A few days ago, a meteor crash -landed smack
in the middle of the Bokker's parking lot. Of
course, Adam, Zoe, and me went to check it out
because, well, what else are you going to do
when space debris comes falling from the sky?
But here's the kicker. It wasn't just a hunk
of rock. No, out from that meteor came a talking
chicken. Yeah, you heard that right. He introduced
himself as Commander Serap. claiming to be part
of some intergalactic group of universal protectors,
and he didn't waste time getting to the weird
part either. He looked straight at me and said
I was one of the chosen ones. According to him,
the fate of the universe is hanging by a thread,
and for some bizarre reason, we're the ones expected
to save it. But with music. Yep, still trying
to wrap my head around that one. I know it all
sounds ridiculous, but I kind of want to believe
him. I mean, how many chances do you get to talk
to a sentient alien, or talking chicken for that
matter? Maybe it is crazy, but I kind of feel
hopeful. Like this could be my shot. Everybody
wants to leave their mark on the world, right?
Everyone wants their life to mean something.
Maybe this is the moment I've been waiting for.
The one where I finally get the chance to do
something big. Something that matters. I'm supposed
to save the universe? I never asked for that
responsibility. Of all the people in the world,
why was someone like me chosen? I'm nothing special.
If I'm being honest, I'm probably below average
in every area of my life. I guess it's kind of
funny when you think about it. The fate of the
universe in the hands of a guy like that? It's
not like I'm some prodigy destined for greatness.
I'm just a fry cook at Bawker's. Half the time
I'm just coasting by, trying not to mess things
up too badly, and now I'm supposed to be some
cosmic savior? It's the kind of thing you'd see
in a movie. Except this time it's real. And I
have no idea what I'm doing. Did Seraph really
pick the right guy for the job? What does he
even see in me? I've got no skills, no ambitions.
If anything, I'm the least qualified person to
be thrown into this whole saving the universe
situation. There's gotta be someone out there
more capable. Whatever, you know what? I'm done
stressing. Freaking out isn't gonna help, and
worrying won't make me any more prepared for
this mess. We'll get there when we get there.
Saving the universe can wait for a little bit
longer, right? It's kind of crazy how fast this
year's gone by. I used to just spend days at
home until the boys came along. Sure, people
might call that coasting. But, you know, I don't
mind it one bit. Besides, none of that matters
now because I'm having so much fun. Kai can be
a bit serious, but you know deep down he's looking
out for us. And there's Adam, who makes me laugh
with his weird jokes. Every day feels like an
adventure. I didn't even know I wanted. Oh, and
if that wasn't enough, we even found a new friend,
too. He's so tiny and fuzzy and has the funniest
little temper. But somehow, even with that attitude,
he fits right in with us. Sometimes it all feels
unreal. Having friends who are there every moment.
It all happened so fast, I can barely catch my
breath. I wonder if we'll always stay this way.
I really hope so. I wish I could just freeze
times like this and keep them forever, just as
they are. I find myself up to my ass in a sea
of cerebrally challenged individuals. This planet
is a vacuum of self -awareness, where nobody
knows how to express their feelings to one another.
They all lie to themselves and spend their days
lonely, even as they are surrounded by their
friends and family. I'd say that pond scum could
have chosen a better planet, but I know that's
insubordination, so I will refrain. For now,
I'll assess the situation on the ground. I've
chosen three humans with unassuming personalities,
but more baggage than an airport. For future
mission logs, I will refer to them exclusively
as Tryhard, Greaseball, and Headrest. My only
solace is the knowledge that I am not the only
one scraping this barrel. With hundreds of Nori
scouting for talent, there's bound to be something
worth salvaging on this ball of dirt. Commander
Serap signing off. Maybe his loyalty lies elsewhere,
and he works toward a goal that's more sinister.
I can picture his smug face right now, satisfied
that nobody has proof. Well, I won't stand for
it. I will find out what Plump W is, and when
I do, I will use everything in my power to stifle
your progress. You mark my words, Commander.
In the meantime, the one million in one year
cycle has passed. and we've been sent to a new
planet to scout for potential candidates. The
three chosen that I've selected have already
awakened their powers. At the very least, I'm
confident that they have what it takes to beat
whatever rubbish he gathers together. Met an
alien the other day. I thought I was buggin',
but I started playing with its wings and stuff,
and it bit me on the tricep. At first, I thought
I'd turn into an alien, but then I remembered
that's werewolf rules. So, yeah. I'm still a
humanoid. The alien did give me powers, though.
If I flare my nostrils and flex my thigh muscles
as hard as I can, it summons a drum set out of
thin air. For it to appear, I also have to think
about how bad I don't want people to get mad
at me. And that I'm super worried about disappointing
my friends. But I think it's mostly because of
my thighs. I'm pretty stoked about it, though.
I'm ready to do my part. In the beginning, I
was all worried it'd be a big deal and stuff.
Like, I felt this crushing weight of responsibility.
But you kind of get over it after a while. Like
it wears off easy. It's chill. Nothing the L
-Dog can't handle. Do you know what it's like
to be on top? Well, it's not just about stardom.
It's walking into a room and knowing every head
will turn. It's about having that special something
that makes you impossible to ignore. When I wake
up, the first thing I see is my name blowing
up. Hundreds of comments, new followers, brands
begging to work with me. Oh sure, I have my haters
and they say some horrible things about me. But
the one word they'll never use is forgettable.
That's because my beauty and charisma are undeniable.
They're jealous. And who can blame them? I'm
everything they wish I could be. Some people
pretend not to know this because it intimidates
them, but the cold, hard truth is that in this
world, looks are what matter most. Well, it's
only natural that I'm one of the chosen. I mean,
I was barely even surprised when I found out.
I don't need to be told to know I'm special,
because I see it every single time I look in
the mirror. Cosmic powers. Interesting. These
are definitely something new. I'll figure out
the best way to put them to use. Whatever happens,
though, I won't let it go to my head. Last week,
I encountered a cosmic being that granted me
the ability to literally warp reality through
music. But as it turns out, I'm not the only
one. Hundreds of others, including Kai, stumbled
upon this same deal. His own pet. his own powers,
and apparently the same mission. But here's what
bothers me. Why so many of us? It diminishes
our strength, stifles our capacity to make the
hard calls and do what needs to be done. And
frankly, having someone like Kai thrown into
the mix? That kind of unpredictability is our
fast track to ruin. No, I'm starting to see the
big picture. It's not enough to simply play along
on some grand mission. We can't risk leaving
our fate in idle hands. I'll take charge. That's
the only way we'll ensure our survival. Do you
know who you are? I mean, truly? Humor me for
just a moment. I want to know if you've ever
found yourself in a situation where you ended
up behaving differently than you thought you
would. You might have imagined yourself as somebody
who could handle a crisis, but when faced with
unexpected chaos, you found yourself paralyzed,
unable to take action. Perhaps you never imagined
you could hurt the people you love most, but
got overwhelmed and lashed out at one of them
in a moment of weakness. What do you do with
the things you're most ashamed of? Do you bury
them away where they can't be found, or wear
them on your sleeve? And why do you think that
is? Your mind has created a story for itself
about who you are and what you want. A pretty
lie that allows you to carry on. It's just basic
self -preservation. Who wants to think of themselves
as a bad person? As irredeemable? We all intuitively
know that such people exist. But not you, right?
Oh no, never you. Well, it's just a thought.