Trash Planet contains themes of desperation and
poverty. We portray a comedic absurd and violent
world. For a full list of content warnings, please
see the episode description. Broadcasting live
from deep within the Criterion closet. My movie
picks are just hundreds of beavers, five times.
We are Trash Planet, the podcast that beats ass
and eats trash. I am your host, Rabbit Sullivan.
My pronouns are he -him and she -her. With me
today are four of Cincinnati's sick nastiest
improvisers. Everybody please say hi and tell
me about your vibe today. For instance, my vibe
today, I got a really good rice cooker on eBay
for cheap and it sings me a song when it makes
me rice. It just sings me a little whiddly -deedly
-dee, and I am so happy, and I get to eat rice.
So that's my vibe today, just kind of luminous,
you know? It's good shit. Maddie, yeah, tell
me about your vibe. I am Maddie Shibay, and I
am feeling today like, like an English muffin,
you know? I feel like slathered in some butter
and lots of nooks and crannies, just like pulling
up that good butter goodness. That's how I feel
today. Hello, I'm Nihar, he, him. And my vibe
today is a pristine new pair of shoes that is
hanging from a power line. Wow. Hello, this is
Devin, he, him. My vibe today is like a nice
worn hard hat. A little information about me.
I spent yesterday building half a fence, so I'm
feeling pretty handy. The top half or the bottom
half? Mock him! Mock me! Yes! All the hard work.
For the listeners at home, Devin is wearing overalls
and he looks a lot like Bob the Builder. Just
for your mental picture. Yeah, that's me. Hi,
I'm Natalie, she they. And today my vibe is that
cool pattern on the bottom of a lake or pool
with a light refracting through the top. That's
so cool. You always have good ones. That's awesome.
And my bonus vibe is the vibe you can find on
our website, hypergallant .com, or on the social
media links that are in the episode description.
Last we left off, our heroes were just coming
off of a pretty brutal downtime full of social
milieu. We see greasy early morning light. The
camera's high, high up. It's a drone shot. It
was surprisingly cheap to shoot on location.
We see the wide open plains of Trash Planet,
this hazy blitz of color and dust and chrome,
acres and acres. In this chaos, we barely make
out the biggest landmarks. We see pieces of starships,
we see chunks of buildings. Up close, we see
denim jeans and smashed plastic bits and cracked
industrial barrels. We see pamphlets and tangled
plastic nets and dust. And out in this carnage,
we see a rare slash of pure white. It's long
and thin and pointy. It is an old -fashioned
wind turbine. So it's exactly what you'd see
on wind farms today. It's the big pole with the
three huge propellers. This one's pretty banged
up. It's crumpled. It's wedged at a crazy angle
against the side of a huge shipping container.
It's not quite in midair, but it's not on the
ground either. So all we can hear is this wind
whistling, the shudder and groan of shifting
metal. Every so often the wind moves the propeller,
just barely touches the trash around it, makes
this aching sound like you hear in horror movies.
The camera pulls down, and we see the base of
this wind turbine. Pressed up against the base,
we see a dark lump. It's a plastic tarp. Makes
crinkly sounds in the wind. And then the lump
shifts, and we see that this is Halbert, curled
up under the tarp in her hammer -shaped mask.
She jolts awake with a start. Her shoulders are
heaving. For a second, she just breathes, and
her huge mask slowly moves left to right, looking
around, remembering where she is. She slowly
gets to her feet. She's real stiff. She's moving
slow because she slept all curled up. She looks
around searching until she spots the skimmer
she came here on. It's a little lightweight thing.
It blends in with the trash around it. It's a
rental. It's a real piece of shit. It looks fine.
It's not buried in trash, which is all you can
ask for. So she turns back to the wind turbine.
She looks up at the propeller creaking in the
wind. We hear howling wind and she steps forward,
unbuckles her mask. She's holding her breath.
She presses her forehead against the wind turbine
and her eyes close. And for a long moment she
just stays there, her shoulders moving up and
down, her eyes shut tight. And then she's stepping
away, putting her mask back on. She's moving
onto the skimmer, she's looking at the position
of the sun, and she kicks down and this bad engine
roars to life. And then she's moving away, roaring
back towards home. And then the sound does a
cool thing here. It's like that cross -cut thing,
like the rhythmic putt -putt -putt of the engine
cuts into the sound of high heels clicking on
stone, and then BAM, the camera cuts, and we
are somewhere else entirely. We're in a sleek
little loading tunnel, expertly machined, full
of supply crates, and we see Sharitha Vettis,
the chief of acquisitions for the Tender Mercy
Steakhouse. She is slick as ever. She is wearing
a beautifully cut little wool suit, braids, incredible,
hard to describe, and she is mid -conversation
with two faces that we find familiar. Friends,
please describe yourselves. What do you look
like at this moment? I think Connie's tried to
look more put together, so rather than wearing
a sort of tattered robe, Connie's fashioned himself
like a piecemeal suit, where, you know, the sleeve
is like a different shade of gray than the body,
but that's the fabric he could find. How's he
feeling being in this, you know, this is back
in the tender mercy, this is high stakes kind
of stuff. Yeah, I thought it was offensive that
they sprayed me with perfume before I walked
in. Brutal. Lottie, how are you doing? Yeah,
Lottie's there kind of just wearing her sort
of her normal outfit, like the overalls and the
boots and all that, but it's all been kind of
meticulously like taken care of. So she's there
more in an outfit that's like her normal self,
but like the best, tidiest version of it that
she can put forward and not like a dressed up
version of herself. Beautiful. How are you feeling
in terms of anxiety as you're back talking to
the tender mercy? I feel like Lottie's not excessively
stressed, but I think she's decently concerned
about the things about to go down. So not stressed
yet, but worried. Nice. So Shreentha's holding
her little digital tablet thing and she looks
up at you both and she says, you're telling me
that there's no other option. than to do it in
the wasteland. You're saying it's a ceremony?
Yeah. Yeah, it's... Listen, jailbirds are rare,
and there's a process to all this. I don't want
rovens coming down on the tender mercy, you understand?
They'll take this very personally if we do it
anyway. You understand what you're asking me
here, alright? This is a high -class establishment
where you just pick everything up and say that,
oh, we're going to... Run an outdoor event on
short notice. Do you understand that this is
ridiculous? This is absolutely unbelievable.
Oh, I'm sure with a little branding you could
sell that to your customers. It's not an outing
into the wasteland. It's like a safari almost
or something like that. It's a once -in -a -lifetime
opportunity to see a jailbird ceremony. Don't
think of it as an inconvenience. Think of it
as an opportunity. Perfect. Please give me some
kind of role here. Gotta be either a charm or
a persuade, right? What you're competing for
here is how much this is going to affect your
pay. She is looking annoyed, but she is hearing
you about the branding. We're going to call this
controlled standard, actually, in terms of risk
and reward. Threes. One. Four. God damn it. Wait,
do you guys have trust between you? Because you
shouldn't take trust, you shouldn't take stress
if you trust each other. I don't think we do.
We don't. Yeah, also, I wouldn't expend that
here. We have so much more mission to go. Yeah,
fair. Okay. So Sharitha purses her lips and she
says, Alright, just so you know, this is completely
unacceptable and it will be reflected in your
pay. Alright, I don't hire you to make my life
more difficult just so we understand each other.
Yes? However, you are delivering me an intact
jailbird. Meat feathers the whole presentation.
Yes. Yeah, absolutely What do we see on Connie's
face as he says this you see a very confident
smile like of course we can do this but you know
bead of sweat Amazing and BAM we cut back and
we are at the scream and slice. We're a little
bit in Free time because now we are doing all
the stuff we like to do before a mission We are
doing the crossing point where we're choosing
our load. We're doing our info gather or acquire
asset. Um, and we are all here and we can all
do it. We're kind of in narrative freefall as
we align these things. What are we up to? So
to be clear, the crossing point is like the start
of this dinner party thing. Is that correct?
Sure. Um, would we like to choose load at this
juncture? I'm going to go light load. Because
I want to look good. I want to look, you know,
I feel like I'm gonna be the face. I think Tank
is gonna be a heavy load. He's gonna be like
the trash -planet equivalent of like crocodile
Dundee, like... So because Tank wears so little
clothes normally, what does it look like when
he's really kitted up? Like a military vest type
thing with all the pockets and... um but like
he's not wearing a shirt underneath so it's just
like straight up like just a vest with a lot
of pockets and like a big old pack okay we briefly
smash back to Yanouge like with immense ceremony
handing you like okay now this is authentic okay
you understand that like this is a 60 year old
piece of material okay yeah no no like the dust
in here this is 60 year old dust wow that's that
dust is pretty old but i guess isn't most dust
like really old you know i've never really thought
about that i guess most dust is pretty old we
cut back i also think it'd be funny if you had
like fanny packs like one normal and then two
like bandoliers yeah yeah that's good and then
like a like a like a boonie hat where one side
is like flipped up all things easy to find in
the trash Lottie, what's your load? I'm gonna
go normal load. I think normal as well. Nice.
Nice. And this is your moment to info gather
or acquire asset. This is your freebie before
the mission. What would you like to spend your
time doing? I think we should probably learn
some stuff about the guests since the whole thing
is they think we're crazy weird trash people.
We need to be able to play into those stereotypes
based off of what we know about that person.
Good call. I agree. Okay, fantastic. So what
is your approach? You're gonna get one role here.
Could be a group role if you want. I mean, is
there any way we can ask them to like, give us
the dossier that they have? The guest list. Yeah.
Because like, if the bear has taught me anything,
it's that... Really nice restaurants know a lot
about you and they try to make your your dining
experience special Okay. Okay. So who would you
go to for this? Would you go to Shreetha? Would
you go to random security people just a guy that
you find who's a line cook? Like how would you
try to get this information? I think we would
go to somebody from the kitchen and take it from
an angle of like Being concerned about like dietary
restrictions or something like that. That's really
cool Okay idea Also unrelated give me a fortune
roll somebody just a pure 1d6 So this isn't your
real role yet. Someone probably not Natalie Three
the universe said three also give me the montage
of someone talking to someone in the kitchen
who is doing this What's it look like? Yeah,
so like if you get three friends to sign up for
Season tickets and then then they also get three
friends to sign up for season tickets It just
feels like it doesn't just need to be a pyramid
scheme It's like it's it's season tickets like
we have a structure for that like in society.
It's like it's not it's not a pyramid scheme
It's just okay, like a referral instead of bonus.
Okay, right and you could potentially If you
get enough people signed up, you could have a
box seat to one of the games. It's really good
that you're so cute. I just want to say that
to you. That you get to move through the world
in this way. I respect that a lot. Tank, can
we focus? This is about the guest list. Oh, yeah.
So we were just wondering to be able to accommodate
everyone's... Dietary restrictions if we could
get the guest list ahead of time so that way
everything's cool Give me a roll. It has to be
something social. This is the truth you've chosen.
I mean, I I'm bad at both dry man No, this feels
about right actually You could do a group action
with Connie if you like I'm good at both Okay.
Yeah Let's let's call it persuade since it was
like logic. Yes, sure. Okay What'd you get? I
got one. Six. We succeed. Um, so the person looks
from Tank, the obvious dipshit, over to Connie,
who seems to know what's happening, and is like,
this is reasonable, I accept this. Did you get
suckered into this, like, season ticket thing
or no? I already had season tickets to the tickball
games. God. You people, man. No, I actually made...
I'm friends with Tank for that reason we met
on the field. That's reasonable. That's a reasonable
reason to be friends. So, I got you down. For
five? No, obviously not. They're handing you
a list. Well, actually, it's on a... They're
like, oh, give me your code. What's your connect?
Oh, you probably don't have... Oh, sorry. Is
that a source subject? You probably don't have
that. I'll write it out longhand, like old school.
It got... The vibe got bad. The vibe got weird.
This person's like shuffling around looking for
like a piece of cardboard and is like, does anyone
have a pen? These pens here right like you know,
and you realize you're broke as fuck Amazing
so you are given a guest list Dietary restrictions.
I think that this this guest list would include
things like dietary restriction What else do
you think is reasonable to be on a guest list?
for a fancy restaurant like this Maybe like titles
occupation You pick out a couple of, looks like
several people here are from Arcellos, like they're
proper off -worlders, so you would really get
the impression that... Somebody in here is either
a VIP or they're all the VIP. You know that Highlife
Adventure Tours is facilitating this, so Tank,
this pings off something in your brain. You're
like, oh, wait a minute, there was that guy,
Big Eve Boulder. Like, you were told to talk
to him about juice. So you saw a couple people
from Offworld, you saw a couple people from Onworld,
which there are rich people here, you just don't
know about them too much because you are poor
people. And that's about it. So yeah, it looks
like. So we had three from Arcellos, one from
Station Whitlow, a couple from On World. It looks
like they leave a chair empty sometimes, like
in case there's like a real VIP that comes up
at the last minute. So that could be something.
Yeah. So anything else that you think you would
get out of this interaction? About how many people,
like how long is the guest list? Pretty short.
It looks like about six or seven people. Okay.
Great. Great. So this was marketed as, so this
chef, we see them, they've got like a cool, they've
got a cool energy. They're like tattooed up.
They're like, Classic like high -end line cook
energy or like like I'm rough and tumble, but
also I work in a nice restaurant You know, so
they're talking mostly to tank and they're like,
yeah, so this was a real fucking hassle for us
You know, this chef's table thing, right, you
know, whatever right? I mean we got to show them
a good time. I guess out here Yeah, I mean, it's
the hospitality business, right? You got it.
Yeah, you got to take care of people. It's fucking
people I don't even get tips for this but you
know, it's the pay me our rate is how are you
getting energy out there? Do you have like a
portable gas tank? Or generator. Oh, yeah, we
got everything, you know, I mean we do have an
outdoor setup We just don't like using it because
obviously the risks involved, you know, we got
to get contigo Keeping an eye on everything.
Uh, that's the security group. That's that's
cool. One time we we fashioned a giant mixer
into a portable pizza oven so yeah I get I get
where you're coming from This line cook reaches
out and like squeezes your bicep and is like
handsome handsome man Thank you, thank you. You
keep mentioning that, so it's kind of weird,
but yeah. You're stressing me out, I guess, and
so it's good that you're handsome. Can I get
back to my work now? Do you have everything you
need? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, nope. That sounds
good, yeah. All right. I'll see you later. Probably
won't. I don't know. We are delivering the meat.
Hey, so do you have any boys that you're cool
with? Do you think, because you got a six on
your real roll out of this, I will allow you
to inquire one more piece of information on this
guest list should you choose to do so. What do
you want to know more about? Okay, wait, wait.
I have a pitch. Because they have generators.
Can part of this be that they just give us a
generator? Ooh. They have more generators than
they need to use. And they probably don't think
that much about... Yeah, yeah, that is true like
once you get like two or more companies working
on the same event It all just kind of like that.
Fuck it. Whatever, you know, like you're not
questioning which contractors might be gangsters
or not, I guess That's really stretching it but
I'll allow it because that's cool. Yeah. Okay,
I think that you endure one more heinous interaction
with this line cook uh just really beyond imagining
so so tank walks out the door after giving the
card and then he like turns left down the hallway
makes another left and then comes in through
the other kitchen door he's like oh whoa oh are
you doing a bit no no i promise i wasn't doing
a bit i just It's kind of confusing here. While
I have you, we kind of need a generator as well.
I thought maybe like we can just like borrow
one. Just one of the small gas ones. Connie has
never, he did not leave. Tank walked around and
came back in and Connie's still standing there.
This person looks between you and is like, and
I'll give it to you and the interaction will
end. Deal. All right, perfect. You leave, the
tender mercy. It's really cool. It looks, it's
shaped kind of like a duffel bag and you can
carry it like a duffel bag. It's almost like
a little handheld cannon, but it's, it's a scary
piece of equipment. Like it is powerful. It is
beautiful. It is well designed. It's got like
beautiful, like red and white paneling on it.
You're just like, oh, the joy of touching a nice
tactile piece of machinery, you know? And when
you turn it on, like the whole front part of
it, it's like, you know what those flashlights
where you twist the whole back cap and it's just,
you know, it's very easy. It's just and the thing
just purrs to life. Beautiful. This thing is
worth more than your restaurant. So Connie, you're
walking out of there holding it like, oh, oh.
Like this is a nice generator you got. It doesn't
appear to run on fuel either. You're not really
sure what it's running on. So. Exciting. Yes,
right? Maybe they'll forget that they gave us
this. I hope so. I mean, this could run our ventilation
system. Can you imagine? Before we get into more
mission, important question. How big is a jailbird?
Yeah, well we've said that the adults are like
nine foot wingspan, so they're pretty big. I
think the babies are like stork sized, you know?
Okay, so follow -up question. How big is Vinny
Vertabees? I think you can spend a flashback
on how big Vinny Vertabees is. We can make it
work. Yeah, you can make it work. And so we see
the cool guy shot of you guys coming home to
the screaming slice, all of you pulling together,
chattering animatedly, making your plans, feeling
the vibe. We're not gonna see it though, because
we're gonna do it in flashback. And so, bam,
we cut to a beautiful star -filled sky. There's
actually not a whole lot of light pollution on
Trash Planet. There's so few cities and there's
so few lights on planet that... Even though this
place is full of junk and full of things that
could glow, a lot of them aren't, most of the
time. And so you can see all the heavens laid
out in front of you. You can see, like, spiraling,
scattering, milk -stained galaxies out in all
directions. Is Logus in the sky? Oh, Logus in
the sky. The planet Logus. Yeah, we haven't talked
about it much. Trash Planet is a moon. Yeah.
You can't say that around locals, though. They'll
kick your ass. Yeah, so Logus is our nearest
planet. And it's a pretty lousy planet, but it's
ours, you know? Just like Helica. And so we see
the four of you guys tromping out towards a glowing
spot on the horizon. We are at Buster's Canyon,
where you told Sharitha you would meet her, where
the ceremony must take place. And you see glowing
lights floating above this zone. Like, we're
wedged into the canyon, which... A little word
on the canyon. The canyon is only the canyon
because of the juice. This is the lowest point
in the area, and so all of the trash juice, all
of these strange, unctuous fluids are running
down into this one spot, and it's corrosive,
and so it is eroding everything underneath it,
and so the canyon is constantly and quickly being
carved out beneath you. So the canyon's dangerous,
but it does also mean that There are some real
high points that have been carved out over the
years. The biggest objects, the densest objects
that have made it. And so we see the side of
the canyon, we see this gorgeous black table
set up, huge, circular table. We see floating
lights, little orbs just scattered around. They're
floating in the sky above you guys. Gentle, soft
glow. VIPs haven't arrived yet, so you still
see people rushing around, where all the servers
here look incredible. They are all so put together.
Looks like a team of probably seven or eight
people who you would immediately assume to be
just waitstaff. So it's one -to -one service
here. And you see further off in the distance,
there is the chef's area. You know, you see a
glowing furnace that is glowing blue for some
reason. You're unclear on that. Probably haven't
seen a blue flame before. This is expensive technology.
And you can see that because there's a couple
more of those little cannon -sized generators
that are stacked up, sitting like pillars on
the ground. And as you approach, you also realize,
like, as you're sucking in air you've all got
masks on, you cross a certain invisible threshold,
and then you can breathe. Your mask starts running
clear, you just immediately are like, oh, and
you can take your mask off because you look up,
there are thin pillars, four of them, that are
around the surrounding area. It's like how you
stick up a tiki torch, or like just bunk right
into the ground, and it looks like they're doing
some kind of air filtration thing. And you look
up in the sky, and there's like a huge flat object
hovering in the dead center of those four things.
So you would assume this is all like an active
air filtration system. unbelievably expensive.
Like, this is life -or -death technology to anyone.
Like, if it's... I don't know, Connie, I think
it immediately occurs to you that, like, if the
hospital had this, people would live. You know?
Like, this is technology that would save lives,
and you are blowing it on a dinner party out
under the stars. And so, it is... Beautiful and
demure and so well designed. Everything here
is granite. All the silverware is heavy, but
people are laying it down with very careful precision
onto like real crisp black linen napkins. You
can smell strange and exotic smells in the air.
They're cooking things that you have never smelled
before. And yes, this is where we find ourselves
here at the Tender Mercy Chef's Table edition.
What do you all do? Flashback to Enla. Talking
to Wolpertinger. Hey, hey, Wolfie, how you doing?
I kind of need a little favor. This is a flashback.
It is broad daylight, burning sun. Wolpertinger
is sitting on the edge of a billboard that is
still miraculously upright. They're wearing All
their mosquito netting, their cool rabbit mask,
and bunny slippers. It's bright pink, looks great.
And they look down at you and they're like, interesting,
tell more. Yeah, so we're doing this project
with jailbirds. And I think you'll be really
interested in it. There's these kind of yuppies
involved. Anyway, we're trying to convince them
that there's going to be a ceremony, a roving
ceremony, and I think that you will play a key
role if you would like to help us out. You would
like me to lie about the sacred traditions? They
look down at you impassively. Just this once.
Yes. I would lie eight hundred times. I love
to lie. You know this. And fucking gossip, right?
And I love lying. You know me. I wasn't sure
if you were still the old Wolfie I knew growing
up, but. Amazing. What would you require? Alright,
so I need some scraps that we can use to make
a makeshift jailbird. You're going to feed some
fake jailbird? Yeah! That's cool, actually. Sure
as hell don't want to kill one. Absolutely not.
No, of course not. What? Are you trying to get
out of this flashback? Are you trying to... Sorry,
yeah, I guess I was trying to get Wolpertinger
involved. Okay, yeah, just get them on the scene.
Get them on the scene and then also potentially
have their help in creating the ceremony. Okay,
so I think that as you guys are walking up to
this cool little spot, Enla, you do like a whistle
call. What does it sound like? I imagine it's
like a multi -level like a... Like whistle, but
it's one of the whistle roving calls of like,
you know, calling people in. Yeah. Okay. So you
can hear those over a long distance. And so you
hear a repeated call and you get to see the cool
guy entrance that Volpertinger makes, which is
there was like There's Canyon up against you,
you know, there's an overhang and then a dark
spot just sort of leaps off of the overhang and
like three point landings like a cool guy. And
we see three Rovens, three Rovens, huge crazy
silhouettes. We see Volpertinger, all mosquito
netting, wearing a G string, mosquito netting,
nothing else. And we see someone else who appears
to be a pile of sweaters. That's all you can
make out. And you see a guy who just kind of
looks like a guy. And you're like, hmm. So these
are the Robins that you have conscripted into
your cause tonight. So Wolpertinger sidles on
up to you. I was like, hello. Hey, Wolfy. Thank
you so much for helping out. Of course. Sacred,
sacred ceremony. Hello, you are friends of Enla?
Oh yeah, this is my friend Wolpertinger. Hey,
what's up? Hello. Lovely to meet you. Thank you.
Wolpertinger takes your hand, it bows, and then
like kisses your hand. A lot of kind of just
like blushes a bit and holds a hand here. So
we shall arrange the the implements, I assume.
Yeah, yeah. At first, I need your help to convince
Sharitha that this is like we need to have some
like ceremonial kind of shit going on, right?
Yes. Yes. You see her beelining towards you guys
now. How do you want to approach this? I can
intercept her. Okay, okay, yeah. All right, so
you and Edla and Volperdinger are chatting. So
we see Shreetha looking cut, looking fit, looking
mad already. And so we come to see the two clocks
that will power this experience. The first clock
is an eight clock. It is called successful ceremony.
You are trying to get your ceremony. as successful
as possible. You're trying to get the vibes right.
You're trying to get the people chilling. However,
you are racing a 6 o 'clock called Shreetha's
Stress Level, and when that maxes out, you guys
will simply be ejected. She will reach her tolerance
of bullshit, and the night will end in an instant.
So these are the clocks that are in play. Someone
please give me the engagement roll. Yeah, maybe
Natalie, honestly. Let's attempt fate. Yeah,
immediately, I think, since we... We got the
guest lists, you know, our information gathering
and resource gathering role was good. I think
that gives us a plus one. Okay. So this is kind
of on our turf. That's true. This is not their
turf. Yeah. You're not in their building with
their loud music and their world. That's true.
However, I'm going to give you a minus one for
the exact same reason, which is, you know, if
you guys are from a very different world, you're
battling a lot right now to do a fake jailbird
for a bunch of very rich people. So that's a
minus one. So I think you're down to roll two
dice. Please. Three. Three. Okay. So we're gonna
start out with Shreetha's stress level is at
two out of six. That's a clock that can go backwards
and forwards, just so you know. And so she races
off. She takes one look at Volperdinger, who
is in, again, mosquito netting and a G -string
and bunny slippers, and is like, what is this?
Okay, okay, you need to get this out of here
immediately, all right? This is - Excuse me,
are you insulting my - my people? I'm sacred
shaman. I'm shaman. Yes, this is a roving shaman.
How dare you Shreetha? Volpertinger is doing
like a Jojo pose like curling over backwards
like I'm so sorry Shreetha. I understand that
you're not very versed in the roving ways, but
Volpertinger here I have taken so many trainings
about diversity and inclusion. Alright, so I
understand that you have your cultural differences,
but there is Proper and improper. Okay, maybe
the shaman can be far away. Yes, maybe the shaman
can be a little bit out of distance. He's crucial
to the actual ceremony, Shreetha. And as a roven
who grew up in the rovens, this is very important,
and we need you to pay attention. You need to
fed carefully, or you will have all of the rovens
at your doorstep. Okay, okay. Would you like
to make a roll here? Sure. We don't, don't we?
Want the ceremony really far away? What? Don't
we want the ceremony to be really far away? She
conceives just like... Tastes right. How about
this, Shwetha? We will keep the ceremony far
away so that you don't have to see the shaman
and we'll bring you the food. Yes, look upon
me with your shame and your fear. Shreetha is
like actively like, ugh, just really biting down.
If you really think this is going to disturb
your guests sensibilities, then I think it would
be potentially best, but this is crucial for
something as sacred as the jailbird. The ceremony
must be performed. Sacred, absolutely. Floppertinger
is drinking a glow stick right now. Give me a
role on Shreetha's stress level. This can be
some kind of resolve role. Okay, I was gonna
say, if I could do a Persuade. Oh, sure. Yeah,
a Persuade is great. I'm not great at it, but
anybody wants to help? Three. Okay, Shreetha's
stress level goes up one. She's like, fine. Do
it wherever you want. All right. All right. Culpertinger
smiles, lips stained with like glowing, iridescent
glow stick shit. And she walks away to go talk
to... other people. Volpe, that was fucking perfect.
I thought so as well. Oh, drink? Of course. Take
some. Amazing. These were our favorite when we
were kids, weren't they? Delicious. Ice pop kind
of, yes. Remember ice? No. Me neither. Pretty
good. Okay. What are you guys up to over here?
Maddie you killed it So tank is gonna in this
like downtime before the guest get here he's
gonna see if there's any Highlife adventure tour
people here already kind of like preparing for
the guests Nobody is here right now. You realize
that they would come with the guests because
they have guides that are part of it. But as
you're walking around getting to see the space,
you see a little fast aircraft just gliding silently
over the hills. And you see it set down pretty
close by. So VIPs are incoming. What do you want
to do? Well, I wanted to I wanted to talk to
a HighlifeAdventureTour person to try and get
some information. Not there yet, unfortunately.
I've given you moments here before shit goes.
I was thinking that in a flashback, we could
go out into the wastes and gather like jailbird
feathers or, you know, bits of actual jailbird
to to make our fake more convincing. One of the
parts of this fake ceremony is that all of the
guests get a feather. That's nice! Oh, okay.
People love a souvenir. That's great. Yeah, because
you rarely ever see a jailbird, let alone see
one being butchered in front of you, and, you
know, you get a little souvenir from it. Hell
yeah. In this fake ceremony. So is Connie going
out to the way? So what are you doing? See, that's
the thing is I'm not a hunter. I would suck at
this. I'd go with you. Yeah, I think then me
and Enla probably go to some place where jailbirds
are known to rest. Like, we know, Endla's climbed
up these places before, and, you know, even if
they're not around, their nests are like, huge,
right? They're visible. They're visible, for
sure. So I think we can probably find one and
gather some feathers and some bits and... stuff
to make it more convincing. Okay, all right.
So that'll be a one stress flashback for you.
And I would love to see, we don't see the Connie
and Emla team up too often. We see the two of
you, brilliant shiny blue day, masks on, on Lottie's
cool skimmer. Who is driving? I can do it. Alright,
you're throttling the beast right over the hills,
jumping and vaulting and crashing down. It's
extremely bumpy to travel in the wastes, even
on a hover vehicle. Yeah, how are y 'all doing
as you journey out to Seltzer Mountain? Wow,
you're doing a lot better than last time, Connie.
Last time you were out here, you were, I don't
know, got your sea legs underneath you or something
now. I really wasn't used to it last time. You
get used to the wastes, I like to think. I would
say so, yeah. Is that what we're looking for
at the top of the mountain there? Yeah, yeah,
yeah. See that big nest that's just all that
ragged metal? That's exactly where we're headed.
This thing has to be huge to be able to carry
metal rebar that big. Yeah, they're almost one
and a half of an average person. They're huge.
Do we really? I don't know if I can climb that
thing. Oh, I got it. Don't worry about it. I
brought my climbing kit. And are you sure it's
safe to just jump off with a hang glider? To
find safe? I don't want you to die off a mountain.
It's not that bad. It'll be fine. I'll be fine.
I've survived worse falls. Yeah, so we approached
the mountain. I'm gonna stay at the bottom. Beautiful.
But yeah, Edla's gonna do the climbing and gathering,
I guess. Yeah! Alright! I'm gonna keep an eye
out to see if we can actually see a real jailbird.
Yeah, I think that'll be an effect. We're gonna
call this risky standard. If you do really well,
then that will be an option. But yeah, I think
this sounds to me like a group scrounge roll,
unless you have an argument otherwise. We can
do it as a group. I thought you were the one.
I'm still scrounging on my own. Well, it's your
flashback. Do you want to be involved in it?
I don't know. I got a six. Yours! I got a nothing,
so. Oh, amazing. Beautiful roll. We see Enla
climbing like a monkey, just up and over the
trash. What is your climbing kit like? Oh, it's
basically just two knives in each of my hands,
and then there's knives on the ends of my shoes.
So I'm just, like, kicking into the wall and,
like, climbing as I go up. That's how it works.
As the knives are moving in and out of the trash,
they're making a little sound, like, shine, shine.
That sounds familiar. Yeah. You hustle your way
up to a jailbird's nest. You got a six here?
Yeah. Okay. So you don't see anybody in there,
which is great. You would love to not encounter
a jailbird right now. You do see plenty of feathers.
So they are long, they are greasy. Like when
you touch them, they're just like immediately
gross. I think a lot of stuff on Trash Planet
has evolved to have kind of a juice defense built
in because that stuff is so corrosive. So nearly
all the creatures here are some ver - of, like,
slimy, greasy. Like, it's like how ducks are
naturally very greasy, you know? So, anyway,
real greasy -ass feathers. Black and white, very
impressive. Big ones, little ones, you're nailing
it. You look down and you're looking out at the
horizon. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna grab as many of them as
I can gather and kind of, like, stuff them in
my pocket, one of my pockets, my mini mini pockets.
While I'm up there, I also see, like, a weird,
like, kind of rounded piece of metal. I snagged
that shit up too, pop it in my pocket. What's
that about? What's it like? I want to make it
into a pauldron. Ooh, okay. So I'm looking out
over the horizon, and then I'm gonna hang glide
off of the mountain. Okay, scale of one to ten,
how good is your hang glider? I mean, I'm basically
like in a squirrel suit, like one of those suits
that just like, I can like... A wingsuit. Like
a wingsuit, that's a good idea. So like, I made
my own wingsuit, so I just kind of like, open.
Hey, I'm very industrious It was very industrious
like pop open my wingsuit and just kind of Over
the side. I'm not gonna kill you in a flashback
that you rolled a six on but also the idea of
doing that in a wingsuit Like that's so dangerous.
You're not like super high up either Just a little
bit. Oh, but just oh wow endless pretty cool
More of like a glide down like it so I don't
hurt myself You know you can famously glide about
three stories, and it's like not a problem I
mean... No, it's good. It's cartoon logic, you
know? When you land, what does it look like?
It is a decently rough landing. I don't fly all
that often or glide all that often. So I kind
of... My feet don't get quite underneath me,
so I kind of trip a little bit and kind of skid
on my stomach on the landing, but I make it.
Yeah. bonk, like, smack your head out, so it's
like, ugh. It's already been bonked, that would
hurt even worse. Oh no, and we remember, you
have the status effect, bonked. Brutal. Brutal
stuff. My poor head. But, shoom, the camera crash
zooms in on Connie, holding a bunch of feathers,
the result of a successful flashback. Yeah. At
this point, I'm probably very much in view of
Shreetha. I'm getting the fake jailbird, which
we'll see how good of a recreation it is, like...
out, like, getting it into view on the far side
of the canyon. So it's, you know, it's far away,
so they can't quite make out the details. But
but it is adorned with actual jailbird feathers.
Nice. That'll give you a plus one on your inevitable
roles for how crazy this thing is. All right.
Lottie, what have you been up to? I think Lottie's
waiting for guests to arrive. And in the process,
she's just been kind of. doing like kitchen prep
stuff because we are serving a real meal even
though the bird is fake that's a real question
is there meat that you like real meat that you're
gonna hand over or yeah we kind of need to get
actual real meat like we can we don't have to
get a ton because we can kind of write it off
as like oh these are like the the only viable
like cuts of a jailbird right but we do need
like preferably like a fatty bird meat Yeah,
why don't you give us some animals that we could
use? There's a lesser and greater funk leg. Everyone
pause for a huge applause, the crowd is screaming.
That's right, it's a creature called the lesser
or greater funk leg. This is like a fucked up
duck. This is like a combination duck and eel.
Is that just a goose? That's just a goose. You're
gonna have to explain a duck and eel, what are
you talking about? In what way? Is it a combination?
The audience is, actually it's strange you're
saying this because the audience is screaming
and chanting, we get it, we get how a duck is
like an eel. No, no, no, it's like imagine a
duck but longer and also it can submerge for
long periods of time and it can like swim like
a fish a little bit but it has to come back up
and it does have feathers but it was like partially
adapted to live in juice. So yeah, you can get
those in the basin. Does that answer your fucking
question? That would taste exotic enough for
a bunch of old -worlders and rich people. I don't
know if it would taste good or not. The thing
that swims in poison and is made of grease? I
mean, it's one juice creature they haven't eaten
in place of another juice creature they haven't
eaten. That is true. Uh, so you have lesser funk
legs, which are also when they're on land, they
do have legs and they walk all crazy and that's
why they call them that. So I'm sure we'll figure
out what the meat is like in a flashback or something
later. It could be funk leg that would work,
but I think what Lottie's trying to do right
now is just kind of like figure out ways to kind
of like bullshit the meal into like a fancier
one. So I think like one thing she's doing is
probably like, we have a sauce that's going to
be on the on the meat and she's portioning it
into two portions. One of them she's grinding
in like like petals and stuff like that to make
it like a bright you know like green like an
avocado green or something like that and then
the other one she's like mashing in like restaurant
mushrooms so we have two different sauces available
they're just died they're just died it's the
same sauce wow So important question, are you
doing this? So there is a kitchen set up for
the Tender Mercy. Are you trying to deal with
them or are you like off doing your own thing?
Whatever our kitchen setup looks like. What is
your kitchen setup? I would say we have like
a nice -ish looking one like out towards the
ceremony where we can like visibly cook, right?
And then like also just like regular food prep
stuff off screen. Yeah. Like our janky skimmer
oven or something like that's probably around
here somewhere. Here's the thing. We're not cooking
the meat. So I don't think we need the skimmer
oven Yeah, we're like you were just facilitating
the ritual the the tender mercy I thought yeah,
they've got like a real chef. Yeah, and they're
gonna do the whole deal. Yeah, but we can provide
sauces We don't need yeah, like as part of like
the ritual. Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, they
could be like psychoactive Yes, I'm absolutely
making spiked sauces to facilitate the ceremony
Amiable to this whole experience, right? Like
we need them to fall for it. Amazing. Okay. Yeah.
What are you doing with these sauces? The green
one I mentioned earlier is going to be spiked
with manja. It's going to chill people out, mellow
them out to enjoy their meal and maximize the
flavor. And then the red one is going to have
maybe not like an upper, but like like the psychedelics
that kind of get used in like ceremonies and
stuff. It's like a mild Oscar or something like
that. Yeah. Like a little bit of it. Yeah. Okay.
Beautiful. All right. So the chef, well, it wouldn't
be the chef. This would be some kind of sous,
some kind of, you know, French kitchen prep,
whatever. I didn't watch the bear that closely.
Um, so I think someone notices you like preparing
stuff and someone rushes over and is like, So
tell me about all this. What are we doing? What
are we looking at in terms of ceremonial ingredients?
Like is this just for preparation or will we
be expected to cook with this? She looks like
horrified. This is another yuppie that is, you
know, maybe an off -worlder or something. Right,
right. So I recently learned this from the Rovens.
This is part of a ceremony that we'll be conducting.
We've got two tinctures here that will go with
the meat that we serve tonight. And it's important
that each of your client picks one and that's
how they enjoy the evening. Okay, so it's not
optional. It is like a like that's part of it.
Well, it's part of the ceremony I suppose he
could abstain but I think you would be missing
part of the experience Cool. Okay. All right.
Would you like to roll on this or like what is
the effect? You're looking for here getting this
to the client successfully Okay. All right, maybe
persuade and it feels like persuade call that
risky standard. I cannot roll tonight. I got
a two Okay. So we have a consequence here. Um,
this is in my fuckery list. This is something
you can resist. Someone here is going to be highly
religious and immediately hate Connie. I think
I'll resist that. I feel like there's more complications
on the way and better to keep the list of them
low. All right. So we're going to call that a
resolve resist. That's a four. Okay. You take
two stress. Where are you at now? Three. Okay,
so nothing happens that doesn't happen, right?
Who would like to go next? Who has a move they'd
like to make? Also, I would remind you that right
now Shreetha's stress level is at a three and
you are at a zero in terms of actual success.
Yeah, I think some of us need to talk to Shreetha
Ringer and calm her down a little bit. Volpertinger
is off like, I did not know what kind of pipe.
would be most impressive i did bring them all
and it's just sort of like whipping pipes out
of like just like very like arcane shapes he's
like look this one is also musical instrument
like just making noises uh yeah and let's deal
with both potatoes yeah hey buddy hey buddy hey
buddy love love the enthusiasm maybe we need
to dial it back just a smidge all right who would
like to make a move here Yeah, I can talk to
Shreetha, just because I see her stressing out
all over there, you know, even before people
have arrived. I think I can calm her down. I
approach Shreetha and I see her freaking out
for whatever other reason now. And I'm just going
to say to her, Shreetha, it's it's all right.
Your guests will see your demeanor and, you know,
they'll feed off of that energy. You need to
it'll go well. You can trust us. Thank you so
helpful. Thank you very much. She is stressed
out by your presence I don't know not quite connecting
there. Is there anything else you want to listen?
I know we're different calibers of Establishment
but before an important event that we host us
at the screaming slice. We just take Little drink
of this and I'm gonna use one of my load for
rare spirits quality level four So this is something
from way before times that I have that's like
actually good stuff. Oh my god Yeah, it's probably
like less than half a bottle at this point And
it's you know, it's like one of the little 375
mil bottles too. Nice But I I pull that out and
I'm like listen Sharitha. I'm not gonna tell
you how to do your job I am going to tell her
how to do her job. Your demeanor speaks to your
establishment. That's something we can both agree
on. So just let's just calm down. Let's have
a drink together. We can, we'll get through this.
Again, this is good stuff. All right. Would you
call that a charm or a persuade or how would
you gauge this? I can call it a charm. Could
I get a bonus because I use the load? You're
using loads. You get a plus one on that. Come
the fuck on. We can't roll today. What'd you
get? It's a three. Oof. Okay. Have any of us?
I don't think we have. I don't think we had a
single... Yeah, we had like two successful rolls
and flashbacks, but... Okay, your consequence
is that Volpertinger is gonna deploy puppets?
Yeah, I'm gonna resist that. The constant looming
threat of your non -binary friend pulling out
puppets. I'm always saying that to my non -binary
friend. It's not bringing puppets everywhere.
You have to hide the puppets before they have
social engagements. It's a whole thing. All right,
give me that resistance roll. Okay. Four. Okay.
So two stress. Two stress. All right. And so
you hear a very, the lilting sound of people
with thick accents. I think my resistance is
at some point during the preparation for this
ceremony, before even Shreetha got there, I saw
the bag of puppets and I just like kicked it
into the camera. So Shreetha, first of all, Shreetha
looks down at you with not just, again, it's
not just contempt. Again, it's not just like
pity. It's just like she doesn't understand why
you're talking to her, you know? Like, you're
like nothing to her. It's like, why is this aunt
talking to me? And she turns away because she
hears lilting voices coming up and we see the
VIPs arriving. The VIPs are filing into their
table. Everybody is locking the fuck down. Like,
servers are all just on deck, ready to go. Like,
you hear very gentle kind of ambient music filling
the air. The smell gets really good all of a
sudden. You're like, oh, okay, interesting. And
yeah, you see some people that you've never seen
before. Uh, we see a cloud of security officers,
both in the distance, fading invisibly into the
hills. And then we see a couple of armed people.
These are John Wick looking types. Like these
are suits, very slick, very, like these are the
people that rich people want to be guarded by.
It's like you want your bodyguard to be a superhero,
right? Um, and so you see immediately like really
buff, cool people, visible weapons, not too visible.
We're not trying to look like a warlord gang
or whatever, but we see people in sparkly little
outfits. We - see looks like a couple of dudes
very um some of you may recognize immediately
as like college age very kind of frat bro energy
like like you know when you dress not quite right
for a vacation so and you're just sort of showing
up with your polo shirt like all right guess
i'm wearing this you know so we see a couple
of those guys we see one of them has an extremely
sensible mask that you would assume has been
picked out of like it looks like lotties you
know this is like the locked down like this is
the mask you take on your sensible hiking vacation.
One of them has a mask that is actually a motorcycle
helmet and it is breathing smoke every time he
talks. It doesn't appear to functionally be a
mask, it appears to be a motorcycle helmet and
he's just wearing that. The other one is, we
see a girlfriend. Clearly, visibly, just sort
of like the hot girlfriend of some of these rich
people. So she is beautiful, she's very sparkly.
Her mask is crazy. It just looks like a cluster
of soap bubbles that are like floating up and
away and just sort of like disappearing into
nothingness above her. And we see a man, probably
middle -aged, looks pretty bad all things considered.
He's got a thinning brown mullet. He's got like
a rumpled button down. He's got cowboy boots.
He has this crazy vape, which appears to be like
three different unrelated objects stuck together,
which he's honking on like it's keeping him alive.
We see a guy who is in like big cartoony crocodile
Dundee survivor gear. Like, you know, just very
like, ah, you know, I think you would immediately
take one - look at this guy and go, this is the
Highlife Adventure Tours guy. Like, you know,
he's dressed up like a guide. Like, there you
go. Then we see some older ladies in loud print.
They're chilling, they're chatting. We see a
twink in a sundress who has a tablet out and
is working on this like face down, like just
not really taking in what's around him. Yeah,
and so they all are chatting and they're shuffling
in and the night is underway. You're listening
to a HyperGallant production. If you like what
you heard, leave us a rate and review. Check
out our website at hypergallant .com. Thank you
to The Drinn, The Serfs, Crime of Passing, Herbert's
Again, and our own Rabbit Sullivan, that's me,
for the use of their music. Thank you to Morgan
Davy, Malcolm Craig, and Gregor Hutton for the
use of their game, A -State. Hi, I'm Nihar, um,
he, him, and my vibe today is... There are birds.