WEBVTT 00:00:12.880 --> 00:00:16.379 Hi, everyone. Welcome back to No Manual MomCast, 00:00:16.699 --> 00:00:20.199 where this is a place for you to listen with 00:00:20.199 --> 00:00:23.480 other moms. Hopefully, you don't feel alone in 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:26.079 motherhood. And we're here to just talk about 00:00:26.079 --> 00:00:29.100 the reality of motherhood, the hard, the fun, 00:00:29.500 --> 00:00:32.159 the easy parts, maybe, that you're feeling. But 00:00:32.159 --> 00:00:36.219 today, we have a very, very special guest. Sarah 00:00:36.219 --> 00:00:38.380 Rainwater is here with us. And I actually got 00:00:38.380 --> 00:00:41.649 the pleasure of working with Sarah for probably 00:00:41.649 --> 00:00:46.149 about a year, I think, at our local church. And 00:00:46.149 --> 00:00:48.810 Sarah, would you want to introduce yourself, 00:00:48.829 --> 00:00:51.070 maybe a little bit about your family, and then 00:00:51.070 --> 00:00:54.810 we'll get into mom moments. Yeah, so thanks for 00:00:54.810 --> 00:00:58.469 having me on. Yeah. I married to my husband, 00:00:58.770 --> 00:01:01.549 Wes, and then I have two little guys, each is 00:01:01.549 --> 00:01:04.269 five and two, both boys, so it is super crazy 00:01:04.269 --> 00:01:09.049 in our house. Lots of boy energy. Yep. Awesome. 00:01:09.569 --> 00:01:12.930 So we always start all of our episodes with our 00:01:12.930 --> 00:01:15.129 mom moments of the week. So this can be something 00:01:15.129 --> 00:01:19.250 random, something good, something bad. But Erica, 00:01:19.290 --> 00:01:22.989 do you want to do yours first? Sure. So Lloyd 00:01:22.989 --> 00:01:24.969 right now is in a phase where he likes to pour 00:01:24.969 --> 00:01:27.909 whatever he's drinking on the table. And so, 00:01:27.950 --> 00:01:29.269 of course, we like always try to take his water 00:01:29.269 --> 00:01:31.129 bottle or whatever away once he starts doing 00:01:31.129 --> 00:01:33.950 that. And this week, a couple nights ago, he 00:01:33.950 --> 00:01:35.730 was just he was pouring his water out. So we 00:01:35.730 --> 00:01:37.670 like grabbed it. And there's just like a puddle 00:01:37.670 --> 00:01:39.609 of water on the table. And he decided to just 00:01:39.609 --> 00:01:42.129 start slurping it up off the table. And it was 00:01:42.129 --> 00:01:43.689 one of those parenting moments where Stewart 00:01:43.689 --> 00:01:45.650 and I like looking at each other, knowing we 00:01:45.650 --> 00:01:47.430 can't laugh because that's going to encourage 00:01:47.430 --> 00:01:50.310 his behavior, which we're trying to cut. But 00:01:50.310 --> 00:01:52.329 also, it's one of the funniest things we've seen 00:01:52.329 --> 00:01:55.890 because he's just off the table, his water off 00:01:55.890 --> 00:01:59.260 the table. And yeah, it's one of those. This 00:01:59.260 --> 00:02:02.079 is really funny, but I know if I laugh then this 00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:03.620 is going to create a monster and this is what 00:02:03.620 --> 00:02:05.760 you're going to do every single meal, which would 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:08.500 not be fun. That's amazing. It's so hard not 00:02:08.500 --> 00:02:10.680 to laugh in those moments. It's so hard. I'll 00:02:10.680 --> 00:02:12.919 have to like turn my back and then have to like 00:02:12.919 --> 00:02:17.680 tag out. Yeah. I'm turning my back so you cannot 00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:19.759 see me laughing. I have to walk away right now. 00:02:20.000 --> 00:02:24.629 Yes. Oh my gosh. OK, my mom moment. My mom moment's 00:02:24.629 --> 00:02:28.490 not really a funny one. So I'm not gonna really 00:02:28.490 --> 00:02:31.949 like say who just to keep it confidential. But 00:02:31.949 --> 00:02:35.610 I just, this week has been really hard. I've 00:02:35.610 --> 00:02:39.289 gotten like some criticism in my parenting, which 00:02:39.289 --> 00:02:43.870 is always a really fun thing. And... I am proud 00:02:43.870 --> 00:02:48.150 of myself because I stuck up for my kids in that 00:02:48.150 --> 00:02:51.430 moment of them calling me out on something that 00:02:51.430 --> 00:02:55.669 they disagreed with in my parenting. And so, 00:02:55.689 --> 00:02:59.509 yeah, I think the reality of that is it just 00:02:59.509 --> 00:03:02.639 has been a hard week because I felt like... People 00:03:02.639 --> 00:03:06.479 are judging my parenting But I'm also the other 00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:08.500 side of it is I'm also super proud of myself 00:03:08.500 --> 00:03:11.539 for for standing up for my kids Because they 00:03:11.539 --> 00:03:14.120 can't stand up for themselves quite yet. And 00:03:14.120 --> 00:03:17.219 so yeah, I won't get into the specifics But I 00:03:17.219 --> 00:03:19.840 think that all of us as moms probably face criticism 00:03:19.840 --> 00:03:22.759 in some sense Whether it's vocalized or whether 00:03:22.759 --> 00:03:26.180 you can just feel the criticism from people's 00:03:26.180 --> 00:03:29.599 I don't know from people's eyes. And so yeah, 00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:32.319 I think That's just my mom moment. It's not a 00:03:32.319 --> 00:03:34.939 very fun one, but that's super annoying though. 00:03:35.060 --> 00:03:37.419 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you have to like, 00:03:37.960 --> 00:03:39.819 it's easier when people don't say anything and 00:03:39.819 --> 00:03:41.080 you can just ignore it. You're like, well, if 00:03:41.080 --> 00:03:43.020 you're not going to say it to my face, then I 00:03:43.020 --> 00:03:45.280 can get over it. But when someone is actually 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:47.080 saying it to your face and you're like, oh, cool, 00:03:47.180 --> 00:03:49.979 cool, cool, cool. Yep. Exactly. All right, Sarah, 00:03:50.020 --> 00:03:54.879 do you have your mom moment? Yes. Oh, it is not 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:59.439 a very fun one. It's a little gross, but I woke 00:03:59.439 --> 00:04:03.300 up on one of those mornings, Tuesday mornings, 00:04:03.300 --> 00:04:05.379 and it's always Tuesday mornings when I'm trying 00:04:05.379 --> 00:04:08.280 to get ready for mops and of course it was my 00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:13.680 day to bring treats for the group and my oldest 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:16.920 had been up literally until 2 a .m. that night 00:04:16.920 --> 00:04:20.839 and then woke up at 5 a .m. We had just fallen 00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:22.920 asleep back on the couch and I start to hear 00:04:23.539 --> 00:04:27.339 little steps coming down the, coming down the 00:04:27.339 --> 00:04:30.839 hallway and so I kind of start to wake up a little 00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:35.579 and I noticed that there is no diaper, no pants, 00:04:35.879 --> 00:04:39.860 nothing, so I go upstairs and let's just say 00:04:39.860 --> 00:04:43.939 it was like finger paint everywhere and oh, it 00:04:43.939 --> 00:04:46.600 was just a really, of course, you know, moms 00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:50.180 were always covered in poop and all that and 00:04:50.180 --> 00:04:54.680 it was just a very Not a great way to start off 00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:58.339 the day. And of course it was the day. I actually 00:04:58.339 --> 00:05:02.759 need to get somewhere on time with some things. 00:05:03.000 --> 00:05:05.740 Lots of steam cleaning and spraying everything 00:05:05.740 --> 00:05:09.300 down. About 30 minutes late to Mops that morning 00:05:09.300 --> 00:05:11.019 but you know what we made it and that's all that 00:05:11.019 --> 00:05:14.199 matters. The fact that you made it is like that's 00:05:14.199 --> 00:05:16.339 a win right there. I would have been like I'm 00:05:16.339 --> 00:05:18.439 throwing in the towel sorry guys no treats for 00:05:18.439 --> 00:05:20.839 you this morning. It was my last Mops so I had 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:23.459 to go. I had to go say goodbye to everyone. Yeah. 00:05:23.459 --> 00:05:25.920 Yeah. Yeah. Getting there at all. I'm impressed. 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:29.100 Mm hmm. Yeah, we talked about this before is 00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:31.319 a steam cleaner is a must as a parent. Oh, absolutely. 00:05:32.060 --> 00:05:34.980 All of the things that could that get on your 00:05:34.980 --> 00:05:38.519 floor. Get in the carpet. Highly recommend. So, 00:05:38.600 --> 00:05:41.100 Sarah, tell us a little bit more about your family. 00:05:41.920 --> 00:05:48.079 Yeah, so my oldest who's five, he is autistic 00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:53.860 and he's nonverbal. He goes to a special center 00:05:53.860 --> 00:05:57.420 for kids that are on the spectrum and it is amazing 00:05:57.420 --> 00:06:01.879 and he's learned a lot there over the course 00:06:01.879 --> 00:06:05.120 of the past couple years and now he is using 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:10.560 it's called an AAC device and he uses that to 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:12.660 talk or communicate with us and so that's been 00:06:12.660 --> 00:06:15.040 new and a big journey for us the past couple 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:17.720 weeks and it's been about a couple months of 00:06:17.720 --> 00:06:20.519 him having it so that's been really cool. Awesome. 00:06:20.899 --> 00:06:23.259 So tell us a little more about your oldest then. 00:06:23.980 --> 00:06:29.040 Yeah, so he is, first of all, just he's so funny. 00:06:29.240 --> 00:06:32.399 He has just a huge personality. He's sweet. He's 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:36.720 my little snuggle bug. I'm silly. He has a little 00:06:36.720 --> 00:06:40.100 sense of humor and is just always getting in 00:06:40.100 --> 00:06:45.079 a mischief and keeps us on our toes. Always climbing 00:06:45.079 --> 00:06:49.430 and jumping. would literally jump off a two -story 00:06:49.430 --> 00:06:52.670 roof if we let him, so just always have to have 00:06:52.670 --> 00:06:56.649 eyes on him. But he's a really cool kid. He brings 00:06:56.649 --> 00:07:01.269 a lot of light to our family. So when did you 00:07:01.269 --> 00:07:04.290 start to notice that something was maybe a little 00:07:04.290 --> 00:07:08.750 bit off or different? The whole first year. He 00:07:08.750 --> 00:07:13.170 was developing completely on track. Everything 00:07:13.170 --> 00:07:19.129 from crawling to walking, eating. He seemed really 00:07:19.129 --> 00:07:23.439 social. He'd clap, he'd point, he'd laugh. Started 00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:27.319 eating solids at six months There was just never 00:07:27.319 --> 00:07:30.439 any concern. He was meeting all the developmental 00:07:30.439 --> 00:07:34.300 milestones and then around seven months He started 00:07:34.300 --> 00:07:38.339 getting these really random super high fevers 00:07:38.339 --> 00:07:42.680 of 104 to 105 degrees my gosh and yeah, they 00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:45.889 would just come on randomly and Would they come 00:07:45.889 --> 00:07:47.889 on with other symptoms or anything? No other 00:07:47.889 --> 00:07:52.649 symptoms. None. And so we would take him in and 00:07:52.649 --> 00:07:54.730 they would last for a couple of days on it. And 00:07:54.730 --> 00:07:56.970 we would just be having to give him medicine. 00:07:57.310 --> 00:08:00.110 And was he just so miserable? Horrible. It was 00:08:00.110 --> 00:08:03.189 awful. Like that was a really whenever they would 00:08:03.189 --> 00:08:05.930 come on, I would just dread it. And just watching 00:08:05.930 --> 00:08:10.459 him just. feel so miserable was the most helpless 00:08:10.459 --> 00:08:14.339 feeling. And we'd go into the ER, we'd go into 00:08:14.339 --> 00:08:17.199 children's, we saw doctors throughout the state 00:08:17.199 --> 00:08:20.319 and had blood tests. Nothing showed up, like 00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:22.800 there was no explanation. And this was back in 00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:26.360 2020. So, you know, of course they would test 00:08:26.360 --> 00:08:28.399 him for all the things and then be like, okay, 00:08:28.540 --> 00:08:32.100 well, nothing's wrong, send us home. So anyways, 00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:36.720 throughout all that, around... 13 months he just 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:40.559 got his like war series of fevers back -to -back 00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:42.899 this time it would be like you know a week in 00:08:42.899 --> 00:08:46.759 between them and then around that time I started 00:08:46.759 --> 00:08:49.340 noticing he wasn't talking because he had started 00:08:49.340 --> 00:08:51.279 to get some words he had started getting about 00:08:51.279 --> 00:08:55.220 like 10 -ish words and was consistently using 00:08:55.220 --> 00:08:58.820 them and I noticed he hadn't really said mama 00:08:58.820 --> 00:09:02.299 in a long time or dada or anything like that 00:09:02.299 --> 00:09:05.029 and I just thought, you know, kind of shrugged 00:09:05.029 --> 00:09:07.690 it off that, oh, maybe it's just he's not feeling 00:09:07.690 --> 00:09:10.509 good. But then as time went on, I noticed some 00:09:10.509 --> 00:09:13.870 other things. I noticed that he wasn't really 00:09:13.870 --> 00:09:18.450 responding to his name, that he had stopped clapping 00:09:18.450 --> 00:09:22.320 and waving and pointing. I just noticed some 00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:25.580 other repetitive behaviors that he was doing. 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:28.440 So of course, being a concerned mom, I started 00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:32.019 researching and Googling and the same thing kept 00:09:32.019 --> 00:09:36.200 popping up, which was autism. And I would bring 00:09:36.200 --> 00:09:38.299 that up to my husband. I bring it up to my family. 00:09:39.259 --> 00:09:41.620 And throughout all this, he still remained that 00:09:41.620 --> 00:09:43.879 same happy little kid that I described. He's 00:09:43.879 --> 00:09:47.620 just silly, funny little toddler. So people would 00:09:47.620 --> 00:09:50.259 just tell me oh, you're just you're overly concerned. 00:09:50.259 --> 00:09:52.139 No, you know, you're you're just overthinking 00:09:52.139 --> 00:09:55.080 it. It's probably just a phase He'll kill get 00:09:55.080 --> 00:09:59.419 over and he'll start talking again But by 16 00:09:59.419 --> 00:10:02.659 or 17 months I just knew like I knew and my mom 00:10:02.659 --> 00:10:05.940 got and I knew Despite everybody telling me I 00:10:05.940 --> 00:10:08.259 was being overly concerned that there was more 00:10:08.259 --> 00:10:12.580 to it than what I was seeing I Think we just 00:10:12.580 --> 00:10:14.899 have that intuition as moms when something's 00:10:14.899 --> 00:10:19.720 off Yeah, I had talked to my friend who her daughter 00:10:19.720 --> 00:10:23.840 was sick. It was something mostly minor, but 00:10:23.840 --> 00:10:26.139 the doctors were like, oh, it's just a stomach 00:10:26.139 --> 00:10:28.600 bug. She's fine. And when we were talking about 00:10:28.600 --> 00:10:30.659 it, I was like, the thing is, like, we grew these 00:10:30.659 --> 00:10:33.649 children. Yeah, like I mean, yes, we see them 00:10:33.649 --> 00:10:36.350 every single day for starters. So like we know 00:10:36.350 --> 00:10:39.149 them better just like on that level. But then 00:10:39.149 --> 00:10:41.230 also, like we grew these kids. So I think there 00:10:41.230 --> 00:10:43.950 is just like this intuition that no one else, 00:10:44.110 --> 00:10:47.590 even dad, can feel on the same level of like 00:10:47.590 --> 00:10:49.529 if something's wrong or if someone's telling 00:10:49.529 --> 00:10:51.110 you something's wrong, you're like, no, I think 00:10:51.110 --> 00:10:52.929 it's right. Or, you know, whatever that looks 00:10:52.929 --> 00:10:56.629 like. There's just this connection that can't 00:10:56.629 --> 00:10:59.549 be broken to a certain extent. Yeah. And we have 00:10:59.549 --> 00:11:04.590 that God given biological instinct in us. That 00:11:04.590 --> 00:11:07.250 is from God. He gives it to us and that's how 00:11:07.250 --> 00:11:11.169 we've survived throughout all these years and 00:11:11.169 --> 00:11:16.389 how we as moms know our kids. I just felt that. 00:11:16.389 --> 00:11:20.419 I knew there was something more. So at his 18 00:11:20.419 --> 00:11:23.539 -month appointment I brought it up to his doctor 00:11:23.539 --> 00:11:26.240 and I had filled out the screening and everything 00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:29.539 and she was the first person to actually really 00:11:29.539 --> 00:11:33.000 take me seriously and to like validate those 00:11:33.000 --> 00:11:37.840 concerns and so that was it was kind of a relief 00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:41.399 when she did. Yeah that would be super frustrating 00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:44.879 for me if I was telling everyone like I think 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:48.220 something's wrong and Everyone kept telling me. 00:11:48.500 --> 00:11:50.080 I mean, no one's saying like, oh, you're crazy, 00:11:50.139 --> 00:11:52.100 but that's kind of what they're saying. Yeah, 00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:56.779 to a certain extent. To be fair, I have a tendency 00:11:56.779 --> 00:12:00.179 to really overthink things and be anxious and 00:12:00.179 --> 00:12:06.009 that's how I've been my whole life. I can't blame 00:12:06.009 --> 00:12:08.690 the people close to me for being like, oh, you're 00:12:08.690 --> 00:12:11.529 just being anxious or oh, you know, because I 00:12:11.529 --> 00:12:14.490 do have a tendency to do that. But I just knew 00:12:14.490 --> 00:12:18.389 this was different. Yeah. So what what was like 00:12:18.389 --> 00:12:21.230 the next step for you guys after you met with 00:12:21.230 --> 00:12:25.950 the pediatrician? Yeah. So we they put in a referral 00:12:25.950 --> 00:12:31.210 for a about an evaluation. So you meet with a 00:12:31.210 --> 00:12:35.340 team of professionals. speech therapist, occupational 00:12:35.340 --> 00:12:38.740 therapist, all sorts of different people, developmental 00:12:38.740 --> 00:12:43.019 pediatrician. And we did about a three hour long 00:12:43.019 --> 00:12:46.659 evaluation and there was lots of paperwork. And 00:12:46.659 --> 00:12:49.980 even then you have to go get a second evaluation 00:12:49.980 --> 00:12:52.700 as well. So you have so many professionals speaking 00:12:52.700 --> 00:12:55.720 into this. And then by the end, they did tell 00:12:55.720 --> 00:12:59.740 us that he they were certain. They said, we're 00:12:59.740 --> 00:13:01.700 not fairly certain. We are certain that he is 00:13:01.700 --> 00:13:05.779 autistic. And Because there were so many people 00:13:05.779 --> 00:13:08.299 and it was so thorough. I felt like I could really 00:13:08.299 --> 00:13:12.100 trust that and so it was one of those Moments 00:13:12.100 --> 00:13:14.440 where you're like, oh my gosh, finally we have 00:13:14.440 --> 00:13:16.740 answers and but you know We still don't know 00:13:16.740 --> 00:13:19.379 what was going on with the fevers exactly or 00:13:19.379 --> 00:13:22.940 how they played a role in everything but we now 00:13:22.940 --> 00:13:26.490 knew where what we were dealing with and then 00:13:26.490 --> 00:13:27.889 we can move forward. Yeah, there is a relief 00:13:27.889 --> 00:13:30.049 that comes with that. Like, okay, now we have 00:13:30.049 --> 00:13:32.850 an action plan or we can figure out what our 00:13:32.850 --> 00:13:36.769 action plan is versus just something's wrong. 00:13:37.529 --> 00:13:41.970 That's just it. Yeah. So what were the evaluations 00:13:41.970 --> 00:13:44.289 like? So you said there's lots of paperwork, 00:13:44.429 --> 00:13:48.210 but what were those like for him? You know, they 00:13:48.210 --> 00:13:51.269 make them fun for kiddos. It's all play based. 00:13:52.110 --> 00:13:55.080 It's basically just an adult. interacting with 00:13:55.080 --> 00:13:57.600 your child and having them do different things 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:00.139 and he just thought he was it they had it set 00:14:00.139 --> 00:14:02.240 up like a little play gym so he just thought 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:05.379 he was there for for fun and I brought a lot 00:14:05.379 --> 00:14:08.940 of snacks all the bribes I remember going they 00:14:08.940 --> 00:14:10.799 were like get anything and everything that you 00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:15.419 can to keep him going and so nice gummy bears 00:14:15.419 --> 00:14:19.320 and all the things he didn't really know any 00:14:19.320 --> 00:14:22.419 different what was your reaction when they were 00:14:22.419 --> 00:14:26.039 like You know, we're we are certain that he's 00:14:26.039 --> 00:14:32.120 autistic. Yeah. Initially, it was not shock. 00:14:32.440 --> 00:14:35.379 I knew like I already knew they were going to 00:14:35.379 --> 00:14:38.440 tell me that. So it was kind of just like, yeah, 00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:43.480 I I know he is. And that doesn't mean it wasn't 00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:47.419 hard. I think the next day afterwards was really 00:14:47.419 --> 00:14:49.899 hard. I remember coming into work crying and 00:14:49.899 --> 00:14:54.639 and then after that, just there was a period 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:58.659 of grief, of a lot of grief and it comes in waves 00:14:58.659 --> 00:15:02.000 and yeah, there's just lots of ups and downs 00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:04.639 and when you get an autism diagnosis for your 00:15:04.639 --> 00:15:07.399 child, everything just starts moving at warp 00:15:07.399 --> 00:15:10.080 speed. You just start getting bombarded with 00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:13.019 so much paperwork and so much insurance stuff 00:15:13.019 --> 00:15:15.639 you have to figure out and all the therapies 00:15:15.639 --> 00:15:18.059 that you're trying to figure out and they want 00:15:18.059 --> 00:15:23.029 you to put your kid in therapy for 20 to 40 hours 00:15:23.029 --> 00:15:26.250 a week. I mean, it is a lot. And so you're just 00:15:26.250 --> 00:15:28.470 looking at this two year old and thinking, oh 00:15:28.470 --> 00:15:31.509 my gosh, this is just our life now. And it was 00:15:31.509 --> 00:15:34.710 like, it was just our life. And you're having 00:15:34.710 --> 00:15:37.909 to figure out how are we going to fit this into 00:15:37.909 --> 00:15:42.090 our life and our schedule and work and all the 00:15:42.090 --> 00:15:45.470 things. So there was a lot of things that came 00:15:45.470 --> 00:15:47.190 afterwards that we had to figure out. That sounds 00:15:47.190 --> 00:15:51.299 super overwhelming. What was the grieving process 00:15:51.299 --> 00:15:56.820 like? For me, I truly did go through all five 00:15:56.820 --> 00:16:01.580 stages of grief that they talk about. I, for 00:16:01.580 --> 00:16:06.120 a long time, cried every single day at different 00:16:06.120 --> 00:16:08.480 times of the day or different things would set 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:12.740 me off. I remember I'd be in a grocery store 00:16:12.740 --> 00:16:15.759 and I would hear a little kid Next to me talking 00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:18.139 to mommy mommy or you know, and that would just 00:16:18.139 --> 00:16:22.559 break my heart Because I missed his little voice 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:27.179 and he just he didn't ever really start talking 00:16:27.179 --> 00:16:30.299 again and the unknowns of is he ever gonna talk 00:16:30.299 --> 00:16:33.480 again and what is the future gonna look like 00:16:33.480 --> 00:16:38.179 and what does this mean and you know then there 00:16:38.179 --> 00:16:41.059 was a lot of anger and a lot of questions of 00:16:41.059 --> 00:16:45.259 like why my kid and why our family of all families 00:16:45.259 --> 00:16:49.340 and just all the stages until you finally do 00:16:49.340 --> 00:16:52.000 get to that final one which they say is acceptance 00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:56.480 and I don't quite know when that happened but 00:16:56.480 --> 00:17:01.019 I just know that over time you know eventually 00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:04.650 the tears just stop coming as often and it just 00:17:04.650 --> 00:17:08.750 kind of slowly started becoming our normal and 00:17:08.750 --> 00:17:13.849 we just had to keep moving forward with our life. 00:17:14.490 --> 00:17:17.950 My husband was really steady and stable throughout 00:17:17.950 --> 00:17:19.869 all of it. That's just how he is as a person. 00:17:19.970 --> 00:17:22.950 He doesn't get too flustered and so that was 00:17:22.950 --> 00:17:27.170 really good for me to have his stability and 00:17:27.170 --> 00:17:33.200 all that and for me personally it was a huge 00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:36.900 lesson of surrender, daily surrender to God. 00:17:38.279 --> 00:17:41.940 And he was really a huge test of my faith and 00:17:41.940 --> 00:17:45.279 trust in God because I would just sit there and 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:49.380 pray and say, God, I love him so much and I am 00:17:49.380 --> 00:17:53.640 so scared, but I know that you love him more. 00:17:53.640 --> 00:17:57.799 And I know that you have good plans for him. 00:17:58.790 --> 00:18:02.690 And when I started holding on to that, it just 00:18:02.690 --> 00:18:06.430 got a little less scary. And he just started 00:18:06.430 --> 00:18:08.750 giving me everything I needed on a day -to -day 00:18:08.750 --> 00:18:14.250 basis. And he was so good. Seeing God's provision 00:18:14.250 --> 00:18:18.230 and goodness in all of it was really, really 00:18:18.230 --> 00:18:22.410 cool to be able to walk through. And he just 00:18:22.410 --> 00:18:24.690 would put the right therapist in place, the right 00:18:24.690 --> 00:18:27.609 people in place, the right doctors in place. 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:31.740 really was with us every step along the way. 00:18:32.440 --> 00:18:36.440 That's awesome. Yeah. What, um, so you guys then 00:18:36.440 --> 00:18:39.720 hopped into like all the therapies and stuff. 00:18:39.819 --> 00:18:42.619 What did that, you said it was upwards of like 00:18:42.619 --> 00:18:48.359 20 to 40 hours a week. Yeah. So there's, um, 00:18:49.299 --> 00:18:51.279 there's so many different therapies. We were 00:18:51.279 --> 00:18:56.660 had him in speech. We had him in, um, OT, we 00:18:56.660 --> 00:19:00.160 were doing therapy called ABA, which is specific 00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:04.480 to kids with autism or behavioral issues, and 00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:07.000 all of them would come to our house, which was 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:10.420 really nice. Now he goes to a therapy center, 00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:13.880 but when we first started, it was all in home. 00:19:14.440 --> 00:19:17.519 they would just come and play with our kid and 00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:20.779 do real play -based therapy and so that to me 00:19:20.779 --> 00:19:23.299 was really cool because I just felt when they 00:19:23.299 --> 00:19:26.539 told me this I said oh my gosh his whole childhood 00:19:26.539 --> 00:19:30.240 is just going to be therapies. So it was all 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:33.099 play -based and they would come to our home and 00:19:33.099 --> 00:19:35.960 interact with him and they they made it fun so 00:19:35.960 --> 00:19:39.059 he never thought it was any work he just thought 00:19:39.059 --> 00:19:41.700 oh these adults just want to come play with me 00:19:41.700 --> 00:19:45.319 and I get all the attention and I mean, it was 00:19:45.319 --> 00:19:47.480 hard at times. They sometimes, you know, would 00:19:47.480 --> 00:19:49.380 push him to do things that he wouldn't want to 00:19:49.380 --> 00:19:52.839 do, but that's just life. We all have to do things 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:55.359 we don't want to do sometimes. Yeah, even if 00:19:55.359 --> 00:19:57.740 you're a kid not in therapy. Yeah, school or 00:19:57.740 --> 00:19:59.759 whatever. You do things all the time, Lloyd and 00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:03.000 I have. toddler fights like no you you have to 00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:04.660 do this thing that i'm telling you not that you 00:20:04.660 --> 00:20:07.000 don't want to fun fact i actually used to work 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:11.140 in aba therapy really yeah for i was i worked 00:20:11.140 --> 00:20:16.079 for it was like almost two years and i had i 00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:18.579 mean i had a bunch of different clients but man 00:20:18.579 --> 00:20:23.279 like it it is long it can be long sessions for 00:20:23.279 --> 00:20:26.519 those kids so i don't like i had clients that 00:20:26.519 --> 00:20:30.279 i would see for five hours straight. And so yeah, 00:20:30.359 --> 00:20:33.880 I'm like, I'm sure that is similar to to your 00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:37.420 son, that it's it can be a long exhausting day. 00:20:37.960 --> 00:20:40.759 So you had therapy with him at home for quite 00:20:40.759 --> 00:20:43.500 some time when he did go to the center has been 00:20:43.500 --> 00:20:46.200 going to the center. Does he come back and you 00:20:46.200 --> 00:20:50.319 can see like, is he super exhausted? Is he? What 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:52.960 does that look like for you? Yeah, he's usually 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:56.720 pretty tired. But really, I mean, he goes for 00:20:56.720 --> 00:21:00.279 eight hours a day. Wow. Eight hours. But they 00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:02.140 have it set up like a classroom there. He's with 00:21:02.140 --> 00:21:04.759 other kids. They do all the things. It's not 00:21:04.759 --> 00:21:08.700 school. Technically, it's they all have their 00:21:08.700 --> 00:21:10.799 own individual person that works with them. But 00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:13.279 then they get to be together with a group. I 00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:16.680 get pictures. uploaded on this little portal 00:21:16.680 --> 00:21:18.700 every day and he always just looks like he's 00:21:18.700 --> 00:21:20.599 having fun and anytime I go to pick him up he's 00:21:20.599 --> 00:21:23.559 just having a blast so yeah I'm not worried about 00:21:23.559 --> 00:21:26.039 it but he you know it's no different than going 00:21:26.039 --> 00:21:29.619 to school he is always very tired for the first 00:21:29.619 --> 00:21:31.319 hour when he gets home he just wants he gets 00:21:31.319 --> 00:21:33.200 in the car and he wants to watch his iPad and 00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:35.619 I let him you know that's one of those things 00:21:35.619 --> 00:21:39.140 that I said I'm not gonna have an iPad kid I 00:21:39.140 --> 00:21:43.829 have an iPad kid now because I say I'm like you 00:21:43.829 --> 00:21:47.849 work so hard eight hours out of the day and so 00:21:47.849 --> 00:21:49.650 I did that was one of those things that I just 00:21:49.650 --> 00:21:51.710 had to kind of give in and say you know what 00:21:51.710 --> 00:21:54.009 that is okay if you want to watch like an hour 00:21:54.009 --> 00:21:56.670 of screen time afterwards you have earned that 00:21:56.670 --> 00:21:59.490 and you have worked so hard and he doesn't get 00:21:59.490 --> 00:22:02.970 breaks he gets one week in the summer and one 00:22:02.970 --> 00:22:05.509 week in the winter and other than that since 00:22:05.509 --> 00:22:09.250 he was two has gone to schools or therapy year 00:22:09.250 --> 00:22:11.710 -round. It's crazy. And is it five days a week? 00:22:11.789 --> 00:22:13.630 Five days a week, yeah. Then he gets his weekends, 00:22:14.250 --> 00:22:17.309 but I just, you have to just let them rest and 00:22:17.309 --> 00:22:19.369 when they get home, but then he's, you know, 00:22:19.609 --> 00:22:21.950 within an hour wanting to go play outside and 00:22:21.950 --> 00:22:24.329 interact with brother. It probably is like totally 00:22:24.329 --> 00:22:27.150 a decompressing, like he just needs to come down 00:22:27.150 --> 00:22:30.329 from the, I don't know, the overstimulation of 00:22:30.329 --> 00:22:33.569 maybe the school day and... and then yeah then 00:22:33.569 --> 00:22:35.430 he's ready to go. All of us if we have a long 00:22:35.430 --> 00:22:37.490 day we're like I need just like I just want to 00:22:37.490 --> 00:22:40.049 veg out in front of the tv for a second yes and 00:22:40.049 --> 00:22:41.750 that's exactly what he wants to do and I'm like 00:22:41.750 --> 00:22:47.049 I get it kid yeah I feel ya and you know Friday 00:22:47.049 --> 00:22:49.910 afternoons he is just done with the day and they 00:22:49.910 --> 00:22:52.470 always say he's just like Totally different kid 00:22:52.470 --> 00:22:54.049 in the Friday afternoon. I'm like, yeah, he's 00:22:54.049 --> 00:22:58.490 just he's done. He doesn't do it anymore And 00:22:58.490 --> 00:23:02.529 now that he has his little talk box he'll get 00:23:02.529 --> 00:23:04.490 in the car sometimes and he doesn't do this all 00:23:04.490 --> 00:23:07.210 the time, but earlier this week He pushed the 00:23:07.210 --> 00:23:09.369 little button that said ice cream and I was like 00:23:09.369 --> 00:23:11.809 you you want ice cream and he was like ice cream 00:23:11.809 --> 00:23:13.970 ice cream ice cream This is a blade it over it 00:23:13.970 --> 00:23:16.170 over again. And so it's like, you know, like 00:23:16.170 --> 00:23:19.170 it let's go get you an ice cream cone Yeah, you 00:23:19.170 --> 00:23:24.190 know, it's just kind of letting It's lowering 00:23:24.190 --> 00:23:26.630 your expectations a little bit at home. That 00:23:26.630 --> 00:23:29.289 doesn't mean we don't have them. But it's also, 00:23:29.589 --> 00:23:33.430 you have to realize that he works so much harder 00:23:33.430 --> 00:23:36.150 than the standard child at everything he does 00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:39.769 in life. And so I just try to add a little bit 00:23:39.769 --> 00:23:42.150 of fun in there too. Because it can't be all 00:23:42.150 --> 00:23:45.109 serious all the time. I heard something the other 00:23:45.109 --> 00:23:49.039 day that's kind of changed my... mindset on like 00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:52.640 how I respond to things which is the two greatest 00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:54.660 tragedies in childhood are never getting what 00:23:54.660 --> 00:23:57.059 you want and always getting what you want and 00:23:57.059 --> 00:23:58.819 I thought that was super cool because I definitely 00:23:58.819 --> 00:24:01.319 tend to lean on the side of like never getting 00:24:01.319 --> 00:24:04.000 what you want like not that I never give him 00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:07.000 give Lloyd things but like if he asks for TV 00:24:07.000 --> 00:24:09.039 I'm like nope like that's my decision you don't 00:24:09.039 --> 00:24:11.579 get to decide that at least at this age and stuff 00:24:11.579 --> 00:24:13.839 like that so I've kind of not all the time but 00:24:13.839 --> 00:24:17.180 like sometimes you get Okay. You want my details? 00:24:17.420 --> 00:24:19.359 Sure. We'll watch about details or, you know, 00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:21.400 those little things. And I feel like that ice 00:24:21.400 --> 00:24:23.539 cream thing just falls into, you know, sometimes 00:24:23.539 --> 00:24:26.660 you do just get what you want. And that's also 00:24:26.660 --> 00:24:29.599 one of the joys of childhood. Yeah. And for me 00:24:29.599 --> 00:24:36.470 too, he, for For I guess five years wasn't able 00:24:36.470 --> 00:24:39.829 to tell me that he wanted ice cream I had no 00:24:39.829 --> 00:24:43.329 I no idea what he was thinking half the time 00:24:43.329 --> 00:24:47.289 most of the time and so He's now that he has 00:24:47.289 --> 00:24:50.789 this talker. It's been so cool to hear his little 00:24:50.789 --> 00:24:52.730 thoughts I'm like, oh you were thinking about 00:24:52.730 --> 00:24:55.819 an ice cream cone something simple that I think 00:24:55.819 --> 00:24:57.640 probably most people wouldn't think is a big 00:24:57.640 --> 00:25:00.920 deal. But to me, that is a really big deal because 00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:04.460 I didn't know for the longest time. Yeah. Yeah. 00:25:04.460 --> 00:25:07.660 And so so you guys have introduced this talker. 00:25:07.740 --> 00:25:10.220 What what does that look like? How long has it 00:25:10.220 --> 00:25:14.140 been? It's been about a couple of months. He's 00:25:14.140 --> 00:25:16.700 been practicing with it longer at his center. 00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:21.150 But now he finally has his own that we got. And 00:25:21.150 --> 00:25:23.710 it's just been really cool. He does. He can't 00:25:23.710 --> 00:25:25.869 have a conversation necessarily, but he can at 00:25:25.869 --> 00:25:28.730 least let us know his wants or his needs. He 00:25:28.730 --> 00:25:32.349 can tell us what food he wants. He's really picking 00:25:32.349 --> 00:25:35.529 it up fast. So I it's really, really hopeful 00:25:35.529 --> 00:25:38.890 to see what kind of growth he may have with it 00:25:38.890 --> 00:25:41.930 in the future. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Is 00:25:41.930 --> 00:25:44.869 that super like, I don't know if inspiring is 00:25:44.869 --> 00:25:47.250 the right word, but I guess encouraging maybe 00:25:47.250 --> 00:25:51.009 to see that, like, I mean, This sounds, I don't 00:25:51.009 --> 00:25:53.369 know if this sounds bad, but there's a level 00:25:53.369 --> 00:25:55.069 of you don't know how smart your kid is if they're 00:25:55.069 --> 00:25:57.069 not talking to you. Oh it's so true. So now all 00:25:57.069 --> 00:25:58.910 of a sudden you're like, oh no, you're so smart. 00:25:59.069 --> 00:26:01.069 Oh it's so true. But I get to see it, which is 00:26:01.069 --> 00:26:04.869 super cool. I have always said since he was little, 00:26:06.210 --> 00:26:08.789 and people underestimate him, like people don't 00:26:08.789 --> 00:26:10.630 give him enough credit, and including myself 00:26:10.630 --> 00:26:12.750 at times, and that's something I've had to learn 00:26:12.750 --> 00:26:16.940 and realized as his mom that I need to hold him 00:26:16.940 --> 00:26:18.900 to higher standards. And that's where his therapists 00:26:18.900 --> 00:26:23.240 come in. They encourage me as his mom. They say, 00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:26.039 no, your kid can do this and you need to let 00:26:26.039 --> 00:26:31.319 him do this. And it's been really, really interesting 00:26:31.319 --> 00:26:34.960 to see his capability now that he can communicate. 00:26:35.210 --> 00:26:37.089 And I always said I knew there was a lot going 00:26:37.089 --> 00:26:39.609 on up there. I just don't know what it is. And 00:26:39.609 --> 00:26:42.230 now I actually am starting to find out what some 00:26:42.230 --> 00:26:44.769 of it is. And that's been really fun. That's 00:26:44.769 --> 00:26:49.430 so cool. Yeah. I'm sure that's like almost like 00:26:49.430 --> 00:26:52.769 a breath of fresh air as you as you guys can 00:26:52.769 --> 00:26:57.049 like not not move on from like the the difficulty 00:26:57.049 --> 00:27:00.049 of this because it will probably always be difficult. 00:27:00.609 --> 00:27:03.849 But that you get to like It feels like progress, 00:27:03.849 --> 00:27:08.630 I'm sure. Oh, absolutely. And that was the hardest 00:27:08.630 --> 00:27:11.049 part for the longest time was just not knowing, 00:27:11.829 --> 00:27:13.730 you know, when he would cry, I wouldn't always 00:27:13.730 --> 00:27:16.130 know what was wrong. I wouldn't know why he's 00:27:16.130 --> 00:27:18.730 sad. When he's sick, I wouldn't know what hurt. 00:27:18.910 --> 00:27:22.750 And now he is able to tell us some of that. And 00:27:22.750 --> 00:27:27.809 it feels like what we've been just dying to hear 00:27:27.809 --> 00:27:31.289 for the past five years. Yeah, yeah, that's cool. 00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:34.019 So what's been one of the biggest challenges 00:27:34.019 --> 00:27:37.400 for you to have a kiddo with special needs? Aside 00:27:37.400 --> 00:27:39.920 from what I was saying about not always knowing 00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:43.220 what's wrong, that's really hard. And that can 00:27:43.220 --> 00:27:46.440 make you feel really helpless at times about 00:27:46.440 --> 00:27:49.160 just not being able to communicate with him fully. 00:27:49.319 --> 00:27:51.640 And we still don't have that, but we're getting 00:27:51.640 --> 00:27:56.279 there. But the hardest part. Overall, I think 00:27:56.279 --> 00:27:59.900 has just been other people and everyone has an 00:27:59.900 --> 00:28:02.180 opinion and everyone has advice and everyone 00:28:02.180 --> 00:28:06.599 wants to Everyone thinks they know How they would 00:28:06.599 --> 00:28:09.500 handle it and until you're in that situation 00:28:09.500 --> 00:28:12.759 dealing with that specific kid you really have 00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:16.779 no idea and it comes there's times it's come 00:28:16.779 --> 00:28:20.980 with a lot of judgment and people can and not 00:28:20.980 --> 00:28:25.240 even always ill willed but There's just a lot 00:28:25.240 --> 00:28:29.619 of ignorance. And again, I don't say that that 00:28:29.619 --> 00:28:31.759 I don't blame other people. I don't have hard 00:28:31.759 --> 00:28:34.599 feelings about it, but there's just a lot of, 00:28:35.160 --> 00:28:37.420 you don't know what you don't know. And I didn't 00:28:37.420 --> 00:28:40.200 know what I didn't know. I probably have thought 00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:44.819 the same things and I had all the ideas of motherhood 00:28:44.819 --> 00:28:46.900 before I became a mom and I had all the ideas 00:28:46.900 --> 00:28:48.819 of certain things before I became a special needs 00:28:48.819 --> 00:28:51.500 mom. And so at times it can just feel really 00:28:51.500 --> 00:28:54.119 isolating. Do you feel like you have a community 00:28:54.119 --> 00:28:56.460 that you can connect with? We're getting there. 00:28:56.960 --> 00:28:59.759 Yeah. That has taken time and I think that was 00:28:59.759 --> 00:29:01.779 the hardest part for a while was just feeling 00:29:01.779 --> 00:29:06.759 so misunderstood and so... alone in all of this, 00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:10.160 but you really have to go seek it out, and I 00:29:10.160 --> 00:29:13.900 started joining Facebook groups and connecting 00:29:13.900 --> 00:29:16.940 with other local moms who were also special needs 00:29:16.940 --> 00:29:19.900 moms or who were in similar journeys, and it 00:29:19.900 --> 00:29:22.339 really took putting myself out there and I would 00:29:22.339 --> 00:29:25.680 just... go to events that I had no I didn't know 00:29:25.680 --> 00:29:28.940 anyone show up to coffees and there are people 00:29:28.940 --> 00:29:31.740 out there and I would say everyone that is on 00:29:31.740 --> 00:29:34.019 this journey we're all craving community and 00:29:34.019 --> 00:29:36.319 we're all out there feeling like we're on our 00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:39.180 own island and so you just have to be willing 00:29:39.180 --> 00:29:43.579 to take a step out. Is that something that came 00:29:43.579 --> 00:29:45.660 like naturally for you to be able to just like 00:29:45.660 --> 00:29:48.480 go to an event maybe by yourself or meet someone 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.000 for the first time? Because I know that sounds 00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:52.980 like my worst nightmare. So that would be really 00:29:52.980 --> 00:29:54.660 hard for me. Was that something that was natural 00:29:54.660 --> 00:29:58.240 for you or? Yeah, it's it's not always easy, 00:29:58.240 --> 00:29:59.839 but it does come a little more naturally for 00:29:59.839 --> 00:30:02.400 me. I just think maybe with some of my past jobs 00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:07.549 I've had and. I think I was just desperate enough 00:30:07.549 --> 00:30:10.089 for community that it kind of took away some 00:30:10.089 --> 00:30:12.829 of that fear and you would go and there's just 00:30:12.829 --> 00:30:15.369 an immediate connection with when you meet another 00:30:15.369 --> 00:30:18.250 special needs parent, it kind of breaks down 00:30:18.250 --> 00:30:20.589 those barriers and walls a little bit when you're 00:30:20.589 --> 00:30:24.609 just, you can find someone like that and you 00:30:24.609 --> 00:30:26.430 just understand each other a little bit on a 00:30:26.430 --> 00:30:28.190 deeper level. So you kind of get past some of 00:30:28.190 --> 00:30:31.869 the awkwardness right away and can kind of jump 00:30:31.869 --> 00:30:35.750 past. all the first small talk. Yeah. I mean, 00:30:35.890 --> 00:30:38.589 it is nice when you already know you have something 00:30:38.589 --> 00:30:40.890 in common. Yeah. Right. And then again, especially 00:30:40.890 --> 00:30:43.589 if it's something that's so deep and personal. 00:30:43.690 --> 00:30:45.630 Yeah. You know, it's not just, oh, we both like 00:30:45.630 --> 00:30:47.769 this TV show. It's like, no, this is we both 00:30:47.769 --> 00:30:50.529 are living a similar life. Yeah. You know, it 00:30:50.529 --> 00:30:51.930 might not be the same because our kids are going 00:30:51.930 --> 00:30:55.099 to have different needs, but. And we're all doing 00:30:55.099 --> 00:30:57.339 the same therapies and all of that, so it gives 00:30:57.339 --> 00:30:58.599 you just so many different things to talk about. 00:30:58.599 --> 00:31:00.660 So many things to talk about, yeah. When I say 00:31:00.660 --> 00:31:02.660 that my kid's in this therapy, you know what 00:31:02.660 --> 00:31:04.400 I mean right away, I don't have to explain what 00:31:04.400 --> 00:31:07.839 it is for the thousandth time. And I think too... 00:31:07.819 --> 00:31:11.599 We just have to laugh a lot too because sometimes 00:31:11.599 --> 00:31:14.200 the things that go on in our homes are just so 00:31:14.200 --> 00:31:16.519 ridiculous that it's one of those you just have 00:31:16.519 --> 00:31:19.240 to laugh. You don't have to laugh or cry. And 00:31:19.240 --> 00:31:21.940 I would rather just laugh and some of it is just 00:31:21.940 --> 00:31:25.039 really funny and there's a lot of inside jokes 00:31:25.039 --> 00:31:27.539 that you have with other special needs parents 00:31:27.539 --> 00:31:31.240 and you know all the memes and all the different 00:31:31.240 --> 00:31:35.259 stuff out there. It keeps it a little lighter. 00:31:35.549 --> 00:31:41.269 Yeah. What has been your biggest joy within this? 00:31:41.569 --> 00:31:45.269 You know, just in general, my kids just bring 00:31:45.269 --> 00:31:47.509 me joy, right? Like they are such a blessing 00:31:47.509 --> 00:31:50.809 and they are a blessing from God. And despite 00:31:50.809 --> 00:31:54.089 any of the special needs and any of the challenges, 00:31:54.849 --> 00:31:59.109 I can choose to sit there and just have a victim 00:31:59.109 --> 00:32:02.630 mentality or feel sorry for myself or feel sorry 00:32:02.630 --> 00:32:06.670 about our, you know, parts that we've been dealt 00:32:06.670 --> 00:32:09.309 or we can just enjoy life and we can go do fun 00:32:09.309 --> 00:32:13.750 things and we can go enjoy family time and I 00:32:13.750 --> 00:32:16.250 think just doing all the things that other families 00:32:16.250 --> 00:32:19.009 are doing like going in the park going on a walk 00:32:19.009 --> 00:32:23.269 and just making sure you take I'm for fun and 00:32:23.269 --> 00:32:26.329 You you can't get caught up in the sadness of 00:32:26.329 --> 00:32:29.950 the situation You have to just keep finding things 00:32:29.950 --> 00:32:32.349 that bring you joy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure you 00:32:32.349 --> 00:32:35.180 could easily just sit in the and the grief of 00:32:35.180 --> 00:32:40.059 it and like any grief and if you don't try to 00:32:40.059 --> 00:32:43.299 get out of it then it's easy to just stay in 00:32:43.299 --> 00:32:49.259 it yeah yeah absolutely and they when my kid 00:32:49.259 --> 00:32:51.779 wakes up in the morning and I see his smiling 00:32:51.779 --> 00:32:54.640 face and he just like comes and runs up to me 00:32:54.640 --> 00:32:56.599 and gives me a hug it just immediately starts 00:32:56.599 --> 00:32:59.500 my day off good and even if we haven't slept 00:32:59.500 --> 00:33:02.400 well the night before or all the things like 00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:05.640 I just really enjoy he and he just wants to come 00:33:05.640 --> 00:33:08.759 up and cuddle me and he's he's just so sweet 00:33:08.759 --> 00:33:12.859 he truly is just such a sweetheart and I think 00:33:12.859 --> 00:33:16.720 there's such a stereotype of what a person with 00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:20.400 autism is like and I think maybe I had certain 00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:25.250 stereotypes in my brain and they're Every person 00:33:25.250 --> 00:33:27.890 is so unique. Every autistic person is so unique. 00:33:28.069 --> 00:33:30.470 They say there's a saying that in the community 00:33:30.470 --> 00:33:32.390 that if you met one person with autism, you've 00:33:32.390 --> 00:33:36.049 met one person with autism. And that is so true. 00:33:36.210 --> 00:33:40.430 And just because you think, you know, my kid's 00:33:40.430 --> 00:33:45.569 gonna be a certain way, they're still uniquely 00:33:45.569 --> 00:33:48.650 made and they're still wonderfully made and God 00:33:48.650 --> 00:33:52.380 has designed that kid perfectly and has given 00:33:52.380 --> 00:33:55.200 them so many amazing gifts. And I think you just 00:33:55.200 --> 00:33:59.819 got to choose to focus on that as well. So going 00:33:59.819 --> 00:34:04.700 into you have a second little one and were you 00:34:04.700 --> 00:34:08.360 scared to have more kids? Oh, yeah, absolutely. 00:34:08.760 --> 00:34:13.179 Yeah. And not in a. like this would be the worst 00:34:13.179 --> 00:34:16.420 thing ever type way. Like my kid didn't make 00:34:16.420 --> 00:34:19.159 me not want to have other kids. It was just, 00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:25.659 we were told that our chances of having a second 00:34:25.659 --> 00:34:28.619 with autism was about, especially if it was another 00:34:28.619 --> 00:34:33.619 boy, was one in four to one in five. And so that 00:34:33.619 --> 00:34:35.980 was just really scary because we were just kind 00:34:35.980 --> 00:34:40.650 of drowning a little bit at the time. And We 00:34:40.650 --> 00:34:42.869 were definitely not to this point of acceptance 00:34:42.869 --> 00:34:46.889 exactly and I remember I'd always wanted two 00:34:46.889 --> 00:34:49.769 kids and I told my husband I just don't know 00:34:49.769 --> 00:34:52.050 if I can have another one, you know, this is 00:34:52.050 --> 00:34:53.929 gonna be too much Especially if we have a second, 00:34:54.050 --> 00:34:57.130 I don't know if I can pour myself into this to 00:34:57.130 --> 00:35:02.480 a second child but God knew better and He surprised 00:35:02.480 --> 00:35:06.619 us with my second It was really scary. I'm not 00:35:06.619 --> 00:35:09.059 gonna lie. I was so freaked out most of that 00:35:09.059 --> 00:35:13.460 pregnancy, but it It has been just the best surprise 00:35:13.460 --> 00:35:18.860 ever Yeah, I'm are they really close are they? 00:35:19.460 --> 00:35:23.559 best friends they have the brotherly love -hate 00:35:23.559 --> 00:35:26.260 relationship that I think all brothers have. 00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:29.900 It's really, really fun to see them play together. 00:35:30.659 --> 00:35:33.800 I think now that my youngest is getting to a 00:35:33.800 --> 00:35:37.159 point that my oldest can run and tackle him and 00:35:37.159 --> 00:35:41.260 kind of be a little more rough and tumble, it's 00:35:41.260 --> 00:35:44.679 gotten better. At first, I feel like you're tough 00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:47.840 with siblings because the little one just can't 00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:49.900 keep up or do anything. He's like, what's the 00:35:49.900 --> 00:35:53.650 point? So what is something you wish someone 00:35:53.650 --> 00:35:56.710 had told you before, whether it's before your 00:35:56.710 --> 00:35:59.349 first was born, before you got the diagnosis? 00:36:00.329 --> 00:36:06.630 Yeah, I think when you first get the diagnosis, 00:36:07.030 --> 00:36:12.630 everybody's so quick to just offer their condolences 00:36:12.630 --> 00:36:19.210 or, you know, just almost pity you or All the 00:36:19.210 --> 00:36:21.829 therapists and the doctors they're quick to give 00:36:21.829 --> 00:36:24.530 you all the The checklist of things that you 00:36:24.530 --> 00:36:26.409 need to get done. And so you're just hearing 00:36:26.409 --> 00:36:30.590 a lot of noise you're hearing just it a lot of 00:36:30.590 --> 00:36:34.010 things that feel very overwhelming, but I wish 00:36:34.010 --> 00:36:38.469 someone had just told me and and Maybe they didn't 00:36:38.469 --> 00:36:41.670 I didn't hear it and all the noise that it's 00:36:41.670 --> 00:36:44.010 it really is gonna be okay and that your life 00:36:44.010 --> 00:36:46.690 is gonna be different, but it's not going to 00:36:46.690 --> 00:36:49.929 be less than. There's still going to be a lot 00:36:49.929 --> 00:36:52.650 of beauty in that. Like I said, maybe I wasn't 00:36:52.650 --> 00:36:56.230 in that place to hear that, but that's what I 00:36:56.230 --> 00:37:00.489 would tell someone else that just because it's 00:37:00.489 --> 00:37:02.429 going to look different than what you imagine 00:37:02.429 --> 00:37:06.170 doesn't mean that your life's going to be awful. 00:37:06.389 --> 00:37:08.829 It's still going to be beautiful and your kid 00:37:08.829 --> 00:37:12.190 is still going to be amazing and they are still 00:37:12.190 --> 00:37:14.679 going to have a lot of really good things in 00:37:14.679 --> 00:37:19.760 our future. Awesome. Do you feel like going off 00:37:19.760 --> 00:37:21.820 kind of our questions, do you feel like the world 00:37:21.820 --> 00:37:26.679 is set up for kids with special needs? I think 00:37:26.679 --> 00:37:31.840 it's getting there. Yeah. I think here, especially 00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:35.519 in Colorado, we are really blessed that this 00:37:35.519 --> 00:37:38.480 is the state we're in. because there's a lot 00:37:38.480 --> 00:37:42.059 of resources here. And I've met parents in other 00:37:42.059 --> 00:37:45.199 states that don't have as many resources. Yeah. 00:37:47.760 --> 00:37:50.599 I think there's still a lot of misunderstanding 00:37:50.599 --> 00:37:56.300 about what autism is and different things about 00:37:56.300 --> 00:38:00.059 it. And that's where that isolation piece can 00:38:00.059 --> 00:38:03.480 just really start to sink in a little bit. You're 00:38:03.480 --> 00:38:07.380 just feeling like my kid is just not being understood 00:38:07.380 --> 00:38:10.699 as much and you know when you go when you go 00:38:10.699 --> 00:38:13.780 to a store and your kid has a meltdown and people 00:38:13.780 --> 00:38:16.800 will sometimes just think that oh that kid's 00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:18.880 just kind of being a brat or not getting their 00:38:18.880 --> 00:38:21.139 way and you're like no it's it's really so much 00:38:21.139 --> 00:38:22.940 more than that sometimes it's like a sensory 00:38:22.940 --> 00:38:25.559 meltdown and sure of course sometimes it is a 00:38:25.559 --> 00:38:27.659 tantrum but yeah there is a difference between 00:38:27.659 --> 00:38:31.130 a tantrum and a meltdown when it comes to autism 00:38:31.130 --> 00:38:34.409 and I just wish that people understood the difference 00:38:34.409 --> 00:38:36.409 a little bit more and would maybe just be a little 00:38:36.409 --> 00:38:41.570 kinder when that happens but overall I think 00:38:41.570 --> 00:38:46.329 there is a lot of awareness more these days than 00:38:46.329 --> 00:38:49.989 even 10 years ago and that yeah it's getting 00:38:49.989 --> 00:38:51.789 better. There's still work to be done but it's 00:38:51.789 --> 00:38:54.530 getting better. What encouragement would you 00:38:54.530 --> 00:38:56.630 have for someone who's either just receiving 00:38:56.630 --> 00:39:01.389 a diagnosis or just another parent who's in in 00:39:01.389 --> 00:39:04.710 this right now? I mean, I get it. It's hard. 00:39:04.849 --> 00:39:07.250 It's really hard and there are definitely days 00:39:07.250 --> 00:39:10.449 that you are going to feel hopeless or you're 00:39:10.449 --> 00:39:15.269 gonna feel helpless and I You just got to trust 00:39:15.269 --> 00:39:17.750 the process. You really got to trust the process. 00:39:17.789 --> 00:39:19.329 You got to keep doing the therapies. You got 00:39:19.329 --> 00:39:21.780 to keep You know, it's not going to be overnight 00:39:21.780 --> 00:39:25.820 change. You're not going to see progress right 00:39:25.820 --> 00:39:29.440 away. Like we've been in this for four years 00:39:29.440 --> 00:39:31.679 and some of the big leaps and bounds that we're 00:39:31.679 --> 00:39:35.380 starting to see is just now happening. And you 00:39:35.380 --> 00:39:38.400 just have to keep at it. And like I said, you 00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:40.579 got to find your community. You got to put yourself 00:39:40.579 --> 00:39:46.239 out there and. You got to just hold on to God 00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:49.500 like I truly I can't stress. that enough that 00:39:49.500 --> 00:39:54.420 I could not do this without God. And I don't 00:39:54.420 --> 00:39:57.239 know how people are able to. I don't know how 00:39:57.239 --> 00:40:00.179 people do. I mean, honestly, I know people do, 00:40:00.199 --> 00:40:03.559 but it's for me. I would not be able to get through 00:40:03.559 --> 00:40:08.119 this alone. OK, we didn't prepare you with this 00:40:08.119 --> 00:40:10.400 question, but I just thought of this one. What 00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:15.699 would you tell support systems to like so grandparents, 00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:19.610 aunts, uncles, family, friends? Whatever of families 00:40:19.610 --> 00:40:21.750 who have kids with a special need with autism 00:40:21.750 --> 00:40:26.909 That would like if I find out, you know someone 00:40:26.909 --> 00:40:30.250 I love Their kiddo has autism. What would you 00:40:30.250 --> 00:40:33.590 tell me to help support them? I think the biggest 00:40:33.590 --> 00:40:38.690 thing is just having grace and Letting go of 00:40:38.690 --> 00:40:41.630 your own expectations and don't try to give too 00:40:41.630 --> 00:40:44.590 much advice because honestly again, like if you're 00:40:44.590 --> 00:40:47.329 not in it you don't If you don't live it day 00:40:47.329 --> 00:40:51.570 to day, you don't understand it. And so be respectful, 00:40:52.010 --> 00:40:55.710 have an open mind, be willing to learn. And I 00:40:55.710 --> 00:40:58.590 think that's been the biggest thing is just be 00:40:58.590 --> 00:41:03.889 willing to learn, be teachable. I think people 00:41:03.889 --> 00:41:07.489 that take the time to educate themselves about 00:41:07.489 --> 00:41:10.530 how to interact with people or kids with autism 00:41:10.530 --> 00:41:14.380 that... That just means more to us than anything 00:41:14.380 --> 00:41:16.900 because it means that you're willing to support 00:41:16.900 --> 00:41:21.039 us with our very specific needs. And it is going 00:41:21.039 --> 00:41:25.800 to look a lot different than maybe what you've 00:41:25.800 --> 00:41:27.820 been used to with other kids. It's not, it's 00:41:27.820 --> 00:41:30.599 not going to look, it's not going to, we're not 00:41:30.599 --> 00:41:32.099 going to look the same as other families and 00:41:32.099 --> 00:41:36.099 that's okay. We're not going to, but just be 00:41:36.099 --> 00:41:39.500 willing to work with us on that. So yeah, so 00:41:39.500 --> 00:41:41.519 we always start end our episodes with our mom 00:41:41.519 --> 00:41:45.760 one of the week I can go first which is so it's 00:41:45.760 --> 00:41:47.820 been really fun watching Lloyd just become a 00:41:47.820 --> 00:41:51.300 big brother and figure things out and Pretty 00:41:51.300 --> 00:41:55.019 much any time Zeta is crying that like I can't 00:41:55.019 --> 00:41:57.719 attend to her right away because That's just 00:41:57.719 --> 00:42:00.559 the reality sometimes Lloyd will grab her pacifier 00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:03.849 and give it to her or he'll like try all the 00:42:03.849 --> 00:42:06.030 things that he sees us try. So like he'll grab 00:42:06.030 --> 00:42:09.110 her baby blanket and put it over her. Or if she's 00:42:09.110 --> 00:42:11.269 in her swing, he tries to turn it on. He knows 00:42:11.269 --> 00:42:13.309 how to turn it on. So he turns it on. And it's 00:42:13.309 --> 00:42:15.210 just been really sweet that he like clearly is 00:42:15.210 --> 00:42:17.650 watching us and learning things, but also that 00:42:17.650 --> 00:42:19.449 he wants to try to help her when she's crying, 00:42:19.809 --> 00:42:23.590 which has been really fun. Okay. My win of the 00:42:23.590 --> 00:42:27.190 week was, it was actually last night. So we got 00:42:27.190 --> 00:42:30.769 Colt to bed, who's our oldest. And he goes down 00:42:30.769 --> 00:42:35.300 pretty easy. thankfully and then Cruz who's almost 00:42:35.300 --> 00:42:37.739 seven weeks old we've just kind of like we haven't 00:42:37.739 --> 00:42:39.920 really established like a bedtime routine or 00:42:39.920 --> 00:42:42.760 anything yet but last night I was like okay I 00:42:42.760 --> 00:42:44.880 think I'm gonna put Colt to bed and then I'm 00:42:44.880 --> 00:42:47.440 gonna try to put Cruz to bed and put him in his 00:42:47.440 --> 00:42:52.360 bassinet and so I like yeah did the whole kind 00:42:52.360 --> 00:42:55.199 of yeah swaddle him feed him and then put him 00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:59.960 down and he like has hated his bassinet since 00:42:59.960 --> 00:43:03.539 day one And so most of the time I like just end 00:43:03.539 --> 00:43:06.239 up holding him all night long or like feeding 00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:09.360 him pretty much. And so last night, yeah, I put 00:43:09.360 --> 00:43:12.639 him down in the bassinet and he gave us a whole 00:43:12.639 --> 00:43:15.639 30 minutes in the bassinet, which like I know 00:43:15.639 --> 00:43:18.219 that sounds like not a very long time, but it 00:43:18.219 --> 00:43:20.960 was a huge win for us because we like we were 00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:23.340 able to have like 30 minutes of just like hang 00:43:23.340 --> 00:43:27.559 out with each other time. Me and my husband before 00:43:27.559 --> 00:43:30.250 Cruz was awake, so. And then I just like brought 00:43:30.250 --> 00:43:32.389 him downstairs and held him while we watched 00:43:32.389 --> 00:43:36.010 TV. But yeah, I think we're like trying to get 00:43:36.010 --> 00:43:40.409 into a bedtime routine with him as he's like 00:43:40.409 --> 00:43:43.309 almost two months old. But yeah, that's my win. 00:43:43.730 --> 00:43:46.869 Just was able to have a little bit of me time 00:43:46.869 --> 00:43:50.010 and have both kids like sleeping in separate 00:43:50.010 --> 00:43:53.869 rooms for a second. So yeah, that's huge when 00:43:53.869 --> 00:43:57.210 you have a seven week old. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. How 00:43:57.210 --> 00:44:00.039 about you, Sarah? Can you think of one? I don't 00:44:00.039 --> 00:44:02.460 know if it's necessarily a win, but I am just 00:44:02.460 --> 00:44:05.960 so happy that it is nice out. I am so excited 00:44:05.960 --> 00:44:08.920 that my kids can go outside and play in the water. 00:44:09.380 --> 00:44:14.300 That's a huge win. so it sounds like your boys 00:44:14.300 --> 00:44:18.679 are also high energy oh my word yes oh boy high 00:44:18.679 --> 00:44:22.800 energy just please just run for an hour or however 00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.199 long makes such a big difference even the days 00:44:26.199 --> 00:44:29.780 it rained for two days straight oh my gosh that 00:44:29.780 --> 00:44:31.960 second day it got a little sunny that evening 00:44:31.960 --> 00:44:35.099 and my kids went out and played in the mud And 00:44:35.099 --> 00:44:36.659 I mean, they were just covered with mud. And 00:44:36.659 --> 00:44:38.460 is there anything more wholesome than little 00:44:38.460 --> 00:44:39.800 boys playing in the mud? I know, and driving 00:44:39.800 --> 00:44:41.519 their cars through it. And then I was just like, 00:44:41.539 --> 00:44:45.139 I don't even can just go get dirty. And we did 00:44:45.139 --> 00:44:48.619 bath time afterwards. And I was like, I can mop 00:44:48.619 --> 00:44:50.659 up everything. I'm just so happy that they can 00:44:50.659 --> 00:44:54.199 go get some fresh air. It just changes the mood 00:44:54.199 --> 00:44:57.460 in our house significantly. Even just being able 00:44:57.460 --> 00:44:59.739 to open the windows, you're like, oh, wow, now 00:44:59.739 --> 00:45:02.460 I want to clean the house. Yes. Yeah. I feel 00:45:02.460 --> 00:45:04.639 like, yeah, for me, I'm like, I'm just a happier 00:45:04.639 --> 00:45:09.460 person. So then I'm a better mom. Yeah. And everyone's 00:45:09.460 --> 00:45:12.980 happier all around. For sure. Yeah. Well, thank 00:45:12.980 --> 00:45:15.239 you so much for being on and sharing your story 00:45:15.239 --> 00:45:18.760 and experience with your kiddos and all of that. 00:45:19.380 --> 00:45:21.519 We feel really grateful to. that you'll share 00:45:21.519 --> 00:45:24.460 with us. Thank you. I love talking about, you 00:45:24.460 --> 00:45:27.840 know, our family and we can help any other families 00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:32.079 feel less alone. That's really what my husband 00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:34.360 and I feel really passionate about. That's awesome. 00:45:34.460 --> 00:45:37.000 We love that. That's great. Well, thanks for 00:45:37.000 --> 00:45:39.940 tuning in to this week's episode of No Manual. 00:45:40.639 --> 00:45:44.400 Please like and rate and review. Follow us on 00:45:44.400 --> 00:45:47.360 Instagram at No Manual podcast. Thanks, Sarah, 00:45:47.360 --> 00:45:51.280 and we will see you guys next week. Bye. you