WEBVTT 00:00:12.750 --> 00:00:15.929 Welcome back to No Manual, A MomCast, where we're 00:00:15.929 --> 00:00:18.050 here to just share the realities of motherhood, 00:00:18.149 --> 00:00:21.629 have some fun, some laughs, some tears. We're 00:00:21.629 --> 00:00:24.690 excited to have you back and to have you listening. 00:00:25.250 --> 00:00:28.109 Yes, and today we have a very special guest, 00:00:28.429 --> 00:00:32.450 our sweet friend, Anna Lord. And Anna, would 00:00:32.450 --> 00:00:35.990 you want to maybe just do a brief synopsis of 00:00:35.990 --> 00:00:42.359 you and your family? Yes. Hey, everyone. I am 00:00:42.359 --> 00:00:47.070 married to... my husband, and we've been married 00:00:47.070 --> 00:00:50.789 just about 11 years, and we just welcomed our 00:00:50.789 --> 00:00:53.350 son, who's about three and a half months old. 00:00:53.770 --> 00:00:57.109 I work full -time, kind of. I'm a freelancer, 00:00:57.149 --> 00:00:59.770 but I own my own business, and we live here in 00:00:59.770 --> 00:01:01.829 Colorado. We're originally from California, and 00:01:01.829 --> 00:01:03.829 we moved here about three years ago. Awesome. 00:01:04.269 --> 00:01:07.129 Well, we like to start every episode with our 00:01:07.129 --> 00:01:09.730 mom moments of the week, so this could be something 00:01:09.730 --> 00:01:14.620 totally random, fun. Not so fun. But Erica, do 00:01:14.620 --> 00:01:16.620 you want to start with your mom moment? I would 00:01:16.620 --> 00:01:20.019 love to. So anyone who's been around an infant 00:01:20.019 --> 00:01:22.500 knows that baby farts are the loudest things 00:01:22.500 --> 00:01:24.959 in the world. I don't know why. Like full grown 00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:27.840 man farts. For sure. And here's the thing. I'm 00:01:27.840 --> 00:01:30.280 not someone who's ever like been into fart humor. 00:01:30.340 --> 00:01:32.239 I grew up in like a girl house. So that's just 00:01:32.239 --> 00:01:34.739 like never been on my radar. But it's still funny 00:01:34.739 --> 00:01:37.730 to me. And the other day, Lloyd was just, like, 00:01:37.790 --> 00:01:39.489 sitting there reading his book, minding his own 00:01:39.489 --> 00:01:43.170 business, and Zada farted so loud that he, like, 00:01:43.189 --> 00:01:45.150 stopped what he was doing. He stopped reading 00:01:45.150 --> 00:01:47.569 his book and, like, turned around and did a double 00:01:47.569 --> 00:01:50.930 take. So that's how loud Zada's baby fart was 00:01:50.930 --> 00:01:53.769 this week, was that it stopped her brother in 00:01:53.769 --> 00:01:55.670 his tracks from reading, which you can't get 00:01:55.670 --> 00:01:57.349 him to stop reading. He loves reading so much. 00:01:57.689 --> 00:02:00.750 So that is my mom moment this week. I wonder 00:02:00.750 --> 00:02:03.959 if he, like, thought it was... Him. Maybe. I 00:02:03.959 --> 00:02:07.280 don't know. Like, whoa. What was that? That's 00:02:07.280 --> 00:02:10.240 funny. Okay. My mom moment actually happened 00:02:10.240 --> 00:02:15.180 yesterday. And this is my husband's first week 00:02:15.180 --> 00:02:18.419 back at work after paternity leave. And so that 00:02:18.419 --> 00:02:21.360 in itself was just like overwhelming. And so 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:23.560 yesterday it was like towards the end of the 00:02:23.560 --> 00:02:27.060 day. Well, Cruz had to get some vaccines yesterday 00:02:27.060 --> 00:02:29.840 at his doctor's appointment in the morning. And 00:02:29.840 --> 00:02:33.319 so he like was kind of fussy. yesterday just 00:02:33.319 --> 00:02:37.680 from getting vaccines and then our dog brisket 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:42.379 he like runs inside and all of a sudden he like 00:02:42.379 --> 00:02:45.500 goes up the stairs and he like falls down the 00:02:45.500 --> 00:02:51.520 stairs and he somehow hurt his knee and so he's 00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:53.520 like i think he fell down the stairs because 00:02:53.520 --> 00:02:56.400 he like had hurt it prior to that but he like 00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:00.169 couldn't use his leg And then so Cruz is like 00:03:00.169 --> 00:03:03.490 fussy. Brisket has a hurt knee. And then Colt 00:03:03.490 --> 00:03:06.909 all of a sudden is like getting a fever for who 00:03:06.909 --> 00:03:09.750 knows what reason. Just because you didn't have 00:03:09.750 --> 00:03:12.169 enough going on. Yeah, exactly. That's why. And 00:03:12.169 --> 00:03:15.169 so I called Michael and it was like four o 'clock 00:03:15.169 --> 00:03:16.729 at this point. So it was like towards the end 00:03:16.729 --> 00:03:19.610 of the workday. And he was like in a meeting 00:03:19.610 --> 00:03:22.930 and I like FaceTime him and he declines me. And 00:03:22.930 --> 00:03:25.310 I'm like, I'm like, can you please call me back? 00:03:25.330 --> 00:03:29.300 Like Brisket just hurt himself. losing my mind 00:03:29.300 --> 00:03:32.680 and so he like goes out of the meeting and calls 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:34.759 me and he's like what is happening I was like 00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:37.360 I don't know but I think Brisket needs surgery 00:03:37.360 --> 00:03:41.620 and all this stuff but anyways today Brisket 00:03:41.620 --> 00:03:44.180 woke up and he's totally fine so I think he just 00:03:44.180 --> 00:03:47.080 wanted attention or something and didn't want 00:03:47.080 --> 00:03:50.120 us to forget about him but that is my mom moment 00:03:50.120 --> 00:03:53.520 of just like an overwhelming week and then all 00:03:53.520 --> 00:03:57.020 of these things happen at once and You know, 00:03:57.060 --> 00:03:59.479 we made it through. And I actually didn't even 00:03:59.479 --> 00:04:01.800 cry, which is surprising. That's incredible. 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:04.280 But it would have been okay if you didn't. It 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:06.780 totally would have been okay. But I am proud 00:04:06.780 --> 00:04:09.159 of myself that I, you know, powered through. 00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:12.400 Yeah. Didn't feel too stressed to need to cry. 00:04:12.560 --> 00:04:15.800 No. Yeah. Not yet, at least. Yeah. What about 00:04:15.800 --> 00:04:19.240 you, Anna? My mom moment. Can we talk about baby 00:04:19.240 --> 00:04:23.920 nails? Yeah. Yes. Gosh. So difficult. So sharp. 00:04:24.120 --> 00:04:28.480 And so we had cut. Our son's name is Mason. We 00:04:28.480 --> 00:04:31.720 cut his nails and I thought I did an okay job. 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:36.459 And apparently not because I guess I didn't get 00:04:36.459 --> 00:04:38.779 the sides well enough or file it down well enough. 00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:43.660 So we get him up from his nighttime sleep. We 00:04:43.660 --> 00:04:47.060 get his arms out of the snoo. So that's maybe 00:04:47.060 --> 00:04:49.980 15 minutes. Usually in the morning I give him 00:04:49.980 --> 00:04:52.079 some time to do that because then that gives 00:04:52.079 --> 00:04:55.269 me time to wake up. And in those 15 minutes, 00:04:55.290 --> 00:04:58.730 he has this giant gash in his face. And then 00:04:58.730 --> 00:05:00.629 I woke up today and he had another gash in his 00:05:00.629 --> 00:05:03.769 face. And then I'm like, I know it'll heal up 00:05:03.769 --> 00:05:06.370 and it's fine. It's normal. But I like just don't 00:05:06.370 --> 00:05:09.050 know how to cut his nails. Yeah. And I'm very 00:05:09.050 --> 00:05:12.160 terrified of it. It's the worst. Yeah. I've found 00:05:12.160 --> 00:05:15.779 if the like Frida Mom filer thing. Yeah. The 00:05:15.779 --> 00:05:18.779 buffing thing. Yeah. The like softest one. You 00:05:18.779 --> 00:05:20.860 have to do that after you like file it down. 00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:23.480 So that way there's not like a dagger edges. 00:05:23.720 --> 00:05:26.939 Yeah. Because yeah, I've definitely, I've gotten 00:05:26.939 --> 00:05:30.300 scratched from Zeta before and like. it looks 00:05:30.300 --> 00:05:32.379 like one of the cats got me with him how bad 00:05:32.379 --> 00:05:34.500 it was totally and then she definitely gets herself 00:05:34.500 --> 00:05:36.199 every once in a while and it's the worst when 00:05:36.199 --> 00:05:37.740 you look down you're like why is she bleeding 00:05:37.740 --> 00:05:41.740 no truly well and mason's discovered his hands 00:05:41.740 --> 00:05:44.579 to his mouth and so there's this fear too of 00:05:44.579 --> 00:05:46.800 like oh my gosh you're just scratching up your 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:50.379 gums the inside of your because yeah yeah poor 00:05:50.379 --> 00:05:53.800 guy i know i know i feel like i've like i've 00:05:53.800 --> 00:05:57.500 tried to bite they're like cruises nails when 00:05:57.500 --> 00:06:00.600 they're, when he's sleeping and that works okay. 00:06:00.920 --> 00:06:04.519 But it, yeah, I don't know. They're just so sharp 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:07.600 and they grow so fast. Like every single day 00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:09.720 I'm going to have to. Like as soon as you're 00:06:09.720 --> 00:06:13.040 done filing them, you have to start over. Is 00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:15.720 there such thing as a baby manicurist? Can I 00:06:15.720 --> 00:06:17.860 just like hire them to take care of it? We need 00:06:17.860 --> 00:06:21.680 this niche market to open up. Well, Anna, tell 00:06:21.680 --> 00:06:26.660 us more about your family. Yes. So as I'd mentioned, 00:06:26.800 --> 00:06:29.300 my husband and I have been married for about 00:06:29.300 --> 00:06:31.660 11 years, but we've been dating and together 00:06:31.660 --> 00:06:36.519 for maybe 16 or 17 years. So we've been together 00:06:36.519 --> 00:06:40.720 for a really long time. We have one son who is 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:42.839 almost four months old and it's through adoption. 00:06:43.459 --> 00:06:46.060 And there was a season in our life as well where 00:06:46.060 --> 00:06:48.579 we were fostering when we lived in California. 00:06:49.120 --> 00:06:51.839 And so that's a little bit about our family. 00:06:51.899 --> 00:06:53.839 Like we currently have one son, but we've... 00:06:54.250 --> 00:06:57.209 had another son as well. Yeah. Have you always 00:06:57.209 --> 00:07:01.670 wanted to be a mom? Yes, but not necessarily 00:07:01.670 --> 00:07:05.529 in the traditional sense. I didn't grow up like 00:07:05.529 --> 00:07:08.990 playing house, being the mom. If anything, I 00:07:08.990 --> 00:07:10.970 grew up playing house, being like the boss of 00:07:10.970 --> 00:07:16.589 the house. Nice. But I have not necessarily dreamt 00:07:16.589 --> 00:07:21.519 of being pregnant and having that type of mom 00:07:21.519 --> 00:07:24.779 experience though I've grown up being a nanny 00:07:24.779 --> 00:07:27.480 for my family and then also like a professional 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:31.300 nanny for other families so children and child 00:07:31.300 --> 00:07:34.939 care has always been something that I've loved 00:07:34.939 --> 00:07:38.040 and I kind of you know moved past that as I pursued 00:07:38.040 --> 00:07:41.639 my career but it's definitely like I was kind 00:07:41.639 --> 00:07:43.519 of like the kid at a party that would like find 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:45.660 a baby or like other kids and like play with 00:07:45.660 --> 00:07:48.610 them and keep them entertained. What was your 00:07:48.610 --> 00:07:52.029 guys' experience trying to have biological kids? 00:07:52.430 --> 00:07:56.649 Yeah, we struggled with infertility for many 00:07:56.649 --> 00:08:02.410 years. And so there were many years of, I would. 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:06.120 I would try to approach it the most natural way 00:08:06.120 --> 00:08:08.720 as possible. So we went to an acupuncturist for 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:12.839 several years for fertility purposes. We were 00:08:12.839 --> 00:08:15.959 successful with a few like chemical pregnancies, 00:08:15.959 --> 00:08:18.620 but nothing beyond that. And I've gone to the 00:08:18.620 --> 00:08:21.939 doctor to, you know, check kind of all the standard 00:08:21.939 --> 00:08:24.439 things. And seemingly there was nothing quote 00:08:24.439 --> 00:08:27.300 unquote wrong. And so that's exciting to hear 00:08:27.300 --> 00:08:30.350 when. Yeah. Isn't that the worst of like. It's 00:08:30.350 --> 00:08:33.210 actually just unexplained infertility. Yes. That 00:08:33.210 --> 00:08:36.350 was kind of our story too of like unexplained 00:08:36.350 --> 00:08:39.190 at the beginning. And that is almost worse than 00:08:39.190 --> 00:08:42.009 like, can you just tell me I have like a cyst 00:08:42.009 --> 00:08:44.009 or like, you know, something like that. When 00:08:44.009 --> 00:08:45.929 there's an explanation, at least, you know, like 00:08:45.929 --> 00:08:48.029 there is something to do or even there's not 00:08:48.029 --> 00:08:50.110 something to do. Right. Right. When there's no 00:08:50.110 --> 00:08:54.610 explanation, you're like, well, okay. I guess 00:08:54.610 --> 00:08:57.269 we just. keep trying or we stop? I don't know. 00:08:57.669 --> 00:08:59.929 And it's so hard, especially when we were going 00:08:59.929 --> 00:09:03.210 to the acupuncturist. I was very limited on my 00:09:03.210 --> 00:09:05.730 diet because we needed to avoid inflammation 00:09:05.730 --> 00:09:08.149 and all these things, you know, and I had to 00:09:08.149 --> 00:09:10.730 take all these vitamins to increase my body temperature 00:09:10.730 --> 00:09:13.110 because that apparently was an issue for me. 00:09:13.250 --> 00:09:16.409 There were so many little things and obviously 00:09:16.409 --> 00:09:18.909 you make sacrifices in every aspect of your life, 00:09:18.990 --> 00:09:20.950 but I just felt like I was sacrificing everything 00:09:20.950 --> 00:09:23.879 that brought me joy. So then be disappointed 00:09:23.879 --> 00:09:27.340 every month. And it was this, I mean, it was 00:09:27.340 --> 00:09:29.080 so messed up. It was like a vicious cycle, right? 00:09:29.220 --> 00:09:33.320 Yeah. Yeah. Of disappointment. Yeah. Yeah. So 00:09:33.320 --> 00:09:37.220 that was kind of the journey of having biological 00:09:37.220 --> 00:09:40.580 children. But on the other side of that, even 00:09:40.580 --> 00:09:43.980 well before I knew that that likely wasn't going 00:09:43.980 --> 00:09:46.460 to be possible for me, I've always had a heart 00:09:46.460 --> 00:09:50.240 for adoption. And Sean does too, separately, 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:56.129 my husband. When we were kind of like, oh, having 00:09:56.129 --> 00:09:58.529 biological children might not really be an option. 00:09:58.690 --> 00:10:01.330 It wasn't adoption or foster care was not the 00:10:01.330 --> 00:10:03.409 second choice. It was like, this might be the 00:10:03.409 --> 00:10:05.730 only way we have a family. And we definitely 00:10:05.730 --> 00:10:07.870 feel called to have a family. So that's kind 00:10:07.870 --> 00:10:10.750 of what led us to that. So did you ever consider 00:10:10.750 --> 00:10:14.480 like fertility treatments? IVF or anything like 00:10:14.480 --> 00:10:16.259 that? Or was it just like, this isn't really 00:10:16.259 --> 00:10:18.399 working. So let's go with this, like you said, 00:10:18.419 --> 00:10:20.039 not second option, but this thing that we've 00:10:20.039 --> 00:10:24.320 already called to? Yes, the latter. We, or I 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:27.500 personally don't feel called to any type of fertility 00:10:27.500 --> 00:10:31.039 treatment. And so that was kind of the next option 00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:34.539 was foster care adoption. Did you feel like you 00:10:34.539 --> 00:10:38.259 had to grieve maybe not being able to have any 00:10:38.259 --> 00:10:42.899 biological kids at this point? I think there 00:10:42.899 --> 00:10:46.820 was a season when I was in my late 20s where 00:10:46.820 --> 00:10:50.259 I really struggled with the realization that 00:10:50.259 --> 00:10:53.679 that was not even an option for me. Though, again, 00:10:53.799 --> 00:10:57.399 we didn't pursue IVF or anything like that. So 00:10:57.399 --> 00:11:00.399 we could have easily conceived through that avenue. 00:11:00.519 --> 00:11:04.559 But given kind of what I believed in and what 00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:08.559 I trust my body to do or not do, I decided I 00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:13.220 think I grieved. The idea that I couldn't do 00:11:13.220 --> 00:11:16.759 this shared experience that a lot of my friends 00:11:16.759 --> 00:11:19.399 and close people have. And I think what made 00:11:19.399 --> 00:11:22.879 it difficult was a lot of my very good friends 00:11:22.879 --> 00:11:26.360 at the time were having children or already had 00:11:26.360 --> 00:11:31.670 their first. And there was this silly. societal 00:11:31.670 --> 00:11:37.029 pressure that like I was behind. In age, in life 00:11:37.029 --> 00:11:40.169 stage, I felt like, oh no, am I not going to 00:11:40.169 --> 00:11:42.409 be able to connect with these people, like my 00:11:42.409 --> 00:11:44.750 friends anymore because they are entering just 00:11:44.750 --> 00:11:47.769 a new life stage and family comes first. And 00:11:47.769 --> 00:11:52.269 so there was a little bit of grieving of not 00:11:52.269 --> 00:11:56.149 having like a shared experience. So tell us a 00:11:56.149 --> 00:11:59.950 little bit about like your foster care experience. 00:12:00.009 --> 00:12:03.450 So Where were you guys at in your marriage when 00:12:03.450 --> 00:12:07.970 you guys decided to start fostering? Yeah, we, 00:12:08.149 --> 00:12:12.450 at this point, we had been married for about 00:12:12.450 --> 00:12:16.110 five years. We were married for about five years, 00:12:16.169 --> 00:12:20.730 and the scenario in which we received our foster 00:12:20.730 --> 00:12:24.429 baby, I'll just call him Baby R, he was actually 00:12:24.429 --> 00:12:27.720 in the foster care system. being placed with 00:12:27.720 --> 00:12:31.259 a coworker of Sean's at the time. And she had 00:12:31.259 --> 00:12:34.600 moved to, had gotten a new job and had to move 00:12:34.600 --> 00:12:37.779 to another part of the state. And so essentially 00:12:37.779 --> 00:12:41.340 baby R was going to be replaced in the system 00:12:41.340 --> 00:12:44.559 with a new family. However, he was set to reunify 00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:48.100 within like a month or two and they didn't have, 00:12:48.100 --> 00:12:49.919 and at the time we were living in LA County, 00:12:50.019 --> 00:12:53.600 which is very packed full of babies who need 00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:57.139 homes. And so they didn't have actually any homes 00:12:57.139 --> 00:13:00.860 available for that temporary of a situation. 00:13:01.080 --> 00:13:05.100 And so the social worker basically asked the 00:13:05.100 --> 00:13:08.059 co -worker, Sean's co -worker, do you know anyone 00:13:08.059 --> 00:13:11.299 who could take care of him temporarily before 00:13:11.299 --> 00:13:14.200 he's reunified? Wow. If there's like approval, 00:13:14.340 --> 00:13:15.799 we'll get him fingerprinted. We'll get him in 00:13:15.799 --> 00:13:18.179 the system. But again, it was only supposed to 00:13:18.179 --> 00:13:21.039 be for a month, maybe two months. So I get a 00:13:21.039 --> 00:13:25.500 call. And I was out of town for work. Get a call 00:13:25.500 --> 00:13:29.019 from a social worker. Can we meet? This was like 00:13:29.019 --> 00:13:31.860 on a Friday. Can we meet on Monday? And kind 00:13:31.860 --> 00:13:34.860 of chat through these things. And then basically 00:13:34.860 --> 00:13:37.000 by that following Friday, he was placed with 00:13:37.000 --> 00:13:40.440 us. Wow. It was insanity. So you weren't like, 00:13:40.519 --> 00:13:41.940 we're going to be foster parents. We're going 00:13:41.940 --> 00:13:44.100 to go to the classes. We're going to do this 00:13:44.100 --> 00:13:46.799 thing. You kind of were just. One day we're like, 00:13:46.860 --> 00:13:48.919 maybe we'd do this. And by Friday you have a 00:13:48.919 --> 00:13:53.279 baby. Yes. It was get the crib. Like what bottles 00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:55.440 does he take? What do we, like what's his schedule? 00:13:55.460 --> 00:13:57.679 Luckily his previous foster mom was our friend. 00:13:57.740 --> 00:14:00.860 So like we followed the schedule that she had, 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:05.259 but it was wild. And what was supposed to be 00:14:05.259 --> 00:14:08.860 a month or two ended up being close to two years. 00:14:09.259 --> 00:14:13.620 Wow. So, which was the most beautiful two years 00:14:13.620 --> 00:14:16.759 of her life. some of that time spanning during 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:20.259 the pandemic, during shutdown. So we weren't 00:14:20.259 --> 00:14:23.100 even facilitating visitations with his mother 00:14:23.100 --> 00:14:26.220 or anything because of everything being so strict. 00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:29.059 And again, especially because we were in LA. 00:14:29.179 --> 00:14:32.639 And so that was beautiful, really beautiful. 00:14:32.639 --> 00:14:35.419 Just so much time at home and special time. As 00:14:35.419 --> 00:14:40.039 a family. Yeah. Wow. And tell us a little bit 00:14:40.039 --> 00:14:44.110 about, if you can, the reunification process 00:14:44.110 --> 00:14:49.409 yes guys so we uh he was placed with us when 00:14:49.409 --> 00:14:52.470 he was about six months old and then he was reunified 00:14:52.470 --> 00:14:57.789 when he was two and then post reunification we 00:14:57.789 --> 00:15:00.409 i still had a decent relationship with his mother 00:15:00.409 --> 00:15:04.129 and so we would pick him up and essentially babysit 00:15:04.129 --> 00:15:06.450 him for the day i suppose but like go to disneyland 00:15:06.450 --> 00:15:10.220 take him to the beach and I think the difficulty 00:15:10.220 --> 00:15:13.019 in foster care is, yes, the goal is definitely 00:15:13.019 --> 00:15:15.059 reunification, and that should always be the 00:15:15.059 --> 00:15:18.440 goal. However, in this instance, I just, we, 00:15:18.440 --> 00:15:22.080 meaning my husband and I, really struggled with, 00:15:22.220 --> 00:15:25.179 I don't know if this is the best for them as 00:15:25.179 --> 00:15:28.659 a family. There's still a lot of struggle happening, 00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:33.149 as there always will be. I think a lot of the 00:15:33.149 --> 00:15:35.230 quote unquote babysitting that we did was also 00:15:35.230 --> 00:15:38.149 me desiring to keep tabs on him and make sure 00:15:38.149 --> 00:15:40.990 he was okay, even though it broke me. I mean, 00:15:40.990 --> 00:15:43.830 it prolonged the grieving process significantly. 00:15:44.350 --> 00:15:47.649 And I would still say, I mean, it's been, gosh, 00:15:47.889 --> 00:15:52.450 five years pretty much since it all. And I am 00:15:52.450 --> 00:15:55.309 still going through the steps of grief with him. 00:15:55.470 --> 00:15:58.029 And obviously too, in introducing Mason into 00:15:58.029 --> 00:16:00.960 our family, it kind of created a new... Probably 00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:05.259 some new grief brought up. Yes. Yeah. Wow. And 00:16:05.259 --> 00:16:10.700 then so baby R gets reunified and then you guys 00:16:10.700 --> 00:16:17.240 move. How long after was that decision to move? 00:16:17.480 --> 00:16:21.500 Yeah. It was about a year, but I think about 00:16:21.500 --> 00:16:25.559 eight months after reunification. And then we 00:16:25.559 --> 00:16:28.779 started seeing him less and less. Not on purpose, 00:16:28.919 --> 00:16:34.279 not on our end at least. I honestly, I just needed 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:37.000 out of our apartment because I was kind of like, 00:16:37.019 --> 00:16:40.159 his bedroom, which was previously my office, 00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:42.200 just became a vacant room because I couldn't 00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:44.419 walk into that room anymore. For sure. I just 00:16:44.419 --> 00:16:48.919 felt like there was this ghost of our baby. And 00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:52.039 I was like, I need to move across the street 00:16:52.039 --> 00:16:56.529 anywhere. All of a sudden, maybe a week later, 00:16:56.669 --> 00:16:59.409 my husband gets a call about a job opportunity 00:16:59.409 --> 00:17:03.210 in Colorado. And I was kind of like, God, I want 00:17:03.210 --> 00:17:05.509 it across the street, not to a place I've never 00:17:05.509 --> 00:17:07.950 been. Not a few states over. Yeah. But we were 00:17:07.950 --> 00:17:11.170 kind of desperate for change at that time. And 00:17:11.170 --> 00:17:13.390 again, this was also post -pandemic or amidst 00:17:13.390 --> 00:17:16.049 the pandemic. And so our minds are already kind 00:17:16.049 --> 00:17:20.109 of thinking about what else, where else, like 00:17:20.109 --> 00:17:24.930 the majority of Californians. For sure. We moved 00:17:24.930 --> 00:17:29.430 and quite frankly, it just felt like a necessary 00:17:29.430 --> 00:17:33.609 fresh start for us. Scary moving to a state where 00:17:33.609 --> 00:17:36.009 we don't have family or really a support system. 00:17:36.910 --> 00:17:39.670 But I was kind of desperate for change, quite 00:17:39.670 --> 00:17:43.029 frankly. And we really enjoyed coming out here 00:17:43.029 --> 00:17:45.269 to Colorado and kind of seeing what our life 00:17:45.269 --> 00:17:47.529 could look like, the work environment for my 00:17:47.529 --> 00:17:51.000 husband, all these things. seemed right. And 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:53.940 while a move is not easy, it's never felt like 00:17:53.940 --> 00:17:57.700 the wrong choice, but that also meant us moving 00:17:57.700 --> 00:18:01.000 to another state solidified this idea that we 00:18:01.000 --> 00:18:04.480 would no longer kind of be an option to adopt 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.039 Baby R if he were to have ever gone back in the 00:18:07.039 --> 00:18:09.339 system or anything like that. And so that was 00:18:09.339 --> 00:18:13.349 also like a huge step of faith. of me closing 00:18:13.349 --> 00:18:15.849 that door of us closing that door for ourselves 00:18:15.849 --> 00:18:18.809 because we were kind of always like oh maybe 00:18:18.809 --> 00:18:22.549 maybe yeah he'll be back with us and then we 00:18:22.549 --> 00:18:26.150 can't live like this yeah oh I can't cannot even 00:18:26.150 --> 00:18:30.329 imagine like that kind of like final like acceptance 00:18:30.329 --> 00:18:33.670 of like okay we have to trust that yeah he's 00:18:33.670 --> 00:18:38.190 gonna be okay I know one of the things I actually 00:18:38.190 --> 00:18:40.269 had someone say this to me in terms of a breakup 00:18:40.269 --> 00:18:43.319 but I think it works with like any sort of grief 00:18:43.319 --> 00:18:46.480 and honestly having your child be reunified in 00:18:46.480 --> 00:18:48.299 a situation like that is almost like a breakup 00:18:48.299 --> 00:18:51.480 to a certain extent but that one of the things 00:18:51.480 --> 00:18:54.440 we don't talk about in grief is yes you've lost 00:18:54.440 --> 00:18:56.559 the person but you've also lost the future you've 00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:59.880 envisioned which that stuck with me so much because 00:18:59.880 --> 00:19:03.240 I think that is what we grief way more than the 00:19:03.240 --> 00:19:05.519 past because you still have those memories right 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:07.700 and that you hold those memories so close to 00:19:07.700 --> 00:19:09.700 your heart and they're so sweet but then you're 00:19:09.700 --> 00:19:11.619 like oh but like in the back of my mind I was 00:19:11.619 --> 00:19:14.119 kind of thinking what about all these next steps 00:19:14.119 --> 00:19:17.339 we'd take with him and that is all just gone 00:19:17.339 --> 00:19:19.839 and then moving is like that's for sure gone 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:23.539 yeah like that future will never exist now it's 00:19:23.539 --> 00:19:25.900 also really interesting because I mean I've gone 00:19:25.900 --> 00:19:28.890 to therapy and we've really worked on the grief 00:19:28.890 --> 00:19:31.569 part because that's kind of infiltrated my life 00:19:31.569 --> 00:19:35.730 but grieving also that version of me because 00:19:35.730 --> 00:19:39.789 I was so happy I was creative I just felt like 00:19:39.789 --> 00:19:42.690 I was thriving when I was baby or his mom and 00:19:42.690 --> 00:19:47.609 also on the other side knowing all of the stability 00:19:47.609 --> 00:19:50.630 and like the love I was able to provide for him 00:19:50.630 --> 00:19:53.849 knowing that that was going to be helpful for 00:19:53.849 --> 00:19:56.609 him no matter where or what his living conditions 00:19:56.609 --> 00:20:01.309 were. And maybe six months ago, I was talking 00:20:01.309 --> 00:20:03.789 to my husband and we were kind of having like 00:20:03.789 --> 00:20:06.650 a little emotional conversation. And I essentially 00:20:06.650 --> 00:20:11.009 said like, I miss us in that season because we 00:20:11.009 --> 00:20:14.089 were just so much happier. Like when was the 00:20:14.089 --> 00:20:16.430 last time we actually just were truly just like 00:20:16.430 --> 00:20:18.650 smiley and silly and happy? Like we're not silly 00:20:18.650 --> 00:20:23.079 and fun anymore. And not to say that, that's 00:20:23.079 --> 00:20:25.759 not who we are and that it only came out because 00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:29.420 of a baby, but truly I just, it felt like, oh 00:20:29.420 --> 00:20:31.819 wow, we really do feel called to being parents 00:20:31.819 --> 00:20:34.660 because like that is what made us shine. Do you 00:20:34.660 --> 00:20:38.299 feel like that conversation was something that 00:20:38.299 --> 00:20:41.640 kind of sparked you guys then stepping forward 00:20:41.640 --> 00:20:46.279 into this adoption process? As you can imagine, 00:20:46.359 --> 00:20:48.940 I've been really guarded and fearful of stepping 00:20:48.940 --> 00:20:52.200 into foster care again, for sure. But even adoption 00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:56.259 and even private adoption, because it's... I'm 00:20:56.259 --> 00:20:58.099 just really jaded. I mean, I've been yelled out 00:20:58.099 --> 00:21:01.460 by a judge in a courthouse for foster care. Sounds 00:21:01.460 --> 00:21:04.460 super fun. I've facilitated visitations in a 00:21:04.460 --> 00:21:08.400 women's prison, essentially, and slash rehab 00:21:08.400 --> 00:21:11.559 center. So I just feel very cold and hardened 00:21:11.559 --> 00:21:13.319 to some of these things because I just don't 00:21:13.319 --> 00:21:18.880 want to open myself up to that again. But we 00:21:18.880 --> 00:21:21.779 are at a point where my husband is almost 40. 00:21:21.900 --> 00:21:26.279 I'm in my mid -30s. kind of can't keep dragging 00:21:26.279 --> 00:21:29.759 our feet realistically because I do want to be 00:21:29.759 --> 00:21:34.019 like an active parent and available emotionally 00:21:34.019 --> 00:21:36.279 and all these things as they become teens and 00:21:36.279 --> 00:21:39.180 older. And so there's a point where I'm like, 00:21:39.220 --> 00:21:42.740 Anna, the longer you postpone, that doesn't change 00:21:42.740 --> 00:21:45.380 anything other than you're just postponing this 00:21:45.380 --> 00:21:49.700 life that you desire. So fear kind of took over 00:21:49.700 --> 00:21:52.819 for a bit and then maybe there is that realization. 00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:59.660 Yes. Plus, adoption has so many steps that require 00:21:59.660 --> 00:22:04.579 money to even start the step. And we just didn't 00:22:04.579 --> 00:22:07.940 know where to begin. And each state has its different 00:22:07.940 --> 00:22:12.460 rules and laws. And it's just, they make it very 00:22:12.460 --> 00:22:15.759 difficult to even understand how to get started. 00:22:15.839 --> 00:22:18.339 Which is interesting because there's so many. 00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:21.640 I mean, I understand the side of it. Like, we 00:22:21.640 --> 00:22:24.460 don't want just anyone to adopt. But then the 00:22:24.460 --> 00:22:26.440 other side of, like, there's so many kids that 00:22:26.440 --> 00:22:30.680 need to be adopted that are in the system. And 00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:34.380 they're making it so difficult for people to 00:22:34.380 --> 00:22:38.940 do that. Yes. Because it's a, you have to be 00:22:38.940 --> 00:22:41.339 organized and really good at paperwork and kind 00:22:41.339 --> 00:22:43.740 of administrative things. And then there's the 00:22:43.740 --> 00:22:46.730 financial component, which is also. insane and 00:22:46.730 --> 00:22:50.750 most average families with two working adults 00:22:50.750 --> 00:22:53.670 cannot i mean i can't imagine how many years 00:22:53.670 --> 00:22:57.430 of saving it took us truly yeah they just make 00:22:57.430 --> 00:23:00.089 it very difficult for a good reason but at the 00:23:00.089 --> 00:23:02.690 same time i think they're also limiting like 00:23:02.690 --> 00:23:05.470 the really good families who really could provide 00:23:05.470 --> 00:23:10.299 safe loving homes for children yeah Was both 00:23:10.299 --> 00:23:13.579 your and Sean's family and your support system 00:23:13.579 --> 00:23:15.880 in general, were they all supportive of you adopting 00:23:15.880 --> 00:23:19.160 or was anyone weird about it? No, I think especially 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:25.460 after our time with BabyR, I think them understanding 00:23:25.460 --> 00:23:27.880 a little bit of the foster care system following 00:23:27.880 --> 00:23:30.779 our experience, they were like, oh, okay, yes, 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:35.539 adoption is seemingly an easier route to become 00:23:35.539 --> 00:23:39.700 a family. I don't know, intense emotional situation. 00:23:40.759 --> 00:23:42.680 I'm not close with my family, so I really don't 00:23:42.680 --> 00:23:46.240 know what they think. Nor do I care. That's fair. 00:23:47.079 --> 00:23:49.559 So what was, so you guys start your paperwork. 00:23:50.019 --> 00:23:53.519 What was the timeline and process for you guys? 00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:57.059 So we did go down the route of hiring an adoption 00:23:57.059 --> 00:23:59.519 consultant. And I didn't really know what that 00:23:59.519 --> 00:24:03.440 was until. That was presented to us. I'd never 00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:05.839 heard of it before, yeah. So essentially, they 00:24:05.839 --> 00:24:10.099 are a consultant. They don't necessarily match 00:24:10.099 --> 00:24:12.880 you with agencies or birth parents. There's no 00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:14.940 affiliation there. They're kind of just somebody 00:24:14.940 --> 00:24:19.559 who understands both sides of the adoption process. 00:24:19.660 --> 00:24:21.900 So from the birth parents, what's required of 00:24:21.900 --> 00:24:25.279 us, licensing, classes, paperwork. And then they 00:24:25.279 --> 00:24:29.299 also know kind of the agency side of what's required. 00:24:30.319 --> 00:24:33.740 And so they basically, I would basically go to 00:24:33.740 --> 00:24:36.920 her and say, I need to get a home study. Where 00:24:36.920 --> 00:24:39.480 do I get one? It has to be in my state, but. 00:24:40.059 --> 00:24:42.480 I'm Googling like home study and I don't even 00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:45.319 know to submit an application. It costs a thousand 00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:48.200 dollars. Wow. And so I want to make sure I'm 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:49.980 filling out the right application and I'm submitting 00:24:49.980 --> 00:24:53.519 to the right company or reputable company. So 00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:56.339 she kind of just held my hand all along the way. 00:24:56.519 --> 00:24:58.900 Hey, they're telling me I need this certification. 00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:02.400 Is that necessary? Yes. No. Whatever it may be. 00:25:02.640 --> 00:25:06.460 And so given all of. the complications of foster 00:25:06.460 --> 00:25:09.599 care, I just needed that extra handholding. And 00:25:09.599 --> 00:25:12.079 yes, that was an additional service. But worth 00:25:12.079 --> 00:25:16.119 it, I'm sure. Yes. And it prolonged me from second 00:25:16.119 --> 00:25:18.240 guessing and just dragging my feet. Because she 00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:20.039 also was like, did you get this done? Did you 00:25:20.039 --> 00:25:22.279 get this done? And I just needed that because 00:25:22.279 --> 00:25:26.099 again, the fear was kind of debilitating. Do 00:25:26.099 --> 00:25:28.589 you feel like you would... have still been in 00:25:28.589 --> 00:25:30.529 the process of getting through all that yeah 00:25:30.529 --> 00:25:34.329 100 so timeline wise because we worked with our 00:25:34.329 --> 00:25:37.190 consultant and she just kind of kept me in line 00:25:37.190 --> 00:25:41.730 we officially completed all of the certifications 00:25:41.730 --> 00:25:44.349 and all the documentation that we needed to required 00:25:44.349 --> 00:25:48.890 by the state of colorado by september or we had 00:25:48.890 --> 00:25:53.049 started end of may everything was somewhat completed 00:25:53.049 --> 00:25:58.250 by september And we were matched with our birth 00:25:58.250 --> 00:26:02.549 mother end of November. Wow. And she was in her 00:26:02.549 --> 00:26:05.390 third trimester when we matched and baby was 00:26:05.390 --> 00:26:09.089 born February. Wow. So that was a very quick 00:26:09.089 --> 00:26:12.460 process. Yes. What kind of stuff is required? 00:26:12.720 --> 00:26:15.240 I know so little about adoption. What kind of 00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:17.279 stuff was required for you to get all of your 00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:19.859 paperwork in? So I know like a home study, what 00:26:19.859 --> 00:26:22.480 does that even mean? A home study is entailed 00:26:22.480 --> 00:26:24.799 of several different components. So one being 00:26:24.799 --> 00:26:29.720 the physical study of the home and like our minds. 00:26:30.940 --> 00:26:34.539 So like a social worker will come like visit 00:26:34.539 --> 00:26:38.900 our home, make sure it's okay. kind of interview 00:26:38.900 --> 00:26:41.759 us as well, learn about our childhood, learn 00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:45.579 about our present day, parenting techniques, 00:26:45.859 --> 00:26:48.880 anything that would obviously impact this baby 00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:50.839 coming into our home. So we were interviewed 00:26:50.839 --> 00:26:53.839 separately and then also together. So there's 00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:55.500 that component. And then there's also things 00:26:55.500 --> 00:26:58.480 like we had to provide all of our insurances. 00:26:58.539 --> 00:27:01.720 We had to go to the doctor and get a physical. 00:27:02.500 --> 00:27:06.259 Fingerprints, of course. So quite a bit of... 00:27:06.519 --> 00:27:10.420 Yeah, so many steps. And then also CPR training. 00:27:10.859 --> 00:27:16.700 We had to take a 20 -hour class, essentially, 00:27:16.779 --> 00:27:19.579 training. But it was kind of bizarre because 00:27:19.579 --> 00:27:22.599 we had to learn how to swaddle like a baby doll. 00:27:22.700 --> 00:27:26.480 But at this point, nobody has been matched yet. 00:27:26.880 --> 00:27:31.119 This is a class that's required to take. in the 00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:33.200 state of Colorado, but they're teaching us things 00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:34.960 where I'm like, some families aren't going to 00:27:34.960 --> 00:27:37.660 have a baby for two years. Why are we swaddling 00:27:37.660 --> 00:27:41.440 dolls right now? Yeah, or even maybe not. Not 00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:44.579 a newborn. Yeah, not a newborn. Yeah. Also, if 00:27:44.579 --> 00:27:47.059 you've ever swaddled a newborn, a doll sits still. 00:27:47.160 --> 00:27:49.660 A newborn does not. Yeah, that arm finds its 00:27:49.660 --> 00:27:54.619 way out in .2 seconds. Exactly. Okay, so you 00:27:54.619 --> 00:27:57.819 guys finished paperwork up in September, got 00:27:57.819 --> 00:28:01.250 matched in November. She was due in February. 00:28:02.069 --> 00:28:04.410 Do you feel like that whole process, because 00:28:04.410 --> 00:28:07.329 that is really quick, right, for adoption? Do 00:28:07.329 --> 00:28:10.589 you feel like that was what you were hoping for 00:28:10.589 --> 00:28:12.890 or were you just like, oh my gosh, this is way 00:28:12.890 --> 00:28:16.089 faster than I ever could imagine and I can't 00:28:16.089 --> 00:28:17.630 process this all and I don't know what's happening? 00:28:18.549 --> 00:28:21.690 A combination of the two. I think a big part 00:28:21.690 --> 00:28:25.869 of me, given what we experienced up until this 00:28:25.869 --> 00:28:29.799 point, was where's the poo? Like things are going 00:28:29.799 --> 00:28:32.059 to – everything's gone a little too smoothly. 00:28:32.099 --> 00:28:35.819 Where's the poo? And I realize that's not like 00:28:35.819 --> 00:28:38.640 the best mentality to have in such an emotional 00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:41.279 situation, but that's just where my mind went. 00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:44.140 Yes, exactly. We also had to create something 00:28:44.140 --> 00:28:47.960 called a profile book, which I like to call it 00:28:47.960 --> 00:28:51.839 a pitch deck because essentially it is a booklet, 00:28:51.980 --> 00:28:57.329 PDF or physical, of us. It's about – Sean and 00:28:57.329 --> 00:29:00.950 Anna. Here's a page about Anna. These are all 00:29:00.950 --> 00:29:03.309 my interests in some of my background. Here's 00:29:03.309 --> 00:29:06.190 a page about Sean. Here's a page about us. Here's 00:29:06.190 --> 00:29:09.650 a page about what we do as a family. And so essentially 00:29:09.650 --> 00:29:13.230 birth mothers are going through these booklets 00:29:13.230 --> 00:29:17.609 finding, you know, the right fit for their baby. 00:29:18.170 --> 00:29:22.289 And so that was also awkward. Yeah. It's like 00:29:22.289 --> 00:29:26.420 a dating profile. It is. It is. And I definitely 00:29:26.420 --> 00:29:30.480 did not feel confident enough in that I wouldn't 00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:32.579 be second guessing every single word or photo 00:29:32.579 --> 00:29:34.619 I placed. So I did hire somebody to design that 00:29:34.619 --> 00:29:38.160 and write the copy for that. But that was another 00:29:38.160 --> 00:29:40.640 component of having a home study. There are all 00:29:40.640 --> 00:29:43.200 these things that you need to have set in place. 00:29:44.990 --> 00:29:47.789 I mean, I'm not good at selling myself just in 00:29:47.789 --> 00:29:49.730 general. I know you're a business owner, so maybe 00:29:49.730 --> 00:29:51.849 this is a skill you're a little better at. But 00:29:51.849 --> 00:29:54.069 then it's also different when it's like you personally 00:29:54.069 --> 00:29:56.289 versus your product, right? Where you're like, 00:29:56.349 --> 00:29:59.210 this is what I offer you is very different than 00:29:59.210 --> 00:30:01.269 me. Like, this is why you should pick me as a 00:30:01.269 --> 00:30:04.009 person. That's like, that's scary because it 00:30:04.009 --> 00:30:07.549 also is super vulnerable. Like, oh, there are 00:30:07.549 --> 00:30:08.809 going to be a lot of people who look at this. 00:30:08.869 --> 00:30:10.960 A lot of bio moms look at this like. I don't 00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:13.480 want her taking my kid home. And that's really 00:30:13.480 --> 00:30:16.539 scary because, yeah, it is just super vulnerable. 00:30:17.000 --> 00:30:19.460 It's actually way more important than a dating 00:30:19.460 --> 00:30:22.339 profile. Yeah. It's so interesting, too, because 00:30:22.339 --> 00:30:25.039 we were reassured by our consultant just reminding 00:30:25.039 --> 00:30:29.180 us, hey, when you don't get picked, because there 00:30:29.180 --> 00:30:32.420 will be instances where you don't, don't take 00:30:32.420 --> 00:30:35.680 that personally. One of you could look like an 00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:38.500 aunt that they don't like. It has nothing to 00:30:38.500 --> 00:30:42.220 do with you as your... and that your, you know, 00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:44.839 your capabilities of providing for that child, 00:30:44.980 --> 00:30:47.599 but know that there are some... They could bring 00:30:47.599 --> 00:30:50.119 up something from their past that just like works 00:30:50.119 --> 00:30:54.259 them wrong or... Yes, exactly. Yeah. Hmm. Such 00:30:54.259 --> 00:30:57.480 an interesting, I mean, it is like a vulnerability 00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:01.160 that you're stepping into that just requires 00:31:01.160 --> 00:31:05.480 a lot of faith and just a lot of vulnerability, 00:31:05.619 --> 00:31:09.400 I can't imagine. Yeah. So you're this birth mother. 00:31:10.170 --> 00:31:13.829 selects you guys and you guys have three months 00:31:13.829 --> 00:31:17.650 to prepare yeah not a full pregnancy to prepare 00:31:17.650 --> 00:31:21.269 what was that process like for you guys honestly 00:31:21.269 --> 00:31:23.349 it was really exciting because at this point 00:31:23.349 --> 00:31:26.890 we had so how it worked for us with our consultant 00:31:26.890 --> 00:31:30.690 was she would receive cases of birth mothers 00:31:30.690 --> 00:31:34.890 who wanted to find a family and she would present 00:31:34.890 --> 00:31:37.029 us and sometimes we'd get a lot of information 00:31:37.029 --> 00:31:40.839 like family medical history and things like that 00:31:40.839 --> 00:31:44.000 and sometimes it's just gender of baby due date 00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:46.500 this is the state where they would be adopted 00:31:46.500 --> 00:31:51.119 from so we had said yes and by saying yes meaning 00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:53.960 yes present our profile book because essentially 00:31:53.960 --> 00:31:56.640 it's yes present our profile book they take a 00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:59.210 look they choose. So essentially you both have 00:31:59.210 --> 00:32:00.950 to say, I mean, like, obviously you have to say 00:32:00.950 --> 00:32:02.410 yes, we're going to adopt this baby, but also 00:32:02.410 --> 00:32:04.450 you have to say yes to the birth mom. Correct. 00:32:04.589 --> 00:32:07.289 It's not just like she picks you and then you 00:32:07.289 --> 00:32:11.730 say yes or no. Right. Exactly. And so we had 00:32:11.730 --> 00:32:15.390 said yes to being presented, I believe three 00:32:15.390 --> 00:32:20.150 times prior to Mason's birth mother. And so when 00:32:20.150 --> 00:32:23.630 we received Mason's birth mother, birth mother's 00:32:23.630 --> 00:32:26.500 case, I just knew it felt right. There were things 00:32:26.500 --> 00:32:29.819 about her that I was like, wait, honestly, a 00:32:29.819 --> 00:32:32.619 lot of her, the things that we knew about her 00:32:32.619 --> 00:32:37.779 were a lot similar to Baby R, even down to they're 00:32:37.779 --> 00:32:41.599 both Puerto Rican or part Puerto Rican. And it 00:32:41.599 --> 00:32:45.319 just felt so right. And so we said yes. And it's 00:32:45.319 --> 00:32:48.750 kind of this quick thing where. You say yes, 00:32:48.829 --> 00:32:51.869 present me, and then it could become a 24 -hour 00:32:51.869 --> 00:32:53.750 to 48 -hour thing until you would hear back. 00:32:54.049 --> 00:32:57.210 How long was it for you guys? Maybe a day. Wow. 00:32:57.269 --> 00:33:01.250 If not, a few hours. But my husband seemingly, 00:33:01.430 --> 00:33:03.849 which is crazy because I travel a lot for work, 00:33:03.930 --> 00:33:06.430 but he happened to be out of the country at this 00:33:06.430 --> 00:33:10.750 point. So I called him. Can I say yes? I feel 00:33:10.750 --> 00:33:13.069 good about this one because we just got an email. 00:33:13.250 --> 00:33:14.650 I feel good about this one. And he was like, 00:33:14.670 --> 00:33:16.950 yeah, I trust you. Go for it. And then a few 00:33:16.950 --> 00:33:21.490 hours later, I get a call, you know, for some 00:33:21.490 --> 00:33:24.009 clarification on some things and then being told 00:33:24.009 --> 00:33:28.059 that we were chosen. And again. Sean is out of 00:33:28.059 --> 00:33:29.859 the country eight hours, nine hours ahead of 00:33:29.859 --> 00:33:33.819 schedule or time wise. And I FaceTime him and 00:33:33.819 --> 00:33:36.519 he's in the Netherlands at this point. And I 00:33:36.519 --> 00:33:39.079 was I like call him just FaceTiming him crying. 00:33:39.319 --> 00:33:42.960 And he knew that was a good cry. Yeah. And it 00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:45.240 was so funny because it was like the church bells 00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:47.880 were ringing. We're both on FaceTime crying. 00:33:48.279 --> 00:33:52.099 We can't believe we've been matched. Also. Really? 00:33:52.099 --> 00:33:54.160 Like you're in another country right now. We 00:33:54.160 --> 00:33:55.619 can't celebrate this together in person. We can't 00:33:55.619 --> 00:33:57.140 like give each other a hug right now. I know. 00:33:57.859 --> 00:34:01.279 It was just like a really quirky moment to kind 00:34:01.279 --> 00:34:04.099 of solidify. Oh, okay. But she's due in February. 00:34:05.019 --> 00:34:08.840 So like. That's not too far away. What do we 00:34:08.840 --> 00:34:11.920 do? Right. Especially because at that point it 00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:15.679 was like we were ready for a baby with a week's 00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:17.940 notice. Not even like four days notice realistically 00:34:17.940 --> 00:34:21.659 with baby R. So we were kind of like. We can 00:34:21.659 --> 00:34:24.320 do this thing. We can do this thing. Yeah. Three 00:34:24.320 --> 00:34:27.780 months, that's plenty of time for us. I know. 00:34:27.780 --> 00:34:30.000 Well, those first two months were, you know, 00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:32.159 through the holidays. Oh, man, that's going to 00:34:32.159 --> 00:34:34.440 take forever. And then basically January came 00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:37.119 and then I was like, wait, I've got a list of 00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:39.719 so many things I want to do for the house. I 00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:42.420 need to nest. I found out I was pregnant at like 00:34:42.420 --> 00:34:45.219 eight weeks and January came along and I was 00:34:45.219 --> 00:34:48.679 like. Oh, I've gotten that. We don't have a bassinet. 00:34:48.699 --> 00:34:53.340 We don't have diapers. So, you know, it's not 00:34:53.340 --> 00:34:57.000 just you. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, you guys 00:34:57.000 --> 00:34:59.960 are getting your, your house prepped, everything 00:34:59.960 --> 00:35:03.500 like that. Where were you guys at emotionally 00:35:03.500 --> 00:35:07.059 in those last few weeks, I guess, of preparing? 00:35:08.840 --> 00:35:13.059 Anxious as any new parent is going to be. Our 00:35:13.059 --> 00:35:16.239 son was born in Florida. And so there was the 00:35:16.239 --> 00:35:22.300 added logistical stress of at any point we could 00:35:22.300 --> 00:35:24.400 get a phone call that she's in labor or she's 00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:26.199 already delivered and we essentially have to 00:35:26.199 --> 00:35:28.099 take the next flight out. And so there's also 00:35:28.099 --> 00:35:32.340 this level of having to be flexible, but also. 00:35:32.880 --> 00:35:35.840 Are you not traveling at this point for work 00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:39.539 or did you? No, because it's my off season in 00:35:39.539 --> 00:35:43.840 the winter, which worked out. Yeah. But I did 00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:46.980 have a few projects that I knew would need to 00:35:46.980 --> 00:35:49.800 be on standby if I needed to go meet our son. 00:35:50.159 --> 00:35:53.380 But he was due – he was born just a week before 00:35:53.380 --> 00:35:56.320 his due date. So it wasn't anything that we really 00:35:56.320 --> 00:36:00.260 had to pivot what we were preparing for, which 00:36:00.260 --> 00:36:02.960 was great. But it was also we had to pack suitcases. 00:36:02.960 --> 00:36:07.590 Do we pack for a week? Do we pack for – We packed 00:36:07.590 --> 00:36:09.789 for a week. We ended up being there for three 00:36:09.789 --> 00:36:12.969 weeks. Mason spent two weeks in the NICU, and 00:36:12.969 --> 00:36:15.829 then we still had to wait one week for appearances. 00:36:16.489 --> 00:36:18.989 Basically, the two states talked to each other 00:36:18.989 --> 00:36:20.650 to make sure we can leave the state with the 00:36:20.650 --> 00:36:24.429 baby for safety purposes, which was frustrating 00:36:24.429 --> 00:36:27.210 at the time because we were kind of in limbo 00:36:27.210 --> 00:36:28.869 waiting every day. Again, that's one of those 00:36:28.869 --> 00:36:31.550 things where you're like, logistically and safety 00:36:31.550 --> 00:36:34.670 -wise. 100 % understand. I don't want people 00:36:34.670 --> 00:36:37.429 just taking babies over state lines without approval. 00:36:37.889 --> 00:36:40.710 Also, from your standpoint, that's super frustrating. 00:36:40.769 --> 00:36:44.230 We're like, okay, so I guess we just... We can't 00:36:44.230 --> 00:36:45.989 go to Disney World while we're in Florida because 00:36:45.989 --> 00:36:48.690 we have a newborn. We're not sleeping in our 00:36:48.690 --> 00:36:51.730 own bed. What do we do? We're washing bottles 00:36:51.730 --> 00:36:55.449 in Hotel Sings. Yes. Oh my gosh. All of the things. 00:36:55.730 --> 00:36:57.849 Probably re -upping the hotel room every day. 00:36:58.130 --> 00:37:03.420 Yes. Yes. That... I mean, that was only three 00:37:03.420 --> 00:37:07.119 months ago. I look at it fondly now because we, 00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:11.420 honestly, Sean and I are kind of like, I don't 00:37:11.420 --> 00:37:13.679 know if there's anything we couldn't handle because 00:37:13.679 --> 00:37:18.300 that was a very emotionally and physically draining 00:37:18.300 --> 00:37:22.460 few weeks for many reasons. And I just feel like 00:37:22.460 --> 00:37:23.960 we handled it really well. We're going to pat 00:37:23.960 --> 00:37:26.239 ourselves on the back for that. That's amazing. 00:37:26.739 --> 00:37:30.199 Okay, so going back a little bit. So bio mom 00:37:30.199 --> 00:37:34.739 goes into labor. You guys hop on a plane and 00:37:34.739 --> 00:37:39.320 go to Florida. Yeah. And then you guys meet Mason 00:37:39.320 --> 00:37:42.960 the next day, right? Yes, essentially. Okay. 00:37:43.000 --> 00:37:47.900 We meet him in the NICU. And I'd been in the 00:37:47.900 --> 00:37:51.599 NICU once before for a relative's child who was 00:37:51.599 --> 00:37:55.940 born prematurely. That's a different experience 00:37:55.940 --> 00:38:00.920 than meeting your child. What was it like meeting 00:38:00.920 --> 00:38:05.380 him for the first time? Oh, gosh. I mean, every 00:38:05.380 --> 00:38:09.579 emotion you could imagine. I was nervous. I was 00:38:09.579 --> 00:38:13.500 anxious. I was excited, of course. I was also 00:38:13.500 --> 00:38:16.280 very heartbroken seeing him all hooked up to 00:38:16.280 --> 00:38:20.880 all these things. You're meeting him. It's all 00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:23.579 the emotions. Yeah. And then you said he's in 00:38:23.579 --> 00:38:25.260 the NICU for two weeks and then you're there 00:38:25.260 --> 00:38:29.599 for three. Yes. What has been the biggest challenge 00:38:29.599 --> 00:38:32.760 for you being an adoptive mom? I think the biggest 00:38:32.760 --> 00:38:36.280 challenge has been kind of the logistics of we 00:38:36.280 --> 00:38:38.239 still have a social worker coming to visit us. 00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:42.159 We are still waiting to finalize our adoption. 00:38:42.280 --> 00:38:45.800 So he's not officially official a part of our 00:38:45.800 --> 00:38:48.840 family quite yet. And that probably won't. happen 00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:53.019 until until july or so as we're told so i do 00:38:53.019 --> 00:38:58.000 think there's still this um uneasiness of what 00:38:58.000 --> 00:39:01.639 if something happens yes exactly but it's funny 00:39:01.639 --> 00:39:04.400 because to you know being an adoptive mom of 00:39:04.400 --> 00:39:08.170 a baby at this age at three months You know, 00:39:08.190 --> 00:39:09.630 I'm walking around and people are like, oh my 00:39:09.630 --> 00:39:12.510 gosh, like how old is he? And I'll share the 00:39:12.510 --> 00:39:14.150 age. And they're like, you look great. And I'm 00:39:14.150 --> 00:39:17.650 like, thank you. I'm not going to be like, well, 00:39:17.789 --> 00:39:19.969 actually, he's adopted. When it suits you at 00:39:19.969 --> 00:39:22.289 the grocery store who you have never seen before. 00:39:22.449 --> 00:39:23.829 You're just like, thank you. Because also, no 00:39:23.829 --> 00:39:25.750 one talks about this. Going to the grocery store 00:39:25.750 --> 00:39:27.329 with an infant, you're like, I just want to get 00:39:27.329 --> 00:39:29.170 my grocery shopping done. But everyone stops 00:39:29.170 --> 00:39:32.150 you. Yes. Every single person. I really don't 00:39:32.150 --> 00:39:33.969 like the attention that I get from strangers 00:39:33.969 --> 00:39:36.269 pushing him around in his stroller and stuff. 00:39:36.889 --> 00:39:39.139 Yeah. I feel that. Yeah. I don't mind it as much 00:39:39.139 --> 00:39:41.599 if I'm like at a park or like, you know, a little 00:39:41.599 --> 00:39:43.300 more of a social situation. It's always running 00:39:43.300 --> 00:39:45.400 errands and I'm like, I'm just trying to pick 00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:48.119 up my milk. Yeah. I know you're trying to be 00:39:48.119 --> 00:39:49.719 nice. I'm not trying to tell you my whole birth 00:39:49.719 --> 00:39:52.860 story. Yeah. Yeah. I do have a podcast though, 00:39:52.880 --> 00:39:55.139 if you'd like to listen. Yeah. Right. I had a 00:39:55.139 --> 00:39:58.099 lady at Costco. I think I told you this, Anna, 00:39:58.159 --> 00:40:02.380 maybe that stopped me when Cruz was like, I don't 00:40:02.380 --> 00:40:04.159 know, three weeks old or something and literally 00:40:04.159 --> 00:40:07.369 touched his ear. And I was like, Excuse me, ma 00:40:07.369 --> 00:40:11.449 'am. You... What is your name? Yeah, right? Please 00:40:11.449 --> 00:40:14.530 don't touch my child. Okay, going back to you. 00:40:14.590 --> 00:40:19.150 My desire is when somebody does that, to do it 00:40:19.150 --> 00:40:22.210 back to them. So if, like, she touched Cruz's 00:40:22.210 --> 00:40:25.929 ear and then you just gently stroke her ear and 00:40:25.929 --> 00:40:29.389 then just smile and walk away. Have a good day, 00:40:29.449 --> 00:40:32.449 ma 'am. Unless she's, like, trying to kiss his 00:40:32.449 --> 00:40:34.670 head and I'm not about to kiss a stranger's head. 00:40:34.670 --> 00:40:37.750 Gently kiss her head. Yeah. But same, same. Put 00:40:37.750 --> 00:40:40.429 them in their place without being mean. That's 00:40:40.429 --> 00:40:42.909 just truly how awkward the situation is. That's 00:40:42.909 --> 00:40:45.550 amazing. Okay. Next time I'm going to think about 00:40:45.550 --> 00:40:48.849 that. Yeah. Like they come over and like pat 00:40:48.849 --> 00:40:51.849 them on the butt and there we go. Yes. Oh my 00:40:51.849 --> 00:40:55.010 gosh. That's hilarious. Okay. What has been your 00:40:55.010 --> 00:40:59.969 biggest joy in motherhood so far? Feeling like 00:40:59.969 --> 00:41:03.050 a family again. Yeah. There are so many moments 00:41:03.050 --> 00:41:05.769 where Sean and I are on the couch and Sean's 00:41:05.769 --> 00:41:09.369 holding Mason and he's making all his sounds 00:41:09.369 --> 00:41:11.869 and stuff. And we just look at each other and 00:41:11.869 --> 00:41:15.010 are just so grateful. One, that we were chosen 00:41:15.010 --> 00:41:20.170 by his birth mother. That hard time in the NICU 00:41:20.170 --> 00:41:22.869 and stuff. He seemingly is very healthy and just 00:41:22.869 --> 00:41:26.190 like a happy growing boy. We're just so grateful. 00:41:26.849 --> 00:41:31.510 Also, just the idea that... We watched a lot 00:41:31.510 --> 00:41:36.030 of Pixar with Baby R. And there are a lot of 00:41:36.030 --> 00:41:37.909 movies that I love that I have not been able 00:41:37.909 --> 00:41:41.369 to turn on because I'm just too sad. And now 00:41:41.369 --> 00:41:43.550 we've been able to put on a few movies that we 00:41:43.550 --> 00:41:47.789 really love with it on in the background for 00:41:47.789 --> 00:41:50.670 Mason. But I'm excited to watch it again and 00:41:50.670 --> 00:41:53.909 create new memories because I feel like the ones 00:41:53.909 --> 00:41:57.019 that I keep replaying are sad. They're joyful, 00:41:57.139 --> 00:41:59.679 but there's this yearning, this nostalgia that 00:41:59.679 --> 00:42:02.500 I have, and then it makes me sad. Do you feel 00:42:02.500 --> 00:42:05.380 like you, when you talked about in the podcast 00:42:05.380 --> 00:42:08.579 earlier about that kind of that joy that you 00:42:08.579 --> 00:42:11.519 guys had with Baby R, do you feel like you guys 00:42:11.519 --> 00:42:16.360 have kind of attained that again or you're getting 00:42:16.360 --> 00:42:19.920 there? Yeah, we're getting there. I have never. 00:42:21.099 --> 00:42:23.760 taking care of a newborn before so this particular 00:42:23.760 --> 00:42:28.179 stage has been difficult for me one because I've 00:42:28.179 --> 00:42:32.179 never done it before but also I just love like 00:42:32.179 --> 00:42:37.079 infancy once they're five six months of age because 00:42:37.079 --> 00:42:40.989 I to be honest I don't love snuggling and holding 00:42:40.989 --> 00:42:44.389 all day that's Sean's thing Sean's like I could 00:42:44.389 --> 00:42:46.809 sit on the couch and hold this baby all day but 00:42:46.809 --> 00:42:49.590 I'm like I want to interact I want to do stuff 00:42:49.590 --> 00:42:53.269 so Mason's starting to become way more interactive 00:42:53.269 --> 00:42:56.769 with me and I've really enjoyed that but so it's 00:42:56.769 --> 00:42:59.469 taken it's taken me a little time to find that 00:42:59.469 --> 00:43:02.110 joy because I just this isn't my sweet spot yeah 00:43:02.110 --> 00:43:05.610 I mean those early months when like they don't 00:43:05.610 --> 00:43:10.019 smile they don't react to at all it's tough yes 00:43:10.019 --> 00:43:11.980 like even if you do love the snuggles you're 00:43:11.980 --> 00:43:14.380 like i'm getting nothing from you yes and then 00:43:14.380 --> 00:43:16.780 then you once you start to get the smiles you're 00:43:16.780 --> 00:43:20.639 like okay like you recognize me yes uh yesterday 00:43:20.639 --> 00:43:23.840 uh zeta smiled when she heard stewart's voice 00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:25.599 and i was like that's the best thing that's ever 00:43:25.599 --> 00:43:28.340 happened that's amazing so like yeah getting 00:43:28.340 --> 00:43:31.619 to that stage where you're like oh okay you are 00:43:31.619 --> 00:43:35.269 a human yeah i can like yeah Have some interaction 00:43:35.269 --> 00:43:37.630 with you and have some fun with you and start 00:43:37.630 --> 00:43:41.289 to actually play with you is really fun. What 00:43:41.289 --> 00:43:44.369 is something that you wish that you knew before 00:43:44.369 --> 00:43:47.550 going into the adoption process and adopting? 00:43:48.590 --> 00:43:51.150 I think it's less about what I wish I knew and 00:43:51.150 --> 00:43:55.070 I wish I could have not been so fearful to start 00:43:55.070 --> 00:43:58.250 the process. Especially some of the agencies 00:43:58.250 --> 00:44:02.079 have. year -long wait lists or you can't even 00:44:02.079 --> 00:44:04.119 get on the waiting list because it's already 00:44:04.119 --> 00:44:06.699 too long and they know it'll be years before 00:44:06.699 --> 00:44:11.559 you're you know and I just think there are so 00:44:11.559 --> 00:44:14.880 many years that we were kind of like twiddling 00:44:14.880 --> 00:44:18.519 our thumbs that was on me I was not ready to 00:44:18.519 --> 00:44:21.300 start the process because I was grieving but 00:44:21.300 --> 00:44:25.179 fearful and I just wish I just had started sooner. 00:44:25.219 --> 00:44:27.059 Obviously if we had, we wouldn't have had Mason, 00:44:27.159 --> 00:44:29.880 blah, blah, blah. But I think living out of that 00:44:29.880 --> 00:44:34.679 fear really kind of took a toll on like the joy 00:44:34.679 --> 00:44:37.639 I could have experienced. Yeah. I mean, yeah. 00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:40.119 The timeline obviously worked out perfectly, 00:44:40.360 --> 00:44:44.059 but that is, yeah, that is interesting and potentially 00:44:44.059 --> 00:44:46.940 encouraging to anyone that would want to consider 00:44:46.940 --> 00:44:52.340 adoption too of like it's. I'm sure, lengthy 00:44:52.340 --> 00:44:56.699 and fearful process in the meantime. But when 00:44:56.699 --> 00:45:00.519 you look back, do you have any regrets or anything 00:45:00.519 --> 00:45:03.780 like that? No, definitely not. And I think for 00:45:03.780 --> 00:45:08.079 us, hiring a consultant was the number one thing 00:45:08.079 --> 00:45:12.960 that encouraged us to keep going. There is controversy 00:45:12.960 --> 00:45:16.019 in hiring a consultant. So I hear, so Reddit 00:45:16.019 --> 00:45:20.420 says. Really? And the controversy is... I mean, 00:45:20.420 --> 00:45:23.000 in any industry, there are always going to be 00:45:23.000 --> 00:45:26.699 corrupt organizations or corrupt people. But 00:45:26.699 --> 00:45:31.840 in the adoption world, consultants could be seen 00:45:31.840 --> 00:45:36.980 as a way to pay to play. But the hard thing is 00:45:36.980 --> 00:45:40.219 they don't have deals with agencies or birth 00:45:40.219 --> 00:45:44.400 mothers. But that's kind of the assumption. But 00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:47.639 in my opinion, well, our consultant was incredible. 00:45:48.670 --> 00:45:51.570 an honest, trustworthy person. But in addition 00:45:51.570 --> 00:45:53.190 to that, I think given everything that we had 00:45:53.190 --> 00:45:54.929 experienced, I just need somebody to tell me 00:45:54.929 --> 00:45:57.170 what to do, when to do it. You're doing the right 00:45:57.170 --> 00:46:00.909 thing. Nope. And even in conversations where 00:46:00.909 --> 00:46:03.369 I didn't hear back from the agency for a week 00:46:03.369 --> 00:46:05.809 or something, I would email my consultant first. 00:46:05.909 --> 00:46:08.829 Hey, is it okay to follow up or am I being unrealistic 00:46:08.829 --> 00:46:12.409 with my expectations on the responsive? you know 00:46:12.409 --> 00:46:15.230 the responsiveness she'd say wait or nope you 00:46:15.230 --> 00:46:16.949 can follow up there are even things like that 00:46:16.949 --> 00:46:19.650 where I'm like I know I'm being emotional I also 00:46:19.650 --> 00:46:21.630 know I'm very type a and boom boom boom I need 00:46:21.630 --> 00:46:24.130 things now I need them answered the way I need 00:46:24.130 --> 00:46:26.429 them answered so it was just helpful to have 00:46:26.429 --> 00:46:30.130 that person but that is well that is just one 00:46:30.130 --> 00:46:32.969 of those things where when you're making such 00:46:32.969 --> 00:46:35.789 a big life change like this having someone who 00:46:35.789 --> 00:46:39.980 knows what to expect yes is huge like Even buying 00:46:39.980 --> 00:46:42.360 a house, right? You get a realtor. And again, 00:46:42.440 --> 00:46:44.139 there can be terrible realtors out there who 00:46:44.139 --> 00:46:46.559 are super corrupt and who are pulling one over 00:46:46.559 --> 00:46:48.400 on you. But you get a realtor because they can 00:46:48.400 --> 00:46:51.780 tell you like, hey, if you put in an offer, this 00:46:51.780 --> 00:46:53.400 is how long you should expect to wait. If it's 00:46:53.400 --> 00:46:56.260 longer than that, then this applies or this doesn't 00:46:56.260 --> 00:46:59.239 apply or whatever. And so obviously that sounds 00:46:59.239 --> 00:47:01.199 terrible to compare a child to a house like that. 00:47:01.280 --> 00:47:05.019 But it's just having someone who knows the industry 00:47:05.019 --> 00:47:10.159 and who can help you understand. Just get an 00:47:10.159 --> 00:47:14.760 idea of expectations and what's expected of you 00:47:14.760 --> 00:47:18.840 and what you need to expect helps so much in 00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:20.880 anything, but especially something that's such 00:47:20.880 --> 00:47:24.360 a big deal and so emotional no matter what. So 00:47:24.360 --> 00:47:26.840 what is something you would tell someone who 00:47:26.840 --> 00:47:29.699 is considering adoption? I would definitely say 00:47:29.699 --> 00:47:35.039 know your yeses and nos when it comes to the 00:47:35.039 --> 00:47:37.699 birth. mother or birth family, like what you 00:47:37.699 --> 00:47:41.400 know about them. So we were told this in our 00:47:41.400 --> 00:47:45.920 training, which is before you start being presented 00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:49.960 birth mothers or families, know your yeses and 00:47:49.960 --> 00:47:53.440 your nos in what you're okay with in terms of 00:47:53.440 --> 00:47:57.679 lifestyle, drug use, family medical history, 00:47:57.860 --> 00:48:00.920 gender, race, like all of the things. Have your 00:48:00.920 --> 00:48:03.750 hard yeses and nos because Cases are going to 00:48:03.750 --> 00:48:05.389 be presented to you and you're going to want 00:48:05.389 --> 00:48:08.050 to say yes to everyone because of the fear that, 00:48:08.130 --> 00:48:10.530 well, what if we don't get another one? And what 00:48:10.530 --> 00:48:13.289 if it's six months until the next one? But like, 00:48:13.329 --> 00:48:16.449 if you feel really strongly that you don't want 00:48:16.449 --> 00:48:20.849 a certain medical condition in their known history, 00:48:21.150 --> 00:48:24.550 then you just need to pass that up. And we did 00:48:24.550 --> 00:48:27.170 have, and I'm so grateful we were given permission. 00:48:27.849 --> 00:48:30.690 Yeah. To like, quote unquote, be picky. It sounds 00:48:30.690 --> 00:48:34.329 terrible given the entire situation, but ultimately, 00:48:34.489 --> 00:48:36.909 I mean, that's for the benefit of the child, 00:48:37.090 --> 00:48:40.070 you know, and for the family. Then there's a 00:48:40.070 --> 00:48:41.929 different family who's like, oh, I'm fine with 00:48:41.929 --> 00:48:44.650 that medical condition. Like I'm called to take 00:48:44.650 --> 00:48:46.329 care of a kid who might have that or something 00:48:46.329 --> 00:48:49.329 like that. Exactly. Exactly. Do you feel like 00:48:49.329 --> 00:48:51.489 you and Sean were kind of on the same page in 00:48:51.489 --> 00:48:54.940 that area? Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. If anything, 00:48:55.079 --> 00:48:58.260 I was a little bit more lenient on like, yes 00:48:58.260 --> 00:48:59.840 to this, yes to this. And he was like, well, 00:48:59.960 --> 00:49:01.559 this is what that could look like. Let's talk 00:49:01.559 --> 00:49:05.800 about it. Yes. But we weren't necessarily very 00:49:05.800 --> 00:49:09.179 quote unquote picky either. Our consultant didn't 00:49:09.179 --> 00:49:12.559 share with us or did share with us. There are 00:49:12.559 --> 00:49:15.139 a lot of the families that she has worked with 00:49:15.139 --> 00:49:18.219 were basically you're looking for one child. 00:49:18.380 --> 00:49:21.000 Wow. From a very specific lifestyle, which is 00:49:21.000 --> 00:49:24.760 not as common. to be found. So that would be 00:49:24.760 --> 00:49:29.960 my tip. Just be firm in that and wait for the 00:49:29.960 --> 00:49:31.800 Lord to present you with the right opportunity. 00:49:32.199 --> 00:49:35.760 Well, I am so, so appreciative. I know Erica 00:49:35.760 --> 00:49:39.260 is too, of you just talking about your journey 00:49:39.260 --> 00:49:43.440 and your story and Sweet Mason is so stinking 00:49:43.440 --> 00:49:46.599 cute. And yeah, we're just really excited for 00:49:46.599 --> 00:49:51.380 you and Sean to be walking the parenthood journey. 00:49:51.980 --> 00:49:55.300 With your sweet little guy. Thank you. And just 00:49:55.300 --> 00:49:57.519 so appreciative of you coming on the podcast. 00:49:58.199 --> 00:50:01.000 Yeah, just thankful for you. Yeah, thank you 00:50:01.000 --> 00:50:03.199 so much for sharing your story. Thanks for having 00:50:03.199 --> 00:50:06.719 me. Well, let's hop into our wins of the week. 00:50:06.860 --> 00:50:08.900 Anna, do you have your win? Do you want to go 00:50:08.900 --> 00:50:11.679 first? It's really great. I'm so excited about 00:50:11.679 --> 00:50:16.699 it. My win is this past weekend, Mason gave us 00:50:16.699 --> 00:50:21.219 his full belly laugh. As a reaction to something. 00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:23.980 So he's like belly laughed before when Sean's 00:50:23.980 --> 00:50:27.179 like tickled his belly. But this was a moment 00:50:27.179 --> 00:50:30.599 where it was the three of us. I was truly, it 00:50:30.599 --> 00:50:34.260 was such an organic moment. I need to journal 00:50:34.260 --> 00:50:36.460 it because I'm going to forget like how perfectly 00:50:36.460 --> 00:50:39.380 sweet it was. I was boiling pasta noodles. We 00:50:39.380 --> 00:50:41.880 have music on. pretty much all the time in the 00:50:41.880 --> 00:50:44.280 house. And I was just dancing. Sean's holding 00:50:44.280 --> 00:50:46.440 Mason, walks over, and we're dancing. We're just 00:50:46.440 --> 00:50:48.679 having a little family dance party. And Mason 00:50:48.679 --> 00:50:51.659 just starts laughing. And it's that belly guttural 00:50:51.659 --> 00:50:54.000 laugh. And it's also funny because his laugh 00:50:54.000 --> 00:50:58.219 is very Seth Rogen -esque. It's very like, huh, 00:50:58.360 --> 00:51:01.679 huh, huh. So then that was making us laugh. But, 00:51:01.719 --> 00:51:04.039 of course, us laughing was making him laugh more. 00:51:04.659 --> 00:51:07.599 And we used to have a lot of dance parties with 00:51:07.599 --> 00:51:11.969 Baby R. This is just kind of like a really beautiful, 00:51:12.090 --> 00:51:16.670 sweet way to show us as a family and what, yeah, 00:51:16.750 --> 00:51:18.829 the fun that we could have. Oh, I love that. 00:51:18.829 --> 00:51:20.750 I'm really excited about that. That's so sweet. 00:51:20.789 --> 00:51:23.210 When they laugh, it's like just the best thing 00:51:23.210 --> 00:51:28.809 ever. Yeah. Okay, my win of the week. So like 00:51:28.809 --> 00:51:31.670 I mentioned before, this was – oh, hello, Cruz. 00:51:32.510 --> 00:51:36.710 This was my first week with Michael. back to 00:51:36.710 --> 00:51:40.630 work and with that just comes a lot of okay buddy 00:51:40.630 --> 00:51:44.590 comes a lot of fussiness obviously from both 00:51:44.590 --> 00:51:48.630 kids and just managing like nap time and trying 00:51:48.630 --> 00:51:52.869 to just entertain both kids all all of that and 00:51:52.869 --> 00:51:56.929 my win of the week so I think I did it was three 00:51:56.929 --> 00:52:00.989 days at home by myself for this work week which 00:52:00.989 --> 00:52:04.630 requires three different nap times for Colt and 00:52:04.630 --> 00:52:06.730 going into it, I was like, I just don't know 00:52:06.730 --> 00:52:11.309 how, like, how do I keep Cruz entertained while 00:52:11.309 --> 00:52:14.130 also trying to do like our nap time routine with 00:52:14.130 --> 00:52:18.130 Colt. And, um, so we like changed it up a little 00:52:18.130 --> 00:52:21.469 bit. So instead of like reading stories in his 00:52:21.469 --> 00:52:24.309 recliner, we like read stories on the ground. 00:52:24.409 --> 00:52:27.210 And so Cruz could like lay on the ground and 00:52:27.210 --> 00:52:29.530 then Colt and I sat on the ground and, and read 00:52:29.530 --> 00:52:33.530 stories. And my win is just, it's simply like, 00:52:34.059 --> 00:52:36.840 We just did that successfully. And, yeah, there 00:52:36.840 --> 00:52:41.360 were some tears. But whenever I got Colt down 00:52:41.360 --> 00:52:43.880 for a nap and then Cruz, like, took a nap and 00:52:43.880 --> 00:52:46.199 I'm, like, sitting there eating my lunch, I'm 00:52:46.199 --> 00:52:48.639 like, you know what? I just freaking rocked it 00:52:48.639 --> 00:52:51.440 as mom. Like, you know, there were some tears 00:52:51.440 --> 00:52:55.420 from everybody. But, you know, I'm here enjoying 00:52:55.420 --> 00:52:59.460 my lunch and my Diet Coke. And both kids are 00:52:59.460 --> 00:53:03.739 sleeping. And I did it. So that's my win. That's 00:53:03.739 --> 00:53:06.599 a huge win. That first week is rough. You feel 00:53:06.599 --> 00:53:08.159 like you can't do it, but then you're doing great. 00:53:08.420 --> 00:53:12.840 Yes. Yeah. We'll find our rhythm. So my win is 00:53:12.840 --> 00:53:17.179 we got Lloyd some magnet tiles that are like 00:53:17.179 --> 00:53:19.760 special occasion toys. So it's like we pull these 00:53:19.760 --> 00:53:22.340 out when someone's sick or when it's a rainy 00:53:22.340 --> 00:53:23.840 day and everyone's losing their mind. So it's 00:53:23.840 --> 00:53:26.099 not an all the time thing. Of course, anytime 00:53:26.099 --> 00:53:28.159 we put them away, at least like three of them 00:53:28.159 --> 00:53:31.579 somehow. are not in the box of course but he 00:53:31.579 --> 00:53:34.460 knows the closet we keep them in so he'll pick 00:53:34.460 --> 00:53:36.400 them up when we like find the like stray ones 00:53:36.400 --> 00:53:38.280 that didn't get put away he'll pick them up and 00:53:38.280 --> 00:53:40.760 he'll go and open the closet which he can't open 00:53:40.760 --> 00:53:43.579 all the way because of we keep it blocked intentionally 00:53:43.579 --> 00:53:45.900 so he can't open it all the way But he'll open 00:53:45.900 --> 00:53:47.860 it just like a little bit and throw the magnet 00:53:47.860 --> 00:53:50.780 tile into the closet. But so he clearly knows 00:53:50.780 --> 00:53:52.320 that's where we keep it and it needs to be put 00:53:52.320 --> 00:53:54.500 away. And he's like, I can't actually play with 00:53:54.500 --> 00:53:57.119 these right now, but I know that they go here. 00:53:57.300 --> 00:53:59.420 Yeah, which is just really cute. And I love to, 00:53:59.440 --> 00:54:01.440 he likes to put things away, which hopefully 00:54:01.440 --> 00:54:05.320 keeps up for his lifetime. Yeah, tidy guy. Yeah. 00:54:06.059 --> 00:54:07.980 That's so cute. But it's super cute and it's 00:54:07.980 --> 00:54:11.619 really funny. Well, Anna, thank you so much for 00:54:11.619 --> 00:54:14.519 coming on the podcast. Really appreciate you. 00:54:14.900 --> 00:54:18.139 I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. Please 00:54:18.139 --> 00:54:22.780 subscribe and follow us on Instagram at nomanualpodcast. 00:54:23.199 --> 00:54:25.380 We love you guys. We'd love to hear from you 00:54:25.380 --> 00:54:27.420 what you want to hear in the future. See you 00:54:27.420 --> 00:54:29.000 next week. See you next week. Bye.