Welcome back to Know Manual a Momcast. We are
here to share stories of moms, the reality of
motherhood and parenting, the laughs, the cries,
all of it. Today we have on Mellie who if you
need a hype girl for motherhood, it's Mellie.
She's oh, I mean, she's had kids longer than
I have. So any time I've been pregnant, she's
just so excited and such a great support. So
she's super fun. Mellie, would you like to introduce
yourself? Hi, I'm Mellie. I'm a stay at home
mom of four boys. I've been married to my husband
for nine years. We just celebrated nine years
at the end of February. So that's a huge win
for us. Yeah. Cool. Well, we're excited to talk
to you about your family and your experience
with motherhood. We start every week with our
momma once a week. Laura, do you wanna do your
modeling? I would love to. So as most of you
listeners know, I'm very pregnant at this point.
So I'm 38 and a half weeks pregnant while we're
recording this. And I am so tired, very tired.
My body hurts. Every time I just have to move,
I feel like there's a bowling ball in between
my legs at this point. But really, my mom moment
is like, I just feel like I was telling Erica,
I feel like I'm in this fog right now, which
I think is common at this point. Yeah, I feel
like I've just like, not that I'm failing as
a mom right now, but I feel like I'm just like
kind of like dropping the ball. in certain areas.
And so, like, one of the things with Colt, so
he's 19 months, almost 20 months old, and I have
just found, like, our screen time has been increasing
just because I'm so tired. Like, I can't think
of activities. I can't, like, I just don't have
the energy. So, like, this morning, specifically
this moment, we're, like, watching. the Minions
movie. And I was like, yeah, I was like, you
know what, buddy, let's just like sit down and
watch a movie. And he's like at that age where
he'll pay attention for like a little bit. But
I turned it on and I just like conked out. I
felt fast asleep and I woke up probably like,
I don't know, 35 minutes later or something like
that. He's still just sitting there watching
it, like eating his crackers. And I was like,
all right, buddy. But then I had this moment
of like, gosh, what am I doing? And - My fear
would have been that he would have just like
wreaked havoc on the house or like jumped off
the couch and broken himself or something. Yeah.
Because that's for sure what Lloyd just does
all the time anyways. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Well,
usually he's, I mean, Cole is so reckless. So
I was actually really surprised that he just
like watched the movie for a bit. So that might
be like a constant like movie that we turn on
when I need just a moment, but - Really, my mom
moment is like screen times increasing. I feel
kind of bad about it, but it's just kind of like
where I'm at right now. And, you know, I'm I
got to give myself some grace. Yeah. The end
of pregnancy is tough without a toddler and with
a toddler. Yeah, the last four weeks feel like
two years. Yeah, they really do. The whole rest
of the pregnancy has flown by, but man, like
36 to 38 and a half weeks right now. I'm just
like, wow, this every day is like a year long.
Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Erica? My mom moment
is recording this right after daylight savings,
which, of course, just like throws everyone off,
even though like, yes, Lloyd slept in, you know,
sort of. We still got less sleep. Everyone's
grumpy. So Sunday we're like, hey, we're going
to the park. Get energy out like. out of the
house, it was a beautiful day, blah, blah, blah.
And we were like clearly getting to the end of
our ropes, like, hey, you know, we'll take our
time walking back to the car, trying to like
waste as much time as possible outside of the
house. And he wanted to run into a drainage ditch,
you know, as you do that one and a half. And
I wouldn't let him. And it was just like an immediate
tantrum that he was not allowed to run into the
drainage ditch. I was like, OK, it is time to
go home now because. He's done. We've lost it.
We're all over it. That's hilarious. Mellie,
what's your mom moment this week? I feel like
mine also has to do with daylight savings time
because I have two older kids. They're seven
and six and they are just bananas this week.
Like they're literally bouncing off the walls.
Yesterday my six year old like literally ran
full force into the wall and I'm just like. Buddy,
what are you doing? Like, why are you acting
like this? And they're just... And Marley's your
calm kid. Yeah, he's pretty mellow. So for him
to be acting like wild this week and like they're
kind of all like feeding off each other's energy.
And then like my one year old is like confused
because his nap time is like adjusted due to
daylight savings time. And then like we're getting
ready for bedtime. And they're like, but it's
still daytime outside of like... Okay, but it's
also like eight o 'clock. I get it. Like the
sun's still shining. We have exhausted and you
need to go to bed. Yeah, we've been up since
like 6 45. Like we need to start like kind of
dialing it down. My older two kids obviously
don't take naps. And then my two and a half year
old is kind of transitioning out of naps. So
I'm like, I've got three kids awake. pretty much
all day, and it's just high energy. By dinnertime,
I'm like, okay, severely overstimulated. I need
to just step away for a minute. That's when Michael
comes in and I'm like, all right, let's tag team
here up. And then I just kind of like step back
for like 10, 15 minutes, regain my breath, and
then like finish bedtime, bath time, all of that
good stuff. Wow, that's a long day. It's been
a week. Yeah Yeah, I have to keep reminding myself
that daylight savings was this week because I
feel like Lloyd has been On another level. Yeah
in everything like more tantrums more clingy.
Yeah, we're tired It's crazy that an hour can
like can do that because I feel that too That
it's just like I feel all over the place. He
feels all over the place It's wild. Yeah Not
my fave. I'm not a fan of daylight savings at
all. No either time Yeah, no. So Mellie, do you
want to introduce your family? So you have four
boys. I have four boys. My oldest is seven. That's
Hendrix. And then I have Marlee. He's six. Zeppelin
is two. And then Jackson is turning one on Sunday.
Oh, yeah. So that's cool. And so seven. So you
were married for a couple of years before. I
was married for nine months before we got pregnant
with Hendrix. So very quick. We went into our
marriage thinking that I was medically unable
to have kids. So that one definitely caught us
off guard. We were like, okay, that's so weird
that we were even able to have Hendrix so easily.
It felt like it was easy, but it was like...
Okay, this is very early on in our marriage.
Like, we don't really, like, know each other
that well yet. We hadn't lived together or anything
like that. We met in Bible college, so we very
much were, like, PG -13 going into our relationship.
And then we had Marley. So we had 202 the first
go -around, and then we did, like, a three -year
break in between Marley and Zeppelin. And then
we did two under two all over again, which I'm
like, we knew what we were doing the first time
the second time around. I'm like, dang, this
is a little bit harder because now we have like
the two older kids. Right. Yeah. Like I don't
get to take a nap when you two are napping. No,
it's like I have to be going like pretty much
all day every day. So. So was it intentional
to have that big gap or did it just work out
that way? So with Marlee, after we had Marlee,
we kind of thought that we were done. And then
I would say about a year and a half after we
had Marlee, we had another friend that had a
baby and she was kind of like working from home,
but she would like bring her baby for like meetings
and stuff. And that's when Michael would start
coming home and being like, oh, my gosh, her
daughter is like cooing and she's so sweet. And
he kind of like planted the seed of like. maybe
we have a third baby. And then I feel like Michael
manifested Zeppelin because he just kept on bringing
it up. He was like, but like, what if we had
a third? I'm like, Michael, for real, let's just
chill for a little bit. And Michael doesn't seem
like the baby guy. Like if you just like met
him, you would never assume he was I don't say
baby crazy, but that like he would get baby fever
in any capacity. You would assume that he was
just like. Yeah, we have kids and that's it.
Yeah, pretty much. It was it kind of caught me
off guard when he was like pining for a third
baby. I'm like, dude, for real, let's just enjoy
the two while we have the two for now. Yeah.
Then did you feel like after the third, you're
like, well, we got to have a fourth because then
they can have a little buddy. Yeah. So my mom
had three kids. She had my older brother and
then me and then my younger brother. And she
always told me that if I had three kids like.
push for the fourth kid, just because there was
always like one of us that was like left out.
Like my older brothers are super athletic and
I'm obviously not. So that always kind of like
left me off to like doing my own thing and like
becoming kind of independent as like my own entity.
And now I have like my two younger kids kind
of grouped together and then the two older kids
kind of grouped together. So it's nice when they're
like separated because I get the the differentiating
of the little kid stuff and then like the older
kid activities. Yeah, yeah when Stuart and I
have talked about it I was mentioning how all
of the families that I know as adults who I've
like just known them as adults or I've known
them like since we were kids who have four kids
they're really close as adults like I can think
of multiple families off the top of my head who
have four kids and I'm like two of them are always
hanging like at least on social media, you know,
not necessarily see them in real life all the
time. Yeah. But from what I can tell, at least
two of them are always hanging out in some capacity
and it's never necessarily the same two. So I
feel like four is good. Like seems like a good
combination. I could be totally wrong. I don't
have four kids yet. So it is chaos sometimes.
But when they're all getting along, it's like,
OK, this is nice. Like this could be this could
be like a good thing when they're all older.
Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like the transition from
like zero to one, one to two, two to three, or
three to four was the hardest? The hardest was
definitely two to three just because we took
that like longer age gap. And then Marlee actually
like breastfed for so long. Like he would not,
he would not just not breastfeed. That was like
his comfort. Like he was like two and a half
and still like breastfeeding. I'm like, okay,
buddy, let's. Let's get off of this. Yeah, kind
of. I'm like, you can't be like doing that for
like nap time. So we had to kind of transition.
So he only knew that he was the baby for like
three years. And then we brought home another
baby and he's like, that's not my brother. People
at church would ask him like, hey, Marlee, how
do you like being an older brother? And he's
like, that's not my brother. And he's like, I
only have Hendrix. And I'm like. Marley, they
can't see that. That's so mean. But like at three,
you can't really like control what a three year
old says. They just say some off the wall stuff
sometimes. And he's like, yeah. So the transition
from three to four was so easy. I felt like it
was like breathing at some point. And then the
transition from one to two is also pretty easy.
Just like the jump from like two to three. And
it's like, OK, we're like for real doing this.
It was your outnumbered. Yeah. Yeah. I don't
have enough hands for this. I feel like a centaur
sometimes because I need like another set of
arms coming out of my sides. It's crazy sometimes.
Well, tell us, tell us about your boys and like
their personalities. How are they different from
each other? How are they similar? So it's pretty
funny because we say that we have like two sets
of twins. and not in the way that you would think.
So my seven -year -old and my two -year -old
have very similar wild and crazy off -the -wall
personalities. They're always the louder ones.
They're usually talking above a decibel that's
acceptable most of the time. They're the crazy
ones. And then my six -year -old and my one -year
-old have very similar personalities. They're
more like... gingerly approaching things. They
don't like loud sounds. They don't really like
being around people that are like super high
energy. So they're always like, butting heads
with the kids that are super high energy. So
like when they branch off, it's usually the seven
year old and the two year old, they kind of branch
off together. And then I usually have my six
year old and my one year old. they're kind of
like playing nicely together. So it's kind of
like seeing a weird dynamic. It's like having
the same kid all over again with my two and one
year old. Yeah. I feel like that's kind of like
a good balance. Yeah. In a sense. Yeah. So like
my seven year old is definitely more on the like,
he's like very strong willed, very independent.
He always wants to like do things on his own.
And like he's got like a fourth grade reading
level just because he likes playing video games.
So he likes to like he's like learning new words
and learning all these things. And he's kind
of like showing his younger brothers. This is
how we behave kind of thing. And then like my
second kid is just he kind of does off the wall
stuff sometimes where it's like if you see something
that's like, huh, that looks strange. It was
definitely Marley that did it. And then like
obviously the two year old does. two -year -old
things so it's funny to watch all of their like
dynamics with each other and then when they're
by themselves they kind of just like all do their
own thing at one point so it's kind of it's kind
of funny to see just how much they're alike and
how different they are because like my older
two kids they hang out sometimes but like my
oldest is very like he can be a little on the
aggressive side and my my second kid doesn't
really appreciate that he's like you need to
get out of my face get out of my bubble is what
we call it he's like mama he's in my bubble and
i'm like like hendrix Personal space, dude. Sometimes
I'm like, we are all sharing one bubble right
now, so you can't get mad that Hendrix is in
your bubble, because you guys are all in my bubble.
You're actually all in my bubble, so I need you
to all get out of my bubble. That's funny. What
do you think is the most difficult part? like
having that age gap. I definitely forget sometimes
that Zeppelin, he's my two year old, he's not
as independent. Like he can't just go in the
pantry and grab snacks as he pleases. And if
he does, like he gets mad because he can't like
immediately open it. Like he needs, he still
needs that assistance. Whereas like my older
two kids, they pretty much make their lunch every
day. They're also homeschooled. So like they
know that like once we're done with school, we
get like an hour of quiet time. That's like.
mandatory. We have to have at least an hour of
quiet time. Probably for your sanity. Yeah, definitely
for my sanity and also like they like to wake
up the baby a lot and he's already had such an
issue with growing and developmental stuff and
I'm like he needs sleep to let grow and they
kind of are starting to understand that okay
we can't just wake up the baby because everybody
else is awake. My older two are definitely more
on the independent side. They like to do their
own thing and occasionally they'll like ask me
for help but usually I'm like super hands -on
with my two and one -year -old. Just kind of
like helping them do things, helping them navigate
things and it's kind of like the shift in your
brain that like has to happen because it's like
I have two older kids that can pretty much fend
for themselves at this point. My seven -year
-old's almost eight now, so he's pretty much
like, I don't need you anymore. He's like, I
can ride my scooter by myself. It's like, all
right, sick, dude, ride your scooter. They're
like, cool, I need a break when someone doesn't
need me. For sure. It's been so nice this week,
so we've just been kind of letting them ride
their scooter in the front yard, but then we
have the one -year -old that likes to try and
escape, and it's like... I have to keep eyes
on him. I have to keep eyes on my two -year -old
that's so curious right now. And he's wanting
to get into everything. And he hasn't had his
exploratory phase yet. Whereas the older two
kids, they've explored. They know better, I guess.
They kind of know what my limit is. And the two
-year -old is just pushing it. He's like, OK,
so this is your limit, but let's see if you can
go a little farther. And I'm like... Alright,
let's go a little farther. I didn't know I had
a capacity past this, but apparently I do. Yes.
Oh my gosh. Do you feel like Zeppelin is pushing
limits more than your older boys did? Oh, totally.
And I think he does it because everyone stops
us because he is the only red -haired kid that
I have. Oh, really? So I get stopped at the grocery
store and they're like looking at me, looking
at Michael, looking at Zeppelin and they're like,
so where does the red hair come from? I get that.
every day. I think this is so funny because when
he was first like he had red hair from like the
day he was born yeah from the get -go and everyone
was like where did this come from but you both
have black hair which is the same pigment as
red hair and that's what i've tried to tell people
from the beginning i'm like it's the same thing
it just looks a little bit different like yeah
it just yeah that's how jeans work is you can
have if you have black hair you can have a redhead
kid but also he doesn't He doesn't look as much
like his brothers. And so the red hair throws
it off, I think. Yeah, for sure. But we've had
that conversation so many times. Or like at church,
someone will be like, oh, where is Zeppelin's
red hair from? Like, guys, this is how genetics
work. They say that red hair skips a gene, too.
So everyone always stops us and like. Zeppelin
knows he's cute. So I think that he tries to
get away with more stuff under the guise of like,
oh, I'm cute. Maybe if I keep pushing my boundaries,
like they'll let me because I'm cute, if that
makes sense. And I'm like, buddy, at some point
you're going to learn that this, this cuteness,
he's got like this little scrunch in his nose
right now when he smiles super big and he knows
that he's cute. So he's just pushing all of his
boundaries. My oldest... was like a year and
a half when we had our second. So I think that
he kind of realized that like the boundaries
had already been pushed. Like there's already
two of them. And he was actually like probably
the easiest kid that I've had so far, even though
he's so wild in his temperament. In what sense
was he the easiest, would you say? I just feel
like once once Marley was born he took on the
role of a big brother like immediately like he
immediately knew like this is my brother I will
do anything to like keep him safe and he does
such a good job being the oldest brother he takes
that role so seriously, like sometimes a little
too seriously. Like I can hear him like, Marlee,
I told you not to do that. And I'm like, dude,
you're not, you're not his parent. Like you don't
have to do that. Like I'm here too. Like I can
tell Marlee that he, he needs to back up a little
bit. He's like, I'm helping my mom. He's like,
I'm trying. That's so cute. Oh my gosh. I mean,
that gives me hope as I'm like, you know, about
to move into 202. What would you say was like
the hardest part of 202? Because you did it twice.
Yeah, I did it twice. I would definitely say
as far as like schedules go. Just kind of through
the whole schedule out the window when you have
a newborn and you also have a toddler It's kind
of like your tandem like nursing while also taking
care of a toddler That's like running around
and like obviously the baby sleeps more and then
once the baby stops sleeping so much It's like,
okay. Well now I have to find more things for
us to like mentally engage them so that they're
not just tearing up the house and running amok
and all of that stuff. For sure. Yeah. I know
I've found the hardest part so far is that like
Lloyd's little enough that his attention span
is like 30 seconds or whatever. And so if I have
to like nurse or take care of Zeta or whatever
that may be. I can't give him an activity because
maybe he'll be interested in it. Sometimes you
get that right activity and they're like, oh,
I'll do this for half an hour. I'll throw this
ball back at the wall for half an hour, whatever.
And then other times you're like, oh, this activity
that I set up and I was so excited for you to
do, 10 seconds later they're like, eh, whatever.
So that's been the hardest part for me is just
keeping him entertained. And it's like, no, I
really do have to do something else. Oh, gosh,
like, yeah, feeding the baby or them learning
that, like, OK, there's another little person
that's here, like occupying mom's time. So that
I feel like brought a lot of tantrums for my
two year old because he was very confused. He's
like, wait, like, I'm not the baby. Like, I'm
not the one that's getting a lot of attention.
His transition to being a big brother was like,
OK, not as bad as Marley, but yeah. Yeah, it's
just it's a whole world of different when you
have like two, like having an infant and then
having a toddler and then also having like two
older kids. It's like the whole day is just occupied
with their stuff. Gosh. Yeah. Would you say like
being a stay at home mom, was that what you envisioned
for your life? Originally? No. When we first
got married, we were doing like the split income
thing where I was I was working at a wedding
chapel when we first met and he was working two
jobs like he was doing church and then like he
was working at Starbucks both part time. So we
were we basically had like three part time jobs
that we were like all juggling at the same time.
It wasn't until we like moved out here and Michael
kind of like found the work that he does now.
He's been doing HVAC now for like Six years.
Like, it's crazy. But when we first moved out
here, we were looking at, like, the cost of childcare,
and we realized that, like, even if I took a
full -time position, all of my money would be
going entirely to childcare. That's not diapers.
That's not formula. That's literally just the
time that he spends there. And we're kind of
like... is that time more like valuable that
we could like pour into our kids rather than
like me having a job where he's also like, he's
taking care of all of the bills like financially.
Originally, when we first got married, I thought
that I was going to be like this working woman
forever. And then we left Vegas and that whole
lifestyle was just kind of gone in like the blink
of an eye. That would be, I mean, childcare is
so... crazy expensive it's insane it is we've
talked about this before i've just like it's
it's not worth it a lot of the times i mean it
can be in a sense but it's so crazy yeah and
then when you have multiple kids too it's like
okay this is only increasing so what do you want
me to do here yeah pretty much the two under
two both of them being in child care it's like
okay so that's all of my income on just one kid
plus some of his income that we're using for
like our actual bills, like our mortgage, our
cars, our everything like that. Was there any
grief for you in like giving up being like the
working woman life? Like, was that something
that you had like envisioned enough then when
you transitioned to like, no, I'll be staying
home with the kids that you had to like actually
process it? Or was it like, no, this is the thing
that makes sense and I'm excited. It's definitely
something that I feel like I mourned, especially
once we left Vegas, because I feel like I was
such this independent thinker, and then I felt
like, okay, well now I don't have the independence
of my finances, like I don't have the independence
of like, I can go to lunch with my friends and
know that like my kids are taken care of. It's
like literally 24 -7 kid duty, basically. So
I definitely feel like I mourned that. I had
envisioned myself as like this working mom. But
I'm also like glad in this season that we decided
to do the stay at home mom life. Because once
once we committed to that, it was like, OK, let's
start talking about like the future. What is
their schooling going to look like? Are we going
to send them to public school? Are we going to
do like a private school situation? Which also
that's pretty expensive. So like we did the homeschooling
route and we're three years into homeschooling
now and it's something I would not trade for
anything. What made you decide to homeschool?
I think both my husband and I had a very negative
encounter with public school. Like we both barely
graduated. felt like we were barely pushing ourselves
as far as like education goes. There's a lot
of things that I feel Vegas is also like one
of the worst as far as like education goes. So
once we kind of like looked at all of our options
as far as like homeschooling goes we were just
kind of like you know this is what makes the
most sense and we have a couple friends that
have their kids in charter schools and they're
also having issues with administration not taking
bullying seriously. The rates of teen suicide
is like insane right now. And a lot of that has
to do with both social media and like their school
environment. Like once they leave their school,
like it's following them home with them. And
we just kind of both didn't want that for our
kids. Yeah. So do you guys follow some certain
curriculum or do you kind of? do your own thing.
How does that work? So it's kind of like a blend
of both. We've been using this new, it's not
new, but it's like new to us. It's Mia Academy
and they basically like set up your curriculum
for you. Nice. We do a four -day week rather
than a five -day week because I just noticed
that Friday, my oldest would, he was just done.
He's like, I don't want to do this. So we do
the four -day week rather than the five -day
week. And a lot of schools like in our school
district anyways do four days rather than five
days because it's just like so much it's so much
more like engaging also like I feel like he has
more time to kind of like focus on the school
that he's doing and focus on like his lessons
when I feel like with homeschooling to I mean
I was homeschooled and when you don't have like
other people, like when you don't have a full
class, you get your work done faster. You know,
it's kind of like what everyone learned working
from home where it's like most people aren't
doing eight hours of work a day. For sure. It's
that we have an eight hour work day. And so you
feel that where I feel like homeschooling is
very similar, where it's like you don't really
have like this eight to nine hours of work plus
homework. You have a certain amount of work that
has to get done. And if you. can get it done
in like four hours or four days or however that
looks then you have all this extra free time
is that's been my experience and so like that
makes sense to me to only do four days a week.
Yeah. We also kind of like incentivize our kids
like they have their core classes and then they
also have like classes that are they have extracurriculars
that they can do so that kind of fills a little
bit more time but I'm like, if you guys can focus,
pay attention, we'll go do something fun. We'll
go to the trampoline place. And usually, since
we're homeschooled, we go midday and there's
nobody there. So they pretty much get free rein
of everything. And now the way that it is, there's
so many moms choosing homeschooling that we're
able to find somewhat of a community where they
gather every month doing fun arts and crafts
together with other kids that are also homeschooled.
So it's not that like division of they're not
getting socialized. Yeah, we had for me growing
up, we had a homeschool group, but it was still
very different. So it was like a very niche group
of people who chose to homeschool when I was
in that stage. Whereas now I feel like such a
vast majority of people, especially since Covid
have been like, oh, this is just easier that
you have a much larger community and a much more
diverse community of like, oh, no, we're all
just homeschooling our kids. and this is yeah
and your kids can like have a social life and
meet all sorts of different people and people
who have different experiences and can show them
things like arts and crafts and yeah the kind
of stuff that you maybe don't have time or energy
to do at home, because it's less important than
math and reading and that kind of stuff. Yeah,
for sure. I was always jealous of the homeschool
kids. I was a public school kid. I mean, I wanted
to be homeschooled. You're also introverted,
so I think it depends. Yeah, that's fair. I was
the same way, public school. But once it got
to high school, I was begging my mom. I was like,
can I please do homeschooling? Because now I
can do my own curriculum online. She's like,
no, you need to be like socialized. And we obviously
see how that turned out. Yeah. I feel like I
just, I wanted to get my stuff done quicker than
what the teachers would teach me. And so I just
wanted to like do it at a faster pace. I like
had great friends and stuff like that too. So
I wouldn't trade that, but I don't know. I just
felt like I wanted to get stuff done quicker.
Yeah. Yeah. But What would you say is like the
hardest part of parenting for you right now?
It's definitely the sassiness from my older two
boys because I feel like because they're so independent,
like they don't understand why we're putting
limits on certain things that they're either
doing like my oldest will literally play Xbox
all day and he gets so mad at me. He's like,
well, why do I have to get off of it? And it's
like, dude. It's nice outside. We're not going
to spend all of our day just doing a bunch of
Xbox activities. I've heard that it helps with
them with becoming ambidextrous and stuff. He's
learning how to use his left hand more. It kind
of helps them their brain because he does a lot
of puzzle games on Fortnite, which I'm like,
okay, cool. Sweet, problem -solve. Yeah, but
also... I notice that when we do increase his
like screen time, that's when his attitude really
comes out. And I'm not really, I'm kind of like
a no BS kind of person. So like, usually when
I deal with those attitudes, I'm very much coming
at it from like, he's a kid, but also you got
to understand that mama doesn't play that. I
don't, I don't really like that. I don't really
take attitudes very well. So usually when he
gives it to me, I can. kind of direct him how
to respond in a way that's respectful, because
the moment he hits me with an attitude, I'm like,
OK, we're done. Xbox is off. We're going to go
to our room. We're going to do quiet time, because
now you're at a point where your brain is at
capacity and you don't understand that I'm doing
this for you. Not to be mean, not to hurt your
feelings, not to just like... I'm mom, I have
to statement. No, like it's not about that. It's
like recognizing when they're like at capacity
and having to kind of guide them in a way that's
also respectful. Cause I want them to respond
to people, not just me, like everybody in a way
that's like respectful, even if their boundaries
are being pushed. You know what I mean? Yeah,
he'll understand more as he gets older. And especially
when he becomes a parent. Yeah, for sure. I see
what my mom was doing there. She was right. Screen
time was making me cranky. Yeah. What would you
say is like your tactic with discipline right
now? So I'm not like a spanker. Like that is
something that I just I cannot do. We do. My
brothers did baseball, so we do the three -strike
rule. So, like, the first time is a warning.
The second time, you go in time -out. The third
time, I'm taking something that you love, whether
it be the Switch, whether it be TV privileges,
the Xbox. That is, like, you know that that is
the final straw. And when they're in time -out,
I'm kind of, like, talking to them about why
they're there. They're not just sitting in time
-out being like, ugh, mom's the worst. I can't
believe she did this. It's like, no, dude, you
got to understand. like you can't just hit your
brother when he's in your face. You got to understand
that like you can't be mean to the two -year
-old because he doesn't understand why you're
being mean to him. He just thinks that you're
being mean to him. He doesn't know that like
maybe he's in your face. He doesn't know that
unless you tell him like Zeppelin. chill, you
know what I mean? But they kind of get it one
certain time out. They know that that is the
last straw before I take something. My six year
old, it's Legos. So I'll take away his Lego set
that he's playing with at the time. Or they have
these little like Minecraft building blocks.
So it's always something that like you're going
to get this back, but you need to understand
why I took it and why you're being disciplined
this way. It's not just something that like because
I feel like my parents were very aggressive with
their discipline. Like it was just immediate
like spanking off the bat. And I don't feel like
that teaches them anything aside from resentment.
So I'm like, OK, we're not going to do that.
That's if I have to like swat their hand, that's
about as far as I'll go. Yeah. Whereas like our
parents were more like loose with it. And they
see me disciplining them in a way that's not
the way that they disciplined us. And it's like,
OK, well, why are you doing that? And it's like,
Do you feel like they understand it? They definitely
understand better. Like the next day after they
get their stuff back, it's always like, OK, like
I understand why she took that away. Yeah. And
usually when Michael comes home, I'll kind of
tell him like, hey, so and so doesn't have TV
privileges. This is what they did. This is how
long I told them that they can't have it. And
then he kind of comes alongside me and he's kind
of like, hey, you know, like we don't hit our
brother or like. We don't play with toilet paper
or whatever it may be that day that they needed
something taken away because he knows that if
I took something, that was the final straw for
me. He knows that like, okay, I need to come
alongside her, agree with her discipline because
I feel like... A lot of times my parents didn't
agree on discipline. So like, let's say my mom
disciplined us in a way or my dad did. They would
always be like, dad and be like, well, I'm going
to go talk to mom and she'll give me exactly
exactly that. Or like my dad would take something
away and I would go to mom and she would kind
of like side with me and she'd be like, well,
you're not supposed to. And then they would get
into like their tips over us and the way that
they disciplined us. And I'm glad that we can
at least agree. on the way that we discipline
our kids and like come together in the middle
and then kind of like talk to them together.
Like if you don't agree with what went down,
at least like then you talk about it later, like
behind closed doors for sure. Hey, I don't think
you should have taken Legos for that grievance
or for sure. Yeah, exactly. Then like, yeah,
being the united front in front of the kids and
then dealing with whatever you may disagree with
later is very different. And I think it. leads
to like a more stable environment for the kids
too. Cause this is just the rule and mom and
dad, like you can't put mom and dad against each
other no matter how hard you try. Do you feel
like it took like a while for you and Michael
to come to, I don't know, agreements on discipline
or was it kind of like straight off the bat of
like, this is how we're going to discipline.
We're going to be on each other's teams. So I
feel like Michael's definitely more of the aggressive
one when it comes to disciplining them where
I'm more like Hey, you probably shouldn't have
talked to them like that But also like we don't
do it in front of the kids ever usually if one
of us is like taking charge of Disciplining like
maybe he's at the end of his rope like he had
a long day. He does HVAC So he's usually gone
like 10 to 12 hours every day by the time he
gets home. He's He's exhausted. He's passed the
point of stimulated and we're just both dealing
with the chaos that is dinner time, bath time,
bedtime kind of thing. So I think at the beginning,
we were kind of not in agreement with the whole
like, I don't want to like spank our kids. We
definitely let each other like discipline them
the way that we feel fit. and I don't think that
he would ever come at our kids in an aggressive
way. He's just more like stern, like he's got
the dad voice for sure. And it kind of like scares
me sometimes. Like intimidating. I'm like, geez,
okay, Michael. Am I in trouble? Yeah, exactly.
That's funny. Okay, what would you say is the
best part of parenting right now? So at dinnertime,
we do like our highlight of the day. And we've
been doing it for so long now that the boys like
initiate it. Like we'll just sit down and Marley's
like, okay, I'm ready to tell you about my favorite
part of the day. And you can tell he's been thinking
about it all day. And it's just, it's literally
like my favorite part of every day is listening
to their, their highlights of the day. Cause
sometimes it's so random. Like sometimes it's
like, we got ice cream today. And it's like,
Okay, like that was a moment where I felt like
I was failing as a mom, but they saw it as like,
mom took us to get ice cream for lunch. But that
was my like, we need to get out of the house.
You guys are driving me mad. Let's go get the
dollar ice cream cones from Dairy Queen and go
sit outside for a minute and just breathe. And
it's fun to see them kind of interact when Michael
gets home because they're so excited to see him.
And it's like. I don't get that excitement because
I'm with them all day every day, but to see them
excited to see him for the first time all day,
it sparks a little bit of joy, you know? Even
though... It's pure chaos. Yes. Yeah. Because
they're all, all four usually talking to him
at the same time. They're like, and we did this
and we did this. And then the two year old's
like, I play skate. And it's like, and the one
year old's just like, just kind of like hanging.
Yeah. And Michael's just like, I just got home.
This is so much for walking in the door. He's
like, I'm going to go upstairs for a minute.
I'm like, yeah, you do you go decompress, take
your 15 minutes. I got this. Yeah. Oh man. Well,
that's so sweet. I'm sure with four boys, that
sounds like absolute chaos. It is, yeah. But
also you're living in like the sweetest moments
of your life. For sure. Right now. And I think
that's awesome. I'm sure, yeah, every day comes
with its challenges and every day is just like,
you get to hold on to these little moments too
of all your boys playing together and also arguing
with each other. Man. Yeah, I keep thinking about
it because everyone always pulls to like or older
parents always pull to like, well, you'll miss
these years. And I think about it and like there
are things that you miss. And then there are
things are like, wow, I am so glad I'll never
have to deal with that again. Yeah, I'm not looking
forward to that again for next baby or whatever.
So like it's such a weird duality. I'm sure still
with like older kids were like, yeah, I'm not
going to miss the sass. I might miss some of
it, but like not the like we have to actually
deal with this like the funny parts or you know
seeing them interact or whatever. Okay what is
something you would want to tell other moms?
Do you have any advice or just a random thought?
So I feel like with having four boys usually
people see us and they're like woof you know
and it's like yes but also We get the sweet little
moments that like people don't see that my kids
have where it's like my oldest being off the
wall crazy and then he'll he'll stop and be like,
Mama, I love you. And I'm like, oh, that's so
sweet. Thank you, buddy. Yeah. It's not I don't
feel like it's one size fits all. I've had so
many parents give me so much advice. And I would
say like probably a fourth of it was actually
like useful. So it's always like take everything
with like a grain of salt. Don't. compare your
kids, even if you take them to doctor's appointments
and they're like, well, your kid is in like the
first percentile for like height and weight.
And it's like that can be so like soul crushing
and like so discouraging. But you're doing everything
you can. Like you're not failing. There's nothing
that you could do better or worse for any of
your kids. They're all different. And you have
to approach each of them. in the way that they
like to be approached. My oldest is a little
more aggressive, so I obviously come at him a
little bit guns blazing. My second one is a little
more ginger, so I know the voice inflections
and everything that you just kind of learn. the
different ways that your kid likes to communicate
and you kind of also like see their love languages.
My oldest is definitely not a quality time person,
whereas like my second is very much a quality
time. So you just kind of have to like, it's
definitely like a learn as you grow kind of thing.
It's not like I'm going to read this baby book
and I'm going to be good. Like not a lot of the
baby books are tailored to, it's more of like
a broad statement. Whereas like your kid is an
individual that shouldn't be treated as like
a broad statement. Yeah, that's super interesting.
It makes me think of like, you're just you're
parenting differently. Like parenting styles
are maybe different for each of your children
because of their personalities. And yeah, I've
never really never really thought of that a ton.
Yeah. So we like to end our podcast with our
win of the week. Can you think of yours, Erica?
Yeah, I'll start. So Lloyd has just been super
into hand holding lately. And it's so cute. Like,
I don't know if it's just like part of his clingingness
with. Is Aida coming home or what? But like he
wants to hold hands walking across the kitchen
or walking at the playground and just like all
the time he just like lifts up his hand is like
mama and wants to hold hands and it's just the
sweetest thing in the world and I love it so
much. That's so sweet. I love it. OK, my win.
So this last weekend I was telling you guys I
had like false some false labor. Thought I was
going into labor. Turns out I wasn't. But during
that whole time, like every contraction I had,
I would have to just like close my eyes for a
second and take some deep breaths. And Colt was
like super just super worried, super empathetic,
would come up like really close to my face and
just like stare into my eyes, which I thought
was like, I don't know, it's just he was so empathetic
and it made me just feel, I don't know, feel
good about my parenting. In some sense, I don't
know if I did anything to like make him be that
way. But yeah, it was just super sweet. I'm like
a little bit nervous about when I actually go
into labor because I know it'll be more intense
than that. But yeah, it just was a really sweet
little like. time even though I was in pain.
I love seeing little kids show empathy because
they don't really know what to do but you can
tell that they know something's wrong and they
want to fix it even though they don't know what
to do. What about you, Mellie? littlest one actually
started doing something this week that I think
is so freaking funny. Like anytime we go to get
him out of his bed, he starts like jumping kind
of like he'll like kind of he's like pulling
himself up to stand so he's kind of like propelling
himself up and he does this cute little like
squeal like he's so excited to see you like when
he first wakes up he's like oh my gosh it's mom
she came like she he's not a very fussy baby
so when he starts squealing I'm just like oh
you're excited to see me and he like he just
started doing that this week when I was getting
him up for naps so I like look forward to getting
him up from naps because I know that he's just
gonna be so excited trying to jump out of his
crib squealing and like throwing his hands and
he's just he's just so excited to see us and
get ready to play with his brothers and stuff
that's so sweet it probably makes you feel good
too yeah oh you're so excited to see me yeah
I'm doing something right if you're this excited
yeah that feeling's mutual buddy Oh, that's so
sweet. Well, Mellie, thanks so much for joining
us on the podcast. Thank you for having me. Yeah,
it's so fun to hear about just your life with
four boys and all that you're navigating. And
it doesn't sound easy, but it sounds like you're
crushing it. Yeah. Yeah. Appreciate you. Thanks
for tuning in today to Know Manual, a mom cast.
Hopefully you got something out of today's episode.
And if you would like, we'd love for you to rate,
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See you next week.