Trash Planet contains themes of desperation and
poverty. We portray a comedic, absurd and violent
world. For a full list of content warnings, please
see the episode description. Broadcasting live
from the center lane of the Autobahn. We are
cruising at a conservative 60 kilometers per
hour Everyone is honking. It's too slow, but
I believe in safety We are trash planets the
podcast that beats ass and eats trash Yeah, that
was the right way. Okay I Am your host rabbit
Sullivan my pronouns are he him and she her me
as always are four of Cincinnati's sick nastiest
improvisers. Everyone, please tell me your name
and your vibe. For instance, my vibe is, you
know, when you have a little putt -putt motor
in your little stupid car and it's just like,
you know, it's like not a dignified noise, but
baby, we're going. Maddie, what do we got? I
love it. I'm Maddie, she they. And my vibe today
is a cat curled in a sunbeam. Hi, I'm Nihar,
he, him. And my vibe today is, you know, when
you're painting a wall and a little bit gets
on the ceiling where you don't want it, but it's
too little for you to clean up. Like I am that
splotch of paint today. I am Devin. My pronouns
are he, him. And my vibe today is that sound
that Tim, the tool man, Taylor makes. Yeah, no
further explanation, that's my vibe. Nice, nice.
Hi, I'm Natalie, she they. And my vibe today
is that feeling when you've woken up from like
a really good nap and you're like half feeling
great, but also half stressed because you still
have way too much to do that day. That's that's
me today. Yeah, I feel that. I relate so hard.
Good vibes today. I always love our vibe check
in. That's good shit. Hell yeah, you can find
us on all our socials at hypergallant, like at
hypergallant, or hypergallant .com. Let's return
to the landfill at the end of the universe. When
last we left off, we had just committed a culinary
crime and passed off an animatronic as an endangered
bird. Then we got our shit rocked by Trent Dort.
Also, Volpertinger totally hooked up with that
one girl. So, you were given four coin for your
effort in delivering this bird. Hell yeah, great
job. It would be nice to pay Volpertinger, like
they did bring some folks and they did help out
some. I will leave that to you in game if you
want to do that. Now, argue me about noise. So
this is a track that goes from zero to six, zero
being incredibly smooth, full stealth, six being
insane and intention grabbing. with three? Does
that feel accurate? Because you did have Volpertinger
steal a mask and hook up with a girl. And you
like - You had Volpertinger hook up with a girl.
Let's be honest. It was your mistake for deploying
the non -binary puppet fuck. Okay. This was your
deal. I mean, I think three, like two to three
sounds right. Cause like, unlike - the catering
mission that we did off mic. This wasn't a thing
where like, ooh, the screaming slice is doing
this thing. Like it was the Tender Mercy was
the big name on this thing. Okay. Yeah. Okay.
All right. So let's call it three. And faction
attention. Oof. All right. So we got Tender Mercy
plus one. Great job. That's awesome. You're in
their books now. You're going to have a steady
gig going forward. probably picking up their
meat. You're also minus one with Trent Dort,
and he's got pressure on you. So we will be learning
about that going forward. So it's early morning.
We can just barely make out little streaks of
a pink sunrise behind charcoal clouds overhead.
And we're hearing a gentle pitter patter on the
roof and on the fabric and tarps of our tents.
It's a light rain. It's hitting soft and gentle.
It is a relaxing sound. Unfortunately for us,
we're on trash planet on the landfill at the
end of the universe. And so it's not raining
water. It's raining juice, which we do get rain
sometimes, but we don't normally get it this
time of year. This is the dry season. So none
of you have your usual rain fortifications up.
So quick tent check. How are we doing in terms
of getting rained on, getting leaks? Fortune
roll. Oh, fortune roll. Also, do you think you'd
be awoken by the rain or do you think you would
be also you're in a building? Yeah, I'm in a
storage closet. I Got a four four, okay, I think
no leaks because that's a success I think I would
be indoors anyway because I hate the juice so
much Okay, like not risking it So we see Connie
like as soon as the rain kicks up just this gentle
little sound we hear a big muffled whoosh and
rustling as you just Run down the trap door.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Yep And as you're
heading down the trap door You're hearing Petra
clanking around in the kitchen and you hear the
gentle burble of her radio And believe it or
not. How like a federal is actually moving out
They've just announced their new base will be
south of Fresco, out by the factory district.
Brand new construction and they are hiring day
labor. So go hit them up, tell them I sent ya.
Don't tell them, mind you Mike never did nothing
for ya, okay? Now for the weather, the rain should
clear up at some point. Is that helpful? I don't
know. We don't know when it will, but it has
to, right? That's how rain works. This has been
The Weather. Now, don't change that dial, because
coming up next is a live interview with a relationship
expert who's going to tell me if I'm single.
This has been Manja Mike, baby, and I'm getting
taller every day. Monja Mike has secretly been
300 feet tall this whole time. Anyway, yeah,
so the camera's on Connie as he's walking downstairs.
It is the morning after your jailbird experience,
and we're in downtime now, so whatever you want
to do, this is free play kind of stuff. I would
like to de -stress, but I think in this case,
because my vice is gambling. I want to go a different
direction though, because we've kind of done
that a couple times every time of de -stress.
I think I want to buy a telescope. Ooh! Tell
me more! So the idea is that I want to be more,
like, celestial -y spiritually connected. Because,
you know, a lot of my sort of connection to the
world around me has been through breathing and
through, like, through feeling the the earth
the trash planet or whatever um but but now it's
like looking to the stars is the next avenue
for that kind of thing so all right so where
would you go looking for a telescope i think
we had like the markets at bugtown right yeah
Yeah, I think it might be a fixer -upper, but
you know, I'm looking for the type of telescope
you could get at, I don't know, Target. It's
not the best thing. I can't afford the best thing.
Well, Target's canceled now, Nihar, so shame
on you. Right. Hobby Lobby. Wait, no. Oh, fuck.
All right. And so we follow Connie as he's walking
out. It's still raining out here. Are you covered
up or how are you dealing with this juice rain?
I think the sort of robe poncho I have, you know,
the robes, I think they have the hood that's
like a ceremonial hood. You're not actually supposed
to use it as a hood, but I am using it as a hood.
Nice. Looking a little bit undignified, kind
of hustling through. It's so dry here that we
aren't really having puddles on the ground. Like,
as soon as it touches down, everything just sinks,
you know? But the streets are pretty quiet. People
are avoiding the juice rain, clearly. And so
you are hustling into the wet market. A wet market
at the food court also has a lot of just stuff
around. Like, there's a flea market energy out
here, so there's carts of vendors and people
yelling. A little bit quieter, a little more
chill today. Do you want to give a scrounge roll?
Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll take that. This is controlled
standard, obviously. Yeah, I have nothing in
scrounge. Three. Three. Okay. So you find what
is visibly... It is a telescope, but it's like
a child's toy. It's like got the kaleidoscope
thing in it. There's like sparkles and mirrors
so you can kind of see through it. But it is
a child's toy with sparkles and mirrors in it.
The vendor is chewing something really sticky
and it's just like, yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I mean, you said you were trying to see space.
Yes, just, you know, the stars near us. Maybe
look into Logus a little bit. I don't know. I
mean, that's nasty, but you know, you're trying
to do your nasty stuff. That's none of my business.
I would talk to Hellbender. Hellbender sells
a lot of like gear type of stuff. So I think,
I don't know. I think on this downtime, I don't
know if you would be able, like that's a connection
you can maybe make later, but you kind of did
your role and you, so you've got your little
shitty telescope. Do you want to try to find
Hellbender in this time or do you want to? Like,
just roll for stress with this. I think I'll
just roll for stress with this. Okay, cool. It
like, it zoots out like a pirate's telescope,
you know? Yeah, yeah. Kind of bent at the, you
know? Yeah, the glass is a little bit cracked,
I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good stuff,
yeah. But immediately the fact that I'm able
to see just the things in the sky a little closer,
that puts me a bit more at peace, so. I like
it, yeah. Cleared it! oh my god that's a six
i cleared all of my stress wait so okay so you
have a moment with this telescope where do you
go like where do you take this telescope and
have your nice moment yeah with this roll i think
i'm going up to the perch that palbert took me
to where i carved a thing into one of the chips
i think that's the highest spot i know that i
can like reliably get to it is still the morning
so i think i just i probably look at Logus I
look at the the planet where I can make out the
details even with this shitty little telescope
Yeah, you know like like twist it around a little
bit get it into focus and like seeing a crystal
Clear image of the clouds on this other planet
that partners ours Yeah, yeah, have we set on
Mike? Helica is technically a moon, and Logus
is our closest planet that we are orbiting. But
if you try to say Helica is a moon, everyone
will yell at you, because it's trash planet,
baby. Yeah, we have said it online. Okay, all
right, just checking, just checking. But yeah,
it's gonna be oddly relevant since I have a telescope,
so I wanted to draw more attention to it, of
course. I like it. All right, Connie, you have
a real nice moment out there. Gentle pitter -patter
of the rain, juice hitting you. You rolled so
good, I won't even make you take a juice burn.
There you go. All right, who would like to go
next? The listeners at home, Tank just leaned
forward with a devilish grin. Tank has entered
the build. I am method now. Oh, okay. Yeah. So
I am also going to take some time and de -stress.
What this looks like is like Tank is on the highest
point of the practice facility and he's sitting
in the rain meditating. The juice is dripping
down in like those old Gatorade commercials.
Oh my god. Yeah. Okay, important question. We
draw your hair pretty vertical. Is your hair
flattening at all with the juice or is it? It's
like doing the cartoon thing. We're just kind
of like bends just a little bit. It's like nice
For the listeners at home Devin is wearing a
90s haircut with like a center part. That's like
a perfect flute in the middle It's pretty good
You look out onto the field you look at the tick
trees. They're growing strong and tall under
this juice rain You're feeling the juice just
coursing over you. You got tryouts today, baby.
Yeah How are you feeling? nervous Really nervous.
This is like everything Tank has ever wanted.
He's trying not to let it like overcome him and
kind of like keep the nerves at bay. And I think
he's been on his whole stoicism journey, a very
short journey. It's reached its natural conclusion
where now he's communing with an interdimensional
being. A classical facet of stoicism. I think
I think he's gonna try to commune with the the
meat dimensions before the tryouts Okay, but
he doesn't quite know how to do it because every
time he's been in the meat dimension He's been
in the presence of meat and he has none right
now. Ah, okay Give me your stress roll. That
is a three. Would anyone be opposed if I spend
some coin to do it? Okay Okay, that gets rid
of five stress I just want to really take a moment
and appreciate your journey with stoicism, which
was you said the word stoicism a few times. The
natural conclusion of stoicism for Tank is that
he never invested in it at all. Amazing. Who
would like to go next? Inla's gonna have to try
and get rid of some stress. It's a common thread.
It's a common thread at the beginning here. We
got really stressed in this last mission. First
things first, just like general housekeeping.
I'm going to make sure to pay Volpertinger a
coin. Let's see that scene. So let's say this
is like, this is back at the end of the night
before you were leaving the Tender Mercy chef's
table experience. Volpertinger is like holding
hands with Lynn Linda. What do you say? How's
that go? Hey, Volpe. How you doing? I am busy.
I am busy. I know. I just I wanted to make sure
you got paid for your efforts. It's so nice.
It's appreciated. Thank you. And let hands the
coin over to them and just walks away. Amazing.
They sweep up this lady bridal style and just
like walk away. Yeah. Are they still on stilts?
Yeah. Amazing. That's what Lil Linder loves.
The idea of trying to fuck somebody on stills
is really, hmm. We all pause to consider. All
right. Anyway, you pay full for Tinger. Thank
you. You have earned some goodwill with them
and theirs. Awesome. So Enla's going to try to
get rid of some of her stress by creating another
art project. Yes. Yes. She's been very inspired
by the trickery that has happened with the jailbird
mission. So I think she wants to, uh, What Enla
wants to do is she wants to create an experience
where she creates another animatronic and this
time the animatronic is what traps people Wait
and say more Because she's very scared with Trent
and all this stuff, but it's not it's not obvious.
It's not obvious that that's what's happening
But basically she wants to make a large animatronic
that will then just like reach out and grab people
on the street and hold them and it's mechanical
hands and like talk to them about how they need
to be better people. Okay. That's crazy. That's
so much more complicated than the jail. That's
crazy. Now I have mastered robotics. No, no,
no. I think it's all shittily done. It's not
actual. We see endless. plans and drawings, which
are an incredible machine, the size of a building,
precise, arcane in its specificity and beauty.
And then we smash cut to Enla with big, like,
puppet hands, or it's like, you know, like those,
like, grabby claws? It's like two of those on
Enla, and Enla, you are doing a robot voice.
You have seized a passerby. Nihar, you are the
passerby. So yeah, so Enla does not succeed very
well in making this quote unquote robot. It is
literally just like, a bunch of metal pieces
that are basically puppeted off of her own body,
but she can't make them clamp. Oh, hell yeah,
that makes sense. So just big hands that don't...
Wait, how does it trap this person? So it just
comes, when this person comes by, it just takes
the hand, the hand goes above them and just slowly
descends onto them. Can we say the hand is like
a little bit of a cup shape? So you can... So
it's like a cage over them? It's like a mousetrap.
Yes, that's trap vibes, yes. Formative. We see,
we smash cut to Enla, huge puppet, the hand descending
over a passerby. We see this moment. Haha, I
gotcha! Alright, hey, what? Why? Do I owe you
money? No, you need to be a good person! You're
judging me? You don't know me! Who is this? I
am Rola! R -Rola? I don't know a Rola. Why does
Rola think I need to be a good person? Cause
people are bad. Me people are evil and like to
kill other people We see the cup of the hand
is sort of breaking a little bit like as and
was pressing it down over this guy It's like,
you know digging into the earth around him. It's
just like a little bit scary. Yeah, listen, man
I don't know what your problem is, but I'm not
a bad person. Let me go to work confess confess
to what confess Fine, fine. I really needed that
promotion. And it was just easy to slip the stuff
into his chili. I just, I couldn't help myself.
I needed to support my children. Murderer! Yeah,
so what if I am? You're just gonna trap me in
here? You're not Johnny Law. You can't keep me
in here. Fingers pressing into the dirt, machine
shaking, machine in danger. Enla, how are you
feeling right now? Angry. Why don't you give
me that role? Like, give me the actual stress
role. Oh, Lord. How does this go? Yeah, finish
it out. It's like cathartic for Inland Way. Look,
man, I was being mistreated and everything. I
don't know why you're trapping me here to confess.
Like, what's your deal? What's your problem?
I didn't need to have a breakdown today. And
this robot voice breaks. I killed somebody too.
Life is so fleeting. Robot hand falls apart.
clang to the ground around this guy could could
do you want to talk about it wait are you an
actual giant robot oh sorry no no no no i'm an
artist wait wait you're not a giant robot fuck
that i'm out of here no another thrilling art
experience i love that that was an experience
meant to reduce stress yeah sometimes it's good
to feel bad you know i'm always saying that it's
good to feel bad i mean haven't you ever watched
a sad movie just to cry yeah oh so the camera
pulls out on enla sitting in the shreds of her
robot costume ladi what are we doing on downtime
i think during the rain ladi would have been
taking shelter in the greenhouse and just been
like i'm just gonna take the fumes instead of
the falling juice while she's in there she's
gonna start making kind of like a paste or a
poultice to kind of put some medicine on the
stab wound that she received. Yeah. Okay. Where
in your shoulder is it? Do you think? Well, I
was facing the person who stabbed me, so it's
probably just like right there in the front and
like stabbed into the flesh in front of the bone,
I feel like. Okay. Yeah. Tell me about this poultice.
What's going on there? It's going to be just
kind of like a mashed up gross like paste made
of that like numbing cane that she was chewing
on in the past. She's trying to spot treat with
it instead of have her whole body be kind of
taken out for the day. Nice. Okay. Are you rolling
recovery on this? All right, let's do it. Oh,
wait, you need someone to... So you can care
for yourself or you need someone to help you.
Oh, I'll do it like this. She's going to take
the medicine she's made and she's going down
to end those little workshop where she's... doing
something, I'm sure. Building my giant robot.
Yeah, working on her giant robot. Ladi's going
to go up to her and say, hey, Emma, could you
help me administer this medicine? I could do
it myself, but it hurts a lot. And I'm going
to be flinching the whole time if I do it myself.
Happy to help. Great. And then Ladi just kind
of like throws like the side of her overall.
It's just like down the side and just has Emma
do it right there. All right. This is a care
role, Emma. I do have one in care. Sorry, it's
not my best thing, but I do have one. Oh, shit.
What'd you get? A one. No! It's not nothing still
though, right? I think this happened last time
I tried it out for two. Okay. Yeah, one segment.
All right, so it goes bad. Why does it go bad?
Inla has big clunky gloves that she doesn't take
off. Like she has like these big like gardener
like, you know, reinforce metal metallurgy gloves
and she just doesn't take them off So it's like
you can't take them off at the stage you're at
you just sort of like welded yourself in So I'm
just like trying to apply this very sensitive
face to a sensitive area. I'm just like Can we
say you're also explaining your art to Lottie
while you're doing that? Yeah, so I'm thinking
like like having having like a big robot that
like, you know, I'm not sure if I can get the
mechanics correctly. So I don't know. Yeah. I'm
sure you'll get it. Are we done here? I mean,
I think so. I think I got it in there. All right.
My gloves hurt, though. Are you OK? The thumb
is just in the wound. Most of the poultice is
like within the cracks in the finger segments.
It helped a little bit. I'll be OK. Thank you,
Emma. Anytime, Lottie. Lottie kind of pulls the...
piece of glove and hands it back to him. And
then the camera turns to Tank, who's in the corner,
dressed in a nurse's outfit, like giving a gym
look, like the spike in the camera, and just
shaking his head. All right. So Connie, you are
coming back from your nice experience. You're
feeling cleared out. You're feeling... A little
bit hopeful. Um, which is why it's a little bit
jarring to immediately walk in on Halberd who
was like stomping around and throwing stuff around
in the kitchen. Um, and she sees you walk in,
uh, she's cooking in there with Petra and she's
like, all right, who am I mad at? I'm mad at
someone, but I don't know who. I welcome back.
Oh, whatever. Oh yeah. Okay. Was it you? I didn't
- Someone left me a note I can't read and meat
I can't eat. Someone left you meat you can't
eat? Yeah, Connie, and I'm guessing it was you
because you're the only one who can write right?
Yes, I did leave the note, but well look at this
shit She pulls you over the fridge where we flashback
to Yanouche a couple days ago with a paintbrush
Remember the paintbrush we saw in his house.
Ooh, baby. He was painting a bit of like a rubber
tire to look like photorealistic meat. And then
he wrapped it back up in the brown paper and
put it in the fridge exactly as it was. And so
then we cut forward to Albert stumbling in, exhausted,
upset, opening the fridge, seeing what appears
to be beautiful meat, throwing it on the stove
top and it just bounces and starts burning the
way that rubber does. One of the worst smells
in the world, by the way. The whole restaurant
smells like that now. It's just like burning
tire. Halberd like had to put a bunch of sand
on the top of the stove to like put it out and
she's mad. So it was you. No, there's one other
person who knew that that was there. It's Yanouche.
Yanouche. I should have known it was him. The
only other person other than the other one I
already accused. I don't think I can ever forgive
him for this. So forgive him for what? Like just
fake meat? Like what is this? I got you, obviously
I wrote the note, but I got you beef, actual
real beef from the Tender Mercy. I made a deal.
The note said thank you because you took me in
and I wanted to give you some sort of material
thanks and it was up to you what you do with
the beef, like whether you wanted to use it for
the restaurant or use it for yourself. I don't
know. It was yours. It was supposed to be yours.
bastard took it from me. Took it from you. And
now I'm stomping around. Howard is just kind
of like, yeah. Fucking guy like slamming pots
and pans around. So this is the energy in the
screen that slice today. We're cooking angry
Petra is like put on some headphones on top of
her mask and she's just like Over in the corner.
Yeah, that's where we're at. I'm picturing like
two toddlers having a tantrum. Yes. Yeah Halbert
is a great person to be mad with because she
is just like and another thing I can't Fucking
believe the way that he stacks my pants at the
end of the day, you know, like it's just every
single grievance, you know Yeah, we are we are
definitely doing the vortex of negativity Yeah,
absolutely So we have an intrusion happening
to you just you But part of this is an engagement
role which determines like how good your position
is when this happens Someone else has to roll
it for you So what I will say is someone is looking
for you and they're gonna try to find you When
you're alone and when you're outside the screaming
slice Can you think of any reason that you would
have an advantage in a situation where you are
alone or outside the screaming slice? Not too
much that I can think of the only thing I can
think of is like how friendly the territory I'm
in at that point in time, you know, if I'm somewhere
where there's like a lot of customers I have
somebody who considers me like at least somebody
worth caring about, like kind of nearby, but
not much more than that. Okay. All right. So
that's a plus one, but I have two negatives to
put on you. So we're back down to disadvantage.
Please roll for me an engagement roll with disadvantage.
Okay. This is later in the day. You have just
been running around giving your packets of manja
out. Feeling okay. The rain is kind of spotty.
It's cleared up. It's like weirdly humid. It's
just kind of a fresh energy, which you needed
after your recent bad time thinking about Trent
Dort, thinking about the tender mercy. And so
you barely notice when a tall shadow crosses
yours and then there's a hand on your shoulder
and then someone is dragging you up against a
building. Sheet metal just clang as you hit your
shoulder. You wince in pain, sharp pain, and
you see leaning over you is a face for the huge
wing brand. This is a man in black body armor.
He's got a compound bow on his back, and his
mask is like that tube that runs from the back
of your head to the nose. This is a Johnny Law,
and this man is just leaning down over you, and
he goes, hi, lady. Hello. Hey. Is this the guy
who, yeah. Yep. This is the guy that stabbed
you, and this is the guy that you broke his mask.
He's got a new one now. That's your shoulder.
Stab. Yeah. Bleeding. Yeah. Worse now that you've
smashed it into a wall. Yeah. Do you have the
knife? Because he left the knife in your arm.
Do you have it on you right now? That could be
a pure fortune roll if you wanted it to be. Sure,
I'll roll. Yeah, yeah. No. Nope. all right so
you don't have it um so he actually kind of pats
you down a little bit he's looking for it like
it's not a serious search he doesn't go into
your mask or anything but he's just like oh i
wanted to take it back it's a good knife you
should take care of it your knife yeah i gave
it to you oh um that's all all you wanted you
just wanted me to no no i i was curious And you
see that behind him, there's another guy dressed
like him. Just looks like a cudgel or something.
There's two of them, one of you. This is broad
daylight. You were just in public. Nobody's doing
anything. He says, how did you know that guy?
Government guy? Federal? I didn't. Did he talk
to you? Me? Did he tell you? No, I was with us.
You remember all of the others? Slams you against
the wall. where we're at here, you're going to
have to give him something. I feel like Lottie
wouldn't be that brave in this situation. So
she's probably just going to start kind of like
stammering and, and look, I really, really didn't
know anything about him. He just, it was just
some guy that we were supposed to help one of
one of my friends like give a talking to. I think
we were supposed to like beat him up or something
like that. I think he gave us something on the
way out. We just, please don't hurt me. Gave
you something? Some Some kind of disc? He nods.
Okay. I don't know what's on it. Okay. And he
pulls down the corner of your overalls and he
licks your wound. With the medicine? Yep. You
might want to lie down soon. All right. Thanks,
lady. It'll start to feel a bit funny. He's trying
to maintain status, and you're just like, listen.
Your tongue's gonna go numb in a second. He's
trying to do creepy guy voices. He's just like,
blah, blah, blah. Look, you're about to feel
really funny, and I don't want you to hit me
for it. He's like, bye, lady. And he just pulls
back, thumbs to his buddy. They walk away. You
are left, you were kind of like. back against
the wall for support now, just kind of trembling.
How are you doing? Not feeling great. Lottie
probably will have to never see that freak again.
Lottie probably starts kind of hurrying home
now because she needs to tell the rest of the
gang that that information slipped. Yeah. Okay.
So you are rushing home. It is about midday.
Who are you looking for? Probably Connie. Okay.
Connie, you're stomping around. You're throwing
pots and pans. I go in the direction of the chaos
in the kitchen. And he always says that it's
better to put in the powder before you put in
the paste, but I know, I know. That just causes
it to clump up. I know it clumps. Like this is
what you're hearing. Hi, am I interrupting something?
Albert and you look at each other. No, what?
I need to talk to you for a second, Connie. Like
clatters, whatever pen I'm holding on to. Yeah.
So you know those officers that came by during
the incident where we went to go beat up that
one guy? Yeah, Johnny. You know the big terrifying
one that stabbed me? He found me again. He and
his buddy kind of held me up for... They know
we have the disc. They know we have the disc?
Do they think we have the disc here because we
don't have the disc here? All I said was that
he... gave us the disc they kind of forced that
out of me i'm sorry connie no you don't don't
apologize to me i can like now like getting past
my own anger i can like see that she is rattled
no sit down they went after you specifically
i think because they knew you were stabbed they
knew you'd be alone i think he wanted his knife
back i don't care about his knife are you okay
did they hurt you just just a little bit i'll
be fine um Can I 1 -1 -1 to tank? 1 -1 -1 on
the pager. Oh, sure. Yeah. All right. So you
pull out your pager, which we haven't seen in
a minute. 1 -1 -1. I think I bring everyone into
this. I think Enla is local and close by. Yeah.
Well, you pull out the pager, 1 -1 -1, and we
see, in a locker, a pager beeping away. Oh, no.
Unnoticed, because your boy, ba -ba -da -ba -ba
-ba, it's Trio Day! Yeah! Exciting stuff! You're
doing your warm up ritual. What is your ritual?
So I think my pregame ritual is like a thing
that like hockey goalies do where they like they
kind of keep looking back and forth to different
points around them to kind of figure out try
to get their focus to switch really quickly so
he tank is just like sitting on the field and
picking like six points and like just darting
his eyes back and forth trying to to improve
his focus and also like the mechanics of his
eye like getting it to focus on things really
quickly all right You've got just a little bit
of juice sizzling under your skin. The rain is
cleared up. It is hot It's a little bit humid.
You see like people wandering around on the sidelines
You hear other people warming up around you.
It is tryout day, baby And for this most special
of days, we are actually playing a Grant Howe
at one pager just to celebrate The incredible
game of tickball, briefly. We're going to have
more in -depth tickball in other games later,
but for this tryout, we are playing a hack of,
that's right, you guessed it, Sexy Battle Wizard.
In the incredible game of Sexy Battle Wizard,
you have three stats. You have Sexy, you have
Battle, and you have Wizard. Here in tickball,
we have Sexy, Battle, and Tick. So Sexy is charisma.
As we remember, this is kind of a pro wrestling
based game. This is the moves. This is the swag.
It is possible to play for charisma if you are
not so good at the tick or the battle elements.
Battle is self -explanatory. We're beating ass
out here. Tick is pure gameplay. That is movement
and mechanics. That is the strategy. Those are
the plays. So Tank, I would like you to take
this moment and stat yourself out for sexy battle
tick. So you can have a one, a two, or a three.
Like you're best at something that has your three
stat and your worst at something with your one
stat. So, whenever you roll, you're gonna roll
your D6 equal to the relevant stat. So if you're
rolling sexy and you have three in sexy, you're
gonna roll 3D6. If you succeed, you describe
what happens. If it is equal to the DC, you succeed,
mark one stress, and the GM describes what happens.
If it's lower than the DC, you gain one stress
and one determination. You can always spend determination
to give yourself an edge later. So determination
is just extra shit. So the DCs that we're worried
about, a four is standard sexy battle tick stuff.
So I'm gonna say like that's a DC four, you're
trying to roll at least one four on your dice
pool. Five, audacious, risky. Six, clutch. Six
is what you're aiming for at all times. You are
trying to fill a six clock that I'm calling good
show old boy. So it is your mission to now succeed
at this task of impressing people during tick
ball. Okay, to clarify. So we're playing a hack
of this game. Do I still have access to my moves?
in a state. Yep. Yeah, absolutely. Cool. And
if you want to like spend stress on a flashback,
you can, but you know, whatever. Also, I think
only one of you at a time is going to roll against
tank because if it was all of you, it would be
crazy. And if the person rolling against you
gets a one, then you have an option to explode
and like do well. Like that counts as one extra
dice for you. So yeah. So it's gonna be interesting.
This is a little bit Calvin Ball, and I know
that, but you know what? It's tick ball, baby.
Oh yeah, also when you fail, if your total final
stress is higher than the highest dice you rolled,
you're fucked, you explode into mist, the thing
ends. So watch out for that. You're trying not
to get, take stress tokens. Basically you want
to win. It would be cool if you won. All right,
so as we go. I put three for battle. Two for
sexy and one for tick. I figured that like he
hasn't had like a lot of actual like game time
Right? So his experience on the field is really
low. I think we're going to do this very smooth
and free -flowing. So there are going to be three
rounds here. We have evaluation drills, then
we have teamwork drills, such as find the window,
chase down drills, and then we have a practice
game. So you have three chances to fill your
six o 'clock, basically. Cool. So it's kind of
like combine, like try out. Makes sense. It's
almost like I looked at a lot of Little League
guides for... How do I make a tryout for eight
year olds? So we see Tank, big shoulders, silhouette
on the field, wearing that incredible jersey
we all know and love. What was your number again?
44. 44. Nice. Off the dome. Killed it. Thought
we would have to look it up. We didn't. Didn't
know. I mean, the camera pans out and we see
all the members of the practice team warming
up. Who do we see? What's their deal? I'm BigBig!
My goal is to become the god of tickball! Not
legendary. Fucking god. What do you look like?
Fuck, I haven't thought of that. Just a big motherfucking
guy. He's, like, tall and wide. And he's just,
like, he's covered in, uh, tattoos. And he's
just, like, hey, I'm Big Big. He's, like, shaved
ass, like, super short hair. Nice, nice. I'm
gonna say that you know in like PlayStation 1
games how they hadn't, they didn't have quite
enough polygons and so humans would be kind of
fun shapes, you know? That's exactly the energy.
That's the energy Big Big is bringing. Like very
top -heavy. Yes, yes. What is Big Big doing to
warm up for this experience? Big Big is doing
some push -ups, you know. Doing push -ups in
mid -air. Yeah. Looks good. Yeah. Powerful. The
camera pans over. Who do we see? So, Miz is a,
you know, normal -looking guy, you know, probably
like 5 '10", 200 pounds -ish kind of person,
just like dirty blonde hair, very template -looking
kind of person, very basic. You know, if you
averaged a bunch of people together, you'd get
Miz. And he is kind of just pacing himself, doing
some aerobic exercises, like jumping jacks and
stuff like that, trying to get himself hyped
up for the tryouts, but not doing anything too
physically strenuous. He's making a noise with
every jumping jack. What noise is that? And finally
So the last person on the practice scene is how
it's settler they have very big arms That's the
whole thing like a lot of their their gameplay
and their strengths come from their arms on their
right arm they have a tattoo of a giant gun that
goes like that spans the the inside of their
arm and then their hand the palm of their hand
is uh tattooed to be like red and yellow looking
like the gun firing like an explosion and they
also have a juice burn on their face that like
crosses their face diagonally and it's it's kind
of like um it's i would say like black and green
Like a fluorescent green, but not like a dark
green. Okay. Eyes brimming with madness. What
are they doing to warm up? Absolutely demolishing
a punching bag. It's like exploding with like
beans and the sand and whatever is in there.
What does the rest of his body look like? Is
it normal body with like big -ass arms? I think
they're a fit person. Like just, you know, general
athlete fitness, but... I mean, I gotta go with
the professional arm wrestler type of look, right?
Like, where their arms are still disproportionately
huge. It's both arms, it's not just one. I love
it. All right. Tank, you're looking around at
your practice team squad. You've known these
people for a minute now, you know? A lot of them
live on the base, and today you're gonna face
off against them. You're looking around people
you've known, people you've trusted, and today...
enemies, except when you'll be playing together
on the team we're trundling over from the main
building. We see UFO, head coach, sharp eyes.
Huge. Looks like 80s Arnold Schwarzenegger. God,
she's cool. And we see a couple people on the
real team. It looks like some of your fucking
people, the big pisser is there. Shut up, big
pisser. We love this guy. You see Ludonza is
not here. He's busy. He's got stuff going on.
You're like, woo, all right. And they take their
seats. Uh, UFO does the cool guy move of like
unfolding a camp chair with one arm. Just like,
it looks really good. She plunks down. She beeps
on a whistle. All right, hustle up. Let's go.
Now it is time for evaluation drills. This is
pure physicality unless you wanted it to be something
else. We're going to be doing things like agility,
standing jump, the 40 yard dash, sports. Sports.
I would love a quick rundown on what people are
doing on the field. What's it like? There's a
bunch of tires on the field and I am hopping
through them as fast as I can. OK, all right.
You are big, big. You're going to become a god.
What is the godlike way to cross tires? Skipping
every other one. Just like jumping through and
boom, like shaking the whole field every time
I land. A little bit of a ground pound. Incredible.
All right. How's Howitzeller doing? I think Howitzeller
probably has a very methodical way of going about
these practice drills. Obviously the part of
the obstacle course where they have to climb
is the easiest. I don't know if you've ever seen
anyone climb a rope with just arms, but it looks
crazy and weird. It does look crazy. I love it.
You're just hanging your body just like totally
limp. But this is obviously like the type of
thing that comes from very specific methodical
practice. Amazing. How's Mids doing? Mids is
practicing his throws, so he's just been throwing
tick balls at a target because no one's catching
right now for him. Sorry, I just had the image
of, you know, the thing where you throw a baseball
at a wall and it bounces back to you like everybody
else is trying to do like 40 yard dash and you're
just like hooking the ball. where all the ticks
that he's throwing are landing, they're kind
of like, they're very evenly distributed. It's
very uniform where they've landed. So yeah, there's,
there's just like a, a very smooth, like arc
of tick balls, like around the target on the
ground. Incredible tank. How's your, uh, drills
going? Yeah. So I think what tank would be doing
is like a shuttle drill, except for he's going,
uh, like shuffling side to side. And as he's
doing it, like there's other people, team managers,
assistant coaches. I don't know. Yeah. I think
there is a rich and fertile crop of assistant
coaches that I never mentioned because they're
like invisible to me. It's just 40 identical
men in polos. So like the whole point of the
drill would be to like test my endurance as well
as hand -eye coordination. So I'll be shuffling
back and forth and they'll be throwing ticks
and it gets faster and faster each time. And
I have to like. Get to the other side to save
the tick. All right. This is DC four. You must
hit a four in order to succeed. Everyone, please
roll. Tell me what you want to roll. You could
technically roll a lot of these, but yeah, it's
up to you. I'm going to roll tick. Yeah. Me too.
I'm going to roll sexy. I'm going to roll battle.
This seems more like I set it up as like kind
of an interference. Yeah, I'll take it. Yeah.
Score is the highest or? Take the highest. Yeah.
Four for me. Five. Four for me. Amazing. Everyone
who got a four mark one stress, everyone who
got above, both of you describe to me how it
goes. You do very well. You also do well. Also
you can plus up these rolls if you want to, like
after the fact, if you want to put some juice
on it. Oh yeah, so I think before going out there,
I think Tank, before he put on his cleats, he
shoved a bunch of like juice chewing tobacco
in between his toes. And then he put his cleats
on. So I hate this. So in the middle of his drill,
he took his fucking cleats off. No, no, no, no.
The way it works is it's just like dip. So like
it cuts your toes with the fiberglass. And it's
like a slow drip of juice over the course. What
fiberglass? What do you mean? Wait, you don't
know. Dip cuts your lips. Yeah. Yeah. And you
absorb it into your voice stream. Everyone's
cut that. I know everything. I know a lot of
things, and we know that to be true. This is
a thing hockey players do with zip. See, I always
thought that it was like, you just sort of pack
it in and you just leave it and it works, but
no, you're saying it cuts it. Yeah, it makes
like microscopic cuts that basically infuses
tobacco into your bloodstream. Yeah, I don't
think you do this. I love it. Yeah, because they
can't spit on the ice. So they they pack it in
their toes. That's like between their toes. All
right. Give me juice pole. Billy below. The verbs
are confounding and trapping, absorbing, and
the grist is grease fire, uranium, labyrinth,
lipstick. You can add plus one like roll another
dice. Oh, that's a six, baby. All right, clutch
right under the wire. So you just got a bunch
of ticks. Ticks on the clock. You could physically
get a lot of ticks if you wanted to. I mean,
the whole point of the drill was getting tick
balls, right? Incredible, yes, yes. Describe
to me the beautiful, incredible thing that happens.
Tank is just like going back and forth, unstoppable,
like swallowing up the ticks as they come in.
All right. I say UFO like starts doing this at
a rate that should be impossible just to test
the limits. And there's there seems to be no
limits. Amazing. You're glistening with sweat.
You have a rosy glow. You're doing a great job.
So do I do I still keep the stress? No, maybe
take that. Looking good. You see UFO. Look at
you. Her eyes dark and serious and now it's time
for teamwork drills These are things like passing
drills chase down drills We're going around describe
to me a moment of what you are doing on the field
in this moment We'd probably be doing like clearing
drill. So like balls saved and now we got to
reverse it and go on the attack is this like
a player versus player situation you're describing
or no it's more like practicing plays i guess
there could be like like a dummy other team to
go against but like we're just trying to clear
the ball to the to the other side We've got some
of the assistant coaches in polos out there.
They're going to be the other team. And they
have the big, giant pads on their arms that look
like shields. Yes. Look like riot shields. Some
of them actually are riot shields because it's
trash planted. Everyone, please choose for me
what stat you're going to roll and then roll.
It's going to be battle. For me, this one is
actually going to be tick because I would be
trying to control the flow of what's happening
as the goalie. So if you want to use juice again,
it's the same shit you maybe you wouldn't pull
again We're just you would just roll and if you
get a one you get a juice burn Would it be more
fun if I pull another one? Sure Alright hit more
juice, baby more juice the other foot Did I get
a juice burn from the other one? No, because
you only get juice burns when you roll one the
other foot engages The graven image bowing begging
obliterating wrist bleach halogen, wedding ring,
curtain, spinal fluid. Or is that all? There's
no? Sometimes there's a comma and sometimes there's
not, Devin. Yeah, there's no comma. That is curtain,
spinal fluid, all one thing. Shut the fuck up.
All right, roll. Add one more dice to your roll
for whatever, your rolling tick, right? Yeah.
Yeah. We're all rolling, right? Yeah, everyone
roll. I got a two. Oh, my God. You're going to
take one stress and one determination. Big Big
got a six. Amazing. We'll get back to you. What
did you get? Also a six. Whoa! What did Tank
get? Three sixes, baby. Aren't you fucking serious?
Okay, so first I want you guys to describe why
it's going well for you, and then we're going
to see why Tank obliterates all of you. So I
think Howard Zeller is playing the equivalent
of like an offensive lineman. I think at one
point they like charge one of the assistant coaches
so hard that they actually like get genuinely
afraid and run off the field. Just chasing down
this middle -aged man in a polo like, God, he
should be ashamed. Like to chase him off the
field. But yeah, they are like doing their job
extremely, extremely well of like just clearing
the field. Juice burn glowing, eyes burning.
Big Big, what are you up to? Big Big is here,
he's there, he's every fucking where, he's Big
Big. And so he is just like taken over the back
of the field. He's a defensive player generally
and he's just hawking those balls like halfway
across the field. Show stopping, but completely
blown out of the water by tank. What are you
up to? He starts, he makes, you know, a really
great save initially and he gets the clear going,
but he realizes there's an opening. And so he
leaves the goal and he's like running down and
he, you know, in rugby where like they have one
guy like just charging from the back line and
they like flip it back to him. And it's just
like, already has like full steam ahead. That's
what Tanks is doing. And he catches the pass,
runs a few people over, and goes down and scores
on the other side. Like a bowling ball in a 90s
animation. Pow! The flames off the side of his
face. Incredible. Mids, you suck shit. What happened?
Mids goes after Tank and starts kind of basically
just trying to go for like the same thing Tank
did. It starts off really well. It's almost like
a carbon copy of Tank's play, almost. And then
towards the end of it, Mids kind of like fumbles
the ball and trips and falls, shouting, oh no,
a genuine normal mistake that I've made. As he
falls and hits the ground. You hit the ground
in the family guy dead pose. You're like, aw.
Great work. We see the coaches leading together,
whispering. You feel UFO's eyes on yours, Tank.
It's happening. It's happening. Finally, the
practice game. So who's on whose team? Tank,
who are you with? I think Howard Zeller and Big
Big probably like teamed up together. Because
I've been doing so well and I kind of just get
left with Mids. That's good. I love that. Mids
is kind of just like Very confused by tanky.
He looks like he's trying to understand his team
partner. Let's get a moment of dialogue like
you guys know each other, you know, yeah So we
don't we don't play on the same team that often
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean it's You know, you're
on the B practice squad and I'm on the A practice
squad Right, right. So, um, so what's our game
plan? You know, I I think your your strengths
Your strengths you're a pretty good person, right
Like you're nice to other people Um, I mean,
you know, just as much as you're supposed to
be. Let's focus on that, I guess. I don't know
how it'll help in this game, but - Yeah, yeah,
I'll um, I'll try to be nice to the other team,
I guess. Cool, I think that did more harm than
good. Ready? Break! I would tell her, Big Big,
uh, your pre -game hustle, briefly. I'm gonna
flatten that motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, I think,
look, he's doing real well. Uh, I think - Yeah.
We're gonna need to change things up a little
bit. I think I'm gonna aim for the legs. Oh,
we can't go for the legs? Yeah, yeah, I think...
That's sneaky, man. Listen, we knock him out,
then it's just you and me, and you know... We
know I'm gonna win. What? No! What? I mean, yeah,
it's me. Always. And if you want juice, let me
know, because I'll pull. You know, you pull.
We all pull. Big Big is definitely going to want
to pull because he's very upset that Tank is
doing so well. And he wants to stand out because
he's the god of tickball, damn it. I'm also going
to take another hit of the juice. This is the
ace of touch and papers. Verbs are papering over,
distancing, softening. Grist is velvet, balaclava,
scaffolding, and cork. Hell yeah. All right,
so whoever pulled juice, you're going to add
plus one to your roll. And if you get a one,
you'll take a juice burn. Anybody else want to
pull hit on juice? Yeah, what do you got? Howitzeller
has the ace of weave. The verbs are cheating,
skimming, floating. And the grist is helium dry
ice folding chair ties. Howitzeller is absolutely
going to try to cheat. Hell yeah, that's what's
up. Maybe with a folding chair? Nobody's really
deployed many sexy moves so far, so I would love
to see a little of that. Big Big, what do you
got? Big Big is the third of meat. Hot comb.
Verbs are disciplining, carving, flattening.
Grist is meatloaf, pamphlet, vaccine, and latex.
Hell yeah. I'm also going to use bodyguard. Let
me know if this works. I think it does. Bodyguard,
when you protect, you take plus one D to your
resistance rolls. I guess we're not doing resistance.
I would allow it. Like this is a move that you
have bought and paid for in the game. Yeah. So
like I'll take it. But since I'm protecting the
goal. It's bullshit, but I'll allow it. How is
it bullshit? It's like exactly what it is. Your
honor, your honor. I will allow plus one day
from that. Plus you got your juice in there.
And we cut away to both teams facing each other,
very climactic, coaches leaning forward, men
in polos surrounding you. My God, there's so
many. Everyone tell me what stat you're rolling
team V team. So you guys are gonna pull all your
dice together. So what are you rolling? I'm gonna
roll battle. You're gonna roll battle. I'll roll
a tick. Okay. What are you guys gonna roll? I'm
gonna roll battle as well. Mm -hmm. I'm gonna
roll sexy. Nice. Nice. That's what's up. All
right, everyone, please roll your your your whole
shit. I got a five. I got a six. And you got
a juicer. I got two juice burns. Fuck yeah. Incredible.
Okay. What do you guys roll? I got a four. I
got a five. Okay. This is it. The climactic moment.
Give me a few moments of gameplay. You're going
to obliterate these guys. How does it work? What
does it look like? I think when Howitzeller and
Big Big are on the defensive side. I think they
are just getting bowled over over and over again
to the point where even there's a point when
like mids has the tick and they just for some
reason it just they're so busy like getting violent
with the other team that they totally missed
mids just like slipping by them mits you're having
a normal jog how's it going um you know it's
a brisk brisk jog you know he's he's trying um
He's got a little bit of an elevated breath,
you know, he's putting a little bit of effort
into it, and he's passed most of the chaos now,
so he doesn't feel that much pressure now that
Howard Seller and Big Big are behind him. He
just kind of casually strolls and scores at the
end of the field. amazing. I think Tank sees
Mids kind of just jogging and suddenly he's just
like wide open and Tank will like drop kick the
tick ball and it'll just like land squarely in
Mids' hands. The goalie just going through the
game winning pass. The tick lands squarely in
Mids' hands. Ah, we did it, we did it. Can I
roll sexy to try and add some flair and impress
the coaches on this? Yes, please. I've been waiting.
Oh yeah, meanwhile, what was the sexy thing you
did that it didn't work out? Well, you know,
big big is all about impressions and stuff. Like
he really wants to make sure that he's seen as
the God that he is. His whole sexy thing is to,
he kind of took a minute just like pose. Incredible.
In front of the coaches and show off his big
muscles. There was tick ball happening around
him as it was going on. Just stopped dead on
the field. Tank, what did you do? Tank is going
to celebrate. The victory dance. The illegal
victory dance. They have to ban it because it
takes too long. Okay, yeah, continue. A little
baseball reference. So like. The tickball arena
is sunken kind of like into the ground like a
gladiator arena and there's like huge poles on
the corner and tank is gonna climb to the top
of one of these poles and rip his shirt open
and He's gonna do a swan dive Jeff Hardy style
onto Howitzeller. But he's gonna get to the top
and he's gonna just like Arnold pose all over.
Muscles! Gleaming! Sweat! Music! Blaring! Yes.
That is a five. That is a five. It goes pretty
good. What is the sound you make when you land
on Howitzeller and then Howitzeller when you
are landed on? What does it sound like? Think
it's a big crunch Are you yelling anything or
you just like What should the name of this movie
every good wrestling move has your finisher,
right? Yeah. Oh my god. Okay I like the swan
thing like the swan dive like Jeff Hardy. His
move is like this one time bomb so Supply drop?
Operation Dumbo drop. The sidewalk slash. The
sidewalk slammer. The sidewalk slammer! Okay,
yep. So what we see is, in my heart, it's a backflip.
Like it's like, you know, it's like... Yep, yep.
So tank is up. First climbing a pole. Describe
climbing the pole. Like, how's that looking?
It's not a very, like, wide pole. So he's just
like... gripping it and just pulling himself
up by the arms. Like he barely even needs like
his feet. It's just like his feet are getting
stability. You're not gonna believe this. You
just rolled Juice Burn, Gravity Bomb. Your relationship
with gravity changes. So as you are climbing
up, you are like feeling like a crackle in your
fingertips and you're feeling kind of a shift
in your stomach. and you know you're gonna do
it and it's gonna work. Tank's like doing a thing
where he's like typing up the crowd to even though
there's no crowd it's like these system coaches
and their polos are losing it practicing his
showmanship like doing a thing where you like
cross across the neck and after the thumb comes
across he's like shaking it like trying to get
permission like in gladiator He's like, shaking
it. Oh, it's going down. It's going down. And
then flips. Straight up. And then straight into
a backflip. You have this incredible weightless
moment at the top, and then the gravity shifts,
and you're boom! Like, right onto fucking Howard
Zeller. And there's like a little crater, and
they're like... Like in a super fighty anime
where they hit the ground and the ground like
cracks. Howitzeller looks like dead Yamcha. And
then Tank is gonna pick up Howitzeller's body
and like throw him over the shoulder and like
parade him around as like a sort of disrespect.
Wow! Oh my god, incredible. Everyone's losing
it. The crowd's gone wild. Mids, this isn't normal
at all. This is a pretty abnormal thing to do.
And yeah, that is how tryouts go. You see UFO,
the coach, looks at you. She's pretty far off.
She's hard to get a beat on anyway. But even
from a distance, even knowing how stone -faced
and serious she is, you think you'll see a little
crack of a smile. You're feeling fucking good.
You come off the field feeling... Fucking good.
And then as you're walking off, you're back to
the locker room. Your other juice burn hits,
which is delicious. You are delicious to local
creatures. Buddy, they're coming for you. Oh,
man. Kind of your scent changes a little bit.
Like you have that few seconds where you can
smell it. I think you immediately go nose blind,
but you're delicious to critters. OK, there we
go. And so Tank, as you're going into the locker
room, you're about to open your locker and you're
about to see your 111 page and you hear, hey
Tank, come here a minute. Oh yeah, what's up?
This is UFO and she is huge. She's towering over
you. Are you like changed out of your torn shirt
yet or showered or anything? I have my torn jersey
on and just like a jockstrap. Nice. Ready to
hit the town. Yeah. UFO's not phased by this.
She works on a sports team, whatever. She's like,
wanted to speak to you. That was a good show
out there. Oh, thank you. Thanks, coach. Yeah.
I really appreciate that. I tried to give it
my all. Yeah, absolutely. You know, I've been
working on some things to keep my mindset right
before. No, I mean, it's good. Like you did a
good job, but now Tank is just nodding along.
He's not speaking. She says, So I had some concerns
about your availability. What do you mean? Well,
since this is a full -time gig, this is often
more than a full -time gig. This is, you know,
travel games. This is extra practices. No, I
get that. Of course, there's drinking before
games. There's drinking after games. Yeah, of
course. And celebrations when we win and there
are beatings when we lose. All standard stuff.
All standard stuff, yeah. You put in a really
good show out there, but I guess what I'm asking
is, are you committed? to performing at a high
level over a long period of time because that's
what this is tank this is this is the big leagues
yeah this is all i've ever wanted all right She
slaps you on the shoulder, kind of knocks you
into the locker a little bit. She's like, all
right, get cleaned up. We're actually going to
talk strategy. I want you to meet the rest of
the boys. We are going to talk about, I think
you'll be a good pairing with the big pisser.
I think that's a good match up in terms of physicality.
He has some combo moves that I think you could
really enrich. The big pisser walks by, he's
trailing piss like a snail's trail. It's just
like, hello! Congratulations to rabbit for saying
the worst thing I've ever heard He walks from
left to right just like behind the screen It's
a juice burn that he's carefully crafted Yeah,
he's into it. It's good So yeah get cleaned up.
I'm gonna meet you in the office talk strategy
talk about upcoming games. We got the gunk snakes
in two weeks Yeah, yeah coach on This is it?
This is it. I'm so excited. I'm ready to really
prove to this team. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay,
yeah, yeah, okay. I said too much. You're right.
All right. And so Tank spends the rest of the
day in meetings and not in his locker and not
responding to a 111 call. If you like what you
heard, leave us a rate and review. Check out
our website at hypergallant .com. Thank you to
The Drinn, The Serfs, Crime of Passing, Perverts
Again, and our own Rabbit Sullivan for the use
of their music. Thank you to Morgan Davey, Malcolm
Craig, and Gregor Hutton for the use of their
game, Paystate. Okay, now with everyone.