Trash Planet contains themes of desperation and
poverty. We portray a comedic, absurd and violent
world. For a full list of content warnings, please
see the episode description. Casting live from
the inside of a tin of sardines. We are lined
up in here side by side, tucked in all cozy beneath
a silver sheet and a pull tab. We are Trash Planet,
the portable, non -perishable podcast. I am your
host, Rabbit Sullivan. My pronouns are he, him,
and she, her. With me today are four of Cincinnati's
sick nastiest improvisers. Everyone, please say
hi and tell me your vibe today. For instance,
my vibe today is the word smelt, which we just
learned is a type of fish, and I'm way into it.
I really like. The word smelt. Yeah, a really
clear vibe that we all vibe with. Everyone's
nodding. They love it. Natalie, what's your vibe
today? Hi, I'm Natalie, pronounced she -day.
And my vibe today is a Rubik's Cube that has
had just one corner twisted, so it can't actually
be solved. Oh, no. Whoa. Monotical. Devin. Well,
I don't need to say my name anymore. You're not
thinking about taking the name Smelt? No, unfortunately.
But my vibe today is you found a handmade treasure
map and you spent a good part of a weekend following
the treasure map and at the end you find a big
old cache of fuel points. And you get like 16
cents off a gallon and you're pretty pumped.
And your car is also pumped with gas. That's
my vibe. Okay, the crowd is cheering actually.
Everybody really liked that. Amazing. Nihar,
what's your vibe today? Hi, I'm Nihar, he, him,
and my vibe today is like the basketball that's
deflated to the point where you like try to dribble
it and it just goes... Evocative. I'm picturing
our European listener like what the fuck is a
fuel point? What's your vibe today? I'm Maddie
Shide, and my vibe today is I am a cat on top
of her tower surveilling what's happening. And
if you get too close, scratch. Powerful. We respect
it. Man, I think three out of five vibes were
kind of off. I think they were good, actually.
I think they were really good. You can get your
questions answered and your vibes right at hypergallant
.com and elsewhere at hypergallant. When last
we left off, we had just finished the jailbird
mission and we had taken a downtime in which
a couple of things happened. Lottie was intimidated
by Johnny Law, which heightened her resolve to
visit the library and figure out what is going
on on Jim Bob's mini disc. We also had Connie
solving the radio problems of the world. We had
Enla, building a giant robot that asks you to
confess. And we had Tank becoming the king of
tick ball, I assume. I'm just now powering up.
Tank is quietly in the corner going super saiyan
as Harris. Just really, really slowly over the
course of several weeks. He already has tall
blonde hair, so what happens now? It just goes
straight up. We've got to unlock all the different
hair colors, you know, Dragon Ball style. Oh,
yeah. Yeah, it's good stuff. He starts looking
like Duck Dammit when he's walking around. And
zoom, we hear the thrum of an engine beneath
us. We hear the whistle of wind. And bam, we
see the face of Lottie Faber's daughter. She's
squinting into the horizon. Her hair is billowing
out behind her, blown backwards by the wind.
It's late afternoon, it's a beautiful day, the
sky is a brilliant red. There's no clouds, no
smog. Wind is howling, the trash is glinting.
Lottie, you are piloting your skimmer with grace
and skill. As always. As always. Lottie, you're
feeling pretty good. It's a good day, it's a
new mission, and baby, we're going to the library.
So behind her, crammed into a skimmer, definitely
not built for four passengers, we see the rest
of the gang. We're cramped pretty tight in here
because the library is a long trip, so you might
have brought some extra supplies. So we're actually
going to determine load right now. So, everyone
please tell me what your travel vibe is, what
you're looking like, what you're feeling like,
and you can tell me your load. So load three
is light, normal is five, or heavy is six. Lottie's
got heavy load today, her overalls are... All
the pockets are full of things. You're clanking
every time the skimmer crests a little trash
pot like, you know, it's good stuff. I'll go
with a normal load, but we do have like a sled
thing, like a little wagon, I think, that we
can attach to the back of the skimmer to just
drag along larger supplies. I'm going to say
you'd have to spend an asset on that. I don't
think you just like have that. I had it in the
first episode. I had a cart. Wow. OK, but then
it's like a grocery hand cart. Look, this is
not at all. I thought it was like a radio flyer,
which you could like, yeah. I mean, it has wheels,
which the skimmer floats. In any case, yeah.
It's absolutely not something I'd spend an asset
on. I will say that. I will allow you a bad wheeled
device that is just clanking behind your floating
thing. That makes sense to me. But yeah, OK,
you got normal load. How are you feeling as we
are shooting across these hills? I haven't spent
much time outside the cities and last time there
was a big orbital drop So I think once again
like eyes on the sky Very nervous until we get
to like the library or someplace with more civilization
Being out in the wilds is not he's very uncomfortable
there. What's he look like? What's he wearing
right now? I think it's his normal clothes. I
think the poncho has a few more like colorful
threads on it. He's just wearing his normal light
clothes, enough to cover himself from the sun.
Yeah, flapping out behind you. Looks great. Who's
going next? I think Tank has a light load, but
since he's really heavy right now due to the
gravity bomb juice burn, I think it takes the
drawbacks of a heavy load. Oh my god. The skimmer
is like leaning where you're sitting. I'm like
on the back and it's like dragging. A lot of
clanking noises today. I think Enla is going
to have a normal load. I don't think she'll have,
because just as a reminder, one of our corner
assets is that we can get two survival gear for
free in our load. So I think she'll just have
a generally normal load. This is kind of just
like a normal outing for Enla. Yeah, how's it
feel being back in the Wastes? I think last time
was very triggering, as Connie already mentioned.
So it's mixed feelings as usual for Inla. There's
a hominess and a peacefulness to being out in
the Wastes, but there's also an anxiety. Yeah.
Okay. What are y 'all talking about? You've been
on this skimmer for a few hours at this point.
There's nobody in sight. Like you're north of
the city, just hustling along towards the library.
So where do you think they came from? The night
pigs? I heard they're not native to this planet.
I've never really thought about that. Yeah, like
who brought the pigs? I think it was some Magnate's
child smuggled them in in his socks or something.
The child smuggled pigs in their socks? How big
were the socks? That was a stupid end joke. Are
you telling me they were Lazarus pigs? Rabbit,
why are they not called Lazarus? I thought they
were just born from the Jews. I mean, I mean,
as far as I know, they've just kind of always
been here. I never really thought about there
was a before. Well, we need to unpack that with
your religious beliefs. You think the Jews created
life? Don't think they created life. I think
it mutated life to this horrible. Yeah, but where'd
the pigs come from initially? All I know is that
they're bigger than they used to be so I think
the juice is doing something to a regular animal
Alright, so we are all in agreement that they're
not in the original form that they came here
Yes, the question still remains. Where did the
pigs come from? Like the notebook appears above
Tank's head of like his missions that he's on.
One of them is like, discover origin of night
pigs. Right underneath acquire boys. I have to
imagine that it was some sort of livestock or
pet animal that just kind of got loose and then
was desecrated by the Jews. You know, we are
on the way to the library. We could do some research
if you really want to. Oh, yeah, that's like
where you go to learn things. Otank. Your brain
is just beautiful. Oh, thank you. Thank you.
It's really sitting with Enla. Albert called
her mind beautiful. She tried to turn it into
a compliment. The radio on your skimmer is going
off every so often. I think you've got it on
the open channel so you can just sort of pick
up whatever's happening in the area. People are
pretty courteous on the open channel. Everybody
knows like when you're on this channel, you just...
Say your name, say your message, say your location.
It's pretty quiet out here. You know, there's
some skimmers in the area. Every so often you
get a blast of what sounds like it's something.
Like it sounds like an encoded message or something,
but it's not like everything else is a human
voice on a radio. This is like a blast of static.
That's four seconds long. That sounds real specific.
And you're like, huh, I don't know. That goes
off every so often. Tank, where's your mini disc?
I keep it like, like how Some women tuck stuff
into their bra. But just, like, under my peck.
You have to start wearing bras so you can hide
stuff in. Like, wait a minute. So it's getting
kind of laid out. You can see the sun's just
starting to set. Enla, you're thinking about
camping for the night. How would you approach
this as a rovin'? First and foremost, some sort
of shelter. Make sure that we are not super out
in the open. and trying to stay kind of away
from any sort of anybody's like prying eyes maybe
because we don't want to make a big fire and
all the night pigs come find us so those terrible
eldritch beasts high ground flat ground out of
the way shelter i like that camping 101 yeah
yeah so you're scanning the horizon you're hanging
out and it is at this moment when something happens
And what happens is going to happen in the form
of an engagement role. So I would like you guys
to argue me why you should get any bonus dice
on this. Because you're going to take a negative
one for surprise. Well, I'm driving. You're driving.
What does that do for you? That's a plus. I'm
clearly so good at it. Well, we're camping. Oh,
we're not driving. No, you're still driving.
I mean, you're just thinking about camping. That's
my argument. Lottie's driving. Yeah, okay. I
specifically said I was like paranoid and looking
like concerned. So I had you at negative. I think
with the plus one from Connie looking out, that's
back to neutral. I think you're just at one dice
right now. You have like no driving specific.
Yeah, I'm just joking. No, I love it. Someone
please give me that engagement roll. That's a
three. That's a three. That's a bad. That's bad.
Anybody have anything they want to throw on this
to try to get you out of a three or you want
to let it be? All right, so the thing that happens
is this tank I think I'm picturing you kind of
like legs hanging off the skimmer Flapping in
the wind and something in your spirit just kind
of tingles. You're like, oh, there's something
approaching Something approaching at high speeds.
Could it be no What kind of boy? My boy senses
are going off. And then in that instant, you
are just about to turn your head towards the
direction, and then bam, something smashes into
the side of your skimmer. We are having a full
-on skimmer crash here. Everyone is probably
thrown loose, maybe injured. We're going to find
out very soon. There is a moment of absolute
chaos and carnage. How fast do you think you
were going? I guess it depends on the terrain.
The smoother it is, probably the faster I'd be
gunning it towards the library. Yeah. Medium?
That's not helpful, but... I would kind of say
they go like fast golf carts. Yeah, they go like
15 -20 miles per hour. Yeah, like you think you
would have been hitting around 15 -20? Yeah,
I don't think I would have had any reason to
slow down, and we've got a long way to cover,
so I'm probably going pretty fast. Okay, yeah.
All right, so let's say 20 miles an hour. Something
hits you going much faster than that, and so
there's a lot of force happening. Everyone, please
roll to resist unless... You would like to not
do that. Otherwise you're gonna be injured here.
What are what are we using to resist? You're
gonna resist with prowess prowess. Yeah So that's
good, right? That's only take two stress. Yeah
You got a four so you're you nailed it. Okay,
so everyone is doing great All right, and so
in this explosion of sound and energy Enla, you
hit the ground hard. Like you like hit and bounce
and then drag. You're not going to take a harm
here, but I think you are like rattled. You are
not feeling good. You took some heavy stress
from that, right? Yeah, I mean, that means I
could take four, right? Yeah. What are you at
now out of 10 or out of nine? Out of nine, I
have two left. Oh no! Anybody else take heavy
stress in this moment? I think as that's happening,
Connie's aware enough As the crash happens, to
be able to sort of jump and protect Enla, I'm
gonna immediately use my trust and take two of
that stress for myself. Oh, sick! Like the thing
where I take the impact from the fall. Yeah.
Wow, Connie, thank you. Sorry that knocked the
wind out of me. Lottie, what does it look like
when you absolutely rock this shit? You just
fully crash a skimmer at pretty high speed and
it's, like, fine? Like, what does that look like?
Um, the skimmer gets hit, Lottie gets flung,
and the skimmer, like, starts rotating a little
bit, and then she just lands in the backseat.
You're holding a martini for some reason. You're
like, huh? Where did this come from? Tank, how
are you doing? How many did you take? I took
two stress. So I think Tank like gets flung from
the skimmer and he lands perfectly and he's like
kind of proud of himself and then just gets absolutely
destroyed by a piece of like junk that he didn't
see. You walk into a pole. Yeah, I land. I'm
very proud of myself. I take a step forward and
rake right in the face. Just thought of like
that Goonies moment when that happens and it
pulls up with a skeleton. Yeah, perfect. Okay.
So what we got here is a good old fashioned skimmer
crash. And so we have that moment of everyone
lying around just like groaning on the ground.
And this is big old trash piles. Like the ground
is loose beneath you, a bunch of stuff that's
like indiscriminate with age now it's been worn
down by sand and wind and juice and you're touching
it it's in your hands you're scraped up no big
injuries and you look over at your skimmer and
see that it has been rent asunder it's been torn
to shreds and Connie, you look over and you see
that there is something ripping through your
skimmer. There's like a little crouched over
figure that is tearing into your skimmer as if
it's like a wild beast eating it or something.
And it's just like reaching in with human hands
and just like pawing through it, trying to pull
something out. And this thing looks like a little
boy and it's wearing a party hat. And that's
what you see. A little boy meaning... Like four
foot tall, pretty normal looking. You can just
see from behind, just kind of a four foot tall
person, seems totally uninjured. Kind of seems
like this is the thing that just smashed into
your skimmer at full speed and is now ripping
through its remains. Well, first I look around
and is everyone all right? Yeah, yeah, I think
my pride's a little injured, but hey, free rake.
What looks like a child tearing into a machine
she's still sitting in so she just kind of like
freaks out and jumps out real quick Hold on I
would know that this isn't a child though, right?
Like yeah Wait, is this the thing that's been
attacking the skimmers trust? This thing's like
four feet tall. How did it do this? Wait, are
you talking about that thing that Monja Mike
keeps talking about? I thought that was just
a bit Wait, he's like, telling the truth all
the time? I assumed a lot of crazy stuff happens
here. He's mostly right. I mean, a lot of it
happens out in the Rovens, yeah. All right, priorities.
What do we... I mean, we can't attack... How
do we approach this boy? You see the birthday
boy? Stand up. looks like he's holding some stuff
looks like he pulled some stuff out of your skimmer
and just kind of starts walking around looks
like he's like ducking down looking for stuff
and just waiting a second and he's like keeps
walking the impression is like if you lost your
car keys and you were walking around like trying
to find your car keys that's what it looks like
but also it's a four foot tall birthday boy do
you think it speaks i mean only one way to find
out hey hey um birthday boy How you doing? You
doing okay? The thing stops. Head fully turns
around without moving the front of its body.
The way that it moves is strange. It doesn't
move like it has any friction within itself.
Like everything within it is totally light. Like
the movement is so easy that you're like, uh,
like this isn't how a thing with muscles works.
And it's also not how a mechanical thing works.
I don't know. The impression is ghost -like.
This thing swivels around and you see first head.
then the rest of it and you go, ah, because it
looks like it's melted. Like it looks like a
melted action figure. It looks like a melted
action figure of a four foot tall birthday boy.
Everybody's nodding. They get it. They get the
vision. And this thing just kind of looks at
you and raises its arms kind of like, in a questioning
kind of way. And then it does like some hand
gestures, like as if it's speaking, but it's
not like it's as if it's talking like a regular
conversation and it is totally silent, big cartoony
face, half melted, hard to look at. It looks
like it's shifting as you're looking at it. You're
like, what, what? And then it just looks at you
for a second and then just starts walking away.
Those were tank signals. He's been paying attention.
Yeah, I tried. That thing makes me uncomfy. Okay,
if this is the real birthday boy, according to
Monja Mike, there's a pretty heavy bounty on
that boy. And at this point, I will allow you
to info gather or acquire asset. So this is your
one role you get for free that you can do whatever
you want with. I didn't let you do it earlier.
You can do it now. I'd argue info gather. Just
because this thing makes me deeply unsettled.
Yeah, when you were talking about how it moves
it makes me think of basically like when you
have a 3d modeling software Yes, yes, it's just
like it's just whooshing around you're like,
whoa Yeah, that's the only way to simulate like
no resistance movement Is there like any old
folklore that we could tap into as like this
is how you deal with the birthday boys cultural
osmosis of just living in this area we would
like i think that's what our role should be like
a like an old german fairy tale like brother's
grim like specifically german so we okay so we
don't have france we have french what do we have
instead of germany gerfew gerfew germany that's
stupid i like it would you like to spend your
role info gathering on the birthday boy yes i
think in this case what we want to do is just
like Over the years of living in like what you've
picked up or like I don't know one of us who
could read Could have possibly like read a book
forever ago thought nothing of it and it has
to come back now I don't know. It's up to us.
I don't I don't think I want to do this role
Yeah, who wants to be the captain of birthday
boy mythos? I'll say I'll do it. Okay Lottie.
Give me some kind of I wonder I would take examine
or find I'm good at examine. I'm fine with that
one. Yeah, sure. I got a six A classic Natalie
Roll of six and a one. Can I pitch that she listened
to a podcast about... A true cry. Yes. Perfect.
Absolutely perfect. Okay. So we actually cut
back to Lottie in her greenhouse, like bopping
along. She's got like a big old blunt hanging
out of her mouth. She's got the radio turned
up and she is listening to what's the name of
this pod? I got a great name. What is it? I'll
cry if I want to in oral history of the birthday
boy Welcome back to I'll cry if I want to in
oral history of the birthday boy Today to have
a special guest with us. I'm someone who's actually
witnessed the birthday boy. Um, can you introduce
yourself? I absolutely can if you'd like yes
a glimmer of the birthday boy over the horizon.
So I think, I think he just, he wants someone
to sing happy birthday to him. You know, cause
then, you know, like the party, like it's your
birthday and it's like close enough. So that's,
that's what we've gathered. Um, we're currently
running some, some tests. We've sent out some
groups to sing different, uh, non copyrighted
versions of birthday songs. Yeah, I've heard
about that expedition. We've gathered some information
from from those brave researchers. Typically,
birthday boy comes out in the evenings in the
in the nighttime. As far as I understand, he
tends to attack expensive, high grade skimmers
and equipment that people are transferring. Yes.
That's what we gathered. Unfortunately, our group
does not have any such items to lure him out.
But from what we've gathered from our field research,
we found a lot of skimmers just trashed in the
middle of the wastes. And we think he's just
hitting skimmers in search of some expensive
items. Expensive items. I mean, remember to tell
your children to not be selfish like the birthday
boy. So I've been... I've been working in my
garden for a few nights and I've been listening
to these micro podcasts lately. And one of them
is actually perfect for us. It's, um, it's, I
think it was called, uh, I can cry if I want
to an oral history of the birthday boy. And he
had a lot of interesting stuff about what's been
going on lately. Like, like apparently he's,
you can sing and he'll, he'll come out or something
like that. Um, but that's, that's not important.
I think that was just the thing they touched
on, but I think they said that he's looking for
something. He's been hitting skimmers. What?
Why would we didn't come out here to hunt this
thing? So how would we know what to what to lure?
No, no, no, according to the podcast, he hasn't
hurt anyone and nobody's going to hunt for him.
He's just been hitting random skimmers. You look
over the birthday boy and let you notice what
he's taken out of your skimmer is the power cells.
That's important. You need those. And then on
top of this, Mercy Boy, who's just sort of been
walking around slowly looking for his car keys
apparently, or whatever it is, reaches down,
finds the generator, the nice generator that
you guys took from the Tender Mercy, and just
sort of picks it up, effortlessly puts it on
one shoulder with inhuman strength. You know
how heavy this thing is. It's just up on his
shoulder like, oh, and just starts walking away,
brisk pace. Bop, bop, bop, bop. Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no. I'm gonna chase after it. And the
birthday boy looks behind the head swivel thing
happens again sucks to look at bad time and He
zooms away so so fast like Sonic the Hedgehog
legs are a circle And so we are now starting
a six o 'clock called catch up to the birthday
boy This is your mission. You're going to try
to do that by whatever means you have. Your skimmer
is busted. The sun is going down. There are night
pigs afoot and mysteries to solve out in the
waste. What are we doing, gang? We can't catch
up with it. We have to lure it out somehow. You
said it's looking for important or expensive
things? No, it hits all skimmers, not just the
expensive ones, but from what it walked away
with, it looks like it wants our power. I wonder
if it's building something. It's terrifying to
think about. I think it might just run on electrical
energy, but in any case, do we have any spare
power cells to lure it out? You think power cells
grow on trees on trash planet? No, that's exactly
what I'm saying. We don't have anything to lure
it out, do we? You guys don't think maybe he
just wants a group of friends to celebrate with?
Well, Lottie did say something about singing.
That's true. The person being interviewed on
the micro podcast, he said that the birthday
boy wants someone to sing for him. He sounded
a little out of it though. That's worth a try.
I'm not going to do it. Come here little birthday
boy. It's your birthday now. You knew his creepy
folk song? The Robins talk about it all the time.
The camera pans out like, we get like that incredible
like crane shot where it's way overhead and Enla
is the size of a speck and it's like that haunting
lullaby out over the waist, just her thin little
voice like, oh, you know, we are really in the
middle of nowhere here. The sun is going down
soon. It's late afternoon. You have all your
stuff. Like the stuff is not the problem. All
right, guys, I've got an idea. We just do what
we did with our last mission. We don't need a
working skimmer. We just need something that
looks like a skimmer that moves. That's actually
pretty ingenious. I don't know if it might be
able to sense power because it picked up the
generator as well No, no, this is the best we
have right now. Let's let's try to piece this
thing back together Try to put the skimmer back
together to look like a working skimmer Who would
like to roll something? I don't have any Tinker,
but I'll roll, but I don't have any Tinker. I
think none of us have any Tinker, right? Oh,
man. Theoretically, I should be the one with
Tinker, but I don't have Tinker. Is what you
have scrounge? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I love that
your engineering expertise is restricted to your
art. I would like to use one of my, one of my
load to have like Just like a handful of various
batteries in my pocket. For like gadgetries and
whatever, but I would like to try to create somewhat
of a power cell based off of these batteries.
Oh sick. Okay, well really quickly we cut back
to Volper Tanger. It was like, I have been eating
batteries. It is so good for gut health. You
must try. It's delicious. Okay, I'll take them,
I'll take them. You take, you lick, you lick.
Okay. Yeah, right now. Oh wow, that's quite a
kick. Bacteria! Strong, powerful! We cut back.
Yeah, Volpe gave me some of these batteries.
I can maybe fashion some sort of mock cell, but
it won't last for very long. But then why don't
you eat? Why do you have lingering effects from
the juice burn? I eat food. Just Volper Tinger
eats weird shit. Oh, that's not a rubbing thing?
No, no. We've eaten some weird things in the
past, you know. I've chewed on my fair share
of rubber, but I typically try to eat food food.
That's the scene is we see y 'all kind of spreading
out a little bit, digging through stuff, making
some piles. We see Enla sitting like spread -legged
on the ground, a bunch of batteries piled up
in front of her. She's fiddling. And it's a fraught
situation, but it's not the worst situation,
you know? So what are the rest of y 'all up to?
Also, give me that roll, Enla. I'm gonna have
to roll for Tinker. Yes. Sorry, guys, this is
gonna hurt me. No, I love it. I'm gonna give
you an assist. Yeah, I'll use foresight. So I'm
not going to pay any stress and I'll give you
an assist. Oh, so that means I get an extra dice,
right? It's a two. Hey, okay. You're telling
me with your eating battery knowledge, you didn't
like knock that out of the park. I mean. So you're
going to have a thing here you could resist,
which is as you're like working on your batteries
and you're fiddling around, one of them just
straight up falls down the crevice that you didn't
notice. You know, like there's a lot of spaces
between things. So you could roll resist or you
could lose some batteries. I think I'm just going
to lose a battery. Okay. It's just not going
to last this long. Yeah. We see that beautiful
moment. If you're like, Oh, perfect. I'll connect
this to this and I'll put, and it's just, it's
just gone. I turn and I come back and there's
nothing. You have one battery left. Hey guys,
I finished creating this mock power cell but
I dropped some things so it's not gonna last
very long so we better figure out where he is
to try to lure him out quick. Does someone want
to scout and then maybe we can set a trap? Not
a bad idea. We do kind of have to set the trap
where we're at though. How do you set a trap
for something that can move that fast? Could
he not just bust through it? It does have a lot
of strength but... Maybe we just make a pit or
something if only we had someone who could make
traps And I'll also say, you know what direction
it went. This isn't a total mystery. It looked
like it went in a straight line that way, you
know, so. Okay, I think what we should do, Enla,
you build the trap. I'll run in the direction
of the birthday boy and I'll start singing some
birthday songs and hopefully he follows me. I'll
lure him out. I can't wait to hear those birthday
songs. Yeah. There's already a crevasse, so I'm
gonna like, you know, just kind of dig into the
side of that and make a little like drop trap
I think that might be our best bet. Yeah, do
you need some like leaves to put over top to
like camouflage it? What are leaves? Do you mean
like sheet metal shavings? I saw it in a cartoon
once. Okay, I'm gonna go find the birthday boy.
Bye! Haven't seen a tree on trash by to my whole
life. No there. I don't know what he's talking
about We get at best maybe if we're lucky a shrub
That was a little weird Yeah, the dust trail
just behind We all know what trees are Amazing
would someone like to roll something we have
and low working on something we have tank working
on something who would like to do stuff Since
tank is going out on his own I'm going to try
and find a like a kind of high ground to keep
an eye on him. I'm going to spend one load and
have my telescope with me. Oh, cool. All right.
Wow. What's it like? You haven't been out in
the waste very much. What's it like scrabbling
around out here? Oh, I hate it. I feel like I
think I maybe even take off my poncho to like
cover my hands because there's so many like little
sharp outcroppings trying to climb up and I'm
just not used to. finding good handholds. Yeah.
Okay. Everything's shifting. Like nothing here
is settled. It's really spooky trying to move
around. You never know when something jagged
is going to pop out. Like, oh, it sucks. Yeah.
Are you trying to give Tank an assist or are
you trying to look on the clock? I think I'll
choose to assist Tank. Okay. Yeah. So Tank, what
are you rolling here? Well, I want to take a
hit of the juice too. Yes. Yes. Yes. I no longer
want to assist Tank. Well, you know what Tank,
let me give me an option here. So you always
have your handy dandy weird guy options that
are on your person, but as you're jogging away,
you look over and you see the Milk River sparkling
in the distance, which is a juice river. And
usually the juice is like radioactive Ninja Turtle
green. The Milk River is notable because it is
white and it is completely opaque. So it's still
juice. It's just, it's its own thing. So that
is a type of juice you could hit. And we are
now introducing the concept of of specialized
juice, basically, depending on where your juice
is sourced from, you're gonna pull from a specific
deck. Or a specific suit, I guess I should say.
Can we call it juice with pulp? What are the
suits again? Yeah, so we haven't really played
much with the suits, which is a shame, because
I love them, so that's why I'm reintroducing
them. So there are six suits of juice cards.
The suits are Fade, Spiral, Meet, Shine, Weave,
and Touch. Milk River is fade carts. So the fade
suit, like each suit kind of has its own theme,
and so the verbs will be related to that theme.
So that could be advantageous to know what you're
pulling. So the fade suit is about radiation
and despair, but it's also about displacement.
It's about spooky kind of things. That's what
Milk River can offer you. There may be other
juice sources with specialized kinds of things
going on. So yeah, do you want to hit your own
juice, which is totally random, or do you want
to hit Milk River, which is - No, I think tank
seeds. milk river and he's like this could be
it this could be my secret juice source you just
slam your head in or what are you doing here
i think tank goes up to the edge of the river
and he dips his hand in a little bit it comes
out it's as if you don't your hand in white paint
like it's so thick you're like oh i have like
a crate my my hands are cradled and i have some
milky juice in my hand And I just take a delicate
little sip. Wow. It's like you're trying to feed
a horse, but you are the horse. That's beautiful,
man. So I got the fourth of Fade, player piano.
The verbs are settling, falling, spreading. The
grist is organza, ivory, suitcase, cardboard,
trophy. Cool. Organza's a type of fabric. Um,
but yeah, settling, falling, spreading is interesting
with your gravity juice burn. Um, yeah. So that's
cool. All right. When the juice hits, this tastes
a little different than it normally does. And
then the juice you normally get is just sort
of mainstream whatever juice. This has a, it's
a specific taste to it. It's like a rare vintage.
Uh, it's like a white wine dryness to it. Also,
you're totally smeared with white. shit on your
face from this point forward. That's just how
Tank is rocking for the rest of today. We were
talking about Tank's juice burn, so just a quick
question. He is also delicious to monsters. Is
the birthday boy a monster? Oh, interesting.
Yeah. Well, Tank wouldn't know that he's delicious
to monsters, right? Not yet! related. No, I love
that. Why don't you roll what you're going to
roll here and then, so if you roll any ones,
you'll incur another juice burn. And if you have
any consequences, I have a good feeling of what
might happen. I don't know. I think for in this
moment, Tank has kind of like grabbed hold of
his gravity bomb juice burn and he can start
to manipulate his weight a little bit. So he
can, he can make himself like super heavy or
like flip the gravity and make him, like, rise.
You're, like, just bouncing along? Yeah. So I
guess that would be touch, right? Well, is your
goal to find the birthday boy, or what are you
trying to do out here? I'm trying to, one, find
him, but also, like, lure him back. I think that's
two different actions. I think if you, like,
crit on it, I would give you both, but... Yeah,
I think that you can either find or you can lure,
but I think in one move, it'll be tough to do
both. Okay. Okay. So I guess find first. And
then do I have any, I have a bonus for the juice?
You have a plus one for the juice. You have a
plus one for my assist, I think. Yes. Okay. So
plus two? Sure. Yeah. All right. Oh, that's a
five, but also a one. So, uh, I get a juice bird.
Yes! Exactly what I wanted! When I use the juice,
you just want me to roll as many dice as possible?
Yeah. Okay, so just to make sure I understand,
there's gravity, delicious to monsters. And now,
a new one. A new one. Pick a number between 1
and 12. Let's go... let's go with 11. Eleven!
Stupid. It's delicious again, but I'm gonna honor
that, and just, you're twice as delicious. Extra
delicious so I think we're gonna with your five.
Alright, so the success that you get is you are
sprinting along and you're you're feeling real
good like this juice situation is like it's low
and twisty in your gut but it's feeling right
like you feel very powerful feel like coiled
up and then spring and lose yeah and so as you're
running you actually see like a dust cloud up
ahead like oh my god that's him you know like
you're on his trail he's still he appears to
have been running in a straight line this whole
time like it's it's not a mystery at all it's
just you know um so that you're gonna tick um,
two on birthday boy clock. Your consequence is
that as you were, uh, you pulled away from Milk
River, I imagine kind of a hair flip looked cool.
You know you drink from a river in a Lord of
the Rings movie and then you flip your hair and
you're like, oh wow, so refreshing. Except it
was white paint and it looked bad and you're
on trash planet. And so as you sprint away with
your gravity powers, we hear And then we see
a little snoop coming up behind us, just rustling
out of the ground. We see a massive shape. Round.
Scary. The size of a Jeep Wrangler. These guys
are so fucking big. This is a night pig, of course.
The sun is setting. It is about to be night.
And my god, that's when night pigs happen! So
we just see for the moment just little beady
eyes just kind of holding into the frame. We
see tough, deadened skin, blackened and charred.
so your consequence is night pig is after you
unless you want to resist amazing all right so
maybe we'll find the origin of the night pig
uh i i'm sure i'm able to see this yeah yeah
we cut back to connie on top of the high point
um yeah yeah what are you doing i just yelled
at the others um tanks tank has a night pig take
take and track to the night pig also drank from
that horrible white river What are you doing?
I think Ladi's going to recognize the fact that
we might be out here longer than we expected
and maybe do a little foraging. OK, yeah. We
probably didn't bring extra food, I would imagine.
Yeah, well, how long were you planning to take
this trip to the library? Or how long was that
going to take in total? It's normally a three
-day trip. So we probably have six days, seven
maybe. Yeah. And it's probably not good food
either. It's like sweet mushroom jerky for six
days. Or bone meal. Yeah. So if we're gonna be
out here longer probably do need to do that,
is that okay? Yeah, I would take a scrounge.
I would take a find I would prefer find. Yeah,
I'm not great at scrounge. Why not? The only
number I can roll today is a six So Lottie, you're
kind of, I don't know. You hear Connie wibbling
in the distance. You see Emla is working on -
I'm doing what? It's when a British person is
upset. We don't know about this. I know all the
words and none of you know any of the other words.
It doesn't matter to me that Connie's not British.
Was that an SAT word? Yeah, that's how I got
into grad school. I used the word wibbling and
they were like, do you want this PhD? It's for
you. I'm gonna get the word smelt in here just
you watch. In reference to a fish for black blacksmithing.
We'll see. So you just kind of settle into like
okay and we'll set a camp and we'll get some
food and we'll make it work and you're just bopping
around doing lotty stuff. You are picking through
just wandering looking real low to the ground.
It's kind of nice being out here like you don't
often make it to the middle of nowhere and you
poke around some high points and you find what's
that oh my god it is it's a green toe but you're
like huh Wow, what luck. So green toes are kind
of like an oyster that grows, like they eat microplastics
in the air and shit. They're kind of like hermit
crabs where they'll like occupy an existing thing.
And then like their little green head will poke
out of the bottom. That's why they call them
green toes. They're edible. You can, you know,
eat a green toe. So you get a handful of those
guys. We're going to add one to the birthday
boy clock actually, because you're up on a high
point. You're hearing like the scrabbling and
yelling of Connie and Emla. And you look over,
You see the dust cloud of Tank just like moon
bouncing towards another dust cloud. And then
you see where, like, you just get a really good
vantage point is how it works out. You look out
and you see where the birthday boy's heading,
which is a structure, a man -made structure.
Looks like a ruined building. Looks like bombed
maybe. This would make sense to you timeline
-wise. You're up in the Dutch Cross area and
that thought strikes you like a freight train.
You're like, oh. dutch cross because that used
to be a pretty populous settlement and then when
the elevator came down there was all that uh
that was one of the first places they bombed
the shit out of and so like there's still a few
things left in dutch cross but very few people
live there uh ruined old town um up by milk river
you're like oh so laddie comes back to the group
cradling a big batch of these weird oyster looking
things green toes and mentions to them so i saw
tank Jumping very high up in the air out that
way, but we're actually pretty close to Dutch
Cross. It's I don't know if you've ever heard
of it, but it was a town from before Before the
fall probably one of the first places to to go
after that That's probably where the birthday
boy is or somewhere nearby. You think it lives
there? There's not much left over there. I don't
know why it would but maybe I think it's worth
going out there. That could be a better spot
for shelter as well. We're losing sunlight. Tank's
gonna be there, so we may as well try to catch
up. Yeah. There's probably fewer night pigs there,
except for the one that... Is one following Tank?
Yeah. We have three, like, clouds of dust. I'm
imagining Tank is, like you said, moon bouncing
across the trash field, and the pig is just,
like, charging him and going under him every
time. I love it, yes. Looted to this shit. That's
what's in my mind right now. Yeah, there's probably
going to be at least one pig over there because
of Tank, but I can't imagine there will be more.
Let's forgo this trap building. Let's try to
find that thing over there. Enla, what have you
been working on? How's your trap going? I'm not
going to brag, but Enla's doing a great job with
her trap. She's had a little bit of practice.
I guess I use one of my loot also to have survival
gear of a shovel. So I have a little fold -away
shovel, so I'm digging a hole, and I've scrounged
around and found some things to cover said hole.
And I've set up the power cell at the bottom
of the hole, so hopefully the birthday boy will
go right into the hole. You did it so fast. You
did it so fast, so right. Incredible technique.
You also had time to put some art in there. What's
some art you did? I had time to put art in there?
Okay. So Inla couldn't help herself, so she drew
a picture of a cake. and a big ass smiley face
on opposite walls of her little pit. Also, since
the uh the trash is sort of shifting all the
time, the smiley face looks like it's melting
like the birthday boy's face because it's shifting
downwards. Pretty good. I love that. Incredible.
What would you guys like to do back at camp?
The three of you, what do you want to do? Inla
climbs out of the hole. She has like little a
little way that she can get up. We should go
after Tank and the birthday boy, right? Try to
get them at Dutch Cross? I guess, ideally. Do
you said something was following him? Uh, yeah,
it looked like a night pig was following Tank.
In the distance, Tank, he's like jumping up,
cresting over a hill so they can see him. And
he's like doing hand signals like, need help.
And then he goes down, jumps back up, requesting
backup. It's like the fence scene in Shaun of
the Dead. Pretty good. Yeah, he looks like he
might be in distress. It would mean abandoning
all your stuff. Like it would be impossible to
take everything with you. Let's push all the
stuff into the hole. Birthday boy's not after
it. Not right now. We can hide it with everything
I put on top of the hole. So we spent a few minutes
just dunking stuff in there. Emla, how would
you as a roving mark things? Because this surely
has come up before, but like the landscape shifts
around you. If there's an orbital drop or anything,
you need to be able to find stuff again. How
would you mark your pit full of belongings? The
rovings use spray paint. a lot and they have
a I literally am like thinking of like homographics
do you know I'm talking about like they have
like little markings that only like people who
travel by train and people who are homeless like
understand I think it's a really cool little
like language that they've created because not
a lot of them are literate so it's all picture
-graphed so that's kind of my image is that they
have like a some logic but there's also ways
of just kind of like spraying things around so
it looks nondescript, but it is something you
can notice or recognize from afar. When they
spray a thing, they spray the same symbol twice
five feet apart so then you can see how far things
have shifted. Oh, I like that a lot. I love that.
Okay. It's like an inherent sense of this is
exactly five feet apart. Yes, it's like one of
the first things Enla learned. It's like she
can't read, but she always knows exactly what
five feet is. It's like no problem. Yeah. Looking
good. Camp under control. Sun's coming. Coming
down, we see Twilight setting on Trash Planet.
Yeah, where would y 'all like to send the action?
Amazing. Jumping up and down. He's putting in
all his effort, even though he can literally
make gravity work for him. This is like every
athlete's dream where it's like your form is
perfect. Like your relationship with gravity
is really clicking along. You're like, yeah,
maybe the grunts aren't for like physical exertion.
It's like mental exertion of like trying to like,
like flip the gravity. Yeah. The brain cells
are just screaming. All right. You can see that
dust cloud up ahead and you also see some structures
looks like old bombed out wreckage up ahead of
you you also hear the squeals of a big scary
pig behind you incredible thank you to the real
pig we have in the studio to do sound effects
thank you representative of the cincinnati pd
I think I think I'm going straight after the
birthday boy. Is this a I'm gonna fight him is
this I'm gonna catch him Is this a what are you
gonna do here? I think tanks gonna try to reason
with the birthday boy. I Would allow charm or
persuade if you wanted to go physical I would
allow find I'm gonna get a charm. Did I see the
birthday boy go into like a structure like that
I can get away from the night pig for? Seems
clear that's where he's heading. I don't think
he's made it in yet. I'm gonna head that way
and try to go where he's going and also get away
from the night pig chasing me. Yeah, what does
it look like when you try to charm the birthday
boy? Because we were just sprinting and bouncing
and moving pretty quickly, hustling into this
derelict building looming overhead, sun setting
around you. You realize you don't have. a lot
of stuff on you i think you took a light load
i mean you're out here and i don't know so yeah
you don't even have light on you so it it's going
to be hard to navigate unless you do something
about that okay you could use a load on that
you could use other you could just keep hitting
the juice i don't know see if i get the one that
makes me glow yeah actually you look over you
see milk river faintly shining in the distance
you're like oh fucked up keep that keep that
in mind yeah yeah Tank sees the birthday boy
duck into a building, and he heads for that building.
He gets in, and the night pig has caught up to
him, and he does that thing where he just makes
it into the building, and the night pig can't
make it through the door, but he's trying to...
At the door, snapping at you. Real Dark Souls
kind of moment. Yes, okay for that to work out
actually that's a touch roll to avoid yeah This
should just be a touch roll because or a fight
roll if you want to fight the night pig But like
a night pig is trying to eat you right now. Yeah,
let's do that. Yeah Do I have to hit the juice
again? No, I think you take that plus one I think
I've kind of said that when you hit the juice
it is the rest of your encounter. Okay, pretty
much. Okay. Yeah That's a four. That's a four.
Okay, you're gonna get Injured here unless you
resist. That is a success in terms of like sliding
into the building baseball slide. Okay I'll go
ahead and resist. That's gonna be a prowess resist.
Do I add juice to that too or no? No I don't
think so. Also a four so two stress. Nice. Uh,
I've got three left. All right. You big cinematic
moment. Night pig thundering after you. Tank.
Baseball slide. Like right into like a half collapsed
building through a doorway. This thing's teeth.
snap right after you, just barely missing. Could
have been an injury, but it wasn't. And you are
alone inside of a dark building. You hear your
heart pounding. You look up and see nothing.
It's pretty dark in there. Yeah, what are you
going to do? Go, go, go, go boy. It's your birthday.
We're going to party like it's your birthday.
I'm just going to start singing that and kind
of like tiptoeing around. Is this? You're telling
me this isn't working? Whoa! Two sixes. Two sixes!
For the listeners at home, I pointed my hand
like Babe Ruth calling my shot. You can't make
a Looney Tunes ass mission and then get mad at
us when the Looney Tunes ass shit happens. Wow.
What is the thing you do that pushes this over
the edge? And what do we add on the clock on
the birthday boy? Three out of six. We're halfway
there. Three to six. OK. You're going to fill
out the clock here. OK. What is the thing that
works for you when you are trying to connect
with the birthday boy? What sends it over the
edge? I think I'm going to add in the acapella.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. You're in a dark
and scary building alone with nothing and at
first it's kind of spooky and then you're like
wow this is a good song The acoustics are perfect
It's like booming off the inside of this cavernous
ruin and you're feeling it and you look up and
You didn't hear emotion. You didn't see emotion
Just the birthday boy is just in front of you
all of a sudden, just like feet away, just looking
at you like big crazy melty face, cartoon eyes,
party hat. And you look at this thing, it's pretty
short compared to you. It's looking up at you
and it waves hello. We crash zoom onto Tank's
face. Oh my God, it's you. You're listening to
a Hypergallant production. If you like what you
heard, please leave us a rate and review. Check
out our website on hypergallant .com. Thank you
to The Dren, The Serfs, Crime of Passing, Herbert's
Again, and our very own Rabbit Sullivan for the
use of their music. Thank you to Morgan Dady,
Malcolm Craig, and Gregor Hutton for the use
of their game instinct. I will only accept money
if it's touched a tit.