches tall, something like that. And
it's a classic truck that I gave my parents a
hard time because that's a classic truck that
I've always wanted. And my dad said that Lloyd
didn't ask for a real one, so that's why he got
it. Just like, okay, that's fair. But Lloyd has
never had a toy have such a hold on him. Really?
Like, he loves this car more than... Really?
So first, my parents got it for him, and he went
to their house, and they showed it to him, and
he was playing with it. And when we picked him
up to go home, we were like, okay, buddy, say
bye to your truck. You've got to put it down.
Tears. Absolute, complete meltdown. And we're
like, you know what? It's late. It's dinner time.
He's tired, hungry, all the things. It's probably
just everything. Then a couple days later, when
my parents took him for the day, They come back
and there's the truck and they're like, he took
a nap with it. He took a nap. He would not set
it down when we were leaving. My mom was like,
I made like a little garage for the truck so
he could be like, this is where the truck lives.
Yeah. Nope. Wow. So now every day, like thankfully
I can get him to put it down for like nap time
or bedtime. But the second he wakes up, Lloyd's
blue truck. Lloyd's blue truck. Truck, truck,
truck. So the good news though is that. It does
help me get him to do things. So if I'm trying
to get him to go downstairs, I'm like, Lloyd,
do you want to go see your truck? And he's like,
yes. And yes, he wants to go see his truck. That's
so cute. But I've never seen a toy have such
a hold on him like this. Wow. He's obsessed with
it. He carries it everywhere with him. That's
so cute. You better buy it. 20 of them we have
to yeah yeah we yeah i try not to let him actually
take it places like we have to leave in the car
i don't want to risk losing it no that yeah that
is a tragedy for sure yeah okay my mom moment
um so we have been um going to chick -fil -a
often which like honestly is not new news for
us like our family we're a chick -fil -a family
And I know we've talked about it in past episodes
that we couldn't find a play place anywhere,
but this Chick -fil -A has a play place. So we
went to Chick -fil -A last night with the intention
of like this is our outing for the night because
we're going to like Colt's going to play on the
play place. We're going to have dinner. And so
we eat dinner first, which is great because this
Chick -fil -A has booths. And so we like sit
in the booth and kind of like lock Colt in on
one side, which is like. I love that. And then
he knows he gets to play in the play place after.
And so we go in the play place and then Colt
all of a sudden is like squatting underneath
like the stairs of this play place. I'm like,
Colty, what are you doing? And he goes, I'm pooping.
I'm like, oh no. And I look at my clothes like,
I don't, I don't think I have a diaper. I don't
have in the car. And then I remembered that I
did have one diaper, but it was Cruz's diaper,
which was a little bit smaller. Like, we've just
switched him to the same size as Colt, which
is crazy. Because, I mean, Cruz is a big boy.
And so Colt and him are now in the same size
diapers. But I had one of Cruz's old diapers
in the car, which is a size 3, which isn't terrible.
But I was like, okay, we're going to have to
make this work. This is the option we have right
now. Yeah. And so let Colt finish up. I go out
to the car, grab the diaper, and thankfully I
had wipes in the car too. I come back in, get
Colt changed in the bathroom, which, like, this
diaper is, like, I mean, it's pretty tight. Yeah.
And so, yeah, that's really my mom moment. So
today I'm like, I restocked the car with diapers.
And so I learned my lesson. But all around, highly
recommend Chick -fil -A as an outing. Yeah, so
we've gone there a couple times for just dinner
or lunch and playing in the play place. Honestly,
I'm like, I could do, like there's not a lot
of things I feel like I can do with both kids
on my own. necessarily like outing wise like
i'm still i still get pretty nervous having both
kids like out in public on my own because cole
is like at that phase where he runs away from
me yeah and so i feel like chick -fil -a is actually
one that i'm like oh i think i could probably
do this yeah on my own yeah the play place isn't
close also it's a little bit of people understand
more you know there's some places where you're
like oh people are gonna judge me whether they
are or not are judging you or not But Chick -fil
-A is kind of understood. If you're here with
little kids, it's going to be a little crazy.
Yeah, so I feel like I could do that. Okay, well,
today we've had a couple of episodes talking
about mental health, all the things, but I thought
it would be good to specifically talk about motherhood
and loneliness and the correlation of that. Really,
I feel like it might be good to start with this
statistic that I read. It's the fact that a recent
poll found 82 % of mothers report feeling lonely.
That's a crazy high number. Yeah. But I feel
like it makes sense to me. Yeah. Like when you
told me that I was 0 % surprised. Yeah. Yep.
Same. And it also, so it goes into a little bit
more detail and it says many rely on digital
connections rather than in -person support. And
I feel like. Yes, we live in a very technological
age. So that makes sense to me. Yeah. I think
the side of it too is like the digital connections.
It's not really a fix necessarily for... Yeah,
well, I think it's hard because... like there's
a few pieces to it right where with a digital
connection one you might be like two ships passing
in the night kind of thing where i know even
like for us if we're planning an episode a lot
of times it's like i'll text you in the morning
and then you respond in the afternoon when you're
able to in the morning and then yeah and then
i respond at dinner time and you respond at two
in the morning and like that's just kind of how
it works yeah which is one of the like nice things
right is i don't feel like i need to be immediately
available for people but then it does make it
hard when you're the one in need right where
you're like I you know if you're having a rough
day and you like text someone and then they don't
text back for six hours you're like you could
be over it or whatever or maybe you're not in
it but you're just like it doesn't feel like
you're important yeah so that can be really hard
and then there's also this level of because of
technology I think and I feel like maybe I've
mentioned this before We're close with people
who aren't like physically and geographically
close to us. Yeah. Right. Where, and that makes
it harder for a lot of our physical needs to
be met in the community and the perks, I guess,
of friendship that meet physical needs aren't
met as quickly. Yeah. Right. Where it's like
for you and I, if you text me, you're like, I
forgot milk. Like. If we lived next door, I'd
be like, oh, well, I'm going to go to the grocery
store today anyways. I'll pick up milk for you
and it's not a big deal. But we live 20 minutes
apart. So it's like I'm probably, you know. It's
probably easier if you just make a trip. Yeah.
Instacarted or something. Exactly. Yeah. So like
technology is beautiful in so many ways. But
then I think. there is this level of like making
you close to people who are far away from you
that just, it makes the community part hard because
you do have community, but you don't have a lot
of the necessary benefits of community, if that
makes sense. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I thought
some of these other statistics were interesting
too. So this one specifically, it says that one
of the key statistics is like feeling a loss
of the village, the village meaning like the
people around you. And it says a 2025 report
suggests that mothers feel they have less of
a support system or a village than their own
mothers or grandmothers did. And I just thought,
I thought that was really interesting because
I'm like, we live, like we have access to everything,
anyone at the touch of a button, but yet we're
feeling more and more lonely. more and more lonely
than our grandmothers did when they couldn't
you know they're just kind of like in the thick
of motherhood maybe on their own with less of
the technology piece yeah I thought that was
super interesting do you feel like you connect
to any of that yeah I mean I would say like I
feel like I would have a hard time being like
oh we have a village yeah talking to other people
and especially moms who have been moms or who
like When they were raising kids, their kids
were our age or older, you hear a lot more of
that. Again, just like, oh, I'll pick up milk
for you or those kind of things. And I know I'm
super envious when I hear those stories of how
people rally around each other. There's also
this level of being in the same room with someone
is so connecting in a way that... texting and
phone calls and facetime just never are right
and i think that makes it hard and then from
a like practical standpoint kids behave differently
when they're just with their mom i don't care
what anyone says that is a fact yeah yeah so
then when you're like in the thick of it i can
text you and you can be like yeah i know that
sucks but it's different than when we're in the
same room together right because my kids are
gonna act different and your kids are gonna act
different And even if they're still crazy, they're
maybe like 2 % better behaved sometimes. Oh,
for sure. Or at least we're like literally in
it together. Yeah. Right. There's something so
different about the same reaction from your child
when you're alone with them versus when you have
a support. Yeah. When you have someone else to
tell them to get off the table for the 10th time.
Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. This quote
that I found, I just resonated with. so much
it says motherhood can feel like a lonely journey
for someone who is rarely ever alone yes I'm
like that is so true like there are days where
I get maybe 10 minutes to myself it feels like
to literally just like go to the bathroom and
brush my teeth and those sometimes are the loneliest
days yeah whenever I don't have a moment alone
yeah you know and and part of me feels guilty
in that sense of like oh why do I feel so lonely
in this whenever I'm literally living my dream
that I've prayed for and longed for for my entire
life and then there's days where I'm like I think
I might be the loneliest I've ever been yeah
so yeah I just feel like I resonated with that
oh for sure and I think probably the majority
of moms can. Well, it's hard because your connection
with your kids isn't the same as like an adult
connection or friendship, right? Because we're
not venting to it, or at least if we're a healthy
relationship, it should be that you're not venting
to your kids, especially about them. Yeah, yes.
But yeah, the kind of interaction you have with
your kids is and should be different than it
would be with a friendship and then with another
adult. And so I think like that is what... As
moms, we crave so much and get so little of.
Yeah. Do you feel like, like, at least for me,
I feel like, okay, I work from home part time.
And then I work from the office other times.
But I feel like what would be helpful, like,
in those times of loneliness is, like, okay,
let me call you up. And, like, let's just, like,
do this parenting thing together. Yeah. But I
feel like I'm someone who's, like, my kids need
to stick to routine. It just is hard to do that.
And it's like, well, I think it's actually more
convenient if I just like stay in this loneliness.
Yeah. Rather than like get out of my shell a
little bit. I don't know. Yeah. I definitely
feel the same way. And like there's this level
of like, I know she's going through stuff too,
so I don't want to bother her. Yeah. Whether
that's true, you know, whether it be a bother
or not, or whether it be a bother that it's like,
oh. We're in this together kind of thing, you
know? Yeah, there's, like, that kind of head
trash that's, like, oh, not even necessarily,
like, someone doesn't care, but, like, I don't
want to, like, put more on them. I definitely
have that a lot. Yeah, I feel like, I don't know,
I feel like this is something, and I know we've
talked about, like, postpartum depression, mental
health, this is, like, more of a long -term,
like, I think moms can feel the loneliness in
any stage. Yeah. Obviously, we haven't experienced
past two years old with our kids, but I think
that this is something that we'll probably experience.
Yeah. I think one thing, do you feel like being
this like, especially in our situation where
we're working stay -at -home moms, that that
makes it harder? Because I know for me... when
I was on maternity leave with Lloyd I had so
many moms be like oh you have to join a mops
group and I know that they meant it from like
the kindest part you know they were so kind and
came from a good place But it made me so mad
because I was like, the thing is, mops groups
happen at like 10 a .m. on a Tuesday. And I have
to go back to work. Yeah. So, you know, I can't
go back to work and tell my boss, be like, hey,
by the way, every Tuesday I need two hours, two,
four hours off, however long off to go do this
thing because I have a job that I have to go
back to. Yeah. And so, like, I think those resources
are amazing. And I'm so. you know happy for the
moms who get to take advantage of them but then
there's some of us who just we don't have that
option yeah so then it like kind of makes it
worse yeah i feel that 100 i feel like yeah work
from home moms for me i'm like i i need to be
available and ready for emails phone calls all
the things from nine to five yeah so i don't
have time to take my kids to farm school right
now even though i would absolutely love to i
would love to But I can take my kids to activities
on Fridays and Saturdays on my days off. And
unfortunately, that's just part of our routine
that we're having to stick to right now. Yeah.
And I don't know. It can feel like you're kind
of stuck in this bubble. Yeah. And not really
sure how to get out of it, I guess. And I know,
so we, I don't know if we actually talked about
this. On these episodes, when we reviewed the
remaining you while raising them, one of the
things she talked about in that book is you have
to like kind of date friends. Like, you know,
the way you would like find a romantic partner
is like you go on a date or two and find out
if you're compatible. And you have to do that
with friends to figure that out. And I feel like,
I mean, I guess I didn't do a ton of dating.
I got married fairly young. But I feel like it's
so much harder with friends. Because, like, with
a romantic partner, there are certain things
where, like, that's a deal breaker. Like, I'm
not spending my life with someone who, like,
that's their belief or this is whatever. Where
with friends, that's a little bit different,
right? Yeah. Oh, for sure. I feel that it's so
hard when, too, when, like, your friends are
in different phases of life, too. Like, I think
for us, it's so easy to connect because we have
so many similarities. Our kids are the same age.
We both work from home. We're going to have similar
nap schedules. Yeah. Like activities we can go
to are similar. Yeah. That kind of thing. Exactly.
And so I don't think I've necessarily done the
whole like dating friends thing. I definitely
haven't. Yeah. And it sounds terrible to me.
Yeah. And I think I'm starting to try to branch
out a little bit. Like we were going to do an
episode about trying to find like mom friends.
But I don't think I like. But we have zero advice.
Yeah. I don't think I have. any idea yet other
than just like trying to put myself out there
and like it requires intentionality that I think
like even just the whole like topic of loneliness
like it requires intentionality yeah to try to
to try to get out of and in the thick of it it's
like do I have the energy that's one of the things
that I know I've had a really tough time with
is just To be honest, I'm not super good at,
like, making friends and putting myself out there
to begin with. That's not, like, some people
naturally have that skill set and personality,
and that's not me. But then, like, I know I have
to get out of my comfort zone, blah, blah, blah.
Stuart has given me this lecture a thousand times.
But, yeah, just like you said, we're, like, when
I'm not sleeping through the nights, my child
is waking up still, and I'm up early, and I'm,
you know. all the things are happening you're
just like when you're in survival mode the thought
of like one more thing is just overwhelming and
then especially for like one more thing that
you're like oh is this like am I gonna like hang
out with this mom friend once and it's gonna
be super awkward and we're never gonna talk again
then like that's even more discouraging, right?
You're like, is it worth it if it doesn't work
out? Yeah. Which of course I know is probably
a really terrible attitude to have. But reality.
Yeah. And I think about like, okay, I think about
moms that are like raising middle school, high
schoolers right now. I'm like, okay, there's
afterschool activities. There's... There's natural
ways to meet each other. Yeah. There's natural
ways to meet each other. But also it's like the
side of it of like... there's all these things
that you're racing to. It's like, I can see the
difficulty in that too. Of like, no, I'm just
going to kind of stick in my loneliness because
it's like, no, I've got, I got to take the kids
to school. I got to maybe go to work, maybe not.
We got to get, you know, grocery shop, clean,
laundry, all the things. It's like by the time
you're, I don't know, even opening up the idea
of, okay, I'm going to. be intentional about
finding my way out of this loneliness. It's like,
no, I don't, I win, you know? Yeah. Just, yeah.
Finding time, finding energy. Yeah. Not that
this is an excuse for any of it. I think it's
just like a, it's just a reality. Yeah. The reality.
It's like the relatability of it that 82 % of
moms are feeling lonely. What are the 18 % doing
that? Please tell us if you're part of the 18%.
Yeah. Right. I'm like, I don't know what that
what that looks like, because I mean, I think
I think for me it comes in waves for sure of
like feeling lonely, maybe feeling feeling sorry
for myself, even though it's like, no, this is
I'm living my best life right now. Yeah. Like
two beautiful boys. It can just be lonely when
you're talking to a toddler all day. Yeah, when
you're trying to decipher what they're saying
versus actually having a conversation with someone.
Yeah, exactly. I know for me, like, it definitely
started really early on. Would you say that too?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I would say probably right when
Michael went back to work right after Colt had
been born. We don't have family that lives in
the area. And so I think I felt it pretty. quickly
postpartum like first time around yeah I've just
like I don't know what I'm doing I don't necessarily
feel like I have anyone around me who's gonna
jump in jump in or like yes we had lots of people
who wanted to help did help but there's just
something about you just I just felt alone yeah
I know for me and I think I've shared this before
where with lloyd there's the first like six weeks
where people people are bringing you meals people
are asking how you're doing all this and then
it's like the flip of a switch and it's like
turning on a light and the rats run like that's
how it felt where it's like everyone disappeared
whoa um which like maybe it's a little dramatic
i'm sure it is like i'm sure there are still
people there who are like what the heck but like
that is how it felt it's just like everything
and everyone was gone yeah um is that kind of
when it you felt it yeah first time well so i
think like there was a little bit then and like
i think one of the things i've noticed just like
overall is like you don't necessarily notice
it like every day right so you're just like getting
through the day and you don't and like most of
us aren't like seeing friends every single day
unless you're like working with them um so it's
like you get through the day and then all of
a sudden it like hits and we're like oh when
was the last time I talked to someone who wasn't
my husband yeah I really don't know yeah and
then there was a point in time it's like I have
I had a fairly long maternity leave which I'm
super super grateful for but it was like nearing
the end of my maternity leave and there was a
day when I was like oh the only time I've seen
anyone in this time frame I initiated it yeah
and that was like a super terrible feeling yeah
I'm totally in the same boat what do you feel
like I don't know if you felt like this has improved
at all for you. Do you feel like there's any
like coping mechanisms or, um, solutions that
you're like, okay, well if I do this, I know
that I'm setting myself up for a better week
and, or maybe you're figuring it out. I'm definitely
still figuring it out. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely
don't. Especially going into like two kids now
back at work. Yeah. All the things. Yeah. I feel
like one of my coping mechanisms is FaceTiming
my family. And I don't think it's a great coping
mechanism. I mean, it's a level of connection.
Yeah. It's a level of connection. But I also
am like trying to not just have Colt like watch
a screen all day. Sure. Yeah. You know. And that
is one of the hard things too. Yeah. It's hard
because it's like, oh, he's connecting with his
family. But also like. we need to not be on screens
and play and all the things. But I think, I think
I'm still trying to figure it out too. I guess
now that you say that, I don't know if I'd call
this like a coping mechanism, but sort of, I
guess. I know this is like super outdated and.
As a 29, almost 30 year old, I probably shouldn't
still use Snapchat, but still use Snapchat. Stuart
and I have, I'll just take a second to brag on
our streak. Oh my gosh. I don't know why we haven't
gotten like Guinness Book of World Record. We
hit 3 ,600 today. Wow. That is our streak. Wait,
how many years is that? That's like. It's almost
10 years. That? So it's almost as long as we've
known each other. Not quite that long, but. wow
um yes you guys better not lose that yeah has
it have there been any days where you're like
oh crap it's like 11 30 at night we got a snapchat
real quick if you're about to lose a streak this
is such a side tangent if you're about to lose
a streak on a snap a snapchat streak they there's
like a little hourglass to let you know and so
there have been days when there's an hourglass
and like you have to snap me right now is it
like Okay, you have to snap him once and he has
to snap back? I think that's technically how
it works. Okay. Well, I think, yeah, it's something
like that. Okay. But so Stuart and I have Snapchat.
Like, we have our streak. And that's honestly
a lot of how we communicate throughout the day.
And so I'll, like, send him pictures of the kids.
And also then that's a little bit of how he knows
how our day is going and what to expect coming
home. But then there are other people in, like,
the next circle. That's not just Stuart. That,
like. That's kind of a fun way to have a connection.
Because it's not just, like, telling you, like,
hey, this is what happened today. But so, like,
my sister and her husband, they don't live in
states. So that's a lot of how we, like, share
what's happening with the kids with them. Like,
here's a video of Lloyd saying a new word or
Zeta rolling over. But it's, like, a weird thing
because it's a social media platform that not
a lot of adults use. Yeah, right. There's not
a lot of people on it that I, like. Most of my
friends aren't on it. But, like, it's a fun way
to connect with the people who are. Yeah. Because,
again, it's sharing just, like, a quick reality
of your day, I think. But, again, that's not,
like, it's, like, a coping mechanism and it's
not a solution to, like, true loneliness. I think
one thing that I'm trying to do, and it's not
necessarily fixing the, like, loneliness, but
I think it's helping combat. I don't know if
that's the right verbiage, but it's like we try
to get out of the house every day, even if it's
just going to the park. I think that's overall
good for – it's good for the kids. It's also
good for my mental health. Yeah. You don't feel
trapped by your house then. Yeah, exactly. And
I think that's a big thing is like if I feel
trapped in my house. then that's when like the
thoughts spiral or like the feeling sorry for
myself situation comes in. And if we just like,
even if we, I know we've talked about this before,
even if I just go and pick up like a target pickup
order, it's like, no, I am capable. Like we can
do this and we got out of the house and it's
good for all of us. We got some fresh air. Yeah.
Yeah. And I think that like helps almost like.
reset my brain yeah um if I just like change
my scenario or change I don't know change of
scenery basically then I like it can almost flip
the switch in my mind so I don't know recommendation
or or yeah I mean I think like mental health
wise getting outside is always always a good
option um I mean I know this was one thing I
heard for kids early on but I also I think it
just applies to everyone is if like you can't
get your kid to calm down to try going outside
or putting them in water. And I think that works
for, I think that's just like a nervous system
reset for all humans. Cause I know for myself,
like if I'm having a rough day, usually a shower,
like might not fix it, but at least it gets me
to like neutral instead of like ramped up and
going outside, I think goes hand in hand with
that. Yeah. Oh, for sure. I've done that many
a times for myself or for. especially cold like
if I cannot calm him down just if I take him
outside usually that can like it at least helps
him yeah come back to reality a little bit might
not fix everything but at least yeah which is
unfortunate that we're going to be going into
winter and it's about to be negative degrees
here in Colorado but yeah at least we don't it's
not that cold the whole winter no we'll have
some nice 60 degree days throughout yeah right
it's one of the nice things yeah Yeah, I feel
like that 82 % statistic is just sticking with
me of like that's so wild. Well, and it's crazy
because I feel like I'm the only one who feels
alone. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So it's like all of us
feel this way or like the majority of us feel
this way. But my guess is all of us feel the
same way I do where it's like, oh, everyone else
has friend groups and it's just me. And I'm just
over here alone. Yeah. No, that is. I think that's
so true because I feel that too. And I think
I can get trapped in my routine. And I think
that I need to come out of my routine a little
bit in order to maybe try to work on that side
of it. But I think like the reality of this episode
is like at least 82 % of us feel this way. So
I think it's just. I don't know, it's normal.
Yeah. Or common, sorry. Yes, we talked about
this on a past episode. It's common. It should
not be normal. Yeah. I mean, I think hopefully
as talking about it helps other people not feel
alone in their loneliness. Yeah, because it is
really hard and it's hard to make new friends.
Another thing I was realizing. as I was like
kind of mentally preparing for this, is again,
so if we like go back to the friend dating thing,
if you're dating someone, like legitimately dating
like romantic partners, you have like deal breakers,
right? You're like, okay, if this person does
believe this or doesn't believe this, like I'm
looking for someone to share my life with. Whereas
with friends, like... I'm not going to have the
– there's probably still deal breakers, but it's
going to look very different. But not as strict
of boundaries maybe. Yeah, where it's like I
don't need them to believe all the same things
I do or, you know, have the exact same worldview
I do. I don't want all of my friends' lives to
look exactly like mine because, like, that's
– That's kind of boring, monotone maybe. That's
a weird echo chamber that, like – Personally,
I don't want to be in. You're, like, obviously
there are going to be certain friends that's,
like, oh, you know, we do have a lot of very
similar beliefs, so we've become closer or whatever.
But so it's harder to, like, kind of differentiate
of, like, who is worth continuing a friendship
with, like, if that makes sense. Like, I guess
maybe it takes longer to figure out, like, is
this someone who I want to have a friendship
with? Yeah. I think there's influence behind
it, too. with kids it's like okay if they're
going to be around your kids there's who do i
want around my kids what are their kids like
how are they raising their kids yeah what kind
of influence are their kids gonna have on my
kids like there's so much more depth to it i
think than just like hey you're a cool person
like we kind of get along We have some similarities.
And then we also just live in a time that's so
divisive right now, which is super unfortunate,
where there is this level of like, well, if you
disagree with me on one thing, we can't be friends.
And again, there are going to be certain things
where it's like, oh, maybe you're never allowed
to be alone with my kids because you believe
that. But I think it makes it really hard to
be like, oh, well, we can be friends and just
like. our friendship might just look a certain
way because we have different beliefs um but
because things are so divisive that makes it
harder to just like become friends and you like
kind of have to test the waters like are do you
believe nope you don't okay like that's fine
and so that just makes it harder to make friends
in general yeah oh yeah but then again especially
when you're like this person could potentially
have influence on my kids and I do want to be
picky about how my kids are influenced. Yeah.
I'm like the standard that's going through my
head is like, would I trust them to watch my
kids while like I go on a date? Yeah. I'm like,
is that the standard I'm going to set? Maybe.
Probably a little bit more like complicated than
that. But yeah. So again, there are going to
be certain friends that you do trust that level
and then certain friends are like, oh, you're
just a play date friend. We're like, we'll go
to the park together and our kids will play and
we'll just kind of hang out too. Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, loneliness is, I think, maybe the majority
of the world. I think this is not even necessarily
just motherhood too. It's like, I think our world
is becoming more and more lonely, even though
there's literally everything is that. Yeah. Well,
I think it's like, we're constantly getting fake
connection. Right. So then there's this, you
feel like you're getting connection. Yeah. But
you're not getting the like. genuine, deep connection,
like fulfilling connection is maybe the better
way to put it, that you need. So it's like I
send you a meme, which I think is a great way
to have a friendship, to start it. And it's like,
oh, I get this, maybe like we both get this little
dopamine hit, so we're like, oh, yay. But then
this like knowing each other on a deep level
doesn't exist. And so I think that's probably
why. just like the world as a whole is missing,
is like feeling so lonely is because with technology,
so much is so much more superficial. Yeah. And
you feel like you're getting this connection,
but it's not like the connection we need to survive.
Yeah. We're not living in community with each
other. We're actually disconnecting. Yeah. Even
though it might feel like the opposite. Yeah.
It's like you said, like little dopamine hits
or like bursts of. And also, I think that's a
great way to start a friendship. Yeah, for sure.
I mean... I don't think there's anything wrong
with those kind of... I think that's a really
good way to enter that connection, but it doesn't
fulfill needs that I think we just inherently
have as humans. Yes, yeah. We are designed to
live in community with each other and not just
online or through social media, but actually
living in community with each other, hanging
out and having... connection that way. So yeah,
I don't know if you guys have any advice of like,
how have you like combated this loneliness? How
have you not necessarily solved it in your life,
but like, what are some things or tools that
you've put in place to avoid this or to help
you get through a day that you might feel extra
lonely? Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you're raising
kids, when you're, you're not alone, but like
it's loneliness is a feeling. So yeah, we'd love
to hear what you guys have to say. Yeah. Maybe
we'll have some like community stuff on Instagram
to ask some questions and some polls to kind
of show we're all in this together, even though
it doesn't feel like we are sometimes. Yes. Oh,
absolutely. Well, I don't know if there's a pretty
bow to tie on that one. No, we've had a couple
of those lately. Yeah. But do you want to share
your win of the week? This could be our pretty
bow. Yes. Okay. Yeah. So Lloyd is right. He's
learning like new words every single day, right?
So fun. But then, of course, a lot of them he
doesn't really know how to say, right? That's
the best. It's so cute. But since I'm the one
who's with him like 150 % of the time, I'm just
a Lloyd translator now. Yes. Which honestly is
so sweet. Like sometimes it's a little bit annoying,
but I think overall it's really sweet where he'll
say something and like my parents will like,
like, what is he saying? Or even Stuart. Stuart's.
the second best, obviously, because he's around
him the second most. But Stuart would be like,
what does the, the, the, the mean? And when Stuart
says that, I never know what he's talking about.
I'm like, what? Lloyd doesn't say that. And then
I'll go for me like, buddy, what did you say?
And he'll say it like, oh, he means Yoshi. Or,
oh, he means, and it's honest, like, it's hard
when I don't know what he's trying to say and
I feel bad because I know he gets frustrated
and then I'm like, I'm trying to help you, but
I don't know what you're trying to say. But it
is really fun and like kind of special. to be
like, oh, I'm the one who understands you better
than anyone. And to learn, like, I know there's
going to be a day when he's going to start pronouncing
words right. Like, he's going to say truck instead
of guck, and I'm going to cry. That's why I'm
trying. I'm trying to take videos of, like, most
of these things because I'm like, I just want
to bottle up. colt's little voice forever i got
all the pronunciation of things i literally took
a voice memo today because he asks for snuggles
right now and it's the cutest thing so he goes
mama snuggle so i was like i have to get a voice
memo of this because one day this is gonna be
and you're gonna listen to that and cry session
yeah yep 100 um okay my win of the week so cute
that colt is like i've talked about it he's starting
to take on the big brother role a little bit
more so in our house we have a tri -level and
anytime we go anywhere colt sits on the bottom
step so i then i can help him put his shoes on
um and yesterday he sat on the bottom step and
then he goes hold cruise hold cruise and i was
like oh you want to hold cruise on the stairs
buddy i was like okay We can, yeah, sure. Anytime
he asks to hold Cruz, I'm like, yeah, we will
make this work, of course. Which is funny since
you just mentioned earlier, I don't know if you
mentioned in this episode, that they're in the
same size diaper. Yes. So they're the same size.
Yeah, pretty much. And so Cruz can't sit on his
own, but instead I just like sat Cruz next to
Colt and like held. cruise in like a sitting
position and I wish I would have had a third
hand because it was so cute and I wanted to take
a picture but I was holding cruise and making
sure Colt wasn't gonna just like slap him across
the face but I like that's exactly how that moment
oh for sure and then I like I was like Colt smile
and then I was like cruisy smile and they both
were like grinning ear to ear and I was like
I just need someone else here so they can take
picture and I just have it locked in my memory
but it was just the sweetest thing and and i
was like you know what this is just a glimpse
of like them growing up together and it just
makes me so happy so yeah that's so sweet that
was my win yeah well that's enough oversharing
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