WEBVTT

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Welcome back to No Manual MomCast. If you tuned

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in last week, you would have heard our episode

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with Ellie Flowers talking about her experience

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with foster care. And we have her back this week

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to talk about some of the births with her bio

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kids and that experience specifically. Your home

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birth after a C -section. I'm crazy. Yeah, so

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we will get into that first. We want to start

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with our mom moments. I can go first. Okay, so

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I was just chatting with you guys about this.

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So Colt was sick this last week. Like some type

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of stomach flu. And when our kids are sick, like

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you want to do anything you can to make them

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comfortable. And so Colt was not sleeping well.

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He's never been a great sleeper. Specifically

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this week, he was probably the worst sleeper

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ever. So we'd put him down in his crib and he'd

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start crying. And so Michael would go in there

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and lay next to his crib and hold his hand, which

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is so cute. I love it. But Michael couldn't leave

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until Cole was asleep. If he left, it would like

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start the whole process over again. And so now,

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since he was sick and we were doing that, now

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he just really likes to do that. And so now that

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has become part of the night. routine. I'm sure

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actually Michael's probably currently holding

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his hand. It's 7 .45 at night, which is bedtime

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for our child. And I'm sure Michael is laying

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on the ground currently holding his hand to fall

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asleep. But actually it was last night. It was

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so, so sweet. We put Colt down and we always

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try, like we'll walk out of the room, give him

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a few minutes to try to fall asleep. And then

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he like cries. Michael goes in there. And puts

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everything back in his crib because he throws

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everything out of his crib. Puts everything back

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in. And then as Michael's leaving the room, Colt

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goes, hold hand, hold hand, hold hand. And Michael

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comes out of the room and he's like, Laura, how

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am I supposed to say no to that? And I'm like.

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I don't know. And so we like gave him one more

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minute and Michael's like, I can't do it. I'm

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going to go in there and hold his hand. And I

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was like, okay. I was like, we are creating the

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worst habit right now, but it's like, but it's

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so cute. It's so cute. And I don't know what

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else to do except comfort my child. And I love

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him so much, but yeah, that's my mom moment.

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Yeah. That's very relatable. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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um i can do mine so we're in the no phase lloyd

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says no to everything and sometimes it's super

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frustrating and sometimes it's just so cute yeah

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or it's like that's one of the things when we

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get up for the day i'm like i'll go in his room

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and open the curtains we're like hey buddy you

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ready to get out of bed no no Okay. Okay. Like,

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I guess you can just like lay down for a while.

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Like, I'm not ready to get out of bed either.

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I get you. When I wake up, I want to stay in

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bed too. Yeah. So, but just know for absolutely

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everything. I'm like trying to do my best to

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like phrase things well. So like, if it's something

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that is not an option, it's not a question. Like,

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I'm not going to ask you if you're ready for

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bed because you're going to say no. And then

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you're going to think that I just like ignore

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you when you say no. That's so hard to phrase

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questions with. Like it not being a yes or no.

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Yeah. Like it's time for bed. No. No, it is.

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No. Yeah. Yeah. But it is like super cute. And

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he like shakes his head every time he says no.

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And it's so sweet. And also so annoying. Just

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like that. Perfect balance of toddlerhood. I

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love it. I love it. Okay, Ellie, what's yours?

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This happened two nights ago. We're in this stage

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where, like, there's just, like, a gaggle of

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neighborhood kids that, like, play together.

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That's so wholesome, though. Oh, it feels like

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the 90s, you know, or, like, our childhood. So

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we have, like, boys running in and out of our

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house, and there was a little, like, second grader

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in there, and Roman, my almost seven -year -old,

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was holding. Danny, our four -month -old, and

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he was like, isn't she so cute? Like, he's obsessed

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with her. And it just, like, somehow came around

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to, like, birth. And our kids are very exposed

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to birth because I was like, we thought maybe

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they were going to be at the home birth, whatever.

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And so they had seen, like, birth videos to prep

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them. They've seen the birth video of Danny being

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born. So they're just like, this is normal to

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like talk about vaginas. And so Roman says to

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the kid like something about, and I see where

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he's going and he's like about to say it. And

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I just grab his hand because I'm like, you're

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about to say something that's going to traumatize

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this child who's probably not into that. And

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Roman just looks at me and he was like. And he

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just, he knows, like, what I did by just touching

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his hand. He just, like, changes the subject.

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I was, like, oh, my gosh. That second grader

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was, like, what? What is that? What happens in

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your home? The parents are going to be, like,

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what is going on in the flowers' house? I'm,

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like, we're clearly already the weird family

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on the block. Like, we have too many kids. Like,

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you know, they're always getting into trouble.

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yeah so that was that was my i love that yeah

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that's so funny okay so you introed your family

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for us last week but give us like a a brief intro

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again just in case someone's listening that didn't

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listen to last week yes if you're into home birth

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and not foster care totally understand um yes

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so i have a six almost seven year old a five

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year old a four year old all adopted through

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foster care and then i have a two year old almost

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three year old and a four month old Wow. Yes.

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And last two were bio kids. Last two were bio

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kids. Yep. And then. So, and you went over this

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a little bit in our last episode. You found out

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you're pregnant with Killian, right? Killian,

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yes. When you were, your youngest adoptive kiddo

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was eight months old. Yes. And so give us just

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like a little bit of what that, I know it's a

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pretty complicated experience, but what's your

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like elevator pitch for your birth with Killian?

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Yes. So with Killian, again, I was, not planned

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pregnancy and I'm in the throes of three under

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three as is. And so I was just like, I did not,

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I did not read a single pregnancy book. I did

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not listen to a single birth story. Like I was

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just like, they all got here. Like my children.

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Yeah. I'm sure their parents didn't read books

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and they came out. Like, so I was just like in

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the mindset of like, You know, all my friends

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who are pregnant at the same time are getting

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their doulas. And, like, you should read real

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food for pregnancy. And I'm, like. So you had,

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like, three or four friends who you all had kids

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at the same time. Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, we're.

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I'm, like, in the throes of, like, being pregnant

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with some of my friends at the same time. So.

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Honestly, those things were probably like the

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last thing on your mind, too, of like, oh, I

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have 303. I'm just I'm literally trying to survive

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already. Yes. Exhausted. Yes. Pregnant and foster

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care. We're still doing foster care. Yeah. And

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I can't imagine I was pregnant with a toddler.

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That was exhausting. Like newborn tired with

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a toddler is way easier than pregnancy tired

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with a toddler. I will die on that hill. Yeah.

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But I'd like gone through all that before. Right.

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So it's like, OK. I have a general, even if this

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birth doesn't go how I expect, I've been through

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it before. I know when we go to the hospital,

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I, you know, we took a birthing class the first

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time around, but this is your first birth. Yes.

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So you're in that pregnancy exhaustion, but you

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don't, you literally just don't even have time

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for like. All of the, like, nesting and kind

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of, like, fun things of, like, being pregnant

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the first time. Oh, no. Yeah. It was, like, yeah.

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We didn't take a birth class. Like, we did nothing.

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Like, and I was just, like, the baby will come

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out. Yeah. Which I wasn't wrong with the baby

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to come out. He's going to get here one way or

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the other. Right? Yeah. And so, you know, I didn't.

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Like, I just got the OB that Kaiser had in Longmont,

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and she was on Tuesday, so I went on Tuesday.

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Like, it was literally just, like, the most,

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like, I'll do the things. Okay, it's time for

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an ultrasound. Okay, great. Fast forward to,

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like, I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I'm almost 33 weeks

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pregnant, and they do my fundal height, and everything's

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been totally fine past my gestational diabetes

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test, like, all the things. And so she does my

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fundal height, and she was like, you're 37. Like,

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you are. my full term baby in there and so she

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was like and that came out of nowhere like i

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had been measuring on track so all of a sudden

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like something was like and so she was like sent

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me to denver not the day of but like you know

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a week later so how to go to denver to get an

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ultrasound to make sure it wasn't fluid like

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is it fluid or is it baby so got an ultrasound

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and the ultrasound tech you know they're not

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really supposed to say much but he goes Well,

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you're giving birth to a college student. I was

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like, oh, my gosh. You're like, oh, excuse me,

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what? Literally. So at 34 weeks, the baby was

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measuring seven and a half pounds. Wow. And so

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they bring me into the OB, and the OB is like,

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listen, like, you're probably going to have a

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C -section at this point. We're for sure inducing

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you at 39 weeks. Let me tell you about shoulder

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dystocia. I knew nothing. Let me tell you about

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shoulder dystocia. Like your baby could get brain

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damage. We'll have to break their shoulder. Like

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gave me the scariest situations, right? And they're

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like, and this will happen because your baby

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will be 11 and a half pounds at 40 weeks. So

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I was like. oh my gosh like so I was like sure

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whatever like well in pregnancy is so scary that

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way because anything that you're like I want

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what's best for my kid oh yeah I'm like I'm not

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gonna risk sure whatever like yeah and so again

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I didn't I didn't do any research after that

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I was just like okay great so I am set to be

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induced at 39 weeks um but I go into labor at

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38 weeks and three days with my first baby that

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just doesn't happen people but it happened to

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me I went into labor. My water broke at 3 in

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the morning. Contraction started right away.

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Very, like, textbook labor. Was this, like, it

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was an exciting thing to you of, like, okay,

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I've gone into labor naturally? Oh, yeah. Because

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I was, like, I've heard being induced is just

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harder. Like, and you're there longer because

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it takes some time sometimes to, like, get things

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going, whatever. And it gives me a higher chance

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of not having a C -section, you know, because

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the baby's coming out sooner, you know. Less

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growing time. So, yes, I was like, great. Like,

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here we go. But also I was like, oh, my gosh,

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this is painful right away. I was like, I got

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to the hospital. I was sobbing. I was like, what

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is happening? Like, this is so scary. Again,

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I didn't read a book. I didn't watch a video

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or hear a podcast. I was just like, this is nuts.

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They checked me in. I was two centimeters dilated,

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but I was having contractions and my water broke.

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And so they're like, yep, here we go. You're

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supposed to be induced in five days anyways.

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And I was like epidural now. And so I got an

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epidural, literally, again, two centimeters dilated.

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So I just set myself up for failure there. So

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I labored on my back. I did the peanut ball,

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whatever. The OB came in like right away, like

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the first, you know. say hi to me and she was

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like we could go do the c -section now if you

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like you're gonna have a big baby we can just

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go do it now i was like well i want to try like

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i already like my body did it like i wanted to

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labor so let's just try i guess so anyhow i know

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like i never needed pitocin i just kept dilating

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and got to a 10 and they're like it's time to

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push and so i pushed for three and a half hours

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oh my gosh nothing was happening And the OB came

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in and she was like, I'm feeling pretty discouraged.

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And I was like. And that's always what you want

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to hear your doctor say. She said, I'm feeling.

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I'm feeling discouraged. I was like. You're like.

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You're not. Like, I'm like, I understand the

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nurses. If they're feeling discouraged, they've

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been here the whole time. You literally just

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pop in every hour to like check in. I'm like.

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you're feeling discouraged how about me the one

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trying to push a baby out of my vagina seriously

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and so she was like i'm feeling really discouraged

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like we know this baby's gonna be big like it's

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probably just not safe to like keep trying like

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your baby's just too big and so no one can hear

00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:06.279
how much i'm rolling my eyes oh i know i know

00:13:06.279 --> 00:13:10.259
i'm like oh i know so much more now but and i

00:13:10.259 --> 00:13:12.220
have in the back of my head like well i don't

00:13:12.220 --> 00:13:17.179
want to force this Like, they told me the baby's

00:13:17.179 --> 00:13:21.340
going to have brain damage, like, or die. The

00:13:21.340 --> 00:13:23.279
obvious choice is right there in front of you.

00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:25.279
Yes, totally. Which the statistic now on that,

00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:27.740
like, even if they have shoulder scotia, the

00:13:27.740 --> 00:13:31.740
chances of, like, a brain damage is, like, .0001%.

00:13:31.740 --> 00:13:34.379
Wow. Don't quote me on that. But it's, like,

00:13:34.419 --> 00:13:39.259
literally so tiny. So I'm like, cool, cool. Let's

00:13:39.259 --> 00:13:43.210
do the C -section. And so. You know, typical

00:13:43.210 --> 00:13:45.409
C -section, they wheel me back, whatever. Caleb's

00:13:45.409 --> 00:13:49.169
not there. Which is so scary. I also had a C

00:13:49.169 --> 00:13:51.529
-section. Yes. Because I listened to both of

00:13:51.529 --> 00:13:54.230
your birth stories in preparation for my V -back

00:13:54.230 --> 00:13:59.080
and my unmedicated birth. But, like, that. preparation

00:13:59.080 --> 00:14:02.960
time is without your spouse yes it's so scary

00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:05.860
oh in that room i'm like this is chainsaw massacre

00:14:05.860 --> 00:14:08.139
in here like this is scary in here it's the brightest

00:14:08.139 --> 00:14:11.460
light ever yes and i'm already have the epidural

00:14:11.460 --> 00:14:13.240
so they're like trying to like i feel like a

00:14:13.240 --> 00:14:15.519
whale like they're weaving me onto this like

00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:20.940
teeny tiny table and so then i yeah so caleb

00:14:20.940 --> 00:14:23.759
comes in they're starting to like test the knife

00:14:23.759 --> 00:14:28.519
on my stomach and the epidural i knew while i

00:14:28.519 --> 00:14:30.440
was in labor like it definitely was not like

00:14:30.440 --> 00:14:33.320
doing the whole thing like so they're testing

00:14:33.320 --> 00:14:34.919
me and i was like for sure i can feel that yeah

00:14:34.919 --> 00:14:37.799
i was like please do not cut me open right now

00:14:37.799 --> 00:14:39.639
i can feel that and so they kept being like here

00:14:39.639 --> 00:14:41.279
let's roll you to the side and they're like and

00:14:41.279 --> 00:14:43.399
i was like still can feel it please you know

00:14:43.399 --> 00:14:45.580
whatever so they're like okay we're gonna take

00:14:45.580 --> 00:14:47.820
out the epidural and we're gonna do a spinal

00:14:47.820 --> 00:14:51.620
tap so do a spinal tap lay back down and they're

00:14:51.620 --> 00:14:53.340
like let let us know if you stop feeling your

00:14:53.340 --> 00:14:57.029
hands and almost immediately i was like can't

00:14:57.029 --> 00:14:59.330
feel my hands. And they're like, try squeezing

00:14:59.330 --> 00:15:01.470
Caleb and the nurse or whatever. And I was like,

00:15:01.549 --> 00:15:05.610
can't, can't feel my hands. And then I can't

00:15:05.610 --> 00:15:08.750
breathe. Like, so I had enough in me to say,

00:15:08.850 --> 00:15:11.029
I can't breathe. Like all of a sudden I feel

00:15:11.029 --> 00:15:14.090
it. Like my chest is heavy. And so they put a

00:15:14.090 --> 00:15:17.809
mask on me and I just look at them like I'm about

00:15:17.809 --> 00:15:20.490
to die. Like, like literally I'm not breathing

00:15:20.490 --> 00:15:23.360
anymore. And then they go. get the dad out of

00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:25.679
here. Everyone start going. And so they shoved

00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:28.799
Caleb out of the room to get me under and intubated

00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:30.820
as fast as they can. Cause I went to respiratory

00:15:30.820 --> 00:15:34.480
failure, which obviously then babies in distress,

00:15:34.620 --> 00:15:36.559
like it was a whole like emergency situation.

00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:42.240
So I woke up two hours later and I remember the

00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:44.519
first thing I saw was like one of my nurses,

00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:47.460
like faces all blurry on top of my face. And

00:15:47.460 --> 00:15:52.889
she was like, you had a big baby. What just happened?

00:15:53.490 --> 00:15:56.529
He was actually big, though. He was nine and

00:15:56.529 --> 00:15:58.870
a half pounds. At 38 weeks and three days. He

00:15:58.870 --> 00:16:04.190
was a big baby. But doable, A. And B, because

00:16:04.190 --> 00:16:07.169
my body knew he was big. And that's why he came

00:16:07.169 --> 00:16:09.830
out at 38 weeks and three days. My body was like,

00:16:09.889 --> 00:16:12.629
yep, it's time. He's fully cooked. But yeah,

00:16:12.690 --> 00:16:14.690
he was a big baby. Because then also, due dates

00:16:14.690 --> 00:16:18.009
are the least scientific science maybe in the

00:16:18.009 --> 00:16:21.759
world. They're like, I'm going to... assume that

00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.480
you have a standard an average cycle and take

00:16:25.480 --> 00:16:29.320
your period yeah and then pick a day especially

00:16:29.320 --> 00:16:33.600
because i've never had a period like i went off

00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:36.019
birth control and literally was pregnant so it

00:16:36.019 --> 00:16:37.860
was like there was literally you could have been

00:16:37.860 --> 00:16:42.080
40 weeks for based on like yeah who knows so

00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:44.039
you did have a big baby because that's another

00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:46.419
thing i've heard is that ultrasounds can be up

00:16:46.419 --> 00:16:48.600
to two pounds inaccurate in either direction

00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:51.039
yes yeah so then half the time when they like

00:16:51.039 --> 00:16:53.629
this was actually quite spot on Yeah, because

00:16:53.629 --> 00:16:56.710
that was also my experience was only opposite.

00:16:57.110 --> 00:16:59.049
Yes, she's too small, she's too small, she's

00:16:59.049 --> 00:17:01.629
too small. And she was a tiny baby. Yeah. But

00:17:01.629 --> 00:17:03.970
then, yeah, one of the first appointments I had

00:17:03.970 --> 00:17:07.849
after that, my midwife was like, I mean, I'm

00:17:07.849 --> 00:17:09.470
not going to say they're wrong, but ultrasounds

00:17:09.470 --> 00:17:12.710
aren't super accurate with weight. So you did

00:17:12.710 --> 00:17:16.309
have a big baby. Yes, he was nice and chunky.

00:17:16.309 --> 00:17:21.109
And I should also preface, I was so swollen.

00:17:22.089 --> 00:17:24.650
I was so miserable. Like that, like that last

00:17:24.650 --> 00:17:27.650
few weeks of pregnancy, I had the, I was the

00:17:27.650 --> 00:17:31.150
worst insomnia. I could not sleep and I was so

00:17:31.150 --> 00:17:35.049
swollen. So like I gave birth, lost the initial

00:17:35.049 --> 00:17:39.009
like 10 pound baby weight. And then five days

00:17:39.009 --> 00:17:43.470
later I lost 20 pounds. Wow. So I was 20 pounds

00:17:43.470 --> 00:17:47.180
of water. immediately dropped like that's how

00:17:47.180 --> 00:17:49.700
swollen i was and so i was definitely not healthy

00:17:49.700 --> 00:17:52.240
like something was off with that pregnancy for

00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:57.400
sure so anyways yeah i woke up to this baby they

00:17:57.400 --> 00:17:59.259
like you know hand them to me and they're like

00:17:59.259 --> 00:18:02.519
here get pull your gown down nurse them and i

00:18:02.519 --> 00:18:05.640
was like huh like can i let this anesthesia literally

00:18:05.640 --> 00:18:10.640
oh my gosh it was like yeah i'm thinking of my

00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:12.319
experiences with anesthesia i'm like someone

00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:15.180
had handed me a baby after that oh i don't know

00:18:15.180 --> 00:18:17.839
what caleb was like is she okay to hold the bait

00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:20.940
i mean like i yeah and i'm like i'm scratching

00:18:20.940 --> 00:18:23.579
like making myself bleed because i'm so itchy

00:18:23.579 --> 00:18:25.799
but i like can't feel it and so i'm just like

00:18:25.799 --> 00:18:27.960
scratching at myself my mom's like she's bleeding

00:18:27.960 --> 00:18:31.859
like whoa i was a hot mess but they handed me

00:18:31.859 --> 00:18:34.619
my baby and so i was like oh my gosh yeah do

00:18:34.619 --> 00:18:36.970
you feel like you can like does that all feel

00:18:36.970 --> 00:18:39.609
like a dream to you or do you feel like you can

00:18:39.609 --> 00:18:42.869
remember it really clearly because i have done

00:18:42.869 --> 00:18:45.789
some like it's called art and now i can't remember

00:18:45.789 --> 00:18:47.609
what the r stands for but accelerated something

00:18:47.609 --> 00:18:50.410
therapy so i've done some therapy around it because

00:18:50.410 --> 00:18:52.250
it was traumatizing i thought i literally felt

00:18:52.250 --> 00:18:54.890
like i was gonna die yeah because i i mean you

00:18:54.890 --> 00:18:58.809
were i yeah i was not breathing anymore so Because

00:18:58.809 --> 00:19:00.990
you've shared bits and pieces of this on social

00:19:00.990 --> 00:19:03.069
media. And I think I always thought that you

00:19:03.069 --> 00:19:05.450
had an emergency C -section. Right. Not that

00:19:05.450 --> 00:19:08.089
you had a C -section and there was an emergency.

00:19:08.089 --> 00:19:10.369
And then they made it emergent because they did

00:19:10.369 --> 00:19:13.309
the spinal tap wrong. Yeah. Yeah. Which is crazy.

00:19:13.609 --> 00:19:18.309
So crazy. So crazy. Yeah. So it was an elective

00:19:18.309 --> 00:19:20.190
C -section because I also hate when people say

00:19:20.190 --> 00:19:23.130
it was an emergency. But then I was like, well,

00:19:23.210 --> 00:19:26.569
really, I said, okay, I'll stop trying. We can

00:19:26.569 --> 00:19:30.599
go do it. cole he was in distress so it was like

00:19:30.599 --> 00:19:32.960
it was an emergency yes right you need to make

00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:35.039
sure everybody's okay that was not the case for

00:19:35.039 --> 00:19:37.460
killian where it's like him i was stable he was

00:19:37.460 --> 00:19:40.339
stable it was just like we should just time yeah

00:19:40.339 --> 00:19:43.539
yeah we're gonna just do the c -section now so

00:19:43.539 --> 00:19:46.359
anyways so yeah that was my experience with killian

00:19:46.359 --> 00:19:49.619
it was you know it took me a long time to process

00:19:49.619 --> 00:19:53.519
because i was like i honestly had the best postpartum

00:19:53.519 --> 00:19:58.009
i was like No one's taking my baby away every

00:19:58.009 --> 00:20:01.309
other day to go do a visit. Like no one, no social

00:20:01.309 --> 00:20:04.990
workers are here. I get to nurse. Like I was

00:20:04.990 --> 00:20:08.690
on cloud nine. Like I, and I, I remember when

00:20:08.690 --> 00:20:11.450
I went the night before I went to labor, I remember

00:20:11.450 --> 00:20:14.009
texting my sister cause I didn't want a baby.

00:20:14.130 --> 00:20:16.809
I was like, I was like, I've done, I've literally

00:20:16.809 --> 00:20:19.089
had three babies back to back every year. Like

00:20:19.089 --> 00:20:23.150
I literally 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022 was every

00:20:23.150 --> 00:20:25.619
year I was having a baby. And my babies were

00:20:25.619 --> 00:20:28.660
tough. Like they had issues, you know? And so

00:20:28.660 --> 00:20:29.900
I remember texting my sister and being like,

00:20:29.980 --> 00:20:31.900
I hate being pregnant. I don't want to be pregnant

00:20:31.900 --> 00:20:33.740
anymore. I don't want to do labor. That doesn't

00:20:33.740 --> 00:20:35.799
sound fun. And I don't want a baby. And I was

00:20:35.799 --> 00:20:39.299
like sobbing. I was like, I hate my life right

00:20:39.299 --> 00:20:41.500
now. Like I was, but then I had him and I was

00:20:41.500 --> 00:20:45.180
obsessed. I was like, the Lord blessed me with

00:20:45.180 --> 00:20:49.150
all the happy hormones. I'm so grateful. So I

00:20:49.150 --> 00:20:51.430
just had the best postpartum. And so I didn't

00:20:51.430 --> 00:20:53.230
process the birth because I was like, I'm so

00:20:53.230 --> 00:20:57.670
happy. So it took a while to process. Like, oh,

00:20:57.829 --> 00:21:01.829
at my sixth week, I asked the OB, and she wasn't

00:21:01.829 --> 00:21:05.210
the OB that was, you know, there. I was like,

00:21:05.289 --> 00:21:07.250
can you tell me what happened? Did I have a panic

00:21:07.250 --> 00:21:09.450
attack? Like, I literally didn't know what happened.

00:21:10.529 --> 00:21:13.029
Because the anesthesiologist, like the head of

00:21:13.029 --> 00:21:15.369
anesthesiologists at the hospital the next day

00:21:15.369 --> 00:21:17.480
came in and apologized. And they're like, that

00:21:17.480 --> 00:21:19.000
shouldn't have happened. But I still don't understand

00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:23.640
what happened. And I was on hardcore drugs still

00:21:23.640 --> 00:21:27.599
and sleep deprived. And even just like the hospital

00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:30.819
experience is a blur. Oh, yes. Even if things

00:21:30.819 --> 00:21:33.660
go well, it's still just like a blur. Totally.

00:21:33.859 --> 00:21:36.420
So I had no idea what had happened. So she was

00:21:36.420 --> 00:21:40.400
like, I've been in one of those type, like when

00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:43.779
the person goes into respiratory failure. She's

00:21:43.779 --> 00:21:45.500
like, that's so scary. I'm so sorry that happened

00:21:45.500 --> 00:21:47.970
to you. So I was like, okay. So it wasn't a panic

00:21:47.970 --> 00:21:51.509
attack. I literally thought I was freaking out

00:21:51.509 --> 00:21:54.369
and they just were like, see you later. I was

00:21:54.369 --> 00:21:56.670
like, okay. So I really couldn't breathe. Like

00:21:56.670 --> 00:21:59.970
I wasn't just making that up. Yeah. So fast forward,

00:22:00.109 --> 00:22:04.670
I do therapy. We still have like a ton of small

00:22:04.670 --> 00:22:07.609
children. So like another child does not like

00:22:07.609 --> 00:22:11.150
cross my mind at this point. But then, you know,

00:22:11.150 --> 00:22:15.079
as time goes on, I'm like, I. I want another

00:22:15.079 --> 00:22:20.339
one. And so Caleb's on board. And you've got

00:22:20.339 --> 00:22:23.559
four boys. So it's like, you're like, should

00:22:23.559 --> 00:22:26.119
we try for that girl? And we did. We did the

00:22:26.119 --> 00:22:29.220
shuttles method. And we got the girl. Okay, what

00:22:29.220 --> 00:22:34.000
is that? It's when you time conception. So the

00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:39.799
idea is that sperm that has like the boy chromosome,

00:22:39.940 --> 00:22:44.940
whatever, is faster. But it's... Yeah, it's faster.

00:22:45.019 --> 00:22:49.259
So it gets there to the egg faster. But the girl

00:22:49.259 --> 00:22:52.240
one is stronger. So she hangs out longer, but

00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:56.160
she takes longer to get there. Okay. So five

00:22:56.160 --> 00:22:59.259
days before I ovulated was the only time that

00:22:59.259 --> 00:23:04.619
we had intercourse. And the idea is that the

00:23:04.619 --> 00:23:07.539
girl sperm like. Gets there while the boy sperm

00:23:07.539 --> 00:23:10.420
dies. But she's, like, she's strong up there.

00:23:10.519 --> 00:23:12.839
She's waiting. Mm -hmm. And this is, like, pretty,

00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:17.220
like, it's pretty accurate. Wow. They say. And

00:23:17.220 --> 00:23:20.940
it worked. Okay. Dang. There you go. I know,

00:23:20.980 --> 00:23:25.579
right? So we got ourselves a girl. Yeah. So anyways,

00:23:25.720 --> 00:23:27.819
that was, and that was fun. I literally had a

00:23:27.819 --> 00:23:30.220
dream, first of all. I had a dream that I had

00:23:30.220 --> 00:23:33.349
a boy and a C -section. And in the dream, I cried

00:23:33.349 --> 00:23:35.349
because I was so happy. And that gave me, like,

00:23:35.349 --> 00:23:38.329
the confirmation that, like, I'm not doing this

00:23:38.329 --> 00:23:42.210
to have a girl and have a home birth. Like, I'm

00:23:42.210 --> 00:23:43.710
doing this because I want another baby. Like,

00:23:43.730 --> 00:23:45.609
I had to have that confirmation that, like, even

00:23:45.609 --> 00:23:47.369
if I have a C -section again and even if it's

00:23:47.369 --> 00:23:50.930
a boy, like, yes. Yes. And my therapist, when

00:23:50.930 --> 00:23:52.650
I said, like, I want a redemption birth, she

00:23:52.650 --> 00:23:54.529
was like, we can find redemption without a birth.

00:23:54.710 --> 00:23:57.509
Like, so there was a lot of, like, healing I

00:23:57.509 --> 00:24:00.930
did before going into this. So would you say...

00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:05.900
that first experience did that make you like

00:24:05.900 --> 00:24:09.119
apprehensive to have more kids at all or was

00:24:09.119 --> 00:24:12.359
it kind of just like no no I don't know why I

00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:16.900
mean I definitely I was like fearful of a c -section

00:24:16.900 --> 00:24:19.460
again same thing yeah I was like picturing myself

00:24:19.460 --> 00:24:23.240
in a c -section room sounds really scary like

00:24:23.240 --> 00:24:25.140
not breathing again your husband getting pushed

00:24:25.140 --> 00:24:28.779
out the door yes yes yes yep yep so there was

00:24:28.779 --> 00:24:31.410
that but like I'm really thankful that I was

00:24:31.410 --> 00:24:35.069
able to that my therapist was like it wasn't

00:24:35.069 --> 00:24:36.990
the like oh if I have another birth it's gonna

00:24:36.990 --> 00:24:39.329
be scary it was like I don't want that experience

00:24:39.329 --> 00:24:42.450
yes and I had learned a lot of like how can I

00:24:42.450 --> 00:24:45.490
prevent that happening was that even necessary

00:24:45.490 --> 00:24:49.670
like just did a lot more research turns out you

00:24:49.670 --> 00:24:52.990
can learn more if you read a book so did you

00:24:52.990 --> 00:24:54.930
start to do research before you got pregnant

00:24:54.930 --> 00:24:57.250
again yes oh yeah eight months before I even

00:24:57.250 --> 00:25:01.009
got pregnant I contacted the midwife I wanted

00:25:01.009 --> 00:25:04.190
and I was like can I do a v -back at home like

00:25:04.190 --> 00:25:07.230
is that what are the laws around that um because

00:25:07.230 --> 00:25:08.890
you have to be a certain amount of miles from

00:25:08.890 --> 00:25:11.390
the hospital like there are certain has to be

00:25:11.390 --> 00:25:15.670
an 18 months difference between birth to second

00:25:15.670 --> 00:25:19.630
birth yeah to have a home birth and so she was

00:25:19.630 --> 00:25:22.589
like yep yep like you qualify and so I was like

00:25:22.589 --> 00:25:25.740
okay great So I was, I was like, I know I'm having

00:25:25.740 --> 00:25:28.059
a home birth. Like I knew because I had started

00:25:28.059 --> 00:25:32.880
listening to the VBAC link, the podcast. I haven't

00:25:32.880 --> 00:25:36.980
heard of that. It's amazing. If you're wanting

00:25:36.980 --> 00:25:41.079
a VBAC, VBAC link podcast, it just, it's just

00:25:41.079 --> 00:25:43.019
moms telling stories of their VBACs. And so I

00:25:43.019 --> 00:25:46.480
listened to all kinds like, and so, but the home

00:25:46.480 --> 00:25:49.309
birth ones always resonated with me. I'm just

00:25:49.309 --> 00:25:51.210
kind of an extreme person. Like if I'm going

00:25:51.210 --> 00:25:53.670
to do something, I'm like going to do the most

00:25:53.670 --> 00:25:56.069
extreme thing. So either you're going to have

00:25:56.069 --> 00:25:58.269
a terrifying C -section or give birth at home.

00:25:58.309 --> 00:26:00.710
I'm either going to be asleep for my birth or

00:26:00.710 --> 00:26:06.470
completely awake in my bed. And so I found out

00:26:06.470 --> 00:26:08.170
I was pregnant. I literally texted my midwife

00:26:08.170 --> 00:26:09.670
the day I found out I was pregnant. I was like,

00:26:09.750 --> 00:26:14.809
hello, I'm pregnant. Because they like fill up.

00:26:15.099 --> 00:26:17.299
you know differently like I'd like to be your

00:26:17.299 --> 00:26:20.140
client totally yeah a hospital it's like we have

00:26:20.140 --> 00:26:23.220
doctors and nurses or it's like yes yeah even

00:26:23.220 --> 00:26:25.079
a birthing center they're like we have limited

00:26:25.079 --> 00:26:27.799
space yes yeah so it was like this is you know

00:26:27.799 --> 00:26:30.720
I just I needed to make sure that window I could

00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:34.279
be fit in there so yeah so how did you prepare

00:26:34.279 --> 00:26:36.119
for your home birth and what was like research

00:26:36.119 --> 00:26:40.240
like what was physical preparation like yes okay

00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:42.819
so I was just a completely different person I

00:26:42.819 --> 00:26:45.339
watched all the videos I listened to all the

00:26:45.339 --> 00:26:50.480
podcasts like and my midwife was just very preventative

00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:53.900
right like she talked about nutrition almost

00:26:53.900 --> 00:26:56.319
every appointment like what are you eating how

00:26:56.319 --> 00:26:58.960
much are you drinking you need to do more electrolytes

00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:02.660
she was like I mean we focused on nutrition so

00:27:02.660 --> 00:27:06.440
much and it made me feel better yeah and then

00:27:06.440 --> 00:27:10.680
when you do the typical glucose test she was

00:27:10.680 --> 00:27:11.940
like here's your options we could do the glucose

00:27:11.940 --> 00:27:16.759
test we could do um like the fresh test you can

00:27:16.759 --> 00:27:19.880
decline altogether or you could do like a monitor

00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:24.079
and test yourself like for a while and i have

00:27:24.079 --> 00:27:25.640
listened to i don't know if you guys have heard

00:27:25.640 --> 00:27:29.140
of lily nichols okay she's like the dietician

00:27:29.140 --> 00:27:32.160
for she wrote real food for pregnancy real food

00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:34.259
for gestational diabetes and real food for fertility

00:27:34.259 --> 00:27:38.210
she's amazing I listened to a podcast she was

00:27:38.210 --> 00:27:42.609
on, and she said the best way to test for gestational

00:27:42.609 --> 00:27:45.950
diabetes is to monitor it yourself throughout

00:27:45.950 --> 00:27:48.670
your entire third trimester because you can get

00:27:48.670 --> 00:27:52.289
it at any point in your third trimester. It is

00:27:52.289 --> 00:27:55.390
not like, oh, I didn't get it at 28 weeks. Okay,

00:27:55.470 --> 00:27:58.349
I'll never develop it. And she was like, people

00:27:58.349 --> 00:28:02.009
develop it past that, and it doesn't get – people

00:28:02.009 --> 00:28:05.099
don't catch it. Which made my head start spinning

00:28:05.099 --> 00:28:07.180
of like, I wonder if that's what happened to

00:28:07.180 --> 00:28:09.779
me. Especially with all the water weight. I was

00:28:09.779 --> 00:28:13.660
so swollen. You all of a sudden was so huge.

00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:16.799
So I was like, something was not right there.

00:28:17.779 --> 00:28:20.279
So I started testing myself and I was like, oh,

00:28:20.359 --> 00:28:24.059
I have to change how I'm eating. I have to change,

00:28:24.200 --> 00:28:27.059
like I had to like walk after meals and I tested

00:28:27.059 --> 00:28:30.019
myself four times a day my entire third trimester.

00:28:31.079 --> 00:28:33.619
And I really had to, like, adjust what I was

00:28:33.619 --> 00:28:38.099
doing. And I never got swollen. I felt great

00:28:38.099 --> 00:28:41.180
up until I gave birth. Like, it was a completely

00:28:41.180 --> 00:28:43.660
– I slept great. Like, it was a completely different

00:28:43.660 --> 00:28:47.180
experience. And so – and I was going on lots

00:28:47.180 --> 00:28:51.000
of walks. So I was just – I really – Feeling

00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:53.539
way more confident, I'm sure. Like, oh, I can

00:28:53.539 --> 00:28:56.019
do this. Yes, yes. And I took control. Like,

00:28:56.099 --> 00:28:59.599
my midwife was not – She literally said it in

00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:01.160
the most black and white, you can do whatever

00:29:01.160 --> 00:29:05.500
you want to do. And I was like, I listen to a

00:29:05.500 --> 00:29:08.440
podcast. This is what I want to do. I took so

00:29:08.440 --> 00:29:12.599
much more control of, again, my experience leading

00:29:12.599 --> 00:29:17.279
up to Killian was someone tells me everything

00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:22.380
about how to parent. That was foster care. With

00:29:22.380 --> 00:29:24.339
killing, I was just like, sure, I'll do whatever.

00:29:24.799 --> 00:29:27.480
Like, I'll be induced, whatever. Like, and I

00:29:27.480 --> 00:29:29.519
had taken back this whole, like, I had adopted

00:29:29.519 --> 00:29:32.859
my kids. I had had a biological kid. And I was

00:29:32.859 --> 00:29:36.380
like, my mother intuition was like, all of a

00:29:36.380 --> 00:29:38.359
sudden, like, God just gave it to me, you know?

00:29:38.940 --> 00:29:42.700
And so it wasn't that my midwife was telling

00:29:42.700 --> 00:29:44.339
me what to do. It wasn't that she was saving

00:29:44.339 --> 00:29:47.819
me or whatever. Like, it was the Holy Spirit

00:29:47.819 --> 00:29:53.140
in me, like, being a mom. so that was i think

00:29:53.140 --> 00:29:55.500
that was the biggest prep was like i watched

00:29:55.500 --> 00:29:59.579
videos and then i really changed how i lived

00:29:59.579 --> 00:30:02.900
like yeah so yeah and you mentioned like originally

00:30:02.900 --> 00:30:06.299
you were gonna have your kids there for it tell

00:30:06.299 --> 00:30:09.779
us about that decision and then why that changed

00:30:09.779 --> 00:30:11.980
because i know that they were not yes yep nope

00:30:11.980 --> 00:30:15.059
they were not there uh the younger two was for

00:30:15.059 --> 00:30:18.700
sure now like those kids are nuts Just, you know,

00:30:18.700 --> 00:30:20.960
being two years old and three years old. Splash

00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:24.140
in the water. Goggles. I was like, absolutely

00:30:24.140 --> 00:30:27.940
not. My older two, I left it up to them. We watched

00:30:27.940 --> 00:30:31.880
some videos and they said, no, thank you. And

00:30:31.880 --> 00:30:34.799
I respected that. I was like, you know. I'm good,

00:30:34.920 --> 00:30:36.900
mom. Totally. And I was like. You're like, mom,

00:30:36.940 --> 00:30:39.119
we're adopted. We already have trauma. We don't

00:30:39.119 --> 00:30:42.099
need this trauma. Like, yikes. That's a lot of

00:30:42.099 --> 00:30:45.400
blood. Yeah. Yeah. And so I was like, yep. Like,

00:30:45.480 --> 00:30:47.960
I don't. I can't be there to support you through

00:30:47.960 --> 00:30:51.220
this. Caleb can't be there to support you through

00:30:51.220 --> 00:30:52.880
this. If you start crying, I can't help you.

00:30:53.140 --> 00:30:55.079
Totally. So I was like, you would have to, like,

00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:56.680
they would have to feel very, like, comfortable

00:30:56.680 --> 00:30:59.660
and confident on their own. And they weren't.

00:30:59.700 --> 00:31:02.819
So that's how we, that was our decision. I think

00:31:02.819 --> 00:31:05.680
that's great. Yeah. What was your support system

00:31:05.680 --> 00:31:09.380
like when deciding to do a home birth? Do you

00:31:09.380 --> 00:31:12.960
feel like you had a great support system from

00:31:12.960 --> 00:31:16.369
your family, from your friends, or was it? You

00:31:16.369 --> 00:31:19.730
know, mixed feelings? Well, I didn't really know

00:31:19.730 --> 00:31:22.750
anybody who had had a home birth. Like, a friend

00:31:22.750 --> 00:31:24.369
of mine from college, but she lived in a different

00:31:24.369 --> 00:31:28.549
state. Yeah. So, like, in my circle, there was

00:31:28.549 --> 00:31:31.609
nobody. Like, my husband's aunt had had a home

00:31:31.609 --> 00:31:35.710
birth. She had a 10 -pound baby in call. Like,

00:31:35.710 --> 00:31:37.589
the water was still intact. Yeah, that's so cool.

00:31:37.809 --> 00:31:40.430
And so she, like, that was about it. Like, that's

00:31:40.430 --> 00:31:42.650
the only person I knew. Anyone who had had an

00:31:42.650 --> 00:31:47.019
H -back? yeah no no no yeah definitely not a

00:31:47.019 --> 00:31:51.619
home birth v -back no yeah so yeah everyone thought

00:31:51.619 --> 00:31:53.740
I was crazy but they also know me and you can't

00:31:53.740 --> 00:31:55.700
convince me once I've decided something like

00:31:55.700 --> 00:31:59.900
like I was like yeah I've done the if you can

00:31:59.900 --> 00:32:02.039
if you can convince me otherwise because you've

00:32:02.039 --> 00:32:04.599
done more research than me I'm here for it but

00:32:04.599 --> 00:32:09.509
I've done a lot of research so yeah so wow But

00:32:09.509 --> 00:32:13.029
everyone, I think then was like, okay, like she's

00:32:13.029 --> 00:32:15.730
confident. Then here we go. Yeah. And we're just

00:32:15.730 --> 00:32:17.549
going to support the decision that's being made.

00:32:17.690 --> 00:32:21.690
Yep. Yep. So. Okay. So great pregnancy. Yeah.

00:32:22.470 --> 00:32:26.569
You go into labor. What was, what was that like?

00:32:26.769 --> 00:32:29.450
Yeah. So again, I went into labor at 38 weeks

00:32:29.450 --> 00:32:31.789
and three days with Killian. I went into labor

00:32:31.789 --> 00:32:37.559
with Danny at 39 and. six so almost almost to

00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:41.220
my due date I could not believe it like but I

00:32:41.220 --> 00:32:45.220
also wanted to be I wanted I wanted her birthday

00:32:45.220 --> 00:32:48.279
it was like the anniversary of when Caleb first

00:32:48.279 --> 00:32:50.220
told me he loved me so it was like that was the

00:32:50.220 --> 00:32:54.920
day I wanted yeah so I was so excited so I woke

00:32:54.920 --> 00:32:57.440
up that morning and I was like okay I'm going

00:32:57.440 --> 00:32:59.759
to my due date because I was convinced I was

00:32:59.759 --> 00:33:02.740
going to go into labor at night it's very common

00:33:02.740 --> 00:33:06.549
for moms who already have kids to go into labor

00:33:06.549 --> 00:33:08.309
at night because even moms who don't have kids

00:33:08.309 --> 00:33:10.529
because there's something like the relaxing totally

00:33:10.529 --> 00:33:13.930
yeah totally and so I was like all right I guess

00:33:13.930 --> 00:33:17.670
I'm going to my due date but then my three boys

00:33:17.670 --> 00:33:20.990
were at school and then Killian went to go to

00:33:20.990 --> 00:33:22.730
my mother -in -law's house from the morning and

00:33:22.730 --> 00:33:26.549
so I was all by myself and I was like do you

00:33:26.549 --> 00:33:31.230
feel relaxed buddy yeah and so I literally I

00:33:31.980 --> 00:33:34.819
I laid in my bed. I watched Grey's Anatomy and

00:33:34.819 --> 00:33:38.799
I pumped. And I had a contraction. And I was

00:33:38.799 --> 00:33:42.299
like, oh, my gosh. But then nothing else happened.

00:33:42.440 --> 00:33:45.359
And so I was like, weird. Okay. And so – and

00:33:45.359 --> 00:33:46.759
I immediately stopped pumping because I was like,

00:33:46.779 --> 00:33:48.680
whoa, whoa, oh, my gosh. You're like, do I want

00:33:48.680 --> 00:33:52.140
this? Yeah, totally. Like, freak out. And so

00:33:52.140 --> 00:33:54.900
the day goes on. Like, killing comes back at

00:33:54.900 --> 00:33:58.400
11. I see my mother -in -law. I, you know, say,

00:33:58.519 --> 00:34:00.819
I'll see you tomorrow. My sister -in -law was

00:34:00.819 --> 00:34:02.759
getting engaged the next day. Like, and so we

00:34:02.759 --> 00:34:04.920
had like a surprise party, whatever. So I was

00:34:04.920 --> 00:34:07.599
like, see you tomorrow for that. Caleb and all

00:34:07.599 --> 00:34:10.739
the boys come home. I don't say anything to Caleb,

00:34:10.800 --> 00:34:12.920
but I can tell I'm starting to have contractions.

00:34:13.539 --> 00:34:16.719
So I'm making lunch, whatever. And then around

00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:19.400
1231, I'm like. hey, cabs, I think we should

00:34:19.400 --> 00:34:21.639
probably pack the boys' bags. Like, we should

00:34:21.639 --> 00:34:24.280
probably just have those ready to go. And, yeah,

00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:25.900
and he was like, yeah, for sure. And I was like,

00:34:25.960 --> 00:34:27.559
but, like, probably we probably need to do it

00:34:27.559 --> 00:34:29.559
soon. And he's like, are you having contractions?

00:34:29.559 --> 00:34:32.440
And I was like, I think so. And he's like, are

00:34:32.440 --> 00:34:34.219
you really? And I was like, I don't know. Like,

00:34:34.219 --> 00:34:37.139
it's so different. My water broke the first time.

00:34:37.159 --> 00:34:39.219
It was the most obvious thing in the world. Like,

00:34:39.320 --> 00:34:41.760
felt the pop. There was the gush. Like, you know,

00:34:41.800 --> 00:34:43.800
contractions were obvious right away because

00:34:43.800 --> 00:34:46.019
they're more intense, you know. This was more

00:34:46.019 --> 00:34:49.070
like. I think so. You know. Well, and I would

00:34:49.070 --> 00:34:51.730
imagine with a home birth, like, it's almost

00:34:51.730 --> 00:34:54.289
more stressful of wanting to make sure it's right.

00:34:54.389 --> 00:34:56.289
Because if you go to the hospital and they're

00:34:56.289 --> 00:34:58.730
like. No. Yeah. Yeah. These are Braxton Hicks

00:34:58.730 --> 00:35:00.610
or whatever. Then you're like. Totally. Okay.

00:35:00.690 --> 00:35:02.309
This was annoying that we drove to the hospital,

00:35:02.369 --> 00:35:03.670
but we're just going to go home where it's like

00:35:03.670 --> 00:35:05.550
with a home birth, you have to like call everyone

00:35:05.550 --> 00:35:08.650
to your house. Yes. Just kidding. Totally. Like

00:35:08.650 --> 00:35:10.809
stop everything you're doing and drive to my

00:35:10.809 --> 00:35:13.989
house. Yeah. So I, you know, I definitely wanted

00:35:13.989 --> 00:35:17.690
to be like, sure. And so I started, like, timing

00:35:17.690 --> 00:35:20.489
them just to – I was like, okay, I'm having –

00:35:20.489 --> 00:35:23.289
It's something. It's something. Yeah. And so

00:35:23.289 --> 00:35:26.230
I called my midwife. And at this point, I was

00:35:26.230 --> 00:35:28.969
like – I kind of had to, like – if it was happening,

00:35:29.010 --> 00:35:30.929
I couldn't just, like, talk. Like, I had to,

00:35:30.949 --> 00:35:35.829
like – Focus. Yeah. And so I called her. I told

00:35:35.829 --> 00:35:37.269
her. And she was like, it's probably good for

00:35:37.269 --> 00:35:38.909
the boys to leave so you can get into, like,

00:35:38.909 --> 00:35:43.150
labor land and not mom mode. And so my sister

00:35:43.150 --> 00:35:47.119
-in -law picked them up. And I sobbed. Like it

00:35:47.119 --> 00:35:49.579
was like the house was quiet. They left. I'm

00:35:49.579 --> 00:35:50.940
sitting on my birth ball listening to worship

00:35:50.940 --> 00:35:53.780
music. And I was just like, you know, I listened

00:35:53.780 --> 00:35:56.039
to your guys' stories. Like that moment of just

00:35:56.039 --> 00:35:58.539
like it's all about to be different, you know?

00:35:58.619 --> 00:36:01.480
Yeah. And they don't know that it's – Yeah. I'm

00:36:01.480 --> 00:36:03.920
like the baby's not the baby anymore. Yeah. And

00:36:03.920 --> 00:36:08.570
so, yeah. So I sobbed. You know, Caleb's, like,

00:36:08.570 --> 00:36:10.510
setting up the birth tub. Not, like, filling

00:36:10.510 --> 00:36:12.989
it, but, like, setting it up. And I had given

00:36:12.989 --> 00:36:15.250
him a list of, like, when I go into labor, clean

00:36:15.250 --> 00:36:17.469
all the bathrooms. Like, you're going to need

00:36:17.469 --> 00:36:19.070
to set up the birth tub. You're going to need

00:36:19.070 --> 00:36:22.230
to – you're texting these people. Like, my photographer.

00:36:22.349 --> 00:36:24.949
You know, like, I had, like, a chore list for

00:36:24.949 --> 00:36:28.309
him. I can go lay down. Yes. You clean the entire

00:36:28.309 --> 00:36:31.090
house. Literally. So, which is good. It gave

00:36:31.090 --> 00:36:33.789
him something to do instead of stare at me. And

00:36:33.789 --> 00:36:36.530
so, we're just kind of, like, doing our thing.

00:36:37.219 --> 00:36:39.460
My midwife calls me every hour to check in and

00:36:39.460 --> 00:36:42.340
just listen to me. And she lives close. She's

00:36:42.340 --> 00:36:47.880
like 15 minutes away. And so she, and my sister

00:36:47.880 --> 00:36:49.500
and my mom end up coming all around like three.

00:36:50.300 --> 00:36:52.500
And my sister's like my honorary doula. She's

00:36:52.500 --> 00:36:54.719
had like one birth and, you know, but I was like,

00:36:54.739 --> 00:36:58.380
you're it. Tagging, you know. And so, but she

00:36:58.380 --> 00:37:02.559
wanted an unmedicated birth with her first. Ended

00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:04.679
up getting the epidural, but she at least understood

00:37:04.679 --> 00:37:11.900
the like. concept of it yes yep and so she yeah

00:37:11.900 --> 00:37:14.559
so she's like having me sit on the toilet and

00:37:14.559 --> 00:37:17.119
whatever and it's still fun I'm like I'm having

00:37:17.119 --> 00:37:19.199
fun it's funny to like try in different positions

00:37:19.199 --> 00:37:20.880
like I'm kind of having a good time with the

00:37:20.880 --> 00:37:25.480
whole thing and then my midwife and her assistant

00:37:25.480 --> 00:37:29.059
come and she's taking my blood pressure checking

00:37:29.059 --> 00:37:32.539
the baby's heart rate you know and you know I'm

00:37:32.539 --> 00:37:35.429
still like Putting a leg up on the couch and,

00:37:35.429 --> 00:37:39.869
you know, whatever. And I'm genuinely, like,

00:37:39.929 --> 00:37:42.010
having a fun time. Like, I'm, like, it hurts.

00:37:42.289 --> 00:37:44.730
It's not fun. But, like, the in -between is,

00:37:44.809 --> 00:37:47.769
like, oh, my gosh, I'm doing it. I feel that

00:37:47.769 --> 00:37:51.150
way way more with Zeta, too. Yes. Lloyd, between

00:37:51.150 --> 00:37:53.289
contractions, it was just, like, survival mode.

00:37:53.449 --> 00:37:55.929
Where I remember at one point with Zeta, I was

00:37:55.929 --> 00:37:58.690
in the tub at our hospital. And we were just,

00:37:58.730 --> 00:38:00.550
like, going through TikTok videos. It'd be, like,

00:38:00.570 --> 00:38:03.539
contraction. Stop everything and then in between

00:38:03.539 --> 00:38:06.019
be like, what funny video do we see next? Yes.

00:38:06.019 --> 00:38:09.039
Yes. Totally. Totally. Okay. I have to say this

00:38:09.039 --> 00:38:13.099
before we go on. The reason I chose a home birth

00:38:13.099 --> 00:38:15.840
was because it statistically would give me the

00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:18.539
highest chance of having a VBAC. And having a

00:38:18.539 --> 00:38:20.840
VBAC, which would mean that I would be awake.

00:38:20.960 --> 00:38:23.380
And being awake really meant a lot to me because

00:38:23.380 --> 00:38:25.699
I had never witnessed any of my kids' births.

00:38:25.940 --> 00:38:28.610
Either had Caleb. Wow. Yeah. You know? That's

00:38:28.610 --> 00:38:30.949
crazy. I didn't even think about that. Yes. And

00:38:30.949 --> 00:38:34.150
so that was, I think, the most painful part of

00:38:34.150 --> 00:38:39.210
Killian's birth was I was like, I missed the

00:38:39.210 --> 00:38:43.769
beginning again. Like, Caleb, we both missed

00:38:43.769 --> 00:38:48.570
it, like, again. The one time that we shouldn't

00:38:48.570 --> 00:38:51.090
have. I never even crossed my mind that we would

00:38:51.090 --> 00:38:54.090
miss it. Like, I missed the first two hours of

00:38:54.090 --> 00:38:56.010
his life. Like, I didn't get the golden hour.

00:38:56.070 --> 00:38:58.969
I didn't, you know. Um, I remember Caleb being

00:38:58.969 --> 00:39:00.769
like, I just want a gooey baby. Like we've never

00:39:00.769 --> 00:39:04.710
gotten that. Like, you know? And so, so that

00:39:04.710 --> 00:39:06.869
was like my whole thing. I was like, I want to,

00:39:06.869 --> 00:39:09.449
I can't miss the beginning of my baby's life

00:39:09.449 --> 00:39:13.090
again. Like, yeah. So I'm doing the labor thing.

00:39:13.170 --> 00:39:16.969
I'm having fun. It's, you know, it's great. They

00:39:16.969 --> 00:39:20.010
don't do cervical checks. And so I have no idea

00:39:20.010 --> 00:39:22.070
what's happening except for like, they're just

00:39:22.070 --> 00:39:25.050
watching me and they're making pads of coals

00:39:25.050 --> 00:39:27.599
and they're And, like, putting my chicken noodle

00:39:27.599 --> 00:39:29.460
soup that I had made in the crock pot. Like,

00:39:29.500 --> 00:39:31.860
they're, like, doing their thing, setting up,

00:39:31.900 --> 00:39:35.679
like, all their equipment. And eventually, like,

00:39:36.380 --> 00:39:38.760
things start to shift where it's, like, uh -oh,

00:39:38.760 --> 00:39:42.619
this is not very fun anymore. Yeah. Uh -oh. And

00:39:42.619 --> 00:39:46.099
so I'm, like, in the tub, and I just start crying

00:39:46.099 --> 00:39:47.920
because I'm, like, all of a sudden, like, the

00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:51.630
overwhelming feeling of, like. uh -oh like this

00:39:51.630 --> 00:39:54.469
is scary yeah and it like it's scary in the way

00:39:54.469 --> 00:39:58.150
of like what is the decision i made what are

00:39:58.150 --> 00:39:59.929
all the decisions i've made leaning up to this

00:39:59.929 --> 00:40:02.510
moment oh my gosh oh my gosh and my water's still

00:40:02.510 --> 00:40:04.789
unbroken so in my head i was like how far am

00:40:04.789 --> 00:40:07.469
i like if my freaking two centimeters literally

00:40:07.469 --> 00:40:09.429
i was like my water broke first last time and

00:40:09.429 --> 00:40:12.130
i'm still like that hasn't happened like and

00:40:12.130 --> 00:40:14.150
there's no cervical checks i have literally no

00:40:14.150 --> 00:40:16.670
idea what's going on yeah so i had a panic moment

00:40:16.670 --> 00:40:21.139
there and i just cried and so And let me paint

00:40:21.139 --> 00:40:25.179
this scene. There's worship music on. The person

00:40:25.179 --> 00:40:27.980
who's taking my pictures, she is 34 weeks pregnant,

00:40:28.119 --> 00:40:32.079
about to have her home birth. And her first home

00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:34.219
birth. So this is her third baby, her first home

00:40:34.219 --> 00:40:38.800
birth. And so I felt really nervous about traumatizing

00:40:38.800 --> 00:40:41.599
her. You're like, I want my experience to be

00:40:41.599 --> 00:40:44.199
a good experience so that you feel good about

00:40:44.199 --> 00:40:47.159
your future experience. Totally, totally. And

00:40:47.159 --> 00:40:49.880
she is a pediatric nurse. So it was just like

00:40:49.880 --> 00:40:53.340
a nice extra safety person there. My mom's there.

00:40:53.380 --> 00:40:56.000
My sister's there. Caleb's there. And then my

00:40:56.000 --> 00:40:59.719
midwife and her two assistants. Everyone loves

00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:02.139
Jesus. Like there's worship music playing. There's

00:41:02.139 --> 00:41:06.039
lights hanging. It's dark and moody. And it's

00:41:06.039 --> 00:41:10.219
like. It's beautiful. And then it's also like

00:41:10.219 --> 00:41:13.980
so painful. So I'm doing the toilet. I'm back

00:41:13.980 --> 00:41:18.619
in the tub. And I'm like I've got to get my water

00:41:18.619 --> 00:41:20.400
to break. Like that's what's going on in my head

00:41:20.400 --> 00:41:22.280
because I'm like something's got to like indicate

00:41:22.280 --> 00:41:25.820
that like we're progressing here. So I'm not

00:41:25.820 --> 00:41:28.900
saying any of this, but I'm like that's like

00:41:28.900 --> 00:41:31.619
my goal at this point. And so transition hits,

00:41:31.760 --> 00:41:34.099
and it lasts about an hour. And that entire time

00:41:34.099 --> 00:41:37.219
I am like. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I can't

00:41:37.219 --> 00:41:41.199
do this. And I'm like, sincerely, I know they

00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:43.760
say you're supposed to say that. Isla was like,

00:41:43.960 --> 00:41:49.579
no, really. I can't do it. I really cannot keep

00:41:49.579 --> 00:41:52.360
doing this. And my midwife was just so calm.

00:41:52.820 --> 00:41:54.880
And she loves the Lord so much. And I kept just

00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:57.059
being like, oh, my God. And she would be like,

00:41:57.159 --> 00:41:59.639
yes, Lord. Like she would just change it into

00:41:59.639 --> 00:42:01.860
a prayer. She's like, yes, Lord, you are here,

00:42:01.980 --> 00:42:05.809
God. And I was like. Like, is he? I don't think

00:42:05.809 --> 00:42:09.690
so. I was, oh my gosh, I was not quite there

00:42:09.690 --> 00:42:13.690
at all. Hey, you got to do what you got to do.

00:42:13.750 --> 00:42:15.650
I mean, literally afterwards, Caleb was like,

00:42:15.789 --> 00:42:18.730
the noises I heard, I thought you would only

00:42:18.730 --> 00:42:24.630
hear at an exorcism. I was screeching, like deep,

00:42:24.710 --> 00:42:27.769
deep, demon -y voice, then screeching. Like,

00:42:27.809 --> 00:42:31.969
it was so painful. um so I'm pushing in the tub

00:42:31.969 --> 00:42:35.170
eventually and my water breaks my bloody show

00:42:35.170 --> 00:42:39.510
comes out and I'm like okay like it's happening

00:42:39.510 --> 00:42:41.849
and I kind of switched from like that like I

00:42:41.849 --> 00:42:44.250
can't I can't to like I'm doing it but I'm like

00:42:44.250 --> 00:42:48.329
really like tired and after pushing for about

00:42:48.329 --> 00:42:52.179
like 45 minutes my midwife was like Well, she

00:42:52.179 --> 00:42:53.880
kept telling me to do different positions. And

00:42:53.880 --> 00:42:55.639
at that point I was like, absolutely not. Like

00:42:55.639 --> 00:42:57.639
I am not moving a toe at this point. Like you

00:42:57.639 --> 00:43:00.199
can't. Oh, I was like, that sounds horrible.

00:43:00.860 --> 00:43:02.980
They're also like the whole time shoving yogurt

00:43:02.980 --> 00:43:07.500
in my mouth, shoving like, yeah, like the electrolytes,

00:43:07.500 --> 00:43:11.380
the protein shake. Like, and I was just like,

00:43:11.460 --> 00:43:16.539
good gosh, if you, I hated it. but then eventually

00:43:16.539 --> 00:43:19.340
she was like let's get on the bed and so i get

00:43:19.340 --> 00:43:21.480
on the bed just to like lay down because i was

00:43:21.480 --> 00:43:24.699
like my i was my shoulder hurts so bad from like

00:43:24.699 --> 00:43:27.579
holding myself up for so long so i get on the

00:43:27.579 --> 00:43:30.119
bed and i'm just laying on my back and i'm pushing

00:43:30.119 --> 00:43:33.760
and they finally see her head you know like at

00:43:33.760 --> 00:43:37.000
this point though they say it and i i am so out

00:43:37.000 --> 00:43:39.420
of it like it does not register to me labor at

00:43:39.420 --> 00:43:41.579
this point in time I went into labor – I would

00:43:41.579 --> 00:43:43.659
say I technically, like, went into labor around,

00:43:43.739 --> 00:43:47.300
like, 1230. Like, very baby contractions where

00:43:47.300 --> 00:43:48.840
I was like, is this what's happening? Mm -hmm.

00:43:49.219 --> 00:43:55.440
At this point, it is – you see her head at 915.

00:43:56.139 --> 00:44:00.539
Okay. Which the last – I was fine until transition

00:44:00.539 --> 00:44:03.619
and then pushing. So around, like, 8 o 'clock.

00:44:03.900 --> 00:44:07.440
Mm -hmm. 7 o 'clock, I would say, is when transition

00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:10.300
started. So the hardest part of labor was from

00:44:10.300 --> 00:44:13.219
7 to the baby in the morning. And so, yeah, so

00:44:13.219 --> 00:44:14.880
they finally see her head. They're telling me

00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:17.820
that they see her head, and I just literally

00:44:17.820 --> 00:44:19.800
can't hear them. Like, I'm just, like, I'm so

00:44:19.800 --> 00:44:23.519
out of it. I'm, like, still just, like, screaming

00:44:23.519 --> 00:44:28.179
at my pushes. It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad.

00:44:28.340 --> 00:44:32.219
And so then she's not, like, moving after that.

00:44:32.300 --> 00:44:34.179
Like, she's still, and they're checking her heart

00:44:34.179 --> 00:44:37.340
rate, like, every minute at this point. um then

00:44:37.340 --> 00:44:39.079
they switched me back onto my hands and knees

00:44:39.079 --> 00:44:41.599
because they're like you know she did have a

00:44:41.599 --> 00:44:43.760
big baby last time let's make sure like positioning

00:44:43.760 --> 00:44:47.159
is good so I'm back on my hands and knees it

00:44:47.159 --> 00:44:52.320
helps her descend more she is like crowning but

00:44:52.320 --> 00:44:56.039
then I was like I cannot I'm so tired like I

00:44:56.039 --> 00:44:57.840
cannot be on my hands and knees anymore so I

00:44:57.840 --> 00:45:02.920
like go back on my back and they finally put

00:45:02.920 --> 00:45:05.500
a mirror down and I was like and that was the

00:45:05.500 --> 00:45:07.809
first time I like it connected in my head. I

00:45:07.809 --> 00:45:12.030
was like, oh my gosh, I'm really close. And at

00:45:12.030 --> 00:45:14.369
this point, I've been like 30 minutes of everything

00:45:14.369 --> 00:45:18.630
like that and I didn't understand. And also like

00:45:18.630 --> 00:45:21.289
once the head's out, it's pretty easy. Yes. I

00:45:21.289 --> 00:45:22.929
mean, the shoulders are rough too, I guess, but

00:45:22.929 --> 00:45:25.409
like. No, I agree. Once the head's out. Once

00:45:25.409 --> 00:45:27.130
the head's out. Because like at that point, everything

00:45:27.130 --> 00:45:29.730
kind of just goes. Yeah. And so I was like, okay.

00:45:29.769 --> 00:45:33.010
But then like it was so painful. Like I could

00:45:33.010 --> 00:45:37.119
feel that like. you know, everything's just stretching

00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:40.920
down there. And so I was almost more afraid to

00:45:40.920 --> 00:45:42.960
push too fast. Cause I've heard that's, you know,

00:45:42.980 --> 00:45:45.920
like how you tear. And so I was like, Oh, like

00:45:45.920 --> 00:45:50.159
if I push harder, like I want her out. And so

00:45:50.159 --> 00:45:51.840
it was just like, you know, this mental thing.

00:45:51.940 --> 00:45:53.559
Do you feel like you were able to like, listen

00:45:53.559 --> 00:45:55.539
to your body or were you just so tired at that

00:45:55.539 --> 00:45:57.840
point that you were like, I don't even know like

00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:01.400
if, when I should be pushing or. Oh, I, I, yes.

00:46:02.449 --> 00:46:05.230
I was very tired, but also, like, every time,

00:46:05.250 --> 00:46:07.449
like, I felt like it was just, like, obviously

00:46:07.449 --> 00:46:10.110
I'm pushing because I just was, you know? But,

00:46:10.289 --> 00:46:15.210
like, the extra push in me was hard for me because

00:46:15.210 --> 00:46:18.309
I was, like, it was hurting so bad, the ring

00:46:18.309 --> 00:46:21.989
of fire. Felt like it lasted so long. But then

00:46:21.989 --> 00:46:26.269
my midwife at one point was like, your baby wants

00:46:26.269 --> 00:46:29.429
to come out now. And she's seen her head. It's

00:46:29.429 --> 00:46:31.670
almost been, like, 40 minutes of her head just

00:46:31.670 --> 00:46:34.349
being, like, hurt. She's just on your pubic bone.

00:46:34.909 --> 00:46:37.750
That's why it hurts right now. Yes, yes. She's

00:46:37.750 --> 00:46:40.550
like, we can be done with this. And so, anyways,

00:46:40.690 --> 00:46:44.650
I finally get her head out. And she has her hand,

00:46:44.769 --> 00:46:47.349
like, her arm is across her body and her hand's

00:46:47.349 --> 00:46:49.429
by her cheek. So it's, like, kind of like a nuchal.

00:46:50.630 --> 00:46:55.679
So that was part of why she was stuck. on my

00:46:55.679 --> 00:46:57.440
pubic bone is because she was in a funky position

00:46:57.440 --> 00:47:00.559
um she also had a cord wrapped around her neck

00:47:00.559 --> 00:47:03.920
and they quickly yeah yeah quickly i didn't even

00:47:03.920 --> 00:47:06.820
know like yeah yeah they just do it i think it

00:47:06.820 --> 00:47:09.480
happens way more than oh yeah i think but the

00:47:09.480 --> 00:47:12.079
story says it's one in three births i mean i

00:47:12.079 --> 00:47:15.340
can imagine they're so tight and yeah uterus

00:47:15.340 --> 00:47:18.659
like yes i yeah how could it not yeah but then

00:47:18.659 --> 00:47:20.800
we just hear the like horrifying stories that

00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:23.820
are like so that's it that that's the fear yeah

00:47:24.300 --> 00:47:26.900
And she was like, probably about like a, you

00:47:26.900 --> 00:47:30.420
know, one, four, one, three. It happens. Yeah,

00:47:30.519 --> 00:47:35.099
so they pop the little cord off and they're like,

00:47:35.219 --> 00:47:39.480
catch your baby. And so, yeah, I put my hands

00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:43.000
down and. Did it register to you at that moment?

00:47:43.039 --> 00:47:47.000
Like, I just freaking did this. I was still nervous.

00:47:47.039 --> 00:47:48.519
I really didn't want to be transferred. I was

00:47:48.519 --> 00:47:51.019
still nervous that if I teared bad enough, I

00:47:51.019 --> 00:47:53.699
would have to be transferred. So I didn't feel

00:47:53.699 --> 00:47:55.599
calm yet until I knew that like, they're like,

00:47:55.719 --> 00:47:57.139
oh, it's just a one degree. You're fine. Like,

00:47:57.159 --> 00:47:59.239
we're not going anywhere. You're good. Like,

00:47:59.239 --> 00:48:01.360
she's good. Like, then I could finally be like,

00:48:01.500 --> 00:48:06.519
oh my gosh, like I did the thing. It was, I mean.

00:48:06.920 --> 00:48:10.380
It was the craziest feeling, being so aware of

00:48:10.380 --> 00:48:13.800
every moment. And so you caught her then, is

00:48:13.800 --> 00:48:16.800
what it sounds like. Me and Caleb. That's awesome.

00:48:17.000 --> 00:48:19.639
Yeah. He got his gooey baby. He's got gooey baby

00:48:19.639 --> 00:48:26.000
hands. How was Caleb in all of this? Do you feel

00:48:26.000 --> 00:48:27.980
like he stayed pretty calm, cool, collected?

00:48:28.519 --> 00:48:32.079
Oh, yeah. He was super calm. almost to the point

00:48:32.079 --> 00:48:34.260
where in the pictures it looks like he's disassociating

00:48:34.260 --> 00:48:36.800
like he's never looking at me like he'll be doing

00:48:36.800 --> 00:48:39.739
hip compressions looking to the side or like

00:48:39.739 --> 00:48:43.059
he's just like focusing i think he said he got

00:48:43.059 --> 00:48:46.460
nauseous when i was like really in pain so i

00:48:46.460 --> 00:48:48.920
think he was trying to physically be near me

00:48:48.920 --> 00:48:51.539
but like wasn't also not be the patient himself

00:48:51.539 --> 00:48:55.679
in some ways yes like So you have to, like, defend

00:48:55.679 --> 00:48:57.519
him in pictures. Like, I promise he loves me

00:48:57.519 --> 00:49:01.679
and our child. He's there, but he's, like, not

00:49:01.679 --> 00:49:06.059
there. But, yeah, he was great. And having my

00:49:06.059 --> 00:49:08.179
sister there and my mom there, it was just so

00:49:08.179 --> 00:49:12.659
special. Yeah, I mean, they, you know, sewed

00:49:12.659 --> 00:49:16.019
me up. And then I gave birth to the placenta,

00:49:16.019 --> 00:49:17.840
and that was, like, the weirdest jellyfish feeling

00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:21.039
in the whole world. And it was probably, like,

00:49:21.059 --> 00:49:24.730
an hour. later, after she was born, that they

00:49:24.730 --> 00:49:27.510
cut the cord. Wow. So they just had the placenta

00:49:27.510 --> 00:49:29.110
chilling in, like, a Ziploc bag for a while.

00:49:29.190 --> 00:49:31.469
Whoa. I know. It was so weird. And we got to

00:49:31.469 --> 00:49:33.530
look at it. We got to look at her sack. Like,

00:49:33.590 --> 00:49:36.050
it was the coolest experience. That's a wild

00:49:36.050 --> 00:49:38.050
experience. Oh, yeah. And we're all just, like,

00:49:38.090 --> 00:49:40.409
laying on my bed. Like, all the midwives are

00:49:40.409 --> 00:49:41.889
just, you know. And then we finally, you know,

00:49:41.889 --> 00:49:43.449
once they cut the cord, now we can, like, weigh

00:49:43.449 --> 00:49:46.690
her. And she's already nursed. And, like, you

00:49:46.690 --> 00:49:50.250
know. Was she also a big baby or no? No. I mean.

00:49:50.730 --> 00:49:52.750
She was 8 pounds, 9 ounces. Okay, that's pretty

00:49:52.750 --> 00:49:56.090
average. Average baby. I swear it was because

00:49:56.090 --> 00:49:59.150
of how I ate and managed my blood sugar. It wasn't

00:49:59.150 --> 00:50:01.789
that I wasn't a calorie deficit. Like, let me

00:50:01.789 --> 00:50:04.550
be clear, I ate 3 ,000 calories every single

00:50:04.550 --> 00:50:08.230
day. But it was managing blood sugar. Yeah. Which

00:50:08.230 --> 00:50:13.010
is crazy. Yeah, so, I mean, and then, you know,

00:50:13.050 --> 00:50:15.730
I'm eating my chicken noodle soup that I had,

00:50:15.789 --> 00:50:19.230
like, meal prepped. everyone's like you know

00:50:19.230 --> 00:50:21.710
around me and they're like you know it's just

00:50:21.710 --> 00:50:23.409
like this beautiful like it's all the people

00:50:23.409 --> 00:50:27.590
that i like wanted to be there and at the end

00:50:27.590 --> 00:50:30.369
like the midwives like we all like got in a circle

00:50:30.369 --> 00:50:33.150
and the midwives like saying the doxology and

00:50:33.150 --> 00:50:38.730
it was like i mean the i mean yes i mean like

00:50:38.730 --> 00:50:41.929
what what a night and day difference from like

00:50:42.760 --> 00:50:45.340
all my other experiences of becoming a mom like

00:50:45.340 --> 00:50:47.980
I was so fully present like I had made every

00:50:47.980 --> 00:50:52.739
decision like it was so redemptive and so painful

00:50:52.739 --> 00:50:55.480
yeah I will never tell people that it's not painful

00:50:55.480 --> 00:51:00.179
no yeah oh my gosh yeah but then you're still

00:51:00.179 --> 00:51:01.599
like I mean I don't know if you guys want more

00:51:01.599 --> 00:51:03.900
kids but for me every time I'm like but I want

00:51:03.900 --> 00:51:06.719
another one yeah it took me a bit afterwards

00:51:06.719 --> 00:51:11.420
I was like oh my gosh like I don't even – like

00:51:11.420 --> 00:51:15.400
I recommend – hear me say. I recommend home birth

00:51:15.400 --> 00:51:19.900
because the three hours that were the most painful

00:51:19.900 --> 00:51:21.400
thing I've ever experienced in my entire life

00:51:21.400 --> 00:51:24.280
times a million, like nothing has ever compared

00:51:24.280 --> 00:51:26.079
to how painful that was. And I'm not going to

00:51:26.079 --> 00:51:29.280
sugarcoat it. It was horrible. It was worth it

00:51:29.280 --> 00:51:34.010
for my entire prenatal experience for – the postnatal

00:51:34.010 --> 00:51:36.449
experience of the midwives coming to my house

00:51:36.449 --> 00:51:39.610
like two days after and doing the weight checks.

00:51:39.690 --> 00:51:41.869
And then a week later, and like, I never, I didn't

00:51:41.869 --> 00:51:46.590
leave my house for two weeks. Like, and yeah,

00:51:46.650 --> 00:51:50.289
like that experience of like, of my midwife praying

00:51:50.289 --> 00:51:53.349
over me during my birth, like that is what was

00:51:53.349 --> 00:51:58.170
worth it, you know? So yeah. What was your experience

00:51:58.170 --> 00:52:03.570
then introducing your kids to Danny? They came,

00:52:03.769 --> 00:52:06.510
she was born on a Friday night at, like, 1030

00:52:06.510 --> 00:52:10.289
-ish. And they came Sunday morning. They came

00:52:10.289 --> 00:52:14.070
home back, back home Sunday morning. And, oh,

00:52:14.130 --> 00:52:16.090
my gosh, they were so sweet. I mean, the video

00:52:16.090 --> 00:52:20.190
of it is just, like, these boys, like, before

00:52:20.190 --> 00:52:23.829
MJ, he was three at the time, before he left,

00:52:23.889 --> 00:52:26.750
like, when I was going to labor, he went into

00:52:26.750 --> 00:52:29.110
his room and, like, picked out a handsome shirt

00:52:29.110 --> 00:52:31.449
that he said he wanted to wear when he met his

00:52:31.449 --> 00:52:35.769
sister. stop it i mean they're obsessed with

00:52:35.769 --> 00:52:38.030
her they're still they not one of them has had

00:52:38.030 --> 00:52:40.940
one moment of jealousy Wow. That's crazy. It's

00:52:40.940 --> 00:52:43.440
been the craziest thing. They think she's the

00:52:43.440 --> 00:52:45.639
best thing ever. And now she has four big brothers,

00:52:45.719 --> 00:52:48.840
so if anyone ever messes with her, she's so protected.

00:52:49.039 --> 00:52:51.679
And from some of the stories you've told us,

00:52:51.699 --> 00:52:53.340
I'm like, I don't think we want to be messing

00:52:53.340 --> 00:52:56.500
with her. Oh, no. Yeah, these brothers, they

00:52:56.500 --> 00:52:58.820
don't joke around. No, like, yeah, some people

00:52:58.820 --> 00:53:00.300
were like, she's going to be, like, really tough

00:53:00.300 --> 00:53:02.079
or she's going to be, like, really princess.

00:53:02.219 --> 00:53:04.099
And I was like, it's princess. Like, she, I mean,

00:53:04.119 --> 00:53:06.199
they call her princess. Like, they're obsessed

00:53:06.199 --> 00:53:09.039
with her. I love that. So sweet. It's so sweet.

00:53:09.469 --> 00:53:12.289
So is there anything, you did like a ton of research,

00:53:12.449 --> 00:53:15.210
we know that. Is there anything that you didn't

00:53:15.210 --> 00:53:18.489
know that you wish you had known or you wish

00:53:18.489 --> 00:53:21.030
someone had like told you or anything before

00:53:21.030 --> 00:53:24.469
you got into home birth? You know, I watched

00:53:24.469 --> 00:53:26.989
a lot of home birth videos, but I always typed

00:53:26.989 --> 00:53:30.710
in positive. Sure. Yeah. And not that mine wasn't

00:53:30.710 --> 00:53:34.050
positive. Nothing bad happened. Like, but it

00:53:34.050 --> 00:53:36.820
was typically someone who. this was like their

00:53:36.820 --> 00:53:39.800
second or third vaginal birth. And a first vaginal

00:53:39.800 --> 00:53:42.340
birth is just different. Like they don't slip

00:53:42.340 --> 00:53:45.880
out as easy. Like your body is still like, it's

00:53:45.880 --> 00:53:48.159
in a lot of ways, like your first time, you know?

00:53:48.159 --> 00:53:51.260
And it's because like, I know for me looking

00:53:51.260 --> 00:53:53.039
at, so I've had two natural births and looking

00:53:53.039 --> 00:53:55.320
at both of them, the first time you don't know

00:53:55.320 --> 00:53:57.559
you can do it. Yes. You know, like maybe in your

00:53:57.559 --> 00:53:59.219
head you're like, God made me this way, blah,

00:53:59.280 --> 00:54:02.820
blah, blah. Yes. All the mantras you tell yourself,

00:54:02.920 --> 00:54:04.599
yeah. Yeah, but you've never done it before.

00:54:04.719 --> 00:54:08.579
Yes. So, and the second time, like, because I

00:54:08.579 --> 00:54:10.960
definitely had the moment both times, but the

00:54:10.960 --> 00:54:12.900
second time was like, I can't do it, I can't

00:54:12.900 --> 00:54:14.440
do it. And I literally looked at Stuart, I was

00:54:14.440 --> 00:54:15.880
like, I can't do this. He was like, but you've

00:54:15.880 --> 00:54:18.599
done it before. Yes. Like, you can do it because

00:54:18.599 --> 00:54:20.980
you have. Yes. Like, you can do it a second time.

00:54:21.039 --> 00:54:24.329
So you don't have that. If your second birth

00:54:24.329 --> 00:54:26.730
is your first natural birth, you're like, I don't

00:54:26.730 --> 00:54:29.269
have in my head like, oh, I've done this before.

00:54:29.409 --> 00:54:32.760
Totally. So I can. Totally. no the last time

00:54:32.760 --> 00:54:34.820
they cut me open and took my baby out and I was

00:54:34.820 --> 00:54:37.500
asleep yes so like is that how it's gonna end

00:54:37.500 --> 00:54:40.719
this time totally totally so all my videos that

00:54:40.719 --> 00:54:42.519
I had watched were like these beautiful water

00:54:42.519 --> 00:54:44.780
births of moms who have like this is their fourth

00:54:44.780 --> 00:54:47.980
baby they're just flying out of them like and

00:54:47.980 --> 00:54:51.460
they're so peaceful and calm and I'm like I remember

00:54:51.460 --> 00:54:53.440
afterwards like you know when they came back

00:54:53.440 --> 00:54:55.239
like two days later I was like that was crazy

00:54:55.239 --> 00:54:59.420
right like And what I experienced was crazy,

00:54:59.659 --> 00:55:02.300
right? You're like, say yes, right? I was like,

00:55:02.400 --> 00:55:04.619
that was crazy. That is not what I watched in

00:55:04.619 --> 00:55:07.619
my videos. And they're like, pretty normal. So

00:55:07.619 --> 00:55:12.340
I wish I would have watched. Mind you guys, I

00:55:12.340 --> 00:55:16.699
pushed so hard, my eyeballs were bloodshot. Wow.

00:55:17.019 --> 00:55:20.099
Blood vessels popped. All throughout my eyes

00:55:20.099 --> 00:55:23.260
on both sides. Like, I looked crazy. Just really

00:55:23.260 --> 00:55:28.320
nice birth pictures. Oh, oh, I, yeah. It was

00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:31.239
not pretty. Like, and it was, that part was,

00:55:31.320 --> 00:55:33.179
like, my midwife kept checking on me, like, how

00:55:33.179 --> 00:55:35.380
are your eyes doing? Like, that's not super normal.

00:55:35.440 --> 00:55:38.639
You're really straining there. Like, I can't

00:55:38.639 --> 00:55:42.599
feel these. I can feel that. Right? Oh, my gosh,

00:55:42.659 --> 00:55:44.800
yeah. I was about to pop it on my head. But,

00:55:44.820 --> 00:55:49.139
so anyways, I wish I would have. I watched like

00:55:49.139 --> 00:55:53.159
long birth videos, like hard birth videos, like

00:55:53.159 --> 00:55:56.059
typed in something besides like positive. Home

00:55:56.059 --> 00:55:58.920
birth. Redemptive birth. Yes. I'm like, I want

00:55:58.920 --> 00:56:01.360
to hear someone like growl. I want to hear like

00:56:01.360 --> 00:56:03.280
the pushing be hard. I want to hear people say

00:56:03.280 --> 00:56:05.440
I can't. Like I didn't, I didn't watch any of

00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:07.639
those. Yeah. And like, obviously it makes sense

00:56:07.639 --> 00:56:09.260
that you don't want to watch the traumatic ones.

00:56:09.340 --> 00:56:11.619
Yes. I'm not saying traumatic. Yeah. Cause I

00:56:11.619 --> 00:56:13.920
even am like, if I know someone who's pregnant,

00:56:13.940 --> 00:56:16.760
especially for the first time, I'm like. Don't

00:56:16.760 --> 00:56:18.960
listen to anyone who has a scary story. Yes.

00:56:19.219 --> 00:56:21.880
Like, do research and, like, have information

00:56:21.880 --> 00:56:23.920
for sure. Totally. But don't listen to the scary

00:56:23.920 --> 00:56:25.380
stories while you're pregnant because that's

00:56:25.380 --> 00:56:28.519
going to get in your head. Yes. And, like, obviously

00:56:28.519 --> 00:56:30.400
those stories have time and place and, like,

00:56:30.460 --> 00:56:32.500
I don't want to dismiss them at all. But when

00:56:32.500 --> 00:56:33.860
you're pregnant, it's not the time or place.

00:56:34.119 --> 00:56:36.119
Right. Like, you need the support of, like, you

00:56:36.119 --> 00:56:38.300
can do this. Yes. You need to ingrain in your

00:56:38.300 --> 00:56:40.500
head that it's possible, which I was like, it's

00:56:40.500 --> 00:56:44.989
possible. But then I was also like. am I a bad

00:56:44.989 --> 00:56:47.250
birther? Cause that was like crazy. And I was

00:56:47.250 --> 00:56:50.110
not calm and I was not happy. Like that's not

00:56:50.110 --> 00:56:54.110
what I saw in the videos. So yeah. Watch, watch

00:56:54.110 --> 00:56:57.070
the loud birth videos. Yeah. Well, what is something

00:56:57.070 --> 00:56:59.730
you would tell someone who's either considering

00:56:59.730 --> 00:57:03.550
a home birth or prepping for a home birth? Genuinely

00:57:03.550 --> 00:57:06.789
like a find, like really try and find a good

00:57:06.789 --> 00:57:09.280
midwife. That will change your whole experience.

00:57:09.539 --> 00:57:12.739
Same with an OB. Like, the who you pick is going

00:57:12.739 --> 00:57:16.679
to change your experience. But then also at the

00:57:16.679 --> 00:57:23.280
same time, that OB, that midwife, it's not their

00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:26.320
responsibility to, like, do the research for

00:57:26.320 --> 00:57:28.900
you. Like, you need to be informed about all

00:57:28.900 --> 00:57:32.420
the decisions you're making. Like, don't take

00:57:32.420 --> 00:57:34.579
a backseat to the doctor. Don't take a backseat

00:57:34.579 --> 00:57:36.380
to even your midwife. Like, even if you feel

00:57:36.380 --> 00:57:40.809
like you both align. on like how, like all the

00:57:40.809 --> 00:57:43.710
things, it's still your baby. It's still your

00:57:43.710 --> 00:57:46.989
body. Like, so I think taking accountability,

00:57:47.090 --> 00:57:50.090
cause I, you know, I'd like to think that I can

00:57:50.090 --> 00:57:53.250
just blame the OB for my first birth and the

00:57:53.250 --> 00:57:56.130
anesthesiologist cause they scared me into my

00:57:56.130 --> 00:58:01.989
birth. Yeah. But really like I didn't prep myself.

00:58:02.030 --> 00:58:07.179
Like I. I made all those decisions. Be informed.

00:58:07.800 --> 00:58:10.139
You can let yourself off the bat a little bit

00:58:10.139 --> 00:58:12.179
where I feel like lots of women have that experience.

00:58:12.739 --> 00:58:15.099
The doctor just tells you something and you're

00:58:15.099 --> 00:58:17.780
like, oh, okay. A lot of times the way they say

00:58:17.780 --> 00:58:20.159
it, you don't feel like you have a choice. We

00:58:20.159 --> 00:58:24.119
are inducing you at 39 weeks. This is what we

00:58:24.119 --> 00:58:26.039
recommend and think is the best option for you.

00:58:26.460 --> 00:58:30.619
My midwife, it would be my three -week postpartum

00:58:30.619 --> 00:58:34.659
appointment and they would still Can I check

00:58:34.659 --> 00:58:38.280
her heart rate? Like, even though she's checked

00:58:38.280 --> 00:58:40.579
her heart rate so many times, like, I'm going

00:58:40.579 --> 00:58:42.940
to ask you again. I will get consent every single

00:58:42.940 --> 00:58:46.340
time to touch her baby. Like, which is, that's

00:58:46.340 --> 00:58:48.599
so different. Like, they usually, I mean, they'll

00:58:48.599 --> 00:58:51.860
snatch her baby. Like, it's so, I mean, just

00:58:51.860 --> 00:58:54.730
the, like. I loved that. Like, and I didn't know

00:58:54.730 --> 00:58:57.030
how much I needed that after, especially my foster

00:58:57.030 --> 00:58:59.889
care experience of like, yeah, this is my baby.

00:58:59.929 --> 00:59:03.230
Like, you know, and just because you're the medical

00:59:03.230 --> 00:59:06.630
professional doesn't mean that like you are able

00:59:06.630 --> 00:59:09.590
to just touch my baby, you know, you get to decide.

00:59:09.690 --> 00:59:15.110
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I love that your story

00:59:15.110 --> 00:59:18.289
is so redemptive and obviously not everyone's

00:59:18.289 --> 00:59:21.349
story is going to be like that, but I just think

00:59:21.349 --> 00:59:25.550
like, like how cool like i'm so happy i got to

00:59:25.550 --> 00:59:28.269
have a v -back yeah like how awesome that you

00:59:28.269 --> 00:59:32.530
got to do that at home yeah that's so cool yeah

00:59:32.530 --> 00:59:36.110
it was it was yes like you can take it kind of

00:59:36.110 --> 00:59:38.150
like do your research you can eat the right things

00:59:38.150 --> 00:59:42.309
whatever but like i think what i learned is like

00:59:42.309 --> 00:59:48.050
it's like god I did so much research on like,

00:59:48.110 --> 00:59:50.849
you know, the curse of birth, right? Like I listened

00:59:50.849 --> 00:59:53.889
to the Bible project did something on like that

00:59:53.889 --> 00:59:56.849
being the curse, whatever. And how actually that

00:59:56.849 --> 01:00:00.449
is like not like labor is not the curse. Like

01:00:00.449 --> 01:00:03.989
the curse is that God is the one who gives life.

01:00:04.690 --> 01:00:07.630
Like, and it blew my mind because it was like,

01:00:07.630 --> 01:00:11.329
it coincides with, you know, when he said it'll

01:00:11.329 --> 01:00:15.269
be hard for the man to work, right? It wasn't

01:00:15.269 --> 01:00:17.619
like. man like you're gonna have tension in your

01:00:17.619 --> 01:00:20.300
office like it's like you providing for your

01:00:20.300 --> 01:00:22.699
family like this ground will be hard for you

01:00:22.699 --> 01:00:26.039
to provide life for your family and the woman

01:00:26.039 --> 01:00:30.760
is like only God can provide life like and so

01:00:30.760 --> 01:00:39.000
for me it was this like every all my boys and

01:00:39.000 --> 01:00:41.739
Danny like every single one of them like it was

01:00:41.739 --> 01:00:46.059
God like God kept my kiddos safe in utero during

01:00:46.059 --> 01:00:50.000
hard things. And God, like God gets the glory

01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:53.119
of all their births, you know? So I think that

01:00:53.119 --> 01:00:55.519
was like, you know, I'm proud of myself. I thought

01:00:55.519 --> 01:00:57.480
it was cool. I'm thankful that I got to see it

01:00:57.480 --> 01:00:59.760
and be there and be so present. But like, and

01:00:59.760 --> 01:01:03.079
also like. God is good in all of my children's

01:01:03.079 --> 01:01:06.199
births, you know? That's awesome. All right.

01:01:06.219 --> 01:01:08.639
My one last question is how can I convince my

01:01:08.639 --> 01:01:11.800
husband that I should have a home birth for our

01:01:11.800 --> 01:01:14.960
next baby? That's so funny. You can hang out

01:01:14.960 --> 01:01:16.780
with Caleb and you can hear his experience because

01:01:16.780 --> 01:01:19.699
honestly, Caleb was like, he hated the hospital.

01:01:19.800 --> 01:01:22.519
Like he was like those beds, you know, like.

01:01:23.380 --> 01:01:26.260
When I can imagine like being shoved out of the

01:01:26.260 --> 01:01:29.980
room while the person you love most is. literally

01:01:29.980 --> 01:01:32.119
about to die totally totally that's so scary

01:01:32.119 --> 01:01:35.519
yes and like is the baby okay yeah yeah and especially

01:01:35.519 --> 01:01:38.000
like i don't know how much he was told too like

01:01:38.000 --> 01:01:40.340
i'm imagining not much no just like they like

01:01:40.340 --> 01:01:42.840
shoved him in some random room too and my mom

01:01:42.840 --> 01:01:45.500
was at that birth but she couldn't go into the

01:01:45.500 --> 01:01:48.340
c -section room in general so she was like sitting

01:01:48.340 --> 01:01:51.179
on a bench and gets a text from caleb being like

01:01:51.179 --> 01:01:56.599
they kicked me out and so yeah so anyways convince

01:01:56.599 --> 01:02:00.500
your husband um Honestly, my thing with Caleb,

01:02:00.539 --> 01:02:03.599
too, was if you can do more research than me

01:02:03.599 --> 01:02:06.659
and prove to me why not, go ahead. Go ahead.

01:02:06.699 --> 01:02:12.659
Do the research. But I'm stubborn that way. I'm

01:02:12.659 --> 01:02:15.780
like, if you can point to the facts and outprove

01:02:15.780 --> 01:02:19.760
me, go ahead. You're not going to, but I've done

01:02:19.760 --> 01:02:23.039
more research. You are welcome to try. Love it.

01:02:23.199 --> 01:02:25.980
Yeah. Well, do you have any last thoughts, anything

01:02:25.980 --> 01:02:29.380
you want to share that we haven't yet? Oh, man.

01:02:29.980 --> 01:02:32.719
I also think, like, I kind of said this about

01:02:32.719 --> 01:02:35.460
God giving the glory, but it's, like, I think

01:02:35.460 --> 01:02:37.559
our births are important, and I also think that

01:02:37.559 --> 01:02:42.000
God cares. Like, God, he does care. And also,

01:02:42.119 --> 01:02:46.980
like, then you're a mom, right? Like, that is

01:02:46.980 --> 01:02:50.480
a small part of your mothering experience. So

01:02:50.480 --> 01:02:52.699
if you've had a bad experience, like, that does

01:02:52.699 --> 01:02:56.539
not determine who you are as a mom. And so. Yeah.

01:02:57.019 --> 01:02:59.760
Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being on for

01:02:59.760 --> 01:03:04.119
two episodes. Thanks for having me. You have

01:03:04.119 --> 01:03:07.300
such a crazy story and so many facets to it that

01:03:07.300 --> 01:03:10.940
I think a lot of moms are going to love to hear

01:03:10.940 --> 01:03:14.980
about. Thanks. I love that. Yeah. Well, do we

01:03:14.980 --> 01:03:17.400
want to wrap up with our wins of the week? Yes.

01:03:18.280 --> 01:03:22.460
I can go first. So my win actually happened tonight

01:03:22.460 --> 01:03:26.099
before coming over here. Um, so I was getting

01:03:26.099 --> 01:03:29.719
ready to go and I always bring Cruz with me and

01:03:29.719 --> 01:03:34.460
Colt this time he, so it was like six o 'clock

01:03:34.460 --> 01:03:37.639
when I was starting to head over. Um, so I put

01:03:37.639 --> 01:03:40.460
Cruz in the car seat and Colt grabs his shoes

01:03:40.460 --> 01:03:44.460
and he likes, he always sits on the bottom stair

01:03:44.460 --> 01:03:47.860
to, to get his shoes on and starts putting his

01:03:47.860 --> 01:03:51.769
boots on like his, his, um, combat boots. Which

01:03:51.769 --> 01:03:53.570
are the only pair of shoes that he can put on

01:03:53.570 --> 01:03:56.110
on his own. He's figured it out. And I was like,

01:03:56.150 --> 01:03:57.449
oh, buddy, what are you doing? Are you going

01:03:57.449 --> 01:04:01.309
to go outside? And he said, no, mama, Colty podcast.

01:04:02.369 --> 01:04:05.510
Podcast. Yeah. And I was like, oh, buddy. I was

01:04:05.510 --> 01:04:09.090
like, I wish you could come. I would love if

01:04:09.090 --> 01:04:11.190
you could come, but it's almost bedtime. You're

01:04:11.190 --> 01:04:13.349
going to stay with daddy. And he just like lost

01:04:13.349 --> 01:04:16.530
it. And I was like, oh. So we're going to have

01:04:16.530 --> 01:04:18.650
to have an episode with Lloyd and Cole. Yes.

01:04:18.670 --> 01:04:20.590
It's just going to be, we're going to have to

01:04:20.590 --> 01:04:22.710
just follow them around with the mics. There's

01:04:22.710 --> 01:04:25.730
going to be lots of, I go potty. Yeah. I go potty.

01:04:26.849 --> 01:04:30.469
So, um, yeah, I, that was my win of just like,

01:04:30.610 --> 01:04:33.469
I don't know. It was just really cute. So cute.

01:04:33.510 --> 01:04:36.769
He wanted to hang out with me. Yes. Yeah. I loved

01:04:36.769 --> 01:04:40.190
it. That's so cute. Yep. All right. Uh, so for

01:04:40.190 --> 01:04:43.360
me, Our kids share a room, and Zeta's still in

01:04:43.360 --> 01:04:45.119
the bassinet with us at night, but for nap time

01:04:45.119 --> 01:04:48.780
they're both in their cribs. Okay. And it's been

01:04:48.780 --> 01:04:50.599
a little bit of a journey getting them both used

01:04:50.599 --> 01:04:52.579
to sharing a room and sleeping. Honestly, that's

01:04:52.579 --> 01:04:55.579
so impressive because Zeta's, what, seven months?

01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:58.980
Six months. Yeah, six months. But the other day,

01:04:59.000 --> 01:05:01.619
it was a short nap, so that, like, wasn't great.

01:05:01.860 --> 01:05:04.239
But when I, like, went in to get them up, they

01:05:04.239 --> 01:05:05.940
were just, like, looking at each other and giggling.

01:05:06.570 --> 01:05:08.329
And it was just the cutest thing in the world.

01:05:08.369 --> 01:05:10.070
And, like, I guess I'm just going to, like, let

01:05:10.070 --> 01:05:12.469
you hang out. You're like, I've actually whined

01:05:12.469 --> 01:05:14.849
in life because of this moment right here. Yeah,

01:05:14.849 --> 01:05:16.510
Lloyd would just, like, walk to the edge of his

01:05:16.510 --> 01:05:18.250
crib and, like, look down at Zeta. And she would

01:05:18.250 --> 01:05:19.909
look up at him. And they would just, like, laugh

01:05:19.909 --> 01:05:22.030
at each other. And, like, I don't know what you're

01:05:22.030 --> 01:05:25.050
laughing at, but this is the best moment. This

01:05:25.050 --> 01:05:28.190
is a core memory for sure. Yeah. So sweet. What

01:05:28.190 --> 01:05:32.889
about you? Honestly, this is the longest I've

01:05:32.889 --> 01:05:36.190
ever been away from Dani. This right here. So

01:05:36.190 --> 01:05:39.869
that's a win in the way that I'm like, Caleb's

01:05:39.869 --> 01:05:42.110
got all five at home. Yeah, I was going to ask.

01:05:42.110 --> 01:05:44.670
She doesn't take a bottle, but he's going to

01:05:44.670 --> 01:05:48.409
try. He's going to try. Yeah. And so I'm like,

01:05:48.489 --> 01:05:52.110
okay, like mommy's doing a thing. Yeah. Yeah.

01:05:52.150 --> 01:05:54.909
Good for you. Good for you. Yeah, that's a lot.

01:05:55.070 --> 01:05:58.730
Yes. Yeah. But it's a win. Yes. I'm here. That's

01:05:58.730 --> 01:06:01.329
a great win. Yeah. Yeah. Getting away is tough,

01:06:01.489 --> 01:06:04.869
especially if she doesn't take a bottle. Yeah.

01:06:04.869 --> 01:06:07.110
I feel you on that one. We just haven't had a

01:06:07.110 --> 01:06:11.449
reason to try hard on it. No. Yeah. So. And when

01:06:11.449 --> 01:06:13.969
she's with you all the time, it's easier. I'm

01:06:13.969 --> 01:06:17.630
like, who wants to pump? Like, that sucks. Moms

01:06:17.630 --> 01:06:21.610
who pump exclusively. no shade i just they should

01:06:21.610 --> 01:06:23.710
get a huge i don't know i think i would give

01:06:23.710 --> 01:06:26.369
up really quickly honestly i for sure would yeah

01:06:26.369 --> 01:06:28.550
yeah like just the amount of dishes and cleaning

01:06:28.550 --> 01:06:31.989
in and of itself yeah all right well thank you

01:06:31.989 --> 01:06:35.530
all for listening to l's episode um we were super

01:06:35.530 --> 01:06:39.110
excited to have her on yeah and yeah rate review

01:06:39.110 --> 01:06:42.289
subscribe thanks a lot for listening see you

01:06:42.289 --> 01:06:42.869
next week