Trash Planet contains themes of desperation and
poverty. We portray a comedic, absurd and violent
world. For a full list of content warnings, please
see the episode description. Broadcasting live
from Ronald Reagan's grave. It smells like piss,
but we don't know why. There's no way to prove
it was us. Broadcasting live from Ronald Reagan's
grave. It is Trash Planet, the podcast that beats
ass and smiles back. I'm still your host, Rabbit
Sullivan. My pronouns are he -him and she -her,
and with me today are four of Cincinnati's sick
nastiest improvisers. Everyone please say your
name, your pronouns, and your vibe today. For
instance, my vibe. It's like, imagine if you
fucked up a joke, but if you do it again, it'll
kill the momentum. And so you're like, we're
rolling with it. We're rowdy with it. We're letting
it rip. We're letting it bark, okay? That's the
vibe. No one's allowed to complain about it.
That's my vibe. Oh, oh, hi. That was such a good
thing. I just wanted to let you get finished
talking. Hi, I'm Maddie Cantrell, she, they,
and I, you know, today I feel like I feel like
a rubber band that's like super, super taut,
you know? I have lots of potential, but I could
also hurt you. Ooh. Hi, I'm Nihar, he, him. And
my vibe today, I think, is, you know, like a
thick laminated paper that goes whoo -whoo -whoo
-whoo -whoo when you take it? Yes! That's how
I'm feeling. So good. So good. We all like your
vibe, Nihar. Hi, I'm Devin he him my vibe today
is that that glow after you know, one spends
months and months maybe multiple summers trying
to get a fence permit and finally went to the
zoning Board of Appeals and stated his case and
Won at civics, you know, that's my vibe that
vibe. We all know I saw you from across the way
and I thought well, he's really got that post
Board of Appeals glow. But there's, there's,
you know, there's a little bit in the back because
there's still a 30 day period where anyone can
go and, uh, to civil court and stop me from getting,
I mean, someone, someone, not me, but someone.
Listeners write in if you don't want to have
offense. That is the vibe that everyone knows
everyone has experienced at some point in their
life. that I am feeling today. I can relate to
that, thank you. It's relatable. Hi, I'm Natalie.
My pronouns are she, they. And today my vibe
is the very specific sleepy expression when a
pet has been in a really deep sleep and then
is abruptly woken by a loud noise. Oh my god!
I'm a huge fan. I'm not tired. No. Natalie's
never been tired. It's never happened to her.
In any case, you can find us all on socials.
that hypergallant in general. We would like to
give special thanks to the Drinn, the Serfs,
Crime of Passing, and Perverts again for their
music. Now let us set our sights on the landfill
at the edge of the universe. Last we left off,
we had done some chilling, and now we're ready
to jump back into the breach. So we hear wind
howling over these jagged edges of trash. We
see sun rising right up at the edges. It is...
Burning red there's glitter in the air. This
is the glitter weather condition, which means
that there are Nanites that are blown in the
wind and they're so small. You can't quite see
them They're microscopic, of course, but every
so often you just get this little glint out in
the distance and It's really beautiful and it
doesn't hurt you except that they lodge in your
lungs and then you die from it probably pretty
young. So that's glitter. That's what's happening
today. Red sun, hot. We're baking. Endless sweat
drips down your forehead. You are out in the
wastes. You are looking for your uncle ready.
How are you doing today? I hate glitter. So I'm
not I'm not in a good state. And you know, I
just I want to make sure my uncle's all right.
So my head is kind of all focused on that. I
can't see. I'm just like going through memories,
you know, like a memory Rolodex. Yeah. Do you
have a strategy? Did you take out a skimmer?
Are you on foot or what are you doing? Well,
the skimmer technically belongs to Lottie, so
I might have requested it, but it was denied.
She had to make some deliveries, and so she needed
it. Oh, that makes sense. So Enla's just going
to be going out and just on foot. to try to get
touch base with one of the weatherman stations
so that she can see what's going on. I would
want to make sure to look for some clues as to
where Reddy might have gone. So I might call
in my friend Volper Tinger because they are really
good at looking for clues and I haven't seen
them in a long time so it's a chance for us to
kind of catch up a little bit. Oh, hell yeah.
Okay, so this is a Rovin? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, hell
yeah. Like a childhood friend. Ooh. So I think,
so we see Enla kind of beeping out Morse code
on Petra's radio rig. She is like super happy
that you used that actually. Like she takes a
long time to explain it to you. And then, uh,
do you know Morse code or does Petra have to
do it? Oh no, Rovin's used Morse code. Like,
we use the radio to talk to each other. You're
so fucking fast. Like, you're like, peak World
War II. Like, it's incredible. And you would
get a pretty quick reply, not from Volpertinger,
but from the Mouthtown radio tower. That message
has been relayed. Volpertinger will meet you
south of the city. So you just have that moment
of like hell. Yeah, like my fucking people. They're
doing cool shit You see the Sun glinting off
the glitter little microscopic particles in the
sky You probably got little kind of mask on right?
I know you don't need it, but you got glitter
in the air I just have fabric kind of just over
just to kind of help cool bandana Looking good.
Good silhouette. The visual art team is like,
ooh another accessory Finally south of the city
you're perched you're waiting and you see a shape
you haven't seen in a long time Fucked up shape
kind of scary kind of weird to look at this shape
looks like a huge dark mass traveling towards
you at a slow slow speed big limbs Moving towards
you inexorably across the trash, petering with
perfect balance, up and down, animalistic in
movement. And as this figure draws closer, we
see that this is a human person on four stilts,
absolutely covered in mosquito netting. Just
a huge, smoky, drapey ship, like, bunch of fabric,
big backpack on, and so mosquito netting, backpack,
G -string. Nothing else, also stilts. Stilts
are like clamped onto their arms and stuff. And
we see on this person a rabbit mask. It covers
about from the nose up, big ol' rabbit ears sticking
up. The overall effect is as if they are an immense
creature just scuttling around in the jungle.
The jungle of trash planet. And this figure looks
up and waves one big stilt at you. It is Volpertanger.
They're here! Volpi! Enla! And then you get to
watch the disassembly process, which is long
and arcane, removing stills, clonking onto the
ground. Volpi, it's been so long! Huge embrace,
sweeps you up bridal style, swings you around,
puts you back down. I miss you! Enla, I miss
you dearly! Mwah! Mwah! kisses both like the
air on both sides of your head. That's not a
Robin thing also. That's just kind of a Volperdinger
thing. I am so happy to see you. Very sad, very
sad circumstance. How are you with? Yeah, I'm
I'm wrestling with it. I just I'm hoping to find
maybe some clues about where Uncle Reddy might
have gone. Yes. You are. You look slow. You look
on foot, I assume. Ideally, yeah. Do you want
I should take you on my back? Oh, that sounds
great. Like old times. Oh, weird laugh. The weird
laugh continues over a montage of putting the
stilts back on. It takes a long time. Volpertinger
is many things that are not a convenient person
to hang out with. So then we cut forward to are
you riding Volpertinger like a horse or are you
sitting cross legged or you know? Do they have
a saddle? No! It's just you on top of a backpack,
I guess. Yeah, then I guess I'm writing them
like, oh, or is that be the safest? For the mental
picture at home, Volpertinger is essentially
on all fours, except the fours are stilts, and
then they have a backpack on, and then Enla is
on the backpack. Really convenient. Everyone's
having a really good time. This is Bumpy. It
is slow. Volpertinger has the ab strength of
every god. You have never seen abs like these.
Unbelievable. They're sucking down a glow stick.
Like it's just sort of like hanging out of one
corner of their mouth. And so you're kind of
chatting as you're picking through the waste,
moving real slow. You are looking, you were looking
in nooks and you're looking in crannies and you're
just talking. Yeah, how have things been, Volpi?
Oh, you know, it's a very, very difficult time.
My partners, two of them, two of them are fighting.
Oh, no, they're fighting again? Yes. Yes. Oh,
you don't know these ones. This is different.
Oh, different ones. Oh, okay. I forgot how fast
you get around, Volpi. What does this mean? Nothing.
Nothing, Volpi. It's fine. And you, you are in
love? No, Volpertinger, no, no. Definitely not
in love. I'm dealing with some stuff right now,
honestly. It's been really hard. Well, I kind
of killed somebody. Still, stop. You see Volpertinger
try to wrench one arm backwards, and you're like,
what? And then they're going, high five. They're
still just swinging around at your side like
as if you're supposed to high five it. Enla just
kind of like taps it. You nearly lose your balance.
You know, this also shifts the balance. Both
of you kind of careen over. Elias. I don't feel
very good about it. No? No, no. I kind of lost
control. I felt... Animalistic. Yeah. Animalistic!
That is the name of my new puppet show. Oh, tell
me about your puppet show. Concerns murder. Oh.
Concerns death. I may have to pass on that. No,
it's for you. Death is part of life. Yes. Death
is better than life because the next world will
be better, yes? Ah, you visit a kindness upon
this person, I assume. I don't know if stabbing
them was kind. How is the puppetry going, Volpe?
Oh, they are tall. Tall puppet. Tall puppet.
Difficult to manage, but not too much for me.
Of course, you're a master puppeteer. That is
true. It's amazing the way the city softens you.
Yes, I mean, oh, you have pets. You live in the
city. You are so cozy. It's so nice. It's good
to see that you are so safe. I love living in
the city, yeah. It's nice to have some consistency.
Yes. Everybody's been so welcoming and, I don't
know. We smash back to everyone who's ever looked
at your art exhibits. Just an endless montage
of people being like, let me go! I do love that
in juxtaposition. What does that mean about the
robots? Everybody's been really friendly and
like, I have so many people appreciate my artwork.
Yes, you know, you have time for frivolous, you
know, this is not like the life or death, the
art that we make, you know, when we are life
or death, we are the lifeblood of the universe
singing through, you know, you have time for
nice art, you know, that's - Well, I mean, yeah,
I guess, I just, I feel like when art is there
and no one sees it, is it really art? You are
sure you don't want to be on puppet show? I think
you have a lot to add to my puppet show. I mean,
I - Let me know the dates, we'll maybe figure
it out. And the camera pulls out on a big weird
bug, just sort of slowly wandering through the
wastes, not finding Endless Uncle. You're covered
in glitter. I think that these nanites, every
so often if you rub your skin, it'll scratch
you. There's just weird shit with them, but they're
microscopic and so it's just really freaky being
like, ugh, they're on you, you know? So... That's
Endless Day. Uh, we cut to Connie. Beautiful
morning. Back in time. It's not beautiful. It's
red, it's hot. It's glitter. Feels bad. You walk
outside of the Screamin' Slice to see a man in
a Contigo uniform strung up by one foot in a
simple snare trap. He is screaming. Uh, this
is Mark. This is that guy that you, like, talked
to the other day. I thought you were supposed
to be a security guy, can't you? Connie? Yes,
Mark. Are you hungover again? No! How did you
get caught in such an obvious trap? I just came
here to pass on - You didn't show up at amateur
tickball, and you said you would. And that hurts
my feelings. I was - I'm sorry, Mark. I was a
little bit busy. It slipped my mind. Oh, what
slipped your mind? Well, I have been slipped
away! Can you cut me down? Yes, yes. I'm sure
there's a spot that the snare's connected to
closer to the ground. Nice, yeah. Yeah, I just
- I cut it and try to lower him slowly. I don't
want him to just free fall. Incredible as he's
coming down. He's like, yeah, we could really
use someone we are missing You know a lot of
the guys are just there here to drink and like
I don't It's fine if you drink, you know, but
like keep it out of the league, you know, like
this is like serious shit I mean, it's amateur
but you know, it's And it's like I was counting
on you and like whatever. It's fine. I'm okay.
I'm supposed to pass a message Yeah, let me see
that. Oh, yeah, you can read right? Mm -hmm.
Okay in universe not everybody here can read.
Yeah, Connie has a unique upbringing So I was
raised in a temple that that values education.
So Incredible he hands you a piece of paper printed
already crazy wasting a resource like that Lottie
come here this A lot he puts down what she's
doing in the kitchen and goes to check out Okay,
we we have a message it says miss Lottie Our
VIP travel plans have changed, which of course
changes the timeline for our delivery. Please
deliver a jailbird to the Tender Mercy four days
from today. An intact adult with feathers and
beak is preferred. We will handle the butchery
in -house. We do not accept meat containing buckshot,
debris of any kind. Regards, Shreetha Veddas.
Yeah, I thought we'd have more time for that.
We'll figure it out. Mark is still standing there
and he's like, and so you will be there because
that's four days from now. So, you know, we have
another meeting tomorrow and a tick ball meeting.
Yes, it's tick ball. Connie. Connie, you're on
the team. No, no. Yes, he is. Connie, I'm so
excited for you. It's amateur tick ball and I'm.
Did someone say tick ball? Tank loads in like
a PowerPoint presentation. Did someone say tickball?
My eyes grow wide in horror and panic. Yes, I've
joined an amateur tickball association. It seems
like it'd be fun. Just let's not worry about
that right now, please. Are you coming for my
job? No, I have no interest in - Then why are
you playing tickball? Tickball's my thing. It's
like my whole thing. Connie, it's my whole thing.
I just want to be closer to you and understand
what, you know, your side of things. I'm watching
you, Connie. Mark turns to you, Tank, and is
like, oh shit, you play tickball? Oh yeah, I'm
on the fuzz. Don't you, don't you recognize me?
Again, cannot stress enough, practice teams has
never been in a game. Mark looks at you like,
no, but dude, you should come by where I'm like,
you know, every three days we have a meeting.
Yeah, we'd love to have you. I can't play for
another team, Mark. But you can coach another
team. Interesting. Tank evaporates like a PowerPoint
transition. Amazing. Mark makes pointed eye contact
with you, Connie. It's like, OK, OK, so my job's
done. So we know and we know where you're going
to be. Yes, yes. I'll make it a point to be there
this time. You should bring a friend. We really
need people on my tickball team. He's like walking
backwards. He's like saying this as he's leaving.
Sure, Mark. And look out, there's another snare.
I love how, like, rec sports teams have the same
exact problem as, like, tabletop game that you're
trying to get people to show up to on a consistent
basis. That is for sure something that happens.
Yes. Yes. I just like the idea of amateur tickball
in general because tickball is so violent. Like
the idea of being like, and I'll work my office
job and then I'll play tickball. It's like, yeah.
Tank, what are you up to today? It is a hot glittery
day. Honestly, the team doesn't tend to play
when there's glitter in the air like this. Like
you can be indoors and whatever, but they're
not going to be on the main field. I think I'm
just in the screaming slice i've got like the
back of like a paper placemat that you would
would see had a fazoles um shout out fazoles
corporate sponsor you'll live forever fun fact
about fazoles uh one time my friend as a child
went with fazoles and went to get a shaker of
the mozzarella and he shook it and it was only
ants oh that's disgusting My only memory of a
Fasolis when I was younger, we went and there
was a magician there who also did balloon animals
and my first and only experience with Fasolis
as a child was you go there and magic happens.
Hey wait, what the fuck? Cause I have been to
a Fasolis with a magician there as well. Like
is this a regular thing they do? I don't know,
I don't know. I will say confidently, I went
to Fizzoli's almost every single Sunday after
church growing up, and for like a good six or
seven years, and I have never seen this before.
Just a bunch of experts, that's what happens
at Fizzoli's, it's either ants or magic. In my
defense, I think there was like a private birthday
party and the magician was like just... He was
going outside the party a little bit too. Mine
was straight up a performance. This is all getting
cut. No, this stays in. Can you imagine as a
child going to a restaurant that you had never
been to with mid -food? Very mid -food. But there's
a magician? I wanted to go back. Every single
day. Formative stuff. That's powerful. Never
did. Only ever been to Petolis once. That memory
is sacred now. You can't change it. There's a
hundred percent hit rate on me going to Petolis.
And there being a magician. I don't recommend
going back and getting disappointed. God. Okay.
Anyway, you were playing with a play mat. Like,
for real. Yes. After that deep intellectual conversation
that we just had. I'm making some plans. Yeah,
I'm getting ready to present something to the
team. Oh shit. I'm working real hard on it. It's
in crayon. Is this like a football diagram? It's
like X's and shit. It's X's and O's. Yeah. And
just like crude geometric shapes for buildings
and stick figures. Is it good? Like this is a
sincere... It's a sincere effort, but it is not
good. Excellent. So it's the day. It's your your
voice fucking around. It's Petra doing shit in
the kitchen. She is clanking around. It's because
it's the morning She's trying to keep up her
halberd who is not here right now and I don't
know if y 'all ever worked food service whenever
your manager goes out of town It's like the status
effect of like the restaurant is careening down
But like we're gonna hold on it's just we're
really hoping that it doesn't fully crash before
they get back. Everyone just like hunkers down
and gets through it. Yeah, and it's just everything
is slowly getting worse. Yeah, so that's what's
happening at the Screamin' Slice. Yeah. You remember
that Shahadi asked you to rough up Jim Bob Marscapone.
Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm preparing for. Oh,
shit. Yeah. I'm gonna call a huddle. Wait, your
team? No, no, no. This team. The Screamin' Slice
team. Sorry. Okay. HUDDLE! Since when is tank
allowed to call huddle? I don't know, but he's
gonna keep screaming unless we go Yeah, I think
we have no choice but to head to the table just
again to stop the screaming Lotta you hear a
siren call. I think Lottie probably would have
been working in the kitchen just goes outside
and joins the group Petra was saying to you like
yes, I mean I've been working on the radio thing
I think I have I haven't nailed down between
towers four and five. I think we're going to
have to put a pin in this. I need to go. OK,
OK. Amazing. All right, guys. Thank you for answering
the call. I called this huddle because I need
a favor. I don't ask for much, but I've been
presented an opportunity and I need your help.
This this could lead to some really good stuff
for me. shoddy asked me to do this and if I do
it he's gonna train me and Also, like he was
really really sad about it. I don't know about
you guys, but when someone you know is really
sad I really want to help them. So could you
help me help him? Yes, this seems like a noble
cause. All right good, because we're gonna be
a cut up. Wait, what? That's the most words I've
heard Tank put together at one time and now you're
asking me to commit violence? I mean you do commit
violence. I mean, of course. On regular people
every single day. I was just asking a clarifying
question. I'm always in, Tank. Yeah, Tank, I
was worried you were gonna ask for something
big. So here's the here's the kicker. The person
we gotta beat up is a federal agent. Connie,
you remember that guy that we kinda bribed a
little bit? Jim Bob? Yeah, that's the guy. We
need to beat up Jim Bob. Yeah, rough him up real
good. For the team. Yeah. What does he have to
do with Tickball? Why do we have to beat up a
federal agent? I don't know, he took our bribe.
That's a good point. We don't know the depth
of his corruption. I'm sorry, Tank, you know
how to bribe someone? Mean it's really not that
hard, right? You just give them something you
want. It's like a negotiation. I've seen it go
poorly It's like it's like a green like accountant
It's like any other sort of transaction again
never went to business school But you know pretty
pretty low level just use a little leverage right
Well, yeah, it's just last time you You got ripped
off for those peanuts. Okay, correction. He was
bribed with peanuts. Oh, I must have misunderstood
that story. We smash cut to the woman who sold
you the peanuts. She's sitting on a pile of coins.
She's cackling. She's richer than God. We cut
back. Okay. And a top hat and monocle descends.
Petra leans over. She's like, are you guys like
working today? Yes, in a minute. Is anyone? gonna
work today? I mean, technically, I don't work
here, Petra. I know, Tank. What do you need,
Petra? Just, like, to do business, to just do
business at my shop. The status effect, Halbert
is gone, is like, you know, minus one hit point,
minus one hit point, minus one hit point. Yeah,
let's move to the back so I can at least try
to prep a little bit. As we get into the back,
Tank pulls out a cork board, rolls it out from
just a pile of trash, and then he pins the back
of the paper placemat. All right, I've drawn
up a plan. I've staked it out a little bit, all
right? So he tends to spend a lot of his time
at his work. Wow. Yeah, yeah. The narrator cuts
in. Tank! This is the kind of information that
you spend an action on. So is this just like
conjecture? You're just like, well, he loves
to work. He's done no prep. He's just like in
his mind, he's like, this is what you would do.
if you were gonna rough someone up. He's like,
he has a job, so he has to be there. Yeah, but
Tank, his job is being a federal agent. There
will be other federal agents at his job. Yeah,
but that's where we start, all right? Eventually,
he has to leave. That's where we come in. Your
powers of deduction are breathtaking. Thank you.
I know. As soon as he leaves, we follow. All
right. That's what these lines are here. He's
going to stop eventually. That's where we get
them. Full poo. Full proof. I think the logic
is sound. We just sounds like we need some more
reconnaissance. No, no, I built, I built the
reconnaissance into the plan. Tank, I know you
brought your own red yarn, but that does not
mean that you have created a plan. You've just
posted a bunch of red yarn onto your cork board.
I also drew it in crayon. And it's a beautiful
rendering. And it is a beautiful rendering. And
now we cross into game mechanics. Now we will
identify our approach and our crossing point.
So the approach is like, are we stealthing? Are
we coming in high status and trying to beat ass?
Are we coming in low status and trying to sneak?
We're going to choose load. We're going to choose
the crossing point, which is when we snap into
reality. And before all of that... Uh, you are
welcome to info gather or acquire asset and you
do have some coin at your disposal if you want
What's the deal? Uh, this seems like a an espionage
kind of tail and follow and then it's probably
a Or uh confront right? Like we're the the main
thing we're trying to do is is beat up this guy
Tailing him comes before to clarify. We're not
trying to kill him. Just beat him up Correct.
Correct. Okay send a message. What message? We
don't know. See, that's also kind of funny that
we're sent on this mission to beat this person
up and we don't know why. Well, you were told,
like, tell him to back off. Like, that's all
you know. But this is the kind of thing your
info gatherers, so two of the immediate things
that come to my mind are, like, following Jim
Bob and getting to know his routine. But you
could also try to investigate why this is happening
at all. You know, whatever you want to do. so
it feels like the crossing point is just when
you actually confront him right like i mean like
he he's like in middle chips area like we're
not worried about like getting to him it's just
sort of he's in the city and you can go to him
yeah um so it's just like the actual confrontation
so that makes sense to me Because we're not confronting
him and his work. No, that would be a death sentence.
100 % agree. If I was saying, like, in my mind,
if we went to Helica Federal, then Helica Federal
would be the crossing point. But if we're trying
to find a way to find him alone outside of work
at Helica Federal, that makes more sense to me.
So that's the crossing point. How about we choose
load? How much shit are we bringing? How conspicuous
we're gonna be? And this matters if you're trying
to be stealthy at any point I haven't really
been punishing you for heavy load But like it
makes sense if you're like my mission to sneak
and beat up a guy It's like if you come in with
like a you know fucking flak jacket and everything,
you know Yeah, heavy load. We look like we're
about to hurt someone like we look armed to the
teeth Probably gonna be a light load for me question
If I stick on a fake mustache on top of my mask
Is that does that count towards my load I mean
go wild champ What is the mustache made of great
question No, it's just like a really really hairy
caterpillar like a mutant caterpillar with like
mammoth hair. That's beautiful Every so often
it's like moving around and you gotta Cool, cool.
I'll give you that one for free, buddy. Hell
yeah! Tank, incognito. Wow! I want to acquire
an asset. Because we have three coins still,
I think? Please check. We have three, yep. Would
it be worthwhile to get a gun? Is acquiring a
gun, is that like... Know guns are really really
rare. Yeah. Well tell you one thing you actually
have a gun right now It's just that it's mounted
on your skimmer, right? Yeah, so you could like
spend your acquire asset on just like uncoupling
it from the skimmer The problem there is that
then you have like a big fucking Gatling gun
That's a huge thing that would tear me apart
before I hurt anyone Okay, so anyway just putting
that out there. Yes, that would be an acquire
asset kind of thing. It's hard to get a gun.
So yes You could get a gun. It's doable. It's
just that that would be an acquire asset. Okay,
we have more money than we've had in the past
and this seems like the most... this seems like
a very dangerous job. I think we should get a
gun. Gun? Those bring a lot of trouble. They're
also really fucking cool. Thank you, Tank. We
already have a gun. We have the Gatlin gun. No,
no, we need something I can carry that that thing
it's good on the skimmer and You know, we need
that for its own purposes. I We're confronting
a federal agent. It's it's important that we
have we can make him actually scared What if
he has a gun too and he decides to shoot us first,
I just I don't like this I don't I don't well
if he has a gun and we don't have a gun he can
just shoot us I guess that's true. Listen, the
most important purpose of a gun isn't to fire,
it's to not fire. It's a deterrent. Well, I mean,
I love that thought in theory, but I mean, so
what if it was a play gun? What if it's like
a, like, because real guns are expensive, but
they make fake ones a prop gun? Maybe. A federal
agent would be able to tell me the part, I would
think. I don't know. I just like to stick to
knives, you know? I can control a little bit
better. Guns, one thing, and they're dead. So
you like to kill up close? Oh my god. That's
not my intention. The camera, like, where Enla
was standing was just perfectly framed by the
mural of Shank -Shank, the serial killer, like,
in the background, and it looks like just this
evil ghost, like, hovering over her. Tank, that's
not... That wasn't the goal. Oh, okay. I just
thought it was part of your ML. Yeah, normally
things don't die. They survive for a little bit
longer, or it's for food, but people, you can't
take that back. The camera swivels over to Lottie,
and Lottie, you're kind of looking away and you're
remembering a time previously in your life. And
you're remembering this sound, which is people
screaming, people just like ragged, sawn off,
jagged screams, people dying. You're remembering
gunfire in the distance. You're remembering this
crashing that set your whole body just shaking.
You felt it through your whole spine. And you're
remembering just bang, bang, bang, bang, just
the bullets that they rained down on you that
day. Lottie is really put off by the idea of
having one around. She feels like It just invites
conflict with people who have them. I guess she's
gonna turn to Connie and say, look, Connie, these
invite a lot of trouble. I've seen one gun turn
into 10, into 20 very, very quickly. What do
you really plan on doing with this? We are safer
with such a deterrent, especially against a federal
agent, and who knows what kind of trouble a job
like this could bring. We have the money right
now. I can't imagine we'll ever have the money
again. But we already have the Giddy Girls on
our asses, and you now want to have a gun? Once
people find out that we've done both, then we
elevate to a different level. Just want to point
out, Giddy Girls have guns. Yeah, and we still
beat them with that one. Connie, I have a proposal.
If we own this, and we bring it out on a job...
Every time, we all have to agree to bring it.
I know you keep things concealed on your person,
but you can't do it with this one from us. I
think that's fair. Then I'm okay with it. Any
other objections? I say with venom. Y 'all just
kind of awkwardly look at each other. Okay, I'm
gonna... spend whatever coin is necessary to
acquire a gun. Okay, you need to buy one coin
for gun and you need to buy one coin for bullets.
Because I don't want you to just like have a
gun forever. Like this needs to be a - That's
a really cool way of doing it. How many bullets
are there? Doesn't matter. Um, it's just sort
of like one story moments worth of fight, you
know, like it's a narrative amount of bullets
No, I really love that. I like that. It's like
spend one coin to be stronger in a fight Yeah,
and i'll tell you right now you have Like I think
that the skimmer you stole had ammo on it But
it had one coin worth of ammo like you're you
have one fight of skimmer ammo and it's a different
type Yeah, it's a different caliber Yeah, so
that's going to be two coin to acquire a gun
and ammo. Yep. In the scene, it's Connie walking.
I drew you with cool shoes. You've got cool shoes.
I don't know. It's cool shoes. A little splashing
through juice puddle. Hot day. That red sun.
You're going down an alley. Who are you meeting?
What do they look like? So I'm going to meet
Big Ed at the Capsule Motel to do a clandestine
little gun sale. Cool. Okay, so you rock up to
a capsule motel. This place is dope. It's made
out of old Missile casings like every little
capsule that you can sleep in is an old missile.
It just barely fits a body So you rock up there.
This is a Panzer stronghold the faction. They
are pretty well known for arms dealing So you
come in confident you have to be waved in through
security They've got like the metal fences on
the front to see a big bald dude nods at you
just Listen I just need something for self -defense.
I think you understand Yeah, what are you looking
for you had to say in an adjective? scary We
have the cool smash cut of like coin exchanging
hands guns sliding across thing. What does it
look like? What's your gun look like? Can I make
it a sawed -off fuck? Yeah I think it's a sawed
-off shotgun it looks messy. I think it's made
of, like, mainly metal, but all of the parts
that you would sort of associate with wood on
a sawed -off shotgun are like fiberglass. Yeah,
I think it's a double -barrel, scary -looking
thing. Okay. You feel it in your hands, you hold
it up, you feel it on the grip. He tells you
a few things about it. And you're holding this
sawed -off. How's it feel? It feels heavier than
I thought it would. I don't think I've ever wielded
a gun before. And I'm doing the thing, the taxi
driver thing of like trying to draw quickly,
you know? You're like doing this in the lobby
and Big Ed is watching you and he's just like
looking at you and you're like, hmm. Yeah, but
I am. This thing does look amply scary. It has
two giant barrels where if you're looking down
those barrels, like you know, you're going to
die. I think it's that yellow plastic where it's
like. Like, you know those old Gameboys that
were transparent? It's like a nasty yellow see
-through plastic and you're like, ooh. Yes. Absolutely.
Fuck yeah. Connie has acquired shotgun. All right,
everybody tell me your load. It sounds like you
said light? Light. Light. Light? Light. Light.
Okay. I think that your gun is one load. All
right. Engagement roll. Not Natalie. Okay, what
advantages or disadvantages do we have? I'm gonna
say disadvantage that you did no research whatsoever
on Jim Bob. So whatever it is, minus one. He
is familiar with some of our faces. True. But
not mine, because I'm wearing a mustache. I have
a big blue mark of contrition I can't disguise
myself. I also love The idea that Tank probably
tried to convince all of us to wear a mustache.
Even if he hasn't seen some of us before. Yeah,
are you guys taking pains to disguise yourself
at all or we're just going in whatever style?
I'm picturing Tank with a handful of caterpillars
like guys. Come on, like we gotta disguise ourselves
a little bit. I couldn't get Michael Myers masks.
Or or masks of dead presidents, I'm not putting
that on my face I'll just put my hood up. Okay.
Yeah, like whatever Like Connie said, I'm cool.
Yeah, cool. No, yeah Hey Tank, if it's any consolation
you can put the remaining caterpillars as your
eyebrows You know Connie I always liked you.
This is why we have trust with each other. Eyebrows
engaged! Um, I'll take one tank. Oh yeah, there's
one left over. And Lottie takes the caterpillar
and instead of wearing it, it goes up to the
garden. It crumples happily into this dirt. It's
great. So, engagement roll. I'm gonna give you...
Double disadvantage! So you have, you're gonna
roll three and take the lowest. Uh, so... I really
can't think of anything good for this mission.
I know, like, I can't think of any reason. I'm
trying, but it's a bad idea. Yeah. Did you won?
I got a one. Okay, pretty cool, pretty normal.
Alright, ah. So we're going to start a clock
that is called Intimidate Jim Bob. This is a
six segment clock. It is starting at zero. We're
also going to start another clock, which is unknown
to you. It is at three out of four ticks. Oh
God. Oh dear. Another item clock? Yep. We have
a few of those guys. So I will let you guys set
the scene. What time of day do you want to go?
Where do you want to meet him? What do you want
to do? We're probably doing this at night under
the cover of darkness The thing about doing it
at night is there's not as many people around
so a pack of four people following him he notices
and So what happens is this Sun's coming down
blood red glitter in the air Connie you got violence
in your heart Are you concealing the gun or are
you just walking around with it? Oh 100 % concealing
it. Okay. How's that going for you? I do have
a big flowy robe, but you know, it's it's a scary
piece of kit So I think like it's still a little
bit suspicious because I got my hand on it the
whole time Yeah, real weird guy energy just walking
around like carrying my big thing under my big
clothes. Yeah, here we go Sundown people walking
around streets of helica. It is middle chips.
This is a little bit upscale where y 'all are
There's, like, nice food here, there's good groceries,
there's an antibiotics refinery nearby, and there
is the Helica Federal Building. So the Helica
Federal Building has been here for a long time.
It's been here since before Helica got cut off
from the rest of the universe. And so this building
is pretty fortified. It's pretty set up. It was
actually built to withstand trash impacts, so
it's just this huge squat triangle. It looks
like pure concrete. Looks like it could sustain
a direct strike. So even just approaching, there's
this huge shadow that's being cast as the sun
is coming down over the chips. You see lights
in the windows, people in the office building.
Again, there's not a lot of these people. Like,
Helica Federal is... Under a hundred people that
work in an office building, but they have made
it through some shit and today you're coming
for a federal agent So it's around closing time.
It's like 5 p .m. You see people walking out
You are loitering across the street. Are y 'all
trying to act casual just waiting for him or
what are you doing? Your tank is just sitting
in a cafe Across the street like a corner kind
of down the street a little bit I guess reading
a newspaper and drinking like a little macchiato
That's beautiful. Yeah, but he's vigilant inconspicuous
with his giant caterpillar mustache and eyebrows.
Your eyebrows are like wandering away. You look
pretty surprised right now. Sort of no matter
what. Are you all posted up with Tank at the
cafe or are you spread out a little or what's
the move? I think we are spread out. We're not
pros at tailing people but we know that much.
Okay yeah. Lottie has a newspaper and there's
two eye holes cut out. I love that. I think I
might actually just be sitting with Tank. and
i'm like trying to talk to him until he could
be inconspicuous and he's just like not engaging
two sentences of this inconspicuous dialogue
so yeah um the other day i i went to that you
know a tea party i go to right um and this one
lady there was just she wouldn't and ladi just
starts like going off into like three different
like layers of gossip that just go in one of
tanks here and out the other yeah yeah it is
called out You're right, it's it's unseasonably
cold right now Tank I'm not talking about the
weather. I I was calling her attitude cold. Oh,
yeah. Yeah, she's a real bitch We cut away We
see the doors swing open on the federal building
we see Jim Bob Marscapone people have been coming
in and out But this is the one the camera zooms
in on hell. Yeah And we see that he is a squat
little guy. He is ripped as fuck. He's like surprisingly
ripped in a way that is spooky to you. He's wearing,
he's pretty trim. He's got like a windbreaker
on. He has one of the backpack style rebreathers,
same as Lottie actually. So old school, looks
big and reliable. He's also flanked by a security
officer. Looks like another Contigo person. So
they're chatting as they leave. You can't quite
tell if she's on duty or if they're buddies.
They are gonna walk down the street they are
walking they are walking and they're walking
so you guys i'm presuming are following yeah
and liz on the roof of like the buildings nearby
and is kind of following from above oh shit okay
yeah she's good at parkour parkour in the shadows
i gotta park somewhere i can't i'm so glad you
said that i was gonna suggest it if you didn't
tank is gonna whisper into his wrist he's gonna
say the target is oscar mike over And there's
nothing on his wrist. It's just It's what he's
he's seen in movies Who is going to make a move
here? How long are you going to follow them?
I the plan is to follow him until he gets home,
right? Yeah, okay. So you guys are following
a lot of people in the streets streets are thinning
out as you're going you are disappearing into
Residential area so residences in the middle
chips are nicer They're a little bit nicer than
where y 'all are living with no ventilation and
like no real buildings. You see that Jim Bob
and his buddy they like are chatting they split
up and He starts walking on his own a lot of
these buildings here are made out of Shipping
containers just big plastic or metal containers
that were maybe shattered on impact But they've
been patched together and a lot of them have
air vents and stuff like these have been pretty
well set up He is walking So who fucks up because
you rolled a one on your engagement roll who
is me? Yeah tank is like walking behind him but
like reading his newspaper uh to like hide his
face uh but he doesn't realize since he's got
it up over his face he doesn't see Jim Bob stop
and he just like walks straight into him he lowers
the newspaper and the caterpillars have all like
moved around he looks crazy and suspicious Jim
Bob looks at you and It's not immediately like
assuming that you're here to beat his ass. It's
always just like sorry, man. Oh Yeah, sorry snow.
That's my bad. My bad. Yeah Bosman, right? Oh
No Really cool He cocks an eyebrow is rebreather
you can still see his eyes in his eyebrows and
he's like Alright, take it easy. Keeps walking.
His building is pretty close by. Oh, wait, wait.
No, no, you're right. That is my name. Do you
got a second? He turns. Um, yeah. I'm gonna make
a hand gesture to the team. Okay, describe the
hand signal. It's like... For the listeners at
home, imagine beautiful Elks antlers erupting
from Tank's head. It's not discreet at all. Guys,
you see the signal. What do you do? I like throw
my hood off and charge towards Jim Bob because
I think I know what that... I mean, that signal
needs attack, right? Okay. Yeah, Inla jumps down
from whatever roof she's on and just kind of
like... Does a flip in the air and then lands.
This sounds like a group intimidation role to
me. Yeah, I don't know if Lottie's participating
in this. She's not particularly intimidating.
Lottie is just like walking at a reasonable pace,
like pretty far back. I think as soon as Tank
did that and she saw So start to go down, she
probably posted up like, I don't know, like on
the corner of the block or something like that,
like keeping an eye out. Okay, sure. There isn't
intimidation as any of our things. There's command.
Yeah, I would call it command, something like
that. I'm not good at command. It's a group action,
so yay. Yeah. So the three of you can combine
on that if you want. Oh, Jesus. Four. I got a
one. I got a three, so we do succeed. But I take...
Two stress. Two stress. Okay. So you succeed
with complications. So what does the success
look like? I'm gonna stand up a little straighter,
really show off my size. He's big, but he's...
Squat, right? Yeah, he's like powerfully built,
but he's not as tall as you for sure. Yeah, and
I'm pretty big myself. I'm kind of gonna look
down at him and Look You need to back off and
look now And I just like pump fake with my knives
in my hands nice to scare him a little bit. Okay,
he activates His blast shield. Um, he whacks
something on the side of his backpack, um, and
like you guys are like you just immediately are
thrust backwards by this wave of concussive sound
or you don't know what it is. Lottie, you would
know. You saw these back in the day because they
are old school riot gear. So these things immediately
like hurl you backwards. Jim Bob is going to
turn and try to sprint out of there, so he is
running. He's now just sprinting out of there.
That's a complication. So the Intimidate Jim
Bob, I will say with your success, we're going
to call that two ticks. So you did get that.
However, now he is on his way. What are we up
to? Since Lottie was further away, I don't know
if she was hit by that. You were not. Yeah, this
didn't cause damage now, but I think it's one
of these deals. Like if you stay around it long
term, it'll burst your eardrums kind of thing.
Oh, so it's like an ongoing thing coming from
him right now? Yeah. It's like a five foot radius
around him. OK. Well, the first thing I thought
I was going to do is going to run over to her
teammates who got like flung and just help them
up and get them chasing after him. Yeah. You
can see this haze around him as he's disappearing.
And, you know, it just brings you back old school
technology. I'm going to say to the group as
I'm getting them up, like, he's running away.
We got to hurry. But you got to be careful with
that thing. That could blow your eardrums. And
then jumps back up. He's a little shaken because
she was not expecting that. So and she starts
running after Jim Bob. OK. Do you want to attack
him physically? What do you want to do? I want
to try to get ahead of him. So like parkour up
the side of a wall and like a jump and to be
where I'm like kind of cut him off. Would you
call this another intimidation kind of command
thing or? Is this a physical act against him,
or is this a like, I'm gonna look cool and in
control here, you know? Um, I think it's more
of like, like a hurting situation. Just making
sure that he doesn't get anywhere. Okay. I'd
call that a command roll. Okay. Yeah, and I'd
call it a risky standard. And it's a double one
again. I'm not rolling these anymore. They're
going to dice jump. I got double ones last time
too. Damn. There's a bad thing that's about to
happen here. You can resist if you would like.
Yeah. I'd like to resist. So give me a resolve.
Two sixes and a four. Damn. You can't crit. Yeah.
But you don't take any stress. I don't take any
stress. Yay! Okay, so out of the corner of your
eye, like you do this incredible little parkour
move. Just bonk bonk. Cut him off where he's
running. He backs off with his hands up, but
his blast shield is still going. And you feel
like a prickle in the back of your spine. There's
some movement in another alleyway. You're like,
uh... That's what happens on your turn. Where
would you like to send the action? I want to
send it to Tank. Tank is going to pull a vial
out of his pocket. It is Howler mixed with juice
and he's going to down it. Shit baby, hell yeah!
All right, so you're gonna take a bonus dice
on your next action. You're also, any ones that
are rolled, even if they're not your lowest result,
will incur a juice burn and you get to do some
fun role play. So please select your juice card.
This is the second of Shine McTwist. Verbs are
sliding, pivoting, balancing. The grist is copper
wire, wishbone, ball joint. in corkscrew. Fuck
yeah. We love McTwists. Yeah. All right. So what
do you want to do with that? You have now activated
the juice. What is your move? Are you going to
intimidate again or what do you? I'm just, I'm
going to go and I'm going to try to catch up
to them and grapple them. Okay. Yeah. Fight,
right? Got to be fight. Got to be fight. Okay.
You get your plus one bonus on that. Okay. And
remember y 'all can always do flashbacks. You
can do group actions and flashbacks can be used
just for info gather kind of stuff. That's a
six. Hell yeah. Perfect success. What does it
look like when you grapple the shit out of this
guy? I'm gonna like jump and kind of flip over
him, but also like RKO him at the same time.
You do the standing jump that gymnasts do where
it's like you need to be on kind of a bouncy
thing to even accomplish that, but you're just
on the ground. I flip like a bunch in the air
and then just like come down and... Okay, your
eyes are crackling with like green energy like
you feel fucking good You got him grappled like
he bent he slams into the ground and I think
on a six like you're feeling the concussive force
And it's just not bothering you like you're letting
it wash over you and it's the same pitch It's
like the blood plumbing in your ears Actually,
I'll use a thing to make it I think I'm gonna
use my trust with tank to protect him from the
concussive What's it called the riot shield?
I think while Tank is grappling this person,
I'll try to, like, sneakily get in there and...
There was, like, an external switch. Yes. That
I'm sure I saw. So I just shut it off. You gotta
roll for that, right? And I'm gonna call it a
desperate standard, actually. That's a four.
Alrighty. Um, okay. So... You just deftly just...
hit it on the side, Blast Shield powers down.
you see Jim Bob like cry out he's worried this
was his move right honey you're gonna take a
level two harm right now unless you resist that
i think i would want to resist good move good
move uh prowess yes and this is a consequence
of The luck, or the clock. Yes, this is the clock
hitting four. Yeah, which we will see. Yeah,
the consequence I didn't resist was the clock
hitting four. The consequence I am resisting
is... Level two horror. Level two horror. Great.
Just had to clarify that because you resist,
you didn't resist, and then you're resisting.
Yes, prowess resistance roll. That's a six. Okay.
No stress. No stress on this mission, baby. Goal!
So Lottie, what you see from behind is this crazy,
okay, the sequence of events is crazy, beautiful
move from Tank, rippling through the air, thing
of beauty, body in motion, incredible, slams
right down into Jim Bob, Jim Bob cries out, Connie
dodges in, I'm picturing like a knee slide where
he just like come right in. Perfectly hit the
switch on the side blast shield powers down Nobody
takes harm and then from the side you see a figure
in all black swing a baseball bat at Connie's
head and Because of just the twist of fate Connie
leaned forward and just Right overhead. And Lottie,
you see three people in black flak armor. They
are holding guns, they are holding batons, they
are ready to fucking rumble. You see that the
biggest one of them, he has a brand on his face.
It's wings. And you go, oh fuck, this is Johnny
Law. You're listening to a HyperGallant Productions.
If you like what you heard, leave us a rate and
review. Check out our website at hypergallant
.com. Thank you to The Drinn, The Serps, Crime
of Passing, Harvits Again, and our own Rabbit
Sullivan for the use of their music. Thank you
to Morgan Davy, Malcolm Craig, and Gregor Hutton
for the use of their game, Ace Take. We've got
quite a manic energy today. I love it.