WEBVTT 00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:15.380 Hi, everyone. Welcome back to No Manual, a momcast 00:00:15.380 --> 00:00:18.519 where this is a place for moms to listen and 00:00:18.519 --> 00:00:21.000 hear about the realities of motherhood, the good, 00:00:21.059 --> 00:00:24.539 the bad, the ugly. And today we get a really 00:00:24.539 --> 00:00:27.980 special guest. Her name is Ellie Flowers. And 00:00:27.980 --> 00:00:33.009 Ellie has a crazy story. That's a good way to 00:00:33.009 --> 00:00:34.689 put it. When we talked about having you on, we 00:00:34.689 --> 00:00:36.909 were like, do we just need the series? Yeah, 00:00:36.990 --> 00:00:39.969 the Ellie series. Some motherhood. It's been 00:00:39.969 --> 00:00:43.469 wild. Yes, yeah. So before we have you intro 00:00:43.469 --> 00:00:47.210 your family, let's hop into our mom moments. 00:00:47.609 --> 00:00:50.869 Okay. Do you want to go first, Erica? Sure. So 00:00:50.869 --> 00:00:53.670 Lloyd is learning to differentiate things right 00:00:53.670 --> 00:00:56.130 now. So one of the big ones is we have apple 00:00:56.130 --> 00:00:57.590 juice and apple sauce, and those are different 00:00:57.590 --> 00:01:00.909 things. But he calls apple slices apple cookies. 00:01:01.800 --> 00:01:04.540 I mean, great. I'm just going to run with that 00:01:04.540 --> 00:01:07.079 forever. And I hope that... Isn't that the best? 00:01:07.299 --> 00:01:09.359 To like our dying day, we're just calling apple 00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:11.459 slices apple cookies because it's so cute. And 00:01:11.459 --> 00:01:13.219 he gets so excited for them. He's like, apple 00:01:13.219 --> 00:01:15.019 cookies. You're like, yes, this is a dessert, 00:01:15.099 --> 00:01:18.359 buddy. These are cookies. It's just so cute. 00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:20.780 And it's also really fun to like hear his little 00:01:20.780 --> 00:01:23.000 voice actually saying things and like connecting 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:25.640 dots. Yeah, that's the best. So cute. That's 00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:29.459 the best. Okay, my mom moment. So our house... 00:01:30.040 --> 00:01:32.859 Got hit with the stomach bug earlier this week. 00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:36.019 I saw that. Terrible. Thankfully, Colt was the 00:01:36.019 --> 00:01:38.640 only one who got it. I don't really know for 00:01:38.640 --> 00:01:40.719 sure if it was, like, actually the stomach flu. 00:01:41.260 --> 00:01:44.629 But all that to say, he puked twice. Like right 00:01:44.629 --> 00:01:46.489 in the morning, he slept terrible the night before, 00:01:46.549 --> 00:01:49.349 like maybe got five hours of sleep. And so we 00:01:49.349 --> 00:01:51.629 were like, maybe he's just so exhausted he feels 00:01:51.629 --> 00:01:54.329 sick. And that's like, that happens to me where 00:01:54.329 --> 00:01:57.430 I'm like, I'm so exhausted and so sleep deprived 00:01:57.430 --> 00:02:01.269 that I feel so sick. But anyways, so we thought 00:02:01.269 --> 00:02:05.290 Colt was teething for some reason. He has all 00:02:05.290 --> 00:02:08.199 of his teeth, which like his next. teeth he would 00:02:08.199 --> 00:02:10.620 get is his five -year -old molars and he's two 00:02:10.620 --> 00:02:13.259 so he's like really early on teething and so 00:02:13.259 --> 00:02:15.319 we're like maybe he's actually getting teeth 00:02:15.319 --> 00:02:18.360 so michael like felt back in the back of his 00:02:18.360 --> 00:02:22.120 gums and cute and colt literally puked as he 00:02:22.120 --> 00:02:25.780 was doing this all over michael all over our 00:02:25.780 --> 00:02:28.680 carpet all over our bed and it just it was like 00:02:28.680 --> 00:02:33.800 sour milk this was like so gross And then, like, 00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:36.419 maybe an hour later, Colt comes running up to 00:02:36.419 --> 00:02:39.080 me and is like, Mommy. And then he just, like, 00:02:39.139 --> 00:02:42.659 puked on me, on my face, like, my chin, all down 00:02:42.659 --> 00:02:45.539 my neck, onto my shirt. And then I, like, grabbed 00:02:45.539 --> 00:02:47.520 him and, like, rushed him to the toilet for him 00:02:47.520 --> 00:02:50.620 to, like, continue puking. And that was the start 00:02:50.620 --> 00:02:53.240 of just, like, not a great day in our house. 00:02:53.479 --> 00:02:55.240 Really? That wasn't, like, the best start to 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:57.580 your day? I mean, you know. It just makes me 00:02:57.580 --> 00:03:00.000 think of, have you ever seen the movie Parenthood? 00:03:00.180 --> 00:03:02.620 Yes. There's a scene with Steve Martin where 00:03:02.620 --> 00:03:05.280 his daughter's like, Dad, I don't feel so good. 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:06.800 And he's like, okay, honey, do you feel like 00:03:06.800 --> 00:03:08.719 you have to throw up? And she says, okay, and 00:03:08.719 --> 00:03:12.180 just throws up on him. Like that is that scenario 00:03:12.180 --> 00:03:15.379 right there. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I wasn't 00:03:15.379 --> 00:03:17.719 as grossed out as I thought I would be. It's 00:03:17.719 --> 00:03:19.979 like you're in kind of like that adrenaline where 00:03:19.979 --> 00:03:23.639 it's like, okay, I need to help my child. yes 00:03:23.639 --> 00:03:26.080 this is disgusting i can gross out i honestly 00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:28.580 didn't this is gonna sound really bad because 00:03:28.580 --> 00:03:30.979 i was like just trying to take care of colt i 00:03:30.979 --> 00:03:33.379 didn't even take like change my shirt for like 00:03:33.379 --> 00:03:35.740 probably like 30 minutes and i'd puke on me so 00:03:35.740 --> 00:03:40.080 it happened you know priorities but okay ellie 00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:44.460 do you have a mom moment yes um this is this 00:03:44.460 --> 00:03:49.039 is last week i was i had all five kids by myself 00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:52.409 which you know I signed up for that. I say it 00:03:52.409 --> 00:03:54.770 like I'm like, can you believe I was by myself 00:03:54.770 --> 00:03:57.270 with all my kids? Yeah, that's a lot. It is a 00:03:57.270 --> 00:04:00.469 lot. I can't imagine. It's so hard. And I have 00:04:00.469 --> 00:04:04.650 a kiddo who is just like, he is tough. And we 00:04:04.650 --> 00:04:07.090 were going to go play dodgeball. It was supposed 00:04:07.090 --> 00:04:09.069 to be like this really fun thing. He was really 00:04:09.069 --> 00:04:12.409 excited about it. But he just went outside, took 00:04:12.409 --> 00:04:14.409 a swig of water, and just spit it in his brother's 00:04:14.409 --> 00:04:16.430 face. And I was like, now you're in timeout. 00:04:16.550 --> 00:04:18.589 Now we don't get to do dodgeball right away or 00:04:18.589 --> 00:04:22.019 whatever. Kick ball, not dodge ball. That's a 00:04:22.019 --> 00:04:25.060 little intense. Our kids are really small. And 00:04:25.060 --> 00:04:27.939 so I take him to a room and I'm like, I'm going 00:04:27.939 --> 00:04:29.319 to come back in five minutes and come talk to 00:04:29.319 --> 00:04:33.740 you. Five minutes go by. I go in. He is gone. 00:04:33.819 --> 00:04:36.860 The window is open. He has escaped. He's five 00:04:36.860 --> 00:04:40.079 years old. He has escaped. Time out. He's in 00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:42.819 the backyard playing like. I mean, at least it 00:04:42.819 --> 00:04:45.439 leads to the backyard. Oh my gosh. Well, and 00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:47.660 later that week he told me he was going backyard, 00:04:47.740 --> 00:04:50.160 went to the backyard and went out there and he 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:52.500 was, he had left the backyard, hopped the fence, 00:04:52.579 --> 00:04:55.300 gone around the neighborhood and was in someone 00:04:55.300 --> 00:04:57.839 else's backyard because he had lost a toy and 00:04:57.839 --> 00:05:00.379 just jumped someone's fence. This kid, it sounds 00:05:00.379 --> 00:05:02.720 like I have a teenager. He set a fire that week. 00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:05.170 There's also this level that you're like. I'm 00:05:05.170 --> 00:05:09.610 so proud you're really smart. He's so resourceful. 00:05:09.629 --> 00:05:11.829 Yeah, I'm glad that you're good at problem solving 00:05:11.829 --> 00:05:14.449 and figuring things out. He's like, my toy is 00:05:14.449 --> 00:05:17.709 lost. I'm going to get it myself. But please 00:05:17.709 --> 00:05:20.649 don't do this anymore. Oh, my gosh. I pray every 00:05:20.649 --> 00:05:22.730 day. I'm like, Jesus, please help me parent this 00:05:22.730 --> 00:05:24.990 guy. Please protect him and help me parent him. 00:05:25.050 --> 00:05:27.970 Seriously, and channel all of that into something 00:05:27.970 --> 00:05:32.490 good. Wow. That's wild. That's boys for you. 00:05:32.550 --> 00:05:35.209 That's boys. Man, that's that boy. Do you want 00:05:35.209 --> 00:05:38.269 to introduce your family? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, 00:05:38.370 --> 00:05:41.689 so I have five kiddos. The oldest is six. The 00:05:41.689 --> 00:05:44.629 youngest is four months old, so I'm ranging in 00:05:44.629 --> 00:05:48.569 there. The oldest three are adopted from foster 00:05:48.569 --> 00:05:52.329 care, and the younger two are biological. And 00:05:52.329 --> 00:05:54.569 it is four boys, the oldest, and the youngest 00:05:54.569 --> 00:05:58.689 is a girl. So sweet. That's our group. It's your 00:05:58.689 --> 00:06:02.420 crazy. Amazing group. Yes. Love it. I love them. 00:06:03.399 --> 00:06:07.939 You have three adopted kids. Yep. Have you always 00:06:07.939 --> 00:06:11.600 wanted to adopt? Kind of. My family did foster 00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:14.800 care growing up. And so that was like just always 00:06:14.800 --> 00:06:17.959 part of like my family makeup was like there's 00:06:17.959 --> 00:06:22.220 extra kids in the house. But my parents never 00:06:22.220 --> 00:06:25.759 adopted. So that was like foster care doesn't. 00:06:25.980 --> 00:06:28.459 necessarily mean that so when we signed up to 00:06:28.459 --> 00:06:31.339 do foster care it wasn't like let's adopt kids 00:06:31.339 --> 00:06:34.240 because again that wasn't my experience I was 00:06:34.240 --> 00:06:36.439 like that's not usually what happens and lo and 00:06:36.439 --> 00:06:40.560 behold I have I have so many so so yes and no 00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:43.079 that's also a really funny thing for you to say 00:06:43.079 --> 00:06:47.519 it that way because for me like When I learned 00:06:47.519 --> 00:06:50.240 about foster care as a kid, I think it was like, 00:06:50.300 --> 00:06:52.420 mom, why do orphanages not exist anymore? It's 00:06:52.420 --> 00:06:55.079 like, well, foster care exists. So like from 00:06:55.079 --> 00:06:56.920 a young age, my perspective was always like, 00:06:56.980 --> 00:06:58.920 well, foster care leads to adoption, obviously. 00:06:59.000 --> 00:07:01.699 Right. So it's really funny to have you from 00:07:01.699 --> 00:07:03.259 this very different perspective. We're like, 00:07:03.339 --> 00:07:05.319 no, foster care doesn't lead to adoption. Yeah. 00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:07.740 Which is like, obviously it's in between. Totally. 00:07:08.500 --> 00:07:12.720 But just being raised in that environment. What 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:16.779 was that like? It was, I mean. hard but it was 00:07:16.779 --> 00:07:21.279 also I think it just it showed me like what a 00:07:21.279 --> 00:07:24.620 family on mission looks like and I just loved 00:07:24.620 --> 00:07:28.959 that I loved that your day -to -day can be actively 00:07:28.959 --> 00:07:32.120 serving Christ and yeah having kids in your home 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:35.160 is just a way to do that and so I just always 00:07:35.160 --> 00:07:39.399 knew I wanted to do it too so well was it really 00:07:39.399 --> 00:07:42.879 difficult with your parents fostering I guess 00:07:43.399 --> 00:07:45.939 Did you ever feel jealousy or felt like you were 00:07:45.939 --> 00:07:50.699 kind of left aside? There were times that were 00:07:50.699 --> 00:07:54.259 harder. I would say like when I was 15, I had 00:07:54.259 --> 00:07:56.680 a 17 -year -old foster brother. And that was 00:07:56.680 --> 00:07:58.980 the first time my parents had broken birth order. 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:01.699 So I was no longer the oldest. Oh, wow. And so 00:08:01.699 --> 00:08:05.040 that was like, that was just a wonky dynamic 00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:08.319 and, you know, having a teenage. boy in my house 00:08:08.319 --> 00:08:10.939 all of a sudden was just like, what is going 00:08:10.939 --> 00:08:14.699 on? But honestly, I didn't feel jealousy. Like 00:08:14.699 --> 00:08:17.360 my mom, I don't know if she just did a really 00:08:17.360 --> 00:08:21.420 good job. I don't know if like most of the time 00:08:21.420 --> 00:08:24.680 the age gap was like, you know, I was 10 and 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:28.279 we had a baby. Like I was just a little mom and 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:31.100 I loved that. So that's sweet. I know that's 00:08:31.100 --> 00:08:33.039 not everyone's story, but I really liked it. 00:08:33.100 --> 00:08:36.210 Yeah. That's great. I think that like. I mean, 00:08:36.230 --> 00:08:38.509 I think that shows that God called you to it 00:08:38.509 --> 00:08:41.909 from the beginning. Yeah. Like prepared your 00:08:41.909 --> 00:08:44.570 heart right from the beginning. Yeah. No, I agree. 00:08:44.629 --> 00:08:49.789 Totally. So Caleb is your husband. And how did 00:08:49.789 --> 00:08:53.629 he feel about you guys entering into foster care? 00:08:54.090 --> 00:08:58.450 And what did that look like? Yeah. So we, you 00:08:58.450 --> 00:09:00.470 know, have known each other since high school. 00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:04.919 When he started courting me in high school, he 00:09:04.919 --> 00:09:07.480 knew that was like, I'm doing foster care when 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:11.840 I grow up. So from 18, 17, that was implanted 00:09:11.840 --> 00:09:14.100 in his brain that if he's going to marry this 00:09:14.100 --> 00:09:18.740 girl, that's what's happening. And honestly, 00:09:18.940 --> 00:09:21.299 although it has been something that God put on 00:09:21.299 --> 00:09:25.980 my heart, he has been just as much a part of 00:09:25.980 --> 00:09:30.980 it being his mission too. He's so great. I also 00:09:30.980 --> 00:09:33.039 know a lot of people where it's like the dad's 00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:35.600 hesitant, but that wasn't my experience. He's 00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:39.000 been so great. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. That's 00:09:39.000 --> 00:09:41.740 really great. What was your guys' fostering experience 00:09:41.740 --> 00:09:44.899 like? So tell us more about like, okay, so you 00:09:44.899 --> 00:09:49.159 guys get certified. Yep. When was that and then 00:09:49.159 --> 00:09:51.039 what? How long had you been married when you 00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:54.159 got certified? We went to the orientation. We 00:09:54.159 --> 00:09:56.519 had been married for two years. Okay. And we 00:09:56.519 --> 00:10:01.980 were 24. I'm like, yeah, that's so dumb. I mean, 00:10:02.039 --> 00:10:04.259 God called us to it, but I look back and I'm 00:10:04.259 --> 00:10:09.299 like, oh my gosh. Yeah, we had a teeny tiny, 00:10:09.500 --> 00:10:12.860 like 1 ,000 square foot home. It had two bedrooms, 00:10:13.000 --> 00:10:15.159 one bathroom. The bathroom was so small, I couldn't 00:10:15.159 --> 00:10:16.820 even fit a bathtub. Like it was like just one 00:10:16.820 --> 00:10:20.500 little tiny standing shower. But we just felt 00:10:20.500 --> 00:10:22.139 like this is what we were supposed to do before 00:10:22.139 --> 00:10:24.580 biological kids. I'm not really sure why, but 00:10:24.580 --> 00:10:28.840 yeah, so we got certified. So our first call 00:10:28.840 --> 00:10:32.639 was for seven and nine -year -old sisters. We 00:10:32.639 --> 00:10:35.940 got the call at like 1030 at night. And we actually 00:10:35.940 --> 00:10:38.259 weren't certified yet. I was still missing a 00:10:38.259 --> 00:10:40.580 class. Caleb was still missing a background check 00:10:40.580 --> 00:10:43.759 from a state like Virginia when he was in college 00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:46.039 for a year there. Like we were not certified. 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:49.759 And they were like. you know like we we have 00:10:49.759 --> 00:10:52.059 these girls and I was like well I only we have 00:10:52.059 --> 00:10:54.559 like one twin bed and a crib like we don't have 00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:56.860 a place for them to sleep and they're like oh 00:10:56.860 --> 00:10:59.080 it's totally fine like we can certify your couch 00:10:59.080 --> 00:11:02.019 well I was like oh man these people must be really 00:11:02.019 --> 00:11:04.399 desperate to call two 24 year olds who've never 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:07.039 done this before and for a kid to sleep on a 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:11.000 couch like but I was like At the time, like, 00:11:11.039 --> 00:11:13.399 when you say yes, you're not saying yes necessarily 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:16.240 for the night. I was like, I can't do that long 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:19.379 term. Like, that just didn't feel right. So we 00:11:19.379 --> 00:11:22.379 said no. But not even 24 hours later, we got 00:11:22.379 --> 00:11:24.740 our first placement, which was a three -week 00:11:24.740 --> 00:11:29.100 -old baby boy. And honestly, like, now I look 00:11:29.100 --> 00:11:32.039 back and I'm like, I was so naive, even though 00:11:32.039 --> 00:11:33.960 my parents did it. But, like, I was so excited. 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:36.299 I was so excited to get that placement call. 00:11:36.990 --> 00:11:39.269 And to have a baby come to our house. And yeah, 00:11:39.309 --> 00:11:42.250 now being on the flip side of it, I'm like, I 00:11:42.250 --> 00:11:44.169 know what that mom was going through at that 00:11:44.169 --> 00:11:47.409 time and just like kills me. But yeah, so we 00:11:47.409 --> 00:11:51.090 had him for five months and he reunified with 00:11:51.090 --> 00:11:55.789 his mom and it was so excruciating. I cannot 00:11:55.789 --> 00:11:58.269 even imagine that. Yeah. That is the part of 00:11:58.269 --> 00:12:02.019 me that feels like I think everyone should. pray 00:12:02.019 --> 00:12:04.179 about fostering adopting everything like that 00:12:04.179 --> 00:12:07.279 but that is the part to me that makes it so difficult 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:10.399 to even see myself even trying to yeah foster 00:12:10.399 --> 00:12:13.480 yeah it was excruciating yeah and I had built 00:12:13.480 --> 00:12:15.580 a beautiful relationship with a mom like I was 00:12:15.580 --> 00:12:19.559 I was like so on her team and really believed 00:12:19.559 --> 00:12:22.399 in reunification but being first -time parents 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:25.659 like that was our baby we went from like first 00:12:25.659 --> 00:12:27.919 -time parents to being empty nesters and that 00:12:27.919 --> 00:12:30.919 was like so hard like we just had to close that 00:12:30.919 --> 00:12:33.519 nursery door my mom came one day and just cleaned 00:12:33.519 --> 00:12:35.299 everything out because I was like I can't even 00:12:35.299 --> 00:12:39.419 like look at my own tiny house like yeah it was 00:12:39.419 --> 00:12:43.639 so painful And, you know, that story continues 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:46.860 and still continuing and it gets, you know, it's 00:12:46.860 --> 00:12:49.600 just still more painful. But so, yeah, we had 00:12:49.600 --> 00:12:52.080 we had that experience. And then a month later, 00:12:52.240 --> 00:12:55.320 we asked for a break right away. Like I remember 00:12:55.320 --> 00:12:58.179 like as the baby was leaving, the caseworker 00:12:58.179 --> 00:13:01.799 gave me a hug and she was like. I'll put you 00:13:01.799 --> 00:13:03.799 on pause. And I was like, thank you. Cause I 00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:06.340 was like, I don't want to say it, but yes, yes. 00:13:06.360 --> 00:13:07.879 Cause they had already asked us to take a two 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:11.500 year old and she saw how hurt I was. And so she 00:13:11.500 --> 00:13:12.860 was like, okay, you guys take a break. So we 00:13:12.860 --> 00:13:15.799 took a break. And then the week that we said, 00:13:15.879 --> 00:13:19.940 okay, we're ready. We got the call for a 10 month 00:13:19.940 --> 00:13:25.919 old baby boy. And he was a rough situation with, 00:13:26.019 --> 00:13:29.120 he was coming with a broken arm from a foster 00:13:29.120 --> 00:13:31.909 family. So he's been removed from a foster family 00:13:31.909 --> 00:13:36.809 to be with us. So it was a bad situation. Does 00:13:36.809 --> 00:13:39.309 that just like make you so mad as a foster parent? 00:13:39.529 --> 00:13:42.750 Like there's almost a level of like, not that 00:13:42.750 --> 00:13:44.289 I get it with the bio parents, but it's like, 00:13:44.370 --> 00:13:47.409 oh, like that's the situation, right? Is that 00:13:47.409 --> 00:13:49.830 bio parents are maybe in a bad place for whatever 00:13:49.830 --> 00:13:52.809 reason. They can't competently parent their kiddo. 00:13:52.809 --> 00:13:54.730 Right. But then it's like, you're a foster parent. 00:13:54.789 --> 00:13:58.669 You signed up for this. Yes. Oh, it was so hard 00:13:58.669 --> 00:14:02.080 for my. brain to like understand like yeah it 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:04.879 was yeah and then it made it really hard to build 00:14:04.879 --> 00:14:06.720 a relationship with the parents because they 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:11.559 were like What did you do? Like, you know, like 00:14:11.559 --> 00:14:14.200 foster parents cannot be trusted. I got my kid 00:14:14.200 --> 00:14:16.620 taken away and then someone broke his arm. Which 00:14:16.620 --> 00:14:19.480 I would feel the same way. Oh, rightfully so. 00:14:19.580 --> 00:14:22.200 So I remember the first time I met mom, I just 00:14:22.200 --> 00:14:25.740 was like, I was like, let me be so clear. I'm 00:14:25.740 --> 00:14:29.179 so sorry that happened to you. And it was just, 00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:31.720 it was tough. So it took a while to actually 00:14:31.720 --> 00:14:33.320 meet her because she was very angry for a while. 00:14:33.740 --> 00:14:37.379 But then she was in that meeting. She, I remember 00:14:37.379 --> 00:14:39.500 she looked across at me and she was like, I can 00:14:39.500 --> 00:14:42.259 tell how much you love my son. And I'd only had 00:14:42.259 --> 00:14:44.200 him for like a couple of weeks at this point. 00:14:44.299 --> 00:14:48.240 And I was like, oh, you know, like it kind of 00:14:48.240 --> 00:14:50.059 caught me off guard because I did love him. But 00:14:50.059 --> 00:14:52.600 I was still like very hurt by my last placement 00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:55.820 leaving. Like I had my guard up majorly. But 00:14:55.820 --> 00:14:57.799 it just shows like the tenderness of these parents. 00:14:57.820 --> 00:15:01.139 Like they, the fact that she had capacity to 00:15:01.139 --> 00:15:03.820 look at me and know that like I loved her child, 00:15:03.940 --> 00:15:08.139 like her baby. It just like it just speaks volumes 00:15:08.139 --> 00:15:11.700 of like her love for him. Right. So anyways. 00:15:11.860 --> 00:15:14.179 And it shows that like I think it's really easy 00:15:14.179 --> 00:15:18.559 to as an outsider be like, oh, they're bad parents. 00:15:18.580 --> 00:15:20.659 And I'm sure like there are legitimately bad 00:15:20.659 --> 00:15:23.440 parents out there. We know that is for sure. 00:15:23.659 --> 00:15:27.000 But like, oh, yeah. No, a lot of these are just 00:15:27.000 --> 00:15:29.279 their parents who love their kid. Yeah. Yeah. 00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:32.379 And there's complications with that. Sure. But. 00:15:32.750 --> 00:15:34.649 their parents that love their kid. I think it 00:15:34.649 --> 00:15:37.370 can be really hard to not just like villainize 00:15:37.370 --> 00:15:39.370 them, right? Of like, well, your kid's in foster 00:15:39.370 --> 00:15:41.330 care. So what did you do? It's like, totally. 00:15:41.789 --> 00:15:44.470 They love their kid. Yeah. There's brokenness 00:15:44.470 --> 00:15:46.830 there for sure. Totally. That needs to be addressed. 00:15:46.909 --> 00:15:49.629 But yeah. And yeah. And get to know her story. 00:15:49.649 --> 00:15:52.230 And she was in foster care growing up. Wow. You 00:15:52.230 --> 00:15:54.730 know, like she doesn't know how to take care 00:15:54.730 --> 00:15:57.669 of a baby. Like she aged out of foster care. 00:15:57.710 --> 00:16:01.740 She never had a family, you know? And so. Yeah. 00:16:01.759 --> 00:16:04.240 So then seven months later, it's March, 2020, 00:16:04.379 --> 00:16:08.720 the pandemic hits and we, the foster parents 00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:11.000 all get like a mass email and they're like, we 00:16:11.000 --> 00:16:14.220 need to know who feels comfortable having kids 00:16:14.220 --> 00:16:16.759 come in during this time. Yeah. Cause they have, 00:16:16.820 --> 00:16:19.809 you know, there's all sorts of. Things are going 00:16:19.809 --> 00:16:22.730 to still happen. Totally. Totally. But there 00:16:22.730 --> 00:16:24.690 are a lot of foster families who are like, I'm 00:16:24.690 --> 00:16:27.190 not comfortable with that. And so we had just 00:16:27.190 --> 00:16:28.950 emailed and we're like, if you need us, let us 00:16:28.950 --> 00:16:31.149 know. And it was nine days later that we got 00:16:31.149 --> 00:16:35.830 a call for our second kiddo. He was nine days 00:16:35.830 --> 00:16:37.809 old, I believe, or something like that. How old 00:16:37.809 --> 00:16:40.669 was first? Do you want to use yours or no? Oh, 00:16:40.669 --> 00:16:44.320 sure. So Roman is our oldest. At this point, 00:16:44.340 --> 00:16:48.419 he was 16 months old. Okay. Wow. Yeah. And then 00:16:48.419 --> 00:16:52.279 Justice was born. So we got the call for Justice, 00:16:52.379 --> 00:16:56.159 and he was still in the hospital, but we're like, 00:16:56.299 --> 00:17:00.299 yeah, sure, we'll take him, you know. And so 00:17:00.299 --> 00:17:03.700 we're now in the thick of doing 202 with foster 00:17:03.700 --> 00:17:07.220 care. We're doing seven visits a week. Oh, my 00:17:07.220 --> 00:17:10.019 gosh. We're doing PT, we're doing OT, and we're 00:17:10.019 --> 00:17:13.740 both working full -time. Wow. I mean, I don't 00:17:13.740 --> 00:17:16.619 even see how that's possible. We both had two 00:17:16.619 --> 00:17:21.740 under two. Without any of that. Yes. And because 00:17:21.740 --> 00:17:24.099 of the pandemic, all of our visits were virtual. 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:28.920 So we're literally have like FaceTiming parents 00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:32.279 with caseworkers on it for an hour at a time. 00:17:32.819 --> 00:17:36.819 Just feeding a baby a bottle. It was. Or trying 00:17:36.819 --> 00:17:39.660 to get the toddler in the camera while the mom's 00:17:39.660 --> 00:17:42.660 trying to read a book. It was absolutely insane. 00:17:43.779 --> 00:17:46.019 Absolutely insane. I FaceTime my sister once 00:17:46.019 --> 00:17:48.539 a week with Lloyd, and it's like 10 minutes, 00:17:48.579 --> 00:17:52.160 and he's like, I'm done. I'm done. Because you're 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:54.839 two. Yes, and legally by the courts, they're 00:17:54.839 --> 00:17:58.240 like, we have to make this last at least 45 minutes, 00:17:58.279 --> 00:18:00.779 or we're not legally doing what we're supposed 00:18:00.779 --> 00:18:02.740 to be doing for them to see them. Oh, my gosh. 00:18:03.099 --> 00:18:06.960 I mean. the outbursts from our kids the awkwardness 00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:09.279 with the bio parents like yeah it was so I mean 00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:11.740 we had parents like telling us how like we're 00:18:11.740 --> 00:18:16.259 not parenting right like it was so horrible yeah 00:18:16.259 --> 00:18:19.579 it was so horrible but also there were good sides 00:18:19.579 --> 00:18:22.140 too where like we did get to like build relationship 00:18:22.140 --> 00:18:24.000 with the parents a little bit more like they 00:18:24.000 --> 00:18:27.700 built trust with us while also the brokenness 00:18:27.700 --> 00:18:34.400 of the situation so when And Justice, the middle, 00:18:34.519 --> 00:18:38.240 was 14 months old. Dad relinquished his rights. 00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:41.740 And we got the call from the caseworker. And 00:18:41.740 --> 00:18:43.839 she said, I want to read to you what dad said. 00:18:44.779 --> 00:18:47.000 You know, he wrote down how much he wants you 00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:48.900 to adopt him, blah, blah, blah. And it was so 00:18:48.900 --> 00:18:50.900 sweet. And then she was like, but that's actually 00:18:50.900 --> 00:18:52.700 not why I'm calling. Like his mom had another 00:18:52.700 --> 00:18:58.000 baby. And so at this point, we had a two -year 00:18:58.000 --> 00:19:02.319 -old and a 14 -month -old. and a newborn and 00:19:02.319 --> 00:19:05.500 so we're at three under three all foster care 00:19:05.500 --> 00:19:08.380 and now this new baby like his case is a completely 00:19:08.380 --> 00:19:11.160 new case like this does not mean like he's going 00:19:11.160 --> 00:19:13.480 to be adopted or like we have to do the whole 00:19:13.480 --> 00:19:16.279 thing again yeah because at that point you were 00:19:16.279 --> 00:19:19.500 in process to potentially adopt roman injustice 00:19:19.500 --> 00:19:22.079 right yep yep and there were separate cases too 00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:26.200 but termination for both of them happened around 00:19:26.200 --> 00:19:29.180 the same time. Okay. So we thought we were in 00:19:29.180 --> 00:19:31.259 the, like, we're getting almost, like, done with 00:19:31.259 --> 00:19:36.720 this whole thing. And then we got MJ. So then 00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:38.599 we were doing three under three, still working 00:19:38.599 --> 00:19:41.140 full time. Like, it was just absolutely crazy. 00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:45.059 But I see God's hand in all of it. Yeah. And 00:19:45.059 --> 00:19:47.160 then we move on to biological kids because eight 00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:49.480 months later I got pregnant. Not on purpose. 00:19:52.569 --> 00:19:55.690 Wow. So MJ was eight months when you got pregnant? 00:19:55.890 --> 00:20:00.269 Yes. And was it like, when you guys found out 00:20:00.269 --> 00:20:04.190 you were pregnant, was it like a, oh my God, 00:20:04.210 --> 00:20:07.849 what the heck are we doing here? Or like, we 00:20:07.849 --> 00:20:11.970 are so excited, but no. No. I was, I was, yeah, 00:20:12.069 --> 00:20:15.109 I got off birth control because I was like. I 00:20:15.109 --> 00:20:17.730 want to get pregnant. No, this is February. I 00:20:17.730 --> 00:20:19.309 want to get pregnant in the fall. You're like, 00:20:19.309 --> 00:20:20.109 there's no way we're going to get pregnant right 00:20:20.109 --> 00:20:21.869 away. And I've heard you're supposed to get off 00:20:21.869 --> 00:20:24.450 of it for a while to let your body adjust, blah, 00:20:24.490 --> 00:20:28.430 blah, blah. There was one time in that first 00:20:28.430 --> 00:20:36.789 cycle. Pregnant. Okay, God. Yes. So grateful, 00:20:36.910 --> 00:20:41.250 like, that. It was easy. It was also just not 00:20:41.250 --> 00:20:43.289 the plan. And it was also overwhelming because 00:20:43.289 --> 00:20:45.329 I had a three -year -old and not even two -year 00:20:45.329 --> 00:20:47.650 -old and an eight -month -old. And it's funny 00:20:47.650 --> 00:20:51.890 because your middle two, like, without context, 00:20:51.930 --> 00:20:54.069 they look like they could be your kids. Oh, yeah. 00:20:54.650 --> 00:20:57.990 They're white compared to our brown child, yes. 00:20:58.849 --> 00:21:02.950 But even, like, they have, like, similar complexions 00:21:02.950 --> 00:21:05.109 and, like, they don't look drastically different. 00:21:05.130 --> 00:21:07.690 You know, it's not like, oh, they're... southern 00:21:07.690 --> 00:21:09.650 european and you're a northern european you know 00:21:09.650 --> 00:21:11.250 it's not even like like you look realistically 00:21:11.250 --> 00:21:13.750 like they could be biological totally so when 00:21:13.750 --> 00:21:15.190 you just like walk down the street with your 00:21:15.190 --> 00:21:19.170 gaggle of oh now you get a lot under six years 00:21:19.170 --> 00:21:23.630 old a lot of you got your hands full like that's 00:21:23.630 --> 00:21:26.670 a good one i haven't heard that one before right 00:21:26.670 --> 00:21:30.509 wow yes but yes and so when i found i was pregnant 00:21:30.509 --> 00:21:32.609 that week we were adopting justice our middle 00:21:32.609 --> 00:21:36.410 and that was our first adoption So it was quite 00:21:36.410 --> 00:21:39.049 the week that I was pregnant and had our first 00:21:39.049 --> 00:21:42.529 adoption. A lot of things in just a few days. 00:21:42.789 --> 00:21:46.089 Yes. Yep. Yeah. And then we've had a few other 00:21:46.089 --> 00:21:50.390 placements in there. We had like a 12 -year -old 00:21:50.390 --> 00:21:53.269 for literally a day. And that was the plan. Like 00:21:53.269 --> 00:21:56.630 he was like in between. Now this is when we had 00:21:56.630 --> 00:22:01.450 all four boys. So we had all four boys and this 00:22:01.450 --> 00:22:04.940 like young. kiddo but yeah the plan was that 00:22:04.940 --> 00:22:07.599 he just needed somewhere to go in between placements 00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:13.880 and that was so hard because i was just like 00:22:13.880 --> 00:22:15.980 i just wanted him to feel so comfortable so i 00:22:15.980 --> 00:22:18.019 like let him watch tv all day and i bought him 00:22:18.019 --> 00:22:21.279 all these snacks and taco bell and then the dream 00:22:21.279 --> 00:22:24.019 for well that's why i was like it's just a day 00:22:24.019 --> 00:22:27.720 and so but then afterwards his caseworker texted 00:22:27.720 --> 00:22:30.460 me and she was like he asked if he could like 00:22:30.890 --> 00:22:33.269 live with you guys like oh because he thought 00:22:33.269 --> 00:22:36.950 that was oh yeah oh yeah all the time like buddy 00:22:36.950 --> 00:22:41.589 even if you did it would not be like that yes 00:22:41.589 --> 00:22:44.950 yes and like as he was leaving he was like i'd 00:22:44.950 --> 00:22:47.509 really like to like stay like oh my gosh telling 00:22:47.509 --> 00:22:49.670 a kid that like you can't stay in our house was 00:22:49.670 --> 00:22:52.210 heartbreaking horrible especially at that age 00:22:52.210 --> 00:22:54.109 he'd been in foster care his whole life like 00:22:54.109 --> 00:23:02.200 yeah we also had five under Four. Yes, five under 00:23:02.200 --> 00:23:04.059 four because we had a two -year -old come stay 00:23:04.059 --> 00:23:08.920 with us for four nights. It was one of those 00:23:08.920 --> 00:23:11.079 things where he was just in a county building 00:23:11.079 --> 00:23:14.779 and no one could take him. And our caseworker 00:23:14.779 --> 00:23:16.839 was just like, I know you guys will just say 00:23:16.839 --> 00:23:20.329 yes. So I was like, yep, you told me the right 00:23:20.329 --> 00:23:23.250 thing. I'm sure he can come stay with us. I can't 00:23:23.250 --> 00:23:24.990 let a kid sleep in a county building. Yes, a 00:23:24.990 --> 00:23:26.950 two -year -old. A two -year -old. Come on. Absolutely 00:23:26.950 --> 00:23:29.490 not. Absolutely not. And the craziest, he stayed 00:23:29.490 --> 00:23:33.150 with us. He's the cutest thing. It was so horrible 00:23:33.150 --> 00:23:36.789 when he left. Like, even after five days, I was 00:23:36.789 --> 00:23:39.349 like, oh, my gosh. Like, he was the most beautiful, 00:23:39.450 --> 00:23:43.089 sweet thing ever. My kids were like, why is he 00:23:43.089 --> 00:23:46.269 leaving? Like, my oldest was really affected 00:23:46.269 --> 00:23:49.660 by it. Because then for your kids, for the most 00:23:49.660 --> 00:23:51.819 part, it was like kids just kept getting added. 00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:56.299 They never really went away. Yes. And so it was 00:23:56.299 --> 00:23:58.480 like really hard to explain things. And I was, 00:23:58.640 --> 00:24:01.380 you know, so this was like the part of foster 00:24:01.380 --> 00:24:03.420 care was like, okay, now like we have forever 00:24:03.420 --> 00:24:06.500 kids, which was the first time it felt like, 00:24:06.500 --> 00:24:07.859 okay, we have forever kids. Now we're trying 00:24:07.859 --> 00:24:10.759 to explain foster care to them. Even though they 00:24:10.759 --> 00:24:13.920 experienced it, like it's different. And after 00:24:13.920 --> 00:24:16.380 that, we were like, I don't think. we can keep 00:24:16.380 --> 00:24:19.460 doing this. Like it really affected our kids 00:24:19.460 --> 00:24:22.259 in a really hard way. Yeah. Then it's also very 00:24:22.259 --> 00:24:25.279 different for like you growing up with a stable 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:27.559 family dynamic. Yeah. Your parents were like, 00:24:27.619 --> 00:24:29.779 hey, we're going to bring in these kids who need 00:24:29.779 --> 00:24:31.799 a place to stay. They may stay for a long time. 00:24:31.839 --> 00:24:34.019 They may stay forever. They may not. Totally. 00:24:34.039 --> 00:24:36.200 But now. But I'm secure in knowing. Yeah, but 00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:38.019 you're secure because you've always had mom and 00:24:38.019 --> 00:24:39.759 dad there for you where you have these little 00:24:39.759 --> 00:24:43.420 kids who from day one pretty much. Yeah. It's 00:24:43.420 --> 00:24:45.660 just everything's been up in the air. Totally. 00:24:45.660 --> 00:24:49.420 So to have that, like, different, like, why are 00:24:49.420 --> 00:24:52.819 they leaving? Yes. And it's that young of an 00:24:52.819 --> 00:24:55.559 age, too, is really tough. Yeah, yeah. And we 00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:57.559 had talked to a therapist about it because we 00:24:57.559 --> 00:25:00.779 were like, and this is the craziest thing. Caleb 00:25:00.779 --> 00:25:04.880 and I were recommended to go to a couples therapist 00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:06.779 by my therapist. I was looking for a couples 00:25:06.779 --> 00:25:08.480 therapist. She was like, this is, like, the girl 00:25:08.480 --> 00:25:11.119 you should go to. So we go to this lady. In our 00:25:11.119 --> 00:25:13.910 first appointment, she goes. I think I know your 00:25:13.910 --> 00:25:18.750 son's mom. She was the group home director for 00:25:18.750 --> 00:25:21.529 our oldest mom when she was in a group home in 00:25:21.529 --> 00:25:27.130 foster care. Whoa. I was like, what? And she 00:25:27.130 --> 00:25:29.690 was like, I have pictures of her as a young girl. 00:25:29.809 --> 00:25:31.670 It was the craziest thing. So anyway, she was 00:25:31.670 --> 00:25:35.230 like the totally God -ordained person to help 00:25:35.230 --> 00:25:39.160 us decide. like attachment stuff with our kids 00:25:39.160 --> 00:25:41.859 like she just got that world yeah but anyways 00:25:41.859 --> 00:25:43.819 she was like I think your job right now is to 00:25:43.819 --> 00:25:47.460 like make your kids feel secure like as much 00:25:47.460 --> 00:25:49.720 as you want to take which we didn't it wasn't 00:25:49.720 --> 00:25:53.059 like we wanted to keep doing it but there was 00:25:53.059 --> 00:25:57.180 also like this siblings were being born and it 00:25:57.180 --> 00:26:00.119 was like yeah just too hard yeah I can't even 00:26:00.119 --> 00:26:03.720 imagine that side of like deciding hey we we 00:26:03.720 --> 00:26:07.269 can't take the sibling which just happened like 00:26:07.269 --> 00:26:11.230 two weeks ago we got a call wow yeah so my youngest 00:26:11.230 --> 00:26:15.269 danny who's four months old she there's an eight 00:26:15.269 --> 00:26:17.609 weeks younger than her sibling of one of our 00:26:17.609 --> 00:26:21.849 kiddos gosh so you didn't want to uh little twins 00:26:21.849 --> 00:26:25.109 little twins no do you feel like that was like 00:26:25.109 --> 00:26:28.309 a should we or like we did we didn't have the 00:26:28.309 --> 00:26:31.079 should we like For sure, because it was like 00:26:31.079 --> 00:26:33.519 it's worth the conversation. Especially with 00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:35.420 siblings, right? Yes. Because it's very different 00:26:35.420 --> 00:26:38.380 to say no to a different family. Totally. But 00:26:38.380 --> 00:26:41.200 it's like this is their brother. Yeah. Yeah. 00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:45.759 So, yeah, we had that conversation, and it ultimately 00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:50.259 was like we would be a disservice to all of our 00:26:50.259 --> 00:26:54.190 children, including that baby. And it's just 00:26:54.190 --> 00:26:56.309 praying that whoever that baby ends up with, 00:26:56.369 --> 00:26:58.509 you can like maybe build a relationship with. 00:26:58.569 --> 00:27:00.630 And we've seen them twice. That's awesome. Yes. 00:27:00.630 --> 00:27:03.289 Since then, which again, like this recently happened, 00:27:03.349 --> 00:27:05.430 but we've all like gone together. They also already 00:27:05.430 --> 00:27:08.390 have an older sibling in another adoptive home. 00:27:08.430 --> 00:27:10.990 So we already were doing the adoptive family 00:27:10.990 --> 00:27:14.029 get together. So now we have another family thrown 00:27:14.029 --> 00:27:17.650 in there. Yeah. Wow. Would you consider fostering 00:27:17.650 --> 00:27:20.740 in the future? Maybe if your kids are older and 00:27:20.740 --> 00:27:22.779 more stable, like I know obviously that's kind 00:27:22.779 --> 00:27:24.359 of a loaded question because it depends on a 00:27:24.359 --> 00:27:26.200 lot of things. But like if you got to the point 00:27:26.200 --> 00:27:28.420 where it's like kids all feel stable and like 00:27:28.420 --> 00:27:30.460 it wouldn't ruin their lives to do it, would 00:27:30.460 --> 00:27:33.799 you consider fostering again? I think we would 00:27:33.799 --> 00:27:38.599 consider there's a sibling of our oldest who's 00:27:38.599 --> 00:27:42.039 two and he still lives with his parents. And 00:27:42.039 --> 00:27:47.140 I pray that they can do it. Like, you know, like 00:27:47.140 --> 00:27:49.599 that is my prayer. But I think I'm like there's 00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:52.279 always going to be a spot for him because, you 00:27:52.279 --> 00:27:55.059 know, our oldest, he's the brown kid. He doesn't 00:27:55.059 --> 00:27:57.279 have a sibling in our family. Everyone else has 00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:01.400 a biological sibling in our family. And so I 00:28:01.400 --> 00:28:05.880 think we have a spot saved for that being an 00:28:05.880 --> 00:28:09.500 option. Again, it's not my prayers that that 00:28:09.500 --> 00:28:12.160 doesn't need to happen and that they can have 00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:15.119 a relationship at some point, you know. Right. 00:28:16.779 --> 00:28:20.299 I think that's our priority is our little family 00:28:20.299 --> 00:28:24.279 and that kiddo. That makes sense. Yeah. Do you 00:28:24.279 --> 00:28:27.640 have relationships with any of the bio families 00:28:27.640 --> 00:28:31.640 of your adopted kiddos? No, for two of our boys, 00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:34.619 and not because we didn't want to. We gave them 00:28:34.619 --> 00:28:39.460 our phone number. At the goodbye visit, I had 00:28:39.460 --> 00:28:42.359 said we would love to stay in a relationship 00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:44.559 with you. This is the dad. The mom was never 00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:48.609 involved. And we just never heard from him, but 00:28:48.609 --> 00:28:51.150 he was, I mean, he gave us a hug and he was like, 00:28:51.170 --> 00:28:53.410 there's no one better to parent him than you 00:28:53.410 --> 00:28:56.470 guys. And so I have a really great relationship 00:28:56.470 --> 00:28:58.410 with him, but then I think it was too painful 00:28:58.410 --> 00:29:03.890 for him to like stay involved. But I know his 00:29:03.890 --> 00:29:06.930 niece, we got to know his niece who she was also 00:29:06.930 --> 00:29:09.430 in foster care, but she's amazing. She's currently 00:29:09.430 --> 00:29:14.490 like in law school. And so she's, you know. involved 00:29:14.490 --> 00:29:17.750 and that's nice and then my other two are my 00:29:17.750 --> 00:29:22.230 oldest I have like a fake Facebook account and 00:29:22.230 --> 00:29:26.490 so we message through there um and so I get pictures 00:29:26.490 --> 00:29:29.690 of the little son that they have and you know 00:29:29.690 --> 00:29:33.690 I send pictures of our oldest to them and give 00:29:33.690 --> 00:29:36.170 updates of like kindergarten graduation and birthdays 00:29:36.170 --> 00:29:39.519 and stuff like that and They're scary looking, 00:29:39.660 --> 00:29:43.420 but they're very nice people. Yeah. You would 00:29:43.420 --> 00:29:46.059 be scared, but they're, and their rap sheet makes 00:29:46.059 --> 00:29:48.039 it sound like, you know, they're a certain type 00:29:48.039 --> 00:29:50.079 of person, but they're nothing. They've been 00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:54.440 only kind. Yeah. Yeah. And affirming of my role 00:29:54.440 --> 00:29:57.619 as his mom, like, which is, again, wild. So, 00:29:57.619 --> 00:30:02.140 yeah. And that would be really hard to do. I 00:30:02.140 --> 00:30:05.880 don't know. For sure. So what was it like, okay, 00:30:05.920 --> 00:30:08.740 so you have these kids that you're like. they're 00:30:08.740 --> 00:30:12.099 not really mine but like they're in my home and 00:30:12.099 --> 00:30:14.339 then you have this legal change like documents 00:30:14.339 --> 00:30:17.019 are stamped and now they are your kids like what 00:30:17.019 --> 00:30:21.619 was that transition like it was it was such a 00:30:21.619 --> 00:30:25.359 god thing because it was all like justice being 00:30:25.359 --> 00:30:27.859 adopted again i found i was pregnant for that 00:30:27.859 --> 00:30:32.119 week um when roman got adopted i was three weeks 00:30:32.119 --> 00:30:35.200 postpartum whoa and then six months later we 00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:40.809 adopted mj so it all happened like my like I 00:30:40.809 --> 00:30:43.869 have legal flowers which my last name children 00:30:43.869 --> 00:30:47.630 was all within like a year and a half and it 00:30:47.630 --> 00:30:48.990 was just like boom boom boom like they're all 00:30:48.990 --> 00:30:52.309 mine so I like really stepped into my motherhood 00:30:52.309 --> 00:30:55.910 in a completely different way being told how 00:30:55.910 --> 00:31:00.029 to parent and going against your intuition as 00:31:00.029 --> 00:31:04.930 a mom was my experience for so long it was like 00:31:04.930 --> 00:31:08.769 you don't get to decide on You don't get to decide 00:31:08.769 --> 00:31:12.369 on what daycare they go to. You don't even get 00:31:12.369 --> 00:31:15.150 to decide if they get to go to daycare. You have 00:31:15.150 --> 00:31:18.750 to drop them off at jail to do visits. You're 00:31:18.750 --> 00:31:21.069 doing things that are just like, I don't get 00:31:21.069 --> 00:31:24.809 to choose. And sometimes what I'm having to do 00:31:24.809 --> 00:31:28.670 goes against every instinct in my body. I mean, 00:31:28.690 --> 00:31:32.690 I remember being told by a visit worker, this 00:31:32.690 --> 00:31:35.470 is traumatic for him. But we have to document 00:31:35.470 --> 00:31:38.150 that it's traumatic for him for court. Wow. So 00:31:38.150 --> 00:31:39.950 we're doing it to prove that it's traumatic. 00:31:40.170 --> 00:31:42.289 And you're just dropping off your child to that, 00:31:42.329 --> 00:31:43.650 you know? You didn't go throw up in the parking 00:31:43.650 --> 00:31:46.369 lot after you said that. Right? Like, it was 00:31:46.369 --> 00:31:52.009 so – so, again, going – when it became, like, 00:31:52.009 --> 00:31:54.589 legal, like, I – like, God just gave me this, 00:31:54.710 --> 00:31:58.289 like – I just really got to embrace being a real 00:31:58.289 --> 00:32:00.829 mom. And although I was in some ways, I just 00:32:00.829 --> 00:32:04.089 wasn't in other ways. And so – Yeah, we were 00:32:04.089 --> 00:32:08.269 just talking to someone recently who they have 00:32:08.269 --> 00:32:11.109 foster kids, and their son has long hair, and 00:32:11.109 --> 00:32:12.730 he's like, we don't have permission to get it 00:32:12.730 --> 00:32:16.349 cut. Yeah. Which is crazy. I mean, I guess it 00:32:16.349 --> 00:32:19.309 kind of makes sense, but also it's insane. I 00:32:19.309 --> 00:32:22.509 get both sides of it. So then all of a sudden, 00:32:22.569 --> 00:32:24.549 like, oh, you can just get your kid's hair cut. 00:32:24.809 --> 00:32:28.890 Yeah. You don't have to. Was there, like, a weird, 00:32:28.950 --> 00:32:31.380 like. I don't even know how to put it. Feeling 00:32:31.380 --> 00:32:33.079 like you couldn't do those things, even though, 00:32:33.099 --> 00:32:35.559 like, you know, like, hey, I'm not getting in 00:32:35.559 --> 00:32:39.180 trouble for taking him to the barber. Yeah. But, 00:32:39.279 --> 00:32:41.619 like, it feels like you're going to. Right. No, 00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:44.240 I think the first big thing was you had to document 00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:46.519 every time they got hurt, which as toddlers, 00:32:46.599 --> 00:32:48.759 like. It's constant. That's all the time. Yeah. 00:32:48.900 --> 00:32:53.220 So every scratch, every bump on the head, like, 00:32:53.319 --> 00:32:56.900 and oftentimes we'd have to go. to a doctor wow 00:32:56.900 --> 00:32:59.140 to get it like checked off when I know they're 00:32:59.140 --> 00:33:01.779 all the time for me Lloyd gets hurt all the time 00:33:01.779 --> 00:33:04.559 and half the time I'm like what did you do I 00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:07.599 was watching you how did you get hurt yes yes 00:33:07.599 --> 00:33:09.779 I mean we've been under investigation for child 00:33:09.779 --> 00:33:14.039 abuse because yeah it's so so there's that story 00:33:14.039 --> 00:33:16.799 fun times uh -huh uh -huh so I think I think 00:33:16.799 --> 00:33:20.680 there was like this like big sigh of relief yeah 00:33:21.609 --> 00:33:23.849 And still, Caleb and I still will be like, thank 00:33:23.849 --> 00:33:26.509 God they're not in foster care. They just got 00:33:26.509 --> 00:33:28.789 this. I mean, it still is, like, my instinct 00:33:28.789 --> 00:33:31.430 of, like, they just got hurt. Oh, my gosh, I 00:33:31.430 --> 00:33:34.170 don't have to. Yes, yes, I don't have to take 00:33:34.170 --> 00:33:36.349 them to the hospital. I don't have to tell anybody. 00:33:36.430 --> 00:33:41.380 Like, it's just so scraped me. I already feel 00:33:41.380 --> 00:33:42.880 like a bad mom because he fell off the playground 00:33:42.880 --> 00:33:45.440 today. And now I'm going to have someone tell 00:33:45.440 --> 00:33:48.859 me that too. Yes. And have to explain it to the 00:33:48.859 --> 00:33:51.420 parents, which I get. That would be hard. Again, 00:33:51.779 --> 00:33:53.880 if someone else had my kid, I would want all 00:33:53.880 --> 00:33:55.700 that explanation. But then when you're the one 00:33:55.700 --> 00:33:57.319 doing it, it makes it really, really difficult. 00:33:57.559 --> 00:34:00.900 Totally. Yeah. So then what was it like bringing 00:34:00.900 --> 00:34:05.960 bio kids into a family of foster and adopted 00:34:05.960 --> 00:34:09.889 kids? You know, it was just the... I mean, I 00:34:09.889 --> 00:34:13.750 think that's even more relevant now. Like, my 00:34:13.750 --> 00:34:16.269 two, almost three -year -old still has no idea, 00:34:16.349 --> 00:34:18.550 like, that his brothers are adopted. Like, that 00:34:18.550 --> 00:34:22.630 doesn't make any sense to him. Yet we go visit, 00:34:22.789 --> 00:34:24.769 like, like I said, like, we just got together 00:34:24.769 --> 00:34:29.389 with the siblings of two of our kids. And he's 00:34:29.389 --> 00:34:34.150 just like, yeah. These are our friends. He's 00:34:34.150 --> 00:34:37.190 like, I'm just having a good time. Totally. Totally. 00:34:37.250 --> 00:34:39.530 So I think it's actually going to be more of, 00:34:39.550 --> 00:34:43.889 like, a thing as we go, like, explaining that 00:34:43.889 --> 00:34:47.090 and even, like, having the boys tell their own 00:34:47.090 --> 00:34:50.349 stories, how they want to to their siblings. 00:34:50.510 --> 00:34:51.849 Like, I think it's going to be something we're 00:34:51.849 --> 00:34:54.809 going to have to, like, learn as we go. It might 00:34:54.809 --> 00:34:58.150 be different for each child. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. 00:34:59.179 --> 00:35:00.940 Probably going to be tough, too, because most 00:35:00.940 --> 00:35:04.039 of them don't really, they won't have a lot of 00:35:04.039 --> 00:35:06.340 memory of foster care breaks. They're all so 00:35:06.340 --> 00:35:08.900 young still. Yeah. I'm sure there's some memories, 00:35:08.940 --> 00:35:10.719 especially with, like, that trauma and stuff. 00:35:10.900 --> 00:35:13.920 Yeah. But, like, you really don't start. creating 00:35:13.920 --> 00:35:16.300 memories so you're like three or four right that 00:35:16.300 --> 00:35:18.980 like stay with you for your life totally so then 00:35:18.980 --> 00:35:20.739 that's like kind of weird it's like well all 00:35:20.739 --> 00:35:22.900 my information from this come from mom and dad 00:35:22.900 --> 00:35:26.619 uh -huh and you know pile of papers that we have 00:35:26.619 --> 00:35:28.619 papers and you know maybe in the future there's 00:35:28.619 --> 00:35:30.579 like relationships with biological families and 00:35:30.579 --> 00:35:33.860 that changes it or whatever yeah but yeah so 00:35:33.860 --> 00:35:36.619 that is gonna be just a weird thing to navigate 00:35:36.619 --> 00:35:38.860 yeah it'll be a forever thing i think that what's 00:35:38.860 --> 00:35:43.039 like the thing about adopting is And especially, 00:35:43.119 --> 00:35:44.800 you know, like, there's this sire of belief that 00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:47.579 we don't have to, you know, ask permission to 00:35:47.579 --> 00:35:50.079 go to Estes, you know, just dumb stuff like that. 00:35:50.239 --> 00:35:53.000 Yeah. But then there's also this, like, we've 00:35:53.000 --> 00:35:57.340 signed up for this forever. Like, we are seeing 00:35:57.340 --> 00:35:59.599 biological family. We're pursuing that. We're 00:35:59.599 --> 00:36:02.300 doing therapy still. Like, there's still this, 00:36:02.420 --> 00:36:05.659 like, it's never over. We're still getting calls 00:36:05.659 --> 00:36:07.300 for siblings. Like, you know, like, I don't think 00:36:07.300 --> 00:36:11.820 we'll ever. feel completely removed from it which 00:36:11.820 --> 00:36:15.920 it's my honor but yeah yeah that's a huge i mean 00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:20.000 a huge like undertaking and probably do you feel 00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:23.679 like you realized it was that like this it's 00:36:23.679 --> 00:36:27.980 lifelong from the beginning i'd say no yeah i'd 00:36:27.980 --> 00:36:31.679 say no um i think it's just been way more complicated 00:36:31.679 --> 00:36:37.389 than i ever would have imagined i think man i 00:36:37.389 --> 00:36:39.750 i tell my mom this all the time because she like 00:36:39.750 --> 00:36:41.889 she's like did i do the right thing doing foster 00:36:41.889 --> 00:36:44.429 care with you guys you know like and i'm like 00:36:44.429 --> 00:36:49.010 mom i can't believe you did it like that being 00:36:49.010 --> 00:36:52.349 a foster mom so much harder than being a kid 00:36:52.349 --> 00:36:56.079 whose parents do foster care like I was so, I 00:36:56.079 --> 00:36:58.320 thought I knew because my parents did it. It 00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:00.559 is so much harder being a parent and holding 00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:02.739 the weight of the stories and trying to like 00:37:02.739 --> 00:37:04.860 make sure you're. As a sibling, you're not the 00:37:04.860 --> 00:37:06.599 one writing down when they get a scraped knee. 00:37:06.940 --> 00:37:10.300 Totally, totally. And so it's still, it's so 00:37:10.300 --> 00:37:15.260 hard. Yeah. So what has been just like your absolute 00:37:15.260 --> 00:37:17.539 favorite or the best part about being a foster 00:37:17.539 --> 00:37:21.659 mom? There's a lot. I think the story of my first 00:37:21.659 --> 00:37:26.610 kiddo holds a lot of brokenness. But also, you 00:37:26.610 --> 00:37:31.389 know, I got to baptize his mom. Wow. Yeah. Do 00:37:31.389 --> 00:37:35.590 you still have a relationship with them? Yes 00:37:35.590 --> 00:37:38.869 and no. She's hard to get a hold of. Gotcha. 00:37:39.289 --> 00:37:44.250 For certain reasons. And so I, and there's been 00:37:44.250 --> 00:37:47.170 times where I've tried to, like, we've talked 00:37:47.170 --> 00:37:49.909 and it's just been, it's just hard. Yeah. People 00:37:49.909 --> 00:37:53.420 with addiction, it's just hard. So. And you also 00:37:53.420 --> 00:37:56.380 have five kids. Yeah. And it is like, you know, 00:37:56.480 --> 00:38:00.599 he, you know, that kiddo is with a foster family 00:38:00.599 --> 00:38:02.840 is going to adopt him. Like that's their family 00:38:02.840 --> 00:38:05.179 now, but you know, that's, that's its own whole 00:38:05.179 --> 00:38:09.659 thing. And so I love that bio mom. Like I think 00:38:09.659 --> 00:38:14.300 that story of that first experience of loving 00:38:14.300 --> 00:38:18.639 him and letting him go and how much I fought 00:38:18.639 --> 00:38:22.800 for his family to stay together. was so impactful 00:38:22.800 --> 00:38:25.719 like probably one of the most impactful parts 00:38:25.719 --> 00:38:28.059 like obviously adopting my kiddos is you know 00:38:28.059 --> 00:38:31.519 so special but but that's like the happy ending 00:38:31.519 --> 00:38:35.000 impactful we're like yes this one did not yeah 00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.360 to not have the like hallmark movie ending yeah 00:38:39.360 --> 00:38:42.659 that is it yeah just has a different level of 00:38:42.659 --> 00:38:45.340 impact totally and it felt like it did like they 00:38:45.340 --> 00:38:48.000 got reunified it was like two months later that 00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:52.460 i baptized the mom like i was like Oh, I should 00:38:52.460 --> 00:38:57.099 write a book. I've done it. We've done it. Totally. 00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:00.460 Totally. I was like, we are the poster people 00:39:00.460 --> 00:39:03.699 for this beautiful reunification story. And then 00:39:03.699 --> 00:39:07.820 it has been almost seven years of chaos. Seven 00:39:07.820 --> 00:39:10.699 years. I remember when you guys first got in. 00:39:10.880 --> 00:39:13.760 Yes. It hasn't been that long. I know. It's wild. 00:39:13.920 --> 00:39:16.920 What the heck? Yeah. You talked about it a little 00:39:16.920 --> 00:39:18.920 bit, but what would you say is the hardest part 00:39:18.920 --> 00:39:21.739 about being specifically a foster mom? Specifically 00:39:21.739 --> 00:39:27.280 a foster mom. Holding the weight of both and, 00:39:27.440 --> 00:39:33.760 right? Like I love this child and I have to like 00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:38.119 root for the parents. I can root for the parents 00:39:38.119 --> 00:39:42.079 while also advocating for my child to be safe. 00:39:42.440 --> 00:39:46.050 Like it is just this constant like. the priority 00:39:46.050 --> 00:39:49.989 is safety, but I'm also trying to support these 00:39:49.989 --> 00:39:52.590 parents. Like ultimately I want you to like get 00:39:52.590 --> 00:39:55.730 it together so that you can be a family and your 00:39:55.730 --> 00:39:58.849 kid can be safe. But also sometimes I have to 00:39:58.849 --> 00:40:01.269 like fight against certain things. Yeah. But 00:40:01.269 --> 00:40:04.769 if that's continuously not happening, then kiddo 00:40:04.769 --> 00:40:07.289 safety is number one priority. Totally. So it's, 00:40:07.289 --> 00:40:09.610 it's just this constant and also just like the 00:40:09.610 --> 00:40:12.969 rollercoaster of like, you never know. You never 00:40:12.969 --> 00:40:17.429 know. Like, I mean, we, our oldest, the dad wasn't 00:40:17.429 --> 00:40:22.929 involved for a year and a half. And then he got 00:40:22.929 --> 00:40:25.449 out of jail and it was like, we're starting the 00:40:25.449 --> 00:40:31.190 case over. Wow. And I remember like every time 00:40:31.190 --> 00:40:32.969 we did like a icebreaker, which is where you 00:40:32.969 --> 00:40:35.730 meet the parents, I always was like, we are here 00:40:35.730 --> 00:40:38.030 for you. We're on your team. Like, you know, 00:40:38.050 --> 00:40:40.869 we, we hope you get your child back. Like that's, 00:40:40.869 --> 00:40:43.949 you know, what we're here for. But I remember 00:40:43.949 --> 00:40:47.010 meeting him, and I had had his son for a long 00:40:47.010 --> 00:40:49.329 time at this point, and I, like, couldn't say 00:40:49.329 --> 00:40:52.409 it. Like, I couldn't get myself to say it. And 00:40:52.409 --> 00:40:55.309 I was just so quiet. I killed afterwards because 00:40:55.309 --> 00:40:57.530 I'm usually the one to, like, you know, chat 00:40:57.530 --> 00:40:59.969 it up with the parents. He was like, you. So 00:40:59.969 --> 00:41:04.010 I was like, I couldn't do it. And not that he 00:41:04.010 --> 00:41:06.250 didn't deserve it, but I was just like, it was 00:41:06.250 --> 00:41:09.440 just. like heartbreaking yes yeah and there's 00:41:09.440 --> 00:41:11.460 getting past any preconceived notions you may 00:41:11.460 --> 00:41:13.179 have right like totally you hear someone's getting 00:41:13.179 --> 00:41:16.519 out of jail no matter like what the reason what 00:41:16.519 --> 00:41:18.760 the reason you know you know it's like they could 00:41:18.760 --> 00:41:20.840 have been wrongfully convicted you know whatever 00:41:20.840 --> 00:41:23.500 it is totally like you just like you hear those 00:41:23.500 --> 00:41:26.980 words and you have the story in your head yes 00:41:26.980 --> 00:41:28.960 you're like well you don't deserve you know even 00:41:28.960 --> 00:41:31.320 if you never say that out loud there's this level 00:41:31.320 --> 00:41:32.639 like well you were in jail so you don't deserve 00:41:32.639 --> 00:41:34.780 it i've had all the bad thoughts like of course 00:41:34.780 --> 00:41:37.969 i have like i'm you know It's, it's constant. 00:41:38.070 --> 00:41:41.130 Like, how do I keep myself in check of like, 00:41:41.269 --> 00:41:43.829 and, and who's the safe person that I can tell 00:41:43.829 --> 00:41:46.510 these like negative, you know, like thoughts 00:41:46.510 --> 00:41:49.349 that I should not ever say to the kids or whatever. 00:41:50.349 --> 00:41:53.090 So that way I can like, you know. Just process 00:41:53.090 --> 00:41:56.530 through it. Totally. Yeah. I'm human. I've thought 00:41:56.530 --> 00:41:59.269 the things. Yeah. Yeah. It would be, it's impossible 00:41:59.269 --> 00:42:03.110 not to. Yeah. Yeah. What would you tell someone 00:42:03.110 --> 00:42:07.309 who's considering fostering? Two things. Make 00:42:07.309 --> 00:42:09.349 sure you have a therapist now because you're 00:42:09.349 --> 00:42:12.449 going to want to have a therapist. And once you're 00:42:12.449 --> 00:42:14.809 in the thick of things, it's so hard to find 00:42:14.809 --> 00:42:17.610 somebody. Like you're already doing seven visits 00:42:17.610 --> 00:42:20.309 and they're going to therapy. And like you have 00:42:20.309 --> 00:42:23.050 court and it's too much to like find someone 00:42:23.050 --> 00:42:26.570 that you trust. So find someone now. And then 00:42:26.570 --> 00:42:28.449 two, make sure you have a good support system. 00:42:29.659 --> 00:42:32.659 I mean, churches have wrapped around us. Caleb 00:42:32.659 --> 00:42:35.920 and I both live by family. We've had people clean 00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:38.820 our house. We've had people bring us meals once 00:42:38.820 --> 00:42:42.559 a week. Like we've had, I mean, even like my 00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:45.099 first kiddo, like him going to another foster 00:42:45.099 --> 00:42:48.519 family, it was because someone in my group like 00:42:48.519 --> 00:42:50.960 stepped up for him, right? Like there's just 00:42:50.960 --> 00:42:54.800 been, it's just, it's so important to have people 00:42:54.800 --> 00:42:57.079 who are doing this with you. You cannot do it 00:42:57.079 --> 00:43:00.579 by yourself. Then going off that, what would 00:43:00.579 --> 00:43:03.579 you tell the support system of someone who is 00:43:03.579 --> 00:43:07.139 either considering or already in foster care? 00:43:07.659 --> 00:43:11.039 My gosh, please help them. Yeah. Please help 00:43:11.039 --> 00:43:13.460 them. It's so hard. It's like, it's emotionally 00:43:13.460 --> 00:43:17.119 taxing. It's time consuming. You're dealing with 00:43:17.119 --> 00:43:21.559 trauma and behaviors. You're, I mean, I genuinely 00:43:21.559 --> 00:43:23.420 think that foster parents should be viewed as 00:43:23.420 --> 00:43:30.719 missionaries in states. support yeah and it's 00:43:30.719 --> 00:43:34.760 not sending money as much as it is like literally 00:43:34.760 --> 00:43:37.760 just like if the nights where we had visits but 00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:40.780 someone was bringing a meal changed the evening 00:43:40.780 --> 00:43:43.840 you know so i think we talked about it in our 00:43:43.840 --> 00:43:47.900 postpartum episode about like how we wanted support 00:43:47.900 --> 00:43:50.239 in that season and i feel like it's similar of 00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:54.059 like we don't want people to text us and be like 00:43:54.519 --> 00:43:57.179 You know, let me know how I can help you. Yeah. 00:43:57.260 --> 00:43:59.639 Yeah. I think it's more helpful to be like, hey, 00:43:59.820 --> 00:44:02.579 I'm going to send you coffee tomorrow morning. 00:44:03.000 --> 00:44:05.940 And I don't like, no is not even an answer. What 00:44:05.940 --> 00:44:09.719 is your order? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the specificity. 00:44:09.780 --> 00:44:12.380 Like what day this week can I bring you dinner? 00:44:12.500 --> 00:44:16.099 Not can I bring you dinner? Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. 00:44:16.280 --> 00:44:19.940 I cannot even imagine like. Your story is so 00:44:19.940 --> 00:44:24.460 complex, and we're going to get more into that 00:44:24.460 --> 00:44:28.900 in our next episode. But I just, yeah, I look 00:44:28.900 --> 00:44:31.559 at your guys' story, the little that I know of 00:44:31.559 --> 00:44:36.619 it, and I just, like, I cannot even imagine the 00:44:36.619 --> 00:44:39.440 emotional side of it, like, the mental capacity 00:44:39.440 --> 00:44:42.880 it takes, like, I mean, the love that you guys 00:44:42.880 --> 00:44:46.880 spread. And just, I mean, these kids are so lucky 00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:50.800 to have you guys. And to have that calling on 00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:53.960 your life, it's a huge calling. And I hope you 00:44:53.960 --> 00:44:56.960 guys don't take that lightly. Thank you. Yeah. 00:44:57.300 --> 00:45:04.119 It's genuinely like the kids and the families, 00:45:04.119 --> 00:45:07.500 like as hard as it's been, like they have changed 00:45:07.500 --> 00:45:12.599 me, you know? And so in the best ways. And the 00:45:12.599 --> 00:45:15.780 Lord just like reveals himself in such a profound 00:45:15.780 --> 00:45:19.280 way. when you're in the middle of such brokenness 00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:23.860 like that is where god is you know so yeah yeah 00:45:23.860 --> 00:45:26.920 thank you for sharing yeah that side of your 00:45:26.920 --> 00:45:30.320 story and um i know we're gonna get more into 00:45:30.320 --> 00:45:33.239 it and there's more yeah yeah do you have any 00:45:33.239 --> 00:45:35.780 like last thoughts specific to like your foster 00:45:35.780 --> 00:45:39.139 experience or just like what you'd share again 00:45:39.139 --> 00:45:41.039 someone else going through someone considering 00:45:41.039 --> 00:45:44.480 going through it oh man if you're a foster parent 00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:50.130 listening to this like man just putting myself 00:45:50.130 --> 00:45:52.190 back into like the trenches like the hardest 00:45:52.190 --> 00:45:57.230 hardest parts like I know how scary it all feels 00:45:57.230 --> 00:45:59.949 like it feels so scary all the time like there 00:45:59.949 --> 00:46:01.710 have there have been times where I couldn't sleep 00:46:01.710 --> 00:46:04.789 I just cry like because it was like it was just 00:46:04.789 --> 00:46:06.969 so scary and you feel so out of control and that 00:46:06.969 --> 00:46:10.969 is just such a horrible place to be in as a parent 00:46:10.969 --> 00:46:14.289 like I mean this in the least cheesy way but 00:46:14.289 --> 00:46:18.820 like that is God's kid. Like he, and someone 00:46:18.820 --> 00:46:20.800 said this to me recently about this new sibling. 00:46:20.820 --> 00:46:23.420 Cause I was like, I don't have control of where 00:46:23.420 --> 00:46:26.019 this baby's going to go. And like, and someone 00:46:26.019 --> 00:46:29.500 was like, that's God's kid. Like he's got that 00:46:29.500 --> 00:46:33.820 child, like far beyond the control that I could 00:46:33.820 --> 00:46:38.500 bring to that situation. Like the Lord has is, 00:46:38.559 --> 00:46:41.780 is the best father, you know? So. Yeah. Yeah. 00:46:41.840 --> 00:46:46.059 That's not cheesy. How can I say this? I can't 00:46:46.059 --> 00:46:49.760 imagine like the lack of control. You probably 00:46:49.760 --> 00:46:53.320 from a, you know, a day of like, okay, this child 00:46:53.320 --> 00:46:56.980 is going to be with us forever. And then it can 00:46:56.980 --> 00:47:00.880 flip within, you know, an hour the next day. 00:47:00.900 --> 00:47:04.420 Like, I can't imagine like that kind of like 00:47:04.420 --> 00:47:08.519 just thought lingering in my brain at all times. 00:47:09.579 --> 00:47:11.900 You guys were in the trenches and I can't imagine. 00:47:12.320 --> 00:47:15.739 Yeah. Yeah. But thanks for sharing. Yeah. Thanks 00:47:15.739 --> 00:47:18.760 for listening. Of course. Yeah. All right. Well, 00:47:18.860 --> 00:47:21.300 thank you guys for tuning in to Ellie's episode 00:47:21.300 --> 00:47:25.579 all about fostering and adopting. And let's go 00:47:25.579 --> 00:47:28.579 ahead and just hop into our wins for the week. 00:47:28.840 --> 00:47:32.679 Do you want to share yours, Erica? Yeah. So I 00:47:32.679 --> 00:47:34.599 know I've shared a little bit that Zeta is just 00:47:34.599 --> 00:47:37.440 like our tiny little peanut. And that means that. 00:47:37.760 --> 00:47:40.099 The recommendation has been I wake her up at 00:47:40.099 --> 00:47:43.820 night to feed her. So even though she's six months, 00:47:44.019 --> 00:47:45.980 we've still been getting up every three to four 00:47:45.980 --> 00:47:49.260 hours at night. Even if she's sleeping, I still 00:47:49.260 --> 00:47:51.019 get to wake her up. And she had her six -month 00:47:51.019 --> 00:47:53.300 appointment, and now the recommendation is five 00:47:53.300 --> 00:47:58.260 to six hours. Of course, the first three days 00:47:58.260 --> 00:48:00.920 after that, she was like, every two hours? Is 00:48:00.920 --> 00:48:03.480 that what I heard? But we've finally gotten a 00:48:03.480 --> 00:48:06.019 couple nights where I've gotten a five -hour 00:48:06.019 --> 00:48:08.639 stretch of sleep. That's a game changer. It's 00:48:08.639 --> 00:48:10.360 one of those things where you're like, oh, wow. 00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:13.719 I'm like a new person. I'm in a good mood. What 00:48:13.719 --> 00:48:15.900 is this? This is what sleep is like. I forgot. 00:48:16.219 --> 00:48:19.739 Like, amazing. So that's just a moment. That's 00:48:19.739 --> 00:48:24.199 a huge win. That extra hour is a game changer 00:48:24.199 --> 00:48:28.960 for sure. Sure, sure. Okay, my win. So Cruz is, 00:48:29.119 --> 00:48:33.000 he's almost five months, and he's like had like 00:48:33.000 --> 00:48:37.289 his giggle for a little bit, but. Just recently, 00:48:37.409 --> 00:48:40.630 like I tickled him one day and he had the biggest 00:48:40.630 --> 00:48:44.869 belly laugh. And it just, oh my gosh, that's 00:48:44.869 --> 00:48:47.550 the best sound in the world when they just laugh 00:48:47.550 --> 00:48:53.190 so like genuinely. And his laugh is like, it's 00:48:53.190 --> 00:48:57.170 a lot deeper than like. Colts is and was as a 00:48:57.170 --> 00:48:59.650 baby and so it's just like it makes me laugh 00:48:59.650 --> 00:49:01.550 too because it's like kind of raspy and kind 00:49:01.550 --> 00:49:05.289 of like deep and I love it so much so that's 00:49:05.289 --> 00:49:08.809 my win is just his belly laugh so cute and sweet 00:49:08.809 --> 00:49:11.889 yeah love a baby laugh yeah what about yours 00:49:11.889 --> 00:49:14.409 Ellie since we're talking about foster care um 00:49:14.409 --> 00:49:18.469 so as we know recently a sibling has been born 00:49:18.469 --> 00:49:23.630 and I was just like so stressed about it And 00:49:23.630 --> 00:49:26.170 I had told the boys about baby born, whatever. 00:49:26.769 --> 00:49:29.909 And my five -year -old that night, we were doing 00:49:29.909 --> 00:49:34.250 our nighttime prayers. And it was the most simple 00:49:34.250 --> 00:49:37.550 thing, but he thanked God for his new baby brother. 00:49:38.090 --> 00:49:41.489 And I was like, I cannot believe I haven't done 00:49:41.489 --> 00:49:44.869 that yet. Like, I think, and people say this 00:49:44.869 --> 00:49:46.769 to me often, like, why can't the mom get her 00:49:46.769 --> 00:49:51.090 tubes tied? Like, this thought, and I get it. 00:49:51.679 --> 00:49:54.519 I get it in some ways, but I'm also like, God, 00:49:54.639 --> 00:49:58.380 let that baby be born. Why should any of us think 00:49:58.380 --> 00:50:04.000 that we have a better idea for God who God allows 00:50:04.000 --> 00:50:08.340 to live? And it was convicting for me too because 00:50:08.340 --> 00:50:10.239 I was like, I can't believe there's another baby. 00:50:10.360 --> 00:50:12.380 Now I have to think about how we're going to 00:50:12.380 --> 00:50:14.139 implement this baby in our lives. Should we take 00:50:14.139 --> 00:50:16.380 the baby? Whatever. And just his sweet little 00:50:16.380 --> 00:50:18.539 like, thank you, God, for my new baby brother. 00:50:18.719 --> 00:50:22.349 And I was like. Yeah. Thank you, God. Like, thank 00:50:22.349 --> 00:50:25.269 you for his life. And so super convicting. So 00:50:25.269 --> 00:50:28.170 sweet. Our kids, you know, our kids just have 00:50:28.170 --> 00:50:29.409 the best arts. I love seeing what our kids say 00:50:29.409 --> 00:50:31.670 thank you for. Yeah. Because we do that at night. 00:50:31.690 --> 00:50:33.090 So we're like, okay, what are you thankful for? 00:50:33.409 --> 00:50:36.309 And it's just like so sweet because you have 00:50:36.309 --> 00:50:39.289 the things. So pure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's the 00:50:39.289 --> 00:50:41.750 most random things and the sweetest things too. 00:50:41.909 --> 00:50:45.030 Yes. Yeah. Gosh. Well, thank you, Ellie. Again, 00:50:45.170 --> 00:50:49.139 just thank you for sharing your story. I know 00:50:49.139 --> 00:50:51.699 that it's still a journey and it's still hard 00:50:51.699 --> 00:50:55.519 and fun and all the things. But thank you for 00:50:55.519 --> 00:50:58.539 sharing. Thanks for tuning in, guys. Rate, review, 00:50:58.679 --> 00:51:01.659 subscribe. Follow us on Instagram at nomanualpodcast. 00:51:02.019 --> 00:51:05.380 And we will see you next week. See you next week.