WEBVTT

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Welcome back to No Manual, a momcast where we're

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just talking about the reality of motherhood,

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the funny parts, the not so funny parts. We both

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came in today exhausted because of how our night

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and day and week has gone. So that's just, you

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know, one of our realities. And if you can't

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hear already. Cruz is joining us and has lots

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to say today. So he'll be, you know, sharing

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his opinion. Yes. Today, we're gonna do something

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a little bit different. And we were joking, we're

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like, maybe this will be a disaster. And we know

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this is not for us. But we both read a book together.

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And so we're kind of gonna not really review,

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but just talk about it almost book club style

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of some of the things that we liked from it.

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Maybe some things that we're like, yeah, this

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didn't really, you know, hit the way that I Felt

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like it should or whatever. Maybe talk about

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some questions, stuff like that. But so the book

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we're talking about is called Remaining You While

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Raising Them by Allie Worthington. So it's just

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her little like blurb, I guess, is the secret

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art of confident motherhood. So, yeah, so we'll

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get into that in a second. Do you want to start

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with your mom moment of the week? I would love

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to. So my mom moment is from last night. And

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I think. One thing that I've tried to accept

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over time is just being more flexible with mess.

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I don't consider myself a messy person. I try

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to be fairly clean, especially in my house. And

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when it comes to a toddler, obviously they don't

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really have that in mind. And so Colt's new thing

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right now is every meal. it turns into like a

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tornado somehow. And I'm like, I'm trying to

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be flexible with like just letting him explore

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foods and like textures and like putting things

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together and like cutting them up and mushing

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them and putting them in his cup. And last night,

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so last night we had leftover pizza. He had applesauce.

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He finished the applesauce really quick. He wanted

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a little bit of a banana. So I let him have a

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banana and then baby carrots, which like, first

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of all a win for me was he ate two baby carrots

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which he like hates vegetables we love it dipped

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in ranch great you gotta have the ranch yeah

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um i mean i don't want carrots not dipped in

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something either so i i get you no and his new

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thing since his birthday party is like having

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an open cup of rather than a sippy cup. He does

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not want to drink it out of a sippy cup. He's

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two now. Yeah, he's two. He's very independent.

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And so I, like, have been letting him have an

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open cup of water mostly because he's just, like,

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he's exploring. The first time I let him do that,

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he dumped it all over himself. Naturally. Yeah.

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Last night, he, like, used it as, like, a way

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to soak his pizza. And so he put his pizza in

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it. And then mushed the banana in it, and then

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he dumped that onto his high chair and then,

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like, played in it, like finger painting. Delicious.

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It was so good. And another great part was that

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Michael wasn't home, so it was just me and Cruz.

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And the thing is, stuff like that, when you have,

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like... your spouse there or someone else with

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you like it's annoying yes because you're like

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I don't have to clean this up but it's like kind

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of funnier yes when you're by yourself it's just

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it's just frustrating because I'm like I have

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to clean this up I have to clean you up I have

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to somehow manage like holding my baby at the

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same time like it's just a whole mess but I kept

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my cool. I was proud of myself. I was like, oh,

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buddy, it looks like you're having fun. And we

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had time before bedtime, so I was like, I'm just

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going to let him do his thing, and we'll take

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a shower, and it's fine. And it was fine, but

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it was probably the messiest meal I've cleaned

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up since he's been eating solids. Good job. Yeah,

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even in comparison to when he was first starting

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solids. And that's a mess in itself. That's a

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messy time, yeah. But this one was. I mean, it

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was on the floors, on the side of the high chair,

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on top of the high chair, on him. But he had

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fun. He had a great time. I didn't lose my cool.

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You know, we made it. So that's my mom moment.

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What's yours? That's almost a win. Yeah, honestly.

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I should have saved it. Mine is also related

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to eating. So Zeta started solids, which means

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she's in the high chair now. And we got like

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a booster seat for Lloyd at the table. That doesn't

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really have a seat belt. It certainly doesn't

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have one that like keeps him in. And obviously

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he's two. He does not have impulse control yet.

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So we're working on like, no, we stay at the

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table during meals. We don't like run around

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and come back, run around and come back. That's

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not what we're doing. So that's one thing we're

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working on. And the other day. It was just me.

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It must have been, like, breakfast or something.

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And Zeta was ready for a nap, and Lloyd was still

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finishing up whatever meal it was. And so I was

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like, okay, buddy, I'm going to go put Zeta down

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for a nap. You finish breakfast. And, like, I

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know he's not going to, like, stay in his chair.

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For sure. You know, again, I get it. Like, I

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expect him to be up here in two minutes. Yeah.

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So I, like, go upstairs. And I can hear from

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downstairs, it's actually the trash truck toy

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you guys got him for his birthday. I can like

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hear that going while I'm in the nursery. So

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I'm like, okay, again, I don't, you know, I didn't

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expect him to actually stay. But then I like

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get stated down and I come back downstairs and

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he's sitting at the table, like acting like he

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never moved. I've been here the whole time. I

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know, like, and I know you don't understand that

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I know that you moved, but it was really funny

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that he clearly understands what he's supposed

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to do and, like, certain amounts of, like, how

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to get away with it. Yeah. You know, because,

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like, if I didn't hear, I would never have known

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that, like, he got up and moved around. And you'd

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be like, oh, my gosh, buddy. Good job, buddy.

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You did it. That's so funny. Yeah, it was super

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funny and super cute. That's amazing. I feel

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like, have you seen those videos of, like, um

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when people put their kid in front of like two

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jelly beans or whatever and they're like i'm

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gonna go to the bathroom real quick don't eat

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the jelly beans like i'll be right back and they

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like record them i want to do that so bad but

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i'm like i don't know if colt is quite there

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yet to be able to do that maybe in like a year

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but i want to yeah it's pretty they're pretty

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young right now like that part of the impulse

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control just like has not that function isn't

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turned on yet no so funny Well, let's get jumped

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into this. Yeah, we don't really totally know

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how we're going to approach it. Like you said,

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I think we're going to kind of approach this

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book club style and just talk about some of our

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takeaways. Yep. Do you have anything you want

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to start with? Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, I feel like

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we should just talk about kind of some different

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like main takeaways that are from the book. First

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of all, I feel like a big thing that like...

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overall the title so remaining you while raising

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them I feel like honestly like a better title

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this is gonna sound critical would be like finding

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the best version of you well yeah while raising

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them because I don't know I'm like remaining

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you that means like staying the same staying

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the same as you were yeah but you don't like

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I don't I want to improve yeah I mean I think

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like it's kind of impossible to like stay who

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you were before being a mom yeah once you're

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a mom like yeah maybe that's untrue but i don't

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think it is yeah like priorities change and you

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know so even not priorities just how you view

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the world and all that changes yeah um yeah you're

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I mean we've talked about it before just being

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like it is an entire life shift so like remaining

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you like you're no matter how much you try you're

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not going to be the person you were before you

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had kids for sure you can't be yeah to be honest

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like you find a new you I guess like I think

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a big takeaway for me from the book is like really

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just you need to find your worth I guess. And

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like find your worth in God and find, or like

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come to the realization that you are worthy outside

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of just being a mother. Like you're so much more

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than that. And you are someone outside of being

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a mom, which I know, I don't know if we've talked

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about this. I have a friend that her and I talked

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about this a while ago where I was like, I totally

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understand the moms who like become empty nesters

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and are. And they almost like stay attached to

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their kids in an unhealthy way after that because

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it is so easy to just like lose yourself in motherhood.

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Yeah. I mean, I think this is something that

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like I had wrote down as a note for like way

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later in the book, but that's okay. Because at

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one point she's talking about marriage and how

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it's really easy to sacrifice your marriage to

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the altar of motherhood. Yeah. And it's also

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easy to sacrifice yourself to the altar of motherhood.

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Yeah. Which is like super true. And I think one

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of the things I've noticed for me and. I think

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she brings up in the book maybe this is just

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something that I like kind of took from it is

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one of the reasons that's so easy is because

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immediate needs need to be met right where it's

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like we were talking last night was when we were

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recording this last night was a rough night in

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our house yeah but like my baby needs to eat

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so like it doesn't matter how groggy I am like

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that immediate need outweighs the fact that for

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her needing to eat outweighs the fact that I'm

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tired yeah And I think that can expand quite

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a bit, right? Where it's, like, okay, like, my

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husband and I need time alone. But sometimes

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that just, like, doesn't happen because these

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immediate needs for your kids. Or, like, you

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need to, like, be super intentional about scheduling

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time for that to happen. Like, we have a babysitter.

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Yeah. We're not going to be interrupted. Which,

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like, I think that point, like, to that point,

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it comes in waves. It comes in seasons. And I

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think that, like... As long as there's intentionality,

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like those seasons, it's going to be a season.

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It's not going to be a forever. Yeah. And I think

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if you're, like you said, if you're paying attention

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to that, like, okay, newborn phase, like we're

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going to have a rough few months. Yeah. Let's

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be gracious with each other. But then once that

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few months is over and things start to adjust,

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like, oh, she's sleeping in her own crib or her

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bassinet and we have. 20 minutes to ourselves

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instead of 30 seconds yeah um like take advantage

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of that yeah i feel like one of the big big takes

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takeaways for me um as well is all about self

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-care um which kind of goes along with like sacrifice

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and i think a big overall like push for this

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book is like prioritizing yourself um so that

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you can show up and be the best mother right

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And that's, like, that's actually the best thing

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for your kids is, like, if you prioritize yourself,

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then you can be, like, show up and be the best

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mom for your kids. When I think, I mean, it's

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the classic example of, like, you're on an airplane,

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like, put your oxygen mask on before your kids

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or whatever. I think one of the reasons it's

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super easy to ignore that is you see that in

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extremes, right? So it's like when you see someone

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who has an extreme, a mom who has an extreme

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mental health issue, whether it's like true bipolar

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or extreme depression or something like that

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and how it affects their kids like you're like

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obviously like she should be taking care of herself

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but then if you're like the rest of us we're

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like well i don't have like an extreme condition

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i just have like normal day -to -day anxieties

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or whatever i don't need to do that yeah you

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know it's like i'm okay i'm like i don't need

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to do those steps to like prioritize my mental

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health because like i'm fine i'm you know i'm

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quote unquote normal and so then it's like I

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can get to it next week or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

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But then that builds and... Yeah. I feel like

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for me, like, was this... This part specifically

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was actually kind of convicting for me because

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I feel like, I don't know, we... Michael and

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I have a pretty busy, like our weeks are fairly

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busy. And we've talked about we don't have family

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around. So it's just we're raising the kids together.

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We don't have a lot of outside hands helping

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us. And so honestly, like, yeah, self -care and

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like especially mental health, like it sadly

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has been kind of put on the back burner. And

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so this part was really convicting to me because

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I'm like. Okay, yeah, I do, like, I do need to

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take steps to prioritize myself. But, like, in

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this season of life, I really don't know how

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I am going to fit that in. Like, what does that

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look like? I don't know. I feel that way, too.

00:13:06.340 --> 00:13:08.779
And we even, we have family close by, but even

00:13:08.779 --> 00:13:13.039
with that, it's like, for us, a basic week. Stuart

00:13:13.039 --> 00:13:15.539
plays at church Sunday morning, so he's gone

00:13:15.539 --> 00:13:17.799
most of the morning. We obviously go to church

00:13:17.799 --> 00:13:21.860
and see him. And then... At least one Sunday

00:13:21.860 --> 00:13:25.559
a month we have plans with family. So Sundays

00:13:25.559 --> 00:13:29.279
are usually pretty busy. Mondays, as soon as

00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:30.960
Stuart, we both work, as soon as Stuart gets

00:13:30.960 --> 00:13:33.159
home, we drop the kids off with my parents to

00:13:33.159 --> 00:13:35.740
go to the gym. We get home and pretty much go

00:13:35.740 --> 00:13:38.320
to bed, eat dinner, go to bed. Yep. Tuesdays

00:13:38.320 --> 00:13:40.240
and Wednesdays are kind of our flex days of like

00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:43.379
something happens. But then it's like. We have

00:13:43.379 --> 00:13:45.720
to go to Costco this week. Yeah. And somehow

00:13:45.720 --> 00:13:48.320
Costco, even though it's like three minutes away

00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:51.460
from our house, takes the entire night. Yes.

00:13:51.460 --> 00:13:53.240
And then we get home and we're like, okay, time

00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:56.240
for bed. Yes. And then Thursday, Stuart's usually

00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:00.000
gone. Bless you. Fridays are another flex day

00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:01.440
and Saturdays are another flex day. So like,

00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:03.600
I guess we do have time, but then we, it feels

00:14:03.600 --> 00:14:06.700
like our time is so limited, like as a family.

00:14:06.779 --> 00:14:09.720
Yes. And with each other and with our kids that.

00:14:10.600 --> 00:14:12.740
then you're like, when am I going to fit this

00:14:12.740 --> 00:14:14.960
in? And as soon as you add another thing to the

00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:19.039
week, then you're like, this is too much. Yeah,

00:14:19.440 --> 00:14:23.659
I feel that. And part of me argues like self

00:14:23.659 --> 00:14:28.019
-care to me is like that family time. Like that

00:14:28.019 --> 00:14:31.179
family time fills me up so much. Like when we're

00:14:31.179 --> 00:14:34.960
all playing together and we're laughing and having

00:14:34.960 --> 00:14:38.480
a good time, that to me has really helped just

00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:42.340
my mental health. But I do thrive from that,

00:14:42.340 --> 00:14:46.039
like, little bit of alone time if I can get it.

00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:50.100
If I can go and get my nails done or, I don't

00:14:50.100 --> 00:14:52.539
know. Do you ever feel, like, guilt with that

00:14:52.539 --> 00:14:55.080
too? Because, like, so for me, again, and you

00:14:55.080 --> 00:14:56.899
guys are in the same position where both Stuart

00:14:56.899 --> 00:14:59.840
and I are work. So then for me, I'm like, Stuart

00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:03.019
deserves a break too. Yeah. And so if he's watching

00:15:03.019 --> 00:15:05.860
the kids while I go get my nails done or go read

00:15:05.860 --> 00:15:08.120
for an hour or whatever, it almost feels like,

00:15:08.139 --> 00:15:09.919
oh, but you're getting less of a break than I

00:15:09.919 --> 00:15:11.519
am. I'm getting more of a break than you are,

00:15:11.559 --> 00:15:14.000
and you deserve this, but then when is the time

00:15:14.000 --> 00:15:16.480
for you to get this break? Do you feel that way

00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:20.740
too? Yes. Oh, 100%. I feel like part of me is

00:15:20.740 --> 00:15:23.759
like because Michael works outside of the home

00:15:23.759 --> 00:15:26.399
and I'm with the kids the majority of the time.

00:15:27.789 --> 00:15:30.169
Part of me is like, oh no, like now you're on

00:15:30.169 --> 00:15:32.370
and I get a break when you get home from work.

00:15:32.490 --> 00:15:36.450
But like, I'm like, the reality is he's been

00:15:36.450 --> 00:15:40.789
working all day too, just in a different capacity.

00:15:41.070 --> 00:15:43.769
And so like, doesn't he deserve a break too?

00:15:44.789 --> 00:15:47.529
I don't know. It's such a like, it's such a back

00:15:47.529 --> 00:15:50.309
and forth thing in my mind. And I think we both

00:15:50.309 --> 00:15:53.929
deserve breaks for sure. But I do feel guilty.

00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.899
Whenever I'm like, when I run to Target on my

00:15:56.899 --> 00:16:01.879
own or out and run errands, I'm like, oh, I left

00:16:01.879 --> 00:16:06.980
him with the kids. I don't think it's a, I shouldn't

00:16:06.980 --> 00:16:09.779
feel guilty, but it just is there. He's also

00:16:09.779 --> 00:16:13.240
a parent and is perfectly capable of taking care

00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:16.419
of the kids. Yeah, even like this morning, Stuart

00:16:16.419 --> 00:16:20.870
has both the kids so we can record. Should I

00:16:20.870 --> 00:16:24.809
have let him just take Lloyd? No, he'll be fine.

00:16:24.990 --> 00:16:27.549
Yeah. But there's just like that guilt of. Yeah.

00:16:27.950 --> 00:16:29.970
Of like, oh, you're doing something that you

00:16:29.970 --> 00:16:33.509
enjoy. Yeah. Like without the kids for a few

00:16:33.509 --> 00:16:36.990
hours. But yeah, feeling like you should have

00:16:36.990 --> 00:16:41.230
one of them with you. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So

00:16:41.230 --> 00:16:44.129
one of the things that she brings up is just

00:16:44.129 --> 00:16:46.789
like mental health needs. And I wrote down all

00:16:46.789 --> 00:16:49.480
the ones that she. Brings up, which is sleep,

00:16:49.500 --> 00:16:53.279
water, movement, quiet, friends, and breath work.

00:16:53.740 --> 00:16:56.539
Do you feel like one of those comes most naturally

00:16:56.539 --> 00:16:59.779
to you? Or are those any of those that you, like,

00:16:59.779 --> 00:17:01.899
haven't thought of before? I think the breath

00:17:01.899 --> 00:17:04.799
work one was, like, I, because you usually hear,

00:17:04.940 --> 00:17:07.019
like, oh, to stay healthy, like, you need to

00:17:07.019 --> 00:17:09.740
be mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically

00:17:09.740 --> 00:17:13.920
healthy. I think the breath work goes along with,

00:17:13.980 --> 00:17:17.089
like, the physical and, like. The mental, like,

00:17:17.150 --> 00:17:19.589
all of it, honestly. But I never really, like,

00:17:19.650 --> 00:17:23.829
put that into, like, a top. Yeah. Yeah, like,

00:17:23.930 --> 00:17:25.970
one of the topics of, like, how that can help

00:17:25.970 --> 00:17:27.309
your mental health. Yeah, and I've heard of breathwork

00:17:27.309 --> 00:17:29.650
before, but I've, like, never tried. I think

00:17:29.650 --> 00:17:31.650
there's been, like, times in my life I've tried

00:17:31.650 --> 00:17:34.250
it, but not, like, on a regular basis or whatever.

00:17:34.329 --> 00:17:37.069
It's like, oh, I'm having a panic attack. I know

00:17:37.069 --> 00:17:38.589
I'm supposed to do this. You know, it's not,

00:17:38.650 --> 00:17:41.829
like, regularly, like, I should do this as a

00:17:41.829 --> 00:17:44.049
practice or whatever. Yep. Yeah. Have you ever

00:17:44.049 --> 00:17:46.680
heard of... I forget what it's called exactly,

00:17:46.779 --> 00:17:48.940
but it's like square breathing or something.

00:17:49.339 --> 00:17:53.180
I've dealt with anxiety a good amount, especially

00:17:53.180 --> 00:17:57.079
more as I've become a mother. But that is something

00:17:57.079 --> 00:17:59.859
like if Michael can tell that I'm anxious, he'll

00:17:59.859 --> 00:18:01.779
like tell me to do that type of breathing. And

00:18:01.779 --> 00:18:04.539
it really, I mean, it really does help. It really

00:18:04.539 --> 00:18:06.880
does help in the moment. But I've never, yeah,

00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:09.299
I've never added it as like a normal routine

00:18:09.299 --> 00:18:13.420
in my life. And I can see how it could be beneficial.

00:18:13.819 --> 00:18:16.400
Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, do you think there's one

00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:20.380
that comes easiest to you or one that comes hardest

00:18:20.380 --> 00:18:25.539
to you or both? Movement, for sure, is the hardest

00:18:25.539 --> 00:18:28.740
one for me. I think we're starting to get into,

00:18:28.799 --> 00:18:30.980
like, a good routine of, like, going on walks.

00:18:31.539 --> 00:18:35.940
And I do love that. But I think, I mean, I haven't,

00:18:35.940 --> 00:18:40.099
the reality, I haven't really worked out. just

00:18:40.099 --> 00:18:44.099
myself like by myself and i don't even know how

00:18:44.099 --> 00:18:46.839
long yeah to be honest yeah it's tough for sure

00:18:46.839 --> 00:18:49.420
yeah we're pretty good at going on walks and

00:18:49.420 --> 00:18:52.220
stuff but then again it's like when do you have

00:18:52.220 --> 00:18:54.500
time to working out i know when you have time

00:18:54.500 --> 00:18:57.940
to do it you can't like The times that you have

00:18:57.940 --> 00:19:00.359
available to do stuff you can't necessarily do

00:19:00.359 --> 00:19:02.400
right. It's like everyone's down for a nap or

00:19:02.400 --> 00:19:05.619
after bedtime unless someone's in the house with

00:19:05.619 --> 00:19:07.359
them. It's not like you can like go to the gym

00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:09.779
or go on a walk outside by yourself or, you know,

00:19:09.779 --> 00:19:11.319
something like that. So I think that makes it

00:19:11.319 --> 00:19:13.440
really tough. Yeah. How about you? Was it the

00:19:13.440 --> 00:19:17.700
same for you or? I think it's probably a mix

00:19:17.700 --> 00:19:20.559
between that and friends, honestly. Yeah. I know

00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:24.359
so many other moms and like I have plenty of

00:19:24.359 --> 00:19:25.779
mom friends, but like actually intentionally

00:19:25.779 --> 00:19:29.140
spending. time with people i think is yeah probably

00:19:29.140 --> 00:19:31.500
one of the toughest ones yes oh i completely

00:19:31.500 --> 00:19:34.519
agree i think i have a good amount of mom friends

00:19:34.519 --> 00:19:38.480
but setting up like the play dates or i don't

00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:41.119
know even going and getting coffee it just seems

00:19:41.119 --> 00:19:45.140
like a lot of work and i know it should be our

00:19:45.140 --> 00:19:47.680
priority but it seems like a lot of work especially

00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:52.079
when like i do have a day off or downtime it's

00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:54.839
like yeah i want to hang out with friends but

00:19:54.839 --> 00:19:58.450
like I don't know. It seems hard. Yeah. And there's

00:19:58.450 --> 00:20:01.289
like, I want to hang out with friends. Again,

00:20:01.369 --> 00:20:03.009
I also want to spend time with my family when

00:20:03.009 --> 00:20:06.289
I'm not preoccupied. I also would like to have

00:20:06.289 --> 00:20:09.890
an hour of quiet to read my book or, you know,

00:20:09.890 --> 00:20:13.789
I want to take a nap. Yes. Yeah. It's like sacrificing

00:20:13.789 --> 00:20:17.769
those other things to prioritize that, which

00:20:17.769 --> 00:20:21.750
is a healthy thing. She brought up, and this

00:20:21.750 --> 00:20:23.329
is one of those things that I'd never thought

00:20:23.329 --> 00:20:26.259
of. And I really like this idea, but I don't

00:20:26.259 --> 00:20:28.779
even know how I'd, like, make it work, honestly,

00:20:28.859 --> 00:20:32.900
is doing, like, your day -to -day things with

00:20:32.900 --> 00:20:35.319
your friends, which I realized is, like, oh,

00:20:35.339 --> 00:20:36.920
that's probably part of the reason, like, as

00:20:36.920 --> 00:20:40.200
a kid, it's way easier to have friends. I mean,

00:20:40.220 --> 00:20:41.900
obviously, you have less responsibility, but

00:20:41.900 --> 00:20:44.240
it's stuff like you do homework with your friends.

00:20:44.460 --> 00:20:46.559
Yeah. You're at school all day with your friends.

00:20:46.640 --> 00:20:48.299
You're at school all day with your friends. You're,

00:20:48.299 --> 00:20:51.920
like, the things you do in normal. just, like,

00:20:51.960 --> 00:20:54.279
align with your friends. Whereas, like, when

00:20:54.279 --> 00:20:56.099
you're a mom, especially if you're working from

00:20:56.099 --> 00:20:59.519
home or a stay -at -home mom, that isn't necessarily

00:20:59.519 --> 00:21:01.480
the case. So she brought up, like, going grocery

00:21:01.480 --> 00:21:03.380
shopping or something together, which I like

00:21:03.380 --> 00:21:05.980
the idea, but then for me, I'm like, I don't

00:21:05.980 --> 00:21:07.299
even know how I'd, like, call someone and be

00:21:07.299 --> 00:21:09.359
like, do you want to go to Costco together? Yeah.

00:21:09.940 --> 00:21:12.660
I mean, I'm sure none of my friends would be

00:21:12.660 --> 00:21:15.299
like... she's being weird but for me it's like

00:21:15.299 --> 00:21:17.539
it feels like it would be weird yeah and then

00:21:17.539 --> 00:21:20.039
oh no one wants to do that right and then I'm

00:21:20.039 --> 00:21:22.779
like I would also overthink of like what if this

00:21:22.779 --> 00:21:25.079
isn't the day they go to Costco or what if you

00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:27.940
know like like am I putting an inconvenience

00:21:27.940 --> 00:21:31.319
on them by asking them to help convenience me

00:21:31.319 --> 00:21:34.640
right yeah yeah yeah I feel that I like this

00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:38.640
um this it's not a direct quote from the from

00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:40.619
the book but just kind of like an overarching

00:21:41.549 --> 00:21:43.849
quote, that we've been taught that a good mom

00:21:43.849 --> 00:21:46.730
always puts her family first. What if the best

00:21:46.730 --> 00:21:49.549
gift we can give our kids is a mom who's rested,

00:21:49.650 --> 00:21:53.210
hydrated, and emotionally healthy? And I'm like,

00:21:53.289 --> 00:21:56.829
oh, amen. Yeah. Yeah. And that's so true. I think

00:21:56.829 --> 00:22:01.190
that is kind of near where she was talking about

00:22:01.190 --> 00:22:04.730
how a perfect mom would mess up their kids. Yeah.

00:22:04.809 --> 00:22:08.009
Which that was like so poignant to me and so

00:22:08.009 --> 00:22:09.970
helpful because I was like, oh, yeah. Like you

00:22:09.970 --> 00:22:12.690
even hear people talk about like, oh, my mom

00:22:12.690 --> 00:22:15.009
seemed perfect, which like we know perfect people

00:22:15.009 --> 00:22:18.009
don't exist. So it's like if your mom seems perfect,

00:22:18.109 --> 00:22:20.130
that's not even true. But like how much that

00:22:20.130 --> 00:22:23.170
messed them up. And that was like so helpful

00:22:23.170 --> 00:22:25.910
to me to be like, oh, yeah, it's not about being

00:22:25.910 --> 00:22:30.059
a perfect mom. Yep. It's more about how I respond

00:22:30.059 --> 00:22:33.200
to my imperfections and showing my kids, hey,

00:22:33.299 --> 00:22:36.559
you can be a good person and make mistakes. It's

00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:38.799
how you address your mistakes. So it's like when

00:22:38.799 --> 00:22:41.200
you get angry, not if you get angry, when you

00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:44.460
get angry and you should handle it this way.

00:22:44.539 --> 00:22:47.079
If you don't, like I don't sometimes, like I

00:22:47.079 --> 00:22:50.440
lose it because it's been a day and I should

00:22:50.440 --> 00:22:53.240
have handled something calmer. And you're tired.

00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:58.160
I've heard I go potty for the thousandth time

00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:01.460
and he hasn't gone. You know, yeah, when we like

00:23:01.460 --> 00:23:04.559
respond to anger in a way that we shouldn't,

00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:08.819
how we then respond to that is like way more

00:23:08.819 --> 00:23:11.759
important than not getting angry or being perfect

00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:14.019
to begin with because that's going to mess up

00:23:14.019 --> 00:23:16.339
our kids and they need to know like, yeah, it's

00:23:16.339 --> 00:23:18.559
okay to be imperfect more or less. You know,

00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:20.779
you are imperfect. Yeah. That's just a fact.

00:23:20.940 --> 00:23:24.240
Yeah. And you're never going to hit this level

00:23:24.240 --> 00:23:26.609
of perfection. Your mom isn't perfect. Your dad

00:23:26.609 --> 00:23:28.269
isn't perfect. All these people in your life,

00:23:28.329 --> 00:23:31.289
they're not perfect. But how do we respond? How

00:23:31.289 --> 00:23:33.650
do we handle our imperfection? Like, oh, I messed

00:23:33.650 --> 00:23:37.509
up there. I should apologize. Yeah, I think that's

00:23:37.509 --> 00:23:41.349
one thing that like apologizing is one thing

00:23:41.349 --> 00:23:46.309
that I'm trying to do better at as like my toddler

00:23:46.309 --> 00:23:48.730
is getting older. It's like, oh, when I mess

00:23:48.730 --> 00:23:52.470
up, I need to apologize to him. Yeah. Because

00:23:52.470 --> 00:23:56.670
it's like. I'm a role model for him, and he's

00:23:56.670 --> 00:24:00.130
watching my every move and learning from me whether

00:24:00.130 --> 00:24:05.569
I know it or not. Yeah. And apologizing is one

00:24:05.569 --> 00:24:09.809
of the, I don't know, it's a very selfless thing

00:24:09.809 --> 00:24:12.630
to do, you know? Well, because you have to admit

00:24:12.630 --> 00:24:15.039
that. you messed up. Yeah. Which no one likes

00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:17.339
to do that. Even when you like are consciously

00:24:17.339 --> 00:24:19.519
like, I should not have responded in that way.

00:24:19.859 --> 00:24:22.660
Saying it out loud. Yeah. Is, is the tough part

00:24:22.660 --> 00:24:24.579
for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I've been trying to do

00:24:24.579 --> 00:24:27.599
that with Lloyd too. Like. Yeah. I shouldn't

00:24:27.599 --> 00:24:29.880
have yelled at you. I'm so sorry, buddy. Like.

00:24:29.940 --> 00:24:32.319
Which I think is a totally new thing for this

00:24:32.319 --> 00:24:36.740
generation. It is. Of parents. Like, I don't

00:24:36.740 --> 00:24:39.819
think that parents in the past have really like.

00:24:40.140 --> 00:24:41.859
It's definitely not been the standard. No, it

00:24:41.859 --> 00:24:43.099
has not been the standard. Or expectation in

00:24:43.099 --> 00:24:46.339
parenting. Yeah. Yeah, but I think one of the

00:24:46.339 --> 00:24:49.559
reasons it is important is we're the first relationship

00:24:49.559 --> 00:24:53.000
that they really have with anyone, right? So

00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:57.680
we want them to see, like, you deserve apologies,

00:24:57.859 --> 00:25:01.440
you know, when someone hurts you. But also, like,

00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:04.220
it's okay to admit, like, hey, I messed up instead

00:25:04.220 --> 00:25:08.839
of covering it up or ignoring it. And again,

00:25:08.920 --> 00:25:13.579
it's not easy. Yep. Yeah. But it's part of a

00:25:13.579 --> 00:25:17.380
relationship. Yeah. I want to chat about this

00:25:17.380 --> 00:25:21.599
term of differentiation. Do you remember reading

00:25:21.599 --> 00:25:26.019
about that? Like pretty much like being a separate

00:25:26.019 --> 00:25:32.259
being as a mother, like we often get so, so enmeshed

00:25:32.259 --> 00:25:36.240
in. like parenthood that we're like we are one

00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:39.599
or attached with our kids and this kind of goes

00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:42.279
along with this the side of like finding ourselves

00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:47.259
outside of being a mother but like finding differentiation

00:25:47.259 --> 00:25:52.400
between um our kids and ourselves so i like this

00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:55.000
quote from the book it said a lack of differentiation

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:58.660
could be why we believe the myth that our kids

00:25:58.660 --> 00:26:02.190
behavior is our fault yes i didn't pick that

00:26:02.190 --> 00:26:06.549
quote but uh i definitely i have like a whole

00:26:06.549 --> 00:26:11.569
section about uh yeah just like that concept

00:26:11.569 --> 00:26:16.450
of like i really liked how she said not everything

00:26:16.450 --> 00:26:19.069
our kids do is a reflection of us yeah which

00:26:19.069 --> 00:26:23.029
again i think is a really new concept in parenting

00:26:23.029 --> 00:26:25.890
we're so like old school parenting is like if

00:26:25.890 --> 00:26:30.299
my kid messes up that's a reflection on me And

00:26:30.299 --> 00:26:32.420
obviously like there's a level of that that is

00:26:32.420 --> 00:26:34.619
true, which I think is one of the hard parts,

00:26:34.680 --> 00:26:37.099
right? Where it's like you can see the kids who

00:26:37.099 --> 00:26:41.160
have bad parents. Yeah. And I mean, that is a

00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:43.819
judgmental thing to say. But yeah, like you can

00:26:43.819 --> 00:26:46.420
see the kids who's like their parents don't care.

00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:49.779
Or like as an adult, you can see the adults who's

00:26:49.779 --> 00:26:52.720
like parents parented them in a certain way versus

00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:55.359
another whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I think growing

00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:57.279
up for our generation less so than like even

00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:00.029
going back generations. The concept has been

00:27:00.029 --> 00:27:03.829
like what my kids do is a direct representation

00:27:03.829 --> 00:27:06.930
of who I am. Not how I parented. I think that

00:27:06.930 --> 00:27:09.410
maybe is the difference. Yeah. Not how I parented,

00:27:09.410 --> 00:27:12.069
but who I am as a person. And that's not true.

00:27:12.109 --> 00:27:14.549
Like our kids are going to mess up because they're

00:27:14.549 --> 00:27:18.029
also human. Yeah. And. Like no matter what we

00:27:18.029 --> 00:27:20.990
do. Yeah, we could have done everything. Perfect.

00:27:21.029 --> 00:27:23.130
Perfect. Again, that's going to mess them up

00:27:23.130 --> 00:27:26.490
anyways. Yeah. But even if it's like you have

00:27:26.490 --> 00:27:28.609
all the scientific studies and you followed all

00:27:28.609 --> 00:27:30.730
the steps of like, I did the right amount of

00:27:30.730 --> 00:27:32.710
screen time and not the right amount or in the,

00:27:32.829 --> 00:27:36.130
I introduced foods in this way. And, you know,

00:27:36.150 --> 00:27:37.690
I helped them the right amount with homework

00:27:37.690 --> 00:27:40.190
and I didn't do this and I did do that. And like,

00:27:40.250 --> 00:27:42.549
even if you had all of those things and you.

00:27:42.859 --> 00:27:46.140
parented in the exact way that like scientifically

00:27:46.140 --> 00:27:48.980
spiritually all the things checked every single

00:27:48.980 --> 00:27:51.859
box our kids are still human yeah and they're

00:27:51.859 --> 00:27:54.059
still gonna make stupid decisions and decisions

00:27:54.059 --> 00:27:56.420
that make us mad and that affect other people

00:27:56.420 --> 00:27:59.960
because they're little humans and yeah and they're

00:27:59.960 --> 00:28:02.640
learning and they're learning and i think that

00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:07.059
like a big uh theme of all of that is like releasing

00:28:07.059 --> 00:28:10.779
control yeah and so i liked in the book it uh

00:28:11.259 --> 00:28:14.319
it says like, ask yourselves, ask yourself these

00:28:14.319 --> 00:28:18.259
questions. And in a moment of maybe feeling frustrated

00:28:18.259 --> 00:28:21.039
or feeling like you don't have that like differentiation,

00:28:21.380 --> 00:28:24.680
it's what can I control? And so asking these

00:28:24.680 --> 00:28:27.599
three questions, what do I have no control over?

00:28:28.079 --> 00:28:31.059
What do I have influence over? And what do I

00:28:31.059 --> 00:28:34.000
have control over? I feel like, like she gives

00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:36.920
the example like, oh, she has no control over

00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:39.980
the weather. Like that is something like, yeah,

00:28:40.059 --> 00:28:43.369
it's gonna, Sucks sometimes and not be what you

00:28:43.369 --> 00:28:46.069
want it to be. Like you have zero control over

00:28:46.069 --> 00:28:48.109
that. We plan to go to the zoo. It's pouring

00:28:48.109 --> 00:28:50.789
rain. Yeah. Can't control that. Then she says,

00:28:50.869 --> 00:28:53.329
I also can't control my family's response to

00:28:53.329 --> 00:28:58.029
the weather. So like if it's raining or this

00:28:58.029 --> 00:29:01.630
talks about a tornado warning. If they're responding

00:29:01.630 --> 00:29:04.769
in a like, oh, this sucks. Like this is scary

00:29:04.769 --> 00:29:06.710
sort of way. Like she has no control over that.

00:29:06.829 --> 00:29:10.250
But she can influence her family how to react.

00:29:10.890 --> 00:29:14.730
to the tornado warning. So yeah, she can influence

00:29:14.730 --> 00:29:16.910
them by telling them where to go in the house.

00:29:17.049 --> 00:29:21.049
So I think of this as like, okay, like my child's

00:29:21.049 --> 00:29:23.750
not doing something that he should be doing.

00:29:24.150 --> 00:29:26.990
Like where can I gain control? Like what do I

00:29:26.990 --> 00:29:29.869
actually have influence over in this situation?

00:29:30.430 --> 00:29:33.829
And I think the term influence is super helpful

00:29:33.829 --> 00:29:37.150
because it reminds you like they still may not

00:29:37.150 --> 00:29:40.500
listen to you. right you know and like an overarching

00:29:40.500 --> 00:29:42.420
thing of like I'm gonna try to influence you

00:29:42.420 --> 00:29:45.680
to make the right decisions but it's still like

00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:47.779
I can't force you to make the right decisions

00:29:47.779 --> 00:29:50.980
you know it's just trying to prompt you in a

00:29:50.980 --> 00:29:54.680
certain way yeah I also liked when she said you

00:29:54.680 --> 00:29:56.819
won't and can't teach your kid everything by

00:29:56.819 --> 00:30:00.319
18 which I feel like is such a relief and then

00:30:00.319 --> 00:30:02.240
as I was reading that and thinking about just

00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:04.599
like my own life and how many times I've like

00:30:04.599 --> 00:30:07.480
called my parents for advice and like or talk

00:30:07.480 --> 00:30:09.200
to other adults, but like specifically when it

00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:12.460
comes to parenting, like I know there was a period

00:30:12.460 --> 00:30:14.900
of time where I was having like a really rough

00:30:14.900 --> 00:30:17.259
time at work with like a specific decision that

00:30:17.259 --> 00:30:18.720
was being made to the point where I was like,

00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:22.420
do I quit? Do I like, how do I respond to my

00:30:22.420 --> 00:30:24.900
boss? Because this is like of how this has affected

00:30:24.900 --> 00:30:27.660
me. Do I push back? Like it was one of those

00:30:27.660 --> 00:30:29.460
things where I was like, do I have legal repercussions

00:30:29.460 --> 00:30:34.319
here? So I like talked to my dad and I had lunch

00:30:34.319 --> 00:30:37.250
multiple times to be like. okay, what do I do

00:30:37.250 --> 00:30:40.109
here? Like, what's the wisest decision? Again,

00:30:40.269 --> 00:30:44.170
do I just quit? Is that the right move? Do I,

00:30:44.190 --> 00:30:47.190
like, send me, like, hey, like, you legally can't

00:30:47.190 --> 00:30:48.710
do this because it was, like, kind of a legal

00:30:48.710 --> 00:30:50.930
criteria. Yeah, yeah. And, like, it worked out,

00:30:50.950 --> 00:30:53.410
but it's, like, that specific scenario or, you

00:30:53.410 --> 00:30:54.789
know, the amount of times I've, like, called

00:30:54.789 --> 00:30:56.150
my mom and be, like, how do you hard -boiled

00:30:56.150 --> 00:30:59.910
eggs again? Yes. I can never remember. Is it

00:30:59.910 --> 00:31:03.789
10 minutes? Is it seven minutes? Yeah, yes. So,

00:31:03.890 --> 00:31:07.690
yeah, and just, like, I still call my parents

00:31:07.690 --> 00:31:09.750
for advice. Not advice on every single little

00:31:09.750 --> 00:31:12.230
thing in my life, but there are things that I

00:31:12.230 --> 00:31:15.089
still am like, hey, I know that you'd be a person

00:31:15.089 --> 00:31:18.490
to talk to. And so I think for this and for me

00:31:18.490 --> 00:31:21.930
parenting my kids, I go, okay, I want them to

00:31:21.930 --> 00:31:23.910
still be able to reach out to me. So I don't

00:31:23.910 --> 00:31:26.549
have to teach them everything by 18, but I want

00:31:26.549 --> 00:31:28.630
to make sure we have a relationship. So that

00:31:28.630 --> 00:31:31.069
by the time they are 18 and they are leaving

00:31:31.069 --> 00:31:34.390
the house, they want to call me when they forget

00:31:34.390 --> 00:31:37.329
how to hard boil eggs or when they're going through

00:31:37.329 --> 00:31:40.450
a breakup or when something is tough that, you

00:31:40.450 --> 00:31:43.509
know, they're trying to navigate something. So

00:31:43.509 --> 00:31:45.869
I want to still be there for them and help teach

00:31:45.869 --> 00:31:49.029
them these things. I'll be in a different capacity

00:31:49.029 --> 00:31:51.549
in a different way than I would when they're

00:31:51.549 --> 00:31:57.250
2 or 12 or 15 or whatever. But yeah, it was,

00:31:57.250 --> 00:32:00.609
so I think there is this pressure of like, your

00:32:00.609 --> 00:32:03.069
kids are going to turn 18. Yeah. And you better

00:32:03.069 --> 00:32:04.250
have it all. They're going to be out in the real

00:32:04.250 --> 00:32:06.309
world and you better know what they're doing.

00:32:06.789 --> 00:32:08.710
And it's like, none of us knew what we were doing

00:32:08.710 --> 00:32:11.430
at 18. And you can't, your brain literally isn't

00:32:11.430 --> 00:32:14.210
fully developed at 18. So you're not going to,

00:32:14.210 --> 00:32:16.609
again, even if you did every single thing right

00:32:16.609 --> 00:32:18.950
as a parent, they're just not going to know everything.

00:32:19.029 --> 00:32:20.710
And they're still going to have to like go make

00:32:20.710 --> 00:32:22.529
some mistakes. And, you know, there are some

00:32:22.529 --> 00:32:24.410
things that no matter how many times people tell

00:32:24.410 --> 00:32:27.680
you. You just have to do it yourself to realize

00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:31.599
like, oh, that was not a wise choice. Yeah. Yeah.

00:32:31.740 --> 00:32:34.259
Yeah. I saw this reel. It kind of goes along

00:32:34.259 --> 00:32:37.799
with this of you know your kids longer as adults

00:32:37.799 --> 00:32:41.460
than you do as kids. And I'm like, knife to the

00:32:41.460 --> 00:32:45.640
heart. Yeah. It hurts me so much. She brought

00:32:45.640 --> 00:32:50.740
up the marble jar. Yeah. Yeah. So for anyone

00:32:50.740 --> 00:32:53.779
who hasn't heard the marble jar. analogy I guess

00:32:53.779 --> 00:32:56.900
is like you I don't remember the number but you

00:32:56.900 --> 00:33:00.220
put a certain amount of number of marbles into

00:33:00.220 --> 00:33:02.920
a jar and that's like how many weeks you have

00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:05.200
left with your kid before they turn 18 don't

00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:07.220
like that and you're supposed to like take one

00:33:07.220 --> 00:33:09.400
out every week or whatever so we hate it is that

00:33:09.400 --> 00:33:13.289
one because the authors who's like it I did that

00:33:13.289 --> 00:33:15.910
and it gave me like such dread and like I just

00:33:15.910 --> 00:33:18.150
felt like I was a terrible mother yeah because

00:33:18.150 --> 00:33:20.329
of this because I would just like take it out

00:33:20.329 --> 00:33:22.990
every week and be like oh well that's another

00:33:22.990 --> 00:33:25.990
week wasted or whatever that's how it felt yeah

00:33:25.990 --> 00:33:28.430
it's like you only have 18 summers with your

00:33:28.430 --> 00:33:31.950
kids like that that thing and I'm like oh yeah

00:33:31.950 --> 00:33:34.369
I yeah yeah I think it's one of those things

00:33:34.369 --> 00:33:37.750
like I get it in concept like and then I think

00:33:37.750 --> 00:33:40.799
it depends on like how you view it too of like

00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:42.740
if you view it as like this positive thing of

00:33:42.740 --> 00:33:45.799
like look how many i have versus look how fast

00:33:45.799 --> 00:33:49.099
it's going away yes yeah i don't i don't think

00:33:49.099 --> 00:33:52.779
i like it no i my family growing up we'd always

00:33:52.779 --> 00:33:56.740
do the like the paper rings to like count down

00:33:56.740 --> 00:33:59.599
when santa was gonna be here so like how many

00:33:59.599 --> 00:34:02.039
days until christmas and that was always such

00:34:02.039 --> 00:34:05.259
a like rewarding thing yeah like cutting those

00:34:05.259 --> 00:34:07.740
off every day whenever it's like the take the

00:34:07.740 --> 00:34:11.960
marbles away i'm like Yeah, because like you're

00:34:11.960 --> 00:34:14.039
counting down to something good versus counting

00:34:14.039 --> 00:34:17.139
down to something really bittersweet. It's like

00:34:17.139 --> 00:34:19.619
I can see the concept of it of like, oh, you

00:34:19.619 --> 00:34:22.639
look at it and you're like, oh, man, I only have

00:34:22.639 --> 00:34:25.460
this amount of time to like make the most of

00:34:25.460 --> 00:34:28.119
their childhood and make the most of like my

00:34:28.119 --> 00:34:30.000
time with them. But then when you have like a

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:32.820
bad week, you're like, well, I guess I'm not

00:34:32.820 --> 00:34:36.179
making the most of it because. We all cried every

00:34:36.179 --> 00:34:40.480
single day this week and yeah. Yes. Like I just

00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:42.920
ruined their childhood and then you spiral and.

00:34:43.059 --> 00:34:44.800
Yeah. This is what they're going to be talking

00:34:44.800 --> 00:34:48.679
about in therapy. I feel that. Yes. Yes. Okay.

00:34:48.780 --> 00:34:52.119
I've also really liked. Let me pull up. Yeah.

00:34:52.179 --> 00:34:54.739
This quote too. Going back to like the differentiation

00:34:54.739 --> 00:34:58.670
and like being a separate person from your. Children,

00:34:58.789 --> 00:35:03.309
failure to differentiate can result in emotional

00:35:03.309 --> 00:35:06.610
enmeshment. Enmeshment means we are overly connected

00:35:06.610 --> 00:35:09.409
to another person's needs so badly we lose touch

00:35:09.409 --> 00:35:12.809
with our own needs, goals, desires, and feelings.

00:35:13.289 --> 00:35:15.269
And I just thought that was so good because I'm

00:35:15.269 --> 00:35:18.869
like, I don't know. I feel like I'm in this right

00:35:18.869 --> 00:35:21.969
now where I'm like, I'm at that point where like.

00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:24.800
I do need to prioritize my own needs, goals,

00:35:25.099 --> 00:35:26.860
desires, and feelings. And again, that's one

00:35:26.860 --> 00:35:29.000
of those things that's really hard seasonally

00:35:29.000 --> 00:35:30.679
because you read this when you have a newborn

00:35:30.679 --> 00:35:33.480
and you're like. Well, yeah. Well, obviously,

00:35:33.480 --> 00:35:35.940
because that's how it's supposed to be with a

00:35:35.940 --> 00:35:38.239
newborn. Like your newborn doesn't know they're

00:35:38.239 --> 00:35:41.539
not their own person yet or they are their own

00:35:41.539 --> 00:35:43.960
person yet. Yep. That you're not attached anymore.

00:35:44.179 --> 00:35:46.780
It's like first few months, like that is kind

00:35:46.780 --> 00:35:49.480
of how it's supposed to be. But then when we

00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:51.800
stick with that for years and years, that's when

00:35:51.800 --> 00:35:54.659
it becomes like really messed up and super unhealthy

00:35:54.659 --> 00:35:58.519
and how you lose yourself. And yeah. Yeah. Do

00:35:58.519 --> 00:36:01.159
you feel like that's something that you can try

00:36:01.159 --> 00:36:03.559
to gain control over from the beginning? Or is

00:36:03.559 --> 00:36:07.269
it kind of like a... lost cause at the beginning

00:36:07.269 --> 00:36:10.150
of like i mean i think it probably depends on

00:36:10.150 --> 00:36:13.289
a few things yeah like again what kind of support

00:36:13.289 --> 00:36:16.769
system you have and like if you can do like little

00:36:16.769 --> 00:36:20.269
things like leave and get a pedicure for you

00:36:20.269 --> 00:36:22.929
know an hour while you have a newborn or something

00:36:22.929 --> 00:36:25.949
like that um but then there's so many things

00:36:25.949 --> 00:36:29.070
also outside of your control right like zeta

00:36:29.070 --> 00:36:31.349
is six months and she just now started taking

00:36:31.349 --> 00:36:33.929
a bottle so i'm like so for the first six months

00:36:33.929 --> 00:36:36.710
i literally couldn't be away from her for more

00:36:36.710 --> 00:36:39.949
than like two three hour stops and that's like

00:36:39.949 --> 00:36:44.090
door to door yeah so right so there's all these

00:36:44.090 --> 00:36:46.429
like variables that I think make it really tough

00:36:46.429 --> 00:36:48.710
to like really implement that from the beginning

00:36:48.710 --> 00:36:50.570
it's like Lloyd that wasn't that way he took

00:36:50.570 --> 00:36:53.429
a bottle pretty quick yeah um and so I would

00:36:53.429 --> 00:36:55.630
get like out of the house and around other people

00:36:56.480 --> 00:37:00.539
multiple times or like at least once a week and

00:37:00.539 --> 00:37:03.019
it wasn't a big deal yeah and that was starting

00:37:03.019 --> 00:37:06.579
from when he was like a month old so i yeah i

00:37:06.579 --> 00:37:09.280
think i think there are things you can do early

00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:12.699
on to like kind of set the groundwork yeah part

00:37:12.699 --> 00:37:15.460
of me doesn't want like i don't know i feel like

00:37:15.460 --> 00:37:19.420
part of me wants to just be so enmeshed with

00:37:19.420 --> 00:37:22.179
my kids you know like I don't want to differentiate

00:37:22.179 --> 00:37:24.820
yeah if that makes sense I know it's healthy

00:37:24.820 --> 00:37:28.119
well then do I really want to not really yeah

00:37:28.119 --> 00:37:30.719
and then I think again there is this balance

00:37:30.719 --> 00:37:34.139
of like there's a healthy amount of enmeshment

00:37:34.139 --> 00:37:37.320
you know um and maybe it's called something different

00:37:37.320 --> 00:37:39.719
and like that specific term is like you know

00:37:39.719 --> 00:37:42.139
like codependence kind of thing versus like being

00:37:42.139 --> 00:37:45.369
a team yeah because it's like I I want to be

00:37:45.369 --> 00:37:48.550
connected to their needs. And again, once they're

00:37:48.550 --> 00:37:50.869
getting older, that starts to look different

00:37:50.869 --> 00:37:52.710
and it starts to get really unhealthy, right?

00:37:52.849 --> 00:37:55.349
You know, if you have a 16 -year -old who you're

00:37:55.349 --> 00:37:58.789
still as connected to as your six -month -old,

00:37:58.889 --> 00:38:00.909
that's a little creepy. That's a problem. Yeah.

00:38:01.030 --> 00:38:03.269
Yeah, and honestly, your 16 -year -old's probably

00:38:03.269 --> 00:38:05.309
not going to appreciate it. Yeah, and that's

00:38:05.309 --> 00:38:07.889
when you start to experience things like maybe...

00:38:08.519 --> 00:38:10.320
You're going to be a low contact later in life

00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:12.380
or whatever, you know, if this isn't handled

00:38:12.380 --> 00:38:14.539
in a healthy way. So like, I get that. And I

00:38:14.539 --> 00:38:18.099
know she's also talking to all moms, you know,

00:38:18.099 --> 00:38:20.460
not specifically just to like us where we're

00:38:20.460 --> 00:38:22.960
in the early years where a lot of this is like,

00:38:22.980 --> 00:38:25.800
no, this is just, you know, we're in survival

00:38:25.800 --> 00:38:30.039
mode. And again, when you have a newborn, like

00:38:30.039 --> 00:38:33.320
you are still connected to them essentially in

00:38:33.320 --> 00:38:36.539
some capacity. Yeah. Yep. This is kind of jumping

00:38:36.539 --> 00:38:41.760
back. Yeah. But she talks about kind of a lot

00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:43.659
of the negatives of social media and motherhood.

00:38:43.980 --> 00:38:47.679
And a lot of things like you go on social media

00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:49.920
and you see other moms and you're like, oh, they

00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:52.780
have it all together. Yes. Why don't I? Do you

00:38:52.780 --> 00:38:56.619
feel that way? Oh, for sure. Yeah. And it makes

00:38:56.619 --> 00:38:59.559
me, I don't know, like I feel like we're in such

00:38:59.559 --> 00:39:03.599
a social media generation. And so I think it's

00:39:03.599 --> 00:39:07.130
fun to like. post on social media about what

00:39:07.130 --> 00:39:10.510
we're doing or but i do feel like there is that

00:39:10.510 --> 00:39:13.530
pressure of like i'm only gonna post about the

00:39:13.530 --> 00:39:16.230
the good stuff the positives yeah yeah well and

00:39:16.230 --> 00:39:18.949
part of it is like the negatives you're dealing

00:39:18.949 --> 00:39:21.789
with the negatives right like i don't want to

00:39:21.789 --> 00:39:25.610
like mid tantrum be like pull my phone out not

00:39:25.610 --> 00:39:28.349
my story it's like no we're dealing with whatever's

00:39:28.349 --> 00:39:30.170
happening where it's like oh we're at the zoo

00:39:30.170 --> 00:39:33.050
together like i i want to document this because

00:39:33.050 --> 00:39:36.650
also in 20 years when i am devastated because

00:39:36.650 --> 00:39:38.670
all my kids are out of the house this is the

00:39:38.670 --> 00:39:41.250
moment that i'm gonna want to look back remember

00:39:41.250 --> 00:39:44.730
and yeah yep well the other thing that i think

00:39:44.730 --> 00:39:47.530
between this book and then one of the things

00:39:47.530 --> 00:39:49.309
i've just kind of been realizing on my own too

00:39:49.309 --> 00:39:53.650
one of the issues with social media and technology

00:39:53.650 --> 00:39:56.090
and obviously like we have a podcast i'm not

00:39:56.090 --> 00:40:00.050
anti -technology um is it makes you emotionally

00:40:00.050 --> 00:40:02.210
close with the people who are physically far

00:40:02.210 --> 00:40:06.250
away from you and that makes it really hard to

00:40:06.250 --> 00:40:10.090
have your like support system village needs met

00:40:10.090 --> 00:40:13.969
yeah so one of the things i think maybe i mentioned

00:40:13.969 --> 00:40:18.090
this for maternity leave with zeta my like brain

00:40:18.090 --> 00:40:21.309
rot show was the dick van dyke show yes and so

00:40:21.789 --> 00:40:23.369
For anyone who hasn't seen it, because it's so

00:40:23.369 --> 00:40:27.849
old, a little bit of the, like, setup is there's

00:40:27.849 --> 00:40:30.250
Rob and Laura, and they're the main couple. And

00:40:30.250 --> 00:40:32.690
their best friends, Millie and Jerry, live in

00:40:32.690 --> 00:40:35.769
the house next door. Okay. And they both have

00:40:35.769 --> 00:40:39.389
kids. And I know half of this setup is so that

00:40:39.389 --> 00:40:41.570
there's, like, a reason in the show why their

00:40:41.570 --> 00:40:43.369
kid just, like, isn't there half the time. It's

00:40:43.369 --> 00:40:44.590
because they're like, oh, he's over at Millie

00:40:44.590 --> 00:40:47.340
and Jerry's. But the, like... This relationship

00:40:47.340 --> 00:40:49.960
between Laura and Millie is one of these things

00:40:49.960 --> 00:40:51.699
where I'm like, I don't know if this used to

00:40:51.699 --> 00:40:55.559
be more normal because of, like, how community

00:40:55.559 --> 00:40:58.159
worked or if this is just, like, the sitcom dream.

00:40:58.380 --> 00:41:00.719
But it's like, oh, one of them's going to the

00:41:00.719 --> 00:41:02.320
grocery store, so the other will be like, can

00:41:02.320 --> 00:41:04.280
you pick up eggs for me? Because they live next

00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:05.719
door, so it's like, that's really convenient.

00:41:06.179 --> 00:41:09.460
Or, like, one of them is making a costume for

00:41:09.460 --> 00:41:11.960
the kids' school play and the other's helping.

00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:16.239
Or it's like, yeah. Richie, go over to Aunt Millie's

00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:19.659
house because I have to do this. And when you

00:41:19.659 --> 00:41:22.519
are emotionally close with the people who aren't

00:41:22.519 --> 00:41:25.019
physically close with you, those things just

00:41:25.019 --> 00:41:27.820
don't exist. Right. Like that doesn't exist.

00:41:27.860 --> 00:41:30.000
Like even my parents, they live fairly close.

00:41:30.059 --> 00:41:32.039
They live like 10 minutes away. But that's still

00:41:32.039 --> 00:41:34.480
far enough that it's like if I needed to just

00:41:34.480 --> 00:41:37.380
run to the grocery store, it's easier for me

00:41:37.380 --> 00:41:39.340
to load the kids up in the car, get everyone

00:41:39.340 --> 00:41:42.199
to the grocery store. go pick up the gallon of

00:41:42.199 --> 00:41:44.219
milk that I need and come back than it is to,

00:41:44.280 --> 00:41:46.599
like, hey, mom, can you, like, come sit? Come

00:41:46.599 --> 00:41:48.559
over and sit with the kids. Right, because by

00:41:48.559 --> 00:41:51.719
the time she's over here, I could have been back.

00:41:51.820 --> 00:41:54.960
So then you just end up doing more things on

00:41:54.960 --> 00:41:57.019
your own because the people. Because it's just

00:41:57.019 --> 00:41:59.960
easier. Yeah, and then it's, like, all of my

00:41:59.960 --> 00:42:03.059
neighbors, like, we've started to get to know

00:42:03.059 --> 00:42:05.099
some of our neighbors, but I don't know any of

00:42:05.099 --> 00:42:07.050
them well enough to be, like. Hey, can you just

00:42:07.050 --> 00:42:09.489
come sit with my kids while I run and get milk?

00:42:09.650 --> 00:42:12.010
Yeah. You know? Yeah. And again, maybe that's

00:42:12.010 --> 00:42:14.349
just like our neighborhood or. I feel like it's

00:42:14.349 --> 00:42:16.429
a generational thing, honestly. I think like

00:42:16.429 --> 00:42:19.750
as bad as it sounds, like people are way more

00:42:19.750 --> 00:42:23.130
cautious. Yeah. Now. Which to a certain extent,

00:42:23.210 --> 00:42:26.469
like me too and I get it. The world is. It's

00:42:26.469 --> 00:42:29.869
crazy. Crazy right now. And I'm not going to

00:42:29.869 --> 00:42:32.449
trust just anyone. Yeah. Out there, especially

00:42:32.449 --> 00:42:36.539
to watch my kids. Yeah. I've joked with Stuart

00:42:36.539 --> 00:42:39.159
and my mom, like no one is ever allowed to be

00:42:39.159 --> 00:42:40.719
with, you guys aren't allowed to be alone with

00:42:40.719 --> 00:42:43.039
my kids because I don't trust anyone. Yeah. We

00:42:43.039 --> 00:42:46.260
did this training at church. I think the ministry

00:42:46.260 --> 00:42:48.460
safe training. I did that one too. Yeah. After

00:42:48.460 --> 00:42:50.909
I left that, I was like. I don't trust anyone.

00:42:50.989 --> 00:42:53.349
Yeah, I was like, do I even trust myself? Yeah,

00:42:53.349 --> 00:42:54.650
I was like, Stuart's not allowed to be around

00:42:54.650 --> 00:42:56.250
my kids. My parents aren't allowed to be around

00:42:56.250 --> 00:42:59.869
my kids. My in -laws. Certainly no one who isn't

00:42:59.869 --> 00:43:02.349
background checked. And there are video cameras

00:43:02.349 --> 00:43:04.349
all around my house. They're never leaving my

00:43:04.349 --> 00:43:08.550
house. Yeah, exactly. And then I'm just going

00:43:08.550 --> 00:43:10.750
to have to leave my child in their room. Yes,

00:43:10.789 --> 00:43:12.949
he's going to be a bubble boy is what's happening.

00:43:13.130 --> 00:43:17.130
Yes. Yeah, I honestly think it's a generational

00:43:17.130 --> 00:43:21.000
thing. Yeah. and meshing going back to that word

00:43:21.000 --> 00:43:22.840
i kind of don't like that word it kind of sounds

00:43:22.840 --> 00:43:25.820
weird to me but melding their lives together

00:43:25.820 --> 00:43:29.940
and i feel like that's such a i don't know maybe

00:43:29.940 --> 00:43:33.980
pre all this technology pre that's part of it

00:43:33.980 --> 00:43:38.400
right is because it's easy to be in communication

00:43:38.400 --> 00:43:41.400
and in community with someone who you're not

00:43:41.400 --> 00:43:44.159
next door with whereas like that used to be like

00:43:44.880 --> 00:43:47.880
long distance you know I have one of my friends

00:43:47.880 --> 00:43:51.820
lives in Idaho and I text her all the time about

00:43:51.820 --> 00:43:54.460
mom questions like am I crazy about this you

00:43:54.460 --> 00:43:57.280
know and 15 20 years ago that would have been

00:43:57.280 --> 00:44:01.159
a long distance call yeah okay maybe not 15 but

00:44:01.159 --> 00:44:03.380
you know at one point in time that would have

00:44:03.380 --> 00:44:06.840
been a long distance call yeah and that wouldn't

00:44:06.840 --> 00:44:08.739
have necessarily been worth it to be like am

00:44:08.739 --> 00:44:11.599
I crazy because my mom did this or my mother

00:44:11.599 --> 00:44:13.699
-in -law did this or because I took him to the

00:44:13.699 --> 00:44:16.800
doctor when this happened or whatever. And so

00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:18.500
you do go to the person next door or someone

00:44:18.500 --> 00:44:21.179
closer or whatever. Yeah. It's just simpler.

00:44:21.179 --> 00:44:23.079
It's just different. Yeah. Yeah. Life was just

00:44:23.079 --> 00:44:27.139
simpler, I would say. Not that I, I don't know.

00:44:27.159 --> 00:44:29.500
I think about our childhoods. I feel like life

00:44:29.500 --> 00:44:32.699
was much simpler. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I

00:44:32.699 --> 00:44:34.300
mean, we would hang out with the neighbor kids

00:44:34.300 --> 00:44:36.860
all the time. Yeah. We have so many pictures.

00:44:38.349 --> 00:44:39.869
Within the last couple of years, my mom and I

00:44:39.869 --> 00:44:42.050
just went through like all of her physical pictures

00:44:42.050 --> 00:44:44.769
and the amount we have of like just the neighborhood

00:44:44.769 --> 00:44:49.210
kids hanging out in the street, like, you know,

00:44:49.210 --> 00:44:52.170
having fun, water balloon fights, whatever. Like,

00:44:52.190 --> 00:44:54.110
how do we get back to that? How do we get back

00:44:54.110 --> 00:44:56.650
to those roots? Because those are some of like

00:44:56.650 --> 00:44:59.449
the most core memories for me as a child of like.

00:45:00.010 --> 00:45:02.710
Messing around with the neighborhood kids. Like

00:45:02.710 --> 00:45:06.150
we used to, we convinced our neighbors that me

00:45:06.150 --> 00:45:08.869
and my siblings were the spy kids. I love it.

00:45:09.289 --> 00:45:11.789
They were convinced for months and months and

00:45:11.789 --> 00:45:15.349
months that we were real life spy kids. And like

00:45:15.349 --> 00:45:18.349
that to me is such a core memory. Yeah. And like.

00:45:18.699 --> 00:45:21.760
I'm like, how do I give our, like, how do I give

00:45:21.760 --> 00:45:24.460
my kids that type of childhood? Yeah. Well, it's

00:45:24.460 --> 00:45:26.480
tough because when not everyone is like thinking

00:45:26.480 --> 00:45:29.360
that way. No. You know, it'd be one thing if

00:45:29.360 --> 00:45:31.400
everyone was on the same page. Like, we need

00:45:31.400 --> 00:45:33.219
to get back to this. But it's like your next

00:45:33.219 --> 00:45:35.280
door neighbors maybe don't have those same priorities.

00:45:35.519 --> 00:45:38.960
No. Which actually, going to priorities, that's

00:45:38.960 --> 00:45:43.320
one thing she mentioned that I liked is good

00:45:43.320 --> 00:45:45.099
moms can have different priorities and still

00:45:45.099 --> 00:45:47.820
be good moms. Yeah. Because I think. Yes. It's

00:45:47.820 --> 00:45:50.619
really easy both to judge and to feel judged

00:45:50.619 --> 00:45:53.940
when you have different priorities. Yeah. Right.

00:45:54.039 --> 00:45:56.400
Where it's like, this is how we're choosing to

00:45:56.400 --> 00:45:59.719
raise our kid. And again, outside of like actual

00:45:59.719 --> 00:46:02.500
abuse or whatever, you know, you guys can make

00:46:02.500 --> 00:46:06.440
a vastly different decision than us on something.

00:46:06.980 --> 00:46:09.780
And that doesn't make either one of us a better

00:46:09.780 --> 00:46:11.500
mom. It's just like, hey, we're just doing what's

00:46:11.500 --> 00:46:14.880
best for our family and what we feel like convicted

00:46:14.880 --> 00:46:20.500
and. Yeah. you know drawn to for our family yeah

00:46:20.500 --> 00:46:24.360
she talked about like screen time and her family

00:46:24.360 --> 00:46:27.760
in that uh in that area about like side note

00:46:27.760 --> 00:46:30.579
i have just a quick beef with her statistic oh

00:46:30.579 --> 00:46:33.820
yeah because it's from a study from 2008 because

00:46:33.820 --> 00:46:36.139
she says something about like they did a study

00:46:36.139 --> 00:46:38.099
on preschoolers who like had a lot of screen

00:46:38.099 --> 00:46:40.340
time versus no screen time yep and like they

00:46:40.340 --> 00:46:42.280
all turned out pretty much the same and then

00:46:42.280 --> 00:46:43.800
i looked at the study she referenced and it's

00:46:43.800 --> 00:46:46.900
from 2008 and you're like It's a little bit different

00:46:46.900 --> 00:46:49.400
now. Yeah. No judgment, but anyways, go back

00:46:49.400 --> 00:46:51.340
to what you're saying. No, for sure. No, but

00:46:51.340 --> 00:46:53.860
yeah, she talked about like how, so she has,

00:46:53.960 --> 00:46:57.800
I think she said she has five boys, which, whoa,

00:46:58.000 --> 00:47:00.659
first of all. It's probably in my future, to

00:47:00.659 --> 00:47:03.300
be honest. So this is just prep for you? Yeah.

00:47:03.480 --> 00:47:05.639
But she talked about like how pretty much all

00:47:05.639 --> 00:47:07.659
the time in their house, they just had like the

00:47:07.659 --> 00:47:11.059
TV going. They just, yeah, they like. They weren't

00:47:11.059 --> 00:47:13.699
always eating vegetables every meal. They weren't

00:47:13.699 --> 00:47:16.059
prioritizing that. They were just making sure

00:47:16.059 --> 00:47:19.480
their kids were fed and happy. And how the majority

00:47:19.480 --> 00:47:23.619
of her kids are, I mean, all fairly great kids.

00:47:23.860 --> 00:47:27.079
They survived. Yeah, they survived that. No one's

00:47:27.079 --> 00:47:30.320
a serial killer yet. Yeah, yet. But I feel like

00:47:30.320 --> 00:47:33.360
there is such an internal pressure now of like...

00:47:34.170 --> 00:47:36.949
being that social media like perfect picture

00:47:36.949 --> 00:47:40.429
perfect mom who's no screen time like my kids

00:47:40.429 --> 00:47:43.710
eat well i think it's tough it's like there are

00:47:43.710 --> 00:47:45.710
some things that there's two parts to it right

00:47:45.710 --> 00:47:48.130
there's the like oh everyone's doing this so

00:47:48.130 --> 00:47:51.550
i should which is like we all just need to get

00:47:51.550 --> 00:47:53.969
over that myself included but then there's like

00:47:53.969 --> 00:47:56.949
oh i see this and that is what i desire to be

00:47:56.949 --> 00:48:01.550
i just don't have the capacity like I know a

00:48:01.550 --> 00:48:04.230
lot of moms right now who are starting to mill

00:48:04.230 --> 00:48:07.030
their own flour. Oh gosh. Which I think is super

00:48:07.030 --> 00:48:09.090
cool. That is cool. And to be honest, I would

00:48:09.090 --> 00:48:12.590
love to be the mom who I like mill my own flour

00:48:12.590 --> 00:48:15.650
and make my own sandwich bread every week. Yeah.

00:48:15.650 --> 00:48:19.389
But then I'm like, I can't like. I can't even

00:48:19.389 --> 00:48:21.889
get all my emails done at work all the time.

00:48:22.170 --> 00:48:26.299
Last week we ate out at least twice. Yeah. Because

00:48:26.299 --> 00:48:29.280
I was on the verge of a breakdown and Stuart

00:48:29.280 --> 00:48:32.360
was like, yeah, we are just, we're going to order

00:48:32.360 --> 00:48:34.840
dinner in so that you don't lose your mind. Yeah.

00:48:34.900 --> 00:48:37.519
So it's like that, that's my reality right now.

00:48:37.579 --> 00:48:39.699
And, you know, maybe someday in the future when

00:48:39.699 --> 00:48:42.480
the kids are older, I'll be the mom milling my

00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:44.579
own flour and making my own bread. I don't know.

00:48:44.579 --> 00:48:46.119
You know, maybe that'll never happen. I don't

00:48:46.119 --> 00:48:48.260
know. But it's like, I would love to be that

00:48:48.260 --> 00:48:51.099
mom. You know, it's not like I think I should

00:48:51.099 --> 00:48:53.239
be. It's like, no, like. Like an aspiration.

00:48:53.619 --> 00:48:57.739
Yeah. But. reminding myself like oh I work a

00:48:57.739 --> 00:49:00.480
full -time job I have the kids home with me almost

00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:04.139
all the time yeah you know it's it's okay that

00:49:04.139 --> 00:49:08.099
we just have store -bought bread and it's okay

00:49:08.099 --> 00:49:11.699
that you know when we have McDonald's three times

00:49:11.699 --> 00:49:14.780
this week because we're in survival mode and

00:49:14.780 --> 00:49:17.019
that's the closest thing to our house honestly

00:49:17.019 --> 00:49:20.519
it's like that the so the book talks about like

00:49:20.519 --> 00:49:23.400
all these myths of motherhood and one of them

00:49:23.400 --> 00:49:26.000
is the super mom myth that you're just like,

00:49:26.059 --> 00:49:28.739
you're this mom, like you're not a good mom unless

00:49:28.739 --> 00:49:32.519
you can do it all basically. And I just, I could

00:49:32.519 --> 00:49:35.199
say it out loud, like obviously. Yeah. But like,

00:49:35.219 --> 00:49:37.320
do I really believe that? I don't know. Like

00:49:37.320 --> 00:49:40.599
I should be able to do it all. Yeah. And so,

00:49:40.599 --> 00:49:43.480
um, I like this description. It's like motherhood

00:49:43.480 --> 00:49:46.239
comes with this invisible job description, do

00:49:46.239 --> 00:49:49.219
it all perfectly. And I just think that, I think

00:49:49.219 --> 00:49:53.280
that that's, it's such a, it isn't, I know it's

00:49:53.280 --> 00:49:57.329
a myth. yeah but I want I want to be this super

00:49:57.329 --> 00:50:00.309
mom that can do it all yeah yeah it's really

00:50:00.309 --> 00:50:02.630
hard because like again you want to do it all

00:50:02.630 --> 00:50:04.530
and you want to yeah you want to be that mom

00:50:04.530 --> 00:50:06.530
that makes bread you know if that's your aspiration

00:50:06.530 --> 00:50:09.289
you know that makes the bread and that gets everything

00:50:09.289 --> 00:50:12.050
done and has the perfectly clean house but it's

00:50:12.050 --> 00:50:15.170
really but when it's not in your capacity it's

00:50:15.170 --> 00:50:17.710
just not but when you're holding yourself to

00:50:17.710 --> 00:50:20.250
that standard yeah that's yeah yeah it's really

00:50:20.250 --> 00:50:23.699
tough it goes back to like the priorities of

00:50:23.699 --> 00:50:27.360
good moms look different like you can be a good

00:50:27.360 --> 00:50:30.420
mom and you know eat mcdonald's three times a

00:50:30.420 --> 00:50:33.019
week and you're still a great mom yeah or you

00:50:33.019 --> 00:50:35.639
could be a great mom and you make your own sourdough

00:50:35.639 --> 00:50:39.420
and yeah raise your own chickens and live off

00:50:39.420 --> 00:50:42.579
the land exactly and feed your kids lots of vegetables

00:50:42.579 --> 00:50:47.239
so yeah yeah okay i think we are going to break

00:50:47.239 --> 00:50:50.840
here. Okay. And we'll be back next week. Let

00:50:50.840 --> 00:50:53.679
us know what you think of, yeah, this kind of

00:50:53.679 --> 00:50:57.260
book review. Yeah. And you guys should check

00:50:57.260 --> 00:50:59.119
out the book because it really is good. Yeah.

00:50:59.159 --> 00:51:02.460
It was convicting to me. And yeah, we'll chat

00:51:02.460 --> 00:51:05.760
next week about it. Well, do you want to get

00:51:05.760 --> 00:51:09.639
into your win of the week? I would love to. So

00:51:09.639 --> 00:51:15.659
my win, so like I mentioned, so Colt just turned

00:51:15.659 --> 00:51:18.849
two. about a week ago and one of the things we

00:51:18.849 --> 00:51:21.190
got him for his birthday is one of those like

00:51:21.190 --> 00:51:25.030
learning towers it's uh basically like a little

00:51:25.030 --> 00:51:27.489
step stool thing you guys have one yeah we call

00:51:27.489 --> 00:51:30.269
it his helper stand yeah yeah so he can like

00:51:30.269 --> 00:51:32.349
pull it up to the counter and like help us make

00:51:32.349 --> 00:51:36.050
food or like um he really likes to now eat his

00:51:36.050 --> 00:51:39.679
meals standing in it but it is We bought it from

00:51:39.679 --> 00:51:43.900
one of our coworkers who had it. And it's cool

00:51:43.900 --> 00:51:45.800
because on the back of it, it's like magnetic.

00:51:45.840 --> 00:51:48.380
So he has like a bunch of like farm animal magnets

00:51:48.380 --> 00:51:51.440
on there. And he's like been super into those,

00:51:51.519 --> 00:51:55.880
super into just like washing his hands now, which

00:51:55.880 --> 00:51:59.590
is like. Cool. Love that. Love clean hands and

00:51:59.590 --> 00:52:03.869
wants to like watch us or help us like cook everything.

00:52:04.409 --> 00:52:07.909
And we also got him an apron and it's just like

00:52:07.909 --> 00:52:12.170
the most adorable thing. And so I think my win

00:52:12.170 --> 00:52:16.289
from that is like, first of all, it's just super

00:52:16.289 --> 00:52:19.369
cute. And, but it also like has made me just,

00:52:19.409 --> 00:52:22.030
it's tested my patience because I know it's like.

00:52:22.329 --> 00:52:24.570
Things are going to go slower. It's going to

00:52:24.570 --> 00:52:26.010
create more of a mess. He's for sure going to,

00:52:26.010 --> 00:52:28.409
like, grab the flower and eat it. Yes. Yeah.

00:52:28.550 --> 00:52:32.670
And so it's just been super fun. That's so fun.

00:52:32.769 --> 00:52:36.230
Yeah. Lloyd loves his helper sand. I need to

00:52:36.230 --> 00:52:38.710
get back into, like, having him help with stuff

00:52:38.710 --> 00:52:40.110
more and, like, pulling it up to the ground.

00:52:40.110 --> 00:52:41.889
I have in my Amazon cart, like, one of those

00:52:41.889 --> 00:52:44.940
Montessori, like. Those kids, like, cutlery,

00:52:45.059 --> 00:52:48.159
like. We have one. I think we got it from her

00:52:48.159 --> 00:52:50.400
Christmas, so it was a little too young. Yeah.

00:52:50.400 --> 00:52:52.400
But, yeah, I need to get, like, back into, like,

00:52:52.440 --> 00:52:54.320
having him help. Yeah. With that kind of stuff.

00:52:54.559 --> 00:52:57.119
Colt just wants to, he, like, says his name.

00:52:57.179 --> 00:53:00.380
He goes, Kiki. He goes, Colt. We call him Colty.

00:53:01.019 --> 00:53:04.139
So he goes, could you try? And so he wants to

00:53:04.139 --> 00:53:06.920
try everything. And so I'm like, okay, I think

00:53:06.920 --> 00:53:09.139
I need to get him those so that he can, like,

00:53:09.159 --> 00:53:11.980
he can really try. Yeah. So you're not using

00:53:11.980 --> 00:53:16.320
my. knives that no absolutely not yeah are going

00:53:16.320 --> 00:53:19.000
to hurt you and i keep our knives like very sharp

00:53:19.000 --> 00:53:21.679
that's like the thing in the kitchen i'm very

00:53:21.679 --> 00:53:24.380
paranoid about is like a dull knife is actually

00:53:24.380 --> 00:53:28.239
more dangerous so yeah that is so true um okay

00:53:28.239 --> 00:53:31.519
okay what's your win my win of the week uh it's

00:53:31.519 --> 00:53:35.460
a little bit of backstory on this so a couple

00:53:35.460 --> 00:53:38.400
weeks ago lloyd was like really tired in the

00:53:38.400 --> 00:53:40.099
morning and kept asking for a nap and i don't

00:53:40.099 --> 00:53:43.239
really know why but it was like 10 a .m. so I

00:53:43.239 --> 00:53:44.920
was like we're not going down for a nap this

00:53:44.920 --> 00:53:46.619
early that's gonna make everyone's afternoon

00:53:46.619 --> 00:53:49.460
miserable but also I had a grocery order to pick

00:53:49.460 --> 00:53:51.929
up so I was like I can't even like we've got

00:53:51.929 --> 00:53:53.829
to wait till I can pick up groceries at least

00:53:53.829 --> 00:53:55.949
before you go down for nap. But he kept asking,

00:53:56.590 --> 00:53:58.349
so like, well, do you want to lay down on the

00:53:58.349 --> 00:54:00.670
couch? And he goes, lay down. I was like, okay.

00:54:00.690 --> 00:54:03.289
So I like go, I like stack up some pillows and

00:54:03.289 --> 00:54:04.769
lay him down on the couch and like tuck him in

00:54:04.769 --> 00:54:06.650
with the blanket and give him his little like

00:54:06.650 --> 00:54:09.690
Yoshi stuffed animal. And he was like, you think

00:54:09.690 --> 00:54:11.590
I took the kid to Disneyland? Like he was so

00:54:11.590 --> 00:54:13.909
thrilled. But now anytime he's like a little

00:54:13.909 --> 00:54:16.889
bit tired, he just goes, lay down couch. Lay

00:54:16.889 --> 00:54:18.869
down couch. Actually, he says lay down nap. And

00:54:18.869 --> 00:54:20.190
that means he wants to lay down on the couch

00:54:20.190 --> 00:54:23.639
and lay down nap. And so I'm like, you want to

00:54:23.639 --> 00:54:26.760
lay down? I'm like, okay. And so we like take

00:54:26.760 --> 00:54:29.380
him over to the couch and tuck him in with some

00:54:29.380 --> 00:54:31.480
pillows and blankets and give him his little

00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:33.159
Yoshi and his little llama. And he just like

00:54:33.159 --> 00:54:36.440
snuggles with his stuffed animals. And sometimes

00:54:36.440 --> 00:54:38.320
he wants to read a book. He'll also do it himself

00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:40.619
sometimes, which is super cute. He just like

00:54:40.619 --> 00:54:43.440
slides under the blanket and like grabs a book.

00:54:45.260 --> 00:54:46.980
It's also nice because sometimes he does that

00:54:46.980 --> 00:54:48.840
while I'm working and then he just wants me to

00:54:48.840 --> 00:54:51.179
sit next to him. And you're like, you can keep

00:54:51.179 --> 00:54:53.820
working. I can answer emails while you sit next

00:54:53.820 --> 00:54:57.480
to me. Does he fall asleep? He's like too excited.

00:54:57.820 --> 00:55:02.739
It's like, do you ever watch The Office? There's

00:55:02.739 --> 00:55:05.659
the episode where Kelly gets a choice between

00:55:05.659 --> 00:55:08.099
watching an hour of TV or a nap at work. And

00:55:08.099 --> 00:55:10.659
she's just like, I'm too excited to sleep. I

00:55:10.659 --> 00:55:13.280
feel like that's what Lloyd is at when he like...

00:55:13.559 --> 00:55:16.179
lay down nap on the couch is he just wants to

00:55:16.179 --> 00:55:18.619
lay down that's amazing he's like we're like

00:55:18.619 --> 00:55:21.260
hey buddy you can do this anytime but he loves

00:55:21.260 --> 00:55:23.679
it i don't know why it's like so special to him

00:55:23.679 --> 00:55:27.440
but it is and it's so cute it's so sweet that's

00:55:27.440 --> 00:55:29.880
adorable i don't know if you feel this way like

00:55:29.880 --> 00:55:32.719
as our kids uh are getting a little older that

00:55:32.719 --> 00:55:35.500
they're just like becoming these these humans

00:55:35.500 --> 00:55:39.260
and it just like everything makes me so like

00:55:39.260 --> 00:55:42.539
i love just watching like him learn and yeah

00:55:42.539 --> 00:55:45.260
it's just like the cutest thing like ever what

00:55:45.260 --> 00:55:48.139
his actual personality is and like yeah yeah

00:55:48.139 --> 00:55:50.159
learning about your kid even though you've known

00:55:50.159 --> 00:55:52.639
them like oh no this is who you're becoming yeah

00:55:52.639 --> 00:55:55.000
it's so fun it's so sweet all right well thanks

00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:57.920
for listening to part one of this episode we

00:55:57.920 --> 00:56:00.579
will come back next week sweet we didn't want

00:56:00.579 --> 00:56:03.119
to give you like a two -hour episode yeah that's

00:56:03.119 --> 00:56:06.159
a bit much tune in next week for i want to say

00:56:06.159 --> 00:56:07.780
the second half of the book but we kind of jumped

00:56:07.780 --> 00:56:10.920
all around so just the second part yeah the second

00:56:10.920 --> 00:56:14.380
part of all of our takes on this book and we

00:56:14.380 --> 00:56:15.980
will see you next week see you next week