Hi, everyone. Welcome back to No Manual MomCast,
where this is a place for you to listen with
other moms. Hopefully, you don't feel alone in
motherhood. And we're here to just talk about
the reality of motherhood, the hard, the fun,
the easy parts, maybe, that you're feeling. But
today, we have a very, very special guest. Sarah
Rainwater is here with us. And I actually got
the pleasure of working with Sarah for probably
about a year, I think, at our local church. And
Sarah, would you want to introduce yourself,
maybe a little bit about your family, and then
we'll get into mom moments. Yeah, so thanks for
having me on. Yeah. I married to my husband,
Wes, and then I have two little guys, each is
five and two, both boys, so it is super crazy
in our house. Lots of boy energy. Yep. Awesome.
So we always start all of our episodes with our
mom moments of the week. So this can be something
random, something good, something bad. But Erica,
do you want to do yours first? Sure. So Lloyd
right now is in a phase where he likes to pour
whatever he's drinking on the table. And so,
of course, we like always try to take his water
bottle or whatever away once he starts doing
that. And this week, a couple nights ago, he
was just he was pouring his water out. So we
like grabbed it. And there's just like a puddle
of water on the table. And he decided to just
start slurping it up off the table. And it was
one of those parenting moments where Stewart
and I like looking at each other, knowing we
can't laugh because that's going to encourage
his behavior, which we're trying to cut. But
also, it's one of the funniest things we've seen
because he's just off the table, his water off
the table. And yeah, it's one of those. This
is really funny, but I know if I laugh then this
is going to create a monster and this is what
you're going to do every single meal, which would
not be fun. That's amazing. It's so hard not
to laugh in those moments. It's so hard. I'll
have to like turn my back and then have to like
tag out. Yeah. I'm turning my back so you cannot
see me laughing. I have to walk away right now.
Yes. Oh my gosh. OK, my mom moment. My mom moment's
not really a funny one. So I'm not gonna really
like say who just to keep it confidential. But
I just, this week has been really hard. I've
gotten like some criticism in my parenting, which
is always a really fun thing. And... I am proud
of myself because I stuck up for my kids in that
moment of them calling me out on something that
they disagreed with in my parenting. And so,
yeah, I think the reality of that is it just
has been a hard week because I felt like... People
are judging my parenting But I'm also the other
side of it is I'm also super proud of myself
for for standing up for my kids Because they
can't stand up for themselves quite yet. And
so yeah, I won't get into the specifics But I
think that all of us as moms probably face criticism
in some sense Whether it's vocalized or whether
you can just feel the criticism from people's
I don't know from people's eyes. And so yeah,
I think That's just my mom moment. It's not a
very fun one, but that's super annoying though.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you have to like,
it's easier when people don't say anything and
you can just ignore it. You're like, well, if
you're not going to say it to my face, then I
can get over it. But when someone is actually
saying it to your face and you're like, oh, cool,
cool, cool, cool. Yep. Exactly. All right, Sarah,
do you have your mom moment? Yes. Oh, it is not
a very fun one. It's a little gross, but I woke
up on one of those mornings, Tuesday mornings,
and it's always Tuesday mornings when I'm trying
to get ready for mops and of course it was my
day to bring treats for the group and my oldest
had been up literally until 2 a .m. that night
and then woke up at 5 a .m. We had just fallen
asleep back on the couch and I start to hear
little steps coming down the, coming down the
hallway and so I kind of start to wake up a little
and I noticed that there is no diaper, no pants,
nothing, so I go upstairs and let's just say
it was like finger paint everywhere and oh, it
was just a really, of course, you know, moms
were always covered in poop and all that and
it was just a very Not a great way to start off
the day. And of course it was the day. I actually
need to get somewhere on time with some things.
Lots of steam cleaning and spraying everything
down. About 30 minutes late to Mops that morning
but you know what we made it and that's all that
matters. The fact that you made it is like that's
a win right there. I would have been like I'm
throwing in the towel sorry guys no treats for
you this morning. It was my last Mops so I had
to go. I had to go say goodbye to everyone. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Getting there at all. I'm impressed.
Mm hmm. Yeah, we talked about this before is
a steam cleaner is a must as a parent. Oh, absolutely.
All of the things that could that get on your
floor. Get in the carpet. Highly recommend. So,
Sarah, tell us a little bit more about your family.
Yeah, so my oldest who's five, he is autistic
and he's nonverbal. He goes to a special center
for kids that are on the spectrum and it is amazing
and he's learned a lot there over the course
of the past couple years and now he is using
it's called an AAC device and he uses that to
talk or communicate with us and so that's been
new and a big journey for us the past couple
weeks and it's been about a couple months of
him having it so that's been really cool. Awesome.
So tell us a little more about your oldest then.
Yeah, so he is, first of all, just he's so funny.
He has just a huge personality. He's sweet. He's
my little snuggle bug. I'm silly. He has a little
sense of humor and is just always getting in
a mischief and keeps us on our toes. Always climbing
and jumping. would literally jump off a two -story
roof if we let him, so just always have to have
eyes on him. But he's a really cool kid. He brings
a lot of light to our family. So when did you
start to notice that something was maybe a little
bit off or different? The whole first year. He
was developing completely on track. Everything
from crawling to walking, eating. He seemed really
social. He'd clap, he'd point, he'd laugh. Started
eating solids at six months There was just never
any concern. He was meeting all the developmental
milestones and then around seven months He started
getting these really random super high fevers
of 104 to 105 degrees my gosh and yeah, they
would just come on randomly and Would they come
on with other symptoms or anything? No other
symptoms. None. And so we would take him in and
they would last for a couple of days on it. And
we would just be having to give him medicine.
And was he just so miserable? Horrible. It was
awful. Like that was a really whenever they would
come on, I would just dread it. And just watching
him just. feel so miserable was the most helpless
feeling. And we'd go into the ER, we'd go into
children's, we saw doctors throughout the state
and had blood tests. Nothing showed up, like
there was no explanation. And this was back in
2020. So, you know, of course they would test
him for all the things and then be like, okay,
well, nothing's wrong, send us home. So anyways,
throughout all that, around... 13 months he just
got his like war series of fevers back -to -back
this time it would be like you know a week in
between them and then around that time I started
noticing he wasn't talking because he had started
to get some words he had started getting about
like 10 -ish words and was consistently using
them and I noticed he hadn't really said mama
in a long time or dada or anything like that
and I just thought, you know, kind of shrugged
it off that, oh, maybe it's just he's not feeling
good. But then as time went on, I noticed some
other things. I noticed that he wasn't really
responding to his name, that he had stopped clapping
and waving and pointing. I just noticed some
other repetitive behaviors that he was doing.
So of course, being a concerned mom, I started
researching and Googling and the same thing kept
popping up, which was autism. And I would bring
that up to my husband. I bring it up to my family.
And throughout all this, he still remained that
same happy little kid that I described. He's
just silly, funny little toddler. So people would
just tell me oh, you're just you're overly concerned.
No, you know, you're you're just overthinking
it. It's probably just a phase He'll kill get
over and he'll start talking again But by 16
or 17 months I just knew like I knew and my mom
got and I knew Despite everybody telling me I
was being overly concerned that there was more
to it than what I was seeing I Think we just
have that intuition as moms when something's
off Yeah, I had talked to my friend who her daughter
was sick. It was something mostly minor, but
the doctors were like, oh, it's just a stomach
bug. She's fine. And when we were talking about
it, I was like, the thing is, like, we grew these
children. Yeah, like I mean, yes, we see them
every single day for starters. So like we know
them better just like on that level. But then
also, like we grew these kids. So I think there
is just like this intuition that no one else,
even dad, can feel on the same level of like
if something's wrong or if someone's telling
you something's wrong, you're like, no, I think
it's right. Or, you know, whatever that looks
like. There's just this connection that can't
be broken to a certain extent. Yeah. And we have
that God given biological instinct in us. That
is from God. He gives it to us and that's how
we've survived throughout all these years and
how we as moms know our kids. I just felt that.
I knew there was something more. So at his 18
-month appointment I brought it up to his doctor
and I had filled out the screening and everything
and she was the first person to actually really
take me seriously and to like validate those
concerns and so that was it was kind of a relief
when she did. Yeah that would be super frustrating
for me if I was telling everyone like I think
something's wrong and Everyone kept telling me.
I mean, no one's saying like, oh, you're crazy,
but that's kind of what they're saying. Yeah,
to a certain extent. To be fair, I have a tendency
to really overthink things and be anxious and
that's how I've been my whole life. I can't blame
the people close to me for being like, oh, you're
just being anxious or oh, you know, because I
do have a tendency to do that. But I just knew
this was different. Yeah. So what what was like
the next step for you guys after you met with
the pediatrician? Yeah. So we they put in a referral
for a about an evaluation. So you meet with a
team of professionals. speech therapist, occupational
therapist, all sorts of different people, developmental
pediatrician. And we did about a three hour long
evaluation and there was lots of paperwork. And
even then you have to go get a second evaluation
as well. So you have so many professionals speaking
into this. And then by the end, they did tell
us that he they were certain. They said, we're
not fairly certain. We are certain that he is
autistic. And Because there were so many people
and it was so thorough. I felt like I could really
trust that and so it was one of those Moments
where you're like, oh my gosh, finally we have
answers and but you know We still don't know
what was going on with the fevers exactly or
how they played a role in everything but we now
knew where what we were dealing with and then
we can move forward. Yeah, there is a relief
that comes with that. Like, okay, now we have
an action plan or we can figure out what our
action plan is versus just something's wrong.
That's just it. Yeah. So what were the evaluations
like? So you said there's lots of paperwork,
but what were those like for him? You know, they
make them fun for kiddos. It's all play based.
It's basically just an adult. interacting with
your child and having them do different things
and he just thought he was it they had it set
up like a little play gym so he just thought
he was there for for fun and I brought a lot
of snacks all the bribes I remember going they
were like get anything and everything that you
can to keep him going and so nice gummy bears
and all the things he didn't really know any
different what was your reaction when they were
like You know, we're we are certain that he's
autistic. Yeah. Initially, it was not shock.
I knew like I already knew they were going to
tell me that. So it was kind of just like, yeah,
I I know he is. And that doesn't mean it wasn't
hard. I think the next day afterwards was really
hard. I remember coming into work crying and
and then after that, just there was a period
of grief, of a lot of grief and it comes in waves
and yeah, there's just lots of ups and downs
and when you get an autism diagnosis for your
child, everything just starts moving at warp
speed. You just start getting bombarded with
so much paperwork and so much insurance stuff
you have to figure out and all the therapies
that you're trying to figure out and they want
you to put your kid in therapy for 20 to 40 hours
a week. I mean, it is a lot. And so you're just
looking at this two year old and thinking, oh
my gosh, this is just our life now. And it was
like, it was just our life. And you're having
to figure out how are we going to fit this into
our life and our schedule and work and all the
things. So there was a lot of things that came
afterwards that we had to figure out. That sounds
super overwhelming. What was the grieving process
like? For me, I truly did go through all five
stages of grief that they talk about. I, for
a long time, cried every single day at different
times of the day or different things would set
me off. I remember I'd be in a grocery store
and I would hear a little kid Next to me talking
to mommy mommy or you know, and that would just
break my heart Because I missed his little voice
and he just he didn't ever really start talking
again and the unknowns of is he ever gonna talk
again and what is the future gonna look like
and what does this mean and you know then there
was a lot of anger and a lot of questions of
like why my kid and why our family of all families
and just all the stages until you finally do
get to that final one which they say is acceptance
and I don't quite know when that happened but
I just know that over time you know eventually
the tears just stop coming as often and it just
kind of slowly started becoming our normal and
we just had to keep moving forward with our life.
My husband was really steady and stable throughout
all of it. That's just how he is as a person.
He doesn't get too flustered and so that was
really good for me to have his stability and
all that and for me personally it was a huge
lesson of surrender, daily surrender to God.
And he was really a huge test of my faith and
trust in God because I would just sit there and
pray and say, God, I love him so much and I am
so scared, but I know that you love him more.
And I know that you have good plans for him.
And when I started holding on to that, it just
got a little less scary. And he just started
giving me everything I needed on a day -to -day
basis. And he was so good. Seeing God's provision
and goodness in all of it was really, really
cool to be able to walk through. And he just
would put the right therapist in place, the right
people in place, the right doctors in place.
really was with us every step along the way.
That's awesome. Yeah. What, um, so you guys then
hopped into like all the therapies and stuff.
What did that, you said it was upwards of like
20 to 40 hours a week. Yeah. So there's, um,
there's so many different therapies. We were
had him in speech. We had him in, um, OT, we
were doing therapy called ABA, which is specific
to kids with autism or behavioral issues, and
all of them would come to our house, which was
really nice. Now he goes to a therapy center,
but when we first started, it was all in home.
they would just come and play with our kid and
do real play -based therapy and so that to me
was really cool because I just felt when they
told me this I said oh my gosh his whole childhood
is just going to be therapies. So it was all
play -based and they would come to our home and
interact with him and they they made it fun so
he never thought it was any work he just thought
oh these adults just want to come play with me
and I get all the attention and I mean, it was
hard at times. They sometimes, you know, would
push him to do things that he wouldn't want to
do, but that's just life. We all have to do things
we don't want to do sometimes. Yeah, even if
you're a kid not in therapy. Yeah, school or
whatever. You do things all the time, Lloyd and
I have. toddler fights like no you you have to
do this thing that i'm telling you not that you
don't want to fun fact i actually used to work
in aba therapy really yeah for i was i worked
for it was like almost two years and i had i
mean i had a bunch of different clients but man
like it it is long it can be long sessions for
those kids so i don't like i had clients that
i would see for five hours straight. And so yeah,
I'm like, I'm sure that is similar to to your
son, that it's it can be a long exhausting day.
So you had therapy with him at home for quite
some time when he did go to the center has been
going to the center. Does he come back and you
can see like, is he super exhausted? Is he? What
does that look like for you? Yeah, he's usually
pretty tired. But really, I mean, he goes for
eight hours a day. Wow. Eight hours. But they
have it set up like a classroom there. He's with
other kids. They do all the things. It's not
school. Technically, it's they all have their
own individual person that works with them. But
then they get to be together with a group. I
get pictures. uploaded on this little portal
every day and he always just looks like he's
having fun and anytime I go to pick him up he's
just having a blast so yeah I'm not worried about
it but he you know it's no different than going
to school he is always very tired for the first
hour when he gets home he just wants he gets
in the car and he wants to watch his iPad and
I let him you know that's one of those things
that I said I'm not gonna have an iPad kid I
have an iPad kid now because I say I'm like you
work so hard eight hours out of the day and so
I did that was one of those things that I just
had to kind of give in and say you know what
that is okay if you want to watch like an hour
of screen time afterwards you have earned that
and you have worked so hard and he doesn't get
breaks he gets one week in the summer and one
week in the winter and other than that since
he was two has gone to schools or therapy year
-round. It's crazy. And is it five days a week?
Five days a week, yeah. Then he gets his weekends,
but I just, you have to just let them rest and
when they get home, but then he's, you know,
within an hour wanting to go play outside and
interact with brother. It probably is like totally
a decompressing, like he just needs to come down
from the, I don't know, the overstimulation of
maybe the school day and... and then yeah then
he's ready to go. All of us if we have a long
day we're like I need just like I just want to
veg out in front of the tv for a second yes and
that's exactly what he wants to do and I'm like
I get it kid yeah I feel ya and you know Friday
afternoons he is just done with the day and they
always say he's just like Totally different kid
in the Friday afternoon. I'm like, yeah, he's
just he's done. He doesn't do it anymore And
now that he has his little talk box he'll get
in the car sometimes and he doesn't do this all
the time, but earlier this week He pushed the
little button that said ice cream and I was like
you you want ice cream and he was like ice cream
ice cream ice cream This is a blade it over it
over again. And so it's like, you know, like
it let's go get you an ice cream cone Yeah, you
know, it's just kind of letting It's lowering
your expectations a little bit at home. That
doesn't mean we don't have them. But it's also,
you have to realize that he works so much harder
than the standard child at everything he does
in life. And so I just try to add a little bit
of fun in there too. Because it can't be all
serious all the time. I heard something the other
day that's kind of changed my... mindset on like
how I respond to things which is the two greatest
tragedies in childhood are never getting what
you want and always getting what you want and
I thought that was super cool because I definitely
tend to lean on the side of like never getting
what you want like not that I never give him
give Lloyd things but like if he asks for TV
I'm like nope like that's my decision you don't
get to decide that at least at this age and stuff
like that so I've kind of not all the time but
like sometimes you get Okay. You want my details?
Sure. We'll watch about details or, you know,
those little things. And I feel like that ice
cream thing just falls into, you know, sometimes
you do just get what you want. And that's also
one of the joys of childhood. Yeah. And for me
too, he, for For I guess five years wasn't able
to tell me that he wanted ice cream I had no
I no idea what he was thinking half the time
most of the time and so He's now that he has
this talker. It's been so cool to hear his little
thoughts I'm like, oh you were thinking about
an ice cream cone something simple that I think
probably most people wouldn't think is a big
deal. But to me, that is a really big deal because
I didn't know for the longest time. Yeah. Yeah.
And so so you guys have introduced this talker.
What what does that look like? How long has it
been? It's been about a couple of months. He's
been practicing with it longer at his center.
But now he finally has his own that we got. And
it's just been really cool. He does. He can't
have a conversation necessarily, but he can at
least let us know his wants or his needs. He
can tell us what food he wants. He's really picking
it up fast. So I it's really, really hopeful
to see what kind of growth he may have with it
in the future. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Is
that super like, I don't know if inspiring is
the right word, but I guess encouraging maybe
to see that, like, I mean, This sounds, I don't
know if this sounds bad, but there's a level
of you don't know how smart your kid is if they're
not talking to you. Oh it's so true. So now all
of a sudden you're like, oh no, you're so smart.
Oh it's so true. But I get to see it, which is
super cool. I have always said since he was little,
and people underestimate him, like people don't
give him enough credit, and including myself
at times, and that's something I've had to learn
and realized as his mom that I need to hold him
to higher standards. And that's where his therapists
come in. They encourage me as his mom. They say,
no, your kid can do this and you need to let
him do this. And it's been really, really interesting
to see his capability now that he can communicate.
And I always said I knew there was a lot going
on up there. I just don't know what it is. And
now I actually am starting to find out what some
of it is. And that's been really fun. That's
so cool. Yeah. I'm sure that's like almost like
a breath of fresh air as you as you guys can
like not not move on from like the the difficulty
of this because it will probably always be difficult.
But that you get to like It feels like progress,
I'm sure. Oh, absolutely. And that was the hardest
part for the longest time was just not knowing,
you know, when he would cry, I wouldn't always
know what was wrong. I wouldn't know why he's
sad. When he's sick, I wouldn't know what hurt.
And now he is able to tell us some of that. And
it feels like what we've been just dying to hear
for the past five years. Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
So what's been one of the biggest challenges
for you to have a kiddo with special needs? Aside
from what I was saying about not always knowing
what's wrong, that's really hard. And that can
make you feel really helpless at times about
just not being able to communicate with him fully.
And we still don't have that, but we're getting
there. But the hardest part. Overall, I think
has just been other people and everyone has an
opinion and everyone has advice and everyone
wants to Everyone thinks they know How they would
handle it and until you're in that situation
dealing with that specific kid you really have
no idea and it comes there's times it's come
with a lot of judgment and people can and not
even always ill willed but There's just a lot
of ignorance. And again, I don't say that that
I don't blame other people. I don't have hard
feelings about it, but there's just a lot of,
you don't know what you don't know. And I didn't
know what I didn't know. I probably have thought
the same things and I had all the ideas of motherhood
before I became a mom and I had all the ideas
of certain things before I became a special needs
mom. And so at times it can just feel really
isolating. Do you feel like you have a community
that you can connect with? We're getting there.
Yeah. That has taken time and I think that was
the hardest part for a while was just feeling
so misunderstood and so... alone in all of this,
but you really have to go seek it out, and I
started joining Facebook groups and connecting
with other local moms who were also special needs
moms or who were in similar journeys, and it
really took putting myself out there and I would
just... go to events that I had no I didn't know
anyone show up to coffees and there are people
out there and I would say everyone that is on
this journey we're all craving community and
we're all out there feeling like we're on our
own island and so you just have to be willing
to take a step out. Is that something that came
like naturally for you to be able to just like
go to an event maybe by yourself or meet someone
for the first time? Because I know that sounds
like my worst nightmare. So that would be really
hard for me. Was that something that was natural
for you or? Yeah, it's it's not always easy,
but it does come a little more naturally for
me. I just think maybe with some of my past jobs
I've had and. I think I was just desperate enough
for community that it kind of took away some
of that fear and you would go and there's just
an immediate connection with when you meet another
special needs parent, it kind of breaks down
those barriers and walls a little bit when you're
just, you can find someone like that and you
just understand each other a little bit on a
deeper level. So you kind of get past some of
the awkwardness right away and can kind of jump
past. all the first small talk. Yeah. I mean,
it is nice when you already know you have something
in common. Yeah. Right. And then again, especially
if it's something that's so deep and personal.
Yeah. You know, it's not just, oh, we both like
this TV show. It's like, no, this is we both
are living a similar life. Yeah. You know, it
might not be the same because our kids are going
to have different needs, but. And we're all doing
the same therapies and all of that, so it gives
you just so many different things to talk about.
So many things to talk about, yeah. When I say
that my kid's in this therapy, you know what
I mean right away, I don't have to explain what
it is for the thousandth time. And I think too...
We just have to laugh a lot too because sometimes
the things that go on in our homes are just so
ridiculous that it's one of those you just have
to laugh. You don't have to laugh or cry. And
I would rather just laugh and some of it is just
really funny and there's a lot of inside jokes
that you have with other special needs parents
and you know all the memes and all the different
stuff out there. It keeps it a little lighter.
Yeah. What has been your biggest joy within this?
You know, just in general, my kids just bring
me joy, right? Like they are such a blessing
and they are a blessing from God. And despite
any of the special needs and any of the challenges,
I can choose to sit there and just have a victim
mentality or feel sorry for myself or feel sorry
about our, you know, parts that we've been dealt
or we can just enjoy life and we can go do fun
things and we can go enjoy family time and I
think just doing all the things that other families
are doing like going in the park going on a walk
and just making sure you take I'm for fun and
You you can't get caught up in the sadness of
the situation You have to just keep finding things
that bring you joy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure you
could easily just sit in the and the grief of
it and like any grief and if you don't try to
get out of it then it's easy to just stay in
it yeah yeah absolutely and they when my kid
wakes up in the morning and I see his smiling
face and he just like comes and runs up to me
and gives me a hug it just immediately starts
my day off good and even if we haven't slept
well the night before or all the things like
I just really enjoy he and he just wants to come
up and cuddle me and he's he's just so sweet
he truly is just such a sweetheart and I think
there's such a stereotype of what a person with
autism is like and I think maybe I had certain
stereotypes in my brain and they're Every person
is so unique. Every autistic person is so unique.
They say there's a saying that in the community
that if you met one person with autism, you've
met one person with autism. And that is so true.
And just because you think, you know, my kid's
gonna be a certain way, they're still uniquely
made and they're still wonderfully made and God
has designed that kid perfectly and has given
them so many amazing gifts. And I think you just
got to choose to focus on that as well. So going
into you have a second little one and were you
scared to have more kids? Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. And not in a. like this would be the worst
thing ever type way. Like my kid didn't make
me not want to have other kids. It was just,
we were told that our chances of having a second
with autism was about, especially if it was another
boy, was one in four to one in five. And so that
was just really scary because we were just kind
of drowning a little bit at the time. And We
were definitely not to this point of acceptance
exactly and I remember I'd always wanted two
kids and I told my husband I just don't know
if I can have another one, you know, this is
gonna be too much Especially if we have a second,
I don't know if I can pour myself into this to
a second child but God knew better and He surprised
us with my second It was really scary. I'm not
gonna lie. I was so freaked out most of that
pregnancy, but it It has been just the best surprise
ever Yeah, I'm are they really close are they?
best friends they have the brotherly love -hate
relationship that I think all brothers have.
It's really, really fun to see them play together.
I think now that my youngest is getting to a
point that my oldest can run and tackle him and
kind of be a little more rough and tumble, it's
gotten better. At first, I feel like you're tough
with siblings because the little one just can't
keep up or do anything. He's like, what's the
point? So what is something you wish someone
had told you before, whether it's before your
first was born, before you got the diagnosis?
Yeah, I think when you first get the diagnosis,
everybody's so quick to just offer their condolences
or, you know, just almost pity you or All the
therapists and the doctors they're quick to give
you all the The checklist of things that you
need to get done. And so you're just hearing
a lot of noise you're hearing just it a lot of
things that feel very overwhelming, but I wish
someone had just told me and and Maybe they didn't
I didn't hear it and all the noise that it's
it really is gonna be okay and that your life
is gonna be different, but it's not going to
be less than. There's still going to be a lot
of beauty in that. Like I said, maybe I wasn't
in that place to hear that, but that's what I
would tell someone else that just because it's
going to look different than what you imagine
doesn't mean that your life's going to be awful.
It's still going to be beautiful and your kid
is still going to be amazing and they are still
going to have a lot of really good things in
our future. Awesome. Do you feel like going off
kind of our questions, do you feel like the world
is set up for kids with special needs? I think
it's getting there. Yeah. I think here, especially
in Colorado, we are really blessed that this
is the state we're in. because there's a lot
of resources here. And I've met parents in other
states that don't have as many resources. Yeah.
I think there's still a lot of misunderstanding
about what autism is and different things about
it. And that's where that isolation piece can
just really start to sink in a little bit. You're
just feeling like my kid is just not being understood
as much and you know when you go when you go
to a store and your kid has a meltdown and people
will sometimes just think that oh that kid's
just kind of being a brat or not getting their
way and you're like no it's it's really so much
more than that sometimes it's like a sensory
meltdown and sure of course sometimes it is a
tantrum but yeah there is a difference between
a tantrum and a meltdown when it comes to autism
and I just wish that people understood the difference
a little bit more and would maybe just be a little
kinder when that happens but overall I think
there is a lot of awareness more these days than
even 10 years ago and that yeah it's getting
better. There's still work to be done but it's
getting better. What encouragement would you
have for someone who's either just receiving
a diagnosis or just another parent who's in in
this right now? I mean, I get it. It's hard.
It's really hard and there are definitely days
that you are going to feel hopeless or you're
gonna feel helpless and I You just got to trust
the process. You really got to trust the process.
You got to keep doing the therapies. You got
to keep You know, it's not going to be overnight
change. You're not going to see progress right
away. Like we've been in this for four years
and some of the big leaps and bounds that we're
starting to see is just now happening. And you
just have to keep at it. And like I said, you
got to find your community. You got to put yourself
out there and. You got to just hold on to God
like I truly I can't stress. that enough that
I could not do this without God. And I don't
know how people are able to. I don't know how
people do. I mean, honestly, I know people do,
but it's for me. I would not be able to get through
this alone. OK, we didn't prepare you with this
question, but I just thought of this one. What
would you tell support systems to like so grandparents,
aunts, uncles, family, friends? Whatever of families
who have kids with a special need with autism
That would like if I find out, you know someone
I love Their kiddo has autism. What would you
tell me to help support them? I think the biggest
thing is just having grace and Letting go of
your own expectations and don't try to give too
much advice because honestly again, like if you're
not in it you don't If you don't live it day
to day, you don't understand it. And so be respectful,
have an open mind, be willing to learn. And I
think that's been the biggest thing is just be
willing to learn, be teachable. I think people
that take the time to educate themselves about
how to interact with people or kids with autism
that... That just means more to us than anything
because it means that you're willing to support
us with our very specific needs. And it is going
to look a lot different than maybe what you've
been used to with other kids. It's not, it's
not going to look, it's not going to, we're not
going to look the same as other families and
that's okay. We're not going to, but just be
willing to work with us on that. So yeah, so
we always start end our episodes with our mom
one of the week I can go first which is so it's
been really fun watching Lloyd just become a
big brother and figure things out and Pretty
much any time Zeta is crying that like I can't
attend to her right away because That's just
the reality sometimes Lloyd will grab her pacifier
and give it to her or he'll like try all the
things that he sees us try. So like he'll grab
her baby blanket and put it over her. Or if she's
in her swing, he tries to turn it on. He knows
how to turn it on. So he turns it on. And it's
just been really sweet that he like clearly is
watching us and learning things, but also that
he wants to try to help her when she's crying,
which has been really fun. Okay. My win of the
week was, it was actually last night. So we got
Colt to bed, who's our oldest. And he goes down
pretty easy. thankfully and then Cruz who's almost
seven weeks old we've just kind of like we haven't
really established like a bedtime routine or
anything yet but last night I was like okay I
think I'm gonna put Colt to bed and then I'm
gonna try to put Cruz to bed and put him in his
bassinet and so I like yeah did the whole kind
of yeah swaddle him feed him and then put him
down and he like has hated his bassinet since
day one And so most of the time I like just end
up holding him all night long or like feeding
him pretty much. And so last night, yeah, I put
him down in the bassinet and he gave us a whole
30 minutes in the bassinet, which like I know
that sounds like not a very long time, but it
was a huge win for us because we like we were
able to have like 30 minutes of just like hang
out with each other time. Me and my husband before
Cruz was awake, so. And then I just like brought
him downstairs and held him while we watched
TV. But yeah, I think we're like trying to get
into a bedtime routine with him as he's like
almost two months old. But yeah, that's my win.
Just was able to have a little bit of me time
and have both kids like sleeping in separate
rooms for a second. So yeah, that's huge when
you have a seven week old. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. How
about you, Sarah? Can you think of one? I don't
know if it's necessarily a win, but I am just
so happy that it is nice out. I am so excited
that my kids can go outside and play in the water.
That's a huge win. so it sounds like your boys
are also high energy oh my word yes oh boy high
energy just please just run for an hour or however
long makes such a big difference even the days
it rained for two days straight oh my gosh that
second day it got a little sunny that evening
and my kids went out and played in the mud And
I mean, they were just covered with mud. And
is there anything more wholesome than little
boys playing in the mud? I know, and driving
their cars through it. And then I was just like,
I don't even can just go get dirty. And we did
bath time afterwards. And I was like, I can mop
up everything. I'm just so happy that they can
go get some fresh air. It just changes the mood
in our house significantly. Even just being able
to open the windows, you're like, oh, wow, now
I want to clean the house. Yes. Yeah. I feel
like, yeah, for me, I'm like, I'm just a happier
person. So then I'm a better mom. Yeah. And everyone's
happier all around. For sure. Yeah. Well, thank
you so much for being on and sharing your story
and experience with your kiddos and all of that.
We feel really grateful to. that you'll share
with us. Thank you. I love talking about, you
know, our family and we can help any other families
feel less alone. That's really what my husband
and I feel really passionate about. That's awesome.
We love that. That's great. Well, thanks for
tuning in to this week's episode of No Manual.
Please like and rate and review. Follow us on
Instagram at No Manual podcast. Thanks, Sarah,
and we will see you guys next week. Bye. you