Welcome back to No Manual, A MomCast, where we're
here to just share the realities of motherhood,
have some fun, some laughs, some tears. We're
excited to have you back and to have you listening.
Yes, and today we have a very special guest,
our sweet friend, Anna Lord. And Anna, would
you want to maybe just do a brief synopsis of
you and your family? Yes. Hey, everyone. I am
married to... my husband, and we've been married
just about 11 years, and we just welcomed our
son, who's about three and a half months old.
I work full -time, kind of. I'm a freelancer,
but I own my own business, and we live here in
Colorado. We're originally from California, and
we moved here about three years ago. Awesome.
Well, we like to start every episode with our
mom moments of the week, so this could be something
totally random, fun. Not so fun. But Erica, do
you want to start with your mom moment? I would
love to. So anyone who's been around an infant
knows that baby farts are the loudest things
in the world. I don't know why. Like full grown
man farts. For sure. And here's the thing. I'm
not someone who's ever like been into fart humor.
I grew up in like a girl house. So that's just
like never been on my radar. But it's still funny
to me. And the other day, Lloyd was just, like,
sitting there reading his book, minding his own
business, and Zada farted so loud that he, like,
stopped what he was doing. He stopped reading
his book and, like, turned around and did a double
take. So that's how loud Zada's baby fart was
this week, was that it stopped her brother in
his tracks from reading, which you can't get
him to stop reading. He loves reading so much.
So that is my mom moment this week. I wonder
if he, like, thought it was... Him. Maybe. I
don't know. Like, whoa. What was that? That's
funny. Okay. My mom moment actually happened
yesterday. And this is my husband's first week
back at work after paternity leave. And so that
in itself was just like overwhelming. And so
yesterday it was like towards the end of the
day. Well, Cruz had to get some vaccines yesterday
at his doctor's appointment in the morning. And
so he like was kind of fussy. yesterday just
from getting vaccines and then our dog brisket
he like runs inside and all of a sudden he like
goes up the stairs and he like falls down the
stairs and he somehow hurt his knee and so he's
like i think he fell down the stairs because
he like had hurt it prior to that but he like
couldn't use his leg And then so Cruz is like
fussy. Brisket has a hurt knee. And then Colt
all of a sudden is like getting a fever for who
knows what reason. Just because you didn't have
enough going on. Yeah, exactly. That's why. And
so I called Michael and it was like four o 'clock
at this point. So it was like towards the end
of the workday. And he was like in a meeting
and I like FaceTime him and he declines me. And
I'm like, I'm like, can you please call me back?
Like Brisket just hurt himself. losing my mind
and so he like goes out of the meeting and calls
me and he's like what is happening I was like
I don't know but I think Brisket needs surgery
and all this stuff but anyways today Brisket
woke up and he's totally fine so I think he just
wanted attention or something and didn't want
us to forget about him but that is my mom moment
of just like an overwhelming week and then all
of these things happen at once and You know,
we made it through. And I actually didn't even
cry, which is surprising. That's incredible.
But it would have been okay if you didn't. It
totally would have been okay. But I am proud
of myself that I, you know, powered through.
Yeah. Didn't feel too stressed to need to cry.
No. Yeah. Not yet, at least. Yeah. What about
you, Anna? My mom moment. Can we talk about baby
nails? Yeah. Yes. Gosh. So difficult. So sharp.
And so we had cut. Our son's name is Mason. We
cut his nails and I thought I did an okay job.
And apparently not because I guess I didn't get
the sides well enough or file it down well enough.
So we get him up from his nighttime sleep. We
get his arms out of the snoo. So that's maybe
15 minutes. Usually in the morning I give him
some time to do that because then that gives
me time to wake up. And in those 15 minutes,
he has this giant gash in his face. And then
I woke up today and he had another gash in his
face. And then I'm like, I know it'll heal up
and it's fine. It's normal. But I like just don't
know how to cut his nails. Yeah. And I'm very
terrified of it. It's the worst. Yeah. I've found
if the like Frida Mom filer thing. Yeah. The
buffing thing. Yeah. The like softest one. You
have to do that after you like file it down.
So that way there's not like a dagger edges.
Yeah. Because yeah, I've definitely, I've gotten
scratched from Zeta before and like. it looks
like one of the cats got me with him how bad
it was totally and then she definitely gets herself
every once in a while and it's the worst when
you look down you're like why is she bleeding
no truly well and mason's discovered his hands
to his mouth and so there's this fear too of
like oh my gosh you're just scratching up your
gums the inside of your because yeah yeah poor
guy i know i know i feel like i've like i've
tried to bite they're like cruises nails when
they're, when he's sleeping and that works okay.
But it, yeah, I don't know. They're just so sharp
and they grow so fast. Like every single day
I'm going to have to. Like as soon as you're
done filing them, you have to start over. Is
there such thing as a baby manicurist? Can I
just like hire them to take care of it? We need
this niche market to open up. Well, Anna, tell
us more about your family. Yes. So as I'd mentioned,
my husband and I have been married for about
11 years, but we've been dating and together
for maybe 16 or 17 years. So we've been together
for a really long time. We have one son who is
almost four months old and it's through adoption.
And there was a season in our life as well where
we were fostering when we lived in California.
And so that's a little bit about our family.
Like we currently have one son, but we've...
had another son as well. Yeah. Have you always
wanted to be a mom? Yes, but not necessarily
in the traditional sense. I didn't grow up like
playing house, being the mom. If anything, I
grew up playing house, being like the boss of
the house. Nice. But I have not necessarily dreamt
of being pregnant and having that type of mom
experience though I've grown up being a nanny
for my family and then also like a professional
nanny for other families so children and child
care has always been something that I've loved
and I kind of you know moved past that as I pursued
my career but it's definitely like I was kind
of like the kid at a party that would like find
a baby or like other kids and like play with
them and keep them entertained. What was your
guys' experience trying to have biological kids?
Yeah, we struggled with infertility for many
years. And so there were many years of, I would.
I would try to approach it the most natural way
as possible. So we went to an acupuncturist for
several years for fertility purposes. We were
successful with a few like chemical pregnancies,
but nothing beyond that. And I've gone to the
doctor to, you know, check kind of all the standard
things. And seemingly there was nothing quote
unquote wrong. And so that's exciting to hear
when. Yeah. Isn't that the worst of like. It's
actually just unexplained infertility. Yes. That
was kind of our story too of like unexplained
at the beginning. And that is almost worse than
like, can you just tell me I have like a cyst
or like, you know, something like that. When
there's an explanation, at least, you know, like
there is something to do or even there's not
something to do. Right. Right. When there's no
explanation, you're like, well, okay. I guess
we just. keep trying or we stop? I don't know.
And it's so hard, especially when we were going
to the acupuncturist. I was very limited on my
diet because we needed to avoid inflammation
and all these things, you know, and I had to
take all these vitamins to increase my body temperature
because that apparently was an issue for me.
There were so many little things and obviously
you make sacrifices in every aspect of your life,
but I just felt like I was sacrificing everything
that brought me joy. So then be disappointed
every month. And it was this, I mean, it was
so messed up. It was like a vicious cycle, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Of disappointment. Yeah. Yeah. So
that was kind of the journey of having biological
children. But on the other side of that, even
well before I knew that that likely wasn't going
to be possible for me, I've always had a heart
for adoption. And Sean does too, separately,
my husband. When we were kind of like, oh, having
biological children might not really be an option.
It wasn't adoption or foster care was not the
second choice. It was like, this might be the
only way we have a family. And we definitely
feel called to have a family. So that's kind
of what led us to that. So did you ever consider
like fertility treatments? IVF or anything like
that? Or was it just like, this isn't really
working. So let's go with this, like you said,
not second option, but this thing that we've
already called to? Yes, the latter. We, or I
personally don't feel called to any type of fertility
treatment. And so that was kind of the next option
was foster care adoption. Did you feel like you
had to grieve maybe not being able to have any
biological kids at this point? I think there
was a season when I was in my late 20s where
I really struggled with the realization that
that was not even an option for me. Though, again,
we didn't pursue IVF or anything like that. So
we could have easily conceived through that avenue.
But given kind of what I believed in and what
I trust my body to do or not do, I decided I
think I grieved. The idea that I couldn't do
this shared experience that a lot of my friends
and close people have. And I think what made
it difficult was a lot of my very good friends
at the time were having children or already had
their first. And there was this silly. societal
pressure that like I was behind. In age, in life
stage, I felt like, oh no, am I not going to
be able to connect with these people, like my
friends anymore because they are entering just
a new life stage and family comes first. And
so there was a little bit of grieving of not
having like a shared experience. So tell us a
little bit about like your foster care experience.
So Where were you guys at in your marriage when
you guys decided to start fostering? Yeah, we,
at this point, we had been married for about
five years. We were married for about five years,
and the scenario in which we received our foster
baby, I'll just call him Baby R, he was actually
in the foster care system. being placed with
a coworker of Sean's at the time. And she had
moved to, had gotten a new job and had to move
to another part of the state. And so essentially
baby R was going to be replaced in the system
with a new family. However, he was set to reunify
within like a month or two and they didn't have,
and at the time we were living in LA County,
which is very packed full of babies who need
homes. And so they didn't have actually any homes
available for that temporary of a situation.
And so the social worker basically asked the
co -worker, Sean's co -worker, do you know anyone
who could take care of him temporarily before
he's reunified? Wow. If there's like approval,
we'll get him fingerprinted. We'll get him in
the system. But again, it was only supposed to
be for a month, maybe two months. So I get a
call. And I was out of town for work. Get a call
from a social worker. Can we meet? This was like
on a Friday. Can we meet on Monday? And kind
of chat through these things. And then basically
by that following Friday, he was placed with
us. Wow. It was insanity. So you weren't like,
we're going to be foster parents. We're going
to go to the classes. We're going to do this
thing. You kind of were just. One day we're like,
maybe we'd do this. And by Friday you have a
baby. Yes. It was get the crib. Like what bottles
does he take? What do we, like what's his schedule?
Luckily his previous foster mom was our friend.
So like we followed the schedule that she had,
but it was wild. And what was supposed to be
a month or two ended up being close to two years.
Wow. So, which was the most beautiful two years
of her life. some of that time spanning during
the pandemic, during shutdown. So we weren't
even facilitating visitations with his mother
or anything because of everything being so strict.
And again, especially because we were in LA.
And so that was beautiful, really beautiful.
Just so much time at home and special time. As
a family. Yeah. Wow. And tell us a little bit
about, if you can, the reunification process
yes guys so we uh he was placed with us when
he was about six months old and then he was reunified
when he was two and then post reunification we
i still had a decent relationship with his mother
and so we would pick him up and essentially babysit
him for the day i suppose but like go to disneyland
take him to the beach and I think the difficulty
in foster care is, yes, the goal is definitely
reunification, and that should always be the
goal. However, in this instance, I just, we,
meaning my husband and I, really struggled with,
I don't know if this is the best for them as
a family. There's still a lot of struggle happening,
as there always will be. I think a lot of the
quote unquote babysitting that we did was also
me desiring to keep tabs on him and make sure
he was okay, even though it broke me. I mean,
it prolonged the grieving process significantly.
And I would still say, I mean, it's been, gosh,
five years pretty much since it all. And I am
still going through the steps of grief with him.
And obviously too, in introducing Mason into
our family, it kind of created a new... Probably
some new grief brought up. Yes. Yeah. Wow. And
then so baby R gets reunified and then you guys
move. How long after was that decision to move?
Yeah. It was about a year, but I think about
eight months after reunification. And then we
started seeing him less and less. Not on purpose,
not on our end at least. I honestly, I just needed
out of our apartment because I was kind of like,
his bedroom, which was previously my office,
just became a vacant room because I couldn't
walk into that room anymore. For sure. I just
felt like there was this ghost of our baby. And
I was like, I need to move across the street
anywhere. All of a sudden, maybe a week later,
my husband gets a call about a job opportunity
in Colorado. And I was kind of like, God, I want
it across the street, not to a place I've never
been. Not a few states over. Yeah. But we were
kind of desperate for change at that time. And
again, this was also post -pandemic or amidst
the pandemic. And so our minds are already kind
of thinking about what else, where else, like
the majority of Californians. For sure. We moved
and quite frankly, it just felt like a necessary
fresh start for us. Scary moving to a state where
we don't have family or really a support system.
But I was kind of desperate for change, quite
frankly. And we really enjoyed coming out here
to Colorado and kind of seeing what our life
could look like, the work environment for my
husband, all these things. seemed right. And
while a move is not easy, it's never felt like
the wrong choice, but that also meant us moving
to another state solidified this idea that we
would no longer kind of be an option to adopt
Baby R if he were to have ever gone back in the
system or anything like that. And so that was
also like a huge step of faith. of me closing
that door of us closing that door for ourselves
because we were kind of always like oh maybe
maybe yeah he'll be back with us and then we
can't live like this yeah oh I can't cannot even
imagine like that kind of like final like acceptance
of like okay we have to trust that yeah he's
gonna be okay I know one of the things I actually
had someone say this to me in terms of a breakup
but I think it works with like any sort of grief
and honestly having your child be reunified in
a situation like that is almost like a breakup
to a certain extent but that one of the things
we don't talk about in grief is yes you've lost
the person but you've also lost the future you've
envisioned which that stuck with me so much because
I think that is what we grief way more than the
past because you still have those memories right
and that you hold those memories so close to
your heart and they're so sweet but then you're
like oh but like in the back of my mind I was
kind of thinking what about all these next steps
we'd take with him and that is all just gone
and then moving is like that's for sure gone
yeah like that future will never exist now it's
also really interesting because I mean I've gone
to therapy and we've really worked on the grief
part because that's kind of infiltrated my life
but grieving also that version of me because
I was so happy I was creative I just felt like
I was thriving when I was baby or his mom and
also on the other side knowing all of the stability
and like the love I was able to provide for him
knowing that that was going to be helpful for
him no matter where or what his living conditions
were. And maybe six months ago, I was talking
to my husband and we were kind of having like
a little emotional conversation. And I essentially
said like, I miss us in that season because we
were just so much happier. Like when was the
last time we actually just were truly just like
smiley and silly and happy? Like we're not silly
and fun anymore. And not to say that, that's
not who we are and that it only came out because
of a baby, but truly I just, it felt like, oh
wow, we really do feel called to being parents
because like that is what made us shine. Do you
feel like that conversation was something that
kind of sparked you guys then stepping forward
into this adoption process? As you can imagine,
I've been really guarded and fearful of stepping
into foster care again, for sure. But even adoption
and even private adoption, because it's... I'm
just really jaded. I mean, I've been yelled out
by a judge in a courthouse for foster care. Sounds
super fun. I've facilitated visitations in a
women's prison, essentially, and slash rehab
center. So I just feel very cold and hardened
to some of these things because I just don't
want to open myself up to that again. But we
are at a point where my husband is almost 40.
I'm in my mid -30s. kind of can't keep dragging
our feet realistically because I do want to be
like an active parent and available emotionally
and all these things as they become teens and
older. And so there's a point where I'm like,
Anna, the longer you postpone, that doesn't change
anything other than you're just postponing this
life that you desire. So fear kind of took over
for a bit and then maybe there is that realization.
Yes. Plus, adoption has so many steps that require
money to even start the step. And we just didn't
know where to begin. And each state has its different
rules and laws. And it's just, they make it very
difficult to even understand how to get started.
Which is interesting because there's so many.
I mean, I understand the side of it. Like, we
don't want just anyone to adopt. But then the
other side of, like, there's so many kids that
need to be adopted that are in the system. And
they're making it so difficult for people to
do that. Yes. Because it's a, you have to be
organized and really good at paperwork and kind
of administrative things. And then there's the
financial component, which is also. insane and
most average families with two working adults
cannot i mean i can't imagine how many years
of saving it took us truly yeah they just make
it very difficult for a good reason but at the
same time i think they're also limiting like
the really good families who really could provide
safe loving homes for children yeah Was both
your and Sean's family and your support system
in general, were they all supportive of you adopting
or was anyone weird about it? No, I think especially
after our time with BabyR, I think them understanding
a little bit of the foster care system following
our experience, they were like, oh, okay, yes,
adoption is seemingly an easier route to become
a family. I don't know, intense emotional situation.
I'm not close with my family, so I really don't
know what they think. Nor do I care. That's fair.
So what was, so you guys start your paperwork.
What was the timeline and process for you guys?
So we did go down the route of hiring an adoption
consultant. And I didn't really know what that
was until. That was presented to us. I'd never
heard of it before, yeah. So essentially, they
are a consultant. They don't necessarily match
you with agencies or birth parents. There's no
affiliation there. They're kind of just somebody
who understands both sides of the adoption process.
So from the birth parents, what's required of
us, licensing, classes, paperwork. And then they
also know kind of the agency side of what's required.
And so they basically, I would basically go to
her and say, I need to get a home study. Where
do I get one? It has to be in my state, but.
I'm Googling like home study and I don't even
know to submit an application. It costs a thousand
dollars. Wow. And so I want to make sure I'm
filling out the right application and I'm submitting
to the right company or reputable company. So
she kind of just held my hand all along the way.
Hey, they're telling me I need this certification.
Is that necessary? Yes. No. Whatever it may be.
And so given all of. the complications of foster
care, I just needed that extra handholding. And
yes, that was an additional service. But worth
it, I'm sure. Yes. And it prolonged me from second
guessing and just dragging my feet. Because she
also was like, did you get this done? Did you
get this done? And I just needed that because
again, the fear was kind of debilitating. Do
you feel like you would... have still been in
the process of getting through all that yeah
100 so timeline wise because we worked with our
consultant and she just kind of kept me in line
we officially completed all of the certifications
and all the documentation that we needed to required
by the state of colorado by september or we had
started end of may everything was somewhat completed
by september And we were matched with our birth
mother end of November. Wow. And she was in her
third trimester when we matched and baby was
born February. Wow. So that was a very quick
process. Yes. What kind of stuff is required?
I know so little about adoption. What kind of
stuff was required for you to get all of your
paperwork in? So I know like a home study, what
does that even mean? A home study is entailed
of several different components. So one being
the physical study of the home and like our minds.
So like a social worker will come like visit
our home, make sure it's okay. kind of interview
us as well, learn about our childhood, learn
about our present day, parenting techniques,
anything that would obviously impact this baby
coming into our home. So we were interviewed
separately and then also together. So there's
that component. And then there's also things
like we had to provide all of our insurances.
We had to go to the doctor and get a physical.
Fingerprints, of course. So quite a bit of...
Yeah, so many steps. And then also CPR training.
We had to take a 20 -hour class, essentially,
training. But it was kind of bizarre because
we had to learn how to swaddle like a baby doll.
But at this point, nobody has been matched yet.
This is a class that's required to take. in the
state of Colorado, but they're teaching us things
where I'm like, some families aren't going to
have a baby for two years. Why are we swaddling
dolls right now? Yeah, or even maybe not. Not
a newborn. Yeah, not a newborn. Yeah. Also, if
you've ever swaddled a newborn, a doll sits still.
A newborn does not. Yeah, that arm finds its
way out in .2 seconds. Exactly. Okay, so you
guys finished paperwork up in September, got
matched in November. She was due in February.
Do you feel like that whole process, because
that is really quick, right, for adoption? Do
you feel like that was what you were hoping for
or were you just like, oh my gosh, this is way
faster than I ever could imagine and I can't
process this all and I don't know what's happening?
A combination of the two. I think a big part
of me, given what we experienced up until this
point, was where's the poo? Like things are going
to – everything's gone a little too smoothly.
Where's the poo? And I realize that's not like
the best mentality to have in such an emotional
situation, but that's just where my mind went.
Yes, exactly. We also had to create something
called a profile book, which I like to call it
a pitch deck because essentially it is a booklet,
PDF or physical, of us. It's about – Sean and
Anna. Here's a page about Anna. These are all
my interests in some of my background. Here's
a page about Sean. Here's a page about us. Here's
a page about what we do as a family. And so essentially
birth mothers are going through these booklets
finding, you know, the right fit for their baby.
And so that was also awkward. Yeah. It's like
a dating profile. It is. It is. And I definitely
did not feel confident enough in that I wouldn't
be second guessing every single word or photo
I placed. So I did hire somebody to design that
and write the copy for that. But that was another
component of having a home study. There are all
these things that you need to have set in place.
I mean, I'm not good at selling myself just in
general. I know you're a business owner, so maybe
this is a skill you're a little better at. But
then it's also different when it's like you personally
versus your product, right? Where you're like,
this is what I offer you is very different than
me. Like, this is why you should pick me as a
person. That's like, that's scary because it
also is super vulnerable. Like, oh, there are
going to be a lot of people who look at this.
A lot of bio moms look at this like. I don't
want her taking my kid home. And that's really
scary because, yeah, it is just super vulnerable.
It's actually way more important than a dating
profile. Yeah. It's so interesting, too, because
we were reassured by our consultant just reminding
us, hey, when you don't get picked, because there
will be instances where you don't, don't take
that personally. One of you could look like an
aunt that they don't like. It has nothing to
do with you as your... and that your, you know,
your capabilities of providing for that child,
but know that there are some... They could bring
up something from their past that just like works
them wrong or... Yes, exactly. Yeah. Hmm. Such
an interesting, I mean, it is like a vulnerability
that you're stepping into that just requires
a lot of faith and just a lot of vulnerability,
I can't imagine. Yeah. So you're this birth mother.
selects you guys and you guys have three months
to prepare yeah not a full pregnancy to prepare
what was that process like for you guys honestly
it was really exciting because at this point
we had so how it worked for us with our consultant
was she would receive cases of birth mothers
who wanted to find a family and she would present
us and sometimes we'd get a lot of information
like family medical history and things like that
and sometimes it's just gender of baby due date
this is the state where they would be adopted
from so we had said yes and by saying yes meaning
yes present our profile book because essentially
it's yes present our profile book they take a
look they choose. So essentially you both have
to say, I mean, like, obviously you have to say
yes, we're going to adopt this baby, but also
you have to say yes to the birth mom. Correct.
It's not just like she picks you and then you
say yes or no. Right. Exactly. And so we had
said yes to being presented, I believe three
times prior to Mason's birth mother. And so when
we received Mason's birth mother, birth mother's
case, I just knew it felt right. There were things
about her that I was like, wait, honestly, a
lot of her, the things that we knew about her
were a lot similar to Baby R, even down to they're
both Puerto Rican or part Puerto Rican. And it
just felt so right. And so we said yes. And it's
kind of this quick thing where. You say yes,
present me, and then it could become a 24 -hour
to 48 -hour thing until you would hear back.
How long was it for you guys? Maybe a day. Wow.
If not, a few hours. But my husband seemingly,
which is crazy because I travel a lot for work,
but he happened to be out of the country at this
point. So I called him. Can I say yes? I feel
good about this one because we just got an email.
I feel good about this one. And he was like,
yeah, I trust you. Go for it. And then a few
hours later, I get a call, you know, for some
clarification on some things and then being told
that we were chosen. And again. Sean is out of
the country eight hours, nine hours ahead of
schedule or time wise. And I FaceTime him and
he's in the Netherlands at this point. And I
was I like call him just FaceTiming him crying.
And he knew that was a good cry. Yeah. And it
was so funny because it was like the church bells
were ringing. We're both on FaceTime crying.
We can't believe we've been matched. Also. Really?
Like you're in another country right now. We
can't celebrate this together in person. We can't
like give each other a hug right now. I know.
It was just like a really quirky moment to kind
of solidify. Oh, okay. But she's due in February.
So like. That's not too far away. What do we
do? Right. Especially because at that point it
was like we were ready for a baby with a week's
notice. Not even like four days notice realistically
with baby R. So we were kind of like. We can
do this thing. We can do this thing. Yeah. Three
months, that's plenty of time for us. I know.
Well, those first two months were, you know,
through the holidays. Oh, man, that's going to
take forever. And then basically January came
and then I was like, wait, I've got a list of
so many things I want to do for the house. I
need to nest. I found out I was pregnant at like
eight weeks and January came along and I was
like. Oh, I've gotten that. We don't have a bassinet.
We don't have diapers. So, you know, it's not
just you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, you guys
are getting your, your house prepped, everything
like that. Where were you guys at emotionally
in those last few weeks, I guess, of preparing?
Anxious as any new parent is going to be. Our
son was born in Florida. And so there was the
added logistical stress of at any point we could
get a phone call that she's in labor or she's
already delivered and we essentially have to
take the next flight out. And so there's also
this level of having to be flexible, but also.
Are you not traveling at this point for work
or did you? No, because it's my off season in
the winter, which worked out. Yeah. But I did
have a few projects that I knew would need to
be on standby if I needed to go meet our son.
But he was due – he was born just a week before
his due date. So it wasn't anything that we really
had to pivot what we were preparing for, which
was great. But it was also we had to pack suitcases.
Do we pack for a week? Do we pack for – We packed
for a week. We ended up being there for three
weeks. Mason spent two weeks in the NICU, and
then we still had to wait one week for appearances.
Basically, the two states talked to each other
to make sure we can leave the state with the
baby for safety purposes, which was frustrating
at the time because we were kind of in limbo
waiting every day. Again, that's one of those
things where you're like, logistically and safety
-wise. 100 % understand. I don't want people
just taking babies over state lines without approval.
Also, from your standpoint, that's super frustrating.
We're like, okay, so I guess we just... We can't
go to Disney World while we're in Florida because
we have a newborn. We're not sleeping in our
own bed. What do we do? We're washing bottles
in Hotel Sings. Yes. Oh my gosh. All of the things.
Probably re -upping the hotel room every day.
Yes. Yes. That... I mean, that was only three
months ago. I look at it fondly now because we,
honestly, Sean and I are kind of like, I don't
know if there's anything we couldn't handle because
that was a very emotionally and physically draining
few weeks for many reasons. And I just feel like
we handled it really well. We're going to pat
ourselves on the back for that. That's amazing.
Okay, so going back a little bit. So bio mom
goes into labor. You guys hop on a plane and
go to Florida. Yeah. And then you guys meet Mason
the next day, right? Yes, essentially. Okay.
We meet him in the NICU. And I'd been in the
NICU once before for a relative's child who was
born prematurely. That's a different experience
than meeting your child. What was it like meeting
him for the first time? Oh, gosh. I mean, every
emotion you could imagine. I was nervous. I was
anxious. I was excited, of course. I was also
very heartbroken seeing him all hooked up to
all these things. You're meeting him. It's all
the emotions. Yeah. And then you said he's in
the NICU for two weeks and then you're there
for three. Yes. What has been the biggest challenge
for you being an adoptive mom? I think the biggest
challenge has been kind of the logistics of we
still have a social worker coming to visit us.
We are still waiting to finalize our adoption.
So he's not officially official a part of our
family quite yet. And that probably won't. happen
until until july or so as we're told so i do
think there's still this um uneasiness of what
if something happens yes exactly but it's funny
because to you know being an adoptive mom of
a baby at this age at three months You know,
I'm walking around and people are like, oh my
gosh, like how old is he? And I'll share the
age. And they're like, you look great. And I'm
like, thank you. I'm not going to be like, well,
actually, he's adopted. When it suits you at
the grocery store who you have never seen before.
You're just like, thank you. Because also, no
one talks about this. Going to the grocery store
with an infant, you're like, I just want to get
my grocery shopping done. But everyone stops
you. Yes. Every single person. I really don't
like the attention that I get from strangers
pushing him around in his stroller and stuff.
Yeah. I feel that. Yeah. I don't mind it as much
if I'm like at a park or like, you know, a little
more of a social situation. It's always running
errands and I'm like, I'm just trying to pick
up my milk. Yeah. I know you're trying to be
nice. I'm not trying to tell you my whole birth
story. Yeah. Yeah. I do have a podcast though,
if you'd like to listen. Yeah. Right. I had a
lady at Costco. I think I told you this, Anna,
maybe that stopped me when Cruz was like, I don't
know, three weeks old or something and literally
touched his ear. And I was like, Excuse me, ma
'am. You... What is your name? Yeah, right? Please
don't touch my child. Okay, going back to you.
My desire is when somebody does that, to do it
back to them. So if, like, she touched Cruz's
ear and then you just gently stroke her ear and
then just smile and walk away. Have a good day,
ma 'am. Unless she's, like, trying to kiss his
head and I'm not about to kiss a stranger's head.
Gently kiss her head. Yeah. But same, same. Put
them in their place without being mean. That's
just truly how awkward the situation is. That's
amazing. Okay. Next time I'm going to think about
that. Yeah. Like they come over and like pat
them on the butt and there we go. Yes. Oh my
gosh. That's hilarious. Okay. What has been your
biggest joy in motherhood so far? Feeling like
a family again. Yeah. There are so many moments
where Sean and I are on the couch and Sean's
holding Mason and he's making all his sounds
and stuff. And we just look at each other and
are just so grateful. One, that we were chosen
by his birth mother. That hard time in the NICU
and stuff. He seemingly is very healthy and just
like a happy growing boy. We're just so grateful.
Also, just the idea that... We watched a lot
of Pixar with Baby R. And there are a lot of
movies that I love that I have not been able
to turn on because I'm just too sad. And now
we've been able to put on a few movies that we
really love with it on in the background for
Mason. But I'm excited to watch it again and
create new memories because I feel like the ones
that I keep replaying are sad. They're joyful,
but there's this yearning, this nostalgia that
I have, and then it makes me sad. Do you feel
like you, when you talked about in the podcast
earlier about that kind of that joy that you
guys had with Baby R, do you feel like you guys
have kind of attained that again or you're getting
there? Yeah, we're getting there. I have never.
taking care of a newborn before so this particular
stage has been difficult for me one because I've
never done it before but also I just love like
infancy once they're five six months of age because
I to be honest I don't love snuggling and holding
all day that's Sean's thing Sean's like I could
sit on the couch and hold this baby all day but
I'm like I want to interact I want to do stuff
so Mason's starting to become way more interactive
with me and I've really enjoyed that but so it's
taken it's taken me a little time to find that
joy because I just this isn't my sweet spot yeah
I mean those early months when like they don't
smile they don't react to at all it's tough yes
like even if you do love the snuggles you're
like i'm getting nothing from you yes and then
then you once you start to get the smiles you're
like okay like you recognize me yes uh yesterday
uh zeta smiled when she heard stewart's voice
and i was like that's the best thing that's ever
happened that's amazing so like yeah getting
to that stage where you're like oh okay you are
a human yeah i can like yeah Have some interaction
with you and have some fun with you and start
to actually play with you is really fun. What
is something that you wish that you knew before
going into the adoption process and adopting?
I think it's less about what I wish I knew and
I wish I could have not been so fearful to start
the process. Especially some of the agencies
have. year -long wait lists or you can't even
get on the waiting list because it's already
too long and they know it'll be years before
you're you know and I just think there are so
many years that we were kind of like twiddling
our thumbs that was on me I was not ready to
start the process because I was grieving but
fearful and I just wish I just had started sooner.
Obviously if we had, we wouldn't have had Mason,
blah, blah, blah. But I think living out of that
fear really kind of took a toll on like the joy
I could have experienced. Yeah. I mean, yeah.
The timeline obviously worked out perfectly,
but that is, yeah, that is interesting and potentially
encouraging to anyone that would want to consider
adoption too of like it's. I'm sure, lengthy
and fearful process in the meantime. But when
you look back, do you have any regrets or anything
like that? No, definitely not. And I think for
us, hiring a consultant was the number one thing
that encouraged us to keep going. There is controversy
in hiring a consultant. So I hear, so Reddit
says. Really? And the controversy is... I mean,
in any industry, there are always going to be
corrupt organizations or corrupt people. But
in the adoption world, consultants could be seen
as a way to pay to play. But the hard thing is
they don't have deals with agencies or birth
mothers. But that's kind of the assumption. But
in my opinion, well, our consultant was incredible.
an honest, trustworthy person. But in addition
to that, I think given everything that we had
experienced, I just need somebody to tell me
what to do, when to do it. You're doing the right
thing. Nope. And even in conversations where
I didn't hear back from the agency for a week
or something, I would email my consultant first.
Hey, is it okay to follow up or am I being unrealistic
with my expectations on the responsive? you know
the responsiveness she'd say wait or nope you
can follow up there are even things like that
where I'm like I know I'm being emotional I also
know I'm very type a and boom boom boom I need
things now I need them answered the way I need
them answered so it was just helpful to have
that person but that is well that is just one
of those things where when you're making such
a big life change like this having someone who
knows what to expect yes is huge like Even buying
a house, right? You get a realtor. And again,
there can be terrible realtors out there who
are super corrupt and who are pulling one over
on you. But you get a realtor because they can
tell you like, hey, if you put in an offer, this
is how long you should expect to wait. If it's
longer than that, then this applies or this doesn't
apply or whatever. And so obviously that sounds
terrible to compare a child to a house like that.
But it's just having someone who knows the industry
and who can help you understand. Just get an
idea of expectations and what's expected of you
and what you need to expect helps so much in
anything, but especially something that's such
a big deal and so emotional no matter what. So
what is something you would tell someone who
is considering adoption? I would definitely say
know your yeses and nos when it comes to the
birth. mother or birth family, like what you
know about them. So we were told this in our
training, which is before you start being presented
birth mothers or families, know your yeses and
your nos in what you're okay with in terms of
lifestyle, drug use, family medical history,
gender, race, like all of the things. Have your
hard yeses and nos because Cases are going to
be presented to you and you're going to want
to say yes to everyone because of the fear that,
well, what if we don't get another one? And what
if it's six months until the next one? But like,
if you feel really strongly that you don't want
a certain medical condition in their known history,
then you just need to pass that up. And we did
have, and I'm so grateful we were given permission.
Yeah. To like, quote unquote, be picky. It sounds
terrible given the entire situation, but ultimately,
I mean, that's for the benefit of the child,
you know, and for the family. Then there's a
different family who's like, oh, I'm fine with
that medical condition. Like I'm called to take
care of a kid who might have that or something
like that. Exactly. Exactly. Do you feel like
you and Sean were kind of on the same page in
that area? Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. If anything,
I was a little bit more lenient on like, yes
to this, yes to this. And he was like, well,
this is what that could look like. Let's talk
about it. Yes. But we weren't necessarily very
quote unquote picky either. Our consultant didn't
share with us or did share with us. There are
a lot of the families that she has worked with
were basically you're looking for one child.
Wow. From a very specific lifestyle, which is
not as common. to be found. So that would be
my tip. Just be firm in that and wait for the
Lord to present you with the right opportunity.
Well, I am so, so appreciative. I know Erica
is too, of you just talking about your journey
and your story and Sweet Mason is so stinking
cute. And yeah, we're just really excited for
you and Sean to be walking the parenthood journey.
With your sweet little guy. Thank you. And just
so appreciative of you coming on the podcast.
Yeah, just thankful for you. Yeah, thank you
so much for sharing your story. Thanks for having
me. Well, let's hop into our wins of the week.
Anna, do you have your win? Do you want to go
first? It's really great. I'm so excited about
it. My win is this past weekend, Mason gave us
his full belly laugh. As a reaction to something.
So he's like belly laughed before when Sean's
like tickled his belly. But this was a moment
where it was the three of us. I was truly, it
was such an organic moment. I need to journal
it because I'm going to forget like how perfectly
sweet it was. I was boiling pasta noodles. We
have music on. pretty much all the time in the
house. And I was just dancing. Sean's holding
Mason, walks over, and we're dancing. We're just
having a little family dance party. And Mason
just starts laughing. And it's that belly guttural
laugh. And it's also funny because his laugh
is very Seth Rogen -esque. It's very like, huh,
huh, huh. So then that was making us laugh. But,
of course, us laughing was making him laugh more.
And we used to have a lot of dance parties with
Baby R. This is just kind of like a really beautiful,
sweet way to show us as a family and what, yeah,
the fun that we could have. Oh, I love that.
I'm really excited about that. That's so sweet.
When they laugh, it's like just the best thing
ever. Yeah. Okay, my win of the week. So like
I mentioned before, this was – oh, hello, Cruz.
This was my first week with Michael. back to
work and with that just comes a lot of okay buddy
comes a lot of fussiness obviously from both
kids and just managing like nap time and trying
to just entertain both kids all all of that and
my win of the week so I think I did it was three
days at home by myself for this work week which
requires three different nap times for Colt and
going into it, I was like, I just don't know
how, like, how do I keep Cruz entertained while
also trying to do like our nap time routine with
Colt. And, um, so we like changed it up a little
bit. So instead of like reading stories in his
recliner, we like read stories on the ground.
And so Cruz could like lay on the ground and
then Colt and I sat on the ground and, and read
stories. And my win is just, it's simply like,
We just did that successfully. And, yeah, there
were some tears. But whenever I got Colt down
for a nap and then Cruz, like, took a nap and
I'm, like, sitting there eating my lunch, I'm
like, you know what? I just freaking rocked it
as mom. Like, you know, there were some tears
from everybody. But, you know, I'm here enjoying
my lunch and my Diet Coke. And both kids are
sleeping. And I did it. So that's my win. That's
a huge win. That first week is rough. You feel
like you can't do it, but then you're doing great.
Yes. Yeah. We'll find our rhythm. So my win is
we got Lloyd some magnet tiles that are like
special occasion toys. So it's like we pull these
out when someone's sick or when it's a rainy
day and everyone's losing their mind. So it's
not an all the time thing. Of course, anytime
we put them away, at least like three of them
somehow. are not in the box of course but he
knows the closet we keep them in so he'll pick
them up when we like find the like stray ones
that didn't get put away he'll pick them up and
he'll go and open the closet which he can't open
all the way because of we keep it blocked intentionally
so he can't open it all the way But he'll open
it just like a little bit and throw the magnet
tile into the closet. But so he clearly knows
that's where we keep it and it needs to be put
away. And he's like, I can't actually play with
these right now, but I know that they go here.
Yeah, which is just really cute. And I love to,
he likes to put things away, which hopefully
keeps up for his lifetime. Yeah, tidy guy. Yeah.
That's so cute. But it's super cute and it's
really funny. Well, Anna, thank you so much for
coming on the podcast. Really appreciate you.
I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. Please
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next week. See you next week. Bye.