WEBVTT

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Hi, everyone. Welcome back to No Manual, a mom

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cast where this is a place for moms to listen

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and connect and hear the realities of motherhood.

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And today we are talking about something that

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I feel like both of us really can kind of connect

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to in a sense. And I know many of our listeners

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if not the majority probably turns out it's just

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us yeah it's actually just us um but i i don't

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know i don't hope that you you have gone through

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this but um we're talking about mom rage yeah

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today so yeah i hope you haven't gone through

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this but if you have i hope us talking about

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it makes you feel less alone yeah hopefully it

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makes you feel like a better mom because The

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majority of us are probably walking through this

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a little bit. But before we kind of hop into

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that topic, you want to start with your mom moment?

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Why don't you start with yours because mine is

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a really good entry. Okay, great. Perfect. Okay,

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so mine kind of relates to mom rage a little

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bit, and I think we'll probably chat a little

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bit more about this. But bedtime right now, I've

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talked about it. and past podcasts. I've talked

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about it in past podcasts about just like our

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bedtime routine right now is kind of all over

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the place with colds. Some nights go well, some

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nights really don't. Um, and especially on, um,

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nights where I'm putting the kids to sleep on

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my own, I feel like those are for sure the nights

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they don't go, it doesn't go out every time.

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Yeah. So, um, Last week, my parents were in town

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and it was actually on Michael's birthday, which

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happened to fall on a Wednesday, which meant

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he was at youth group. I ended up taking Colt

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to youth group to surprise Michael, which meant

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that we got home late. And my parents watched

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cruise for me so that we could go and do that.

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Then they ended up leaving. This was probably

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like. 9 15 at night so i'm like okay now i gotta

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get colt to bed i took him to youth group in

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his pajamas so i didn't have to change him into

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his into his jammies which was i thought was

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like i'm the best mom i thought about this beforehand

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so then my parents leave i start to get colt

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down for bed and he like by the sixth book that

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we read he was he kept asking for more and more

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books and i was like nobody like I already told

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you this was the last book. And at that point,

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I felt like my anxiety was starting to build

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up. And Cruz was crying because he was so hungry.

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And I like tried to put Colt down to bed. And

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Colt was just like freaking out, full on tantrum.

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Cruz is freaking out in the other room. I could

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tell he wants to eat. So I'm like, okay, fine.

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I was like, I have got to feed Cruz. And so I

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like. bring Colt to my room, start to feed Cruz.

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And Colt is like freaking out on the bed, signing

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eat. He's like, eat, eat. And I'm like, are you

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hungry, buddy? And he's like, yes. And so I'm

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like, okay, let's go get you a piece of bread,

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get him a piece of bread, bring him back up to

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my room. He's eating this piece of sourdough

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bread while crying on my bed, getting crumbs

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everywhere on the bed, which is one of my pet

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peeves. I hate crumbs in bed. And I'm feeding

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Cruz to sleep, which, like, that was fine. And

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I'm just like, oh, my gosh, it's like 945 at

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night at this point. And finally, like, put Cruz

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down, get Colt back into his room, end up putting

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him in his crib, lay there, hold his hand until

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he falls asleep. So that was my mom. That's great.

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Mine is similar. Really? Okay, let's hear it.

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our fifth wedding anniversary was this week oh

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happy anniversary uh so and so we had like an

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actual date night on the weekend nice um because

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our anniversary landed on a wednesday so like

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that's not really like date night but we were

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like you know let's just like after the kids

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go to bed we're gonna like snuggle close on the

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couch watch something like just like kind of

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have some intentional time together um that was

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not in the cards oh and we moved kids into the

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same room at night which had been going well

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for the first few nights okay um but so we like

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put lloyd down we're like okay i'm gonna feed

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zeta to sleep and i'll bring her back okay buddy

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and so then she nursed for like half an hour

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like okay longer than normal but like whatever

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yeah and then lloyd starts crying upstairs and

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like this is happening stewart's in the middle

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of something so i'm like i just have like zeta's

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in the middle of eating so i kind of just have

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to let him cry for right now yeah stewart finally

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came upstairs and he was like okay like i'll

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go check on lloyd he goes he gets him down i

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go put zeta down we like get comfy on the couch

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put whatever on And then, like, a few minutes

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later, Lloyd is up crying. And he's usually pretty

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good at getting himself to sleep, which I think

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is part of why this was, like, so frustrating.

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I feel like this is not normal. So I was like,

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okay, I'll go up. And I go up, like, you okay,

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buddy? Because I'm like, I also don't want you

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to wake up Zeta because then we have two kids

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to get back to sleep. I go up there and there's

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a mom hug. Like, okay, like, of course I'll give

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you a mom hug. So I, like, pick him up. He stops

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crying. And then I think. That time I, like,

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sat him down. I was like, okay, buddy, like,

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go to sleep now, whatever. Go back downstairs

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another, like, five, ten minutes. He starts crying

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again. So I go upstairs, check on him. I'm like,

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dad, hug. I'm like, okay, we'll go get dad. So

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we're like, go downstairs. He wants you. Okay.

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Dad puts him back down. He goes back down. starts

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crying again and zeta's sleeping through all

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of this time zeta wakes up so now they're both

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awake and now we're trying to get two kids back

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to sleep so and we're like lloyd what's going

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on like yeah are you hungry are you cold do you

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have to go potty like going through the list

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and he just won't say anything yeah like it's

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sad you won't even say like no or yes or like

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hungry like he's giving us nothing so we're like

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i don't like i don't even know how to help you

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buddy and then finally i don't even remember

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how many times we went back up and down but the

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only thing that helped is stewart took lloyd

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into our bed and waited till lloyd fell asleep

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on him i nursed dana back to sleep got her down

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and then once lloyd was like finally conked on

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stewart he was able to get him into his crib

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and that was after 10 p .m oh gosh so that was

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how our yeah and by that time you're like let's

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go to bed no i was like i need something i mean

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like i have not had two seconds to just like

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unwind so we watched just an episode of brooklyn

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nine nine to have something happy and then that's

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how the week has been he doesn't want to like

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i don't know if he's teething or going through

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a growth spurt or like separation anxiety separation

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anxiety my only theory Kind of right now is that

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since, like, he knows that I take Zeta and, like,

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nurse her to sleep if he's, if it's almost jealousy

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of, like, he wants someone to hold him to sleep,

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too. So if we need to, like, find a balance of,

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like, maybe I nurse her in their room and he

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snuggles or something like that, I might try

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that tonight. Yeah. That's so true. I'm sure

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that's so hard, like, as an older sibling of,

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like, you're seeing mom who, like, comfort. comforted

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you to sleep so many times and it's like i'm

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sure it's a jealousy that he can't like put his

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finger on one because you can't they like don't

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have the logic of like zeta eats every two hours

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or you know like he doesn't know this that like

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she's treated different because she has different

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needs right now yeah it almost looks like a rip

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like a replacement yeah replacement or favoritism

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or something like that so sad oh so yeah that's

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the only theory i have because it happened again

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well last night we didn't do the like back and

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forth. It was like, Stuart's like, I'm just going

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to go up and hold him. And so Lloyd fell asleep

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on Stuart in his chair this time. So then I was

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like, I wonder if that might be, or if it, and

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it could be like a mixture of things, right?

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Where it's like, that's part of it. And there's

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a growth spurt in his tummy or whatever. I'm

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sure like growing pains is a real thing at this

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age too. Like they cannot tell you that. Like

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literally your bones and your legs are like stretching.

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growing that yeah so and you don't know why when

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you're that little yeah uh it could be a combo

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of things but yeah yeah i mean i feel you we're

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we're kind of in that too so yeah so fun well

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that kind of leads us into how we wanted to start

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this episode yes you sent me a reel that was

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very funny um and it was would you rather have

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Your toddler throw a two -hour tantrum in public.

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Is it every day for a week? Every day for two

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weeks. For two weeks. Or have bedtime take four

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hours every day for a month. Yeah. Oh, I would

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rather the two -hour tantrum in public all day.

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All day. Me too. Yeah, I would definitely take

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that too. Why is that for you? So I don't know

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what it is about bedtime right now. Bedtime.

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If it's stretched out, I think it's because it's

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the end of the day. I'm tired. I'm looking forward

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to a little bit of me time or a little bit of

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me and Michael time. And if it stretches out

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any longer, I'm going to lose my mind. And I

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think that when bedtime is dragged out, my anxiety

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builds up so much quicker. And those moments,

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especially like, like I mentioned in my mom moment,

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like, especially if Cruz is crying too. And like,

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I feel like I need to help him, but I can't because

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I'm like helping Colt. I like my anxiety builds

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up so quickly in those moments versus a tantrum.

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Yes. In a public place is like a whole nother

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like added layer to it. Cause like in a public

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place, like there is, I feel like judgment from

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people of like. Probably less than we think,

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but it's still there. And you also don't want

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to like make other people uncomfortable. No,

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but like, yeah, I feel like a tantrum. I feel

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like I'm starting to like learn and accept tantrums

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a little bit better slash differently as time

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is going on and like figuring them out a little

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bit more. But I think, yeah, I think there's

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something about tantrums that I'm like, I don't

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know, like my anxiety doesn't build up as quickly.

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Yeah. What about you? No, I would definitely

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take the tantrum over the time. And I was like

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trying to figure out why that is. And I think

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it's similar. And like, this is like a weird

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analogy thought process, but I was like, it's

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like, so I worked at Starbucks because everyone's

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worked at Starbucks in their life. I've worked

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at Starbucks. Yeah. And like, it's kind of, it'd

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be comparing like, if you had a customer come

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in and yell at you because you got their drink

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wrong, you know, that's part of the job. It's

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not your favorite part of the job. It sucks.

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You're like, come on, you're already spending

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$10 on coffee. You can at least be nice to me

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when you're telling me it's wrong. Or I know

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that you ordered it wrong. Like whatever it is,

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it's annoying. Not the best part of the job,

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but you kind of know that it's part of the job.

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Yeah. But like if you were like, hey boss, so

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I'm off next five minutes. Do you need anything

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else? And they're like, yeah, can you do this

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one last thing? Sure, no problem. And then that

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just kept happening. They're like, okay, I brewed

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the coffee you asked. They're like, cool. another

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thing another thing another thing but you also

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can't say no yes so you're like okay now i was

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supposed to be off an hour ago and you keep asking

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me to do things and i my whole shift i was looking

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forward to just getting off yeah when i was like

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frustrated it's like it's okay i'm so close to

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being off and that's what bedtime feels like

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yes it's like okay i'm finally to the point in

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the day when it's like I mean, you're never really

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off the clock as a mom, but like the closest

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thing you get to being off the clock, like I

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can take a breath, I can decompress. It makes

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me a better mom because I can decompress and

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like take some time to myself or again, like

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me and Stuart watch something funny, like read

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my book, whatever. Yeah. So like you finally,

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you're like looking forward to just like taking

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a breath and then it's like that breath never

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gets to come. Yes. And. Yeah. You're getting

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less and less time because then there also comes

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a point where you're like, I have to go to sleep.

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Yeah. So the later you're up, the less time I

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have to like – Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I feel like

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in the delayed bedtime thing that we're going

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through right now, it's like they're clearly

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overtired. Yes. And I'm clearly overtired too.

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Yeah, where you want to be like, dude, if you

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went to sleep, it would fix this feeling that

00:12:53.820 --> 00:12:56.799
you – have right now yeah yeah last night uh

00:12:56.799 --> 00:13:01.279
colt was like having a tantrum and um he went

00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:04.179
into our guest bathroom and then closed the door

00:13:04.179 --> 00:13:06.000
behind him thankfully it doesn't have a lock

00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:08.820
on it but then he laid down in the bathroom and

00:13:08.820 --> 00:13:11.519
like yeah in front of the door and he was like

00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:13.320
crying but then i could hear him like starting

00:13:13.320 --> 00:13:17.120
to try to fall asleep too and i was like uh -uh

00:13:17.120 --> 00:13:20.159
this is not like at least if you're gonna fall

00:13:20.159 --> 00:13:22.590
asleep in the bathroom at least Not in front

00:13:22.590 --> 00:13:24.429
of the door. Yeah. Cause I'm like, I had literally

00:13:24.429 --> 00:13:26.470
to like push him out of the way to open the door.

00:13:26.990 --> 00:13:32.789
But no, I feel that 100 % bedtime. Like we used

00:13:32.789 --> 00:13:35.470
to have a really fast bedtime routine. At least

00:13:35.470 --> 00:13:38.350
I thought it was fast. And now it's like a, let

00:13:38.350 --> 00:13:41.769
me read these same 12 books. Then let me turn

00:13:41.769 --> 00:13:43.750
on your sound machine, turn off the light. Let's

00:13:43.750 --> 00:13:47.629
pray 14 times. Then I'll put you down. Maybe

00:13:47.629 --> 00:13:50.269
pick you back up. That's like why this week has

00:13:50.269 --> 00:13:52.230
been so frustrating where it takes so long is

00:13:52.230 --> 00:13:54.429
because usually like we have a quick bedtime.

00:13:54.809 --> 00:13:57.029
Yeah. Lloyd maybe doesn't fall asleep right away,

00:13:57.090 --> 00:13:59.350
but he just like chills in his crib. Yeah. I'm

00:13:59.350 --> 00:14:02.590
like, I get it. Like I need to decompress too.

00:14:02.669 --> 00:14:05.049
And like this is his way of like calming down

00:14:05.049 --> 00:14:07.330
from the day or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. And now

00:14:07.330 --> 00:14:10.730
it's like a whole different challenge. Yeah.

00:14:11.149 --> 00:14:14.409
So do you feel like, okay, so like hopping into.

00:14:15.360 --> 00:14:18.879
Our topic of mom rage. I feel like there's a

00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:23.440
difference between rage and anger. Yeah. So I

00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:26.019
like actually looked it up. What is the difference

00:14:26.019 --> 00:14:28.720
between rage and anger? And according to Google,

00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:33.899
so anger is a temporary emotion. It's controllable

00:14:33.899 --> 00:14:37.759
and it has specific triggers. Rage is intense

00:14:37.759 --> 00:14:42.740
and explosive. You have a loss of control. It

00:14:42.740 --> 00:14:46.200
can be destructive. And rage is usually fueled

00:14:46.200 --> 00:14:49.799
by accumulated pain, layered hurts, and past

00:14:49.799 --> 00:14:52.620
experiences, which I thought was super interesting.

00:14:52.860 --> 00:14:56.139
That is very interesting. So like, I guess, do

00:14:56.139 --> 00:14:57.679
you feel like you can tell the difference from

00:14:57.679 --> 00:14:59.759
when you're like, I'm just angry versus like

00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:03.659
rageful? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I feel like specifically,

00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:08.320
like definitely the uncontrollable, like the

00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:10.039
way that I've kind of labeled it in my head is

00:15:10.039 --> 00:15:14.889
like it's an outburst. Yes. it is totally uncontrollable

00:15:14.889 --> 00:15:17.590
when i think it's like if you haven't experienced

00:15:17.590 --> 00:15:19.350
it and you heard someone say that you're like

00:15:19.350 --> 00:15:22.350
just like be a better person yeah like i think

00:15:22.350 --> 00:15:25.289
if someone had told me that two years ago and

00:15:25.289 --> 00:15:27.769
they were like yeah like i just have these like

00:15:27.769 --> 00:15:30.350
outbursts of anger where i can't control myself

00:15:30.350 --> 00:15:32.529
i'd be like that seems like a personal problem

00:15:32.529 --> 00:15:34.970
that you need to work on yeah but there are times

00:15:34.970 --> 00:15:38.309
for me where Like I told you this before we started

00:15:38.309 --> 00:15:40.230
recording. I literally broke a pair of glasses

00:15:40.230 --> 00:15:42.269
one time, which I think Stuart is still mad at

00:15:42.269 --> 00:15:45.090
me for. Oh, was it his glasses? No, it was mine

00:15:45.090 --> 00:15:47.990
glasses. But I think he's still mad that I did

00:15:47.990 --> 00:15:50.590
it. Yeah, because it was just like this moment

00:15:50.590 --> 00:15:54.389
of like so much anger that like it has to go

00:15:54.389 --> 00:15:56.629
somewhere. Yeah. And you have to do something

00:15:56.629 --> 00:16:00.710
tangible. Yes. In that moment. And it's like.

00:16:01.339 --> 00:16:04.080
whatever that tangible thing is it happens and

00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:06.039
you don't even really realize you did at least

00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:08.139
that's how it's been for me is it's like like

00:16:08.139 --> 00:16:10.440
with that example i like threw my glasses across

00:16:10.440 --> 00:16:12.179
the room and it was like as they were leaving

00:16:12.179 --> 00:16:14.820
my hand i was like what the heck am i doing like

00:16:14.820 --> 00:16:17.379
this isn't me this isn't how i respond to things

00:16:17.379 --> 00:16:20.419
but like it's happening and then like after it

00:16:20.419 --> 00:16:23.159
happened it was like what why did i do that and

00:16:23.159 --> 00:16:26.820
then you're so mad at yourself yeah or like Almost

00:16:26.820 --> 00:16:29.460
like who was that two seconds ago? Like that's

00:16:29.460 --> 00:16:32.200
not me. So like what is happening here? What

00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:35.080
happened? Like what chemical imbalance or like

00:16:35.080 --> 00:16:37.639
chemical firing was happening in my brain to

00:16:37.639 --> 00:16:39.960
like have that happen? It feels like something

00:16:39.960 --> 00:16:42.360
else is controlling you at that point. And it's

00:16:42.360 --> 00:16:45.279
like a bizarre feeling. And it's unsettling too

00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:47.799
because you're like, I want to be in control

00:16:47.799 --> 00:16:50.820
of my actions. And like I know that ultimately

00:16:50.820 --> 00:16:53.159
I am, but in this moment it doesn't feel like

00:16:53.159 --> 00:16:55.740
that. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like, I don't know

00:16:55.740 --> 00:16:59.940
for you, like it's a very quick, like risk, I

00:16:59.940 --> 00:17:02.820
don't know, a quick outburst. Like if I feel

00:17:02.820 --> 00:17:06.819
like I can relate it also to, um, like for someone

00:17:06.819 --> 00:17:09.339
who may not understand what we're talking about

00:17:09.339 --> 00:17:13.000
is I can relate it to like anxiety. Like anxiety

00:17:13.000 --> 00:17:17.160
is not something that, um, is controllable and

00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:19.640
it can build up and it can build up and then

00:17:19.640 --> 00:17:22.420
you can, you can kind of break. I feel like.

00:17:23.279 --> 00:17:25.519
For me, there's like a specific time where I

00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:28.259
feel like I have this mom rage mostly and it

00:17:28.259 --> 00:17:31.519
is during bedtime. And I don't know for you if

00:17:31.519 --> 00:17:34.599
you feel like there's like specific instances

00:17:34.599 --> 00:17:39.460
or times. I don't know if there's like, maybe

00:17:39.460 --> 00:17:41.859
there are specific times. I know I can tell like

00:17:41.859 --> 00:17:45.000
if I'm hungry, which of course is the worst because

00:17:45.000 --> 00:17:46.680
usually if I'm hungry, that means Floyd's hungry

00:17:46.680 --> 00:17:49.779
and he's like. Yeah. grumpy and hangry and stuff

00:17:49.779 --> 00:17:52.200
like that yeah so i know like and i've always

00:17:52.200 --> 00:17:55.880
gotten hangry so like that is something for me

00:17:55.880 --> 00:17:58.380
for sure like even today there's at one point

00:17:58.380 --> 00:18:00.019
where i was like i know i just need to eat lunch

00:18:00.019 --> 00:18:03.640
yeah but then also like you were throwing things

00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:05.119
that you're not supposed to be throwing and you

00:18:05.119 --> 00:18:06.700
know and you're slamming things against the wall

00:18:06.700 --> 00:18:09.119
yeah so like that i don't know if that's like

00:18:09.119 --> 00:18:12.339
a trigger like yeah yeah one of the causes i

00:18:12.339 --> 00:18:14.980
feel that and then i think uh one of the like

00:18:14.980 --> 00:18:18.339
toughest times of day for me just in general

00:18:18.339 --> 00:18:22.500
is Stuart gets home and of course he he's a carpenter

00:18:22.500 --> 00:18:24.200
so he works with chemicals and stuff all day

00:18:24.200 --> 00:18:27.559
so he immediately showers and there's like this

00:18:27.559 --> 00:18:31.740
half an hour that he obviously deserves and should

00:18:31.740 --> 00:18:33.500
have like yeah first of all it's hygiene but

00:18:33.500 --> 00:18:35.460
also like he deserves to like come home and decompress

00:18:35.460 --> 00:18:37.240
from work before he like jumps into with the

00:18:37.240 --> 00:18:41.000
kids but Lloyd sees him and then he just wants

00:18:41.000 --> 00:18:44.240
dad. And so nothing I do is good enough. And

00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:46.359
he's like, we're throwing tantrums over everything.

00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:48.359
It's also getting close to dinner time. So he's

00:18:48.359 --> 00:18:51.740
getting hungry. And yeah, so that's usually like

00:18:51.740 --> 00:18:54.460
a rough time. And really just like the time leading

00:18:54.460 --> 00:18:57.599
up to Stuart getting home. Like, I feel like

00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:00.299
it's a joke. It's been a long day. But like the

00:19:00.299 --> 00:19:03.200
three to like bedtime time frame for whatever

00:19:03.200 --> 00:19:06.859
reason. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Is the roughest. Yeah.

00:19:06.920 --> 00:19:09.700
For us, it's like. totally determined on how

00:19:09.700 --> 00:19:13.299
the nap was. If you took a 45 minute nap, I know

00:19:13.299 --> 00:19:15.700
this is going to be a rough rest of the day.

00:19:15.759 --> 00:19:18.339
Yeah. Yeah. But anytime we're getting close to

00:19:18.339 --> 00:19:21.819
like sleeping time for us seems to be the hardest.

00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:26.740
And there's a fine line of like, okay, we're

00:19:26.740 --> 00:19:30.720
going to make it to bedtime, like on a good note.

00:19:31.319 --> 00:19:33.759
There's a fine line if we accidentally cross

00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:37.539
it if it's like 15 minutes later. Yep. Overtired

00:19:37.539 --> 00:19:42.799
kicks in and then like nobody's happy. And I

00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:46.180
feel like for me that's when this mom rage I

00:19:46.180 --> 00:19:48.759
feel like comes out in me a little bit more.

00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:53.500
And it is specific. I feel like specific with

00:19:53.500 --> 00:19:57.700
bedtime especially if Cruz. is crying as well.

00:19:57.779 --> 00:19:59.619
Cause then you're also getting overstimulated.

00:19:59.619 --> 00:20:02.440
Yeah. I'm getting overstimulated and I feel like

00:20:02.440 --> 00:20:05.140
I need to help. Like I need to help both kids

00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:07.460
and I feel like I'm, I don't have the capacity

00:20:07.460 --> 00:20:10.059
to help both kids in the, in that moment. So

00:20:10.059 --> 00:20:13.039
then I have to choose and I don't like to choose.

00:20:13.660 --> 00:20:16.420
And that's what I feel like it kind of like boils

00:20:16.420 --> 00:20:17.720
up in me. And then you're like, am I choosing

00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:20.160
the wrong kid? Yeah. And then I have this outburst

00:20:20.160 --> 00:20:24.200
of like, okay, I just need to like, I've got

00:20:24.200 --> 00:20:26.960
to like, Throw this anger somewhere, like whether

00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:32.259
I hit this pillow or, you know, like yell at

00:20:32.259 --> 00:20:36.519
my child. Yeah, I want to scream. Like I got

00:20:36.519 --> 00:20:40.720
to choose something in that moment. And like,

00:20:40.720 --> 00:20:43.380
like you said, like right after it happens or

00:20:43.380 --> 00:20:46.779
like even during in my head, like I'm like, what

00:20:46.779 --> 00:20:49.319
the heck is happening? And then there's immediate

00:20:49.319 --> 00:20:54.079
like I'm. I feel terrible. I'm like, I'm a terrible

00:20:54.079 --> 00:20:57.220
mom. Like that's like, yeah, I don't want my

00:20:57.220 --> 00:20:59.559
kids to like think that I'm that mom or like

00:20:59.559 --> 00:21:02.880
experience that mom. Right. Yeah. I'm like, I

00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:05.279
don't want this to be a core memory for them.

00:21:05.279 --> 00:21:08.180
Right. More recently, I feel like I've just had

00:21:08.180 --> 00:21:10.880
to like almost walk away. I'm like, I need to

00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:14.019
put my children in a safe place and I just need,

00:21:14.039 --> 00:21:15.859
I need to walk away and I just need to breathe

00:21:15.859 --> 00:21:18.480
for a second. Yeah. And then I can like compose

00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:22.119
myself and go back into whatever tantrum or bedtime

00:21:22.119 --> 00:21:25.940
or whatever is happening. Yeah. I just, I don't

00:21:25.940 --> 00:21:28.240
know. I'm like, is this, does it have to do with

00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:31.539
hormones? I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure

00:21:31.539 --> 00:21:35.819
that has an effect, right? Yeah. To like. Like

00:21:35.819 --> 00:21:38.339
I said, when I saw the, like, definition, I guess,

00:21:38.359 --> 00:21:41.380
of rage, and one of the things it said is it's

00:21:41.380 --> 00:21:43.920
fueled by accumulated pain, layered hurts, or

00:21:43.920 --> 00:21:46.660
past experiences. Do you feel like you can, like,

00:21:46.720 --> 00:21:50.599
make any of those connections with, like, when

00:21:50.599 --> 00:21:54.380
you are experiencing it? Not when I'm experiencing

00:21:54.380 --> 00:21:57.259
it. Sure, sure. Not, like, in the moment. But,

00:21:57.259 --> 00:21:58.579
like, do you think when you're, like, looking

00:21:58.579 --> 00:22:01.960
at that, like, okay, this is what happened. Do

00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:03.619
you feel like you could like follow the string

00:22:03.619 --> 00:22:07.240
back or anything like that? Yeah, I do. I feel

00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:10.900
like, and this is all specific with Colt right

00:22:10.900 --> 00:22:13.119
now, unfortunately. Yeah, I feel the same way.

00:22:13.359 --> 00:22:16.279
I mean, he's our toddler. He's two. So he's like,

00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:19.859
he's testing all the boundaries, testing my patients,

00:22:20.019 --> 00:22:22.759
testing Michael's patients. Like he's learning.

00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:25.019
And so I'm like. We're right in the thick of

00:22:25.019 --> 00:22:27.039
that. Yeah, right in the thick of it. And I'm

00:22:27.039 --> 00:22:29.640
like, I have to remind myself of that. Like,

00:22:29.700 --> 00:22:32.380
okay, he's. Like this is all a learning experience

00:22:32.380 --> 00:22:34.740
for him. And that is one thing that I have to

00:22:34.740 --> 00:22:36.880
remind myself all the time is like he's only

00:22:36.880 --> 00:22:39.440
two. I feel like my child is really smart and

00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:42.599
I have to like remind myself that he's only two

00:22:42.599 --> 00:22:45.180
all the time and that he's not five years old.

00:22:45.339 --> 00:22:46.839
Yeah, that he's still learning and he's still

00:22:46.839 --> 00:22:49.200
figuring things out. Yeah. And like we try to

00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:53.480
talk to him like he's a big kid and I feel like

00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:57.220
I have to remind myself that he's two. Anyways,

00:22:57.319 --> 00:23:02.069
I'm going on a tangent. feel like after like

00:23:02.069 --> 00:23:04.750
an outburst or like I feel like I can track it

00:23:04.750 --> 00:23:08.109
back of just whether it's me being overtired

00:23:08.109 --> 00:23:11.869
me being hungry and not a lot of it I think has

00:23:11.869 --> 00:23:14.730
to do with like the outbursts happen on days

00:23:14.730 --> 00:23:18.390
where I'm solo parenting longer like those 12

00:23:18.390 --> 00:23:24.109
plus hour days are when they pop up for me mostly

00:23:24.109 --> 00:23:27.259
I think When I was prepping for this, one of

00:23:27.259 --> 00:23:29.259
the things I realized, because that's totally

00:23:29.259 --> 00:23:32.200
true for me too. And just in general, it's worse

00:23:32.200 --> 00:23:35.960
when I'm alone. Like the same things could happen

00:23:35.960 --> 00:23:39.140
with other people around. And it's not just that

00:23:39.140 --> 00:23:41.539
like I'd be ashamed to react that way in front

00:23:41.539 --> 00:23:42.940
of someone else. I mean, I'm sure that's like

00:23:42.940 --> 00:23:45.460
part of it in my head somewhere. But it's like,

00:23:45.579 --> 00:23:48.559
no, I feel calm. Like the rage isn't there when

00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:52.210
other people are around. I think one of the things

00:23:52.210 --> 00:23:54.250
I realized just in general is like frustrating

00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:57.789
things are just inherently worse when you're

00:23:57.789 --> 00:24:00.849
alone. Yeah. So imagine if we had, we went on

00:24:00.849 --> 00:24:04.730
a girl's trip and it was like plane was delayed.

00:24:05.170 --> 00:24:07.069
You know, we got lost on the way to the hotel.

00:24:07.250 --> 00:24:09.410
They messed up our reservation, all of these

00:24:09.410 --> 00:24:11.670
things. We'd both be super annoyed and super

00:24:11.670 --> 00:24:13.890
pissed, but we'd finally like get in our room

00:24:13.890 --> 00:24:15.549
and get our takeout and we'd laugh about it.

00:24:15.589 --> 00:24:17.769
And like, you know, you would handle the like

00:24:17.769 --> 00:24:19.769
plane getting delayed and I would handle that.

00:24:19.789 --> 00:24:23.039
And, you know, and. It would, we could like carry

00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:25.559
each other's burdens and we'd get over it. Yep.

00:24:25.900 --> 00:24:28.779
But like, I know if I went on a trip by myself

00:24:28.779 --> 00:24:31.220
and all of those same things happened, I'd get

00:24:31.220 --> 00:24:33.640
to the hotel room and call Stuart in tears for

00:24:33.640 --> 00:24:35.519
like, this has been the worst day of my life.

00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:39.400
Yes. And I feel like that's a lot of what, especially

00:24:39.400 --> 00:24:42.180
being a mom home with your kids is and like where

00:24:42.180 --> 00:24:43.720
that comes from a lot of times. And it's like,

00:24:43.819 --> 00:24:47.619
if someone else was here with me, one. Then when

00:24:47.619 --> 00:24:50.380
I tell Lloyd to get down off the table 10 times,

00:24:50.680 --> 00:24:53.480
you're saying it five times and I'm saying it

00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:56.420
five times. Yes. Or, you know, there's a little

00:24:56.420 --> 00:24:59.180
bit of a balance in like the burden of that frustration.

00:24:59.559 --> 00:25:03.799
Yeah. Or just like, I can laugh with you because

00:25:03.799 --> 00:25:06.859
like this, you know, yes, it's annoying and frustrating,

00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:08.779
but at least we're experiencing it together.

00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:11.859
Yeah. Where when you're alone, you're just, you

00:25:11.859 --> 00:25:14.579
just have to deal. And like, yeah, you have to

00:25:14.579 --> 00:25:18.240
get out of this on your own. You're not tag -teaming

00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:20.440
it. Yeah, and I think that's one of the hardest

00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:24.279
things for me is just, like, the being alone

00:25:24.279 --> 00:25:26.700
part. Because, again, there are things that when

00:25:26.700 --> 00:25:29.720
Stuart's home, I'm like, if I was alone, I would

00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:33.920
be about to blow. But because you're here, like,

00:25:34.019 --> 00:25:36.599
even if he's not the one handling it, even if

00:25:36.599 --> 00:25:38.819
he's just, like, in the background. And then

00:25:38.819 --> 00:25:41.099
that's the other thing as a mom. Kids listen

00:25:41.099 --> 00:25:45.630
to their dads way better. Yes. I've talked to

00:25:45.630 --> 00:25:48.130
my mom about this. I've talked to, like, other

00:25:48.130 --> 00:25:50.269
parents who have older kids, like, in high school.

00:25:50.750 --> 00:25:53.670
They're, like, still, like, we have some friends,

00:25:53.769 --> 00:25:56.009
and they have, I think, two middle schoolers

00:25:56.009 --> 00:25:58.329
and a high schooler. And the dad was, like, yeah,

00:25:58.430 --> 00:26:00.910
mom will say, hey, like, kids, time for bed,

00:26:00.950 --> 00:26:02.569
go to bed. And they'll just, like, sit there.

00:26:02.829 --> 00:26:04.309
And then she'll be, like, can you ask them? And

00:26:04.309 --> 00:26:06.369
he does. And they go right to bed. Okay, right

00:26:06.369 --> 00:26:09.210
to bed. So, like, that's another thing. I'm,

00:26:09.210 --> 00:26:13.150
like, Lloyd, you know. dad tells him to get off

00:26:13.150 --> 00:26:15.750
the table he does it maybe not immediately but

00:26:15.750 --> 00:26:18.250
it's not like quite as funny and quite as much

00:26:18.250 --> 00:26:21.190
of a game it's like i tell him it's like colt

00:26:21.190 --> 00:26:23.690
will literally laugh in my face and i'm like

00:26:23.690 --> 00:26:28.250
oh that that is one thing that like makes makes

00:26:28.250 --> 00:26:31.589
the makes i think the anger i think that's the

00:26:31.589 --> 00:26:36.740
anger bubbling up not the rage But yeah, I feel

00:26:36.740 --> 00:26:39.240
that for sure. I feel like one thing like we've

00:26:39.240 --> 00:26:42.700
done well at Michael and I is like we'll tap

00:26:42.700 --> 00:26:46.359
out. Like so I'll like say like, hey, if I feel

00:26:46.359 --> 00:26:49.940
like frustrated in a moment or like I can't figure

00:26:49.940 --> 00:26:53.299
out how to get out of a situation or move forward,

00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:55.920
I'll be like, Michael, I got to tap out. You

00:26:55.920 --> 00:26:59.200
got to try. And then, yeah, if Colt hears dad

00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:02.160
coming and he's going to switch, then. I don't

00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:03.259
know what it is. It's like either he listens

00:27:03.259 --> 00:27:07.359
or he's like, no, mom, mom, okay. Then he'll

00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:09.779
let me change his diaper. Which then also kind

00:27:09.779 --> 00:27:12.640
of makes it worse. Yes. Why couldn't you have

00:27:12.640 --> 00:27:16.420
listened when I said something? It would have

00:27:16.420 --> 00:27:19.000
made all of our lives so much easier. Yeah. Oh,

00:27:19.000 --> 00:27:20.839
yeah. Do you end up feeling, I mean, I guess

00:27:20.839 --> 00:27:22.400
we've kind of talked about this, but just like

00:27:22.400 --> 00:27:25.220
guilt and shame when the rage does get the best

00:27:25.220 --> 00:27:28.279
of you and you have that outburst. whatever it

00:27:28.279 --> 00:27:31.160
looks like. Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. I have felt

00:27:31.160 --> 00:27:34.460
this probably, I don't know if it's like, I feel

00:27:34.460 --> 00:27:38.059
like the rage is like increasing. I don't think

00:27:38.059 --> 00:27:41.539
it's necessarily increasing, but I think our

00:27:41.539 --> 00:27:44.140
schedule has been really, really busy lately.

00:27:44.279 --> 00:27:47.240
I've been doing like solo parenting a lot more

00:27:47.240 --> 00:27:50.819
on my own these past couple of weeks, but like

00:27:50.819 --> 00:27:54.079
the guilt that I've been feeling the past few

00:27:54.079 --> 00:27:57.099
weeks has been a lot more. Right after like the

00:27:57.099 --> 00:28:02.759
outburst or whatever. And I many, many times

00:28:02.759 --> 00:28:06.519
have then gone and apologized to Colt. And I

00:28:06.519 --> 00:28:09.420
think that's something like that I'm trying to

00:28:09.420 --> 00:28:11.859
practice that is actually a healthy reaction

00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:16.240
to this. Because I do think like, yes, he's two.

00:28:16.500 --> 00:28:18.980
He's probably not going to remember this at all.

00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:21.720
But I do think it's a healthy practice to apologize

00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:25.329
to your children and to admit like. that you've

00:28:25.329 --> 00:28:28.549
made a mistake or that you are, you are wrong

00:28:28.549 --> 00:28:31.490
in a situation. And so I think that like, that

00:28:31.490 --> 00:28:34.769
is helping me try to overcome this. Yeah. I try

00:28:34.769 --> 00:28:37.230
to do that with Lloyd too. Yeah. Mama should

00:28:37.230 --> 00:28:40.569
not have acted like that. Yeah. And yeah, I would

00:28:40.569 --> 00:28:42.869
agree where it's like, they may not remember

00:28:42.869 --> 00:28:45.990
the actual apologies, but one I, for me, I'm

00:28:45.990 --> 00:28:48.509
like, I want to set up this habit now because

00:28:48.509 --> 00:28:53.500
in 10 years, When it does matter, you know, when

00:28:53.500 --> 00:28:56.839
he does have these memories and I mess up again

00:28:56.839 --> 00:28:58.920
because I'm going to mess up, whether that's

00:28:58.920 --> 00:29:01.920
mom rage or just messing up in a different capacity,

00:29:02.180 --> 00:29:05.039
then I already have the habit set in place of

00:29:05.039 --> 00:29:09.900
like, you know, I apologize to you for my mistake,

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:12.339
for doing something that's not how you deserve

00:29:12.339 --> 00:29:14.319
to be treated. And then I think that's the other

00:29:14.319 --> 00:29:17.180
thing is setting from a young age the example

00:29:17.180 --> 00:29:20.500
of you deserve to be treated well. Yeah. Not

00:29:20.500 --> 00:29:23.839
just, you know, and as your mom, I'm telling

00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:26.420
you that even when I don't treat you the way

00:29:26.420 --> 00:29:29.000
you're supposed to be treated because I made

00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:30.859
a mistake and because I messed up and because

00:29:30.859 --> 00:29:34.680
I had a moment of rage or whatever that looks

00:29:34.680 --> 00:29:37.940
like, even if it's me, you still deserve to be

00:29:37.940 --> 00:29:39.900
treated better than that. And, like, I want that

00:29:39.900 --> 00:29:41.519
to be ingrained to my kids. Like, you deserve

00:29:41.519 --> 00:29:44.380
to be treated well no matter who it is. Yes.

00:29:44.380 --> 00:29:48.250
Yeah. you deserve to be apologized to when they,

00:29:48.349 --> 00:29:50.329
when they, anyone makes a mistake. When you're

00:29:50.329 --> 00:29:53.349
wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it's also setting

00:29:53.349 --> 00:29:56.130
a healthy example of like, uh, showing them that

00:29:56.130 --> 00:29:59.849
they can apologize and admit to when they're

00:29:59.849 --> 00:30:02.430
wrong or when they're, you know, they've made

00:30:02.430 --> 00:30:05.990
a mistake. Like that's my hope is like, I don't

00:30:05.990 --> 00:30:09.049
want my kids to ever feel like they can't come

00:30:09.049 --> 00:30:12.210
to me and be like, Hey mom, I messed up. Yeah.

00:30:12.230 --> 00:30:15.210
So I'm like, I want to set that example from

00:30:15.210 --> 00:30:18.390
day one of like, I can tell Colt like, Hey buddy,

00:30:18.509 --> 00:30:21.410
I'm sorry. Like mommy didn't mean to yell and

00:30:21.410 --> 00:30:23.950
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, I should not have

00:30:23.950 --> 00:30:27.930
done that. And I hope like these little kind

00:30:27.930 --> 00:30:31.269
of like pieces of hopefully a healthy example

00:30:31.269 --> 00:30:36.349
of apologizing shows him that he can then do

00:30:36.349 --> 00:30:39.369
that in the future with no issue and no problem.

00:30:40.190 --> 00:30:42.869
Obviously, like what leads to the apologizing

00:30:42.869 --> 00:30:45.930
is where what I need to really work on. You know,

00:30:45.930 --> 00:30:50.150
have you found that there's anything that helps

00:30:50.150 --> 00:30:56.069
you maybe avoid an outburst or or still like

00:30:56.069 --> 00:30:57.890
trying to figure that out? I think I'm still

00:30:57.890 --> 00:31:00.109
trying to figure that out right now. Yeah. Like

00:31:00.109 --> 00:31:02.730
we kind of talked about. It's like it's so weird

00:31:02.730 --> 00:31:04.670
because there's like this energy that needs to

00:31:04.670 --> 00:31:08.710
go somewhere. Yeah. It's like. There's no like

00:31:08.710 --> 00:31:11.670
if and or but. Like there's just energy that

00:31:11.670 --> 00:31:13.809
needs to go somewhere and trying to figure out

00:31:13.809 --> 00:31:17.829
the like healthy. Yeah, the healthy. Release,

00:31:17.890 --> 00:31:21.670
I guess, of that energy. That's not throwing

00:31:21.670 --> 00:31:23.890
my glasses across the room. I've literally thought

00:31:23.890 --> 00:31:26.309
about signing up for a kickboxing class because

00:31:26.309 --> 00:31:29.750
I was like maybe like something like that would

00:31:29.750 --> 00:31:32.450
help me. But I also feel like the side of it

00:31:32.450 --> 00:31:35.730
is like it's not that I need that outside of.

00:31:35.849 --> 00:31:39.019
It's like. Sure. I need. a punching bag like

00:31:39.019 --> 00:31:41.819
right there in the moment yeah i don't need it

00:31:41.819 --> 00:31:44.079
but then would that once a week on tuesdays but

00:31:44.079 --> 00:31:47.019
then maybe it would help right yeah like that

00:31:47.019 --> 00:31:49.720
energy is going somewhere the like build -up

00:31:49.720 --> 00:31:52.259
is going somewhere so then like i can be calm

00:31:52.259 --> 00:31:55.369
and other yeah i don't know I don't know either.

00:31:55.450 --> 00:31:58.690
I'm like, maybe I'll try. Yeah. Yeah. The other

00:31:58.690 --> 00:32:01.250
side of it is like, okay, is it something like

00:32:01.250 --> 00:32:04.990
that I need to address in therapy or like, do

00:32:04.990 --> 00:32:07.349
I need to get on medication for something like

00:32:07.349 --> 00:32:09.450
that? Like those are all thoughts that have gone

00:32:09.450 --> 00:32:11.930
through my head, especially right after it happens.

00:32:12.009 --> 00:32:14.569
I'm like so mad at myself. I'm the world's worst

00:32:14.569 --> 00:32:19.390
mom. Yeah. And I think this is like a little

00:32:19.390 --> 00:32:22.119
bit of, I don't know if it's a tangent. I just

00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:24.019
read a book, had absolutely nothing to do with

00:32:24.019 --> 00:32:28.400
motherhood, but he was talking about Valium and

00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:31.579
how it used to be called Mother's Little Helper

00:32:31.579 --> 00:32:36.680
because it's a sedative that when moms would

00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:39.339
go to their doctors and be like, I'm overwhelmed,

00:32:39.559 --> 00:32:41.319
they'd just be like, here. Here's some Valium.

00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:44.579
Here's some Valium, which obviously not a healthy

00:32:44.579 --> 00:32:48.720
way to handle that and cause, I think, lots of

00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:51.859
other issues for kids. But it is one of those

00:32:51.859 --> 00:32:53.619
things where I'm like, okay, so this has always

00:32:53.619 --> 00:32:56.359
existed. Yeah. Which to a certain extent, I'm

00:32:56.359 --> 00:32:59.240
like, makes me feel a little better. But then

00:32:59.240 --> 00:33:01.819
on the other hand, I'm like, but clearly like

00:33:01.819 --> 00:33:04.720
there needs to be a better fix. Yeah. Have some

00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:07.579
value. Or, you know, I feel like that's part

00:33:07.579 --> 00:33:10.160
of where like mommy wine culture comes from.

00:33:10.200 --> 00:33:13.259
It's like you just need something to like. Yeah.

00:33:13.319 --> 00:33:16.390
Take the edge off. Take the edge off. And then

00:33:16.390 --> 00:33:19.289
it like turns into maybe not a full on addiction,

00:33:19.430 --> 00:33:22.549
but like a thing where it's like, I need this

00:33:22.549 --> 00:33:25.190
to just like get through the day. Yeah. Yes.

00:33:25.329 --> 00:33:28.849
Do you feel like it's any mom rage you've felt

00:33:28.849 --> 00:33:32.450
has increased or stayed the same after having

00:33:32.450 --> 00:33:35.869
two kids versus one? I think it's definitely

00:33:35.869 --> 00:33:38.230
gotten worse this time around. Like with Lloyd,

00:33:38.390 --> 00:33:40.609
yeah, when I just had Lloyd and when he was like

00:33:40.609 --> 00:33:43.690
a baby, it would come up sometimes, especially

00:33:43.690 --> 00:33:46.349
around like sleep, where it's like you're just

00:33:46.349 --> 00:33:48.569
sleep deprived. And I think that's a lot of what

00:33:48.569 --> 00:33:51.130
I would like chalk it up to is like, I'm just

00:33:51.130 --> 00:33:54.009
like really tired and I won't sleep too, whatever.

00:33:54.750 --> 00:33:57.269
But this time around, and I don't know if it's

00:33:57.269 --> 00:34:01.390
because now I have a two -year -old who is, like

00:34:01.390 --> 00:34:03.609
you said, they're full on in the testing boundary

00:34:03.609 --> 00:34:07.210
stage. So it's like there's already a frustrating

00:34:07.210 --> 00:34:09.610
situation and then the mom rage is there and

00:34:09.610 --> 00:34:11.769
they're just like butting heads kind of thing.

00:34:11.909 --> 00:34:15.650
Yeah. Or, you know, if I just had a toddler,

00:34:15.730 --> 00:34:18.469
would it be this bad? Yeah. Like, you know, I

00:34:18.469 --> 00:34:20.429
don't know. I can't answer that question. I know.

00:34:20.869 --> 00:34:23.329
I feel like a lot of it for me is like anytime

00:34:23.329 --> 00:34:28.449
it's like geared towards Cruz. So if Cole is

00:34:28.449 --> 00:34:33.159
like trying to headbutt Cruz. Like, yes, I feel

00:34:33.159 --> 00:34:35.840
protective over both of my kids. But in that

00:34:35.840 --> 00:34:38.559
moment, I have a certain protection over Cruz

00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:40.760
right now. And I think that has to do with I

00:34:40.760 --> 00:34:43.619
think that is hormone based. But there is something

00:34:43.619 --> 00:34:46.800
like if he's trying to hurt Cruz, like obviously

00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:49.460
he's a toddler. He's not really trying to hurt

00:34:49.460 --> 00:34:52.920
him. He's just like trying to be physical. Yeah.

00:34:53.000 --> 00:34:56.659
In some sense. But yeah, if it's towards Cruz,

00:34:56.800 --> 00:35:00.010
it's like my protective mother. like instinct

00:35:00.010 --> 00:35:04.469
comes out and i feel like yeah i feel like it's

00:35:04.469 --> 00:35:07.190
totally like i feel like a like a mother lion

00:35:07.190 --> 00:35:11.630
mama bear comes out yeah yeah i feel like i i

00:35:11.630 --> 00:35:14.989
don't know what to, like, I feel like I have

00:35:14.989 --> 00:35:18.349
to place that, I don't know, that emotional response

00:35:18.349 --> 00:35:22.489
somewhere. Yeah. So one of the things I saw was

00:35:22.489 --> 00:35:25.750
specific to mom rage. I guess there's some research

00:35:25.750 --> 00:35:28.829
that shows the two major factors, and mom rage

00:35:28.829 --> 00:35:32.309
specifically, is violated expectations and compromised

00:35:32.309 --> 00:35:36.150
needs. Do you feel like you can relate to either

00:35:36.150 --> 00:35:39.309
of those? The compromised needs, I feel like.

00:35:39.309 --> 00:35:45.079
Like, I feel like I... I'm just so tired. Especially

00:35:45.079 --> 00:35:48.860
on those solo parenting days. Yeah. Like I think

00:35:48.860 --> 00:35:52.460
my compromise need is like I need sleep or I

00:35:52.460 --> 00:35:56.679
need food or water even. Or just like half a

00:35:56.679 --> 00:36:00.739
second to breathe. Yeah. Yeah. Like there's literally

00:36:00.739 --> 00:36:04.730
no. No break. And that makes me just feel for

00:36:04.730 --> 00:36:08.909
single moms. Oh, yeah. Or solo parents that are

00:36:08.909 --> 00:36:12.650
doing this 24 -7. Yeah, I can't imagine. We have

00:36:12.650 --> 00:36:16.150
one day of the week that is similar. Stuart does

00:36:16.150 --> 00:36:18.750
stop home, but it's like half an hour that he's

00:36:18.750 --> 00:36:20.449
home. Yeah. And then he leaves again. Like a

00:36:20.449 --> 00:36:23.530
little taste of. Yeah. And so it is one of those

00:36:23.530 --> 00:36:26.909
days where it's like I'm from wake up to bedtime.

00:36:27.329 --> 00:36:30.590
I'm by myself. Yeah. And those days are definitely

00:36:30.590 --> 00:36:33.320
the worst. Yes. And, like, there are some things

00:36:33.320 --> 00:36:36.840
I've done to, like, kind of help. Like, those

00:36:36.840 --> 00:36:39.840
days we always either get takeout for dinner

00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:42.659
or we have, like, a Costco meal that I can just

00:36:42.659 --> 00:36:45.059
throw in the oven and there's, like, little snow

00:36:45.059 --> 00:36:48.099
cleanup or. Love it. A lot of times I'll, like,

00:36:48.119 --> 00:36:49.900
try to have a friend over or something like that.

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:51.820
Yeah, break up the day a little bit. Yeah, try

00:36:51.820 --> 00:36:55.780
to break things up. But then even so, the, like,

00:36:55.780 --> 00:36:59.880
doing bedtime by yourself and. Doing all the

00:36:59.880 --> 00:37:03.260
discipline by yourself and. The cleanup, the

00:37:03.260 --> 00:37:05.920
mealtimes. Yeah. And again, you're like, I just

00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:09.320
want to like go pee and not like. Not have a

00:37:09.320 --> 00:37:10.780
child sitting on my lap while I pee. Yeah, have

00:37:10.780 --> 00:37:13.099
someone follow me or like being here, hearing

00:37:13.099 --> 00:37:16.539
something like, oh no. Yeah. Is everyone going

00:37:16.539 --> 00:37:18.699
to be alive when I get out of the bathroom? Yes.

00:37:18.739 --> 00:37:21.320
Because it doesn't seem like it right now. Yeah.

00:37:21.320 --> 00:37:25.659
Yeah. Yeah. I feel that. I feel like the compromise

00:37:25.659 --> 00:37:29.650
needs for sure is what. sticks out to me what

00:37:29.650 --> 00:37:31.989
was the other one it was violated expectations

00:37:31.989 --> 00:37:34.570
no I don't feel like I relate to that necessarily

00:37:34.570 --> 00:37:37.869
I feel like I do but in a way that I just need

00:37:37.869 --> 00:37:41.289
to like adjust my expectations like it's not

00:37:41.289 --> 00:37:44.510
it's that my expectations are wrong not that

00:37:44.510 --> 00:37:47.730
like of of Lloyd yeah where it's like kind of

00:37:47.730 --> 00:37:49.550
like you were talking about earlier with it's

00:37:49.550 --> 00:37:52.670
like oh yeah he's only two yeah you know where

00:37:52.670 --> 00:37:56.380
like I have to remind myself like not that i

00:37:56.380 --> 00:37:58.820
can't expect a lot from him because i also think

00:37:58.820 --> 00:38:02.019
we don't give kids enough credit for how smart

00:38:02.019 --> 00:38:04.860
they are at this age but that it's like oh yeah

00:38:04.860 --> 00:38:07.000
there are parts of his brain that like literally

00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:10.059
don't function yet yeah like he literally does

00:38:10.059 --> 00:38:12.519
not have impulse control yet no that that part

00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:16.280
of his brain has not clicked on so i think uh

00:38:16.280 --> 00:38:20.260
there's a lot of like that where whether it's

00:38:20.260 --> 00:38:22.940
like consciously or not i have like i have this

00:38:22.940 --> 00:38:27.070
expectation that He should be listening to me

00:38:27.070 --> 00:38:29.929
better or not throwing his toys when he gets

00:38:29.929 --> 00:38:33.250
frustrated. Or, you know, I have these expectations

00:38:33.250 --> 00:38:36.630
that are too much for him. Yeah. And are unfair

00:38:36.630 --> 00:38:39.389
of him or unfair of me to have of him. Yeah.

00:38:39.849 --> 00:38:44.070
So then I get mad because he's not listening.

00:38:44.190 --> 00:38:48.010
I was like, well, he's two. I know. So he's not

00:38:48.010 --> 00:38:50.070
going to listen sometimes. Not because he's trying

00:38:50.070 --> 00:38:52.670
to spite me. You know, he's not a 16 -year -old

00:38:52.670 --> 00:38:55.769
who's deliberately. Going, you said to do this,

00:38:55.769 --> 00:38:58.030
so I'm going to do that. Yeah. He's a two -year

00:38:58.030 --> 00:39:00.369
-old who just. Doesn't connect all the dots.

00:39:00.369 --> 00:39:03.730
Yeah. Is testing the boundaries. Yeah. And all

00:39:03.730 --> 00:39:06.610
like age appropriate things. Yeah. So I think

00:39:06.610 --> 00:39:09.489
like that's where I have what like the quote

00:39:09.489 --> 00:39:11.409
unquote violated expectations where it's like,

00:39:11.469 --> 00:39:13.829
I have to remind myself that certain expectations

00:39:13.829 --> 00:39:17.500
I have of him. are not fair and I need to adjust

00:39:17.500 --> 00:39:20.119
that. But then, of course, in the moment when

00:39:20.119 --> 00:39:22.300
you're like, I just want you to listen. Yes.

00:39:22.739 --> 00:39:25.460
You're not thinking about brain development of

00:39:25.460 --> 00:39:27.969
a two -year -old. You're just mad that. yeah

00:39:27.969 --> 00:39:30.710
they're not listening yeah one thing we've been

00:39:30.710 --> 00:39:33.710
doing with colt um and i don't know if it works

00:39:33.710 --> 00:39:37.050
but like if we need him to listen like anytime

00:39:37.050 --> 00:39:39.550
he goes over to mimi's house which is who watches

00:39:39.550 --> 00:39:42.329
him for us on tuesdays right before we get there

00:39:42.329 --> 00:39:45.090
we say turn on your listening ears and he literally

00:39:45.090 --> 00:39:47.250
like takes his hands and puts them by behind

00:39:47.250 --> 00:39:51.489
his ears and he goes and turns on his ears and

00:39:51.489 --> 00:39:53.269
so i'm like i don't know if that helps but i

00:39:53.269 --> 00:39:56.309
feel like it's like reminding him like okay he

00:39:56.309 --> 00:39:59.039
has to use his ears. I don't know if he's connecting

00:39:59.039 --> 00:40:01.699
the dots at this point, but it like, I don't

00:40:01.699 --> 00:40:05.159
know, it helps me a little bit too. But yeah,

00:40:05.239 --> 00:40:08.880
I feel that for sure of like, I have to remember

00:40:08.880 --> 00:40:12.739
that he's like, I mean, he's learning so much

00:40:12.739 --> 00:40:16.719
so quickly right now. He's testing every single

00:40:16.719 --> 00:40:21.579
boundary he possibly can. And he also like, he

00:40:21.579 --> 00:40:24.340
doesn't understand what's right and what's wrong.

00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:26.500
Right. Necessarily. It's our job to teach that.

00:40:26.599 --> 00:40:28.380
Yeah. It's our job to teach that. And so then

00:40:28.380 --> 00:40:31.699
I have to teach it in a way that brings patience.

00:40:32.039 --> 00:40:36.199
And yeah, I have to like, if I'm expecting patience

00:40:36.199 --> 00:40:38.719
from him, like. I have to show patience too.

00:40:38.900 --> 00:40:41.599
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I think that's one of the

00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:43.679
things that I have most frustration with myself

00:40:43.679 --> 00:40:47.820
with the like rageful outbursts is I'm like,

00:40:47.920 --> 00:40:50.860
I don't want to set this example, you know, where

00:40:50.860 --> 00:40:53.340
it's like, well, of course, like. I don't throw

00:40:53.340 --> 00:40:54.559
things all the time. This is going to make it

00:40:54.559 --> 00:40:56.000
sound like I'm just, like, constantly throwing

00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:58.159
things in my house. No. But it's, like, well,

00:40:58.199 --> 00:41:00.340
if I don't want Lloyd to throw things when he's

00:41:00.340 --> 00:41:03.780
frustrated. Yeah. Then, like, I can't do that.

00:41:03.960 --> 00:41:06.980
Yeah. You know? And so it's, like, I think, yeah,

00:41:07.019 --> 00:41:08.619
that's one of the, like, biggest frustrations

00:41:08.619 --> 00:41:10.780
is it's, like, I don't want this outburst to,

00:41:10.840 --> 00:41:12.679
like, teach my kids things that, like, because

00:41:12.679 --> 00:41:14.880
I don't want to act like this, you know? No.

00:41:15.400 --> 00:41:18.320
Like, I'm not doing this on purpose. Yeah. Yeah.

00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:21.920
I feel like more recently, like. Colt is starting

00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:25.199
to express like different emotions, like anger.

00:41:25.300 --> 00:41:28.539
And so I'm trying to like with him, I'm trying

00:41:28.539 --> 00:41:31.320
to point those out. So like in the moment of

00:41:31.320 --> 00:41:34.079
like, like he started, like he'll literally scream

00:41:34.079 --> 00:41:39.219
in our faces, which to me is like an outburst.

00:41:39.800 --> 00:41:42.280
I'll ask him, I'm like, are you angry, buddy?

00:41:42.420 --> 00:41:45.820
And he goes, yes, angry. And I'm like, okay,

00:41:45.880 --> 00:41:48.599
we're trying to like label those emotions for

00:41:48.599 --> 00:41:50.590
him. I don't know where I was going with that,

00:41:50.670 --> 00:41:54.070
but I feel like that's like a helpful tip maybe

00:41:54.070 --> 00:41:57.949
for anyone. I know this is like kind of a side,

00:41:58.130 --> 00:42:01.530
but child therapists, they have the like stuffed

00:42:01.530 --> 00:42:04.070
animals for the inside out emotions because a

00:42:04.070 --> 00:42:06.050
lot of kids have like seen the movie and can

00:42:06.050 --> 00:42:07.989
relate and understand because the movie did such

00:42:07.989 --> 00:42:10.269
a good job of explaining emotions. Yes, such

00:42:10.269 --> 00:42:13.510
a great movie. So then like a child counselor,

00:42:13.550 --> 00:42:16.059
child therapist can be like. Which one of these

00:42:16.059 --> 00:42:19.639
are you feeling? Which I think, I mean, our boys

00:42:19.639 --> 00:42:22.519
might be a little bit too young for that. But

00:42:22.519 --> 00:42:25.820
I do like that idea. I do too. Like just labeling

00:42:25.820 --> 00:42:29.480
it. Yeah. I'm curious. Like, I don't know. I'm

00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:32.119
interested to see how, like as time goes on,

00:42:32.199 --> 00:42:35.159
what this will look like for me. Because I feel

00:42:35.159 --> 00:42:37.539
like more recently, I feel like I'm like, I need

00:42:37.539 --> 00:42:42.639
to address this in some capacity of like. I don't

00:42:42.639 --> 00:42:44.519
know what it will look like for me, but I'm like,

00:42:44.599 --> 00:42:48.000
I don't want to, I don't want my kids to think

00:42:48.000 --> 00:42:52.380
of me as rageful or any like. You have to walk

00:42:52.380 --> 00:42:54.380
on eggshells around mom because you don't know

00:42:54.380 --> 00:42:57.039
how she's going to respond. Yeah, exactly. And

00:42:57.039 --> 00:43:00.920
so like, I know I'm a good mom. I do. I think

00:43:00.920 --> 00:43:04.099
the fact that I'm like wanting to address this

00:43:04.099 --> 00:43:06.590
like shows that I'm. I don't know, shows that

00:43:06.590 --> 00:43:08.989
I'm a good mom. It's like the saying, like, if

00:43:08.989 --> 00:43:10.670
you think you're not a good mom, then you probably

00:43:10.670 --> 00:43:14.389
are a good mom. Yeah. It will, it will be interesting

00:43:14.389 --> 00:43:17.809
to see how this like progresses is like, we potentially

00:43:17.809 --> 00:43:21.929
have more kids and, um, and like our kids get

00:43:21.929 --> 00:43:24.909
older. So I'm like, I'm curious for our listeners

00:43:24.909 --> 00:43:29.110
who have kids that are like maybe in 13 years,

00:43:29.210 --> 00:43:32.900
like what does mom rage look like for you? like

00:43:32.900 --> 00:43:37.059
is this is it still a thing for you like or does

00:43:37.059 --> 00:43:41.280
it subside as time goes but yeah i feel like

00:43:41.280 --> 00:43:44.219
this is more a topic that's like i don't know

00:43:44.219 --> 00:43:46.679
if it's because i'm a newer mom but i feel like

00:43:46.679 --> 00:43:49.400
this is a topic that i've heard more about recently

00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:52.860
yeah that was one thing i had like kind of thought

00:43:52.860 --> 00:43:56.619
about as we were prepping for this is it does

00:43:56.619 --> 00:43:59.760
make me feel for moms of like older generations

00:43:59.760 --> 00:44:02.599
yeah where it's like clearly the again clearly

00:44:02.599 --> 00:44:05.860
this has always existed you know sure maybe there

00:44:05.860 --> 00:44:08.679
are things now that make it like worse but then

00:44:08.679 --> 00:44:11.679
there's also a level of we can have this conversation

00:44:11.679 --> 00:44:13.739
yeah right you know there's a point in time where

00:44:13.739 --> 00:44:15.860
it's like if you were feeling this way you just

00:44:15.860 --> 00:44:18.059
like you bottle it up yeah you didn't talk about

00:44:18.059 --> 00:44:19.559
it and that makes it worse right because then

00:44:19.559 --> 00:44:21.719
like you and i can sit across from each other

00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:25.599
and be like oh you too you too okay Like, this

00:44:25.599 --> 00:44:27.960
makes me feel a little better. Like, yes, I still

00:44:27.960 --> 00:44:30.059
need to, like, figure out how to handle this

00:44:30.059 --> 00:44:33.599
because it's not healthy. Yeah. But, and, like,

00:44:33.679 --> 00:44:35.300
it's not healthy for my kids. It's also not healthy

00:44:35.300 --> 00:44:38.280
for me. No. Right? Yeah. We, like, we've talked

00:44:38.280 --> 00:44:40.099
a bunch about, like, I don't want this to be

00:44:40.099 --> 00:44:42.239
an example for my kids, which is true. But then

00:44:42.239 --> 00:44:46.280
it's also, like, I want to, like, not have these

00:44:46.280 --> 00:44:49.599
outbursts. Yeah. And, like, be able to control

00:44:49.599 --> 00:44:54.909
my emotions and control myself. Yeah. Yeah. How

00:44:54.909 --> 00:44:59.449
do you feel like Stuart does in like those moments?

00:45:00.010 --> 00:45:03.170
Do you feel like he supports you well or like

00:45:03.170 --> 00:45:04.989
is like, OK, let's tap out. I'm going to take

00:45:04.989 --> 00:45:08.750
over. And usually if he's home, I'm able to like

00:45:08.750 --> 00:45:11.010
tap out before it gets there. I think. Yeah.

00:45:11.010 --> 00:45:13.730
More often than not. It's really like when you're

00:45:13.730 --> 00:45:16.789
solo parenting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And usually.

00:45:17.820 --> 00:45:19.800
He can see if it's been a bad day or whatever,

00:45:19.860 --> 00:45:21.340
and he's like, okay, I'll take a quick shower

00:45:21.340 --> 00:45:25.659
today. Yeah, so I think when he's around, he

00:45:25.659 --> 00:45:30.039
can tell. I'm like, I'll go get the kid that's

00:45:30.039 --> 00:45:32.260
crying for the third time tonight as we're trying

00:45:32.260 --> 00:45:35.579
to watch our TV show. Like, I just want a moment.

00:45:35.699 --> 00:45:39.460
Yeah, so yes, he's very supportive. What about

00:45:39.460 --> 00:45:42.380
you? Oh, yeah, Michael. I mean, Michael's great.

00:45:42.519 --> 00:45:46.260
I have had, I feel like, a few of the outbursts

00:45:46.260 --> 00:45:49.079
with him. I've just like when, especially when

00:45:49.079 --> 00:45:53.099
Colt isn't listening and he's seen it and he

00:45:53.099 --> 00:45:56.119
will, he'll like, he'll take over and just say

00:45:56.119 --> 00:45:58.760
like, okay, you need like, you just walk away

00:45:58.760 --> 00:46:02.280
for a minute or take Cruz and like, and then

00:46:02.280 --> 00:46:05.099
I'll just take over with Colt. Do you ever like,

00:46:05.239 --> 00:46:08.099
this sounds kind of bad. Do you ever have satisfaction

00:46:08.099 --> 00:46:11.460
when things are going as badly as they are? Like

00:46:11.460 --> 00:46:13.420
when he's not there, when he is there. Like,

00:46:13.420 --> 00:46:16.280
does that make sense? Yeah. Oh yeah. We had a

00:46:16.280 --> 00:46:19.280
date like that the other night where first Lloyd

00:46:19.280 --> 00:46:21.099
did not want to sit at the table for dinner.

00:46:21.320 --> 00:46:23.699
He just like kept trying to get down and it was

00:46:23.699 --> 00:46:26.599
like, it was not a good time for anyone. And

00:46:26.599 --> 00:46:29.480
it was one of those things where I think Stuart

00:46:29.480 --> 00:46:32.659
is getting pretty frustrated with it. But also

00:46:32.659 --> 00:46:35.550
I wanted to be like. So just so you know, I deal

00:46:35.550 --> 00:46:37.809
with this for at least two meals a day. Also,

00:46:38.050 --> 00:46:41.469
I'm working. Also, I'm by myself. Yes. Like if

00:46:41.469 --> 00:46:44.449
you're overstimulated, try being me. Yeah. Yeah.

00:46:44.809 --> 00:46:48.789
No, for sure. Yeah. I don't want you to experience

00:46:48.789 --> 00:46:51.289
the frustration I do. It's satisfying when you

00:46:51.289 --> 00:46:53.690
do those, you know, like I'm not totally insane.

00:46:53.869 --> 00:46:56.449
It's like almost a moment of like, I want you

00:46:56.449 --> 00:46:59.760
to just understand. Yes. Like, if you can just

00:46:59.760 --> 00:47:03.219
get a glimpse. Yeah. I'm not necessarily overreacting.

00:47:03.400 --> 00:47:06.239
I mean, maybe I am overreacting sometimes. Again,

00:47:06.320 --> 00:47:10.840
the rage is a different situation. But, yes,

00:47:10.860 --> 00:47:14.360
when I'm like, today was awful, like, I'm not

00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:17.099
totally overreacting. No. Because if you had

00:47:17.099 --> 00:47:19.079
to deal with this exact same thing all day, every

00:47:19.079 --> 00:47:23.340
day. And also working. Yeah. Yeah. And trying

00:47:23.340 --> 00:47:25.820
to keep your house in order, all the things.

00:47:26.039 --> 00:47:29.590
So, like, I mean, they say. Stay -at -home moms,

00:47:29.730 --> 00:47:32.909
it's more than a full -time job. And then especially

00:47:32.909 --> 00:47:35.949
if you're a work -from -home mom, like, add that

00:47:35.949 --> 00:47:38.590
on top. Like, literally working two jobs at once.

00:47:38.730 --> 00:47:43.250
Yeah, yeah. And trying to juggle it all is wild.

00:47:43.429 --> 00:47:47.170
So, yeah, I feel like, yeah, this mom rage, like,

00:47:47.250 --> 00:47:50.789
is definitely more present this time around,

00:47:50.989 --> 00:47:55.449
like, second postpartum. I don't know if it's

00:47:55.449 --> 00:47:59.039
hormone imbalance still, like, trying to balance

00:47:59.039 --> 00:48:02.960
or so one of the things that i saw and when i

00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:05.860
say i did research i like googled this and looked

00:48:05.860 --> 00:48:08.539
at like three articles so if anyone's like that

00:48:08.539 --> 00:48:12.000
is so factually incorrect please know i will

00:48:12.000 --> 00:48:15.360
link the articles i looked at but yeah i i didn't

00:48:15.360 --> 00:48:17.280
even go to the second page on google yeah so

00:48:17.280 --> 00:48:20.420
yeah so one of the things i saw was that gut

00:48:20.420 --> 00:48:22.659
health and mental health are way more connected

00:48:22.659 --> 00:48:26.820
than we think. Apparently, 95 % of your serotonin

00:48:26.820 --> 00:48:29.820
is produced in the gut. Really? Which I had never

00:48:29.820 --> 00:48:33.760
heard that before. So if your gut health is off,

00:48:33.840 --> 00:48:36.420
then obviously your serotonin production and

00:48:36.420 --> 00:48:39.760
health is off, which then can lead to things

00:48:39.760 --> 00:48:43.440
like sadness, hopelessness, irritability, and

00:48:43.440 --> 00:48:46.019
rage. Which I just thought was super interesting.

00:48:46.059 --> 00:48:47.599
That is very interesting. Obviously, I don't

00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:49.019
think that's going to be the case for every single

00:48:49.019 --> 00:48:51.380
person all the time. Yeah. But then for me, that

00:48:51.380 --> 00:48:55.679
did make me think like, oh, first kid, like you

00:48:55.679 --> 00:48:57.880
have some time to yourself. Yes. You have nap

00:48:57.880 --> 00:49:00.159
times, right? You know, where you have like a

00:49:00.159 --> 00:49:03.199
little bit of time so you can get the extra snacks

00:49:03.199 --> 00:49:06.000
and, you know, maybe take care of yourself a

00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:08.320
little bit more. Yeah. Where now I feel like.

00:49:09.139 --> 00:49:12.360
I have zero time to myself. We have one nap time

00:49:12.360 --> 00:49:15.179
that overlaps a little bit, but it's like maybe

00:49:15.179 --> 00:49:18.559
an hour. Yeah, and that's if nap goes well. Yes,

00:49:18.659 --> 00:49:21.019
that's if everyone goes down well, if everyone

00:49:21.019 --> 00:49:24.179
actually sleeps. I'm usually still working at

00:49:24.179 --> 00:49:26.559
that point, so it's not like I'm fully. It's

00:49:26.559 --> 00:49:29.139
not like you're sitting there and actually taking

00:49:29.139 --> 00:49:31.400
a moment to yourself. Yeah, I'm like, am I not

00:49:31.400 --> 00:49:35.579
taking as good of care of myself? Yeah. Another

00:49:35.579 --> 00:49:38.139
thing. So this is one of those things that like.

00:49:38.889 --> 00:49:41.730
It doesn't technically have any scientific backing,

00:49:41.849 --> 00:49:45.369
but it has, like, I think a substantial amount

00:49:45.369 --> 00:49:48.750
of anecdotal evidence, which is Brazil nuts.

00:49:49.489 --> 00:49:51.949
Really? They're supposed to be really good for,

00:49:52.130 --> 00:49:54.269
I don't remember what they have in them. I should

00:49:54.269 --> 00:49:56.090
have written, yeah, I should have wrote that

00:49:56.090 --> 00:49:59.769
down, what it is in Brazil nuts. But there's

00:49:59.769 --> 00:50:01.449
something in Brazil nuts that's supposed to,

00:50:01.449 --> 00:50:04.670
like, help your mood. So, yeah, so the anecdotal

00:50:04.670 --> 00:50:07.409
evidence is that one to five Brazil nuts a day.

00:50:07.920 --> 00:50:10.079
can help with things like rage and depression

00:50:10.079 --> 00:50:12.579
and like all sorts of stuff. I could eat Brazil

00:50:12.579 --> 00:50:14.880
nuts. Yeah. So I was like, they're not my favorite,

00:50:14.940 --> 00:50:16.800
but. But five of them, I could choke them down.

00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:20.039
Yeah. I can do that. And it's better than getting

00:50:20.039 --> 00:50:22.880
on medication in my opinion. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.

00:50:23.019 --> 00:50:26.519
For sure. Yeah. That's very interesting. So I

00:50:26.519 --> 00:50:28.820
got some, I had grocery pickup this week. Nice.

00:50:28.880 --> 00:50:30.940
Try it out. Let me know. So I got some today.

00:50:31.179 --> 00:50:34.059
I was like, I'll give it a try. Cause I did hear

00:50:34.059 --> 00:50:37.329
that. A mom I know, she had mentioned that to

00:50:37.329 --> 00:50:40.429
me when I was experiencing rage when Lloyd was

00:50:40.429 --> 00:50:43.650
little. And I feel like it made it better because

00:50:43.650 --> 00:50:46.610
I tried it before. But then also I'm like – Like

00:50:46.610 --> 00:50:50.489
is it a placebo? Right, placebo. Or things actually

00:50:50.489 --> 00:50:52.849
just getting better. You never know. And like

00:50:52.849 --> 00:50:55.269
are things different now? You know what's causing

00:50:55.269 --> 00:50:57.429
it this time kind of thing. Hey, I'll try it.

00:50:57.469 --> 00:51:00.849
Brazil nuts. Great. Tip of the day. Yeah. Yeah,

00:51:00.869 --> 00:51:02.570
that's interesting, the gut health and mental

00:51:02.570 --> 00:51:05.280
health because – This time around, I feel like

00:51:05.280 --> 00:51:08.800
the self -care, oh, it's kind of gone out the

00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:12.699
window. Yes, I could maybe find time to work

00:51:12.699 --> 00:51:16.519
out, but not by myself. It's more like, I don't

00:51:16.519 --> 00:51:19.820
know, we go on a walk to the park. Yeah, that's

00:51:19.820 --> 00:51:23.500
like my exercise. Otherwise, I'm like, do I really

00:51:23.500 --> 00:51:27.369
want to work out? 10 30 at night not really yeah

00:51:27.369 --> 00:51:29.590
and then especially if you're getting up at night

00:51:29.590 --> 00:51:32.429
and you have to get up early yeah so i don't

00:51:32.429 --> 00:51:34.449
know it's like that's what's been sacrificed

00:51:34.449 --> 00:51:39.010
is like my self -care but then there's like the

00:51:39.010 --> 00:51:41.969
negative side of it of like yeah if i'm sacrificing

00:51:41.969 --> 00:51:45.449
the self -care then am i not as good of a mom

00:51:45.449 --> 00:51:48.989
as i could be because i'm taking care of myself

00:51:48.989 --> 00:51:52.989
you know so and then like gut yeah going back

00:51:52.989 --> 00:51:55.460
to gut health it's like I feel like I'm not drinking

00:51:55.460 --> 00:51:58.059
nearly as much water because I just kind of forget.

00:51:58.780 --> 00:52:01.119
Definitely the food. When was the last time I

00:52:01.119 --> 00:52:05.260
drank water? The food piece is like eat the,

00:52:05.340 --> 00:52:07.940
I don't know, the half -eaten string cheese that

00:52:07.940 --> 00:52:10.300
was left on the couch from this morning. Eat

00:52:10.300 --> 00:52:15.239
in 3 .7 seconds because you have to keep up with

00:52:15.239 --> 00:52:18.380
everyone. Yeah. Yeah. And so I feel like that.

00:52:18.750 --> 00:52:21.250
That, I mean, it makes sense. Like that. Yeah.

00:52:21.329 --> 00:52:24.150
I mean, everything's connected in your body anyways.

00:52:24.489 --> 00:52:27.429
I just never heard that specifically. So I thought

00:52:27.429 --> 00:52:29.730
that was super interesting. Yeah. That is very

00:52:29.730 --> 00:52:32.170
interesting. But then there's this level of like,

00:52:32.250 --> 00:52:35.570
that's super overwhelming. Like if that is like

00:52:35.570 --> 00:52:38.210
what I need to change, where do I even start?

00:52:38.449 --> 00:52:42.230
I know. And like, I can't take on another thing,

00:52:42.389 --> 00:52:46.400
you know? Yeah. I'm like, it's like the. your

00:52:46.400 --> 00:52:49.199
head's above water and you're looking, uh, looking

00:52:49.199 --> 00:52:52.300
calm, but you're underneath water, you're treading

00:52:52.300 --> 00:52:55.440
for all your life, you know, just trying to stay

00:52:55.440 --> 00:52:58.699
afloat. And I feel like that just is like the

00:52:58.699 --> 00:53:03.500
perfect picture of where we're at in motherhood

00:53:03.500 --> 00:53:07.280
right now and what we're kind of going on a tangent,

00:53:07.360 --> 00:53:10.250
but what. I mean, what needs to change? Yeah.

00:53:10.349 --> 00:53:13.349
Yeah. And so I think I'm trying to put my finger

00:53:13.349 --> 00:53:15.809
on that piece of the puzzle. Of like what needs

00:53:15.809 --> 00:53:18.269
to change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't

00:53:18.269 --> 00:53:22.989
know what tangibly could change. Yeah. Like I

00:53:22.989 --> 00:53:24.969
feel like I'm like, I'm trying to be as present

00:53:24.969 --> 00:53:27.949
as possible. Our schedule is super busy. Like,

00:53:28.010 --> 00:53:30.650
you know, I'm solo parenting when I have to.

00:53:30.750 --> 00:53:33.849
Like Michael is as home as much as he can be

00:53:33.849 --> 00:53:41.889
with our jobs. And it's like, I don't know. what

00:53:41.889 --> 00:53:44.869
needs to change in order to yeah i yeah i feel

00:53:44.869 --> 00:53:47.309
the same way where i'm like i don't i don't know

00:53:47.309 --> 00:53:50.789
where to start no um the other thing i think

00:53:50.789 --> 00:53:54.969
i wanted to mention was i think so frequently

00:53:54.969 --> 00:53:58.429
we use the words common and normal synonymously

00:53:58.429 --> 00:54:02.889
and they're not the same word um or it's like

00:54:02.889 --> 00:54:05.210
i know i see that i feel like i see that a lot

00:54:05.210 --> 00:54:08.090
of times with like pregnancy right where someone's

00:54:08.090 --> 00:54:12.510
experiencing a pregnancy symptom that's common.

00:54:12.730 --> 00:54:14.590
And the doctors were like, oh, that's just normal.

00:54:14.829 --> 00:54:18.650
Yeah. Like, well, sort, you know, no, it's not

00:54:18.650 --> 00:54:20.710
normal. Like this isn't how this is supposed

00:54:20.710 --> 00:54:23.510
to be, you know, normal is this is how it's supposed

00:54:23.510 --> 00:54:26.090
to work. Yeah. And that's not the case here.

00:54:26.389 --> 00:54:30.010
Common, sure. Yeah. And like, it may not be concerning,

00:54:30.250 --> 00:54:33.210
but they're not the same thing. And so I think

00:54:33.210 --> 00:54:34.750
that's one of the things that I want to like

00:54:34.750 --> 00:54:37.519
try to remind myself with. things like mom rage

00:54:37.519 --> 00:54:40.420
where it's like, okay, this is common, which

00:54:40.420 --> 00:54:42.300
is nice because then I can, you know, I can talk

00:54:42.300 --> 00:54:44.059
to you. I can talk to other moms and we can relate

00:54:44.059 --> 00:54:47.340
and go, okay, I'm not crazy. This is something

00:54:47.340 --> 00:54:50.440
a lot of us are experiencing, but it's also not

00:54:50.440 --> 00:54:53.079
normal. Like this isn't how this is supposed

00:54:53.079 --> 00:54:55.239
to work. This isn't how I'm supposed to respond.

00:54:55.780 --> 00:54:58.960
This is, you know, normal would be that I don't

00:54:58.960 --> 00:55:00.840
just have this like burst of anger that I can't

00:55:00.840 --> 00:55:03.559
control. Again, anger is totally normal and totally.

00:55:04.429 --> 00:55:07.269
I think anger is justifiable, but anger you go,

00:55:07.389 --> 00:55:10.110
okay, I'm angry. I'm not getting sleep tonight,

00:55:10.269 --> 00:55:14.510
but I can like compose myself of it or I can

00:55:14.510 --> 00:55:16.510
respond to it in a healthy manner. Whereas like

00:55:16.510 --> 00:55:19.150
rage, that's not what it is. You know, rage is

00:55:19.150 --> 00:55:21.250
I'm not getting sleep tonight and now I'm screaming

00:55:21.250 --> 00:55:25.329
or breaking down or whatever because of that.

00:55:26.119 --> 00:55:28.780
Yeah. No, that's a, that's super interesting

00:55:28.780 --> 00:55:31.920
because I feel like, yeah, more recently this

00:55:31.920 --> 00:55:34.139
topic has, I don't know if it's just because

00:55:34.139 --> 00:55:36.880
I feel so connected to it right now because I'm

00:55:36.880 --> 00:55:39.059
like trying to address it. Or Instagram's in

00:55:39.059 --> 00:55:43.940
your brain. Yeah. Oh, for sure. But I do feel

00:55:43.940 --> 00:55:47.860
like more and more I am feeling like people are

00:55:47.860 --> 00:55:50.699
talking about it, like especially moms around

00:55:50.699 --> 00:55:55.389
me and that it does feel more common. I think

00:55:55.389 --> 00:55:57.369
all of us are kind of in the same boat of, like,

00:55:57.469 --> 00:56:01.329
no, this is not normal, you know? Yeah, I think

00:56:01.329 --> 00:56:03.969
for me it's just, like, I want to make sure I'm,

00:56:04.010 --> 00:56:06.369
like, saying it right. Yeah. You know, because

00:56:06.369 --> 00:56:08.150
I think it's really easy to just be like, oh,

00:56:08.190 --> 00:56:10.449
like, that's normal because everyone experiences

00:56:10.449 --> 00:56:13.010
it. And, like, trying to, like, even in my own

00:56:13.010 --> 00:56:16.010
brain, like, differentiate that. Like, no, everyone

00:56:16.010 --> 00:56:18.719
experiencing the same thing. doesn't make it

00:56:18.719 --> 00:56:22.360
normal because normal is more or less like correct.

00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:26.400
Yeah. Right. Yes. Yeah. Normal is like the goal,

00:56:26.500 --> 00:56:30.440
I guess. Yeah. We, our goal is to get to normal.

00:56:30.559 --> 00:56:32.579
Like, like you mentioned, like pregnancy wise,

00:56:32.659 --> 00:56:36.079
like a normal pregnancy would be like a healthy

00:56:36.079 --> 00:56:39.159
pregnancy, I guess. Common symptoms would be

00:56:39.159 --> 00:56:42.840
like preeclampsia, you know, like not normal,

00:56:42.960 --> 00:56:47.300
but common. Yes. So I don't know. I feel like,

00:56:47.639 --> 00:56:49.659
I don't know where we can like, you know, tie

00:56:49.659 --> 00:56:51.400
the pretty bow on. We just end right here. Yeah.

00:56:51.559 --> 00:56:53.739
I don't think there's a pretty bow to tie on

00:56:53.739 --> 00:56:57.199
this yet because I don't know. I think we're

00:56:57.199 --> 00:56:59.780
trying to figure it out. And I think really the

00:56:59.780 --> 00:57:02.599
idea behind this episode is like, hopefully you

00:57:02.599 --> 00:57:06.619
can feel not alone in this because I think. Maybe

00:57:06.619 --> 00:57:08.219
you try some Brazil nuts and it helps. Yeah.

00:57:08.219 --> 00:57:11.199
I don't know. Yeah. But I do think this is just

00:57:11.199 --> 00:57:13.739
a topic that needs to be talked about more because

00:57:13.739 --> 00:57:16.679
it is so common. Yeah, it's common. And I think

00:57:16.679 --> 00:57:19.519
that's like kind of the first step of like getting

00:57:19.519 --> 00:57:22.000
better. Like it's kind of the like AA thing,

00:57:22.099 --> 00:57:23.420
right? Where it's like step one is admitting

00:57:23.420 --> 00:57:26.559
you have a problem. Yeah. That's kind of a silly

00:57:26.559 --> 00:57:28.420
– I mean maybe it's not even a silly comparison.

00:57:28.739 --> 00:57:31.760
But, you know, that's one of the things where

00:57:31.760 --> 00:57:34.599
it's like, oh, seeing that other people are experiencing

00:57:34.599 --> 00:57:38.840
it, remembering like this isn't – normal no and

00:57:38.840 --> 00:57:41.460
you can get past it like i don't know how i um

00:57:41.460 --> 00:57:44.079
yeah we're figuring that out and if anyone has

00:57:44.079 --> 00:57:46.300
advice if you're an experienced mom and you're

00:57:46.300 --> 00:57:50.619
like yes this was my experience yeah and these

00:57:50.619 --> 00:57:52.780
are things that i found helped yeah please let

00:57:52.780 --> 00:57:54.719
us know because yeah we'll put a question box

00:57:54.719 --> 00:57:58.530
and yeah we would love to know and You know,

00:57:58.550 --> 00:58:01.309
we want to support other moms. Yeah. But yeah,

00:58:01.349 --> 00:58:03.190
I think a big part of this conversation was just

00:58:03.190 --> 00:58:06.110
making sure other moms don't feel alone. Especially

00:58:06.110 --> 00:58:09.429
if you're a brand new mom listening to this too,

00:58:09.489 --> 00:58:12.869
because I mean, your whole life is, has just

00:58:12.869 --> 00:58:17.710
flipped like literally a 180 and now you're going

00:58:17.710 --> 00:58:21.889
through so much postpartum and hormone imbalance

00:58:21.889 --> 00:58:25.130
and all the things and then add this on top of

00:58:25.130 --> 00:58:27.599
it. It's like. You're trying to figure out who

00:58:27.599 --> 00:58:32.199
you are. Yeah. Yeah. So you're not alone. We're

00:58:32.199 --> 00:58:36.260
here for you. Yeah. Yeah. Mom rage. It's a real

00:58:36.260 --> 00:58:38.099
thing. Hopefully you can distinguish in your

00:58:38.099 --> 00:58:40.539
own life like the difference between rage and

00:58:40.539 --> 00:58:42.659
anger because there is, I mean, there is a difference.

00:58:42.739 --> 00:58:48.360
And I think that both are common. Yeah. Yeah.

00:58:48.539 --> 00:58:51.239
When I think again, anger is the normal one.

00:58:51.300 --> 00:58:53.420
Yeah. Anger is the normal one. We all feel angry

00:58:53.420 --> 00:58:57.099
sometimes. totally justifiable things and even

00:58:57.099 --> 00:59:00.039
things that you can be rageful at you can be

00:59:00.039 --> 00:59:03.300
angry at that and that's acceptable yeah it's

00:59:03.300 --> 00:59:06.380
the outburst it's the lack of control yeah it's

00:59:06.380 --> 00:59:11.119
the like over the top anger yeah well hopefully

00:59:11.119 --> 00:59:15.179
you guys can relate to this in some sense i mean

00:59:15.179 --> 00:59:18.860
if you haven't experienced rage great we love

00:59:18.860 --> 00:59:21.239
that for you we love that for you if you have

00:59:21.239 --> 00:59:24.139
you're not alone And if you haven't, maybe reach

00:59:24.139 --> 00:59:27.139
out to a mom friend and see if they have and

00:59:27.139 --> 00:59:30.199
if they need support. So, I mean, I also think

00:59:30.199 --> 00:59:32.219
that's a lot of it. Or, like, there's a whole

00:59:32.219 --> 00:59:34.780
adage of, like, it takes a village. But I also

00:59:34.780 --> 00:59:38.179
think people don't, like, realize what that means.

00:59:38.300 --> 00:59:40.599
And a lot of times that's just, like, existing

00:59:40.599 --> 00:59:44.500
together more than it's necessarily, like, active

00:59:44.500 --> 00:59:48.860
doing things. Yeah. Just the relatability. Yeah.

00:59:48.940 --> 00:59:53.099
Yeah. Well, you want to hop in? We can hop into

00:59:53.099 --> 00:59:56.579
our wins. Yeah, we can wrap it up. Yeah, let's

00:59:56.579 --> 00:59:59.320
turn it around here. So this one, this is just

00:59:59.320 --> 01:00:01.639
one of those like fun things that's like, it

01:00:01.639 --> 01:00:04.679
makes me so happy right now. Zeta has this face

01:00:04.679 --> 01:00:08.059
she makes that is, we call it her scrunch face.

01:00:08.239 --> 01:00:10.340
And she just like scrunches up her nose and her

01:00:10.340 --> 01:00:15.340
mouth and she goes. That's the best. Sorry, that

01:00:15.340 --> 01:00:19.159
probably sounds terrible on a podcast. But it's

01:00:19.159 --> 01:00:22.699
just, it's so cute and so funny. And I don't

01:00:22.699 --> 01:00:24.559
know what makes her do it, but she does it multiple

01:00:24.559 --> 01:00:28.519
times a day. And I mean, I think part of it is

01:00:28.519 --> 01:00:30.380
we're like starting to get to the phase where

01:00:30.380 --> 01:00:32.719
it's like, oh, you have a personality. And like,

01:00:32.739 --> 01:00:35.159
what is that? And that's just like one of the

01:00:35.159 --> 01:00:36.960
things she does right now is her little scrunch

01:00:36.960 --> 01:00:40.179
face. That's the cutest thing in the whole world.

01:00:40.260 --> 01:00:43.539
That's so cute. It's just, it makes me so happy

01:00:43.539 --> 01:00:46.320
every time she does it. Yes. I love it. Okay.

01:00:46.679 --> 01:00:50.659
My win of the week. So Colt, I feel like he's

01:00:50.659 --> 01:00:54.039
just like starting to become a really good big

01:00:54.039 --> 01:00:57.340
brother. That's the best. And it's like, if you've

01:00:57.340 --> 01:01:00.280
listened to like right after Cruz was born, Colt

01:01:00.280 --> 01:01:03.219
just had like the toughest time adjusting and

01:01:03.219 --> 01:01:06.820
just, it was really, really hard. But more recently,

01:01:06.900 --> 01:01:10.800
like anytime Cruz is crying or like hungry, like

01:01:10.800 --> 01:01:14.519
he'll be like Cruz hungry or. Cruz crying and

01:01:14.519 --> 01:01:17.300
then he'll try to like help him. So like this

01:01:17.300 --> 01:01:19.900
morning, uh, Cruz was crying and I was like,

01:01:19.920 --> 01:01:22.360
Oh, I think Cruz is hungry, buddy. Like mommy

01:01:22.360 --> 01:01:24.860
needs to feed him. And Colt runs to the fridge

01:01:24.860 --> 01:01:27.820
and grabs like a bottle out of the fridge that

01:01:27.820 --> 01:01:30.820
I have like in the fridge and grabs it and like

01:01:30.820 --> 01:01:32.780
goes to give it to him. And I'm like, Oh buddy,

01:01:32.880 --> 01:01:34.760
mommy's like, mommy's just going to feed him.

01:01:34.800 --> 01:01:38.599
It's okay. But that was so nice. That was such

01:01:38.599 --> 01:01:42.869
a sweet, like just a sweet moment. I just think

01:01:42.869 --> 01:01:46.130
he's like, he's starting to like connect the

01:01:46.130 --> 01:01:49.050
dots and like, oh, I'm the big brother. Like

01:01:49.050 --> 01:01:52.789
I can help mommy. And it just, oh my gosh, it

01:01:52.789 --> 01:01:55.449
melts my heart. Cause I'm like, it's one of those

01:01:55.449 --> 01:01:58.469
like step back moments of like, oh my gosh, this

01:01:58.469 --> 01:02:02.670
is everything I dreamed of. And to get to like,

01:02:02.670 --> 01:02:07.070
see, I don't know, see it happen in real life.

01:02:07.670 --> 01:02:11.179
It's just, I love it. It's sweet. That is so

01:02:11.179 --> 01:02:13.079
sweet. Yeah. That's so fun. And then that's like

01:02:13.079 --> 01:02:15.829
a glimpse into the future. Yeah. They're going

01:02:15.829 --> 01:02:18.530
to be little buddies forever. I can't wait. I

01:02:18.530 --> 01:02:20.710
seriously can't wait for them to be able to just,

01:02:20.769 --> 01:02:22.750
like, play together. And I know it's going to

01:02:22.750 --> 01:02:25.610
be chaos because it's, like, two boys. But it'll

01:02:25.610 --> 01:02:28.710
be fun chaos. It'll be so fun. And I think, like,

01:02:28.730 --> 01:02:32.769
Colt is waiting for that. I can see it in him

01:02:32.769 --> 01:02:35.710
that he's just, like, so excited to be able to

01:02:35.710 --> 01:02:37.630
play with him. That's what that thing you brought

01:02:37.630 --> 01:02:40.190
home for me is. Yep, exactly. Like, oh, this

01:02:40.190 --> 01:02:44.110
was for me? Yeah. The whole time? Yeah. So it's

01:02:44.110 --> 01:02:46.980
really sweet. Well, thanks for tuning in today.

01:02:47.739 --> 01:02:50.500
Hopefully, yeah, you feel connected in some sense

01:02:50.500 --> 01:02:53.539
as we talked about mom rage. But we'd love to

01:02:53.539 --> 01:02:56.599
hear from you on social media. Follow us at nomanualpodcast

01:02:56.599 --> 01:02:59.940
on Instagram. And connect with another mom this

01:02:59.940 --> 01:03:03.380
week. And just, yeah, it takes a village. So,

01:03:03.380 --> 01:03:06.780
yeah, we hope you guys enjoyed today's episode.

01:03:06.820 --> 01:03:09.960
And we will see you next week. See you next week.